{"id":305963,"date":"2020-04-29T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-04-29T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/like-mom-like-daughter\/"},"modified":"2020-04-29T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-04-29T11:00:05","slug":"like-mom-like-daughter","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/like-mom-like-daughter\/","title":{"rendered":"Like Mom, Like Daughter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Maria Furlough | Series: Confident Daughters, Confident Moms | Author Maria Furlough wasn&#8217;t always the confident woman she is today. In fact, if you would have known her when she was younger you would have seen an insecure girl struggling with disordered eating who eventually became addicted to diet pills. Counseling helped, and now Maria has a family of her own. Now Maria&#8217;s goal is to be healthy, not skinny, while modeling a healthy body image to her daughter. Furlough encourages moms to began sowing seeds of healthy self-confidence in their daughters when they are very young and to prepare their girls for the changes that come with puberty.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Maria Furlough encourages moms to began sowing seeds of healthy self-confidence in their daughters when they are very young and to prepare their girls for the changes that come with puberty. She shares her story of adolescent insecurity.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-29.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:56","filesize":"23.75M","filesize_raw":"24906534","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2836],"tags":[4087],"podcast_series":[8357,8356],"cwp_profile":[9618],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305963","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-girls","tag-mothers","podcast_series-confident-daughters","podcast_series-confident-moms","cwp_profile-maria-furlough","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305963\/like-mom-like-daughter","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305963\/like-mom-like-daughter","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"mp4tZe4BrI\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/like-mom-like-daughter\/\">Like Mom, Like Daughter<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/like-mom-like-daughter\/embed\/#?secret=mp4tZe4BrI\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Like Mom, Like Daughter&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"mp4tZe4BrI\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-29.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-29.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a teenager, Maria Furlough struggled with insecurity and body-image issues. As an adult, she thinks differently about those things now, but she admits she\u2019s still tempted by those old insecurities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> It is hard for me when I\u2019m sitting next to a woman eating a salad without salad dressing. That reminds me of all my past hurt and failure of growing up, thinking that that is the right way to be as a woman\u2014to eat a salad with no salad dressing. I acknowledge that in myself, and that\u2019s something I have to constantly be prayerful about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am aware of the way I am talking about food when I\u2019m around other women. All of our convictions are different. What you\u2019re convicted about your body and how you want to take care of it is different than mine, and that\u2019s okay. I don\u2019t believe it has to look the same for everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, April 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How do we think rightly about our own body-image issues, and how do we keep from trying to get other people to conform to <em>our<\/em> preferences? We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Maria Furlough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You asked an interesting question earlier this week, Dave; you were\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I ask a lot of interesting questions, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You do, honey. You\u2019re the most interesting man I know. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Listen to my wife; that is beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were asking, \u201cIs it possible for a young woman to grow up in this culture and to avoid the trap of body image defining who she is?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And even a young boy now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It really is dominant, both men and women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> There is pressure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we\u2019re talking this week with Maria Furlough, who is joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maria is an author; she\u2019s a speaker; she\u2019s a mom; she\u2019s a wife. She\u2019s got five kids at home. She has wrestled with body-image issues herself. She wrote a book to try to disciple her own thinking on this, right? This was basically how you\u2019re going to deal with this in your own life, and then you just shared with other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and how she became confident.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; the book is called <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters: Helping Your Daughter Live Free from Insecurity and Love How She Looks<\/em>. When your daughter was born 12 years ago, was this on your mind, that body image was something you were going to have to shepherd with her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; I was struck, when I was holding her, at how much life insecurity had taken from me, and how the way that I looked at my body limited me from doing so many things; and I didn\u2019t want that for her. That became my heart cry, when I held her, to be able to help her have a different outlook on the way that she looked at herself than I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was an eating disorder ever a part of your past?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I had what was called \u201cdisordered eating.\u201d I think that that has become a more defined thing now that is helpful in that you\u2019re controlling what you\u2019re eating in unhealthy ways; but it never becomes a full-fledged eating disorder, like anorexia. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t binging and purging. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I wasn\u2019t binging and purging, or not eating for days. In seventh grade, I distinctly remember faking like I was eating my lunch, and then throwing it out, so that it looked like I was eating but really wasn\u2019t. Or at dinner, I was skirting around my food and moving it around to make it look like I wasn\u2019t eating; but that I wasn\u2019t. I was eating enough to still maintain a healthy body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is radio, and we haven\u2019t talked about this this week\u2014listeners can\u2019t see you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You would have an average body image. I mean, if we took you to the doctor, they would say you\u2019re where you ought to be for a woman your age.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, Bob, that was a good way to say this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> He skirted around that one <em>good<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m kind of listening, like, \u201cHow is he going\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cHow is he going to say this?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Congratulations! You did that well. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You look <em>amazing<\/em> and beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How\u2014has that always been the case?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, insecurity does not discriminate. Insecurity in who we are and how our body is shaped is not based on our size. That is why it is a \u201cchasing after the wind\u201d in the most specific sense. We will fight, and we will fight, and we will fight to love how we look or get to the place where we think our body is just right. We\u2019ll never get there, because it doesn\u2019t exist. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So it\u2019s as much an issue for thin women as it is for women who are overweight?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, yes; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Does \u201cconfident mom\u201d\u2014or confident man or woman\u2014does it mean that, when I look in the mirror, I would be satisfied?\u2014that there wouldn\u2019t be any sense of: \u201cOh, I wish I could get a little of that jiggle gone\u201d \u201cI wish that I could\u2026\u201d? Is that <em>completely<\/em> gone if I\u2019m confident?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> It\u2019s contentment; it\u2019s contentment, right where you are\u2014and accepting the fact that if health is something in your life, like getting your body to a healthier, stronger place\u2014if that\u2019s a pursuit that you feel called to, then fine; but it\u2019s not based on what you see in the mirror. It\u2019s based on a pursuit to grow in an area of your life that you think needs growing and not based on what you see.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When somebody says to you\/your husband or a girlfriend says, \u201cYou <em>look<\/em>\u2014I mean, have you lost weight? You look <em>amazing<\/em>!\u201d\u2014oh, you\u2019ve got this look!\u2014I wish the listeners could see. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Boy, she responded! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Boom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got this <em>furious<\/em> look on your face!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I know; I can say this, because I don\u2019t have to <em>see<\/em> any of the people that I\u2019m talking to. [Laughter] I really have a hard time with that statement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn college, I had become addicted to dieting pills. I had become addicted to them because I was afraid to stop taking them\u2014what would happen to me. I decided to pursue counseling to help battle that. He said something to me that I will never forget; he said: \u201cYou need to go home to your family, and you need to ask them not to say anything about your appearance, positive <em>or<\/em> negative; because the positive compliments about how you look only feed your insecurity\u2014that you have to <em>constantly<\/em> be working at the way that you look\u2014because if you stop, and people stop complimenting you, that means that you\u2019ve failed or that means that you\u2019ve gotten too heavy or something like that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose statements\u2014when people say or I hear them say\u2014it\u2019s hard for me. I have to navigate the waters to see if it\u2019s an opportunity for me to be able to share some of the things that God has talked to me about. That is not a compliment that I will ever give, because I don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> where that person\u2019s heart is; and I don\u2019t know what that compliment will do to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not like I don\u2019t notice or that you don\u2019t acknowledge. Losing weight\/gaining weight is a part of this side of heaven. I\u2019m pretty sure we won\u2019t get it down until we get our perfect bodies; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>I\u2019m not going to acknowledge that that\u2019s not something that happens. But it\u2019s not something I\u2019m going to take time to compliment in a person, because I don\u2019t know what that could do to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So how does a believer\/how does a Christian <em>view<\/em> this aspect of their life? What should my motivation be to honor God to be healthy, in terms of physical?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a great question. It\u2019s one that I have to track tenderly because all of our convictions are different. What you, Dave, are convicted about your body and how you want to take care of it is different than mine; and that\u2019s okay. I don\u2019t believe that it has to look the same for everybody. The Bible talks about \u201cIf what by you eat causes somebody else to stumble\u2026\u201d; it is okay that my conviction about eating is different than yours, but I want to protect that in me and in you to not pass that around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, I am very consciously aware that it is hard for me when I am sitting next to a woman eating a salad without salad dressing. That reminds me of all my past hurt and failure of growing up, thinking that that is the right way to be as a woman\u2014to eat a salad with no salad dressing. I acknowledge that in myself, and that\u2019s something I have to constantly be prayerful about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am aware of the way I am talking about food when I\u2019m around other women. That doesn\u2019t mean to say that I think her eating a salad with no salad dressing is bad for her or that that\u2019s a wrong choice. I just acknowledge the fact that that is a choice that people are watching and noticing, and there could be some hurt or insecurity that that\u2019s rises up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was thinking\u2014it\u2019s very interesting in the NFL\/the National Football League\u2014because in every locker room, at least in Detroit, it\u2019s in the center of our locker room\u2014is a scale. Every day, every player has to get weighed. Here\u2019s why\u2014it\u2019s mission: we\u2019re trying to win a Super Bowl. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It hit me, just as you were talking\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right or wrong\u2014as a Christian, it could be our motivation\u2014is, \u201cI\u2019m a soldier.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> perspective. Our bodies are for using, right? We have work to do. God has given us these body parts to <em>use<\/em> them: that is our goal, and that is our desire, to work well with what God has given us\u2014not because of what it <em>looks<\/em> like\u2014but because of what it can do when it\u2019s strong and healthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me go to the mom part of this and raising your daughter. When your daughter was three or four years old, what kinds of things were you doing, at that stage in her life, to try to sow seeds of confidence and try to make sure that body image wasn\u2019t going to show up as a big deal, ten years in the future?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> When my daughter was three and four, I was really practicing working on my confidence and making sure I was getting that down; and then constantly sharing with her about how amazingly God created her in all of the ways He created her: in her gifts, and in her talents, and in her personality, and having that be the baseline of our conversations; and then really just practicing my own confidence. I think those are really great practicing years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When friends would say\/your friends or parents would say, \u201cOh, sweetheart, you look so cute!\u201d Did you just let that go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, \u201ccute\u201d is fine to me. \u201cSkinny,\u201d \u201clarger,\u201d \u201cheavier\u201d; \u201cYou look so small,\u201d\u2014these are the things I get Momma Bear about. I\u2019m tender to only interject only when I feel like it could be a really damaging statement to her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThankfully, my family and extended family\u2014because extended family for me, growing up, was a hard place; right?\u2014because we can do the work in our nuclear family that sometimes doesn\u2019t extend when we\u2019re with extended family. I am particular about what is said about my girls. Because I was doing that, when she was three and four, we\u2019ve gotten the practice down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When she went into elementary school and now, all of a sudden, there\u2019s comparison going on\u2014now, all of a sudden, kids are dressing certain ways\u2014did you start to see seeds of this developing in her own psyche? Did you start to speak to her on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> One of the things that I think is important for us, as moms, is to be willing to own our own stories and to talk to our girls about our stories. I tried to use age-appropriate stories from my <em>own<\/em> life to engage with conversations with her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen she\u2019s six, remembering some of my experiences when I was six or seven\u2014and then bringing up the topic of conversations\u2014even say something along the lines of: \u201cYou know, honey, you might start hearing ways that people might talk about themselves that is not very confident. Maybe they don\u2019t love certain things about themselves. You can be a light to them to tell them how awesome that they are, but just also know that that is not something that you have to take on and believe.