{"id":306044,"date":"2020-05-26T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-05-26T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/coming-clean\/"},"modified":"2020-05-26T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-05-26T11:00:04","slug":"coming-clean","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/coming-clean\/","title":{"rendered":"Coming Clean"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>By all appearances, businessman Cory Carlson had it all-a lucrative career, an impressive home, and a beautiful wife. He also had a secret. Hear what happened when he told his wife, and where their marriage is today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-05-26.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:30:23","filesize":"27.82M","filesize_raw":"29170629","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2901,2903,2844],"tags":[4874],"podcast_series":[8362],"cwp_profile":[9624],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306044","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-husbands","category-infidelity","category-pornography","tag-infidelity","podcast_series-win-at-home-first","cwp_profile-cory-carlson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306044\/coming-clean","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306044\/coming-clean","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"4pyC8NVt2f\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/coming-clean\/\">Coming Clean<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/coming-clean\/embed\/#?secret=4pyC8NVt2f\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Coming Clean&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"4pyC8NVt2f\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-05-26.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-05-26.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Early in his marriage, Cory Carlson had been unfaithful. He\u2019d been able to successfully hide that from his wife; but God started working on him, and he <em>knew<\/em> he had to come clean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>I remember driving home that night with, \u201cAlright, I\u2019m going to say it. I\u2019m ready for the consequences, whatever they may be.\u201d I\u2019m driving home with this thought of, \u201cNo, no!\u201d\u2014like this last-minute bargaining\u2014\u201cThis is between you and [me], God. I\u2019m not going to\/I won\u2019t make anymore mistakes, I\u2019m all committed to You. This is a deal.\u201d I just couldn\u2019t get over that hump that I had to come clean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s true that our sins have consequences. It\u2019s also true that God can bring beauty from ashes. Cory Carlson joins us today to share a story of God\u2019s redemptive work in his life and his marriage. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. If we went back 35 years and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s a long time, Bob\u201435?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014if we asked you about work\/life balance, back 35 years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know what I\u2019m going to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I do know what you\u2019re going to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Ask her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, how was his work\/life balance back 35 years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It might have been better then than now! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think it was better, actually. I think 35 years ago wasn\u2019t bad; but 30 years ago, it was <em>really<\/em> bad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So it didn\u2019t start off with Dave being, \u201cI\u2019m all paying attention to work and ignoring home.\u201d That kind of grew over time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you aware of the fact that things were out of balance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, I wish I could say I had self-awareness. I was not aware until my wife said, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d I was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But you didn\u2019t agree with me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I would have said, \u201cI am not a workaholic; I am balanced.\u201d I was just in denial; I was out of control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How many times did you say, \u201cI need help,\u201d before he heard you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Too many to count.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I don\u2019t think Dave heard me. I think he thought I was just a needy wife and a needy family, but he was conquering the world\u2014which, that\u2019s one of the reasons I married him\u2014because I thought, \u201cWe\u2019re going to change the world together for Jesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Can we stop talking about me? [Laughter] Can we move on? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How many guys in the business world today do you think are where you were, life out of balance? As a pastor, you\u2019re talking to guys all the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, and I would say the number that comes to my mind is 80 percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Eight out of ten. Again, I\u2019m basing that on guys that walk up in the auditorium, guys I talk to during the week, guys in small groups. You just look at them and they\u2019re going, going, going. They\u2019re getting up at five; they\u2019re coming home at eight or nine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I got a letter one time from a wife\u2014she went to our church\u2014and she said, \u201cI feel like I\u2019ve been totally deceived and duped.\u201d She said, \u201cI started, marrying my husband, I loved him: he\u2019s an achiever, he\u2019s a sharp guy; but man, he went after me, and he did everything he could to get me. He was romantic, he spent time with me, he got to know me, he opened his life to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cWe\u2019ve been married a year. I feel like he was on the hunt; he saw me, he shot me, he bagged me, he put me on the mantel, and now he\u2019s off for another hunt.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cBought that company, and now I\u2019m on to the next company,\u201d right?\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we have a guest joining us today, Cory Carlson. Cory today is doing executive coaching and working with guys in business and in ministry, who are struggling with work\/life balance. Part of the reason you\u2019re doing this is because you went through your own struggle. In fact, your struggle led you outside of your marriage for awhile.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Unfortunately, it did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you\/by the way, Cory\u2019s written a book called <em>Win at Home First<\/em>, which is all about work\/life balance. This is a part of what you talk to people in the business world and in the ministry world about today. Were you aware that your life was out of balance when it was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>No, I was not aware of it being out of balance. What I also found\u2014I wasn\u2019t aware that I was going to places to find my worth, to find my value, to find my identity. I was pursuing a variety of different things, not knowing that that\u2019s what I was looking for. I was longing for\u2014you know, it\u2019s that idea that only God can fill the void in our heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn my 20s, it was a pursuit of climbing that corporate ladder. On great days, I felt like I was the man: things were going well; I was getting the promotion. Then on those other days, maybe I\u2019d be thinking about my marriage; or it\u2019s like: \u201cWell, that\u2019s maybe not exactly how it wants to be,\u201d or \u201dWe\u2019re arguing a little bit.