{"id":306471,"date":"2020-10-12T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-10-12T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/is-me-time-biblical\/"},"modified":"2020-10-12T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-10-12T11:00:05","slug":"is-me-time-biblical","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/is-me-time-biblical\/","title":{"rendered":"Is &#8216;Me Time&#8217; Biblical?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Author of the book &#8220;Enough About Me,&#8221; Jen Oshman speaks to women about issues of identity and self-image. Discovering who we are and whose we are, says Oshman, is the key. Looking only inward will leave you feeling fearful and paralyzed. But there is no fear in the love of Christ.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=95.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jen Oshman speaks to women about issues of identity and self-image. Discovering who we are and whose we are, says Oshman, is the key.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-12.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.82M","filesize_raw":"23923786","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822,2827,2093],"tags":[4920],"podcast_series":[8398],"cwp_profile":[9663],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306471","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","category-repentance","category-women","tag-womanhood","podcast_series-enough-about-me","cwp_profile-jen-oshman","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306471\/is-me-time-biblical","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306471\/is-me-time-biblical","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ou5qpRZmwe\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/is-me-time-biblical\/\">Is &#8216;Me Time&#8217; Biblical?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/is-me-time-biblical\/embed\/#?secret=ou5qpRZmwe\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Is &#8216;Me Time&#8217; Biblical?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ou5qpRZmwe\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-12.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-12.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We live in a culture that says: \u201cLife should be all about <em>me<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> To be motivated by self and to seek self-glory is, at the end of the day, <em>so<\/em> exhausting. I think that\u2019s what we\u2019re seeing. If it\u2019s all about you\u2014if you have to decide who you are, who you\u2019re going to be, and conjure up the energy to get there; and then once you are there, keep that hamster wheel spinning\u2014when you were not made to be God\u2014but in that situation, you are acting like God; you are your own god\/you are your own deity, keeping your life going, worshipping yourself to keep it going. It is <em>crushing.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And social media is not helping.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> We\u2019re scrolling social media at night when we get home, and we\u2019re exhausted. We\u2019re looking at everyone else\u2019s beautiful images of their very successful career, their beautiful family, their beautiful children, their beautiful vacations; and we\u2019re comparing ourselves to them\u2014our hard day to their highlight reel\u2014and we\u2019re feeling incredibly disappointed in what life has delivered us.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, October 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. The culture keeps telling us life should be all about <em>us<\/em>. But as we\u2019ll hear from Jen Oshman today, if you buy into that perspective, you\u2019ll wind up exhausted and disappointed. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think it was probably ten years ago\u2014I think I remember the first time I ever heard somebody use the phrase, \u201cme time\u201d: \u201cI need some me time.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes; that probably came from a mother.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It did come from a mother!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Of course! Because we\u2019re longing for that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It struck me, because I can relate. Who doesn\u2019t need a little down-time?\u2014a little relaxation, some quiet, some alone time. But I thought, \u201cI\u2019m not sure <em>me time<\/em> is really the way to explain that.\u201d\n\nToday, we want to talk about being done with <em>me<\/em>. Jen Oshman is here to help us talk about that. Jen, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Thanks so much.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jen is a pastor\u2019s wife, who lives out on the front range\u2014Parker, Colorado. She and her husband were missionaries for years. They are parents of four daughters. Jen has written a book called <em>Enough about Me.<\/em> Is this a memoir? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I\u2019m in there for sure. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How did this whole idea begin to percolate and resonate with <em>you<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> As you said, my husband and I were missionaries overseas for a long time\/for about 15 years. We ministered to American military in Japan, and we were church planters in the Czech Republic. For about two decades now, I have been heavily involved in women\u2019s ministry\u2014always teaching women\u2019s Bible study, always involved in discipleship, counseling relationships\u2014just really enjoying being a part of the lives and stories of women around the world.\n\nI was seeing, from overseas\u2014being an American but not living in America\u2014I was seeing this trend\/this movement, as you said, ten years ago, hearing \u201cme time\u201d for the first time. I was seeing this growing trend coming out of\u2014not just the United States\/not just America but also the church in America\u2014this growing movement: conferences, songs, Bible studies, books all about focusing on yourself\/focusing on who you are, how God made you, and what He\u2019s going to do in and through you.\n\nNow, some of that is really pure, and good, and beautiful, and biblical; but I did see it going kind of awry\u2014and this increasing focus on self rather than on our Savior\u2014it was very concerning to me. As I saw it heightening and heightening, I said, \u201cLord, if You will allow me, I would love to speak into this conversation.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Jen, go into that a little bit more. What do you mean by how it can become dangerous? Give us an example of what that would even look like.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> In the book, I talk about it\u2019s crucial that you and I determine who we are and <em>whose<\/em> we are. In order for me to know myself, I need to know who my Creator is: \u201cWho is the Giver of Life?\u201d \u201cWho is my Maker? Who formed me?\u201d\u2014and for what purpose?\u201d and \u201cWho is He?\u201d and \u201cWhat is He like?\u201d If you and I are going to thrive, we have to go back to this very simple question: \u201cWho are we?\u201d and \u201cWho do we belong to?\u201d \u201cHow did He make us?\u201d and \u201cFor what purpose?\u201d\n\nIn this moment, in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century United States\u2014and it\u2019s in the west\/throughout the wealthy west; it\u2019s not just the United States\u2014but it\u2019s especially poignant, here, in the U.S. today: we want to just look within; determine, ourselves, who we are; create our own identity; and then conjure up the energy and the effort to get there. It\u2019s all completely inward focused.