{"id":306257,"date":"2020-07-15T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-07-15T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-marks-of-a-successful-teen\/"},"modified":"2020-07-15T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-07-15T11:00:05","slug":"the-marks-of-a-successful-teen","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-marks-of-a-successful-teen\/","title":{"rendered":"The Marks of a Successful Teen"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Jeffrey Dean | Series: Raising Successful Teens | Jeffrey Dean, author of the book, &#8220;Raising Successful Teens,&#8221; knows that raising a successful teen is less about perfection and more about pursuit. Encouraging your kids to make good grades, get into a good college, and marry well is fine, but Dean says parents should have a bigger goal than that. Dean believes parents should be intentional about raising kids who love the Lord above all else. To see that happen, parents have to recalibrate their definition of success. Step one for parents is to model a faithful, loving walk with Christ themselves.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=95.<\/p>\n<p> \tTake Your Marriage from Good to Great. https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/good-contest\/<\/p>\n<p> \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jeffrey Dean knows that raising a successful teen is less about perfection and more about pursuit. Parents should be intentional about raising kids who love the Lord above all else.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-15.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:08","filesize":"26.67M","filesize_raw":"27969425","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2814,2806,2855],"tags":[6682],"podcast_series":[8373],"cwp_profile":[9636],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306257","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-releasing-your-child","category-spiritual-development","category-teens","tag-teen-challenges","podcast_series-raising-successful-teens","cwp_profile-jeffrey-dean","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306257\/the-marks-of-a-successful-teen","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306257\/the-marks-of-a-successful-teen","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"q8WqQmQ3eO\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-marks-of-a-successful-teen\/\">The Marks of a Successful Teen<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-marks-of-a-successful-teen\/embed\/#?secret=q8WqQmQ3eO\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Marks of a Successful Teen&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"q8WqQmQ3eO\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-15.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-15.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are a lot of people\/a lot of voices trying to influence your children about how they should act, how they should look, what they should say. Jeffrey Dean says there is one set of voices that is louder than any other in your teenager\u2019s life.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>They may not always say it or show it; but kids want mom and dad\u2019s involvement. Greater than a rock star, or a pop star, or a jock star, kids overwhelmingly tell us: \u201cHey, Mom and Dad drive the bus; I\u2019m in that passenger seat. How they live, I live.\u201d Though it\u2019s not necessarily culturally cool to say, \u201cHey, mom and dad, your kids are looking to you as the greatest influence,\u201d reality is, students show us your kids are watching you lead. The question isn\u2019t: \u201cDo you influence?\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cHow are you using that influence?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, July 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What are the right strategies? What are some moms and dads doing as they raise their teens that seem to be working? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Jeffrey Dean. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I want to read to you something I just read.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I thought you were going to say something you just <em>wrote!<\/em>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, no, I didn\u2019t write it; I read this. I\u2019ll tell you\u2014when I read it, I thought: \u201cThat\u2019s true. I don\u2019t think about this as often as I should, but it\u2019s true; and you need to be aware of it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019re anticipating this now!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We are in suspense. I have no idea even what <em>topic<\/em> this might be.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the statement.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cSatan is determined to destroy every teen without exception.\u201d I thought: \u201cThat\u2019s true; I don\u2019t live in that awareness and that reality.\u201d Of course, he\u2019s determined to destroy each one of us\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014teens are not an exclusive group. But I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014you look at what\u2019s going on in the culture\u2014and you think, \u201cIt sure feels like he\u2019s targeted that age group specifically\u201d; don\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>As parents, you would say, \u201cAmen,\u201d to that: \u201cI see that; I\u2019ve heard that\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014not \u201cAmen, we want him to do that.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>No! No! \u201cAmen that I\u2019ve seen this in my family, in friends, in relatives.\u201d That\u2019s really true, and it\u2019s scary; isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, it really is. We have somebody joining us today, who has been talking to and working with teenagers for decades.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He wrote that statement, didn\u2019t he?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He did make that statement. Jeffrey Dean joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; welcome!\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Thank you; it\u2019s a joy to be here.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jeffrey is an internationally-known speaker. As I said, he\u2019s been doing youth retreats, and youth camps, and high school assemblies. You wrote a book recently for parents called <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>.\n\nSuccessful\u2014define what you mean: \u201cWhat\u2019s a successful teen?\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes, we really struggled with this word; because that word can be quite misleading. Parents could be listening even now, thinking, \u201cI\u2019m so far from success\u201d; so we decided to keep it.\n\nI really started thinking about my marriage, my family, my daughters. For me\u2014I hope this makes sense to you guys\u2014when I think about success, it\u2019s less about perfection and more about pursuit. Obviously, we can\u2019t be perfect, but it\u2019s that pursuit. The question Jesus is asked in Matthew 22: \u201cWhat is the greatest commandment?\u201d \u201cTo love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all mind; and to love others the same is the second greatest commandment.\u201d\n\nWhen you think about parenting, my desire for my two daughters, Bailey and Brynnan, is that they\u2019re on that pursuit\/that daily pursuit of learning to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. So when we use the word, \u201csuccess,\u201d it\u2019s really a challenge to parents\/to me, as a parent, to daily be at the grind of raising kids who want to know the Lord, and live for Him, and are on that pursuit, though they can\u2019t get to perfection this side of heaven. That sure is a great goal for us all.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I saw the title\u2014and what popped into my mind\/I thought, \u201cWhat verse talks about success?\u201d\u2014Joshua 1:8 came to mind for me; it says: \u201cThis book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth; but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re taking in God\u2019s Word; you\u2019re meditating; you\u2019re living and then you\u2019re <em>doing<\/em> it\u2014then it says, \u201cFor then you will make your way prosperous, and you will have good success.