{"id":306234,"date":"2020-07-06T07:00:07","date_gmt":"2020-07-06T11:00:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/everything-minus-love-equals-nothing\/"},"modified":"2020-07-06T07:00:07","modified_gmt":"2020-07-06T11:00:07","slug":"everything-minus-love-equals-nothing","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/everything-minus-love-equals-nothing\/","title":{"rendered":"Everything Minus Love Equals Nothing"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Bob Lepine | FamilyLife Today hosts Dave and Ann Wilson interview Bob Lepine about his new book, &#8220;Love Like You Mean It,&#8221; and the marriage-transforming truths found in 1 Corinthians 13. Unfortunately, many of us use the phrase &#8220;I love you&#8221; too casually. Our view of love is based more on how marriage makes us feel rather than how we make our spouse feel. But according to Jesus, the greatest experience of love, in marriage and in life, is found only by those who lay down their lives for the people around them. Learn one practical tip on how to know whether you are displaying biblical love.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tBob Lepine unpacks ten attributes of genuine love listed in 1 Corinthians 13 in his new book &#8220;Love Like You Mean It: The Heart of a Marriage That Honors God&#8221;.\u00a0 https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/p-5890-love-like-you-mean-it.aspx<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/Products.aspx?categoryid=95.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Bob Lepine talks about the marriage-transforming truths found in 1 Corinthians 13. Learn one practical tip on how to know whether you are displaying biblical love.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:52","filesize":"23.69M","filesize_raw":"24841193","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2805,2810,2088],"tags":[6908],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3142],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306234","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gods-plan-for-marriage","category-growing-spiritually","category-romance-and-sex","tag-love-in-marriage","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306234\/everything-minus-love-equals-nothing","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306234\/everything-minus-love-equals-nothing","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3GfNpVmEv3\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/everything-minus-love-equals-nothing\/\">Everything Minus Love Equals Nothing<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/everything-minus-love-equals-nothing\/embed\/#?secret=3GfNpVmEv3\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Everything Minus Love Equals Nothing&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3GfNpVmEv3\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Bob Lepine talks about the marriage-transforming truths found in 1 Corinthians 13. Learn one practical tip on how to know whether you are displaying biblical love.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-07-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>First Corinthians, Chapter 13, is a pretty famous chapter in the Bible; it's all about love. Most of us have heard it, but Dave Wilson wonders how many of us have really paid attention to what the chapter says.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We talk about the love chapter. As a pastor, I've done many weddings. Boy, I don't know a percentage\u2014but maybe half of them\u2014somebody's going to read\n\n1 Corinthians 13. Yet, often, we have really no idea what it means, and why Paul wrote it, what was going on; because I don't think he wrote it to a married couple at a wedding.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>for Monday, July 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. The way love is described in I Corinthians 13\u2014is that the way people would describe the love in your marriage? We'll explore that idea today. Stay with us.\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We're going to talk about love. Are you ready to talk about love?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I'm ready to talk about <em>you<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It's an <em>exciting<\/em> day\u2014[Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It is exciting!\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014at <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> because we get to interview Mr. Bob Lepine about his new book.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So I've been at work for the last several months on a book\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Several months? You've been working on this your whole life. [Laughter] We know it.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It's true; principles in this book are the core of who you are.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, you talk about marriage and family for two-and-a-half decades, and yes, that does kind of get built, bone-deep, into you.\n\nI took 1 Corinthians 13, the chapter that we all know as the love chapter, and I thought, \u201cWe think of this in kind of generic terms, but what if we applied it specifically to marriage? What does it mean that, in marriage, our love for one another is patient and kind?