{"id":306493,"date":"2020-10-23T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-10-23T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-power-a-wife-has-for-building-intimacy-in-marriage\/"},"modified":"2020-10-23T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-10-23T11:00:04","slug":"the-power-a-wife-has-for-building-intimacy-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-a-wife-has-for-building-intimacy-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"The Power A Wife Has For Building Intimacy In Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dr. Juli Slattery says that a husband has three needs: respect, companionship, and sex. She also says that by God&#8217;s design, a wife has power to meet these three needs in her husband.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-23.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:55:23","filesize":"50.71M","filesize_raw":"53177981","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2088,2831],"tags":[4001],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3388],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306493","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-romance-and-sex","category-wives","tag-women","cwp_profile-juli-slattery","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306493\/the-power-a-wife-has-for-building-intimacy-in-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306493\/the-power-a-wife-has-for-building-intimacy-in-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"tWkoiyKUbL\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-a-wife-has-for-building-intimacy-in-marriage\/\">The Power A Wife Has For Building Intimacy In Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-a-wife-has-for-building-intimacy-in-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=tWkoiyKUbL\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Power A Wife Has For Building Intimacy In Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"tWkoiyKUbL\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dr. Juli Slattery says that a husband has three needs: respect, companionship, and sex. She also says that by God's design, a wife has power to meet these three needs in her husband.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-23.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you spend more time during the day thinking about your husband\u2019s weaknesses or his strengths? Here is Dr. Juli Slattery. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> When we focus on something, we tend to find it; and when my heart is focused on what I\u2019m unhappy about and what I\u2019m discouraged about, I will find it. Then, when I ask the Lord to help me focus on, \u201cWhere\u2019s the hero? Where is the man that You created my husband to be?\u201d\u2014I focus on that\u2014here is the thing: when we treat our husbands like he is that hero, he starts becoming it. He starts stepping into it, because there is <em>power<\/em> there. The Lord really convicted me\u2014and the power of my words\u2014and whether I\u2019m going to call out that hero or I\u2019m going to discourage him from becoming that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 23<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. There is a hero inside almost every husband. The question is: \u201cWhat can a wife do to help that hero step forward?\u201d We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Friday edition. I think most wives want to help their husbands be all that God wants them to be; don\u2019t you think? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think so. I think we think we are <em>great<\/em> helpers; [Laughter] and we have all the solutions, and we can help our husbands be the best men ever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIf he\u2019d just listen to me more\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand do what I say.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve never heard that\u2014ever. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to hear a message today\u2014this is a message we heard from our friend, Dr. Juli Slattery, not long ago. Juli is an author and a speaker, and she has been with us at a number of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> events. She was speaking on the power a wife has for building intimacy and oneness in her marriage. She said a wife has got to recognize that her husband is longing for his wife\u2019s respect; he\u2019s longing for a helper\/a companion; and he\u2019s longing for physical intimacy in the relationship. Those are priorities for <em>him<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I agree. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think sometimes, as women, we can hear these and go, \u201cBlah, blah; we\u2019ve heard this all before\u201d; but I think we underestimate the power we have; as women; because we really do have a lot of power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Juli is going to explain how a wife can use her power well in these areas and how she can avoid some of the pitfalls. Let\u2019s dive in and listen. Here\u2019s Dr. Juli Slattery on the power a wife has for building intimacy in her marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Rehearse with me: \u201cWhat are the three needs we talked about?\u201d They are right up here; say them with me: \u201cRespect, companionship, and sex.