{"id":306000,"date":"2020-05-12T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-05-12T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/how-to-resolve-conflict\/"},"modified":"2020-05-12T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-05-12T11:00:05","slug":"how-to-resolve-conflict","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-resolve-conflict\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Resolve Conflict"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Dave Wilson and his wife, Ann, talk about marital conflict. The Wilsons admit they had a lot to learn about conflict when they got married. Together they share what they&#8217;ve learned.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-05-12.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:55","filesize":"22.82M","filesize_raw":"23923302","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2849,2902,2862],"tags":[4114,4095,2877,4051,4113],"podcast_series":[7170],"cwp_profile":[3647],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-306000","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-drifting-apart","category-resolving-conflict","category-understanding-differences","tag-differences-in-marriage","tag-love-stories","tag-marriage","tag-resolving-conflict","tag-vertical-marriage","podcast_series-vertical-marriage","cwp_profile-dave-and-ann-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/306000\/how-to-resolve-conflict","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/306000\/how-to-resolve-conflict","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ofTSK2Vp6z\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-resolve-conflict\/\">How to Resolve Conflict<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/how-to-resolve-conflict\/embed\/#?secret=ofTSK2Vp6z\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;How to Resolve Conflict&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ofTSK2Vp6z\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Pastor Dave Wilson and his wife, Ann, talk about marital conflict. The Wilsons admit they had a lot to learn about conflict when they got married. Together they share what they've learned.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-05-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dave and Ann Wilson say one thing they were completely unprepared for when they got married was how to resolve conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> My dad was big on conflict in terms of resolving it. I grew up with two brothers and a sister, and he wouldn\u2019t let us leave the table if something happened; he made us talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and I get married. We\u2019ve been married a few months and we hit our first big fight, and he gets up and walks out of the room!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that\u2019s what I did. I didn\u2019t even process it\u2014I just like: \u201cYou leave.\u201d I\u2019m walking out of the room, and I\u2019m walking into the kitchen. She <em>yells<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a id=\"_Hlk380635\"><strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was shocked; I was like, \u201cWhere are you going?!\u201d He just gives this look. I said, \u201cCome back here and fight me like a man, you chicken!\u201d [Laughter]<\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, May 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How do you handle conflict in your marriage? Do you have a strategy?\u2014do you have a plan?\u2014or does it just turn into another battle\/another skirmish? We\u2019re going to talk about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m hearing, again, you guys share stories from your marriage; and I\u2019m thinking, did you think about, instead of <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, calling it <em>Dave and Ann\u2019s Big Book of Failures<\/em>? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s basically what it is. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It so is! It totally is. My dad read our book; and he called me up; he said, \u201cYou guys were a mess!\u201d He also said, \u201cI feel sorry for <em>Dave<\/em>.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I do too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Part of the thing that has resonated so much with people, as they\u2019ve read the book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, is the transparency and the authenticity\u2014which, early on\u2014you guys decided, \u201cWe\u2019re just going to be honest about the <em>mess<\/em>.\u201d Did you flinch at that decision? I mean, did you have to think for a month or two, \u201cDo we really want to be this public with this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think it was even a decision; it\u2019s just who we are. It wasn\u2019t, \u201cOh, should we or shouldn\u2019t we?\u201d it just kind of comes out of who we are.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, I don\u2019t think there\u2019s any other way we could do it. I\u2019ll be honest; our hope\u2014in the book, in a small group, and any time we teach on a stage\u2014is that two things would happen: one is that people would go, \u201cWow, they\u2019re like me. We struggle; they struggle.\u201d Number two would be, \u201cThey have a victory in Christ that I want.