{"id":306422,"date":"2020-09-21T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-09-21T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-headwind-vs-the-tailwind-dad\/"},"modified":"2020-09-21T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-09-21T11:00:05","slug":"the-headwind-vs-the-tailwind-dad","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-headwind-vs-the-tailwind-dad\/","title":{"rendered":"The Headwind vs. the Tailwind Dad"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bryan Loritts talks about the difference between a headwind father and a tailwind father. He explains which one sets his child on a trajectory for success by inspiring them to their God-intended destiny.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-21.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:51","filesize":"23.67M","filesize_raw":"24817302","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2837,2835],"tags":[4946],"podcast_series":[8393],"cwp_profile":[8819],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306422","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-fathers","category-raising-boys","tag-fatherhood","podcast_series-the-dad-difference","cwp_profile-bryan-loritts","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306422\/the-headwind-vs-the-tailwind-dad","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306422\/the-headwind-vs-the-tailwind-dad","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"9hyM7bqWjz\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-headwind-vs-the-tailwind-dad\/\">The Headwind vs. the Tailwind Dad<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-headwind-vs-the-tailwind-dad\/embed\/#?secret=9hyM7bqWjz\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Headwind vs. the Tailwind Dad&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"9hyM7bqWjz\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-21.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-21.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the characteristics of a good dad is that he\u2019s there for his kids. But as Bryan Loritts points out, that doesn\u2019t mean that he is their genie\/there on demand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> One of the gifts that my dad gave me, that I\u2019m thankful for it in hindsight, is Dad didn\u2019t make me the center of his world. Dad was very clear on, \u201cGod\u2019s called me to do some things.\u201d He would pull out the calendar before our athletic seasons; he would go, \u201cI can make these seven or eight games.\u201d He\u2019d then pull out the calendar and say, \u201cHere\u2019s the trips I want you to go on\u201d; so as a little boy, he\u2019s taking me with him. He was very intentional; but at the same time, Dad was very clear. \u201cHey, I know you like those cleats. Let me tell you how you got those cleats\u2014I work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. One of the best predictors for long-term success for young men and young women is having a dad, who is purposeful, intentional, focused, and not always there. We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Bryan Loritts. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I remember a conversation I had, this was many years ago, with a woman who had been a public school teacher. This was right about the time when diagnoses of ADD were starting to mushroom. Boys were hyperactive in the classroom, and doctors were starting to prescribe mediation for these boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis teacher said, \u201cADD\u2019s a real thing, but I think it\u2019s being over-diagnosed. I have a different acronym for it. I think ADD is not Attention Deficit Disorder; I think, in a lot of cases, it\u2019s Absent Dad Disorder.\u201d I\u2019ve never forgotten that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow; wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that we fully appreciate how significant a father is in the life of his children\/in the life of a family for good or for ill. His presence is significant; his absence is significant. Whatever he does or doesn\u2019t do is going to leave its mark\/going to leave its fingerprints. You know this firsthand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s interesting when you say that, Bob. My first thought is: \u201cMy dad left when I was seven. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s a single day in my life\u2014and I\u2019m 62 years old now\u2014that he doesn\u2019t influence me to this point; I mean, he\u2019s in the grave\u2014even though he wasn\u2019t there in my life still.\u201d I didn\u2019t even know\u2014until my junior year I became a follower of Christ and started reading the Bible, really for the first time as a man\u2014I did not know there was this phrase, \u201cThe sins of the father will visit down through the generation.\u201d I come across that, and I\u2019m like, \u201cWow; I\u2019m living that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said to my nine-year-old son at that time, CJ\u2014I said, \u201cCJ, what do you think of this verse?\u201d He looks right back at me, nine years old, and he says, \u201cDad, <em>don\u2019t<\/em> sin.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what he said! But he caught it, at nine years old; he\u2019s like, \u201cWhatever you do, it\u2019s going to affect me.\u201d I remember <em>feeling<\/em> the weight of that\u2014like, \u201cHe\u2019s right; I have a huge responsibility.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ll say this\u2014as a woman and as a mom\u2014I have been <em>astounded<\/em> by the power that a man has in the home. As I look at Dave, I remember saying to him, \u201cI am <em>jealous<\/em> of the power that you have.\u201d Like the boys\u2014he would say something, and the boys would be at rapt attention\u2014where I\u2019m saying it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think everybody is, Bob, when I say something. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But no; it\u2019s true! It\u2019s like men have this powerful voice in children\u2019s lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have got a friend, who is joining us to talk about this today. Bryan Loritts is with us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Bryan, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Bryan has spoken at a number of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> events. He\u2019s a pastor and an author. He just recently became the executive pastor at the Summit Church in Raleigh, North Carolina. Bryan has written a book called <em>The Dad Difference.<\/em> He knows a little bit about the impact of a dad, because we\u2019ve had his dad regularly with us on <em>FamilyLife <\/em>Today\u2014his dad, Crawford. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBryan, you start the book by saying that \u201cDad\u201d is the most powerful three-letter word in the English language. When did you realize that? Did you realize that when you were growing up, and your dad was exerting that influence over you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> No; honestly, I think it was Mark Twain who said that \u201cYouth was a gift wasted on the young.