{"id":306261,"date":"2020-07-16T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-07-16T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-parents-influence\/"},"modified":"2020-07-16T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-07-16T11:00:05","slug":"a-parents-influence","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-parents-influence\/","title":{"rendered":"A Parent&#8217;s Influence"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Moms and dads each have something unique to bring to the table when it comes to raising spiritually healthy kids. According to Jeffrey Dean, each child wants to know if Christianity connects to the real world.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-16.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:34","filesize":"25.24M","filesize_raw":"26464581","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2814,2806,2855],"tags":[6682],"podcast_series":[8373],"cwp_profile":[9636],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306261","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-releasing-your-child","category-spiritual-development","category-teens","tag-teen-challenges","podcast_series-raising-successful-teens","cwp_profile-jeffrey-dean","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306261\/a-parents-influence","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306261\/a-parents-influence","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZBco17TdH5\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-parents-influence\/\">A Parent&#8217;s Influence<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-parents-influence\/embed\/#?secret=ZBco17TdH5\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Parent&#8217;s Influence&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZBco17TdH5\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-16.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-16.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whether you realize it or not, your teenagers are paying attention to how the two of you interact as a couple\/as a mom and dad. Jeffrey Dean says it\u2019s not just <em>your<\/em> kids who are watching. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> We try to be that home where the kids come to after the games; and we try to have those parties and those celebrations in the backyard, where our kids want to throw those parties, and they want to invite their friends. I\u2019m telling you\u2014the thing we hear the most\/that we love the most from our daughters\u2019 friends is\u2014\u201cWe <em>love<\/em> that you guys love to be together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 16<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. As parents, we have a tremendous responsibility, as well as a tremendous opportunity, to help shape the lives and the marriages of the next generation. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Jeffrey Dean. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, for years at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways, we have made the statement that kids need both a mom and a dad to better understand everything about parenting, about gender, about sexuality as they\u2019re growing up at home. The reason God gives kids a mom and a dad is so that they can get the <em>full<\/em> picture of His creation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know there are some times when divorce or death takes a mom or a dad out of the picture; and somebody feels like, \u201cBoy, my kids are missing something.\u201d God is the Father to the fatherless, and He is the mother to the motherless\u2014so we need to keep that in mind\u2014but it is so true that both a mom and a dad are essential, and essential in different ways, as we raise our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s interesting\u2014and you probably don\u2019t know this, Bob\u2014but at that moment in the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, when we\u2019re teaching that point\u2014you know me; I always grab a guitar\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and I sing an old, old song.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, hang on; hang on. We\u2019ve got a guitar! Grab the guitar here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ooh, let\u2019s see it. Let\u2019s hear it, Dave Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was <em>not<\/em> expecting that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No! Come on! Show us your stuff!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here, go ahead. Roll over here; get the guitar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I usually do it acapella. Okay, we can do this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ooh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know what year this was\u2014had to be the \u201860s. [Singing a few lines from <em>It Takes Two<\/em>]\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s very nice!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You remember that song?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I do; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t remember who it is by. But I do make the point that Bob makes, even after singing that\u2014because it really is just for fun\u2014\u201cIt takes two, baby, to raise kids.\u201d It\u2019s better if you can have both, but I was raised by a single mom. I didn\u2019t even experience that, growing up\u2014as Bob said, through divorce or death\u2014my parents were divorced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s what my mom did, which was\u2014I didn\u2019t even realize it\u2014she would walk, speaking to coaches that I had in sports, and literally ask them, without even me knowing: \u201cWill you parent my son\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthrough this season? Be the male influence in his life that his\u201d\u2014you know, my dad\u2019s gone. In a sense, there still was a two-part thing; there\u2019s the female and the male; it\u2019s critical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a guest here today; don\u2019t we, Bob? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We do have a guest here today. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re looking at Jeffrey. We haven\u2019t even introduced the guy! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jeffrey Dean is joining us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> It\u2019s a joy; you guys are fun. I\u2019m quite impressed with the guitar playing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with the guitar playing? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey<\/strong>: Nice! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Jeffrey, you\u2019ve heard <em>nothing<\/em> yet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, wait\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Hey, I like my woman saying that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have a sense that this could get off track real quickly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014<em>because<\/em> you got started in ministry doing\u2014what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Playing music; isn\u2019t that crazy? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, maybe, <em>you<\/em> should sing us something now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> There\u2019s a little Nashville in us all. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jeffrey lives in Nashville; he and his wife have two daughters. For the last three-plus decades, you\u2019ve been travelling around the country, speaking to teenagers and their parents. Really, that\u2019s been your primary target audience\u2014has been teens and their parents\u2014why that audience? Why do you think God singled you out for that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> You know, I wish I could give you a really great answer that sounds really good; but the simple of it is I fell in love with students, years ago\u2014and just being privileged to volunteer at our local church, and hang out with students, and see their enthusiasm for life\u2014but also seeing their need for truth and their <em>hunger<\/em> to want more than the world gives them. That sounds so Christian-y that I should say that, but it\u2019s <em>so<\/em> true. God really broke my heart for this generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOut of that, as you can imagine, being at a variety of events all over America\u2014of course, we meet people of all ages, who are equally struggling and need hope and truth\u2014but parents really drive the ship, looking to the world\u2014working to teach them to look to God\u2019s Word: \u201cAt the end of the day, God has created you for this moment.