{"id":306249,"date":"2020-07-11T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-07-11T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-like-you-mean-it\/"},"modified":"2020-07-11T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-07-11T11:00:05","slug":"love-like-you-mean-it","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/love-like-you-mean-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Like You Mean It"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What is love? Maybe we should let God, Who is Love, define it. Bob Lepine carefully extracts each characteristic of love from 1 Corinthians 13, and shares it with Michelle Hill.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2020-07-11.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883045","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2810],"tags":[4213],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-306249","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-growing-spiritually","tag-love","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306249\/love-like-you-mean-it","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306249\/love-like-you-mean-it","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"HhJFsZ3PgN\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/love-like-you-mean-it\/\">Love Like You Mean It<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/love-like-you-mean-it\/embed\/#?secret=HhJFsZ3PgN\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love Like You Mean It&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"HhJFsZ3PgN\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":false},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What is love? Maybe we should let God, Who is Love, define it. Bob Lepine carefully extracts each characteristic of love from 1 Corinthians 13, and shares it with Michelle Hill.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/flw\/flw2020-07-11.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You\u2019ve been locked in your house with your kids and your spouse for\u2014what?\u2014four or five months now? Those irritations are starting to pile up [squealing noise]. We all know that we\u2019re called to love one another, but what does that love really look like? You know, the kind of love that\u2019s in 1 Corinthians 13\u2014that\u2019s a hard love. Here\u2019s Bob Lepine explaining it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> First Corinthians 13 says: \u201cLove is not rude; it\u2019s not irritable; and it\u2019s not resentful. It doesn\u2019t catalog a record of wrongs\u201d; and come back around and say: \u201cWell, you did this wrong,\u201d \u201cYou did this wrong,\u201d \u201cYou did this wrong.\u201d Love lets a lot of that stuff go and says, \u201cI value our relationship more than I value my preferences.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk about <em>loving<\/em> like you mean it with Bob Lepine on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. It is summer time; we are in the middle of summertime. Usually, that means wedding season; although this year, well\u2014the wedding season <em>does<\/em> look just a little different. For some, it looks very different! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you remember weddings, usually the most popular Scripture for pastors to preach at a wedding is the <em>love chapter<\/em> in 1 Corinthians 13. You know the one I\u2019m talking about, right? It starts out with talking about a gong or a clanging symbol, and then moves into: \u201cLove is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast; it is not proud.\u201d All of that seems to be a tall order to me. I don\u2019t know about you; but I\u2019m just sitting here, going, \u201cHow do I put all of that into place?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, Bob Lepine has written a book on 1 Corinthians 13; and it\u2019s titled <em>Love Like You Mean It.<\/em> I called on him to help explain some things to me and to you. As you know, Bob is co-host of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>. <\/em>He\u2019s a pastor at a local church here in town. And Bob has mentored me in my knowledge of God\u2019s Word; and he has also mentored me in my job here, behind the microphone. I was excited when he wrote this book, because it meant that I get to interview him. Here\u2019s my conversation with Bob Lepine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So Bob, I can walk into any Christian bookstore, or any Barnes &amp; Noble<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, and I can look for the aisle on marriage and relationships, and find lots of books\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014lots of books on how to better my relationship\/on how to make marriage work. So why write another book [Laughter] to add to that aisle?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is nothing new under the sun, as they say! [Laughter] Many of those books are practical and helpful. I\u2019ve benefited from reading a lot of those books and interviewing people, who have written those books over the years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat struck me was our understanding of the whole idea of love in our day has been more shaped by the culture we live in than it has by God\u2019s Word. You get to a passage like 1 Corinthians 13, where there\u2019s this biblical description of what love is, and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWe need to spend time just thinking carefully and deeply, and maybe reshaping our picture of what we mean when we say, \u2018love,\u2019 so that it aligns with what God\u2019s Word says love is.