\u201d I didn\u2019t appreciate my father <em>at all<\/em>. It wasn\u2019t until I got out of his house and started to get older that I began to look back and I realized how much the old man has grown. [Laughter] The combination of getting older, and smacked around by life, and reverting back to these \u201cCrawford-isms\u201d as I would call them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, as a pastor, as I would wade into people\u2019s lives, the common denominator in an overwhelming majority of cases\u2014it\u2019s really true\u2014all roads do lead back to home, and specifically the influence of a dad. So much so, that how one perceives another powerful three-letter word, \u201cGod,\u201d is oftentimes seen through the lens of \u201cDad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It dawned on me recently that, when God reveals Himself to us and chooses to use the terms, \u201cFather, Son, and Holy Spirit,\u201d this is an accommodation to human understanding. God is explaining to us Who He is; and He says, \u201cThe best way I can explain Who I am is to use this term.\u201d I thought, \u201cHe could have said: \u2018It\u2019s COO, CEO, and Comptroller.\u2019 He could have come up with any other illustration; but He picks \u2018Father, Son, and Holy Spirit\u2019 as the way He explains Who He is to us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Yes; and I think a part of what God\u2019s getting at with that insight, Bob, is the relational aspect of it. \u201cFather\u201d is a very relational term. In fact, in the Aramaic, when we talk about \u201cAbba Father,\u201d that\u2019s akin to a three-year-old daughter climbing into her Daddy\u2019s lap and going, \u201cAbba.\u201d It\u2019s a highly-relational term. That\u2019s the consistent theme throughout the Scriptures. Even when Jesus is baptized, God said, \u201cThis is My beloved Son in Whom I am well-pleased.\u201d It\u2019s a term of endearment\/of relationship. There\u2019s an intentionality as to why God <em>chooses<\/em> that imagery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How does our view of our own father\u2014you mentioned it\u2014affect our view of God? How do those two go together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> As I\u2019ve sat down with people, who may struggle with a legalistic God\/with a God who has a perpetual scowl on their face\u2014oftentimes, that\u2019s linked to a dad, who nothing was ever good enough. If the only time you ever heard from your father was when He was coming down on you, or there was this negative thing coming, that\u2019s going to impact how I see God. You can go to the flip side. If you had this Disneyland dad, maybe who was detached from the home\u2014and out of a sense of guilt would spoil you to death\u2014that might lead you down a prosperity-road perspective that God exists for your happiness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not true in every single case; but in my experience, in the majority of cases as a dad\u2014and I wish I would\u2019ve been more attuned to this in the early days of parenting\u2014I\u2019m not just handing my kids a road map to life; I\u2019m also giving them a perception of Who God is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you had had that perspective when your kids were babies, what would you have done differently?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> I think I would\u2019ve been a lot quicker to apologize; because you realize real quick, \u201cI\u2019m not deity.\u201d I think I would\u2019ve been a lot more careful with how I disciplined\u2014the things I said to them\/tone of voice\u2014I would\u2019ve been a lot more <em>mindful<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I look back on those early years of parenting, and think, \u201cI could\u2019ve been a whole lot more purposeful and intentional in terms of shaping the direction of our family and the direction with my kids.\u201d I could\u2019ve recognized, \u201cI\u2019ve got a big job here in front of me, as a dad, and there are things here only I can do. I better be really focused on this.\u201d I think there\u2019s a lot I could\u2019ve done that would\u2019ve been more intentional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s the key word. When I think of great dads that I know, they were intentional. When I think about my dad\u2014the book, <em>The Dad Difference<\/em>\u2014let me dispel any notions; it\u2019s not about me being a dad, because that story is still being written. I\u2019ve got three teenage boys: 19, 17, 15.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a work in progress; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s really reflections on <em>my<\/em> dad and how he fathered me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was intentional. He was my first Old Testament professor\/New Testament professor. We had a standing breakfast appointment every week when he was in town at the local Shoney\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or McDonald\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I remember him taking out napkins\u2014he was with Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> for a lot of years, so he was a big \u201cFour Spiritual Laws\u201d guy\u2014so he was writing out, \u201cThis is how you share your faith.\u201d I\u2019m like six\/seven years old. And he\u2019d go, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve explained it to you. Now watch me do it with the server.\u201d Taking me on missions trips with him; having me raise support when I\u2019m ten years old; wanting to expand my faith. No, he\u2019s not perfect\u2014and I make that point very clear in the book\u2014but he was <em>intentional<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yet, he was gone a lot. When you talked about that, Bryan, you were saying that Crawford was gone a lot of the time. Was it the time he was home he was intentional?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Yes. One of the things, Ann\u2014I want to dispel the notion\u2014my dad\u2019s a great dad, but he\u2019s not the fourth member of the Trinity. [Laughter] I did not want to overwhelm the reader by giving them this kind of Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> picture of my dad, in which the reader would be exasperated, going, \u201cI could never be that.\u201d I was real quick to point out the flaws in my dad. My dad would say, \u201cIf I had to do it all over again, I wouldn\u2019t have traveled as much as I did.\u201d But at the time, I didn\u2019t know any different. I think parents create the \u201cnormal\u201d in the household. Even though he was gone a lot, I just thought that\u2019s how <em>every<\/em> dad was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the gifts my dad gave me, that I\u2019m thankful for in hindsight, is Dad didn\u2019t make me the center of his world. Dad was very clear on: \u201cGod\u2019s called me to do some things.\u201d He would pull out the calendar before our athletic seasons; he would go, \u201cI can make these seven or eight games\u201d; we were so happy. He\u2019d then pull out the calendar and say, \u201cHere\u2019s the trips I want you to go on\u201d; so as a little boy, he\u2019s taking me with him. He was very intentional; but at the same time, Dad was very clear: \u201cHey, I know you like those cleats. Let me tell you how you got those cleats\u2014I work,\u201d and \u201cI can\u2019t show up to everything.