{"id":305967,"date":"2020-04-30T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-04-30T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/pouring-your-heart-out-in-prayer\/"},"modified":"2020-04-30T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-04-30T11:00:05","slug":"pouring-your-heart-out-in-prayer","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pouring-your-heart-out-in-prayer\/","title":{"rendered":"Pouring Your Heart Out in Prayer"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As a lover of the Psalms, Barbara Rainey began to realize the importance of pouring her heart out to the Lord through written prayers. The more vulnerable she allowed herself to be with the Lord, the more she enjoyed it, and the more comfort she received from His presence. Rainey hopes that by sharing these heartfelt prayers with other women, they will be as encouraged and comforted as she has been.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-30.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:48","filesize":"25.46M","filesize_raw":"26691767","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2093],"tags":[4087],"podcast_series":[8355],"cwp_profile":[3052],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305967","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-women","tag-mothers","podcast_series-my-heart-ever-his","cwp_profile-barbara-rainey","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305967\/pouring-your-heart-out-in-prayer","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305967\/pouring-your-heart-out-in-prayer","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"iVYf1rInp2\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pouring-your-heart-out-in-prayer\/\">Pouring Your Heart Out in Prayer<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/pouring-your-heart-out-in-prayer\/embed\/#?secret=iVYf1rInp2\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Pouring Your Heart Out in Prayer&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"iVYf1rInp2\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you ever go through a season of struggle\/a season of hard times, and find yourself thinking: \u201cThis isn\u2019t fair. I try to play by the rules. This should not be happening to me\u201d? Barbara Rainey\u2019s thought that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>There\u2019s a part of us that, I think, we still think God plays on the reward system: \u201cIf I do this, He\u2019s going to do that.\u201d Even though we know better in our heads, we get sucked into that way of thinking about God; and then something\/the rug kind of comes out from underneath us, and we\u2019re going: \u201cWell, wait a minute. Where are You? I thought You were in this! I thought You were leading us to do this thing! But now it\u2019s all falling apart?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What should our prayers look like and sound like when we don\u2019t understand what God is doing? Barbara Rainey has some thoughts for us on that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a first, but this is an unusual occurrence; this has not happened often. Do you know what I\u2019m talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m guessing our guest being in here without her husband? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Did I get that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There have not been many times, in the history of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, when Barbara Rainey has joined us and Dennis Rainey was not here superintending the whole process. Barbara, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Thanks, Bob. It did feel kind of funny to walk in and think, \u201cI\u2019m here by myself.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you remember\u2014I was thinking, \u201cDo you remember being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> without Dennis?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I don\u2019t remember. I don\u2019t know that I have; was I?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We did a series, back\u2014this was 20-plus years ago, I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>That\u2019s why I don\u2019t remember. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014on creating a more romantic marriage. You remember?\u2014there was a day when you and I sat down, without Dennis, and I asked you to explain how women view romance; but we didn\u2019t want Dennis in the room interrupting the whole thing. [Laughter] Do you remember that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>No, I don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was where you made the famous statement\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014\u201c\u2019A\u2019 plus \u2018B\u2019 equals \u2018C\u2019\u201d?\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What\u2019d she say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So Barbara\u2019s explaining for us, men, that guys like to think that romance works this way: that if you do \u201cA\u201d plus \u201cB\u201d, you get \u201cC\u201d; right? You know, if say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014you get \u201cC.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and that is how it works.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014after dinner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014talk sweet, go out to dinner\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>You need to listen to our broadcast. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Am I going to learn something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, I think so!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She said, \u201cSo there\u2019ll be an evening and you have a great date, and you do this; and then he goes\u2014two weeks later\u2014he goes, \u2018You want to go out to dinner?\u2019 The wife\u2019s going: \u2018I know what this all about. [Laughter] This is not about dinner; I know what you\u2019re aiming for.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara said women don\u2019t want to be figured out. They don\u2019t want a formula; they don\u2019t want a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014because we\u2019re different every night. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we said, \u201cThat drives us crazy!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Exactly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You just said, \u201cWell, get used to it; because that\u2019s how we are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>That\u2019s how we are. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We are glad to have you back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well thank you; I\u2019m glad to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara is back today. You know why she\u2019s back?\u2014because you [Ann] helped endorse what we\u2019re going to be talking about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I did; I am so excited. I think our listeners are going to be excited, too, because she wrote a new book. It\u2019s called <em>My Heart, Ever His.<\/em> It\u2019s basically a prayer journal that\u2014really, Barbara\u2014I feel like it\u2019s so personal\/it\u2019s so beautiful, because it\u2019s prayers for women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, when you sent the manuscript to Ann to have her endorse it, it was lying in our kitchen. I didn\u2019t know what it was; and I just saw your name, and I started reading it. Even though I saw it\u2019s sort of for women, I have to tell you: I was blown away. It\u2019s so\u2014I mean, I\u2019m talking from a man\u2019s perspective\u2014so beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, thanks; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m not kidding; I was really\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I should have asked you to endorse it, too, then. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I said [to Ann], \u201cYou read this thing and you endorse this thing; because this is <em>really<\/em> powerful for anybody, not just women.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, thank you; thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Tell us about your journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, well, there\u2019s a back story to this book. I\u2019ve told several people in the last few years: \u201cI don\u2019t know that I ever want to write another book again. It\u2019s a lot of work; you don\u2019t know if anybody ever reads it. Why am I going to put myself through that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the last couple of years, we\u2019ve been through an interesting journey\u2014my husband and I\u2014after we left FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Everything went smoothly; we love our new leaders, David and Meg Robbins; and everything is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>But<\/em> Dennis and I would wake up every morning in that first year, and we just felt this sense of loss. We were adrift, sort of, in an ocean that we had never been in before. You know, after you do something for 40 years in a row, and then all of a sudden you don\u2019t do that anymore, there\u2019s a big adjustment period. We knew there would be an adjustment time; but I, in my impatience, expected it to be three months. I kind of did that with the empty nest; did you too, Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I did: \u201cOh, I\u2019ll get used to it in a few months.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cIt won\u2019t take long; I\u2019ll be just fine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it is a lot like the empty nest; it\u2019s just a whole new season. So during these last two years, I found myself reading through the Psalms over and over and over. Actually, Dennis was doing the same thing; we were both reading the Psalms every morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Why the Psalms?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, it started because Dennis gave me this new Psalm book called <em>The Psalter<\/em>. I think you have one too; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s so good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I started reading it just because it was a <em>different<\/em> version. The Psalms are still the Psalms, but each one has a short little devotion at the end of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, during that two-year period, both of us were just needing something that was calling out what was really in our hearts; we didn\u2019t have words for it all the time. I remember, as I was reading the Psalms, I was thinking: \u201cOh, this makes sense now. I understand why David is feeling this way\/why the psalmist used those words, because I feel those words.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, about six months or so into it, I just\/one day I thought, \u201cI should maybe write some prayers; I wonder if I could do that.\u201d I mean, it wasn\u2019t even a complete thought; this idea just popped into my head, and I thought, \u201cYes, I\u2019ll try that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you written out prayers before in your Christian life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Not really that much. I mean, I\u2019ve done it occasionally; but not that much, really. I decided I would try it; and I just started writing what I was feeling, sort of in a pattern like the Psalms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I learned about the Psalms is that all 150 minus one\u2014so 149 of them\u2014end in some kind of praise\u2014some kind of adoration\/some kind of positive, \u201cBut God is in control; I trust Him,\u201d\u2014some kind of summary like that. Even though David and the other psalmists write with great passion and they say: \u201cGod, where are You?\u201d \u201cWhy aren\u2019t You listening to me?\u201d \u201cMy enemies are after me! I wish You would dash them on the rocks,\u201d\u2014I mean, they use really harsh language; but they come around, at the end, and say, \u201cBut I will trust You; I will wait for You.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started writing these really just for myself, because I felt like I needed to put words to what I was feeling; but I used that model. I wrote how I was feeling\/what I was thinking, and then at the end, I would put, \u201cBut I trust You.\u201d I would have psalms that would pop into my head\u2014phrases\/biblical phrases\u2014and I know it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me and reminding me of different verses or phrases. I would tuck them in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just began to enjoy it. It was easy; it was easier than I thought, and it was really fun to express myself in that way. Instead of writing a chapter, or a three-page article, or something like that\u2014to put it in more verse form was tapping a different kind of creativity in me\u2014and I really enjoyed it. It was kind of fun to find these words that were unique or different\u2014I don\u2019t know; I liked it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you sharing these prayers with anybody?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, after I wrote a few of them, I thought, \u201cThis might make good fodder for my blog.\u201d As I continued to write, I thought, \u201cI\u2019ll just put some of these in the blog, and that\u2019ll give readers something different to hear and something different to try.\u201d That was my original thought was: I was going to crank out some of these as I thought of them, and I would put them on the blog. I did put some of them on the blog.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the response to them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>It was actually really good; I had a couple of people write. I remember posting\u2014one of the first ones I posted\u2014is in the book; and it\u2019s called \u201cI\u2019m Disappointed.\u201d I wrote it one day because we had this <em>huge<\/em>, unexpected disappointment happen. We were counting on something happening at a certain time frame, and everything fell apart; and nothing happened as we had planned. I was <em>so<\/em> disappointed. I realized that I had been putting my hope in this circumstance that we were counting on, so as I wrote this psalm; I was thinking through: \u201cHow does God want me to respond? What does He want me to think?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was one of the first ones that I posted; and a lot of women said, \u201cOh, I get disappointed with God, too, when I think He\u2019s not coming through like I thought He would come through.\u201d We all think those things, but we don\u2019t know what to do with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m guessing this is still how it came out\u2014I\u2019m looking at the manuscript\u2014\u201cI\u2019m disappointed with God.\u201d Here\u2019s how you start: \u201cI feel as if You don\u2019t see what\u2019s happening.\u201d I remember reading this in my kitchen, thinking, \u201cI\u2019ve been there.\u201d You know, I\u2019m sure that\u2019s why so many people responded.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let me read it and just comment on it: \u201cI feel as if You don\u2019t see what\u2019s happening, that perhaps You don\u2019t care that we are experiencing this. I know differently\u2014know the truth, still believe the truth\u2014but I can\u2019t feel any assurance of Your presence at this moment.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, and I remember sitting on the couch when I wrote that, because that was\u2014I mean, I just was saying <em>exactly<\/em> how I felt in the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause we\u2019re trying to live our lives for Christ\u2014we\u2019ve been trying to do that since we were college students\u2014there\u2019s a part of us that, I think, we still think God plays on the reward system: \u201cIf I do this, He\u2019s going to do that.