{"id":306239,"date":"2020-07-08T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-07-08T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-is-kind\/"},"modified":"2020-07-08T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-07-08T11:00:04","slug":"love-is-kind","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-kind\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Is kind"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bob Lepine discusses godly love-a love that is patient and kind and filled with the fruit of the Spirit. Learn why niceness merely responds, but kindness initiates.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-08.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:06","filesize":"25.74M","filesize_raw":"26986159","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2810,2088],"tags":[6908],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306239","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-love-in-marriage","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306239\/love-is-kind","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306239\/love-is-kind","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"XoAJ2RRpPG\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-kind\/\">Love Is kind<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-kind\/embed\/#?secret=XoAJ2RRpPG\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love Is kind&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"XoAJ2RRpPG\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Bob Lepine discusses godly love-a love that is patient and kind and filled with the fruit of the Spirit. Learn why niceness merely responds, but kindness initiates.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-08.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sometimes what can look like weakness in marriage isn\u2019t weakness at all; it\u2019s the opposite. Ann Wilson says she realized that as she watched her mom demonstrate patience and perseverance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I remember, as a teenager thinking: \u201cCome on, Mom! Have some backbone! You need to stand up to Dad! You need to not do this! You\u2019re basically a slave!\u201d As they continued in their relationship, I watched her, and I realized, \u201cOh, she is <em>strong<\/em>.\u201d What I thought was weakness was strength; it was beauty; it was perseverance; it was patience; it was longsuffering. She just used her <em>strength<\/em> and she served <em>all<\/em> of us\u2014it wasn\u2019t just my dad; it was <em>all<\/em> of us in a way that would take your breath away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, July 8<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Real love in marriage\u2014love the way the Bible defines it\u2014is a strength, not a weakness. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m just sitting here, wondering, how far would we have to go if we asked people, \u201cDescribe Dave.\u201d So Ann, if we asked people: \u201cDescribe Dave,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let\u2019s not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014how far down the list would we have to go until \u201ckindness\u201d appeared as one of those descriptive words?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, I think that would be toward the top.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Would that be near the top?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Kind?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019ve been called many things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cKind\u201d doesn\u2019t usually\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think\u2014I mean, I\u2019ve been called competitive; does that go along with kind? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob : <\/strong>No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014because not normally am I kind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You don\u2019t think of yourself as a kind person?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think of myself as <em>wanting<\/em> to be a kind person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, that\u2019s a good thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>The only time you\u2019re not kind is when you\u2019re driving. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, yes. We don\u2019t want to go there; I am <em>not<\/em> kind on the road.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The reason we\u2019re talking about kindness is because this is one of the attributes of love that the Apostle Paul lays out in 1 Corinthians, Chapter 13.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And we know somebody who wrote a book about this\u2014a whole chapter of the Bible! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is the <em>best<\/em> book you will read all year; this is an <em>amazing<\/em> book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ve just finished a book called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, where we dive deep into \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13 and think: \u201cIn marriage, what if these things were true about us? What if we were patient? What if we were kind? What if we did not insist on our own way? What if we were not resentful? What if we were not rude to one another?\u201d\u00a0 These are all of the things that Paul uses to describe what genuine love looks like in 1 Corinthians 13.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m convinced that husbands and wives\u2014their marriages would thrive\u2014if they were saying: \u201cI want this to be true about me and in how I interact with you. I want to be this kind of person.\u201d If our biggest disagreement was: \u201cI want to be more kind than you are,\u201d \u201cNo, I want to be more kind than you are,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014if that\u2019s what you\u2019re fighting about, we\u2019d have a pretty good marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and I have to say\u2014we\u2019ve been poking fun at you, because you wrote a book on marriage and you\u2019re sitting here with us\u2014but I have to be honest; as I read it, I thought, \u201cThis book can transform families.