\u201d Then I started to think, \u201cWell, maybe my marriage isn\u2019t great.\u201d There were kind of these different things, where I kept taking my questions, to who I was, to temporary things. Eventually, it ended up catching up to me in a couple of different ways. From a marriage standpoint, I would basically take my questions to her, \u201cAm I a good enough man?\u201d In the process, we\u2019d have some different tensions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned earlier about the hunt that the man had. One thing I work with executives on, and talk about is: \u201cAre you pursuing your wife?\u201d \u201cAre you actually going on dates?\u201d It\u2019s one of the first things\/it\u2019s like the low-hanging fruit, when I get a client, is, \u201cWhen\u2019s the last time you went on a date?\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cUmm; Uhhhh.\u201d [Laughter] It\u2019s, \u201cHold up; if you don\u2019t know the last time you went on a date, we have to start there.\u201d I have some really fun stories with friends and clients that we start there, and we start seeing progress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut in <em>my<\/em> situation, we were spending <em>time<\/em> together. We were going on double dates\u2014it\u2019s a double income\/no kids\u2014was how it was in our 20s. We were going out a lot\u2014hosting parties, going to parties, going on dinner dates with other couples\u2014just spending time together, but never <em>together<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat ended up happening was, at that same time, I was very busy pursuing my career: working all the time\/traveling, I started to see that I didn\u2019t have any guys of deep friendships. I had a lot of surface-level friends, but I wasn\u2019t talking about the depths of my marriage or the depths of struggles I was having. So when Holly and I would get in an argument, I thought, \u201cI\u2019m the only guy having this argument.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d go talk to my buddies, and it sounds like life is amazing. Here, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s <em>our<\/em> problem?\u201d I ended up taking my questions to <em>another<\/em> woman, who I thought: \u201cHey, she\u2019s laughing at my jokes. She thinks I\u2019m funny. She\u2026\u201d It became, obviously, a very slippery slope. It ended up\u2014unfortunately and regrettably\u2014I had an affair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But it was a <em>secret<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>It was a secret, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Your wife had no idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>My wife had no idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grew up in an awesome home. I think, when I look back at my home, I think maybe that was part of the reason that I ended up having an affair\u2014not that my parents are to blame at all; that\u2019s not it\u2014but I <em>never<\/em>, ever saw them argue. My mom died when I was 15 from cancer. I don\u2019t know if they never fought because my dad just had an enormous amount of grace, and so it just rolled off. I don\u2019t know if they did it behind doors; I just didn\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d start to have our arguments of work\/life balance or whatever it may be. I started to think: \u201cWait, wait; this isn\u2019t on me. This must be on my wife; because my parents had it all figured out, and they were battling with cancer.\u201d My buddies weren\u2019t ever talking about their marriages being a challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere I am, thinking I\u2019m on my own island of having marital issues, so I ended up having this affair; did not get caught. I get promoted and transferred to Denver; moved to Denver. We are not really going to church frequently; because every time my wife would ask, \u201cLet\u2019s go to church,\u201d it\u2019s like\u2014I mean, I grew up in a church. I don\u2019t want to sit in a church and hear about character when I have a skeleton in my closet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Is that something you were carrying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely carrying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Absolutely carrying. I was carrying it so much, and I see this\u2014not that affair is always the issue\u2014but I see this in so many other people, where we know we are losing somewhere. We go wherever we can to get our wins. So if marriage is not working well, your parenting\u2019s not working well, or whatever, it\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m going to work; I\u2019m going to get it there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You\u2019re moving up in the business world, and <em>yet<\/em> there\u2019s this secret. How\u2019d you deal with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>My wife said, \u201cHey, maybe we need to start going to church.\u201d I could only run from that question so many times; because she knew I was supposed to be a man of faith, grew up in a Christian home. That was probably one of the reasons she married me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started going to this church in Denver. The pastor\u2019s name, Jay Pathack. I started to meet people in the leadership team. They were very obvious about pursuing Jesus, but they were also very vulnerable and honest about their own brokenness. In that\u2014in having conversations and hearing about the struggles they were having\/whatever it may have been: marriage, porn, finances\u2014God started working in my heart about this situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was interesting; as I was kind of in these conversations, I never really thought I was going to come clean about my affair. I think God was just softening my heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you have this secret that\u2019s hidden away, and nobody\u2019s ever going to find out. I mean, it\u2019s kind of like\u2014a lot of guys will look at that and go, \u201cOkay, I got a pass here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019ve talked to a lot of people that have been in that situation that say, \u201cThis is what <em>I<\/em> did; it\u2019s on me. I don\u2019t want to give this to my spouse, because why should I make them suffer? It\u2019s over.\u201d Was that part of your thinking, too? \u201cWhy will I hurt her? This will just disrupt everything.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Absolutely. It was also, \u201cWait, God.\u201d Things are going great in my life: I just got promoted; I\u2019m making the most money I\u2019ve ever made; things are going well with the team. The integration into this new team is fantastic. I\u2019m in a city I love, because I have family there; and things are going great. \u201cWhy would I mess this all up?\u201d It was almost like there was this argument with God: \u201cHey, You\u2019re giving me signs things are good, so let\u2019s just keep moving this along.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What brought this to the surface; and what forced you to say, \u201cI have to come clean with this\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>I was invited to participate in a volunteer leadership program at this church. As I\u2019m in this night, Jay\u2019s doing a talk on character. As he\u2019s talking about character, all of a sudden, I had a God moment; I had an encounter where, out of nowhere, I kind of heard\u2014I don\u2019t know if it was audible or what I just heard in my own self\u2014\u201cYou have to come clean of your affair.