{"id":306513,"date":"2020-10-31T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-10-31T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/life-with-a-baby-with-special-needs\/"},"modified":"2020-10-31T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-10-31T11:00:05","slug":"life-with-a-baby-with-special-needs","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/life-with-a-baby-with-special-needs\/","title":{"rendered":"Life with a Baby with Special Needs"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Tracy Lane talks about anticipating the birth of her third child, a boy named Davis, that doctors identified as having Spina Bifida. Tracy talks about her journey towards surrender with God.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2020-10-31.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883244","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822,2090],"tags":[4177],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3259],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-306513","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","category-special-needs-child","tag-special-needs","cwp_profile-tracy-lane","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306513\/life-with-a-baby-with-special-needs","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306513\/life-with-a-baby-with-special-needs","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"I8jAEfScFs\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/life-with-a-baby-with-special-needs\/\">Life with a Baby with Special Needs<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/life-with-a-baby-with-special-needs\/embed\/#?secret=I8jAEfScFs\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Life with a Baby with Special Needs&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"I8jAEfScFs\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Tracy Lane talks about anticipating the birth of her third child, a boy named Davis, that doctors identified as having Spina Bifida. Tracy talks about her journey towards surrender with God.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2020-10-31.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you ever received a sweet Christian platitude when you faced a hard time? Did it help? Tracy Lane, a Christian and a mom of two special needs children, has had to deal with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> So God doesn\u2019t hate me\u2014and that\u2019s not based on circumstantial evidence\u2014because if that\u2019s what we base it on, we could all come to that conclusion: our lives are hard; we live in a fallen world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; would I have wanted Him to rescue me from being a mom of two special needs kids?\u2014I really would have. But more than that, He\u2019s chosen to rescue me from eternity without Him; that\u2019s much more important than the temporary time on this earth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tracy Lane and her husband Matt have been on a difficult journey. She\u2019s going to share that journey with us today on <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. \u201cEvery good and perfect gift\u201d\u2014you\u2019ve heard of that verse; right? It\u2019s found in James\/James 1:17\u2014\u201cEvery good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want you to ponder with me: \u201cWhat if every good and perfect gift is seen by the human eye as imperfect?\u201d It\u2019s like that Christmas gift\u2014you know, in 9<sup>th<\/sup> grade\u2014you remember you were hoping for the video game system or the motorcycle, and all you got was that scientific calculator. Your parents knew that that\u2019s what you <em>needed<\/em> and now, 20 years later, you see it is what you needed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, my friend, Tracy Lane, knows about those good and perfect gifts\u2014gifts that she really didn\u2019t want\u2014but gifts that God knew that she needed to form her heart more like His. You may have heard some of her story on this program before. Tracy\u2019s daughter, Annie, was born with half of a heart. Now, you would think that that\u2019s a really hard thing to work through and that God would say, \u201cOkay; with this next child, I\u2019m going to give you an <em>easy<\/em> child.\u201d But that\u2019s <em>not<\/em> what has happened. Earlier this month, Davis was born to Tracy and Matt\u2014their first son; their third child. He has Spina bifida and had to have surgery just three hours after he was born. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI sat down with Tracy two weeks before he was born; and I asked her how difficult that was to sit in the doctor\u2019s office and receive, yet again, some hard news about the baby she was carrying. Here\u2019s Tracy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0Since it was during the pandemic, Matt couldn\u2019t go with me; so I was there by myself. We were looking at his heart; because that\u2019s the whole reason we had a screening like that, out of precaution because of Annie\u2019s history. I was able to FaceTime<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Matt in. I only FaceTimed him in during the heart part. [Laughter] When we saw that was healthy, then I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay; see you at home soon!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve been in those rooms enough to know like some other parts were taking too long: \u201cI don\u2019t understand what they mean,\u201d\u2014well, I didn\u2019t then; I do now\u2014then I had to talk to the doctor on the phone; because he was at home, protecting himself from the pandemic, or however you want to say it. He was like very sober, so his delivery of it was interesting for me; he said, \u201cI don\u2019t even know how to tell this to a mother like you,\u201d which sets you up: \u201cIt\u2019s going to be terrible.