{"id":306237,"date":"2020-07-07T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-07-07T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/love-is-long-suffering\/"},"modified":"2020-07-07T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-07-07T11:00:04","slug":"love-is-long-suffering","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-long-suffering\/","title":{"rendered":"Love Is Long-Suffering"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dive deep into 1 Corinthians 13 as Bob Lepine, along with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, discuss the counter-intuitive principles of love God has given for lifelong relationships.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:27","filesize":"24.22M","filesize_raw":"25401258","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2810,2088],"tags":[6908],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306237","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-love-in-marriage","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306237\/love-is-long-suffering","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306237\/love-is-long-suffering","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"4oYfHX4dfg\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-long-suffering\/\">Love Is Long-Suffering<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/love-is-long-suffering\/embed\/#?secret=4oYfHX4dfg\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Love Is Long-Suffering&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"4oYfHX4dfg\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Dive deep into 1 Corinthians 13 as Bob Lepine, along with hosts Dave and Ann Wilson, discuss the counter-intuitive principles of love God has given for lifelong relationships.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible\u2019s definition of love includes a couple of character qualities\/a couple of attitudes that are sometimes absent from our marriages: patience and kindness. Here\u2019s Ann Wilson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <a id=\"_Hlk44414027\">I wish I would\u2019ve applied that more as a young wife because, when you look at \u201cLove is patient and kind,\u201d I think what I did was\u2014here\u2019s Dave\u2014I had expectations of what I thought he should be like or what he should do in our marriage. One of those was, especially when we had little kids, I <em>needed<\/em> his help; but instead of just going to him, talking to him\u2014being patient and kind in my approach\u2014I would be like: \u201cWhat are you doing?! I\u2019m doing <em>everything<\/em> around here, and you\u2019re not doing anything.\u201d<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, July 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Would you say your marriage is characterized by patience and kindness? Are you kind and patient with one another?\u2014that\u2019s what love looks like, according to the Bible. We\u2019ll talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re talking about what a <em>loving<\/em> marriage looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Actually, we\u2019re talking about\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014Bob Lepine\u2019s new book! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014a new book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Woo hoo!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is release week for the book; it\u2019s just coming out this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Pretty exciting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And it is pretty exciting. I wrote a book called <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>, back 20 years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <em>That<\/em> was 20 years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That was 20 years ago. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And along the way, people have said to me, \u201cAre you going to write another book?\u201d You guys know I\u2019ve been busy here with work on the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series, <em>The Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> video series, <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014<em>Like Arrows<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014all of the things we\u2019ve been doing. I\u2019ve had ideas. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, the idea for this book, which is called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>\u2014which, by the way, is the name of the cruise we do; I think our listeners know that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s a perfect title. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u20141 Corinthians 13, which is all about love\u2014I thought, \u201cWe really need to dive deep into this and think: \u2018What are the implications of these verses for marriage?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned that this gets read at weddings a lot. It\u2019s read because it sounds so poetic.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As you say that, I can picture myself in the chapel at our church. When it\u2019s read, there\u2019s this \u201cAhhhh,\u201d in the room. Because I know what it means, I <em>want<\/em> to go, \u201cHey, let\u2019s stop a minute.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait; are you guys saying it\u2019s <em>not <\/em>poetic? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re just saying, \u201cAre you <em>hearing<\/em> what you\u2019re <em>saying<\/em>?!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly; it\u2019s <em>hard<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you start off by saying, \u201cLove is patient,\u201d what we hear is, \u201cIt would be <em>so<\/em> wonderful if somebody would be patient with me all the time\u201d; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> but when the Bible says, \u201cLove is patient,\u201d it\u2019s saying: \u201cThis is your job. It\u2019s your job to be patient with somebody else. It\u2019s your job to\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe word for patience\u2014and this is the first quality that gets talked about on the list; you know?