{"id":306294,"date":"2020-07-29T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-07-29T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-is-humble\/"},"modified":"2025-04-29T13:17:48","modified_gmt":"2025-04-29T17:17:48","slug":"love-is-humble","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-humble\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Is Humble"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Bob Lepine | Series: Love Like You Mean It, with Bob Lepine Part 2 | Favorite love songs can capture the heart and stick in the mind for decades. But they don&#8217;t usually capture God&#8217;s definition of real love. FamilyLife Today hosts Dave and Ann Wilson sit down with Bob Lepine to discuss 1 Corinthians 13:4 on why humility is such a key feature of biblical love. The kind of love that forms the foundation of a Christ-centered marriage. A love that is so counter-cultural, the early church actually invented a new word for it. Learn how to get a PhD in this kind of love and turn away from your default setting as a human being &#8211; self-centeredness.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tTake your marriage from good to great with these free resources.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/good-contest\/<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=95.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bob Lepine discusses 1 Corinthians 13:4 and why humility is such a key feature of biblical love. Learn how to get a &#8220;PhD&#8221; in this kind of love and turn away from your natural default setting\u00e2\u20ac&#8221;self-centeredness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"audio","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-29.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:34","filesize":"25.25M","filesize_raw":"26471570","date_recorded":"2020-07-29 07:00:05","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2810,2088],"tags":[6922],"podcast_series":[8376],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306294","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-love-like-you-mean-it","podcast_series-love-like-you-mean-it-with-bob-lepine-part-2","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306294\/love-is-humble","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306294\/love-is-humble","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"gKUOu0N0ZC\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-humble\/\">Love Is Humble<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-humble\/embed\/#?secret=gKUOu0N0ZC\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love Is Humble&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"gKUOu0N0ZC\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Bob Lepine discusses 1 Corinthians 13:4 and why humility is such a key feature of biblical love. Learn how to get a \"PhD\" in this kind of love and turn away from your natural default setting\u00e2\u20ac\"self-centeredness.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>At the root of virtually all sin is pride, and that pride can manifest itself in a variety of ways in marriage. Dave Wilson remembers there was a pattern, early in their marriage, that was evidence of pride in his wife, Ann.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I had never, ever one time heard her admit she was wrong. When she admitted it, I\u2019m like, \u201cWait, wait, wait! Stop!\u201d I wrote it down, November 10<sup>th<\/sup>, 19\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cYou just admitted, the first time <em>ever<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, there was a prideful-ness. I was raised in a family that\u2014we were winners. I never heard my dad apologize. To lose at an argument meant that you were weak, so I thought I could never do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, July 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Pride and love can\u2019t coexist; so when pride is thriving in a marriage, love will always be diminished. We\u2019ll talk more today about dealing with pride in marriage. Stay with us.<\/p>\n<p>And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Do you guys have a song that was your song? Is there one, if it comes on the radio, do you look at each other like, \u201cThat\u2019s our song; that\u2019s it\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>There are a lot of them, Bob. I don\u2019t think we have one.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think there\u2019s one. We have some memories\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>What would be one song\u2014if it came on the radio\u2014you guys would look at each other with that knowing, \u201cThat\u2019s our song; that\u2019s <em>one<\/em> of our songs\u201d?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I have one in mind. Do you have one in mind?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I want to know what hers is, because it doesn\u2019t matter what I think.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>But do you have one in mind?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>It only matters\u2014I had a different one than, I guarantee, she\u2019s thinking of. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>What are you thinking of?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, I\u2019m thinking of <em>Hey Jude<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really? Oh, you have the guitar right there!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Why is that\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>[Singing]<strong> \u201c<\/strong>Hey, Jude,\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Why is that one of your songs?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Because it was the summer of our first year of marriage, and we were at Wilmington\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201ctake a sad song\u201d\u2014do you want me to sing behind her?