\n\nThe reality is\u2014it\u2019s really hurting us: depression is on the rise, anxiety, stress, drinking, suicide\u2014al of these things are manifesting themselves in teen girls and women. I know it\u2019s present in men, as well; but I love women\/I\u2019m in women\u2019s ministry. This inward-looking\u2014this inward-seeking\/this self-focus\u2014has culminated to the point that we are really hurting ourselves with our self-focus. I want to encourage women to: \u201cLift your eyes up to the God who made you. There is where we will find some peace, and some rest, and some thriving.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You had an experience with God in college.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> True.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Tell us about that.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I open the book with sharing my own story. I went away to Indiana to college there. I had grown up in a home with divorced parents and a home without the Lord. My mom, praise God, had taken me to church, as a nine-year-old; and I had heard the gospel. There was some Christian influence in my life, which I am so thankful for\/thankful to the Lord for doing that through my mom.\n\nBut by and large, I grew up in a setting that did not have a Christian influence in it. My identity, my joy, my pride, was all coming from academics, sports, activities, being a leader, being a go-getter, just having an identity really fixated on: \u201cWhat can <em>I<\/em> do?\u201d \u201cWhat dreams can I make happen?\u201d \u201cI am a strong woman; I\u2019m going to go get \u2018em; I\u2019m going to make this happen.\u201d\n\nWhen I got to college\u2014and the sports were harder, the academics were harder, the social scene was harder\u2014all of those places that I had placed my identity, sort of fell away; they were broken down. I was no longer successful in the ways that I had been before. That was a gift of grace. Really, it was the Lord showing me, \u201cYou are not enough, but I am. Cry out to Me; seek Me, and you will find Me.\u201d As a freshman in college, I did, on my dorm room floor, literally, broken-hearted. The things I <em>thought<\/em> I was built on\/where I had <em>put<\/em> my identity was really in a false place. The Lord said, \u201cI will heal you. I will make you whole, but you have to surrender to Me. You belong to Me, and I treasure you.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You discovered, at that moment, that everything you\u2019d hoped for let you down.\n\n<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You found Christ. In fact, you asked the question in the book, \u201cHave you ever wanted something really bad, and then when you finally got it, it was underwhelming?\u201d That has happened a <em>thousand<\/em> times in my life, from little things to big things. It happened two nights ago. We fly into Little Rock to do radio this week; and the rental car that I had booked\u2014they\u2019re closed! Literally, walk over there; they\u2019re gone for the day. I won\u2019t mention which rental car was open, but I walk over there. He said, \u201cYes, we can get you a car.\u201d I walk up there and I said, \u201cI guess I know never to book with So-and-so again. I\u2019m booking with you.\u201d And he goes, \u201cAnd we\u2019re going to make sure we keep you.\u201d\n\nThe next thing I know\u2014I just get a compact; right?\u2014 most inexpensive you can get. I walk out to a Dodge Challenger. I have it one day\u2014we go out to dinner last night\u2014we come out, and somebody dinged the door. Immediately, I\u2019m like\/now, I\u2019m mad at the car: \u201cWhy do we have this car? I don\u2019t want this <em>nice<\/em> car; I\u2019ve got to park it!\u201d Again, that is life. It was such a joy for a moment; I\u2019ve never had a Dodge Challenger. Now, every time I look at it, I\u2019m like, \u201cThis car stinks!\u201d\u2014you know? [Laughter]\n\nI felt that about our marriage.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s what I was going to say.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve felt that about our career. <em>Everything<\/em> has, in some way, never lived up.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was on a business trip to Florida\u2014this was many years ago\u2014the trip ended early. I had an extra day in Orlando, and I had a free pass to Disney. I thought, \u201cThis is going to be the greatest day, because I can ride where <em>I<\/em> want to ride. I can do what <em>I<\/em> want to do. When they say, \u201cAny singles?\u201d I\u2019ll get to the front of the line. It\u2019s just me on my own at Disney.\u201d\n\nI remember riding a ride and getting off and going, \u201cThat was <em>awesome<\/em>,\u201d and looking around for somebody to talk to about how awesome it was. All of a sudden, it was the most miserable day of my life, to be at an amusement park with <em>no one<\/em> to share it with. That was\u2014yes, I thought this was going to be great; because it was all about me\u2014and it wasn\u2019t so great.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> An interesting thing\u2014\n\n<strong>Jen: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great story.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014Jen, you say in your book; because you\u2019ve seen this over, and over, and over with women.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about that a little bit. I mean, what is it\u2014it\u2019s not unique to women, obviously\u2014\n\n<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014but you\u2019ve seen it, probably, like I said, a thousand times in women\u2019s ministry. They\u2019re let down by what they thought would give them life.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You even say that women are having a new mid-life crisis. What does <em>that<\/em> mean?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> It\u2019s true. My generation\/we were raised in the height of the self-esteem movement. I was literally in classrooms, where I was singing songs, doing worksheets, parts of programs and plays, where we were telling each other and telling ourselves: \u201cI can handle it. Whatever I dream, I can achieve,\u201d \u201cReach for the stars; whatever it is you want, go get \u2018em.\u201d\n\nIt was also on the heels of Title IX in terms of girls getting equal funding for sports and other activities\u2014that\u2019s a great thing; I celebrate that\u2014I\u2019m not talking negatively about that at all. That created an atmosphere\u2014I think, maybe especially for girls\u2014that said: \u201cAnything boys can do we can better. You can dream it, and <em>achieve<\/em> it.\u201d That was what we were hearing on a daily basis from our parents, from our teachers, from our coaches, from telling each other that; and we fully believed it.\n\nWe grew up: we went to college; and we entered the work force or we entered volunteer force\u2014or whatever it is that each woman is a part of now\u2014we\u2019re all having that moment\/that Disney World moment of like: \u201cThis is not as great as I thought it was going to be. This is actually a huge let down.\u201d What\u2019s happened is\u2014we\u2019ve put all of our hope in ourselves.\n\nAlso, not only is it the age of self, it\u2019s the age of social media. We\u2019re scrolling social media at night when we get home, and we\u2019re exhausted. We\u2019re looking at everybody else\u2019s beautiful images of their very successful career, their beautiful family, their beautiful children, their beautiful vacations; and we\u2019re comparing ourselves to them\u2014our hard day to their highlight reel\u2014and we\u2019re feeling incredibly disappointed in what life has delivered us.