{"id":306376,"date":"2020-08-29T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-08-29T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/marriage-and-family-mentors\/"},"modified":"2020-08-29T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-08-29T11:00:04","slug":"marriage-and-family-mentors","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/marriage-and-family-mentors\/","title":{"rendered":"Marriage and Family Mentors"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Hear what Dennis and Barbara Rainey have learned over 40 years in ministry. They share valuable lessons learned sometimes through success but more often through failure.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2020-08-29.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883038","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2833,2821],"tags":[6936],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3051],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-306376","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-godly-legacy","category-reaching-out","tag-dennis-and-barbara-rainey","cwp_profile-dennis-and-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306376\/marriage-and-family-mentors","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306376\/marriage-and-family-mentors","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"TI4cegzvLX\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/marriage-and-family-mentors\/\">Marriage and Family Mentors<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/marriage-and-family-mentors\/embed\/#?secret=TI4cegzvLX\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Marriage and Family Mentors&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"TI4cegzvLX\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Hear what Dennis and Barbara Rainey have learned over 40 years in ministry. They share valuable lessons learned sometimes through success but more often through failure.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2020-08-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> When kids come along, couples have to work through many issues and there\u2019s even some sacrifice; but there is something else that\u2019s a lot more fundamental. Here\u2019s Barbara Rainey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I know, when I had children, I needed a whole lot more of my husband\u2019s time. He cut way back on the amount of weekend television; I cut way back on a lot of the things that I did. Really, it boils down to a communication issue: talking through your expectations, and your needs, and your desires for your marriage relationship, and figure out a solution that works. That requires a lot of communication. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019ll talk about communication and expectations\u2014and actually, a whole lot more\u2014as we get marriage and family mentoring from Dennis and Barbara Rainey on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em> I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You know, there is a couple that many of us are indebted to in <em>so many ways<\/em>. If you know anything about the history of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, you probably can guess who I\u2019m talking about\u2014the co-founders of FamilyLife, Dennis and Barbara Rainey. For 40 years, they\u2019ve been mentoring multiple generations on a variety of issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRecently, I stumbled across an audio clip of Barbara. We have <em>thousands<\/em> of hours of audio clips from <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and from speaker engagements and events\u2014stuff like that. I love Barbara\u2019s honesty and how she\u2019s not afraid to answer almost any question. Here she is at an event; Barbara was up on stage with, I think, three other women. Bob Lepine was asking her about that mistake that new wives make; you know, that mistake of controlling their husband. Here\u2019s Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have any of the four of you set out to try, in a specific area, to change your husband and get him to be more like you wanted him to be, only to find that\u2019s not a good approach to take? And I\u2019m going to ask for specifics on this. Being married to Dennis Rainey, you probably never tried to change anything because of how perfect he is; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Yes! Well, it started off, I think, in week two, maybe; [Laughter] because I\u2019ve just always\u2014I\u2019m a first-born; and I\u2019m a perfectionist, which is a real curse\u2014I like to be organized. I married somebody who\u2019s spontaneous, and organization really isn\u2019t that important to him. I remember early\u2014and I mean, really early\u2014in our marriage, I saw all of these things in him that I thought his mother just didn\u2019t teach him. [Laughter] I mean, seriously!! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And that\u2019s why God gave you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I really did! I thought, \u201cHis mother must not have shown him how to organize his clothes, or his closet, or his car.\u201d [Laughter] I really, truly thought that it was because I was supposed to teach him, so that didn\u2019t work real well! [Laughter] I tried for years to help him be organized, and he still loses his keys. He still asks me: \u201cHave you seen my pen?\u201d \u201cHave you seen my ball cap?