{"id":306551,"date":"2020-11-16T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-11-16T12:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/why-love-is-kind\/"},"modified":"2020-11-16T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-11-16T12:00:04","slug":"why-love-is-kind","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-love-is-kind\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Love Is Kind"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bob Lepine talks about 1 Corinthians 13, focusing on the virtue of kindness. Bob says practicing kindness in a marriage is the single greatest predictor of marital happiness and stability.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-11-16.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:58","filesize":"23.77M","filesize_raw":"24925848","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2885,2810],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8407],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306551","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-good-marriages-made-better","category-growing-spiritually","tag-marriage","podcast_series-the-qualities-of-biblical-love","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306551\/why-love-is-kind","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306551\/why-love-is-kind","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"VwRSnrSWOX\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-love-is-kind\/\">Why Love Is Kind<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/why-love-is-kind\/embed\/#?secret=VwRSnrSWOX\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Why Love Is Kind&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"VwRSnrSWOX\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-11-16.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-11-16.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, November 16<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Kindness is an essential ingredient for a strong, healthy marriage. We\u2019ll talk more about the importance of kindness today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. We are on a bit of a mission\u2014we\u2019ve said this before, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families can change the world\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014one home at a time, so everything we do\u2014from this radio program to the resources we create\u2014all that we do has that in mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI recently wrote a book called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> that is for married couples, that takes 1 Corinthians 13 and says, \u201cHow would this\/how would this flesh out in a marriage relationship?\u201d I think a lot of couples today are thinking culturally about love instead of thinking biblically about love, so that\u2019s the goal\u2014to try to get us all thinking more biblically. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, Bob, if we\u2019re not careful, we will just automatically drift toward the culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We <em>will<\/em> drift toward the culture. I love that you wrote this book; I love that we\u2019re producing more and more content to help couples not drift toward the culture\u2019s view of love and marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m shocked that no one\u2019s ever written a book on the love chapter\/on \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13. Were you the very first one?\u2014because it is <em>the best<\/em>. I think people, that don\u2019t even read the Bible, when they hear it go, \u201cNow, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> a definition\/description of love that\u2019s real and true,\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2019ve ever read that anywhere,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and there it is\u2014it\u2019s God\u2019s Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t find anything about marriage that was looking at 1 Corinthians 13. There are people, who have taken that passage and have written about love in general; but I thought, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about marriage and how that gets lived out in a marriage relationship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We read that Scripture all the time at weddings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But it\u2019s one thing to read it at the wedding and another thing to apply it in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have to keep in mind that, when the Apostle Paul wrote the definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13, he was\/he was actually scolding the church for <em>not<\/em> being a loving church. The Corinthian church was puffed up and proud; and it was all about \u201cour gifts\u201d and \u201cLook at how good we are.\u201d He says none of that matters unless you have love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; he didn\u2019t write it down and say, \u201cHey, look what I wrote. They\u2019re going to read this at weddings!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong>\u2014or \u201c\u2026use this at Valentine\u2019s Day\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it was a rebuke; and it said: \u201cYou want to know what God\u2019s love is? This is what it looks like..\u201d That\u2019s not how most people love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We want our listeners to hear just a portion of the video series. We talk, in this section, about one of the aspects of love from 1 Corinthians 13. Paul says love is kind. What does kindness look like in a marriage relationship?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Excerpt]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you know what attribute of God is most often mentioned in the Old Testament? You might think that it\u2019s God\u2019s justice or His holiness that is the most often referred to attribute of God of the Old Testament; but more than 250 times, the word that is used to describe God, throughout the Old Testament, is the Hebrew word\u2014and I\u2019m not great on Hebrew\u2014but it\u2019s <em>hesed<\/em>. It\u2019s a word that is translated \u201cloving kindness.\u201d In fact, singer, songwriter and Bible teacher, Michael Card, says this\u2014he says, \u201cThe great surprise of the Hebrew Bible is not that God is awesome or holy,\u201d\u2014in fact, he goes on to say, \u201cOther religions\/their gods are awesome and holy; these are characteristics we would expect from God. The great surprise of the Hebrew Bible is that God is kind\/that He is a God of <em>hesed<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn 1 Corinthians 13, one of the characteristics of love that is described for us\u2014when we want to understand what real love looks like\u2014one of the words that is used is the word, \u201ckindness\u201d\u2014\u201cLove is kind.