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy: <\/strong>And you think of doctors as like having their bedside manner, but this was like a moment\u2014again, told me how significant it is\u2014because it was like he lost all of his professional demeanor\/delivery; because he\u2019s just a person too. To deliver this kind of news to a family like ours, and to receive this kind of news <em>alone<\/em> over the phone, in this really awkward time during a pandemic anyway, it was just like, \u201cWow!\u201d\u2014I mean, for him to say\/he said, \u201cI know you came looking for information about your son\u2019s heart, but your son actually has Spina bifida.\u201d Like how do you even respond to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>How <em>did<\/em> you respond?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, I didn\u2019t say much; I knew what that diagnosis was. It was just\/I think for me\u2014so like with Annie, when I got her diagnosis, I went pretty quickly into fighting mode\u2014like advocating and strategy. With Davis, when I got his diagnosis, I went immediately into shut down. I kind of felt like, \u201cThere\u2019s no way this could happen again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that was the hardest part. I\u2019ve said multiple times: \u201cIt would have been easier if it was something with his heart, because maybe we would have anticipated that.\u201d \u201cThis almost feels like\u2014I said it that day; I was texting a few friends\u2014\u201cGod must hate us. There\u2019s no way, because He could have changed it; this happened before we even <em>knew..<\/em>\u201d\u2014when you look at how the body forms, before we even knew we were carrying him, this had already happened\u2014and it\u2019s just like, \u201cThere\u2019s no way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur choice to even have a third child was this <em>enormous<\/em> journey of surrender for me. God just really worked in my heart and my choice to say, \u201cLet\u2019s try again for a kid,\u201d was like total obedience, not really desire. I told my friends: \u201cThis is such an act of surrender.\u201d To surrender that\u2014and then, that\u2019s what God gives you\u2014that was a very difficult process for me to walk through.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Because when you told your daughters back in March that you were having a little boy, I\u2019m sure that, in your mind, you\u2019re thinking \u201cOh, this is going to be <em>great<\/em>! He\u2019s going to grow up, and he\u2019s going to play ball with my husband,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>\u2014and then, all of a sudden, you\u2019re dealt with this hard news. You\u2019re having to rethink everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes; part of why I surrendered is because\u2014yes, the conviction of the Holy Spirit; and I wanted to follow in obedience\u2014then part of me, in the flesh, was like, \u201cThis would be so redemptive to end our childbearing with a healthy child, so let\u2019s go for that. It\u2019s going to be <em>so<\/em> redemptive when this is all done.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not been redemptive in that way\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0Right, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0\u2014because that\u2019s a lot to process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Not the feeling of: \u201cYes, God fixes the broken pieces.\u201d It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> feeling like that at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0No, no; He just has given us more broken pieces to redeem. He\u2019s doing that, which\u2014even with Matt\u2019s response this time\u2014that\u2019s very redemptive in our marriage with Matt being the one to adamantly stand for choosing life for Davis and be the primary one researching this time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have felt\u2014and we\u2019ve talked a lot about this; we\u2019ve done a lot of counseling about this\u2014where I kind of carried the weight of Annie\u2019s medical journey. That\u2019s difficult to do alone when I felt that we both should. That\u2019s something that we\u2019ve had to really work to allocate the responsibilities so that it feels more of a shared burden. Then, this time, it was like Matt\u2019s <em>immediate<\/em> response was: he\u2019s going to be in this with me; we\u2019re doing this together. That is redemptive in our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know I can trust Matt\u2019s leadership\u2014he\u2019s a great dad; he\u2019s a loving husband\u2014but to see him take that burden from me and be the one to proclaim it there, I mean, that changed even more my view of who I\u2019d chosen as a life partner and what he <em>was<\/em> willing to do for us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0What are the doctors saying about Davis right now? Where are you on this journey?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0In 13 days we have a C-section scheduled, which will be new for me; I have never had a C-section. That\u2019s something we\u2019re doing for him; that they think he needs to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn one way, it\u2019s more of me surrendering and sacrificing for a situation I don\u2019t really want and wouldn\u2019t have asked for. I feel like that\u2019s been this journey\u2014like: \u201cHey, who wants to gain 20 pounds?