\u201d\n\nEvery parent would feel, \u201cI have a successful teen if they\u2019re meditating on God\u2019s Word and doing everything according to it\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes; in the Holman Christian Standard version of that passage, there are the two words: \u201cabove all.\u201d When Moses has now passed, and God challenges Joshua to be strong and courageous in that passage, and to \u201c<em>Above all<\/em> follow those commands\u201d [verse 7]. That\u2019s daunting when I think about that, as a parent\u2014that above all\u2014as my kids are looking to me, my wife is counting on me, and we\u2019re in this together: \u201cWhat\u2019s that look like to unpack God\u2019s truth so that my daughters strive to be successful and, above all, honoring God?\u201d What a challenge for us all.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s a point we just have to make to parents\u2014because I remember, when I was raising my kids, and I\u2019m focused on what?\u2014\u201cWell, I want them to get good grades,\u201d \u201cI want to go to a good college,\u201d \u201cI want them to be successful adults,\u201d \u201cI want them to meet and marry somebody that is going to love the Lord,\u201d\u2014so I have all\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You haven\u2019t even said the most important one!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI want them to\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cbe great athletes!\u201d Okay, go ahead. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I was going to say, \u201cI don\u2019t want them to be partying; I want\u2026\u201d\u2014yes, there are so many different things.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m defining success in those behavior terms\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014it\u2019s not that those things are unimportant\u2014but at the end of the day, if they love Christ and they want to know Him and want to pursue Him, I\u2019m going to be happier about that than if I have a Rhodes\u2019 scholar, who\u2019s getting drunk every weekend and doesn\u2019t care about going to church; right?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We really do have to recalibrate in our own hearts and minds, as parents, what success means.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Jeffrey, as you\u2019ve talked to a lot of teens and a lot of parents, how many parents do you think have ever even thought, \u201cThis is what success would look like when my child is a teen,\u201d or beyond, obviously, when they\u2019re 20\/30 years old? Do you find that most parents have never thought that through?\u2014or do you find most parents: \u201cThey do have a goal, and they know what that goal is, and they\u2019re trying to raise their kid that way\u201d?\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>I think most parents\u2014at least, that we come in contact with in our ministry\u2014they\u2019re in pursuit of that, but they might not always know that they are. They want that success for their kids; so when they begin the talk with them\u2014and they share their struggles: a kid who\u2019s a porn addict, or one who\u2019s struggling in math, or who\u2019s making poor choices sexually in their dating lives\u2014when you begin to connect the dots backwards to that starting point, we find that parents truly want what\u2019s best for them and understand that God plays a critical role in that.\n\nI think the challenge for parents\u2014and I would say this for me, someone who\u2019s grown up in the Word, and loves the Lord, and gave my life to Christ as an eight-year-old boy, I even sit back and think\u2014\u201cOkay, how do I bring that to fruition? What\u2019s that look like in my home? What is my responsibility, spiritually?\u201d\n\nWe talk in the book a lot about the power of influence. We know, as parents, our kids are watching us. They may not always show it, or admit it, or say it; but they\u2019re looking to us. So what does that look like to lead them in a way that is God-honoring? That\u2019s why I began the book really\u2014challenging parents, as I hold the mirror before myself as I say this\u2014that my influence in the life of my kids really begins in my walk with the Lord.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; you say in the opening pages of your book five foundational truths. The first one you just hit on. I want to hear you talk about this; because I think a lot of us, when we hear that, we think: \u201cNo, no, no. I\u2019m probably not the most influential person in my teenager\u2019s life anymore. I <em>was<\/em>, but now it\u2019s their peers.\u201d\n\nYou state: Number one: \u201cYou are the most influential person in your teen\u2019s life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We, as parents, can\u2019t even believe that; because we feel like, \u201cOur kids don\u2019t want to be with us; they don\u2019t even <em>like<\/em> us most of the time.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yet, you\u2019re saying we are the most influential.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>We really tried to tackle this book from the perspective of students. We\u2019ve had countless\/thousands of conversations with kids, so the words and the challenges I bring to the pages of <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em> in so many ways are from conversations we\u2019ve had with kids. This is what <em>kids<\/em> are sharing with us, across America.\n\nThey may, again, not always say it or show it; but kids want mom and dad\u2019s involvement. Greater than a rock star, or a pop star, or a jock star, kids overwhelmingly tell us, \u201cHey, my dad\u2014I\u2019m following his lead.\u201d They may not say it in those exact words; but kids are telling us, \u201cMom and Dad drive the bus; I\u2019m in that passenger seat. How they live, I live.\u201d So though it\u2019s not necessarily culturally cool to say, \u201cHey, mom and dad, your kids are looking to you as the greatest influence,\u201d the question isn\u2019t: \u201cDo you influence?\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cHow are you using that influence?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019ve shared this here before; but years ago, my youngest son\u2014who\u2019s now pastoring with me at my church\u2014but he was in college, playing football, was home for a winter break. Anyway, I had him preach a sermon with me. Some guys come up to me afterwards\u2014some men that had a men\u2019s group; they call it \u201cBand of Brothers\u201d\u2014they said: \u201cHey, we\u2019re having this little retreat this weekend. Any chance you could come over? You don\u2019t need to speak at the retreat; it\u2019s local. Could we have dinner and ask you questions?\u201d\n\nThen they said, \u201cHey, Cody\u2019s <em>on fire<\/em> for\u2014could you bring him? Maybe we can ask him.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cCody, want to go?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d We go there. Long story short: at one point, they asked Cody: \u201cHey, you\u2019re obviously walking with Jesus. It\u2019s really cool to see that, as a dad, hoping our kids will do that as they get to college. What did your dad do that helped your faith be so strong?\u201d\n\nI\u2019m like, \u201cThis will be fun to see what he says!\u201d I look over; and he\u2019s just sitting there, and he goes, \u201cWell, he didn\u2019t really do much; but I remember one thing.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWow, I wonder what that\u201d\u2014you know, of all those things\u2014\n\nHe just said, \u201cI don\u2019t remember a Bible study; I don\u2019t remember anything he taught,\u201d\u2014we did that; missions trips\u2014\u201cHe lived it. He lived it! I knew he loved me, and he was always there.\u201d That\u2019s it; of all the guys he hung out with, the most influential person in his life was <em>me<\/em>.\n\nYou already said it; they\u2019re watching you and they\u2019re seeing it. Of course, I wasn\u2019t perfect, and there were all kinds of flaws; but man, I remember\u2014when they were in high school\u2014having that thought: \u201cI\u2019m not that important anymore to them.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cI <em>was<\/em>, but now it\u2019s other things.\u201d You\u2019re reminding us: \u201cNo, <em>you are<\/em>,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s foundational truth number one.\n\nLet\u2019s go to number two! Number two is: \u201cYour teen wants you to be involved in his life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>\u2014which really piggybacks from number one.