\u201d He didn\u2019t raise me with this happiness ethic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last thing I\u2019ll say on that is I have this Asian friend of mine. He was commenting on the difference in his perception of how Americans parent and how the Asian community parent. He said, \u201cBryan, broadly speaking, in my perception, the key word for Asians\u201d\u2014the one thing they want for their kids\u2014\u201cis: \u2018We want them to be successful.\u2019 Looking at Americans, it seems like if there\u2019s one word that describes the parents\u2019 aspirations for their kids is: \u2018We want them to be happy.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause of that, we\u2019re unleashing into the world\u2014not arrows\/Psalm 127\u2014but boomerangs, where they venture out only to come back. More and more, they\u2019re not resilient. That\u2019s not an indictment on them; that\u2019s more an indictment on us, as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You and Korie made that exact point in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series when we sat down and had that conversation. You talked about happiness: \u201cIf that\u2019s your goal, you\u2019re setting your kids up for a wrong view of life and the future.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; that\u2019s absolutely right. I couldn\u2019t agree with that more. My dad demanded certain things of us. I think, after my first semester in college, I <em>vividly<\/em> remember him saying, \u201cYou know what? God\u2019s blessed us, and I could afford to pay for all your college. I just don\u2019t think that\u2019s good for you, so I need you to come up with \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t25 percent of tuition.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m working hard. By the way, my sisters didn\u2019t get the same deal. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you\u2019re not bitter about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> I\u2019m not bitter about that. Dad was constantly looking for ways to get us to step up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s a dad, driving in the car right now, or sitting and listening\u2014obviously, women as well\u2014they\u2019re asking this question: \u201cIf happiness isn\u2019t the goal with my kids, what am I shooting for?\u201d Bryan, what are <em>you<\/em> shooting for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> One of the things I talk about in my book, right up front, I look at Psalm 127 and this whole idea of the imagery of children being like arrows. When a warrior picks up that arrow, it\u2019s with great\u2014like we just talked about\u2014intentionality. That warrior is aiming at a target. I think the goal should be: \u201cIs releasing from our home kids who hit their God-ordained targets in their generation for a time\u201d\u2014as my dad would say\u2014\u201cthat we cannot see.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s helping them to understand, not just what job or career they should work in, but the idea of vocation. Os Guinness unpacks this in his wonderful book, <em>The Call.<\/em> Dad was very clear on \u201cWhat is our unique bent?\u201d He would have us do different activities. I did everything from sing in the choir to playing football and athletics, and all sorts of things. He would affirm those things; he would say, \u201cMan, when you do this, I sense the blessing of God. Let me continue to encourage that.\u201d But when I sang in the choir\u2014I think I sang for one Sunday\u2014he said, \u201cYes; that\u2019s not you. You\u2019re getting out of it.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe very much saw his role as\u2014sort of like Howard Hendricks says: \u201cThe three big questions in life is: \u2018Who\u2019s your master?\u2019 \u2018What\u2019s your mission?\u2019 \u2018Who\u2019s your mate?\u2019\u201d\u2014Dad saw himself as helping to come alongside of us and setting us up to answer those three questions well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think you make a great observation here. A part of our job, as dads, is to figure out, \u201cWhat is the unique bent for our child?\u201d\u2014Ephesians 2:10\u2014\u201cWhat are the good works that God has prepared beforehand that our children should walk in them?\u201d There\u2019s a discovery in the learning process that we, as mom and dad detectives, we\u2019ve got to be digging in and saying: \u201cOkay; who did God make this child to be? What are their gifts, and abilities, and passions, and all of that?\u201d And then, \u201cHow can we help aim them so they can walk in that unique path that God has mapped out for them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You use the phrase in the book\u2014you talk about a \u201cTailwind Dad.\u201d Can you talk about what a Tailwind Dad is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> I use this metaphor; I travel a lot. When you go from coast to coast, you figure out pretty quickly: when you travel from east to west, your journey, for the most part, is always going to be slower; because you\u2019re fighting a headwind. But when you\u2019re traveling from west to east, your journey typically is faster; because you have a tailwind that\u2019s pushing you. In the book, I make the point: \u201cAll dads are either a headwind or a tailwind.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo matter whether your dad was a headwind or a tailwind, you can still get to your God-ordained destiny. But when you did not have an intentional dad, who had this lofty vision\/this transcendent vision, for your life, who was really a model of a desired destination, you may spend some time undoing some of things that he did to you. You can still get there, and you will still get there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, some of the best dads that I know are those who, themselves, had headwind dads, who either by their absence or their passivity introduced a lot of pain into that young child; so much so where, when this person becomes a dad, this person says, \u201cMy child will never have to experience the pain that I felt.\u201d They don\u2019t say it in these terms; but they make up their mind, \u201cI had a headwind; I\u2019m going to be a tailwind.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, I get a lot of credit for a lot of stuff; but outside the sovereignty of God, I felt like because I had an intentional godly dad\u2014who invested heavily in me\u2014that kind of fast-tracked me in life. That\u2019s the <em>power<\/em> of an intentional dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> A lot of us didn\u2019t have that. I certainly had a headwind dad. Ann\u2019s shared here on the program before\u2014that on our honeymoon, I break down\u2014second night?\u2014third night?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014second night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014literally in <em>tears<\/em> as we\u2019re processing together: \u201cWhat is this emotional weight I\u2019m carrying?\u201d It hit me: \u201cI can never be the husband you long for and deserve; and there\u2019s no way I can be the dad my kids will someday need, because I never saw it. I\u2019m way behind the game; I\u2019m in a negative.