\u201d To be a loving person is to be a kind person. In other words, these two things fit together. You can\u2019t be loving and unkind simultaneously. We\u2019d never think of an unkind person as a loving person; these are inextricably linked with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne writer says: \u201cKindness is a readiness to do good, to help, to relieve burdens, to be useful, to serve, to be tender, to be sympathetic toward others.\u201d Someone else has said: \u201cKindness is love in work boots. A kind person is someone who seeks to actively, aggressively, lavishly bless another person.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah:<\/strong> This is what we call our cheesecake story. Imagine it\u2019s really late at night. I am <em>huge<\/em> pregnant with our very first child, and we were working really late. I was sitting in a metal folding chair, with my feet all swollen, very exhausted, nauseous. I became consumed with the thought of strawberry cheesecake; so much so that I started crying, and I couldn\u2019t stop.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah\u2019s husband:<\/strong> I feel like, in that moment, I had to be the man and help solve this situation for Rebekah. She knows, when she pulls the plug on the tears, it moves my heart. That just kicked things in motion that everything needed to stop, and she needed cheesecake. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah:<\/strong> He called everything quits. That\u2019s where he put on his love and work clothes. He got me in the car, and we started driving; it was after 10:00 at night. We went to Fazzoli\u2019s, because we knew they had strawberry cheesecake\u2014went up to the door; it wasn\u2019t open. Then went to another restaurant\u2014went up to the door; it wasn\u2019t open. So he drove over to Kroger; we went to the bakery and found the strawberry cheesecake. It was like the holy grail\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah\u2019s husband:<\/strong> Aaah!\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah:<\/strong>\u2014right there. We were so excited\u2014I mean, <em>I<\/em> was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah\u2019s husband:<\/strong> It took about 45 minutes to find that one piece of cheesecake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah:<\/strong> Yes; what was better for me was seeing that he was willing to stop everything, and get in the car, and go from place to place to place for such a long period of time, just to make sure that that little desire that I had was something that he could meet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Does that describe <em>you<\/em> in your relationship with your spouse? Are you somebody who seeks to actively, aggressively, lavishly bless your spouse? That\u2019s what kindness is. I really think there are three elements to kindness. It has to <em>begin<\/em> with a right attitude toward our spouse; and then kindness is going to manifest itself, secondly, in how we speak to one another\u2014coming out of our right attitudes, our speech will emerge\u2014and then, third, it\u2019s our actions toward one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s break that down: our attitude, our speech, and our actions and what kindness should look like in a marriage. Our attitude first. When kindness dominates a marriage relationship, a spouse is always thinking, \u201cMy goal is your good. I want to\u2014as a goal of my life\u2014to see you thrive and prosper,\u201d and \u201cI want you to be the person God created you to be. I want to see you flourishing in this life\u2014that\u2019s my goal.\u201d That\u2019s how kindness manifests itself\u2014that\u2019s our attitude. It starts with this idea: \u201cEven if it costs me something, I want this so much I\u2019m ready to pay the price. I\u2019m ready to do what this costs me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you start with that attitude, then the next thing is: \u201cDo your words reflect that that\u2019s what\u2019s in your heart? Are the words you\u2019re speaking to one another words of kindness?\u201d \/ \u201cEven if it costs me, that\u2019s okay; because I\u2019m committed to your good.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about God\u2019s kindness toward us: God\u2019s kindness is manifest in the fact that He is committed to our thriving, even if it costs Him\u2014and it did\u2014it cost Him His Son for us to be reconciled to Him and for us to be the people that He wants us to be. That\u2019s an evidence of God\u2019s good kindness toward us\u2014that\u2019s the attitude of our heart\u2014that\u2019s where it\u2019s got to begin. And it\u2019s out of the abundance of the heart that your mouth speaks. It\u2019s got to start in the heart, but then it should show up in the words we\u2019re using with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 1:<\/strong> Just the way that he pushes me and supports me in whatever area. The things that I can\u2019t see in myself\u2014it\u2019s almost like God has given him the ability to see it in me, so he pulls that out of me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 2:<\/strong> She told me the other day she was my number-one fan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 2:<\/strong> Yes; I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 3:<\/strong> I have been trying to make healthier decisions. For my husband to kind of look at me and go, \u201cI\u2019m proud of you for just being\u2014for to press through this and being disciplined in this area,\u201d\u2014like, \u201cI\u2019m proud of you,\u201d\u2014that was big.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 3:<\/strong> Yes; because I was eating ribs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 3:<\/strong> \u2014and I wasn\u2019t. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know. [Laughter] She\u2019s a very encouraging person, but I can\u2019t think anything\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong> He\u2019s not a words person; words is <em>not<\/em> his love language.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 4:<\/strong> No; I\u2019m not a word person. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> Great sex for me\u2014that\u2019s very encouraging\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Oh my gosh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> \u2014really good sex. That\u2019s how I get really encouraged. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Is that really what you wanted to say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> It\u2019s\u2014I\u2019m honestly encouraged; I am <em>thoroughly<\/em> encouraged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5: <\/strong>They\u2019re not going to use that one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> They will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 6:<\/strong> He does a lot of little things like breakfast in bed on weekends. When I\u2019m going to the office, he literally walks me to the door; and he stands at the door until I\u2019m pulled away in the car and he blows me kisses. He\u2019ll call me throughout the dayor text me to let me know he\u2019s thinking about me. I would say that he makes me feel cherished and loved\u2014deeply loved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Say something that they can use.