\u201d We want parents to know that\u2014regardless of your situation, regardless of a failed marriage, or a prodigal child\u2014God has created you for this moment to be a parent to this child. What a challenge but, equally, what a privilege. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know that some of the teens you were talking to in the early \u201890\u2019s are now the parents of the teens you are talking to in the 2020s. You\u2019ve written a book called <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>. Are teens different today in the 2020s than they were in the 1990s and the 2000s? What\u2019s the same, and what\u2019s different? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Well, we know the world is different and the accessibility is a click away to just about anything they want and don\u2019t want. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> But at the end of the day, kids are still kids; they are looking for help and hope and have questions and want answers. Wow; what a privilege it is to either stand on a stage, in front of thousands, or shake a hand of a kid in a public school or detention center and remind them they were made for more\u2014that \u201cYou\u2019ve been created in the image of God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat word, \u201cimage,\u201d of course, means reflection: \u201cYou are created to reflect Him. The ability to be able to reflect Him in the way He desires is understanding that He has a plan and a purpose for your life,\u201d and \u201cThrough salvation in His Son, Jesus Christ, you can be everything He\u2019s desiring you to be; and that He\u2019s created you for Him.\u201d I am so honored to have been able to share the gospel with kids and to see life change happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yet, we <em>hear<\/em> that so many people are leaving the church: \u201cTeens are leaving the church in droves\u201d is what we hear. Do you still see that hunger?\u2014because the message is still the same of what you\u2019ve been sharing all these years. What are kids looking for today? Is it any different? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> I think they just want authenticity; it\u2019s what we hear from students. We work with a lot of college-aged students, and do a lot of work on college campuses, and meet students who\u2014yes; many grew up in the church, love the Lord, want to live for Him\u2014but find themselves lost in all that of trying to figure out: \u201cDoes this really connect in the real world?\u201d and \u201cIs my religion just my parents\u2019, or is it truly something that I have embraced and want to be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a challenge there; but I think, as we strive to remind parents, that you can\u2019t get your kids to believe everything that you want them to believe, necessarily, just by taking them to church. <em>Living<\/em> that example in the home, I believe, is something that is going to stick\u2014even if they take that prodigal journey for a while\u2014that truth that is imbedded in them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tParents have a huge responsibility really to step back and take a landscape view: \u201cOkay; how are we helping our kids understand that God\u2019s Word is applicable; and that it is real and that it is tangible; and that it can be something you embrace, even in your moments of challenge and question?\u201d I think it is important to give our kids permission to question their faith, and to wrestle with that, and to let them know that we\u2019re in the wrestle with them; and we may not have all the answers, but we sure will help them get to the answers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We talked about how important it is for kids to have both a mom and a dad in the home. You talk in your book, <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>, about the fact that there is a unique role a dad can play that is maybe different than what a mom can play in raising the next generation. As you look at it, what can dads uniquely bring to the party? What can moms uniquely bring to the parenting journey? How can they work together and use each other\u2019s strengths and gifts?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> First of all, for that single parent, as you just mentioned, that is listening today: \u201cYou carry that double load. We high-five you from the studio today; and know that, even though your situation might be different than those listening today, who are in a two-parent family, God\u2019s\/He\u2019s still in it with you. He has called you to this moment, so stay the course.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI write these two chapters obviously\/specifically from the approach of really thinking about <em>my<\/em> mom and dad, and the uniqueness they brought to our family, growing up. I am one of three brothers\u2014actually four, one passed away at birth\u2014but my mom and dad brought unique gifts. I break this down in the book, really thinking about my mom Sherry and my dad Jerry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad was that spiritual leader in my home, though not that leader of really being a vocal leader; but he sure was that spiritual leader of prayer. Of course\u2014yes, moms listening today\u2014you can be that prayer warrior as well. I can remember my dad\u2019s journeys at night, spiritually in the Word, when the house would be quiet and us boys would be in the bed. I can see myself walking down the steps in our home\u2014just a few miles from here, where I grew up\u2014and seeing my dad in his black leather chair, the Bible open, and hearing my dad pray out loud even as I\u2019m thinking now in this studio. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom, a very quiet pray-er, but with her unique gifts, my mom wrote; and she wrote letters. My mom brought that uniqueness of putting pen to paper and writing what was on her heart and how the Lord was leading her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love one of the quotes in your book, which you are sort of hitting on right now. You just said it this way: \u201cThe thing your son or daughter is saying to dad\u201d\u2014here\u2019s how you wrote it; I\u2019m sure you remember this\u2014\u201cDad, I believe four words capture the heart\u2019s desire of nearly every teen: \u2018I want my father.\u2019\u201d When I read that, I just thought, \u201cThat is <em>so true<\/em>.\u201d They may not show it; they may not ask for it, but deep down, that\u2019s what they are longing for; right?\u2014the father\u2019s heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> They want their father. The story you\u2019re referring to there is the story from <em>The Princess Bride<\/em> movie: Inigo Montoya and the six-fingered man, who had killed Inigo Montoya\u2019s father. He [Inigo] wants to avenge his father\u2019s death, and he finally has that opportunity. The six-fingered man is offering him anything he wants; he said, \u201cI just want my daddy back.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> The heart\u2019s cry for all of us listening, that were born because of that relationship, that we have imbedded within us to have that tangible relationship with our Father in heaven. We also long for that in our relationship with our father here on the planet. That\u2019s really powerful. I think about those words; and I remember writing that, thinking about my daddy and his impact in my life as I wrote that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re a parent of two teenage daughters. You and your wife bring different things to the equation. When you think about what a dad can bring that a mom can\u2019t bring, is there anything that jumps out at you to say, \u201cThis is just a unique area where a dad can bring affirmation or encouragement that it\u2019s not going to work as well for a mom to try and do it\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Well, I can\u2019t say that I know it\u2019s not going to work as well because I\u2019m not mom\u2014but I can say this\u2014from countless conversations with boys and men of all ages, and knowing <em>my<\/em> struggle as a man, I think about\u2014when we write about this a lot in the book\u2014the challenge that our boys are facing today with lust. I know, from a man\u2019s perspective, I\u2019ve got that. Every man listening today\u2014there are really two types of men in the room\u2014those who admit that they struggle with lust and those that <em>lie<\/em> about that struggle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA father can bring that unique perspective for both a son and a daughter of helping their kids understand the power of the enemy, and that Satan hates us, and he wants to destroy your kid. In the lives of so many children, he has been working through that lust struggle. As a father, I know I bring a unique perspective. Though I don\u2019t have sons in my home, I really can help my daughters understand the struggle a man faces and the struggle that their future spouse, potentially, will face in his life, even after marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAmy and I have worked hard for many years to help our daughters understand love and the power of intimacy and understanding how things can go south really quickly in their dating lives. I would challenge every man listening: \u201cListen, you have a powerful voice in the room when it comes to the struggle of lust, whether you have a son or a daughter, under your lead; so use that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of our foundational principles\u2014we talked about three of them\u2014number five is: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to be willing to go there; you\u2019ve got to be approachable; you have to be un-shockable.