\u201d What do all those things have to do with building intimacy? The thing these three things have to do with building intimacy is these three needs represent your power zones as a wife. You see here is the thing\u2014when you have a need that I can meet, it gives me power with you. If you have a need that <em>only<\/em> I can meet, it gives me a <em>lot<\/em> of power with you; it gives me a lot of influence. Now, by God\u2019s design, He has given our husbands three very significant needs that, by His design, you are the one who is supposed to meet those needs. These three things give you power. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about these three power zones. First of all, respect. Now, how does respect\/your husband\u2019s need for respect give you power? Well, it gives you power because, as we said, your husband desperately wants to be your hero. Think about the fact that he wakes up every day\u2014without knowing this or without saying it out loud\u2014but think about him waking up every day with a question, \u201cAm I your hero?\u201d You\u2019ve got to make a decision, thumbs up or thumbs down\/pass or fail. Again, you know all the reasons why: \u201cNot so sure.\u201d But you have the power in your tongue of death or life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you realize that you get to paint a picture for your children of who your husband is? When I struggled in my marriage\u2014I mean, a lot of times, when the Lord has brought me back to this idea of respect; and \u201cHow do I feel about my husband?\u201d and \u201cWhat am I saying about him?\u201d and \u201cWhat am I saying <em>to<\/em> him?\u201d I can remember this particular time\u2014maybe, about ten years ago in my marriage, where I was really struggling\u2014I was really struggling to feel respect for my husband, to feel intimacy, to feel like I still wanted to work on this thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSomebody gave me a really convicting book called <em>What\u2019s It Like to Be Married to Me?<\/em> Any of you read that book by Linda Dillow? It\u2019s a very courageous book to read. One of the challenges in that book was to sit down and write a list of the things that were good about your husband\/the things you are grateful for. The challenge really came out of the Scripture in Philippians, Chapter 4. You know that verse: Philippians, Chapter 4, verse 8: \u201cFinally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think on these things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Lord really convicted me with that verse\u2014that God calls me to focus on, not only when things are good, but <em>whatever<\/em> is good about my husband. I sat down with the Lord to make my list; and to be perfectly honest, I started with a list of the things that frustrated me. [Laughter] The book didn\u2019t say to do that, but I just felt like I had to get it off my chest; you know? I sat down; wrote down all these things I was frustrated about; and then I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, Lord, I\u2019m going to put that list aside.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I started writing down what I love about my husband\u2014everything from: \u201cI love his blue eyes,\u201d \u201cI love the fact that he is tall and has broad shoulders,\u201d \u201cI <em>love<\/em> the fact that he is funny,\u201d \u201cI love the fact that he is dependable.\u201d I just wrote down as many things that I could think of that I love about my husband. By the time I got done writing down that list, I was\/I really was in tears because I saw all of the things that I was overlooking that I wasn\u2019t focused on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, when we focus on something, we tend to find it. When my heart is focused on what I\u2019m unhappy about and what I\u2019m discouraged about, I will find it. When I ask the Lord to help me focus on: \u201cWhere is the hero? Where\u2019s the man that You created my husband to be?\u201d\u2014I focus on that\u2014here\u2019s the thing: when we treat our husbands like he is that hero, he starts becoming it. He starts stepping into it, because there is <em>power<\/em> there. The Lord really convicted me\u2014and the power of my words\u2014and whether I\u2019m going to call out that hero or I\u2019m going to discourage him from becoming that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, when we look at the fact that he needs my help, and this gives me power, it\u2019s the idea that you have all these things to offer your husband. The Lord was beginning to ask me, \u201cWill you compete with your husband, or will you complete him?\u201d One of the ways this played out in my marriage is that my profession and my area of study is that I\u2019m a clinical psychologist. I study marriage and family, so I know a lot about marriage and parenting. I worked for about four years at Focus on the Family<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, where my job was to interview marriage and parenting experts. I would come home with all this advice to give to my husband to tell him how he could be a better husband and a better father, and how we could be better parents, and how we could work on our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt became exasperating. It came to the point, where I was correcting my husband about <em>everything<\/em> with my helpful voice, which really <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> helpful at all. My husband began to see that as: \u201cAgain, Juli is trying to compete with me. She thinks that she knows everything. She doesn\u2019t ever give me a voice in any of these things.