{"id":306251,"date":"2020-07-13T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-07-13T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/dating-in-the-21st-century\/"},"modified":"2020-07-13T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-07-13T11:00:04","slug":"dating-in-the-21st-century","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dating-in-the-21st-century\/","title":{"rendered":"Dating in the 21st Century"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Author and campus minister Shelby Abbott reminds us that Scripture calls us to something greater and healthier in our relationships with the opposite sex. It calls us to love through self-sacrifice, communication, service, and patience. How does this apply in the dating phase? Shelby, now married, shares his own dating history and talks about how technology has changed the dating game.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=95.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How does the scriptural definition of love apply to dating? Shelby Abbott, now married, shares his own dating history and talks about how technology has changed the dating game.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-13.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:20","filesize":"23.2M","filesize_raw":"24325356","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2817,2848,2814],"tags":[4018],"podcast_series":[8279],"cwp_profile":[3552],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306251","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-choosing-a-spouse","category-cultural-issues","category-releasing-your-child","tag-dating","podcast_series-i-am-a-tool","cwp_profile-shelby-abbott","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306251\/dating-in-the-21st-century","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306251\/dating-in-the-21st-century","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3JEt34L47r\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dating-in-the-21st-century\/\">Dating in the 21st Century<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/dating-in-the-21st-century\/embed\/#?secret=3JEt34L47r\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Dating in the 21st Century&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3JEt34L47r\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-13.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-13.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The rules about dating in our culture have changed over the years, and technology has made the whole dating experience a little more complicated. Shelby Abbott says some of the current rules about dating need to be reconsidered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> I always tell girls: \u201cIf a guy texts you and doesn't ask you out, face to face, text him back and say, \u2018Have the guts to come to my face and ask me out to my eyeballs.\u2019\u201d And then I say: \u201cIf he ghosts you and he doesn't respond at all, you've dodged a bullet; but if he <em>does<\/em> respond and he comes and asks you, out face to face, he's teachable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can young people today navigate the sometimes-choppy waters of relationships and dating? We've got some wise counsel for you today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I've got two questions to start off with. [Laughter] Okay; you ready?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, you know what? This happens every time\u2014I'm always scared when Bob says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me, too: \u201cWhat's he going to say?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here's question number one\u2014and listeners just need to know\u2014we do not do show-prep, where we talk about\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We certainly don't! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Obviously. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It might be a good idea, every once in a while, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: No; I like the spontaneity. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know you do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you could have a do-over on your dating years, would you take that or not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> My dating yearswith Ann or my dating years before Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your total dating years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, definitively, a do-over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I've talked to parents, for years, and I've asked the question, \u201cRaise your hand if you would like your kids to have the same dating experience, as they go through their teens, as you had.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What a great question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you get, like maybe, one hand in the back of the room. And then the next question is: \u201cIs there anything you can do to help them have a better one?\u201d\u2014we start the parenting process with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You're a <em>wise<\/em> man. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I can't wait to see what you're going to say about this today. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I'll tell you this, though\u2014my dating experience before Ann was so bad that, when I tried to date Ann, her dad barred me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, because he knew your reputation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He was my baseball coach; he knew my history. Talk about a <em>tool<\/em>\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I was the definition of a tool, which we're going to talk about here in a second. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And here's the second question before we get into the tool thing; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ah, there's another one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The second question is: \u201cDo you think that young people, going through the dating years today, are having an easier time or a harder time with that phenomenon than you had?\u201d Yours was not good; you'd like a do-over\u2014do you think young people today have an easier or a harder time? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; yes. I think, now, it's way more confusing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave<\/strong>: Social media has changed the game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So: \u201cWe messed up when we went through it and, now, it's harder.\u201d What conclusions should we be able to draw about how this is working for teenagers; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That's why I'm glad we have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014a tool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014the expert! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We have somebody that can make this sensible\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: The reason we keep referring to this as Tool Time and talking about tools is because Shelby Abbott is joining us. Shelby, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Explain to everybody why we call you a tool. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Well, I wanted to come up with a clever <em>title<\/em> for the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You certainly did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>\u201cI am a tool\u201d is a phrase that is used to communicate ineptness, in some form or fashion; so I thought it would be clever to name the book: <em>I am a Tool (To Help with Your Dating Life). <\/em>[Laughter] The pause in between those two is quite important. [Laughter] You get a little bit of laughter; and then people go, \u201cOh, okay; I get it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The subtitle is in real tiny\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>It\u2019s in very small print.