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhat?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was that clear?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>It was <em>that<\/em> clear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>It was like: \u201cWho said that? What\u2019s going on?\u201d I just kept having this wrestling match with God: \u201cNo, I don\u2019t have to come clean of my affair. I\u2019ve been promoted. Things are going great. We\u2019re starting to get along,\u201d\u2014all this different stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater, in that evening, sitting in that chair, I started to have a peace. A phrase I heard\u2014and I really didn\u2019t know much about it then, and I\u2019ve learned more since then\u2014is, \u201cYou need to hand over your story for a greater story.\u201d I really didn\u2019t know what that meant at that time, but I started to think about it. I remember driving home that night with: \u201cAlright, I\u2019m going to say it; and \u201cI\u2019m ready for the consequences, whatever they may be.\u201d I\u2019m driving home with this thought of, \u201cNo, no!\u201d\u2014like this last-minute bargaining\u2014\u201cThis is between You and [me], God. I\u2019m not going to\/I won\u2019t make anymore mistakes; I\u2019m all committed to You.\u201d I just couldn\u2019t get over that hump that I had to come clean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI came home that night, and my wife was asleep. I was like, \u201cPerfect! Thanks, God!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Another sign from God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory:<\/strong> It\u2019s a sign, like, \u201cIf He wanted me to tell her, she\u2019d be awake, sitting on the couch, ready to talk.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith a sign, \u2018Talk to me.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cTalk to me\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to bed. The next day, I got up, kind of went through my normal motions. Over the years, when I was hiding this, if the heaviness came, I\u2019d go for a run; or if it was at night, I\u2019d have a drink; or I would work harder and send out a bunch of emails. I mean, it\u2019s unfortunate; it\u2019s amazing how the devil can work and quickly pull you away from that sin. I mean, obviously the devil loves nothing more than a kept secret, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater that day, I\u2014 \u201cI\u2019m going to tell her tonight.\u201d When we got home, I put the girls to bed and then came down and told her. It was not cupcakes and balloons; it was <em>awful<\/em>. I mean, rightfully so; doors slammed and yelling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut from that moment, we began a journey of figuring this out. We both grew in our faith at that moment. Fast forward, this summer, we celebrate 20 years. It\u2019s been amazing. I don\u2019t think she thinks about it\u2014I mean, I\u2019m sure there are moments she\u2019ll think about it, especially\u2014the interesting part about this book, it\u2019s part of the intro. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hired a writing coach for this book. My intro was <em>not<\/em> about coming clean of my affair. [Laughter] My intro was a neat client story\/a super fun client story\u2014I had that\u2014and then I go into the book, saying: \u201cWe\u2019re all broken. I had an affair\u201d\u2014comma\u2014\u201cthis may happen to you\u201d\u2014comma\u2014[Laughter] My writing coach said, \u201cNo; if you want anyone to read this book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014you have to tell that story.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014you need to come tell that story.\u201d I was like, \u201cOh, no.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>\u201cThis has been kind of fun to talk with a couple men here and there and kind of\u2026\u201d I ended up writing the introduction and then shared it with Holly to say: \u201cHere\u2019s the advice I got from Chad, the writing coach; and here you go. Do you want to read it? Are you good with it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe read it, and she was good with it. She did say: \u201cYou need to fix the ending. You make it sound like I said: \u2018Okay, that\u2019s great. You had an affair; let\u2019s keep going.\u2019\u201d I had to expand on that a little bit more; but she was good, ready to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe also, in that whole process\u2014when I first told her, it was a very\u2014you kind of feel like you\u2019re the only ones that experience this. Then from Denver to when this book came out, she has been a part of, as well as, heard my stories. Once you start sharing this vulnerability, it\u2019s amazing how it\u2019s helped others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>That\u2019s the greater story. Back to that night\u2014when I felt God say, \u201cYou need to hand over your story for a greater story,\u201d\u2014the great story is, through that vulnerability\u2014sharing my brokenness, sharing the restoration that Jesus had in my life\/in our marriage\u2014it\u2019s just been neat to see. I think that\u2019s the reason she was willing to put <em>herself<\/em> out there as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Go back to a little bit about\u2014okay, slamming doors, yelling\u2014I\u2019ve been there with Ann in terms of sharing a struggle about porn 30\/40 years ago, so I know that moment. It didn\u2019t change the next day. She wasn\u2019t like: \u201cOh, okay. Now I\u2019m all good. I slept on it, and\u2026\u201d No, there was a process. What did that look like for you guys? How did your marriage get restored? How did forgiveness happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>The advantage I had\u2014and I don\u2019t want to make this sound like a way to do it\u2014is she had seen a change in my behavior along the way. I had, at least\u2014in full transparency\u2014I had that in my favor, where she had seen I was making some different choices I didn\u2019t used to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are still things, to this day, that I do that are showing building trust; like, whether we are texting neighborhood women about coordinating a play date, I copy Holly. I don\u2019t want to get in a position; I don\u2019t want to <em>her<\/em> to think anything. It could be communication like that: that I\u2019m doing different things to show my trust.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were times, early on with traveling, I would not always answer the phone when she called. Or if I was at the bar with work guys\u2014even, I mean, all innocent; just work guys\u2014I wouldn\u2019t answer the phone, just like, \u201cI\u2019ll talk to her tomorrow; she knows I\u2019m at work.\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cForget that.\u201d If she calls now, I <em>always<\/em> answer. Even if I\u2019m in a client meeting or a prospect meeting, I say, \u201cI have to take this real quick.\u201d Answer the phone: \u201cIs everything okay? Great. I need to let you go; I\u2019ll call you in an hour,\u201d\u2014just starting to show those signs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019m not perfect\u2014right?\u2014I\u2019m still\/there are still selfish things I can do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But you really built back that trust, and you opened up your life freely, to say, \u201cI want you to know all of me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>I built back that trust; yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s a big deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It is; to put some boundaries\/some hedges in place, to say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to demonstrate my trustworthiness and not just presume that I\u2019ve earned it because I confessed.