\u201d\u2014like, \u201cI don\u2019t.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cWho wants to gain 20 pounds for a baby?\u201d\u2014like, \u201cOkay!\u201d \u201cWho wants to gain 20 pounds for an unhealthy baby?\u201d\u2014\u201cOhhh,\u201d\u2014like, \u201cWaa; waa.\u201d I feel like that has been a lot of this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s so interesting, too\u2014because like I told you\u2014how the girls responded and how they have just been like loving him and excited about him, they have really taken the lead. I\u2019ve been doing counseling every week, just to process all of this with my counselor. There was a lot of guilt in the beginning; because I didn\u2019t feel like I wanted Davis, even though I was committed to\u2014I was making the choices that a mother would make to fight for him, and go to these long tests, and consider a fetal surgery for him\u2014all of these things that would impact me, significantly, as the mom carrying him; but they were still choices. They weren\u2019t\/I wasn\u2019t excited about it; I wasn\u2019t <em>feeling<\/em> those things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhile my counselor gave me some good advice\u2014because that\u2019s\/maybe we have too high of expectations of ourselves sometimes\u2014in motherhood, I know I do. He said, \u201cThat\u2019s not necessary; you\u2019re making the choices. But you actually have two little girls, who are feeling <em>very<\/em> excited. You have a husband, who is <em>very<\/em> excited.\u201d Matt\u2019s desire for our son never wavered, based on this diagnosis\/based on worries about the future\u2014that never changed\u2014and neither did Audrey and Annie\u2019s. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have three people in this house, who I can just follow their lead. I don\u2019t have to be the one carrying all this, which has been a shift too. With Annie, it was <em>me<\/em>; and they were kind of following my lead. This time, I\u2019ve been able to follow <em>theirs<\/em>, which has been very refreshing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis diagnosis is the same: Spina Bifida. His prognosis is pretty promising, based on the location of his spinal defect and the surgery that they are going to do within the first \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t24 hours he\u2019s born, and the place where he\u2019s getting care. We already live in the place, where we would have needed to come, which is just another piece of God\u2019s provision. The surgeon and the care team, every time we go to an appointment, they\u2019re very encouraged by what they continue to find. I hope that that is the case once he\u2019s born. They always remind us there are limitations of fetal screenings; <em>still<\/em>, they\u2019re really encouraged. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first day, when the doctor told us to consider terminating him; he told us that he probably would never walk. That\u2019s not really what his doctors are saying now, based on all the information they have. They anticipate that he will walk, and that he\u2019ll be able to live what they say is a pretty normal lifestyle; there will be limitations. But they\u2019re just very encouraged about the conversations that we\u2019re able to have and the plans for when he is born. We\u2019re just prayerful that does actually all enfold the way that they anticipate. We\u2019ll find out very soon.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0That\u2019s Tracy Lane talking about baby Davis. Again, I spoke with Tracy just two weeks before Davis was born. I\u2019m happy to report that Davis has been born; in fact, as I\u2019m sitting here right now, I\u2019m looking at a picture of Tracy and Davis. He is recovering nicely from his first surgery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to take a break; but when we come back, we\u2019re going to hear how Tracy is processing all of this, as a mom, and also as a child of God. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0Welcome back to\u00a0<em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. Today, we are talking with Tracy Lane about her third pregnancy with her second special needs child. Here\u2019s Part Two of my conversation with Tracy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>It sounds like this year\u20142019\u2014as you and Matt are discussing having another child, you\u2019re going, \u201cI have to sacrifice. I have to give this over to God and let <em>Him<\/em> rule my life.\u201d And then, 2020, you find out you\u2019re having a little boy. Your girls aren\u2019t happy at first, but then they come around. Then, all of a sudden, you find out that it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> normal. You\u2019re having to sacrifice; and once again, you\u2019re having to hand over your newborn baby to a surgeon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m sure you\u2019re just sitting there, going, \u201cGod I have sacrificed; I have <em>really<\/em> sacrificed.\u201d What are some of those feelings?\u2014because earlier in our conversation, you asked the question, \u201cDoes God hate me?\u201d\u2014so where are you <em>now<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0God doesn\u2019t hate me\u2014and that\u2019s not based on circumstantial evidence\u2014because if that\u2019s what we base it on, we could all come to that conclusion: our lives are hard; we live in a fallen world. God doesn\u2019t hate me, because of the gospel; He loved me enough to send His one and only Son to die for me. If I ever wonder if God does or doesn\u2019t care for me, I have the historical evidence to prove. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; would I have wanted Him to rescue me from being a mom of two special needs kids?\u2014I really would have; I mean, \u201cYes.\u201d But more than that, He\u2019s chosen to rescue me from eternity without Him. That\u2019s much more important than the temporary time on this earth. Still, practically speaking, I have to pretty much preach that to myself every day. If I get anywhere off of that focus, it can be a really dark hole really fast.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes; I\u2019m sure.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0Circumstances\u2014they can lead our feelings. Feelings are good, and they also aren\u2019t always to be trusted; just meditating on that truth has been really helpful for me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut also giving myself permission\u2014something I\u2019ve learned from my counselor\u2014giving myself permission to feel and admit the truth. Because he always says, \u201cIf I\u2019m only admitting the truth\u2014for example, \u2018Well, God loves me; He sent His son to die,\u2019\u2014that\u2019s absolutely true; but that does not negate the truth that this is a difficult situation\/that our journey is harder than lots of other family\u2019s journeys,\u201d\u2014so really being willing to say the truth on both sides. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause if I could say <em>both<\/em> truths, I can use one truth to inform the other. If I\u2019m always trying to push away: \u201cWell, it can\u2019t be that hard, because God\u2019s still with me,\u201d\u2014well, no; then I actually can\u2019t fully activate my faith. I can\u2019t even lean into Christ mercies and His manna for that day the way that He would want me to. I\u2019m trying to fix it myself and kind of muscle through it\u2014that\u2019s really <em>not<\/em> God\u2019s provision in our relationship with Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI can trust Him to provide; it will glorify God <em>more<\/em> if I admit how difficult it would be, how impossible it <em>feels<\/em>, how scary and unwanted it is. Well, then, I can actually rely on God for real peace, real comfort; dive into what the Holy Spirit has to offer, and live in His strength instead of just trying to kind of like [care-free voice]: \u201cOh, it\u2019s fine. We\u2019ve done this before. At least, I know where to park,\u201d\u2014which all true. [Laughter] I\u2019m glad I know where to park in the hospital now; but those things\u2014that\u2019s too trite. That\u2019s not going to make the most use of the story and the children that God has given us. We want to steward well the story, even if I would have written differently. To do that, I have to admit the <em>fullness<\/em> of the whole story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0Right; you mentioned that you have to preach to yourself every day the gospel that Christ died for you and forgave your sins. How do you\u2014I mean, encourage us: \u201cHow are we to preach that every day?\u201d\u2014because that\u2019s hard. Unless you have it tattooed on the back of your eyelids, that\u2019s a hard thing to do. \u201cHow have you, practically, been doing that?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0I think, for me, it\u2019s daily time in the Word. Because I can wake up all hours of the night, or spend lots of screen time on my phone every day, researching Spina bifida diagnosis, and pictures of this, and scar repair and\u2014\u201cWhy do I want to do that?\u201d\u2014it\u2019s informative; it helps me prepare\u2014but if I\u2019m spending more time doing <em>that<\/em> than in prayer, if I\u2019m spending more time doing <em>that<\/em> than reading the Word of God, if I\u2019m spending more time doing <em>that<\/em> than listening to worship music\u2014then that\u2019s where my mind is going to be stuck. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, it\u2019s just <em>very<\/em> practical\u2014it\u2019s very, very practical to really act on spiritual disciplines and make those such a normal part of my routine that that\u2019s where my rhythms fall back into\u2014instead of letting my fears and emotions drive me to kind of like to zone-out\/the shutdown rhythms that are <em>very<\/em> easy to fall into. It\u2019s the discipline of meditating in the ways that I can on Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0As you have been developing those disciplines, have you had to set time during the day? Have you had to say: \u201cOkay, 8:00 right now, the girls are at school; this is what I am doing\u201d? Is it something you\u2019ve had to schedule in your day to do that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0Yes, for sure. It\u2019s things I have to make tangible. For example, everyone knows that by the time you\u2019re uncomfortable in pregnancy, you can\u2019t sleep anymore at night, like you just cannot get comfortable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor a while in the night, when I can\u2019t get comfortable\u2014my phone is on the nightstand, charging\u2014so I just grab my phone, scroll through whatever. I realized that was affecting me a lot. Yes, I was tired; but it was where my <em>mind<\/em> was going in the middle of the night. It would be hard for me to fall back asleep, because then I would be anxious; then I was fearful. Then I read someone\u2019s blog way too long about something I don\u2019t need to read about, because that\u2019s their story; that\u2019s not our story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI made\u2014this is just one example of a conscious