{"id":306311,"date":"2020-08-06T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-08-06T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/feel-it-to-heal-it\/"},"modified":"2020-08-06T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-08-06T11:00:04","slug":"feel-it-to-heal-it","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/feel-it-to-heal-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Feel It to Heal It"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Raising daughters today may be different than in years past, but the core of what it means to be a girl is still as God designed it. Terra Mattson helps listeners develop a greater appreciation of femininity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-08-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:42","filesize":"27.19M","filesize_raw":"28514718","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2836],"tags":[6847],"podcast_series":[8380],"cwp_profile":[9640],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306311","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-girls","tag-raising-a-daughter","podcast_series-courageous","cwp_profile-terra-mattson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306311\/feel-it-to-heal-it","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306311\/feel-it-to-heal-it","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ukpiDfWzoJ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/feel-it-to-heal-it\/\">Feel It to Heal It<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/feel-it-to-heal-it\/embed\/#?secret=ukpiDfWzoJ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Feel It to Heal It&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ukpiDfWzoJ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Raising daughters today may be different than in years past, but the core of what it means to be a girl is still as God designed it. Terra Mattson helps listeners develop a greater appreciation of femininity.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-08-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the reasons why some young girls grow up with a superficial spirituality instead of an authentic Christianity is because they\u2019ve never seen their moms grappling with real issues in their own lives and seen how the gospel applies to those issues. Here is author and counselor, Terra Mattson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> The issues I\u2019m seeing most often in Christian homes would be a lot of performance-based Christianity\u2014pressure to be perfect, which doesn\u2019t look like the gospel\u2014but performance-based\/just a lot of pressure: \u201cYou need to look the part.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, August 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Terra Mattson believes that our daughters need to see us, as their parents, grappling with the real issues in our lives and living out our faith in the midst of those challenging issues. We\u2019ll talk more about how we do that today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You\u2019re a mom of three sons. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and a granddaughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, yes, I know; but you <em>loved<\/em> being a boy mom; didn\u2019t you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I did; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You liked raising boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She was <em>good<\/em> at it. Let me tell you\u2014she really was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you ever wish\/did you ever think, \u201cOh, why didn\u2019t we get a daughter?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting\u2014I have a sister and two brothers\u2014and we had, between us, 12 grandkids for my parents. All 12 are boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re kidding?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No; so I thought I was going to have the last one; I was the youngest. I thought, \u201cThis will be the girl.\u201d No, it was not a girl. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He\u2019s <em>all<\/em> boy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you grieve at all\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014not having daughters?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So did my sister. We both grieved, because there was a real <em>loss<\/em> of not having a daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Because it\u2019s fun to raise boys; you <em>loved<\/em> raising boys, but there is something special\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There is\u2014and especially, as the boys get older, they cling to their wives, which they should\u2014so there is a sense of loneliness, not having a daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But we have that granddaughter! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to ask. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And we have some great daughters-in-law, but it\u2019s still a little different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Now, that you have a granddaughter, are you finding the experience to be magical? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You know, what\u2019s so interesting\u2014that I never had with sons?\u2014I see my granddaughter <em>watching<\/em> me do everything. My sons never watched me do <em>anything<\/em>; [Laughter] they were watching Dave. I realized she watches me put on my makeup; she stares at me when I do my hair. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And she never stops talking, so it\u2019s great. [Laughter]\u00a0 She comments on <em>everything<\/em> she sees. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s true, and I\u2019m like having these conversations that are <em>amazing<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You never have those with boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about what it is to raise the next generation of Christian women\/godly women. We\u2019ve got a friend, who is joining us to do that. Terra Mattson is here. Terra, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Thank you for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Terra and her husband live in the Pacific Northwest. She is a writer, a conference speaker, a counselor; and her book, <em>Courageous<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Is there anything else you do? It sounds like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re pretty impressive, Terra. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> I take naps. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I hope so. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you\u2019re a mother of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra: <\/strong>\u2014two; two girls. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you\u2019re right in the thick of what you wrote about it your book, being daughters rooted in grace. You\u2019re talking about the fact that <em>all<\/em> women are daughters. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Yes; this is the\u2014I\u2019m really addressing the root of every woman and the needs that girls have, whether we are 65 or we are 5. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Raising daughters today, in this era and this culture, does it feel different? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> There are some fundamental differences in terms of the voices we\u2019re hearing and the pressures, but the core of who God made us hasn\u2019t changed. That\u2019s the piece that I want to really draw attention to\u2014that the needs of who God is and who He made us to be\u2014that just hasn\u2019t changed; so how do we address it today with the different voices? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And what is it in your life that made you <em>passionate<\/em> about this subject? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Such a good question. I would say that, over the years, I didn\u2019t really set out to be a voice for women. My personal journey is\u2014I was raised by a dad, who wanted boys\u2014football player. He had two girls; he raised us to be\u2014I could throw a football better than most boys\u2014[Laughter]\u2014in fact, Jeff brags about that. [Laughter] The idea of fishing, and gutting my own fish, and all those things were part of my growing years\u2014and <em>wonderful<\/em> parts\u2014I think it gave me a lot of strength. I had a very involved dad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe piece that I missed was appreciating my femininity and understanding what it meant to be a woman. I\u2019ve been a woman in the midst of many men for most of my life. God has had me in a role, whether it\u2019s been on church staff\u2014I\u2019ve been invited into the leadership room, and I\u2019m the only woman\u2014so I\u2019ve had to learn how to use my voice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, being a counselor, I\u2019ve just spent the last 20 years listening to women\u2014at 60 years old, talk about the wounding of their story and not having anywhere to go, and then the 13-year-old girl coming in, confused about her sexuality\u2014just everything in between. I just heard a consistency of women feeling really lonely, and I resonate with that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI kind of look the part, so people assume I\u2019m okay. For years, I had hidden my struggling with bulimia. Nobody knew\u2014I was a quintessential leader in helping everybody else\u2014and that was a part of what drew me into wanting to go into the confidential places with people, and give them a sacred space to listen to what they are struggling with and where they are hiding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think that being a girl who didn\u2019t have a voice, or who didn\u2019t feel confident in that, and then coming into my own voice, God is using that to help girls in the church and women to be able to find their voice. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How is it\u2014I\u2019m looking at two women here, who are both leaders in ministry; and we have two men on this side of the table. What\u2019s it like being a woman with men in ministry? Is it hard? Is it fun? Is it struggle? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> To be honest, there\u2019s a lot of second guessing and wondering if what I say is going to be heard. I would say I experienced that myself; but I\u2019ve heard it from <em>hundreds<\/em> and <em>hundreds<\/em> of women\u2014whether it is a wife or whether it\u2019s a female leader as part of a leadership team. It\u2019s a lot of second guessing\/wondering if I\u2019m going to be told I\u2019m too emotional\/too passionate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think I\u2019ve been around a lot of really great men, who have given me and fanned the flame, and said, \u201cTerra, what do you think?\u201d\u2014just like what you\u2019re doing right now. That has really helped me build my confidence, and saying that God has given me a voice and something to share at the table; but that has taken years to build. I\u2019m now in my 40s, and so to do it now; but when I was in my 20s and at the table, I was quiet; I was listening. Then I would go process with my safe people and say, \u201cIs this appropriate to say?\u201d\u2014like I wasn\u2019t confident enough to bring it to the table. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t feel that in a room with women?\u2014that was just mostly men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> No; not at all; in fact, I\u2019m leading, usually, with women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> I\u2019m asked; you know, it\u2019s very different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say that same thing. With women, there is a freedom; I\u2019d never calculated my words before I spoke. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wasn\u2019t as wise as you were because, in my 20s, I was very verbal and vocal in the midst of men. I think some of that was shot down, so then, I would walk away, second guessing\/thinking: \u201cOh, I shouldn\u2019t have said that,\u201d \u201cWhat should I say? What is appropriate?\u201d \u201cHow am I being heard?\u201d You start to second guess yourself of who you are, and how you should act with men in leadership, especially. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So here is what is interesting to me about you guys describing this\u2014because I\u2019m hearing you talk about the important need that I think that you have, and that we all need, for women to have strength and to have a voice; we need women to have a voice\u2014all of us do. You need to have a voice, and to be at the table, and to be a part of shaping what\u2019s going on in our world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt the same time, you\u2019re talking about the need for women to understand femininity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we hear both of those and go, \u201cThat sounds like it\u2019s two different things\u201d; but Terra, you would say, \u201cNo; it\u2019s not two different things.