\u201d I think a lot of guys will confess and think, \u201cYou should trust me now, because I confessed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019ve heard that! You\u2019ve heard it, too, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Even at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, couples will come up and say\u2014a lot of times, guys will come up to me and say, \u201cI had an affair; I told her. It\u2019s been years. She still\u2014the Bible says she should forgive me, and she\u2019s still not forgiven me. She should trust me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always use this example: \u201cYou lose trust in a second; you rebuild it over years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You destroy a Lego<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> thing in one <em>hit<\/em>, and it would take you a week to rebuild that complicated thing. You\u2019re doing that; you\u2019re rebuilding trust.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would just say to the husband, who\u2019s hiding something right now,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014or a wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was going to say, \u201c\u2026or a wife\u201d; but I just <em>know<\/em>, as you\u2019re listening to this program\u2014and you have that one or five things\u2014today\u2019s the day. I\u2019ve been there; you\u2019ve been there\u2014you just shared it, Cory\u2014there\u2019s <em>no<\/em> life in a hidden life. As long as it\u2019s in the dark, it wins. The second you bring it into the light\u2014and that\u2019s scary, and it\u2019s hard, and there\u2019s going to be fallout\u2014it is the first step to freedom. So today\u2019s the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, there\u2019s a guy\u2014he\u2019s got websites going; he has something going on\u2014and probably some women\u2014God is using this program today to say: \u201cIt\u2019s time.\u201d You want a new life? It starts right here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did it take weeks or months for your wife to forgive you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>I would say immediately\u2014immediately may not be the right word; maybe a few days\u2014forgive. But the trust piece, that took time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>On her side of the story is: right after I told her, we had some doors slam; but she felt a \u201cIt will be okay,\u201d kind of came over her. She didn\u2019t know what that meant, like, \u201cHow\u2019s this all going to play out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks to Holly and <em>her<\/em> faith, she leaned into that moment from the Holy Spirit of, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay\u201d; she kept going back to that. I\u2019m sure there were times\u2014maybe all the way up to today\u2014where she may get frustrated and she can rest in, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think part of that\u2014you said that she had seen change in your character that gave her some confidence there is a new you at play here. But it\u2019s also\u2014you\u2019re the one who brought the secret out of the darkness into the light. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave, to your point about somebody who needs to do it today, there\u2019s a big difference whether you\u2019re the one who confesses your sin or whether it gets exposed later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You get caught, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s a big difference in terms of what the restoration and healing looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You come forward and say: \u201cThe Lord\u2019s put this on my heart, and I\u2019ve just been under conviction. I have to share this, and I know this is going to be hard for you to hear.\u201d For you to bring that up is an indication, even to your betrayed spouse, that God\u2019s doing something. It\u2019s different than if your spouse hears, five years later, from your ex-girlfriend, who texts her and says, \u201cYou never knew this happened, but\u2026\u201d; and you get busted. Now, it\u2019s harder to rebuild trust, when you were outed rather than you being the one who brought it to the table.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the ways we start to rebuild trust is we demonstrate to one another that we understand what our priorities ought to be, and we start to show evidence that our spiritual life matters\/that home matters more than work. That\u2019s really the thesis of your book; and it\u2019s a mentor guide for men <em>and<\/em> women, who need to make sure we have our priorities in order.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out how to get a copy of Cory Carlson\u2019s book, <em>Win at Home First<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call 1-800-358-6329 to order a copy of the book. Again, that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The book is called <em>Win at Home First<\/em> by Cory Carlson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re just a few days away from the end of May, which is significant for us, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. We had some friends of the ministry, who came to us back earlier this spring, back before COVID-19 was a thing really, and they said, \u201cWe\u2019d like to encourage <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to support the ministry of FamilyLife; so we\u2019ll match every donation a listener makes, during the month of May, up to a total of $345,000.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were delighted by that, and even more delighted once the pandemic settled in; because this has been a challenging time for us, as a ministry, over the last several weeks. Having this matching gift is very significant right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re coming to those of you, who are regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, and asking you to make as generous a donation as you can today, knowing that your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, right now. Anyone who makes a donation, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s new book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>, a collection of prayers that Barbara has written. It\u2019s a beautiful book, and I think a book that\u2019s going to be helpful for you in your personal times with the Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition, if you sign on to become a monthly supporter of FamilyLife\u2014what we call a Legacy Partner\u2014over the next 12 months, your donations are going to be matched, dollar for dollar\/all of them. We\u2019ll send you, as an extra thank-you gift, a certificate so you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway when those resume in the fall. Or you can pass that certificate on to someone else you\u2019d like to send as your guest. All of that as a thank-you gift for becoming a monthly supporter of FamilyLife, a Legacy Partner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make a donation or sign up as a Legacy Partner online when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or if it\u2019s easier, just call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Thank you for your ongoing support of this ministry; we appreciate it. You\u2019re the one who makes <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for people all around the world, and we\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about the priorities of life and how we arrange them properly. We\u2019ll talk about our spiritual life; we\u2019ll talk about our relationships; we\u2019ll talk about our physical bodies; we\u2019ll talk about developing our minds; and we\u2019ll talk about our financial priorities. Cory Carlson\u2019s going to be back with us tomorrow. I hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:30:23"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["27.82M"],"filesize_raw":["29170629"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-306044.