{"id":306396,"date":"2020-09-09T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-09-09T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/de-escalating-a-conflict\/"},"modified":"2020-09-09T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-09-09T11:00:05","slug":"de-escalating-a-conflict","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/de-escalating-a-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"De-Escalating A Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Scott Sauls, author of the book, &#8220;A Gentle Answer,&#8221; joins Dave and Ann Wilson to discuss the power of gentle answers in a culture of outrage. Gentle answers communicate, &#8220;You matter, your opinion matters.&#8221; People don&#8217;t get scolded into agreement, Sauls says. No one ever says &#8220;Thank you for lecturing and shaming me.&#8221; Yes, confront sin with truth, but take the log out of your own eye first, as Jesus commanded.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=95.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Scott Sauls discusses the power of gentle answers in a culture of outrage. Gentle answers communicate, &#8220;You matter, your opinion matters.&#8221; People don&#8217;t get scolded into agreement.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-09.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:53","filesize":"23.71M","filesize_raw":"24857447","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2848,2821],"tags":[6944],"podcast_series":[8390],"cwp_profile":[3442],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306396","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-issues","category-reaching-out","tag-a-gentle-answer","podcast_series-a-gentle-answer","cwp_profile-scott-sauls","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306396\/de-escalating-a-conflict","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306396\/de-escalating-a-conflict","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"oXSFcpJ2Yp\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/de-escalating-a-conflict\/\">De-Escalating A Conflict<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/de-escalating-a-conflict\/embed\/#?secret=oXSFcpJ2Yp\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;De-Escalating A Conflict&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"oXSFcpJ2Yp\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-09.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-09.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you found there are certain conversations\u2014among family members or outside of your family\u2014certain conversations that just are kind off limits these days? Scott Sauls has some counsel for all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> If you\u2019re in a run-of-the-mill conversation about something that\u2019s important to you, and it\u2019s important to somebody else\u2014oh, let\u2019s just pick a hypothetical subject in September 2020\u2014politics: red state\/blue state\u2014it\u2019s getting heated. Here is what Jesus says, \u201cDeal with the log in your own eye first so that you are now qualified to deal with the speck in somebody else\u2019s eye.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. In the midst of this cancel culture, where we feel like we\u2019re dancing on egg shells if we\u2019re going to try to say anything to anybody, Scott Sauls says the Bible has a lot to say to us about what healthy communication should look like. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019ve been sitting here thinking, if you ask me, \u201cWhat kind of answers would you like to be known for?\u201d\u2014I\u2019m just meditating on this. If people were saying, \u201cWhen I think of Bob Lepine, he\u2019s a guy who always gives _____ answers,\u201d\u2014I would think \u201cright\u201d would be the thing I would want; right?\u2014I give <em>right<\/em> answers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say, \u201cwise\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwise\u201d answers? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014about you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What would your <em>kids<\/em> say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Laughter] \u201cSnarky\u201d would be, probably, what they\u2019d come up with. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard some snarky answers from Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been known to do that. It\u2019d probably go awhile before you\u2019d get to the biblical response there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible commends particular kinds of answers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, hey, you know, since you brought it up, I\u2019m going to ask my wife\u2014your spouse knows you better than anybody\u2014\u201cHoney, what kind of answers do I give?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thoughtful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thoughtful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; because you don\u2019t love conflict; so before you\u2019ll engage in anything, I think you\u2019re pretty wise in thinking about it first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; what would you say about me? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thoughtful is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; what about her? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say she does like conflict: \u201cfiery\u201d? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That might be the first word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s probably correct; I need a book! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; you do. Now, wouldn\u2019t it be nice if somebody would write something? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We <em>all<\/em> need a book. We\u2019ve got a friend who has written one, Scott Sauls, who is joining us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Thanks for having me back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>always<\/em> fun to have Scott joining us. Scott is a pastor from Nashville, Tennessee. He\u2019s an author, a well-known speaker, and somebody that I know I can count on to give thoughtful, measured, and usually gentle answers in the midst of what can be difficult times. I mean, we have been living through some difficult times; and these are not times when gentle answers are instinctive for us. It\u2019s not the first place we go; is it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s correct. Some have called the current culture a \u201cculture of outrage.\u201d New phrases\/new terminology\u2014like \u201ccancel culture\u201d\u2014have hit the scene. Yes; it\u2019s an us-against-them climate everywhere you go\u2014just pick your subject. There are some subjects that are more amplified than others currently. We\u2019re in an election season, too, which has people\u2019s nerves amplified as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The amplification of those nerves happen in families\u2014among extended families\u2014when you\u2019re having Thanksgiving dinner with Uncle Ralph, and he starts talking about what he saw on TV; or when your kids come home from college; or with their kids, and you say, \u201cYou think what?