\n\nI\u2019m sitting here, listening to you talk about your son and those stories, and I\u2019m remembering\u2014it\u2019s walking through the halls of my head now\u2014I grew up here in Little Rock. It\u2019s great to be back in Razorback country, by the way [Laughter]; I haven\u2019t been back in years\u2014I remember my dad, a man of few words, didn\u2019t lead us in a lot of Bible studies. We prayed around the dinner table\/had a family devotional\u2014but a man of few words; a godly man but not that leader, vocally, in the home.\n\nAs I\u2019m listening to you talk\u2014and this son and your story\u2014I\u2019m remembering, as I close my eyes, I can think about it. I can see myself at the Little League baseball field\u2014I don\u2019t even know if it\u2019s still here in Little Rock\u2014but rounding the bases; and week after week, playing ball; my mom and dad in the stands\u2014and the noises of a busy ballpark, and kids playing on the other side in the other fields, the umpire and teams hollering, and coaches hollering.\n\nBut above all those voices\u2014guys, I\u2019m telling you\u2014I can close my eyes and remember it like it was just a second ago\u2014hearing my daddy holler from the bleachers, \u201cAlright, son!\u201d It\u2019s that, \u201cAlright, son,\u201d that literally puts chill-bumps on my arms, remembering\u2014though my dad was a man of few words\u2014he was a man that was there and involved. Those \u201cAlright, son\u201d moments have carried me; and I think of them, and I get emotional when I think about it.\n\nNow, I\u2019m the voice in my home. I remind parents listening today that: \u201cYou are the voice louder than all other voices in the playing field of your student\u2019s\u2019 life. They are listening to your voice, watching your lead.\u201d What a powerful influence! But yes, foundational principle number two: \u201cThey <em>want<\/em> you involved\u201d; and again, may not always show it in a way that you desire they show it; but they sure want your involvement.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But the parent, who\u2019s listening to this and going: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t feel that way! It felt that way when they were 11\u2014it felt like they were listening; it felt like they wanted me involved\u2014now, they\u2019re 14.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cThey\u2019re pushing us out!\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cEverything is: \u2018I don\u2019t want your stuff!\u2019 \u2018Leave me alone; I can do this.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>As they get to the end of those teen years and step into those college years, I know for me, as a collegiate student, I found myself looking back a lot. We all know this. Right now our kids are in the middle of their memory-making years, and though they may not fully know it, they are making memories that are going to be impressed on their memories\u2019 hard drive for the rest of their lives.\n\nIn the moment, it may not feel like it; and it may make you fighting mad, because you don\u2019t feel it\u2014but studies show; and more importantly, our kids tell us; and as a student, myself, now looking back\u2014often, I see the power of mom\u2019s and dad\u2019s influence. Even in the moments and the seasons, when I didn\u2019t want it, I sure knew I needed it.\n\nAs a parent\u2014this is the tough part to do\u2014and I have two teens living at home. We have to rise above that emotion of: \u201cMan, it doesn\u2019t feel like they love me right now,\u201d \u201cIt doesn\u2019t feel like they respect me right now.\u201d I\u2019m going to stay the course; because, as God challenged Joshua in Joshua 1, <em>above all<\/em> I don\u2019t answer to how my kids feel about me in the moment; I answer the call God\u2019s placed in my life to be their parent.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Our kids wanted us involved even when their friends were over. We had so much food, so their friends would hang out. I would sit and talk to their friends\/get to know them. Then they would tell me later: \u201cThanks for talking to my friend. He\u2019s really hurting right now. Some of the things you said to him really encouraged him,\u201d\u2014even praying for them. Those are some of those sweet moments, because they kind of come and go; don\u2019t they?\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>They come and go; yes, they sure do. We try to be that home, where the kids come after the games; and we try to have those parties and those celebrations in the backyard, where our kids want to throw those parties, and they want to invite their friends. I\u2019m telling you\u2014the thing we hear the most\/that we love the most from our daughters\u2019 friends is\u2014\u201cWe <em>love<\/em> that you guys love to be together.\u201d We really strive to be that family that creates that atmosphere that we\u2019re together. We may not always agree\u2014we may not like always something someone does or may not agree with a choice a family member makes\u2014but we strive to be together.\n\nI write a lot in the book about looking for those moments to be together, and remembering that we don\u2019t parent based upon how we think our kids will respond to our parenting. I think that\u2019s really important. I have to remind myself of that, because my daughters don\u2019t always like me; and I have to be okay with that. I have to love them so much that I\u2019m okay if they don\u2019t like me.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>That\u2019s not easy, as a parent.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember sitting at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I was the co-speaker of that weekend, in Austin, Texas, with Mick Yoder.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He\u2019s older than me; he\u2019s my co-speaker. I\u2019m sitting there, listening him talk to the men. I\u2019ll never forget this\u2014probably my oldest was nine or ten years old; three boys\u2014and he\u2019s up there, saying this, \u201cWhen your sons or daughters hit teenage years, they\u2019re going to push you away.\u201d He goes: \u201cThat\u2019s totally normal, and they <em>should<\/em>. Why? Because they\u2019re becoming men and women, and they\u2019re finding their own identity in life.\u201d\n\nThen he goes, \u201cMost parents at that point go: \u2018Oh, okay; they don\u2019t want me around. I\u2019m sort of done.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cLet me tell you guys\u2014when that happens\u201d\u2014I\u2019m sitting back there, like, \u201cThis is two or three years away from me,\u201d\u2014he said: \u201cPursue, pursue, pursue. They need you; they want you in their life. Even though they\u2019re saying, \u2018I don\u2019t want you,\u2019 they really, inside, are saying, \u2018Are you there with me?\u2019\u201d\n\nI\u2019ll never forget, as a young dad, it was a mentoring moment for me. I was like, \u201cOkay; when CJ, my oldest, hits that age, and he\u2019s sort of like, \u2018Okay, Dad, you can drop me off a mile from the school,\u2019 or whatever, fight through it.\u201d\n\nI would be the same way; I\u2019d be like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to respect that and step away,\u201d\u2014no. It\u2019s like: \u201cDate your daughters,\u201d \u201cHang out with your sons,\u201d\u2014they really want you. I\u2019ll never forget when CJ hit that\u2014again, he was sort of doing this\u2014you know, before, he was like: \u201cYes, I want to go in the car with you, Dad! Let\u2019s go to the park!\u201d Then it was like, \u201cNo, Dad; can you give me the keys?\u201d\n\nI remember saying this\u2014it was like this; okay? CJ\u2019s a techy guy. Every time I said to CJ, \u201cHey, you want to go to Best Buy<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>?\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>\u201cSure.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He\u2019s like, \u201cYes!\u201d We\u2019re in the car, and I\u2019m <em>hanging<\/em> with him.\n\n\u201cAustin, you want to go to a bookstore and look at books?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d\n\n\u201cCody, you want to go throw a football?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d\n\nI just remember that was all somebody saying what you just said. It\u2019s a foundational truth; they <em>really<\/em> do want you to be in their life.\n\nLet\u2019s go to number three.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Alright; you ready? I\u2019ll read it to you; you talk about it. \u201cNo matter what is culturally accepted, nothing is more authoritative than the truth of God\u2019s Word.