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> It\u2019s honest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Say something they can use.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> \u201cGreat sex.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 7: <\/strong>I feel like he points me back to: \u201cYour purposes is in who you are in Christ and what are you doing for Him.\u201d He reminds me of that; because like every couple months, I forget that. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 8:<\/strong> She\u2019s allowed me to be the head, even when I wasn\u2019t deserving; you know? That means a lot. Even\/even when I may have not made the best decision, but she still honored me as the husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to a portion of the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series, which is just now available from us, here, at FamilyLife\u2014ten sessions for couples to go through on what real love looks like in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo hear those couples describe the things we do for one another that make us feel cherished\u2014they\u2019re acts of kindness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad you included a lot of different couples. I mean, I listen to some of those, thinking, \u201cOh! I wish Dave would do that.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I <em>knew<\/em> that\u2019s what she was thinking! [Laughter] I was sitting there, like, \u201cJust stop it! Stop it right now,\u201d\u2014no. [Laughter] At the same time, I\u2019m listening to the same thing, thinking, \u201cI need to step up.\u201d It\u2019s inspiring to see couples like us\u2014and funny ones too\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that one guy was pretty funny\u2014but it inspires you to say, \u201cOkay; it\u2019s one thing to say love is kind; it\u2019s another thing to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s what we\u2019re called to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the thing\u2014we don\u2019t recognize how powerful small acts of kindness, throughout the day\u2014in a marriage, these are the bonding agents for a marriage relationship. When that\u2019s absent, we feel it; when it\u2019s present, it just pulls us together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s so true. I think many times we think it\u2019s that extravagant act of love; but really is the little things of saying: \u201cThank you,\u201d or \u201cI notice this\u2026\u201d or just something small\u2014of walking your spouse to the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. As we\u2019ve said in the series, it has to start with a heart that is really inclined toward kindness. We\u2019re not just looking for a change in behavior; you want this to be a predisposition of your heart, where you\/you <em>want<\/em> to be kind toward another person for Christ\u2019s sake. But it can\u2019t just stop with wanting to be kind, it has to show up; that\u2019s what we\u2019re going to hear as we listen to another segment from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> Excerpt]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When it comes to kindness, it\u2019s not just the thought that counts; I mean, we say that all the time; right?\u2014\u201cWell, it\u2019s the thought that counts.\u201d Kind thoughts are fine; but if they don\u2019t manifest themselves in kind words and kind actions, then what good are your kind thoughts? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Book of Proverbs says this\u2014it says: \u201cLife and death are in the power of the tongue.\u201d I mean, think about that. The words we speak to one another, whether they are kind or unkind, are words that either give life to another person\u2014causing that person to thrive, and to blossom, and to flourish\u2014or they\u2019re words that can sap the life <em>out<\/em> of another person, causing them to shrink back and to decay. Your words of kindness are words that will either give life to your spouse or speak death to your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s got to start from the heart; you can\u2019t just dress up an unkind heart with flattering words; no. But if your heart is predisposed toward kindness, then we should be seeing in you a manifestation of kindness in how you speak to one another. Saying unkind things to one another in a marriage will <em>never<\/em> cause your love for one another to grow; it won\u2019t cause your marriage to thrive. We have to guard our hearts and our tongues\u2014and seek to speak words that are positive, and encouraging, and uplifting\u2014words of kindness\/words that bring life to another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKindness begins as an attitude and then it shows up in kind words; and then ultimately, it\u2019s going to manifest itself in kind actions, where we\u2019re seeking to do things that\u2014that benefit another person\/that cause them to thrive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there\u2019s a difference between somebody who\u2019s nice and somebody who\u2019s kind; right? If I introduced you to two people\u2014I said, \u201cThis guy\u2019s a really nice guy,\u201d and then I said, \u201cThis person is a really kind person,\u201d\u2014you\u2019d understand the difference. We like nice people\u2014better to have nice people than mean people\u2014but you\u2019d really rather have somebody who\u2019s kind than just somebody who\u2019s nice. When we talk about actions toward one another, we\u2019re not just talking about politeness or proper etiquette; we\u2019re talking about actions that actively seek to bless another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s a good question for all of us: \u201cWould your spouse describe you to others as somebody who\u2019s kind?\u201d If they were in casual conversation and they said, \u201cTell me about your husband,\u201d or \u201c\u2026about your wife,\u201d\u2014would your spouse say, \u201cOh, she is so kind; I\u2019ve never known anybody who was a kinder person\u201d? Wouldn\u2019t you like to be thought of as somebody who\u2019s a kind person? That\u2019s going to require intentionality; it requires a decision to want to proactively seek to bless another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMary Ann and I were attending a marriage conference as attendees a number of years ago. The speaker, who was speaking, shared a story about how his wife had told him that she really loves it when he fills up her car with gas. He just makes sure that there\u2019s always gas in her tank. I remember looking over at Mary Ann and saying, \u201cWould you like me to do that?