\u2014this is where it starts. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cLove is patient.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Isn\u2019t that a <em>weird<\/em> place to start? If you\u2019re sitting down with somebody, and they say, \u201cDescribe love for me\"; \u201cWell, let me describe it for you. Love means that you\u2019re going to have to be committed through suffering for a long, long time.\u201d The word for \u201cpatience\u201d here is the word that gets translated \u201clongsuffering.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014which is so interesting. I started a Bible study one year with the Detroit Lions wives, and I asked them to define \u201clove\u201d for me\u2014so \u201cJust define it; what do you think it is?\u201d Almost every single person related a <em>feeling<\/em> with love. Yet, when you look at <em>this<\/em>\u2014\u201cLove is patient,\u201d\u2014what you just described\u2014<em>longsuffering<\/em>; it\u2019s this hard, grueling\u2014people aren\u2019t attracted to that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When we were first talking about this book, we thought: \u201cMaybe we should call it <em>Rugged Love<\/em>,\u201d \u201cMaybe we\u2019ll call it <em>Durable Love,<\/em>\u201d\u2014those were some of the words. Then we thought, \u201cWho\u2019s going to buy a book called <em>Rugged Love<\/em>?\u201d\u2014right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLove is\u2014you guys [Dave and Ann] know this\u2014we used to give out an award every year from FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> called the Robertson McQuilkin award; it was for committed, sacrificial love. At the core of it, when we\u2019re talking about biblical love, I think there are two words that come back to me: one is \u201ccommitment\u201d; the other is \u201cself-sacrifice.\u201d Put those two together, you have <em>agape<\/em> love\u2014commitment and self-sacrifice\u2014\u201cI\u2019m not going anywhere,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019ll die for you.\u201d That\u2019s what <em>agape<\/em> love <em>is<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would give this award to people who demonstrated longsuffering in marriage. The first person we gave it to was a woman who lived in northern California. Her name is Lucy Wedemeyer. Lucy\u2019s husband Charlie, at that point, was the longest surviving ALS patient in America. Lucy, who\u2019s a little bitty thing, had taken care of her football player husband with ALS, lifting him in and out of bed as she could\u2014because he was no longer able to function for himself. Her whole life had been caring for Charlie as his body began to shut down. It wasn\u2019t just a case of his body began to shut down and, in two years he was gone; he lived for a couple of decades with ALS in the wheelchair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember interviewing her early on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>In fact, you can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and you can listen to this interview that was done decades ago with Charlie and Lucy. It\u2019s powerful and profound\u2014the sacrificial, committed love that did involve a level of suffering\u2014but Lucy said: \u201cNo, I love him. Of course, I\u2019m going to do this. This is the love of my life. This is what I <em>promised<\/em> to do. I\u2019m not going to renege on that promise, because he\u2019s my husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s longsuffering on a physical level; but Paul starts off by saying love\u2014this is at the foundation of what love is\u2014that we\u2019re committed; and we\u2019re going the distance; and we\u2019re not going anywhere, even when it costs us something\/even when it\u2019s hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Talk to the wife\/talk to the mom, who\u2019s been working all day; her husband has worked all day. They come home; he sits in front of the TV. This has been years, and she\u2019s doing everything. He is just not engaged; he\u2019s not helping; he\u2019s not doing <em>anything<\/em> to really add to the relationship or family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, it is <em>hard<\/em> when your job is \u201cPour out\u201d; and you think, \u201cWell, it would sure help if I\u2019d get a little positive response to this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s much nicer than I would say it. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIt would sure help if you\u2019d pitch in a little bit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cIt would sure help if this wasn\u2019t all on me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo what do you do in those moments? Well, I think, first of all, you have to think biblically. You have to think, \u201cWhat counsel does Scripture give me?\u201d; because the culture will say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what you do: you tell them off; you say, \u201cI\u2019m out of here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou tell him, \u201cUntil you start pulling your weight, I\u2019m not\u2026\u201d\u2014you punish him; you freeze him out\u2014you say, \u201cThere\u2019s no sugar in your coffee anymore until you start acting right around here.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>That\u2019s<\/em> the way the culture would have us respond; that\u2019s the way our <em>flesh<\/em> would have us respond. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJesus says, \u201cOkay, let\u2019s respond differently.\u201d Think about Romans 5:8\u2014God demonstrated His love for us\u2014how?\u2014\u201cWhile we were still His enemies, He sent His Son to die for us.