\u2014and all of the qualities listed there.\u201d\n\nThis week, there's a book coming out called <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>, which\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Where did you get that title? [Laughter] I never heard that before.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Woo hoo!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Our listeners know that we have an annual event\u2014<em>the Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise\u2014which, by the way, we're still planning to sail in February; we think everything's going to be okay to do that. But that's the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise.\n\nWhen I was thinking about 1 Corinthians 13, I thought, \u201cIs there a better title than <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em>?\u2014because that's what this chapter of the Bible is all about, so that's what this book is all about. The book is out this week; you can now order it online.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>How do you like saying that, Bob?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It's\/it's\u2014you <em>know<\/em>. You know what it's like. [Laughter] It's exciting; and I hope that God's going to use this book in the lives of a lot of folks, because I think our views on how we think about love have gotten twisted in the culture. I think we need to get back to thinking biblically about the subject of love rather than letting the Hallmark<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Channel or Rom-coms [romantic comedies] tell us what love's supposed to be like.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, when I got your manuscript, obviously the first thing I did was look at the chapter titles, which were <em>great<\/em>; because every guy looks at the chapter titles before he decides he's going to read the book. [Laughter] Am I right?\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don't think I've ever done that.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014or is it just me?\u2014really?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Do women not do that?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You looked at the chapter titles to see which chapters are talking about intimacy; right? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, I did not. [Laughter] Although, it was in there.\n\nBut then, I'll never forget reading this paragraph in your introduction, which <em>really<\/em> hit me. It's like, \u201cThis is <em>so<\/em> true.\u201d Let me read it. Bob, you wrote:\n\nIn fact, if we're really honest, most of us got married because of how our spouse made <em>us<\/em> feel when we were together. We liked the feeling; so we said, \u201cI'll move in, and wear a ring, and share a house payment, and have kids with you, as long as you keep me feeling that way.\u201d Deep down, we don't get married so we can love someone else; we get married because we fall in love with the <em>feeling<\/em> of being loved. Most of us get married to get, not to give.\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\nI read that and I'm like, \u201cThat is <em>so<\/em> true.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And yet the rest of your book is like, \u201cOkay; what's <em>real<\/em> love look like?\u201d\n\nTalk about that a little bit, though; because I think we don't want to admit that.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>But when we read that, it's like, \u201cWow; I think I did do that.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I stopped there, too, Bob; because of the same reason. When you really sit and reflect on that, it's like: \u201cYes, I loved how I felt\u2014how Dave made me feel\u2014and I hoped that I made him feel good too\u201d; but that really made me stop. When you think of all the romance movies\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014I remember when <em>Twilight<\/em> came out\u2014I'm like: \u201cWhat is this? It's about vampires; it's so weird.\u201d And I thought, \u201cI have to watch this to see what the pull is with these teenager girls.\u201d I realized, \u201cOh, it's because this person loves this girl <em>so much<\/em>, and everyone <em>longs<\/em> for that; they want to be loved like that.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That's where I think our thinking about love has gotten twisted, because we're thinking that love is about how we feel and what we get. The Bible says love is about how we serve others and what we give to others.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It's not as much fun.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>No! In fact, it's hard <em>work<\/em> to love someone well. And yet, stop and think, when we're born again\/when we're converted, Jesus says, \u201cHere's what matters most: all of the Law and Prophets is summed up in \u2018Love God,\u2019\u201d\u2014which doesn't mean just have nice feelings about God\u2014it means: \u201cLive your life in such a way that you express your love for God by how you serve Him\/by your devotion toward Him.\u201d\n\nAnd then, \u201cLove your neighbor as yourself.\u201d We tend to think of love as the benefit we get and the way we feel when somebody loves <em>us<\/em>. At age 23, when I married Mary Ann,\n\nthat's what I was signing up for: \u201cGive me more of this. I want it regularly. This feels so good. I want you to make me feel this way all the time.