\u201d That\u2019s what was at the heart of this book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So you want to help people understand what real love is and how to live it out in marriage. As you look at the scope of society, what are you seeing as people think of\u00a0 what real love is? And how has that changed?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Most of our ideas about love are romantic, and most of them are based on how I\u2019m going to benefit from this relationship. So there\u2019s a factor when we think about love: \u201cWhat am I <em>getting<\/em> out of this?\u201d Well, the biblical view of love is not, \u201cWhat am I getting out of this?\u201d The biblical view is: \u201cWhat am I contributing to this? What am I giving? What am I putting into this?\u201d Because love is not about what we receive; it\u2019s about what we give.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s also not primarily an emotional response to another person. It\u2019s an act of the will, not an act of the emotions; because our emotions change. Some days, I look at my wife, and I <em>feel<\/em> differently about her than I do on other days.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If that\u2019s how I\u2019m thinking: \u201cThat this is real love\u2014how I feel today. I feel \u2018in love\u2019 with her,\u201d\u2014and the next day\u2014\u201cI don\u2019t feel in love with her,\u201d\u2014well, that\u2019s not a foundation that you build a marriage on. So love has to be: \u201cHere\u2019s how I\u2019m <em>choosing<\/em> to live today, in a loving way, with my spouse.\u201d <em>That <\/em>you can build a relationship that goes the distance on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Well, and those words\u2014you know, just an act of the will, and not a victim of emotions, as John Stott said\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014that has been sitting with me so hard because we live in a society, where it\u2019s all about feelings. It\u2019s all about feelings\u2014if I like you\/if I don\u2019t like you\u2014\u201cWhat you say; I disagree with you, so I\u2019m not going to talk to you today,\u201d sort of thing. That\u2019s really been sitting with me; because the act of the will\u2014well, what does that look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s a <em>decision<\/em>. It\u2019s what we said we were going to do when we stood before God and these witnesses and exchanged vows. We said it\u2019s not going to be based on circumstances\u2014so whether it\u2019s \u201cbetter or worse, richer\/poorer, sickness\/health\u201d\u2014it doesn\u2019t matter whether it\u2019s good or bad. We\u2019re going to choose to love one another even if the circumstances change. <em>And<\/em> we said it\u2019s going to be based on a decision to \u201clove, honor, and cherish,\u201d\u2014not based on whether I feel like it today\u2014but \u201cI\u2019m going to <em>choose<\/em> to value you, to honor you, [and] to invest in us as a relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you go back to the words in 1 Corinthians 13: \u201cLove is patient.\u201d \u201cI\u2019m going to choose to be patient. I\u2019m going to choose to be kind. I\u2019m going to choose not to be arrogant, or not to boast, or not to be self-seeking.\u201d All of these descriptive words\u2014I\u2019m going to <em>choose<\/em> to do these things, because that\u2019s what <em>love<\/em> compels me to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And that\u2019s hard! I mean, when you\u2019re talking about that, it\u2019s difficult. It\u2019s not that easy, especially when, like you said, it\u2019s an act of the will. As you\u2019re talking about those marriage vows, that\u2019s a <em>commitment<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we think love is rainbows and sunflowers; and love really shows itself when you put on the work boots and the work gloves and say, \u201cThis is going to be hard.\u201d I mean, think about people you\u2019ve met, who have been in very challenging circumstances. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think about people we\u2019ve interviewed on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Charlie and Lucy Weidemeyer\u2014when Charlie was diagnosed with ALS\u2014his wife Lucy, now, was going to be, not just a wife, but a caregiver. She was going to be the one who was going to get him out of bed\/physically lift him out of bed, which wound up creating back problems for her because she\u2019s a little, tiny thing; he\u2019s a big guy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe <em>chose<\/em> to sacrifice, because that\u2019s what love calls you to do. When her marriage <em>dreams<\/em> and her marriage reality\u2014now, were two different things\u2014she said, \u201cI\u2019m not giving up on the reality, because it\u2019s not the dream I had. I\u2019m going to <em>love<\/em> in the midst of this reality, because that\u2019s what honors God.