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes; we could talk for hours about this. \u201cHow can a young man keep his way pure?\u201d\u2014Psalm 119\u2014\u201cBy living according to the word.\u201d\u00a0 Verse 11: \u201cI have hidden Your Word in my heart, so that I might not sin against You.\u201d \u201cThe prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.\u201d Verse after verse we could think of the power of God\u2019s Word and what it looks like in our lives.\n\nBut what does that really look like to unpack that in our homes? You guys know that we live in a world that is screaming to our kids that right isn\u2019t right and wrong isn\u2019t wrong; and what feels good wins; and if it feels good, do it. It\u2019s less about what\u2019s right, and it\u2019s more about what feels right. It may not be culturally cool to celebrate God\u2019s Word, but my kids sure are counting on me to be the one to teach them how to celebrate it and how to learn to apply God\u2019s Word to everyday challenges.\n\nI tell my daughters often, \u201cIn a moment of struggle, look for specific Scriptures to help you with those specific struggles.\u201d My wife, Amy, is a master at this. If you guys were to come into our home in Nashville, we have Scripture throughout the home. She writes little notes in lipstick on their mirrors and drops it in their lunchboxes. We look for creative ways to get God\u2019s Word into their heart\/to get it into their membranes so that they live it out. Whatever season of life they\u2019re in, God\u2019s Word works.\n\nSure, the culture may not think it\u2019s cool; but man, God\u2019s Word never comes back void. We know it is truth; and it\u2019s powerful; and it\u2019s life-changing.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The headwinds are strong today in particular areas. When you think about gender and sexuality\u2014when you think about, as you said, what\u2019s right and what\u2019s wrong\u2014kids, who are going to say, \u201cI\u2019m going to live my life according to God\u2019s Word,\u201d are going to be unpopular; they\u2019re going to be out of the norm. There are going to be people, who say, \u201cWell, you\u2019re a hater; because of how you\u2019re choosing to live.\u201d\n\nWe, as parents, have to prepare our kids for that reality so that they know: \u201cThis is not your ticket to popularity to follow God\u2019s Word. This is not going to make you everybody\u2019s favorite person; but this is going to make you the person that people are going to come to when they\u2019re hurting\/when things aren\u2019t going the way they want to. They\u2019re going to know: \u2018There\u2019s something about that person. Their life has a foundation to it that my life doesn\u2019t have.\u2019\u201d\n\nYou have to get your kids <em>prepped<\/em> for that, because the headwinds are strong.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>That\u2019s what our Savior did. You remember John 15; there are two or three chapters there, where Jesus pulls together His followers\u2014of course, He knows what\u2019s to come\u2014but He pulls them together; and He reminds them: \u201cHey, the world\u2019s going to hate you. There\u2019s going to be a time when they\u2019re going to throw you out of the synagogue; they\u2019re going to kill you; and they\u2019re going to do so, saying they\u2019re doing so in My name.\u201d He goes through two chapters of this.\n\nHe gets to the end of chapter 16\u2014after He\u2019s given them this powerful warning that: \u201cThe world is going to hate you, because it hated Me first,\u201d\u2014what does He say? He says: \u201cI\u2019ve told you these things, not to freak you out, but to give you peace. In this world you\u2019re going to have trouble; but I\u2019m here, and I\u2019ve already overcome the world.\u201d\n\nI listen to you\u2014and I think about that challenge Jesus gave us; equally, He hands it off to us for us to pay it forward to our kids to prepare them for these moments\u2014\u201cThe world will hate you.\u201d That\u2019s not easily digestible for our kids today\u2014you know, this\u2014in the social-media: \u201cIt\u2019s all about me\u201d driven culture\u2014our kids are looking for popularity online. They want to attain the \u201c100 Like Club\u201d on their next post.\n\nTo tell them, \u201cHey, embrace God\u2019s way; and you won\u2019t be accepted, and popular, and cool,\u201d\u2014again, that\u2019s not something to easily digest for them\u2014but we prepare them, as Jesus did for us in the Scriptures, knowing that: \u201cThough the world\u2019s going to hate you, God\u2019s in it with you.\u201d There\u2019s great peace in that, and I find comfort in that.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s important to add, especially as parents\u2014with the authority of God\u2019s Word for our kids, teenagers and beyond\u2014if it\u2019s not real in our life, as a parent, they sniff that out in a second.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, Dad or Mom\u2019s just saying this because\u2026\u201d; you know. But if they see it\u2014it\u2019s the authority in their parent\u2019s life\u2014<em>much<\/em> greater chance it\u2019s going to stick in their life.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think for me, even as our kids were growing up, I\u2019m always asking God this question: \u201cGod, what do You want me to know today? What are You teaching me today in Your Word?\u201d Then I would want to overflow into my kids, because it\u2019s not forced; it\u2019s overflow. I can remember at the dinner table, like: \u201cYou guys won\u2019t believe what God showed me today,\u201d or \u201c\u2026what God\u2019s doing,\u201d or \u201c\u2026who I talked to today.\u201d\n\nI think, especially as teenagers, it\u2019s much more palatable to receive it that way: \u201cWow, God is really moving in Mom\u2019s heart,\u201d rather than \u201cYou need to be in the Word!\u201d\u2014that kind of thing. They see it.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes, yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, these are foundational principles we\u2019ve talked about. We can hear some of these things and go: \u201cYes, yes; I\u2019ve heard that,\u201d \u201cI know that,\u201d and kind of dismiss it. But Dave, you were involved in sports long enough to know that you have to keep coming back to blocking and tackling; you have to keep coming back to the foundation, because as many times as we\u2019ve heard these things, we have to be reminded. You can\u2019t forget it.\n\nYes; your kids: you\u2019re the most important influence; yes, you need to stay involved in their lives; yes, you need to keep pointing <em>them<\/em> back to God\u2019s Word as the source for all of this. These foundational truths are going to make your parenting journey\u2014well, you\u2019re going to be <em>successful<\/em> teens\u2014that\u2019s what the goal is; that\u2019s the name of the book that Jeffrey has written.\n\nIn fact, we want to make this book available to any of our listeners who\u2019d like to get a copy today. Go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY, and let us know you\u2019d like a copy of Jeffrey\u2019s book. We\u2019re making it available to those of you who can support the ministry with a donation. The book is our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Make a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and just ask for your copy of Jeffrey Dean\u2019s book, <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>; and we\u2019re happy to send it out to you. We appreciate your ongoing support for this ministry.\n\nNow, we know that the last several months have been challenging for many of us\/for most of us. We\u2019ve been dealing with stress and strain from unusual circumstances, and that puts strain on our relationships with one another. Here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we\u2019ve put together a resource we think is going to help. It\u2019s a free resource that we want to make available to you that\u2019s called \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great.\u201d\n\nThis gives you access to a couple of online mini-courses you can take: one on how to resolve conflict when it happens in a marriage, and then a series called \u201cLightbulb Moments in Marriage.\u201d We also are including access to messages on marriage from Paul David Tripp, from Dr. Gary Chapman, Voddie Baucham, and Juli Slattery; and some conversation starters. There\u2019s a whole bunch available in this \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource that is available to you for free.