{"id":306557,"date":"2020-11-17T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-11-17T12:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/why-love-is-honest\/"},"modified":"2020-11-17T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-11-17T12:00:04","slug":"why-love-is-honest","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-love-is-honest\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Love Is Honest"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There&#8217;s a big difference between telling the truth and telling the whole truth. Bob Lepine explains why dishonest, and even partial truth, can plant seeds of distrust and put a marriage on shaky ground.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-11-17.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:27","filesize":"27.87M","filesize_raw":"29228900","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2885,2810],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8407],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306557","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-good-marriages-made-better","category-growing-spiritually","tag-marriage","podcast_series-the-qualities-of-biblical-love","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306557\/why-love-is-honest","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306557\/why-love-is-honest","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"qqfpiEUrbJ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-love-is-honest\/\">Why Love Is Honest<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-love-is-honest\/embed\/#?secret=qqfpiEUrbJ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Why Love Is Honest&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"qqfpiEUrbJ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-11-17.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-11-17.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>At the heart of every enduring marriage is a covenant\/a commitment we make to one another\u2014a commitment that is different than any other relationship we have on earth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong> What\u2019s different about marriage versus any other relationship\u2014or anyone, who\u2019s just moved in together, and they\u2019re long-term committed\u2014is that you can\u2019t just pick up, and pack up, and leave when you want. All of those thoughts and the rushing emotions\u2014I have to turn it over to the Lord and say, \u201cYou love him; and if you can love him, I can figure out a way to love him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 17<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Does transparency or honesty threaten the covenant or commitment in your marriage? Do you ever pull back from being fully honest because you\u2019re afraid of how your spouse might respond? We\u2019re going to talk about that more today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. There\u2019s a movie that, if I\u2019m ever watching TV and just channel surfing, and I click\u2014and that movie is on\u2014I\u2019m in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; what is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014<em>A Few Good Men.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014<em>Good Men.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tom Cruise is going at it; Nicholson is on the witness stand; and he says, \u201cDo you want answers?\u201d Tom Cruise says, \u201cI want the <em>truth.<\/em>\u201d Nicholson utters that famous line, \u201cYou can\u2019t <em>handle<\/em> the truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201c<em>handle<\/em> the truth.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Of course, that line\u2019s become iconic in movies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve been thinking about marriage, and I wonder, \u201cHow many of our marriages can handle the truth? How many of us can handle the truth about one another in a way that is loving?\u201d We\u2019re talking about how to love one another better in marriage, which is the theme of a book I just wrote, called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> that came out this year. We\u2019ve now created a video series for couples to go through with other couples, the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the big ideas in that series is that love rejoices in the truth; love is <em>honest<\/em>. I think a lot of us, as couples, we think to ourselves, \u201cIf my spouse really knew the real me\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yet, if you are honest, and you are received, that\u2019s <em>true<\/em> love. But that\u2019s <em>scary<\/em>; because you\u2019re thinking, \u201cI\u2019ll be rejected; so I\u2019ll keep that hidden, and we\u2019ll just maintain.\u201d But that\u2019s not going to get you the intimacy you\u2019re longing for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; I\u2019m guessing you guys may have started your marriage, hiding parts of your past and your background.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you really want to go there, Bob? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m not sure that we did intentionally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think that we understood the impact that our past would have in the present and in the future. But I don\u2019t think I was intentionally holding things back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was just thinking, \u201cNumber one, is it relevant?\u201d\u2014and that is a good question; you don\u2019t need to share everything. But I just thought, \u201cThis is going to hurt her, and it\u2019s better not to share.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; or \u201cIf she knows this about me, she won\u2019t respect me\u201d; and a husband wants to be respected\u2014or a wife, who says, \u201cIf he knows this about me, how could he love me if he knew this was a part of my past?\u201d or \u201c\u2026what I was thinking?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is why, in this series, we talk about how important it is for love to rejoice, first of all, in the truth of God\u2019s Word; but then in the honesty between a husband and a wife. We want our listeners to hear a portion of this video series; we\u2019ve been featuring it this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We think these principles from God\u2019s Word can be transformative in a marriage. Here\u2019s an excerpt from Episode Eight of <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. It\u2019s the episode that says, \u201cLove Is Honest.