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She is shaking her head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> I love that; I love that you are picking up on that, because I think that is the confusion\u2014it\u2019s got to be either\/or\u2014and that\u2019s what happened in my own story. That was, really, the core of my wrestling with bulimia\u2014was the struggle with my body and my emotions\u2014the femininity side of me. I didn\u2019t know what to do with my emotions; nobody trained me or helped me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, you said you didn\u2019t even express your emotions\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> <em>No<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014for years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Everything was spun with a positive: \u201cCan do!\u201d I didn\u2019t even know I had as much emotion until I got <em>married<\/em>\u2014anybody?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014and then it started flying. I think we laugh because Jeff\/we say, \u201cJeff married this woman, who was so loving and compassionate; and now, he\u2019s got\u2026\u201d\u201420 years later, I\u2019m definitely using my voice. I have to reign it back a little more with humility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, go back to <em>why<\/em> didn\u2019t you use your voice or have emotion. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Wiring-wise, women\u2014because of God\u2019s design\u2014we do have more hormones and a lot more emotions at the forefront. The variety and the mood swings do happen. Yet, that gets used against us; rather than validating it and just saying, \u201cYes, that\u2019s part of the journey.\u201d I want to teach women to appreciate the humanity of how God made us and the beauty of it versus we laugh about it; we shame it; and it gets mocked. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember, when we would sit at the dinner table, with the four kids and my parents. My sister, who was six years older than me, wasn\u2019t in the room yet; and my brothers would say, \u201cLet\u2019s calculate how long it takes before we can get our sister to cry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Oh. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So there would be a competition of they would say things to get her to cry. I remember thinking, \u201cThey will <em>never<\/em> get me to cry.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you learn to be tough and to put a mask on\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Terra:<\/strong> Yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and hiding our femininity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> The weeds are: \u201cI struggle with body image,\u201d \u201cI struggle with insecurity,\u201d \u201cI struggle with sex addiction,\u201d \u201cI struggle with I can\u2019t speak up with my husband, and I feel like he\u2019s too powerful with me.\u201d Whatever the weeds are, the root is: \u201cI don\u2019t know how to process how I feel, and I don\u2019t know how to put a voice to that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to learn that, so I want to go back to teaching these girls\u2014and it starts with mom\u2014because she\u2019s watching\/your daughter is watching. We learn how to process our emotions through our parents. It\u2019s not to blame and shame; but it\u2019s saying, \u201cWe have to feel it to heal it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI got tired of hearing the sermons that emotions are bad; because when I read the Scripture, I see a lot of emotion coming from God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> By the way, I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> preached that sermon. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Amen; good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Have you, Bob? Emotions are <em>good<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve probably said some things about the need for us to trust our thinking more than we <em>trust<\/em> our emotions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019d agree with that; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> I would agree with that. I would say, \u201cWe need to hear both.\u201d I would say, \u201cThe emotions are sitting to my left, and my cognitive thinking is sitting to my right; and my spirit is sitting across from me. And like the Trinity, we need to hear them all.\u201d But to dismiss one person at the table is doing us distress. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ll say, \u201cAmen,\u201d to that. In fact, I remember an interview we did, years ago, with\u2014I\u2019ve never forgotten this\u2014Robertson McQuilkin was the president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary for years. He told the story of being on a trip with his wife, and she was expressing her emotion. He was doing what husbands are, all too often, prone to do\u2014trying to logically explain to her why her emotions were not <em>rational<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the middle of the conversation, she stopped him; and she said, \u201cRobertson, logic isn\u2019t everything; and emotions aren\u2019t <em>nothing<\/em>.\u201d I remember him telling that story; and I remember thinking, \u201cI would tend to say, \u2018Yes; logic, over here\/you should listen to that a whole lot more than you listen to your emotions.\u2019\u201d That story was a good realignment for me to say, \u201cYour emotions are a part of what God\u2019s given you to give you data and input so that you can make a decision, factoring in both what you know and what you feel to make the right decision.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, what does that \u201cfeel\/heal it\u201d\u2014what\u2019s that mean? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> So the feel it to heal it\u2014I give a five-step process that made sense to me; and again, because I\u2019m used to talking from the logical down into the emotions\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> \u2014Step One is I need to be able to identify emotions: \u201cDo I even have language?\u201d A lot of times, we are just: \u201cWhat is that that I\u2019m feeling right now? I don\u2019t know.\u201d You hear frustration a lot from somebody, who doesn\u2019t know how to articulate their emotions; they are just frustrated. It makes sense\u2014it\u2019s like a log in the middle of the road\u2014you can\u2019t go anywhere. So yes, you\u2019re frustrated, but there is more there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo building some vocabulary\u2014and I want that for our girls\u2014but we\u2019ve got to start first in our own life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So you didn\u2019t experience that as a girl, growing up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But are you experiencing that with your daughters? Have you been able to change the legacy? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> When they come home and they say, \u201cSomeone was super mean to me today,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra: <\/strong>Yes; and my tendency is to be too busy for that or to give them the: \u201cYou\u2019ll be fine!\u201d\u2014like I\u2019m the: \u201cSuck-it-up!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s my go-to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s mine too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> But then I have to pause, and the Holy Spirit quickens me to say, \u201cWhat do they need?\u201d They need me to get down on my knees, and to look them in the eye, and to just listen to them, and let them process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you process, it will not end up in their body. It will not leak out in the funky ways that we see with our kids: the cutting, the eating disorders, the sexuality. Those are emotions that are trying to get heard, and kids don\u2019t know that; they don\u2019t know that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re connecting the dot with something very simple to what all us parents are trying to prevent\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> \u2014right?\u2014and to say, \u201cIf we can help our kids process their emotions in safe ways\u2014in our marriages as well\u2014then we might see some of the reduction of some of the behaviors we see.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What are the issues today that you think, \u201cOh, moms, we need to address this and help this with our daughters.\u201d Does it start with our daughters, or does it start with <em>us<\/em>? If it starts with <em>us<\/em>, what do we do? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> My bias is that it starts with us. The good news is\u2014is that relationship is really the core. If you have a relationship with your kids, then that really trumps a lot of things. The issues I\u2019m seeing most often in Christian homes would be a lot of performance-based Christianity\/pressure to be perfect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKids are on social media\u2014we know that, and they are more vulnerable\u2014a lot of confusion and a lot of mistrust of those that they don\u2019t have relationship with. There is a lot of abuse happening\u2014peer-to-peer abuse happening\u2014because parents are not as involved; they are on their own social media; they are all checking out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is something that has to shift with mom: \u201cWhat is she hiding?\u201d Here is a common theme\u2014is a lot of women have friends; but they don\u2019t, maybe, have a friend who knows everything about them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting. As I\u2019m listening\u2014actually, I think I\u2019m just listening to two women have a conversation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> I feel like we kind of took over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which is awesome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> I\u2019m sorry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; that\u2019s fine; it\u2019s good. It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> what I would think if I see the title, <em>Courageous<\/em>. That\u2019s what I want to hear you say; because it\u2019s like, \u201cOh, when you think, \u201cCourageous women,\u201d they are going to skip over this and be strong.\u201d You\u2019re trying to say, \u201cNo; this is a big part\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cof becoming a courageous woman.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Well, you have to be able to recognize your own humanity. A courageous woman is open to saying, \u201cI\u2019m a human being; I\u2019ve got stuff,\u201d instead of pretending that stuff doesn\u2019t impact me or \u201cGod\u2019s got it all.\u201d Yes; He does; but you\u2019ve got to do your work. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe story is the idea that God uses the icky in our life\u2014wherever that\u2019s coming from\u2014He uses it to grow the fruit in our life, but we\u2019ve got to hand it over. Oftentimes, we shove it off onto the side; and we think nobody can smell it. [Laughter] It\u2019s\/the reality is it\u2019s still there, and we can smell it. Who can smell it the most?\u2014our kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; it is interesting\u2014I was speaking at a women\u2019s retreat. I was really dealing with this; because I have so much in my own past of self-loathing, and the lies that would go over and over in my head, never realizing that <em>so many<\/em> women\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014are dealing with those lies in their head. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI asked the women to take out a piece of paper and write down the lies that they were repeating over and over in their head\u2014whether now, or in the past, or both. I had them write those down onto a piece of paper; and then I had them visualize just handing it to Jesus, because they\u2019re lies. The enemy of our soul, Satan, is the <em>accuser<\/em> of the brethren; he\u2019s constantly repeating lies\u2014and our past and pain from other people\u2014we\u2019re hearing those lies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had them ball those up and take them to the cross, which was on the floor, and just drop them on the floor. We did some other things after; but when everyone had left, I was the only one in the building. I went to the cross, and I read these pieces of paper. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m telling you\u2014it wasn\u2019t just one lie; it was a <em>multitude<\/em> of lies of\u2014\u201cI\u2019m ugly,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m fat,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m worthless,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m abandoned\u201d; you know? I just sat, and I prayed. I mean, there were <em>hundreds<\/em>. I sat there and wept and prayed for each one, that God would reveal the <em>truth<\/em> to these women, because they\u2019re in bondage to the lies. They can\u2019t be free to be who God made them to be until they deal with the issues and pain in their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> Yes; I love that, Ann. It\u2019s so hard, and I see the tears; it\u2019s heavy, and that\u2019s the weight. That\u2019s where this book comes from\u2014of sitting with that over and over and thinking, \u201cYou love Jesus. You\u2019ve been walking with Jesus for how long?