\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\u201cand make it better.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>We were at an Athletes in Action summer camp; we were taking biblical classes. In the evening, we were in these dorm rooms\u2014all these married couples living in dorm rooms without air conditioning\u2014it was <em>so hot<\/em> you couldn\u2019t sleep. I get this cup of ice and I pour it on the bed, which is ridiculous; and we just laid in it, like, \u201cAhh!\u201d And Dave started singing <em>Hey Jude<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I thought it would just be, you know, a oneness moment.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of those magic moments.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>But I really did, which is sort of fun. That\u2019s my wife\u2014she\u2019s like making something good out of a bad situation\u2014so I\u2019m like, \u201cHey, Jude\u201d\u2014and then she joins in.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>And we start singing [Dave and Ann singing], \u201cNa, na, na\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cJude, Jude, Jude, Jude.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay; okay, that\u2019s <em>enough<\/em>. Wait, we\u2019re on Christian radio. We have to be very careful here, okay?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Hey, that\u2019s about John.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s about\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Hey, Jude\u2014it\u2019s a biblical book in the Bible, Bob; come on! He\u2019s worrying about the Book of Jude! [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Our listeners who don\u2019t know\u2014you were in a band in high school, right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes; maybe.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was in a band in high school.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Uh-oh!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This goes deep with us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Different decades, maybe. [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Thanks for bringing that up! What song were you thinking about as the song that was your song?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, I mean, I was thinking\u2014[playing guitar]\u2014same band.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>I Want to Hold Your Hand<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>[Singing] \u201cOh, yeah\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>That is way too out of my decade. [Laughter] Bob, what about you and Mary Ann?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay, so I would do [singing <em>You Are the Woman<\/em>], \u201cYou are the woman that I\u2019ve always dreamed of\/I knew it from the start.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I told you\u2014different decade.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Singing] \u201cI saw your face and [Dave and Ann joining in] that\u2019s the last I\u2019ve seen of my heart.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And then the one that she really would object to, if I picked it out as the one, would be [singing], \u201cYou\u2019d think that people would have had enough of silly love songs\u2026\u201d You remember that?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>[Singing <em>Silly Love Songs<\/em>] \u201cI look around me and see it isn\u2019t so\u2026oh, no.\u201d We\u2019d get to the chorus on that, and we\u2019d look at each other [singing all together], \u201cI love you, I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>See, these songs, while being wonderful, nostalgic love songs, I think misshaped the way all of us tend to think about love.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re absolutely right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, we think about it in terms of romance; we think about it in terms of passion; we think about it in terms of\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014how we feel.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014the special feeling that comes up.<\/p>\n<p>But the Bible points us in a different direction when it comes to love, which\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, <em>that<\/em> just made everybody go, \u201cNa-ah!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cBut the Bible\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cdoesn\u2019t want that!\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Debbie Downer here today.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not that the Bible doesn\u2019t want that\u2014because I\u2019ve read Song of Solomon\u2014okay?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s that the Bible says it\u2019s bigger, it\u2019s deeper, it\u2019s more than just those things.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014more.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>If we think it\u2019s <em>only<\/em> those things, then we\u2019re going to find ourselves maybe experiencing some of that and then wondering, \u201cWhere did the love go?\u201d when, the next day, we\u2019re not in those magic moments; right?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>What we need\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014is a <em>book<\/em> on what God\u2019s perspective on love is.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, like a <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know of one, Bob?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You mean like the one that came out earlier this month?! Yes, I finished a book earlier this year, that is just now out, called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, where we look at<\/p>\n<p>1 Corinthians 13, and look at how that applies to the marriage relationship. There are characteristics listed in verses 4 through 7 that describe love.