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> Excerpt]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember, when I first realized that there\u2019s a difference between telling the truth and telling the whole truth; and it has to do with a shopping trip I went on one time. On this particular trip, Mary Ann was not going; she had given me the list to follow. I had got to the store; I had my list, and I started working my way through. I came right to the produce section, and there were some grapes that were there. They were not on the list, but I knew grapes were always a hit at our household. I didn\u2019t think we had any, so thought, \u201cIt\u2019s not going to hurt if I get some grapes\u201d; right? I got a bunch of grapes and added those into the cart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get to the chip aisle, and that\u2019s where I saw this bag of Cheetos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I looked at it; I looked at the list; I thought, \u201cWhat am I going to do?\u201d I knew that, if I were bringing Cheetos home, my health-conscious wife would\u2014it\u2019s like bringing contraband in; right?\u2014I\u2019ve just brought <em>poison<\/em> into our home. I wrestled for a few minutes; and then I thought, \u201cI want Cheetos.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get home; I bring in the groceries. I\u2019ve hidden the Cheetos in the garage; I bring the groceries in. Mary Ann says, \u201cDid you find everything on the list?\u201d I said, \u201cThere was one thing they didn\u2019t have,\u201d\u2014I explained that. She said, \u201cDid you buy anything else, other than what was on the list?\u201d I remembered the grapes; I said, \u201cI saw grapes, and I thought that would be a good idea.\u201d She smiled and was happy to have grapes. I thought, \u201cGreat! I have now told the truth.\u201d But I hadn\u2019t told the <em>whole<\/em> truth, because I didn\u2019t mention the Cheetos; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I failed to calculate in this whole Cheetos caper was that this was a time when grocery stores had just begun printing out itemized lists of everything you bought. Mary Ann picks up the receipt as she\u2019s putting away the groceries; and she goes, \u201cWhat about the Cheetos?\u201d There I was\u2014busted\u2014my fingers were not orange, but I\u2019d been found out. I had to confess that: \u201cYes, I had, indeed, bought Cheetos.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that\u2019s a pretty trivial story; you would think. But stop and think about this\u2014in that moment, in my wife\u2019s mind\/in her thinking, she\u2019s wondering, \u201cWhat else is he not telling me about? If he\u2019s trying to hide Cheetos, what\u2019s he doing with the <em>really<\/em> serious stuff that he knows I would not be happy with?\u2014that he knows would not be good for our marriage?\u201d It was in that moment that I realized that, when the Bible says, \u201cLove rejoices in the truth,\u201d what it\u2019s saying is that love rejoices in the truth\/the whole truth\u2014not just a half truth\u2014in fact, a half truth is really not truth at all. Love is <em>honest<\/em>; it tells the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there are four things that are wrapped up in this idea of love rejoicing in the truth. The first thing I think it means is that love flourishes in an environment, where we are able to be real with one another\u2014warts and all\/failures and all\u2014and still can love and receive one another. The Bible uses an interesting phrase to talk about it; it talks about a husband and wife being naked and not ashamed. We can be who we are with one another and we know there\u2019s not going to be condemnation or shame. We\u2019re still going to love one another even when we see the flawed parts of one another. So when the Bible says love rejoices in the truth, it rejoices when that kind of transparency can be part of a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> When we were dating, we were talking about our past. I quickly realized I had a lot more baggage than Bethany had. She had only been in one relationship; and I\u2019d probably only been in one <em>serious<\/em> relationship, but a lot of other things. And there came a point in time, where I felt like, for us to grow closer and truly decide if we wanted to get married and we wanted each other, I needed to be completely honest and open my heart to her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did that and pretty much shared everything in my past that I had done wrong or I felt like I had made a mistake along the way. For her to not look at me any different and accept all those, it showed me, not just her love for me, but that she was relying on Christ to provide a sight of what love truly was and projecting that to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> Nothing that he shared freaked me out. Even then, it was sort of preparing my heart for what love is. It\u2019s leaning into those difficult things, or the things that aren\u2019t very pretty, or the conversations that are hard. He shared everything; and if anything, it made me love him <em>more<\/em> because I thought, \u201cHe feels safe enough to be able talk to me about <em>anything<\/em>.\u201d I feel like that\u2019s carried over into marriage, where we talk to each other about things that you can\u2019t talk to anybody else about. That was a glimpse into what that would look like. I feel like it just made me love him more as a person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> And that made me grow closer to her\/I think closer as a couple\u2014just that we\u2019re on the same page now, and there was nothing hiding in the closet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is power in transparency and honesty with one another. I think, when couples start to realize, \u201cOkay; it\u2019s safe to be honest,\u201d\u2014let\u2019s be real; in some relationships, it\u2019s not safe to be honest. We have to be able to be safe with one another; when we can get there, and be honest and be transparent, love goes deeper; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It goes deeper, but it\u2019s really hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think I really <em>know<\/em> all of Dave; but as I\u2019ve heard that, it\u2019s been really difficult\u2014some of the things that he\u2019s shared that\u2019s going on inside\u2014it\u2019s been difficult to receive. Yet, there is a security in my heart, thinking, \u201cI know <em>everything<\/em> about him, and I truly know him like no one else.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt reminds me of Tim Keller\u2019s quote\u2014you guys remember this\u2014from <em>The Meaning of Marriage<\/em>. He said, \u201cTo be loved but not known is comforting, but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.