{"id":306297,"date":"2020-07-30T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-07-30T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-is-virtuous-and-honest\/"},"modified":"2025-04-29T13:44:28","modified_gmt":"2025-04-29T17:44:28","slug":"love-is-virtuous-and-honest","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-virtuous-and-honest\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Is Virtuous and Honest"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Bob Lepine | Series: Love Like You Mean It, with Bob Lepine Part 2 | Bob Lepine along with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson continue their discussion of agape love found in 1 Corinthians 13, a passage that reveals the most common cracks found in marriage relationships. What exactly does it mean to &#8220;rejoice in the truth,&#8221; and why is it so vital to a relationship? What do you do if your spouse isn&#8217;t interested in pursuing a virtuous and honest relationship? And how should you approach your spouse with areas where you&#8217;ve been deceitful in the past?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bob Lepine, along with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, continue their discussion of agape love found in 1 Corinthians 13, a passage that reveals the most common cracks found in marriage relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-30.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:38","filesize":"25.3M","filesize_raw":"26532500","date_recorded":"2020-07-30 07:00:04","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2810,2088],"tags":[6922],"podcast_series":[8376],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306297","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-love-like-you-mean-it","podcast_series-love-like-you-mean-it-with-bob-lepine-part-2","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306297\/love-is-virtuous-and-honest","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306297\/love-is-virtuous-and-honest","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"cg4vOWnmHa\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-virtuous-and-honest\/\">Love Is Virtuous and Honest<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-virtuous-and-honest\/embed\/#?secret=cg4vOWnmHa\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love Is Virtuous and Honest&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"cg4vOWnmHa\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Bob Lepine, along with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, continue their discussion of agape love found in 1 Corinthians 13, a passage that reveals the most common cracks found in marriage relationships.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"<ul>\n<li>Take your marriage from good to great with these free resources.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/good-contest\/<\/li>\n<li>Check out all that's available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<\/li>\n<li>Have the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Every marriage is being lived out in the middle of a spiritual battle. There is an enemy, who is looking for opportunities to take down your marriage. Here is Dave Wilson.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know how long ago it was\u2014but sitting in a conference with Dennis Rainey speaking to men, 30 years ago\u2014and he said, \u201cDo not let your life be the door through which sin enters your family.\u201d Just that commitment as a man, and this would be for a woman as well: \u201cThat I want to live righteously in such a way that sin\u201d\u2014and sin is going to get in every family; it\u2019s part of it\u2014\u201cbut I don\u2019t want it to be through me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. The Bible says, \u201cLove does not rejoice in wrongdoing.\u201d For love to thrive in a marriage relationship, we have to be husbands and wives, who are committed to holiness and righteousness. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We talked earlier this week about love songs. You got out the guitar; you played a few love songs.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> You want to do it again, Bob. Is that what you\u2019re saying?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; I want to play a song. I don\u2019t know if you\u2019ve ever heard this one. This is one of the\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014lesser-known love songs from Steven Curtis Chapman.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I thought you were going\/I thought you were going to go, \u201cNazareth\u201d\u2014that Christian band\u2014\u201cLove hurts..\u201d [Laughter] No; this is Steven Curtis.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> He is the master, in my opinion, of love songs.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, everybody knows his song\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> This one, Bob. [Laughter] [Guitar music]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I knew I\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> He can\u2019t help himself. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s the one.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>[Singing line from <em>I Will Be Here<\/em>]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, yes; everybody played it at the weddings.