\u201d And here\u2019s what <em>she<\/em> found\u2014and here\u2019s what others find\u2014the people who choose to do that find a deep joy and a richness in the relationship that they would <em>miss<\/em> if they just went with the superficial, \u201cWell, this is not what I dreamed it was going to be, so I\u2019m out!\u201d or \u201c\u2026so I\u2019m passive,\u201d or \u201c\u2026so I\u2019m going to be unhappy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo; when you dig in, when you sacrifice, when you give of yourself, God meets you there and gives grace; and there\u2019s a <em>deeper<\/em> level of intimacy and joy that happens in a marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> The blessings of God for following Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Exactly; exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So as you\u2019re unpacking \u201cLove is patient; love is kind,\u201d you were talking about \u201cLove one another earnestly,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cearnestly.\u201d Earnestly is a <em>strong <\/em>word. You unpack, just really, Jesus and Judas, and that last night. Jesus <em>knew<\/em> what Judas was going to do\u2014and He could have done so many other things\u2014He did not, because He knew that God was in control; He <em>knew<\/em> that God was working it out. Apply this to a difficult marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, so here is the night before the crucifixion. Jesus and the disciples are in the garden and they\u2019re praying together. One of them has left. Judas has gone to get the temple guards, and he\u2019s coming to betray Jesus. Jesus <em>knows<\/em> betrayal is about to happen, and Judas walks up to Him and kisses Him. That\u2019s the designation for the temple guards that \u201cThis is the person who needs to be arrested.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, think about betraying someone with a sign of affection. Jesus\u2014here\u2019s what\u2019s remarkable\u2014Jesus looks at Judas and says, \u201cFriend.\u201d That\u2019s the first thing He says, \u201cFriend, do what you came to do.\u201d Jesus knew how the story would go. I think this was Jesus\u2019 final appeal to Judas, saying, \u201cMy relationship with you\u2014I would die for you. You\u2019re My friend; and I\u2019m here, ready to sacrifice Myself,\u201d hoping that maybe Judas, in that moment, might turn\/might soften; might say, \u201cWhat am I <em>doing<\/em> here?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo in a marriage situation, I\u2019m not suggesting that\u2014if you\u2019re married to an abuser, or a betrayer, or someone who\u2019s being cruel, or about to harm you in some way\u2014that you just smile and say, \u201cFriend.\u201d What I\u2019m saying is you look at that, and you say, \u201cWhat is the most loving thing I can do in this situation for this person who wants to do harm to me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say, Michelle, sometimes the most loving thing we can do is to not enable that person who\u2019s trying to harm us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s a really good point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So if you\u2019re married to an abusive person, the most loving thing you can do is get them help so that they can <em>stop<\/em> this pattern of abuse that\u2019s been a part of the marriage. That\u2019s not good for <em>them<\/em>; it\u2019s not good for <em>you<\/em>. But we do it here because we love that person, and we want <em>them<\/em> to be free from the bondage that they\u2019re in that is manifesting itself in abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when Jesus says to Judas, \u201cFriend,\u201d I think He\u2019s saying: \u201cI love you. I care about you. I want to help.\u201d And Judas, of course, didn\u2019t avail himself. So in a marriage relationship, I think we\u2019ve got to do the same thing with our spouse\u2014say: \u201cI know the pattern you\u2019re in,\u201d\u2014the sin habits or whatever it is that\u2019s manifesting itself here\u2014\u201cI know these things are destructive to our relationship; but I\u2019m your friend, and I want to help. I\u2019m ready to make sacrifices for that, because I care about <em>you<\/em> even more than I care about my own interests.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPhilippians 2:3: \u201cDo nothing from selfishness or conceit; but with humility, regard one another as more important than yourself.\u201d If that\u2019s applied in a marriage, that\u2019s saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to regard <em>you<\/em> and what you need as being more important than myself.\u201d That\u2019s love! \u201cGreater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You know, just as you\u2019re talking, it brought me back around to that very first quote of it\u2019s the act of the will, not the emotions\u2014<em>not<\/em> being a victim of our emotions\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014because God is at work. God is always at work!\u2014we <em>always<\/em> know that; we can stand by that\u2014that\u2019s a promise!