{"id":306507,"date":"2020-10-29T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-10-29T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/are-our-kids-ok\/"},"modified":"2020-10-29T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-10-29T11:00:04","slug":"are-our-kids-ok","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-our-kids-ok\/","title":{"rendered":"Are Our Kids Ok?"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>David Murray explains most teens go through spells of quietness and withdrawal, but it won&#8217;t last long. If your teen is totally uncommunicative or alludes to suicide, seek professional help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-29.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:44","filesize":"25.4M","filesize_raw":"26630736","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2873,2855],"tags":[6961],"podcast_series":[8404],"cwp_profile":[9667],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306507","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","category-teens","tag-raising-a-teenager","podcast_series-why-is-my-teenager-feeling-like-this","cwp_profile-david-murray","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306507\/are-our-kids-ok","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306507\/are-our-kids-ok","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"jEzRNOgN2O\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-our-kids-ok\/\">Are Our Kids Ok?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/are-our-kids-ok\/embed\/#?secret=jEzRNOgN2O\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Are Our Kids Ok?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"jEzRNOgN2O\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-29.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-29.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When an adolescent or a young adult begins to experience significant issues with depression or with anxiety, pastor and biblical counselor, David Murray, says there is a long path ahead for that young person and for their family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I know nobody likes to hear this in America\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cquick fix; instant solutions,\u201d\u2014no, this is not going to be quick; this is not going to be instant, but it\u2019s going to be good. Every single person that I\u2019ve walked through depression\/anxiety with has come out the other end: more resilient, deeper in their faith, more sympathetic, more caring, more sensitive, and more useful in the kingdom of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ll map out for you today the path to follow if you find a son or a daughter wrestling with significant depression or anxiety. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think, for a lot of moms and dads, they are hearing what we\u2019re talking about this week and they are turning up the radio\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> They want to hear this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and saying, \u201cWe need help,\u201d because they\u2019ve <em>seen<\/em> things that have caused them to wonder\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and worry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cAre our kids okay?\u201d\u2014like the child who, after dinner, goes to her room and never comes out. If you go in and say, \u201cYou doing okay?\u201d she goes, \u201cYes, I\u2019m fine,\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s it\u2014it\u2019s like there is no connection. You feel\/you start to worry\/you get anxious yourself, as a parent, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on with my kids?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I think it\u2019s one of the hardest things when you see anxiety in your children. It\u2019s bad enough in yourself\u2014and it\u2019s bad\u2014but when you see it in somebody else and you can\u2019t really solve it\u2014boy, oh boy\u2014that\u2019s why this program is that important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, too, at one of our local high schools, the suicide\/the number of suicides in this one high school has escalated. All of the parents are talking about it; and deep down, every parent is a little worried about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; the issues of anxiety and depression are escalating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got David Murray joining us to help us sort this out, as parents, and to help us know what to do if our kids are experiencing this. David, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Thanks, Bob. It\u2019s good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> David is a pastor; he is an author. He, for years, has been a seminary professor at Puritan Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids. He and his wife have dealt personally with issues of anxiety and depression. David has just written a book called <em>Why Am I Feeling Like This?<\/em> for teenagers to help them with issues of anxiety and depression; and then a book for parents, <em>Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, we should separate anxiety and depression. They are not the same; they are different, but they are linked; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a tricky one; isn\u2019t it? It\u2019s about 50 percent of cases of anxiety also have depression\u2014so much so that a lot of physicians nowadays will just talk about depression\/anxiety as if it\u2019s one problem\u2014but it is important to separate them, because you can be anxious without being depressed and vice versa. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might, if you want to simplify it, say, \u201cAnxiety is like when you our revs are way too high, and you can\u2019t get them down; and depression is when your revs are way too low, and you can\u2019t get them up.\u201d It\u2019s strange that, in the one person, you can have both problems. It does tend to go in a cyclical way; often, anxiety comes <em>first<\/em>\u2014wears out the person\/exhausts them\u2014and eventually, they slump into a depression. Then that often comes with weird bodily symptoms as well that people experience, which makes them anxious. You get into this horrible, vicious circle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember our teens going through seasons, where they were kind of emotionally flat\u2014like I described\u2014they\u2019d go to their room; they\u2019d read; they just don\u2019t want a whole lot of social interaction. As a parent, you feel like, \u201cIs there something wrong? Are they depressed? Is there something I should be doing?\u201d How can we know, as parents, whether we\u2019ve got a real issue or whether this is just kind of normal adolescent behavior? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It\u2019s tricky because, as you said, normal teens go through times of quiet and withdrawal. I think every teen does to some degree. I think the thing is not to leave it too long\/not to just <em>assume<\/em> everything is fine. Teens don\u2019t want you jumping on them every time they go to their room for a day or two; but if that goes to three\/four\u2014especially a week and more\u2014then, I think we want to start trying to initiate a conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s often best not to knock on the door [knocking sound], \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with you? Come here!\u201d; but initiate: \u201cLet\u2019s go for a walk,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s go for a meal,\u201d and just have a casual, relaxed talk about everything; and then, hopefully, zero in and create a context in which we can begin to talk about these issues that kids do find it very hard to talk about. You\u2019re trying to create a time, a place, an atmosphere\u2014especially nonjudgmental\/non-condemning. If you can, even, talk honestly about your own challenges and struggles, as a teen; because often, teens look at their parents and think, \u201cMan, they\u2019ve got it all figured out. They\u2019re perfect; they never had this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>You\u2019re just trying to find ways of opening that conversation up. Actually, if you get that\u2014and in most cases you will if you go about it wisely\u2014you\u2019re like 50 percent of the way there; because it\u2019s the <em>hardest<\/em> thing to get that conversation going. But once you get it going, you really have\/you\u2019ve almost climbed the highest hill. There are still hills ahead, but this is the hardest one to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So coach me through\u2014if I see something in my son or daughter, and I\u2019m thinking, like Bob said, \u201cThey are going to their room\u2026\u201d\/\u2014whatever\u2014I don\u2019t start with: \u201cHey, I think you\u2019re depressed.\u201d [Laughter] Don\u2019t do that?\u2014[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s judgment? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I think you\u2019re wise enough to know that\u2019s not right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know; I\u2019m just throwing it out there. So what\u2019s a better approach? How do I get them talking? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I think to have that relationship, first of all, with your kids\u2014now is not the time to start a relationship; right?\u2014so, hopefully, you\u2019ve built that ability to connect over the years; you\u2019ve got some capital in the bank with them, as it were. I think that\u2019s the first thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I think just try and engage activities\u2014something relaxing\/get outside\u2014and just normalize a day out, or an afternoon out, or an evening out and just talk about life in general. Try and gradually come closer and closer to these fears you have. I think questions like\/just: \u201cI hear a lot about the challenges teens are having today. I want to help. If you\u2019re having any challenges yourself, just use me as a resource. I don\u2019t have all the answers, but I might have some that I can help you with. I might be able to point you to someone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not saying that: \u201cOh! Every teen is just going to drop their barriers first time out\u201d; but I think you do that\u2014as a habit\/you get into something regular like that\u2014then, eventually, you will break through. You\u2019ll begin to deepen these conversations. You\u2019re trying to create a culture\/long-term culture. To go back to habits\u2014I\u2019ve found Saturday morning breakfasts just a great place to connect with my sons, especially. They are very busy through the week, but taking them out for a good west Michigan breakfast and just\u2014it\u2019s just seems a very normal, natural thing to do. You just like get into stuff, and you begin to talk about really good man-to-man stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, especially\u2014think about it\u2014if there are things that you know your son or daughter generally likes to do, and you can say, \u201cHey, I was thinking maybe Saturday we could go fishing,\u201d because you know they love to go fishing. Even a child, who might be dealing with discouragement or depression, might go, \u201cWell, yes; I\u2019d kind of like to go do go-karts,\u201d\u2014or play golf or whatever it is that is their thing\u2014go out and do that, and just see if that dislodges some of this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think my question is: \u201cWhen do you start to get really concerned, as a parent, and go, \u2018This is more than just evening walks and good west Michigan breakfast\u2019?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, if you are getting anything that is not communication\u2014there is total withdrawal\/there is isolation from friends\u2014if you\u2019re beginning to pick up hints of\/they\u2019ll maybe drop lines out like: \u201cIt\u2019d be better if I wasn\u2019t here,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m just a burden to you,\u201d \u201cThis world is not worth living for,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI wish I had never been born.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes, things like that: \u201cI\u2019m of no value,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m worthless,\u201d \u201cNobody likes me.\u201d Now, one these things on their own is, maybe, not such a big deal; but you\u2019re beginning to hear a pattern, and you want to then take steps. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say, maybe, professional help at that point. As a parent, you\u2019re not really equipped; but you bring in, maybe a doctor\/maybe a pastor. If, though, it gets to the point where you believe your teen is on the verge of taking their life\u2014this is blue lights flashing; this is not something for amateurs\u2014you need to get them to the hospital, or you need to get the hospital to them. Don\u2019t risk hoping for the best. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do we go to the doctor first? Because I\u2019m talking to parents, who will go to the doctor; he\u2019ll say, \u201cYes; I see signs of depression. Here is a prescription for this.\u201d The parent goes, \u201cOkay; they\u2019ll take their pills, and it will all be better.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You know, ideally, you want a team. I\u2019ve always encouraged that with people. The parents are critical members of the team; a doctor; hopefully, your pastor is sensitive and sympathetic\u2014I think you\u2019d need to test that first, because some are <em>not<\/em>\u2014a good counselor: a Christian counselor\/a biblical counselor. Maybe, if it\u2019s especially complex, eventually, then you would go for some professional psychology\/psychiatric help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re trying to address this from a number of angles. You\u2019re recognizing limitations, and you\u2019re recognizing the need to bring in skills from different trained and experienced people. There is no silver bullet for this. If it causes such complex problems, we have to build a number of factors in. And nothing ever goes smoothly\u2014you try one doctor\/you don\u2019t get much help; you try someone else\/you get help\u2014you\u2019ve got to patiently work ahead at this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I really encourage pastors to have these things at their fingertips so that, when families come, they say: \u201cOkay; here is the doctor,\u201d \u201cHe is the counselor,\u201d \u201cHere is the psychologist that we need to get involved in this.