\u201d and she was\/she smiled; she nodded. Since that time, I\u2019ve made it a quest\/it\u2019s my goal to make sure that my wife rarely has to fill up her own gas tank; I keep her car well supplied. She sees that as a demonstration of my proactive love for her; it\u2019s an act of service; it\u2019s kindness being manifested toward her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe does that for me in dozens of ways; every time I open a drawer, and there are clean undershirts in my drawer, those didn\u2019t just magically appear there; it\u2019s because my wife chose to be kind to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we serve one another in little ways in our marriage, those little ways are little deposits of proactive kindness toward one another. It\u2019s easy to take those things for granted. It\u2019s easy for us to overlook those, or expect those, or say, \u201cWell, yes; that\u2019s what you <em>should<\/em> do.\u201d We need to pull back and say, when we\u2019re doing that for one another, it\u2019s coming out of a heart that says, \u201cI really care about you thriving, and I\u2019m here to support that\/I\u2019m here to help make that happen. I\u2019m here to do my part to be kind toward you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of these things may seem like small things\u2014little tiny deposits of kindness\u2014but researchers have found, over the years, that the presence of kindness\/acts of kindness in a marriage, is one of the best long-term predictors of marital success. Couples, who are thriving and who experience high levels of marital satisfaction, are couples who experience these kinds of acts of kindness happening in their marriage regularly. Again, it has to start with intentionality in our heart. We have to be purposeful in <em>wanting<\/em> to bless our spouse, and then it shows up in our words and how we speak to one another; ultimately, in the acts of kindness we do to serve one another in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove is kind; are <em>you<\/em> kind?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong> One night, when we were having one of these big fights, we were just having one of these days, where I really thought, \u201cWe\u2019ve made a mistake; we shouldn\u2019t have gotten married.\u201d Our families weren\u2019t getting along; kids weren\u2019t happy. He didn\u2019t seem to be happy with me, and I felt completely like a failure. I felt like: \u201cWe\u2019ve messed up, and there\u2019s no way we can fix it,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019re just going to have to live in sorrow, and sadness, and pity forever.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was talking to Robbie, and I was being honest with him. I said, \u201cI\u2019m just struggling\/I\u2019m just really struggling; and I\u2019m not sure if we did the right thing or not.\u201d He looked at me and\u2014do you remember what you said to me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie:<\/strong> \u201cYou are God\u2019s perfect gift to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong> [Emotion in voice] Yes; that\u2019s what he said. When he could have chosen to be vindictive, and reminded me of all the things I\u2019ve done wrong, or how I could have made it better, he chose to be kind instead. That was a really powerful moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Kindness makes a difference in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, you got me crying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me, too; that was really powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was\/that was beautiful. I did have this thought: \u201cIt\u2019s so easy to want kindness from your spouse.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing some people watch that and say, \u201cMy husband would never say that.\u201d It\u2019s\/you\u2019ve got to look in the mirror and say\u2014it\u2019s the way you ended the session, Bob\u2014\u201cAre you kind?\u201d That\u2019s only possible through the <em>power<\/em> of the Holy Spirit of God in us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; because of our sin bent, our first response, naturally, is, \u201cYou\u2019re not doing that for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And yet, with the Holy Spirit power of God living within us, we can think, \u201cNo; I can do that for my spouse, regardless of what happens in return.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a big part of this series\u2014the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series\u2014is to say: \u201cEach of these attributes of love is not something we conjure up; it is a Holy Spirit-generated fruit of the Spirit. Patience comes when the Holy Spirit brings that out of you. Kindness comes\u201d\u2014again, patience and kindness are two of the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5. Here in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul says, \u201cThis is what love looks like: love is patient; love is kind\u2026\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur hope is that couples will get together with other couples and spend time talking about these qualities of love so that we can all do a better job of living this out in our marriage relationship. The new <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series is now available for pre-order. Find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information about the new <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series from FamilyLife. Again, check out some of the other video series we have, here, at FamilyLife\u2014like the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife, we\u2019re committed to doing all we can do to provide you with practical biblical resources, video series, articles, podcasts, this daily program\u2014all that we do is designed to help equip you to have a stronger, more durable marriage and a stronger family. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families, who change the world, one home at a time. I want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to our Legacy Partners. You guys really\u2014the Legacy Partners are the glue\u2014they have made it possible for all of us to benefit from what we\u2019ve heard today, so thank you so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of you, who contribute from time to time, \u201cThank you,\u201d as well. Your donations are having an impact in the lives of hundreds of thousands of marriages and families every day. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> investment, and we\u2019re thankful for your partnership with us, here in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a regular listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation\u2014or if it\u2019s been a while\u2014this would be a great time for you to say: \u201cWe want to stand with you. We believe in what you\u2019re doing, and we want to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how important honesty and truthfulness is in a marriage. The Bible says: \u201cLove rejoices in the truth,\u201d and we\u2019ll examine what that means tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:58"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.77M"],"filesize_raw":["24925848"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306551.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306551.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Lepine talks about 1 Corinthians 13, focusing on the virtue of kindness. Bob says practicing kindness in a marriage is the single greatest predictor of marital happiness and stability.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-11-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, November 16<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Kindness is an essential ingredient for a strong, healthy marriage. We\u2019ll talk more about the importance of kindness today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. We are on a bit of a mission\u2014we\u2019ve said this before, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014our goal is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families can change the world\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014one home at a time, so everything we do\u2014from this radio program to the resources we create\u2014all that we do has that in mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI recently wrote a book called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> that is for married couples, that takes 1 Corinthians 13 and says, \u201cHow would this\/how would this flesh out in a marriage relationship?\u201d I think a lot of couples today are thinking culturally about love instead of thinking biblically about love, so that\u2019s the goal\u2014to try to get us all thinking more biblically. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, Bob, if we\u2019re not careful, we will just automatically drift toward the culture.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We <em>will<\/em> drift toward the culture. I love that you wrote this book; I love that we\u2019re producing more and more content to help couples not drift toward the culture\u2019s view of love and marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m shocked that no one\u2019s ever written a book on the love chapter\/on \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13. Were you the very first one?\u2014because it is <em>the best<\/em>. I think people, that don\u2019t even read the Bible, when they hear it go, \u201cNow, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> a definition\/description of love that\u2019s real and true,\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2019ve ever read that anywhere,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and there it is\u2014it\u2019s God\u2019s Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t find anything about marriage that was looking at 1 Corinthians 13. There are people, who have taken that passage and have written about love in general; but I thought, \u201cLet\u2019s talk about marriage and how that gets lived out in a marriage relationship.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We read that Scripture all the time at weddings.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But it\u2019s one thing to read it at the wedding and another thing to apply it in your marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have to keep in mind that, when the Apostle Paul wrote the definition of love in 1 Corinthians 13, he was\/he was actually scolding the church for <em>not<\/em> being a loving church. The Corinthian church was puffed up and proud; and it was all about \u201cour gifts\u201d and \u201cLook at how good we are.\u201d He says none of that matters unless you have love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; he didn\u2019t write it down and say, \u201cHey, look what I wrote. They\u2019re going to read this at weddings!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong>\u2014or \u201c\u2026use this at Valentine\u2019s Day\u201d; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it was a rebuke; and it said: \u201cYou want to know what God\u2019s love is? This is what it looks like..\u201d That\u2019s not how most people love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We want our listeners to hear just a portion of the video series. We talk, in this section, about one of the aspects of love from 1 Corinthians 13. Paul says love is kind. What does kindness look like in a marriage relationship?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Excerpt]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you know what attribute of God is most often mentioned in the Old Testament? You might think that it\u2019s God\u2019s justice or His holiness that is the most often referred to attribute of God of the Old Testament; but more than 250 times, the word that is used to describe God, throughout the Old Testament, is the Hebrew word\u2014and I\u2019m not great on Hebrew\u2014but it\u2019s <em>hesed<\/em>. It\u2019s a word that is translated \u201cloving kindness.\u201d In fact, singer, songwriter and Bible teacher, Michael Card, says this\u2014he says, \u201cThe great surprise of the Hebrew Bible is not that God is awesome or holy,\u201d\u2014in fact, he goes on to say, \u201cOther religions\/their gods are awesome and holy; these are characteristics we would expect from God. The great surprise of the Hebrew Bible is that God is kind\/that He is a God of <em>hesed<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn 1 Corinthians 13, one of the characteristics of love that is described for us\u2014when we want to understand what real love looks like\u2014one of the words that is used is the word, \u201ckindness\u201d\u2014\u201cLove is kind.\u201d To be a loving person is to be a kind person. In other words, these two things fit together. You can\u2019t be loving and unkind simultaneously. We\u2019d never think of an unkind person as a loving person; these are inextricably linked with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne writer says: \u201cKindness is a readiness to do good, to help, to relieve burdens, to be useful, to serve, to be tender, to be sympathetic toward others.\u201d Someone else has said: \u201cKindness is love in work boots. A kind person is someone who seeks to actively, aggressively, lavishly bless another person.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah:<\/strong> This is what we call our cheesecake story. Imagine it\u2019s really late at night. I am <em>huge<\/em> pregnant with our very first child, and we were working really late. I was sitting in a metal folding chair, with my feet all swollen, very exhausted, nauseous. I became consumed with the thought of strawberry cheesecake; so much so that I started crying, and I couldn\u2019t stop.