\u201d As a man, you bring that unique perspective to the table, specifically when it comes to that struggle of lust, of helping your kids understand how to walk through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How have you done that? How do you talk to your daughters about a man\u2019s struggle with lust? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> We, in our home, have an open policy that <em>nothing<\/em> is off limits. I remember when my oldest daughter was ten; she said, \u201cDad, I need to ask you a really important question.\u201d She came into my office. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s in the book. This is a great story, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> She closes the door. I\u2019m thinking we\u2019re going to talk about her day or a new friend she\u2019s met. She gets right up in my face. Anyone listening, who knows my oldest daughter, you know she will call it like she sees it. She gets right in my face and says: \u201cDad, I have to ask you a very serious question. I just need you to be honest with me.\u201d I said, \u201cTell me the question.\u201d She said, \u201cNo; I need to make sure you\u2019re going to be honest with me.\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhere are we going with this?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe question was this\u2014she said, \u201cDaddy, is it true that every 17 seconds guys think about sex?\u201d She had researched for a paper online. An MSN ad popped up, and there it was: \u201cEvery 17 seconds, guys think about sex,\u201d\u2014challenging moment but a <em>wonderful<\/em> moment\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cThis is what we\u2019ve been waiting for.\u201d These are the moments\u2014not so much the question about: \u201cHow often is Daddy thinking about sex?\u201d\u2014but I want my daughters to know that: \u201cYou can come to me about <em>anything<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHopefully, every parent listening would say they desire the same; but have you clearly articulated that to your kids?\u2014that: \u201cMom and Dad are here. We want to be the number one source of truth. We may not have the answer, but we are sure going to go look for it. We want you to see us as approachable\/as un-shockable.\u201d That open door policy is so important. For every parent listening today, it is never too late to open that door of conversation; it just begins with authenticity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen, if you aren\u2019t willing to go there, they are going to go somewhere. If they can\u2019t look to you, who are they going to look to? We\u2019ve got to be that open door to say, \u201cYou can come to me about <em>anything<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Guys, what do you do when\u2014I\u2019m thinking of many women that have come up to me and asked me\u2014\u201cI <em>want<\/em> my husband to talk to my kids about these things. I want there to be this open discussion; but my husband will say, \u2018Yes, why don\u2019t you go talk to your mom about that?\u2019\u201d You know, he\u2019s saying that to sons <em>and<\/em> daughters. Coach us, as women, when our husbands don\u2019t want to be involved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> My encouragement would be: \u201cOkay; take what you have and work with it.\u201d I remember my mom and my dad, as I mentioned already in our conversation today and in our previous one, that my dad was a man of few words. I remember the sex talk we had; my older brother was there. We knew the talk was coming because Kent, my older brother, heard my parents the previous night saying it was coming. [Laughter] I hardly slept that night: \u201cI know when it\u2019s coming.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next morning, Cocoa Puffs<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> were in the kitchen; Dad walks in. Bless his heart; you\u2019d have thought he had seen a ghost, because he knew the conversation he had to have. He sat down. My older brother is there, and I\u2019m there; and here goes the sex talk. My dad\u2019s not doing so well. So\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was it just awkward? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> It was just awkward. So he punts; but there is Momma, and she takes over; it\u2019s the team. Mom, to this day, says she didn\u2019t do this\u2014but oh, she did do this. [Laughter] Woman of few words, rather than talking, she took out a piece of paper and a pencil\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> \u2014and started drawing what I thought were very awkward pictures I had never <em>seen<\/em> before. [Laughter] I wish we still had that drawing; we could show her every Christmas. [Laughter] But I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> forgotten it; even though the conversation didn\u2019t go well\u2014and <em>they<\/em> would have both said, \u201cWe failed miserably,\u201d\u2014I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> forgotten it. Mom and Dad loved me so much; they were in it with me so much that, even in the midst of awkward and weird-looking pictures\u2014that I really never want to see again from them\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I have <em>never<\/em> forgotten the conversation. <br><br>The power of that conversation that, even though they weren\u2019t perfect at it\u2014because, again, success isn\u2019t about perfection\u2014it\u2019s the pursuit. Mom and Dad loved us so much they were willing to have the conversation with us; that\u2019s so powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann, let me ask you: \u201cWhat were the things that, as a mom, you thought, \u2018No; Dave needs to do that. That\u2019s really in his job description\u2019\u201d? What were the things that you thought, \u201cNo; that\u2019s on me. I need\u2026\u201d You were raising three boys. Were there certain subjects that you looked at and said, \u201cI think, really, that\u2019s a dad\u2019s responsibility, and I\u2019m going to encourage Dave and motivate him in that area; but then I\u2019ll own up to the stuff that ought to be my area\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m pretty much an open book, and I\u2019m very open. Now, my kids have told me that I was a little too open\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because I want to talk about <em>everything<\/em>. They are like, \u201cMom, this is just <em>weird<\/em> with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes, I think when it came to physical\/sexual intimacy, I wanted Dave to give a man\u2019s perspective on that. When it came to porn, I wanted Dave to talk to them about that\u2014and Dave and I would talk about it\u2014but when it came to those issues that, like, \u201cThis would be so good from a man.\u201d I would probably walk into it; but I think, \u201cYes,\u00a0 those are the ones that they just need a man to talk to them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And what about the areas that you felt like, as a mom, \u201cThese are things that I need to make sure\u2026\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I told the boys: \u201cIf there is anything you hear at school\/if there is anything that happens, I am always here for you. You can ask me <em>anything<\/em>.\u201d They would come home and say: \u201cThis is a word that I heard. I don\u2019t know what it is.