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> There are a <em>lot<\/em> of differences across generational lines. I think in my lifetime, probably, younger generations and older generations are on different pages, more than ever in my lifetime, that I can remember on certain issues\u2014which, on the one hand, is problematic because of all the fighting and bickering\u2014but on the other hand, I think it\u2019s a great opportunity; because the best way to learn is to be in community or in family with people who see things differently than you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason why it\u2019s the best way to learn is, either it gives us an opportunity to change our minds\u2014if we happen to be wrong and have blind spots\u2014or it gives us an opportunity to refine the right things that we hold to and believe by virtue of having them tested. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s the best way to learn if you are humble and teachable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re not humble and teachable, then all it is just an explosion going off inside a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; either an explosion or a withdrawal, both of which are heartbreaking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So how did you come up with <em>A Gentle Answer<\/em>. I mean, I love the subtitle, <em>Our \u201cSecret Weapon\u201d in an Age of Us Against Them<\/em>. We\u2019ve already talked about it; there is an us-against-them [mentality]\u2014especially, I mean, you\u2019re one of the guys I like to read your blog; because what Bob said is: \u201cIt is gentle,\u201d\u2014but it\u2019s <em>firm<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s why I read it. It\u2019s like, \u201cI know I\u2019m going to get a measured response.\u201d I mean, there is enough firmness there, and there is even an angst; but it\u2019s not angry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I read your title, <em>A Gentle Answer<\/em>, I thought, \u201cThat defines <em>you<\/em>,\u201d in my opinion. But where did that come from? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Wow; thanks, Dave. I wonder if my wife and daughters would agree with you on that. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Maybe, we should call them. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> No; I think they are busy right now. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s Proverbs 15:1. The book\u2019s title is based on that Proverb. It\u2019s not original; it didn\u2019t come out of my brain\u2014a combination of an awareness of that verse and a grief over how much bickering there is right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it really is interesting. If you\u2019re in an argument\u2014especially, Bob mentioned in a home with a family; in your neighborhood\u2014if you think about it: \u201cIf one of us is escalating, and the other escalates, obviously, you\u2019re going to go there; but if one escalates, and the other de-escalates\u2014a gentle answer\u2014it\u2019s really hard to keep escalating.\u201d I mean you can, but you sort of look like an idiot; don\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Well, because you <em>are<\/em> an idiot if you keep escalating when somebody else is trying to calm everything down. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s important, when we talk about de-escalating conversations, too, that doesn\u2019t mean becoming a doormat\u2014because that\u2019s really unhealthy\u2014that\u2019s called codependency; it\u2019s called dysfunction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf truth is at stake\u2014if two people in a family or any other kind of relationship are at odds\u2014the healthy goal will be: \u201cHey, let\u2019s get to the truth together.\u201d We realize it might be like two pieces of sandpaper rubbing together; the heat is going to go up, and we are going to feel the friction; but when you rub two pieces of sandpaper together long enough, both of you become smoother\u2014you\u2019re smoothed out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really so much more, Dave, about the <em>how<\/em> than it is about anything else: \u201c<em>How<\/em> do we have those discussions?\u201d We\u2019re supposed to disagree; because we are all flawed, and we all have blind spots. We all have sins in our lives. We are all contributors to the problem\u2014whatever the problem is\u2014in some way, shape, or form; so we all benefit from the friction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, what is important is a climate that allows for friction\/a climate where friction doesn\u2019t introduce the threat of rejection, or the threat of bullying, or one person shutting another person down because they are the more powerful person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I know that the verse, \u201cA gentle answer\u2026\u201d\/when you respond gently\u2014I\u2019m sure you\u2019re going to talk about this\u2014it invites a response. When you don\u2019t, it pushes people away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve shared this when we speak at marriage conferences. One day, I was pulling out of my subdivision. It was early in the morning, and a bunch of cars were coming down the street; and I couldn\u2019t get out. You get frustrated: \u201cI\u2019ve got to get out; I\u2019ve got to get out.\u201d There is this tiny little gap\u2014\u201cWell, I can do it,\u201d\u2014whoomph\u2014I pull out; but as I pull out, I realize I really did cut a guy off, who was coming pretty\/faster than I thought. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, you do the old look in the mirror and see how he is going to respond. He is <em>irate<\/em>; he\u2019s on my bumper. I can\u2019t hear him; but he\u2019s yelling\u2014hand gestures\/the whole thing. Anyway, long story short, I end up\u2014we\u2019re in one lane; but as the light comes up about two miles later, there are two lanes. I\u2019m hoping he doesn\u2019t pull beside me; of course, he does. He\u2019s right over there, and I can <em>hear<\/em> him. I finally say, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to look,\u201d\u2014so slowly, I just look over. His window is down now, yelling,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Window down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cJerk!\u201d All I did was\u2014I remember I just turned to him, and I just put my hand up; and I go, \u201cHey, <em>my<\/em> bad; sorry!\u201d I\u2019ll never forget this; <em>immediately<\/em>, he is like, \u201cYou are the\u2014hey, no problem!\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what he did; he just went, \u201cHey, no problem; see you,\u201d\u2014just sort of waved. I remember sitting there, going, \u201c<em>What<\/em> just happened?!\u201d That verse hit me\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath.\u201d I mean, I had <em>never<\/em> seen something that quickly change; but I thought, \u201cWow; I responded gently, and it totally changed his demeanor.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re all saying, \u201cThat doesn\u2019t always happen like that\u201d; but it was a picture of: \u201cGod\u2019s truth is truth\u201d\u2014so apply that to a family or even online\u2014when we do that, is that what happens? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Well, I think that that episode you just described illustrates a reality about the human heart. If you feel like you\u2019ve been disrespected by somebody, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cThey just care about themselves.