\u201d You\u2019ve already got tested resources that you can bring in as part of this team. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your books\u2014the one for teens and the one for parents\u2014outline a number of different scenarios\/case studies, basically\u2014because anxiety and depression can look very different. For some children, it may be going to their room and withdrawing. Anxiety can look very different in terms of a hyper-excitism in a child. Give us the common scenarios of how it\u2019s going to manifest itself among teenagers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I think if you think of depression in girls, it often manifests itself by a lot of irrational crying. That was the case with my wife\u2014just overwhelming sadness, which, when you ask about [it], \u201cI don\u2019t know why [I\u2019m crying.]\u201d In guys, it\u2019s often irrational anger. There\u2019s not a strict divide, but speaking generally here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re also looking for sleeplessness. With both depression and anxiety, insomnia is usually an accompaniment to that\u2014either not getting to sleep, waking up very early in the morning, very broken sleep; so there is general exhaustion\u2014demotivation: incapable of actually just doing your daily duties\/going to school; you see grades plummeting\u2014something like that. They are no longer participating in sports at all; they are withdrawing from friends; and just a general sense of hopelessness and fear about the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You see that, as parent\u2014I mean, that\u2019s like panic mode\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know, if I am watching my son or daughter do that, I\u2019m thinking the worst. What do I do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> There isn\u2019t just one thing you do; it\u2019s a series\/usually, a long series of steps. You have to look at this as a minimum of six months and probably closer to one to two years, especially in the teen years. You\u2019ve got a lot of hormonal issues going on as well. The rates for anxiety and depression in girls are much higher than for boys\u2014double just about\u2014so we\u2019re trying to take a realistic approach. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know nobody likes to hear this in America\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cquick fix\/instant solutions\u201d\u2014no, this is not going to be quick; this is not going to instant, but it\u2019s going to be good. There is good at the end of this. Every single person that I\u2019ve walked through depression\/anxiety with has come out the other end: more resilient, deeper in their faith, and more useful in the kingdom of God, more sympathetic, more caring, more sensitive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not saying everyone I\u2019ve walked with has come out the other end; I\u2019m talking about those who have used all the means that God has provided. Because some people just say, \u201cWell, I\u2019m only going to take pills\u201d; some people just say, \u201cI\u2019m just going to read my Bible,\u201d\u2014well, I\u2019m sorry; that probably won\u2019t work\u2014you need to take <em>all<\/em> of God\u2019s helps. He\u2019s provided <em>multiple<\/em> helps\u2014physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational helps\u2014put that all together; and at the other end, you have a better kid, and you have better parents; because you\u2019re humbled; you\u2019re dependent; and you\u2019ve actually been brought closer to your kids in the process as well. You\u2019ve formed a bond that will last lifelong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know, as a parent, if a teen is going through something like this, we are praying for our kids regularly. Should we be engaging with them around the Scriptures?\u2014even if they are saying\u2014do we go on and say, \u201cCan I just read this passage to you?\u201d \u201cCan I just ask you some questions?\u201d\u2014they say, \u201cI\u2019m not interested,\u201d\u2014coach us on that side of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Whether the problem is primarily spiritual, or primarily physical, or primarily a providence in their life\u2014whatever it is\u2014the Bible has got to be at the center of recovery. It\u2019s through Bible and prayer that God comes to us, and we need God. Whether we are taking medications, whether we are getting counseling, whether we are trying to exercise more, take a weekly Sabbath, we need God\u2019s blessing and presence in all of these areas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to bring God in, whatever the cause. And we need to really help teens change their worldview effectively\u2014that\u2019s what the Bible does\u2014so a teen, in the midst of depression\/anxiety, has usually a very, very small view of the world; in fact, it is usually these four letters: S-E-L-F\u2014that\u2019s all they see\u2014self. One of the great challenges is to get them turned inside out and just begin to look beyond themselves: yes, to their family; yes, to their friends; yes, to the wider culture\/the church; but above all, to God. Get God into their view of the world, their perspective, their sense of who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We talk in the book about identity issues and how we\u2019ve got to get that from God. As soon as we bring God in, it does shrink our problem a bit; because we see how great God is, and we see how gracious He is in providing all of these resources. \u201cHow do we practically do this?\u201d is the question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, what we <em>don\u2019t<\/em> do is\u2014like read chapters a day. Depressed and anxious people: if they can get a couple of verses a day, that\u2019s a triumph often; but we\u2019ve got to believe in the power of God\u2019s Word\u2014that even a verse or two a day is powerful\u2014over time, accumulates to recreate their sense of self, their sense of the world, their sense of who God is. That\u2019s why I usually encourage teens to do; in the book, I do give some tips on how to start a daily Bible reading plan that does start with a verse or two a day. Try to do it in the same place at the same time every day. Shut off the phone, even if it is five minutes\u2014five minutes undistracted with God is worth <em>gold<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Make that a habit; and all these small regular engagements and meetings with God will begin to change a person, and their view of themselves, and their thinking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We have a son who has ADD, and he was never on medication. We kind of chose just to do some practical things of helping through it. He went to college to get an engineering degree and found the stress level overwhelming in terms of trying to get through. He said, \u201cI think I\u2019m going to go on some medication to help me lock in to study.