\u201d It\u2019s both\/and; we want them to know that there\u2019s a real struggle in life\u2014and we\u2019re not going to hide that and we\u2019re going to be honest\u2014but there\u2019s actually a power in Jesus that\u2019s real that can really work on a day-to-day basis in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You mentioned the small group. Now, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is a small group series\/a five-part small group video series. There\u2019s more information about the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> small group series on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. One of the themes you tackle in the book and in the video series is the theme of resolving conflict, because conflict is common to every marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked about this a little over a year ago, right as the book had come out. Dennis and Barbara Rainey and I interviewed the two of you on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> before you were the hosts of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and we talked about principles you\u2019ve learned from Scripture about how to resolve conflict in marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Previous <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Broadcast]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You guys had two different approaches to conflict that you saw modeled for you when you were growing up. What was it like in the Wilson home when you were growing up?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, a lot of fights\u2014alcohol involved. I remember, as a little boy\u2014I mean, my parents were divorced when I was seven\u2014so a lot of these memories were, you know, a very young age. He would come home drunk and be abusive and loud. I would run away with my sister to my bedroom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>You remember the fights?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I can remember them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was a year\u201415\/18 years ago, I did a FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> in Parsippany, New Jersey, and realized it\u2019s right near my home I grew up in\u2014it was in New Jersey. My dad was an airline pilot, flew out of New York, and built this home in a gated community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLong story short, I got a van and went over and found my house. I\u2019m a grown man now; and I walked in, and I could remember fights all over that house. I could remember the feeling of fear and almost terror running away to a bedroom just to cover my ears and not hear the sort of carnage out there. That\u2019s what I grew up with; and that didn\u2019t go away until the divorce, which was <em>horrible<\/em>. I still wanted my dad, even though it was a very sort of dark era of my life; but then my mom and I moved to where her parents lived in Ohio, and it got real quiet. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t know it then, but I knew it after Ann and I got married, I developed a perspective about conflict which was this: \u201cIt\u2019s bad. Avoid it at all costs. It ends in divorce. It ends in ugly stuff.\u201d So when conflict comes in your life, you just avoid it. So I get married, thinking that\u2019s going to work in marriage. Well, guess what? I didn\u2019t marry <em>that<\/em>\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I married a woman who <em>embraced<\/em> conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A prize fighter; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014who chased you around the ring, trying to pick a fight; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You [Ann] don\u2019t <em>like<\/em> conflict; but you grew up learning, if there\u2019s conflict, you wrestle this baby to the ground. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>My dad was big on conflict: in terms of resolving it, or battling it, or tackling it. I grew up with two brothers and a sister. He wouldn\u2019t let us leave the table if something happened; he made us talk about it. I don\u2019t know if it was necessarily healthy in what we said, because it could get loud\/it could get verbal. I don\u2019t think there was any cursing, but I didn\u2019t see it as negative. At the end of the day, he would say, \u201cAre we all good?\u201d and then he\u2019d allow people to leave. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave and I get married. We\u2019d been married a few months, and we hit our first big fight. He gets up and walks out of the room!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And that\u2019s what I did. I didn\u2019t even process it\u2014I just like: \u201cYou leave.\u201d I\u2019m walking out of the room, and I\u2019m walking into the kitchen\u2014nobody\u2019s at home at this point. We\u2019re living with her family, at the time, because we were raising support to become missionaries. I\u2019m walking into the kitchen, and she <em>yells<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, I was shocked; I\u2019m like, \u201cWhere are you going?!\u201d He just gives this look. I said, \u201cCome back here and fight me like a man, you chicken!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, those words <em>stung<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Please!\u2014no one ever say that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; by the way, that\u2019s the chapter title in our book: \u201cCome Back Here and Fight Like a Man, You Chicken.\u201d That\u2019s, literally, the chapter title that introduces this whole thing about conflict in the book; because I\u2019ll never forget those words. I turned around\u2014she\u2019s sitting on the couch\u2014and I yell back\u2014okay; remember this is 38 years ago\u2014I yell back: \u201cOh yeah? Well, bleep you!\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And we were very new in our faith.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and I leave. I didn\u2019t realize, until years later, what I\u2019d done in that moment. I did <em>exactly<\/em> what I saw my dad do. Never even computed that I would have seen my dad yell and scream and curse, and there I am\u2014I say, \u201cWell, bleep you!\u201d I turned and walked away because that\u2019s what I do; right? She yells back at me: \u201cOh yeah? Well, bleep-bleep you!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014which I had never done. I had never cursed, but I was <em>so mad<\/em> that he would say that to me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And when she cursed back\u2014double curse by the way\u2014I was bad, but she was really bad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>She one upped you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I just went [gasp]. I did; I literally went [gasp], because I was <em>shocked<\/em> that my wife would curse me. I\u2019m out; I left\u2014I went upstairs. I\u2019m just going to leave this situation, because that\u2019s what you do; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Everyone\u2019s thinking, \u201cThese are the new hosts?