{"id":306430,"date":"2020-09-24T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-09-24T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-blessing-of-affirmation\/"},"modified":"2020-09-24T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-09-24T11:00:05","slug":"the-blessing-of-affirmation","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-blessing-of-affirmation\/","title":{"rendered":"The Blessing of Affirmation"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Husband and wife team Matt and Lisa Jacobson talk about the importance of affirming your spouse. Dave and Ann Wilson tell how a positive shift in outlook changed their marriage for the better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-24.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:53","filesize":"23.7M","filesize_raw":"24853973","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2082,2820,2902],"tags":[2877],"podcast_series":[8394],"cwp_profile":[9630],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306430","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-communication","category-lifelong-marriages","category-resolving-conflict","tag-marriage","podcast_series-100-ways-to-affirm-your-spouse","cwp_profile-matt-and-lisa-jacobson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306430\/the-blessing-of-affirmation","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306430\/the-blessing-of-affirmation","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"GZYnwcNotG\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-blessing-of-affirmation\/\">The Blessing of Affirmation<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-blessing-of-affirmation\/embed\/#?secret=GZYnwcNotG\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Blessing of Affirmation&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"GZYnwcNotG\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-24.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-24.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember the old folk song, <em>Home on the Range<\/em>?\u2014\u201cwhere seldom is heard a discouraging word\u201d? Matt and Lisa Jacobson say, \u201cIt\u2019s different in our day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Everything about what the culture has to say to your wife is negative: \u201cYou\u2019re not enough of this,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re too much of that,\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t measure up here,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re beneath standard there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many moms feel like they\u2019re just doing an <em>amazing<\/em> job at home, raising those kids?\u2014and \u201cMan, you\u2019re just winners at this mother game\u201d? [Laughter] How many wives out there are feeling like that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Everything is against us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Okay; there is a voice; it\u2019s just sitting right on your shoulder, saying, \u201cYes; you\u2019re failing again. You\u2019re not\u2026\u201d \u201cOh, you let down again,\u201d \u201cOh, look, you didn\u2019t measure up again.\u201d All of these things <em>conspire<\/em> to cause a wife to feel diminished in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. If you say something positive and encouraging to your spouse today, it may be the only positive or encouraging thing your spouse hears all day; so why not be their cheerleader? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m guessing that, in your career as an athlete, you were a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014looong time ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were a high school quarterback; you were a college quarterback; you\u2019re in the Ball State University Hall of Fame. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He has been inducted probably four times in the Hall of Fame. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Honey, what are you trying to do right now? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re pretty fantastic! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You don\u2019t go around telling people this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m trying to <em>affirm<\/em> you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, that feels <em>good<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing that there were times in that college career when a coach or a fellow player\/somebody came along and said something to <em>you<\/em>\u2014they acknowledged a good play, or a good decision, or a good choice\u2014or they said, \u201cYou\u2019ve got real skill here,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got real ability.\u201d You probably can remember that scene in your head like it was yesterday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes. Everybody is different; but I think everybody responds positively to affirmation, no matter what. When somebody speaks <em>life<\/em>\u2014I can remember my high school coach, Bill Jones, who was a college quarterback himself, telling me, when I was the 8<sup>th<\/sup> string quarterback on the roster my junior year, \u201cYou will be the starter very soon\u201d; I didn\u2019t believe that. He said that; and two weeks later, I was; but I was like, \u201cMe?! Really?! I\u2019m this little\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and the guy, who was the starter\u2014went to Michigan State on a full ride\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cThere is no way I\u2019m beating him out.\u201d This coach saw something and spoke life, and my college coach did the same thing; and I responded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When I was a freshman in college at the University of Tulsa, I tried out for the local campus radio station. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Okay; okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> KWGS was the local campus radio station. Students got to work at the station if they passed the test; right? I went in; did my tryout. I passed the tryout, and I was assigned the shift on Tuesday nights from nine at night until one in the morning. Every week, I\u2019m on the air. I\u2019m a freshman; I\u2019m 18. This is my dream: \u201cI\u2019m on the radio every night.\u201d I don\u2019t think there was anybody listening in town, but\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s not really the point, though; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s <em>not<\/em> the point. Well, I\u2019d been doing this for like three or four weeks. I walked in the station one day during the daytime; and the station manager was a guy named Gary Chu. Gary said, \u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d I said, \u201cIt\u2019s Bob Lepine.\u201d He said, \u201cYou\u2019re doing Tuesday nights; right?\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d He said, \u201cWhere did you work before you worked here?\u201d I said, \u201cThis is my first station.\u201d He said, \u201cReally?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the conversation could have ended there, because I\u2019d already gotten what I needed\u2014\u201cWhere did you work before you worked here?\u201d and \u201cReally?!\u201d was enough\u2014but he said, \u201cYou sound good.\u201d I think that\u2019s all he said. I can show the spot I was standing in, today;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because years later\u2014there is power in affirming words, which is what we\u2019re going to be talking about today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got some friends back with us to talk about this: Matt and Lisa Jacobson. Welcome back, guys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Thank you so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Hey, great to be with you again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The last time these guys were here\u2014and by the way, they live in central Oregon. Matt is a pastor. They\u2019ve both been involved as writers and in the publishing world for decades. They\u2019re parents of eight\u2014let me say that again\u2014[Laughter]\u2014<em>eight<\/em> children, who are, today, between the ages of 12 and\u2014how old is the oldest? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u201425. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201425. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last time you were here we talked about how to love one another because you\u2019ve written a couple of books called <em>100 Ways to Love Your Husband<\/em>; <em>100 Ways to Love Your Wife<\/em>. Today, we\u2019re going to talk about affirmation; because you\u2019ve also written books on <em>100 Words of Affirmation Your Wife Needs to Hear<\/em>; <em>100 Words of Affirmation Your Husband Needs to Hear<\/em>. This is something that is vital in a marriage; and yet, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s something that we do naturally. I think we have to say, \u201cThis is important, and I need to be intentional about affirming my spouse.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> I think one of the things that we forget is that the culture of our home is built on the communication that takes place. Some of it is non-verbal, but most of it is verbal communication. What we\u2019re really doing, when we\u2019re speaking in our home, is we are establishing the culture of that home: \u201cWhat is the tenor of your home?\u201d \u201cWhat is the culture that you are building in your home through how you\u2019re communicating?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis just became very clear to us when we focused on the kinds of things that put a lightness in our own steps\/that fill our hearts with just a sense of positive energy. It\u2019s, of course, very biblical to be careful how you speak to another person; right? The Word of God is <em>filled<\/em> with Scriptures that instruct us in how to communicate and what we\u2019re actually communicating by how we speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we wrote these books; because sometimes, we have good <em>thoughts<\/em> about our spouse; but we kind of run out of things to say. We forget how we might communicate to our spouse a positive word. This is a resource for spouses to read and to think about how they can communicate, build up, just strengthen the heart of their spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Yes; I like what you said about speaking life into the other person, because that\u2019s really the purpose of it. Sometimes, when people hear words of affirmation, they start thinking just compliments. I mean, compliments are nice. There are actually some in here that would be considered as compliments, but it is so much more than a compliment. It is really more than \u201cYou look pretty today.\u201d It\u2019s about speaking that life into that person: things that you appreciate about them, things that you admire about them, things that you can see in them that they might not be able to see in themselves. I think that\u2019s where the life-giving words come in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Most of us have done that in our dating time\u2014like we see it, and we say it\u2014and we\u2019re constantly communicating that in some way, whether it be through text\/through letters. Dave and I were in different colleges in different states. We wrote letters to each other every day; we talked on the phone every day, and we were very quick to notice the greatness in each other and to speak it out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, when you are married a while, I think, we can tend to drift; we can tend to get lazy. We can tend to have other demands on our lives; so maybe, those words don\u2019t come as quickly; we don\u2019t see them as quickly. We start noticing some weaknesses or the negative, so our homes become silent of affirmation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you are really right. I think it sets an atmosphere of even thinking, \u201cWhat is the atmosphere of my home? Is it one of life when my kids walk in?\u2014when my spouse walks in? Is it: \u2018Oh, this feels good to be here; because they see me; they believe in me; and they speak words of life to me\u2019?\u201d or \u201cIs it, \u2018Uh, I\u2019m home\u2019?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat can be convicting; because I know, for a while, I really set a <em>bad<\/em> tone in our home of <em>critiquing<\/em> Dave; because I thought, \u201cEverybody praises him\u2014he\u2019s preaching; he\u2019s doing all these wonderful things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u201cTime for some balance here!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cHis head is getting so big. Why would I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s bring him down to earth\u201d; that\u2019s right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s not a good thing for a wife to do. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I will throw this in; because I was sitting here, thinking, \u201cOkay; how many years out of 40 years of marriage did I feel critiqued?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Maybe 15 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was going to say 10 to 15 years, and then she flipped the switch and started doing cheering; it was mostly words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what I thought when I picked up <em>100 Words of Affirmation for Your Husband<\/em>\u2014I didn\u2019t read this one\u2014I wanted to know what my wife needs; right? I read this thing [<em>100 Words of Affirmation for Your Wife<\/em>] through. I thought, \u201cOh, I should see what they say a wife should say to her husband.\u201d I\u2019m not kidding\u2014we haven\u2019t even talked about this\u2014I could read all hundred of these, and I\u2019m guessing I\u2019m going to have the same result. Every one of these she\u2019s said to me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Oh! <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Oh, wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014constantly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s nice; what are they? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Like right at the first one, saying, \u201cYes; marrying you was the best decision I ever made.\u201d I can tell you where we were sitting on a beach in Mexico, on an anniversary trip, and just holding hands. She looks at the sun; and she turns to me and says, \u201cMarrying you was the best decision I ever made in my life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me tell you\u2014six months into our marriage, she yelled at me, \u201cMarrying you was the worst decision I ever made in my life,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014so that was a\u00a0 bit of a change; you know?\u2014some 20 years later\u2014but she\u2019s said that one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next one: \u201cYou are one handsome man.\u201d I said, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not\u201d; she said, \u201cYes; you are.\u201d \u201cYou are a terrific kisser,\u201d \u201cIn your arms is my favorite place to be.\u201d I mean, I could keep going, \u201cI\u2019d go anywhere with you,\u201d \u201cYou are\u2026\u201d\u2014I mean, she\u2019s said all of these things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Wow; what a great testimony. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I feel like the greatest guy in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thank you for not saying all of the negative things I said to you over the years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The first 15 years? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I mean, it is so important to be speaking life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> We forget the power that we have with the words that we speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also treat our spouse like a mind reader sometimes: \u201cWell, of course, I feel great,\u201d \u201cOf course, I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Good point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI\u2019ve had very positive feelings.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll say to somebody else\/some third party, \u201cOh, hey, my wife is awesome. She does this, that, and the other thing. She\u2019s over there.\u201d [The spouse doesn\u2019t] know anything about that; you know? We need to speak this <em>directly<\/em> to our spouse, and our spouse is <em>not<\/em> a mind reader. He or she does <em>not<\/em> know how <em>deeply<\/em> you appreciate them, how much you love them, and what you love about them. They don\u2019t know that just automatically. You may <em>feel<\/em> it, but they don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> it. We\u2019ve got to make sure we don\u2019t treat our spouse like a mind reader. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> I think a lot of people are not comfortable or have not had this modeled, like I would be one of those people. This did not come naturally for me\u2014this speaking words of life into the other person. I did have those feelings, for sure; but Matt actually was much better at speaking those words. As we talked about, over the last couple of years, and as I was telling him: \u201cFor some people, we\u2019ve never experienced that,\u201d or \u201cWe\u2019ve never had it modeled before us.\u201d It actually is helpful to go, \u201cOh, these are the kinds of things you can say to your spouse that will make a big difference.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a good friend, who loves her husband very much; but she just said, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say to him\u201d; he is just <em>starving<\/em> for a word from her that says, \u201cI believe in you,\u201d \u201cI admire you.\u201d She goes, \u201cWell, I do feel all those things.\u201d Yes; but he has to hear them from <em>you<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think those are things we even need to teach our kids. They may see it, but they may not even always pick up on it. Our son was nine years old, and we were putting him to bed. I kissed him; I hugged him; we had prayed for him. I said, \u201cCJ, I love you so much.\u201d He said, \u201cMom, I know that. You tell me every single day. You can tell me once, and I know it the rest of my life.\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHis poor wife!\u201d [Laughter] What\u2019s the\/I said, \u201cOh, CJ, like I need to hear it from you. I\u2019m going to tell you, because I feel it; but your wife, when you get married, will need to hear that continuously from you. She won\u2019t just know that you love her because you married her.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t you think you\u2019re modeling it? Have you taught that to your kids as well? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Yes; we talk a lot about speaking words into each other\u2019s lives\u2014the kids to each other as well as to us and to others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes; the phrase is: \u201cCelebrating the best in the other person\u201d; absolutely. The thing is we all have spouses, and we don\u2019t walk on water; they don\u2019t walk on water. We have to decide: \u201cWhat are we going to focus on?\u201d and \u201cWhat are we going to build up in the other person?\u201d Just forget the flat sides; alright? There is a lot you can celebrate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven if you are in a marriage or situation, where you can point to some things that you don\u2019t like that are negative, there is a lot that you can celebrate in the other person. It\u2019s amazing how you start this positive, upward cycle of a growing and loving relationship just by choosing to start speaking positively\/choosing to start saying words of affirmation, being purposeful about building up the other person. Somebody has got to start; why not it be you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here is a good verse for husbands and wives to memorize that really sums up what we\u2019re talking about here. It\u2019s Ephesians 4:29 that says, \u201cLet no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion and may give grace to those who hear.\u201d You stop and think, \u201cIf our communication in marriage was good for building up, always fit the occasion, and gave grace to the other person, that could transform a lot of marriages\u2014just right there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes; and in Proverbs, it says, \u201cKind words are like the honeycomb,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u2014just health.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sweet; yes. I think there have been times when Mary Ann has been concerned that, if she was too affirming\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u2014you wouldn\u2019t change? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I wouldn\u2019t; yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely; because you\u2019ll think we\u2019re satisfied, and we\u2019ll enable you to stay the same. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So she\u2019s not alone. Every wife in the room\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Sorry; we\u2019re all alike. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014is thinking this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> We know this script. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, Lisa, is that true?\u2014that if a wife just lays it on too thick, her husband is just going to go, \u201cOh, I guess I am the greatest guy\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> [Speaking sarcastically] Right; you\u2019ve got to balance that out with critical words; that\u2019s right. That\u2019s the other\u2014that\u2019s the sequel\u2014that\u2019s still yet to come. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo; it has the opposite effect of that. By building him up, it actually makes him want to be a better man; that is the power in that. Not only building up your husband or spouse, but it\u2019s healing; those words can be healing. I think that is another part that we forget. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe all remember something that was said to us in junior high; right? I can remember what the mean girl said to me in seventh grade to this day, and that was a long time ago. You think about how you carry those words with you. Well, what about those positive words?\u2014like you started off with your story. You can remember where you were <em>standing<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u2014when that was said to you. I think that\u2019s absolutely true in a marriage situation too. Those words are healing; those words are impactful for decades to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> We just need to remember that we have such tremendous power, and we have to use that power in a godly and positive way in our relationships. Now, in the culture, your wife\u2014she\u2019s not going to get any positive messages; okay? The advertising is not helping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Walking by the Victoria, doesn\u2019t have any secrets, store is not helping; okay? Everything about what the culture has to say to your wife is negative: \u201cYou\u2019re not enough of this,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re too much of that,\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t measure up here,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re beneath standard there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many moms feel like they\u2019re just doing an <em>amazing<\/em> job at home, raising those kids? \u201cMan, you\u2019re just winners at this mother game,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014how many wives out there feeling like that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Everything is against us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Okay; there is a voice; it is just sitting right on your shoulder, saying: \u201cYes; you are failing again,\u201d \u201cOh, you let down again,\u201d \u201cOh, look, you didn\u2019t measure up again.\u201d All of these things <em>conspire<\/em> to cause a wife to feel diminished in the world. Where is she going to get the encouragement\/the support to see herself in a proper light as God sees her?\u2014\u201cYou are a daughter of the King,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou are a princess of the realm,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou are somebody that God looks at and totally approves of because of the blood of Jesus Christ,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re somebody He has completely equipped to be totally successful in the things that He has given you to do. He\u2019s given you the grace and the ability to do the things He\u2019s called you to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho is going to regularly speak these words into their wife? It\u2019s our job, as husbands, to do this. It\u2019s so uplifting for Lisa to know that I am behind her\/I believe in her. There are so many things that I can point out that she is doing a great job at\u2014and to point those out, lift those up, and make real because of the wonderful person that she is and the successes that she has had. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You think that\u2014almost, you want to step back and say, \u201cOkay; if you haven\u2019t been speaking life\/words of affirmation to your spouse, how is that going?