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went on a medication\u2014he studied it\/we had studied it\u2014but it sent him into some depression. That scared him; so he went off it instantly, which made it <em>worse<\/em>\u2014and he didn\u2019t know it\/we didn\u2019t know it\u2014he\u2019d gone off of it instantly. He came home from college one semester\u2014never left the couch\u2014I had never seen him like that. He was crying; I\u2019ve never\/I don\u2019t think I had seen him cry in quite a while. I was <em>so<\/em> concerned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happened is it created a culture of talking. He was\/he was probably a little more quiet than the other boys, but just asking him questions once in a while. I was amazed how putting my hand on him, and praying over him, and praising God for who he was and what I saw in him, and what God had good things for his future\u2014I was amazed at how needy he was for that. How before\u2014maybe, in high school\u2014he was, \u201cWhatever, Mom,\u201d\u2014but at <em>this<\/em> point, he was kind of desperate for anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that we forget the power we have, as parents, of just empathizing, praying over our kids, laying our hands on them, speaking hope for them, and a future over them. I think that\u2019s powerful, too, to add to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s beautiful, Ann; that\u2019s just a beautiful story. It\u2019s hard to go through\u2014but, yes, I think you see there, in the way you tell that\u2014how God has used it in your life and your son\u2019s life as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember sometimes sitting with my wife, when she was in tears; and I\u2019d be reasoning. [Laughter] She\u2019d eventually say, \u201cWould you just put your arm around me, please?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ah! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yet, it\u2019s sometimes the simple things: acceptance\/understanding\u2014not condemning, not expressing disappointment, not saying, \u201cYou\u2019re messing up my life,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cThis is not what we envisaged.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cYou\u2019re making us look bad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cYou\u2019re making us look bad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnn, I have to be honest. I was a pastor at the time when Shona came down with her depression. In Scotland, there was a lot of stigma then, back in 2001. We didn\u2019t tell anyone; because we thought, \u201cYou know, how will people view our ministry? The pastor\u2019s wife is depressed. What kind of pastor\u2026\u201d\/\u201dWhat kind of ministry\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhat kind of husband is she married to?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201cWhat kind of a husband\u2026\u201d\u2014exactly. I mean, maybe, people say that anyway. [Laughter] Looking back, it was a horrendous mistake, not only because it stopped us getting help earlier, but it also prevented huge opportunities for ministry. I actually wouldn\u2019t be here today in America: teaching, counseling, and writing books about anxiety and depression if it wasn\u2019t for the fact that, ultimately, we went public; the story resonated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you\u2019re telling that story, I\u2019m sure listeners are just going to <em>click<\/em> with that. They\u2019ve got a teen on their couch right now; and you\u2019ve just given them just the simplest, doable thing that can make such a difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, what you\u2019re giving us is, not only wisdom, but also a tool we can use if we\u2019ve got a son or a daughter, who is battling with anxiety or depression. The book that David has written is called <em>Why Am I Feeling Like This?: A Teen\u2019s Guide to Freedom from Anxiety and Depression<\/em>. It\u2019s not just a book that you buy and then put on your son or daughter\u2019s bed and say, \u201cHere, read this\u201d; there is also a book that David has written for us, as parents, <em>Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?<\/em>; because this is a path you are going to need to walk together with your son or your daughter. Get a copy of both of these books if this is a reality in your home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to order either of David\u2019s books. You can order them from us online, or you can call if you\u2019d prefer; our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, David\u2019s books are called <em>Why Am I Feeling Like This?: A Teen\u2019s Guide to Freedom from Anxiety and Depression<\/em> and then, for parents, <em>Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?: A Guide for Helping Teens through Anxiety and Depression<\/em>. Order both books from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, anxiety and depression are not simply teenage issues. All of us can go through seasons, where this is a reality in our lives. For a lot of people right now, in 2020, there is a lot going on that can cause you to become anxious or depressed, especially for people who are dealing with unemployment as a result of the economic issues in 2020. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarlier this week, we talked with Dale Kreienkamp, who has written a devotional for people, who are unemployed. It\u2019s called <em>How Long, O Lord, How Long?<\/em> We\u2019re making that devotional available today to anyone who can make a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and help us extend the reach of this ministry. In fact, we want to encourage you, who are still employed, to think about people you know, who may have lost a job and are trying to make sense of life right now. Make a donation; get them a copy of this book. Give it to them as a gift as a way of expressing your love, and your care, and your concern for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, your donations will go directly toward helping cover the costs of producing and syndicating this radio program so it can be heard by more people more often. We thank you for your partnership in that. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Ask for your copy of Dale Kreienkamp\u2019s book when you get in touch with us. Thanks for partnering with us in the outreach ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We appreciate you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us, again, tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk more about teenage anxiety and depression and look at how the Book of Psalms is a great place where we can find encouragement, and help, and rest, and peace when we\u2019re battling with depression and anxiety. David Murray joins us again tomorrow. We hope you can join us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:44"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.4M"],"filesize_raw":["26630736"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306507.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306507.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Murray explains most teens go through spells of quietness and withdrawal, but it won't last long. If your teen is totally uncommunicative or alludes to suicide, seek professional help.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When an adolescent or a young adult begins to experience significant issues with depression or with anxiety, pastor and biblical counselor, David Murray, says there is a long path ahead for that young person and for their family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I know nobody likes to hear this in America\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cquick fix; instant solutions,\u201d\u2014no, this is not going to be quick; this is not going to be instant, but it\u2019s going to be good. Every single person that I\u2019ve walked through depression\/anxiety with has come out the other end: more resilient, deeper in their faith, more sympathetic, more caring, more sensitive, and more useful in the kingdom of God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, October 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ll map out for you today the path to follow if you find a son or a daughter wrestling with significant depression or anxiety. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think, for a lot of moms and dads, they are hearing what we\u2019re talking about this week and they are turning up the radio\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> They want to hear this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and saying, \u201cWe need help,\u201d because they\u2019ve <em>seen<\/em> things that have caused them to wonder\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and worry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cAre our kids okay?\u201d\u2014like the child who, after dinner, goes to her room and never comes out. If you go in and say, \u201cYou doing okay?\u201d she goes, \u201cYes, I\u2019m fine,\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s it\u2014it\u2019s like there is no connection. You feel\/you start to worry\/you get anxious yourself, as a parent, \u201cWhat\u2019s going on with my kids?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, I think it\u2019s one of the hardest things when you see anxiety in your children. It\u2019s bad enough in yourself\u2014and it\u2019s bad\u2014but when you see it in somebody else and you can\u2019t really solve it\u2014boy, oh boy\u2014that\u2019s why this program is that important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, too, at one of our local high schools, the suicide\/the number of suicides in this one high school has escalated. All of the parents are talking about it; and deep down, every parent is a little worried about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; the issues of anxiety and depression are escalating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got David Murray joining us to help us sort this out, as parents, and to help us know what to do if our kids are experiencing this. David, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Thanks, Bob. It\u2019s good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> David is a pastor; he is an author. He, for years, has been a seminary professor at Puritan Theological Seminary in Grand Rapids. He and his wife have dealt personally with issues of anxiety and depression. David has just written a book called <em>Why Am I Feeling Like This?<\/em> for teenagers to help them with issues of anxiety and depression; and then a book for parents, <em>Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe, we should separate anxiety and depression. They are not the same; they are different, but they are linked; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s a tricky one; isn\u2019t it? It\u2019s about 50 percent of cases of anxiety also have depression\u2014so much so that a lot of physicians nowadays will just talk about depression\/anxiety as if it\u2019s one problem\u2014but it is important to separate them, because you can be anxious without being depressed and vice versa. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou might, if you want to simplify it, say, \u201cAnxiety is like when you our revs are way too high, and you can\u2019t get them down; and depression is when your revs are way too low, and you can\u2019t get them up.\u201d It\u2019s strange that, in the one person, you can have both problems. It does tend to go in a cyclical way; often, anxiety comes <em>first<\/em>\u2014wears out the person\/exhausts them\u2014and eventually, they slump into a depression. Then that often comes with weird bodily symptoms as well that people experience, which makes them anxious. You get into this horrible, vicious circle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember our teens going through seasons, where they were kind of emotionally flat\u2014like I described\u2014they\u2019d go to their room; they\u2019d read; they just don\u2019t want a whole lot of social interaction. As a parent, you feel like, \u201cIs there something wrong? Are they depressed? Is there something I should be doing?\u201d How can we know, as parents, whether we\u2019ve got a real issue or whether this is just kind of normal adolescent behavior? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> It\u2019s tricky because, as you said, normal teens go through times of quiet and withdrawal. I think every teen does to some degree. I think the thing is not to leave it too long\/not to just <em>assume<\/em> everything is fine. Teens don\u2019t want you jumping on them every time they go to their room for a day or two; but if that goes to three\/four\u2014especially a week and more\u2014then, I think we want to start trying to initiate a conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s often best not to knock on the door [knocking sound], \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with you? Come here!