\u201d I would happily explain that. The more embarrassed we are, as parents, the more awkward it can feel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I think it\u2019s really important to just have that open conversation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014about everything; because I said: \u201cYour friends are going to talk about this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cThey probably won\u2019t have the right answer, and they\u2019ll make up half of it; but Dad and I will always tell you the truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> That\u2019s huge. The world is teaching our kids about sex, and love, and dating, and intimacy, and pornography. Many a message that is given is a lie. So, you\u2019re right; you\u2019ve hit it right on the head\u2014the world is teaching them. We\u2019ve got to step into that classroom and realize, \u201cEvery day our kids are coming to class; is the teacher showing up?\u201d\u2014so important to that conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As you said earlier, they really <em>do<\/em> want to hear from us. They may not say it; but they really <em>do<\/em> want to know: \u201cWhat\u2019s Mom think about this?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s Dad think about this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, to answer your question from my side, I do think\u2014and Jeffrey, you put this in your book\u2014one of the things that I think Ann wanted <em>me<\/em> to teach our boys\u2014and this would be true for daughters in a different way\u2014but for sons, and you put this here, one of the roles of dad is to teach them to respect women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, Ann definitely jumped in there and said, \u201cHere is what it looks like from a woman\u2019s perspective.\u201d But as a man, I <em>felt<\/em> this weight, like, \u201cIt is <em>my<\/em> job, not only to teach it, but to <em>model<\/em> it with their mom first; but to make sure, as they especially become \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t13-\/14-\/15-year-old young men, this is what it looks like to respect women.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou put that in the book. We live in a time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014where that is huge in our culture; so talk about: \u201cWhat would that look like?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Yes; so teaching our sons and our daughters: \u201cWhat should I respect?\u201d \/ \u201cThat I should <em>expect<\/em> respect,\u201d\u2014\u201cHow does that look? How can we put hands and feet to that?\u201d It may be as simple as opening the door for a girl. It may be more intense as: \u201cIf I\u2019m a son, and I\u2019m taking a girl out on a date, that I\u2019m never going to put her in an environment that could be compromising to either of us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing I tell teen boys all over America: \u201cYou want to melt the heart of a girl, and you want to teach respect, from moment one. The next time you go out on a date with a girl, before you ever leave the driveway, reach over\u201d\u2014and at this moment, I\u2019ve got a couple of thousand kids in an audience, sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear. The boys want to know what they need to say; and the girls want to hear what the boys <em>should<\/em> say\u2014\u201cSo before you ever leave the driveway, reach over, grab that girl\u2019s hand, and say a prayer with her.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> The moment in the room gets quiet. You\u2019ve just sent the message to a boy that: \u201cListen, praying with a girl may seem odd\/may seem weird; but it\u2019s really hard to go there, physically with her, when you\u2019ve just lifted the date up to the Lord.\u201d In that moment, you have sent the message to her that: \u201cWhatever happens from this moment forward, I desire to respect you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019d just say one thing to the men. If that son or daughter never sees you do that with his\/[her] mom\u2014I mean, you just have\/you have an opportunity to <em>show<\/em> your kids what that looks like by grabbing your wife\u2019s hand in the kitchen\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> So good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and praying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> So good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, you are not doing that for them; this is an overflow of your own walk. But, man, to have the courage\u2014and there are some dads listening that have <em>never<\/em> once prayed with their wife\u2014I\u2019m saying: \u201cToday\u2019s your day. Be a man; step up. Pray with your wife,\u201d\u2014maybe make it a regular thing. Your son or daughter is watching; they may just model it on their next date, because they are copying what they saw in their own home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I want to encourage women, as wives, if your husband\u2019s not doing the job you would hope that he is doing with your kids\u2014talking to your kids, praying with your kids, leading your kids, having these deep discussions\u2014can I just tell you from one mom to another, \u201cDon\u2019t belittle your husband in front of your kids; because the disrespect that goes on there, your kids feel it and they see it\u201d? I think I did that, <em>for years<\/em>, to Dave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you can <em>encourage<\/em> your husband, and tell him the things he\u2019s doing right, that will motivate him. Go to God and pray for your husband, pray for your kids, and pray that God will just lead and guide you and protect those kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Keep the goal in mind; you want to raise successful teens. By successful, we mean teens who understand who God is, understand who they are, are in a right relationship with Him, and are living that out in their lives. If that\u2019s happening, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> what we care most about. That\u2019s what at the heart of the book, <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>; and it\u2019s a book we\u2019re making available, this week, to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny of you who would like a copy of this book, you can request it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. With your donation, we\u2019re happy to send you a copy of Jeffrey\u2019s book. Again, the title is <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>. You can make a donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-358-6329. We think this book will give you a game-plan\/a strategy for how you can be most effective as you take your kids through the teen years. Get your copy when you donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we\u2019ve been hearing from a lot of you about the challenges you have been facing in your marriage and family relationships over the last several months. It\u2019s been a challenging season for many of us. And when we\u2019re under stress\/when life is not as predictable as it has normally been, our relationships get strained. We put together a resource we think is going to help a lot of couples. We\u2019re calling it \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis resource gives you access to a couple of online mini-courses: one on how to resolve conflict when it occurs in marriage; another course called \u201cLight Bulb Moments in Marriage\u201d\u2014those times when the light bulb goes [on]; and you go, \u201cOh, I understand better,\u201d\u2014we\u2019ve got messages available for you from Paul David Tripp, from Gary Chapman, Voddie Baucham, Juli Slattery\u2014all of these messages designed to help <em>strengthen<\/em> your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got download-ables and print-ables, conversation starters, questions to help take your relationship to the next level, a quiz you can take on being a good listener\u2014all of this is available, free\u2014when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register for the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource. As an additional bonus for registering for this content, you are also automatically going to be entered into a giveaway. We\u2019re going to be inviting one couple, who downloads this content, to join us at FamilyLife for a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session and then dinner that night with Dave and Ann Wilson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to come sit in on one of our recording sessions, and have dinner with Dave and Ann, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register for the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource. There is no purchase necessary. All contest rules are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. We hope you enjoy the content; and we look forward to meeting, at least, one couple here at a future <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how to get teenagers to talk a little better; you know, so that they are not just saying: \u201cIt was fine,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s okay,\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014you know the kind of one-word answers we often get from teens. Jeffrey Dean is going to be here tomorrow to talk about how we can break through that log jam with our kids. I hope you can tune in for that as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:34"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.24M"],"filesize_raw":["26464581"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306261.