{"id":306215,"date":"2020-06-29T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-06-29T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-power-of-god-at-work-in-stepfamilies\/"},"modified":"2020-06-29T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-06-29T11:00:04","slug":"the-power-of-god-at-work-in-stepfamilies","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-of-god-at-work-in-stepfamilies\/","title":{"rendered":"The Power of God at Work in Stepfamilies"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Ron Deal talks with Dave and Ann Wilson about how couples often get blindsided when trying to blend two families. He gives some practical advice for interacting with stepchildren.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-06-29.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:08","filesize":"23.92M","filesize_raw":"25085431","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2882,10371],"tags":[4188],"podcast_series":[8371],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306215","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-developing-a-relationship-with-stepchildren","category-parenting-and-stepparenting","tag-stepfamily","podcast_series-the-smart-stepfamily-in-2020","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306215\/the-power-of-god-at-work-in-stepfamilies","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306215\/the-power-of-god-at-work-in-stepfamilies","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"7abWiLt7B0\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-of-god-at-work-in-stepfamilies\/\">The Power of God at Work in Stepfamilies<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-power-of-god-at-work-in-stepfamilies\/embed\/#?secret=7abWiLt7B0\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Power of God at Work in Stepfamilies&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"7abWiLt7B0\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-06-29.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-06-29.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>All families face challenges. Blended families face some unique challenges. Author and speaker, Ron Deal, says that some of those challenges come, not from inside the family, but from outside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The people within the four walls of your house can be the most loving, godly people in the world. But in a blended family situation\u2014this is why we say they\u2019re tall and they\u2019re wide\u2014they\u2019re multi-generational\/they\u2019re tall; they\u2019re wide in the sense that there\u2019s often another home, if not more than one home, that\u2019s impacting your home. What happens is\u2014somebody <em>outside<\/em> of your house influences the relationships <em>inside<\/em> your house. The biological mom\u2019s hopes and expectations intersect with the stepmom\u2019s hopes and expectations, and that creates some challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, June 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Life in a blended family is often complicated. If you\u2019re in a blended family, you can appreciate that. If you\u2019re not, you need to be aware that your friends, who are, are facing some interesting challenges. We\u2019re going to talk more about those today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I was so excited last Sunday when I got to church, and I had a copy of Ron Deal and Gary Chapman\u2019s new book, <em>Building Love Together in Blended Families.<\/em> I had it with me because there is a couple in our church who are in a blended family. We\u2019ve talked before, and I know some of the challenges they\u2019re going through. I thought, \u201cThey need a copy of this book\u201d; so I got a copy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I saw Andy at church, I went over and said, \u201cHey, I was thinking about you\u2014got this book,\u201d\u2014handed it to him. He lit up because he\u2019s looking for all the help he can get in the middle of the complexities of all this. I was just thrilled\u2014in fact, I\u2019m always thrilled to have a tool\u2014and to know Ron Deal, who has a tool chest full of tools, that you can give to folks in these situations and say: \u201cI was thinking about you; I was praying for you. I thought this book might help you out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon is joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron gives leadership, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. You\u2019ve been doing this for almost a decade now, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, well, eight years\/eight-and-a-half years\u2014something like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And there\u2019s no one better in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We are big fans, Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean that\u2014no one\u2014you are an asset and a help to families all around the world! Think about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Bob, we have done the same thing, because there are so many friends that we know that are struggling in marriage\u2014so many blendeds struggling. We say the name: \u201cHave you heard of Ron Deal?\u201d because his resources are so, so good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk this week about issues that blended families are facing. Part of the reason we\u2019re talking about this is because, a couple of years back, you updated your book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, and brought a whole bunch of new content in. You had a video series\/a DVD series, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>,that you\u2019ve also updated; it\u2019s pretty much all new.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have blended families changed that much? Or have you learned a lot more since you started, or what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s not that a lot has changed. It\u2019s that I was able to address so many more subtopics within the overall journey that blended families face: \u201cWhat if you have part-time children?\u201d and \u201cWhat if you\u2019re a grandparent, and now a step-grandparent?\u201d and \u201cHow do you manage your marriage within?\u201d \u201cHave you thought about adopting your stepchildren? Is that a good idea? Is that not a good idea?\u201d We really dove into all those intricacies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The thing I love about the DVD series is\u2014it tees up, for couples, conversations that happen after they\u2019ve watched the videos\u2014that are personal and transformative. I know I\u2019ve talked to you about this\u2014if we could somehow ignite people to start these groups\/go through this DVD series, or just get people [who know this] handing out copies of your book to people in their church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour burden is that blended families would see a pathway to wholeness, and to restoration, and to making the blended family all that God intends for it to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s absolutely the case. All of us sitting at this table believe in ministry; we\u2019re passionate about it. We\u2019re all invested in it in various forms or another because we believe the power of God comes alive in community\u2014put God\u2019s people together, get them talking about stuff that is rooted in His Word, and is practical, and has wisdom for life\u2014and change happens. I have seen this over and over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing about the DVD series that I love so much\u2014the content is good\u2014the power is in sharing the content with others. All of a sudden, they\u2019re learning from each other; they\u2019re encouraging one another; they\u2019re praying for each other. Somebody goes, \u201cYou know what? This is what worked for us.\u201d A couple sitting across the room goes: \u201cAh, that\u2019s it! That\u2019s what we\u2019ve been waiting on.