\u201d Did you catch that? While we were doing <em>nothing<\/em> to pursue Him\/to add to the relationship\u2014in fact, we were on the other side, saying, \u201cI could care less about You,\u201d\u2014and He says, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m sending My Son to die for you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s hard to hear, because we got married for oneness. If you\u2019re not experiencing oneness\u2014and you hear somebody on the radio saying: \u201cWell, you\u2019ve just got to keep pouring out,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019ve got to keep pouring out,\u201d\u2014I understand that. Here\u2019s what I\u2019d say to somebody: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst thing you\u2019ve got to do is\u2014you have to remember there is a God who loves <em>you<\/em>, who sees you and knows what you\u2019re going through, and who is committed to your good, and who is in control of things. Don\u2019t forget that; don\u2019t abandon that. Don\u2019t give up on that, even though it\u2019s hard; you\u2019ve got to know that, in this hardness, God is <em>with<\/em> you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen secondly, God has put you here for a purpose. Your purpose is to be an ambassador of grace\/a dispenser of love to somebody who desperately needs it. This isn\u2019t just wives with deadbeat husbands; this can be a husband, who has a wife, who is <em>not<\/em> participating the way he\u2019d like for her to participate in the relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo your question is: \u201cHow can you be an ambassador of grace, and how can you minister to that person in a way to try to break through the woundedness and hard-heartedness that is keeping them sealed off from you?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhy would a person be passive? I think there are contexts, and scars, and wounds that all of us bring into marriage that shape how we respond in a relationship. Some of us have never [received] training; some of us don\u2019t know any better. This is where a loving spouse can help call out of you; say, \u201cI\u2019m a safe place to help heal these wounds\/to help you be the better person that God intends for you to be.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not saying that, in being patient, you just put up with behavior that is wrong behavior\u2014that you don\u2019t try to help your spouse get better\u2014I\u2019m just saying you look at it from the standpoint of: \u201cI\u2019m doing this because I want you to flourish, not because I want to feel better\u201d; and that\u2019s a <em>fundamental<\/em> shift. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf what you\u2019re doing is saying, \u201cYou need to act this way and this way; because then, I\u2019ll feel better,\u201d\u2014now we\u2019re not thinking biblically\u2014but if we\u2019re saying: \u201cYou need to act better, because God <em>made<\/em> you to be this better person. God has so much more for you, and I see the potential there is in you; and I\u2019m jealous to see it grow and develop in you,\u201d that\u2019s a whole different perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I wish I would\u2019ve applied that more as a young wife because, when you look at \u201cLove is patient and kind,\u201d I think what I did was\u2014here\u2019s Dave\u2014I had expectations of what I thought he should be like or what he should do in our marriage. One of those was, especially when we had little kids, I <em>needed<\/em> his help; but instead of just going to him, talking to him\u2014being patient and kind in my approach\u2014I would be like: \u201cWhat are you doing?! I\u2019m doing <em>everything<\/em> around here, and you\u2019re not doing anything.\u201d I wasn\u2019t patient or kind; because I was thinking about, \u201cI\u2019m doing so much more than you are.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think that we <em>do<\/em> have that power of taking it to God, realizing and looking at that, and then approaching you [spouse]. If I would have approached you in a way better way of saying, \u201cHey, here\u2019s what would really help us, as a family, if you could do this and that\u201d; but I would hold it in, bottle it up, and then it would all spew out in all kinds of bad ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo even taking that\u2014and applying \u201cLove is patient,\u201d\u2014\u201cGod, today, help me to be patient,\u201d and so let God\u2019s Word <em>seep<\/em> into us daily\/continually\u2014I think that can change things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think there are some times it gets <em>so hard<\/em>\u2014you\u2019re <em>so<\/em> exhausted\u2014you\u2019ve tried; you\u2019ve tried. You\u2019ve said it the right way; you\u2019ve said it the wrong way\u2014he doesn\u2019t change\/she doesn\u2019t change in that\u2014and you think, \u201cWell, the Christian thing to do is be patient,\u201d even though I\u2019m looking at other people, thinking, \u201cThey\u2019re happy; I can\u2019t seem to find that happiness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat would you say, Bob?\u2014because there\u2019s a woman, listening right now\/there\u2019s a man listening, saying: \u201cThis sounds great; I don\u2019t know if I\u2019ve got enough in me to make it another day, let alone a month. I do want to be patient. I think I have been, to a fault, and nothing\u2019s changing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019re talking about longsuffering; and I think the question is: \u201cSo how long?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cdo you suffer?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; I mean, it gets thin\u2014the longer we suffer, our patience wears thin. We\u2019ve all been there, where it\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, I\u2019ve put up with this for about as long as I can.\u201d I would say, when you\u2019re at the breaking point\u2014even before you get to the breaking point\u2014cry out to God and do what David said. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn Psalm 13, David says: \u201cLord, how long are You going to forget me? How long are You going to withhold Your favor from me?\u201d Think about a husband or a wife, who\u2019s in a frustrating marriage: \u201cLord, how long are You going to forget the situation I\u2019m in? How long are You going to withhold Your favor from me? How long will my enemy triumph over me?\u201d\u2014because you can feel like your spouse is your enemy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod says: \u201cI can handle this; bring it to me. Cry out; and then\u2014in the fellowship with Me, and in the interaction, and in the lament\u2014I\u2019m going to meet you there with a fresh supply of grace.