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014on the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I could barely read that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Shelby is on staff with Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and working with high school\/college-age students across the country as a speaker, as a writer, as an emcee, as a\u2014you\u2019ve done stand-up comedy; is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes, in 2010, maybe, I decided to do a comedy show for Christian college students at different campuses who were involved with Cru in order to train them and motivate them in the art of evangelism. I figured if certain agendas could be pushed via humor\u2014because humor has the ability to tear down walls\u2014I thought if I can breach the subject of evangelism which is like, <em>ooh<\/em>, <em>so difficult<\/em> sometimes and put a humorous spin on things, it would help people, at the very least, to have a heart for wanting to share their faith. So I did it for like four years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a little intimidating to say I think I\u2019ll go be a stand-up comedian to <em>college<\/em> students.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> fun. I got beat up on stage quite a bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh I want to\u2014give us like a line. Give us something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Well I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s appropriate. [Laughter] I used to joke a lot about the nuance of what it means to be a college student and how things are difficult and hard. But just kind of putting a mirror up in front of peoples faces through the medium of humor is one of those things that makes people want to, at least, listen to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my opening lines was: \u201cCollege is truly one of the most amazing times in a person\u2019s life. At no other point in time can you sleep until 11:30 a.m., get up, put on sweat pants, walk out into public to go get food, get it, bring it back to your room, eat it while you binge watch Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and still be considered a normal hard-working contributor to society.\u201d [Laughter] So I would open with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Then they go: \u201cOkay, this guy gets me because I can relate.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can you relate to what we shared about dating experience? Would you say: \u201cI'd do it the same way, again, if I could\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>I would make a lot of different choices; so I'd say, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014that I wouldn't want that for my kids\u2014but there were some areas, where I <em>did<\/em> make some good decisions. I'm short\u2014I'm five foot six\u2014so, when you're short in high school, girls don't care about you at all. It is one of those things, where I didn't date anyone in high school; because no girl really thought I was manly enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell listeners\u2014there was one time when girls needed a walk back to their dorm or something? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; that's a hard story; thanks for bringing that up. [Laughter] I'll leave it at this\u2014girls used to say I was <em>cute<\/em>\u2014which, on the surface, sounds like a good thing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That is a good thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>\u2014but it's actually not when they're talking about <em>me<\/em> specifically. It wasn't like, \u201cCute\u2014oh my gosh, he's so cute.\u201d It was [speaking with high voice], \u201cYou're like a little puppy; you're just so cute.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014like a little kid brother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; and I wouldn\u2019t like that very much. This, one time, this girl came up to me; and she was like, \u201cShelby, you are so cute.\u201d I'd had <em>enough<\/em>, so I smacked her hand away from my face; and I pointed right at her head. I was like: \u201cListen, I don't want to be cute anymore. I want to be\u2014<em>desirable<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] She, literally, laughed at me; turned around and walked away. I never spoke to that girl again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> With being short\u2014it was one of those things that I felt like was difficult; but God protected me in those times, where I probably would have been making a lot of the same poor decisions that my friends were in high school. I didn't become a Christian until college. I think it was one of those things that God ordained in my life; because when I got to college, I became a Christian; and then I started dating quite a bit in college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was very insecure because of my height. In fact, the story you were referring to, Bob, earlier\u2014there was this girl named Katie, [whom] I liked. I was a sophomore; she was a freshman. We were hanging out one night at the beginning of the semester. She was just getting involved with Cru. I was interested in her, so I was trying to do as much as I could to pair off with her, and talk, and that kind of stuff. We were over at this apartment for the evening, playing games\u2014hanging out\u2014eating snacks and stuff like that. I was hanging close to Katie, sitting next to her on a couch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my other friends was sitting on the other side of Katie\u2014her name was Ann. I was waiting, lingering to see when she would want to go home so I could walk her back and get some more time with her on her way back to her dorm. Sure enough, the time came, and <em>Ann<\/em> said: \u201cHey, Katie and I are going to walk back. Is there any <em>man<\/em> that would want to walk us back to the dorms?\u201d I quickly volunteered; I said, \u201cI\u2019ll do it.\u201d Then Ann looked at Katie, the girl I liked, and said, \u201cDoes he <em>count<\/em>?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oooh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ohhh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>I know that she wasn't trying to be malicious or mean; she wasn't trying to be evil or even try to make a jab at me. I would make a lot of jokes <em>about<\/em> myself by being short, because I would try to beat people to the punch and prove to them that I could be smarter than them or more funny than they could in their attempt to cut me down. No doubt, she was thinking, \u201cWell, he makes fun of himself about this a lot; I could probably say this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat she didn't know is that, \u201cDoes he count?\u201d line would stick with me for <em>years<\/em>\u2014years, and years, and years\u2014not only, as a guy, [whom] girls would want to date\u2014but as a friend, as a child of God, in ministry, as a spouse: \u201c<em>Does he count?<\/em>\u201d\u2014that question kind of echoes in your head over, and over, and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: \u201c<\/strong>Do I have worth or value? Do I matter?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Exactly; yes. I think that's one of those things that college students, in general, where you\u2019re living\u2014whether you're single or you\u2019re with someone\u2014you ask yourself that question, \u201cDo I count?