\n\nEven those of us, who have achieved what we wanted to achieve, realizing, \u201cThis does not deliver. This is not the high, the peace, the joy, the satisfaction that I thought I was going to achieve at this moment. It\u2019s actually hollow.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> In some ways, you say this in your book, that\u2019s a gift.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> It\u2019s a gift.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> In the moment, it doesn\u2019t feel like a gift. I, literally, just thought of college\u2014playing quarterback, winning a conference championship, at northern Illinois\u2014in the shower after the game. I mean, it\u2019s your whole goal, as a college athlete, to win a conference championship. We won it. I\u2019m in the shower, less than an hour later; I\u2019m not a Christian. Head under\u2014not a lot of hair, by the way\u2014head under the shower head, thinking, \u201cThis is it?!\u201d It\u2019s so hollow. And an hour before, on the field, cheering.\n\nI knew right then: \u201cThis <em>can\u2019t<\/em> be what life\u2019s about.\u201d It pointed me to finally following Christ. That moment in our life, which is so disappointing, is actually a gift; right?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it\u2019s just the beginning. It is when we realize that we are frail and finite\/that we are sinners separated far away from God\u2014that we were made by Him, for Him, through Him, to Him\u2014and yet we are separate from Him. It\u2019s when we run out of steam; we run out of fuel of self\u2014which was not meant to drive us in the first place\u2014it\u2019s that moment\/that moment [inaudible] and have relationship with Him.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re a mother, raising four daughters.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Correct.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of moms, who are raising daughters, and want their daughters to be strong, confident, capable young women. The culture is reinforcing that message\u2014what you heard you can be\u2014you can be whoever you want to be\/whatever you want to be. There\u2019s a truth to that that you want to emphasize. Yet, alongside of that is: \u201cAnd it needs to be all about you.\u201d\n\nHow do you navigate those messages so that your daughters learn what it means to be strong, capable, competent women, who are excelling in who God made them to be, and yet, not have it be all about them?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s a good question. This book did come largely out of trying to raise women, who\u2014I want them to know that they are strong and that they are able, but why is that?\u2014\u201cWho are they?\u201d and \u201c<em>Whose<\/em> are they?\n\nThey are strong, and able, and capable; because of the God who made them. I want to be rehearsing that truth to them over, and over, and over: \u201cGreat job on that test!\u201d \u201cGreat job on the field!\u201d \u201cLook at how the Lord has designed you,\u201d \u201cLook what He gave you,\u201d \u201cLook at the opportunities He gave you. Let\u2019s steward them well for His glory and for your good.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So that\u2019s how you\u2019re talking to your four daughters.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> That\u2019s how I talk to them; maybe it sounds a little bit strange. It\u2019s a big worldview shift inside your home. Rather than saying, \u201cI am so proud of <em>you<\/em>,\u201d I follow that up with: \u201cLook at how the Lord made you,\u201d \u201cLook at what He\u2019s done for you,\u201d \u201cLook at the resources He\u2019s given us. How can we, as a family, <em>steward<\/em> these opportunities so that God\u2019s name is known and so that you glorifies Him?\u201d That\u2019s going to be for their good, because that\u2019s how we were made. We were made by Him, for Him, through Him, to Him as Colossians, Chapter 1, says.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the key themes in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> put together is the theme of identity\u2014helping children understand their identify. We focus in on Ephesians 2:10: \u201cWe are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, for good works, which He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.\u201d That\u2019s so inline with what you\u2019re talking about: when a child succeeds in something\u2014has an accomplishment\/does well\u2014to be able to say, \u201cThis has to be one of the things that God prepared beforehand for you to walk in. Look at how you\u2019re living out His purpose and plan for your life\u201d; so they begin thinking\u2014not \u201cWhat do I want my life to be all about?\u201d\u2014but\u2014\u201cWhat does God want my life to be all about?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s easy to slip off of that a little bit. When our church started, I started our women\u2019s ministry at the church. It was really going well; it was exciting. I\u2019ve had so many surrender moments of Jesus, but this kind of was in my wheelhouse.\n\nI\u2019m an achiever anyway, so at the end of this ministry year, we sat around with all the women leaders. I said, \u201cLet\u2019s go around and give character attributes and new names\u2014like, \u2018Okay, Jane; you have been amazing this year. Let\u2019s tell Jane what her strengths and gifts are\/how we\u2019ve seen God use her this year.\u2019\u201d Somebody would say, \u201cYour name is Grace; you give people grace. You surround yourself with Jesus all the time.\u201d Each woman had this name that was so beautiful.\n\nIt was my turn; I was like, \u201cLet\u2019s not even do me.\u201d They were like, \u201cNo, no, no. Let\u2019s do you, Ann.\u201d I was getting ready, like, \u201cOh, this is going to be\u2014God\u2019s going to fill me up; this is going to be amazing.\u201d They looked at me\u2014and this one older woman, who I really respected\u2014she said, \u201cYou know what you are, Ann? Your name is The Energizer Bunny.\u201d They all laughed\u2014they\u2019re like: \u201cYes! She is The Energizer Bunny!\u201d I was like, \u201cUhhhh! Uhhhh! That\u2019s not a great name.\u201d As I drove home after that meeting, I started to think, \u201cWhy would I get <em>that<\/em> name?\u201d\u2014because I am a driver; I can drive hard.\n\nThe next morning, I was getting ready; I was putting some makeup on in the mirror. I felt this little whisper in my mind of, \u201cYour name is Striving.\u201d I stopped myself for a second. I thought, \u201cWhat? What was that?\u201d I felt God whisper into my spirit, \u201cYou\u2019ve been striving so hard to achieve that you\u2019ve kind of left Me and lost Me a little bit along the way,\u201d\u2014because of all the things we were doing <em>for<\/em> Jesus. That kind of feeds the identity of what you do, and what you accomplish, and even women you can bring to Christ.\n\nI realized, at that moment, that I was in a moment of repentance, like, \u201cLord, You\u2019re right. I\u2019ve taken my eyes off of You. I\u2019ve been relishing the praise of people and what God is doing, but it\u2019s kind of become all about <em>me<\/em> all of a sudden.\u201d I ended up thinking, \u201cLord, what could it look like for me to get back on track?\u201d\n\nI ended up carving part of a day\u2014of saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to give an entire morning when the kids are at school. I\u2019m going to be with You from nine to noon,\u201d\u2014which may not sound like too much time\u2014but as a mom\/as a busy mom, that was a significant amount of time. All I did is: I was in the Word; I was praying; I was worshipping; and it got me back on track. Do you know what I mean?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes, yes; I do.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you were having \u201cme time\u201d\u2014is what you were saying? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was having <em>He <\/em>time\/God time because it was all about me; I switched it back. Do you think it\u2019s easy for us to fall off?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes; so easy. I hear myself in that story on a daily basis. Daily tasks\u2014like you; I\u2019m goal-oriented\u2014I want to get things done. Before 10:00 a.m. every day, I\u2019m already having to repent from being self-driven rather than being driven by the Lord.\n\nThey can look really similar; right? It\u2019s the heart\/the heart behind it: \u201cWhat is the motive of our heart? What is the posture of our heart in the pursuit of these good things?\u201d Because we <em>should<\/em> be using our time well; we <em>should<\/em> be going for it. We should be leaving it all on the field, in the name of Jesus, for His name, for His glory, for His kingdom. But that activity can look very similar to the activity of Jen Oshman trying to build her own little kingdom; right?\n\nWe have to be <em>real<\/em> before the Lord and say, \u201cShow me\/reveal to me these places in my heart. Reveal to me what is really driving it. What is my motive?\u201d To be motivated by self, and to seek self-glory is, at the end, of the day <em>so<\/em> exhausting. I think that\u2019s what we\u2019re seeing. If it\u2019s all about you\u2014if you have to decide who you are, and who you\u2019re going to be, and conjure up the energy to get there; and then once you are there, keep that hamster wheel spinning\u2014when you were not made to be God\u2014but in that situation, you are acting like God; you are your own god\/you are your own deity, keeping your life going, worshipping yourself to keep it going. It is <em>crushing.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yet, there\u2019s this nuance I\u2019m hearing. Tell me if I\u2019m hearing this right. You said earlier, \u201cIf I\u2019m trying to figure out my identity, often we look inside: \u2018Who am I?\u2019 Sometimes, we find greatness: \u2018I am strong, \u2018I am courageous,\u2019 as a man or as a woman. But there is this nuance that, if I want to understand my identity, I need to look up. Yet, in looking up, I can understand who I am in a different way. It\u2019s a totally different way to understand.\u201d\n\nI\u2019ve said many times\u2014if anybody was at my church, they\u2019ve heard me preach this, probably, too many times\u2014I always say, \u201cEvery decision you make, every single day, is based on two beliefs, I think: belief about God\u2014theology; belief about myself\u2014identity. If you don\u2019t understand who God is, you don\u2019t understand who you are. You\u2019re going to make some really bad decisions, based out of fear. But if I look to God\u2014and understand who He is\/to understand who I am, as a child of Him\u2014that\u2019s a great way to find identity\u201d; right? \u201cIt\u2019s different than looking here.\u201d\n\nBut if I find it here\u2014I mean, one of the songs I <em>love<\/em>\u2014tell me if you like this\u2014because it\u2019s a worship song that <em>could<\/em> be self-focused; but I think, if you understand it the right way\u2014here; I\u2019ll do it\u2014\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Let\u2019s hear it.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He loves getting the guitar out.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014not the whole thing. I know we\u2019ve all heard this line. [Singing: \u201cI\u2019m no longer a slave of fear,\u201d\u2014that sounds pretty self-focused\u2014\u201cI am a child of God.\u201d] I mean, that is a song I have wept, singing, in leading our congregation. It\u2019s because I think it helps me go, \u201cWait, wait, wait. I\u2019ve been making so many decisions out of fear. I\u2019m timid; I\u2019m afraid,\u201d\u2014because I\u2019ve forgotten my identity\u2014not because I\u2019m great; He\u2019s great! I\u2019m His child, so I can walk in\u2014a woman can walk in\/a man can walk in a room with confidence\u2014almost like, \u201cI own this room, because the Holy Spirit walked in this room with me. I don\u2019t need to be afraid. I can make decisions; I can lead my family.\u201d\n\nThat nuance is true, in terms of identity\u2019s good if it\u2019s understood vertically, but it could be bad if it\u2019s only understood horizontally. I don\u2019t want to put words in your mouth.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> No; I think you\u2019ve nailed it. I totally agree with you.\n\nIn the first scenario, where you\u2019re only looking within, then you have to be your own god\u2014that does drive fear\/so much fear. We\u2019re paralyzed with decisions that we have to make: with what we\u2019re going to do with our weekend, our future, our retirement. It\u2019s paralyzing when we are self-reliant, because we are all we\u2019ve got. But we were not designed to be that way.\n\nThe reason you don\u2019t have fear, as the song says\/the reason you can cast out fear is that you are in Christ and Christ is in you. We are abiding in the Lord: \u201cWe can do all things through Him\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cas we are abiding in Him. Apart from Him we can do nothing.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about the verse that teaches us that: \u201cWe are to do our work heartily\u201d\u2014so be achievers: go for it; work hard; exert yourself\u2014\u201cas unto the Lord.\u201d That\u2019s the thing that\u2019s different than the achiever, who is achieving for self\/for his own glory or for his own joy, and the one, who is saying, \u201cI\u2019m doing this because this is who God made me to be, and I want it to be as unto Him.\u201d\n\nThis is where I think all of us need this correction. I know a lot of women have gotten this book and gone through it in a women\u2019s study\/in a small group study. This is a book for mom to do with daughters\u2014and wouldn\u2019t hurt for dads to do with sons, either. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order and copy of Jen Oshman\u2019s book, <em>Enough about Me: Finding Lasting Joy in the Age of Self.<\/em>\n\nAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also order the book by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title of the book is <em>Enough about Me: Finding Lasting Joy in the Age of Self<\/em> by Jen Oshman. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nFamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> has just developed a brand-new <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> app, where you can listen easily to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on your smartphone or on your tablet\/your device. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to download the app, or just look for \u201cFamilyLife,\u201d as one word, in the app store and download our new FamilyLife app so you can listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> whenever you\u2019d like. Again, there\u2019s information available about the app, online, on FamilyLifeToday.com; or just go to your app store to download it.\n\nWe want to say a quick word of thanks to those of you who make things\u2014like the app, and the website, and this program, and all that we do at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> possible\u2014those of you who support the ministry financially. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. Your donations have made today\u2019s program possible\/really, makes everything that happens at FamilyLife possible. If you\u2019re able to help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a couple of books that will help you love your spouse better. We had a chance, earlier this year, to talk to Matt and Lisa Jacobson about how we can express love to one another in marriage more effectively. They\u2019ve written a couple of books: <em>100 Ways to Love Your Wife<\/em>;<em> 100 Ways to Love Your Husband.