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So if someone is walking through a really hard part in marriage\u2014or maybe it\u2019s not that extreme, but it\u2019s still difficult\u2014it\u2019s still difficult when you just have those little tiny things\u2014the toilet paper\u2014you know? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014the irritants.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> The irritants are hard!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s an act of the will, saying, \u201cGod is working.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; things where we think, \u201cWell, my way is the right way; and if you\u2019re not doing it my way, you\u2019re doing it the <em>wrong<\/em> way,\u201d\u2014as opposed to\u2014\u201cNo, these are just choices we can make; and they really, at the end of the day, are not going to be a big deal.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible, in Proverbs, says, \u201cIt is a man\u2019s glory to overlook a transgression.\u201d I\u2019m not even talking about transgressions here; I\u2019m just talking about preferences. It\u2019s our <em>glory<\/em> to let our spouse live the way they choose to live and not be so irritated or annoyed. That\u2019s what love does.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> A friend was sharing at a Bible study about a year ago; we were talking about who had the biggest impact in our lives. A friend said, \u201cMy father-in-law.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Because at their wedding, he took her off to the side and said, \u201cPreference is okay; you don\u2019t have to die to self that way. That\u2019s not dying to self to say, \u2018Well, whatever coffee cup you want, dear.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> He said, \u201cIf you like the yellow coffee cup, say, \u2018I would <em>rather<\/em> have the yellow coffee cup.\u2019\u201d That\u2019s not something that you have to sit and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and fight about. And Mary Ann and I have said\u2014we\u2019ve learned this over time. I would say, first ten years of our marriage, we would think, \u201cYour choices are wrong or bad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIf you don\u2019t agree with me, you\u2019re making flawed decisions.\u201d Because we just think, \u201cMy way of thinking is right; your way of thinking is wrong.\u201d And we\u2019ve learned different isn\u2019t wrong; sometimes, it\u2019s just different. Now, Mary Ann will say, \u201cWell, sometimes it\u2019s wrong.\u201d And she\u2019s right; there are wrong decisions we can make. But sometimes, it\u2019s just matters of preference; and we just need to give each other a lot of grace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cLove\u201d\u20141 Corinthians 13 says\u2014\u201cis not rude. It\u2019s not irritable. It\u2019s not resentful.\u201d It doesn\u2019t hold onto\u2014it doesn\u2019t catalog a record of wrongs\u201d;\u00a0 and come back around and say: \u201cWell, you did this wrong,\u201d \u201cYou did this wrong,\u201d \u201cYou did this wrong.\u201d Love lets a lot of that stuff go and says, \u201cI value our relationship more than I value my preferences.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> How do you get there? Because just, as I think through all of that, I\u2019m like, \u201cThat is so hard,\u201d because it\u2019s a tendency to hold! [Laughter] It\u2019s a tendency to <em>remember<\/em>. I don\u2019t always remember the good things\u2014I mean, sometimes I do\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u2014but it\u2019s those <em>bad<\/em> things of what you have done to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And this is why, to get to a loving relationship, we have to confront the tendencies in ourselves not be loving. This is <em>not<\/em> about: \u201cHow do you make your spouse more loving to <em>you<\/em>?\u201d This is: \u201cHow you get to be a more loving person.\u201d You begin to do the diagnosis and say: \u201cLove is patient; am I patient?\u2014oh, not so much. How do I address the pattern in my life of impatience?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Bible talks about putting off deeds of the flesh\u2014ways of thinking that are habitual for us\u2014and putting on godly virtue. This is done through the power of the Holy Spirit. This is not a self-improvement course; but this is us saying: \u201cI am impatient. My impatience reflects a self-focus. I need to confess before God and before my spouse that my impatience is wrong; it\u2019s not honoring to God.\u201d And then I start to cultivate the opposite of impatience: \u201cSo how can I cultivate patience? How can I <em>train<\/em> myself to be more patient?\u201d All of this, again, done in the power of the Spirit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I have found in my own life is that meditating on God\u2019s Word\/memorizing Scripture\u2014having <em>that<\/em> shape my thinking\u2014so that, in a situation where I am triggered to be impatient, and Ephesians 4 comes to mind: \u201cBe kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ\u2019s sake has forgiven you.