\u201d I think that\u2019s really true; there\u2019s a security in that. It\u2019s also miraculous\u2014for Dave to know <em>all of me<\/em>, and to see all of my faults, and he still loves me\u2014is humbling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve used the word several times: \u201csafe.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think, honestly, there\u2019s not a lot of places in this world where we feel totally safe\u2014I can [breathes deeply]\/I can be <em>fully<\/em> me\u2014hopefully, that\u2019s in your marriage. When you are willing to speak the truth, hear the truth, and extend mercy, it\u2019s the most beautiful place to be; and that\u2019s how God wanted marriage to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think one of the reasons that this idea of honesty in love comes later in the definition is because we\u2019ve already talked about being patient, and kind, and not self-seeking. That\u2019s what creates the safety to be able to be transparent. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important for us to make sure we\u2019re following the biblical pattern for love as we try to build what love, in a marriage, looks like so that we <em>can<\/em> be transparent. That\u2019s why we go on to flesh out, in the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage series, that we have to address the fact that we can all tend to be posers, and to posture, and not be open and transparent with one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>Excerpt]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of us long to be loved; we long to be accepted. We long to have another person, who knows us\/receive us, saying, \u201cI know you; I know your flaws; I still love you. I still accept you; I still want to be <em>one<\/em> with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we\u2019re honest, all of us have a tendency to put up a false front. The Bible has a word for people who put on a false front like that\u2014it\u2019s called a hypocrite, a person who wears a mask\u2014and in marriage, we\u2019re not supposed to wear masks. Marriage is supposed to be masks off, and we still love one another; so that\u2019s love rejoicing in the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the second thing I think the Bible is teaching when it says, \u201cLove rejoices in the truth.\u201d When it says: \u201cLove rejoices in the truth,\u201d it means that love can flourish best in an environment where there is trust. I had sown seeds of mistrust in my marriage by hiding Cheetos in the garage. When we keep, hidden, parts of our lives, that is not an environment that causes trust to flourish and to grow. For love to flourish and to grow, there needs to be an environment, where we can trust one another; we\u2019re not always thinking, \u201cWhat is this person hiding from me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been married for seven years; and the first seven years of our marriage was really, really hard. A lot of that was rooted from some failures I had made. I had chosen to hire a girl that was kind of a young, cute girl that I didn\u2019t want to tell Casey about; I was dishonest about it. She [Casey] walks into the apartment, and this young chick\u2019s business cards had been delivered. She\u2019s like, \u201cWho the heck is Sally?\u201d because our business cards had a picture of the person on the card. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> When I picked up the business cards, and saw her face and his business name, I naturally wanted to just pack up and say, \u201cI\u2019m done; I\u2019m just going to leave this situation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> Yes, I was caught. Even worse than that, I had deleted text messages to try and really hide the fact that we were even talking. I can honestly say, I had no intention of actually doing anything physical with her\u2014it wasn\u2019t a physical affair, or an emotional affair, or anything like that\u2014I was just flirting with fire. But the act of trying to hide it created a lot of insecurity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> It didn\u2019t go over well and caused a long-term trust issue. There\u2019s been times in this, where I do want to throw my hands up\/I\u2019m saying, \u201cI\u2019m done; I don\u2019t deserve this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Love and trust are partners; they walk hand in hand. When trust is gone, love is going with it. It\u2019s hard to love someone who you don\u2019t feel like you can trust. A marriage cannot thrive if we\u2019re always wondering: \u201cIs this person keeping something from me?\u201d \u201cAre they hiding the truth? They\u2019ve lied to me before; how can I trust them today?\u201d This is a key component to love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> The hard reality is\u2014I was not worthy of the trust that I was asking for. I remained dangerous. I\u2019ve, since then, come to be able to confess, like: \u201cWhether or not that was the intention, it was stupid.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> What\u2019s different about marriage versus any other relationship\u2014or anyone who\u2019s just moved in together, and they\u2019re long-term committed\u2014is that you can\u2019t just pick up, and pack up, and leave when you want. All of those thoughts, and the rushing emotions\u2014I just have to turn it over to the Lord and say\u2014\u201cYou love him; and if <em>You<\/em> can love him, I can figure out a way to love him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> I\u2019ve had a mentor say something that was pretty challenging for me. He basically made it clear that: \u201cI am prone to wander; and Lord, I feel it.\u201d I am very capable of doing something super stupid. I think when you can humble yourself enough to say, \u201cYes; I am totally capable of destroying everything, and doing something stupid and impulsive; therefore, action needs to be taken.\u201d It can help to have the confession of: \u201cI\u2019m not above this. I\u2019m not above being stupid.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> You\u2019re not above an affair\u2014you\u2019re not above lying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m not above an affair,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not above being an alcoholic,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m not <em>above<\/em> any of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, until you can recognize your own depravity, it\u2019s hard to be humble enough to follow through on the action that needs to happen to create the security that the wife deserves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> As long as we both are in open communication\u2014and he\u2019s being honest and transparent about what\u2019s going on\u2014it\u2019s not me saying, \u201cI demand to know where you are and what you\u2019re doing 24\/7.