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-306044.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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all appearances, businessman Cory Carlson had it all-a lucrative career, an impressive home, and a beautiful wife. He also had a secret. Hear what happened when he told his wife, and where their marriage is today.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-05-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Early in his marriage, Cory Carlson had been unfaithful. He\u2019d been able to successfully hide that from his wife; but God started working on him, and he <em>knew<\/em> he had to come clean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>I remember driving home that night with, \u201cAlright, I\u2019m going to say it. I\u2019m ready for the consequences, whatever they may be.\u201d I\u2019m driving home with this thought of, \u201cNo, no!\u201d\u2014like this last-minute bargaining\u2014\u201cThis is between you and [me], God. I\u2019m not going to\/I won\u2019t make anymore mistakes, I\u2019m all committed to You. This is a deal.\u201d I just couldn\u2019t get over that hump that I had to come clean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s true that our sins have consequences. It\u2019s also true that God can bring beauty from ashes. Cory Carlson joins us today to share a story of God\u2019s redemptive work in his life and his marriage. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. If we went back 35 years and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s a long time, Bob\u201435?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014if we asked you about work\/life balance, back 35 years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know what I\u2019m going to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I do know what you\u2019re going to say.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Ask her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, how was his work\/life balance back 35 years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It might have been better then than now! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think it was better, actually. I think 35 years ago wasn\u2019t bad; but 30 years ago, it was <em>really<\/em> bad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So it didn\u2019t start off with Dave being, \u201cI\u2019m all paying attention to work and ignoring home.\u201d That kind of grew over time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you aware of the fact that things were out of balance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, I wish I could say I had self-awareness. I was not aware until my wife said, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d I was\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But you didn\u2019t agree with me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I would have said, \u201cI am not a workaholic; I am balanced.\u201d I was just in denial; I was out of control.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How many times did you say, \u201cI need help,\u201d before he heard you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Too many to count.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I don\u2019t think Dave heard me. I think he thought I was just a needy wife and a needy family, but he was conquering the world\u2014which, that\u2019s one of the reasons I married him\u2014because I thought, \u201cWe\u2019re going to change the world together for Jesus.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Can we stop talking about me? [Laughter] Can we move on? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How many guys in the business world today do you think are where you were, life out of balance? As a pastor, you\u2019re talking to guys all the time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, and I would say the number that comes to my mind is 80 percent.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Eight out of ten. Again, I\u2019m basing that on guys that walk up in the auditorium, guys I talk to during the week, guys in small groups. You just look at them and they\u2019re going, going, going. They\u2019re getting up at five; they\u2019re coming home at eight or nine.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I got a letter one time from a wife\u2014she went to our church\u2014and she said, \u201cI feel like I\u2019ve been totally deceived and duped.\u201d She said, \u201cI started, marrying my husband, I loved him: he\u2019s an achiever, he\u2019s a sharp guy; but man, he went after me, and he did everything he could to get me. He was romantic, he spent time with me, he got to know me, he opened his life to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cWe\u2019ve been married a year. I feel like he was on the hunt; he saw me, he shot me, he bagged me, he put me on the mantel, and now he\u2019s off for another hunt.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cBought that company, and now I\u2019m on to the next company,\u201d right?\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, we have a guest joining us today, Cory Carlson. Cory today is doing executive coaching and working with guys in business and in ministry, who are struggling with work\/life balance. Part of the reason you\u2019re doing this is because you went through your own struggle. In fact, your struggle led you outside of your marriage for awhile.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Unfortunately, it did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you\/by the way, Cory\u2019s written a book called <em>Win at Home First<\/em>, which is all about work\/life balance. This is a part of what you talk to people in the business world and in the ministry world about today. Were you aware that your life was out of balance when it was?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>No, I was not aware of it being out of balance. What I also found\u2014I wasn\u2019t aware that I was going to places to find my worth, to find my value, to find my identity. I was pursuing a variety of different things, not knowing that that\u2019s what I was looking for. I was longing for\u2014you know, it\u2019s that idea that only God can fill the void in our heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn my 20s, it was a pursuit of climbing that corporate ladder. On great days, I felt like I was the man: things were going well; I was getting the promotion. Then on those other days, maybe I\u2019d be thinking about my marriage; or it\u2019s like: \u201cWell, that\u2019s maybe not exactly how it wants to be,\u201d or \u201dWe\u2019re arguing a little bit.\u201d Then I started to think, \u201cWell, maybe my marriage isn\u2019t great.\u201d There were kind of these different things, where I kept taking my questions, to who I was, to temporary things. Eventually, it ended up catching up to me in a couple of different ways. From a marriage standpoint, I would basically take my questions to her, \u201cAm I a good enough man?\u201d In the process, we\u2019d have some different tensions. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou mentioned earlier about the hunt that the man had. One thing I work with executives on, and talk about is: \u201cAre you pursuing your wife?\u201d \u201cAre you actually going on dates?\u201d It\u2019s one of the first things\/it\u2019s like the low-hanging fruit, when I get a client, is, \u201cWhen\u2019s the last time you went on a date?