{"id":306639,"date":"2020-12-24T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-12-24T12:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/understanding-your-childs-feelings\/"},"modified":"2020-12-24T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-12-24T12:00:04","slug":"understanding-your-childs-feelings","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-your-childs-feelings\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Your Child&#8217;s Feelings"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Authors and counselors Josh and Christi Straub explain how to help children identify and name what&#8217;s going on in their hearts. They explain the importance of learning to name what you&#8217;re feeling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-12-24.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:30","filesize":"27.93M","filesize_raw":"29288788","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2806],"tags":[2209],"podcast_series":[8312],"cwp_profile":[9573],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306639","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-spiritual-development","tag-parenting","podcast_series-what-am-i-feeling","cwp_profile-christi-straub","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306639\/understanding-your-childs-feelings","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306639\/understanding-your-childs-feelings","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"52CRcikHzs\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-your-childs-feelings\/\">Understanding Your Child&#8217;s Feelings<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-your-childs-feelings\/embed\/#?secret=52CRcikHzs\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Understanding Your Child&#8217;s Feelings&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"52CRcikHzs\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Authors and counselors Josh and Christi Straub explain how to help children identify and name what's going on in their hearts. They explain the importance of learning to name what you're feeling.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-12-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There's a connection between our emotions\u2014the things we're feeling\u2014and the godly virtues that the Spirit is working to produce in the lives of believers. As parents, we want to help our children understand that connection as they learn how to grow and walk in grace. Here's Josh Straub.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>If you're growing in the fruit of the Spirit\/if you're walking with God, we should be seeing ourselves becoming more kind to other people, being more loving of other people, stepping into the shoes of other people, and just being able to empathize with them in a conversation\u2014where it's not about me; it's not about <em>my<\/em> story; it's not about what I can get out of this relationship\u2014it's about <em>your<\/em> story and \u201cHow can I serve you?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for\u00a0 Thursday, December 24<sup>th<\/sup>; happy Christmas Eve. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can we help our children process their emotions and then know how to respond to those emotions in a godly way? We're going to talk about that today with Josh and Christi Straub. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Christmas Eve edition of our program. Probably going to be a lot of kid emotions happening today and tomorrow as we celebrate Christmas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to start right off by dealing with an epic parent-fail right, here, at the beginning. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You got a confession? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don't think there was ever a time when my kids were growing up\u2014I really cannot remember a time when I looked at them and said, \u201cSo, how are you feeling right now?\u201d I mean, I don't know that I was even conscious of the fact that that was something I should be\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Not <em>one<\/em> time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don't\u2014I may have.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I'll tell you what, Bob\u2014you are looking across the table at the mom, who asked that question <em>every day<\/em> to our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This was big for you. Is that something that happened in <em>your<\/em> home when you were growing up? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong><em>No<\/em>; no; no. [Laughter] I think it was because I had sons and marriage is such a big topic; and it's so instrumental to us, and it's so important for legacy and future. Because I had sons, I thought, \u201cThey need to know what they <em>feel<\/em> to be able to communicate.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI understood this very well when our nine-year-old\u2014I was walking out of his bedroom at night; I said, \u201cLove you C.J.\u201d\u00a0 And he said, \u201cLove you, too, mom; but mom\u2014mom, you've told me one time. You never have to tell me again.\u201d I thought, \u201cHis poor wife!\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cWhat is she going to do?\u201d [Laughter] And so I thought, \u201cI need to help them with their feelings to be able to communicate that for marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Hopefully, we're going to help a lot of moms and dads avoid my fail, because we have Dr. Josh Straub and his wife Christi joining us today. Guys, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>Thanks for having us! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>Thank you so much. We're honored to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Josh has been here before; Christi, it's your first time here. This is something that you guys both are pretty passionate about. Did it start with you, Christi?\u2014or start with your husband?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>I think it started more with Josh. We're both counselors by trade and education, so I think we already come from that angle of life. But really, it was when we started having babies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Did your parents ask <em>you<\/em> that question?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi:<\/strong> In my home; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>No; definitely not. I had <em>amazing<\/em> parents, but we talked more about sports or\u2014I mean, it wasn't necessarily about our feelings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was a counselor, and I'd been working with juvenile delinquents and troubled families. I had studied\u2014my doctorate's in counseling, but it\u2019s in an attachment base\u2014so it's all about emotional safety and security and the importance of that for kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when we first had kids, our early years of having babies was <em>awful<\/em>. [Laughter] Christi's pregnancies were <em>terrible<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>That's putting it mildly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Give me a <em>feeling<\/em> word for how awful it was. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh:<\/strong> Disappointed; exhausted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>Angry; grief. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>What I realized was that there were so many decisions that we had to make, early on. You can't even leave the hospital before you have to make a decision about whether or not you're going to immunize your children. You have the breastfeeding\/bottle feeding debates. You have the co-sleeping debates. You have spanking\/not spanking; time ins\/time\u2014all these\u2014and we didn't even tough BPA-free products, or gluten-free diets, or\u2014it's like, when you first become parents\u2014it's like so overwhelming.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor us, we were like\u2014no, wait a minute\u2014we were a little bit older. I was 30 when we got married, and so a little bit older having kids: \u201cWe have counseling degrees; how can this be so difficult?!\u201d I went back into the research; and I started looking at: \u201cIf I'm a 90-year-old grandfather\/great-grandfather, and I'm sitting in my rocking chair and I'm looking back through the years, I want to ask myself: \u2018What would have really mattered? What <em>did<\/em> matter in raising those kids?\u2019\u201d It's not going to be the bottle feeding or the breastfeeding, or the spanking or not spanking; but what <em>really<\/em> would have mattered? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery research study that I looked at, for every major outcome we would want in our kids, linked back to emotional safety and the ability for them to be able to understand what they're feeling\/why they're feeling that way. The reason is because that leads to empathy, and it leads to relationships. It was like: \u201cWhoa; so we don't have to get caught up in all these other little things. Let's keep the end game in mind,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s where it all started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You guys\u2014and I should have mentioned this earlier\u2014you've created a book for parents to read with their kids\/to their kids. I'm thinking you could start this when they're \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\ttwo or three years old; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The book is called, <em>What Am I Feeling? <\/em>It's a kids' book\u2014it's a giant-sized picture book with lots of color and not a lot of words in it. At the end of the book, there's a chart\u2014I saw the chart, and I thought of those charts in the hospital\u2014you know, where on the pain continuum; right?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014on a scale of 1-10, with the happy and the frownie faces. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis has nine different feeling faces and words that go with it\u2014all designed to help our kids be able to self-diagnose: \u201cWhat's going on in my heart?\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>Yes; and at the end of the day, I think that one of the biggest goals for all of us is to raise kids, who love God and love others well. I can remember\u2014I was working with juvenile delinquents\u2014that's who I worked with mostly in my counseling years\u2014and the very first thing that I would do with any juvenile delinquent that I met with was I would give them a feelings chart; because part of my counseling with them was to help them get to a place where they feel remorse for their victims. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality was\u2014most of these guys\/pretty much every single one I ever met didn't have a relationship with their dad\u2014didn't know who their dad was, or there was just brokenness there at some level. And there was <em>never<\/em> feelings talked about; they couldn't even define what <em>they<\/em> were feeling. When Jesus says to love your neighbor as yourself, reality was that these kids didn't even love themselves\u2014they didn't know <em>how<\/em> to. They didn't even know what they were feeling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor all of us to be able to truly know what we're feeling and why we're feeling that way\u2014that's the beginning of empathy. It's the beginning of being able to step into the shoes of another person and love them well\u2014is for us to be able to recognize what we're feeling and take care of ourselves. I think that was really where: \u201cIf we can get this in our kids, at an early age;\u201d\u2014I mean, as early as the preschool years\u2014\u201cman, you're setting them up for a lifetime of success.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> One of the things you said is: \u201cA sign of a healthy brain is being able to verbalize what we feel and why we feel it.\u201d That was <em>fascinating<\/em> to me. Why is that a sign of a healthy brain?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>That's the beginning of being able to <em>control<\/em> your emotions. We talk a lot about anger being a secondary emotion; right? One of the exercises we'll typically do\u2014especially with someone, who's in relationship, particularly marriages\u2014is we'll do this chair exercise. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have two chairs, sitting one in front of the other. Typically, what ends up happening is\u2014the anger is what's in the front chair\u2014that's what's coming out at my wife\u2014like when I'm mad at Christi and I'm coming out in anger, it's usually anger in that front chair. A lot of times what we'll do is\u2014we'll have couples, and we'll say, \u201cOkay; now that you've expressed the anger, I want you to go sit in that second chair. Tell me what's behind the anger.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of times, our behaviors\u2014what we say to one another\/how we act toward one another\u2014because we don't understand what we're feeling\/we don't <em>know<\/em> what we're feeling\u2014and eventually, long term, as it relates to our overall health, our physical bodies <em>feel<\/em> when we're suppressing emotion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProverbs 16:32 says\u2014and I love this verse\u2014\u201cPatience is better than power and controlling one's emotions than capturing a city.\u201d You can't control your emotions if you don't know what your emotion is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, Christi, I'm thinking about a three-year-old, who is just raw emotion; right? Anything's not going the way they want it to go, and it's pretty clear to everybody in the room that they don't like what's going on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn that moment\u2014and I've watched my kids do this with their kids\u2014in that moment, they're trying to help their kids put words to: \u201cWhat is it that you're feeling right now? What's going on?\u201d Or they're saying things like, \u201cI know you're feeling frustrated,\u201d\u2014they're giving them that vocabulary. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, I'm thinking back: \u201cThis is something I never did.\u201d Why is this so important? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>I think this is why\u2014I mean, you look at a toddler throwing a big meltdown in Target or something. If you've had kids, you can relate; because it's just pure, raw emotion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about anger\u2014we feel emotions, viscerally, in our body; but until we're taught\u2014I mean, just like colors: \u201cThis is the color, red,\u201d\u2014we don't know what that <em>feels<\/em> like. We don't know what that is until we\u2014you know: \u201cMy cheeks are hot; your fists are clenched; your teeth are clenched,\u201d\u2014you feel this almost hot rage go through your body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCan you imagine? I mean, if we think back to the toddler\u2014that feels <em>huge<\/em> in a <em>little<\/em> body; it feels huge in our adult body. They are <em>learning<\/em> to put labels\u2014it's like organizing and calming the brain. That's why the feelings chart is so powerful, especially for young children, and really, even adults. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou'll see a lot of adults, men more typically\u2014I'm not sure why that is\u2014men, more typically, who maybe have never been given emotional language, or they grew up in a home where feelings were not talked about. Certain feelings were dismissed or punished; or maybe certain feelings are prioritized over others. That's a whole thing that even us, as parents of young children\u2014I mean, so often, we can inadvertently give our kids the message that: \u201cI want you to be something\u2026\u201d\u2014typically, \u201c\u2026happy.\u201d It's a message that the child receives\u2014that: \u201cHappiness is the desired emotion that Mom and Dad want from me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens when they start to <em>feel<\/em> something in their body that's not congruent with happy? They can start to learn, from a very early age, to pretend. This is where we start stuffing; and we can learn, very early on, to these false senses of being\u2014of not being our true selves\u2014because we are having to <em>hide<\/em> what is actually true of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor a child to learn, at an early age, to look at a face\u2014we talk about mirror neurons; our mirror neurons are what basically\u2014the baby hears a loud noise; they look to their caregiver\/mom or dad to see: \u201cShould I be scared?\u201d or \u201cAm I okay?