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and we have an enemy of our souls, Satan, who replays those offenses and lies over and over in our heads to make us feel insecure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; and you start to believe that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>And then, you live with that insecurity in a way that\u2014not only affects your brain\u2014but it affects your decision making; it affects how you communicate with people; it affects what you choose to do in ministry; it affects how you are as a student\u2014all that kind of stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, when did you deal with the lie? How did you get through it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; well, there's this thing in Cru that we talk about a lot called walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. I'd heard that a lot, but it wasn't really until the end of my junior year that I, finally, started to understand what it meant to be filled with the Holy Spirit and walk in the power of the Holy Spirit\u2014to allow Him to work in and through me so that I would not believe the lies that would constantly come at me, not only internally, but also, externally, from the world. Living in an environment with people, who looked at the heart\u2014who didn't always judge by the outward appearance\u2014so getting in a good Christian community of people; namely, in Cru, I really felt known and I felt cared about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI feel like I have always wrestled with that throughout my whole life. I'd overcompensate by trying to be the center of attention, or funny, or whatever. Eventually, this one person I respected called me out on that kind of stuff and said, \u201cHey, you realize that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus; do you know what I'm saying?\u201d And I was like, \u201cYes.\u201d And he's goes: \u201cNo; no. Do you actually know what I'm saying?\u201d I had to wrestle with the question and, \u201cNo; I don't think I know what Romans 8:1 is saying; I don\u2019t know what that is saying.\u201d I think, honestly\u2014maybe, a few years into being on staff with Cru\u2014and that's kind of sad to say that\u2014that I was a full-time missionary for a few years before I moved past some of the stuff you struggle with, as an adolescent; but I've always been a late bloomer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think so many people struggle with that, not only in adolescence, but we carry it into our adult lives. Just a few weeks ago, I was sharing at church about some of those lies I continually battled, growing up\u2014and then, as an adult, as a young mom, as a young wife\u2014where I would look at myself in the mirror and say things like: \u201cYou're dumb,\u201d \u201cYou're fat,\u201d \u201cYou're ugly,\u201d \u201cYou're not worth anything.\u201d It had become such a pattern that I wasn't even aware of the lie that I was continually speaking to myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt church, a few weeks ago, I had people write down the lies that they're continually replaying in their heads. They came up; we had crosses on both sides of our stage, and people dumped the lies. When church was done and people had left and gone home, I sat\u2014[emotion in voice]\u2014it makes me cry, thinking about\u2014and read the lies. It was <em>appalling<\/em> to me of the territory that Satan is taking in our own hearts and our minds\u2014of the things that we believe that aren't true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is always cheering for us; He sees the best\u2014He sees that\u2014\u201cLook at you. Look how I've made you.\u201d And yet, the things that I read on those papers were: \u201cYou don't belong,\u201d \u201cYou're worthless,\u201d \u201cYour life doesn't count.\u201d One person said, \u201cYou should take your life, because you don't matter.\u201d So many people are walking around with those hidden lies, without communicating it; and they believe it. I love that you're bringing this up; because, I think, it's a battle that we <em>all<\/em> face and that we need victory in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; even going back to what you were asking before, Bob\u2014like: \u201cIs it [dating] harder now?\u201d The layers of digital existence that are out there right now, when it comes to relationships\u2014which are always awkward, and messy, and sweaty, and weird anyway\u2014now, you have more of an opportunity to put distance between you and another person\u2014not only on social media\u2014but texting, in general, becomes a replacement for actual communication. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is that the fundamental mega shift that has occurred over the last two decades in how young people engage in relationships?\u2014technology and the digital world\u2014is that what's the biggest difference?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; I'd say it\u2019s the biggest <em>difference<\/em>. I think one of the tendencies of the older generation is to <em>blame<\/em> technology and say, \u201cThis is what the problem is.\u201d I don't think technology is the problem; I think technology\u2014it\u2019s what technology has forced to the surface in our lives\u2014fear, apathy, loneliness\u2014all that kind of stuff, which existed in the early dating years anyway; it's just pushing it to the forefront. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you don't have to go through the awkwardness of asking a girl out; and the girl doesn't have to go through the awkwardness of saying, \u201cNo\u201d; you can just type it into a text message. While that kind of relieves the initial stages of anxiety and awkwardness, it trades one thing for another. It ends up being a way of communicating that says, \u201cI'm going to deal with stuff in our relationship in the <em>easiest<\/em> way possible,\u201d\u2014in a way that, now, glosses over the realities of life; because you <em>need<\/em> friction; you <em>need<\/em> awkwardness; you <em>need<\/em> to be able to look someone in the eye and go, \u201cThis is the real me.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because you're going to have a real relationship <em>with<\/em> somebody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Exactly; hopefully! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If all you know how to do is, kind of passively\/safely, text one another\u2014although, I did text my wife; I was upstairs, and she was downstairs this morning. I texted her because I heard her shouting at Alexa<em>.<\/em> [Laughter] She was shouting at Alexaabout something; so I texted her and said, \u201cIt sounds like you and Alexa are not in a good place; [Laughter] are you okay?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the point that you're making is a significant one. In fact, I've seen the statistics that <br>say teen pregnancy is down\u2014that's a good thing\u2014but loneliness and depression are <em>way up<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> \u2014skyrocketing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and it's <em>because<\/em> kids aren't spending time together. They're in their bedrooms, living out life on Snapchat<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>and Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014that's where it's all being lived out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; it is. I read this one teen author, who wrote\u2014her name is Jaquelle Crowe\u2014she wrote about\/she said: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you think about it,\u201d\u2014speaking to adults\u2014\u201cwhen you had to deal with bullying in school, when you were there, you dealt with it from 8-3. Now, the way that things exist\u2014and how everybody's lives are lived out, socially, online\u2014you can get bullied 24 hours a day. That's scary!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It's scary, as a parent to know: \u201cHow do I help my kids? How do I help them not go through that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I would think that a young person today, who was conscious of this and said, \u201cYou know, I'm going to live differently; I'm going to try to have relationships in real life.\u201d I would think their peers would be like, \u201cYou\u2019re just <em>weird<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, there's an element of that. I think you have to move past that by living a life that is authentically committed tothe Lordship of Jesus Christ. When you do, no matter how <em>weird<\/em> you might seem\u2014because you don\u2019t use your phone in a way that other people do\u2014people will, eventually, look at that and go, \u201cThere is just something remarkably attractive about that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always like to tell the students I talk to that: \u201cSocial media, texting, your phones should never be a substitute for relationships. They should be a <em>springboard<\/em> for relationships into something deeper.