\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cUmm; Uhhhh.\u201d [Laughter] It\u2019s, \u201cHold up; if you don\u2019t know the last time you went on a date, we have to start there.\u201d I have some really fun stories with friends and clients that we start there, and we start seeing progress.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut in <em>my<\/em> situation, we were spending <em>time<\/em> together. We were going on double dates\u2014it\u2019s a double income\/no kids\u2014was how it was in our 20s. We were going out a lot\u2014hosting parties, going to parties, going on dinner dates with other couples\u2014just spending time together, but never <em>together<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat ended up happening was, at that same time, I was very busy pursuing my career: working all the time\/traveling, I started to see that I didn\u2019t have any guys of deep friendships. I had a lot of surface-level friends, but I wasn\u2019t talking about the depths of my marriage or the depths of struggles I was having. So when Holly and I would get in an argument, I thought, \u201cI\u2019m the only guy having this argument.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d go talk to my buddies, and it sounds like life is amazing. Here, I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat\u2019s <em>our<\/em> problem?\u201d I ended up taking my questions to <em>another<\/em> woman, who I thought: \u201cHey, she\u2019s laughing at my jokes. She thinks I\u2019m funny. She\u2026\u201d It became, obviously, a very slippery slope. It ended up\u2014unfortunately and regrettably\u2014I had an affair.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But it was a <em>secret<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>It was a secret, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Your wife had no idea.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>My wife had no idea. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI grew up in an awesome home. I think, when I look back at my home, I think maybe that was part of the reason that I ended up having an affair\u2014not that my parents are to blame at all; that\u2019s not it\u2014but I <em>never<\/em>, ever saw them argue. My mom died when I was 15 from cancer. I don\u2019t know if they never fought because my dad just had an enormous amount of grace, and so it just rolled off. I don\u2019t know if they did it behind doors; I just didn\u2019t know. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d start to have our arguments of work\/life balance or whatever it may be. I started to think: \u201cWait, wait; this isn\u2019t on me. This must be on my wife; because my parents had it all figured out, and they were battling with cancer.\u201d My buddies weren\u2019t ever talking about their marriages being a challenge.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere I am, thinking I\u2019m on my own island of having marital issues, so I ended up having this affair; did not get caught. I get promoted and transferred to Denver; moved to Denver. We are not really going to church frequently; because every time my wife would ask, \u201cLet\u2019s go to church,\u201d it\u2019s like\u2014I mean, I grew up in a church. I don\u2019t want to sit in a church and hear about character when I have a skeleton in my closet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Is that something you were carrying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely carrying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Absolutely carrying. I was carrying it so much, and I see this\u2014not that affair is always the issue\u2014but I see this in so many other people, where we know we are losing somewhere. We go wherever we can to get our wins. So if marriage is not working well, your parenting\u2019s not working well, or whatever, it\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m going to work; I\u2019m going to get it there.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You\u2019re moving up in the business world, and <em>yet<\/em> there\u2019s this secret. How\u2019d you deal with that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>My wife said, \u201cHey, maybe we need to start going to church.\u201d I could only run from that question so many times; because she knew I was supposed to be a man of faith, grew up in a Christian home. That was probably one of the reasons she married me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe started going to this church in Denver. The pastor\u2019s name, Jay Pathack. I started to meet people in the leadership team. They were very obvious about pursuing Jesus, but they were also very vulnerable and honest about their own brokenness. In that\u2014in having conversations and hearing about the struggles they were having\/whatever it may have been: marriage, porn, finances\u2014God started working in my heart about this situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was interesting; as I was kind of in these conversations, I never really thought I was going to come clean about my affair. I think God was just softening my heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, you have this secret that\u2019s hidden away, and nobody\u2019s ever going to find out. I mean, it\u2019s kind of like\u2014a lot of guys will look at that and go, \u201cOkay, I got a pass here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019ve talked to a lot of people that have been in that situation that say, \u201cThis is what <em>I<\/em> did; it\u2019s on me. I don\u2019t want to give this to my spouse, because why should I make them suffer? It\u2019s over.\u201d Was that part of your thinking, too? \u201cWhy will I hurt her? This will just disrupt everything.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Absolutely. It was also, \u201cWait, God.\u201d Things are going great in my life: I just got promoted; I\u2019m making the most money I\u2019ve ever made; things are going well with the team. The integration into this new team is fantastic. I\u2019m in a city I love, because I have family there; and things are going great. \u201cWhy would I mess this all up?\u201d It was almost like there was this argument with God: \u201cHey, You\u2019re giving me signs things are good, so let\u2019s just keep moving this along.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What brought this to the surface; and what forced you to say, \u201cI have to come clean with this\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>I was invited to participate in a volunteer leadership program at this church. As I\u2019m in this night, Jay\u2019s doing a talk on character. As he\u2019s talking about character, all of a sudden, I had a God moment; I had an encounter where, out of nowhere, I kind of heard\u2014I don\u2019t know if it was audible or what I just heard in my own self\u2014\u201cYou have to come clean of your affair.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhat?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It was that clear?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>It was <em>that<\/em> clear.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>It was like: \u201cWho said that? What\u2019s going on?\u201d I just kept having this wrestling match with God: \u201cNo, I don\u2019t have to come clean of my affair. I\u2019ve been promoted. Things are going great. We\u2019re starting to get along,\u201d\u2014all this different stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater, in that evening, sitting in that chair, I started to have a peace. A phrase I heard\u2014and I really didn\u2019t know much about it then, and I\u2019ve learned more since then\u2014is, \u201cYou need to hand over your story for a greater story.