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Because think about it\u2014I know it\u2019s your goal\u2014if we could actually live out what God says love is\u2014and there\u2019s such a great description in 1 Corinthians 13; that\u2019s why it\u2019s such a famous passage\u2014and yet, very few understand. Now, we\u2019re going to say: \u201cOkay, let\u2019s read a book that helps us go, \u2018This is more than a poetic reading at a wedding; this is a picture of godly, mature love,\u2019\u201d and \u201c\u2019If I started living that in our marriage, not only would our marriage be transformed\u201d\u2014think about this\u2014\u201cthe neighbors would want our marriage.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>They would! So now the gospel\u2019s being spread through our neighborhood, the city, the world; because a couple lives out godly love.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to frame that, because that\u2019s how powerful I think what you wrote is. Yes, we\u2019re having fun looking at these words; but this love is <em>kind<\/em>. How many marriages\/how many pictures of love being kind do we have?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s not what\u2019s being held up as a model. I think some people mistake niceness for kindness. A nice person is a person who\u2019s polite, a person who is gentle, a person who will be respectful of others. A <em>kind<\/em> person is somebody who proactively <em>seeks<\/em> to bless another person. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKindness is not how we respond to other people; kindness is how we <em>initiate<\/em> with other people. It\u2019s where we step in and say: \u201cMy goal in our interaction is for you to be blessed, for you to thrive, for you to flourish,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m going to proactively seek to do things that will make that happen,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a kind person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What\u2019s an example of that, Bob? What did that look like for you and Mary Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019ll give you a simple\u2014this is just one of those simple, little mundane things\u2014but Mary Ann and I were at a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> getaway. Our friend, Tim Downs, was speaking. Tim said that he had, early on in his marriage, decided that one of the ways he could bless his wife was by making sure that her car was always full of gas\/that she didn\u2019t have to worry about stopping to get gas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know some people are like, \u201cOh, so the man has to get the gas and a woman can\u2019t?\u201d No; it wasn\u2019t that. He just wanted her not to have to worry about it, so he would proactively try to make sure that her car was always full of gas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember I turned to Mary Ann and said, \u201cWould that matter to you?\u201d She goes, \u201cYes, that would be nice.\u201d I thought, \u201cOkay, that\u2019s something simple I can do.\u201d That\u2019s just an act of simple service that says, \u201cI want your life to be easier\/I want your life to be better, so I will do things that help make that happen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, those are simple things. I\u2019m trying to think on a bigger level: \u201cHow do we do the more profound things in each other\u2019s lives that demonstrate a kind of lovingkindness?\u201d Think about that word; that\u2019s the word in the Old Testament that describes God more than any other term that\u2019s used\u2014His <em>hesed<\/em> is the Hebrew word\u2014it\u2019s His lovingkindness. The Bible says: \u201cHis lovingkindness is better than life.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Jewish people, if you went to them and said, \u201cDo you know God is holy?\u201d\u2014they\u2019d say, \u201cWell, of course, God is holy.\u201d \u201cWell, you know that God is perfect?\u201d\u2014\u201cOf course God is perfect.\u201d \u201cYou know God is a God of lovingkindness?\u201d\u2014they\u2019d go, \u201cWait; He\u2019s that?!\u201d I mean, we expect God to be high and lifted up, but a God who is full of lovingkindness? This is God who says, \u201cI\u2019m going to proactively seek to bring blessing to you, and I\u2019m going to pour that out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s God\u2019s character, and it should be our profound character to say, \u201cI want <em>you<\/em> to be blessed.\u201d I\u2019ll give you an example. When the kids were little, Mary Ann wanted to go to Bible Study Fellowship in the evenings. That meant that, on a particular night, I was home taking care of the kids. Now, that\u2019s what husbands do. In fact, my son tweeted out recently something; he said: \u201cI\u2019m taking care of the kids. I\u2019m not doing my wife\u2019s job; I\u2019m being a dad.\u201d This is what dads do. It\u2019s not Mom\u2019s job, and I\u2019ve taken it over for a few hours; no, it\u2019s my job, too. I didn\u2019t look at it and say, \u201cThis is onerous\u201d; but I was taking care of the kids that night so that she could be free to grow\/to thrive spiritually. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think kindness is a way, where we look at each other, and say: \u201cI want that for you. I want you to be better; I want to <em>bless<\/em> you, so what can I do so that you\u2019re blessed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think one of the things you identified in the book\u2014and we\u2019re talking about it\u2014is you think kindness is these grand gestures, you know? And yet, that is true\u2014like I keep my vow; I honor my commitment\u2014that\u2019s being kind to my spouse; but it is these little\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014little acts of service even.