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306261.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and dads each have something unique to bring to the table when it comes to raising spiritually healthy kids. According to Jeffrey Dean, each child wants to know if Christianity connects to the real world.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whether you realize it or not, your teenagers are paying attention to how the two of you interact as a couple\/as a mom and dad. Jeffrey Dean says it\u2019s not just <em>your<\/em> kids who are watching. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> We try to be that home where the kids come to after the games; and we try to have those parties and those celebrations in the backyard, where our kids want to throw those parties, and they want to invite their friends. I\u2019m telling you\u2014the thing we hear the most\/that we love the most from our daughters\u2019 friends is\u2014\u201cWe <em>love<\/em> that you guys love to be together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, July 16<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. As parents, we have a tremendous responsibility, as well as a tremendous opportunity, to help shape the lives and the marriages of the next generation. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Jeffrey Dean. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You know, for years at our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways, we have made the statement that kids need both a mom and a dad to better understand everything about parenting, about gender, about sexuality as they\u2019re growing up at home. The reason God gives kids a mom and a dad is so that they can get the <em>full<\/em> picture of His creation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know there are some times when divorce or death takes a mom or a dad out of the picture; and somebody feels like, \u201cBoy, my kids are missing something.\u201d God is the Father to the fatherless, and He is the mother to the motherless\u2014so we need to keep that in mind\u2014but it is so true that both a mom and a dad are essential, and essential in different ways, as we raise our kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, it\u2019s interesting\u2014and you probably don\u2019t know this, Bob\u2014but at that moment in the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em>, when we\u2019re teaching that point\u2014you know me; I always grab a guitar\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and I sing an old, old song.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Oh, hang on; hang on. We\u2019ve got a guitar! Grab the guitar here!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ooh, let\u2019s see it. Let\u2019s hear it, Dave Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was <em>not<\/em> expecting that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No! Come on! Show us your stuff!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here, go ahead. Roll over here; get the guitar.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I usually do it acapella. Okay, we can do this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ooh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know what year this was\u2014had to be the \u201860s. [Singing a few lines from <em>It Takes Two<\/em>]\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s very nice!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You remember that song?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I do; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t remember who it is by. But I do make the point that Bob makes, even after singing that\u2014because it really is just for fun\u2014\u201cIt takes two, baby, to raise kids.\u201d It\u2019s better if you can have both, but I was raised by a single mom. I didn\u2019t even experience that, growing up\u2014as Bob said, through divorce or death\u2014my parents were divorced. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s what my mom did, which was\u2014I didn\u2019t even realize it\u2014she would walk, speaking to coaches that I had in sports, and literally ask them, without even me knowing: \u201cWill you parent my son\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthrough this season? Be the male influence in his life that his\u201d\u2014you know, my dad\u2019s gone. In a sense, there still was a two-part thing; there\u2019s the female and the male; it\u2019s critical. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a guest here today; don\u2019t we, Bob? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We do have a guest here today. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re looking at Jeffrey. We haven\u2019t even introduced the guy! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jeffrey Dean is joining us again on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> It\u2019s a joy; you guys are fun. I\u2019m quite impressed with the guitar playing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014with the guitar playing? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey<\/strong>: Nice! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Jeffrey, you\u2019ve heard <em>nothing<\/em> yet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, wait\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Hey, I like my woman saying that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I have a sense that this could get off track real quickly\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014<em>because<\/em> you got started in ministry doing\u2014what? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Playing music; isn\u2019t that crazy? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, maybe, <em>you<\/em> should sing us something now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> There\u2019s a little Nashville in us all. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Jeffrey lives in Nashville; he and his wife have two daughters. For the last three-plus decades, you\u2019ve been travelling around the country, speaking to teenagers and their parents. Really, that\u2019s been your primary target audience\u2014has been teens and their parents\u2014why that audience? Why do you think God singled you out for that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> You know, I wish I could give you a really great answer that sounds really good; but the simple of it is I fell in love with students, years ago\u2014and just being privileged to volunteer at our local church, and hang out with students, and see their enthusiasm for life\u2014but also seeing their need for truth and their <em>hunger<\/em> to want more than the world gives them. That sounds so Christian-y that I should say that, but it\u2019s <em>so<\/em> true. God really broke my heart for this generation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOut of that, as you can imagine, being at a variety of events all over America\u2014of course, we meet people of all ages, who are equally struggling and need hope and truth\u2014but parents really drive the ship, looking to the world\u2014working to teach them to look to God\u2019s Word: \u201cAt the end of the day, God has created you for this moment.\u201d We want parents to know that\u2014regardless of your situation, regardless of a failed marriage, or a prodigal child\u2014God has created you for this moment to be a parent to this child. What a challenge but, equally, what a privilege. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know that some of the teens you were talking to in the early \u201890\u2019s are now the parents of the teens you are talking to in the 2020s. You\u2019ve written a book called <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>. Are teens different today in the 2020s than they were in the 1990s and the 2000s? What\u2019s the same, and what\u2019s different? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Well, we know the world is different and the accessibility is a click away to just about anything they want and don\u2019t want. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> But at the end of the day, kids are still kids; they are looking for help and hope and have questions and want answers. Wow; what a privilege it is to either stand on a stage, in front of thousands, or shake a hand of a kid in a public school or detention center and remind them they were made for more\u2014that \u201cYou\u2019ve been created in the image of God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat word, \u201cimage,\u201d of course, means reflection: \u201cYou are created to reflect Him. The ability to be able to reflect Him in the way He desires is understanding that He has a plan and a purpose for your life,\u201d and \u201cThrough salvation in His Son, Jesus Christ, you can be everything He\u2019s desiring you to be; and that He\u2019s created you for Him.\u201d I am so honored to have been able to share the gospel with kids and to see life change happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yet, we <em>hear<\/em> that so many people are leaving the church: \u201cTeens are leaving the church in droves\u201d is what we hear. Do you still see that hunger?\u2014because the message is still the same of what you\u2019ve been sharing all these years. What are kids looking for today? Is it any different? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> I think they just want authenticity; it\u2019s what we hear from students. We work with a lot of college-aged students, and do a lot of work on college campuses, and meet students who\u2014yes; many grew up in the church, love the Lord, want to live for Him\u2014but find themselves lost in all that of trying to figure out: \u201cDoes this really connect in the real world?\u201d and \u201cIs my religion just my parents\u2019, or is it truly something that I have embraced and want to be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a challenge there; but I think, as we strive to remind parents, that you can\u2019t get your kids to believe everything that you want them to believe, necessarily, just by taking them to church. <em>Living<\/em> that example in the home, I believe, is something that is going to stick\u2014even if they take that prodigal journey for a while\u2014that truth that is imbedded in them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tParents have a huge responsibility really to step back and take a landscape view: \u201cOkay; how are we helping our kids understand that God\u2019s Word is applicable; and that it is real and that it is tangible; and that it can be something you embrace, even in your moments of challenge and question?\u201d I think it is important to give our kids permission to question their faith, and to wrestle with that, and to let them know that we\u2019re in the wrestle with them; and we may not have all the answers, but we sure will help them get to the answers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We talked about how important it is for kids to have both a mom and a dad in the home. You talk in your book, <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>, about the fact that there is a unique role a dad can play that is maybe different than what a mom can play in raising the next generation. As you look at it, what can dads uniquely bring to the party? What can moms uniquely bring to the parenting journey? How can they work together and use each other\u2019s strengths and gifts?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> First of all, for that single parent, as you just mentioned, that is listening today: \u201cYou carry that double load. We high-five you from the studio today; and know that, even though your situation might be different than those listening today, who are in a two-parent family, God\u2019s\/He\u2019s still in it with you. He has called you to this moment, so stay the course.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI write these two chapters obviously\/specifically from the approach of really thinking about <em>my<\/em> mom and dad, and the uniqueness they brought to our family, growing up. I am one of three brothers\u2014actually four, one passed away at birth\u2014but my mom and dad brought unique gifts. I break this down in the book, really thinking about my mom Sherry and my dad Jerry. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy dad was that spiritual leader in my home, though not that leader of really being a vocal leader; but he sure was that spiritual leader of prayer. Of course\u2014yes, moms listening today\u2014you can be that prayer warrior as well. I can remember my dad\u2019s journeys at night, spiritually in the Word, when the house would be quiet and us boys would be in the bed. I can see myself walking down the steps in our home\u2014just a few miles from here, where I grew up\u2014and seeing my dad in his black leather chair, the Bible open, and hearing my dad pray out loud even as I\u2019m thinking now in this studio. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy mom, a very quiet pray-er, but with her unique gifts, my mom wrote; and she wrote letters. My mom brought that uniqueness of putting pen to paper and writing what was on her heart and how the Lord was leading her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love one of the quotes in your book, which you are sort of hitting on right now. You just said it this way: \u201cThe thing your son or daughter is saying to dad\u201d\u2014here\u2019s how you wrote it; I\u2019m sure you remember this\u2014\u201cDad, I believe four words capture the heart\u2019s desire of nearly every teen: \u2018I want my father.\u2019\u201d When I read that, I just thought, \u201cThat is <em>so true<\/em>.\u201d They may not show it; they may not ask for it, but deep down, that\u2019s what they are longing for; right?\u2014the father\u2019s heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> They want their father. The story you\u2019re referring to there is the story from <em>The Princess Bride<\/em> movie: Inigo Montoya and the six-fingered man, who had killed Inigo Montoya\u2019s father. He [Inigo] wants to avenge his father\u2019s death, and he finally has that opportunity. The six-fingered man is offering him anything he wants; he said, \u201cI just want my daddy back.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> The heart\u2019s cry for all of us listening, that were born because of that relationship, that we have imbedded within us to have that tangible relationship with our Father in heaven. We also long for that in our relationship with our father here on the planet. That\u2019s really powerful. I think about those words; and I remember writing that, thinking about my daddy and his impact in my life as I wrote that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re a parent of two teenage daughters. You and your wife bring different things to the equation. When you think about what a dad can bring that a mom can\u2019t bring, is there anything that jumps out at you to say, \u201cThis is just a unique area where a dad can bring affirmation or encouragement that it\u2019s not going to work as well for a mom to try and do it\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Well, I can\u2019t say that I know it\u2019s not going to work as well because I\u2019m not mom\u2014but I can say this\u2014from countless conversations with boys and men of all ages, and knowing <em>my<\/em> struggle as a man, I think about\u2014when we write about this a lot in the book\u2014the challenge that our boys are facing today with lust. I know, from a man\u2019s perspective, I\u2019ve got that. Every man listening today\u2014there are really two types of men in the room\u2014those who admit that they struggle with lust and those that <em>lie<\/em> about that struggle. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA father can bring that unique perspective for both a son and a daughter of helping their kids understand the power of the enemy, and that Satan hates us, and he wants to destroy your kid. In the lives of so many children, he has been working through that lust struggle. As a father, I know I bring a unique perspective. Though I don\u2019t have sons in my home, I really can help my daughters understand the struggle a man faces and the struggle that their future spouse, potentially, will face in his life, even after marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAmy and I have worked hard for many years to help our daughters understand love and the power of intimacy and understanding how things can go south really quickly in their dating lives. I would challenge every man listening: \u201cListen, you have a powerful voice in the room when it comes to the struggle of lust, whether you have a son or a daughter, under your lead; so use that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of our foundational principles\u2014we talked about three of them\u2014number five is: \u201cYou\u2019ve got to be willing to go there; you\u2019ve got to be approachable; you have to be un-shockable.