{"id":305959,"date":"2020-04-28T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-04-28T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/more-than-just-a-pretty-face\/"},"modified":"2020-04-28T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-04-28T11:00:04","slug":"more-than-just-a-pretty-face","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/more-than-just-a-pretty-face\/","title":{"rendered":"More Than Just a Pretty Face"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Maria Furlough | Series: Confident Daughters, Confident Moms | Author Maria Furlough used to obsess about her weight and outward appearance. Her mother had done the same, and she knew her daughter would repeat her behavior unless she taught her differently. Furlough reminds listeners that &#8220;charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,&#8221; and that the numbers on the scale don&#8217;t have to define us. That&#8217;s why she&#8217;s intentional now about modeling a healthy self-image in front of her daughter. How? She watches her tongue, making sure she makes no disparaging remarks about herself, her weight, or her aging body. She also reminds her daughter that she has value beyond her physical appearance.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Maria Furlough used to obsess about her weight and outward appearance. Furlough reminds listeners that &#8220;charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,&#8221; and that the numbers on the scale don&#8217;t have to define us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-28.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:11","filesize":"23.07M","filesize_raw":"24186848","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2836],"tags":[4087],"podcast_series":[8357,8356],"cwp_profile":[9618],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305959","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-girls","tag-mothers","podcast_series-confident-daughters","podcast_series-confident-moms","cwp_profile-maria-furlough","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305959\/more-than-just-a-pretty-face","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305959\/more-than-just-a-pretty-face","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"OThbJywEa3\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/more-than-just-a-pretty-face\/\">More Than Just a Pretty Face<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/more-than-just-a-pretty-face\/embed\/#?secret=OThbJywEa3\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;More Than Just a Pretty Face&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"OThbJywEa3\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-28.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-28.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible talks about the need for each one of us to take care of our bodies and also to take care of our spirits. Is one of those two a higher priority? Maria Furlough says, \u201cAbsolutely.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>This is clear: physical training is of some value\u2014it\u2019s not saying that it\u2019s not important; it is important\u2014but our godliness, and our pursuance of righteousness, and God-centered confidence is of way more value. I think this verse gives us permission to have some scales here: \u201cAm I spending more time in my pursuit of physical fitness\u2014of physical health\/of dieting choices\u2014than I am over my godliness pursuit and my pursuit of Christ?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 28<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How would you say you\u2019re doing? Is your life in balance when it comes to growing in godliness and taking care of your physical body? We\u2019re going to talk about the importance of <em>both<\/em> of those things today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I know I\u2019ve shared this before, but it\u2019s just because it stuck with me so much when I read it. I read this probably 25 years ago; I think it was in <em>USA Today<\/em>. They\u2019d done an inventory\u2014a survey\/a poll\u2014with women, who were supermodels, and asked them, \u201cRate your own body on a scale of 1-10\u201d These women, who are paid hundreds of thousands\/millions of dollars to appear on the covers of magazines, were giving themselves 7s and 8s and were pointing out all their flaws <em>immediately<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cHow can this be?!\u2014that this is how they see themselves.\u201d I remember talking to Mary Ann about this; and she said: \u201cI think every woman sees her flaws immediately. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s a woman, who looks at herself in the mirror and goes, \u2018I\u2019m looking really good\u2019; or if she does, it\u2019s the exception, not the rule.\u201d Am I right about that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I have found it to be true of my own life. Even working with the Detroit Lions for 35 years\/with their wives: these are some of the most stunning, beautiful, gifted, strong women that I\u2019ve been around\u2014and yet, when we have this topic come up, the amount of insecurity and self-loathing\u2014I would even add\u2014is remarkable of how they <em>hate<\/em>\u2014they would say that word and use it\u2014\u201cI <em>hate<\/em> the way I look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember, when Ann and I were first married, I would tell her how beautiful she is; and she always said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not; no, I\u2019m not.\u201d I honestly thought, \u201cWhatever; she <em>knows<\/em>.\u201d Then I started realizing, \u201cShe really <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> know.