\u201d Remember?\u2014I was like, \u201cI didn\u2019t even know what I was processing right now.\u201d I\u2019d just been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I\u2019d heard the husband talk\/the dad talk\u2014now, we <em>give<\/em> that talk\u2014but I was <em>overwhelmed<\/em> by that, thinking, \u201cI\u2019ll never be able to do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust like you said\u2014God\u2019s grace\u2014again, I\u2019m not sitting here, saying, \u201cI\u2019m the perfect dad, and my kids are perfect,\u201d\u2014I used to say, \u201cDon\u2019t judge how you did as a parent until your kids are 30.\u201d Now I say, \u201c\u2026until they\u2019re 40\u201d; because I have a 34-year-old. [Laughter] The truth is\u2014as you look back over the last 34 years\u2014God did something I could <em>never<\/em> do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there\u2019s a father listening right now, thinking, \u201cI can never do this,\u201d\u2014yes you\u2019re right; you can\u2019t. That\u2019s right where God wants you. He wants to say, \u201cI have to do it. Let Me do it; let Me change you. I\u2019m going to change your legacy <em>through<\/em> you. Just give Me the chance to do it in you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember having a conversation with Voddie Baucham, who grew up in a home without a dad\/single-parent mom\u2014had an uncle, who got involved and helped shaped him during his teen years when he was starting to spin out and go in the wrong direction\u2014I talked about, \u201cWhat do you do when you\u2019ve got this deficit\/you don\u2019t have a road map to follow?\u201d He said, \u201cYou read your Bible, and you do what it says.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe says, \u201cThis is the goodness of God, who <em>is<\/em> the perfect Father, Who not only gives us Himself as a model, but Who also gives us instructions.\u201d He says, \u201cYes; there\u2019s a deficit, and there are holes, and maybe you didn\u2019t see it fleshed out; but God\u2019s Word does give us instruction on how we are to interact, and live, and raise the next generation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The other things is, I think for women, is we are longing for husbands to engage\/to be those dads that you\u2019re talking about. We\u2019ve tried all the tactics, like we\u2019re putting books by the table: \u201cOh, here\u2019s Bryan Loritts\u2019 book. I just heard him on the radio today,\u201d [Laughter] or \u201cHere\u2019s So-and-so\u2019s book.\u201d We\u2019re trying all these tactics. What is the best way for wives to encourage their husbands to engage as fathers?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> That\u2019s a fine line; right? You want to encourage; but you don\u2019t want to encourage on repeat, to put it mildly. That\u2019s where I think getting plugged into a good church\/getting into a good community group: putting yourself in an environment, where there are other people, who are trying to journey in the same direction that you are. Out of that, you\u2019ll typically find some models, some friendships, some help. Maybe there\u2019s a conference that you could go to, with another couple, that\u2019ll inspire you together. Maybe there\u2019s a reading group you can hop in on. But trying to travel with other people for a sense of encouragement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one of the churches I served, we did this thing called the Men\u2019s Huddle; it was our men\u2019s ministry. We would watch such things as FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or <em>33 The Series<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and men would gather together. There was this sense of: \u201cWe\u2019re all in this together.\u201d There\u2019s this freedom to talk about your vulnerabilities. I think it was Rick Warren, who said, \u201cWhen men share strengths, they compete; but when they share weaknesses, they draw close together.\u201d That\u2019s <em>really<\/em> good; being in those kinds of atmospheres, I think it\u2019s helpful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And if your husband were to happen to find that somebody had downloaded these episodes of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> onto his podcast feed on his iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, he might go, \u201cOhhh;\u00a0 I wonder how this got here.\u201d You don\u2019t have to reveal that you\u2019re the one who downloaded it; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would hope that any husband\/any dad, who would see Bryan\u2019s book, would say, \u201cI want to read this book.\u201d First of all, Bryan, I appreciate the fact that it\u2019s less than 150 pages. [Laughter] You knew who you were writing for; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Yes; I won\u2019t elaborate on that. [Laughter] That was a clear directive from the publishing house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the other thing\u2014we haven\u2019t even talked about the subtitle, which makes us say, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to talk further,\u201d\u2014<em>The 4 Most Important Gifts You Can Give Your Kids<\/em>\u2014it begs the question: \u201cOkay; what in the world are those four? Let\u2019s talk about those further.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We will unpack those this week. For those who want to jump ahead, we\u2019re making Bryan\u2019s book available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, who can help us with a donation to support the ongoing work of this ministry. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. The fact that you hear us each day on this local radio station, or as a podcast on your Alexa<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> device, listening online\u2014however you connect with us\u2014that all happens because listeners, like you, help make it happen by donating to support the production and syndication of this program, along with the ministry initiatives of FamilyLife. You\u2019re helping us effectively develop godly marriages and families. That\u2019s what you\u2019re investing in when you support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you Bryan\u2019s book <em>The Dad Difference.<\/em> Donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d When you donate, be sure to ask for your copy of Bryan Loritts\u2019 book, <em>The Dad Difference.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, Bryan and Korie Loritts are a part of FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series. If you\u2019re raising kids in the early years\/in the teen years\u2014wherever you are in that journey\u2014consider getting this series and going through it on your own or with other couples. I know there are couples getting together now in socially-distanced small groups or, even, online. Learn from people like Bryan and Korie Loritts, Phil Vischer, Kevin DeYoung, Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Dave and Ann Wilson, Alistair Begg, Elyse Fitzpatrick, Jessica Thompson, and others who are a part of this series. Find out more about the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series online. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com; the information you need is available there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about The four gifts that every dad needs to give to his children. Bryan Loritts is going to join us, again, tomorrow. I hope you can be with us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:51"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.67M"],"filesize_raw":["24817302"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306422.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306422.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Loritts talks about the difference between a headwind father and a tailwind father. He explains which one sets his child on a trajectory for success by inspiring them to their God-intended destiny.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the characteristics of a good dad is that he\u2019s there for his kids. But as Bryan Loritts points out, that doesn\u2019t mean that he is their genie\/there on demand. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> One of the gifts that my dad gave me, that I\u2019m thankful for it in hindsight, is Dad didn\u2019t make me the center of his world. Dad was very clear on, \u201cGod\u2019s called me to do some things.\u201d He would pull out the calendar before our athletic seasons; he would go, \u201cI can make these seven or eight games.\u201d He\u2019d then pull out the calendar and say, \u201cHere\u2019s the trips I want you to go on\u201d; so as a little boy, he\u2019s taking me with him. He was very intentional; but at the same time, Dad was very clear. \u201cHey, I know you like those cleats. Let me tell you how you got those cleats\u2014I work.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, September 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. One of the best predictors for long-term success for young men and young women is having a dad, who is purposeful, intentional, focused, and not always there. We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Bryan Loritts. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I remember a conversation I had, this was many years ago, with a woman who had been a public school teacher. This was right about the time when diagnoses of ADD were starting to mushroom. Boys were hyperactive in the classroom, and doctors were starting to prescribe mediation for these boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis teacher said, \u201cADD\u2019s a real thing, but I think it\u2019s being over-diagnosed. I have a different acronym for it. I think ADD is not Attention Deficit Disorder; I think, in a lot of cases, it\u2019s Absent Dad Disorder.\u201d I\u2019ve never forgotten that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow; wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t know that we fully appreciate how significant a father is in the life of his children\/in the life of a family for good or for ill. His presence is significant; his absence is significant. Whatever he does or doesn\u2019t do is going to leave its mark\/going to leave its fingerprints. You know this firsthand.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s interesting when you say that, Bob. My first thought is: \u201cMy dad left when I was seven. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s a single day in my life\u2014and I\u2019m 62 years old now\u2014that he doesn\u2019t influence me to this point; I mean, he\u2019s in the grave\u2014even though he wasn\u2019t there in my life still.\u201d I didn\u2019t even know\u2014until my junior year I became a follower of Christ and started reading the Bible, really for the first time as a man\u2014I did not know there was this phrase, \u201cThe sins of the father will visit down through the generation.\u201d I come across that, and I\u2019m like, \u201cWow; I\u2019m living that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said to my nine-year-old son at that time, CJ\u2014I said, \u201cCJ, what do you think of this verse?\u201d He looks right back at me, nine years old, and he says, \u201cDad, <em>don\u2019t<\/em> sin.\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what he said! But he caught it, at nine years old; he\u2019s like, \u201cWhatever you do, it\u2019s going to affect me.\u201d I remember <em>feeling<\/em> the weight of that\u2014like, \u201cHe\u2019s right; I have a huge responsibility.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ll say this\u2014as a woman and as a mom\u2014I have been <em>astounded<\/em> by the power that a man has in the home. As I look at Dave, I remember saying to him, \u201cI am <em>jealous<\/em> of the power that you have.\u201d Like the boys\u2014he would say something, and the boys would be at rapt attention\u2014where I\u2019m saying it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think everybody is, Bob, when I say something. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But no; it\u2019s true! It\u2019s like men have this powerful voice in children\u2019s lives.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We have got a friend, who is joining us to talk about this today. Bryan Loritts is with us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Bryan, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> It\u2019s great to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Bryan has spoken at a number of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> events. He\u2019s a pastor and an author. He just recently became the executive pastor at the Summit Church in Raleigh, North Carolina. Bryan has written a book called <em>The Dad Difference.<\/em> He knows a little bit about the impact of a dad, because we\u2019ve had his dad regularly with us on <em>FamilyLife <\/em>Today\u2014his dad, Crawford. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBryan, you start the book by saying that \u201cDad\u201d is the most powerful three-letter word in the English language. When did you realize that? Did you realize that when you were growing up, and your dad was exerting that influence over you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> No; honestly, I think it was Mark Twain who said that \u201cYouth was a gift wasted on the young.\u201d I didn\u2019t appreciate my father <em>at all<\/em>. It wasn\u2019t until I got out of his house and started to get older that I began to look back and I realized how much the old man has grown. [Laughter] The combination of getting older, and smacked around by life, and reverting back to these \u201cCrawford-isms\u201d as I would call them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, as a pastor, as I would wade into people\u2019s lives, the common denominator in an overwhelming majority of cases\u2014it\u2019s really true\u2014all roads do lead back to home, and specifically the influence of a dad. So much so, that how one perceives another powerful three-letter word, \u201cGod,\u201d is oftentimes seen through the lens of \u201cDad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It dawned on me recently that, when God reveals Himself to us and chooses to use the terms, \u201cFather, Son, and Holy Spirit,\u201d this is an accommodation to human understanding. God is explaining to us Who He is; and He says, \u201cThe best way I can explain Who I am is to use this term.