\u201d As a man, you bring that unique perspective to the table, specifically when it comes to that struggle of lust, of helping your kids understand how to walk through that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How have you done that? How do you talk to your daughters about a man\u2019s struggle with lust? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> We, in our home, have an open policy that <em>nothing<\/em> is off limits. I remember when my oldest daughter was ten; she said, \u201cDad, I need to ask you a really important question.\u201d She came into my office. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s in the book. This is a great story, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> She closes the door. I\u2019m thinking we\u2019re going to talk about her day or a new friend she\u2019s met. She gets right up in my face. Anyone listening, who knows my oldest daughter, you know she will call it like she sees it. She gets right in my face and says: \u201cDad, I have to ask you a very serious question. I just need you to be honest with me.\u201d I said, \u201cTell me the question.\u201d She said, \u201cNo; I need to make sure you\u2019re going to be honest with me.\u201d I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhere are we going with this?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe question was this\u2014she said, \u201cDaddy, is it true that every 17 seconds guys think about sex?\u201d She had researched for a paper online. An MSN ad popped up, and there it was: \u201cEvery 17 seconds, guys think about sex,\u201d\u2014challenging moment but a <em>wonderful<\/em> moment\u2014I\u2019m thinking, \u201cThis is what we\u2019ve been waiting for.\u201d These are the moments\u2014not so much the question about: \u201cHow often is Daddy thinking about sex?\u201d\u2014but I want my daughters to know that: \u201cYou can come to me about <em>anything<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHopefully, every parent listening would say they desire the same; but have you clearly articulated that to your kids?\u2014that: \u201cMom and Dad are here. We want to be the number one source of truth. We may not have the answer, but we are sure going to go look for it. We want you to see us as approachable\/as un-shockable.\u201d That open door policy is so important. For every parent listening today, it is never too late to open that door of conversation; it just begins with authenticity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen, if you aren\u2019t willing to go there, they are going to go somewhere. If they can\u2019t look to you, who are they going to look to? We\u2019ve got to be that open door to say, \u201cYou can come to me about <em>anything<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Guys, what do you do when\u2014I\u2019m thinking of many women that have come up to me and asked me\u2014\u201cI <em>want<\/em> my husband to talk to my kids about these things. I want there to be this open discussion; but my husband will say, \u2018Yes, why don\u2019t you go talk to your mom about that?\u2019\u201d You know, he\u2019s saying that to sons <em>and<\/em> daughters. Coach us, as women, when our husbands don\u2019t want to be involved. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> My encouragement would be: \u201cOkay; take what you have and work with it.\u201d I remember my mom and my dad, as I mentioned already in our conversation today and in our previous one, that my dad was a man of few words. I remember the sex talk we had; my older brother was there. We knew the talk was coming because Kent, my older brother, heard my parents the previous night saying it was coming. [Laughter] I hardly slept that night: \u201cI know when it\u2019s coming.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next morning, Cocoa Puffs<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> were in the kitchen; Dad walks in. Bless his heart; you\u2019d have thought he had seen a ghost, because he knew the conversation he had to have. He sat down. My older brother is there, and I\u2019m there; and here goes the sex talk. My dad\u2019s not doing so well. So\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Was it just awkward? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> It was just awkward. So he punts; but there is Momma, and she takes over; it\u2019s the team. Mom, to this day, says she didn\u2019t do this\u2014but oh, she did do this. [Laughter] Woman of few words, rather than talking, she took out a piece of paper and a pencil\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> \u2014and started drawing what I thought were very awkward pictures I had never <em>seen<\/em> before. [Laughter] I wish we still had that drawing; we could show her every Christmas. [Laughter] But I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> forgotten it; even though the conversation didn\u2019t go well\u2014and <em>they<\/em> would have both said, \u201cWe failed miserably,\u201d\u2014I\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> forgotten it. Mom and Dad loved me so much; they were in it with me so much that, even in the midst of awkward and weird-looking pictures\u2014that I really never want to see again from them\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I have <em>never<\/em> forgotten the conversation. <br><br>The power of that conversation that, even though they weren\u2019t perfect at it\u2014because, again, success isn\u2019t about perfection\u2014it\u2019s the pursuit. Mom and Dad loved us so much they were willing to have the conversation with us; that\u2019s so powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ann, let me ask you: \u201cWhat were the things that, as a mom, you thought, \u2018No; Dave needs to do that. That\u2019s really in his job description\u2019\u201d? What were the things that you thought, \u201cNo; that\u2019s on me. I need\u2026\u201d You were raising three boys. Were there certain subjects that you looked at and said, \u201cI think, really, that\u2019s a dad\u2019s responsibility, and I\u2019m going to encourage Dave and motivate him in that area; but then I\u2019ll own up to the stuff that ought to be my area\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019m pretty much an open book, and I\u2019m very open. Now, my kids have told me that I was a little too open\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014because I want to talk about <em>everything<\/em>. They are like, \u201cMom, this is just <em>weird<\/em> with you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut yes, I think when it came to physical\/sexual intimacy, I wanted Dave to give a man\u2019s perspective on that. When it came to porn, I wanted Dave to talk to them about that\u2014and Dave and I would talk about it\u2014but when it came to those issues that, like, \u201cThis would be so good from a man.\u201d I would probably walk into it; but I think, \u201cYes,\u00a0 those are the ones that they just need a man to talk to them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And what about the areas that you felt like, as a mom, \u201cThese are things that I need to make sure\u2026\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I told the boys: \u201cIf there is anything you hear at school\/if there is anything that happens, I am always here for you. You can ask me <em>anything<\/em>.\u201d They would come home and say: \u201cThis is a word that I heard. I don\u2019t know what it is.\u201d I would happily explain that. The more embarrassed we are, as parents, the more awkward it can feel. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I think it\u2019s really important to just have that open conversation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014about everything; because I said: \u201cYour friends are going to talk about this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cThey probably won\u2019t have the right answer, and they\u2019ll make up half of it; but Dad and I will always tell you the truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> That\u2019s huge. The world is teaching our kids about sex, and love, and dating, and intimacy, and pornography. Many a message that is given is a lie. So, you\u2019re right; you\u2019ve hit it right on the head\u2014the world is teaching them. We\u2019ve got to step into that classroom and realize, \u201cEvery day our kids are coming to class; is the teacher showing up?\u201d\u2014so important to that conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As you said earlier, they really <em>do<\/em> want to hear from us. They may not say it; but they really <em>do<\/em> want to know: \u201cWhat\u2019s Mom think about this?