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah\u2019s husband:<\/strong> I feel like, in that moment, I had to be the man and help solve this situation for Rebekah. She knows, when she pulls the plug on the tears, it moves my heart. That just kicked things in motion that everything needed to stop, and she needed cheesecake. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah:<\/strong> He called everything quits. That\u2019s where he put on his love and work clothes. He got me in the car, and we started driving; it was after 10:00 at night. We went to Fazzoli\u2019s, because we knew they had strawberry cheesecake\u2014went up to the door; it wasn\u2019t open. Then went to another restaurant\u2014went up to the door; it wasn\u2019t open. So he drove over to Kroger; we went to the bakery and found the strawberry cheesecake. It was like the holy grail\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah\u2019s husband:<\/strong> Aaah!\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah:<\/strong>\u2014right there. We were so excited\u2014I mean, <em>I<\/em> was.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah\u2019s husband:<\/strong> It took about 45 minutes to find that one piece of cheesecake.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rebekah:<\/strong> Yes; what was better for me was seeing that he was willing to stop everything, and get in the car, and go from place to place to place for such a long period of time, just to make sure that that little desire that I had was something that he could meet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Does that describe <em>you<\/em> in your relationship with your spouse? Are you somebody who seeks to actively, aggressively, lavishly bless your spouse? That\u2019s what kindness is. I really think there are three elements to kindness. It has to <em>begin<\/em> with a right attitude toward our spouse; and then kindness is going to manifest itself, secondly, in how we speak to one another\u2014coming out of our right attitudes, our speech will emerge\u2014and then, third, it\u2019s our actions toward one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s break that down: our attitude, our speech, and our actions and what kindness should look like in a marriage. Our attitude first. When kindness dominates a marriage relationship, a spouse is always thinking, \u201cMy goal is your good. I want to\u2014as a goal of my life\u2014to see you thrive and prosper,\u201d and \u201cI want you to be the person God created you to be. I want to see you flourishing in this life\u2014that\u2019s my goal.\u201d That\u2019s how kindness manifests itself\u2014that\u2019s our attitude. It starts with this idea: \u201cEven if it costs me something, I want this so much I\u2019m ready to pay the price. I\u2019m ready to do what this costs me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you start with that attitude, then the next thing is: \u201cDo your words reflect that that\u2019s what\u2019s in your heart? Are the words you\u2019re speaking to one another words of kindness?\u201d \/ \u201cEven if it costs me, that\u2019s okay; because I\u2019m committed to your good.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about God\u2019s kindness toward us: God\u2019s kindness is manifest in the fact that He is committed to our thriving, even if it costs Him\u2014and it did\u2014it cost Him His Son for us to be reconciled to Him and for us to be the people that He wants us to be. That\u2019s an evidence of God\u2019s good kindness toward us\u2014that\u2019s the attitude of our heart\u2014that\u2019s where it\u2019s got to begin. And it\u2019s out of the abundance of the heart that your mouth speaks. It\u2019s got to start in the heart, but then it should show up in the words we\u2019re using with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 1:<\/strong> Just the way that he pushes me and supports me in whatever area. The things that I can\u2019t see in myself\u2014it\u2019s almost like God has given him the ability to see it in me, so he pulls that out of me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 2:<\/strong> She told me the other day she was my number-one fan. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 2:<\/strong> Yes; I am.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 3:<\/strong> I have been trying to make healthier decisions. For my husband to kind of look at me and go, \u201cI\u2019m proud of you for just being\u2014for to press through this and being disciplined in this area,\u201d\u2014like, \u201cI\u2019m proud of you,\u201d\u2014that was big.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 3:<\/strong> Yes; because I was eating ribs\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 3:<\/strong> \u2014and I wasn\u2019t. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ronnie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know. [Laughter] She\u2019s a very encouraging person, but I can\u2019t think anything\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong> He\u2019s not a words person; words is <em>not<\/em> his love language.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 4:<\/strong> No; I\u2019m not a word person. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> Great sex for me\u2014that\u2019s very encouraging\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Oh my gosh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> \u2014really good sex. That\u2019s how I get really encouraged. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Is that really what you wanted to say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> It\u2019s\u2014I\u2019m honestly encouraged; I am <em>thoroughly<\/em> encouraged.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5: <\/strong>They\u2019re not going to use that one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> They will.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 6:<\/strong> He does a lot of little things like breakfast in bed on weekends. When I\u2019m going to the office, he literally walks me to the door; and he stands at the door until I\u2019m pulled away in the car and he blows me kisses. He\u2019ll call me throughout the dayor text me to let me know he\u2019s thinking about me. I would say that he makes me feel cherished and loved\u2014deeply loved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Say something that they can use.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> It\u2019s honest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Say something they can use.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 5:<\/strong> \u201cGreat sex.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 5:<\/strong> Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife 7: <\/strong>I feel like he points me back to: \u201cYour purposes is in who you are in Christ and what are you doing for Him.