{"id":306424,"date":"2020-09-22T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-09-22T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/fathering-rite\/"},"modified":"2020-09-22T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-09-22T11:00:05","slug":"fathering-rite","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fathering-rite\/","title":{"rendered":"Fathering RITE"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Fathers provide innumerable gifts to their children, but the best gifts don&#8217;t fit in a box. Bryan Loritts talks about the &#8220;RITE&#8221; gifts good fathers give to their children.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-22.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:23","filesize":"23.24M","filesize_raw":"24368494","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837,2891,2835],"tags":[4946],"podcast_series":[8393],"cwp_profile":[8819],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306424","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","category-making-memories","category-raising-boys","tag-fatherhood","podcast_series-the-dad-difference","cwp_profile-bryan-loritts","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306424\/fathering-rite","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306424\/fathering-rite","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"xUA0gSLa7N\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fathering-rite\/\">Fathering RITE<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/fathering-rite\/embed\/#?secret=xUA0gSLa7N\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Fathering RITE&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"xUA0gSLa7N\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-22.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-22.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Bryan Loritts was a teenager, he used to go on ministry trips with his father, Crawford. He says he remembers a practice his dad had that left a significant impression on him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>When we would get to a hotel room, the first thing Dad would do is he would take out a big 8x10 photo of the family and would put it in a prominent place in the hotel room. I never knew exactly why he did that until years later. I\u2019m sitting in on one of my mom\u2019s workshops, and she brings that up. She says pretty much my dad would do that as a visual reminder that he had a family counting on him, and \u201cDon\u2019t do anything stupid to let them down.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. As dads, we are always modeling something for our kids. Is it integrity?\u2014faithfulness?\u2014or is it something else? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Bryan Loritts. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I was talking to a friend of mine recently, and we were talking about men his age\u2014he\u2019s in his 30s\u2014he said, \u201cI\u2019m watching men my age\u2014some of them leaders\/guys who are good in business\u2014they\u2019re aggressive guys.\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m watching them demonstrate anger\/impatience; they\u2019re abusive to employees; they\u2019re not sensitive to what\u2019s going on with some of their fellow employees.\u201d As we had the conversation, I said, \u201cDo you know anything about those guys\/about their relationships with their dad?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know where you\u2019re going. [Laughter] I\u2019ve heard this story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; over, and over, and over again; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Almost anytime you see an angry man, or you see a man who is impatient\/who is abusive, you can trace that back. There\u2019s going to be some deficit in the father\/son relationship; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m smiling\u2014I mean, it\u2019s not funny at all\u2014but I was playing pickup basketball <em>years<\/em> ago\u2014I mean, it has to be 20\/25 years ago at this local college, playing with younger guys than me\u2014and you know, I can still play in the game; because there\u2019s a three-point line. You take that thing out, and I\u2019m done. [Laughter] But I\u2019m guarding this young guy, who\u2019s really a good player\/much better than me. The whole time he is just talking, \u201cI\u2019m this\u2026\u201d He\u2019s running by me, and he just won\u2019t stop talking. Everybody in the gym is just like, \u201cThis guy\u2019s just being sort of a jerk\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It got so bad, at one point he has the ball at the top of the key; he\u2019s dribbling, and he\u2019s saying, \u201cYou are this\u2026\u201d I literally\u2014I didn\u2019t even think about it\u2014just out of my mouth, I yell, \u201cYour father loved you, dude! Your father loved you! You are a good man!\u201d [Laughter] Everybody looks at me like, \u201cWhat are you doing?!\u201d I just stood there, like, \u201cWhat did I just say?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI instinctively knew, in the core of this boy\u2019s soul, he doesn\u2019t think he\u2019s good enough; and he has to prove it to everybody in the gym. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on with his dad, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wait, wait, wait; what did he say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He looked at me like, \u201cDude, what was that?!\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI don\u2019t know; just go by me and dunk.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s what you said, Bob. I don\u2019t even know\u2014but I\u2019m <em>guessing<\/em> somewhere in there\u2014was a lack of affirmation from a dad. I could be wrong, but it\u2019s a pretty common story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have a friend joining us this week, talking about dads, and their impact, and influence. Bryan Loritts is our guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; Bryan, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Oh, great to be with you guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Bryan is an author, a speaker, a pastor. He\u2019s the executive pastor at the Summit Church in Raleigh, North Carolina, where JD Greer is the pastor. He\u2019s written a book that is almost\u2014I think of this kind of as a tribute. Your dad wrote a tribute to his dad\/he wrote a book about his dad that was honoring, and you\u2019ve done kind of the same thing. You\u2019re saying to all of the rest of us: \u201cBe a great dad,\u201d and \u201cMy dad wasn\u2019t perfect, but he mapped out some pretty good territory for us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Absolutely. I think the book you\u2019re referencing\u2014of my father that he wrote\u2014was <em>Never Walk Away<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>I\u2019m just, in some senses, not only blessed, but a sociological phenomenon. I\u2019m one of a few African Americans, who can trace their roots back to pre-Emancipation Proclamation days. It all began for us with my great-great-grandfather Peter, who was a slave. The people who owned him led him to faith in Jesus Christ. Peter was married, and all of his kids came to know the Lord. One of his kids was my great-grandfather, Milton. Milton loved the Lord\/had 14 kids. All 14 of his kids came to know the Lord. One of his youngest sons, Crawford Loritts, Sr., my grandfather, loved the Lord; and my dad is his youngest child. That\u2019s kind of the legacy that I come from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know some of you are listening, and you don\u2019t have that legacy. I would say, \u201cStart one. Start one, by the grace of God, so that, 150 years from now, your great-great-grand-whatever is saying, \u2018Let me just tell you my story.