\u201d; but initiate: \u201cLet\u2019s go for a walk,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s go for a meal,\u201d and just have a casual, relaxed talk about everything; and then, hopefully, zero in and create a context in which we can begin to talk about these issues that kids do find it very hard to talk about. You\u2019re trying to create a time, a place, an atmosphere\u2014especially nonjudgmental\/non-condemning. If you can, even, talk honestly about your own challenges and struggles, as a teen; because often, teens look at their parents and think, \u201cMan, they\u2019ve got it all figured out. They\u2019re perfect; they never had this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>You\u2019re just trying to find ways of opening that conversation up. Actually, if you get that\u2014and in most cases you will if you go about it wisely\u2014you\u2019re like 50 percent of the way there; because it\u2019s the <em>hardest<\/em> thing to get that conversation going. But once you get it going, you really have\/you\u2019ve almost climbed the highest hill. There are still hills ahead, but this is the hardest one to go. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So coach me through\u2014if I see something in my son or daughter, and I\u2019m thinking, like Bob said, \u201cThey are going to their room\u2026\u201d\/\u2014whatever\u2014I don\u2019t start with: \u201cHey, I think you\u2019re depressed.\u201d [Laughter] Don\u2019t do that?\u2014[Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s judgment? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I think you\u2019re wise enough to know that\u2019s not right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know; I\u2019m just throwing it out there. So what\u2019s a better approach? How do I get them talking? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I think to have that relationship, first of all, with your kids\u2014now is not the time to start a relationship; right?\u2014so, hopefully, you\u2019ve built that ability to connect over the years; you\u2019ve got some capital in the bank with them, as it were. I think that\u2019s the first thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSecondly, I think just try and engage activities\u2014something relaxing\/get outside\u2014and just normalize a day out, or an afternoon out, or an evening out and just talk about life in general. Try and gradually come closer and closer to these fears you have. I think questions like\/just: \u201cI hear a lot about the challenges teens are having today. I want to help. If you\u2019re having any challenges yourself, just use me as a resource. I don\u2019t have all the answers, but I might have some that I can help you with. I might be able to point you to someone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not saying that: \u201cOh! Every teen is just going to drop their barriers first time out\u201d; but I think you do that\u2014as a habit\/you get into something regular like that\u2014then, eventually, you will break through. You\u2019ll begin to deepen these conversations. You\u2019re trying to create a culture\/long-term culture. To go back to habits\u2014I\u2019ve found Saturday morning breakfasts just a great place to connect with my sons, especially. They are very busy through the week, but taking them out for a good west Michigan breakfast and just\u2014it\u2019s just seems a very normal, natural thing to do. You just like get into stuff, and you begin to talk about really good man-to-man stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, especially\u2014think about it\u2014if there are things that you know your son or daughter generally likes to do, and you can say, \u201cHey, I was thinking maybe Saturday we could go fishing,\u201d because you know they love to go fishing. Even a child, who might be dealing with discouragement or depression, might go, \u201cWell, yes; I\u2019d kind of like to go do go-karts,\u201d\u2014or play golf or whatever it is that is their thing\u2014go out and do that, and just see if that dislodges some of this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think my question is: \u201cWhen do you start to get really concerned, as a parent, and go, \u2018This is more than just evening walks and good west Michigan breakfast\u2019?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Well, if you are getting anything that is not communication\u2014there is total withdrawal\/there is isolation from friends\u2014if you\u2019re beginning to pick up hints of\/they\u2019ll maybe drop lines out like: \u201cIt\u2019d be better if I wasn\u2019t here,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m just a burden to you,\u201d \u201cThis world is not worth living for,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI wish I had never been born.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes, things like that: \u201cI\u2019m of no value,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m worthless,\u201d \u201cNobody likes me.\u201d Now, one these things on their own is, maybe, not such a big deal; but you\u2019re beginning to hear a pattern, and you want to then take steps. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say, maybe, professional help at that point. As a parent, you\u2019re not really equipped; but you bring in, maybe a doctor\/maybe a pastor. If, though, it gets to the point where you believe your teen is on the verge of taking their life\u2014this is blue lights flashing; this is not something for amateurs\u2014you need to get them to the hospital, or you need to get the hospital to them. Don\u2019t risk hoping for the best. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do we go to the doctor first? Because I\u2019m talking to parents, who will go to the doctor; he\u2019ll say, \u201cYes; I see signs of depression. Here is a prescription for this.\u201d The parent goes, \u201cOkay; they\u2019ll take their pills, and it will all be better.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> You know, ideally, you want a team. I\u2019ve always encouraged that with people. The parents are critical members of the team; a doctor; hopefully, your pastor is sensitive and sympathetic\u2014I think you\u2019d need to test that first, because some are <em>not<\/em>\u2014a good counselor: a Christian counselor\/a biblical counselor. Maybe, if it\u2019s especially complex, eventually, then you would go for some professional psychology\/psychiatric help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re trying to address this from a number of angles. You\u2019re recognizing limitations, and you\u2019re recognizing the need to bring in skills from different trained and experienced people. There is no silver bullet for this. If it causes such complex problems, we have to build a number of factors in. And nothing ever goes smoothly\u2014you try one doctor\/you don\u2019t get much help; you try someone else\/you get help\u2014you\u2019ve got to patiently work ahead at this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I really encourage pastors to have these things at their fingertips so that, when families come, they say: \u201cOkay; here is the doctor,\u201d \u201cHe is the counselor,\u201d \u201cHere is the psychologist that we need to get involved in this.\u201d You\u2019ve already got tested resources that you can bring in as part of this team. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your books\u2014the one for teens and the one for parents\u2014outline a number of different scenarios\/case studies, basically\u2014because anxiety and depression can look very different. For some children, it may be going to their room and withdrawing. Anxiety can look very different in terms of a hyper-excitism in a child. Give us the common scenarios of how it\u2019s going to manifest itself among teenagers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I think if you think of depression in girls, it often manifests itself by a lot of irrational crying. That was the case with my wife\u2014just overwhelming sadness, which, when you ask about [it], \u201cI don\u2019t know why [I\u2019m crying.]\u201d In guys, it\u2019s often irrational anger. There\u2019s not a strict divide, but speaking generally here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019re also looking for sleeplessness. With both depression and anxiety, insomnia is usually an accompaniment to that\u2014either not getting to sleep, waking up very early in the morning, very broken sleep; so there is general exhaustion\u2014demotivation: incapable of actually just doing your daily duties\/going to school; you see grades plummeting\u2014something like that. They are no longer participating in sports at all; they are withdrawing from friends; and just a general sense of hopelessness and fear about the future. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You see that, as parent\u2014I mean, that\u2019s like panic mode\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014you know, if I am watching my son or daughter do that, I\u2019m thinking the worst. What do I do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> There isn\u2019t just one thing you do; it\u2019s a series\/usually, a long series of steps. You have to look at this as a minimum of six months and probably closer to one to two years, especially in the teen years. You\u2019ve got a lot of hormonal issues going on as well. The rates for anxiety and depression in girls are much higher than for boys\u2014double just about\u2014so we\u2019re trying to take a realistic approach. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know nobody likes to hear this in America\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cquick fix\/instant solutions\u201d\u2014no, this is not going to be quick; this is not going to instant, but it\u2019s going to be good. There is good at the end of this. Every single person that I\u2019ve walked through depression\/anxiety with has come out the other end: more resilient, deeper in their faith, and more useful in the kingdom of God, more sympathetic, more caring, more sensitive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not saying everyone I\u2019ve walked with has come out the other end; I\u2019m talking about those who have used all the means that God has provided. Because some people just say, \u201cWell, I\u2019m only going to take pills\u201d; some people just say, \u201cI\u2019m just going to read my Bible,\u201d\u2014well, I\u2019m sorry; that probably won\u2019t work\u2014you need to take <em>all<\/em> of God\u2019s helps. He\u2019s provided <em>multiple<\/em> helps\u2014physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, relational helps\u2014put that all together; and at the other end, you have a better kid, and you have better parents; because you\u2019re humbled; you\u2019re dependent; and you\u2019ve actually been brought closer to your kids in the process as well. You\u2019ve formed a bond that will last lifelong. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know, as a parent, if a teen is going through something like this, we are praying for our kids regularly. Should we be engaging with them around the Scriptures?\u2014even if they are saying\u2014do we go on and say, \u201cCan I just read this passage to you?\u201d \u201cCan I just ask you some questions?\u201d\u2014they say, \u201cI\u2019m not interested,\u201d\u2014coach us on that side of things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Whether the problem is primarily spiritual, or primarily physical, or primarily a providence in their life\u2014whatever it is\u2014the Bible has got to be at the center of recovery. It\u2019s through Bible and prayer that God comes to us, and we need God. Whether we are taking medications, whether we are getting counseling, whether we are trying to exercise more, take a weekly Sabbath, we need God\u2019s blessing and presence in all of these areas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to bring God in, whatever the cause. And we need to really help teens change their worldview effectively\u2014that\u2019s what the Bible does\u2014so a teen, in the midst of depression\/anxiety, has usually a very, very small view of the world; in fact, it is usually these four letters: S-E-L-F\u2014that\u2019s all they see\u2014self. One of the great challenges is to get them turned inside out and just begin to look beyond themselves: yes, to their family; yes, to their friends; yes, to the wider culture\/the church; but above all, to God. Get God into their view of the world, their perspective, their sense of who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>We talk in the book about identity issues and how we\u2019ve got to get that from God. As soon as we bring God in, it does shrink our problem a bit; because we see how great God is, and we see how gracious He is in providing all of these resources. \u201cHow do we practically do this?\u201d is the question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, what we <em>don\u2019t<\/em> do is\u2014like read chapters a day. Depressed and anxious people: if they can get a couple of verses a day, that\u2019s a triumph often; but we\u2019ve got to believe in the power of God\u2019s Word\u2014that even a verse or two a day is powerful\u2014over time, accumulates to recreate their sense of self, their sense of the world, their sense of who God is. That\u2019s why I usually encourage teens to do; in the book, I do give some tips on how to start a daily Bible reading plan that does start with a verse or two a day. Try to do it in the same place at the same time every day. Shut off the phone, even if it is five minutes\u2014five minutes undistracted with God is worth <em>gold<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Make that a habit; and all these small regular engagements and meetings with God will begin to change a person, and their view of themselves, and their thinking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We have a son who has ADD, and he was never on medication. We kind of chose just to do some practical things of helping through it. He went to college to get an engineering degree and found the stress level overwhelming in terms of trying to get through. He said, \u201cI think I\u2019m going to go on some medication to help me lock in to study.