\u201d\u2014you know, are they changing into becoming the man you\u2019re trying to help them become; or become the woman\u2014well, part of the answer is, \u201cNo; it\u2019s not really working.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, guess what? Maybe, there is a better way to do it. I tell you what\u2014when Ann started speaking life\u2014and it was like I noticed it\u2014like, \u201cWait; wait; wait. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u201cThis is different.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cShe\u2019s saying I\u2019m a good man. That\u2019s not what I\u2019ve been hearing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt first, I sort of pushed back like, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not.\u201d I remember her specifically saying, \u201cYou\u2019re a <em>great<\/em> spiritual leader of our sons.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I go, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not!\u201d I literally said, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not.\u201d I was thinking, \u201cYou\u2019ve told me, for years, I\u2019m not\u201d; because she had this vision of I\u2019d be sitting on the fireplace, and I\u2019d have this big Bible that\u2019s 180 pounds, and I\u2019d open it up and say, \u201cThus sayest the Word.\u201d Anyway, we had these conversations\u2014like she thought we\u2019d have these family altars on Sunday nights; whatever I taught at the church on Sunday morning, I would now teach. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t do it that way; I did way of life. When she started saying I was good, I initially thought, \u201cI\u2019m not.\u201d She kept saying it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in different areas. I know I can look back, and it was like she was saying, \u201cI\u2019m this guy way up here\u201d; and I\u2019m feeling like, \u201cNah, I\u2019m sort of here\u201d; but here is what it did for me. It wasn\u2019t like, \u201cWell, I\u2019ll never get to there.\u201d It was like, \u201cI can be that guy!\u201d It <em>motivated<\/em> me; like words of affirmation <em>motivate<\/em> people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was like, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to become the guy she says I am\u2014that I\u2019m not yet\u2014but I will be.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I look back; and it\u2019s like I <em>changed<\/em>\u2014not with words of critique\u2014with words of belief and affirmation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing that we learned over the years is\u2014and I believe this for me. I don\u2019t know; I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m doing it great\u2014but I want my spouse\/I want my wife to know how much God loves her by the way I speak to her. She should know how much God loves her by my words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So what are my words saying? She should be like, \u201cMan, I am so loved by God; because my husband keeps telling me I\u2019m an amazing woman.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And the truth is most of us come into marriage, as you said, Lisa, with baggage we\u2019re already carrying and wounds that we\u2019ve been feeling for a while. I have felt that. It\u2019s almost like, when Dave speaks words of affirmation to me, it\u2019s healing some of those places of old wounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were doing a conference one time, and a husband came up to me. He said, \u201cI\u2019m wondering if you could pray for my wife; she\u2019s dying. We have several kids, and I don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d I was thinking, \u201cShe had an illness.\u201d I said, \u201cI would be so happy to pray for her. What\u2019s going on?\u201d He said, \u201cShe\u2019s anorexic, and she\u2019s close to the end of her life. She can barely walk, because she hasn\u2019t eaten in so long.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI found her, and she really was skeletal. I saw her and I said, \u201cI would love to pray for you.\u201d I put my arms around her, and she knocked my hands off. She said, \u201cDon\u2019t touch me!\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?!\u201d She said, \u201cI\u2019m so <em>disgusting<\/em>. Don\u2019t touch me. I don\u2019t want you to even look at me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Her husband loved her so much, but she had so many wounds\/so many things going on probably. I hugged her; and I said, \u201cI don\u2019t care. I see you; I think you\u2019re beautiful,\u201d and I prayed over her. As I was praying for her, as she is wrapped in my arms, she is <em>sobbing<\/em>\u2014not that that one prayer would heal all those wounds\u2014but I think we need to remember our words carry healing power as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Just a few years ago, Matt walked by me. I said, \u201cYou are so handsome!\u201d Then\u2014again, this is not actually\/I\u2019m not actually that comfortable throwing things out like this; he\u2019s way better than I am\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> That\u2019s about the time I said, \u201cWell, yes!\u201d [Laughter] No; no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> No, it\u2019s not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe had been just walking by me, and he kind of stopped. He turned back around; and he said, \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d \u201cJust stating the obvious; you are handsome.\u201d He goes, \u201cReally? I don\u2019t think of myself that way.\u201d I said, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to be\/you\u2019ve got to be kidding.\u201d This was just a couple of years ago\u2014very recent\u2014and we\u2019ve been married for 27 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he started telling me about his childhood. He said, \u201cWhen I was about, maybe, 11 or 12\u201d\u2014he said\u2014\u201cI just thought I was so ugly. I had buck teeth and freckles.\u201d He literally went through the family photo album, and he tore out all the pictures of himself out of the family photos. You can see his whole family lined up; there is just like this jagged hole, where he had torn himself out of the pictures. I had never known that about him. I couldn\u2019t believe it; I just started weeping\u2014just to think that this young boy just thought he was so ugly that he didn\u2019t even want any reminder of his physical appearance. As you can see, I\u2019ve married a <em>very<\/em> handsome man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just a beautiful moment in our marriage; but it was also healing and a reminder: \u201cNo, this is what is true. There is some lie back in your head\/back in childhood that\u2014I don\u2019t know; somebody said to you or, maybe, you just got it for yourself\u2014but let\u2019s correct that lie, and let\u2019s tell the truth that you are beautiful in my eyes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and get both of these books together: <em>100 Words of Affirmation Your Husband Needs to Hear\/Your Wife Needs to Hear<\/em>. Both books come together. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order your set. The Jacobsons also wrote <em>100 Ways to Love Your Husband\/Your Wife<\/em>. Those books are available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center as well. Again, go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to find out how you can get copies of these books and how you can start implementing what\u2019s in the book\u2014how you can start carrying some of these things out\/doing some of this\u2014and build up one another in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order the books; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY: <em>100 Words of Affirmation Your Husband<\/em>\u2014or\u2014<em>Your Wife Needs to Hear<\/em>\u2014order them online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to take a minute and acknowledge those of you who are more than listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You are the patrons\/the people who have made sure that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> would be here today to effectively develop godly marriages and families. Those of you, who are donors to FamilyLife, you are investing in the lives of hundreds of thousands of couples every day, who are benefitting from this program, this podcast, from all that we do online, our resources, our events. Thanks for helping to make that possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are able to support the ministry with a donation by sending you a copy of Bryan Loritts\u2019 new book called <em>The Dad Difference: The 4 Gifts Every Dad Needs to Give to His Children<\/em>. That book is our thank-you gift when you make a donation today to support the ongoing ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. Thanks, in advance, for your support; and be sure to ask for your copy of the book, <em>The Dad Difference<\/em>, when you donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can join us, again, tomorrow. Matt and Lisa Jacobson will be here as well. We\u2019re going to continue talking about practical ways we can affirm one another in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:53"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.7M"],"filesize_raw":["24853973"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306430.