\u201d Even though we know better, in our heads, we get sucked into that way of thinking about God; and then the rug kind of comes out from underneath us and we\u2019re going: \u201cWell, wait a minute; where are You? I thought You were in this. I thought You were leading us to do this thing, but now it\u2019s all falling apart?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was the back story of that particular one, because it was very real for us. Both of us were <em>so disappointed<\/em> and could not figure out why God let that fall apart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was there a part of you in writing that that felt like, \u201cI shouldn\u2019t write this\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, yes; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did you deal with that tension between, \u201cI should only write what I know is true and not what I\u2019m feeling, because it\u2019s wrong to admit this\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; well, in the introduction, I wrote about why I was hesitant to be really truthful. I know\u2014and most everybody knows\u2014that God knows everything anyway, right? He knows what we\u2019re getting ready to say before we say it, so why do I even need to tell Him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter reading through the Psalms so much, I just began to see that there was some level of therapy\u2014I think\u2014some kind of soul care that coming to God with that kind of raw honesty gave us in return. There was something maybe\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014unseen about the way the Spirit works or something about His presence that, being really honest with Him, there was a connection that I didn\u2019t see or necessarily feel; but He was there, and He was listening, and He liked hearing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote about that in the intro\u2014that I, for years, have been reluctant to pray that kind of gut-level prayers to God; because I knew of a couple of key stories in the Bible. One is the story of Job. Job complained a lot\/a lot; and at the end of the Book of Job, God rebuked him for complaining. There\u2019s the story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness, and they complained and griped and complained and griped; and God was sick of it; He was really tired of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t want to make God frustrated with me or angry at me; I didn\u2019t want God to rebuke me, so I think\u2014and I even used this phrase in the book\u2014my prayers tended toward \u201cnice\u201d for so long; because I thought: \u201cI don\u2019t want to be like the Israelites. I don\u2019t want to be like Job.\u201d But it was really a mental shift for me; because reading through the Psalms taught me\u2014over and over again\u2014taught me that God was okay with the way they worded everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cIf God\u2019s okay with David\u2019s choice of words, and the way he\u2019s expressing himself, then maybe there\u2019s something there for me.\u201d I would have to say that doing this: writing these prayers\/putting my heart on paper in words really was therapy for my soul. It really was healing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that I was surprised to discover is that I really got to know God in a way that I\u2019d never gotten to know Him before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Why is that, Barbara?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I just think that we were communicating on a level that we\u2019d never communicated. I think there\u2019s something invisible that happened in my heart and in my soul as I was praying\/writing out these prayers, really thinking through, \u201cWhat is it that I\u2019m feeling?\u201d and I would find the right word. Then I would think, \u201cOkay, what else am I feeling?\u201d and I\u2019d think that through. I was really evaluating what was going on inside of me as I put it down on paper.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it pleased God; I really think it pleased Him, and I think I got to know Him better. Quite honestly, I really fell in love with God more through the process of doing this in these last two years than years before. I really understand what it means to adore Him. I really, genuinely feel adoration for God; and I know it\u2019s because I was real with Him and I came to Him. He heard the worst that I had to offer, and He loved me anyway. It was a wonderful experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know I felt so honored to endorse the book. As I read it, what struck me was the intimacy. It\u2019s inspiring\u2014the rawness, the realness, the intimacy\u2014of that\u2019s how we want to talk to God. That\u2019s the kind of relationship that I want with God. That\u2019s what has always drawn me to the Psalms, was David\u2019s heart-wrenching honesty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow did you come up with the topics? Because you have so many different things that you talk about. Some of your chapter titles are \u201cDaughter of the King,\u201d\u2014which\/that\u2019s one of my favorites\u2014when I read that first one, I <em>loved<\/em> it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>By the way, I\u2019ll just say, when I picked it up, you know, I didn\u2019t start on page one; I just have to be honest. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Of course not!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Maybe nobody does; I <em>never<\/em> do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>That doesn\u2019t surprise me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you look through the \u201cTable of Contents\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I do; and I saw, \u201cHusbands.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wait; you didn\u2019t read \u201cDaughters of the King\u201d? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, I didn\u2019t read that one\u2014not first\u2014but I saw \u201cHusbands.\u201d I felt like I knew you and Dennis as I read through what you said about husbands. I was like\u2014that\u2019s what I was struck\u2014it was like, \u201cWow, this is so intimate.\u201d It isn\u2019t all, \u201cI just love this guy\u201d; it was like, \u201cNo, we have differences; and it\u2019s really hard.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Like Ann said, how did you decide what these topics would be? Was it just from the heart?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, let me say this real quick, Dave\u2014it was so funny\u2014last night, I don\u2019t even remember what I was doing; but I was doing something in another room. I came into the living room. I thought Dennis had been on his computer, kind of catching up on some things, sitting in a chair. I came in and said, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cI\u2019m reading your book.\u201d I said, \u201cYou are?!\u201d I had no idea; I\u2019d just left it in there. He said, \u201cYes, I\u2019m reading your book.\u201d He said, \u201cI really like it.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, what are you reading?\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m reading the one on husbands.\u201d [Laughter] He proceeded to read it out loud; and he said, \u201cWe really are different.\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d The longer we\u2019ve been married, I think the more different I realize we are. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, yes, that\u2019s what I wanted to say on that one real quick\u2014is that he was reading that last night\u2014and we had a good chuckle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So did you write that on a day when the differences were just right there in your face?