\u201d I'm not anti-texting; I'm not anti-social media at all, in any way. But if those things become a substitute for authentic relationships\u2014with friends\/with the opposite sex\u2014whatever\u2014that's when your problem starts to arise. That's what's happening when it comes to Gen Zers and Millennials. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can <em>use<\/em> social media\/you can <em>use<\/em> your phone\u2014text messaging and all that kind of stuff\u2014to <em>deepen<\/em> your relationships. The way it instantly helps you communicate with people is a great thing; it's a <em>really<\/em> great thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let me ask this: Is dating a dinosaur?\u2014is that still a term that we can use? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> I would say no. There is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don't call it dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> I don't anymore, because it's such a foreign concept. When they think about dating now, they think: \u201cOh, that's something my parents did. I don't go out on a date with someone. I ask: \u2018Do you want to hang out sometime, casually?\u2014and what do you want to do?\u2019 \u2018You can come over to my place, and we can watch a movie; or we can watch Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or we can maybe hangout with a few other people,\u2019\u201d\u2014that kind of a deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there's plenty of people who would say that they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, which in my definition, is semantics\u2014it's dating; that's what it is. They may not be going out on dates that way; but there is just a lack of intentionality in a way that there used to be, even when I was in college, which was in the late \u201890s. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> To that point, I would think a young man, who was hanging out with a young woman, and said to her: \u201cYou know, I want to be purposeful, and I want us to use texting as a way to communicate; but I don't want our relationship to be a text relationship. I want it to be a real relationship.\u201d I think you would weed out the wheat from the chaff, pretty quick, in how a young woman responds. A young woman of character would go, \u201cI\u2019m attracted to that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cThat's a diamond right there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Young women, who aren't attracted to that\u2014those are the ones you ought to let go anyway. You flip it around\u2014if a young woman says to a young man, \u201cLook, I want to have real relationships, not just text relationships; so I\u2019m just letting you know.\u201d A guy, who is worth something, will step up to that; and a guy, who's not, will go the passive route and say, \u201cWell, I just wants girls I can text; and you know, we can hang out\u201d; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Exactly; you're absolutely right. I always tell girls that: \u201cIf a guy texts you and doesn't ask you out, face to face, text him back and say, \u2018Have the guts to come to my face and ask me out, to my eyeballs.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 And then I say: \u201cIf he ghosts you and he doesn't respond at all, you dodged a bullet. But if he <em>does<\/em> respond and, then, he comes and asks you out, face to face, he's teachable. It's a win-win; right?\u201d [Laughter] It really is\u2014like: \u201cWhy not raise the bar?\u201d \u201cWhy not raise the bar?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just hope the girl, who texts him back and says, \u201cHave the guts to do that,\u201d when the guy comes and says, \u201cOkay; will you go out with me?\u201d\u2014I hope she doesn't go, \u201cNo!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; really!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; you run that risk, too. Being injured like that, as a guy, is something we need to learn to take our licks; it's healthy for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Are you seeing, in the dating culture now\u2014are you seeing women and men responding like Bob was saying?\u2014like that's what they really <em>want<\/em>, deep down? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> I think, authentically, yes; they really do want it. High school students\u2014college students, for certain; and high school students\u2014I actually talked about this with a group of high school students a month ago, and they were <em>riveted<\/em>; because it's so foreign for them\u2014for someone to communicate in a way that says: \u201cWhy don't we live authentically?\u201d \u201cWhy don't we raise the bar in the lives of the people around us?\u201d \u201cWhy don't we have the guts to look people, in the eyeballs, and interact with one another?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you're going to just text, you're going to avoid the bumps of a relationship friction; but it will come back to bite you in the future, because you will not know how to communicate authentically. You won't be able to argue well. I even tell them: \u201cYou won't be able to get a job as much; because the guy or girl, who can look the boss in the eye\u2014listen to what their questions are; answer in an intelligent way\u2014is going to be a way better candidate for getting a job in the future than someone who has <em>no idea<\/em> how to communicate with someone\u2014because they don't know how to make eye contact; they don't know how to shake a person's hand; they don't know how to answer a question, because they spent their lives looking <em>through<\/em> a digital window.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would just concur with that and say: \u201cMan, here's what I'm hearing God say to the men out there\u201d\u2014Ann, you can talk to the women; but I\u2019m can talk to the guys\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cHe's calling you to step into manhood.\u201d There's some guy, listening right now, who needs to drive over to that dorm room\/drive over to her house, walk up to the door; ring the doorbell. It sounds so elementary, but it is like: \u201cStep into risk-taking manhood and look her in the eye. If you've found a woman you want to pursue, then, step into it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you need tools to help you with that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; tools?\u2014I\u2019ve got <em>one<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014we've got the tool to help you; that\u2019s right! [Laughter] We have copies of Shelby's book, which is called <em>I am a Tool (To Help with Your Dating Life)<\/em>. The book is available in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order a copy from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The book we're talking about is by Shelby Abbott; it's called <em>I Am a Tool<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we\u2019re dealing with something here that is pre-marriage. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is known for ministry to marriages and families, but our real focus is on relationships\/on helping you with the most important relationships in life: your relationship with God, your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your children\/your extended family members. This is where the Christian life is lived out. At <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, our mission is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. So when we get into issues like dating\/pre-marriage issues, it\u2019s with that bigger goal in mind to help us know how we can walk faithfully with Christ in every relationship in life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re so grateful for those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for the hundreds of thousands of listeners, who join us each day\u2014those who listen on radio, those who listen via podcast, online, through our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app\u2014you make that possible when you make a donation to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. If you\u2019re a regular longtime listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation, why don\u2019t you pay it forward today, so that there can be hundreds of thousands of people who listen to tomorrow\u2019s program? You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com make a one-time donation or become a monthly Legacy Partner. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow when Shelby Abbott will be here again to help us think about how we can assist young people\u2014friends\/family members\u2014going through the challenges of dealing with the rugged terrain of the dating scene in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century. I hope you can be with us for all of that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:20"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.2M"],"filesize_raw":["24325356"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306251.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306251.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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does the scriptural definition of love apply to dating? Shelby Abbott, now married, shares his own dating history and talks about how technology has changed the dating game.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-13.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The rules about dating in our culture have changed over the years, and technology has made the whole dating experience a little more complicated. Shelby Abbott says some of the current rules about dating need to be reconsidered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> I always tell girls: \u201cIf a guy texts you and doesn't ask you out, face to face, text him back and say, \u2018Have the guts to come to my face and ask me out to my eyeballs.\u2019\u201d And then I say: \u201cIf he ghosts you and he doesn't respond at all, you've dodged a bullet; but if he <em>does<\/em> respond and he comes and asks you, out face to face, he's teachable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, July 13<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can young people today navigate the sometimes-choppy waters of relationships and dating? We've got some wise counsel for you today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: And welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I've got two questions to start off with. [Laughter] Okay; you ready?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, you know what? This happens every time\u2014I'm always scared when Bob says\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Me, too: \u201cWhat's he going to say?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here's question number one\u2014and listeners just need to know\u2014we do not do show-prep, where we talk about\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We certainly don't! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Obviously. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It might be a good idea, every once in a while, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: No; I like the spontaneity. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know you do! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you could have a do-over on your dating years, would you take that or not?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> My dating yearswith Ann or my dating years before Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Your total dating years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, definitively, a do-over.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I've talked to parents, for years, and I've asked the question, \u201cRaise your hand if you would like your kids to have the same dating experience, as they go through their teens, as you had.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What a great question. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And you get, like maybe, one hand in the back of the room. And then the next question is: \u201cIs there anything you can do to help them have a better one?\u201d\u2014we start the parenting process with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You're a <em>wise<\/em> man. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I can't wait to see what you're going to say about this today. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I'll tell you this, though\u2014my dating experience before Ann was so bad that, when I tried to date Ann, her dad barred me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, because he knew your reputation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>He was my baseball coach; he knew my history. Talk about a <em>tool<\/em>\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I was the definition of a tool, which we're going to talk about here in a second. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And here's the second question before we get into the tool thing; okay? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ah, there's another one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The second question is: \u201cDo you think that young people, going through the dating years today, are having an easier time or a harder time with that phenomenon than you had?\u201d Yours was not good; you'd like a do-over\u2014do you think young people today have an easier or a harder time? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; yes. I think, now, it's way more confusing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave<\/strong>: Social media has changed the game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So: \u201cWe messed up when we went through it and, now, it's harder.\u201d What conclusions should we be able to draw about how this is working for teenagers; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That's why I'm glad we have\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014a tool. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014the expert! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We have somebody that can make this sensible\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob<\/strong>: The reason we keep referring to this as Tool Time and talking about tools is because Shelby Abbott is joining us. Shelby, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Thanks for having me. I'm excited to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Explain to everybody why we call you a tool. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Well, I wanted to come up with a clever <em>title<\/em> for the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You certainly did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>\u201cI am a tool\u201d is a phrase that is used to communicate ineptness, in some form or fashion; so I thought it would be clever to name the book: <em>I am a Tool (To Help with Your Dating Life). <\/em>[Laughter] The pause in between those two is quite important. [Laughter] You get a little bit of laughter; and then people go, \u201cOh, okay; I get it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The subtitle is in real tiny\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>It\u2019s in very small print.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014on the book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; I could barely read that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Shelby is on staff with Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and working with high school\/college-age students across the country as a speaker, as a writer, as an emcee, as a\u2014you\u2019ve done stand-up comedy; is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes, in 2010, maybe, I decided to do a comedy show for Christian college students at different campuses who were involved with Cru in order to train them and motivate them in the art of evangelism. I figured if certain agendas could be pushed via humor\u2014because humor has the ability to tear down walls\u2014I thought if I can breach the subject of evangelism which is like, <em>ooh<\/em>, <em>so difficult<\/em> sometimes and put a humorous spin on things, it would help people, at the very least, to have a heart for wanting to share their faith. So I did it for like four years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a little intimidating to say I think I\u2019ll go be a stand-up comedian to <em>college<\/em> students.