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>[Singing line from <em>I Will Be Here<\/em>]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>There it is. [Dave and Ann singing]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s the one everybody knows.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m going to play the song that he wrote in high school\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh boy!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that was his very first love song that most of our listeners have, probably, never heard this one before. He explains this by saying he was recognizing, as a young songwriter, that he needed to write love songs. This is what he wrote.<\/p>\n<p>[Steven Curtis Chapman singing <em>This Could Be Love (or This Could Be the Flu)<\/em>]<\/p>\n<p>[Laughter] Isn\u2019t that a classic Steven Curtis Chapman song?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; that was his first one?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s one of the early\u2014he wrote a song about [his brother, Herbie, hitting him with a whiffle bat ] in the backyard; Daddy\u2019s out in the back yard, [spanking] Herbie. I remember\u2014so he used to do these in concert. I don\u2019t think they are on any records; but that\u2019s on YouTube. If anybody wants the YouTube, they can go to our\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s great.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014website at FamilyLifeToday.com; and we\u2019ve got a link to that particular YouTube.<\/p>\n<p>But think about it\u2014that\u2019s how we\u2019ve thought about love\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014all our lives that it\u2019s: \u201cMy knees are shaking, and my palms are sweating.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cMy stomach is queasy\u201d; yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p>What we\u2019re trying to say, as we talk about the subject this month, is that we need to have a more biblically-anchored definition of what love is. That\u2019s at the heart of the book that I wrote called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> that\u2019s been out now for a few weeks. Listeners are starting to order copies.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I hope you order a lot more. It\u2019s a good book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did you\u2014we haven\u2019t even talked about this\u2014how did you decide this would be your book, going to 1 Corinthians, sort of <em>exegeting<\/em> that and helping us understand it? I mean, where did the idea come from?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I\u2014here\u2019s the long story there\u2014I began to realize, after I\u2019d worked at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> for a few years, that there is a whole lot more in the Bible about marriage than I realized. When I came here, I thought, \u201cYou know the Bible has got Ephesians 5; it\u2019s got 1 Peter 3; Genesis 1 and 2; Song of Solomon. There is some stuff about marriage in there, but most of it is not about marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Then I realized the Bible is essentially about two things: our relationship with God and our relationship with one another. So everything you read in the Bible that talks about how we relate to one another can be applied in a marriage relationship. You get to<\/p>\n<p>1 Corinthians, and it\u2019s talking about how we\u2019re to relate to one another in love.<\/p>\n<p>I thought, \u201cWell, what if we take this classic definition that is read at weddings all the time, and we stopped, and we said, \u2018Let\u2019s really think about this\u2019? Somebody said, \u2018This is what you\u2019re signing up for when you got married\u2019; but is this really what you were signing up for?\u2014because this is what makes marriage work.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Would you do premarital counseling based on these verses?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I would bring this in. In fact, I\u2019ve had the opportunity, since the book has been written, to share chapters with couples, who are getting married\/share chapters with couples who are in conflict in a particular area. I think we can identify most of the major cracks that exist in a marriage relationship by looking at this passage and seeing, \u201cAre we living according to this passage?\u201d I don\u2019t think there is much that is happening in marriage that\u2019s pushing us toward isolation that is outside of these verses.<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019ve talked about the fact that love is patient, and love is kind, and love does not envy; it does not boast; it is not self-seeking; but there is more to it than that. In fact, later on in the passage, the Apostle Paul says, \u201cLove does not rejoice in wrongdoing; but love rejoices in the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; what does that mean?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think this is something that\u2019s not been on our radar screen when we think about love, but I think what Paul is saying is a fundamental commitment to living and walking in righteousness. Righteousness is one of those Bible words that we don\u2019t use very often. It just means living according to God\u2019s design and purpose for your life\/living according to His standard of what\u2019s right and wrong.