\n\nGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to get access to all of this content we\u2019re making available; and everybody who registers to get the content, you are automatically going to be eligible to win a prize we put together. We\u2019d love to fly a couple to join us, here at FamilyLife, for a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session, and then dinner that night with Dave and Ann Wilson. Again, find out more; go to FamilyLifeToday.com; register for the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource; and maybe you\u2019ll be the couple who joins us here at FamilyLife for a recording session and dinner with Dave and Ann. Whether you win the prize or not, you\u2019ll benefit from the content that\u2019s available; so go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about raising successful teens. Part of the strategy means you have to know who your kids are hanging out with\/know what\u2019s going on in their lives. You have to be in their world. Jeffrey Dean\u2019s going to join us again tomorrow. I hope you can be here as well.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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Dean knows that raising a successful teen is less about perfection and more about pursuit. Parents should be intentional about raising kids who love the Lord above all else.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-15.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There are a lot of people\/a lot of voices trying to influence your children about how they should act, how they should look, what they should say. Jeffrey Dean says there is one set of voices that is louder than any other in your teenager\u2019s life.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>They may not always say it or show it; but kids want mom and dad\u2019s involvement. Greater than a rock star, or a pop star, or a jock star, kids overwhelmingly tell us: \u201cHey, Mom and Dad drive the bus; I\u2019m in that passenger seat. How they live, I live.\u201d Though it\u2019s not necessarily culturally cool to say, \u201cHey, mom and dad, your kids are looking to you as the greatest influence,\u201d reality is, students show us your kids are watching you lead. The question isn\u2019t: \u201cDo you influence?\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cHow are you using that influence?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, July 15<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What are the right strategies? What are some moms and dads doing as they raise their teens that seem to be working? We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Jeffrey Dean. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I want to read to you something I just read.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I thought you were going to say something you just <em>wrote!<\/em>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, no, I didn\u2019t write it; I read this. I\u2019ll tell you\u2014when I read it, I thought: \u201cThat\u2019s true. I don\u2019t think about this as often as I should, but it\u2019s true; and you need to be aware of it.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We\u2019re anticipating this now!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We are in suspense. I have no idea even what <em>topic<\/em> this might be.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s the statement.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cSatan is determined to destroy every teen without exception.\u201d I thought: \u201cThat\u2019s true; I don\u2019t live in that awareness and that reality.\u201d Of course, he\u2019s determined to destroy each one of us\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014teens are not an exclusive group. But I\u2019ll tell you what\u2014you look at what\u2019s going on in the culture\u2014and you think, \u201cIt sure feels like he\u2019s targeted that age group specifically\u201d; don\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>As parents, you would say, \u201cAmen,\u201d to that: \u201cI see that; I\u2019ve heard that\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014not \u201cAmen, we want him to do that.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>No! No! \u201cAmen that I\u2019ve seen this in my family, in friends, in relatives.\u201d That\u2019s really true, and it\u2019s scary; isn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, it really is. We have somebody joining us today, who has been talking to and working with teenagers for decades.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He wrote that statement, didn\u2019t he?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>He did make that statement. Jeffrey Dean joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; welcome!\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Thank you; it\u2019s a joy to be here.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Jeffrey is an internationally-known speaker. As I said, he\u2019s been doing youth retreats, and youth camps, and high school assemblies. You wrote a book recently for parents called <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>.\n\nSuccessful\u2014define what you mean: \u201cWhat\u2019s a successful teen?\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes, we really struggled with this word; because that word can be quite misleading. Parents could be listening even now, thinking, \u201cI\u2019m so far from success\u201d; so we decided to keep it.\n\nI really started thinking about my marriage, my family, my daughters. For me\u2014I hope this makes sense to you guys\u2014when I think about success, it\u2019s less about perfection and more about pursuit. Obviously, we can\u2019t be perfect, but it\u2019s that pursuit. The question Jesus is asked in Matthew 22: \u201cWhat is the greatest commandment?\u201d \u201cTo love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all mind; and to love others the same is the second greatest commandment.\u201d\n\nWhen you think about parenting, my desire for my two daughters, Bailey and Brynnan, is that they\u2019re on that pursuit\/that daily pursuit of learning to love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind. So when we use the word, \u201csuccess,\u201d it\u2019s really a challenge to parents\/to me, as a parent, to daily be at the grind of raising kids who want to know the Lord, and live for Him, and are on that pursuit, though they can\u2019t get to perfection this side of heaven. That sure is a great goal for us all.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I saw the title\u2014and what popped into my mind\/I thought, \u201cWhat verse talks about success?\u201d\u2014Joshua 1:8 came to mind for me; it says: \u201cThis book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth; but you shall meditate on it day and night, that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it,\u201d\u2014you\u2019re taking in God\u2019s Word; you\u2019re meditating; you\u2019re living and then you\u2019re <em>doing<\/em> it\u2014then it says, \u201cFor then you will make your way prosperous, and you will have good success.\u201d\n\nEvery parent would feel, \u201cI have a successful teen if they\u2019re meditating on God\u2019s Word and doing everything according to it\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes; in the Holman Christian Standard version of that passage, there are the two words: \u201cabove all.\u201d When Moses has now passed, and God challenges Joshua to be strong and courageous in that passage, and to \u201c<em>Above all<\/em> follow those commands\u201d [verse 7]. That\u2019s daunting when I think about that, as a parent\u2014that above all\u2014as my kids are looking to me, my wife is counting on me, and we\u2019re in this together: \u201cWhat\u2019s that look like to unpack God\u2019s truth so that my daughters strive to be successful and, above all, honoring God?\u201d What a challenge for us all.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here\u2019s a point we just have to make to parents\u2014because I remember, when I was raising my kids, and I\u2019m focused on what?\u2014\u201cWell, I want them to get good grades,\u201d \u201cI want to go to a good college,\u201d \u201cI want them to be successful adults,\u201d \u201cI want them to meet and marry somebody that is going to love the Lord,\u201d\u2014so I have all\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You haven\u2019t even said the most important one!