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> It\u2019s <em>not<\/em> fun. I got beat up on stage quite a bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh I want to\u2014give us like a line. Give us something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Well I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s appropriate. [Laughter] I used to joke a lot about the nuance of what it means to be a college student and how things are difficult and hard. But just kind of putting a mirror up in front of peoples faces through the medium of humor is one of those things that makes people want to, at least, listen to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my opening lines was: \u201cCollege is truly one of the most amazing times in a person\u2019s life. At no other point in time can you sleep until 11:30 a.m., get up, put on sweat pants, walk out into public to go get food, get it, bring it back to your room, eat it while you binge watch Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and still be considered a normal hard-working contributor to society.\u201d [Laughter] So I would open with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Then they go: \u201cOkay, this guy gets me because I can relate.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can you relate to what we shared about dating experience? Would you say: \u201cI'd do it the same way, again, if I could\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>I would make a lot of different choices; so I'd say, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014that I wouldn't want that for my kids\u2014but there were some areas, where I <em>did<\/em> make some good decisions. I'm short\u2014I'm five foot six\u2014so, when you're short in high school, girls don't care about you at all. It is one of those things, where I didn't date anyone in high school; because no girl really thought I was manly enough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Tell listeners\u2014there was one time when girls needed a walk back to their dorm or something? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; that's a hard story; thanks for bringing that up. [Laughter] I'll leave it at this\u2014girls used to say I was <em>cute<\/em>\u2014which, on the surface, sounds like a good thing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That is a good thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>\u2014but it's actually not when they're talking about <em>me<\/em> specifically. It wasn't like, \u201cCute\u2014oh my gosh, he's so cute.\u201d It was [speaking with high voice], \u201cYou're like a little puppy; you're just so cute.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014like a little kid brother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; and I wouldn\u2019t like that very much. This, one time, this girl came up to me; and she was like, \u201cShelby, you are so cute.\u201d I'd had <em>enough<\/em>, so I smacked her hand away from my face; and I pointed right at her head. I was like: \u201cListen, I don't want to be cute anymore. I want to be\u2014<em>desirable<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter] She, literally, laughed at me; turned around and walked away. I never spoke to that girl again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> With being short\u2014it was one of those things that I felt like was difficult; but God protected me in those times, where I probably would have been making a lot of the same poor decisions that my friends were in high school. I didn't become a Christian until college. I think it was one of those things that God ordained in my life; because when I got to college, I became a Christian; and then I started dating quite a bit in college. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was very insecure because of my height. In fact, the story you were referring to, Bob, earlier\u2014there was this girl named Katie, [whom] I liked. I was a sophomore; she was a freshman. We were hanging out one night at the beginning of the semester. She was just getting involved with Cru. I was interested in her, so I was trying to do as much as I could to pair off with her, and talk, and that kind of stuff. We were over at this apartment for the evening, playing games\u2014hanging out\u2014eating snacks and stuff like that. I was hanging close to Katie, sitting next to her on a couch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my other friends was sitting on the other side of Katie\u2014her name was Ann. I was waiting, lingering to see when she would want to go home so I could walk her back and get some more time with her on her way back to her dorm. Sure enough, the time came, and <em>Ann<\/em> said: \u201cHey, Katie and I are going to walk back. Is there any <em>man<\/em> that would want to walk us back to the dorms?\u201d I quickly volunteered; I said, \u201cI\u2019ll do it.\u201d Then Ann looked at Katie, the girl I liked, and said, \u201cDoes he <em>count<\/em>?\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oooh.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Ohhh!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>I know that she wasn't trying to be malicious or mean; she wasn't trying to be evil or even try to make a jab at me. I would make a lot of jokes <em>about<\/em> myself by being short, because I would try to beat people to the punch and prove to them that I could be smarter than them or more funny than they could in their attempt to cut me down. No doubt, she was thinking, \u201cWell, he makes fun of himself about this a lot; I could probably say this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat she didn't know is that, \u201cDoes he count?\u201d line would stick with me for <em>years<\/em>\u2014years, and years, and years\u2014not only, as a guy, [whom] girls would want to date\u2014but as a friend, as a child of God, in ministry, as a spouse: \u201c<em>Does he count?<\/em>\u201d\u2014that question kind of echoes in your head over, and over, and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: \u201c<\/strong>Do I have worth or value? Do I matter?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Exactly; yes. I think that's one of those things that college students, in general, where you\u2019re living\u2014whether you're single or you\u2019re with someone\u2014you ask yourself that question, \u201cDo I count?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; and we have an enemy of our souls, Satan, who replays those offenses and lies over and over in our heads to make us feel insecure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; and you start to believe that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>And then, you live with that insecurity in a way that\u2014not only affects your brain\u2014but it affects your decision making; it affects how you communicate with people; it affects what you choose to do in ministry; it affects how you are as a student\u2014all that kind of stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, when did you deal with the lie? How did you get through it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; well, there's this thing in Cru that we talk about a lot called walking in the power of the Holy Spirit. I'd heard that a lot, but it wasn't really until the end of my junior year that I, finally, started to understand what it meant to be filled with the Holy Spirit and walk in the power of the Holy Spirit\u2014to allow Him to work in and through me so that I would not believe the lies that would constantly come at me, not only internally, but also, externally, from the world. Living in an environment with people, who looked at the heart\u2014who didn't always judge by the outward appearance\u2014so getting in a good Christian community of people; namely, in Cru, I really felt known and I felt cared about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI feel like I have always wrestled with that throughout my whole life. I'd overcompensate by trying to be the center of attention, or funny, or whatever. Eventually, this one person I respected called me out on that kind of stuff and said, \u201cHey, you realize that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus; do you know what I'm saying?