<\/p>\n<p>So love does not rejoice\/love <em>can\u2019t<\/em> rejoice when we are committed to unrighteousness. When we are choosing to live outside of God\u2019s design for our lives, we have polluted the seedbed in which love is designed to grow. Here is what I\u2019m saying: if you\u2019re married to somebody, and that person has a perpetual tendency in a particular area of sin in their lives, that works <em>against<\/em> love in the marriage relationship.<\/p>\n<p>If I\u2019m married to a wife, who has a critical spirit, and she nags her\u2014and this is not my wife at all\u2014but if I was married to somebody, and this was her pattern, and she was not dealing with it\/she was not trying to address it in her life\u2014but she just said, \u201cThis is who I am, and you just need to learn to live with this,\u201d\u2014that doesn\u2019t facilitate love. By the same token, if you are living with somebody, who is committed to a pattern of lust and that dominates a marriage relationship, that\u2019s going to be an inhibitor to love in that relationship.<\/p>\n<p>Paul is saying that the way we respond to God\u2019s standards and purposes for us is either going to provide a good foundation for love to thrive or\u2014and I\u2019d use this as a metaphor\u2014if the garden of your life is full of sin weeds, and you\u2019re not pulling those regularly, then love can\u2019t thrive when all of those weeds are there, choking it out.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember\u2014Bob, you might remember this too\u2014I don\u2019t know how long ago it was\u2014but sitting in a conference, I\u2019m guessing, with Dennis Rainey speaking to men; he said, \u201cDo not let your life be the door through which sin enters your family.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Just that statement\u2014it was like that commitment as a man, and this would be for a woman as well\u2014that: \u201cI want to live righteously\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cin such a way that sin\u201d\u2014and sin\u2019s going to get in every family; it\u2019s part\u2014\u201cbut I don\u2019t want it to be through me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This little minor\/not big deal\u2014it could be the thing that gets ahold of my son, or gets\/or destroys my marriage. I\u2019m not going to rejoice in my own wrongdoing, let alone in my marriage; but often, we just think, \u201cIt\u2019s not that big of a deal,\u201d and it creeps into our family and destroys it. What you\u2019re saying\u2014Paul is getting at: \u201cThat\u2019s not love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the good gifts of God is to give us the Holy Spirit, who convicts us of sin. The Holy Spirit will make you aware: \u201cThis is not right; this is not good.\u201d We have two responses when the Holy Spirit does that. One is to go: \u201cOh, it\u2019s not that bad. Come on; I can manage this. I can deal with it,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s to reject the Holy Spirit\/to quench the work of the Holy Spirit. Or we can say, \u201cYou\u2019re right. Lord, help me to put to death this sin pattern in my life.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>To the extent that we minimize sin, it\u2019s going to affect our relationship with one another\/our love for one another. To the extent that we seek to put to death sin in our lives, it\u2019s going to create the kind of soil where love can flourish and grow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I think it\u2019s important to remember the reason God gives us boundaries\u2014or guidelines, or laws, or Scripture that will just pull us in the right direction\u2014is to protect us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is a connection.<\/p>\n<p>Here is what I think the Bible is saying to us: \u201cThere is a connection between the pursuit of righteousness in our lives and how we love one another. To the extent that we are pursuing righteousness, we\u2019re rejoicing in the truth; because love does not rejoice in unrighteousness; it rejoices in the truth. To the extent we are rejoicing in the truth, that\u2019s going to cause our love for one another and our love for God to flourish together.<\/p>\n<p>I think we tend to compartmentalize and think, \u201cWell, the moral choices I\u2019m making\u2014those don\u2019t affect my relationship with my spouse, or my kids, or anybody else,\u201d\u2014no; it bleeds together, because we\u2019re one person. Whatever we bring into that relationship is what we\u2019re cultivating in our lives.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Whether we realize it or not, every time we\u2019re tempted to play with a sin or a temptation, the stakes are high\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014with <em>any<\/em> sort of wrongdoing. Paul\u2019s telling us, \u201cYour marriage\/your love relationship is at stake as you decide what you\u2019re going to do with this sin\u201d; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> But what if one spouse is saying: \u201cThis is ridiculous. I\u2019m going to do whatever I want. You can be holy, and you can do whatever you want; but for me, you\u2019re being overboard. I want to watch this show on TV, and I think it\u2019s ridiculous that you don\u2019t want to watch it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I think here we do have to, first of all, acknowledge that the only person we can control is ourselves. We want to be careful to avoid self-righteousness, which is that idea that, when your spouse is heading off, you don\u2019t want to come across like: \u201cWell, I\u2019m holy, and you\u2019re not. I don\u2019t understand why you don\u2019t abide by the standards that I\u2019m abiding by.