\u201d I thought, \u201cHe could have said: \u2018It\u2019s COO, CEO, and Comptroller.\u2019 He could have come up with any other illustration; but He picks \u2018Father, Son, and Holy Spirit\u2019 as the way He explains Who He is to us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Yes; and I think a part of what God\u2019s getting at with that insight, Bob, is the relational aspect of it. \u201cFather\u201d is a very relational term. In fact, in the Aramaic, when we talk about \u201cAbba Father,\u201d that\u2019s akin to a three-year-old daughter climbing into her Daddy\u2019s lap and going, \u201cAbba.\u201d It\u2019s a highly-relational term. That\u2019s the consistent theme throughout the Scriptures. Even when Jesus is baptized, God said, \u201cThis is My beloved Son in Whom I am well-pleased.\u201d It\u2019s a term of endearment\/of relationship. There\u2019s an intentionality as to why God <em>chooses<\/em> that imagery.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How does our view of our own father\u2014you mentioned it\u2014affect our view of God? How do those two go together?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> As I\u2019ve sat down with people, who may struggle with a legalistic God\/with a God who has a perpetual scowl on their face\u2014oftentimes, that\u2019s linked to a dad, who nothing was ever good enough. If the only time you ever heard from your father was when He was coming down on you, or there was this negative thing coming, that\u2019s going to impact how I see God. You can go to the flip side. If you had this Disneyland dad, maybe who was detached from the home\u2014and out of a sense of guilt would spoil you to death\u2014that might lead you down a prosperity-road perspective that God exists for your happiness. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not true in every single case; but in my experience, in the majority of cases as a dad\u2014and I wish I would\u2019ve been more attuned to this in the early days of parenting\u2014I\u2019m not just handing my kids a road map to life; I\u2019m also giving them a perception of Who God is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you had had that perspective when your kids were babies, what would you have done differently?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> I think I would\u2019ve been a lot quicker to apologize; because you realize real quick, \u201cI\u2019m not deity.\u201d I think I would\u2019ve been a lot more careful with how I disciplined\u2014the things I said to them\/tone of voice\u2014I would\u2019ve been a lot more <em>mindful<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I look back on those early years of parenting, and think, \u201cI could\u2019ve been a whole lot more purposeful and intentional in terms of shaping the direction of our family and the direction with my kids.\u201d I could\u2019ve recognized, \u201cI\u2019ve got a big job here in front of me, as a dad, and there are things here only I can do. I better be really focused on this.\u201d I think there\u2019s a lot I could\u2019ve done that would\u2019ve been more intentional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s the key word. When I think of great dads that I know, they were intentional. When I think about my dad\u2014the book, <em>The Dad Difference<\/em>\u2014let me dispel any notions; it\u2019s not about me being a dad, because that story is still being written. I\u2019ve got three teenage boys: 19, 17, 15.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014a work in progress; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Yes; it\u2019s really reflections on <em>my<\/em> dad and how he fathered me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe was intentional. He was my first Old Testament professor\/New Testament professor. We had a standing breakfast appointment every week when he was in town at the local Shoney\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or McDonald\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I remember him taking out napkins\u2014he was with Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> for a lot of years, so he was a big \u201cFour Spiritual Laws\u201d guy\u2014so he was writing out, \u201cThis is how you share your faith.\u201d I\u2019m like six\/seven years old. And he\u2019d go, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve explained it to you. Now watch me do it with the server.\u201d Taking me on missions trips with him; having me raise support when I\u2019m ten years old; wanting to expand my faith. No, he\u2019s not perfect\u2014and I make that point very clear in the book\u2014but he was <em>intentional<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yet, he was gone a lot. When you talked about that, Bryan, you were saying that Crawford was gone a lot of the time. Was it the time he was home he was intentional?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Yes. One of the things, Ann\u2014I want to dispel the notion\u2014my dad\u2019s a great dad, but he\u2019s not the fourth member of the Trinity. [Laughter] I did not want to overwhelm the reader by giving them this kind of Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> picture of my dad, in which the reader would be exasperated, going, \u201cI could never be that.\u201d I was real quick to point out the flaws in my dad. My dad would say, \u201cIf I had to do it all over again, I wouldn\u2019t have traveled as much as I did.\u201d But at the time, I didn\u2019t know any different. I think parents create the \u201cnormal\u201d in the household. Even though he was gone a lot, I just thought that\u2019s how <em>every<\/em> dad was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the gifts my dad gave me, that I\u2019m thankful for in hindsight, is Dad didn\u2019t make me the center of his world. Dad was very clear on: \u201cGod\u2019s called me to do some things.\u201d He would pull out the calendar before our athletic seasons; he would go, \u201cI can make these seven or eight games\u201d; we were so happy. He\u2019d then pull out the calendar and say, \u201cHere\u2019s the trips I want you to go on\u201d; so as a little boy, he\u2019s taking me with him. He was very intentional; but at the same time, Dad was very clear: \u201cHey, I know you like those cleats. Let me tell you how you got those cleats\u2014I work,\u201d and \u201cI can\u2019t show up to everything.\u201d He didn\u2019t raise me with this happiness ethic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe last thing I\u2019ll say on that is I have this Asian friend of mine. He was commenting on the difference in his perception of how Americans parent and how the Asian community parent. He said, \u201cBryan, broadly speaking, in my perception, the key word for Asians\u201d\u2014the one thing they want for their kids\u2014\u201cis: \u2018We want them to be successful.\u2019 Looking at Americans, it seems like if there\u2019s one word that describes the parents\u2019 aspirations for their kids is: \u2018We want them to be happy.