\u201d What you did, Dave, in that situation, as he was assaulting you for only caring about yourself\u2014and then you said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d\u2014it seems like maybe his perspective immediately shifted to: \u201cOh, you\u2019re caring about me right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat traffic incident can be a metaphor that applies to family life as well, where\u2014when parent communicates and the kid gets it that: \u201cI care about you. Your opinion matters. Your feelings matter, and my authority matters as well,\u201d\u2014but if all I\u2019m doing is asserting my authority, and in such a way that <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> communicate: \u201cYou matter; your opinion matters; your feelings matter,\u201d you\u2019re not going to win them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople don\u2019t get <em>scolded<\/em> into being persuaded. People get loved and cared for into being persuaded. The Bible talks about speaking the truth in love. You have to put the two together. Peter talks about giving a defense for your faith; right?\u2014apologetics\u2014right? He says, \u201cBe sure that whenever you give a defense for your faith, you do it with gentleness and respect.\u201d In other words: \u201cHonor people who disagree with you. Honor people who are on a different page than you are.\u201d That applies at home; that applies out in the world; it applies online\u2014it\u2019s just more persuasive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, evangelism\u2014think about it that way\u2014I mean, you\u2019re pastors who\u2014I mean, so many people\/there\u2019s going to be a long line, thanking you guys for introducing them to Jesus in glory. I bet you not one of them would say: \u201cDave, Ann, I just want to thank you. I want to <em>thank<\/em> your church for <em>lecturing<\/em>, and <em>scolding<\/em>, and <em>shaming<\/em> me into the kingdom. I don\u2019t know how I\u2019ll ever be able to thank you for that.\u201d I\u2019m sure there is somebody out there who exists with that story; but I\u2019ve never met one. I\u2019ve met <em>thousands<\/em>, who have the story, \u201cSomebody loved me in spite of myself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Even in your book, you talk about how Jesus befriends the <em>sinner<\/em> in us; what do you mean by that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Well, if He did it then, He does it now; because He\u2019s the same yesterday, today, and forever; right? You know, you look at the four Gospels\u2014and just think about the very first Gospel\u2014who wrote it? Matthew, who was a tax collector; tax collectors were known sell-outs. They were known betrayers to the Jewish community, because they took their position with Rome. Rome said, \u201cYou need to collect this much for the state, and anything else you can collect on top of that you get to keep.\u201d They had the ability to exert their power to enrich themselves at other people\u2019s expense, so they stole from people in a system that allowed them to do that. Here\u2019s the guy who wrote the first book of the New Testament. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou take a look at Jesus\u2019s encounter with Zacchaeus, who was not just a tax collector, but a chief tax collector. Then that particular chapter talks a lot about Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus\u2019 first encounter with Jesus\u2014where Zacchaeus climbed up in a tree, all by himself\u2014because probably, he has no friends. He climbs in a tree, probably, because he wants to keep a distance; because he has no notion in his mind that Jesus would want to have <em>anything<\/em> to do with him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus looks up and calls him by name and says, \u201cI\u2019m coming to your house today.\u201d Who was the last person who went to Zacchaeus\u2019s house?\u2014probably, nobody had ever been there; you know? Here Jesus is saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to show you the greatest hospitality you ever dreamed of in your own house. I\u2019m going to come, and I\u2019m going to take over. It\u2019s going to be the best thing that\u2019s ever happened to you, and the best thing that\u2019s ever happened in your home.\u201d It changed the man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou look at the woman in Luke, Chapter 7. She is clearly a prostitute, coming off the streets, dressed in a very scandalous way. She barges into a Pharisee\u2019s dinner party that Jesus was invited to so that they could ask Him \u201cGotcha\u201d questions. In she comes and pulls out all the tools of her trade\u2014her hair, her lips, and her perfume\u2014and uses those three things to demonstrate affection and love for Jesus. The religious guys are\u2014and they are all men\u2014and they are all scolding her\/scolding Him, <em>appalled<\/em> that He would give this woman the time of day. Then Jesus starts to praise her: \u201cShe just put on a clinic for you of what it means to love God. You guys don\u2019t get it.\u201d These are the guys who memorized the Bible; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are so many stories of how Christ would do that. He calls Judas \u201cfriend\u201d while Judas is in the act of betraying Him; you know?\u2014the guy that Jesus called the son of perdition. He took the time to call the guy, \u201cfriend,\u201d on his way to hell. I mean, it\u2019s just <em>unbelievable<\/em> how kind Christ is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m hearing you describe these biblical scenes, and they resonate with all of us. I\u2019m imagining someone, who is thinking, \u201cI know that\u2019s all true, but where is the standing for holiness\/for righteousness? Where is the confronting sin in other people? Are we just supposed to swallow that\/ignore that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad you asked that question. It\u2019s my <em>favorite<\/em> question to answer, and it\u2019s probably because I\u2019m like Ann. I like to be confrontational sometimes. [Laughter] Yes; start confronting in the mirror\u2014start there\u2014that\u2019s what Jesus said. When you\u2019re in conflict, you\u2019re the biggest problem in your own eyes. Of course, if you have a situation\u2014where there is abuse\/where there is injustice\u2014obviously, the rule\/the game is changed: there\u2019s protection and boundaries, and getting people\/third parties in the mix to help protect and resolve, and all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you\u2019re in a run-of-the-mill conversation about something that\u2019s important to you, and it\u2019s important to somebody else\u2014oh, let\u2019s just pick a hypothetical subject in September 2020\u2014politics: let\u2019s just do that; red state\/blue state\u2014it\u2019s getting heated. Here is what Jesus says: \u201cDeal with the log in your own eye first so that you are now qualified to deal with the speck in somebody else\u2019s eye.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t say, \u201cLeave the speck alone\u201d; because if I see a speck in your eye, Bob, and you don\u2019t see it and I don\u2019t say anything, that speck could lead to infection. It could lead to blindness, eventually, because a speck is not a good thing. Like my daughter\u2014a contact got stuck in her eye two nights ago, and it was <em>awful<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are not loving me if you allow the speck to remain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; but I\u2019m not ready to confront that speck until I\u2019ve dealt with my own log, as Jesus said. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that our current culture\u2014this includes the culture of American society; it includes the culture of Christians, who have allowed themselves to be discipled more by American cable news culture than they are by Jesus Christ\u2014are part of this as well. It happens in families, for sure, that we reverse it\u2014we say, \u201cHey, let me deal with that log in your eye. Oh, I know you want to talk about <em>my<\/em> speck; no, let\u2019s talk about the log in <em>your<\/em> eye.