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I probably started it on a day like that; I may not have finished it on a day like that. That one\u2014I don\u2019t remember exactly\u2014but there are other ones, like the \u201cDisappointed with God\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How about \u201cIn Need of Sleep\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u201cIn Need of Sleep\u201d; yes, that was one of the first ones. [Laughter] I got up in the morning, and I just was writing how I felt; because I struggle with sleeping. A lot of women do, and it\u2019s just this perennial, ongoing dilemma that a lot of people live with; and I knew God knew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I love that after you prayer, you write, \u201cInterrupted sleep has been a companion of mine for most of my married years; and it is true for most women, of all ages and stages of life. I\u2019ve been angry that my husband can sleep through anything, but I learned anger only made falling asleep even more difficult. I\u2019ve memorized verses to repeat when I\u2019m awake at night.\u201d I love that you\u2019re so honest in this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you start this one out: \u201cFinally, I slide into the embrace of sheets, sigh, exhale deeply. Eyelids close; day is done. Almost asleep, consciousness floating, dreams alighting, breathing deeply. A cry; sudden alert; eyes wide; thoughts flitting: \u201cI know baby ate enough. Is that just a dream?\u201d \u201cWill she go back to sleep?\u201d \u201cWill I?\u201d That, right there, is <em>motherhood<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s not even just being a mom; it\u2019s even after our kids are gone, we continue to struggle with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ones that I\u2019m thinking of, really quickly, you were talking about: \u201cWhere did these come from?\u201d and \u201cWhat inspired me?\u201d Once I got started writing these prayers, just different circumstances, from day to day, would inspire me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day in May, I was in the airport. I was getting ready to jump on a flight and fly to Colorado, where two of our kids live, to stay with one of them and help them out. I was sitting in the gate area; and all of a sudden, I got a text on my phone. It was from my daughter, our youngest; and she was pregnant. It was about ten o\u2019 clock in the morning, so it was a fairly early flight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cMom, I\u2019ve just started spotting.\u201d I think she was three or four months pregnant, early on; this was her first baby. My heart just\u2014both sank to my stomach and started pounding out of my body\u2014both at the same time. It was just a text! I mean, I\u2019m not even talking to her! I text her back, and I\u2019m saying, \u201cWell, have you called the doctor?\u201d You know, as we moms do, start giving her all this list of things to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t answer me right away. By the time I got on the plane, she had said, \u201cI\u2019m calling the doctor.\u201d Then I got on the plane; they shut the door, and communication\u2019s over. I\u2019m sitting in this plane, and my heart is breaking. I\u2019m dying; I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m flying farther away from her,\u201d I don\u2019t want to; I don\u2019t know what\u2019s happening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started writing; and I wrote, \u201cA Text from My Child.\u201d That, in and of itself, right there, is enough for every mother to identify with; because you <em>never<\/em> know what it\u2019s going to bring. \u201c\u2018Something is wrong, Mom,\u2019 she wrote. Breath catches; heart stops. I\u2019m terrified,\u201d\u2014and I was; I was scared to death for her\u2014\u201cThumbs text questions; mind races: imagining, conjuring, fearing the worst and the unknown. My life\/her life; will we be okay? Will what we know today be no more? Will another loss be mine or ours to bear?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I go on to talk about other fears that we\u2019ve had: \u201cWhen my child is late coming home, I fear. Has he been in a wreck? It was true of my friend, and her daughter died.\u201d \u201cMy daughter\u2019s fear is for her unborn babe. She knows too many friends who have suffered miscarriages, trisomy, and death just days after birth. I fear <em>with<\/em> her. Dark thoughts stalk; hands shake; faith stutters. My security in today is stolen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I remembered and wrote, \u201cTake every thought captive.\u201d I know that verse! I know we\u2019re supposed to do that. But how in the world do you take thoughts captive when you\u2019re overwhelmed with the situation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I like how you described it; you said, \u201cTaking every thought captive is like herding flocks of birds, wildly fluttering, in my mind.\u201d That was so descriptive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, because that\u2019s what I felt like. I just felt like everything was swirling; it was all out of control; and \u201cHow could I possibly corral that and bring it in?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I wrote: \u201cYet He who created the birds of the air could, with a word, tame them. Why not my fears?\u201d I was feeling, in that moment, \u201cI know God loves me, but I\u2019m terrified; I\u2019m scared to death. I\u2019m crying out to You in my heart: \u2018Why aren\u2019t You giving me peace that You have this?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod allows us, I think, to be in those places\u2014not because He doesn\u2019t want to act\u2014I think because He knows we need to be there and wait for Him. He\u2019s not this instant magic-wand, fairy-godmother kind of God; and I think we go there too often. He knows what He\u2019s doing as a good father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think moms and dads, listening to you describe this, are thinking: \u201cYes, I\u2019ve felt that; I\u2019ve been there,\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve had those thoughts; I\u2019ve had those fears.\u201d To have someone articulate them\u2014help <em>me<\/em> articulate what I\u2019m feeling, give me language that maybe I couldn\u2019t give myself, and then point me in the right direction\u2014that\u2019s a <em>gift<\/em>. You\u2019ve given us 40 gifts in this book\/40 prayers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to come back\u2014we need to find out what happened with your daughter\u2014but let me let our listeners know: we want to make Barbara\u2019s new book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>, available to those of you who can support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I think most of you know <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. If God is using this program in your life\u2014if it\u2019s an encouragement, if it\u2019s helping you in your walk with Christ, if it\u2019s helping you in your marriage as you raise your kids\u2014we want to ask you to continue making this program possible for you and for your neighbors by making a donation today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you do, you can request Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>. It\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Again, donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinish the story for us, Barbara. Tell us what happened with your daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, when we landed in Denver, I had a text waiting for me; she said, \u201cAll is well.