\u201d\n\nIt didn't take long before I realized that's not biblical love. Biblical love is: \u201cI'm here to pour my life out for your good, so that you can thrive.\u201d That's what it means to love you\u2014for your good to be my goal\u2014I think we've got to rethink our view of this as we come to marriage.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How did you come to that realization? Every wife is thinking, \u201cI wish my husband would come to that realization.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think <em>my<\/em> wife is thinking that. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Over time, I came to the realization because I recognized that a self-focused approach to love is not ever going to get you what your soul is really longing for. I think what we <em>think<\/em> we're longing for is, again, that feeling. At the core, we want to be fully known and fully accepted by somebody else. When we get a little taste of that\u2014somebody says, \u201cI know you, and I think you're amazing; I think you're wonderful,\u201d\u2014we go, \u201cI've been looking for somebody who thinks I'm wonderful\u201d; and so \u201cYou fit the bill; and I'd like to spend time with you, because I'd like somebody who keeps thinking I'm wonderful.\u201d Well, you get married; and you spend a few months, or a few weeks, or a few days, and then you go, \u201cThis isn't exactly what I was looking for.\u201d\n\nThe hidden truth in Scripture is that, when we start to view love correctly, and see it as pouring out our life for somebody else, there is something that happens in our soul that never happens any other way. We think it's going to happen when we feel right; but when we're really loving another person, there's something God does to enlarge our soul\/our heart; and we come away, going: \u201cYes! That's what my soul was longing for\u2014to be used by God to bless another person,\u201d \u201c\u2026to be used by God to help another person thrive.\u201d\n\nThere's a satisfaction in that, that trumps just having somebody say, \u201cOh, you're wonderful. I think you're so special,\u201d\u2014right? That's why\u2014you've worked around pro athletes, who've been told their special their whole lives.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014all their lives, yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And so, they find somebody who says, \u201cOh, I think you're wonderful.\u201d And they go, \u201cWell, you should; because everybody else thinks I'm wonderful.\u201d And then they get married; but they're still tempted outside of marriage because what they thought would satisfy them doesn't really satisfy them. So, they're looking for: \u201cDoes everybody think I'm wonderful?\u201d \u201cCan I find <em>more<\/em> people who think I'm wonderful?\u201d\n\nWhat all of us need to realize is: \u201cThat's not what our soul is longing for. Our soul is longing to be used by God to see other people thrive and grow.\u201d When that happens, we go: \u201cYes! This is what I was <em>made<\/em> to do and to be. I was <em>made<\/em> to love other people; and in marriage, I\u2019m made to love my wife in such a way that she flourishes, she thrives, she blossoms. When that happens, there's no more soul-satisfying experience. That's what love gives us.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So speaking to your wife\u2014let's go back to the early days. You've been married to Mary Ann\u2014how long?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We just passed 41 years.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So when you first fell in love, how did you know? What was it like? Tell us about it.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, I started using the word, \u201clove,\u201d in my relationship with Mary Ann way too early\/way prematurely. What I was expressing was: \u201cI like you,\u201d and \u201cI think you're special,\u201d and \u201cI hope you'll stop dating other people,\u201d and \u201cI would like it just to be us.\u201d\n\nI'm saying it to her; she's not saying, \u201cI love you,\u201d back to me, because she sees it as something sacred. In fact, she's thinking: \u201cYou're just throwing this around to manipulate me. You're just using this word, thinking, \u2018If I say that, then I will have her under my powers. I can get her to do things,\u2019\u201d\u2014you know, whatever.\n\nI used the word much too casually. We got married; again, I'm thinking, \u201cThis is nice.\u201d I'm thinking like the Beach Boys were thinking: \u201cWouldn't it be nice if we were older? We could say goodnight and stay together,\u201d\u2014that was my view of what love means.\n\nI think that, after I'd been married for a couple of years\u2014and I'm starting to read the Bible; and I'm seeing verses like, \u201cGreater love has no man than this. He lays down his life for his friends,\u201d or \u201cThis is how we know what love is. Jesus Christ laid down His life for us,\u201d\u2014and I'm going, \u201cOh, that's a different deal.\u201d\n\nLoving Mary Ann doesn't just mean that I make her feel special; it means that I sacrifice for her good. In fact, sometimes she might not feel great; but if I'm doing things, where I'm committed to her good, that's really what is important and matters. And ultimately, it's not even\u2014\u201cAm I doing it for her good?