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014that really, you walk away from a person and go, \u201cThey were so kind, because they took care of this little detail,\u201d\u2014like the gas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was thinking\u2014I don\u2019t know what Ann would say\u2014when we had little boys, and it was chaos, one gift I gave her was, once a month, we called a Boys\u2019 Day Out; and it was take the three little guys and go away for the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014where I could just stay home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is what\u2019s interesting. Researchers have shown that the amount of kindness demonstrated in a marriage is the single greatest predictor of marital satisfaction and stability. If we look at each other and go, \u201cYou know, my spouse is a kind person,\u201d who does <em>not<\/em> want to do forever with somebody who\u2019s kind? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf there\u2019s an <em>absence<\/em> of kindness\u2014that\u2019s the other side of this\u2014if there\u2019s a disregard, if we are unkind toward one another, if we\u2019re not proactively seeking the good of others, then that\u2019s the sandpaper that starts to rub holes in our marriage relationship and causes us to feel that low-level dissatisfaction that we go, \u201cThis is no fun for me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, you even say in the book that: \u201cKindness acts like a marital disinfectant.\u201d What do you mean by that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It means that the germs that can build up in just the day-to-day interaction with one another\u2014and you feel that way\u2014if you come home from the gas station, after feeling that way, and you walk in\u2014and Dave is in the kitchen, and he\u2019s just finished sweeping the kitchen, and it\u2019s cleaned up\u2014and he says, \u201cYes, I had a few minutes and I thought I\u2019d just straighten up around here; because I know you\u2019ve been busy,\u201d all of a sudden, the grumbling you were doing at the gas station <em>evaporates<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not like you walk in and go, \u201cWell, that\u2019s all well and good; but if you had just filled up my\u2026\u201d No! You go, \u201cOkay, he really is kind; he really is thinking about me. He really does <em>love<\/em> me.\u201d Because that\u2019s how\u2014again, kindness is the <em>expression<\/em> of: \u201cI\u2019m committed to your good. I want to see blessing happen in your life.\u201d Who does not want to do forever with a person like that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; how do we get that?\u2014especially like <em>back<\/em> in our marriage\u2014because I know, for many of us, it\u2019s like I\u2019m kind to the person that came to the door right after yelling at my kids and not being kind to my wife. Then the doorbell rings, and <em>immediately<\/em> you\u2019re kind. That person will walk away from my front door and say, \u201cMan, that guy was really kind.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I would say you were <em>nice<\/em>; you were polite\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>There you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014that\u2019s different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKindness is an intentionality that says\u2014think about it this way\u2014if you woke up tomorrow morning, and you said: \u201cOkay, what\u2019s one thing I could do today that would be a proactive way of blessing my spouse?\u2014something I could do that would serve or that would demonstrate love and care?\u2014that would say, \u2018I want to bless you\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we just said, \u201cI\u2019ll do one thing a day that would do that,\u201d\u2014and if we understand what blessing looks like for our spouse\u2014that might be you send them an affectionate text; it might be that you do an act of service; you know, we can get into love languages and how all of that manifests\u2014but if you say, \u201cMy goal is to <em>bless<\/em> you today; what is one way that I can do that?\u201d and then, \u201cI\u2019m going to do that, whether you bless me back or not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s big, right there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you do it and you go, \u201cI blessed you for four days; you never did <em>anything<\/em>,\u201d\u2014no. You just have to say, \u201cI want to be a loving person.\u201d The Bible says God\u2019s kindness leads us to what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014repentance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014repentance. I believe that our perpetual kindness toward another person\u2014 where we\u2019re actively seeking to bless them\u2014God can use that to break through the hardness of their heart and to bring them to a point, where they go: \u201cI do not deserve the blessing that you are to me, and I need to change as a result. I need to be a different person.\u201d It doesn\u2019t always work; it\u2019s not a magic formula. It\u2019s not like, \u201cOkay, if I do this for a month, then it\u2019ll fix my spouse.\u201d We\u2019re responding to God\u2019s kindness toward us by being kind toward others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re asking the question, \u201cHow do I develop kindness?\u201d you reflect on the fact that you are the recipient of <em>amazing<\/em> kindness. God has demonstrated His lovingkindness; He <em>blesses you<\/em>. Now, He says, \u201cCan you do this for others?\u201d And you say: \u201cYes, Lord. I can do this. Look at how You have blessed me. I can be a blessing to others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What would you say is the <em>opposite<\/em> of kindness? Don\u2019t say, \u201cUnkind\u201d; you\u2019re not allowed to use that word. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Later on in the passage, it says love is not rude; it\u2019s not irritable; and it\u2019s not resentful. I think the opposite of kindness is rudeness, irritability, and resentment. I think Paul, later in the passage, is saying, again, \u201cBe kind by not being rude, irritable, and resentful.\u201d We have to seek to identify: \u201cAm I rude? How do I manifest rudeness toward my spouse?\u201d \u201cAm I irritable?\u201d \u201cAm I resentful about things in my spouse?\u201d and \u201cHow do I curb these?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is where: \u201cHow do I get rid of these and replace them with proactive goodness towards another person?