\u201d The Lord really had to humble my heart and help me to realize that, even though I\u2019m the marriage and family expert, my husband, actually, has pieces of this that <em>I<\/em> need and that <em>my<\/em> kids need. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me give you an example of this. When we were making a big family move about, maybe, 12 years ago, we were moving from Ohio to Colorado. Our kids were really little, and some of\/a few of them were struggling with this. Our oldest son, Michael, was about nine or ten; and he was having a really hard time with this move. He was in his bedroom; and he was crying about moving. Me, the psychologist\/I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ll go in and help him.\u201d I went in to help Michael. I\u2019m processing his feelings with him; I\u2019m validating: \u201cTell me how you feel, Michael,\u201d\u2026\u201cYes, that\u2019s understandable.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was in there for about 15 minutes, and then I started crying. My husband hears like Michael crying\/me crying; and it\u2019s like it\u2019s just getting worse. It\u2019s a train wreck of processing. [Laughter] My husband comes in, and he\u2019s the lighthearted one. He kicks me out; and he\u2019s like, \u201cGet out of here! You\u2019re not helping.\u201d Then, within five minutes, he had Michael laughing and excited about the journey ahead. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I realized is that my kids don\u2019t need two moms; they need a mom and a dad. So many times, as moms and as women, we feel like we have the answers, and we feel like we have this help to give. We do have help to give, but we have to be really careful in how we do that\/how often we do that. The Lord has been teaching me that there are times, where I just need to be quiet. The reason my husband may not step into leadership is because I\u2019m not giving him room to with all of my help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, <em>yes<\/em>; there is a time to step up, and there is a time to <em>speak<\/em>. There are even times to <em>confront<\/em>, but are we doing that wisely and prayerfully? The time to confront is not when your husband has loaded the dishwasher wrong. There are times where we need to just keep our mouths shut and be prayerful about: \u201cGod, when and how do You want me to use this power that You\u2019ve given me with my husband to address the issues that really matter?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen we\u2019ve got this issue about sex. Do you know that sex has a lot of power in a man\u2019s life? We know that in culture; everybody is after using sex in a way that\u2019s powerful. But it\u2019s not just in culture. If you look at the Scripture, the most godly man that ever lived, David; the strongest man that ever lived, Samson; the wisest man that ever lived, Solomon\u2014they all fell because of the power of sex. We think about sex in a way, where the power is bad, because it causes people temptation; it causes them to fall. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut you know, God has made sex to be a powerful thing in a man\u2019s life for a positive reason; because it gives <em>you<\/em> power in your relationship with him\u2014good power. When we talk about the power of sex, here is what I want you to hear: \u201cIt\u2019s not just meeting your husband\u2019s sexual needs; it\u2019s an invitation on the journey to share this most important part of his life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve learned, over 25 years, to move past just focusing on: \u201cWhat is the immediate need of my husband?\u201d to focusing on: \u201cWhat does it look like to truly share this part of his life with him?\u201d\u2014to talk about it, to pray about it, to journey together, to learn together. There\u2019s far more power in that than just the message that your husband has a physical need, because a physical need is only a piece of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWomen, I believe that these three needs give us great power by God\u2019s design. I want to be the number-one person that says, \u201cYou\u2019re my hero; I believe in you.\u201d I want to be the number-one person that says, \u201cI\u2019m on your team. All that I have is yours; I want to help you.\u201d I want to be the <em>only<\/em> person in his life that\u2019s on that journey with him in terms of what sexuality looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe problem is I don\u2019t always use that power well. Sometimes, in marriage, we ignore our power. Because of fear or because of insecurity, we don\u2019t step into it. I think even sometimes misunderstanding biblical teaching\u2014we don\u2019t think that a godly woman should be powerful\u2014but actually, I think the Scripture says God created us as powerful. It\u2019s not the fact that we are or we\u2019re not; it\u2019s: \u201cWhat are we doing with it? Are we using our power to build or to tear down?