\u201d\u2014but\u2014\u201cAm I doing what God wants me to do in her life?\u201d\u2014right? It's not just: \u201cIs <em>she<\/em> happy with the marriage?\u201d The question is: \u201cIs God happy with the marriage?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Do you remember a time when you did that?\u2014where you served Mary Ann, where it wasn't about you; but it was about her, and you experienced what you just talked about? You felt like, \u201cOh, this is it!\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So here's what comes to mind when you ask that question. When she was pregnant with Amy, she had back labor. I didn't know what back labor was; right?\n\nShe would say: \u201cMy back is killing me; I'm having these back labor pains. Would you just rub my back?\u2014just massage my lower back.\u201d\n\nAnd she wanted me to do it for like 15 minutes; right? [Laughter] My arms were getting tired, and there was <em>no<\/em> benefit being derived for me from rubbing her back. This was just to help her feel better; but I could sense her starting to relax a little bit, and her muscles were not as tight, and she was doing better. I remember pulling away and going, \u201cThis is what I'm here for\u2014is to help.\u201d That's a pretty simple, tangible way of doing it; but I think it's a lot of little things like that.\n\nI tell a story in the book: Ann Voskamp was a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>,and she told a story when she was here. She said she walked out in the back yard one day, and her husband was up on the ladder and was cleaning out the gutters of their house. She walked out and she said, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d He looked down; he said, \u201cI'm loving you.\u201d She laughed and then she thought, \u201cNo, that's exactly what he's doing.\u201d\n\nThe <em>little<\/em> things we do for one another are ways we express love to one another. And when that's going\u2014and when we affirm and appreciate and say, \u201cYou are a blessing to me. I am a better person because of how you love me well,\u201d\u2014I think that's when we experience the <em>joy<\/em> that comes from loving another person well.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So how do we get to that point? Because you hear this; and you think\u2014when you're dating, when you're engaged, when you first get married: \u201cI'll go clean the gutters,\u201d \u201cI'll rub your back for an <em>hour<\/em>,\u201d \u201c\u2026whatever you want,\u201d\u2014I'm so in love; I'm infatuated; I have <em>high<\/em> feelings. Then at some point, that's <em>gone<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you think, \u201cI'm out of love\u201d; or are you just learning to love them? What's the process of getting to <em>true<\/em>, godly\u2014we're going to talk about it in a second\u2014\n\n1 Corinthians 13 love?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I think the process is Romans 12:2: don't be conformed in your thinking about love to what the culture tells you love looks like. Our friend, Michael Easley, says, \u201cDon't let the culture catechize you; let the Word of God catechize you.\u201d So how do you reshape your thinking about love? You study what the Scriptures say about love. You get into 1 Corinthians 13 and you see, first of all, how important love is; and then you see the characteristics of love.\n\nI mean, think about those characteristics that are in that passage. There's not much that is: \u201cLove is warm,\u201d \u201cLove is soft,\u201d \u201cLove is <em>wonderful<\/em>,\u201d\u2014no. It's: \u201cLove is longsuffering\u201d; right? And then: \u201cIt's kind,\u201d and \u201cIt doesn't insist on its own way,\u201d and \u201cIt rejoices in the truth; it doesn't rejoice in wrong-doing.\u201d You go through all of the passage, and you see this is hard work. Loving another person\/being a <em>lover<\/em> is not for the faint of heart.\n\nJust like if you want to be a pro athlete, you have to do the workouts. If you want to be a pro lover\u2014which all of us should want to do, because Jesus was our model of what <em>great<\/em> love looks like\u2014if you want to be a <em>great<\/em> lover\/Jesus says that's what you were made to do\u2014then you're going to have to\/there's some hard work you're going to have to do to cultivate patience, and kindness, and humility, selflessness, and tenacity, and all of the things that go to make up what love looks like.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, it's interesting; you know, we talk about the love chapter.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As a pastor, I've done many weddings. Boy, I don't know a percentage\u2014but maybe half of them\u2014somebody's going to read 1 Corinthians 13.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And yet often, we have really no idea what it means, and why Paul wrote it, what was going on. Give us a little background so we can understand, because I don't think he wrote it to a married couple at a wedding\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014right?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; in fact, he writes it in the context of a church that is one of the most carnal churches. If you had to pick a church that looks worldly in the New Testament, the Corinthian church\u2014these were young believers, who had not yet pulled themselves away from their pagan practices. They'd come to Jesus, but they'd brought a lot of paganism with them.