\u201d It\u2019s just that we\u2019ve worked really hard to put those walls up around our marriage\u2014as long as he\u2019s playing within those\u2014and yes, I do trust him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the third thing I think this verse is saying when it says: \u201cLove rejoices in the truth.\u201d It\u2019s saying love rejoices when both of us, as husband and wife, are committed to aligning our lives with the truth of God\u2019s Word. We love <em>His<\/em> truth; and because we love <em>His<\/em> truth, we love it together; we want our lives to be conformed to the truth of His Word. Rejoicing in the truth is when we are both pursuing the truth of God\u2019s Word and knowing God in the process. Jesus <em>is<\/em> the truth. When we draw nearer to Jesus, we\u2019re drawing nearer to one another; so love rejoices in the truth\u2014that\u2019s the third thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s number four: love rejoices when we, not only <em>agree<\/em> with God\u2019s Word, but when we\u2019re both <em>pursuing<\/em> God\u2019s truth as a pattern of life for us\/when both of us are committed to righteousness. When you see your spouse reflecting the image of Jesus in his life or in her life, your love for them swells up; it increases. You\u2019re drawn to that; because we\u2019re children of God, we\u2019re drawn to Him. As our lives are being conformed to the image of His Son, we <em>love<\/em> that; we <em>love <\/em>one another. \u201cLove rejoices in the truth.\u201d Do you rejoice in the truth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to an excerpt from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you have to end every one in such a convicting way? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just know this\u2014before I stepped on anybody else\u2019s toes, my toes got stepped on first; because I spent a long time in this passage, just meditating. I think it\u2019s important for us to understand that, when we talk about honesty and transparency in a marriage relationship, love rejoicing in the truth begins with the fact that we, together, rejoice in the truth of God\u2019s Word and the truth of who Jesus is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just the truth about our own lives, but it\u2019s the truth about the gospel that we both love and rejoice in. That gives us the freedom to rejoice in the honesty and transparency, where we can see each other\u2019s failures and go, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got issues; you\u2019ve got issues\u2014we\u2019ve all got issues\u2014but the gospel means that there\u2019s no condemnation in Christ for those issues for us.\u201d We\u2019re not going to condemn one another; we\u2019re going to extend grace to one another\u2014that\u2019s the liberating truth of the gospel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you think it\u2019s possible to do that when a spouse is not reciprocating?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s how I\u2019d answer that: Romans 5 says that, \u201cGod demonstrates His love toward us in that while we were still sinners\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann and Bob:<\/strong> [in unison] \u2014\u201cChrist died for us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> God does not wait until we\u2019re love<em>able<\/em> or lov<em>ing<\/em> to love us. I think it\u2019s possible for us to extend grace to somebody else, even if they\u2019re not extending grace back. Is it easy?\u2014no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; but in some ways, that is Christian marriage\u2014that is \u201cvertical marriage\u201d; that is \u201clove like you mean it\u201d\u2014that is the gospel applied to marriage. We don\u2019t deserve forgiveness; yet when we bring the truth of who we really are to God, what do we get?\u2014mercy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen our spouse brings us to truth?\u2014boy, oh boy; it\u2019s the hardest thing in the world\u2014but how could we be a recipient of mercy and not give it? When we give what we can\u2019t even muster up in ourselves, that\u2019s a picture of <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage\u2014and gospel, vertical\/whatever you want to call it\u2014that\u2019s the most beautiful relationship that exists on planet earth, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know we had a lot of couples, last spring, who joined <em>you<\/em> online on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> for the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>small group that we did. We just had a lot of couples joining us, online, on Facebook for a <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video small group session. We believe there is power in couples going through this content <em>with<\/em> other couples. I think the reason is because, if we just go through it together, we can kind of feel like, \u201cI think we\u2019re the only ones who struggle with this.\u201d You go through this with other couples and go, \u201cOkay; it\u2019s not just us. Everybody has these challenges.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And there\u2019s a sense of accountability with a group too. And you\u2019re right\u2014to see that we\u2019re not alone; we\u2019re all doing this together; we\u2019re all struggling; we\u2019re all pursuing God\u2014there\u2019s real hope in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we hope you\u2019re motivated. We hope you\u2019re ready to call some other couples and say, \u201cLet\u2019s get together and go through the new <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series.\u201d You can pre-order the series, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. If you have any questions or if you\u2019d like to pre-order by phone, the number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d again, to our Legacy Partners, those of you who contribute monthly to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Today\u2019s program\/the resources we\u2019re making available\u2014you make all of that happen when you support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a long-time listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation, I want to challenge you: \u201cHelp pay it forward. Help others benefit from what you\u2019ve been a beneficiary of. Invest in the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d If you\u2019re a regular listener, and you\u2019ve thought about becoming a monthly Legacy Partner, why not do that today as well? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI\u2019m ready to join the team. I want to become a Legacy Partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen be sure and join us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about one of the most challenging, most painful experiences any parent can go through\u2014that\u2019s when a son or a daughter becomes a prodigal. Craig Svensson joins us to talk about <em>his<\/em> experience with that. We hope you can tune in as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:30:27"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["27.87M"],"filesize_raw":["29228900"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306557.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306557.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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a big difference between telling the truth and telling the whole truth. Bob Lepine explains why dishonest, and even partial truth, can plant seeds of distrust and put a marriage on shaky ground.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-11-17.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>At the heart of every enduring marriage is a covenant\/a commitment we make to one another\u2014a commitment that is different than any other relationship we have on earth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Woman:<\/strong> What\u2019s different about marriage versus any other relationship\u2014or anyone, who\u2019s just moved in together, and they\u2019re long-term committed\u2014is that you can\u2019t just pick up, and pack up, and leave when you want. All of those thoughts and the rushing emotions\u2014I have to turn it over to the Lord and say, \u201cYou love him; and if you can love him, I can figure out a way to love him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, November 17<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Does transparency or honesty threaten the covenant or commitment in your marriage? Do you ever pull back from being fully honest because you\u2019re afraid of how your spouse might respond? We\u2019re going to talk about that more today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Tuesday edition. There\u2019s a movie that, if I\u2019m ever watching TV and just channel surfing, and I click\u2014and that movie is on\u2014I\u2019m in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay; what is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014<em>A Few Good Men.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014<em>Good Men.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tom Cruise is going at it; Nicholson is on the witness stand; and he says, \u201cDo you want answers?\u201d Tom Cruise says, \u201cI want the <em>truth.<\/em>\u201d Nicholson utters that famous line, \u201cYou can\u2019t <em>handle<\/em> the truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201c<em>handle<\/em> the truth.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Of course, that line\u2019s become iconic in movies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve been thinking about marriage, and I wonder, \u201cHow many of our marriages can handle the truth? How many of us can handle the truth about one another in a way that is loving?\u201d We\u2019re talking about how to love one another better in marriage, which is the theme of a book I just wrote, called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> that came out this year. We\u2019ve now created a video series for couples to go through with other couples, the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the big ideas in that series is that love rejoices in the truth; love is <em>honest<\/em>. I think a lot of us, as couples, we think to ourselves, \u201cIf my spouse really knew the real me\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yet, if you are honest, and you are received, that\u2019s <em>true<\/em> love. But that\u2019s <em>scary<\/em>; because you\u2019re thinking, \u201cI\u2019ll be rejected; so I\u2019ll keep that hidden, and we\u2019ll just maintain.\u201d But that\u2019s not going to get you the intimacy you\u2019re longing for.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; I\u2019m guessing you guys may have started your marriage, hiding parts of your past and your background.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you really want to go there, Bob? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m not sure that we did intentionally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think that we understood the impact that our past would have in the present and in the future. But I don\u2019t think I was intentionally holding things back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was just thinking, \u201cNumber one, is it relevant?\u201d\u2014and that is a good question; you don\u2019t need to share everything. But I just thought, \u201cThis is going to hurt her, and it\u2019s better not to share.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; or \u201cIf she knows this about me, she won\u2019t respect me\u201d; and a husband wants to be respected\u2014or a wife, who says, \u201cIf he knows this about me, how could he love me if he knew this was a part of my past?\u201d or \u201c\u2026what I was thinking?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is why, in this series, we talk about how important it is for love to rejoice, first of all, in the truth of God\u2019s Word; but then in the honesty between a husband and a wife. We want our listeners to hear a portion of this video series; we\u2019ve been featuring it this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We think these principles from God\u2019s Word can be transformative in a marriage. Here\u2019s an excerpt from Episode Eight of <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. It\u2019s the episode that says, \u201cLove Is Honest.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> Excerpt]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember, when I first realized that there\u2019s a difference between telling the truth and telling the whole truth; and it has to do with a shopping trip I went on one time. On this particular trip, Mary Ann was not going; she had given me the list to follow. I had got to the store; I had my list, and I started working my way through. I came right to the produce section, and there were some grapes that were there. They were not on the list, but I knew grapes were always a hit at our household. I didn\u2019t think we had any, so thought, \u201cIt\u2019s not going to hurt if I get some grapes\u201d; right? I got a bunch of grapes and added those into the cart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get to the chip aisle, and that\u2019s where I saw this bag of Cheetos<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I looked at it; I looked at the list; I thought, \u201cWhat am I going to do?