\u201d It\u2019s not just, \u201cI\u2019m going to get rid of these, and then I\u2019ll be kind,\u201d\u2014no. \u201cI get rid of these, but I still have to cultivate proactive goodness toward another person.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; because one of the thoughts that came to my mind\u2014tell me what you think, Bob\u2014is one of the opposites of kindness is selfishness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Because the only way I\u2019m going to treat Ann kinder\/even my neighbor is if I get my eyes off of me and think: \u201cI really want to honor them,\u201d \u201cWhat would honor <em>her<\/em> today?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you said earlier is a <em>great<\/em> action step. What if every listener said: \u201cStarting today\u201d \u2014day one of thirty days if you want to do a month\u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to take my eyes off me. I\u2019m going to wake up tomorrow and say, \u2018What is one thing I can do to bless and be kind to my spouse?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, the other thing I was thinking was: \u201cIf you don\u2019t get any response back from a spouse\u2014if you do these acts of kindness, and they have <em>no<\/em> response or say anything\u2014here\u2019s what I would say, too: \u2018Don\u2019t forget that this is almost like an act of worship to God. It\u2019s not doing something to get something back from your spouse. This is an act of worship; and <em>every<\/em> single little thing you do, God sees it.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I was recently with four of our grandkids that range from age five to four months, and you talk about self-sacrificing. Their mom and dad, boy, they are just getting it done; and it is a <em>hard<\/em> phase of life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI sit there and I remember, as a young mom, thinking, \u201cI\u2019m doing all these things, and nobody sees; nobody notices.\u201d Yet I remember one day praying, and I said, \u201cGod, do You see me?\u201d I felt like He said, \u201cI see <em>every<\/em> act of kindness and serving that you\u2019re giving to your family.\u201d I feel like He\u2019s always applauding us too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He sees it; it\u2019s an act of worship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think you\u2019re exactly right. That\u2019s where we have to ask the question: \u201cAre we trying to cultivate love so that we can get something out of it?\u201d or \u201cAre we trying to cultivate love <em>because<\/em> God has demonstrated His love for us?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is what [Apostle] John says\u2014he says, \u201cBehold, the manner of love God has given to us.\u201d That\u2019s an interesting verse; this is 1 John 3:1. \u201cBehold\u201d means, \u201cLook very carefully at this,\u201d \u201cStare at this,\u201d \u201cFix your eyes on this,\u201d \u201cLook deeply into this,\u201d\u2014\u201cBehold.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen it says \u201c\u2026the manner of love\u2026\u201d it says, \u201cBehold the kind of foreign love like you\u2019ve never seen from any place else,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s an uncommon love. \u201cBehold the uncommon love God has <em>lavished<\/em> on us, that we should be called children of God.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay, so that\u2019s how God\u2019s loved us; His lovingkindness is better than life. For us to be kind and loving to other people is to say: \u201cI\u2019m the recipient of this. If I\u2019m the recipient of this, I can now lavish love and kindness on you, not so that I get something in return, but because I\u2019m a child of God. He has lavished love on me, and He\u2019s called me to lavish it on <em>you<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus loved us without an expectation of anything in return. Jesus loved us while we were still His enemies. Jesus loved us by giving Himself up\u2014<em>not<\/em> saying, \u201cWell, I\u2019m going to love you for 30 days; and then, if you don\u2019t turn around, I\u2019m not going to keep loving <em>you<\/em>,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s our picture; that\u2019s our model.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s also one of the fruit of the Spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Kindness is a result of being filled with God\u2019s Spirit; it pours out of us as a result of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And it pours out if you have drunk in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s where\u2014when we go, \u201cI just don\u2019t have any kindness left in me,\u201d\u2014then we go back to God and we drink it in: we meditate on His kindness toward us; and we go, \u201cOh, yes; I\u2019m filled up with kindness, because God has been kind to me. I\u2019m aware of this now. Now I can pour it out to others.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What does that look like for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, it means that, when I\u2019m spiritually depleted with any of the spiritual fruit\u2014when I\u2019m banging on empty; because I\u2019m tired, or I\u2019m drained, or whatever else\u2014I have to take time to dig into God\u2019s Word; I have to take time to worship; I have to take time in prayer\u2014and to just stop and recalibrate my thinking about who God is, who I am, why I\u2019m here, what matters most in life; \u201cWhat\u2019s my assignment?\u201d\u2014and then just think about that and go: \u201cOkay; I needed that recalibration. Now I can get back in the game.\u201d It can come out of me, now, more naturally; because I\u2019ve spent time with the Lord, and He\u2019s poured it into me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know, for me, there is <em>no one<\/em>\u2014emphatically, <em>no one<\/em> in my life\u2014kinder to me than this woman sitting right here to my left, my wife. She is beyond kind, and it\u2019s amazing; because your spouse can be the one that will not be kind, because they <em>see<\/em> it all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, other people that are kind to you, they walk up and they\u2019re kind and you\u2019re like, \u201cThat\u2019s nice; they don\u2019t really know the flaws.