\u201d That\u2019s the power of a group; this <em>Smart Stepfamily<\/em> video participant\u2019s guide gets groups of couples together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, you can do it all by yourself. Yes, you can do it with pre-marital counseling and send it home as homework, if you\u2019re a pastor. The real power\/the real thing we want people to do is get a few couples together in a room and let them have at it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, you\u2019re saying that change happens <em>more<\/em> in a group setting even?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I believe that. I can\u2019t sit here and document; I just have seen it for so long. I got my start doing stepfamily ministry, leading a small group in the church that I was a family minister in. All of a sudden, people are coming alive; lights are going on; eyes are opening up. People are going: \u201cWait! Wait, wait! That <em>is<\/em> what I feel. You mean we can do something about this? It\u2019s not hopeless?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope translates into action; action translates into change <em>and<\/em> encouragement. I am a <em>firm believer<\/em> in the power of small groups.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; me, too. And it\u2019s biblical; I mean, there\u2019s no question about it: \u201cAssemble yourself together regularly.\u201d When I talk to people at our church, when I talk to people at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014when I talk to people anywhere, where they\u2019ve sat in a setting, where they\u2019ve gotten spiritual input\u2014and again, take a church service\/take a marriage conference\u2014here\u2019s the question you ask them six months later: \u201cHow\u2019s your marriage doing? How\u2019s your life doing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next question I <em>always<\/em> ask: \u201cHey, did you ever get in a group? Remember we talked about small groups afterward? Did you plug into an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, <em>Smart Stepfamily <\/em>group? Did you get in?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe couples that see real life change, their answer is always, \u201cYes, got in a group. I had no idea what would happen; but man!\u2014I\u2019m sitting in a living room; I hear another couple share a story\u2014and it\u2019s like: \u2018That\u2019s the same thing in our family!\u2019\u201d There\u2019s something that\u2019s catalytic when I hear somebody else struggles like we do; and they say, \u201cWhat\u2019s Jesus say about this?\u201d It\u2019s the life-changing <em>difference<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; guys, I got to tell you one other element to this <em>new<\/em> video series that I\u2019m <em>really<\/em> excited about. For ten years, we had a series. The number-one feedback response I got from groups was: \u201cThis is amazing! This is wonderful. It\u2019s all designed for the parents. Do you have anything for kids?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought about it and thought about it, and dreamed about it and dreamed about it. When we had the chance to do a tenth anniversary edition of the series, I threw in a session for kids\u2014it\u2019s a bonus session: it\u2019s short; it\u2019s sweet; it\u2019s bite-size for kids\u2014what they need to digest. We let kids; that is, young adults, who are now looking <em>back<\/em> on their journey in their blended family, talk about their journey and give these children perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had one group write to me and say: \u201cWe\u2019ve just been through the video series. We\u2019d been through the old one. We absolutely love the new one. <em>All<\/em> the parents in our group bought the series on their own so they could show their kids the bonus session.\u201d It\u2019s <em>that<\/em> important to parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anybody, who has seen the first one and looks at the second one, one of the things that\u2019s changed is\u2014the first one was you teaching in front of a large audience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But in this series, you\u2019re still teaching; but now we get to hear from couples in blended families. In fact, you start the series by explaining to those who are watching\u2014we hear couples saying this\u2014\u201cThis blended family thing is a whole lot trickier than we realized when we were standing together saying, \u2018I do.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, let\u2019s listen to some of these couples as they talk in the video series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>The Smart Stepfamily <\/em>DVD Series]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband: <\/strong>The complexity of our blended family looks pretty obscure to me sometimes; it\u2019s pretty complex. We deal with having to communicate with our other two daughters in North Carolina; we FaceTime<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> them every Monday night. We also have to travel to go get them in the summers; we drive anywhere between 1,000-2,000 miles to pick them up and come back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife: <\/strong>My daughter enjoyed having two sisters when they came. When they came into the picture, she is like, \u201cHey! I have people!\u201d; you know? But it was hard, because it <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> the same for them. For them, they always had each other\u2014it was Lila and Natalie; it\u2019s always been Lila and Natalie\u2014when Nellie came in, they\u2019re just like, \u201cWho are you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband: <\/strong>They kind of pick at each other sometimes: \u201cYou\u2019re not my real sister; you\u2019re just my friend. You\u2019re not my sister.\u201d They try to do those hurtful words; because in their mind, it\u2019s hard for them to realize that they are brother and sister\/that they are one family now and not two separate families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m imagining the small group watching that couple share their experience; I\u2019m seeing all the heads in the room nodding and bobbing, and going, \u201cThat\u2019s what\u2019s happening in our house, too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s the thing. We want blended family couples to be <em>seen<\/em>. When they\u2019re watching this, they\u2019re going, \u201cYes, that\u2019s my life!\u201d Typical marriage and family ministry material, and books, and resources really <em>don\u2019t<\/em> address those complexities; so the <em>first<\/em> thing that happens is people feel affirmed\/ like they\u2019re not crazy: \u201cWow! We have that between-home thing, too!\u201d \u201cWow! We have to travel,\u201d \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t get to see my daughter very often; and when I do, it\u2019s short; and then you want everything to go right.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes it doesn\u2019t go right; because, like with this couple, the stepsiblings aren\u2019t always <em>open<\/em> to one another to the same degree. \u201cHow do I make the weekend great when they don\u2019t even get along?\u201d <em>That\u2019s<\/em> the real stuff that people are dealing with, day in and day out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Talk about how couples get blind-sided, because they come into a blended marriage with expectations. They\u2019ve got to have some sense of reality\u2014\u201cYes, we know it\u2019s going to be hard,\u201d\u2014but then they get in and go: \u201cOh! I didn\u2019t know it was going to be <em>this<\/em> hard.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s remind ourselves\u2014<em>all<\/em> of us walk into <em>anything<\/em> a little bit starry-eyed, whether it\u2019s a marriage, or whether it\u2019s having your first child\u2014no matter what it is\u2014a new job. We always have a lot of hope and a lot of high expectation in it. Then, life teaches us what we\u2019re really going to have to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing is true for blended families, but sometimes they\u2019re still blind-sided: \u201cWell, I\u2019ve had my first child; I <em>know<\/em> what parenting is.