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306430.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and wife team Matt and Lisa Jacobson talk about the importance of affirming your spouse. Dave and Ann Wilson tell how a positive shift in outlook changed their marriage for the better.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember the old folk song, <em>Home on the Range<\/em>?\u2014\u201cwhere seldom is heard a discouraging word\u201d? Matt and Lisa Jacobson say, \u201cIt\u2019s different in our day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Everything about what the culture has to say to your wife is negative: \u201cYou\u2019re not enough of this,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re too much of that,\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t measure up here,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re beneath standard there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many moms feel like they\u2019re just doing an <em>amazing<\/em> job at home, raising those kids?\u2014and \u201cMan, you\u2019re just winners at this mother game\u201d? [Laughter] How many wives out there are feeling like that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Everything is against us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Okay; there is a voice; it\u2019s just sitting right on your shoulder, saying, \u201cYes; you\u2019re failing again. You\u2019re not\u2026\u201d \u201cOh, you let down again,\u201d \u201cOh, look, you didn\u2019t measure up again.\u201d All of these things <em>conspire<\/em> to cause a wife to feel diminished in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, September 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. If you say something positive and encouraging to your spouse today, it may be the only positive or encouraging thing your spouse hears all day; so why not be their cheerleader? We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m guessing that, in your career as an athlete, you were a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014looong time ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were a high school quarterback; you were a college quarterback; you\u2019re in the Ball State University Hall of Fame. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He has been inducted probably four times in the Hall of Fame. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Honey, what are you trying to do right now? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re pretty fantastic! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You don\u2019t go around telling people this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019m trying to <em>affirm<\/em> you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, that feels <em>good<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m guessing that there were times in that college career when a coach or a fellow player\/somebody came along and said something to <em>you<\/em>\u2014they acknowledged a good play, or a good decision, or a good choice\u2014or they said, \u201cYou\u2019ve got real skill here,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got real ability.\u201d You probably can remember that scene in your head like it was yesterday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes. Everybody is different; but I think everybody responds positively to affirmation, no matter what. When somebody speaks <em>life<\/em>\u2014I can remember my high school coach, Bill Jones, who was a college quarterback himself, telling me, when I was the 8<sup>th<\/sup> string quarterback on the roster my junior year, \u201cYou will be the starter very soon\u201d; I didn\u2019t believe that. He said that; and two weeks later, I was; but I was like, \u201cMe?! Really?! I\u2019m this little\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and the guy, who was the starter\u2014went to Michigan State on a full ride\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cThere is no way I\u2019m beating him out.\u201d This coach saw something and spoke life, and my college coach did the same thing; and I responded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When I was a freshman in college at the University of Tulsa, I tried out for the local campus radio station. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Okay; okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> KWGS was the local campus radio station. Students got to work at the station if they passed the test; right? I went in; did my tryout. I passed the tryout, and I was assigned the shift on Tuesday nights from nine at night until one in the morning. Every week, I\u2019m on the air. I\u2019m a freshman; I\u2019m 18. This is my dream: \u201cI\u2019m on the radio every night.\u201d I don\u2019t think there was anybody listening in town, but\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s not really the point, though; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that\u2019s <em>not<\/em> the point. Well, I\u2019d been doing this for like three or four weeks. I walked in the station one day during the daytime; and the station manager was a guy named Gary Chu. Gary said, \u201cWhat\u2019s your name?\u201d I said, \u201cIt\u2019s Bob Lepine.\u201d He said, \u201cYou\u2019re doing Tuesday nights; right?\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d He said, \u201cWhere did you work before you worked here?\u201d I said, \u201cThis is my first station.\u201d He said, \u201cReally?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, the conversation could have ended there, because I\u2019d already gotten what I needed\u2014\u201cWhere did you work before you worked here?\u201d and \u201cReally?!\u201d was enough\u2014but he said, \u201cYou sound good.\u201d I think that\u2019s all he said. I can show the spot I was standing in, today;\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because years later\u2014there is power in affirming words, which is what we\u2019re going to be talking about today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got some friends back with us to talk about this: Matt and Lisa Jacobson. Welcome back, guys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Thank you so much. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Hey, great to be with you again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The last time these guys were here\u2014and by the way, they live in central Oregon. Matt is a pastor. They\u2019ve both been involved as writers and in the publishing world for decades. They\u2019re parents of eight\u2014let me say that again\u2014[Laughter]\u2014<em>eight<\/em> children, who are, today, between the ages of 12 and\u2014how old is the oldest? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u201425. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201425. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last time you were here we talked about how to love one another because you\u2019ve written a couple of books called <em>100 Ways to Love Your Husband<\/em>; <em>100 Ways to Love Your Wife<\/em>. Today, we\u2019re going to talk about affirmation; because you\u2019ve also written books on <em>100 Words of Affirmation Your Wife Needs to Hear<\/em>; <em>100 Words of Affirmation Your Husband Needs to Hear<\/em>. This is something that is vital in a marriage; and yet, I don\u2019t think it\u2019s something that we do naturally. I think we have to say, \u201cThis is important, and I need to be intentional about affirming my spouse.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> I think one of the things that we forget is that the culture of our home is built on the communication that takes place. Some of it is non-verbal, but most of it is verbal communication. What we\u2019re really doing, when we\u2019re speaking in our home, is we are establishing the culture of that home: \u201cWhat is the tenor of your home?