\u201d I really didn\u2019t know what that meant at that time, but I started to think about it. I remember driving home that night with: \u201cAlright, I\u2019m going to say it; and \u201cI\u2019m ready for the consequences, whatever they may be.\u201d I\u2019m driving home with this thought of, \u201cNo, no!\u201d\u2014like this last-minute bargaining\u2014\u201cThis is between You and [me], God. I\u2019m not going to\/I won\u2019t make anymore mistakes; I\u2019m all committed to You.\u201d I just couldn\u2019t get over that hump that I had to come clean.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI came home that night, and my wife was asleep. I was like, \u201cPerfect! Thanks, God!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Another sign from God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory:<\/strong> It\u2019s a sign, like, \u201cIf He wanted me to tell her, she\u2019d be awake, sitting on the couch, ready to talk.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwith a sign, \u2018Talk to me.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cTalk to me\u201d!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went to bed. The next day, I got up, kind of went through my normal motions. Over the years, when I was hiding this, if the heaviness came, I\u2019d go for a run; or if it was at night, I\u2019d have a drink; or I would work harder and send out a bunch of emails. I mean, it\u2019s unfortunate; it\u2019s amazing how the devil can work and quickly pull you away from that sin. I mean, obviously the devil loves nothing more than a kept secret, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater that day, I\u2014 \u201cI\u2019m going to tell her tonight.\u201d When we got home, I put the girls to bed and then came down and told her. It was not cupcakes and balloons; it was <em>awful<\/em>. I mean, rightfully so; doors slammed and yelling. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut from that moment, we began a journey of figuring this out. We both grew in our faith at that moment. Fast forward, this summer, we celebrate 20 years. It\u2019s been amazing. I don\u2019t think she thinks about it\u2014I mean, I\u2019m sure there are moments she\u2019ll think about it, especially\u2014the interesting part about this book, it\u2019s part of the intro. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hired a writing coach for this book. My intro was <em>not<\/em> about coming clean of my affair. [Laughter] My intro was a neat client story\/a super fun client story\u2014I had that\u2014and then I go into the book, saying: \u201cWe\u2019re all broken. I had an affair\u201d\u2014comma\u2014\u201cthis may happen to you\u201d\u2014comma\u2014[Laughter] My writing coach said, \u201cNo; if you want anyone to read this book\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014you have to tell that story.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>\u201c\u2014you need to come tell that story.\u201d I was like, \u201cOh, no.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>\u201cThis has been kind of fun to talk with a couple men here and there and kind of\u2026\u201d I ended up writing the introduction and then shared it with Holly to say: \u201cHere\u2019s the advice I got from Chad, the writing coach; and here you go. Do you want to read it? Are you good with it?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe read it, and she was good with it. She did say: \u201cYou need to fix the ending. You make it sound like I said: \u2018Okay, that\u2019s great. You had an affair; let\u2019s keep going.\u2019\u201d I had to expand on that a little bit more; but she was good, ready to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe also, in that whole process\u2014when I first told her, it was a very\u2014you kind of feel like you\u2019re the only ones that experience this. Then from Denver to when this book came out, she has been a part of, as well as, heard my stories. Once you start sharing this vulnerability, it\u2019s amazing how it\u2019s helped others.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>That\u2019s the greater story. Back to that night\u2014when I felt God say, \u201cYou need to hand over your story for a greater story,\u201d\u2014the great story is, through that vulnerability\u2014sharing my brokenness, sharing the restoration that Jesus had in my life\/in our marriage\u2014it\u2019s just been neat to see. I think that\u2019s the reason she was willing to put <em>herself<\/em> out there as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Go back to a little bit about\u2014okay, slamming doors, yelling\u2014I\u2019ve been there with Ann in terms of sharing a struggle about porn 30\/40 years ago, so I know that moment. It didn\u2019t change the next day. She wasn\u2019t like: \u201cOh, okay. Now I\u2019m all good. I slept on it, and\u2026\u201d No, there was a process. What did that look like for you guys? How did your marriage get restored? How did forgiveness happen?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>The advantage I had\u2014and I don\u2019t want to make this sound like a way to do it\u2014is she had seen a change in my behavior along the way. I had, at least\u2014in full transparency\u2014I had that in my favor, where she had seen I was making some different choices I didn\u2019t used to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut there are still things, to this day, that I do that are showing building trust; like, whether we are texting neighborhood women about coordinating a play date, I copy Holly. I don\u2019t want to get in a position; I don\u2019t want to <em>her<\/em> to think anything. It could be communication like that: that I\u2019m doing different things to show my trust.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere were times, early on with traveling, I would not always answer the phone when she called. Or if I was at the bar with work guys\u2014even, I mean, all innocent; just work guys\u2014I wouldn\u2019t answer the phone, just like, \u201cI\u2019ll talk to her tomorrow; she knows I\u2019m at work.\u201d It\u2019s like, \u201cForget that.\u201d If she calls now, I <em>always<\/em> answer. Even if I\u2019m in a client meeting or a prospect meeting, I say, \u201cI have to take this real quick.\u201d Answer the phone: \u201cIs everything okay? Great. I need to let you go; I\u2019ll call you in an hour,\u201d\u2014just starting to show those signs.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I\u2019m not perfect\u2014right?\u2014I\u2019m still\/there are still selfish things I can do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But you really built back that trust, and you opened up your life freely, to say, \u201cI want you to know all of me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>I built back that trust; yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s a big deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It is; to put some boundaries\/some hedges in place, to say, \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to demonstrate my trustworthiness and not just presume that I\u2019ve earned it because I confessed.\u201d I think a lot of guys will confess and think, \u201cYou should trust me now, because I confessed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019ve heard that! You\u2019ve heard it, too, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Even at the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, couples will come up and say\u2014a lot of times, guys will come up to me and say, \u201cI had an affair; I told her. It\u2019s been years. She still\u2014the Bible says she should forgive me, and she\u2019s still not forgiven me. She should trust me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always use this example: \u201cYou lose trust in a second; you rebuild it over years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You destroy a Lego<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> thing in one <em>hit<\/em>, and it would take you a week to rebuild that complicated thing. You\u2019re doing that; you\u2019re rebuilding trust.