\u201d Some women\u2014at times, we ignore our power\u2014but I think, more often, we tend to abuse our power; we use it in a way that tears down intimacy. There are a couple of different ways we do this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first way we do this is what I call the bulldozer. The bulldozer just\u2014you know, you\u2019re powerful. You know you\u2019re a powerful woman; and you\u2019re like, \u201cI\u2019ve got an opinion. My opinion is better; get out of my way\u201d; and your husband feels that. Your husband feels that you always know what\u2019s right; you don\u2019t trust him, and so you\u2019re just going to make decisions. Ladies, we do this out of <em>fear<\/em>. You know, when the Scripture talks about submitting to our husbands, it\u2019s says, \u201cDon\u2019t give way to fear.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I\u2019m fearful, I want to be a bulldozer. If you\u2019re a bulldozer, you tend to treat your husband almost like he\u2019s one of your children; maybe, you joke about it. If we think of them as children, why would they step into becoming heroes? If you have a tendency to be a bulldozer, because that\u2019s all you know, or because you\u2019ve just been captured by fear, here is the thing\u2014your husband cannot grow in that environment. If he\u2019s weak, he\u2019ll stay weak. If he\u2019s strong, he\u2019ll go somewhere where his strength is going to be appreciated. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut that\u2019s not the only way we can abuse our power. Instead of a bulldozer, I\u2019m a stealth bomber. The stealth bomber is the manipulator. The stealth bomber <em>zooms<\/em> in under the radar. No one knows they are there, drops the payload, zooms out; and the husband is like, \u201cWhat just happened?! Why am I doing dishes? How did that happen?\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m a real good manipulator, because I\u2019m a clinical psychologist; you know? I\u2019ll be like, \u201cYou want to do dishes,\u201d \u201cI want to do dishes.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are all kinds of ways that I\u2019ve learned to manipulate my husband; you know? Sometimes, it\u2019s using skills of psychology. Sometimes, it\u2019s turning on the tears, just at the right time. But often, what it is: \u201cYes, you can make that decision; I\u2019m not going to tell you not to.\u201d But under the\/between the lines: \u201cJust wait and see what happens. Mm-hmm, just wait and see how I react.\u201d We withhold\u2014and this is the worst of it\u2014\u201cI told you so,\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s because you didn\u2019t listen to me,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s manipulating. The manipulator does the same thing that the bulldozer does, but just does it more subtly. Because when I manipulate, you\u2019re really saying, \u201cI don\u2019t trust you.\u201d When I manipulate, I\u2019m really saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to punish you if you don\u2019t lead the way I think you should.\u201d It\u2019s not trusting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there is a third way we abuse our power, and I call this kryptonite. You know, Superman, as strong as he is, if kryptonite is in the room, he shrinks; right? Kryptonite is when we humiliate our husbands. It\u2019s that one thing you say in front of friends, or even when you are alone, that you know is his soft spot\u2014the one thing that embarrasses him. You know your man well enough to know what that is. It might be about how much he earns; it might be about his sexuality; it might be bringing up a failure from his past. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can be <em>building<\/em> our husbands, <em>building<\/em> our husbands\u2014but sometimes, just that one thing we do that humiliates\u2014he just <em>shrinks<\/em>\/like all of his strength is just gone. Have you done that? I\u2019ve done that, and I\u2019m fortunate enough to be married to a husband, who will tell me right away when I do it; so I don\u2019t do it again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, God has given us power\u2014not to ignore it\/not to abuse it\u2014but to use it wisely. One of my life verses is Proverbs 14:1\u2014it says, \u201cThe wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.\u201d Ladies, I have been guilty of tearing down my husband more times than I wish to count\u2014not because I wanted to\u2014but because I wasn\u2019t submitting my power to the Lord and using it wisely. I\u2019ve been on a journey with the Lord, now for 25 years, of: \u201cWhat does it look like to wisely use my power in a way that will build intimacy\/that will build my husband?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I wrote the book on this 20 years ago; and for the last 20 years, I can\u2019t say I\u2019ve followed that advice all the time. There are times that I needed to go back and read my own book. I read it\u2014and I\u2019m like, \u201cI wrote this! I don\u2019t do this,\u201d\u2014like I get convicted. The Lord\u2014every time I struggle in my marriage or I\u2019m faced with a difficult situation\u2014He brings me back to these principles and this question of: \u201cWhat are you doing with your power?\u201d I can\u2019t change my husband; I can\u2019t change his heart, but I have great influence with him: \u201cWhat am I doing with that influence?