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Galatians, Chapter 6, gives us a pattern here. Galatians 6 says, \u201cBrothers, if you see somebody who is trapped in a sin\u201d\u2014so let\u2019s say you\u2019re married to your spouse; and you see your spouse, who is engaged in some behavior or pattern that you look at and you go, \u201cI think this is sinful; I think this is wrong.\u201d Well, it\u2019s says, \u201cYou who are spiritual\u201d\u2014so, now, all of a sudden, you\u2019ve got to go, \u201cWait; am I spiritual?\u201d\u2014that doesn\u2019t mean, \u201cAm I perfect?\u201d\u2014that means: \u201cAm I walking with the Spirit? Am I listening to the Spirit?\u2014or is it just something I don\u2019t like, so I\u2019ve said it\u2019s wrong because I don\u2019t like it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou who are spiritual\u201d\u2014spiritually-minded\u2014\u201cyour job is to restore your brother with a spirit of gentleness.\u201d Most of the time, when a husband or a wife comes to correct their spouse for something they are doing that the spouse doesn\u2019t like, there is not a spirit of gentleness there; right? [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p>Then it says, \u201cBe careful because you, too, might get tempted.\u201d You might get tempted into the sin that your spouse is participating in; but you might get tempted in the other direction to pride and self-righteousness.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014what we talked about earlier\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014arrogance.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; so you have to be careful as you approach this: humble-hearted; and approach your spouse with gentleness and say: \u201cCan I talk to you about something? There is something that I just don\u2019t understand. It\u2019s a struggle for me. It\u2019s something that you don\u2019t seem to have a problem with; just help me understand it.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, if you are married to somebody, who is an unbeliever\u2014and they say, \u201cWell, I know that, because of Jesus\u2014but I don\u2019t believe that,\u201d\u2014okay, at that point, your job is not to try to clean up your spouse\u2019s life; your job is to talk to him about Jesus, because nothing is going to get fixed until they love Jesus.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and not in a way, that is saying, \u201cYou need Jesus!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cYou need to go to church!\u201d\u2014not in that way.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; you don\u2019t go to them about that; but you also don\u2019t try to get to modify their behavior and think, \u201cThat\u2019s what I need to focus on.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Now, if their behavior is destructive for the family\u2014if somebody says, \u201cYes; I know you don\u2019t get drunk because of Jesus, but I don\u2019t seem to have a problem with that,\u201d\u2014well, if their drunken behavior is a problem for the family, then you have to address that as a family dynamic; but your goal here is not to get them to quit drinking. Your goal here is to introduce them to Jesus, and let Him go to work on their life, and let Him work on these issues. Point them to the source of righteousness, not to your behavior modification.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s interesting you come up with that analogy. I don\u2019t know if Ann will remember this; but before we were married\/we were engaged, we\u2019re talking about what our marriage is going to look like. You gently brought up the conversation of \u201cWill we have alcohol in our home?\u201d and gently reminded me that I was raised by alcoholic parents. We made a decision, as we got married\u2014and it was really my decision, because Ann really reminded me that would be a dangerous thing\u2014so we never had alcohol in our home.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, I was also scared for our own kids.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> When my dad was ten years old, he spent the night in jail with his own dad, who was drunk and beat up his mom. My dad vowed that he would never take a drink after that, because it scared him so much; but I think my dad kind of planted that in me a little bit too. Knowing Dave\u2019s past and his\u2014we just had a great discussion about it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I think husbands and wives\u2014if you are on the same page\/you both profess faith in Christ\u2014you can have those kinds of conversations and say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk about this. We both want our lives to be what God wants them to be, so let\u2019s talk about the areas in our life where we need to align ourselves. We\u2019re not living the way that we should. What\u2019s the self-improvement that we need to work on\u201d\u2014and not self-improvement\u2014\u201cbut Spirit-improvement, where God can be at work in our lives?