<\/em>\n\nWe\u2019d like to send you those books as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of this ministry.\u201d FamilyLife exists to help strengthen marriages and families. These books are tools to help that happen in your home. You can donate easily online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do. We look forward to hearing from you.\n\nTomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about this whole idea of turning away from a self-orientation in our lives. The culture keeps pointing us back to that. How do we combat those cultural messages and follow Jesus? We\u2019ll talk more with Jen Oshman about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\n\n1"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:24:55"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.82M"],"filesize_raw":["23923786"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306471.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306471.js"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Jen Oshman speaks to women about issues of identity and self-image. Discovering who we are and whose we are, says Oshman, is the key.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-10-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We live in a culture that says: \u201cLife should be all about <em>me<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> To be motivated by self and to seek self-glory is, at the end of the day, <em>so<\/em> exhausting. I think that\u2019s what we\u2019re seeing. If it\u2019s all about you\u2014if you have to decide who you are, who you\u2019re going to be, and conjure up the energy to get there; and then once you are there, keep that hamster wheel spinning\u2014when you were not made to be God\u2014but in that situation, you are acting like God; you are your own god\/you are your own deity, keeping your life going, worshipping yourself to keep it going. It is <em>crushing.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And social media is not helping.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> We\u2019re scrolling social media at night when we get home, and we\u2019re exhausted. We\u2019re looking at everyone else\u2019s beautiful images of their very successful career, their beautiful family, their beautiful children, their beautiful vacations; and we\u2019re comparing ourselves to them\u2014our hard day to their highlight reel\u2014and we\u2019re feeling incredibly disappointed in what life has delivered us.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, October 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. The culture keeps telling us life should be all about <em>us<\/em>. But as we\u2019ll hear from Jen Oshman today, if you buy into that perspective, you\u2019ll wind up exhausted and disappointed. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I think it was probably ten years ago\u2014I think I remember the first time I ever heard somebody use the phrase, \u201cme time\u201d: \u201cI need some me time.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes; that probably came from a mother.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It did come from a mother!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Of course! Because we\u2019re longing for that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It struck me, because I can relate. Who doesn\u2019t need a little down-time?\u2014a little relaxation, some quiet, some alone time. But I thought, \u201cI\u2019m not sure <em>me time<\/em> is really the way to explain that.\u201d\n\nToday, we want to talk about being done with <em>me<\/em>. Jen Oshman is here to help us talk about that. Jen, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Thanks so much.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jen is a pastor\u2019s wife, who lives out on the front range\u2014Parker, Colorado. She and her husband were missionaries for years. They are parents of four daughters. Jen has written a book called <em>Enough about Me.<\/em> Is this a memoir? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I\u2019m in there for sure. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How did this whole idea begin to percolate and resonate with <em>you<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> As you said, my husband and I were missionaries overseas for a long time\/for about 15 years. We ministered to American military in Japan, and we were church planters in the Czech Republic. For about two decades now, I have been heavily involved in women\u2019s ministry\u2014always teaching women\u2019s Bible study, always involved in discipleship, counseling relationships\u2014just really enjoying being a part of the lives and stories of women around the world.\n\nI was seeing, from overseas\u2014being an American but not living in America\u2014I was seeing this trend\/this movement, as you said, ten years ago, hearing \u201cme time\u201d for the first time. I was seeing this growing trend coming out of\u2014not just the United States\/not just America but also the church in America\u2014this growing movement: conferences, songs, Bible studies, books all about focusing on yourself\/focusing on who you are, how God made you, and what He\u2019s going to do in and through you.\n\nNow, some of that is really pure, and good, and beautiful, and biblical; but I did see it going kind of awry\u2014and this increasing focus on self rather than on our Savior\u2014it was very concerning to me. As I saw it heightening and heightening, I said, \u201cLord, if You will allow me, I would love to speak into this conversation.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Jen, go into that a little bit more. What do you mean by how it can become dangerous? Give us an example of what that would even look like.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> In the book, I talk about it\u2019s crucial that you and I determine who we are and <em>whose<\/em> we are. In order for me to know myself, I need to know who my Creator is: \u201cWho is the Giver of Life?\u201d \u201cWho is my Maker? Who formed me?\u201d\u2014and for what purpose?\u201d and \u201cWho is He?\u201d and \u201cWhat is He like?\u201d If you and I are going to thrive, we have to go back to this very simple question: \u201cWho are we?\u201d and \u201cWho do we belong to?\u201d \u201cHow did He make us?\u201d and \u201cFor what purpose?\u201d\n\nIn this moment, in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century United States\u2014and it\u2019s in the west\/throughout the wealthy west; it\u2019s not just the United States\u2014but it\u2019s especially poignant, here, in the U.S. today: we want to just look within; determine, ourselves, who we are; create our own identity; and then conjure up the energy and the effort to get there. It\u2019s all completely inward focused.\n\nThe reality is\u2014it\u2019s really hurting us: depression is on the rise, anxiety, stress, drinking, suicide\u2014al of these things are manifesting themselves in teen girls and women. I know it\u2019s present in men, as well; but I love women\/I\u2019m in women\u2019s ministry. This inward-looking\u2014this inward-seeking\/this self-focus\u2014has culminated to the point that we are really hurting ourselves with our self-focus. I want to encourage women to: \u201cLift your eyes up to the God who made you. There is where we will find some peace, and some rest, and some thriving.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You had an experience with God in college.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> True.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Tell us about that.