\u201d \u201cHave you seen my\u2026\u201d\u2014whatever. I used to think, \u201cMy gosh! I\u2019m not your mother!\u201d Well, now, I just say, \u201cNo; I haven\u2019t seen it.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And if you\u2019re married, you\u2019ve probably had those thoughts a time or two; right? I just love how Barbara is so honest about her relationship with Dennis.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, here\u2019s another interview with Barbara, where she\u2019s encouraging young wives about the differences between them and their husbands\u2014and that some of those differences are okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> I would encourage a wife a couple of different ways. One is to recognize that we\u2019re going to have different interests in a marriage relationship. I didn\u2019t expect Dennis to be interested in the sewing that I did in the early years of our marriage, and he wasn\u2019t particularly upset with me that I didn\u2019t want to sit and watch hours upon hours of basketball. We realized that those were things that we each enjoyed separately; we didn\u2019t have to do everything together. That\u2019s one approach\u2014is to realize that this is something that he likes to do and allow him to do what he needs to do to refuel, and you have your areas of interest as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHowever, if it\u2019s an every Saturday\/all Saturday, and there\u2019s never any break, then that\u2019s another matter. That would be a situation where you would talk together about your relationship, and the time you\u2019re spending together, and how much time you\u2019re spending together, and what you both need and what you both desire. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKids complicate that; because if you\u2019ve got children\u2014I know when I had children, I needed a whole lot more of my husband\u2019s time. You know, when I\u2019m speaking about Dennis watching basketball, those were in the first couple of years, before we had kids; so it was a completely different situation. After we had children, he cut way back on the amount of weekend television; I cut way back on a lot of the things that I did. It\u2019s one of the reasons we did very little fishing in those years that we were raising our kids; because we, frankly, just didn\u2019t have enough time. We were keeping up with the kids and what they needed and trying to, you know, teach them how to do chores on the weekends. We were full-time parenting rather than recreating. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt depends on kind of where you are in life; but really, it boils down to a communication issue\u2014talking through your expectations, and your needs, and your desires for your marriage relationship\u2014to figure out a solution that works. That requires a lot of communication.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know about you; but I feel like, every time I hear Barbara talk, she\u2019s just so warm, and gentle, and caring. She wants to encourage us and help us through. You know, we live in this time of mommy-blog wars, and Pinterest<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and everybody trying to out-parent the next person; so I\u2019m thankful for Barbara Rainey\u2019s mentoring\u2014gentle and practical living out life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI like to learn from my leaders; so I\u2019ve been asking Bob about the early days of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em>, of sitting down in the recording studio with Dennis. Dennis was sharing a story that wasn\u2019t too flattering, because it was about some of the mistakes that he had made. Bob stopped him: \u201cAre you sure you want to share that?\u201d Of course, you know the rest of the story; Dennis has been amazingly transparent in sharing his successes and also his failures. That kind of goes along with parenting; doesn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve probably noticed that your children learn best from you when you\u2019re not afraid to share those lessons that you\u2019ve learned from your failures. Here\u2019s Dennis, doing what he does so well; that is, encouraging dads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Adlai Stevenson was a statesman\/a politician who made the following statement in describing fatherhood\u2014he said: \u201cIt has been said that fathering is a career imposed on you one fine morning without any inquiry as to your fitness for it. That\u2019s why there are so many fathers who have children, and why there are so few children who have fathers.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me ask you a question: \u201cWhat do you remember most about your dad? What one word would best describe your dad, looking back at him?\u201d If your son comes to one of these conferences, and he\u2019s asked that same question, what would he say about you? What one word would describe your impact on his life as a result of you loving and leading him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI believe, as never before, the great need in our families and our homes today, guys, is for you\u2014you guys; me as well\u2014for us, in the midst of all the pain, all the distractions, everything that is going on, for us to take our belts and to cinch it up, and to be what our kids\/our children, what our wives and our families need us to be. The battle for the family, gentlemen, begins with us, men. Whether it succeeds or not may not be under your control or my control, but you know what? Whether or not you and I can be faithful <em>is <\/em>under our control, and we <em>can<\/em> step forward in the battle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t care if your kids are already grown! Some of you come here with grandkids; it\u2019s not too late! Some of you are going to listen to this with one set of ears; you\u2019re going to say, \u201cBut, Dennis, I\u2019m \u2018x\u2019 years of age; and my kids are this old. I\u2019ve made so many mistakes!