\u201d When mom smiles, peace is restored to a child; whereas, if they see a big reaction, it's like, \u201cBoy, I am to be scared,\u201d and so they react with fear. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we're teaching kids to do, early on, is to look at another face\u2014this is what we do as parents; right? They look at us to start to mirror what joy looks like, what sadness looks like, what anger, what fear looks like. When they can start to see what that looks like in another <em>face<\/em>, they can start to\u2014really organizes the brain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, it's interesting\u2014as I look through your book, especially the chart\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014here's what I thought, \u201cNow, you're doing this\u201d\u2014is this true?\u2014I thought, \u201cThis is as much adult parent training as it is a child.\u201d [Laughter] I thought, \u201cI need this chart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You just blew their cover right here. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Honestly, it's like: \u201cI want\u2014when Ann and I get in a fight, I want to be able to walk over to the wall and go, \u2018Right there; that's what I'm feeling.\u2019 I want to point at angry or jealous.\u201d You know what I mean?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo how much of this is the child learning how to process an emotion by watching mom and dad?\u2014or mom or dad understanding how they\u2014because I think a lot of parents don't even know how, so that's what we're transferring; rather than the opposite. Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>You figured it out. We wrote a kids' book because parents have time to read a kids' book to their kid; but really, it's not just for the kids. We <em>all<\/em> need this. So many of us\u2014we maybe just grew up in a home, where there were certain emotions that took over. It could be that you grew up in a household, that there was a lot of anger present; it could have been a lot of fear; there could have been a lot of grief or sadness. I mean, a lot of us have lived in homes, where there was mental illness; so there might be anxiety\/depression. There might have been loss of a sibling. We grow up feeling and being surrounded by a lot of feelings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven as adults, we come kind of limping into parenthood, carrying our own stories; and we're not always sure: \u201cHow do we organize that for ourselves?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, I can't imagine, honestly, what could have been different in my upbringing. Think about this\u2014you don't know this, but my mom and dad married \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t25 years; my dad walks out\u2014so divorce. I'm seven years old; and my little brother, five-and-a-half years old, dies about six months later of leukemia. We move to another state. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt would have been <em>wonderful<\/em> if my mom could've put a chart up on a wall and said, \u201cDavid, what are you feeling right now?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, I never processed it; never really even talked about it. It wasn't like you weren't allowed to; and it would have been nice for my mom to be able to go,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, imagine the pain <em>she<\/em> was living through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cHere's what I'm feeling. Here's what <em>we're<\/em> feeling,\u201d because now it's just <em>us<\/em>, now, trying to forge a new life. What a resource!\u2014again, not just for the children, but for the adults and for the parents as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere's an interesting quote I found in your book that I'd love you to talk about, because it leads from the emotional stability to the spiritual maturity. You make this comment\u2014I'm even thinking about my own life\u2014about how to grow up spiritually and become mature when there's this brokenness, emotionally, in my life and in so many people's lives. You make this comment\u2014you don't think you can really be spiritually mature unless you're emotionally mature. Talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>You know, it's interesting because\u2014and I think I heard Peter Scazzero talk about that a number of years ago in <em>Emotionally Healthy Spirituality<\/em>\u2014this idea that you could only be as spiritually mature as you are emotionally mature. You know, you think about the fruit of the Spirit\u2014love, and joy, and peace, and patience, and kindness, and gentleness, and faithfulness, and goodness, and self-control\u2014but those are all intertwined together; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can have a personality that's gentle, or you can have a personality that's patient; but to have all of those intertwined together is a fruit of the Spirit. That takes emotional maturity as well. If you're growing in the fruit of the Spirit\/if you're walking with God, we should be seeing ourselves becoming more kind to other people, being more loving of other people, stepping into the shoes of other people and just being able to empathize with them in a conversation\u2014where it's not about me; it's not about <em>my<\/em> story;\u00a0 it's not about what I can get out of this relationship\u2014it's about <em>your<\/em> story and \u201cHow can I serve you?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My thinking about emotions I think, throughout my life, has been: \u201cEmotional maturity means I'm in control of my emotions.