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s Dad think about this?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBob, to answer your question from my side, I do think\u2014and Jeffrey, you put this in your book\u2014one of the things that I think Ann wanted <em>me<\/em> to teach our boys\u2014and this would be true for daughters in a different way\u2014but for sons, and you put this here, one of the roles of dad is to teach them to respect women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, Ann definitely jumped in there and said, \u201cHere is what it looks like from a woman\u2019s perspective.\u201d But as a man, I <em>felt<\/em> this weight, like, \u201cIt is <em>my<\/em> job, not only to teach it, but to <em>model<\/em> it with their mom first; but to make sure, as they especially become \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t13-\/14-\/15-year-old young men, this is what it looks like to respect women.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou put that in the book. We live in a time\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> We do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014where that is huge in our culture; so talk about: \u201cWhat would that look like?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> Yes; so teaching our sons and our daughters: \u201cWhat should I respect?\u201d \/ \u201cThat I should <em>expect<\/em> respect,\u201d\u2014\u201cHow does that look? How can we put hands and feet to that?\u201d It may be as simple as opening the door for a girl. It may be more intense as: \u201cIf I\u2019m a son, and I\u2019m taking a girl out on a date, that I\u2019m never going to put her in an environment that could be compromising to either of us.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne thing I tell teen boys all over America: \u201cYou want to melt the heart of a girl, and you want to teach respect, from moment one. The next time you go out on a date with a girl, before you ever leave the driveway, reach over\u201d\u2014and at this moment, I\u2019ve got a couple of thousand kids in an audience, sitting on the edge of their seats, waiting to hear. The boys want to know what they need to say; and the girls want to hear what the boys <em>should<\/em> say\u2014\u201cSo before you ever leave the driveway, reach over, grab that girl\u2019s hand, and say a prayer with her.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> The moment in the room gets quiet. You\u2019ve just sent the message to a boy that: \u201cListen, praying with a girl may seem odd\/may seem weird; but it\u2019s really hard to go there, physically with her, when you\u2019ve just lifted the date up to the Lord.\u201d In that moment, you have sent the message to her that: \u201cWhatever happens from this moment forward, I desire to respect you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019d just say one thing to the men. If that son or daughter never sees you do that with his\/[her] mom\u2014I mean, you just have\/you have an opportunity to <em>show<\/em> your kids what that looks like by grabbing your wife\u2019s hand in the kitchen\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> So good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and praying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jeffrey:<\/strong> So good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Again, you are not doing that for them; this is an overflow of your own walk. But, man, to have the courage\u2014and there are some dads listening that have <em>never<\/em> once prayed with their wife\u2014I\u2019m saying: \u201cToday\u2019s your day. Be a man; step up. Pray with your wife,\u201d\u2014maybe make it a regular thing. Your son or daughter is watching; they may just model it on their next date, because they are copying what they saw in their own home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I want to encourage women, as wives, if your husband\u2019s not doing the job you would hope that he is doing with your kids\u2014talking to your kids, praying with your kids, leading your kids, having these deep discussions\u2014can I just tell you from one mom to another, \u201cDon\u2019t belittle your husband in front of your kids; because the disrespect that goes on there, your kids feel it and they see it\u201d? I think I did that, <em>for years<\/em>, to Dave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you can <em>encourage<\/em> your husband, and tell him the things he\u2019s doing right, that will motivate him. Go to God and pray for your husband, pray for your kids, and pray that God will just lead and guide you and protect those kids.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Keep the goal in mind; you want to raise successful teens. By successful, we mean teens who understand who God is, understand who they are, are in a right relationship with Him, and are living that out in their lives. If that\u2019s happening, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> what we care most about. That\u2019s what at the heart of the book, <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>; and it\u2019s a book we\u2019re making available, this week, to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAny of you who would like a copy of this book, you can request it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. With your donation, we\u2019re happy to send you a copy of Jeffrey\u2019s book. Again, the title is <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>. You can make a donation, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-358-6329. We think this book will give you a game-plan\/a strategy for how you can be most effective as you take your kids through the teen years. Get your copy when you donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we\u2019ve been hearing from a lot of you about the challenges you have been facing in your marriage and family relationships over the last several months. It\u2019s been a challenging season for many of us. And when we\u2019re under stress\/when life is not as predictable as it has normally been, our relationships get strained. We put together a resource we think is going to help a lot of couples. We\u2019re calling it \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis resource gives you access to a couple of online mini-courses: one on how to resolve conflict when it occurs in marriage; another course called \u201cLight Bulb Moments in Marriage\u201d\u2014those times when the light bulb goes [on]; and you go, \u201cOh, I understand better,\u201d\u2014we\u2019ve got messages available for you from Paul David Tripp, from Gary Chapman, Voddie Baucham, Juli Slattery\u2014all of these messages designed to help <em>strengthen<\/em> your marriage relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got download-ables and print-ables, conversation starters, questions to help take your relationship to the next level, a quiz you can take on being a good listener\u2014all of this is available, free\u2014when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register for the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource. As an additional bonus for registering for this content, you are also automatically going to be entered into a giveaway. We\u2019re going to be inviting one couple, who downloads this content, to join us at FamilyLife for a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session and then dinner that night with Dave and Ann Wilson. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019d like to come sit in on one of our recording sessions, and have dinner with Dave and Ann, go to FamilyLifeToday.com and register for the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource. There is no purchase necessary. All contest rules are available, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. We hope you enjoy the content; and we look forward to meeting, at least, one couple here at a future <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk about how to get teenagers to talk a little better; you know, so that they are not just saying: \u201cIt was fine,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s okay,\u201d \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014you know the kind of one-word answers we often get from teens. Jeffrey Dean is going to be here tomorrow to talk about how we can break through that log jam with our kids. I hope you can tune in for that as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306261","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306261"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306261"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306261"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306261"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}