\u201d And I was like, \u201cYes.\u201d And he's goes: \u201cNo; no. Do you actually know what I'm saying?\u201d I had to wrestle with the question and, \u201cNo; I don't think I know what Romans 8:1 is saying; I don\u2019t know what that is saying.\u201d I think, honestly\u2014maybe, a few years into being on staff with Cru\u2014and that's kind of sad to say that\u2014that I was a full-time missionary for a few years before I moved past some of the stuff you struggle with, as an adolescent; but I've always been a late bloomer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think so many people struggle with that, not only in adolescence, but we carry it into our adult lives. Just a few weeks ago, I was sharing at church about some of those lies I continually battled, growing up\u2014and then, as an adult, as a young mom, as a young wife\u2014where I would look at myself in the mirror and say things like: \u201cYou're dumb,\u201d \u201cYou're fat,\u201d \u201cYou're ugly,\u201d \u201cYou're not worth anything.\u201d It had become such a pattern that I wasn't even aware of the lie that I was continually speaking to myself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt church, a few weeks ago, I had people write down the lies that they're continually replaying in their heads. They came up; we had crosses on both sides of our stage, and people dumped the lies. When church was done and people had left and gone home, I sat\u2014[emotion in voice]\u2014it makes me cry, thinking about\u2014and read the lies. It was <em>appalling<\/em> to me of the territory that Satan is taking in our own hearts and our minds\u2014of the things that we believe that aren't true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod is always cheering for us; He sees the best\u2014He sees that\u2014\u201cLook at you. Look how I've made you.\u201d And yet, the things that I read on those papers were: \u201cYou don't belong,\u201d \u201cYou're worthless,\u201d \u201cYour life doesn't count.\u201d One person said, \u201cYou should take your life, because you don't matter.\u201d So many people are walking around with those hidden lies, without communicating it; and they believe it. I love that you're bringing this up; because, I think, it's a battle that we <em>all<\/em> face and that we need victory in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; even going back to what you were asking before, Bob\u2014like: \u201cIs it [dating] harder now?\u201d The layers of digital existence that are out there right now, when it comes to relationships\u2014which are always awkward, and messy, and sweaty, and weird anyway\u2014now, you have more of an opportunity to put distance between you and another person\u2014not only on social media\u2014but texting, in general, becomes a replacement for actual communication. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is that the fundamental mega shift that has occurred over the last two decades in how young people engage in relationships?\u2014technology and the digital world\u2014is that what's the biggest difference?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; I'd say it\u2019s the biggest <em>difference<\/em>. I think one of the tendencies of the older generation is to <em>blame<\/em> technology and say, \u201cThis is what the problem is.\u201d I don't think technology is the problem; I think technology\u2014it\u2019s what technology has forced to the surface in our lives\u2014fear, apathy, loneliness\u2014all that kind of stuff, which existed in the early dating years anyway; it's just pushing it to the forefront. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, you don't have to go through the awkwardness of asking a girl out; and the girl doesn't have to go through the awkwardness of saying, \u201cNo\u201d; you can just type it into a text message. While that kind of relieves the initial stages of anxiety and awkwardness, it trades one thing for another. It ends up being a way of communicating that says, \u201cI'm going to deal with stuff in our relationship in the <em>easiest<\/em> way possible,\u201d\u2014in a way that, now, glosses over the realities of life; because you <em>need<\/em> friction; you <em>need<\/em> awkwardness; you <em>need<\/em> to be able to look someone in the eye and go, \u201cThis is the real me.\u201d\u00a0\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because you're going to have a real relationship <em>with<\/em> somebody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Exactly; hopefully! [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If all you know how to do is, kind of passively\/safely, text one another\u2014although, I did text my wife; I was upstairs, and she was downstairs this morning. I texted her because I heard her shouting at Alexa<em>.<\/em> [Laughter] She was shouting at Alexaabout something; so I texted her and said, \u201cIt sounds like you and Alexa are not in a good place; [Laughter] are you okay?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the point that you're making is a significant one. In fact, I've seen the statistics that <br>say teen pregnancy is down\u2014that's a good thing\u2014but loneliness and depression are <em>way up<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> \u2014skyrocketing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and it's <em>because<\/em> kids aren't spending time together. They're in their bedrooms, living out life on Snapchat<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>and Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014that's where it's all being lived out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; it is. I read this one teen author, who wrote\u2014her name is Jaquelle Crowe\u2014she wrote about\/she said: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you think about it,\u201d\u2014speaking to adults\u2014\u201cwhen you had to deal with bullying in school, when you were there, you dealt with it from 8-3. Now, the way that things exist\u2014and how everybody's lives are lived out, socially, online\u2014you can get bullied 24 hours a day. That's scary!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It's scary, as a parent to know: \u201cHow do I help my kids? How do I help them not go through that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I would think that a young person today, who was conscious of this and said, \u201cYou know, I'm going to live differently; I'm going to try to have relationships in real life.\u201d I would think their peers would be like, \u201cYou\u2019re just <em>weird<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, there's an element of that. I think you have to move past that by living a life that is authentically committed tothe Lordship of Jesus Christ. When you do, no matter how <em>weird<\/em> you might seem\u2014because you don\u2019t use your phone in a way that other people do\u2014people will, eventually, look at that and go, \u201cThere is just something remarkably attractive about that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always like to tell the students I talk to that: \u201cSocial media, texting, your phones should never be a substitute for relationships. They should be a <em>springboard<\/em> for relationships into something deeper.\u201d I'm not anti-texting; I'm not anti-social media at all, in any way. But if those things become a substitute for authentic relationships\u2014with friends\/with the opposite sex\u2014whatever\u2014that's when your problem starts to arise. That's what's happening when it comes to Gen Zers and Millennials. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can <em>use<\/em> social media\/you can <em>use<\/em> your phone\u2014text messaging and all that kind of stuff\u2014to <em>deepen<\/em> your relationships. The way it instantly helps you communicate with people is a great thing; it's a <em>really<\/em> great thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let me ask this: Is dating a dinosaur?\u2014is that still a term that we can use? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> I would say no. There is\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don't call it dating.