\u201d I hear you saying it's more than just being in control of your emotions. You can be in control of them without necessarily \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tdiving in and understanding them and fully feeling them. You're saying, \u201cNo, emotional maturity goes beyond just being able to turn it down.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi:<\/strong> When I learned, in my own personal journey, that joy and happiness are no more important in my life than being able to feel anger, sadness, grief\u2014that those negative emotions are just as important\u2014and the ability to come in and out of those\u2014not to live there, but in order to be able to come in and out of emotions\u2014and that's what we want for our kids too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTypically, we get triggered by certain emotions\/certain feelings that we do not like to see in our kids. We don't like them, because it's triggering something in our story. That's something you can just put a pause button on\u2014just start to pay attention to; just put your finger on it\u2014\u201cMan, why is it, when my kid throws a\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cgets angry\/cries\u2014if there's fear, I go to the roof,\u201d and \u201cOkay; where is that coming from?\u201d You don't have to fix it; you're just starting to pay attention\u2014I mean, that's the beginnings of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy favorite line in the book is: \u201cA feeling is just a feeling; it's not in charge of you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh:<\/strong> If you take a look at <em>What Am I Feeling?<\/em>\u2014the children's book\u2014it really is Philippians 4 put into practice. When Paul was writing from prison\u2014by the way, which I'm sure were not very good conditions comparable to America's prisons today\u2014he's writing: \u201cBe anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving\u201d\u2014so your gratitude is toward God alone and saying: \u201cGod, thank You that You're a good God. Thank You that You care for me. Thank you that You love me. Thank You that my security is in You. I'm anxious right now; I'm scared right now; I'm sad right now; I'm feeling rejected right now,\u201d\u2014\u201cin prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, what Paul is saying here\u2014I talk about Paul being the first neuroscientist\u2014like Paul is saying: \u201cVoice label your anxiety. Label your feelings. Give them over to God, in thanksgiving; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt's not until after that that he writes, \u201cFinally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, pure, anything excellent, praiseworthy\u201d\u2014what?\u2014\u201cthink on these things.\u201d I think Paul understood that, when we're overwhelmed in negative emotion, we don't think straight. I believe, in a finite way, that's our job, as parents\u2014is to be that peace that can calm our kids\u2019 brains when they're emotionally overwhelmed. That's what we hoped that really you could do with this book\u2014is to say: \u201cWhat are you feeling right now?\u201d and then, \u201cLet's ask God; let's take a deep breath, and let's ask God what to do with that feeling.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Can you think of a time, in the last two months, with the Straub kids, where you've had one of these \u201cLet's process and work through this moment,\u201d with your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi:<\/strong> Oh my word. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>Which one? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>Okay; let's think. Was it yesterday?\u2014the day before? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember we walked through this with our son. He was going through a <em>really<\/em> difficult time. Actually, this is\u2014well, this is going back a little bit; because this is actually where one of the stories in this book came. He was going to a new school and just experiencing a lot of fear, but he didn't know how to put that into words. He would cry; he was\u2014there was acting out; there was anger. I mean, it was\u2014covered this whole mess of stuff, which is what emotions often come out like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember one morning\u2014this was months into school\u2014we encouraged him every morning: we're cheering him on and encouraging him. I said, \u201cBuddy, what does it <em>feel<\/em> like?\u201d And he said, \u201cMom, I just feel so flippy in my tummy.\u201d I was like: \u201cOh, Bud, that's a great description of <em>fear<\/em>. I know what that <em>feels<\/em> like.\u201d We used that description in the book: \u201c\u2026feel flippy in my tummy.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was, when he started to figure out what he was feeling was fear, that it started to, at least, put it in a box, where it was like, \u201cI'm afraid to go to school.\u201d That's what all this is\/all this is; because it can come out sideways, often; right? When we're not dealing well with an emotion, it will come out sideways, somehow. I think this is where we, as adults, get to be their mentors. We get to be their models; and we get to show them that we feel, too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was one day\u2014actually the same kid\u2014he had a test at school, and he was real nervous about it. I said to him\u2014we were actually going to speak that day; I was speaking to a big group of people, and I was nervous\u2014and I said: \u201cBuddy, you know, Mommy has to go do something today; and I'm honestly really scared, too. How about you go to school and you do your test?