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just feel incredibly blessed; and because of that, in my direct line, there\u2019s no such a thing as a man, in my direct line on my dad\u2019s side, who didn\u2019t love Jesus or who divorced his wife. Because of that, I just feel like I\u2019ve just been fast-tracked on this upward trajectory through life. That doesn\u2019t mean my life\u2019s been easy. Even though it\u2019s had pockets of turbulence, I\u2019ve felt this tailwind that\u2019s been pushing me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You and I talked one time about other guys in high school, or junior high, in your neighborhood in Atlanta.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Loritts home\/your dad kind of became the surrogate for them. They instinctively knew they needed a father figure like this in their life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Absolutely! My best friend in life is the oldest of 16 kids. They grew up in the projects, and my dad took him in. He lived with us for awhile. My dad helped him get through Bible college, and now he\u2019s a pastor today. He would say, \u201cI\u2019m here because of the influence of Crawford Loritts.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad just kind of had this extra-plate-on-the-table mentality\u2014you know, that God\u2019s blessed us\u2014so our dinner table was always filled with people, who didn\u2019t share DNA with us. Most of them were African American; and they would sit there, baffled at several things: one, that you have this father and mother, who are still together\u2014my parents just celebrated 49 years of marriage\u2014they both love Jesus; and here Dad, at the end of dinner, is taking out his Bible and having family devotions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s not to say the black community has a monopoly on fatherlessness. We know that that transcends every ethnicity. But the vision of that\u2014and the possibilities it painted for my friends\u2014they still talk about that to this day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Bryan, you may not even know this, but I\u2019m sitting here today, even though I never sat at your dinner table, but your dad changed <em>me<\/em>. I didn\u2019t have a father. I came to Christ in college. I start the Christian journey, and one of the first things you do is go to conferences; and who do I hear? I don\u2019t know who this guy is\u2014some dude up there\u2014Crawford Loritts. He literally gave me one of my first visions of what a godly man is and a godly husband and a godly father. I\u2019m sitting here today, in some ways, a disciple. What\u2019s really cool is\u2014I\u2019ve gotten to sit under <em>your<\/em> teaching at different conferences; we\u2019ve been together as speakers\u2014and listen to now Crawford\u2019s <em>son<\/em> impact my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople in <em>my<\/em> church would say they\u2019ve been impacted by me and my younger son, who\u2019s a preacher with me. It\u2019s like: \u201cLook at the legacy God can do if you just give Him everything.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ve had your dad say to me, \u201cIt\u2019s an amazing thing to sit and listen to your son preach the Word of God and go, \u2018He\u2019s ministering to <em>me<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2019He\u2019s teaching <em>me<\/em> stuff. He\u2019s pointing me to truth I haven\u2019t thought about before.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBryan, you talk about a dad\u2019s responsibility and kind of break it into four buckets. You have an acronym you use in the book. Tell us about the RITE that you associate with what a father\u2019s supposed to do and be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s \u201cFathering RITE.\u201d The first gift is Relationship; then it\u2019s Integrity; then it\u2019s Teaching; and it\u2019s Experiences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s apropos that the first gift is relationship. You know, one of the things you learn quickly about leadership, whether it\u2019s as a dad or in the workplace, is you can\u2019t lead anything effectively that you\u2019re not really connected to intimately. Relationship is <em>huge<\/em>\u2014and it is showing up; it is presence; it is time; it\u2019s being there\u2014Dad gave us that gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, there were times Dad would actually cut trips short just to show up and be there; because he felt like it was really important. I still have visions of stepping into the batter\u2019s box in Little League\u2014you know, nine\/ten years old\u2014and looking down the first base line, and there\u2019s Dad; he\u2019s just rushed in from work, his tie\u2019s loosened, and he\u2019s cheering me on. I don\u2019t remember how I did in baseball, but I do remember my dad being there. Relationship is key to any kind of effective leadership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know it\u2019s interesting\u2014you know, when sons or daughters become teenagers\u2014it\u2019s easy, at some point, to let that go; because they start to pull away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know a lot of dads, and there\u2019s a tendency in all of us to think, \u201cOkay, they\u2019re pulling away; that\u2019s what they do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014especially with daughters and their fathers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I remember an older father saying to me, \u201cPursue, pursue, pursue in that moment. Even though they\u2019re pulling away, and that\u2019s natural and they should, they still want a relationship with you. It\u2019s going to look different, but go after them.\u201d Is that something your dad did\/something that you\u2019re doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes, a couple of thoughts there. I think that\u2019s a huge point that you do bring up. I don\u2019t know how you all feel about this\u2014but our kids are driving now; they have friends; and they have jobs\u2014we\u2019ve literally had to mandate, at this stage, \u201cHey, when you look at your schedules, I really need Sunday afternoons\u201d\u2014or whatever the time is\u2014\u201cfor us to just be together.\u201d The other thing is finding things that they\u2019re interested in and trying to join in on that. I\u2019ve found that to be helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the thing that, as I\u2019ve gotten older and out of the house [from my parents]\u2014and actually, Dennis Rainey helped me with this\u2014I went through a period with my dad, where I\u2019m like, \u201cMan, he\u2019s not pursuing me anymore. What\u2019s going on?\u201d He\u2019ll call, but I\u2019m not getting invited the way I used to. Dennis says, \u201cYou\u2019re at the stage now where he\u2019s waiting on you to pursue him. He doesn\u2019t want to be an intrusion in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt some point in time\u2014you know, as dad\u2019s been pursuing the son\u2014at some point, that gets flipped around; and we now have to pursue <em>them<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019d say that\u2019s a great point. I remember one time Ann was on me\u2014because like you, Bryan, I\u2019d done a lot of traveling\/I\u2019d been gone\u2014and my sons [were] now teenagers; and my youngest [was] turning 16, going to get his driver\u2019s license. A buddy of mine\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wait, let me give a little backstory.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wait, wait, wait; what?