\u201d The God we serve is a God of grace. He\u2019s a God who has delighted in bringing fruit out of ashes; He\u2019s the God of the resurrection, guys\u2014that\u2019s my hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you manage your kids? How do you minister to them? You do it by having a relationship with them. If they\u2019re nine years old, half of their time with you at home is gone! If they\u2019re twelve years old, you\u2019ve got six years left. If they\u2019re sixteen, you\u2019ve got two summers with that sixteen-year-old before you sling them out there. You know, the Bible compares children to \u201clike arrows in the hands of a warrior.\u201d The arrow was never intended to stay in the quiver; it was intended for battle\/it was intended to be launched toward a target.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s Dennis Rainey, exhorting dads in raising their sons and daughters. As you know, God determines the outcome, but it\u2019s the parents\u2019 role to help point that arrow toward the right target. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s break time. I need to probably stand up and stretch my legs a little bit. Maybe I need to give a phone call to Dennis and Barbara and just let them know how much I miss seeing them on a day-to-day basis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey! We need to take a break! In two minutes, I\u2019ll be back with more <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill. We\u2019ve been talking today about marriage and family mentoring with Dennis and Barbara Rainey. One thing I\u2019ve seen Barbara do a lot is to coach young moms. In fact, there are many events that she and Dennis attend, where there\u2019s a question-and-answer session. These young moms\/they line up for what seems like miles behind the microphone, just to ask their question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, I want to share Barbara\u2019s answer to a question that a young mom posed her\u2014she asked: \u201cHow do you go from being a mommy,\u201d\u2014like at 4:30\u2014\u201cto being a wife?\u201d\u2014like around six o\u2019clock when the husband comes home. Here\u2019s Barbara\u2019s answer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara:<\/strong> Well, I really want to encourage you, as you\u2019re young moms\u2014and babies and little kids take an enormous amount of time and energy\u2014I don\u2019t know if you\u2019re like me, but I was tired all of the time; I mean, I just was! Part of it was from being pregnant so often, and having babies, and chasing them all day, and getting up in the middle of the night. I mean, I was just\u2014I lived on \u201cE\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014\u201cEmpty.\u201d My gas gauge was out most of the time, and I was tired a lot; but there were some things that I tried to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe first thing that I think is <em>essential<\/em> that you do is\u2014and many of you may have already done this\u2014but I did this early in our marriage; it was make a decision: \u201cWho\u2019s going to be number one in your life?\u201d You have to decide: \u201cIs your husband going to be number one, or are your kids going to be number one?\u201d because that\u2019s the starting point. If your husband is really going to be the priority\u2014and he really should be the priority over your children\u2014you\u2019ve got to first make that decision and then go from there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen secondly: \u201cWhat am I going to do about it?\u00a0Okay; he\u2019s number one; how am I going to live that out in my family?\u00a0How is he going to know that he\u2019s more important than the children?\u201d\u00a0Because if you figure it out\u2014even if you\u2019re working part-time or full-time\u2014your child still is going to get probably more actual time if you measured\/counted minutes and hours, just because of the demands that it takes to bathe them, and feed them, and take them to the doctor, and all of the things.\u00a0They\u2019re still going to\u2014the hours are going to add up that your child is going to win. \u201cBut what can you do to communicate to your husband that he is still number one in your life?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what you've got to figure out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I did is I tried\u2014even when my kids were older\u2014is I tried to save energy somehow.\u00a0A lot of times it meant taking naps in the afternoons instead of getting my things done. I'm a task person; I always had projects going, of some kind or another. But I had to learn that, if I was really going to practice this, and I was going to have my husband be number one, then that meant\/it might mean for me\u2014and it did, many times\u2014that I let my projects go. During the afternoon, when I might get something done that I wanted to get done, I took a nap or just rested\u2014maybe not sleep\u2014but rested and did something so that I could save energy for my husband.