\n\nFirst Corinthians is written to these people to say: \u201cNow, look; as followers of Christ, there are ways of acting and behaving that are not\u2014you're not doing it,\u201d\u2014so things like\u2014\u201cDon't take your brothers to court,\u201d and \u201cYou know the sex scandal you've got going on with the mother and her son-in-law?\u2014no! That should not be.\u201d There are all kinds of behavior things that are being corrected.\n\nAnd one of the things that was going on in the Corinthian church\u2014they were very puffed up and proud about their spirituality. They <em>exalted<\/em> in their spiritual giftedness, and they would put their spiritual gifts on display. It was all kind of: \u201cLook at me,\u201d \u201cLook how spiritually gifted I am,\u201d \u201cI'm a preacher; look at how good I am,\u201d \u201cWell, I'm an administrator; I'm good at this,\u201d \u201cWell, I have the gift of prophecy,\u201d \u201cWell, I can speak in tongues.\u201d They've got all of this going on, and it's just all carnal.\n\nSo Paul, after he writes in 1 Corinthians 12 about spiritual gifts\u2014and corrects a lot of their bad thinking about that\u2014he says, \u201cBut I'm going to show you a more excellent way.\u201d That's how he ends 1 Corinthians 12\u2014he says, \u201cLet me show you the more excellent way.\u201d\n\nIn verses 1-3 of Chapter 13, he says it doesn't matter how spiritually gifted you are, it doesn't matter how sacrificial you are, it doesn't matter how much you're willing to empty yourself\u2014if love is not the foundation for this\u2014and by that, what we mean is: \u201cIf there's <em>not<\/em> a fundamental commitment to sacrificing yourself for the good of other people\u201d\u2014so we're defining love that way: a fundamental commitment to sacrificing yourself for the good of others; that's the definition we're working with\u2014\u201cIf that's <em>not<\/em> foundational to how you're walking with Christ, all of the giftedness is <em>nothing<\/em>.\u201d\n\nNow, he <em>doesn't<\/em> say, \u201cAll of the giftedness is okay; but it doesn't have as much value, as if you add love to it.\u201d He says, \u201cIt has <em>no<\/em> value if love's not the foundation.\u201d The chapter title there is \u201cEverything Minus Love Equals Nothing.\u201d All of the weight and substance is on: \u201cAm I committed to pouring myself out for the fundamental good of other people?\u201d And that's what love is.\n\nNow, if you're committed to that, now your spiritual giftedness can bear fruit. Now you can sacrifice yourself for others in a way where God is glorified and where they benefit. But as long as it's about <em>you<\/em>, there's <em>no<\/em> value to it at all. That's a part of how we've got to reshape our thinking.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I love verse one of 1 Corinthians 13: \u201cIf I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.\u201d I want to walk on stage sometime with a cymbal\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and just say, \u201cYou know, you can do all kinds of amazing things, even as a church\/even as a community of God, but if it doesn't have love\u201c\u2014and just start <em>clanging<\/em> that thing\u2014because he's [Paul\u2019s] making a <em>really<\/em> strong point; right?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; Phil Ryken, who's the president of Wheaton College, says, \u201cIf love is not core to what you're doing when you speak, here's what people hear: \u2018Bong, bong, bong, clang, clang, clang.\u2019 It's empty.\u201d And he's right.\n\nYou've heard people say people don't care how much you know until they know about how much you care. If people don't see in <em>you<\/em> a commitment to <em>their<\/em> good, then all of your wisdom is hollow and empty to them. This is why love's got to be at the core of all this for us.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you look at this\u2014and you take it piece by piece\u2014where you say: \u201cLove is patient,\u201d \u201cLove is longsuffering.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That is <em>hard<\/em>. How do we apply that? What's that look like in our marriage?\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is where I'm hoping people will get a copy of the book. By the way, there's a video series that we're putting together, too, that is going to go along with this; so small groups can go through this. But I'm hoping that people will say, first of all: \u201cYes, I need to think biblically about love; and I want to pursue being a loving person. I want, for God's glory, and because He made me for this, I want to be a person who loves others\/who pours out my life in service for others.\u201d\n\nThis means <em>dying<\/em> to self. What did Jesus say?\u2014\u201cIf anyone would come after Me, deny self, pick up your cross, follow Me; pour your life out for others,\u201d \u2014that's what we signed on for as Christians\u2014\u201cThat's what I want my life to be about.\u201d\n\nIn marriage, I want Mary Ann's good to be a higher goal than my own pleasure\/my own\n\nsatisfaction. I think we, first of all, have to start by saying: \u201cThat's the goal,\u201d and \u201cIf that's the goal, then now I need to figure out: \u2018How do I cultivate the things that are talked about here?