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHave open conversations; then, of course, as they get older, you get the eye roll; [Laughter] but they\u2019re listening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I love that you\u2019re opening that door. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn your book, you have signs that your daughter is struggling or thinking about it. What are some of those signs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> It gets really easy in parenting, as our kids were so little; then, all of a sudden, they get to their tweens or their teens, and they\u2019re just fine sitting in their room. You\u2019re like, \u201cOh, it\u2019s so peaceful. Oh, wait; I should probably go\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\u201cI should probably go talk to them.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI try to make constant popping-ins, because isolation in your room is a really big deal. I used to do that; that\u2019s the place where I struggled\/that\u2019s the place where I was secretly looking up things. Being present and acknowledging where my daughter is going on any technology that she has. Really focusing in on pictures of physically-fit people or constantly seeing people dressed in certain ways can be damaging to our security. So keeping tabs on\u2014if those are the types of things our girls are focusing on\u2014with that, an over-obsession on stars and what they\u2019re wearing and doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tComing from a place, where your daughter has always had joy in eating, then all of a sudden, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t want that,\u201d or \u201cNo, I\u2019ll pass on that.\u201d That\u2019s not necessarily\u2014 right?\u2014these are not like, \u201cRed alert!\u201d; these are like, \u201cHmmm, should I draw in there as a mom?\u201d\u2014turning down the snack that they\u2019ve <em>always<\/em> had\/acknowledging any changes in what they\u2019re eating and choices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, the way that they talk about themselves and the way that they talk about other young women\u2014just paying attention to these indicators. And being prayerful, always asking God to help me see the times, where I need to enter in as a mom, and talk to her about this topic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What I\u2019ve seen\u2014I have a best friend, who has had total freedom in this area. The first time we went out to eat\u2014she\u2019s from the South\u2014here I am with my salad, no dressing; and she\u2019s eating chicken fried steak. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat in the world?\u201d She looks beautiful; she\u2019s great. The next time we go out, she gets pasta with this creamy sauce, which for me; I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat is happening?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe looks at me; she goes, \u201cWhy do you eat like that?\u201d I said: \u201cIt\u2019s so interesting you ask that, because I\u2019m thinking the same thing! Do you not worry about what you eat?\u201d She goes, \u201cI\u2019ve never worried about what I eat; do you?\u201d I\u2019m thinking: \u201cEvery woman in American worries about this! Are you kidding me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was so fascinating for me to watch her raise her three daughters; because she became this magnet. She\u2019s beautiful\u2014and yet not focused on her external beauty\u2014it was more <em>internal<\/em>. All of her daughters\u2019 friends\u2014they wanted to be with her\u2014they wanted to know: \u201cHow does she have this freedom?\u201d and \u201cShe doesn\u2019t worry or talk about\u2026She doesn\u2019t have a scale.\u201d I saw her daughters have that freedom too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think we realize how much pressure our young girls are under and how, as we\u2019re confident, it\u2019s like this magnet that draws other women in. They\u2019re asking, \u201cWhere do you <em>find<\/em> that confidence?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Somebody\u2019s listening to that and going: \u201cShe must have a hyper metabolism or something; because if I just think about chicken fried steak and pasta with cream sauce, I add five pounds just thinking about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And she did; as she got older, and her body was changing, she <em>did<\/em> have a little bit more of a regulation on what she ate. But it never\u2014here\u2019s the difference\u2014it didn\u2019t consume her. She would get on me when I would say: \u201cOh, my pants are too tight. I need to lose some weight.\u201d She\u2019d really get on me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d have this conversation\u2014I said: \u201cI want you to think about this, because it\u2019s like a balance beam for me. If I\u2019m consumed with food, and I\u2019m dieting all the time\u2014I\u2019m consumed with that\u2014but if I\u2019m eating so much, my food becomes an idol. My food becomes: \u201cI don\u2019t have any control of it\u201d; for me, it\u2019s almost, \u2018Is God in control?\u2019 because one of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s almost being too overextended either way. I like to be in the middle, where I\u2019m not thinking about it very much. Does that make sense?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Is there a balance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; but I think what balance looks like for every person is <em>different<\/em>. Your balance might look different than my balance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere needs to be joy in the food. Jesus had lots of joyful meals, right? He could\u2019ve given us any way to nourish our bodies; He gave us food. Acknowledging that God gave us food as a gift and to figure out, in my life, how I can treat food like a gift and model it that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your oldest is 12. Some would say, \u201cYou ain\u2019t seen <em>nothing<\/em> yet,\u201d [Laughter] when it comes to this battle of confidence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, most 11- and 12-year-olds are confident. It\u2019s junior high\/it\u2019s middle school, where confidence starts to get shaken in a huge way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou did youth ministry for years, so you know a little bit about this. But these weren\u2019t your daughters going through this; this was other people\u2019s daughters going through it. Are you ready for the next six years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I am as ready as I <em>can<\/em> be. I\u2019ve acknowledged the fact\u2014she\u2019s in sixth grade now, so she is in middle school\u2014but I realize that this is not going to be perfect. There are going to be ups and downs. I needed to be as ready as I could be with tools in my tool belt so that, when she comes to me and she says, \u201cI think I\u2019m fat,\u201d or when she comes to me and says, \u201cI think So-and-so in my class is fat,\u201d I\u2019m ready for that, and I\u2019m prayed up for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI acknowledge that we can get through this, and I have things that I can offer to her. I have tools in my tool belt, and I have protected our home as best that I possibly could be with these types of things to be ready for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When she\u2019s 15, and you\u2019re sitting down for family dinner, and you say, \u201cHere; have some potatoes,\u201d and she says, \u201cNo; no potatoes,\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s all she says\u2014do you say, \u201cI better have a conversation with her,\u201d or do you just let that go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I think I don\u2019t say anything at that moment. I think that that\u2019s where me, and I think lots of other moms and women would agree, that\u2019s when we\u2019d put foot in mouth when we\u2019d just immediately react. Definitely, putting some time between the conversation to have some prayer time; but yes, I do think I would have a conversation with her about that in an open-ended conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen, in my particular circumstance with my daughter\u2014she knows my things, right?