\u201d \u201cWhat is the culture that you are building in your home through how you\u2019re communicating?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis just became very clear to us when we focused on the kinds of things that put a lightness in our own steps\/that fill our hearts with just a sense of positive energy. It\u2019s, of course, very biblical to be careful how you speak to another person; right? The Word of God is <em>filled<\/em> with Scriptures that instruct us in how to communicate and what we\u2019re actually communicating by how we speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why we wrote these books; because sometimes, we have good <em>thoughts<\/em> about our spouse; but we kind of run out of things to say. We forget how we might communicate to our spouse a positive word. This is a resource for spouses to read and to think about how they can communicate, build up, just strengthen the heart of their spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Yes; I like what you said about speaking life into the other person, because that\u2019s really the purpose of it. Sometimes, when people hear words of affirmation, they start thinking just compliments. I mean, compliments are nice. There are actually some in here that would be considered as compliments, but it is so much more than a compliment. It is really more than \u201cYou look pretty today.\u201d It\u2019s about speaking that life into that person: things that you appreciate about them, things that you admire about them, things that you can see in them that they might not be able to see in themselves. I think that\u2019s where the life-giving words come in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Most of us have done that in our dating time\u2014like we see it, and we say it\u2014and we\u2019re constantly communicating that in some way, whether it be through text\/through letters. Dave and I were in different colleges in different states. We wrote letters to each other every day; we talked on the phone every day, and we were very quick to notice the greatness in each other and to speak it out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, when you are married a while, I think, we can tend to drift; we can tend to get lazy. We can tend to have other demands on our lives; so maybe, those words don\u2019t come as quickly; we don\u2019t see them as quickly. We start noticing some weaknesses or the negative, so our homes become silent of affirmation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you are really right. I think it sets an atmosphere of even thinking, \u201cWhat is the atmosphere of my home? Is it one of life when my kids walk in?\u2014when my spouse walks in? Is it: \u2018Oh, this feels good to be here; because they see me; they believe in me; and they speak words of life to me\u2019?\u201d or \u201cIs it, \u2018Uh, I\u2019m home\u2019?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat can be convicting; because I know, for a while, I really set a <em>bad<\/em> tone in our home of <em>critiquing<\/em> Dave; because I thought, \u201cEverybody praises him\u2014he\u2019s preaching; he\u2019s doing all these wonderful things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u201cTime for some balance here!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cHis head is getting so big. Why would I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u201cLet\u2019s bring him down to earth\u201d; that\u2019s right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s not a good thing for a wife to do. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I will throw this in; because I was sitting here, thinking, \u201cOkay; how many years out of 40 years of marriage did I feel critiqued?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Maybe 15 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was going to say 10 to 15 years, and then she flipped the switch and started doing cheering; it was mostly words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is what I thought when I picked up <em>100 Words of Affirmation for Your Husband<\/em>\u2014I didn\u2019t read this one\u2014I wanted to know what my wife needs; right? I read this thing [<em>100 Words of Affirmation for Your Wife<\/em>] through. I thought, \u201cOh, I should see what they say a wife should say to her husband.\u201d I\u2019m not kidding\u2014we haven\u2019t even talked about this\u2014I could read all hundred of these, and I\u2019m guessing I\u2019m going to have the same result. Every one of these she\u2019s said to me\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Oh! <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Oh, wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014constantly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s nice; what are they? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Like right at the first one, saying, \u201cYes; marrying you was the best decision I ever made.\u201d I can tell you where we were sitting on a beach in Mexico, on an anniversary trip, and just holding hands. She looks at the sun; and she turns to me and says, \u201cMarrying you was the best decision I ever made in my life.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me tell you\u2014six months into our marriage, she yelled at me, \u201cMarrying you was the worst decision I ever made in my life,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014so that was a\u00a0 bit of a change; you know?\u2014some 20 years later\u2014but she\u2019s said that one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next one: \u201cYou are one handsome man.\u201d I said, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not\u201d; she said, \u201cYes; you are.\u201d \u201cYou are a terrific kisser,\u201d \u201cIn your arms is my favorite place to be.\u201d I mean, I could keep going, \u201cI\u2019d go anywhere with you,\u201d \u201cYou are\u2026\u201d\u2014I mean, she\u2019s said all of these things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Wow; what a great testimony. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I feel like the greatest guy in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thank you for not saying all of the negative things I said to you over the years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The first 15 years? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; exactly. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But I mean, it is so important to be speaking life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> We forget the power that we have with the words that we speak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe also treat our spouse like a mind reader sometimes: \u201cWell, of course, I feel great,\u201d \u201cOf course, I\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Good point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cI\u2019ve had very positive feelings.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll say to somebody else\/some third party, \u201cOh, hey, my wife is awesome. She does this, that, and the other thing. She\u2019s over there.\u201d [The spouse doesn\u2019t] know anything about that; you know? We need to speak this <em>directly<\/em> to our spouse, and our spouse is <em>not<\/em> a mind reader. He or she does <em>not<\/em> know how <em>deeply<\/em> you appreciate them, how much you love them, and what you love about them. They don\u2019t know that just automatically. You may <em>feel<\/em> it, but they don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> it. We\u2019ve got to make sure we don\u2019t treat our spouse like a mind reader. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> I think a lot of people are not comfortable or have not had this modeled, like I would be one of those people. This did not come naturally for me\u2014this speaking words of life into the other person. I did have those feelings, for sure; but Matt actually was much better at speaking those words. As we talked about, over the last couple of years, and as I was telling him: \u201cFor some people, we\u2019ve never experienced that,\u201d or \u201cWe\u2019ve never had it modeled before us.\u201d It actually is helpful to go, \u201cOh, these are the kinds of things you can say to your spouse that will make a big difference.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have a good friend, who loves her husband very much; but she just said, \u201cI don\u2019t know what to say to him\u201d; he is just <em>starving<\/em> for a word from her that says, \u201cI believe in you,\u201d \u201cI admire you.