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s what I was thinking. [Laughter] That\u2019s what I was thinking\u2014I was going [speaking with an announcer voice]: \u201cI bring you this message from the host selection committee of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We have a question for you: \u2018Do you curse each other out today?\u2019\u201d [Extended laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Thirty-eight years ago\u2014it\u2019s never happened since.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It really hasn\u2019t, actually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It never has happened since. Again, I\u2019m not saying we\u2019re perfect; but yes, God has done a miracle in our life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the amazing thing\u2014when I walked upstairs, guess what my wife does? [Knocking] She follows me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>She follows you; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I am like\u2014it\u2019s the bedroom she grew up in. I went in there and shut the door. She kicks open the door\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>A good prize fighter: you go to the corner; they come after you in the corner. They can pummel you to death over there. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u201cCome out! You\u2019re fighting like a chicken!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Exactly; yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I sat beside him and I put\u2014I sat <em>right<\/em> beside him\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014on the bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014our thighs are touching. I put my hand on his leg, and I look at him\u2014like, \u201cWe need to talk about this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And I was just so frozen. I was like: \u201cWhat are you doing?! Get out of here!\u201d It was\u2014I look back now and it is like, \u201cOkay; I had a belief about conflict.\u201d I was showing it right there: \u201cConflict\u2019s bad; you avoid it.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI now have a belief about conflict\u2014it\u2019s in the book. Conflict is actually a good thing. I would say\u2014probably better stated\u2014it\u2019s neutral; and how you handle it determines [how] it can be really\u2014a really good thing in your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, every marriage\/every relationship has it. We all know how to <em>have<\/em> conflict\u2014very few of us know how to <em>resolve<\/em> it. That\u2019s why we wrote a whole section\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cLet\u2019s help couples. If they go, vertically, with Christ\u2014when you get the vertical marriage thing\u2014how does that help them resolve conflict?\u201d Because now I actually enjoy conflict. I don\u2019t <em>look<\/em> for it; but when it happens, I am like, \u201cOh my; if we do this <em>well<\/em>, we\u2019re going to be <em>closer<\/em> at the end of this thing, not further apart.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think one of the most important hours in the entire <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> is the session on Saturday afternoon, right before the sex talk; it\u2019s about resolving conflict. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>I think the reason is because most couples do not have the basics. They don\u2019t have a vocabulary nor the training to know how to talk to each other and to discuss a disagreement and how we\u2019ve hurt one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask both Bob and Barbara\u2014first my wife, Barbara: \u201cDo you remember your parents arguing? What was the model of arguing?\u201d I don\u2019t know that I\u2019ve ever asked you that question, just listening to you two [Dave and Ann] talk about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014which would be a great discussion to have with your spouse\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>It really would.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cTell me about\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, even for pre-married couples\/\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014engaged as a part of getting ready for marriage. It\u2019d be great to talk about that ahead of time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and \u201cWhat do you still carry into that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So go ahead, Barbara.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>My family didn\u2019t\u2014there wasn\u2019t much conflict resolution. There was conflict, I\u2019m sure; but my parents were very guarded about what they expressed in front of us kids. They didn\u2019t express a lot of emotion, or a lot of affection, or certainly not much anger. Now, there was a little bit toward the kids, occasionally, when we disobeyed or did something wrong; but as far as marital conflict, I never saw any.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I remember isolation. I remember seeing that my parents aren\u2019t close. I remember seeing my dad come home. We\u2019d have dinner, and then he\u2019d go down to the basement to work. Mom would stay upstairs, and there was not connection; there was not affection. You looked at them, and you didn\u2019t see overt conflict; but you didn\u2019t see a couple, where you thought, \u201cThese two are so in love with one another.\u201d That\u2019s not the memory that I have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLater, in my teen years, I started to see some of the conflict [come] out. In fact, I started, in my teen years, to get drawn into some of the conflict between my mom and dad and to try to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>\u2014be a referee?