\u201d Well, but this is your first <em>stepchild<\/em>. It turns out that relationship just is different; it evolves at a different level; you don\u2019t immediately have authority in relationship. You\u2019ve got to grow that over time. In the meantime, you\u2019ve got to get the kitchen cleaned up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo how do we do the logistics of life <em>and<\/em> build relationship all at the same time? \u201cYes, I have a sense of what life could be like\u201d; but the realities of it just aren\u2019t real until it\u2019s <em>real<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> My thought, Ron, listening to that couple was: \u201cWhen we get married, it\u2019s hard; we have difficult adjustments. But with a blended family\u2014I know that, as a mom; and I think as a dad, too\u2014you\u2019re feeling the <em>weight<\/em> of what your kids are already dealing with and experiencing, and <em>have<\/em> experienced\/the pain that they\u2019ve gone through. Now you\u2019re in this new family\/this new marriage. I would be so focused on my kids that it would be easy to have my marriage take a back seat.\u201d Is that pretty common?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is common, and you nailed something. When two people get married for the first time, you have two sets of expectations. When a blended family comes together, you have five, or seven, or\u2014including grandparents\u2014eighteen. All of a sudden, you have <em>lots<\/em> of expectation. How do we bring all those things together? The mom factor\/the parent factor: \u201cI see my children\u2019s expectations, and hopes, and desires not being met.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the story we just heard, one child is excited to have siblings\u2014new siblings\/stepsiblings\u2014but the other set of stepsiblings, on the other side, is going: \u201cWait a minute. We have sisters; we don\u2019t need you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWho are you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d So this child is disappointed; and of course, Mom sees that. Her heart\u2019s like, \u201cAhhhh!\u201d What is she going to do?\u2014she\u2019s going to fight for her child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and protect her child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> She\u2019s going to go to her husband, and she\u2019s going to go, \u201cHey, can\u2019t you get your kids to be nice to my kid?\u201d Now, all of a sudden, the conflict is between the husband and the wife. We\u2019ve said this before on this program: \u201cWhat is a parenting issue in blended families is <em>immediately<\/em> a marriage issue in blended families.\u201d Yes, that puts strain on a couple\u2019s relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is it possible for couples to enter a blended family relationship with eyes fully wide open? Or are they <em>always<\/em> going to get blind-sided by something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think we\u2019re always blind-sided by something in life\u2014<em>always<\/em>. I do think people, who get educated on the front end\u2014who read\/who watch this series\u2014can learn a lot and have their eyes open. That doesn\u2019t mean your children are as open as you are. It doesn\u2019t mean <em>all<\/em> the expectations for everybody are just <em>magically<\/em> coming together. There are still challenges in making it happen; but at least, you have a running start to know what to do about the challenges that you face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are other couples in this series. In fact, there\u2019s one couple or one set of couples\u2014I forget which\u2014who talk about expectations they had, coming into marriage, kind of like: \u201cOh, we thought it was going to be this way,\u201d and then it wasn\u2019t exactly that way. Listen to these couples talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> DVD Series]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband:<\/strong> At the time Lisa and I decided to get married, I felt <em>great<\/em> about things. I felt like we were in a good place. We were going to get along, and we\u2019re going to have a great new life together. My boys were happy; at the time, they were happy, going into the marriage. I expected some things that I hadn\u2019t seen, growing up or in adulthood\u2014that my new wife, Lisa, would get along with my ex-wife\u2014that they would be able to have conversations about our boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> The first night that they called her\u2014and they started telling her about all the fun stuff that they had done that day with us\u2014she stopped them and said: \u201cI don\u2019t want you to talk about that. It hurts my feelings, and I don\u2019t want to hear about her.\u201d That was kind of my first example of how, \u201cMaybe it\u2019s not going to be as smooth sailing as I thought it was going to be.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would feel like we had built a good relationship, and I guess in an hour earlier, they were hugging my neck and telling me they loved me; we\u2019re having a great time. You know, it\u2019s\u2014I think it\u2019s just they stopped and remembered: \u201cOh, yeah; I\u2019m not supposed to like her as much as I do. I\u2019m not supposed to feel this way. I\u2019m supposed to\u2026\u201d You know, I think they feel an allegiance to the other home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Son:<\/strong> For me, especially early\u2014being five, six, seven, eight years old\u2014I didn\u2019t quite understand it. For me, it was just my parents fighting all the time, even though they weren\u2019t together anymore; it was just them fighting. It was hard trying to balance time and connection: \u201cHow do I make myself seem respectful to one parent and respectful to the other, and make it not look like I\u2019m spending too much time with one, and not with the other?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> There would be times that we would have <em>great<\/em> weekends, and there would be no issues at all. There would be times\u2014on the flipside of that when we didn\u2019t have the boys for that weekend\u2014and we would go to one of their baseball games; and they wouldn\u2019t say a <em>word<\/em> to us. They would just act like we weren\u2019t even there. When we would try to say something to them, they would look at us and say: \u201cIt\u2019s not our time with you. We can\u2019t talk to you right now.\u201d It\u2019s not coming from them; this is coming from the adults in their other home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to have a lot of grace, and you have to have a lot of patience\u2014and have a lot of thick skin\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> for the weak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was listening to that clip\u2014I was thinking there was a movie that came out, years ago, called <em>Trouble with the Curve<\/em>\u2014it was a baseball movie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <em>Great<\/em> movie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Clint Eastwood, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was Clint Eastwood. I remember\u2014that\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here; there are curve balls that are going to get thrown in marriage. You\u2019re expecting a fast ball or maybe a changeup; you get the curve. All of a sudden, it\u2019s like, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t know how to hit this one.\u201d You swing and you miss; and you go, \u201cThis is not going the way it\u2019s supposed to.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Actually, in a blended family\u2014maybe I\u2019m wrong; Ron, you\u2019re the expert\u2014it\u2019s almost like there\u2019s not just one ball coming at you; you know? [Laughter] \u201cI don\u2019t have to hit just this ball; there\u2019s seven or eight!