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> I open the book with sharing my own story. I went away to Indiana to college there. I had grown up in a home with divorced parents and a home without the Lord. My mom, praise God, had taken me to church, as a nine-year-old; and I had heard the gospel. There was some Christian influence in my life, which I am so thankful for\/thankful to the Lord for doing that through my mom.\n\nBut by and large, I grew up in a setting that did not have a Christian influence in it. My identity, my joy, my pride, was all coming from academics, sports, activities, being a leader, being a go-getter, just having an identity really fixated on: \u201cWhat can <em>I<\/em> do?\u201d \u201cWhat dreams can I make happen?\u201d \u201cI am a strong woman; I\u2019m going to go get \u2018em; I\u2019m going to make this happen.\u201d\n\nWhen I got to college\u2014and the sports were harder, the academics were harder, the social scene was harder\u2014all of those places that I had placed my identity, sort of fell away; they were broken down. I was no longer successful in the ways that I had been before. That was a gift of grace. Really, it was the Lord showing me, \u201cYou are not enough, but I am. Cry out to Me; seek Me, and you will find Me.\u201d As a freshman in college, I did, on my dorm room floor, literally, broken-hearted. The things I <em>thought<\/em> I was built on\/where I had <em>put<\/em> my identity was really in a false place. The Lord said, \u201cI will heal you. I will make you whole, but you have to surrender to Me. You belong to Me, and I treasure you.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You discovered, at that moment, that everything you\u2019d hoped for let you down.\n\n<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You found Christ. In fact, you asked the question in the book, \u201cHave you ever wanted something really bad, and then when you finally got it, it was underwhelming?\u201d That has happened a <em>thousand<\/em> times in my life, from little things to big things. It happened two nights ago. We fly into Little Rock to do radio this week; and the rental car that I had booked\u2014they\u2019re closed! Literally, walk over there; they\u2019re gone for the day. I won\u2019t mention which rental car was open, but I walk over there. He said, \u201cYes, we can get you a car.\u201d I walk up there and I said, \u201cI guess I know never to book with So-and-so again. I\u2019m booking with you.\u201d And he goes, \u201cAnd we\u2019re going to make sure we keep you.\u201d\n\nThe next thing I know\u2014I just get a compact; right?\u2014 most inexpensive you can get. I walk out to a Dodge Challenger. I have it one day\u2014we go out to dinner last night\u2014we come out, and somebody dinged the door. Immediately, I\u2019m like\/now, I\u2019m mad at the car: \u201cWhy do we have this car? I don\u2019t want this <em>nice<\/em> car; I\u2019ve got to park it!\u201d Again, that is life. It was such a joy for a moment; I\u2019ve never had a Dodge Challenger. Now, every time I look at it, I\u2019m like, \u201cThis car stinks!\u201d\u2014you know? [Laughter]\n\nI felt that about our marriage.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s what I was going to say.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve felt that about our career. <em>Everything<\/em> has, in some way, never lived up.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was on a business trip to Florida\u2014this was many years ago\u2014the trip ended early. I had an extra day in Orlando, and I had a free pass to Disney. I thought, \u201cThis is going to be the greatest day, because I can ride where <em>I<\/em> want to ride. I can do what <em>I<\/em> want to do. When they say, \u201cAny singles?\u201d I\u2019ll get to the front of the line. It\u2019s just me on my own at Disney.\u201d\n\nI remember riding a ride and getting off and going, \u201cThat was <em>awesome<\/em>,\u201d and looking around for somebody to talk to about how awesome it was. All of a sudden, it was the most miserable day of my life, to be at an amusement park with <em>no one<\/em> to share it with. That was\u2014yes, I thought this was going to be great; because it was all about me\u2014and it wasn\u2019t so great.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> An interesting thing\u2014\n\n<strong>Jen: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great story.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014Jen, you say in your book; because you\u2019ve seen this over, and over, and over with women.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about that a little bit. I mean, what is it\u2014it\u2019s not unique to women, obviously\u2014\n\n<strong>Jen: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014but you\u2019ve seen it, probably, like I said, a thousand times in women\u2019s ministry. They\u2019re let down by what they thought would give them life.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You even say that women are having a new mid-life crisis. What does <em>that<\/em> mean?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> It\u2019s true. My generation\/we were raised in the height of the self-esteem movement. I was literally in classrooms, where I was singing songs, doing worksheets, parts of programs and plays, where we were telling each other and telling ourselves: \u201cI can handle it. Whatever I dream, I can achieve,\u201d \u201cReach for the stars; whatever it is you want, go get \u2018em.\u201d\n\nIt was also on the heels of Title IX in terms of girls getting equal funding for sports and other activities\u2014that\u2019s a great thing; I celebrate that\u2014I\u2019m not talking negatively about that at all. That created an atmosphere\u2014I think, maybe especially for girls\u2014that said: \u201cAnything boys can do we can better. You can dream it, and <em>achieve<\/em> it.\u201d That was what we were hearing on a daily basis from our parents, from our teachers, from our coaches, from telling each other that; and we fully believed it.\n\nWe grew up: we went to college; and we entered the work force or we entered volunteer force\u2014or whatever it is that each woman is a part of now\u2014we\u2019re all having that moment\/that Disney World moment of like: \u201cThis is not as great as I thought it was going to be. This is actually a huge let down.\u201d What\u2019s happened is\u2014we\u2019ve put all of our hope in ourselves.\n\nAlso, not only is it the age of self, it\u2019s the age of social media. We\u2019re scrolling social media at night when we get home, and we\u2019re exhausted. We\u2019re looking at everybody else\u2019s beautiful images of their very successful career, their beautiful family, their beautiful children, their beautiful vacations; and we\u2019re comparing ourselves to them\u2014our hard day to their highlight reel\u2014and we\u2019re feeling incredibly disappointed in what life has delivered us.\n\nEven those of us, who have achieved what we wanted to achieve, realizing, \u201cThis does not deliver. This is not the high, the peace, the joy, the satisfaction that I thought I was going to achieve at this moment. It\u2019s actually hollow.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> In some ways, you say this in your book, that\u2019s a gift.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> It\u2019s a gift.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> In the moment, it doesn\u2019t feel like a gift. I, literally, just thought of college\u2014playing quarterback, winning a conference championship, at northern Illinois\u2014in the shower after the game. I mean, it\u2019s your whole goal, as a college athlete, to win a conference championship. We won it. I\u2019m in the shower, less than an hour later; I\u2019m not a Christian. Head under\u2014not a lot of hair, by the way\u2014head under the shower head, thinking, \u201cThis is it?!