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I was siding\u2014actually, I was siding with my mom\u2014not trying to be a referee. It was Mom and me piling up on Dad to try to address the issue that I saw in <em>him<\/em>. I was oblivious to the issues with <em>her<\/em>. I could just see his overt behavior; I didn\u2019t see her covert behavior that was kind of going on behind the scenes with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>And I only remember my mom and dad having one argument.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Really?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>Yes; voices were raised. I remember, as a five-year-old boy, physically shaking for fear, thinking that my parents would get a divorce. There were no bleep words. There was just anger and disagreement\u2014I have no idea what about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think today, as you think about how prevalent divorce is in our culture, kids have to be <em>scared to death<\/em>. There\u2019s an African proverb that goes \u201cWhen the elephants fight, it\u2019s the grass that suffers.\u201d Your kids need to see you two resolve conflict. Now, you may not resolve all of it in front of them; but they need to see healthy engagement between two people, who occasionally do disagree or disappoint one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we\u2019ve just got a brief amount of time here. I want you guys to walk us through just the essence of the basics of how you go about resolving conflict between two selfish imperfect people who disappoint and hurt one another.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; think about couples, who are listening, who are saying: \u201cOkay; we\u2019ve got conflict. We don\u2019t necessarily do it well. It leads to hurt feelings. We don\u2019t get things resolved, so we need some help because we want conflict to be something that builds our marriage rather than tears down our marriage.\u201d What kind of advice would you give them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s interesting. There\u2019s so much advice. I try to make it real simple\u2014even in the book we just call it \u201cThe Seven S\u2019s of Conflict Resolution.\u201d One of them you start with\u2014and they\u2019re not in any order\u2014but if you start here, you\u2019re starting in a good place. First one is: \u201cShut up!\u201d; in other words, \u201cListen.\u201d Because we are selfish, we come into conflict thinking, \u201cWe\u2019re right; they\u2019re wrong, and we\u2019re going to show them that,\u201d and we <em>don\u2019t<\/em> hear what they say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, honestly, a lot of times it\u2019s like, \u201cOh my; I\u2019ve got to be selfless enough.\u201d Again, this is where vertical comes in\u2014if I go to God and say: \u201cGod, give me ears. Help me <em>not<\/em> just to be about me. I want my eyes to be focused on her\/on him.\u201d I\u2019m going to <em>listen<\/em>; I\u2019m going to let them talk; I\u2019m not going to interrupt. I\u2019m going to look at them\u2014I\u2019m going to put my phone away; I\u2019m going to turn off the TV\u2014all that good listening-skill stuff I\u2019m going to do, and I\u2019m going to shut up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m telling you what\u2014I can say this right now, and it\u2019s a whole another thing to do; because when she\u2019s saying what she\u2019s saying, I\u2019m like trying to interrupt and say, \u201cYou\u2019re wrong,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cNo; do not interrupt. Literally, look at her\/look at him and say, \u2018I want to know your heart.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause here\u2019s the thing\u2014behind every story is a story; behind every feeling and comment she or he\u2019s making, there\u2019s something behind it. If you <em>listen<\/em> well, you\u2019ll get to the heart of the issue; because often, it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> the presenting problem. We all know that; it\u2019s something behind that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember\u2014it\u2019s a long story, but a short clip of that would be Ann and I got in a fight about her parking in a parking spot at our church by the front door\u2014which there\u2019s a rule at our church\u2014if you are on staff or a member, you park in the worst parking spots and leave the best ones for unchurched people. She pulls into the parking spot by the front door of the church, while I\u2019m standing out there before the service, and comes walking up\u2014like \u201cHey, God gave me this parking spot.\u201d I literally said: \u201cGod did not give you that parking spot! Move the car now. I\u2019ve got to go preach.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnyway, I get home; and we\u2019re in an instant fight, because she\u2019s violated a core value of our church. I\u2019m not saying every church should do this, but that was one of ours. We start into this fight. Cody, our youngest son\u2014how old was he?\u201414?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Probably.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014is watching this fight. He says to me\u2014he raised his hand in the middle of the fight\u2014it was in the kitchen. He goes, \u201cHey, Dad, don\u2019t you and mom travel around the country and teach couples how to resolve conflict?\u201d I go, \u201cYes.\u201d He goes, \u201cCan you <em>show<\/em> me?\u201d [Laughter] You said you have to show your kids\u2014well, here it is\u2014I go: \u201cYou just sit there, young man. You watch; I\u2019ll show you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started yelling at her. We don\u2019t <em>yell<\/em> much anymore; but it got pretty escalated, because I was <em>really<\/em> upset that she violated a core principle of our church. She leaves the room. While she goes upstairs, I\u2019m literally thinking, in my righteous anger, like: \u201cYou should leave the room. You know you\u2019re wrong.