\u201d She goes, \u201cWell, I do feel all those things.\u201d Yes; but he has to hear them from <em>you<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think those are things we even need to teach our kids. They may see it, but they may not even always pick up on it. Our son was nine years old, and we were putting him to bed. I kissed him; I hugged him; we had prayed for him. I said, \u201cCJ, I love you so much.\u201d He said, \u201cMom, I know that. You tell me every single day. You can tell me once, and I know it the rest of my life.\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cHis poor wife!\u201d [Laughter] What\u2019s the\/I said, \u201cOh, CJ, like I need to hear it from you. I\u2019m going to tell you, because I feel it; but your wife, when you get married, will need to hear that continuously from you. She won\u2019t just know that you love her because you married her.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDon\u2019t you think you\u2019re modeling it? Have you taught that to your kids as well? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Yes; we talk a lot about speaking words into each other\u2019s lives\u2014the kids to each other as well as to us and to others. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes; the phrase is: \u201cCelebrating the best in the other person\u201d; absolutely. The thing is we all have spouses, and we don\u2019t walk on water; they don\u2019t walk on water. We have to decide: \u201cWhat are we going to focus on?\u201d and \u201cWhat are we going to build up in the other person?\u201d Just forget the flat sides; alright? There is a lot you can celebrate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven if you are in a marriage or situation, where you can point to some things that you don\u2019t like that are negative, there is a lot that you can celebrate in the other person. It\u2019s amazing how you start this positive, upward cycle of a growing and loving relationship just by choosing to start speaking positively\/choosing to start saying words of affirmation, being purposeful about building up the other person. Somebody has got to start; why not it be you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here is a good verse for husbands and wives to memorize that really sums up what we\u2019re talking about here. It\u2019s Ephesians 4:29 that says, \u201cLet no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion and may give grace to those who hear.\u201d You stop and think, \u201cIf our communication in marriage was good for building up, always fit the occasion, and gave grace to the other person, that could transform a lot of marriages\u2014just right there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes; and in Proverbs, it says, \u201cKind words are like the honeycomb,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u2014just health.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sweet; yes. I think there have been times when Mary Ann has been concerned that, if she was too affirming\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u2014you wouldn\u2019t change? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I wouldn\u2019t; yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely; because you\u2019ll think we\u2019re satisfied, and we\u2019ll enable you to stay the same. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So she\u2019s not alone. Every wife in the room\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Sorry; we\u2019re all alike. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014is thinking this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> We know this script. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, Lisa, is that true?\u2014that if a wife just lays it on too thick, her husband is just going to go, \u201cOh, I guess I am the greatest guy\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> [Speaking sarcastically] Right; you\u2019ve got to balance that out with critical words; that\u2019s right. That\u2019s the other\u2014that\u2019s the sequel\u2014that\u2019s still yet to come. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo; it has the opposite effect of that. By building him up, it actually makes him want to be a better man; that is the power in that. Not only building up your husband or spouse, but it\u2019s healing; those words can be healing. I think that is another part that we forget. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe all remember something that was said to us in junior high; right? I can remember what the mean girl said to me in seventh grade to this day, and that was a long time ago. You think about how you carry those words with you. Well, what about those positive words?\u2014like you started off with your story. You can remember where you were <em>standing<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> \u2014when that was said to you. I think that\u2019s absolutely true in a marriage situation too. Those words are healing; those words are impactful for decades to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> We just need to remember that we have such tremendous power, and we have to use that power in a godly and positive way in our relationships. Now, in the culture, your wife\u2014she\u2019s not going to get any positive messages; okay? The advertising is not helping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Walking by the Victoria, doesn\u2019t have any secrets, store is not helping; okay? Everything about what the culture has to say to your wife is negative: \u201cYou\u2019re not enough of this,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re too much of that,\u201d \u201cYou don\u2019t measure up here,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re beneath standard there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow many moms feel like they\u2019re just doing an <em>amazing<\/em> job at home, raising those kids? \u201cMan, you\u2019re just winners at this mother game,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014how many wives out there feeling like that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Everything is against us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Okay; there is a voice; it is just sitting right on your shoulder, saying: \u201cYes; you are failing again,\u201d \u201cOh, you let down again,\u201d \u201cOh, look, you didn\u2019t measure up again.\u201d All of these things <em>conspire<\/em> to cause a wife to feel diminished in the world. Where is she going to get the encouragement\/the support to see herself in a proper light as God sees her?\u2014\u201cYou are a daughter of the King,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou are a princess of the realm,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou are somebody that God looks at and totally approves of because of the blood of Jesus Christ,\u201d\u2014\u201cYou\u2019re somebody He has completely equipped to be totally successful in the things that He has given you to do. He\u2019s given you the grace and the ability to do the things He\u2019s called you to do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWho is going to regularly speak these words into their wife? It\u2019s our job, as husbands, to do this. It\u2019s so uplifting for Lisa to know that I am behind her\/I believe in her. There are so many things that I can point out that she is doing a great job at\u2014and to point those out, lift those up, and make real because of the wonderful person that she is and the successes that she has had. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You think that\u2014almost, you want to step back and say, \u201cOkay; if you haven\u2019t been speaking life\/words of affirmation to your spouse, how is that going?\u201d\u2014you know, are they changing into becoming the man you\u2019re trying to help them become; or become the woman\u2014well, part of the answer is, \u201cNo; it\u2019s not really working.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, guess what? Maybe, there is a better way to do it. I tell you what\u2014when Ann started speaking life\u2014and it was like I noticed it\u2014like, \u201cWait; wait; wait. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> \u201cThis is different.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cShe\u2019s saying I\u2019m a good man. That\u2019s not what I\u2019ve been hearing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt first, I sort of pushed back like, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not.