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We traveled a lot; so we missed our boys\u2019 birthdays <em>all<\/em> the time. Our <em>youngest<\/em> always brought it up\u2014like: \u201cOh, you weren\u2019t there for this big game,\u201d \u201cYou weren\u2019t there for this birthday.\u201d He\u2019d <em>always<\/em> bring that up, and I was feeling <em>intense<\/em> guilt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So this buddy\u2014it\u2019s a long story\u2014has this opportunity; and he invites me to jump in a private jet, fly to L.A., and spend the afternoon with John Wooden\u2014John Wooden!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Look at Bryan\u2019s face right now!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I said to Ann, \u201cYou won\u2019t believe this! Danny just called; and he has this audience with John Wooden, with just one other guy; and he said I could go, so we\u2019re going.\u201d She goes, \u201cIt\u2019s Cody\u2019s 16<sup>th<\/sup> birthday tomorrow!\u201d I\u2019m like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Take him with you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cWho cares?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We didn\u2019t think to bring him <em>with<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>You should have brought him with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, I asked; I tried. He wasn\u2019t getting on that plane. There was room for one more, and it was me or nobody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cWho cares if he\u2019s getting his drivers\u2019 license? [Laughter] It\u2019s son number three\u2014what are we going to do?\u2014sit in there and watch him drive away? Who cares?!\u201d [Laughter] We got in a big argument. I finally called Danny and said, \u201cI can\u2019t go.\u201d John Wooden died a week later! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Are you serious?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, he died a week later! I still hold that on him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I feel so bad about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Even Cody\u2019s like, \u201cYou\u201d\u2014he didn\u2019t know that\u2014he\u2019s like, \u201cYou missed John Wooden for\u2014I don\u2019t even remember you being there.\u201d [Laughter] Sometimes you can take it a little too far; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask both of you, because both of you have enough frequent flyer miles to evidence that you have\/and your Marriott points are high enough to [prove] that you\u2019re not at home all the time. Bryan, your dad traveled a lot; you talk about that in the book. Some of us have to because of the jobs we have; some of us need to because of what God\u2019s calling us to\u2014that doesn\u2019t mean that we don\u2019t want to be good dads. Are there ways\/are there strategies for dads to continue to have a good relationship with their kids while they do the travel thing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>With my dad, again, it goes back to the intentionality. He really took me and my brother, a lot of times, on these one-on-one trips with him. He would get the calendar out, and we would do anywhere between two to four trips with him a year, each of us. He\u2019d schedule them way in advance. What that did was\u2014it gave us something to look forward to, which also allowed us to give him a pass on his other trips, if that makes sense. I\u2019m not saying he did it for that reason, but he really included us in on a whole lot of stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I remember KC \u201983\u2014I don\u2019t know if you guys remember that conference that Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> put on\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>\u2014it was right after Christmas. I had been begging for Christmas for his Nerf<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> basketball goal that attached to the top of the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014where you could dunk on that thing <em>all<\/em> the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes; absolutely. They gave it to me. Dad takes me to KC \u201983; I take the Nerf thing with me. I\u2019m ten years old; and Dad goes\/after he speaks, he goes, \u201cHey, you want to hang with Billy Graham tonight?\u201d I was like, \u201cNo way; I\u2019m playing Nerf basketball in my room.\u201d [Laughter] You know, but stories like that are just legendary\/of just hanging out with my dad and doing life with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I saw a different side to my dad; I talk about this in the book. Now, this is in a pre-iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> day; but when we would get into a hotel room, the first thing Dad would do is he\u2019d take out a big 8x10 photo of the family, and would put it in a prominent place in the hotel room, usually in the mirror. I never knew exactly why he did that until years later. I\u2019m sitting in on one of my mom\u2019s workshops, and she brings that up. She says pretty much my dad would do that whenever he would get into a hotel room as a visual reminder that he had a family counting on him, and \u201cDon\u2019t do anything stupid to let them down.\u201d Me, being able to see that side of him, was <em>huge<\/em> in my own development.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I love\u2014there\u2019s a beautiful story you tell about having to apologize to your son, Myles, for being away. It sort of hit you\u2014and it\u2019s hit me\u2014\u201cI shouldn\u2019t have taken this trip.\u201d Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Absolutely; well, you know\u2014and I really got that from my dad\u2014my dad was just <em>notorious<\/em> for apologizing to us. There were times he\u2019d drive up to the school\u2014and would pull us out of class and would look us in our eyes\u2014and say, \u201cSon, I yelled at you, and I shouldn\u2019t have; I thought you were lying, and you were telling the truth.\u201d He would own up to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the things that I\u2019ve tried to carry on with me. My son graduates from eighth grade\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cEighth grade graduations? I didn\u2019t grow up with eighth grade graduations!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>\u201cHe did a sixth-grade graduation, a kindergarten graduation; he won\u2019t miss eighth grade!\u201d I\u2019ll never forget seeing an Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> photo that my wife posted of just her and him. My heart\u2019s sinking as I was out of town, and coming back and going straight to his room, and just saying, \u201cI blew it; would you forgive me? I just messed up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWithout even thinking about it, he goes, \u201cI forgive you, Dad.\u201d He extended grace. I mean, he could have asked me for a round of golf at Pebble Beach and I would have made it happen. [Laughter] But it\u2019s not just our kids who need grace; we dads need grace too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think the point for any dad listening is: \u201cYou have to be\u201d\u2014we\u2019re back to the word, \u201cintentional\u201d\u2014\u201cyou have be purposeful in those things that will establish a relationship, whether it\u2019s taking kids on trips with you, whether it\u2019s the breakfasts that your dad did with you and that I did with my boys when they were growing up.