\u2019\u201d\n\nIn each of the chapters, we go through:\n\nWhat does it mean to be longsuffering?\n\nWhat does it mean to be patient? How do I cultivate patience in my life?\n\nWhat does it mean that I'm supposed to be kind? Does that mean that I just say, \u201cOkay, you're a nice person\u201d? No, I think it's <em>deeper<\/em> than just being nice; <em>nice<\/em> and <em>kind <\/em>are two different words.\n\nWhat does it mean that I don't insist on my own way?\n\nWhat does it mean that I'm not rude or irritable?\n\nAll of these things that the Bible makes clear\u2014this is what real love looks like.\n\nI've got to tell you\u2014in writing this book, I get to the end and go, \u201cMan, I <em>can't<\/em> do this.\u201d It's overwhelming to think that I can consistently be this kind of a person, but that's where grace comes in. That's where Jesus says: \u201cI <em>know<\/em>, but <em>I<\/em> can be that kind of person <em>in<\/em> you and <em>through<\/em> you. You keep surrendering to Me, and we'll keep growing on this together.\u201d And you'll be more loving next year than you are this year if you just pursue this and make this your goal.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I know, when I've taught this\/when I've read this, I had the exact same sentiment. It was like: \u201cThis is <em>impossible<\/em>. This is so much like God; a human being can't achieve it without God.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>There's <em>no<\/em> way; and so to try to understand it, we've got to talk some more.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And what I'm thinking is\u2014we so often think what our spouse <em>isn't<\/em> doing: \u201cMy husband <em>isn't<\/em> patient,\u201d \u201cMy husband <em>isn't<\/em> kind.\u201d I think we get into that me-ism\u2014like: \u201cHe's not doing <em>anything<\/em> for me.\u201d\n\nI think, when we apply this\u2014when I got done reading this book\u2014I thought, \u201cIf we applied Scripture and what Bob is saying in this book, we would all have great marriages.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It would revolutionize things.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It would revolutionize things. I love that you have these little segments pocketed throughout the book of \u201cTalk Together<em>.<\/em>\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You have <em>great<\/em> questions that can help us move towards oneness together.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And here's a great thing; I get to say, \u201cIf you want copies of this book, you can go to FamilyLife.com right now.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Actually, they can go to FamilyLifeToday.com. You keep your day job; I'll take it from here. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com if you'd like to get a copy of the book, <em>Love Like You Mean It.<\/em> The book releases <em>tomorrow<\/em>, but you can preorder today. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order online. Or call us to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that's 1-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nAnd of course, our prayer\/my prayer is that this is a book that will help you love one another better. No matter where you are in your marriage, I think all of us could do a better job at loving one another; and I hope this will help a lot of couples. I hope that small groups will look at going through this book together and helping one another in the love journey. Again, you can order online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201dF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, this is what we're all about, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>: providing you with practical biblical help and hope for your marriage; helping you understand and apply what the Bible says about marriage and about relationships, so that you can effectively develop a more godly family. That's our mission, here, at FamilyLife.\n\nI want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d to those of you who make this mission possible\u2014those of you who are helping us reach more people, more often, as you support the ongoing work of <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Especially those of you who are monthly Legacy Partners\u2014thank you for your faithful support of this ministry through the years. We are so grateful for you.\n\nIf you're a longtime listener, and you've never made a donation to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; or maybe you've thought about becoming a Legacy Partner\u2014why not make today the day that you join the team? Go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, make an online donation or sign on as a monthly Legacy Partner. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. We look forward to hearing from you and appreciate you.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about some of the things that the Bible says real love is: like patient, and kind, and persevering, and enduring. We'll talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that conversation.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lepine. We'll see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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