\u201d I sat there, and Cody\u2019s there; and we both shook our heads\u2014like, \u201cYes; Mom\u2019s going to go up there and figure out she\u2019s wrong and come back down.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe comes back down ten minutes later. Tell them what you said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Well, I wish I could say I went up there and prayed and asked Jesus to help me; but I really just kind of built up ammunition of what he had done wrong and what I had done right. I kind of blasted him with: \u201cI do everything around here while you\u2019re off at Kensington.\u201d I had a big long list, and I felt good about it. Then Dave came back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, she went off. [Laughter] She\u2019s being very nice right now but just walks through her life as I\u2019m doing my thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The machine gun just rattled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. [Machine gun sound] Yes; and it was good stuff too. [Laughter] I tell you\u2014Cody was sitting at the end of the kitchen table, and he looked at me. It was one of those man-to-man looks. We didn\u2019t say a word; but the look was \u201cDad, you\u2019re toast.\u201d [Laughter] I looked at him like, \u201cYes; I am,\u201d\u2014you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, when she got done, I asked one question\u2014and here, I\u2019ll set up the question this way\u2014when she went upstairs, first of all, I\u2019m like, \u201cYou should be upstairs\u201d; but she was up there like 15 minutes. I did a <em>really<\/em> important thing to do in conflict, and it\u2019s <em>really<\/em> hard to do. You know what it was?\u2014I prayed. While she was upstairs, I prayed. It wasn\u2019t \u201cGod, I want to be right; I want to <em>prove<\/em> her wrong.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I didn\u2019t pray. I didn\u2019t pray, you guys. [Laughter] I want you to know.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>She\u2019s up there; but I prayed a simple prayer\u2014not out loud\u2014just sitting there. I just said: \u201cGod, I\u2019m missing something. I\u2019m obviously missing something. Help me to see what I\u2019m missing!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good prayer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>She comes down; does her little [Machine gun sound] deal; right? All I said was: \u201cLet me ask you something. Do you feel like Kensington\u201d\u2014that\u2019s our church\u2014\u201cis more important to me than you are?\u201d She didn\u2019t even answer\u2014she just shook her head, \u201cYes.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cThere it is.\u201d I\u2019d been missing that whole thing. I think it was about a parking spot\u2014it was all about her feeling cherished, and loved, and priority. I <em>missed<\/em> all that; because I wasn\u2019t willing to shut up, let her speak, lean in: really try to say, \u201cThere\u2019s a story behind the story; what is it?\u201d There it was. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was like: \u201cOh my; we\u2019re back to the ten-year anniversary.\u201d It\u2019s like, again, she\u2019s second and everything else in my life is first. It was one of those moments, where the conflict now could be engaged in and get to resolution because, now, we knew what it was. It wasn\u2019t a parking spot\u2014by the way, she\u2019s never parking there again\u2014but it wasn\u2019t a parking spot.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014that he knows of. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the thing that I love about that story\u2014and I think this is just\u2014if you could just do this one point in conflict, of go to God first\u2014because let\u2019s all be honest: we don\u2019t want to go to God first\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014because we want to make our point. And God doesn\u2019t always want to make the <em>same<\/em> point that we want to make, so I think that\u2019s a good one: \u201cGo to God first.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and I know, because of time, we\u2019re not going to walk through \u201cSeven S\u2019s of Conflict Resolution.\u201d Get the book; read them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s interesting, as you look through\u2014and here they are\u2014like: \u201cShut up,\u201d \u201cSoft Answer\u201d\u2014which, again, I didn\u2019t really realize it in the moment; I responded gently rather than escalate. When you escalate, they escalate. When somebody\u2019s escalating and you de-escalate, they can\u2019t escalate; if they do, they\u2019re just crazy. It\u2019s like, \u201cOh, Proverbs 15: \u2018A gentle answer turns away wrath.\u2019\u201d I asked her gently, \u201cDo you feel like Kensington\u2019s more\u2026?\u201d Boom; that led us to \u201cOkay; what\u2019s the truth here?\u201d We call it \u201cSeek Truth\u201d or \u201cReceive the Truth.\u201d Then there\u2019s this whole big deal\u2014and it\u2019s a whole long discussion\u2014is \u201cSeek Forgiveness\u201d or \u201cGrant Forgiveness.\u201d These are these principles. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut Ann just said, and I think it\u2019s the most important one; the seventh principle is really number one, and we just say it this way: \u201cSurrender\u201d\u2014not to your spouse; to Jesus\u2014you go vertical. When you surrender\u2014again, you can\u2019t control them surrendering\u2014because every couple, probably listening right now, going, \u201cWell, my husband won\u2019t\u2026\u201d or \u201cMy wife\u2026\u201d\u2014<em>forget<\/em> them\u2014just you surrender <em>your<\/em> heart, to say: \u201cJesus, I\u2019m going vertical. I\u2019m going to do what You want me to do. I\u2019m going to leave my spouse to You. God, soften my heart.\u201d God can do a miracle, and He\u2019ll get you to resolution.