\u201d We\u2019re talking about fathers and sons because we\u2019ve had those, but it\u2019s important for fathers and daughters too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I was going to say, too, I think it\u2019s not only intentional, but in today\u2019s society, we have to <em>fight<\/em> for that time. Everything\u2019s pulling us away from family, our spouse, and our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just cleaning out some drawers the other day, and I came across a letter to one of our sons. He was in high school; it was this two-page letter. I said, \u201cI feel like we\u2019re drifting apart.\u201d He used to want to be with me all the time; but as a teenager, I could tell that he wanted to be with his friends, which is totally normal. But in the letter I was saying, \u201cI want to fight for our relationship. I want to fight for time with you. I\u2019m wondering if we could just have one lunch every two weeks to catch up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s important for our kids\u2014he\u2019s like, \u201cWhatever; okay,\u201d\u2014but I think we have to really fight for that time. Especially with <em>you<\/em>, Dave, I watched you, when the boys were with you, they were <em>thrilled<\/em>; because they knew that your time was important, and everybody wanted you. When you gave that time to them, it mattered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think, even as I look back\u2014I don\u2019t know, Bryan, if you feel this, or Bob\u2014I think my sons would say, \u201cDad did a good job with the relationship; he pursued us.\u201d I think they would also say, \u201cBut often, he didn\u2019t go there in conversation with us.\u201d We\u2019d hang; we\u2019d play\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You were good at playing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014yes; but \u201cOkay; we should have a conversation about <em>this<\/em>.\u201d That\u2019s where it could be easy to be passive, and maybe even fearful, to say: \u201cOkay, how are you doing with porn?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cHow are you doing with your girlfriends?\u201d \u201cHow about your thought life?\u201d\u2014any one of those\u2014like, \u201cI\u2019m going to step into something.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did it; but there were times, where I was like, \u201cI\u2019m going to\u2014no, I\u2019ll do it tomorrow.\u201d That\u2019s part of the relationship, too, where they <em>want<\/em> to be known; and yet it\u2019s a scary time, sometimes, to step in there, as a dad; but we have to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Or for a dad to say: \u201cSon, let me tell you what I\u2019m struggling with,\u201d \u201cLet me tell you about the journey I had,\u201d \u201cLet me tell you where I blew it last week,\u201d or \u201cLet me tell you what I\u2019m learning from God\u2019s Word.\u201d It\u2019s not just the\u2014\u201cLet me ask <em>you<\/em> the hard questions,\u201d\u2014but \u201cLet me reveal what\u2019s going on in my <em>own<\/em> life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll just say, as the only dad in the room that had daughters, it was easier for me to pursue and to find activities to do with my sons during their junior high and teen years. With the girls, I could do that when they were little; but when they became teenagers, there was almost something like, now it feels strange to say, \u201cLet\u2019s have a breakfast father\/daughter once a week,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cNo, you do that with your boys; you don\u2019t do that with your girls.\u201d I\u2019d look back and I\u2019d go, \u201cIf I was doing it again, I\u2019d be just as intentional about those kinds of times with my daughters.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great point, because I had two brothers and a sister. My dad was a coach, so he spent <em>all<\/em> of his time with my brothers; and I didn\u2019t have <em>any<\/em> time with him. I felt a real gap and a real loss in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just wrote this in our parenting book: \u201cThe time that marked me the most with my dad and impacted me is when my uncle had cancer. My mom was gone, taking him to these chemo appointments; and my dad would say\u201d \u2014I think I was 16\u2014\u201c\u2018Hey, we\u2019re going to meet at Bill Knapp\u2019s for dinner.\u2019\u201d I had never had a conversation with my dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is that a restaurant, Bill Knapp\u2019s?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s an old restaurant; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019ve never heard of it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No; no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cSo he sat down, and I felt awkward\/I felt, \u2018This is weird; I don\u2019t know him\u2019 I\u2019m ready to bounce out of that place as soon as we\u2019re done eating. He\u2019d order another cup of coffee and he\u2019d say, \u2018Tell me about what\u2019s going on in your life.\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAt first it felt awkward; I didn\u2019t know what to do or say. It became a marking point in my life, of feeing like, \u2018Wow, he really sees me; he cares about me.\u2019 Those dinners became my favorite time.\u201d I think that\u2019s really important, especially for dads, to pursue their daughters when it may not feel as natural.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We mentioned that this is one of the four gifts that a dad needs to give to his children\/one of the four gifts, Bryan, that you spell out in your book, <em>The Dad Difference: The 4 Most Important Gifts You Can Give to Your Kids<\/em>. We\u2019re making your book available this week to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. Anybody who can help support the ministry with a donation, get in touch with us and we\u2019re happy to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you Bryan Loritts\u2019 book, <em>The Dad Difference<\/em>. Know that you\u2019re making a difference with your donation as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is committed to effectively developing godly marriages and families who change the world one home at a time. Your donations to this ministry are an investment in the lives of hundreds of thousands of people every day, who connect with us via <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, on our website, through our events and our resources. You make that possible every time you donate; so thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do today. Again, ask for your copy of the book, <em>The Dad Difference: The 4 Most Important Gifts You Can Give to Your Kids<\/em>. Thanks, in advance, for your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have not yet gone through FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series\u2014or if you have not taken younger couples through this series\u2014you know, if you\u2019re empty nesters, I have a challenge for you: \u201cGet three or four younger couples, who are in the middle of raising a family, and bring them in. Figure out a way to do this socially-distanced or online some way; but walk them through a parenting series like the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> that features insight from people like Alistair Begg, and Dave and Ann Wilson, Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Bryan and Korie Loritts, Tim and Darcy Kimmel\u2014so many who contributed to this. The <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series is a <em>great<\/em> tool for you to have an impact in the lives of others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Think about how you can connect with couples and help sharpen their parenting skills and your skills, if you\u2019re still in the middle of raising your kids. Again, find out more at FamilyLifeToday.com; and think about how you can use the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> to invest in the lives of others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about the gifts that dads can give to their children; and we have a little surprise ahead for Bryan tomorrow. Shhh; we won\u2019t tell him now, but we\u2019ll surprise him tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:23"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.24M"],"filesize_raw":["24368494"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306424.