\u201d and \u201cHow can we make sure that we\u2019re pursuing righteousness and loving truth rather than asking the question, \u2018Well, what can we get away with? What kind of sin can we just kind of skate toward the edges of and not go too far?\u2019\u201d\u2014you know?<\/p>\n<p>Like, somebody, who said to me, \u201cYes; I wasn\u2019t drunk. I think I was just buzzed.\u201d I go, \u201cWhere is that line between buzzed and drunk?\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cAnd why are you skating to the buzzed side of the pond?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And guess where that\u2019s going to land.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s going to take you over the cliff, eventually.<\/p>\n<p>Let me\u2014we only have a couple minutes left.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let me ask you this\u2014Paul writes, \u201cLove does not rejoice in wrongdoing; but rejoices in the truth.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> We haven\u2019t said a lot about that side of it. In a couple of minutes, what does that mean to rejoice in the truth? Does that mean no secrets?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think it means two big things. Love rejoices when we\u2019re able to be completely transparent with one another\u2014naked and unashamed. That was at the end of the statement in Genesis 2: \u201cThe couple was naked and unashamed.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014not just physically.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right; they were transparent\u2014they knew one another; they loved one another\u2014there was no shame in them. Rejoicing in the truth is saying, \u201cWe want to get to a place in our marriage, where there are no secrets, where we can be honest and truthful with one another.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Everybody is longing to be fully-known and fully-loved. Rejoicing in the truth\u2014I think, in part\u2014is saying: \u201cLove rejoices when that kind of transparency can exist in a marriage relationship,\u201d and \u201cWe can be who we really are, and know it\u2019s safe to be who we really are; you\u2019ll still be here, even when you see the flaws.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s one of the scariest things we can do; because the fear is, \u201cIf I let you see all the wickedness and who I really am, I\u2019m afraid that you won\u2019t accept me.\u201d I think that Dave and I\u2014we went through that quite a bit, especially years and years ago, when we were first married. Dave talked that he had a problem with looking at porn. I was so upset; and I wanted him to share it with me, because I wanted to know <em>him<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014truth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I wanted to know the truth, but I also wanted to know who he was. I didn\u2019t like that; it was like, \u201cOoh, I don\u2019t like that that is in there\u201d; but now, years and years later, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m so glad that you let me into that world, because you were struggling; and I wanted to be your partner.\u201d Even though I didn\u2019t respond well at first, I wanted to know all of you\u2014your struggles\/your pain. I think it\u2019s important how we respond to the spouse.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> I knew, as I hid that, that I wasn\u2019t loving her.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was <em>not<\/em> love to hide that. I would say, \u201cThere\u2019s a man listening right now that has that secret or another. The voice of God is saying, \u2018Today\u2019s the day to love her by telling her the truth.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that\u2019s a hard conversation. It may not go well, initially, but that is loving. Then the journey can start; because as long as something is in the dark, the dark wins. The second it is in the light, Jesus can say, \u201cWe can begin a healing process.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Don\u2019t just back the dump truck up and say, \u201cOkay\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cso dump it and be casual.\u201d If you can\u2019t go to your wife in brokenness, and with grief over the reality of this sin in your own life,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and say, \u201cI need your help in dealing with something that\u2019s had its grip on me; and I\u2019ve kept it in darkness, because I\u2019m ashamed\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cand because I\u2019m afraid you won\u2019t love me if you know this is true about me,\u201d\u2014this is whether it is a husband or a wife\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014when we approach one another with that kind of tenderness and say, \u201cI need to bring something to the light,\u201d our oneness\/our intimacy will grow and thrive when we know one another more fully, and we love one another in the midst of that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say that, as well, as wives, I know we can keep a lot of secrets; and we can keep a lot of things hidden. To go to your