\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd that was a hard decision, because it was denying myself those precious hours that I had that I could spend some time doing what I wanted to do. As moms, we have so little of that time that\u2019s for me. But that was one of the ways that I tried to save time for my husband\u2014was by denying myself my own time. I didn\u2019t do it every day. Again, I didn\u2019t do it perfectly; because I didn\u2019t have good balance all the time. But it was a focus of my life; it was a focus of the way I spent my time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnother thing is we made getting away together a priority: going out in the evenings or getting away for weekends. I would highly recommend that you get away for a couple of weekends a year if you can, even if you swap kids\u2014if you\u2019re on a tight budget, you swap kids with another couple\u2014so that you can get time away for a weekend.\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was <em>always<\/em> easier for me to focus on my husband when my kids weren\u2019t around, because they just want mom.\u00a0I\u2019ve just got this heart for them. In one of my favorite books that I read, the author said that: \u201cChildren are a piece of their mother\u2019s heart walking around outside her body.\u201d I had six pieces of my heart walking around out there. When one of them hurt, or needed something, my heart was there; because we are connected. There\u2019s always going to be that connection with your child, so it was easier for me to focus on my husband when I was away from my children; because then I wasn\u2019t so aware of their needs and so drawn to them.\u00a0It was easier for me to give my husband my attention, and the affection, and stuff.\u00a0That was another practical thing that we did to try to keep that relationship healthy, and alive, and growing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I look back on it now, too, the thing that\u2019s been interesting is I realize I wish that I had done a better job. We were talking about it the other night\u2014we were just laughing about it; and I said, \u201cWell, Dennis, you got 1\/7<sup>th<\/sup> of my attention,\u201d\u2014he laughed; and he said, \u201cI don\u2019t even think I got that sometimes!\u201d I said, \u201cOh, was it that bad?!\u201d He said, \u201cYes, sometimes it was.\u201d And I went, \u201cOh; ouch!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s a hard balance. If you don\u2019t make that a priority, and if you\u2019re not working toward keeping that relationship healthy, that\u2019s when you begin to have the drift. You may not feel it as much when you\u2019ve got two-, three-, four-, and five-year-olds; but by the time you\u2019ve got fourteen-, fifteen-, and sixteen-year-olds, you\u2019ve really got distance; it\u2019s harder to recoup the relationship. We\u2019ve already discovered now, with our last one gone, how much we still don\u2019t know each other. I don\u2019t know about you, but that\u2019s been a surprise for me. You might not expect that\u2014that after 30 years, you\u2019re still not going to know your spouse\u2014but you <em>won\u2019t<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That is such an honest and refreshing answer, and that\u2019s what I appreciate about the Raineys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, Dennis has the ability to identify trends in our culture, sometimes well in advance of when it becomes obvious to others. I\u2019m thinking about when he wrote his book, <em>The Tribute, <\/em>and challenged sons and daughters to honor their parents. Here\u2019s Dennis remembering the importance of why he wrote that book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> Over 20 years ago, I wrote a book called <em>The Forgotten Commandment. <\/em>It was first of all called <em>The Tribute. <\/em>It was about honoring your parents and writing a tribute to your parents. I would get notes back from radio listeners, saying: \u201cI got your book, and it made me so angry that I threw your book across the room! It landed like a teepee. That book was crying out to me for days as I would go back and forth through the room. I would look over at it and, disgustedly, say something to the book,\u201d until that person picked it up and decided to go ahead and move toward honoring her father. In the process, forgave him and wrote a tribute. She wrote to say, \u201cThank you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy don\u2019t we honor our parents?\u2014because our hearts are far from God\u2019s heart; because we\u2019re angry; we\u2019re disappointed; we\u2019re punishing them. Children begin by loving their parents. After a time, they judge them. Rarely, if ever, do they forgive them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat is this command, called \u201cHonor your father and mother\u201d? Plato made the statement, \u201cWhat is honored in a land will be cultivated there.\u201d Do we honor our parents today? What do we honor today?