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> I don't anymore, because it's such a foreign concept. When they think about dating now, they think: \u201cOh, that's something my parents did. I don't go out on a date with someone. I ask: \u2018Do you want to hang out sometime, casually?\u2014and what do you want to do?\u2019 \u2018You can come over to my place, and we can watch a movie; or we can watch Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, or we can maybe hangout with a few other people,\u2019\u201d\u2014that kind of a deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, there's plenty of people who would say that they have a boyfriend or a girlfriend, which in my definition, is semantics\u2014it's dating; that's what it is. They may not be going out on dates that way; but there is just a lack of intentionality in a way that there used to be, even when I was in college, which was in the late \u201890s. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> To that point, I would think a young man, who was hanging out with a young woman, and said to her: \u201cYou know, I want to be purposeful, and I want us to use texting as a way to communicate; but I don't want our relationship to be a text relationship. I want it to be a real relationship.\u201d I think you would weed out the wheat from the chaff, pretty quick, in how a young woman responds. A young woman of character would go, \u201cI\u2019m attracted to that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> Yes; \u201cThat's a diamond right there.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Young women, who aren't attracted to that\u2014those are the ones you ought to let go anyway. You flip it around\u2014if a young woman says to a young man, \u201cLook, I want to have real relationships, not just text relationships; so I\u2019m just letting you know.\u201d A guy, who is worth something, will step up to that; and a guy, who's not, will go the passive route and say, \u201cWell, I just wants girls I can text; and you know, we can hang out\u201d; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Exactly; you're absolutely right. I always tell girls that: \u201cIf a guy texts you and doesn't ask you out, face to face, text him back and say, \u2018Have the guts to come to my face and ask me out, to my eyeballs.\u2019\u201d\u00a0 And then I say: \u201cIf he ghosts you and he doesn't respond at all, you dodged a bullet. But if he <em>does<\/em> respond and, then, he comes and asks you out, face to face, he's teachable. It's a win-win; right?\u201d [Laughter] It really is\u2014like: \u201cWhy not raise the bar?\u201d \u201cWhy not raise the bar?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I just hope the girl, who texts him back and says, \u201cHave the guts to do that,\u201d when the guy comes and says, \u201cOkay; will you go out with me?\u201d\u2014I hope she doesn't go, \u201cNo!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; really!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; you run that risk, too. Being injured like that, as a guy, is something we need to learn to take our licks; it's healthy for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Are you seeing, in the dating culture now\u2014are you seeing women and men responding like Bob was saying?\u2014like that's what they really <em>want<\/em>, deep down? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby:<\/strong> I think, authentically, yes; they really do want it. High school students\u2014college students, for certain; and high school students\u2014I actually talked about this with a group of high school students a month ago, and they were <em>riveted<\/em>; because it's so foreign for them\u2014for someone to communicate in a way that says: \u201cWhy don't we live authentically?\u201d \u201cWhy don't we raise the bar in the lives of the people around us?\u201d \u201cWhy don't we have the guts to look people, in the eyeballs, and interact with one another?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you're going to just text, you're going to avoid the bumps of a relationship friction; but it will come back to bite you in the future, because you will not know how to communicate authentically. You won't be able to argue well. I even tell them: \u201cYou won't be able to get a job as much; because the guy or girl, who can look the boss in the eye\u2014listen to what their questions are; answer in an intelligent way\u2014is going to be a way better candidate for getting a job in the future than someone who has <em>no idea<\/em> how to communicate with someone\u2014because they don't know how to make eye contact; they don't know how to shake a person's hand; they don't know how to answer a question, because they spent their lives looking <em>through<\/em> a digital window.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would just concur with that and say: \u201cMan, here's what I'm hearing God say to the men out there\u201d\u2014Ann, you can talk to the women; but I\u2019m can talk to the guys\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cHe's calling you to step into manhood.\u201d There's some guy, listening right now, who needs to drive over to that dorm room\/drive over to her house, walk up to the door; ring the doorbell. It sounds so elementary, but it is like: \u201cStep into risk-taking manhood and look her in the eye. If you've found a woman you want to pursue, then, step into it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you need tools to help you with that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Shelby: <\/strong>Yes; tools?\u2014I\u2019ve got <em>one<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014we've got the tool to help you; that\u2019s right! [Laughter] We have copies of Shelby's book, which is called <em>I am a Tool (To Help with Your Dating Life)<\/em>. The book is available in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order a copy from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The phone number is 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The book we're talking about is by Shelby Abbott; it's called <em>I Am a Tool<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, we\u2019re dealing with something here that is pre-marriage. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is known for ministry to marriages and families, but our real focus is on relationships\/on helping you with the most important relationships in life: your relationship with God, your relationship with your spouse, your relationship with your children\/your extended family members. This is where the Christian life is lived out. At <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, our mission is to effectively develop godly marriages and families. So when we get into issues like dating\/pre-marriage issues, it\u2019s with that bigger goal in mind to help us know how we can walk faithfully with Christ in every relationship in life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re so grateful for those of you who make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for the hundreds of thousands of listeners, who join us each day\u2014those who listen on radio, those who listen via podcast, online, through our FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> app\u2014you make that possible when you make a donation to support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. If you\u2019re a regular longtime listener, and you\u2019ve never made a donation, why don\u2019t you pay it forward today, so that there can be hundreds of thousands of people who listen to tomorrow\u2019s program? You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com make a one-time donation or become a monthly Legacy Partner. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us back again tomorrow when Shelby Abbott will be here again to help us think about how we can assist young people\u2014friends\/family members\u2014going through the challenges of dealing with the rugged terrain of the dating scene in the 21<sup>st<\/sup> century. I hope you can be with us for all of that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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