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about it: patience is grace fueled by love. We said that love is commitment and self-sacrifice: \u201cYour good is my goal.\u201d So patience is\u2014that\u2019s my goal\u2014and it\u2019s fueled by grace. Well, when I\u2019m running <em>low<\/em> on grace, where do I go? I go to the Dispenser of grace and say, \u201cLord, pour more grace into me; so I can be a dispenser of grace to my husband.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow here\u2019s what I want to make sure our listeners understand: patience does not mean that we become passive enablers of dysfunction in another person.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re not loving another person if you are enabling them to continue in sinful patterns and habits in their life. You are loving them when you are helping them and calling them <em>away<\/em> from those habits and patterns\u2014gently, kindly, graciously, humbly\u2014calling them away from those habits and patterns. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat you described: Dave\u2019s not helping out with the kids; he\u2019s ESPN-ing it all night long; you\u2019re taking care of the boys and all of that. Rather than going and saying: \u201cYou know, when am I going to get some help around here? You come home every night and you\u2019re doing this and this,\u201d\u2014so that\u2019s not the approach\u2014but when you sit down with him and say: \u201cI need to talk to you, because what you\u2019re doing is not good for you; it\u2019s not good for the boys. It\u2019s not good for our marriage, and I don\u2019t think this is what God wants <em>us<\/em> to be. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s what God wants <em>you<\/em> to be. I\u2019m committed to doing whatever I can to help you be the husband and the dad that God wants you to be. I\u2019m here for that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, all of a sudden, it\u2019s like I have an ally that wants me to get better. I\u2019m not just married to a nag who wants a night out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I find it very interesting. I don\u2019t know if you remember this\u2014I don\u2019t know where I saw it; actually, I do know where I saw it\u2014Tim Keller\u2019s book, <em>The Meaning of Marriage<\/em>, where he quoted a study of couples that were unhappy, who were considering divorce. These couples decided to fight it out, hang on for five years; and the study said they got to a place of happiness they never thought possible, because they just were patient. In a sense, they decided: \u201cI\u2019m not going to throw in the towel. I\u2019m going to fight for this, even though everything in my soul is saying, \u2018Give up!\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember, because it was so <em>stunning<\/em> to me. These were people who\u2019d filed\u2014did not go through on it\u2014and five years later, they asked them: \u201cScore your marriage, on a scale of 1 to 5.\u201d And 83 percent of the people gave either a 4 or a 5. These were people, who were going to get divorced 5 years earlier, and now they are giving their marriage a 4 or a 5\u201483% of them are\u2014and what changed? They were committed; they made the sacrifices; and they were patient with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, I\u2019m not the same person I was, by God\u2019s grace, 20\/30 years ago; right? Mary Ann\u2019s been a part of that process in helping me become a more godly man\u2014that\u2019s God\u2019s work in <em>both<\/em> of our lives\u2014and I\u2019m so grateful for it. If we\u2019d said, \u201cYou know, this is just irritating, and I\u2019m <em>out<\/em> of this,\u201d I\u2019d have never benefited from the sanctifying work that my wife has been in my life. I think she\u2019d say the same thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I watched this play out in my home. My parents were married\u2014it would have been 70 years before my mom passed\u2014and I thought, growing up, my mom was the <em>weakest<\/em>-willed\u2014she let my dad walk all over her. She did <em>everything<\/em> around the house. He was the <em>king<\/em>, and she served him like he was the king. I remember, as a teenager, thinking: \u201cCome on, Mom; have some backbone! You need to stand up to Dad. You need to not do this; you\u2019re basically a <em>slave<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs they <em>continued<\/em> in their relationship, and I watched her, I realized, \u201cWhoa, she is strong!\u201d She just used her <em>strength<\/em> and she served <em>all<\/em> of us. It wasn\u2019t just my dad; it was <em>all<\/em> of us in a way that was\u2014it would take your breath away, because she didn\u2019t want or need any praise. She found so much fulfillment in loving us, in loving him, in serving him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo then, when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer\u2019s\u2014and she had it for 15 years\u2014I\u2019ll never forget watching my dad step up\u2014start cooking, cleaning, serving her, taking care of her. I remember saying, \u201cDad, this is amazing.\u201d He said\u2014very much like Robertson McQuilkin\u2014where he said, \u201cYour mom has served me her whole life; how could I not serve her now and do all the same for her?\u201d What I thought was weakness\u2014it was strength; it was beauty; it was perseverance; it was patience; it was longsuffering. I was just looking into a window instead of this beautiful legacy that she was building.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And let\u2019s be clear, we\u2019re not talking about somebody persevering under physical abuse.