\u201d It\u2019s so hollow. And an hour before, on the field, cheering.\n\nI knew right then: \u201cThis <em>can\u2019t<\/em> be what life\u2019s about.\u201d It pointed me to finally following Christ. That moment in our life, which is so disappointing, is actually a gift; right?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it\u2019s just the beginning. It is when we realize that we are frail and finite\/that we are sinners separated far away from God\u2014that we were made by Him, for Him, through Him, to Him\u2014and yet we are separate from Him. It\u2019s when we run out of steam; we run out of fuel of self\u2014which was not meant to drive us in the first place\u2014it\u2019s that moment\/that moment [inaudible] and have relationship with Him.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re a mother, raising four daughters.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Correct.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of moms, who are raising daughters, and want their daughters to be strong, confident, capable young women. The culture is reinforcing that message\u2014what you heard you can be\u2014you can be whoever you want to be\/whatever you want to be. There\u2019s a truth to that that you want to emphasize. Yet, alongside of that is: \u201cAnd it needs to be all about you.\u201d\n\nHow do you navigate those messages so that your daughters learn what it means to be strong, capable, competent women, who are excelling in who God made them to be, and yet, not have it be all about them?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s a good question. This book did come largely out of trying to raise women, who\u2014I want them to know that they are strong and that they are able, but why is that?\u2014\u201cWho are they?\u201d and \u201c<em>Whose<\/em> are they?\n\nThey are strong, and able, and capable; because of the God who made them. I want to be rehearsing that truth to them over, and over, and over: \u201cGreat job on that test!\u201d \u201cGreat job on the field!\u201d \u201cLook at how the Lord has designed you,\u201d \u201cLook what He gave you,\u201d \u201cLook at the opportunities He gave you. Let\u2019s steward them well for His glory and for your good.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So that\u2019s how you\u2019re talking to your four daughters.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> That\u2019s how I talk to them; maybe it sounds a little bit strange. It\u2019s a big worldview shift inside your home. Rather than saying, \u201cI am so proud of <em>you<\/em>,\u201d I follow that up with: \u201cLook at how the Lord made you,\u201d \u201cLook at what He\u2019s done for you,\u201d \u201cLook at the resources He\u2019s given us. How can we, as a family, <em>steward<\/em> these opportunities so that God\u2019s name is known and so that you glorifies Him?\u201d That\u2019s going to be for their good, because that\u2019s how we were made. We were made by Him, for Him, through Him, to Him as Colossians, Chapter 1, says.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the key themes in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> put together is the theme of identity\u2014helping children understand their identify. We focus in on Ephesians 2:10: \u201cWe are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus, for good works, which He prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.\u201d That\u2019s so inline with what you\u2019re talking about: when a child succeeds in something\u2014has an accomplishment\/does well\u2014to be able to say, \u201cThis has to be one of the things that God prepared beforehand for you to walk in. Look at how you\u2019re living out His purpose and plan for your life\u201d; so they begin thinking\u2014not \u201cWhat do I want my life to be all about?\u201d\u2014but\u2014\u201cWhat does God want my life to be all about?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s easy to slip off of that a little bit. When our church started, I started our women\u2019s ministry at the church. It was really going well; it was exciting. I\u2019ve had so many surrender moments of Jesus, but this kind of was in my wheelhouse.\n\nI\u2019m an achiever anyway, so at the end of this ministry year, we sat around with all the women leaders. I said, \u201cLet\u2019s go around and give character attributes and new names\u2014like, \u2018Okay, Jane; you have been amazing this year. Let\u2019s tell Jane what her strengths and gifts are\/how we\u2019ve seen God use her this year.\u2019\u201d Somebody would say, \u201cYour name is Grace; you give people grace. You surround yourself with Jesus all the time.\u201d Each woman had this name that was so beautiful.\n\nIt was my turn; I was like, \u201cLet\u2019s not even do me.\u201d They were like, \u201cNo, no, no. Let\u2019s do you, Ann.\u201d I was getting ready, like, \u201cOh, this is going to be\u2014God\u2019s going to fill me up; this is going to be amazing.\u201d They looked at me\u2014and this one older woman, who I really respected\u2014she said, \u201cYou know what you are, Ann? Your name is The Energizer Bunny.\u201d They all laughed\u2014they\u2019re like: \u201cYes! She is The Energizer Bunny!\u201d I was like, \u201cUhhhh! Uhhhh! That\u2019s not a great name.\u201d As I drove home after that meeting, I started to think, \u201cWhy would I get <em>that<\/em> name?\u201d\u2014because I am a driver; I can drive hard.\n\nThe next morning, I was getting ready; I was putting some makeup on in the mirror. I felt this little whisper in my mind of, \u201cYour name is Striving.\u201d I stopped myself for a second. I thought, \u201cWhat? What was that?\u201d I felt God whisper into my spirit, \u201cYou\u2019ve been striving so hard to achieve that you\u2019ve kind of left Me and lost Me a little bit along the way,\u201d\u2014because of all the things we were doing <em>for<\/em> Jesus. That kind of feeds the identity of what you do, and what you accomplish, and even women you can bring to Christ.\n\nI realized, at that moment, that I was in a moment of repentance, like, \u201cLord, You\u2019re right. I\u2019ve taken my eyes off of You. I\u2019ve been relishing the praise of people and what God is doing, but it\u2019s kind of become all about <em>me<\/em> all of a sudden.\u201d I ended up thinking, \u201cLord, what could it look like for me to get back on track?\u201d\n\nI ended up carving part of a day\u2014of saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to give an entire morning when the kids are at school. I\u2019m going to be with You from nine to noon,\u201d\u2014which may not sound like too much time\u2014but as a mom\/as a busy mom, that was a significant amount of time. All I did is: I was in the Word; I was praying; I was worshipping; and it got me back on track. Do you know what I mean?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes, yes; I do.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you were having \u201cme time\u201d\u2014is what you were saying? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was having <em>He <\/em>time\/God time because it was all about me; I switched it back. Do you think it\u2019s easy for us to fall off?\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Yes; so easy. I hear myself in that story on a daily basis. Daily tasks\u2014like you; I\u2019m goal-oriented\u2014I want to get things done. Before 10:00 a.m. every day, I\u2019m already having to repent from being self-driven rather than being driven by the Lord.\n\nThey can look really similar; right? It\u2019s the heart\/the heart behind it: \u201cWhat is the motive of our heart? What is the posture of our heart in the pursuit of these good things?\u201d Because we <em>should<\/em> be using our time well; we <em>should<\/em> be going for it. We should be leaving it all on the field, in the name of Jesus, for His name, for His glory, for His kingdom. But that activity can look very similar to the activity of Jen Oshman trying to build her own little kingdom; right?