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Of all the verses on marriage, on love, on <em>agape<\/em> love, why this verse?\u2014why these verses?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, because these verses give us, I think, the most compact, comprehensive look at how we\u2019re to understand love. Jesus is the One who said, \u201cYou want to know how to boil up the whole Bible?\u201d\u2014when they said, \u201cWhat\u2019s the most important thing?\u201d\u2014He said, \u201cIt\u2019s simple; you\u2019ve said it three times a day in prayer, ever since you were little: \u201cLove the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the <em>Shema<\/em>. And then He says, \u201cBut there\u2019s a second one that\u2019s like unto it,\u201d and He quotes from Leviticus and says, \u201cIt\u2019s to love your neighbor as you love yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Loving God and loving your neighbor is not about romantic feelings or about passion; it\u2019s about the hard work of love. If Jesus says all of the Law and the Prophets can be summed up in these two verses, then what that tells me is that love is at the foundation of everything that we\u2019re to be about, as Christians; so we better get a master\u2019s degree\/maybe a Ph.D. in love. These verses are our Ph.D. in love.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, it is interesting\u2014we had some fun with some love songs\u2014but every one of those, really, whether they know it or not, come out of the real definition of love, which is God\u2019s love; they\u2019re an extension of that. They may not even get close to the understanding of it; but it\u2019s man\u2019s attempt to say: \u201cI want to sing about it,\u201d \u201cI want to write poetry about it,\u201d \u201cI want to experience it,\u201d never even knowing the <em>center<\/em> of that love is the heart of God.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, not only that, but you explain the different types of love in the Bible.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Tell us what those are again.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>This was really interesting, because I didn\u2019t know this until I really dove in and started to study. C.S. Lewis wrote a book called <em>The Four Loves<\/em> years ago, and he talks about the four different Greek words for love. The Greek word, <em>philos<\/em>, is the word that means brotherly love\/brotherly affection for one another. <em>Storge<\/em> is family love; <em>eros<\/em> is romantic or sexual love; and then the word, <em>agape,<\/em> is the word that we\u2019ve heard that describes the kind of self-sacrificing, committed, self-emptying love.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014unconditional.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s the word that\u2019s used here in 1 Corinthians 13.<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s what I didn\u2019t know. J.I. Packer says that this word was essentially a New Testament invention. He said you look at Greek literature; and this idea of selfless, self-sacrificing love is not something that the Greeks or the Romans talked about. But Christians looked at Jesus and said, \u201cWe have to have a word to describe what we\u2019ve just seen.\u201d <em>Agape<\/em> is the word that describes the kind of love that was demonstrated by Jesus. We didn\u2019t have a word for this until Jesus came along and modeled for us what this love looks like.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t know that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>We\u2019ve already talked about, previously with you, \u201cLove is patient,\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p>1 Corinthians 13\u2014\u201clove is kind.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk today\u2014because this is one that, again, you would not initially think of putting this in as a description of love\u2014but it\u2019s beautiful; in verse 4 of Chapter 13: \u201cLove does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Define this for us.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, this is the opposite of who we are; [Laughter] okay? Arrogance is the default setting for every human being. We are all born addicted to self; we are all born with self-interest as the operating principle from which we function.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and self-protective.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right! We are all asking the question: \u201cWhat would please me?\u201d \u201cWhat would make me happy?\u201d \u201cWhat would keep me safe?\u201d \u201cWhat benefits me?\u201d Every decision we make\u2014that\u2019s our default.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Some people may be saying: \u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with that? That is protecting ourselves.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s okay to be aware of threats and bodily harm; I mean, we\u2019re not saying, \u201cNo, you could be oblivious to that.\u201d But when your default setting is: \u201cWhat pleases me?\u201d then everybody else is just around for your benefit; right?<\/p>\n<p>This is where I think, in a marriage, we have to recognize the thing that makes a marriage work is not, \u201cAm I happy in this marriage?\u201d or \u201cAre you happy in this marriage?\u201d The thing that makes a marriage work is: \u201cIs God happy with our marriage?\u201d When we start to make that our focus and we say, \u201cGod is happy in our marriage when we are sacrificing to serve one another,\u201d now, all of a sudden, we have a whole different purpose and understanding of marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>If you sat down with a young couple about to get married, and you saw that one of them was very selfish and maybe even narcissistic, would that be a red flag? Would you say something?