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause of that, we\u2019re unleashing into the world\u2014not arrows\/Psalm 127\u2014but boomerangs, where they venture out only to come back. More and more, they\u2019re not resilient. That\u2019s not an indictment on them; that\u2019s more an indictment on us, as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You and Korie made that exact point in the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series when we sat down and had that conversation. You talked about happiness: \u201cIf that\u2019s your goal, you\u2019re setting your kids up for a wrong view of life and the future.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; that\u2019s absolutely right. I couldn\u2019t agree with that more. My dad demanded certain things of us. I think, after my first semester in college, I <em>vividly<\/em> remember him saying, \u201cYou know what? God\u2019s blessed us, and I could afford to pay for all your college. I just don\u2019t think that\u2019s good for you, so I need you to come up with \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t25 percent of tuition.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m working hard. By the way, my sisters didn\u2019t get the same deal. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But you\u2019re not bitter about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> I\u2019m not bitter about that. Dad was constantly looking for ways to get us to step up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s a dad, driving in the car right now, or sitting and listening\u2014obviously, women as well\u2014they\u2019re asking this question: \u201cIf happiness isn\u2019t the goal with my kids, what am I shooting for?\u201d Bryan, what are <em>you<\/em> shooting for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> One of the things I talk about in my book, right up front, I look at Psalm 127 and this whole idea of the imagery of children being like arrows. When a warrior picks up that arrow, it\u2019s with great\u2014like we just talked about\u2014intentionality. That warrior is aiming at a target. I think the goal should be: \u201cIs releasing from our home kids who hit their God-ordained targets in their generation for a time\u201d\u2014as my dad would say\u2014\u201cthat we cannot see.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s helping them to understand, not just what job or career they should work in, but the idea of vocation. Os Guinness unpacks this in his wonderful book, <em>The Call.<\/em> Dad was very clear on \u201cWhat is our unique bent?\u201d He would have us do different activities. I did everything from sing in the choir to playing football and athletics, and all sorts of things. He would affirm those things; he would say, \u201cMan, when you do this, I sense the blessing of God. Let me continue to encourage that.\u201d But when I sang in the choir\u2014I think I sang for one Sunday\u2014he said, \u201cYes; that\u2019s not you. You\u2019re getting out of it.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe very much saw his role as\u2014sort of like Howard Hendricks says: \u201cThe three big questions in life is: \u2018Who\u2019s your master?\u2019 \u2018What\u2019s your mission?\u2019 \u2018Who\u2019s your mate?\u2019\u201d\u2014Dad saw himself as helping to come alongside of us and setting us up to answer those three questions well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think you make a great observation here. A part of our job, as dads, is to figure out, \u201cWhat is the unique bent for our child?\u201d\u2014Ephesians 2:10\u2014\u201cWhat are the good works that God has prepared beforehand that our children should walk in them?\u201d There\u2019s a discovery in the learning process that we, as mom and dad detectives, we\u2019ve got to be digging in and saying: \u201cOkay; who did God make this child to be? What are their gifts, and abilities, and passions, and all of that?\u201d And then, \u201cHow can we help aim them so they can walk in that unique path that God has mapped out for them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You use the phrase in the book\u2014you talk about a \u201cTailwind Dad.\u201d Can you talk about what a Tailwind Dad is?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> I use this metaphor; I travel a lot. When you go from coast to coast, you figure out pretty quickly: when you travel from east to west, your journey, for the most part, is always going to be slower; because you\u2019re fighting a headwind. But when you\u2019re traveling from west to east, your journey typically is faster; because you have a tailwind that\u2019s pushing you. In the book, I make the point: \u201cAll dads are either a headwind or a tailwind.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo matter whether your dad was a headwind or a tailwind, you can still get to your God-ordained destiny. But when you did not have an intentional dad, who had this lofty vision\/this transcendent vision, for your life, who was really a model of a desired destination, you may spend some time undoing some of things that he did to you. You can still get there, and you will still get there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, some of the best dads that I know are those who, themselves, had headwind dads, who either by their absence or their passivity introduced a lot of pain into that young child; so much so where, when this person becomes a dad, this person says, \u201cMy child will never have to experience the pain that I felt.\u201d They don\u2019t say it in these terms; but they make up their mind, \u201cI had a headwind; I\u2019m going to be a tailwind.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHonestly, I get a lot of credit for a lot of stuff; but outside the sovereignty of God, I felt like because I had an intentional godly dad\u2014who invested heavily in me\u2014that kind of fast-tracked me in life. That\u2019s the <em>power<\/em> of an intentional dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> A lot of us didn\u2019t have that. I certainly had a headwind dad. Ann\u2019s shared here on the program before\u2014that on our honeymoon, I break down\u2014second night?\u2014third night?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014second night. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014literally in <em>tears<\/em> as we\u2019re processing together: \u201cWhat is this emotional weight I\u2019m carrying?\u201d It hit me: \u201cI can never be the husband you long for and deserve; and there\u2019s no way I can be the dad my kids will someday need, because I never saw it. I\u2019m way behind the game; I\u2019m in a negative.\u201d Remember?\u2014I was like, \u201cI didn\u2019t even know what I was processing right now.\u201d I\u2019d just been to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I\u2019d heard the husband talk\/the dad talk\u2014now, we <em>give<\/em> that talk\u2014but I was <em>overwhelmed<\/em> by that, thinking, \u201cI\u2019ll never be able to do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust like you said\u2014God\u2019s grace\u2014again, I\u2019m not sitting here, saying, \u201cI\u2019m the perfect dad, and my kids are perfect,\u201d\u2014I used to say, \u201cDon\u2019t judge how you did as a parent until your kids are 30.