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s, number one, the <em>wrong<\/em> way to approach it\u2014because it\u2019s not humble; it doesn\u2019t honor Christ; it\u2019s not what He said\u2014and number two, you\u2019re not going to persuade the person; you\u2019re just going to make them more upset. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I hear, behind that\u2014and it\u2019s a brilliant answer\u2014because looking at the log in our own eye forces us to a posture of humility. If we\u2019re <em>really<\/em> addressing the log in our eye, we can\u2019t come out of that experience proud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave has reached for the guitar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I know what\u2019s happening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we do too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> He\u2019s going to play a song! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So this is a classic Dave Wilson song. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I was just thinking\u2014your talking about Matthew 7\u2014just reminded me of a song. Maybe, you\u2019ve heard it. I won\u2019t do the whole thing, because it\u2019s long; but\u2014[Dave singing <em>Log Eye<\/em>] Come on, honey! [Laughter] [Ann singing] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, we\u2019ve got the backup. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There you go; there you go! Have you heard that one, Bob? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard you sing that at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There is a lot more to that song, but it gets at exactly what Scott was saying. It\u2019s poking fun at the inability of us to see our own faults and to see very clearly everybody else\u2019s fault. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we do see it\u2014when we are forced to confront the log in our eye\u2014again, we can\u2019t come away from that confrontation proud. We can\u2019t come away, thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI showed them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, we\u2019re coming to you to say, \u201cI see a speck, but you know what? I\u2019ve just had to deal with the fact that I\u2019ve got a lot more going on in <em>me<\/em> than the speck I see in you, and God is dealing with me on this.\u201d Now, I\u2019m in a posture where we can have that dialogue and where you are going to <em>receive<\/em> what you\u2019re hearing from me because\u2014you\u2019re not going to perceive me coming and saying, \u201cI\u2019m a Pharisee,\u201d\u2014but \u201cI\u2019m a fellow sinner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; think about, too\u2014not only addressing the logs in our own eye\u2014but also being willing to name what is right and good from the other person, where they are coming from. The Apostle Paul does this in Athens, brilliantly, in Acts, Chapter 17. He walks in and all these Athenian academic philosophers\u2014they are all kind of speculating about God; they are all sharing their own ideas about God\u2014and he\u2019s <em>grieved<\/em> because he says there is this idolatry everywhere. People are misleading themselves and each other, and the stakes are high. It says he is grieved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first words out of his mouth [are]: \u201cMen of Athens, I can see that you are very religious.\u201d Okay; just think about that. He\u2019s saying to <em>idolaters<\/em>, \u201cI can see you are very religious,\u201d\u2014people from a false religion\u2014\u201c\u2026you are very religious.\u201d In other words, \u201cYou are seeking truth; you are seeking meaning; you\u2019re seeking beauty; you\u2019re seeking the ultimate answers to things\u2014that\u2019s good!\u201d He finds something in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he says, \u201cAs some of your own poets and philosophers have said\u201d\u2014and then he quotes Stoic and Epicurean philosophers, both of which are pretty toxic systems of philosophy as systems; but he cherry picks a couple of statements that are true and beautiful\u2014the image of God is in every perspective somewhere, and it can be found. He cherry picks what does intersect with biblical truth; and he says, \u201cYou know, as some of your own people have said\u2026Guess what?\u201d\u2014that becomes the bridge to talk about the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe does that with Jewish people in the synagogues in Acts 13 and 14. He is speaking all their language\u2014the Old Testament language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He is a genius in that respect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Well, he is; he is. He\u2014it\u2019s what we pastors\u2014Dave and Bob\u2014we call it exegeting your audience. You know, Spurgeon talked about how he would have the Bible in one hand and a newspaper in another as he prepared to communicate the gospel. We\u2019ve got to understand the people that we\u2019re communicating with, and respect who they are, and where they are at. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is where parents and adult children, or church members who may be on different sides of a political conversation, can look at one another and say, \u201cI <em>know<\/em> that what\u2019s behind the view you\u2019re holding to is that you believe in the dignity of all human beings. We\u2019re not arguing over <em>that<\/em>; we\u2019re not disagreeing over that, and we\u2019re on the same page when it comes to that. What we\u2019re trying to figure out is: \u2018How do we express that best?\u2014what does that look like?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve just brought the disagreement\u2014we\u2019ve notched it back a level\u2014to where, maybe, some reasonable dialogue can occur. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s tearing down the walls\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because I feel like\u2014in my Bible, I have it marked every time that Paul does that; because he was a <em>genius<\/em> in tearing down walls. All their defenses are gone now; because Paul is basically saying, \u201cI see the good in you that God has put.\u201d Then he begins to dialogue. I think they\u2019re, probably, so much more open to what he has to say because he has done that. We can do the same in our homes, as you said, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Most of us are not naturally good at this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because our sin nature <em>pollutes<\/em> how we do this. It\u2019s why the Bible has to correct us and say, \u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath,\u201d and to help us cultivate this. Scott, your book is really a guidebook for all of us at a needed time in our culture when gentle answers are not popular; they are not trending. You don\u2019t get good ratings if you have gentle answers; yet, it\u2019s what the Bible tells us our manner of speech should be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are making Scott\u2019s book available this week to any of our listeners who would like to get a copy. If you can make a donation to help further the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to help us reach more people, more often, with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and their family, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you for your support,\u201d by sending you Scott Sauls\u2019 book, <em>A Gentle Answer: Our \u201cSecret Weapon\u201d in an Age of Us Against Them<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can make a donation online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Keep in mind your donations are impacting hundreds of thousands of husbands and wives, moms and dads, every day all around the world. You are making a difference in their lives, in their marriages, and in their families as you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for partnering with us. Again, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Scott Saul\u2019s book, <em>A Gentle Answer<\/em>, as a \u201cThank you,\u201d when you donate today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about how we have conversations, as followers of Christ, with people that we don\u2019t agree with on important subjects: \u201cHow do we do that and still represent Jesus well?