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Huge red flag. I think you\u2019d have to say something. I\u2019ve talked with young couples; I\u2019ve said to young women: \u201cWatch how your fianc\u00e9 treats his mother,\u201d and \u201cIf he treats her with respect, and treats her with courtesy and honors her, then that\u2019s a good sign that he\u2019s going to do the same thing for you. But if he disregards his mom\/if he dismisses her, that\u2019s a good indicator that someday he\u2019s going to feel the same way about <em>you<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I think we have to look at: \u201cHow fundamentally self-centered are we?\u201d recognizing, again, that\u2019s the default for all of us. When that becomes so dominant in our lives that it controls everything we do, yes, there should be huge red flags that go up.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Which, you know, begs the question: \u201cIf that\u2019s our default setting, how do you\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014\u201chow do you get a reset?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; because I know, if you would ask Ann\u2014you can ask her right now\u2014to describe me when we started dating. That\u2019s the word; isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; I wasn\u2019t interested in Dave Wilson, because I thought he was arrogant.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>She was completely wrong, of course; [Laughter] no, it was the truth.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>The world revolved around him, and that worried me. I thought, \u201cWhat would it be like to marry him if everything\u2019s about him?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>So I\u2019m asking the question, \u201cWhy did she start dating me?\u201d Something changed.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>The reset for arrogance is to understand what\u2019s true about you, based on what the Bible says about you. Here\u2019s what the Bible says about you: You are fearfully and wonderfully made; you are an image-bearer of God; you are just a little lower than the angels\u2014I mean, there are these wonderful things\u2014your worth is established; at the top of creation, God puts humanity and says, \u201cThis is my great creation\u201d; so you have incredible worth.<\/p>\n<p>God also says that you are wicked, and sinful, and self-focused and\u2014just like Adam and Eve in the garden\u2014you say, \u201cI know what God says, but I think my way is better.\u201d That\u2019s what the Bible defines as sin; it\u2019s rebellion against God and His ways.<\/p>\n<p>Anybody who is focused in life on saying: \u201cI think I know what\u2019s the right thing to do all the time,\u201d and \u201cNobody can teach me anything,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019re going to operate based on what I think\u2019s the right thing to do,\u201d they\u2019re going to be in for a long, hard road.<\/p>\n<p>The way to reset is to: \u201cHumble yourself under the mighty hand of God, and He will exalt you in due time,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what the Bible says. God resists the proud, but He gives grace to the humble. We have to humbly go before God and confess, \u201cLord, I think too highly of myself.\u201d I remember doing this in my college years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Were you arrogant?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure I was! Yes, and somebody called me out. Actually, a guy sat down with me; and we\u2019d been at a summer camp. I was one of the counselors at the summer camp. The camp leader pulls me aside in the middle of the week and he says, \u201cWe\u2019ve been praying for you this week.\u201d [Laughter]<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s always a good one!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I said, \u201cWhat?\u201d He said, \u201cYou just always want the spotlight on you, don\u2019t you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I thought, \u201cWait, you don\u2019t even know me\u201d; right? I mean, \u201cWe\u2019ve known each other for four days, and all of a sudden, you\u2019re drawing all these conclusions about me.\u201d I remember backing away and saying, \u201cOkay, God, was that You speaking to me through him?\u2014or is that just this guy, and he\u2019s off base?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>God said, \u201cNo, that\u2019s Me.\u201d I went away, going, \u201cHe was right; I have an issue with pride, with arrogance, with wanting to be in the spotlight.\u201d Then I spent about a year\u2014and here\u2019s what I found\u2014when I would say to people, \u201cYes, I\u2019m wrestling with pride and with being self-focused,\u201d I found they were like, \u201cOh, man.\u201d I thought: \u201cOh, this works!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cThat works!\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cI can get more attention.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014like a humble brag?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes! \u201cIf I\u2019m doing the whole humble thing, people will really think I\u2019m more spiritual.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>There was probably a good year, where\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014you just twisted it a little bit.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>Exactly. I\u2019m getting the attention by pretending to be humble.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, I didn\u2019t have that part; I didn\u2019t necessarily need the spotlight.<\/p>\n<p>What I realized, after we were married awhile\u2014I realized I would make a mistake, and I had a really hard time apologizing and admitting that I was wrong.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I wrote down, on paper, the date. This is\u2014how long were we\u2014we were married yet?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, we\u2019d been married like a couple of years.