\u201d Every person in the blended family is dealing with all of this simultaneously; it\u2019s juggling at multiple times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The insidious part of this one is the stepmom gets thrown a curve, because she\u2019s trying to develop a relationship with her stepson. But the biological mother in the other home is doing or saying things that is making it <em>tough<\/em> for the stepson to embrace it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and that never happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No; I think this is one of the <em>biggest<\/em> things that I want to try to help people prepare for. The people within the four walls of your house can be the most loving, godly people in the world. But in a blended family situation\u2014this is why we say they\u2019re tall and they\u2019re wide\u2014they\u2019re multi-generational; they\u2019re tall\u2014they\u2019re wide in the sense that there\u2019s often another home, if not more than one home, that\u2019s impacting your home. What happens [is] somebody <em>outside<\/em> of your house influences the relationships <em>inside<\/em> your house. The biological mom\u2019s hopes and expectations intersect with the stepmom\u2019s hopes and expectations, and that just creates some challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou heard this young man; I mean, doesn\u2019t your heart kind of go out to him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I want to sit down and cry after listening to that, because I\u2019m hearing the angst of how the stepson is so torn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He doesn\u2019t know which way to go. Yet, I\u2019m hearing the angst of the stepmom, thinking: \u201cOh, I thought this was going to be great. I thought they liked me, and it seemed like it.\u201d I\u2019m also feeling it for the <em>mother<\/em>\/the bio-mom, because she\u2019s feeling insecure: \u201cWill my two boys love <em>her<\/em> more than they love me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember when I would go down and visit my dad, and my stepmother, and her son. I didn\u2019t spend my life with them as much as I did with my bio-mom; I was mostly with my mom. I remember coming home after a week or four or five days with my dad and stepmom; I felt like I could <em>not<\/em> share with my mom how great my stepmom was to me. It was a secret: \u201cOh, you know, we just sort of hung out\u201d; yet,\u00a0 I\u2019m like, \u201cWe were on a boat!\u201d We didn\u2019t\/I couldn\u2019t share it; because I was that son, like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to hurt my mom\u2019s feelings.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And even after we got married, I thought, \u201cDave\u2019s stepmom is <em>amazing<\/em>!\u201d Yet, Dave\u2019s mom\/his bio-mom was always trying to get hints, like: \u201cShe probably really wasn\u2019t that great, right?\u201d You\u2019re torn right there, even as an adult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; this young man was saying, when he was five or eight, he was trying to figure out how to love everybody and not hurt feelings, which is the natural bind that kids feel. By the way, I should quickly add\u2014<em>not<\/em> every child in every blended family experiences this\u2014but it is pretty common.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is one of the things I talk about in the bonus session to kids. We put words on it. We help them understand what you just said there, Dave\u2014that split part of you\u2014\u201cI really enjoyed it, but I can\u2019t share that with my mom,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cWhat do you do with that feeling?\u201d and \u201cIs it okay to actually like, and appreciate, or value your stepparent?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can you imagine\u2014think of this\u2014if I would\u2019ve had a place to go and hear other sons or daughters say similar things?\u2014which is what a blended family\/stepfamily small group offers\u2014I would\u2019ve had somewhere to process that; at least, I\u2019d be like, \u201cI\u2019m not the only one!\u201d I had not a <em>single person<\/em>; I really thought, \u201cNobody else feels this.\u201d I would\u2019ve been sitting in a room, going: \u201cOh, my goodness; now let\u2019s talk,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what you offer through the DVD series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It opens the door to conversation and moves the heart of parents to their kids. That is one of the biggest steps that needs to happen. If kids feel safe and comfortable talking through these challenges with a parent, it ripples into all sorts of positivity within the family. All of a sudden, \u201cI\u2019m free to enjoy my stepparent.\u201d All of a sudden, \u201cI\u2019m not living in fear and <em>hiding<\/em> what\u2019s going on inside me. I\u2019m able to be a kid again instead of an adult, taking care of the adults.\u201d It really changes the dynamic for children and for the adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A series like this\u2014you\u2019re talking to churches that are doing this as part of their regular curriculum? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But even more than that, it\u2019s just one courageous stepfamily saying, \u201cLet\u2019s get three or four of our friends together, and get in the living room, and let\u2019s go through this together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> More often than not, that\u2019s what\u2019s happening. The people that are motivated are the stepfamilies themselves, and it\u2019s absolutely the way to go. We\u2019ve also found great success with pastors, who will assign this as sort of pre-marital counseling with couples that they\u2019re working with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m sure there are some folks, who would go, \u201cYes, we need to get our stepfamily in a better order before we try to host a small group series.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No, no; start <em>now<\/em>. The beautiful thing about God\u2019s people coming together is we\u2019re all sinners; we\u2019re all messed up. We\u2019re misfits, and we belong together. We should <em>grow<\/em> together. I think we call that, on Sunday, church. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. There\u2019s information about the video series\/about the book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe should mention the event that you\u2019re planning for the fall, which is the <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>\u2014we\u2019ve been doing this for <em>many<\/em> years. People from all over the country have come and spent a couple days kind of encamped together\/networking with other people to figure out how to be more effective in ministering to stepfamilies in local churches or in communities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese have been <em>great<\/em> events. Every time we\u2019ve done them, people have said, \u201cWe wish there was a way for those of us, who can\u2019t make the trip and spend a couple of days in another city, we wish there was a way we could get access to this content and still be able to network with other people, who are engaged in stepfamily ministry.\u201d This year we\u2019re doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em> this year is going to be a two-day livestream event, October 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 2<sup>nd<\/sup>; mark those days on your calendar. There\u2019s information about the main sessions and the breakouts available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Go there and click the link for all the details about the upcoming <em>Summit for Stepfamily Ministry<\/em> that\u2019s happening October 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Again, it\u2019s a livestream event; so you and others from your church staff or from your community can plan to be part of an event this year. The only hotel reservation you need to make is in your bedroom, because you can stay at home for the event this year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for information about the event or about the DVD series, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, and Ron\u2019s book by that same title. All of these are helpful resources. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon, we are grateful for your ongoing investment in the lives of blended families all around the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Ron Deal about some of the complexities facing blended families. We\u2019re going to talk about the challenges between stepparents and stepchildren and about how you navigate your way <em>through<\/em> those complexities and those challenges. Ron will be back tomorrow. I hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:08"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.92M"],"filesize_raw":["25085431"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306215.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306215.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Deal talks with Dave and Ann Wilson about how couples often get blindsided when trying to blend two families. He gives some practical advice for interacting with stepchildren.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-06-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>All families face challenges. Blended families face some unique challenges. Author and speaker, Ron Deal, says that some of those challenges come, not from inside the family, but from outside. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The people within the four walls of your house can be the most loving, godly people in the world. But in a blended family situation\u2014this is why we say they\u2019re tall and they\u2019re wide\u2014they\u2019re multi-generational\/they\u2019re tall; they\u2019re wide in the sense that there\u2019s often another home, if not more than one home, that\u2019s impacting your home. What happens is\u2014somebody <em>outside<\/em> of your house influences the relationships <em>inside<\/em> your house. The biological mom\u2019s hopes and expectations intersect with the stepmom\u2019s hopes and expectations, and that creates some challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, June 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Life in a blended family is often complicated. If you\u2019re in a blended family, you can appreciate that. If you\u2019re not, you need to be aware that your friends, who are, are facing some interesting challenges. We\u2019re going to talk more about those today. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I was so excited last Sunday when I got to church, and I had a copy of Ron Deal and Gary Chapman\u2019s new book, <em>Building Love Together in Blended Families.<\/em> I had it with me because there is a couple in our church who are in a blended family. We\u2019ve talked before, and I know some of the challenges they\u2019re going through. I thought, \u201cThey need a copy of this book\u201d; so I got a copy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I saw Andy at church, I went over and said, \u201cHey, I was thinking about you\u2014got this book,\u201d\u2014handed it to him. He lit up because he\u2019s looking for all the help he can get in the middle of the complexities of all this. I was just thrilled\u2014in fact, I\u2019m always thrilled to have a tool\u2014and to know Ron Deal, who has a tool chest full of tools, that you can give to folks in these situations and say: \u201cI was thinking about you; I was praying for you. I thought this book might help you out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon is joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron gives leadership, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. You\u2019ve been doing this for almost a decade now, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, well, eight years\/eight-and-a-half years\u2014something like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And there\u2019s no one better in the world. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We are big fans, Ron.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean that\u2014no one\u2014you are an asset and a help to families all around the world! Think about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Bob, we have done the same thing, because there are so many friends that we know that are struggling in marriage\u2014so many blendeds struggling. We say the name: \u201cHave you heard of Ron Deal?\u201d because his resources are so, so good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to talk this week about issues that blended families are facing. Part of the reason we\u2019re talking about this is because, a couple of years back, you updated your book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, and brought a whole bunch of new content in. You had a video series\/a DVD series, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>,that you\u2019ve also updated; it\u2019s pretty much all new.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Have blended families changed that much? Or have you learned a lot more since you started, or what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s not that a lot has changed. It\u2019s that I was able to address so many more subtopics within the overall journey that blended families face: \u201cWhat if you have part-time children?\u201d and \u201cWhat if you\u2019re a grandparent, and now a step-grandparent?\u201d and \u201cHow do you manage your marriage within?\u201d \u201cHave you thought about adopting your stepchildren? Is that a good idea? Is that not a good idea?\u201d We really dove into all those intricacies.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The thing I love about the DVD series is\u2014it tees up, for couples, conversations that happen after they\u2019ve watched the videos\u2014that are personal and transformative. I know I\u2019ve talked to you about this\u2014if we could somehow ignite people to start these groups\/go through this DVD series, or just get people [who know this] handing out copies of your book to people in their church. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour burden is that blended families would see a pathway to wholeness, and to restoration, and to making the blended family all that God intends for it to be. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s absolutely the case. All of us sitting at this table believe in ministry; we\u2019re passionate about it. We\u2019re all invested in it in various forms or another because we believe the power of God comes alive in community\u2014put God\u2019s people together, get them talking about stuff that is rooted in His Word, and is practical, and has wisdom for life\u2014and change happens. I have seen this over and over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing about the DVD series that I love so much\u2014the content is good\u2014the power is in sharing the content with others. All of a sudden, they\u2019re learning from each other; they\u2019re encouraging one another; they\u2019re praying for each other. Somebody goes, \u201cYou know what? This is what worked for us.\u201d A couple sitting across the room goes: \u201cAh, that\u2019s it! That\u2019s what we\u2019ve been waiting on.\u201d That\u2019s the power of a group; this <em>Smart Stepfamily<\/em> video participant\u2019s guide gets groups of couples together. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYes, you can do it all by yourself. Yes, you can do it with pre-marital counseling and send it home as homework, if you\u2019re a pastor. The real power\/the real thing we want people to do is get a few couples together in a room and let them have at it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Ron, you\u2019re saying that change happens <em>more<\/em> in a group setting even?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I believe that. I can\u2019t sit here and document; I just have seen it for so long. I got my start doing stepfamily ministry, leading a small group in the church that I was a family minister in. All of a sudden, people are coming alive; lights are going on; eyes are opening up. People are going: \u201cWait! Wait, wait! That <em>is<\/em> what I feel. You mean we can do something about this? It\u2019s not hopeless?