\u201d He reminds me of that; because like every couple months, I forget that. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband 8:<\/strong> She\u2019s allowed me to be the head, even when I wasn\u2019t deserving; you know? That means a lot. Even\/even when I may have not made the best decision, but she still honored me as the husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to a portion of the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series, which is just now available from us, here, at FamilyLife\u2014ten sessions for couples to go through on what real love looks like in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo hear those couples describe the things we do for one another that make us feel cherished\u2014they\u2019re acts of kindness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad you included a lot of different couples. I mean, I listen to some of those, thinking, \u201cOh! I wish Dave would do that.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I <em>knew<\/em> that\u2019s what she was thinking! [Laughter] I was sitting there, like, \u201cJust stop it! Stop it right now,\u201d\u2014no. [Laughter] At the same time, I\u2019m listening to the same thing, thinking, \u201cI need to step up.\u201d It\u2019s inspiring to see couples like us\u2014and funny ones too\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that one guy was pretty funny\u2014but it inspires you to say, \u201cOkay; it\u2019s one thing to say love is kind; it\u2019s another thing to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s what we\u2019re called to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the thing\u2014we don\u2019t recognize how powerful small acts of kindness, throughout the day\u2014in a marriage, these are the bonding agents for a marriage relationship. When that\u2019s absent, we feel it; when it\u2019s present, it just pulls us together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s so true. I think many times we think it\u2019s that extravagant act of love; but really is the little things of saying: \u201cThank you,\u201d or \u201cI notice this\u2026\u201d or just something small\u2014of walking your spouse to the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. As we\u2019ve said in the series, it has to start with a heart that is really inclined toward kindness. We\u2019re not just looking for a change in behavior; you want this to be a predisposition of your heart, where you\/you <em>want<\/em> to be kind toward another person for Christ\u2019s sake. But it can\u2019t just stop with wanting to be kind, it has to show up; that\u2019s what we\u2019re going to hear as we listen to another segment from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> Excerpt]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When it comes to kindness, it\u2019s not just the thought that counts; I mean, we say that all the time; right?\u2014\u201cWell, it\u2019s the thought that counts.\u201d Kind thoughts are fine; but if they don\u2019t manifest themselves in kind words and kind actions, then what good are your kind thoughts? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Book of Proverbs says this\u2014it says: \u201cLife and death are in the power of the tongue.\u201d I mean, think about that. The words we speak to one another, whether they are kind or unkind, are words that either give life to another person\u2014causing that person to thrive, and to blossom, and to flourish\u2014or they\u2019re words that can sap the life <em>out<\/em> of another person, causing them to shrink back and to decay. Your words of kindness are words that will either give life to your spouse or speak death to your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it\u2019s got to start from the heart; you can\u2019t just dress up an unkind heart with flattering words; no. But if your heart is predisposed toward kindness, then we should be seeing in you a manifestation of kindness in how you speak to one another. Saying unkind things to one another in a marriage will <em>never<\/em> cause your love for one another to grow; it won\u2019t cause your marriage to thrive. We have to guard our hearts and our tongues\u2014and seek to speak words that are positive, and encouraging, and uplifting\u2014words of kindness\/words that bring life to another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKindness begins as an attitude and then it shows up in kind words; and then ultimately, it\u2019s going to manifest itself in kind actions, where we\u2019re seeking to do things that\u2014that benefit another person\/that cause them to thrive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there\u2019s a difference between somebody who\u2019s nice and somebody who\u2019s kind; right? If I introduced you to two people\u2014I said, \u201cThis guy\u2019s a really nice guy,\u201d and then I said, \u201cThis person is a really kind person,\u201d\u2014you\u2019d understand the difference. We like nice people\u2014better to have nice people than mean people\u2014but you\u2019d really rather have somebody who\u2019s kind than just somebody who\u2019s nice. When we talk about actions toward one another, we\u2019re not just talking about politeness or proper etiquette; we\u2019re talking about actions that actively seek to bless another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s a good question for all of us: \u201cWould your spouse describe you to others as somebody who\u2019s kind?\u201d If they were in casual conversation and they said, \u201cTell me about your husband,\u201d or \u201c\u2026about your wife,\u201d\u2014would your spouse say, \u201cOh, she is so kind; I\u2019ve never known anybody who was a kinder person\u201d? Wouldn\u2019t you like to be thought of as somebody who\u2019s a kind person? That\u2019s going to require intentionality; it requires a decision to want to proactively seek to bless another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMary Ann and I were attending a marriage conference as attendees a number of years ago. The speaker, who was speaking, shared a story about how his wife had told him that she really loves it when he fills up her car with gas. He just makes sure that there\u2019s always gas in her tank. I remember looking over at Mary Ann and saying, \u201cWould you like me to do that?\u201d and she was\/she smiled; she nodded. Since that time, I\u2019ve made it a quest\/it\u2019s my goal to make sure that my wife rarely has to fill up her own gas tank; I keep her car well supplied. She sees that as a demonstration of my proactive love for her; it\u2019s an act of service; it\u2019s kindness being manifested toward her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe does that for me in dozens of ways; every time I open a drawer, and there are clean undershirts in my drawer, those didn\u2019t just magically appear there; it\u2019s because my wife chose to be kind to me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs we serve one another in little ways in our marriage, those little ways are little deposits of proactive kindness toward one another. It\u2019s easy to take those things for granted. It\u2019s easy for us to overlook those, or expect those, or say, \u201cWell, yes; that\u2019s what you <em>should<\/em> do.