\u2014we\u2019re very schooled on these types of conversations; we started having them. For me coming up to her and asking her: \u201cYou know, I\u2019m just wondering why you chose not to have potatoes. Are you struggling in any way? What are your thoughts about potatoes?\u201d\u2014right?\u2014these [questions] will not surprise her. But not being afraid to ask those questions\u2014<em>and<\/em> knowing that God is going to have a story for her, and it\u2019s not the end of her story\u2014but not being discouraged by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do believe that there can be a generational shift in this. That is a big reason why I wrote this book, because I do believe that a generational change is possible\u2014and that there\u2019s a rising up of young women in our church that can view their bodies the way that Christ created us to view our bodies, which is in His image. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s assume that she maintains a healthy weight throughout her junior high and senior high years. As we said earlier, that does not mean that body image is not an issue for her. What are the regular check-ins you\u2019ll be doing with her during these years, just to see: \u201cHow is she thinking about her own beauty and her own body image?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Clothes shopping is one: just acknowledging both of our comfort levels with clothes shopping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeing aware of when we grow out of clothes\u2014even for our self, right?\u2014like I\u2019m not going to come to her and say, \u201cI need to get those jeans out of your room\u201d; but acknowledging, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to schedule a time to go clothes shopping and get some new things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think also paying attention to her interactions with her friends. For her 12-year-old birthday party, I had 9 junior high girls over at my house; and that was just <em>fascinating<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I bet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>It was <em>so<\/em> fun. But really listening to how they\u2019re talking to one another. There was one particular thing that happened that I was able to witness, that I didn\u2019t say anything at the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI rolled back around; both her and her best friend had lingered after the party. I had a conversation with them about one thing that I had heard her friend say\u2014just to make her aware of certain ways that she maybe should think of responding to her\u2014\u201c\u2026if you hear something said like that or not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What was that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Her friend told an inappropriate joke that I don\u2019t think her friend <em>knew<\/em> was an inappropriate joke. And I don\u2019t think that any of her friends <em>knew<\/em> that her friend tells inappropriate jokes. But it\u2019s something that, if she [daughter] had repeated to somebody else, or didn\u2019t even realize what she was saying; so I just wanted to\u2014and I <em>loved<\/em> they were having these conversations in front of me. I wanted to make sure not to, at that moment, say, \u201cWhat in the world?! You can\u2019t say that!\u201d; but to not ignore it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As they go into high school, so much of their body image and how they think about it will be determined <em>by<\/em> their friends. How do you balance that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I hope that that\u2019s not true\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; <em>you<\/em> give them the confidence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014that they have places, where they\u2019ve heard other things regularly, over time and consistently\u2014and to talk honestly about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your daughter comes to you\u2014or my daughter comes to me\u2014and says, \u201cI think I\u2019m fat,\u201d instead of saying, \u201cYou are not fat; you\u2019re beautiful!\u201d\u2014saying, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry that you feel like that. Sometimes I feel like that too.\u201d Then offering her the opportunity to share <em>why<\/em> she feels like she\u2019s fat. And reminding her that I\u2019ve been where she is instead of shutting it down: \u201cDon\u2019t feel like that!\u201d \u201cStop feeling like that.\u201d Offering her the opportunity to elaborate a little bit as to where that root feeling comes from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, too, giving our kids something bigger to live for. It\u2019s not just about what they look like or the size pants they\u2019re wearing. It\u2019s that God created you in a way to do something on purpose for the kingdom\/to expand His kingdom. It\u2019s giving them <em>vision<\/em> for how God will use their gifts and strengths. I think that takes our eyes off of ourselves. That\u2019s good for <em>me<\/em> to know\u2014not just me\u2014but for our kids too. I think that\u2019s important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>To give your kids a heads-up as they head into these years and be able to say: \u201cSweetheart, look; you\u2019re going to have friends, who are going to be so focused on their appearance and their weight. You\u2019re going to hear these things, and it\u2019s going to come your way. What you need to know is that there\u2019s a lot of insecurity there. They\u2019re finding their value and their worth in the wrong things. When you hear those things, you need to pray for those friends of yours. You need to understand they\u2019re not thinking right; that God says our worth and our value is in these things...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think helping your kids know these conversations are around the corner; so that when it happens, they go, \u201cMom told me there were going to be conversations like this.\u201d They\u2019re alert to it; and they go, \u201cOh, I guess Mom does know what she\u2019s talking about from time to time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the strategies you\u2019ve outlined here are so helpful for moms. Again, the big strategy is you\u2019ve got to start with yourself and say: \u201cDo I have the right way of thinking? Do I have a God-based confidence that my appearance is not what\u2019s going to define me as a woman\/as a person?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m grateful for the time we\u2019ve been able to spend talking about this. Thank you for being here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Thanks, Bob. I would like to say, \u201cIf it is possible for me\/if God can do that in me\u2014this little insecure teenager that really hated the way she looked\u2014I believe it\u2019s possible for anybody.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good word; thank you. We hope God\u2019s going to do it for a lot of people, who have been listening this week. We hope a lot of them will get your book. In fact, we\u2019re making your book available this week to listeners, who can help support the ministry with a donation. Your ongoing support of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is what makes these kinds of conversations possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation of any amount, or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate, we\u2019ll send you Maria\u2019s book as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for supporting this ministry.