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHope translates into action; action translates into change <em>and<\/em> encouragement. I am a <em>firm believer<\/em> in the power of small groups.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; me, too. And it\u2019s biblical; I mean, there\u2019s no question about it: \u201cAssemble yourself together regularly.\u201d When I talk to people at our church, when I talk to people at <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014when I talk to people anywhere, where they\u2019ve sat in a setting, where they\u2019ve gotten spiritual input\u2014and again, take a church service\/take a marriage conference\u2014here\u2019s the question you ask them six months later: \u201cHow\u2019s your marriage doing? How\u2019s your life doing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe next question I <em>always<\/em> ask: \u201cHey, did you ever get in a group? Remember we talked about small groups afterward? Did you plug into an <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, <em>Smart Stepfamily <\/em>group? Did you get in?\u201d \u201cNo.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe couples that see real life change, their answer is always, \u201cYes, got in a group. I had no idea what would happen; but man!\u2014I\u2019m sitting in a living room; I hear another couple share a story\u2014and it\u2019s like: \u2018That\u2019s the same thing in our family!\u2019\u201d There\u2019s something that\u2019s catalytic when I hear somebody else struggles like we do; and they say, \u201cWhat\u2019s Jesus say about this?\u201d It\u2019s the life-changing <em>difference<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; guys, I got to tell you one other element to this <em>new<\/em> video series that I\u2019m <em>really<\/em> excited about. For ten years, we had a series. The number-one feedback response I got from groups was: \u201cThis is amazing! This is wonderful. It\u2019s all designed for the parents. Do you have anything for kids?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought about it and thought about it, and dreamed about it and dreamed about it. When we had the chance to do a tenth anniversary edition of the series, I threw in a session for kids\u2014it\u2019s a bonus session: it\u2019s short; it\u2019s sweet; it\u2019s bite-size for kids\u2014what they need to digest. We let kids; that is, young adults, who are now looking <em>back<\/em> on their journey in their blended family, talk about their journey and give these children perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had one group write to me and say: \u201cWe\u2019ve just been through the video series. We\u2019d been through the old one. We absolutely love the new one. <em>All<\/em> the parents in our group bought the series on their own so they could show their kids the bonus session.\u201d It\u2019s <em>that<\/em> important to parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anybody, who has seen the first one and looks at the second one, one of the things that\u2019s changed is\u2014the first one was you teaching in front of a large audience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But in this series, you\u2019re still teaching; but now we get to hear from couples in blended families. In fact, you start the series by explaining to those who are watching\u2014we hear couples saying this\u2014\u201cThis blended family thing is a whole lot trickier than we realized when we were standing together saying, \u2018I do.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, let\u2019s listen to some of these couples as they talk in the video series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>The Smart Stepfamily <\/em>DVD Series]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband: <\/strong>The complexity of our blended family looks pretty obscure to me sometimes; it\u2019s pretty complex. We deal with having to communicate with our other two daughters in North Carolina; we FaceTime<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> them every Monday night. We also have to travel to go get them in the summers; we drive anywhere between 1,000-2,000 miles to pick them up and come back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife: <\/strong>My daughter enjoyed having two sisters when they came. When they came into the picture, she is like, \u201cHey! I have people!\u201d; you know? But it was hard, because it <em>wasn\u2019t<\/em> the same for them. For them, they always had each other\u2014it was Lila and Natalie; it\u2019s always been Lila and Natalie\u2014when Nellie came in, they\u2019re just like, \u201cWho are you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband: <\/strong>They kind of pick at each other sometimes: \u201cYou\u2019re not my real sister; you\u2019re just my friend. You\u2019re not my sister.\u201d They try to do those hurtful words; because in their mind, it\u2019s hard for them to realize that they are brother and sister\/that they are one family now and not two separate families.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m imagining the small group watching that couple share their experience; I\u2019m seeing all the heads in the room nodding and bobbing, and going, \u201cThat\u2019s what\u2019s happening in our house, too.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s the thing. We want blended family couples to be <em>seen<\/em>. When they\u2019re watching this, they\u2019re going, \u201cYes, that\u2019s my life!\u201d Typical marriage and family ministry material, and books, and resources really <em>don\u2019t<\/em> address those complexities; so the <em>first<\/em> thing that happens is people feel affirmed\/ like they\u2019re not crazy: \u201cWow! We have that between-home thing, too!\u201d \u201cWow! We have to travel,\u201d \u201cYou know, I don\u2019t get to see my daughter very often; and when I do, it\u2019s short; and then you want everything to go right.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSometimes it doesn\u2019t go right; because, like with this couple, the stepsiblings aren\u2019t always <em>open<\/em> to one another to the same degree. \u201cHow do I make the weekend great when they don\u2019t even get along?\u201d <em>That\u2019s<\/em> the real stuff that people are dealing with, day in and day out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Talk about how couples get blind-sided, because they come into a blended marriage with expectations. They\u2019ve got to have some sense of reality\u2014\u201cYes, we know it\u2019s going to be hard,\u201d\u2014but then they get in and go: \u201cOh! I didn\u2019t know it was going to be <em>this<\/em> hard.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Let\u2019s remind ourselves\u2014<em>all<\/em> of us walk into <em>anything<\/em> a little bit starry-eyed, whether it\u2019s a marriage, or whether it\u2019s having your first child\u2014no matter what it is\u2014a new job. We always have a lot of hope and a lot of high expectation in it. Then, life teaches us what we\u2019re really going to have to deal with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing is true for blended families, but sometimes they\u2019re still blind-sided: \u201cWell, I\u2019ve had my first child; I <em>know<\/em> what parenting is.\u201d Well, but this is your first <em>stepchild<\/em>. It turns out that relationship just is different; it evolves at a different level; you don\u2019t immediately have authority in relationship. You\u2019ve got to grow that over time. In the meantime, you\u2019ve got to get the kitchen cleaned up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo how do we do the logistics of life <em>and<\/em> build relationship all at the same time? \u201cYes, I have a sense of what life could be like\u201d; but the realities of it just aren\u2019t real until it\u2019s <em>real<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> My thought, Ron, listening to that couple was: \u201cWhen we get married, it\u2019s hard; we have difficult adjustments. But with a blended family\u2014I know that, as a mom; and I think as a dad, too\u2014you\u2019re feeling the <em>weight<\/em> of what your kids are already dealing with and experiencing, and <em>have<\/em> experienced\/the pain that they\u2019ve gone through. Now you\u2019re in this new family\/this new marriage. I would be so focused on my kids that it would be easy to have my marriage take a back seat.