\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI want them to\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cbe great athletes!\u201d Okay, go ahead. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I was going to say, \u201cI don\u2019t want them to be partying; I want\u2026\u201d\u2014yes, there are so many different things.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m defining success in those behavior terms\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014it\u2019s not that those things are unimportant\u2014but at the end of the day, if they love Christ and they want to know Him and want to pursue Him, I\u2019m going to be happier about that than if I have a Rhodes\u2019 scholar, who\u2019s getting drunk every weekend and doesn\u2019t care about going to church; right?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We really do have to recalibrate in our own hearts and minds, as parents, what success means.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Jeffrey, as you\u2019ve talked to a lot of teens and a lot of parents, how many parents do you think have ever even thought, \u201cThis is what success would look like when my child is a teen,\u201d or beyond, obviously, when they\u2019re 20\/30 years old? Do you find that most parents have never thought that through?\u2014or do you find most parents: \u201cThey do have a goal, and they know what that goal is, and they\u2019re trying to raise their kid that way\u201d?\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>I think most parents\u2014at least, that we come in contact with in our ministry\u2014they\u2019re in pursuit of that, but they might not always know that they are. They want that success for their kids; so when they begin the talk with them\u2014and they share their struggles: a kid who\u2019s a porn addict, or one who\u2019s struggling in math, or who\u2019s making poor choices sexually in their dating lives\u2014when you begin to connect the dots backwards to that starting point, we find that parents truly want what\u2019s best for them and understand that God plays a critical role in that.\n\nI think the challenge for parents\u2014and I would say this for me, someone who\u2019s grown up in the Word, and loves the Lord, and gave my life to Christ as an eight-year-old boy, I even sit back and think\u2014\u201cOkay, how do I bring that to fruition? What\u2019s that look like in my home? What is my responsibility, spiritually?\u201d\n\nWe talk in the book a lot about the power of influence. We know, as parents, our kids are watching us. They may not always show it, or admit it, or say it; but they\u2019re looking to us. So what does that look like to lead them in a way that is God-honoring? That\u2019s why I began the book really\u2014challenging parents, as I hold the mirror before myself as I say this\u2014that my influence in the life of my kids really begins in my walk with the Lord.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; you say in the opening pages of your book five foundational truths. The first one you just hit on. I want to hear you talk about this; because I think a lot of us, when we hear that, we think: \u201cNo, no, no. I\u2019m probably not the most influential person in my teenager\u2019s life anymore. I <em>was<\/em>, but now it\u2019s their peers.\u201d\n\nYou state: Number one: \u201cYou are the most influential person in your teen\u2019s life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We, as parents, can\u2019t even believe that; because we feel like, \u201cOur kids don\u2019t want to be with us; they don\u2019t even <em>like<\/em> us most of the time.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yet, you\u2019re saying we are the most influential.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>We really tried to tackle this book from the perspective of students. We\u2019ve had countless\/thousands of conversations with kids, so the words and the challenges I bring to the pages of <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em> in so many ways are from conversations we\u2019ve had with kids. This is what <em>kids<\/em> are sharing with us, across America.\n\nThey may, again, not always say it or show it; but kids want mom and dad\u2019s involvement. Greater than a rock star, or a pop star, or a jock star, kids overwhelmingly tell us, \u201cHey, my dad\u2014I\u2019m following his lead.\u201d They may not say it in those exact words; but kids are telling us, \u201cMom and Dad drive the bus; I\u2019m in that passenger seat. How they live, I live.\u201d So though it\u2019s not necessarily culturally cool to say, \u201cHey, mom and dad, your kids are looking to you as the greatest influence,\u201d the question isn\u2019t: \u201cDo you influence?\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cHow are you using that influence?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019ve shared this here before; but years ago, my youngest son\u2014who\u2019s now pastoring with me at my church\u2014but he was in college, playing football, was home for a winter break. Anyway, I had him preach a sermon with me. Some guys come up to me afterwards\u2014some men that had a men\u2019s group; they call it \u201cBand of Brothers\u201d\u2014they said: \u201cHey, we\u2019re having this little retreat this weekend. Any chance you could come over? You don\u2019t need to speak at the retreat; it\u2019s local. Could we have dinner and ask you questions?\u201d\n\nThen they said, \u201cHey, Cody\u2019s <em>on fire<\/em> for\u2014could you bring him? Maybe we can ask him.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cCody, want to go?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d We go there. Long story short: at one point, they asked Cody: \u201cHey, you\u2019re obviously walking with Jesus. It\u2019s really cool to see that, as a dad, hoping our kids will do that as they get to college. What did your dad do that helped your faith be so strong?\u201d\n\nI\u2019m like, \u201cThis will be fun to see what he says!\u201d I look over; and he\u2019s just sitting there, and he goes, \u201cWell, he didn\u2019t really do much; but I remember one thing.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWow, I wonder what that\u201d\u2014you know, of all those things\u2014\n\nHe just said, \u201cI don\u2019t remember a Bible study; I don\u2019t remember anything he taught,\u201d\u2014we did that; missions trips\u2014\u201cHe lived it. He lived it! I knew he loved me, and he was always there.\u201d That\u2019s it; of all the guys he hung out with, the most influential person in his life was <em>me<\/em>.\n\nYou already said it; they\u2019re watching you and they\u2019re seeing it. Of course, I wasn\u2019t perfect, and there were all kinds of flaws; but man, I remember\u2014when they were in high school\u2014having that thought: \u201cI\u2019m not that important anymore to them.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cI <em>was<\/em>, but now it\u2019s other things.\u201d You\u2019re reminding us: \u201cNo, <em>you are<\/em>,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s foundational truth number one.\n\nLet\u2019s go to number two! Number two is: \u201cYour teen wants you to be involved in his life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>\u2014which really piggybacks from number one.\n\nI\u2019m sitting here, listening to you talk about your son and those stories, and I\u2019m remembering\u2014it\u2019s walking through the halls of my head now\u2014I grew up here in Little Rock. It\u2019s great to be back in Razorback country, by the way [Laughter]; I haven\u2019t been back in years\u2014I remember my dad, a man of few words, didn\u2019t lead us in a lot of Bible studies. We prayed around the dinner table\/had a family devotional\u2014but a man of few words; a godly man but not that leader, vocally, in the home.\n\nAs I\u2019m listening to you talk\u2014and this son and your story\u2014I\u2019m remembering, as I close my eyes, I can think about it. I can see myself at the Little League baseball field\u2014I don\u2019t even know if it\u2019s still here in Little Rock\u2014but rounding the bases; and week after week, playing ball; my mom and dad in the stands\u2014and the noises of a busy ballpark, and kids playing on the other side in the other fields, the umpire and teams hollering, and coaches hollering.\n\nBut above all those voices\u2014guys, I\u2019m telling you\u2014I can close my eyes and remember it like it was just a second ago\u2014hearing my daddy holler from the bleachers, \u201cAlright, son!