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are so many ways that I\u2019ve seen God be faithful in helping our marriage and building intimacy because of these principles, but that\u2019s not the only reason I do it. God does not promise us, that if we use our power wisely, that we will have a great marriage. But here is what I can promise you\u2014and the promise that I cling to\u2014this is <em>not<\/em> about a perfect marriage; it\u2019s about being faithful to the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, our marriages are all going to end someday; they are not eternal. One day, you and I are going to stand before the Lord, and we\u2019re not going to give account for our husband, and we\u2019re not even going to give account for our marriage; but we will give account for what we\u2019ve done with what God has given me. I will give account for whether or not I\u2019ve been faithful to the Lord. That\u2019s what I want to focus on, because what the Lord promises is that \u201cHis eyes search to and fro throughout the earth to look for a heart that is fully committed to Him that He might support it.\u201d The promise, my friends, is that, if you will fully commit your heart to being faithful with the power that God has given you, He will support you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve been listening to Dr. Juli Slattery talking about the power a wife has for building intimacy in her marriage. I have to imagine some wives were thinking, \u201cOkay; I can recognize some areas where I can do a little better.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes; so convicting\u2014like, \u201cJuli, why did you have to go there?!\u201d But I love how Juli always takes us back to the Lord Jesus and the power that we have through Him. Maybe, our circumstances aren\u2019t changing overnight\u2014and they may not change\u2014but we still can walk with Him, keep our eyes on Jesus; and He gives us hope in every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I\u2014you know I would say\u2014I\u2019m sure Bob and I are thinking, \u201cI hope every wife listens to this message.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cHow can I send this to a wife I know?\u201d\u2014right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I do know I am sitting beside my wife, and she respects me. It\u2019s the most powerful, inspiring thing in my life. She\u2019s my best friend; she is my companion. I won\u2019t even talk about the third area, but the intimacy as well. Those three are core in a man\u2019s heart; and when his wife is beside him, and speaking and living those into his life, it brings\u2014it brings a man alive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It really does. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It makes a man a better man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would hope our listeners would go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Juli\u2019s message is about an hour long. We just played a portion of it today, but you can download the entire message and pass it on to others. In fact, I should just mention here: <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and many of the messages you hear on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> are available on our website for free download. You can also listen to this program regularly on the FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> mobile app, which is brand new. You can download that for free from your app store on your mobile device. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of the content we have available\u2014articles, podcasts, links to audio and video\u2014that\u2019s all available to you at no cost because FamilyLife is committed to providing practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family; and because there are listeners, like you, who have said, \u201cWe want to help make this available for moms and dads and husbands and wives to benefit from.\u201d Thanks to those of you who support the program. All of these resources are available for free at FamilyLifeToday.com, including the complete version of Dr. Juli Slattery\u2019s message that we heard a portion of today. Download it online, again, at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019ve mentioned this earlier this week, but we have a small group starting next Thursday night. It\u2019s going to go three weeks. This is for married couples; we\u2019re going to be talking about what 1 Corinthians 13 has to say about what real love looks like in a marriage relationship. We want to invite you to join the live FamilyLife <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> small group. It\u2019s going to start at 7:00 Central Time. You can get all the information and sign up to be part of the small group when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to the website, look for more information, and plan to join us for about an hour next Thursday night\u2014and for two Thursdays after that\u2014three weeks in a row. The <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage small group on Facebook Live. Again, all the details are available at FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you have a great weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday when we\u2019re going to talk about how challenging and disorienting it can be when someone loses a job unexpectedly. A lot of people have had to go through this this year. Dale Kreienkamp and his wife Deb are going to join us to talk about how we walk through that challenging season. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306493","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306493"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306493"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306493"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306493"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}