\u201d Go to FamilyLifeToday.com; make an online donation; and ask for a copy of Maria Furlough\u2019s book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY; make your donation by phone; and again, ask for a copy of the book we\u2019ve been talking about on the radio this week. We\u2019re happy to send it to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re so grateful for your support, particularly in these times; because this has been a stressful season for many of us. I\u2019m sure that\u2019s true for your local church\/other ministries like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Whatever you can do to be generous and support those ministries that God is using in your life\u2014trust me\u2014they will be grateful. I know we will be grateful for whatever you\u2019re able to do to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in this season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Barbara Rainey is going to join us. She\u2019s got some thoughts on prayer and how we need to maybe rethink the way we pray. I hope you can join us for that conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:56"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.75M"],"filesize_raw":["24906534"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305963.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305963.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Furlough encourages moms to began sowing seeds of healthy self-confidence in their daughters when they are very young and to prepare their girls for the changes that come with puberty. She shares her story of adolescent insecurity.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-29.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>As a teenager, Maria Furlough struggled with insecurity and body-image issues. As an adult, she thinks differently about those things now, but she admits she\u2019s still tempted by those old insecurities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> It is hard for me when I\u2019m sitting next to a woman eating a salad without salad dressing. That reminds me of all my past hurt and failure of growing up, thinking that that is the right way to be as a woman\u2014to eat a salad with no salad dressing. I acknowledge that in myself, and that\u2019s something I have to constantly be prayerful about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am aware of the way I am talking about food when I\u2019m around other women. All of our convictions are different. What you\u2019re convicted about your body and how you want to take care of it is different than mine, and that\u2019s okay. I don\u2019t believe it has to look the same for everybody. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, April 29<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How do we think rightly about our own body-image issues, and how do we keep from trying to get other people to conform to <em>our<\/em> preferences? We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Maria Furlough.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You asked an interesting question earlier this week, Dave; you were\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I ask a lot of interesting questions, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You do, honey. You\u2019re the most interesting man I know. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Listen to my wife; that is beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were asking, \u201cIs it possible for a young woman to grow up in this culture and to avoid the trap of body image defining who she is?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And even a young boy now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It really is dominant, both men and women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> There is pressure. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we\u2019re talking this week with Maria Furlough, who is joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maria is an author; she\u2019s a speaker; she\u2019s a mom; she\u2019s a wife. She\u2019s got five kids at home. She has wrestled with body-image issues herself. She wrote a book to try to disciple her own thinking on this, right? This was basically how you\u2019re going to deal with this in your own life, and then you just shared with other people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and how she became confident.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; the book is called <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters: Helping Your Daughter Live Free from Insecurity and Love How She Looks<\/em>. When your daughter was born 12 years ago, was this on your mind, that body image was something you were going to have to shepherd with her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; I was struck, when I was holding her, at how much life insecurity had taken from me, and how the way that I looked at my body limited me from doing so many things; and I didn\u2019t want that for her. That became my heart cry, when I held her, to be able to help her have a different outlook on the way that she looked at herself than I did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was an eating disorder ever a part of your past?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I had what was called \u201cdisordered eating.\u201d I think that that has become a more defined thing now that is helpful in that you\u2019re controlling what you\u2019re eating in unhealthy ways; but it never becomes a full-fledged eating disorder, like anorexia. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t binging and purging. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I wasn\u2019t binging and purging, or not eating for days. In seventh grade, I distinctly remember faking like I was eating my lunch, and then throwing it out, so that it looked like I was eating but really wasn\u2019t. Or at dinner, I was skirting around my food and moving it around to make it look like I wasn\u2019t eating; but that I wasn\u2019t. I was eating enough to still maintain a healthy body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is radio, and we haven\u2019t talked about this this week\u2014listeners can\u2019t see you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You would have an average body image. I mean, if we took you to the doctor, they would say you\u2019re where you ought to be for a woman your age.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, Bob, that was a good way to say this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> He skirted around that one <em>good<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I\u2019m kind of listening, like, \u201cHow is he going\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cHow is he going to say this?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Congratulations! You did that well. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You look <em>amazing<\/em> and beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How\u2014has that always been the case?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, insecurity does not discriminate. Insecurity in who we are and how our body is shaped is not based on our size. That is why it is a \u201cchasing after the wind\u201d in the most specific sense. We will fight, and we will fight, and we will fight to love how we look or get to the place where we think our body is just right. We\u2019ll never get there, because it doesn\u2019t exist. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So it\u2019s as much an issue for thin women as it is for women who are overweight?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, yes; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Does \u201cconfident mom\u201d\u2014or confident man or woman\u2014does it mean that, when I look in the mirror, I would be satisfied?\u2014that there wouldn\u2019t be any sense of: \u201cOh, I wish I could get a little of that jiggle gone\u201d \u201cI wish that I could\u2026\u201d? Is that <em>completely<\/em> gone if I\u2019m confident?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> It\u2019s contentment; it\u2019s contentment, right where you are\u2014and accepting the fact that if health is something in your life, like getting your body to a healthier, stronger place\u2014if that\u2019s a pursuit that you feel called to, then fine; but it\u2019s not based on what you see in the mirror. It\u2019s based on a pursuit to grow in an area of your life that you think needs growing and not based on what you see.