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306424.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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provide innumerable gifts to their children, but the best gifts don't fit in a box. Bryan Loritts talks about the \"RITE\" gifts good fathers give to their children.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-22.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When Bryan Loritts was a teenager, he used to go on ministry trips with his father, Crawford. He says he remembers a practice his dad had that left a significant impression on him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>When we would get to a hotel room, the first thing Dad would do is he would take out a big 8x10 photo of the family and would put it in a prominent place in the hotel room. I never knew exactly why he did that until years later. I\u2019m sitting in on one of my mom\u2019s workshops, and she brings that up. She says pretty much my dad would do that as a visual reminder that he had a family counting on him, and \u201cDon\u2019t do anything stupid to let them down.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, September 22<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. As dads, we are always modeling something for our kids. Is it integrity?\u2014faithfulness?\u2014or is it something else? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Bryan Loritts. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I was talking to a friend of mine recently, and we were talking about men his age\u2014he\u2019s in his 30s\u2014he said, \u201cI\u2019m watching men my age\u2014some of them leaders\/guys who are good in business\u2014they\u2019re aggressive guys.\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m watching them demonstrate anger\/impatience; they\u2019re abusive to employees; they\u2019re not sensitive to what\u2019s going on with some of their fellow employees.\u201d As we had the conversation, I said, \u201cDo you know anything about those guys\/about their relationships with their dad?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know where you\u2019re going. [Laughter] I\u2019ve heard this story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; over, and over, and over again; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Almost anytime you see an angry man, or you see a man who is impatient\/who is abusive, you can trace that back. There\u2019s going to be some deficit in the father\/son relationship; don\u2019t you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m smiling\u2014I mean, it\u2019s not funny at all\u2014but I was playing pickup basketball <em>years<\/em> ago\u2014I mean, it has to be 20\/25 years ago at this local college, playing with younger guys than me\u2014and you know, I can still play in the game; because there\u2019s a three-point line. You take that thing out, and I\u2019m done. [Laughter] But I\u2019m guarding this young guy, who\u2019s really a good player\/much better than me. The whole time he is just talking, \u201cI\u2019m this\u2026\u201d He\u2019s running by me, and he just won\u2019t stop talking. Everybody in the gym is just like, \u201cThis guy\u2019s just being sort of a jerk\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It got so bad, at one point he has the ball at the top of the key; he\u2019s dribbling, and he\u2019s saying, \u201cYou are this\u2026\u201d I literally\u2014I didn\u2019t even think about it\u2014just out of my mouth, I yell, \u201cYour father loved you, dude! Your father loved you! You are a good man!\u201d [Laughter] Everybody looks at me like, \u201cWhat are you doing?!\u201d I just stood there, like, \u201cWhat did I just say?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI instinctively knew, in the core of this boy\u2019s soul, he doesn\u2019t think he\u2019s good enough; and he has to prove it to everybody in the gym. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s going on with his dad, but\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wait, wait, wait; what did he say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He looked at me like, \u201cDude, what was that?!\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cI don\u2019t know; just go by me and dunk.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s what you said, Bob. I don\u2019t even know\u2014but I\u2019m <em>guessing<\/em> somewhere in there\u2014was a lack of affirmation from a dad. I could be wrong, but it\u2019s a pretty common story.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have a friend joining us this week, talking about dads, and their impact, and influence. Bryan Loritts is our guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; Bryan, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Oh, great to be with you guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Bryan is an author, a speaker, a pastor. He\u2019s the executive pastor at the Summit Church in Raleigh, North Carolina, where JD Greer is the pastor. He\u2019s written a book that is almost\u2014I think of this kind of as a tribute. Your dad wrote a tribute to his dad\/he wrote a book about his dad that was honoring, and you\u2019ve done kind of the same thing. You\u2019re saying to all of the rest of us: \u201cBe a great dad,\u201d and \u201cMy dad wasn\u2019t perfect, but he mapped out some pretty good territory for us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Absolutely. I think the book you\u2019re referencing\u2014of my father that he wrote\u2014was <em>Never Walk Away<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>I\u2019m just, in some senses, not only blessed, but a sociological phenomenon. I\u2019m one of a few African Americans, who can trace their roots back to pre-Emancipation Proclamation days. It all began for us with my great-great-grandfather Peter, who was a slave. The people who owned him led him to faith in Jesus Christ. Peter was married, and all of his kids came to know the Lord. One of his kids was my great-grandfather, Milton. Milton loved the Lord\/had 14 kids. All 14 of his kids came to know the Lord. One of his youngest sons, Crawford Loritts, Sr., my grandfather, loved the Lord; and my dad is his youngest child. That\u2019s kind of the legacy that I come from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know some of you are listening, and you don\u2019t have that legacy. I would say, \u201cStart one. Start one, by the grace of God, so that, 150 years from now, your great-great-grand-whatever is saying, \u2018Let me just tell you my story.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just feel incredibly blessed; and because of that, in my direct line, there\u2019s no such a thing as a man, in my direct line on my dad\u2019s side, who didn\u2019t love Jesus or who divorced his wife. Because of that, I just feel like I\u2019ve just been fast-tracked on this upward trajectory through life. That doesn\u2019t mean my life\u2019s been easy. Even though it\u2019s had pockets of turbulence, I\u2019ve felt this tailwind that\u2019s been pushing me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You and I talked one time about other guys in high school, or junior high, in your neighborhood in Atlanta.