\u201d It was, and she gave birth\u2014I don\u2019t know, five months later\/something like that\u2014to their firstborn. He\u2019s adorable, and we love him dearly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was such a good experience for me to live with that fear for the two-hour plane flight to Denver: to sit in that and to know that God <em>knew<\/em> what He was doing and He was in control; and even though I didn\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> like it, it was okay for me to sit with my fear\/to sit with my anxiety and continue to remind myself what I knew was true. Even if it hadn\u2019t turned out to be good, I have to cling to what I know is true about God; because that doesn\u2019t ever change, even though my circumstances do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:48"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["25.46M"],"filesize_raw":["26691767"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305967.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305967.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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a lover of the Psalms, Barbara Rainey began to realize the importance of pouring her heart out to the Lord through written prayers. The more vulnerable she allowed herself to be with the Lord, the more she enjoyed it, and the more comfort she received from His presence. Rainey hopes that by sharing these&hellip;","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you ever go through a season of struggle\/a season of hard times, and find yourself thinking: \u201cThis isn\u2019t fair. I try to play by the rules. This should not be happening to me\u201d? Barbara Rainey\u2019s thought that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>There\u2019s a part of us that, I think, we still think God plays on the reward system: \u201cIf I do this, He\u2019s going to do that.\u201d Even though we know better in our heads, we get sucked into that way of thinking about God; and then something\/the rug kind of comes out from underneath us, and we\u2019re going: \u201cWell, wait a minute. Where are You? I thought You were in this! I thought You were leading us to do this thing! But now it\u2019s all falling apart?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, April 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What should our prayers look like and sound like when we don\u2019t understand what God is doing? Barbara Rainey has some thoughts for us on that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a first, but this is an unusual occurrence; this has not happened often. Do you know what I\u2019m talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m guessing our guest being in here without her husband? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Exactly!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Did I get that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There have not been many times, in the history of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, when Barbara Rainey has joined us and Dennis Rainey was not here superintending the whole process. Barbara, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Thanks, Bob. It did feel kind of funny to walk in and think, \u201cI\u2019m here by myself.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you remember\u2014I was thinking, \u201cDo you remember being on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> without Dennis?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I don\u2019t remember. I don\u2019t know that I have; was I?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We did a series, back\u2014this was 20-plus years ago, I think\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>That\u2019s why I don\u2019t remember. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014on creating a more romantic marriage. You remember?\u2014there was a day when you and I sat down, without Dennis, and I asked you to explain how women view romance; but we didn\u2019t want Dennis in the room interrupting the whole thing. [Laughter] Do you remember that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>No, I don\u2019t.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That was where you made the famous statement\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014\u201c\u2019A\u2019 plus \u2018B\u2019 equals \u2018C\u2019\u201d?\u2014yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What\u2019d she say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So Barbara\u2019s explaining for us, men, that guys like to think that romance works this way: that if you do \u201cA\u201d plus \u201cB\u201d, you get \u201cC\u201d; right? You know, if say\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014you get \u201cC.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and that is how it works.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u2014after dinner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014talk sweet, go out to dinner\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>You need to listen to our broadcast. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Am I going to learn something?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, I think so!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She said, \u201cSo there\u2019ll be an evening and you have a great date, and you do this; and then he goes\u2014two weeks later\u2014he goes, \u2018You want to go out to dinner?\u2019 The wife\u2019s going: \u2018I know what this all about. [Laughter] This is not about dinner; I know what you\u2019re aiming for.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBarbara said women don\u2019t want to be figured out. They don\u2019t want a formula; they don\u2019t want a\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014because we\u2019re different every night. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And we said, \u201cThat drives us crazy!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Exactly. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You just said, \u201cWell, get used to it; because that\u2019s how we are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>That\u2019s how we are. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We are glad to have you back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well thank you; I\u2019m glad to be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara is back today. You know why she\u2019s back?\u2014because you [Ann] helped endorse what we\u2019re going to be talking about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I did; I am so excited. I think our listeners are going to be excited, too, because she wrote a new book. It\u2019s called <em>My Heart, Ever His.<\/em> It\u2019s basically a prayer journal that\u2014really, Barbara\u2014I feel like it\u2019s so personal\/it\u2019s so beautiful, because it\u2019s prayers for women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, when you sent the manuscript to Ann to have her endorse it, it was lying in our kitchen. I didn\u2019t know what it was; and I just saw your name, and I started reading it. Even though I saw it\u2019s sort of for women, I have to tell you: I was blown away. It\u2019s so\u2014I mean, I\u2019m talking from a man\u2019s perspective\u2014so beautiful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, thanks; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m not kidding; I was really\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I should have asked you to endorse it, too, then. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I said [to Ann], \u201cYou read this thing and you endorse this thing; because this is <em>really<\/em> powerful for anybody, not just women.