husband\u2014I would say this\u2014before you go to your husband, go to your heavenly Father; I would say that to the men, too\u2014and pray for God to prepare their hearts, for God to prepare your words as you are about to communicate with a soft spirit and ask them for their help, ask them for prayer, ask them to really know you,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and see you, and love you in the midst of it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think, when the Bible says, \u201cLove rejoices in the truth,\u201d it\u2019s not just talking about horizontal truth; but it\u2019s also talking about vertical truth. Love rejoices when we line ourselves up with the truth of God\u2019s Word, when we are committed to the One who is the truth\u2014that\u2019s Jesus declares that about Himself: \u201cI am the truth.\u201d Love rejoices when we say, \u201cWe\u2019re committed to the truth, and to pursuing the truth of God\u2019s Word, and living that out in our lives and in our marriage.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s about being open and honest with one another; but love also rejoices when we say, \u201cI\u2019m not going to pursue wrongdoing\u2014the darkness\/the untruth\u2014I\u2019m going to pursue truth and live my life accordingly.\u201d That\u2019s what righteousness is\u2014is aligning yourself with truth and living that way.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> It would be a good book to read tonight.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> It will change your marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Read Bob\u2019s book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Read Bob\u2019s book.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave:<\/strong> Then sit down and have a conversation with God and with your spouse, and see where God takes it.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know the truth is\u2014I\u2019m hearing from people, who are starting to read this book together as a couple. In each chapter, there are some \u201cTalk Together Moments\u201d that we\u2019ve outlined there so that it\u2019s, not just something you read and highlight, but it\u2019s something that you can use to provoke some helpful conversation in your marriage; at least, that\u2019s what my hope is in writing the book.<\/p>\n<p>I hope, if listeners have not gotten a copy yet, they\u2019ll go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and order the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, all about<\/p>\n<p>1 Corinthians 13 and your marriage. Again, the title of the book is <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. You can order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Let me also recommend a resource we\u2019re making available to help couples strengthen the foundation of your marriage. This is a free resource that includes access to a couple of online video courses; access to messages from Paul David Tripp, and Gary Chapman, Voddie Baucham, Juli Slattery; some downloadable resources.<\/p>\n<p>We recognize many couples, here in 2020, have been under an unusual amount of stress. That\u2019s when it is time to start doing some things to intentionally strengthen the foundation of your marriage. That\u2019s what this online resource is all about; it\u2019s called \u201cTake Your Marriage from Good to Great.\u201d All of the content we\u2019re making available here is free to you.<\/p>\n<p>As a little extra incentive for you to start to engage with these messages, anybody who signs up for this content is going to be automatically entered into a contest. We\u2019re going to draw one name, here, in a couple of weeks; and one couple will be our guests. We\u2019re going to fly you to FamilyLife; you\u2019ll sit in on a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session, and then have dinner that night with Dave and Ann Wilson.<\/p>\n<p>All you have to do to be eligible to win that is to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign up for the \u201cTake Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource. Again, it\u2019s completely free; no purchase necessary. All the rules about the contest are available online. We hope you\u2019ll take advantage of the resource; and hope to see one couple joining us, here, at FamilyLife for an upcoming recording session.<\/p>\n<p>And we hope you can join us again tomorrow. We\u2019re going to talk about what the Bible means when it says, \u201cLove bears all things and endures all things.\u201d Does that really mean all things? We\u2019ll have that conversation tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><sup>\u00a9<\/sup>Song: <em>This Could Be Love (or This Could Be the Flu)<\/em><\/p>\n<p>Artist:\u00a0\u00a0 Steven Curtis Chapman<\/p>\n<p>Album:\u00a0 \u00a91994 Sparrow Song\/Peach Hill Songs (BMI)<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306297","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306297"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306297"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306297"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306297"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306297"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306297"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306297"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}