\u201d Scott Sauls will be back with us, again, tomorrow. I hope you\u2019ll be back with us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:53"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.71M"],"filesize_raw":["24857447"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306396.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306396.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Scott Sauls discusses the power of gentle answers in a culture of outrage. Gentle answers communicate, \"You matter, your opinion matters.\" People don't get scolded into agreement.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-09-09.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have you found there are certain conversations\u2014among family members or outside of your family\u2014certain conversations that just are kind off limits these days? Scott Sauls has some counsel for all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> If you\u2019re in a run-of-the-mill conversation about something that\u2019s important to you, and it\u2019s important to somebody else\u2014oh, let\u2019s just pick a hypothetical subject in September 2020\u2014politics: red state\/blue state\u2014it\u2019s getting heated. Here is what Jesus says, \u201cDeal with the log in your own eye first so that you are now qualified to deal with the speck in somebody else\u2019s eye.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, September 9<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. In the midst of this cancel culture, where we feel like we\u2019re dancing on egg shells if we\u2019re going to try to say anything to anybody, Scott Sauls says the Bible has a lot to say to us about what healthy communication should look like. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019ve been sitting here thinking, if you ask me, \u201cWhat kind of answers would you like to be known for?\u201d\u2014I\u2019m just meditating on this. If people were saying, \u201cWhen I think of Bob Lepine, he\u2019s a guy who always gives _____ answers,\u201d\u2014I would think \u201cright\u201d would be the thing I would want; right?\u2014I give <em>right<\/em> answers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say, \u201cwise\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwise\u201d answers? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014about you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What would your <em>kids<\/em> say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> [Laughter] \u201cSnarky\u201d would be, probably, what they\u2019d come up with. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard some snarky answers from Bob Lepine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been known to do that. It\u2019d probably go awhile before you\u2019d get to the biblical response there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible commends particular kinds of answers. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, hey, you know, since you brought it up, I\u2019m going to ask my wife\u2014your spouse knows you better than anybody\u2014\u201cHoney, what kind of answers do I give?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thoughtful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thoughtful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; because you don\u2019t love conflict; so before you\u2019ll engage in anything, I think you\u2019re pretty wise in thinking about it first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; what would you say about me? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thoughtful is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; what about her? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to say she does like conflict: \u201cfiery\u201d? [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That might be the first word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s probably correct; I need a book! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; you do. Now, wouldn\u2019t it be nice if somebody would write something? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We <em>all<\/em> need a book. We\u2019ve got a friend who has written one, Scott Sauls, who is joining us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Thanks for having me back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>always<\/em> fun to have Scott joining us. Scott is a pastor from Nashville, Tennessee. He\u2019s an author, a well-known speaker, and somebody that I know I can count on to give thoughtful, measured, and usually gentle answers in the midst of what can be difficult times. I mean, we have been living through some difficult times; and these are not times when gentle answers are instinctive for us. It\u2019s not the first place we go; is it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> That\u2019s correct. Some have called the current culture a \u201cculture of outrage.\u201d New phrases\/new terminology\u2014like \u201ccancel culture\u201d\u2014have hit the scene. Yes; it\u2019s an us-against-them climate everywhere you go\u2014just pick your subject. There are some subjects that are more amplified than others currently. We\u2019re in an election season, too, which has people\u2019s nerves amplified as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The amplification of those nerves happen in families\u2014among extended families\u2014when you\u2019re having Thanksgiving dinner with Uncle Ralph, and he starts talking about what he saw on TV; or when your kids come home from college; or with their kids, and you say, \u201cYou think what?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> There are a <em>lot<\/em> of differences across generational lines. I think in my lifetime, probably, younger generations and older generations are on different pages, more than ever in my lifetime, that I can remember on certain issues\u2014which, on the one hand, is problematic because of all the fighting and bickering\u2014but on the other hand, I think it\u2019s a great opportunity; because the best way to learn is to be in community or in family with people who see things differently than you do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reason why it\u2019s the best way to learn is, either it gives us an opportunity to change our minds\u2014if we happen to be wrong and have blind spots\u2014or it gives us an opportunity to refine the right things that we hold to and believe by virtue of having them tested. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s the best way to learn if you are humble and teachable. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Correct. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you\u2019re not humble and teachable, then all it is just an explosion going off inside a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; either an explosion or a withdrawal, both of which are heartbreaking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So how did you come up with <em>A Gentle Answer<\/em>. I mean, I love the subtitle, <em>Our \u201cSecret Weapon\u201d in an Age of Us Against Them<\/em>. We\u2019ve already talked about it; there is an us-against-them [mentality]\u2014especially, I mean, you\u2019re one of the guys I like to read your blog; because what Bob said is: \u201cIt is gentle,\u201d\u2014but it\u2019s <em>firm<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s why I read it. It\u2019s like, \u201cI know I\u2019m going to get a measured response.\u201d I mean, there is enough firmness there, and there is even an angst; but it\u2019s not angry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I read your title, <em>A Gentle Answer<\/em>, I thought, \u201cThat defines <em>you<\/em>,\u201d in my opinion. But where did that come from? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Wow; thanks, Dave. I wonder if my wife and daughters would agree with you on that. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Maybe, we should call them. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> No; I think they are busy right now. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s Proverbs 15:1. The book\u2019s title is based on that Proverb. It\u2019s not original; it didn\u2019t come out of my brain\u2014a combination of an awareness of that verse and a grief over how much bickering there is right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it really is interesting. If you\u2019re in an argument\u2014especially, Bob mentioned in a home with a family; in your neighborhood\u2014if you think about it: \u201cIf one of us is escalating, and the other escalates, obviously, you\u2019re going to go there; but if one escalates, and the other de-escalates\u2014a gentle answer\u2014it\u2019s really hard to keep escalating.\u201d I mean you can, but you sort of look like an idiot; don\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Well, because you <em>are<\/em> an idiot if you keep escalating when somebody else is trying to calm everything down. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s important, when we talk about de-escalating conversations, too, that doesn\u2019t mean becoming a doormat\u2014because that\u2019s really unhealthy\u2014that\u2019s called codependency; it\u2019s called dysfunction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf truth is at stake\u2014if two people in a family or any other kind of relationship are at odds\u2014the healthy goal will be: \u201cHey, let\u2019s get to the truth together.\u201d We realize it might be like two pieces of sandpaper rubbing together; the heat is going to go up, and we are going to feel the friction; but when you rub two pieces of sandpaper together long enough, both of you become smoother\u2014you\u2019re smoothed out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s really so much more, Dave, about the <em>how<\/em> than it is about anything else: \u201c<em>How<\/em> do we have those discussions?\u201d We\u2019re supposed to disagree; because we are all flawed, and we all have blind spots. We all have sins in our lives. We are all contributors to the problem\u2014whatever the problem is\u2014in some way, shape, or form; so we all benefit from the friction. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, what is important is a climate that allows for friction\/a climate where friction doesn\u2019t introduce the threat of rejection, or the threat of bullying, or one person shutting another person down because they are the more powerful person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I know that the verse, \u201cA gentle answer\u2026\u201d\/when you respond gently\u2014I\u2019m sure you\u2019re going to talk about this\u2014it invites a response. When you don\u2019t, it pushes people away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve shared this when we speak at marriage conferences. One day, I was pulling out of my subdivision. It was early in the morning, and a bunch of cars were coming down the street; and I couldn\u2019t get out. You get frustrated: \u201cI\u2019ve got to get out; I\u2019ve got to get out.\u201d There is this tiny little gap\u2014\u201cWell, I can do it,\u201d\u2014whoomph\u2014I pull out; but as I pull out, I realize I really did cut a guy off, who was coming pretty\/faster than I thought. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, you do the old look in the mirror and see how he is going to respond. He is <em>irate<\/em>; he\u2019s on my bumper. I can\u2019t hear him; but he\u2019s yelling\u2014hand gestures\/the whole thing. Anyway, long story short, I end up\u2014we\u2019re in one lane; but as the light comes up about two miles later, there are two lanes. I\u2019m hoping he doesn\u2019t pull beside me; of course, he does. He\u2019s right over there, and I can <em>hear<\/em> him. I finally say, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m going to look,\u201d\u2014so slowly, I just look over. His window is down now, yelling,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Window down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cJerk!\u201d All I did was\u2014I remember I just turned to him, and I just put my hand up; and I go, \u201cHey, <em>my<\/em> bad; sorry!\u201d I\u2019ll never forget this; <em>immediately<\/em>, he is like, \u201cYou are the\u2014hey, no problem!\u201d [Laughter] That\u2019s what he did; he just went, \u201cHey, no problem; see you,\u201d\u2014just sort of waved. I remember sitting there, going, \u201c<em>What<\/em> just happened?!\u201d That verse hit me\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath.\u201d I mean, I had <em>never<\/em> seen something that quickly change; but I thought, \u201cWow; I responded gently, and it totally changed his demeanor.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re all saying, \u201cThat doesn\u2019t always happen like that\u201d; but it was a picture of: \u201cGod\u2019s truth is truth\u201d\u2014so apply that to a family or even online\u2014when we do that, is that what happens? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Well, I think that that episode you just described illustrates a reality about the human heart. If you feel like you\u2019ve been disrespected by somebody, you\u2019re thinking, \u201cThey just care about themselves.\u201d What you did, Dave, in that situation, as he was assaulting you for only caring about yourself\u2014and then you said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry,\u201d\u2014it seems like maybe his perspective immediately shifted to: \u201cOh, you\u2019re caring about me right now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat traffic incident can be a metaphor that applies to family life as well, where\u2014when parent communicates and the kid gets it that: \u201cI care about you. Your opinion matters. Your feelings matter, and my authority matters as well,\u201d\u2014but if all I\u2019m doing is asserting my authority, and in such a way that <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> communicate: \u201cYou matter; your opinion matters; your feelings matter,\u201d you\u2019re not going to win them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople don\u2019t get <em>scolded<\/em> into being persuaded. People get loved and cared for into being persuaded. The Bible talks about speaking the truth in love. You have to put the two together. Peter talks about giving a defense for your faith; right?\u2014apologetics\u2014right? He says, \u201cBe sure that whenever you give a defense for your faith, you do it with gentleness and respect.\u201d In other words: \u201cHonor people who disagree with you. Honor people who are on a different page than you are.