\u201d It\u2019s that, \u201cAlright, son,\u201d that literally puts chill-bumps on my arms, remembering\u2014though my dad was a man of few words\u2014he was a man that was there and involved. Those \u201cAlright, son\u201d moments have carried me; and I think of them, and I get emotional when I think about it.\n\nNow, I\u2019m the voice in my home. I remind parents listening today that: \u201cYou are the voice louder than all other voices in the playing field of your student\u2019s\u2019 life. They are listening to your voice, watching your lead.\u201d What a powerful influence! But yes, foundational principle number two: \u201cThey <em>want<\/em> you involved\u201d; and again, may not always show it in a way that you desire they show it; but they sure want your involvement.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But the parent, who\u2019s listening to this and going: \u201cIt doesn\u2019t feel that way! It felt that way when they were 11\u2014it felt like they were listening; it felt like they wanted me involved\u2014now, they\u2019re 14.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cThey\u2019re pushing us out!\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cEverything is: \u2018I don\u2019t want your stuff!\u2019 \u2018Leave me alone; I can do this.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>As they get to the end of those teen years and step into those college years, I know for me, as a collegiate student, I found myself looking back a lot. We all know this. Right now our kids are in the middle of their memory-making years, and though they may not fully know it, they are making memories that are going to be impressed on their memories\u2019 hard drive for the rest of their lives.\n\nIn the moment, it may not feel like it; and it may make you fighting mad, because you don\u2019t feel it\u2014but studies show; and more importantly, our kids tell us; and as a student, myself, now looking back\u2014often, I see the power of mom\u2019s and dad\u2019s influence. Even in the moments and the seasons, when I didn\u2019t want it, I sure knew I needed it.\n\nAs a parent\u2014this is the tough part to do\u2014and I have two teens living at home. We have to rise above that emotion of: \u201cMan, it doesn\u2019t feel like they love me right now,\u201d \u201cIt doesn\u2019t feel like they respect me right now.\u201d I\u2019m going to stay the course; because, as God challenged Joshua in Joshua 1, <em>above all<\/em> I don\u2019t answer to how my kids feel about me in the moment; I answer the call God\u2019s placed in my life to be their parent.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Our kids wanted us involved even when their friends were over. We had so much food, so their friends would hang out. I would sit and talk to their friends\/get to know them. Then they would tell me later: \u201cThanks for talking to my friend. He\u2019s really hurting right now. Some of the things you said to him really encouraged him,\u201d\u2014even praying for them. Those are some of those sweet moments, because they kind of come and go; don\u2019t they?\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>They come and go; yes, they sure do. We try to be that home, where the kids come after the games; and we try to have those parties and those celebrations in the backyard, where our kids want to throw those parties, and they want to invite their friends. I\u2019m telling you\u2014the thing we hear the most\/that we love the most from our daughters\u2019 friends is\u2014\u201cWe <em>love<\/em> that you guys love to be together.\u201d We really strive to be that family that creates that atmosphere that we\u2019re together. We may not always agree\u2014we may not like always something someone does or may not agree with a choice a family member makes\u2014but we strive to be together.\n\nI write a lot in the book about looking for those moments to be together, and remembering that we don\u2019t parent based upon how we think our kids will respond to our parenting. I think that\u2019s really important. I have to remind myself of that, because my daughters don\u2019t always like me; and I have to be okay with that. I have to love them so much that I\u2019m okay if they don\u2019t like me.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>That\u2019s not easy, as a parent.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember sitting at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I was the co-speaker of that weekend, in Austin, Texas, with Mick Yoder.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He\u2019s older than me; he\u2019s my co-speaker. I\u2019m sitting there, listening him talk to the men. I\u2019ll never forget this\u2014probably my oldest was nine or ten years old; three boys\u2014and he\u2019s up there, saying this, \u201cWhen your sons or daughters hit teenage years, they\u2019re going to push you away.\u201d He goes: \u201cThat\u2019s totally normal, and they <em>should<\/em>. Why? Because they\u2019re becoming men and women, and they\u2019re finding their own identity in life.\u201d\n\nThen he goes, \u201cMost parents at that point go: \u2018Oh, okay; they don\u2019t want me around. I\u2019m sort of done.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cLet me tell you guys\u2014when that happens\u201d\u2014I\u2019m sitting back there, like, \u201cThis is two or three years away from me,\u201d\u2014he said: \u201cPursue, pursue, pursue. They need you; they want you in their life. Even though they\u2019re saying, \u2018I don\u2019t want you,\u2019 they really, inside, are saying, \u2018Are you there with me?\u2019\u201d\n\nI\u2019ll never forget, as a young dad, it was a mentoring moment for me. I was like, \u201cOkay; when CJ, my oldest, hits that age, and he\u2019s sort of like, \u2018Okay, Dad, you can drop me off a mile from the school,\u2019 or whatever, fight through it.\u201d\n\nI would be the same way; I\u2019d be like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to respect that and step away,\u201d\u2014no. It\u2019s like: \u201cDate your daughters,\u201d \u201cHang out with your sons,\u201d\u2014they really want you. I\u2019ll never forget when CJ hit that\u2014again, he was sort of doing this\u2014you know, before, he was like: \u201cYes, I want to go in the car with you, Dad! Let\u2019s go to the park!\u201d Then it was like, \u201cNo, Dad; can you give me the keys?\u201d\n\nI remember saying this\u2014it was like this; okay? CJ\u2019s a techy guy. Every time I said to CJ, \u201cHey, you want to go to Best Buy<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>?\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>\u201cSure.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He\u2019s like, \u201cYes!\u201d We\u2019re in the car, and I\u2019m <em>hanging<\/em> with him.\n\n\u201cAustin, you want to go to a bookstore and look at books?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d\n\n\u201cCody, you want to go throw a football?\u201d \u201cYes.\u201d\n\nI just remember that was all somebody saying what you just said. It\u2019s a foundational truth; they <em>really<\/em> do want you to be in their life.\n\nLet\u2019s go to number three.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Alright; you ready? I\u2019ll read it to you; you talk about it. \u201cNo matter what is culturally accepted, nothing is more authoritative than the truth of God\u2019s Word.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes; we could talk for hours about this. \u201cHow can a young man keep his way pure?\u201d\u2014Psalm 119\u2014\u201cBy living according to the word.\u201d\u00a0 Verse 11: \u201cI have hidden Your Word in my heart, so that I might not sin against You.\u201d \u201cThe prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.\u201d Verse after verse we could think of the power of God\u2019s Word and what it looks like in our lives.\n\nBut what does that really look like to unpack that in our homes? You guys know that we live in a world that is screaming to our kids that right isn\u2019t right and wrong isn\u2019t wrong; and what feels good wins; and if it feels good, do it. It\u2019s less about what\u2019s right, and it\u2019s more about what feels right. It may not be culturally cool to celebrate God\u2019s Word, but my kids sure are counting on me to be the one to teach them how to celebrate it and how to learn to apply God\u2019s Word to everyday challenges.\n\nI tell my daughters often, \u201cIn a moment of struggle, look for specific Scriptures to help you with those specific struggles.