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, thank you; thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Tell us about your journey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, well, there\u2019s a back story to this book. I\u2019ve told several people in the last few years: \u201cI don\u2019t know that I ever want to write another book again. It\u2019s a lot of work; you don\u2019t know if anybody ever reads it. Why am I going to put myself through that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the last couple of years, we\u2019ve been through an interesting journey\u2014my husband and I\u2014after we left FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Everything went smoothly; we love our new leaders, David and Meg Robbins; and everything is good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>But<\/em> Dennis and I would wake up every morning in that first year, and we just felt this sense of loss. We were adrift, sort of, in an ocean that we had never been in before. You know, after you do something for 40 years in a row, and then all of a sudden you don\u2019t do that anymore, there\u2019s a big adjustment period. We knew there would be an adjustment time; but I, in my impatience, expected it to be three months. I kind of did that with the empty nest; did you too, Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, I did: \u201cOh, I\u2019ll get used to it in a few months.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cIt won\u2019t take long; I\u2019ll be just fine.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it is a lot like the empty nest; it\u2019s just a whole new season. So during these last two years, I found myself reading through the Psalms over and over and over. Actually, Dennis was doing the same thing; we were both reading the Psalms every morning.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Why the Psalms?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, it started because Dennis gave me this new Psalm book called <em>The Psalter<\/em>. I think you have one too; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s so good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I started reading it just because it was a <em>different<\/em> version. The Psalms are still the Psalms, but each one has a short little devotion at the end of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, during that two-year period, both of us were just needing something that was calling out what was really in our hearts; we didn\u2019t have words for it all the time. I remember, as I was reading the Psalms, I was thinking: \u201cOh, this makes sense now. I understand why David is feeling this way\/why the psalmist used those words, because I feel those words.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, about six months or so into it, I just\/one day I thought, \u201cI should maybe write some prayers; I wonder if I could do that.\u201d I mean, it wasn\u2019t even a complete thought; this idea just popped into my head, and I thought, \u201cYes, I\u2019ll try that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Have you written out prayers before in your Christian life?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Not really that much. I mean, I\u2019ve done it occasionally; but not that much, really. I decided I would try it; and I just started writing what I was feeling, sort of in a pattern like the Psalms.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things I learned about the Psalms is that all 150 minus one\u2014so 149 of them\u2014end in some kind of praise\u2014some kind of adoration\/some kind of positive, \u201cBut God is in control; I trust Him,\u201d\u2014some kind of summary like that. Even though David and the other psalmists write with great passion and they say: \u201cGod, where are You?\u201d \u201cWhy aren\u2019t You listening to me?\u201d \u201cMy enemies are after me! I wish You would dash them on the rocks,\u201d\u2014I mean, they use really harsh language; but they come around, at the end, and say, \u201cBut I will trust You; I will wait for You.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started writing these really just for myself, because I felt like I needed to put words to what I was feeling; but I used that model. I wrote how I was feeling\/what I was thinking, and then at the end, I would put, \u201cBut I trust You.\u201d I would have psalms that would pop into my head\u2014phrases\/biblical phrases\u2014and I know it was the Holy Spirit speaking to me and reminding me of different verses or phrases. I would tuck them in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just began to enjoy it. It was easy; it was easier than I thought, and it was really fun to express myself in that way. Instead of writing a chapter, or a three-page article, or something like that\u2014to put it in more verse form was tapping a different kind of creativity in me\u2014and I really enjoyed it. It was kind of fun to find these words that were unique or different\u2014I don\u2019t know; I liked it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Were you sharing these prayers with anybody?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, after I wrote a few of them, I thought, \u201cThis might make good fodder for my blog.\u201d As I continued to write, I thought, \u201cI\u2019ll just put some of these in the blog, and that\u2019ll give readers something different to hear and something different to try.\u201d That was my original thought was: I was going to crank out some of these as I thought of them, and I would put them on the blog. I did put some of them on the blog.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And the response to them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>It was actually really good; I had a couple of people write. I remember posting\u2014one of the first ones I posted\u2014is in the book; and it\u2019s called \u201cI\u2019m Disappointed.\u201d I wrote it one day because we had this <em>huge<\/em>, unexpected disappointment happen. We were counting on something happening at a certain time frame, and everything fell apart; and nothing happened as we had planned. I was <em>so<\/em> disappointed. I realized that I had been putting my hope in this circumstance that we were counting on, so as I wrote this psalm; I was thinking through: \u201cHow does God want me to respond? What does He want me to think?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was one of the first ones that I posted; and a lot of women said, \u201cOh, I get disappointed with God, too, when I think He\u2019s not coming through like I thought He would come through.\u201d We all think those things, but we don\u2019t know what to do with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m guessing this is still how it came out\u2014I\u2019m looking at the manuscript\u2014\u201cI\u2019m disappointed with God.\u201d Here\u2019s how you start: \u201cI feel as if You don\u2019t see what\u2019s happening.\u201d I remember reading this in my kitchen, thinking, \u201cI\u2019ve been there.\u201d You know, I\u2019m sure that\u2019s why so many people responded.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let me read it and just comment on it: \u201cI feel as if You don\u2019t see what\u2019s happening, that perhaps You don\u2019t care that we are experiencing this. I know differently\u2014know the truth, still believe the truth\u2014but I can\u2019t feel any assurance of Your presence at this moment.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, and I remember sitting on the couch when I wrote that, because that was\u2014I mean, I just was saying <em>exactly<\/em> how I felt in the moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBecause we\u2019re trying to live our lives for Christ\u2014we\u2019ve been trying to do that since we were college students\u2014there\u2019s a part of us that, I think, we still think God plays on the reward system: \u201cIf I do this, He\u2019s going to do that.\u201d Even though we know better, in our heads, we get sucked into that way of thinking about God; and then the rug kind of comes out from underneath us and we\u2019re going: \u201cWell, wait a minute; where are You? I thought You were in this. I thought You were leading us to do this thing, but now it\u2019s all falling apart?