\u201d That applies at home; that applies out in the world; it applies online\u2014it\u2019s just more persuasive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, evangelism\u2014think about it that way\u2014I mean, you\u2019re pastors who\u2014I mean, so many people\/there\u2019s going to be a long line, thanking you guys for introducing them to Jesus in glory. I bet you not one of them would say: \u201cDave, Ann, I just want to thank you. I want to <em>thank<\/em> your church for <em>lecturing<\/em>, and <em>scolding<\/em>, and <em>shaming<\/em> me into the kingdom. I don\u2019t know how I\u2019ll ever be able to thank you for that.\u201d I\u2019m sure there is somebody out there who exists with that story; but I\u2019ve never met one. I\u2019ve met <em>thousands<\/em>, who have the story, \u201cSomebody loved me in spite of myself.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Even in your book, you talk about how Jesus befriends the <em>sinner<\/em> in us; what do you mean by that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Well, if He did it then, He does it now; because He\u2019s the same yesterday, today, and forever; right? You know, you look at the four Gospels\u2014and just think about the very first Gospel\u2014who wrote it? Matthew, who was a tax collector; tax collectors were known sell-outs. They were known betrayers to the Jewish community, because they took their position with Rome. Rome said, \u201cYou need to collect this much for the state, and anything else you can collect on top of that you get to keep.\u201d They had the ability to exert their power to enrich themselves at other people\u2019s expense, so they stole from people in a system that allowed them to do that. Here\u2019s the guy who wrote the first book of the New Testament. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou take a look at Jesus\u2019s encounter with Zacchaeus, who was not just a tax collector, but a chief tax collector. Then that particular chapter talks a lot about Zacchaeus. Zacchaeus\u2019 first encounter with Jesus\u2014where Zacchaeus climbed up in a tree, all by himself\u2014because probably, he has no friends. He climbs in a tree, probably, because he wants to keep a distance; because he has no notion in his mind that Jesus would want to have <em>anything<\/em> to do with him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus looks up and calls him by name and says, \u201cI\u2019m coming to your house today.\u201d Who was the last person who went to Zacchaeus\u2019s house?\u2014probably, nobody had ever been there; you know? Here Jesus is saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to show you the greatest hospitality you ever dreamed of in your own house. I\u2019m going to come, and I\u2019m going to take over. It\u2019s going to be the best thing that\u2019s ever happened to you, and the best thing that\u2019s ever happened in your home.\u201d It changed the man. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou look at the woman in Luke, Chapter 7. She is clearly a prostitute, coming off the streets, dressed in a very scandalous way. She barges into a Pharisee\u2019s dinner party that Jesus was invited to so that they could ask Him \u201cGotcha\u201d questions. In she comes and pulls out all the tools of her trade\u2014her hair, her lips, and her perfume\u2014and uses those three things to demonstrate affection and love for Jesus. The religious guys are\u2014and they are all men\u2014and they are all scolding her\/scolding Him, <em>appalled<\/em> that He would give this woman the time of day. Then Jesus starts to praise her: \u201cShe just put on a clinic for you of what it means to love God. You guys don\u2019t get it.\u201d These are the guys who memorized the Bible; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are so many stories of how Christ would do that. He calls Judas \u201cfriend\u201d while Judas is in the act of betraying Him; you know?\u2014the guy that Jesus called the son of perdition. He took the time to call the guy, \u201cfriend,\u201d on his way to hell. I mean, it\u2019s just <em>unbelievable<\/em> how kind Christ is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m hearing you describe these biblical scenes, and they resonate with all of us. I\u2019m imagining someone, who is thinking, \u201cI know that\u2019s all true, but where is the standing for holiness\/for righteousness? Where is the confronting sin in other people? Are we just supposed to swallow that\/ignore that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad you asked that question. It\u2019s my <em>favorite<\/em> question to answer, and it\u2019s probably because I\u2019m like Ann. I like to be confrontational sometimes. [Laughter] Yes; start confronting in the mirror\u2014start there\u2014that\u2019s what Jesus said. When you\u2019re in conflict, you\u2019re the biggest problem in your own eyes. Of course, if you have a situation\u2014where there is abuse\/where there is injustice\u2014obviously, the rule\/the game is changed: there\u2019s protection and boundaries, and getting people\/third parties in the mix to help protect and resolve, and all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you\u2019re in a run-of-the-mill conversation about something that\u2019s important to you, and it\u2019s important to somebody else\u2014oh, let\u2019s just pick a hypothetical subject in September 2020\u2014politics: let\u2019s just do that; red state\/blue state\u2014it\u2019s getting heated. Here is what Jesus says: \u201cDeal with the log in your own eye first so that you are now qualified to deal with the speck in somebody else\u2019s eye.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t say, \u201cLeave the speck alone\u201d; because if I see a speck in your eye, Bob, and you don\u2019t see it and I don\u2019t say anything, that speck could lead to infection. It could lead to blindness, eventually, because a speck is not a good thing. Like my daughter\u2014a contact got stuck in her eye two nights ago, and it was <em>awful<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You are not loving me if you allow the speck to remain. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; but I\u2019m not ready to confront that speck until I\u2019ve dealt with my own log, as Jesus said. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that our current culture\u2014this includes the culture of American society; it includes the culture of Christians, who have allowed themselves to be discipled more by American cable news culture than they are by Jesus Christ\u2014are part of this as well. It happens in families, for sure, that we reverse it\u2014we say, \u201cHey, let me deal with that log in your eye. Oh, I know you want to talk about <em>my<\/em> speck; no, let\u2019s talk about the log in <em>your<\/em> eye.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s, number one, the <em>wrong<\/em> way to approach it\u2014because it\u2019s not humble; it doesn\u2019t honor Christ; it\u2019s not what He said\u2014and number two, you\u2019re not going to persuade the person; you\u2019re just going to make them more upset. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I hear, behind that\u2014and it\u2019s a brilliant answer\u2014because looking at the log in our own eye forces us to a posture of humility. If we\u2019re <em>really<\/em> addressing the log in our eye, we can\u2019t come out of that experience proud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave has reached for the guitar. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I know what\u2019s happening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we do too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> He\u2019s going to play a song! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So this is a classic Dave Wilson song. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I was just thinking\u2014your talking about Matthew 7\u2014just reminded me of a song. Maybe, you\u2019ve heard it. I won\u2019t do the whole thing, because it\u2019s long; but\u2014[Dave singing <em>Log Eye<\/em>] Come on, honey! [Laughter] [Ann singing] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, we\u2019ve got the backup. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There you go; there you go! Have you heard that one, Bob? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve heard you sing that at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There is a lot more to that song, but it gets at exactly what Scott was saying. It\u2019s poking fun at the inability of us to see our own faults and to see very clearly everybody else\u2019s fault. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we do see it\u2014when we are forced to confront the log in our eye\u2014again, we can\u2019t come away from that confrontation proud. We can\u2019t come away, thinking\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cI showed them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, we\u2019re coming to you to say, \u201cI see a speck, but you know what? I\u2019ve just had to deal with the fact that I\u2019ve got a lot more going on in <em>me<\/em> than the speck I see in you, and God is dealing with me on this.\u201d Now, I\u2019m in a posture where we can have that dialogue and where you are going to <em>receive<\/em> what you\u2019re hearing from me because\u2014you\u2019re not going to perceive me coming and saying, \u201cI\u2019m a Pharisee,\u201d\u2014but \u201cI\u2019m a fellow sinner.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Yes; think about, too\u2014not only addressing the logs in our own eye\u2014but also being willing to name what is right and good from the other person, where they are coming from. The Apostle Paul does this in Athens, brilliantly, in Acts, Chapter 17. He walks in and all these Athenian academic philosophers\u2014they are all kind of speculating about God; they are all sharing their own ideas about God\u2014and he\u2019s <em>grieved<\/em> because he says there is this idolatry everywhere. People are misleading themselves and each other, and the stakes are high. It says he is grieved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first words out of his mouth [are]: \u201cMen of Athens, I can see that you are very religious.\u201d Okay; just think about that. He\u2019s saying to <em>idolaters<\/em>, \u201cI can see you are very religious,\u201d\u2014people from a false religion\u2014\u201c\u2026you are very religious.\u201d In other words, \u201cYou are seeking truth; you are seeking meaning; you\u2019re seeking beauty; you\u2019re seeking the ultimate answers to things\u2014that\u2019s good!\u201d He finds something in there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he says, \u201cAs some of your own poets and philosophers have said\u201d\u2014and then he quotes Stoic and Epicurean philosophers, both of which are pretty toxic systems of philosophy as systems; but he cherry picks a couple of statements that are true and beautiful\u2014the image of God is in every perspective somewhere, and it can be found. He cherry picks what does intersect with biblical truth; and he says, \u201cYou know, as some of your own people have said\u2026Guess what?\u201d\u2014that becomes the bridge to talk about the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe does that with Jewish people in the synagogues in Acts 13 and 14. He is speaking all their language\u2014the Old Testament language. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He is a genius in that respect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Scott:<\/strong> Well, he is; he is. He\u2014it\u2019s what we pastors\u2014Dave and Bob\u2014we call it exegeting your audience. You know, Spurgeon talked about how he would have the Bible in one hand and a newspaper in another as he prepared to communicate the gospel. We\u2019ve got to understand the people that we\u2019re communicating with, and respect who they are, and where they are at. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is where parents and adult children, or church members who may be on different sides of a political conversation, can look at one another and say, \u201cI <em>know<\/em> that what\u2019s behind the view you\u2019re holding to is that you believe in the dignity of all human beings. We\u2019re not arguing over <em>that<\/em>; we\u2019re not disagreeing over that, and we\u2019re on the same page when it comes to that. What we\u2019re trying to figure out is: \u2018How do we express that best?\u2014what does that look like?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve just brought the disagreement\u2014we\u2019ve notched it back a level\u2014to where, maybe, some reasonable dialogue can occur. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s tearing down the walls\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because I feel like\u2014in my Bible, I have it marked every time that Paul does that; because he was a <em>genius<\/em> in tearing down walls. All their defenses are gone now; because Paul is basically saying, \u201cI see the good in you that God has put.\u201d Then he begins to dialogue. I think they\u2019re, probably, so much more open to what he has to say because he has done that. We can do the same in our homes, as you said, Bob. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Most of us are not naturally good at this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because our sin nature <em>pollutes<\/em> how we do this. It\u2019s why the Bible has to correct us and say, \u201cA gentle answer turns away wrath,\u201d and to help us cultivate this. Scott, your book is really a guidebook for all of us at a needed time in our culture when gentle answers are not popular; they are not trending. You don\u2019t get good ratings if you have gentle answers; yet, it\u2019s what the Bible tells us our manner of speech should be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are making Scott\u2019s book available this week to any of our listeners who would like to get a copy. If you can make a donation to help further the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> to help us reach more people, more often, with practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and their family, we\u2019d love to say, \u201cThank you for your support,\u201d by sending you Scott Sauls\u2019 book, <em>A Gentle Answer: Our \u201cSecret Weapon\u201d in an Age of Us Against Them<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com. You can make a donation online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Keep in mind your donations are impacting hundreds of thousands of husbands and wives, moms and dads, every day all around the world. You are making a difference in their lives, in their marriages, and in their families as you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for partnering with us. Again, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Scott Saul\u2019s book, <em>A Gentle Answer<\/em>, as a \u201cThank you,\u201d when you donate today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate online, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue talking about how we have conversations, as followers of Christ, with people that we don\u2019t agree with on important subjects: \u201cHow do we do that and still represent Jesus well?\u201d Scott Sauls will be back with us, again, tomorrow. I hope you\u2019ll be back with us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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