\u201d My wife, Amy, is a master at this. If you guys were to come into our home in Nashville, we have Scripture throughout the home. She writes little notes in lipstick on their mirrors and drops it in their lunchboxes. We look for creative ways to get God\u2019s Word into their heart\/to get it into their membranes so that they live it out. Whatever season of life they\u2019re in, God\u2019s Word works.\n\nSure, the culture may not think it\u2019s cool; but man, God\u2019s Word never comes back void. We know it is truth; and it\u2019s powerful; and it\u2019s life-changing.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The headwinds are strong today in particular areas. When you think about gender and sexuality\u2014when you think about, as you said, what\u2019s right and what\u2019s wrong\u2014kids, who are going to say, \u201cI\u2019m going to live my life according to God\u2019s Word,\u201d are going to be unpopular; they\u2019re going to be out of the norm. There are going to be people, who say, \u201cWell, you\u2019re a hater; because of how you\u2019re choosing to live.\u201d\n\nWe, as parents, have to prepare our kids for that reality so that they know: \u201cThis is not your ticket to popularity to follow God\u2019s Word. This is not going to make you everybody\u2019s favorite person; but this is going to make you the person that people are going to come to when they\u2019re hurting\/when things aren\u2019t going the way they want to. They\u2019re going to know: \u2018There\u2019s something about that person. Their life has a foundation to it that my life doesn\u2019t have.\u2019\u201d\n\nYou have to get your kids <em>prepped<\/em> for that, because the headwinds are strong.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>That\u2019s what our Savior did. You remember John 15; there are two or three chapters there, where Jesus pulls together His followers\u2014of course, He knows what\u2019s to come\u2014but He pulls them together; and He reminds them: \u201cHey, the world\u2019s going to hate you. There\u2019s going to be a time when they\u2019re going to throw you out of the synagogue; they\u2019re going to kill you; and they\u2019re going to do so, saying they\u2019re doing so in My name.\u201d He goes through two chapters of this.\n\nHe gets to the end of chapter 16\u2014after He\u2019s given them this powerful warning that: \u201cThe world is going to hate you, because it hated Me first,\u201d\u2014what does He say? He says: \u201cI\u2019ve told you these things, not to freak you out, but to give you peace. In this world you\u2019re going to have trouble; but I\u2019m here, and I\u2019ve already overcome the world.\u201d\n\nI listen to you\u2014and I think about that challenge Jesus gave us; equally, He hands it off to us for us to pay it forward to our kids to prepare them for these moments\u2014\u201cThe world will hate you.\u201d That\u2019s not easily digestible for our kids today\u2014you know, this\u2014in the social-media: \u201cIt\u2019s all about me\u201d driven culture\u2014our kids are looking for popularity online. They want to attain the \u201c100 Like Club\u201d on their next post.\n\nTo tell them, \u201cHey, embrace God\u2019s way; and you won\u2019t be accepted, and popular, and cool,\u201d\u2014again, that\u2019s not something to easily digest for them\u2014but we prepare them, as Jesus did for us in the Scriptures, knowing that: \u201cThough the world\u2019s going to hate you, God\u2019s in it with you.\u201d There\u2019s great peace in that, and I find comfort in that.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think it\u2019s important to add, especially as parents\u2014with the authority of God\u2019s Word for our kids, teenagers and beyond\u2014if it\u2019s not real in our life, as a parent, they sniff that out in a second.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, Dad or Mom\u2019s just saying this because\u2026\u201d; you know. But if they see it\u2014it\u2019s the authority in their parent\u2019s life\u2014<em>much<\/em> greater chance it\u2019s going to stick in their life.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think for me, even as our kids were growing up, I\u2019m always asking God this question: \u201cGod, what do You want me to know today? What are You teaching me today in Your Word?\u201d Then I would want to overflow into my kids, because it\u2019s not forced; it\u2019s overflow. I can remember at the dinner table, like: \u201cYou guys won\u2019t believe what God showed me today,\u201d or \u201c\u2026what God\u2019s doing,\u201d or \u201c\u2026who I talked to today.\u201d\n\nI think, especially as teenagers, it\u2019s much more palatable to receive it that way: \u201cWow, God is really moving in Mom\u2019s heart,\u201d rather than \u201cYou need to be in the Word!\u201d\u2014that kind of thing. They see it.\n\n<strong>Jeffrey: <\/strong>Yes, yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, these are foundational principles we\u2019ve talked about. We can hear some of these things and go: \u201cYes, yes; I\u2019ve heard that,\u201d \u201cI know that,\u201d and kind of dismiss it. But Dave, you were involved in sports long enough to know that you have to keep coming back to blocking and tackling; you have to keep coming back to the foundation, because as many times as we\u2019ve heard these things, we have to be reminded. You can\u2019t forget it.\n\nYes; your kids: you\u2019re the most important influence; yes, you need to stay involved in their lives; yes, you need to keep pointing <em>them<\/em> back to God\u2019s Word as the source for all of this. These foundational truths are going to make your parenting journey\u2014well, you\u2019re going to be <em>successful<\/em> teens\u2014that\u2019s what the goal is; that\u2019s the name of the book that Jeffrey has written.\n\nIn fact, we want to make this book available to any of our listeners who\u2019d like to get a copy today. Go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY, and let us know you\u2019d like a copy of Jeffrey\u2019s book. We\u2019re making it available to those of you who can support the ministry with a donation. The book is our gift to you when you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Make a donation to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and just ask for your copy of Jeffrey Dean\u2019s book, <em>Raising Successful Teens<\/em>; and we\u2019re happy to send it out to you. We appreciate your ongoing support for this ministry.\n\nNow, we know that the last several months have been challenging for many of us\/for most of us. We\u2019ve been dealing with stress and strain from unusual circumstances, and that puts strain on our relationships with one another. Here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we\u2019ve put together a resource we think is going to help. It\u2019s a free resource that we want to make available to you that\u2019s called \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great.\u201d\n\nThis gives you access to a couple of online mini-courses you can take: one on how to resolve conflict when it happens in a marriage, and then a series called \u201cLightbulb Moments in Marriage.\u201d We also are including access to messages on marriage from Paul David Tripp, from Dr. Gary Chapman, Voddie Baucham, and Juli Slattery; and some conversation starters. There\u2019s a whole bunch available in this \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource that is available to you for free.\n\nGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to get access to all of this content we\u2019re making available; and everybody who registers to get the content, you are automatically going to be eligible to win a prize we put together. We\u2019d love to fly a couple to join us, here at FamilyLife, for a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> recording session, and then dinner that night with Dave and Ann Wilson. Again, find out more; go to FamilyLifeToday.com; register for the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource; and maybe you\u2019ll be the couple who joins us here at FamilyLife for a recording session and dinner with Dave and Ann. Whether you win the prize or not, you\u2019ll benefit from the content that\u2019s available; so go to FamilyLifeToday.com to get the \u201cTaking Your Marriage from Good to Great\u201d resource.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation about raising successful teens. Part of the strategy means you have to know who your kids are hanging out with\/know what\u2019s going on in their lives. You have to be in their world. Jeffrey Dean\u2019s going to join us again tomorrow. I hope you can be here as well.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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