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When somebody says to you\/your husband or a girlfriend says, \u201cYou <em>look<\/em>\u2014I mean, have you lost weight? You look <em>amazing<\/em>!\u201d\u2014oh, you\u2019ve got this look!\u2014I wish the listeners could see. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Boy, she responded! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Boom!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You got this <em>furious<\/em> look on your face!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I know; I can say this, because I don\u2019t have to <em>see<\/em> any of the people that I\u2019m talking to. [Laughter] I really have a hard time with that statement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn college, I had become addicted to dieting pills. I had become addicted to them because I was afraid to stop taking them\u2014what would happen to me. I decided to pursue counseling to help battle that. He said something to me that I will never forget; he said: \u201cYou need to go home to your family, and you need to ask them not to say anything about your appearance, positive <em>or<\/em> negative; because the positive compliments about how you look only feed your insecurity\u2014that you have to <em>constantly<\/em> be working at the way that you look\u2014because if you stop, and people stop complimenting you, that means that you\u2019ve failed or that means that you\u2019ve gotten too heavy or something like that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose statements\u2014when people say or I hear them say\u2014it\u2019s hard for me. I have to navigate the waters to see if it\u2019s an opportunity for me to be able to share some of the things that God has talked to me about. That is not a compliment that I will ever give, because I don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> where that person\u2019s heart is; and I don\u2019t know what that compliment will do to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not like I don\u2019t notice or that you don\u2019t acknowledge. Losing weight\/gaining weight is a part of this side of heaven. I\u2019m pretty sure we won\u2019t get it down until we get our perfect bodies; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>I\u2019m not going to acknowledge that that\u2019s not something that happens. But it\u2019s not something I\u2019m going to take time to compliment in a person, because I don\u2019t know what that could do to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So how does a believer\/how does a Christian <em>view<\/em> this aspect of their life? What should my motivation be to honor God to be healthy, in terms of physical?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a great question. It\u2019s one that I have to track tenderly because all of our convictions are different. What you, Dave, are convicted about your body and how you want to take care of it is different than mine; and that\u2019s okay. I don\u2019t believe that it has to look the same for everybody. The Bible talks about \u201cIf what by you eat causes somebody else to stumble\u2026\u201d; it is okay that my conviction about eating is different than yours, but I want to protect that in me and in you to not pass that around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, I am very consciously aware that it is hard for me when I am sitting next to a woman eating a salad without salad dressing. That reminds me of all my past hurt and failure of growing up, thinking that that is the right way to be as a woman\u2014to eat a salad with no salad dressing. I acknowledge that in myself, and that\u2019s something I have to constantly be prayerful about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am aware of the way I am talking about food when I\u2019m around other women. That doesn\u2019t mean to say that I think her eating a salad with no salad dressing is bad for her or that that\u2019s a wrong choice. I just acknowledge the fact that that is a choice that people are watching and noticing, and there could be some hurt or insecurity that that\u2019s rises up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was thinking\u2014it\u2019s very interesting in the NFL\/the National Football League\u2014because in every locker room, at least in Detroit, it\u2019s in the center of our locker room\u2014is a scale. Every day, every player has to get weighed. Here\u2019s why\u2014it\u2019s mission: we\u2019re trying to win a Super Bowl. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It hit me, just as you were talking\u2014tell me if I\u2019m right or wrong\u2014as a Christian, it could be our motivation\u2014is, \u201cI\u2019m a soldier.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> perspective. Our bodies are for using, right? We have work to do. God has given us these body parts to <em>use<\/em> them: that is our goal, and that is our desire, to work well with what God has given us\u2014not because of what it <em>looks<\/em> like\u2014but because of what it can do when it\u2019s strong and healthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me go to the mom part of this and raising your daughter. When your daughter was three or four years old, what kinds of things were you doing, at that stage in her life, to try to sow seeds of confidence and try to make sure that body image wasn\u2019t going to show up as a big deal, ten years in the future?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> When my daughter was three and four, I was really practicing working on my confidence and making sure I was getting that down; and then constantly sharing with her about how amazingly God created her in all of the ways He created her: in her gifts, and in her talents, and in her personality, and having that be the baseline of our conversations; and then really just practicing my own confidence. I think those are really great practicing years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When friends would say\/your friends or parents would say, \u201cOh, sweetheart, you look so cute!\u201d Did you just let that go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, \u201ccute\u201d is fine to me. \u201cSkinny,\u201d \u201clarger,\u201d \u201cheavier\u201d; \u201cYou look so small,\u201d\u2014these are the things I get Momma Bear about. I\u2019m tender to only interject only when I feel like it could be a really damaging statement to her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThankfully, my family and extended family\u2014because extended family for me, growing up, was a hard place; right?\u2014because we can do the work in our nuclear family that sometimes doesn\u2019t extend when we\u2019re with extended family. I am particular about what is said about my girls. Because I was doing that, when she was three and four, we\u2019ve gotten the practice down. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When she went into elementary school and now, all of a sudden, there\u2019s comparison going on\u2014now, all of a sudden, kids are dressing certain ways\u2014did you start to see seeds of this developing in her own psyche? Did you start to speak to her on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> One of the things that I think is important for us, as moms, is to be willing to own our own stories and to talk to our girls about our stories. I tried to use age-appropriate stories from my <em>own<\/em> life to engage with conversations with her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen she\u2019s six, remembering some of my experiences when I was six or seven\u2014and then bringing up the topic of conversations\u2014even say something along the lines of: \u201cYou know, honey, you might start hearing ways that people might talk about themselves that is not very confident. Maybe they don\u2019t love certain things about themselves. You can be a light to them to tell them how awesome that they are, but just also know that that is not something that you have to take on and believe.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHave open conversations; then, of course, as they get older, you get the eye roll; [Laughter] but they\u2019re listening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I love that you\u2019re opening that door. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn your book, you have signs that your daughter is struggling or thinking about it. What are some of those signs?