\u201d We need to pull back and say, when we\u2019re doing that for one another, it\u2019s coming out of a heart that says, \u201cI really care about you thriving, and I\u2019m here to support that\/I\u2019m here to help make that happen. I\u2019m here to do my part to be kind toward you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of these things may seem like small things\u2014little tiny deposits of kindness\u2014but researchers have found, over the years, that the presence of kindness\/acts of kindness in a marriage, is one of the best long-term predictors of marital success. Couples, who are thriving and who experience high levels of marital satisfaction, are couples who experience these kinds of acts of kindness happening in their marriage regularly. Again, it has to start with intentionality in our heart. We have to be purposeful in <em>wanting<\/em> to bless our spouse, and then it shows up in our words and how we speak to one another; ultimately, in the acts of kindness we do to serve one another in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove is kind; are <em>you<\/em> kind?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong> One night, when we were having one of these big fights, we were just having one of these days, where I really thought, \u201cWe\u2019ve made a mistake; we shouldn\u2019t have gotten married.\u201d Our families weren\u2019t getting along; kids weren\u2019t happy. He didn\u2019t seem to be happy with me, and I felt completely like a failure. I felt like: \u201cWe\u2019ve messed up, and there\u2019s no way we can fix it,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019re just going to have to live in sorrow, and sadness, and pity forever.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was talking to Robbie, and I was being honest with him. I said, \u201cI\u2019m just struggling\/I\u2019m just really struggling; and I\u2019m not sure if we did the right thing or not.\u201d He looked at me and\u2014do you remember what you said to me?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Robbie:<\/strong> \u201cYou are God\u2019s perfect gift to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Sabrina:<\/strong> [Emotion in voice] Yes; that\u2019s what he said. When he could have chosen to be vindictive, and reminded me of all the things I\u2019ve done wrong, or how I could have made it better, he chose to be kind instead. That was a really powerful moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Kindness makes a difference in a marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, you got me crying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me, too; that was really powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was\/that was beautiful. I did have this thought: \u201cIt\u2019s so easy to want kindness from your spouse.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing some people watch that and say, \u201cMy husband would never say that.\u201d It\u2019s\/you\u2019ve got to look in the mirror and say\u2014it\u2019s the way you ended the session, Bob\u2014\u201cAre you kind?\u201d That\u2019s only possible through the <em>power<\/em> of the Holy Spirit of God in us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; because of our sin bent, our first response, naturally, is, \u201cYou\u2019re not doing that for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And yet, with the Holy Spirit power of God living within us, we can think, \u201cNo; I can do that for my spouse, regardless of what happens in return.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a big part of this series\u2014the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series\u2014is to say: \u201cEach of these attributes of love is not something we conjure up; it is a Holy Spirit-generated fruit of the Spirit. Patience comes when the Holy Spirit brings that out of you. Kindness comes\u201d\u2014again, patience and kindness are two of the fruit of the Spirit found in Galatians 5. Here in 1 Corinthians 13, Paul says, \u201cThis is what love looks like: love is patient; love is kind\u2026\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur hope is that couples will get together with other couples and spend time talking about these qualities of love so that we can all do a better job of living this out in our marriage relationship. The new <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series is now available for pre-order. Find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY for more information about the new <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> video series from FamilyLife. Again, check out some of the other video series we have, here, at FamilyLife\u2014like the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or Dave and Ann Wilson\u2019s <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife, we\u2019re committed to doing all we can do to provide you with practical biblical resources, video series, articles, podcasts, this daily program\u2014all that we do is designed to help equip you to have a stronger, more durable marriage and a stronger family. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families, who change the world, one home at a time. I want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to our Legacy Partners. You guys really\u2014the Legacy Partners are the glue\u2014they have made it possible for all of us to benefit from what we\u2019ve heard today, so thank you so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose of you, who contribute from time to time, \u201cThank you,\u201d as well. Your donations are having an impact in the lives of hundreds of thousands of marriages and families every day. It\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> investment, and we\u2019re thankful for your partnership with us, here in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a regular listener and you\u2019ve never made a donation\u2014or if it\u2019s been a while\u2014this would be a great time for you to say: \u201cWe want to stand with you. We believe in what you\u2019re doing, and we want to help support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\u201d You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to donate: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about how important honesty and truthfulness is in a marriage. The Bible says: \u201cLove rejoices in the truth,\u201d and we\u2019ll examine what that means tomorrow. I hope you can be with us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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