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Loritts home\/your dad kind of became the surrogate for them. They instinctively knew they needed a father figure like this in their life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Absolutely! My best friend in life is the oldest of 16 kids. They grew up in the projects, and my dad took him in. He lived with us for awhile. My dad helped him get through Bible college, and now he\u2019s a pastor today. He would say, \u201cI\u2019m here because of the influence of Crawford Loritts.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad just kind of had this extra-plate-on-the-table mentality\u2014you know, that God\u2019s blessed us\u2014so our dinner table was always filled with people, who didn\u2019t share DNA with us. Most of them were African American; and they would sit there, baffled at several things: one, that you have this father and mother, who are still together\u2014my parents just celebrated 49 years of marriage\u2014they both love Jesus; and here Dad, at the end of dinner, is taking out his Bible and having family devotions.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s not to say the black community has a monopoly on fatherlessness. We know that that transcends every ethnicity. But the vision of that\u2014and the possibilities it painted for my friends\u2014they still talk about that to this day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Bryan, you may not even know this, but I\u2019m sitting here today, even though I never sat at your dinner table, but your dad changed <em>me<\/em>. I didn\u2019t have a father. I came to Christ in college. I start the Christian journey, and one of the first things you do is go to conferences; and who do I hear? I don\u2019t know who this guy is\u2014some dude up there\u2014Crawford Loritts. He literally gave me one of my first visions of what a godly man is and a godly husband and a godly father. I\u2019m sitting here today, in some ways, a disciple. What\u2019s really cool is\u2014I\u2019ve gotten to sit under <em>your<\/em> teaching at different conferences; we\u2019ve been together as speakers\u2014and listen to now Crawford\u2019s <em>son<\/em> impact my life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople in <em>my<\/em> church would say they\u2019ve been impacted by me and my younger son, who\u2019s a preacher with me. It\u2019s like: \u201cLook at the legacy God can do if you just give Him everything.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ve had your dad say to me, \u201cIt\u2019s an amazing thing to sit and listen to your son preach the Word of God and go, \u2018He\u2019s ministering to <em>me<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2019He\u2019s teaching <em>me<\/em> stuff. He\u2019s pointing me to truth I haven\u2019t thought about before.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBryan, you talk about a dad\u2019s responsibility and kind of break it into four buckets. You have an acronym you use in the book. Tell us about the RITE that you associate with what a father\u2019s supposed to do and be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s \u201cFathering RITE.\u201d The first gift is Relationship; then it\u2019s Integrity; then it\u2019s Teaching; and it\u2019s Experiences. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s apropos that the first gift is relationship. You know, one of the things you learn quickly about leadership, whether it\u2019s as a dad or in the workplace, is you can\u2019t lead anything effectively that you\u2019re not really connected to intimately. Relationship is <em>huge<\/em>\u2014and it is showing up; it is presence; it is time; it\u2019s being there\u2014Dad gave us that gift.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, there were times Dad would actually cut trips short just to show up and be there; because he felt like it was really important. I still have visions of stepping into the batter\u2019s box in Little League\u2014you know, nine\/ten years old\u2014and looking down the first base line, and there\u2019s Dad; he\u2019s just rushed in from work, his tie\u2019s loosened, and he\u2019s cheering me on. I don\u2019t remember how I did in baseball, but I do remember my dad being there. Relationship is key to any kind of effective leadership.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know it\u2019s interesting\u2014you know, when sons or daughters become teenagers\u2014it\u2019s easy, at some point, to let that go; because they start to pull away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know a lot of dads, and there\u2019s a tendency in all of us to think, \u201cOkay, they\u2019re pulling away; that\u2019s what they do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014especially with daughters and their fathers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I remember an older father saying to me, \u201cPursue, pursue, pursue in that moment. Even though they\u2019re pulling away, and that\u2019s natural and they should, they still want a relationship with you. It\u2019s going to look different, but go after them.\u201d Is that something your dad did\/something that you\u2019re doing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes, a couple of thoughts there. I think that\u2019s a huge point that you do bring up. I don\u2019t know how you all feel about this\u2014but our kids are driving now; they have friends; and they have jobs\u2014we\u2019ve literally had to mandate, at this stage, \u201cHey, when you look at your schedules, I really need Sunday afternoons\u201d\u2014or whatever the time is\u2014\u201cfor us to just be together.\u201d The other thing is finding things that they\u2019re interested in and trying to join in on that. I\u2019ve found that to be helpful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the thing that, as I\u2019ve gotten older and out of the house [from my parents]\u2014and actually, Dennis Rainey helped me with this\u2014I went through a period with my dad, where I\u2019m like, \u201cMan, he\u2019s not pursuing me anymore. What\u2019s going on?\u201d He\u2019ll call, but I\u2019m not getting invited the way I used to. Dennis says, \u201cYou\u2019re at the stage now where he\u2019s waiting on you to pursue him. He doesn\u2019t want to be an intrusion in your life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt some point in time\u2014you know, as dad\u2019s been pursuing the son\u2014at some point, that gets flipped around; and we now have to pursue <em>them<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019d say that\u2019s a great point. I remember one time Ann was on me\u2014because like you, Bryan, I\u2019d done a lot of traveling\/I\u2019d been gone\u2014and my sons [were] now teenagers; and my youngest [was] turning 16, going to get his driver\u2019s license. A buddy of mine\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wait, let me give a little backstory.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wait, wait, wait; what?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We traveled a lot; so we missed our boys\u2019 birthdays <em>all<\/em> the time. Our <em>youngest<\/em> always brought it up\u2014like: \u201cOh, you weren\u2019t there for this big game,\u201d \u201cYou weren\u2019t there for this birthday.\u201d He\u2019d <em>always<\/em> bring that up, and I was feeling <em>intense<\/em> guilt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So this buddy\u2014it\u2019s a long story\u2014has this opportunity; and he invites me to jump in a private jet, fly to L.A., and spend the afternoon with John Wooden\u2014John Wooden!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Look at Bryan\u2019s face right now!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I said to Ann, \u201cYou won\u2019t believe this! Danny just called; and he has this audience with John Wooden, with just one other guy; and he said I could go, so we\u2019re going.\u201d She goes, \u201cIt\u2019s Cody\u2019s 16<sup>th<\/sup> birthday tomorrow!