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was the back story of that particular one, because it was very real for us. Both of us were <em>so disappointed<\/em> and could not figure out why God let that fall apart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Was there a part of you in writing that that felt like, \u201cI shouldn\u2019t write this\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, yes; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How did you deal with that tension between, \u201cI should only write what I know is true and not what I\u2019m feeling, because it\u2019s wrong to admit this\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes; well, in the introduction, I wrote about why I was hesitant to be really truthful. I know\u2014and most everybody knows\u2014that God knows everything anyway, right? He knows what we\u2019re getting ready to say before we say it, so why do I even need to tell Him?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAfter reading through the Psalms so much, I just began to see that there was some level of therapy\u2014I think\u2014some kind of soul care that coming to God with that kind of raw honesty gave us in return. There was something maybe\u2014I don\u2019t know\u2014unseen about the way the Spirit works or something about His presence that, being really honest with Him, there was a connection that I didn\u2019t see or necessarily feel; but He was there, and He was listening, and He liked hearing it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote about that in the intro\u2014that I, for years, have been reluctant to pray that kind of gut-level prayers to God; because I knew of a couple of key stories in the Bible. One is the story of Job. Job complained a lot\/a lot; and at the end of the Book of Job, God rebuked him for complaining. There\u2019s the story of the Israelites wandering in the wilderness, and they complained and griped and complained and griped; and God was sick of it; He was really tired of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t want to make God frustrated with me or angry at me; I didn\u2019t want God to rebuke me, so I think\u2014and I even used this phrase in the book\u2014my prayers tended toward \u201cnice\u201d for so long; because I thought: \u201cI don\u2019t want to be like the Israelites. I don\u2019t want to be like Job.\u201d But it was really a mental shift for me; because reading through the Psalms taught me\u2014over and over again\u2014taught me that God was okay with the way they worded everything.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cIf God\u2019s okay with David\u2019s choice of words, and the way he\u2019s expressing himself, then maybe there\u2019s something there for me.\u201d I would have to say that doing this: writing these prayers\/putting my heart on paper in words really was therapy for my soul. It really was healing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe thing that I was surprised to discover is that I really got to know God in a way that I\u2019d never gotten to know Him before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Why is that, Barbara?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I just think that we were communicating on a level that we\u2019d never communicated. I think there\u2019s something invisible that happened in my heart and in my soul as I was praying\/writing out these prayers, really thinking through, \u201cWhat is it that I\u2019m feeling?\u201d and I would find the right word. Then I would think, \u201cOkay, what else am I feeling?\u201d and I\u2019d think that through. I was really evaluating what was going on inside of me as I put it down on paper.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it pleased God; I really think it pleased Him, and I think I got to know Him better. Quite honestly, I really fell in love with God more through the process of doing this in these last two years than years before. I really understand what it means to adore Him. I really, genuinely feel adoration for God; and I know it\u2019s because I was real with Him and I came to Him. He heard the worst that I had to offer, and He loved me anyway. It was a wonderful experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know I felt so honored to endorse the book. As I read it, what struck me was the intimacy. It\u2019s inspiring\u2014the rawness, the realness, the intimacy\u2014of that\u2019s how we want to talk to God. That\u2019s the kind of relationship that I want with God. That\u2019s what has always drawn me to the Psalms, was David\u2019s heart-wrenching honesty.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHow did you come up with the topics? Because you have so many different things that you talk about. Some of your chapter titles are \u201cDaughter of the King,\u201d\u2014which\/that\u2019s one of my favorites\u2014when I read that first one, I <em>loved<\/em> it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>By the way, I\u2019ll just say, when I picked it up, you know, I didn\u2019t start on page one; I just have to be honest. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Of course not!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Maybe nobody does; I <em>never<\/em> do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>That doesn\u2019t surprise me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Do you look through the \u201cTable of Contents\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I do; and I saw, \u201cHusbands.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Wait; you didn\u2019t read \u201cDaughters of the King\u201d? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, I didn\u2019t read that one\u2014not first\u2014but I saw \u201cHusbands.\u201d I felt like I knew you and Dennis as I read through what you said about husbands. I was like\u2014that\u2019s what I was struck\u2014it was like, \u201cWow, this is so intimate.\u201d It isn\u2019t all, \u201cI just love this guy\u201d; it was like, \u201cNo, we have differences; and it\u2019s really hard.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Like Ann said, how did you decide what these topics would be? Was it just from the heart?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, let me say this real quick, Dave\u2014it was so funny\u2014last night, I don\u2019t even remember what I was doing; but I was doing something in another room. I came into the living room. I thought Dennis had been on his computer, kind of catching up on some things, sitting in a chair. I came in and said, \u201cWhat are you doing?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said, \u201cI\u2019m reading your book.\u201d I said, \u201cYou are?!\u201d I had no idea; I\u2019d just left it in there. He said, \u201cYes, I\u2019m reading your book.\u201d He said, \u201cI really like it.\u201d I said, \u201cWell, what are you reading?\u201d He said, \u201cI\u2019m reading the one on husbands.\u201d [Laughter] He proceeded to read it out loud; and he said, \u201cWe really are different.\u201d I said, \u201cYes.\u201d The longer we\u2019ve been married, I think the more different I realize we are. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut anyway, yes, that\u2019s what I wanted to say on that one real quick\u2014is that he was reading that last night\u2014and we had a good chuckle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So did you write that on a day when the differences were just right there in your face?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>I probably started it on a day like that; I may not have finished it on a day like that. That one\u2014I don\u2019t remember exactly\u2014but there are other ones, like the \u201cDisappointed with God\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How about \u201cIn Need of Sleep\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>\u201cIn Need of Sleep\u201d; yes, that was one of the first ones. [Laughter] I got up in the morning, and I just was writing how I felt; because I struggle with sleeping. A lot of women do, and it\u2019s just this perennial, ongoing dilemma that a lot of people live with; and I knew God knew.