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And my dad was never <em>verbally<\/em> abusive in any way either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If your spouse\u2014husband or wife\u2014is physically abusive\/if there is emotional manipulation and cruelty, it is not in his or her best interest for you to simply long suffer. You need to get to safety for yourself. I would say that includes both physical and emotional safety. Then you need to be committed to helping your spouse break what is a sin pattern in his or her life. You need to be committed to helping the abuser break this pattern\/this habit of sin in his or her life; because that\u2019s the loving thing to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve talked to people, who have gone a long way down that road; and they\u2019ve never seen the pattern shift. They\u2019ve come to a point, where even their church leaders have said to them: \u201cHe\u2019s not interested in changing. He\u2019s hardhearted. He wants nothing to do with this or with you,\u201d\u2014and they have said\u2014\u201cFor your own protection, financially and physically,\u201d they\u2019ve supported separation or divorce in those situations. But that\u2019s the <em>exception<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you hear me say it was the church leaders who were counseling that? It was <em>not<\/em> the abused person, saying, \u201cThis is what I\u2019m going to do.\u201d I think that\u2019s so important; because a lot of times, we just make up our own mind about what we think is the right thing to do; or we find some guy friends or some girl friends, who are going to support us in that; and we head off to do it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNo, you need to go to get godly counsel and wisdom, and say to somebody: \u201cI want this to work; I want to help him. I\u2019ve tried for years; he seems disinterested.\u201d Then, when the church leaders get involved and he\u2019s still disinterested, there may come a point, where you say, for protection for you\/for the kids, \u201cThis is the right thing to do.\u201d Even then, love would say: \u201cPray for him; seek his best; seek his redemption; pray that God would break through the sin pattern and bring him to freedom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would add, too, have some great friends that speak life into you, encourage you, pray for you, and stand alongside you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The more we\u2019ve talked about it today, I love this word, \u201cpatience,\u201d because\u2014or even longsuffering\u2014because I think, when you see a picture of your wedding day, it\u2019s a beautiful picture. We should put one on the website of you and MaryAnn and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014Ann and I\u2014because you\u2019re at the very best you\u2019ll ever be. [Laughter] I mean, physically\u2014everything; I mean, I had hair. [Laughter] You\u2019re wearing everything; it\u2019s beautiful. But when you see a picture of that same couple, 30\/40 years later\u2014yes, we don\u2019t look as good\u2014but it is much more beautiful; because you and I know all the years\/days\u2014trials of longsuffering that they went through. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking, you know, that moment in the car, when Ann said to me on our ten-year anniversary, \u201cI\u2019ve lost my feelings for you.\u201d What if I would have said, \u201cMe, too; let\u2019s end this thing\u201d? There\u2019s no legacy; it\u2019s broken. Longsuffering\/love is patience is a godly thing that only He can do. Hang on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay, the wedding pictures are up at FamilyLifeToday.com. [Laughter] If you want to see what Dave and Ann looked like\/what MaryAnn and I looked like, back on our wedding day, go to FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, you can order a copy of the book <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>. It releases today, and you can order it from us at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. I\u2019m hoping that couples will read this book together. You can each read a chapter, and you can highlight different parts. Then read to each other what you highlighted and talk about why you highlighted it; or the questions that we\u2019ve included\u2014that are the \u201cTalk Together\u201d questions\u2014I\u2019m hoping that will spur some healthy conversation in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaybe this is something you do with a small group of other couples. Again, you can order the book, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we have talked about today is really central to what we do in our marriages and, ultimately, in our families. How we love one another is the bottom line of our faith. Jesus says you can sum up all of the Old Testament in two commands: \u201cLove God,\u201d and \u201cLove your neighbor.\u201d Of course, our closest neighbors are the neighbors who live with us in our own homes\u2014our children\/our spouse\u2014these are the relationships that matter most. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is here to continue to point you to God\u2019s Word as your source, so that you can effectively develop a more godly marriage and family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re so grateful for those of you, who partner with us, to make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible. You help cover the cost of producing and syndicating this program, making it available\u2014not only on this radio station but on our app\/online\u2014all of the different channels through which <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> can now be heard. Thank you for your ongoing partnership with this ministry. We\u2019re grateful for your support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a long-time listener, you\u2019ve never made a donation, we\u2019d love to hear from you today. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to donate; or you can call 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY,\u201d to make a donation over the phone. We look forward to hearing from you. Thanks, in advance, for your partnership with us, here, in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue to look at the character qualities that the Bible lists for us when it describes what real love looks like. We\u2019ll continue to compare and see how our marriages are doing when it comes to real love. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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