\u201d Is that pretty common?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is common, and you nailed something. When two people get married for the first time, you have two sets of expectations. When a blended family comes together, you have five, or seven, or\u2014including grandparents\u2014eighteen. All of a sudden, you have <em>lots<\/em> of expectation. How do we bring all those things together? The mom factor\/the parent factor: \u201cI see my children\u2019s expectations, and hopes, and desires not being met.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn the story we just heard, one child is excited to have siblings\u2014new siblings\/stepsiblings\u2014but the other set of stepsiblings, on the other side, is going: \u201cWait a minute. We have sisters; we don\u2019t need you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWho are you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201cWhat are you doing here?\u201d So this child is disappointed; and of course, Mom sees that. Her heart\u2019s like, \u201cAhhhh!\u201d What is she going to do?\u2014she\u2019s going to fight for her child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and protect her child.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> She\u2019s going to go to her husband, and she\u2019s going to go, \u201cHey, can\u2019t you get your kids to be nice to my kid?\u201d Now, all of a sudden, the conflict is between the husband and the wife. We\u2019ve said this before on this program: \u201cWhat is a parenting issue in blended families is <em>immediately<\/em> a marriage issue in blended families.\u201d Yes, that puts strain on a couple\u2019s relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is it possible for couples to enter a blended family relationship with eyes fully wide open? Or are they <em>always<\/em> going to get blind-sided by something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think we\u2019re always blind-sided by something in life\u2014<em>always<\/em>. I do think people, who get educated on the front end\u2014who read\/who watch this series\u2014can learn a lot and have their eyes open. That doesn\u2019t mean your children are as open as you are. It doesn\u2019t mean <em>all<\/em> the expectations for everybody are just <em>magically<\/em> coming together. There are still challenges in making it happen; but at least, you have a running start to know what to do about the challenges that you face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There are other couples in this series. In fact, there\u2019s one couple or one set of couples\u2014I forget which\u2014who talk about expectations they had, coming into marriage, kind of like: \u201cOh, we thought it was going to be this way,\u201d and then it wasn\u2019t exactly that way. Listen to these couples talk.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[<em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em> DVD Series]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Husband:<\/strong> At the time Lisa and I decided to get married, I felt <em>great<\/em> about things. I felt like we were in a good place. We were going to get along, and we\u2019re going to have a great new life together. My boys were happy; at the time, they were happy, going into the marriage. I expected some things that I hadn\u2019t seen, growing up or in adulthood\u2014that my new wife, Lisa, would get along with my ex-wife\u2014that they would be able to have conversations about our boys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> The first night that they called her\u2014and they started telling her about all the fun stuff that they had done that day with us\u2014she stopped them and said: \u201cI don\u2019t want you to talk about that. It hurts my feelings, and I don\u2019t want to hear about her.\u201d That was kind of my first example of how, \u201cMaybe it\u2019s not going to be as smooth sailing as I thought it was going to be.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would feel like we had built a good relationship, and I guess in an hour earlier, they were hugging my neck and telling me they loved me; we\u2019re having a great time. You know, it\u2019s\u2014I think it\u2019s just they stopped and remembered: \u201cOh, yeah; I\u2019m not supposed to like her as much as I do. I\u2019m not supposed to feel this way. I\u2019m supposed to\u2026\u201d You know, I think they feel an allegiance to the other home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Son:<\/strong> For me, especially early\u2014being five, six, seven, eight years old\u2014I didn\u2019t quite understand it. For me, it was just my parents fighting all the time, even though they weren\u2019t together anymore; it was just them fighting. It was hard trying to balance time and connection: \u201cHow do I make myself seem respectful to one parent and respectful to the other, and make it not look like I\u2019m spending too much time with one, and not with the other?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Wife:<\/strong> There would be times that we would have <em>great<\/em> weekends, and there would be no issues at all. There would be times\u2014on the flipside of that when we didn\u2019t have the boys for that weekend\u2014and we would go to one of their baseball games; and they wouldn\u2019t say a <em>word<\/em> to us. They would just act like we weren\u2019t even there. When we would try to say something to them, they would look at us and say: \u201cIt\u2019s not our time with you. We can\u2019t talk to you right now.\u201d It\u2019s not coming from them; this is coming from the adults in their other home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have to have a lot of grace, and you have to have a lot of patience\u2014and have a lot of thick skin\u2014[Laughter]\u2014because it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> for the weak. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I was listening to that clip\u2014I was thinking there was a movie that came out, years ago, called <em>Trouble with the Curve<\/em>\u2014it was a baseball movie. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> <em>Great<\/em> movie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Clint Eastwood, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It was Clint Eastwood. I remember\u2014that\u2019s what we\u2019re talking about here; there are curve balls that are going to get thrown in marriage. You\u2019re expecting a fast ball or maybe a changeup; you get the curve. All of a sudden, it\u2019s like, \u201cOh, I don\u2019t know how to hit this one.\u201d You swing and you miss; and you go, \u201cThis is not going the way it\u2019s supposed to.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Actually, in a blended family\u2014maybe I\u2019m wrong; Ron, you\u2019re the expert\u2014it\u2019s almost like there\u2019s not just one ball coming at you; you know? [Laughter] \u201cI don\u2019t have to hit just this ball; there\u2019s seven or eight!\u201d Every person in the blended family is dealing with all of this simultaneously; it\u2019s juggling at multiple times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The insidious part of this one is the stepmom gets thrown a curve, because she\u2019s trying to develop a relationship with her stepson. But the biological mother in the other home is doing or saying things that is making it <em>tough<\/em> for the stepson to embrace it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and that never happens. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No; I think this is one of the <em>biggest<\/em> things that I want to try to help people prepare for. The people within the four walls of your house can be the most loving, godly people in the world. But in a blended family situation\u2014this is why we say they\u2019re tall and they\u2019re wide\u2014they\u2019re multi-generational; they\u2019re tall\u2014they\u2019re wide in the sense that there\u2019s often another home, if not more than one home, that\u2019s impacting your home. What happens [is] somebody <em>outside<\/em> of your house influences the relationships <em>inside<\/em> your house. The biological mom\u2019s hopes and expectations intersect with the stepmom\u2019s hopes and expectations, and that just creates some challenge. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou heard this young man; I mean, doesn\u2019t your heart kind of go out to him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I want to sit down and cry after listening to that, because I\u2019m hearing the angst of how the stepson is so torn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He doesn\u2019t know which way to go. Yet, I\u2019m hearing the angst of the stepmom, thinking: \u201cOh, I thought this was going to be great. I thought they liked me, and it seemed like it.\u201d I\u2019m also feeling it for the <em>mother<\/em>\/the bio-mom, because she\u2019s feeling insecure: \u201cWill my two boys love <em>her<\/em> more than they love me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I remember when I would go down and visit my dad, and my stepmother, and her son. I didn\u2019t spend my life with them as much as I did with my bio-mom; I was mostly with my mom. I remember coming home after a week or four or five days with my dad and stepmom; I felt like I could <em>not<\/em> share with my mom how great my stepmom was to me. It was a secret: \u201cOh, you know, we just sort of hung out\u201d; yet,\u00a0 I\u2019m like, \u201cWe were on a boat!\u201d We didn\u2019t\/I couldn\u2019t share it; because I was that son, like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to hurt my mom\u2019s feelings.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And even after we got married, I thought, \u201cDave\u2019s stepmom is <em>amazing<\/em>!\u201d Yet, Dave\u2019s mom\/his bio-mom was always trying to get hints, like: \u201cShe probably really wasn\u2019t that great, right?\u201d You\u2019re torn right there, even as an adult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; this young man was saying, when he was five or eight, he was trying to figure out how to love everybody and not hurt feelings, which is the natural bind that kids feel. By the way, I should quickly add\u2014<em>not<\/em> every child in every blended family experiences this\u2014but it is pretty common.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is one of the things I talk about in the bonus session to kids. We put words on it. We help them understand what you just said there, Dave\u2014that split part of you\u2014\u201cI really enjoyed it, but I can\u2019t share that with my mom,\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cWhat do you do with that feeling?\u201d and \u201cIs it okay to actually like, and appreciate, or value your stepparent?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can you imagine\u2014think of this\u2014if I would\u2019ve had a place to go and hear other sons or daughters say similar things?\u2014which is what a blended family\/stepfamily small group offers\u2014I would\u2019ve had somewhere to process that; at least, I\u2019d be like, \u201cI\u2019m not the only one!\u201d I had not a <em>single person<\/em>; I really thought, \u201cNobody else feels this.\u201d I would\u2019ve been sitting in a room, going: \u201cOh, my goodness; now let\u2019s talk,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what you offer through the DVD series.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It opens the door to conversation and moves the heart of parents to their kids. That is one of the biggest steps that needs to happen. If kids feel safe and comfortable talking through these challenges with a parent, it ripples into all sorts of positivity within the family. All of a sudden, \u201cI\u2019m free to enjoy my stepparent.\u201d All of a sudden, \u201cI\u2019m not living in fear and <em>hiding<\/em> what\u2019s going on inside me. I\u2019m able to be a kid again instead of an adult, taking care of the adults.\u201d It really changes the dynamic for children and for the adults.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> A series like this\u2014you\u2019re talking to churches that are doing this as part of their regular curriculum? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But even more than that, it\u2019s just one courageous stepfamily saying, \u201cLet\u2019s get three or four of our friends together, and get in the living room, and let\u2019s go through this together.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> More often than not, that\u2019s what\u2019s happening. The people that are motivated are the stepfamilies themselves, and it\u2019s absolutely the way to go. We\u2019ve also found great success with pastors, who will assign this as sort of pre-marital counseling with couples that they\u2019re working with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m sure there are some folks, who would go, \u201cYes, we need to get our stepfamily in a better order before we try to host a small group series.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No, no; start <em>now<\/em>. The beautiful thing about God\u2019s people coming together is we\u2019re all sinners; we\u2019re all messed up. We\u2019re misfits, and we belong together. We should <em>grow<\/em> together. I think we call that, on Sunday, church. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. There\u2019s information about the video series\/about the book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe should mention the event that you\u2019re planning for the fall, which is the <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em>\u2014we\u2019ve been doing this for <em>many<\/em> years. People from all over the country have come and spent a couple days kind of encamped together\/networking with other people to figure out how to be more effective in ministering to stepfamilies in local churches or in communities.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThese have been <em>great<\/em> events. Every time we\u2019ve done them, people have said, \u201cWe wish there was a way for those of us, who can\u2019t make the trip and spend a couple of days in another city, we wish there was a way we could get access to this content and still be able to network with other people, who are engaged in stepfamily ministry.\u201d This year we\u2019re doing that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe <em>Summit on Stepfamily Ministry<\/em> this year is going to be a two-day livestream event, October 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 2<sup>nd<\/sup>; mark those days on your calendar. There\u2019s information about the main sessions and the breakouts available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Go there and click the link for all the details about the upcoming <em>Summit for Stepfamily Ministry<\/em> that\u2019s happening October 1<sup>st<\/sup> and 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Again, it\u2019s a livestream event; so you and others from your church staff or from your community can plan to be part of an event this year. The only hotel reservation you need to make is in your bedroom, because you can stay at home for the event this year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for information about the event or about the DVD series, <em>The Smart Stepfamily<\/em>, and Ron\u2019s book by that same title. All of these are helpful resources. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRon, we are grateful for your ongoing investment in the lives of blended families all around the world.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Ron Deal about some of the complexities facing blended families. We\u2019re going to talk about the challenges between stepparents and stepchildren and about how you navigate your way <em>through<\/em> those complexities and those challenges. Ron will be back tomorrow. I hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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