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I love that after you prayer, you write, \u201cInterrupted sleep has been a companion of mine for most of my married years; and it is true for most women, of all ages and stages of life. I\u2019ve been angry that my husband can sleep through anything, but I learned anger only made falling asleep even more difficult. I\u2019ve memorized verses to repeat when I\u2019m awake at night.\u201d I love that you\u2019re so honest in this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you start this one out: \u201cFinally, I slide into the embrace of sheets, sigh, exhale deeply. Eyelids close; day is done. Almost asleep, consciousness floating, dreams alighting, breathing deeply. A cry; sudden alert; eyes wide; thoughts flitting: \u201cI know baby ate enough. Is that just a dream?\u201d \u201cWill she go back to sleep?\u201d \u201cWill I?\u201d That, right there, is <em>motherhood<\/em>. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It\u2019s not even just being a mom; it\u2019s even after our kids are gone, we continue to struggle with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Oh, all the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the ones that I\u2019m thinking of, really quickly, you were talking about: \u201cWhere did these come from?\u201d and \u201cWhat inspired me?\u201d Once I got started writing these prayers, just different circumstances, from day to day, would inspire me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day in May, I was in the airport. I was getting ready to jump on a flight and fly to Colorado, where two of our kids live, to stay with one of them and help them out. I was sitting in the gate area; and all of a sudden, I got a text on my phone. It was from my daughter, our youngest; and she was pregnant. It was about ten o\u2019 clock in the morning, so it was a fairly early flight.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cMom, I\u2019ve just started spotting.\u201d I think she was three or four months pregnant, early on; this was her first baby. My heart just\u2014both sank to my stomach and started pounding out of my body\u2014both at the same time. It was just a text! I mean, I\u2019m not even talking to her! I text her back, and I\u2019m saying, \u201cWell, have you called the doctor?\u201d You know, as we moms do, start giving her all this list of things to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe didn\u2019t answer me right away. By the time I got on the plane, she had said, \u201cI\u2019m calling the doctor.\u201d Then I got on the plane; they shut the door, and communication\u2019s over. I\u2019m sitting in this plane, and my heart is breaking. I\u2019m dying; I\u2019m thinking, \u201cI\u2019m flying farther away from her,\u201d I don\u2019t want to; I don\u2019t know what\u2019s happening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started writing; and I wrote, \u201cA Text from My Child.\u201d That, in and of itself, right there, is enough for every mother to identify with; because you <em>never<\/em> know what it\u2019s going to bring. \u201c\u2018Something is wrong, Mom,\u2019 she wrote. Breath catches; heart stops. I\u2019m terrified,\u201d\u2014and I was; I was scared to death for her\u2014\u201cThumbs text questions; mind races: imagining, conjuring, fearing the worst and the unknown. My life\/her life; will we be okay? Will what we know today be no more? Will another loss be mine or ours to bear?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I go on to talk about other fears that we\u2019ve had: \u201cWhen my child is late coming home, I fear. Has he been in a wreck? It was true of my friend, and her daughter died.\u201d \u201cMy daughter\u2019s fear is for her unborn babe. She knows too many friends who have suffered miscarriages, trisomy, and death just days after birth. I fear <em>with<\/em> her. Dark thoughts stalk; hands shake; faith stutters. My security in today is stolen.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I remembered and wrote, \u201cTake every thought captive.\u201d I know that verse! I know we\u2019re supposed to do that. But how in the world do you take thoughts captive when you\u2019re overwhelmed with the situation?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I like how you described it; you said, \u201cTaking every thought captive is like herding flocks of birds, wildly fluttering, in my mind.\u201d That was so descriptive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Yes, because that\u2019s what I felt like. I just felt like everything was swirling; it was all out of control; and \u201cHow could I possibly corral that and bring it in?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I wrote: \u201cYet He who created the birds of the air could, with a word, tame them. Why not my fears?\u201d I was feeling, in that moment, \u201cI know God loves me, but I\u2019m terrified; I\u2019m scared to death. I\u2019m crying out to You in my heart: \u2018Why aren\u2019t You giving me peace that You have this?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod allows us, I think, to be in those places\u2014not because He doesn\u2019t want to act\u2014I think because He knows we need to be there and wait for Him. He\u2019s not this instant magic-wand, fairy-godmother kind of God; and I think we go there too often. He knows what He\u2019s doing as a good father.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think moms and dads, listening to you describe this, are thinking: \u201cYes, I\u2019ve felt that; I\u2019ve been there,\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve had those thoughts; I\u2019ve had those fears.\u201d To have someone articulate them\u2014help <em>me<\/em> articulate what I\u2019m feeling, give me language that maybe I couldn\u2019t give myself, and then point me in the right direction\u2014that\u2019s a <em>gift<\/em>. You\u2019ve given us 40 gifts in this book\/40 prayers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe need to come back\u2014we need to find out what happened with your daughter\u2014but let me let our listeners know: we want to make Barbara\u2019s new book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>, available to those of you who can support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. I think most of you know <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. If God is using this program in your life\u2014if it\u2019s an encouragement, if it\u2019s helping you in your walk with Christ, if it\u2019s helping you in your marriage as you raise your kids\u2014we want to ask you to continue making this program possible for you and for your neighbors by making a donation today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you do, you can request Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>. It\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Again, donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy of Barbara Rainey\u2019s book, <em>My Heart, Ever His<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFinish the story for us, Barbara. Tell us what happened with your daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Barbara: <\/strong>Well, when we landed in Denver, I had a text waiting for me; she said, \u201cAll is well.\u201d It was, and she gave birth\u2014I don\u2019t know, five months later\/something like that\u2014to their firstborn. He\u2019s adorable, and we love him dearly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it was such a good experience for me to live with that fear for the two-hour plane flight to Denver: to sit in that and to know that God <em>knew<\/em> what He was doing and He was in control; and even though I didn\u2019t <em>feel<\/em> like it, it was okay for me to sit with my fear\/to sit with my anxiety and continue to remind myself what I knew was true. Even if it hadn\u2019t turned out to be good, I have to cling to what I know is true about God; because that doesn\u2019t ever change, even though my circumstances do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong><em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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