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would just say to the husband, who\u2019s hiding something right now,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014or a wife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was going to say, \u201c\u2026or a wife\u201d; but I just <em>know<\/em>, as you\u2019re listening to this program\u2014and you have that one or five things\u2014today\u2019s the day. I\u2019ve been there; you\u2019ve been there\u2014you just shared it, Cory\u2014there\u2019s <em>no<\/em> life in a hidden life. As long as it\u2019s in the dark, it wins. The second you bring it into the light\u2014and that\u2019s scary, and it\u2019s hard, and there\u2019s going to be fallout\u2014it is the first step to freedom. So today\u2019s the day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI mean, there\u2019s a guy\u2014he\u2019s got websites going; he has something going on\u2014and probably some women\u2014God is using this program today to say: \u201cIt\u2019s time.\u201d You want a new life? It starts right here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did it take weeks or months for your wife to forgive you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>I would say immediately\u2014immediately may not be the right word; maybe a few days\u2014forgive. But the trust piece, that took time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Cory: <\/strong>On her side of the story is: right after I told her, we had some doors slam; but she felt a \u201cIt will be okay,\u201d kind of came over her. She didn\u2019t know what that meant, like, \u201cHow\u2019s this all going to play out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThanks to Holly and <em>her<\/em> faith, she leaned into that moment from the Holy Spirit of, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay\u201d; she kept going back to that. I\u2019m sure there were times\u2014maybe all the way up to today\u2014where she may get frustrated and she can rest in, \u201cIt\u2019s going to be okay.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think part of that\u2014you said that she had seen change in your character that gave her some confidence there is a new you at play here. But it\u2019s also\u2014you\u2019re the one who brought the secret out of the darkness into the light. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave, to your point about somebody who needs to do it today, there\u2019s a big difference whether you\u2019re the one who confesses your sin or whether it gets exposed later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You get caught, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s a big difference in terms of what the restoration and healing looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You come forward and say: \u201cThe Lord\u2019s put this on my heart, and I\u2019ve just been under conviction. I have to share this, and I know this is going to be hard for you to hear.\u201d For you to bring that up is an indication, even to your betrayed spouse, that God\u2019s doing something. It\u2019s different than if your spouse hears, five years later, from your ex-girlfriend, who texts her and says, \u201cYou never knew this happened, but\u2026\u201d; and you get busted. Now, it\u2019s harder to rebuild trust, when you were outed rather than you being the one who brought it to the table.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think one of the ways we start to rebuild trust is we demonstrate to one another that we understand what our priorities ought to be, and we start to show evidence that our spiritual life matters\/that home matters more than work. That\u2019s really the thesis of your book; and it\u2019s a mentor guide for men <em>and<\/em> women, who need to make sure we have our priorities in order.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out how to get a copy of Cory Carlson\u2019s book, <em>Win at Home First<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can also call 1-800-358-6329 to order a copy of the book. Again, that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The book is called <em>Win at Home First<\/em> by Cory Carlson.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019re just a few days away from the end of May, which is significant for us, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. We had some friends of the ministry, who came to us back earlier this spring, back before COVID-19 was a thing really, and they said, \u201cWe\u2019d like to encourage <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to support the ministry of FamilyLife; so we\u2019ll match every donation a listener makes, during the month of May, up to a total of $345,000.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were delighted by that, and even more delighted once the pandemic settled in; because this has been a challenging time for us, as a ministry, over the last several weeks. Having this matching gift is very significant right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re coming to those of you, who are regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, and asking you to make as generous a donation as you can today, knowing that your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, right now. Anyone who makes a donation, we\u2019d love to send you, as a thank-you gift, a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s new book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>, a collection of prayers that Barbara has written. It\u2019s a beautiful book, and I think a book that\u2019s going to be helpful for you in your personal times with the Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition, if you sign on to become a monthly supporter of FamilyLife\u2014what we call a Legacy Partner\u2014over the next 12 months, your donations are going to be matched, dollar for dollar\/all of them. We\u2019ll send you, as an extra thank-you gift, a certificate so you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway when those resume in the fall. Or you can pass that certificate on to someone else you\u2019d like to send as your guest. All of that as a thank-you gift for becoming a monthly supporter of FamilyLife, a Legacy Partner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou can make a donation or sign up as a Legacy Partner online when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or if it\u2019s easier, just call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Thank you for your ongoing support of this ministry; we appreciate it. You\u2019re the one who makes <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for people all around the world, and we\u2019re grateful for your partnership with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about the priorities of life and how we arrange them properly. We\u2019ll talk about our spiritual life; we\u2019ll talk about our relationships; we\u2019ll talk about our physical bodies; we\u2019ll talk about developing our minds; and we\u2019ll talk about our financial priorities. Cory Carlson\u2019s going to be back with us tomorrow. I hope you can be back as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306044","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306044"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306044"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306044"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306044"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306044"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306044"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306044"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}