\u201d Having a verse like that in my heart\/that I\u2019m consciously aware, the next time I\u2019m feeling impatient, I\u2019m going to remember that verse and let that verse control my behavior rather than the momentary impatience I\u2019m feeling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes; Bob, this is some great stuff. I want to continue in our conversation, but we need to take a break. When we come back, I want to talk more about \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13 and your book, <em>Love Like You Mean It. <\/em>Stay tuned. We\u2019ll be back in two minutes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. Today, we are talking about love\u2014the kind of love from 1 Corinthians 13\u2014because we don\u2019t want to be that gong or that clanging symbol. We want to be somebody who is patient and kind. Those are the characteristics of love: you\u2019re patient; you\u2019re kind; you do not envy; you do not boast; you\u2019re not proud. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re learning from Bob Lepine; he wrote the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It. <\/em>Here\u2019s Part Two of my conversation with Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous Interview]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I want to talk about kindness; because so many times, we think kindness and niceness are the same thing; but as Lewis Smedes said, \u201cKindness is being ready to enhance the life of another person.\u201d \u201cEnhance\u201d\u2014talk to us about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What does that look like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Love is kind; that\u2019s the second thing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014that 1 Corinthians 13 says about love. If I introduce to you two people\u2014and I said, \u201cHe\u2019s a really nice guy\u201d; and then I said, \u201cThis person over here, he\u2019s a really kind person,\u201d\u2014you would understand that the nice guy\u2019s a nice guy; he\u2019s going to be friendly and he\u2019s going to be somebody who\u2019s easy to get along with. The kind person, you will understand, is somebody who\u2019s going to be proactively seeking good for <em>you<\/em>. A kind person is somebody, who is thinking: \u201cHow can I <em>demonstrate<\/em> goodness toward you?\u201d \u201cHow can I look for ways to <em>bless<\/em> you, and then act on that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe formula that I talk about in the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It, <\/em>is that: \u201cMy goal is your good\u201d: \u201cWhat kinds of things can I do today that are going to be for your good, and are going to make life better for you?\u2014help you thrive, help you grow more in godliness, that are going to serve you.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd so much of kindness is just the little acts that we do for one another. This morning, when I opened my drawer, and there was a clean undershirt in my drawer, it was because my wife has been kind toward me and said: \u201cI\u2019m going to take care of your laundry. You throw it in this thing; and it will come back in your drawer, clean and folded, free of charge.\u201d That\u2019s an act of kindness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Now do you take that for granted? Or do you stop and thank her for it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think we <em>all<\/em> take those things for granted; and this is where we have to pull back and say, \u201cLet\u2019s acknowledge the kindnesses that we\u2019re doing for one another.\u201d I just look for more opportunity to say\u2014I don\u2019t come down every morning and say, \u201cThank you again for the clean undershirt that was in my drawer,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but I have paused, somewhat regularly, saying: \u201cI want you to know I am so grateful that you do this without any grumbling or complaining. You have served me like this for decades! I don\u2019t take that for granted; thank you for that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019ll do the same thing when I come back from getting the oil changed in her car. These are little acts of kindness we do in marriage; and when we do them, it\u2019s the lubricant that causes the gears of marriage to run more\u2014I\u2019m using the oil analogy because I just talked about changing the oil\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014but yes, the marriage runs more smoothly when there\u2019s the oil of kindness that is present in the marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> So which one of these attributes hit home for you as you were writing the book?\u2014as you were studying 1 Corinthians 13.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I say in the book, \u201cTake the word, \u2018love,\u2019 out of the chapter and put your name in there. You can\u2019t get very far without saying, \u2018Well! This doesn\u2019t sound like me anymore!\u2019\u201d I think the thing that is really at the heart of the whole picture is that love is others-centered. First of all, it\u2019s God-centered, and then it\u2019s others-centered, as opposed to being self-centered.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was just aware, as I was meditating on this passage and working on the book, how often I\u2019m evaluating a relationship based on: \u201cWhat am I getting out of this?