\u2014and you do the thing that scares you. And I'm going to go and I'm going to do the thing that scares me. Then, maybe when we come home tonight together, we can talk about it. Maybe we'll feel a little more brave.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>I think, in those moments, they start to recognize: \u201cI'm never going to outgrow fear,\u201d \u201cI'm never going to outgrow sadness,\u201d \u201ct's never going to go away. It's just a part of life, but it doesn't get to be in charge of us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You were saying that adults still have \u201cflippy in their tummy,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I mean, what a great phrase, and we all have. And what you just shared\u2014even Josh, when you walked through Philippians 4, I thought: \u201cWhat an action step for somebody listening to this program right now. What if, right now, you had named it\u201d\u2014you say in your book: \u201cName it to tame it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: \u201c<\/strong>You can't really get control of an emotion until you identify it.\u201d Philippians 4:6-7 is sort of that process. You're right; Paul is a neuroscientist.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It's like he's a PhD counselor, [Laughter] saying: \u201cYou've got to speak this out loud to God\u2014the anxious, the worry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat if we did that right now\u2014you know, tonight, before we did it with our children? What would that look like to say: \u201cGod, I'm going to speak this out to You. I'm going to thank You in all things\u201d?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi:<\/strong> It's a form of confession as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and walk through that process that you walked us through earlier. What a beautiful, beautiful way to name it and process it with God; and then, model that with your children. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you know how it is with kids' books\u2014I mean, this is not something you will read to them once; but you're going to read this book, <em>What Am I Feeling?<\/em>, over and over again. I mean, I don't have kids at home, but when my grandkids\u2014<em>Dinosaurs Love Tacos\u2014<\/em>did you know that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi: <\/strong>Oh my goodness; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh: <\/strong>We <em>still<\/em> read that book. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi:<\/strong> Why is that so popular? Every time I read it, I\u2019m like, \u201cThis doesn't even make <em>sense<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] And they <em>love<\/em> it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> They love it and they say, \u201cRead it again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and again. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What if <em>What Am I Feeling? <\/em>is that book that they say, \u201cRead it again\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Dinosaurs that love tacos is never going to change a kid's life. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Josh:<\/strong> Dragons; it's dragons. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dragons; that's right. I'm sorry I got the animals wrong: [Laughter] <em>Dragons Love Tacos.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Christi:<\/strong> Same thing! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We do have copies\u2014not of dragons\u2014but of <em>What Am I Feeling? <\/em>in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. [Laughter] You can go online to find out more about the book or to order a copy. Again, the title is <em>What Am I Feeling?<\/em> by Josh and Christi Straub. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. So, again, the website: FamilyLifeToday.com; the phone number: 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that's 1-800-358-6329\u2014and the book is called <em>What Am I Feeling?: Helping Kids to Learn to Manage Big Feelings in Little Bodies.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we hope that your celebration of the birth of Christ tomorrow is a great time for you. Hope you\u2019re able to be together with friends or with family to celebrate the holidays. I know this is hard this year. Lots of families, who are normally together, are not able to be together this year because of health and safety concerns. Our hope is that you will find your joy, and your peace, and your contentment in Christ, and that there is a way to connect with your family this year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who have prayed for us and who have supported this ministry throughout the year. We\u2019re grateful for your financial support. This is the right time of year to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d for how you have supported us in what has been a tough year for all of us. We appreciate you, and we are grateful; and we hope you have a Merry Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you\u2019ll have some time tomorrow when you can tune in and hear Part Two of our conversation with Josh and Christi Straub as we continue talking about how our kids can identify exactly what it is they're feeling\/put a name to that and process those emotions\u2014learn how to do that in a God-honoring way. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back on Christmas Day for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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