\u201d I\u2019m like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Take him with you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cWho cares?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We didn\u2019t think to bring him <em>with<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>You should have brought him with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, I asked; I tried. He wasn\u2019t getting on that plane. There was room for one more, and it was me or nobody.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cWho cares if he\u2019s getting his drivers\u2019 license? [Laughter] It\u2019s son number three\u2014what are we going to do?\u2014sit in there and watch him drive away? Who cares?!\u201d [Laughter] We got in a big argument. I finally called Danny and said, \u201cI can\u2019t go.\u201d John Wooden died a week later! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Are you serious?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, he died a week later! I still hold that on him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I feel so bad about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Even Cody\u2019s like, \u201cYou\u201d\u2014he didn\u2019t know that\u2014he\u2019s like, \u201cYou missed John Wooden for\u2014I don\u2019t even remember you being there.\u201d [Laughter] Sometimes you can take it a little too far; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Let me ask both of you, because both of you have enough frequent flyer miles to evidence that you have\/and your Marriott points are high enough to [prove] that you\u2019re not at home all the time. Bryan, your dad traveled a lot; you talk about that in the book. Some of us have to because of the jobs we have; some of us need to because of what God\u2019s calling us to\u2014that doesn\u2019t mean that we don\u2019t want to be good dads. Are there ways\/are there strategies for dads to continue to have a good relationship with their kids while they do the travel thing?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>With my dad, again, it goes back to the intentionality. He really took me and my brother, a lot of times, on these one-on-one trips with him. He would get the calendar out, and we would do anywhere between two to four trips with him a year, each of us. He\u2019d schedule them way in advance. What that did was\u2014it gave us something to look forward to, which also allowed us to give him a pass on his other trips, if that makes sense. I\u2019m not saying he did it for that reason, but he really included us in on a whole lot of stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I remember KC \u201983\u2014I don\u2019t know if you guys remember that conference that Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> put on\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>\u2014it was right after Christmas. I had been begging for Christmas for his Nerf<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> basketball goal that attached to the top of the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014where you could dunk on that thing <em>all<\/em> the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Yes; absolutely. They gave it to me. Dad takes me to KC \u201983; I take the Nerf thing with me. I\u2019m ten years old; and Dad goes\/after he speaks, he goes, \u201cHey, you want to hang with Billy Graham tonight?\u201d I was like, \u201cNo way; I\u2019m playing Nerf basketball in my room.\u201d [Laughter] You know, but stories like that are just legendary\/of just hanging out with my dad and doing life with him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I saw a different side to my dad; I talk about this in the book. Now, this is in a pre-iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> day; but when we would get into a hotel room, the first thing Dad would do is he\u2019d take out a big 8x10 photo of the family, and would put it in a prominent place in the hotel room, usually in the mirror. I never knew exactly why he did that until years later. I\u2019m sitting in on one of my mom\u2019s workshops, and she brings that up. She says pretty much my dad would do that whenever he would get into a hotel room as a visual reminder that he had a family counting on him, and \u201cDon\u2019t do anything stupid to let them down.\u201d Me, being able to see that side of him, was <em>huge<\/em> in my own development.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I love\u2014there\u2019s a beautiful story you tell about having to apologize to your son, Myles, for being away. It sort of hit you\u2014and it\u2019s hit me\u2014\u201cI shouldn\u2019t have taken this trip.\u201d Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>Absolutely; well, you know\u2014and I really got that from my dad\u2014my dad was just <em>notorious<\/em> for apologizing to us. There were times he\u2019d drive up to the school\u2014and would pull us out of class and would look us in our eyes\u2014and say, \u201cSon, I yelled at you, and I shouldn\u2019t have; I thought you were lying, and you were telling the truth.\u201d He would own up to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the things that I\u2019ve tried to carry on with me. My son graduates from eighth grade\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cEighth grade graduations? I didn\u2019t grow up with eighth grade graduations!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan: <\/strong>\u201cHe did a sixth-grade graduation, a kindergarten graduation; he won\u2019t miss eighth grade!\u201d I\u2019ll never forget seeing an Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> photo that my wife posted of just her and him. My heart\u2019s sinking as I was out of town, and coming back and going straight to his room, and just saying, \u201cI blew it; would you forgive me? I just messed up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWithout even thinking about it, he goes, \u201cI forgive you, Dad.\u201d He extended grace. I mean, he could have asked me for a round of golf at Pebble Beach and I would have made it happen. [Laughter] But it\u2019s not just our kids who need grace; we dads need grace too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think the point for any dad listening is: \u201cYou have to be\u201d\u2014we\u2019re back to the word, \u201cintentional\u201d\u2014\u201cyou have be purposeful in those things that will establish a relationship, whether it\u2019s taking kids on trips with you, whether it\u2019s the breakfasts that your dad did with you and that I did with my boys when they were growing up.\u201d We\u2019re talking about fathers and sons because we\u2019ve had those, but it\u2019s important for fathers and daughters too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I was going to say, too, I think it\u2019s not only intentional, but in today\u2019s society, we have to <em>fight<\/em> for that time. Everything\u2019s pulling us away from family, our spouse, and our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just cleaning out some drawers the other day, and I came across a letter to one of our sons. He was in high school; it was this two-page letter. I said, \u201cI feel like we\u2019re drifting apart.\u201d He used to want to be with me all the time; but as a teenager, I could tell that he wanted to be with his friends, which is totally normal. But in the letter I was saying, \u201cI want to fight for our relationship. I want to fight for time with you. I\u2019m wondering if we could just have one lunch every two weeks to catch up.