\u201d I knew that, if I were bringing Cheetos home, my health-conscious wife would\u2014it\u2019s like bringing contraband in; right?\u2014I\u2019ve just brought <em>poison<\/em> into our home. I wrestled for a few minutes; and then I thought, \u201cI want Cheetos.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI get home; I bring in the groceries. I\u2019ve hidden the Cheetos in the garage; I bring the groceries in. Mary Ann says, \u201cDid you find everything on the list?\u201d I said, \u201cThere was one thing they didn\u2019t have,\u201d\u2014I explained that. She said, \u201cDid you buy anything else, other than what was on the list?\u201d I remembered the grapes; I said, \u201cI saw grapes, and I thought that would be a good idea.\u201d She smiled and was happy to have grapes. I thought, \u201cGreat! I have now told the truth.\u201d But I hadn\u2019t told the <em>whole<\/em> truth, because I didn\u2019t mention the Cheetos; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I failed to calculate in this whole Cheetos caper was that this was a time when grocery stores had just begun printing out itemized lists of everything you bought. Mary Ann picks up the receipt as she\u2019s putting away the groceries; and she goes, \u201cWhat about the Cheetos?\u201d There I was\u2014busted\u2014my fingers were not orange, but I\u2019d been found out. I had to confess that: \u201cYes, I had, indeed, bought Cheetos.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, that\u2019s a pretty trivial story; you would think. But stop and think about this\u2014in that moment, in my wife\u2019s mind\/in her thinking, she\u2019s wondering, \u201cWhat else is he not telling me about? If he\u2019s trying to hide Cheetos, what\u2019s he doing with the <em>really<\/em> serious stuff that he knows I would not be happy with?\u2014that he knows would not be good for our marriage?\u201d It was in that moment that I realized that, when the Bible says, \u201cLove rejoices in the truth,\u201d what it\u2019s saying is that love rejoices in the truth\/the whole truth\u2014not just a half truth\u2014in fact, a half truth is really not truth at all. Love is <em>honest<\/em>; it tells the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think there are four things that are wrapped up in this idea of love rejoicing in the truth. The first thing I think it means is that love flourishes in an environment, where we are able to be real with one another\u2014warts and all\/failures and all\u2014and still can love and receive one another. The Bible uses an interesting phrase to talk about it; it talks about a husband and wife being naked and not ashamed. We can be who we are with one another and we know there\u2019s not going to be condemnation or shame. We\u2019re still going to love one another even when we see the flawed parts of one another. So when the Bible says love rejoices in the truth, it rejoices when that kind of transparency can be part of a marriage relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> When we were dating, we were talking about our past. I quickly realized I had a lot more baggage than Bethany had. She had only been in one relationship; and I\u2019d probably only been in one <em>serious<\/em> relationship, but a lot of other things. And there came a point in time, where I felt like, for us to grow closer and truly decide if we wanted to get married and we wanted each other, I needed to be completely honest and open my heart to her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did that and pretty much shared everything in my past that I had done wrong or I felt like I had made a mistake along the way. For her to not look at me any different and accept all those, it showed me, not just her love for me, but that she was relying on Christ to provide a sight of what love truly was and projecting that to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> Nothing that he shared freaked me out. Even then, it was sort of preparing my heart for what love is. It\u2019s leaning into those difficult things, or the things that aren\u2019t very pretty, or the conversations that are hard. He shared everything; and if anything, it made me love him <em>more<\/em> because I thought, \u201cHe feels safe enough to be able talk to me about <em>anything<\/em>.\u201d I feel like that\u2019s carried over into marriage, where we talk to each other about things that you can\u2019t talk to anybody else about. That was a glimpse into what that would look like. I feel like it just made me love him more as a person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> And that made me grow closer to her\/I think closer as a couple\u2014just that we\u2019re on the same page now, and there was nothing hiding in the closet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is power in transparency and honesty with one another. I think, when couples start to realize, \u201cOkay; it\u2019s safe to be honest,\u201d\u2014let\u2019s be real; in some relationships, it\u2019s not safe to be honest. We have to be able to be safe with one another; when we can get there, and be honest and be transparent, love goes deeper; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It goes deeper, but it\u2019s really hard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think I really <em>know<\/em> all of Dave; but as I\u2019ve heard that, it\u2019s been really difficult\u2014some of the things that he\u2019s shared that\u2019s going on inside\u2014it\u2019s been difficult to receive. Yet, there is a security in my heart, thinking, \u201cI know <em>everything<\/em> about him, and I truly know him like no one else.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt reminds me of Tim Keller\u2019s quote\u2014you guys remember this\u2014from <em>The Meaning of Marriage<\/em>. He said, \u201cTo be loved but not known is comforting, but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God.\u201d I think that\u2019s really true; there\u2019s a security in that. It\u2019s also miraculous\u2014for Dave to know <em>all of me<\/em>, and to see all of my faults, and he still loves me\u2014is humbling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019ve used the word several times: \u201csafe.