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, again, we\u2019ve been listening back to a conversation that Dennis and Barbara Rainey and I had with Dave and Ann Wilson a little more than a year ago when the book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, first came out. Now there\u2019s a video series that goes with it\u2014a five-part series for small groups to go through\u2014the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> video series. There is a common theme that keeps showing up; did you notice that?\u2014surrender?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I did; there we are again. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But the surrender message is central to what it means to walk by faith. If we\u2019re not walking surrendered lives\u2014to walk by the power of the Spirit means you surrender your own power, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014continually.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s a continual prayer. When Paul says to \u201cpray without ceasing,\u201d it\u2019s that continual prayer of going to God first: asking Him for wisdom, direction, power.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes. I think one of the biggest problems in marriage and life is selfishness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s at the root; so when you surrender, what happens is God makes us selfless. Then it becomes more about, \u201cHow can I serve my spouse?\u201d rather than get her or get him to do it my way. In conflict, that is <em>huge<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Oh, it\u2019s so hard; it\u2019s so hard to do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When there is conflict and selfishness\u2014you put those two together\u2014conflict\u2019s not going to get resolved. You have to take self out in order for conflict to be resolved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t know if you\u2019re going to get into this; but of course, Thursday night, you guys are going to be leading a small group that all of our listeners are invited to be part of. On our website at FamilyLifeToday.com there\u2019s a link to a Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> group. This Facebook group is the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> small group that Dave and Ann are going to be leading Thursday nights at eight o\u2019clock CT. It\u2019s open to anybody who wants to be a part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019re going to go for three weeks, and here\u2019s what everybody does: you watch Session One of the <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> video series, which is available for you free online, and then you come to the small group, having watched the video, and you join in the conversation that Dave and Ann are going to be leading. That starts this Thursday night; it\u2019s going to go for three weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and join a small group with Dave and Ann Wilson as your leaders, starting this Thursday night. The information\u2019s available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, along with information about Dave and Ann\u2019s book, <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>, which is available. There\u2019s also the video series available; so if you want to use that with your small group when it starts back up, later in the summer or in the fall, the information is all available on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. But we\u2019ll see you Thursday night for the Dave and Ann Wilson small group on <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just say, this small group is just one of the ways that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is working hard during this unusual season to continue to stay connected with you\/to be a resource to provide practical biblical help and hope for your marriage and your family. Many of you have been connecting with us, asking us to pray for you during this time; we\u2019re doing that. There\u2019s a lot of family tension going on; there\u2019s a lot of hardship that families are experiencing. We\u2019re praying for you; and we\u2019re working hard to provide you with resources to help strengthen the most important relationships in your life: your relationship as husband and wife, you relationship with your kids, your extended family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s our mission at FamilyLife: to effectively develop godly marriages and families, one home at a time. You make all of this possible for others when you help support the ongoing work of this ministry. I know this is a time when, for some of you, that\u2019s just not possible; for others, who are able to be generous during this season, we just want to say, \u201cThank you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, if you can support us with a donation today, we\u2019d love to say a special thanks by sending you a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s new book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>, a book about how we can pray more effectively during difficult seasons. It\u2019s our thank-you gift when you make a donation today online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do; and thank you for your ongoing, continued support of this ministry. Thanks for praying for us; we appreciate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about issues from the past that are still affecting our marriage, maybe, ten or twenty years into the future. We\u2019ll have that conversation tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I'm Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/306000","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=306000"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=306000"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=306000"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=306000"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=306000"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=306000"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=306000"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}