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> It gets really easy in parenting, as our kids were so little; then, all of a sudden, they get to their tweens or their teens, and they\u2019re just fine sitting in their room. You\u2019re like, \u201cOh, it\u2019s so peaceful. Oh, wait; I should probably go\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\u201cI should probably go talk to them.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI try to make constant popping-ins, because isolation in your room is a really big deal. I used to do that; that\u2019s the place where I struggled\/that\u2019s the place where I was secretly looking up things. Being present and acknowledging where my daughter is going on any technology that she has. Really focusing in on pictures of physically-fit people or constantly seeing people dressed in certain ways can be damaging to our security. So keeping tabs on\u2014if those are the types of things our girls are focusing on\u2014with that, an over-obsession on stars and what they\u2019re wearing and doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tComing from a place, where your daughter has always had joy in eating, then all of a sudden, \u201cNo, I don\u2019t want that,\u201d or \u201cNo, I\u2019ll pass on that.\u201d That\u2019s not necessarily\u2014 right?\u2014these are not like, \u201cRed alert!\u201d; these are like, \u201cHmmm, should I draw in there as a mom?\u201d\u2014turning down the snack that they\u2019ve <em>always<\/em> had\/acknowledging any changes in what they\u2019re eating and choices.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAlso, the way that they talk about themselves and the way that they talk about other young women\u2014just paying attention to these indicators. And being prayerful, always asking God to help me see the times, where I need to enter in as a mom, and talk to her about this topic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What I\u2019ve seen\u2014I have a best friend, who has had total freedom in this area. The first time we went out to eat\u2014she\u2019s from the South\u2014here I am with my salad, no dressing; and she\u2019s eating chicken fried steak. I\u2019m thinking, \u201cWhat in the world?\u201d She looks beautiful; she\u2019s great. The next time we go out, she gets pasta with this creamy sauce, which for me; I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat is happening?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe looks at me; she goes, \u201cWhy do you eat like that?\u201d I said: \u201cIt\u2019s so interesting you ask that, because I\u2019m thinking the same thing! Do you not worry about what you eat?\u201d She goes, \u201cI\u2019ve never worried about what I eat; do you?\u201d I\u2019m thinking: \u201cEvery woman in American worries about this! Are you kidding me?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was so fascinating for me to watch her raise her three daughters; because she became this magnet. She\u2019s beautiful\u2014and yet not focused on her external beauty\u2014it was more <em>internal<\/em>. All of her daughters\u2019 friends\u2014they wanted to be with her\u2014they wanted to know: \u201cHow does she have this freedom?\u201d and \u201cShe doesn\u2019t worry or talk about\u2026She doesn\u2019t have a scale.\u201d I saw her daughters have that freedom too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think we realize how much pressure our young girls are under and how, as we\u2019re confident, it\u2019s like this magnet that draws other women in. They\u2019re asking, \u201cWhere do you <em>find<\/em> that confidence?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Somebody\u2019s listening to that and going: \u201cShe must have a hyper metabolism or something; because if I just think about chicken fried steak and pasta with cream sauce, I add five pounds just thinking about it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And she did; as she got older, and her body was changing, she <em>did<\/em> have a little bit more of a regulation on what she ate. But it never\u2014here\u2019s the difference\u2014it didn\u2019t consume her. She would get on me when I would say: \u201cOh, my pants are too tight. I need to lose some weight.\u201d She\u2019d really get on me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d have this conversation\u2014I said: \u201cI want you to think about this, because it\u2019s like a balance beam for me. If I\u2019m consumed with food, and I\u2019m dieting all the time\u2014I\u2019m consumed with that\u2014but if I\u2019m eating so much, my food becomes an idol. My food becomes: \u201cI don\u2019t have any control of it\u201d; for me, it\u2019s almost, \u2018Is God in control?\u2019 because one of the fruit of the Spirit is self-control.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s almost being too overextended either way. I like to be in the middle, where I\u2019m not thinking about it very much. Does that make sense?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Is there a balance?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; but I think what balance looks like for every person is <em>different<\/em>. Your balance might look different than my balance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere needs to be joy in the food. Jesus had lots of joyful meals, right? He could\u2019ve given us any way to nourish our bodies; He gave us food. Acknowledging that God gave us food as a gift and to figure out, in my life, how I can treat food like a gift and model it that way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your oldest is 12. Some would say, \u201cYou ain\u2019t seen <em>nothing<\/em> yet,\u201d [Laughter] when it comes to this battle of confidence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>That\u2019s right; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I mean, most 11- and 12-year-olds are confident. It\u2019s junior high\/it\u2019s middle school, where confidence starts to get shaken in a huge way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou did youth ministry for years, so you know a little bit about this. But these weren\u2019t your daughters going through this; this was other people\u2019s daughters going through it. Are you ready for the next six years?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I am as ready as I <em>can<\/em> be. I\u2019ve acknowledged the fact\u2014she\u2019s in sixth grade now, so she is in middle school\u2014but I realize that this is not going to be perfect. There are going to be ups and downs. I needed to be as ready as I could be with tools in my tool belt so that, when she comes to me and she says, \u201cI think I\u2019m fat,\u201d or when she comes to me and says, \u201cI think So-and-so in my class is fat,\u201d I\u2019m ready for that, and I\u2019m prayed up for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI acknowledge that we can get through this, and I have things that I can offer to her. I have tools in my tool belt, and I have protected our home as best that I possibly could be with these types of things to be ready for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When she\u2019s 15, and you\u2019re sitting down for family dinner, and you say, \u201cHere; have some potatoes,\u201d and she says, \u201cNo; no potatoes,\u201d\u2014and that\u2019s all she says\u2014do you say, \u201cI better have a conversation with her,\u201d or do you just let that go?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I think I don\u2019t say anything at that moment. I think that that\u2019s where me, and I think lots of other moms and women would agree, that\u2019s when we\u2019d put foot in mouth when we\u2019d just immediately react. Definitely, putting some time between the conversation to have some prayer time; but yes, I do think I would have a conversation with her about that in an open-ended conversation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tListen, in my particular circumstance with my daughter\u2014she knows my things, right?\u2014we\u2019re very schooled on these types of conversations; we started having them. For me coming up to her and asking her: \u201cYou know, I\u2019m just wondering why you chose not to have potatoes. Are you struggling in any way? What are your thoughts about potatoes?\u201d\u2014right?