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s important for our kids\u2014he\u2019s like, \u201cWhatever; okay,\u201d\u2014but I think we have to really fight for that time. Especially with <em>you<\/em>, Dave, I watched you, when the boys were with you, they were <em>thrilled<\/em>; because they knew that your time was important, and everybody wanted you. When you gave that time to them, it mattered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think, even as I look back\u2014I don\u2019t know, Bryan, if you feel this, or Bob\u2014I think my sons would say, \u201cDad did a good job with the relationship; he pursued us.\u201d I think they would also say, \u201cBut often, he didn\u2019t go there in conversation with us.\u201d We\u2019d hang; we\u2019d play\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You were good at playing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014yes; but \u201cOkay; we should have a conversation about <em>this<\/em>.\u201d That\u2019s where it could be easy to be passive, and maybe even fearful, to say: \u201cOkay, how are you doing with porn?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cHow are you doing with your girlfriends?\u201d \u201cHow about your thought life?\u201d\u2014any one of those\u2014like, \u201cI\u2019m going to step into something.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI did it; but there were times, where I was like, \u201cI\u2019m going to\u2014no, I\u2019ll do it tomorrow.\u201d That\u2019s part of the relationship, too, where they <em>want<\/em> to be known; and yet it\u2019s a scary time, sometimes, to step in there, as a dad; but we have to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Or for a dad to say: \u201cSon, let me tell you what I\u2019m struggling with,\u201d \u201cLet me tell you about the journey I had,\u201d \u201cLet me tell you where I blew it last week,\u201d or \u201cLet me tell you what I\u2019m learning from God\u2019s Word.\u201d It\u2019s not just the\u2014\u201cLet me ask <em>you<\/em> the hard questions,\u201d\u2014but \u201cLet me reveal what\u2019s going on in my <em>own<\/em> life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll just say, as the only dad in the room that had daughters, it was easier for me to pursue and to find activities to do with my sons during their junior high and teen years. With the girls, I could do that when they were little; but when they became teenagers, there was almost something like, now it feels strange to say, \u201cLet\u2019s have a breakfast father\/daughter once a week,\u201d\u2014like: \u201cNo, you do that with your boys; you don\u2019t do that with your girls.\u201d I\u2019d look back and I\u2019d go, \u201cIf I was doing it again, I\u2019d be just as intentional about those kinds of times with my daughters.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s a great point, because I had two brothers and a sister. My dad was a coach, so he spent <em>all<\/em> of his time with my brothers; and I didn\u2019t have <em>any<\/em> time with him. I felt a real gap and a real loss in my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just wrote this in our parenting book: \u201cThe time that marked me the most with my dad and impacted me is when my uncle had cancer. My mom was gone, taking him to these chemo appointments; and my dad would say\u201d \u2014I think I was 16\u2014\u201c\u2018Hey, we\u2019re going to meet at Bill Knapp\u2019s for dinner.\u2019\u201d I had never had a conversation with my dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is that a restaurant, Bill Knapp\u2019s?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s an old restaurant; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Alright.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019ve never heard of it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No; no.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cSo he sat down, and I felt awkward\/I felt, \u2018This is weird; I don\u2019t know him\u2019 I\u2019m ready to bounce out of that place as soon as we\u2019re done eating. He\u2019d order another cup of coffee and he\u2019d say, \u2018Tell me about what\u2019s going on in your life.\u2019\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cAt first it felt awkward; I didn\u2019t know what to do or say. It became a marking point in my life, of feeing like, \u2018Wow, he really sees me; he cares about me.\u2019 Those dinners became my favorite time.\u201d I think that\u2019s really important, especially for dads, to pursue their daughters when it may not feel as natural.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We mentioned that this is one of the four gifts that a dad needs to give to his children\/one of the four gifts, Bryan, that you spell out in your book, <em>The Dad Difference: The 4 Most Important Gifts You Can Give to Your Kids<\/em>. We\u2019re making your book available this week to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. Anybody who can help support the ministry with a donation, get in touch with us and we\u2019re happy to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you Bryan Loritts\u2019 book, <em>The Dad Difference<\/em>. Know that you\u2019re making a difference with your donation as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is committed to effectively developing godly marriages and families who change the world one home at a time. Your donations to this ministry are an investment in the lives of hundreds of thousands of people every day, who connect with us via <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, on our website, through our events and our resources. You make that possible every time you donate; so thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do today. Again, ask for your copy of the book, <em>The Dad Difference: The 4 Most Important Gifts You Can Give to Your Kids<\/em>. Thanks, in advance, for your support of this ministry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you have not yet gone through FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series\u2014or if you have not taken younger couples through this series\u2014you know, if you\u2019re empty nesters, I have a challenge for you: \u201cGet three or four younger couples, who are in the middle of raising a family, and bring them in. Figure out a way to do this socially-distanced or online some way; but walk them through a parenting series like the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> that features insight from people like Alistair Begg, and Dave and Ann Wilson, Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Bryan and Korie Loritts, Tim and Darcy Kimmel\u2014so many who contributed to this. The <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series is a <em>great<\/em> tool for you to have an impact in the lives of others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind out more when you go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. Think about how you can connect with couples and help sharpen their parenting skills and your skills, if you\u2019re still in the middle of raising your kids. Again, find out more at FamilyLifeToday.com; and think about how you can use the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> to invest in the lives of others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about the gifts that dads can give to their children; and we have a little surprise ahead for Bryan tomorrow. Shhh; we won\u2019t tell him now, but we\u2019ll surprise him tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306424","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306424"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306424"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306424"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306424"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306424"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306424"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306424"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}