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe went on a medication\u2014he studied it\/we had studied it\u2014but it sent him into some depression. That scared him; so he went off it instantly, which made it <em>worse<\/em>\u2014and he didn\u2019t know it\/we didn\u2019t know it\u2014he\u2019d gone off of it instantly. He came home from college one semester\u2014never left the couch\u2014I had never seen him like that. He was crying; I\u2019ve never\/I don\u2019t think I had seen him cry in quite a while. I was <em>so<\/em> concerned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happened is it created a culture of talking. He was\/he was probably a little more quiet than the other boys, but just asking him questions once in a while. I was amazed how putting my hand on him, and praying over him, and praising God for who he was and what I saw in him, and what God had good things for his future\u2014I was amazed at how needy he was for that. How before\u2014maybe, in high school\u2014he was, \u201cWhatever, Mom,\u201d\u2014but at <em>this<\/em> point, he was kind of desperate for anything. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that we forget the power we have, as parents, of just empathizing, praying over our kids, laying our hands on them, speaking hope for them, and a future over them. I think that\u2019s powerful, too, to add to it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s beautiful, Ann; that\u2019s just a beautiful story. It\u2019s hard to go through\u2014but, yes, I think you see there, in the way you tell that\u2014how God has used it in your life and your son\u2019s life as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember sometimes sitting with my wife, when she was in tears; and I\u2019d be reasoning. [Laughter] She\u2019d eventually say, \u201cWould you just put your arm around me, please?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ah! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yet, it\u2019s sometimes the simple things: acceptance\/understanding\u2014not condemning, not expressing disappointment, not saying, \u201cYou\u2019re messing up my life,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cThis is not what we envisaged.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014or \u201cYou\u2019re making us look bad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cYou\u2019re making us look bad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnn, I have to be honest. I was a pastor at the time when Shona came down with her depression. In Scotland, there was a lot of stigma then, back in 2001. We didn\u2019t tell anyone; because we thought, \u201cYou know, how will people view our ministry? The pastor\u2019s wife is depressed. What kind of pastor\u2026\u201d\/\u201dWhat kind of ministry\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhat kind of husband is she married to?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> \u201cWhat kind of a husband\u2026\u201d\u2014exactly. I mean, maybe, people say that anyway. [Laughter] Looking back, it was a horrendous mistake, not only because it stopped us getting help earlier, but it also prevented huge opportunities for ministry. I actually wouldn\u2019t be here today in America: teaching, counseling, and writing books about anxiety and depression if it wasn\u2019t for the fact that, ultimately, we went public; the story resonated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you\u2019re telling that story, I\u2019m sure listeners are just going to <em>click<\/em> with that. They\u2019ve got a teen on their couch right now; and you\u2019ve just given them just the simplest, doable thing that can make such a difference. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, what you\u2019re giving us is, not only wisdom, but also a tool we can use if we\u2019ve got a son or a daughter, who is battling with anxiety or depression. The book that David has written is called <em>Why Am I Feeling Like This?: A Teen\u2019s Guide to Freedom from Anxiety and Depression<\/em>. It\u2019s not just a book that you buy and then put on your son or daughter\u2019s bed and say, \u201cHere, read this\u201d; there is also a book that David has written for us, as parents, <em>Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?<\/em>; because this is a path you are going to need to walk together with your son or your daughter. Get a copy of both of these books if this is a reality in your home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to order either of David\u2019s books. You can order them from us online, or you can call if you\u2019d prefer; our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, David\u2019s books are called <em>Why Am I Feeling Like This?: A Teen\u2019s Guide to Freedom from Anxiety and Depression<\/em> and then, for parents, <em>Why Is My Teenager Feeling Like This?: A Guide for Helping Teens through Anxiety and Depression<\/em>. Order both books from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, anxiety and depression are not simply teenage issues. All of us can go through seasons, where this is a reality in our lives. For a lot of people right now, in 2020, there is a lot going on that can cause you to become anxious or depressed, especially for people who are dealing with unemployment as a result of the economic issues in 2020. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEarlier this week, we talked with Dale Kreienkamp, who has written a devotional for people, who are unemployed. It\u2019s called <em>How Long, O Lord, How Long?<\/em> We\u2019re making that devotional available today to anyone who can make a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and help us extend the reach of this ministry. In fact, we want to encourage you, who are still employed, to think about people you know, who may have lost a job and are trying to make sense of life right now. Make a donation; get them a copy of this book. Give it to them as a gift as a way of expressing your love, and your care, and your concern for them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, your donations will go directly toward helping cover the costs of producing and syndicating this radio program so it can be heard by more people more often. We thank you for your partnership in that. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Ask for your copy of Dale Kreienkamp\u2019s book when you get in touch with us. Thanks for partnering with us in the outreach ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We appreciate you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can join us, again, tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk more about teenage anxiety and depression and look at how the Book of Psalms is a great place where we can find encouragement, and help, and rest, and peace when we\u2019re battling with depression and anxiety. David Murray joins us again tomorrow. We hope you can join us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306507","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306507"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306507"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306507"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306507"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306507"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306507"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306507"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}