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think, honestly, there\u2019s not a lot of places in this world where we feel totally safe\u2014I can [breathes deeply]\/I can be <em>fully<\/em> me\u2014hopefully, that\u2019s in your marriage. When you are willing to speak the truth, hear the truth, and extend mercy, it\u2019s the most beautiful place to be; and that\u2019s how God wanted marriage to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think one of the reasons that this idea of honesty in love comes later in the definition is because we\u2019ve already talked about being patient, and kind, and not self-seeking. That\u2019s what creates the safety to be able to be transparent. That\u2019s why it\u2019s so important for us to make sure we\u2019re following the biblical pattern for love as we try to build what love, in a marriage, looks like so that we <em>can<\/em> be transparent. That\u2019s why we go on to flesh out, in the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage series, that we have to address the fact that we can all tend to be posers, and to posture, and not be open and transparent with one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>Excerpt]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of us long to be loved; we long to be accepted. We long to have another person, who knows us\/receive us, saying, \u201cI know you; I know your flaws; I still love you. I still accept you; I still want to be <em>one<\/em> with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we\u2019re honest, all of us have a tendency to put up a false front. The Bible has a word for people who put on a false front like that\u2014it\u2019s called a hypocrite, a person who wears a mask\u2014and in marriage, we\u2019re not supposed to wear masks. Marriage is supposed to be masks off, and we still love one another; so that\u2019s love rejoicing in the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the second thing I think the Bible is teaching when it says, \u201cLove rejoices in the truth.\u201d When it says: \u201cLove rejoices in the truth,\u201d it means that love can flourish best in an environment where there is trust. I had sown seeds of mistrust in my marriage by hiding Cheetos in the garage. When we keep, hidden, parts of our lives, that is not an environment that causes trust to flourish and to grow. For love to flourish and to grow, there needs to be an environment, where we can trust one another; we\u2019re not always thinking, \u201cWhat is this person hiding from me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been married for seven years; and the first seven years of our marriage was really, really hard. A lot of that was rooted from some failures I had made. I had chosen to hire a girl that was kind of a young, cute girl that I didn\u2019t want to tell Casey about; I was dishonest about it. She [Casey] walks into the apartment, and this young chick\u2019s business cards had been delivered. She\u2019s like, \u201cWho the heck is Sally?\u201d because our business cards had a picture of the person on the card. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> When I picked up the business cards, and saw her face and his business name, I naturally wanted to just pack up and say, \u201cI\u2019m done; I\u2019m just going to leave this situation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> Yes, I was caught. Even worse than that, I had deleted text messages to try and really hide the fact that we were even talking. I can honestly say, I had no intention of actually doing anything physical with her\u2014it wasn\u2019t a physical affair, or an emotional affair, or anything like that\u2014I was just flirting with fire. But the act of trying to hide it created a lot of insecurity.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> It didn\u2019t go over well and caused a long-term trust issue. There\u2019s been times in this, where I do want to throw my hands up\/I\u2019m saying, \u201cI\u2019m done; I don\u2019t deserve this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Love and trust are partners; they walk hand in hand. When trust is gone, love is going with it. It\u2019s hard to love someone who you don\u2019t feel like you can trust. A marriage cannot thrive if we\u2019re always wondering: \u201cIs this person keeping something from me?\u201d \u201cAre they hiding the truth? They\u2019ve lied to me before; how can I trust them today?\u201d This is a key component to love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> The hard reality is\u2014I was not worthy of the trust that I was asking for. I remained dangerous. I\u2019ve, since then, come to be able to confess, like: \u201cWhether or not that was the intention, it was stupid.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> What\u2019s different about marriage versus any other relationship\u2014or anyone who\u2019s just moved in together, and they\u2019re long-term committed\u2014is that you can\u2019t just pick up, and pack up, and leave when you want. All of those thoughts, and the rushing emotions\u2014I just have to turn it over to the Lord and say\u2014\u201cYou love him; and if <em>You<\/em> can love him, I can figure out a way to love him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> I\u2019ve had a mentor say something that was pretty challenging for me. He basically made it clear that: \u201cI am prone to wander; and Lord, I feel it.\u201d I am very capable of doing something super stupid. I think when you can humble yourself enough to say, \u201cYes; I am totally capable of destroying everything, and doing something stupid and impulsive; therefore, action needs to be taken.\u201d It can help to have the confession of: \u201cI\u2019m not above this. I\u2019m not above being stupid.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> You\u2019re not above an affair\u2014you\u2019re not above lying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Man:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m not above an affair,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not above being an alcoholic,\u201d\u2014I\u2019m not <em>above<\/em> any of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, until you can recognize your own depravity, it\u2019s hard to be humble enough to follow through on the action that needs to happen to create the security that the wife deserves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> As long as we both are in open communication\u2014and he\u2019s being honest and transparent about what\u2019s going on\u2014it\u2019s not me saying, \u201cI demand to know where you are and what you\u2019re doing 24\/7.\u201d It\u2019s just that we\u2019ve worked really hard to put those walls up around our marriage\u2014as long as he\u2019s playing within those\u2014and yes, I do trust him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the third thing I think this verse is saying when it says: \u201cLove rejoices in the truth.