\u201d Now I say, \u201c\u2026until they\u2019re 40\u201d; because I have a 34-year-old. [Laughter] The truth is\u2014as you look back over the last 34 years\u2014God did something I could <em>never<\/em> do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there\u2019s a father listening right now, thinking, \u201cI can never do this,\u201d\u2014yes you\u2019re right; you can\u2019t. That\u2019s right where God wants you. He wants to say, \u201cI have to do it. Let Me do it; let Me change you. I\u2019m going to change your legacy <em>through<\/em> you. Just give Me the chance to do it in you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember having a conversation with Voddie Baucham, who grew up in a home without a dad\/single-parent mom\u2014had an uncle, who got involved and helped shaped him during his teen years when he was starting to spin out and go in the wrong direction\u2014I talked about, \u201cWhat do you do when you\u2019ve got this deficit\/you don\u2019t have a road map to follow?\u201d He said, \u201cYou read your Bible, and you do what it says.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe says, \u201cThis is the goodness of God, who <em>is<\/em> the perfect Father, Who not only gives us Himself as a model, but Who also gives us instructions.\u201d He says, \u201cYes; there\u2019s a deficit, and there are holes, and maybe you didn\u2019t see it fleshed out; but God\u2019s Word does give us instruction on how we are to interact, and live, and raise the next generation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The other things is, I think for women, is we are longing for husbands to engage\/to be those dads that you\u2019re talking about. We\u2019ve tried all the tactics, like we\u2019re putting books by the table: \u201cOh, here\u2019s Bryan Loritts\u2019 book. I just heard him on the radio today,\u201d [Laughter] or \u201cHere\u2019s So-and-so\u2019s book.\u201d We\u2019re trying all these tactics. What is the best way for wives to encourage their husbands to engage as fathers?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> That\u2019s a fine line; right? You want to encourage; but you don\u2019t want to encourage on repeat, to put it mildly. That\u2019s where I think getting plugged into a good church\/getting into a good community group: putting yourself in an environment, where there are other people, who are trying to journey in the same direction that you are. Out of that, you\u2019ll typically find some models, some friendships, some help. Maybe there\u2019s a conference that you could go to, with another couple, that\u2019ll inspire you together. Maybe there\u2019s a reading group you can hop in on. But trying to travel with other people for a sense of encouragement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt one of the churches I served, we did this thing called the Men\u2019s Huddle; it was our men\u2019s ministry. We would watch such things as FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>Stepping Up<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> or <em>33 The Series<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and men would gather together. There was this sense of: \u201cWe\u2019re all in this together.\u201d There\u2019s this freedom to talk about your vulnerabilities. I think it was Rick Warren, who said, \u201cWhen men share strengths, they compete; but when they share weaknesses, they draw close together.\u201d That\u2019s <em>really<\/em> good; being in those kinds of atmospheres, I think it\u2019s helpful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And if your husband were to happen to find that somebody had downloaded these episodes of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> onto his podcast feed on his iPhone<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, he might go, \u201cOhhh;\u00a0 I wonder how this got here.\u201d You don\u2019t have to reveal that you\u2019re the one who downloaded it; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would hope that any husband\/any dad, who would see Bryan\u2019s book, would say, \u201cI want to read this book.\u201d First of all, Bryan, I appreciate the fact that it\u2019s less than 150 pages. [Laughter] You knew who you were writing for; didn\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bryan:<\/strong> Yes; I won\u2019t elaborate on that. [Laughter] That was a clear directive from the publishing house.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s the other thing\u2014we haven\u2019t even talked about the subtitle, which makes us say, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to talk further,\u201d\u2014<em>The 4 Most Important Gifts You Can Give Your Kids<\/em>\u2014it begs the question: \u201cOkay; what in the world are those four? Let\u2019s talk about those further.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We will unpack those this week. For those who want to jump ahead, we\u2019re making Bryan\u2019s book available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, who can help us with a donation to support the ongoing work of this ministry. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. The fact that you hear us each day on this local radio station, or as a podcast on your Alexa<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> device, listening online\u2014however you connect with us\u2014that all happens because listeners, like you, help make it happen by donating to support the production and syndication of this program, along with the ministry initiatives of FamilyLife. You\u2019re helping us effectively develop godly marriages and families. That\u2019s what you\u2019re investing in when you support <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can make a donation today, we\u2019d love to send you Bryan\u2019s book <em>The Dad Difference.<\/em> Donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d When you donate, be sure to ask for your copy of Bryan Loritts\u2019 book, <em>The Dad Difference.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, Bryan and Korie Loritts are a part of FamilyLife\u2019s <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series. If you\u2019re raising kids in the early years\/in the teen years\u2014wherever you are in that journey\u2014consider getting this series and going through it on your own or with other couples. I know there are couples getting together now in socially-distanced small groups or, even, online. Learn from people like Bryan and Korie Loritts, Phil Vischer, Kevin DeYoung, Dennis and Barbara Rainey, Dave and Ann Wilson, Alistair Begg, Elyse Fitzpatrick, Jessica Thompson, and others who are a part of this series. Find out more about the <em>Art of Parenting<\/em> video series online. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com; the information you need is available there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about The four gifts that every dad needs to give to his children. Bryan Loritts is going to join us, again, tomorrow. I hope you can be with us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306422","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306422"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306422"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306422"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306422"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306422"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306422"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306422"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}