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I had never, ever one time heard her admit she was wrong. When she admitted, I\u2019m like: \u201cWait, wait, wait! Stop!\u201d And I wrote it down, November 10, 19\u2014I\u2019m like, \u201cYou just admitted, the first time <em>ever<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>There was a prideful-ness, and I think that that\u2019s very similar. I was raised in a family\u2014that we were winners. I never heard my dad apologize. To lose at an argument meant that you were weak, so I thought I could never do that.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were raised in a culture like ancient Rome, because pride was considered a virtue in ancient Rome; humility was considered a weakness.<\/p>\n<p>But the Apostle Paul, in Romans, writes and says, \u201cBy the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>Paul\u2019s words were <em>radical<\/em> in that context.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>They were radical, yes; and they\u2019re radical in the context of marriage.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ll tell you a story. Mary Ann came to me\u2014we\u2019d been dating for a couple of years\u2014and she said: \u201cYou know what would be good? We should memorize some Scripture together.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said to her, \u201cThat\u2019s a great idea!\u201d Now, I was thinking: \u201cWhy would you memorize it? I mean, if you need it, it\u2019s in the Bible. You just go look it up. Why do you memorize Scripture?\u201d But I said, \u201cThat\u2019s a great idea,\u201d because we\u2019re dating, you know; so you lie to each other when you\u2019re dating like this.<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cDid you have any particular verses in mind?\u201d She said, \u201cI was thinking we should memorize like a chapter.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh!<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I said, \u201cWow!\u201d I\u2019m thinking: \u201cAre you out of your mind?!\u2014a whole chapter? Who memorizes a <em>chapter<\/em> in the Bible?\u201d But I said, \u201cWow,\u201d because we\u2019re dating. [Laughter] I said, \u201cDid you have a chapter in mind?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>She said, \u201cYes, I did.\u201d She said, \u201cI thought we could memorize Philippians, Chapter 2.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I nodded, like, \u201cOh, yes\u201d; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cIs that Old Testament or New Testament?\u201d\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cWhat\u2019s that say?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014right? [Laughter] I don\u2019t know the\u2014I\u2019m three verses in, and I read, \u201cDo nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility regard one another as more important than yourself.\u201d Then it goes on to say: \u201cDo not look out merely for your own interests, but also for the interests of others. Have this mind in you, which was also in Christ Jesus, who although He existed as God did not regard equality with God as something to be clung to.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ooh, look at you! Can you still do the whole chapter?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>No, I can\u2019t do the whole chapter.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s pretty good.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>But those are such good verses.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m convinced\u2014in every marriage, if a husband and wife would apply<\/p>\n<p>Philippians 2:3 and would say, \u201cI\u2019m going to do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility I\u2019m going to regard you as more important than me.\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>How long do you think we could get? Do you think we could go years?\u2014days?\u2014hours?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, you can do that on your own strength, if you\u2019re really good, for maybe a week; right? That\u2019s if you\u2019re <em>really<\/em> good. But you can do that in the power of the Spirit, day in and day out; and when you stumble, you can correct and you can go back.<\/p>\n<p>You asked: \u201cIf that\u2019s our default setting, how do we reset?\u201d You go back to the reset\/the spiritual reset that God does when He brings new life to us. You go back and say, \u201cThat\u2019s how I\u2019m going to live my life. I\u2019m going to live my life\u2014not with arrogance\/not with empty conceit\u2014but with humility. I\u2019m going to say, \u2018You\u2019re more important than me.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If husbands and wives were arguing: \u201cNo, you\u2019re more important than me,\u201d \u201cNo, <em>you\u2019re<\/em> more important than me,\u201d how bad would our marriages ever get?<\/p>\n<p><strong>Dave: <\/strong>I mean, I do think one of the first\u2014if not <em>the<\/em> first thing\u2014Christ does in your life when you surrender fully to Christ is He resets the selfishness. That\u2019s where He starts. It\u2019s like the title of your chapter\u2014Chapter 4: \u201cIt\u2019s Not About Me\u201d\u2014it\u2019s where He starts first, because that\u2019s the sin nature; it\u2019s the core. It\u2019s always been about me. It\u2019s like, \u201cNo, from now on, it\u2019s not about you; it\u2019s about Me and about others.\u201d You bring that into a marriage; it\u2019s transformative.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think you have to reset that button every day, and I think that button starts with first surrendering <em>everything<\/em> to Jesus. That\u2019s a hard place to go, because our pride gets in the way\/our arrogance: \u201cDo I really want Him to have <em>full<\/em> control?\u201d I think, at least for me, that\u2019s when my life really began to change.