\u201d It\u2019s saying love rejoices when both of us, as husband and wife, are committed to aligning our lives with the truth of God\u2019s Word. We love <em>His<\/em> truth; and because we love <em>His<\/em> truth, we love it together; we want our lives to be conformed to the truth of His Word. Rejoicing in the truth is when we are both pursuing the truth of God\u2019s Word and knowing God in the process. Jesus <em>is<\/em> the truth. When we draw nearer to Jesus, we\u2019re drawing nearer to one another; so love rejoices in the truth\u2014that\u2019s the third thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s number four: love rejoices when we, not only <em>agree<\/em> with God\u2019s Word, but when we\u2019re both <em>pursuing<\/em> God\u2019s truth as a pattern of life for us\/when both of us are committed to righteousness. When you see your spouse reflecting the image of Jesus in his life or in her life, your love for them swells up; it increases. You\u2019re drawn to that; because we\u2019re children of God, we\u2019re drawn to Him. As our lives are being conformed to the image of His Son, we <em>love<\/em> that; we <em>love <\/em>one another. \u201cLove rejoices in the truth.\u201d Do you rejoice in the truth?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to an excerpt from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you have to end every one in such a convicting way? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just know this\u2014before I stepped on anybody else\u2019s toes, my toes got stepped on first; because I spent a long time in this passage, just meditating. I think it\u2019s important for us to understand that, when we talk about honesty and transparency in a marriage relationship, love rejoicing in the truth begins with the fact that we, together, rejoice in the truth of God\u2019s Word and the truth of who Jesus is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not just the truth about our own lives, but it\u2019s the truth about the gospel that we both love and rejoice in. That gives us the freedom to rejoice in the honesty and transparency, where we can see each other\u2019s failures and go, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got issues; you\u2019ve got issues\u2014we\u2019ve all got issues\u2014but the gospel means that there\u2019s no condemnation in Christ for those issues for us.\u201d We\u2019re not going to condemn one another; we\u2019re going to extend grace to one another\u2014that\u2019s the liberating truth of the gospel.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you think it\u2019s possible to do that when a spouse is not reciprocating?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s how I\u2019d answer that: Romans 5 says that, \u201cGod demonstrates His love toward us in that while we were still sinners\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann and Bob:<\/strong> [in unison] \u2014\u201cChrist died for us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> God does not wait until we\u2019re love<em>able<\/em> or lov<em>ing<\/em> to love us. I think it\u2019s possible for us to extend grace to somebody else, even if they\u2019re not extending grace back. Is it easy?\u2014no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; but in some ways, that is Christian marriage\u2014that is \u201cvertical marriage\u201d; that is \u201clove like you mean it\u201d\u2014that is the gospel applied to marriage. We don\u2019t deserve forgiveness; yet when we bring the truth of who we really are to God, what do we get?\u2014mercy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen our spouse brings us to truth?\u2014boy, oh boy; it\u2019s the hardest thing in the world\u2014but how could we be a recipient of mercy and not give it? When we give what we can\u2019t even muster up in ourselves, that\u2019s a picture of <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage\u2014and gospel, vertical\/whatever you want to call it\u2014that\u2019s the most beautiful relationship that exists on planet earth, I think.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know we had a lot of couples, last spring, who joined <em>you<\/em> online on Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> for the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>small group that we did. We just had a lot of couples joining us, online, on Facebook for a <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video small group session. We believe there is power in couples going through this content <em>with<\/em> other couples. I think the reason is because, if we just go through it together, we can kind of feel like, \u201cI think we\u2019re the only ones who struggle with this.\u201d You go through this with other couples and go, \u201cOkay; it\u2019s not just us. Everybody has these challenges.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And there\u2019s a sense of accountability with a group too. And you\u2019re right\u2014to see that we\u2019re not alone; we\u2019re all doing this together; we\u2019re all struggling; we\u2019re all pursuing God\u2014there\u2019s real hope in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we hope you\u2019re motivated. We hope you\u2019re ready to call some other couples and say, \u201cLet\u2019s get together and go through the new <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series.\u201d You can pre-order the series, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. If you have any questions or if you\u2019d like to pre-order by phone, the number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d again, to our Legacy Partners, those of you who contribute monthly to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Today\u2019s program\/the resources we\u2019re making available\u2014you make all of that happen when you support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a long-time listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation, I want to challenge you: \u201cHelp pay it forward. Help others benefit from what you\u2019ve been a beneficiary of. Invest in the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d If you\u2019re a regular listener, and you\u2019ve thought about becoming a monthly Legacy Partner, why not do that today as well? Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI\u2019m ready to join the team. I want to become a Legacy Partner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen be sure and join us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about one of the most challenging, most painful experiences any parent can go through\u2014that\u2019s when a son or a daughter becomes a prodigal. Craig Svensson joins us to talk about <em>his<\/em> experience with that. We hope you can tune in as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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