\u201d She knows it <em>all<\/em> and speaks life\/speaks kindness. You do, honey; it\u2019s just amazing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I also, Bob\u2014what you just said\u2014I know why\u2014because I\u2019m an amazing guy! [Laughter] No, that is not why. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI walk down every day, and I walk into the kitchen; and there she is with the Word of God, often on her knees, hands raised, singing\/praising God, being filled up with the love and kindness of Christ in her life, and then she overflows it to me. It\u2019s beautiful; it doesn\u2019t happen apart from Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I was going to say it\u2019s because I\u2019m <em>desperate<\/em> for Him, and I know that I can be <em>mean<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We all can. That\u2019s where the regular disciplines of the Christian life are how we go and make sure that we are perpetually filled up. This is what it means to be filled with the Spirit\/to walk in the Spirit. It means that you spend time with God, filling you up: you\u2019re aware of His presence; you\u2019re aware of His power in your life; and when you are empty, you go to Him to get filled up. You don\u2019t go to your spouse and say, \u201cYou need to fill me up so that I can pour some of this back on you,\u201d\u2014no. You go to the Lord, and He fills you up with this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, my burden here, as I wrote this book, just continued to increase\u2014first, for my own marriage\u2014the more we press into God\u2019s design for what love is supposed to look like, the better your marriage becomes. All of us have room to grow in this area. I mean, anybody who\u2019s been married, like we have, more than four decades\u2014or you\u2019re just starting on the journey\u2014there\u2019s room to grow; there\u2019s increased capacity for you to expand your love for one another in marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you do\u2014when you start to align with what the Bible describes for real love\u2014your marriage gets better. I promise; it gets better. Even if it\u2019s, it gets better. If it has some rough spots, those start to get worked out as you start to do what the Bible says we\u2019re supposed to do in how we love each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy hope\/my prayer for this book is that this will help a lot of couples move to a new place in their marriage, where love deepens, where they move deeper into oneness with one another, and they experience the kind of real joy that comes with doing marriage God\u2019s way\/loving each other God\u2019s way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. It has just released this week, and it\u2019s available right now for order. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy of the book, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. There\u2019s an e-book available; there\u2019s an audiobook available. Again, if you\u2019d like information about how to order any version of the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think any time we look carefully at 1 Corinthians 13, we all kind of flinch; because we all fall short of the standard of love that\u2019s described here. David Robbins, who\u2019s the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is with us. You\u2019ve felt that as you\u2019ve read through this passage, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; I came into the studio confessing to you, \u201cThat was really convicting for me!\u201d I love where you took us at the end, Bob; because so much transformation happens as we pursue kindness in our marriage. Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>I found myself listening, being convicted about how much I\u2019m not pursuing really intentional, ruthless intentionality in being kind to Meg. I found myself praying an old spiritual breathing illustration and exercise I learned in college from Bill Bright. It\u2019s that exercise of exhaling sin that God is convicting us of, and acknowledging God\u2019s forgiveness of that sin; and then moving to depend upon the power of the Holy Spirit to inhale by appropriating the fullness of God\u2019s Spirit by faith, trusting Him to control and empower me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod has put His Holy Spirit inside of those of us who believe in Jesus so that we wouldn\u2019t have to depend upon our own strength and our own efforts; so that we can constantly and continually draw from His divine resources to live with supernatural kindness, especially the relationships that matter most to us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Boy, and it\u2019s never been lost on me the fact that right in that passage, where Paul addresses marriage, in Ephesians, Chapter 5\u2014just before he gets to talking about marriage\u2014he says, \u201cBe filled with the Spirit,\u201d\u2014because we can\u2019t do marriage the way God wants us to unless we\u2019re filled with the Spirit. Thank you, David, for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about really the opposite of what we\u2019ve been talking about today. We\u2019re going to talk about abuse in a family situation. Jennifer Michelle Greenberg is going to join us to talk about the family she grew up in\u2014a churchgoing family with a dad, who was an elder in their local church\u2014and who was coming home and abusing his daughter physically. It\u2019s a sobering story. She joins us tomorrow to share her experience with this. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306239","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306239"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306239"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306239"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306239"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306239"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306239"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306239"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}