\u201d \u201cHow do I feel about it? Is this making me happy? Am I satisfied?\u201d \u201cIs Mary Ann doing her part?\u201d It\u2019s all, \u201cMe, me, me,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s not love! Love is me looking and saying: \u201cWhat can I <em>give<\/em> here? What can I <em>contribute<\/em> here?\u201d \u201cHow can I make your good my goal and work toward that, and make that the priority of my marriage?\u201d I just recognized that\u2019s where I need to step up my game.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> You know, Jonathan Edwards said, \u201cYou are not your own; He has made you for Himself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Those are strong words.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And just as you\u2019re unpacking 1 Corinthians 13, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cLove is about dying to self, and loving our neighbor\/our brothers and sisters; but even more so in marriage.\u201d Because that\u2019s really where\u2014I guess it\u2019s the sandpaper rub that you get.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, it is; and the Bible has a phrase for that sandpaper\u2014the phrase is \u201clight and momentary afflictions.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> [Laughing] It\u2019s true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we look at these, and we go: \u201cThese are <em>horrible<\/em> things we\u2019re going through! These are <em>horrible<\/em> circumstances we\u2019re dealing with.\u201d And I\u2019m not trying to minimize anybody\u2019s circumstances\u2014because some of them are <em>horrible<\/em> circumstances\u2014they\u2019re very hard; they\u2019re painful; they\u2019re tragic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd the Apostle Paul, who had been through being stoned, and being beaten, and being tossed overboard, and being run out of town, and had received lashes, and he had\u2014you read through the list in 2 Corinthians, where he says, \u201cI had this, and this, and this\u201d\u2014he is the one who says, \u201cThese light and momentary afflictions are producing in us an eternal weight of glory.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality of pain and suffering in a marriage\u2014and it\u2019s there\u2014the Bible says, \u201cYes, it\u2019s true.\u201d Again, I\u2019m not trying to minimize it; but the Bible says \u201cIt\u2019s light and it\u2019s momentary compared with the glory that\u2019s ahead for us.\u201d One day, we will look back on that and say, \u201cWhat seemed so crushing in the moment; we see it now differently.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think of it this way\u2014my wife has given birth five times\u2014she has told me that it\u2019s, other than having a kidney stone, it\u2019s the most painful experience she\u2019s been through in her life. [Laughter] And in the <em>middle<\/em> of it, you think, \u201cI\u2019m not sure I can survive this moment.\u201d And an hour later, when you\u2019re holding a baby in your arms, the pain you just went through is starting to subside; because the joy of that child has so overtaken you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we press <em>through<\/em> the pain\u2014this goes to the end of the passage in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians\u2014where it says, \u201cLove bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends,\u201d\u2014so yes, in the middle of hard times and in the middle of <em>real<\/em> suffering, we bear; we believe; we hope; we endure; and we keep loving. God promises, in that, we will find Him; we\u2019ll find grace; we\u2019ll find joy; and we\u2019ll come out on the other side, and say, \u201cThat was hard, but it was for my good.\u201d There will be joy in what comes out of those painful circumstances and situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Good words, Bob. Thank you so much for helping us understand \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13 better and for joining me today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Thank you for inviting me to be a guest on <em>your <\/em>program.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yay!! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> [Laughter] So fun to have Bob in the studio, talking about his latest book, <em>Love Like You Mean It.<\/em> He wasn\u2019t on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; he is on <em>my <\/em>show! That was even better. Well, Bob\u2019s book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, is <em>just <\/em>out. We have more information for that book on our website; go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, there\u2019s a lot going on in our world right now; and in all of that, there\u2019s a lot of grief and heaviness that just seems to be weighing us down. To help us work through our feelings and our emotions, Ron Deal is going to join me next week. We\u2019re going to talk about the elusive losses in the death of loved ones. I hope you can join us for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks for listening. I want to thank the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"about:blank\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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