\u2014Oscars, Emmys, records, touchdown passes, Super Bowls, Pulitzer prizes, literature, Nobel Peace Prize. Maybe some of you can create some awards here to elevate honor for fathers and mothers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow do you honor your parents? Well, one is you spend time with them on their agenda. Secondly, a letter\/a hand-written letter; imagine that in this day and age of emails. A third thing that I would suggest you do here, by giving the gift of honor, is to write a tribute\u2014not just any tribute\u2014but one that you craft the words. Then, to formalize the words, you put it in a frame\u2014not just any frame\u2014but a magnificent matte\/magnificent frame; and then take it to them and read it to them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou say, \u201cI could never do that!\u201d You know what? It\u2019s okay. Maybe you couldn\u2019t today; you don\u2019t have to have a perfect family to honor your parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what\u2019s your action point out of this? Does God want you to write a tribute for Christmas instead of giving a Dust Buster<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or a silly tie, or house shoes\/house slippers, or a shirt that he\u2019s probably going to take back to the store and exchange? Are you going to write one? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Many parents <em>have<\/em> been honored, thanks to Dennis Rainey. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s go back to the cultural trends that Dennis has the ability to pick up on; or when he wrote his book, <em>Stepping Up<\/em>, and challenged men to a higher calling; or when he\u2019s talked to daddies about how to cherish and love their daughters or take them on a daddy-daughter date. Of course, that\u2019s all the rage now; but back when Dennis started talking about daddy-daughter dates, no one had heard of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want you to hear Dennis reading a letter from a man, who took his advice, and took his daughter on a daddy-daughter date, and was surprised with the outcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> He said: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI happened to catch a <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>that was talking about daddy-daughter dates, where it recommended that dads start to date their daughters when they\u2019re about four or five years old. Well, that got my attention, because I have a four-year-old, who wants to be five very soon, daughter. The idea of taking her on a date had <em>never<\/em> crossed my mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe writes\/he goes on to say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s got three brothers, including a twin. They\u2019re all very close in age; it\u2019s a rough-and-tumble crowd. She is my natural-born leader, always right in the thick of things. She is smarter, quicker, and can hit just as hard as her brothers, at least, right now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grew up as one of those three rowdy boys; so honestly, it never occurred to me that I needed to treat my fiery girl any differently than the wild boys; but\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is cool; listen to this: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u2014but because of <em>FamilyLife Today, <\/em>I went ahead and invited her out on a very special daddy-daughter date. For nearly three-and-a-half hours, she talked non-stop over cheeseburgers, fries, and ice cream cones. All I had to do was sit there, and look directly into those big, blue eyes; smile, nod, and, occasionally, brush back the stray curl that always seemed to escape from that unruly mop of hers. Our date was the first time I had deliberately treated my daughter like a little lady and perhaps the longest time that she\u2019d ever had my undivided attention.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we got back home, she launched from the cab of my truck, wrapped her little arms tightly around my neck. As she clung to me, unwilling to let go, she whispered in my ear, \u201cThank you, Daddy. Thank you for making me feel so special, and for being just with me, without the boys.\u201d I held her for a long time, with tears streaming down my face, telling her over and over again just how special she was to me and how much I love her. It was one of the best moments of my life so far; at least, until our next date.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, today has been <em>so good<\/em> to sit back and to reminisce and continue being mentored by a powerful couple, Dennis and Barbara Rainey, who co-founded FamilyLife in 1976. They taught moms how to mother, dads how to father, and husbands and wives how to love each other. We are indebted to the Raineys, and we are so thankful that they continue to be effective in God\u2019s kingdom work. You can go to our website, where we have some information on what\u2019s happening with Dennis and Barbara right now. Go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com; that\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, next week, I\u2019m going to ask you to brew a cup of coffee and listen to how coffee is changing the lives of people, who have been chained too long by their past sins. We\u2019re going to talk to Pete Leonard from I Have a Bean, and talk to him about how coffee is giving a sense of purpose to men and women after they leave the prison system. That\u2019s next week on <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producer, Marques Holt. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"about:blank\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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