\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand you\u2019re still\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that\u2019s part of the message of grace, to say, \u201cOur humanity is with us to the day we go to see Jesus.\u201d I think there is a message in the church that says, \u201cThe more mature you are, the less you struggle.\u201d I\u2019m believing that a daughter, rooted in grace, is courageous; she can stand before her God and say, \u201cI\u2019m still struggling, and that\u2019s why I need You.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> I want to shift that just a little bit; because there is even shame in going, \u201cI still have the lie,\u201d\u2014the lie that comes from me is that \u201cI\u2019m alone.\u201d I have to fight that. I fight it in my marriage; I fight it\u2014and I know the truth\u2014\u201c\u2026never alone.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Emotion in voice] I have an <em>amazing<\/em> group of friends. I have to literally write things down over, and over, and over; and that doesn\u2019t make me less mature. It makes me more mature to be able to come right back to the Lord\u2014I say, \u201cWhat do we do with our pain?\u201d We have to have safe people, in addition to our walk with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the part I\u2019m really asking a courageous woman to do\u2014is to say: \u201cWho are your safe people? Have you let a couple people in?\u201d Outside of your spouse, let a couple women in and let them see all of who you are. It changes you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It does change you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Terra:<\/strong> It changes you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think there\u2019s a tendency to think that to be courageous means that\u2014when fears, or lies, or negative thoughts come\u2014you compartmentalize or ignore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014push them down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; and that\u2019s what it means to be courageous. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I\u2019m learning today is that to be courageous is to say, \u201cNo, we move <em>into<\/em> them. We address them; we take them on. We don\u2019t pretend like they are not there, or they don\u2019t matter; but courage is to dive in.\u201d That\u2019s central to what you\u2019re saying in the book, <em>Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace<\/em>. It\u2019s a book we\u2019ve got in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListeners can get a copy when they go online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or they can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy of Terra Mattson\u2019s book, <em>Courageous: Being Daughters Rooted in Grace<\/em>. Again, order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur goal\/our mission, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is to help moms and dads\/husbands and wives\u2014everybody in a family\u2014help them thrive by creating an environment that is spiritually healthy, emotionally healthy, physically healthy. We want your marriage and your family to be a safe and a healthy place. We want to help strengthen the foundations of your relationships, and we recognize that the best way to do that is to address the spiritual issues that are going on in relationships. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur team has put together a resource that we\u2019re excited about. It\u2019s called \u201cTake Your Marriage from Good to Great.\u201d We know a lot of marriages have been facing stress and pressure over the last several months; we\u2019ve all been facing that. So this resource has a couple of online video courses; audio messages from Voddie Baucham, and Paul David Tripp, Gary Chapman, Juli Slattery; a downloadable e-book. All of these resources are there to help you work on the foundation of your marriage together in a way that is fun, and engaging, and relaxing. You can listen to these messages together; go through the courses online together\u2014it\u2019s all free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you sign up for the \u201cTake Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource to get the download, you\u2019re automatically entered into a contest. Somebody\u2019s name will be drawn, and you will be our guests at a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session. We\u2019ll include dinner with Dave and Ann Wilson that night. We\u2019ll cover the cost of flying you in, the hotel, the rental car. There is no purchase necessary. The contest ends on August 14<sup>th<\/sup>; restrictions apply. You can find all the rules when you go to FamilyLife.com\/good-contest. We hope you\u2019ll take advantage of the resource; and maybe, we\u2019ll see you at FamilyLife for an upcoming recording session. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition, we\u2019re making available this month, as a thank-you gift to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, a copy of my book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. It\u2019s just been out a few weeks now. The book is all about how you build a marriage that has the kind of strong, enduring, committed, real love that goes beyond just the emotions of love and goes to the root. The book looks at what the Bible has to say about what real love looks like, looking at \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13. It\u2019s our gift to you when you make a donation this month to support the ministry of FamilyLife. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis ministry depends on your donations. The fact that we\u2019re able to have this conversation today is because so many of you, in the past, have made a donation to make this conversation possible. If you can make a donation today, be sure to ask for a copy of the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, as a thank-you gift. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. We look forward to hearing from you and look forward to having somebody join us at an upcoming recording session for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow. Terra Mattson will be here again, and we\u2019ll continue our conversation about what real courage looks like as we raise our sons and, especially, our daughters\u2014that\u2019s really the focus this week\u2014so I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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