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think, if you look at <em>most<\/em> couples who are in conflict\/who are in isolation in marriage, you\u2019re going to find arrogance there; you\u2019re going to find pride there. You\u2019re going to find somebody, who\u2019s saying: \u201cI don\u2019t care\u201d; \u201cI deserve this\u201d; \u201cI don\u2019t deserve this.\u201d \u201cI\u201d is the next word when people say, \u201cWhy are you dissatisfied with your marriage?\u201d\u2014the next word is \u201cI\u201d\u2014\u201cI\u2019m not getting what I want, expect, or deserve.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>If we can start to say, \u201cOkay, that\u2019s not insignificant\u201d; right?\u2014we\u2019re not trying to say that doesn\u2019t matter\u2014but what we are trying to say is: \u201cLet\u2019s ask the question first, \u2018How do we make this a marriage that <em>God<\/em> rejoices in?\u2019\u201d Because, when you\u2019re in a marriage, where God is rejoicing, you\u2019re going to be rejoicing\u2014<\/p>\n<p><strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014right? If you love Jesus, and you\u2019re in a marriage where God is pleased, you\u2019re delighted. Whatever the circumstances, you\u2019re delighted because God is pleased with your marriage. That\u2019s where I think we have to get to.<\/p>\n<p>I have to tell you guys\u2014it\u2019s been encouraging\u2014you know, the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, has been out for less than a month now; but I\u2019m already hearing back from people, who have gotten copies of this and have written me to say: \u201cWe\u2019re thinking differently about love as a result of going through this book. This has deepened our understanding of what our relationship is supposed to look like and be like.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s so encouraging for me, as an author, to get that kind of feedback. Of course, that\u2019s my prayer in writing this book, is that there would be many couples, who would benefit from looking at what the Scriptures have to say about what real love looks like; and then beginning to learn how to make that a part of the fabric of your life. The book we\u2019re talking about is <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>If you don\u2019t already have a copy, you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order yours; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the title of the book is <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. I know we have a cruise with that same name. The cruise does not come with the book; but I borrowed the name for the book, because that\u2019s what this book is all about: \u201cWhat\u2019s the right way to love?\u201d Again, order online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, our whole reason for being is to help strengthen marriages and families to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe that godly marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. So every day on this program\/the resources we make available\u2014they\u2019re all about bringing you practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and for your family.<\/p>\n<p>Along with the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, we have a free resource we want to make available to you that\u2019s all about \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great.\u201d This is all content we\u2019re opening up online\u2014a couple of video courses we\u2019re opening up online\u2014one that will help you understand the differences between men and women; Jeff and Shaunti Feldhahn provide that. There\u2019s another one on resolving conflict from the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. There\u2019s a message from Dr. Juli Slattery about resolving conflict and \u201cWhat\u2019s the right way to do that so that conflict resolution can be a win-win?\u201d There are messages from Paul David Tripp, and Voddie Baucham, and Gary Chapman; and there are downloadable conversation starters for the two of you to help strengthen the foundation of your relationship. That\u2019s what the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource is all about.<\/p>\n<p>As an added incentive to help you get engaged with this content\u2014once you\u2019ve downloaded it, you\u2019re automatically eligible; we\u2019re going to draw one name from everybody who downloads this. Somebody is going to come to FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and sit in on a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session, and then have dinner that night with Dave and Ann Wilson. To be eligible, go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and sign up for the \u201cTake Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d downloadable resource. No purchase necessary. The contest ends August 14<sup>th<\/sup>; restrictions apply. Official rules can be found at FamilyLife.com\/goodcontest.<\/p>\n<p>Now, tomorrow, we want to talk about how important it is for husbands and wives to pursue godliness and righteousness in their own lives and in their marriage; because for love to thrive, you have to be actively working against unrighteousness. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.<\/p>\n<p>I want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>We are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?<\/p>\n<p>Copyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a><\/p>\n<p>1<\/p>\n","theme_header_position":"Sticky","post_header_is_sticky":"default","is_header_overlay":"0"},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306294","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306294"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306294"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306294"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306294"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306294"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306294"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306294"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}