shift\u2014one way that I spend time in the Word is through a Psalter, reading one Psalm a day. I actually put the Psalter\u2014instead of downstairs on a coffee table, which is where I normally read it\u2014I put it up on my nightstand. In the night, instead of reaching for my phone, I can reach for that. Being able to read that in the night\u2014and still use my phone\u2019s light; I try not to wake up Matt\u2014but I\u2019m spending time putting my mind on the truth of who God is and on the reality of another believer, David, wrestling with the goodness of God. I can wrestle right along with him and have that truth speak to me instead of grabbing my phone\u2014mindless, anxiety, fearful\u2014that\u2019s not a road I want to go down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust making some practical shifts like that have really helped me. I just have to keep it right there, where that\u2019s what I\u2019m going to reach for instead of something else.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0Are you becoming excited for this new little guy\/for Davis entering into the world?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong>\u00a0I <em>am<\/em>; I\u2019m very excited. There was a shift for me at our 27-week appointment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople like envision their ultrasounds\u2014and you\u2019re going to see your baby\u2014and it\u2019s so exciting. But when something is wrong with your baby, the only thing your ultrasound look at is everything that\u2019s wrong. They\u2019re not looking at faces, and profiles, and \u201cLook at those little toes,\u201d\u2014no one\u2019s saying that anymore\u2014they\u2019re measuring their brain ventricles and their kidney function. You don\u2019t even know what you\u2019re looking at while they\u2019re looking at it with you, because it\u2019s just so technical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut on our 27-week ultrasound, it had been the whole technical everything. I had no clue what they were showing me on his body, but something about how long his femur was. I\u2019m like, \u201cGreat! What does he look like?\u201d [Laughter]\u00a0 The doctor that came in at the end, she\u2019s like, \u201cI want to get one more view.\u201d She flipped the view to the 3D view, and she looked at his face. It was like, \u201cOh, he\u2019s still a baby! He\u2019s not just Spina bifida; he\u2019s not just this <em>problem<\/em>. He\u2019s not just a new inconvenience; he\u2019s a <em>baby<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was the day I was like, \u201cOkay; I think I can do this! Yes, there will be challenges; and there will also be so many beautiful moments that we get to just have with another baby in our life.\u201d It changed for me, and I am excited. I think it will be even <em>better<\/em> once he\u2019s actually here on the outside, meeting him for real.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0Well, can I pray for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tracy:<\/strong><strong>\u00a0<\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong>\u00a0Let\u2019s do that right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOh Father, God, You are the Creator of all life; and we are fearfully and wonderfully made. We thank You for how You have created Davis. We thank You for how You have created Tracy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, just even though this was devastating news to Tracy and Matt, Father, that You have used even that news to heal their relationship in new and interesting ways and how You have used the last few months to just work in Tracy\u2019s life to see Your good and to see Your glory. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, we just pray for little Davis. We just pray for him; and that in those 24 hours after he is born, Father, just for that surgery and for the surgeon\u2019s hands. Father, we just pray that this little boy\u2014we know he\u2019s going to be well loved\u2014we just pray that he grows into a mighty man of You. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just also pray for Tracy; I pray You continue to uphold her\/continue to encourage her. Father, just as fears come and go, that You just continue to minister to her soul. It\u2019s in Your name we pray. Amen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>That was my conversation with Tracy Lane a couple of weeks before Davis was born. Again, I\u2019m happy to say that Davis is here with us. He had his first surgery, and he is doing well. The Lane family is ecstatic to welcome this new little boy. Before Davis was born, Tracy wrote an article. We have that article on our website. We\u2019ll also have an update on their daughter, Annie. Of course, Annie is a spunky little six-year-old, who is enjoying school this year. Go to our website for that information; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, next week, Barbara Rainey is going to join me in the studio. We\u2019re going to talk about how to make home the safe place to be; because right now, it\u2019s the place most of us are most of the time. I hope you can join us for that. I just love Barbara\u2014I love her encouraging words and how she, in one way, is so practical\u2014and yet, in another way, just keeps us pointing towards Christ. That\u2019s next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producer, Marcus Holt. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our <em>essential<\/em> production coordinator. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"about:blank\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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