\u201d I remember her specifically saying, \u201cYou\u2019re a <em>great<\/em> spiritual leader of our sons.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I go, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not!\u201d I literally said, \u201cNo; I\u2019m not.\u201d I was thinking, \u201cYou\u2019ve told me, for years, I\u2019m not\u201d; because she had this vision of I\u2019d be sitting on the fireplace, and I\u2019d have this big Bible that\u2019s 180 pounds, and I\u2019d open it up and say, \u201cThus sayest the Word.\u201d Anyway, we had these conversations\u2014like she thought we\u2019d have these family altars on Sunday nights; whatever I taught at the church on Sunday morning, I would now teach. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t do it that way; I did way of life. When she started saying I was good, I initially thought, \u201cI\u2019m not.\u201d She kept saying it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014in different areas. I know I can look back, and it was like she was saying, \u201cI\u2019m this guy way up here\u201d; and I\u2019m feeling like, \u201cNah, I\u2019m sort of here\u201d; but here is what it did for me. It wasn\u2019t like, \u201cWell, I\u2019ll never get to there.\u201d It was like, \u201cI can be that guy!\u201d It <em>motivated<\/em> me; like words of affirmation <em>motivate<\/em> people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was like, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to become the guy she says I am\u2014that I\u2019m not yet\u2014but I will be.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I look back; and it\u2019s like I <em>changed<\/em>\u2014not with words of critique\u2014with words of belief and affirmation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere is the thing that we learned over the years is\u2014and I believe this for me. I don\u2019t know; I\u2019m not saying I\u2019m doing it great\u2014but I want my spouse\/I want my wife to know how much God loves her by the way I speak to her. She should know how much God loves her by my words. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So what are my words saying? She should be like, \u201cMan, I am so loved by God; because my husband keeps telling me I\u2019m an amazing woman.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And the truth is most of us come into marriage, as you said, Lisa, with baggage we\u2019re already carrying and wounds that we\u2019ve been feeling for a while. I have felt that. It\u2019s almost like, when Dave speaks words of affirmation to me, it\u2019s healing some of those places of old wounds. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were doing a conference one time, and a husband came up to me. He said, \u201cI\u2019m wondering if you could pray for my wife; she\u2019s dying. We have several kids, and I don\u2019t know what to do.\u201d I was thinking, \u201cShe had an illness.\u201d I said, \u201cI would be so happy to pray for her. What\u2019s going on?\u201d He said, \u201cShe\u2019s anorexic, and she\u2019s close to the end of her life. She can barely walk, because she hasn\u2019t eaten in so long.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI found her, and she really was skeletal. I saw her and I said, \u201cI would love to pray for you.\u201d I put my arms around her, and she knocked my hands off. She said, \u201cDon\u2019t touch me!\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?!\u201d She said, \u201cI\u2019m so <em>disgusting<\/em>. Don\u2019t touch me. I don\u2019t want you to even look at me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Her husband loved her so much, but she had so many wounds\/so many things going on probably. I hugged her; and I said, \u201cI don\u2019t care. I see you; I think you\u2019re beautiful,\u201d and I prayed over her. As I was praying for her, as she is wrapped in my arms, she is <em>sobbing<\/em>\u2014not that that one prayer would heal all those wounds\u2014but I think we need to remember our words carry healing power as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> Just a few years ago, Matt walked by me. I said, \u201cYou are so handsome!\u201d Then\u2014again, this is not actually\/I\u2019m not actually that comfortable throwing things out like this; he\u2019s way better than I am\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Matt:<\/strong> That\u2019s about the time I said, \u201cWell, yes!\u201d [Laughter] No; no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Lisa:<\/strong> No, it\u2019s not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe had been just walking by me, and he kind of stopped. He turned back around; and he said, \u201cWhat did you say?\u201d \u201cJust stating the obvious; you are handsome.\u201d He goes, \u201cReally? I don\u2019t think of myself that way.\u201d I said, \u201cYou\u2019ve got to be\/you\u2019ve got to be kidding.\u201d This was just a couple of years ago\u2014very recent\u2014and we\u2019ve been married for 27 years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he started telling me about his childhood. He said, \u201cWhen I was about, maybe, 11 or 12\u201d\u2014he said\u2014\u201cI just thought I was so ugly. I had buck teeth and freckles.\u201d He literally went through the family photo album, and he tore out all the pictures of himself out of the family photos. You can see his whole family lined up; there is just like this jagged hole, where he had torn himself out of the pictures. I had never known that about him. I couldn\u2019t believe it; I just started weeping\u2014just to think that this young boy just thought he was so ugly that he didn\u2019t even want any reminder of his physical appearance. As you can see, I\u2019ve married a <em>very<\/em> handsome man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was just a beautiful moment in our marriage; but it was also healing and a reminder: \u201cNo, this is what is true. There is some lie back in your head\/back in childhood that\u2014I don\u2019t know; somebody said to you or, maybe, you just got it for yourself\u2014but let\u2019s correct that lie, and let\u2019s tell the truth that you are beautiful in my eyes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com and get both of these books together: <em>100 Words of Affirmation Your Husband Needs to Hear\/Your Wife Needs to Hear<\/em>. Both books come together. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order your set. The Jacobsons also wrote <em>100 Ways to Love Your Husband\/Your Wife<\/em>. Those books are available in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center as well. Again, go, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com to find out how you can get copies of these books and how you can start implementing what\u2019s in the book\u2014how you can start carrying some of these things out\/doing some of this\u2014and build up one another in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order the books; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY: <em>100 Words of Affirmation Your Husband<\/em>\u2014or\u2014<em>Your Wife Needs to Hear<\/em>\u2014order them online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to take a minute and acknowledge those of you who are more than listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You are the patrons\/the people who have made sure that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> would be here today to effectively develop godly marriages and families. Those of you, who are donors to FamilyLife, you are investing in the lives of hundreds of thousands of couples every day, who are benefitting from this program, this podcast, from all that we do online, our resources, our events. Thanks for helping to make that possible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis week, we would like to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who are able to support the ministry with a donation by sending you a copy of Bryan Loritts\u2019 new book called <em>The Dad Difference: The 4 Gifts Every Dad Needs to Give to His Children<\/em>. That book is our thank-you gift when you make a donation today to support the ongoing ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. Thanks, in advance, for your support; and be sure to ask for your copy of the book, <em>The Dad Difference<\/em>, when you donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd I hope you can join us, again, tomorrow. Matt and Lisa Jacobson will be here as well. We\u2019re going to continue talking about practical ways we can affirm one another in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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