\n\nWe have to be <em>real<\/em> before the Lord and say, \u201cShow me\/reveal to me these places in my heart. Reveal to me what is really driving it. What is my motive?\u201d To be motivated by self, and to seek self-glory is, at the end, of the day <em>so<\/em> exhausting. I think that\u2019s what we\u2019re seeing. If it\u2019s all about you\u2014if you have to decide who you are, and who you\u2019re going to be, and conjure up the energy to get there; and then once you are there, keep that hamster wheel spinning\u2014when you were not made to be God\u2014but in that situation, you are acting like God; you are your own god\/you are your own deity, keeping your life going, worshipping yourself to keep it going. It is <em>crushing.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yet, there\u2019s this nuance I\u2019m hearing. Tell me if I\u2019m hearing this right. You said earlier, \u201cIf I\u2019m trying to figure out my identity, often we look inside: \u2018Who am I?\u2019 Sometimes, we find greatness: \u2018I am strong, \u2018I am courageous,\u2019 as a man or as a woman. But there is this nuance that, if I want to understand my identity, I need to look up. Yet, in looking up, I can understand who I am in a different way. It\u2019s a totally different way to understand.\u201d\n\nI\u2019ve said many times\u2014if anybody was at my church, they\u2019ve heard me preach this, probably, too many times\u2014I always say, \u201cEvery decision you make, every single day, is based on two beliefs, I think: belief about God\u2014theology; belief about myself\u2014identity. If you don\u2019t understand who God is, you don\u2019t understand who you are. You\u2019re going to make some really bad decisions, based out of fear. But if I look to God\u2014and understand who He is\/to understand who I am, as a child of Him\u2014that\u2019s a great way to find identity\u201d; right? \u201cIt\u2019s different than looking here.\u201d\n\nBut if I find it here\u2014I mean, one of the songs I <em>love<\/em>\u2014tell me if you like this\u2014because it\u2019s a worship song that <em>could<\/em> be self-focused; but I think, if you understand it the right way\u2014here; I\u2019ll do it\u2014\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> Let\u2019s hear it.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He loves getting the guitar out.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014not the whole thing. I know we\u2019ve all heard this line. [Singing: \u201cI\u2019m no longer a slave of fear,\u201d\u2014that sounds pretty self-focused\u2014\u201cI am a child of God.\u201d] I mean, that is a song I have wept, singing, in leading our congregation. It\u2019s because I think it helps me go, \u201cWait, wait, wait. I\u2019ve been making so many decisions out of fear. I\u2019m timid; I\u2019m afraid,\u201d\u2014because I\u2019ve forgotten my identity\u2014not because I\u2019m great; He\u2019s great! I\u2019m His child, so I can walk in\u2014a woman can walk in\/a man can walk in a room with confidence\u2014almost like, \u201cI own this room, because the Holy Spirit walked in this room with me. I don\u2019t need to be afraid. I can make decisions; I can lead my family.\u201d\n\nThat nuance is true, in terms of identity\u2019s good if it\u2019s understood vertically, but it could be bad if it\u2019s only understood horizontally. I don\u2019t want to put words in your mouth.\n\n<strong>Jen:<\/strong> No; I think you\u2019ve nailed it. I totally agree with you.\n\nIn the first scenario, where you\u2019re only looking within, then you have to be your own god\u2014that does drive fear\/so much fear. We\u2019re paralyzed with decisions that we have to make: with what we\u2019re going to do with our weekend, our future, our retirement. It\u2019s paralyzing when we are self-reliant, because we are all we\u2019ve got. But we were not designed to be that way.\n\nThe reason you don\u2019t have fear, as the song says\/the reason you can cast out fear is that you are in Christ and Christ is in you. We are abiding in the Lord: \u201cWe can do all things through Him\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cas we are abiding in Him. Apart from Him we can do nothing.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking about the verse that teaches us that: \u201cWe are to do our work heartily\u201d\u2014so be achievers: go for it; work hard; exert yourself\u2014\u201cas unto the Lord.\u201d That\u2019s the thing that\u2019s different than the achiever, who is achieving for self\/for his own glory or for his own joy, and the one, who is saying, \u201cI\u2019m doing this because this is who God made me to be, and I want it to be as unto Him.\u201d\n\nThis is where I think all of us need this correction. I know a lot of women have gotten this book and gone through it in a women\u2019s study\/in a small group study. This is a book for mom to do with daughters\u2014and wouldn\u2019t hurt for dads to do with sons, either. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order and copy of Jen Oshman\u2019s book, <em>Enough about Me: Finding Lasting Joy in the Age of Self.<\/em>\n\nAgain, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also order the book by calling 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title of the book is <em>Enough about Me: Finding Lasting Joy in the Age of Self<\/em> by Jen Oshman. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nFamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> has just developed a brand-new <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> app, where you can listen easily to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on your smartphone or on your tablet\/your device. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about how to download the app, or just look for \u201cFamilyLife,\u201d as one word, in the app store and download our new FamilyLife app so you can listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> whenever you\u2019d like. Again, there\u2019s information available about the app, online, on FamilyLifeToday.com; or just go to your app store to download it.\n\nWe want to say a quick word of thanks to those of you who make things\u2014like the app, and the website, and this program, and all that we do at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> possible\u2014those of you who support the ministry financially. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. Your donations have made today\u2019s program possible\/really, makes everything that happens at FamilyLife possible. If you\u2019re able to help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a couple of books that will help you love your spouse better. We had a chance, earlier this year, to talk to Matt and Lisa Jacobson about how we can express love to one another in marriage more effectively. They\u2019ve written a couple of books: <em>100 Ways to Love Your Wife<\/em>;<em> 100 Ways to Love Your Husband.<\/em>\n\nWe\u2019d like to send you those books as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support of this ministry.\u201d FamilyLife exists to help strengthen marriages and families. These books are tools to help that happen in your home. You can donate easily online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do. We look forward to hearing from you.\n\nTomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about this whole idea of turning away from a self-orientation in our lives. The culture keeps pointing us back to that. How do we combat those cultural messages and follow Jesus? We\u2019ll talk more with Jen Oshman about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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