\u2014these [questions] will not surprise her. But not being afraid to ask those questions\u2014<em>and<\/em> knowing that God is going to have a story for her, and it\u2019s not the end of her story\u2014but not being discouraged by that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do believe that there can be a generational shift in this. That is a big reason why I wrote this book, because I do believe that a generational change is possible\u2014and that there\u2019s a rising up of young women in our church that can view their bodies the way that Christ created us to view our bodies, which is in His image. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let\u2019s assume that she maintains a healthy weight throughout her junior high and senior high years. As we said earlier, that does not mean that body image is not an issue for her. What are the regular check-ins you\u2019ll be doing with her during these years, just to see: \u201cHow is she thinking about her own beauty and her own body image?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Clothes shopping is one: just acknowledging both of our comfort levels with clothes shopping. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBeing aware of when we grow out of clothes\u2014even for our self, right?\u2014like I\u2019m not going to come to her and say, \u201cI need to get those jeans out of your room\u201d; but acknowledging, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to schedule a time to go clothes shopping and get some new things.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think also paying attention to her interactions with her friends. For her 12-year-old birthday party, I had 9 junior high girls over at my house; and that was just <em>fascinating<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I bet.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>It was <em>so<\/em> fun. But really listening to how they\u2019re talking to one another. There was one particular thing that happened that I was able to witness, that I didn\u2019t say anything at the time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI rolled back around; both her and her best friend had lingered after the party. I had a conversation with them about one thing that I had heard her friend say\u2014just to make her aware of certain ways that she maybe should think of responding to her\u2014\u201c\u2026if you hear something said like that or not.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What was that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Her friend told an inappropriate joke that I don\u2019t think her friend <em>knew<\/em> was an inappropriate joke. And I don\u2019t think that any of her friends <em>knew<\/em> that her friend tells inappropriate jokes. But it\u2019s something that, if she [daughter] had repeated to somebody else, or didn\u2019t even realize what she was saying; so I just wanted to\u2014and I <em>loved<\/em> they were having these conversations in front of me. I wanted to make sure not to, at that moment, say, \u201cWhat in the world?! You can\u2019t say that!\u201d; but to not ignore it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As they go into high school, so much of their body image and how they think about it will be determined <em>by<\/em> their friends. How do you balance that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I hope that that\u2019s not true\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; <em>you<\/em> give them the confidence.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014that they have places, where they\u2019ve heard other things regularly, over time and consistently\u2014and to talk honestly about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf your daughter comes to you\u2014or my daughter comes to me\u2014and says, \u201cI think I\u2019m fat,\u201d instead of saying, \u201cYou are not fat; you\u2019re beautiful!\u201d\u2014saying, \u201cI\u2019m so sorry that you feel like that. Sometimes I feel like that too.\u201d Then offering her the opportunity to share <em>why<\/em> she feels like she\u2019s fat. And reminding her that I\u2019ve been where she is instead of shutting it down: \u201cDon\u2019t feel like that!\u201d \u201cStop feeling like that.\u201d Offering her the opportunity to elaborate a little bit as to where that root feeling comes from.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, too, giving our kids something bigger to live for. It\u2019s not just about what they look like or the size pants they\u2019re wearing. It\u2019s that God created you in a way to do something on purpose for the kingdom\/to expand His kingdom. It\u2019s giving them <em>vision<\/em> for how God will use their gifts and strengths. I think that takes our eyes off of ourselves. That\u2019s good for <em>me<\/em> to know\u2014not just me\u2014but for our kids too. I think that\u2019s important.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>To give your kids a heads-up as they head into these years and be able to say: \u201cSweetheart, look; you\u2019re going to have friends, who are going to be so focused on their appearance and their weight. You\u2019re going to hear these things, and it\u2019s going to come your way. What you need to know is that there\u2019s a lot of insecurity there. They\u2019re finding their value and their worth in the wrong things. When you hear those things, you need to pray for those friends of yours. You need to understand they\u2019re not thinking right; that God says our worth and our value is in these things...\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think helping your kids know these conversations are around the corner; so that when it happens, they go, \u201cMom told me there were going to be conversations like this.\u201d They\u2019re alert to it; and they go, \u201cOh, I guess Mom does know what she\u2019s talking about from time to time.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the strategies you\u2019ve outlined here are so helpful for moms. Again, the big strategy is you\u2019ve got to start with yourself and say: \u201cDo I have the right way of thinking? Do I have a God-based confidence that my appearance is not what\u2019s going to define me as a woman\/as a person?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m grateful for the time we\u2019ve been able to spend talking about this. Thank you for being here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Thanks, Bob. I would like to say, \u201cIf it is possible for me\/if God can do that in me\u2014this little insecure teenager that really hated the way she looked\u2014I believe it\u2019s possible for anybody.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good word; thank you. We hope God\u2019s going to do it for a lot of people, who have been listening this week. We hope a lot of them will get your book. In fact, we\u2019re making your book available this week to listeners, who can help support the ministry with a donation. Your ongoing support of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is what makes these kinds of conversations possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can go to FamilyLifeToday.com and make a donation of any amount, or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate, we\u2019ll send you Maria\u2019s book as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for supporting this ministry.\u201d Go to FamilyLifeToday.com; make an online donation; and ask for a copy of Maria Furlough\u2019s book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY; make your donation by phone; and again, ask for a copy of the book we\u2019ve been talking about on the radio this week. We\u2019re happy to send it to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re so grateful for your support, particularly in these times; because this has been a stressful season for many of us. I\u2019m sure that\u2019s true for your local church\/other ministries like <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Whatever you can do to be generous and support those ministries that God is using in your life\u2014trust me\u2014they will be grateful. I know we will be grateful for whatever you\u2019re able to do to help support <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> in this season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, Barbara Rainey is going to join us. She\u2019s got some thoughts on prayer and how we need to maybe rethink the way we pray. I hope you can join us for that conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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