\u201d I think it\u2019s universal for many women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Women, whom the culture would say, \u201cYou\u2019re beautiful,\u201d those women would say, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not,\u201d just like you were saying to your husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think so. Our culture defines what beauty is, and the culture\u2019s shifting all the time; whereas, once it was small lips, and now it\u2019s bigger lips; so it\u2019s shifting all the time. Women are having to live up to these expectations: and it\u2019s monotonous; it\u2019s old; it\u2019s tiresome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The reason we\u2019re talking about this is because, as moms\u2014who are still wrestling with their own appearance issues\/body-image issues, and then raising daughters\u2014you just need to recognize that what you\u2019re wrestling with, your daughters are picking up on that. They\u2019re taking their cues from how they see <em>you<\/em> living out either confidence or insecurity in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaria Furlough is joining us this week to talk about it. Maria, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maria is an author; she\u2019s a speaker; she\u2019s a Bible study leader. She and her husband Dave live in Huntersville, North Carolina. She\u2019s a mom to five kids, and she is a\u2014are you a confident mom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>I am a confident mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you weren\u2019t 12 years ago when you had your daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>No, I was not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How\u2019d you get from 12 years ago to today? What\u2019s the journey been like for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Lots of prayer and lots of acknowledging something that you said, Ann, that: \u201cReally, the culture is selling us a bag of lies when it comes to our bodies and when it comes to beauty.\u201d We have to be able to acknowledge what the lies are to be able to move past the insecurity\u2014and past the not feeling beautiful and past the not being able to receive a compliment\u2014to be able to address those things and really tackle them head-on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I do believe that God identified to me in my own life is that I had made physical appearance a righteous pursuit. I feel like that is very, very prevalent today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Explain what you mean by \u201ca righteous pursuit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Like what is more of a righteous accomplishment\/a [praiseworthy] change than when somebody becomes more healthy or when somebody loses weight?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cSo to be pleasing to God\/to be honoring to God, I need to be focused on my body image,\u201d\u2014is that what you\u2019re saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>I think, when the world says it: \u201cIt is the ultimate goal of a human being if you keep your body healthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u201cIf you eat the right foods and you work out enough in the right ways, then that is one of the greatest achievements that you can have as a person.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>It sounds a little bit differently when we talk about it in the church: \u201cIt\u2019s taking care of the body that God has given us.\u201d And we do need to do that; there is no doubt about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the Bible is clear when it talks about this. It says in 1 Timothy 4:7-10: \u201cHave nothing to do with godless myths and old wives\u2019 tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior or all people, and especially of those who believe.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is clear: physical training is of some value\u2014it\u2019s not saying that it\u2019s not important; it is important\u2014but our godliness, and our pursuance of righteousness, and God-centered confidence is of way more value. I think this verse gives us permission to have some scales here: \u201cAm I spending more time in my pursuit of physical fitness\u2014of physical health\/of dieting choices\u2014than I am over my godliness pursuit and my pursuit of Christ?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, in my insecurity in my body image, I could list for you all the rules that I was supposed to be following: \u201cYou have to work out this number of times per week; it needs to be for this amount of time. It needs to be a balance of physical fitness training and aerobic activity\u201d; and then all the food rules. I had my life wrapped around these rules so tightly that I did not even realize how much it was taking my focus off of what God wanted me to be spending my time on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a really real thing for me; and I notice it in women\u2019s ministry, and youth ministry, and in all conversations: that physical health has become lifted up <em>high<\/em>. I don\u2019t even think we realize it when we\u2019ve scooted God off the throne of our lives and put that up on the throne.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>When that becomes the focus\u2014and my mood is determined [by] how I look or how my pants fit\u2014I think so many women struggle with that. It saps their <em>joy<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember\u2014I grew up as a gymnast; so it\u2019s constant evaluation of your performance, but also your body type. After that, I was teaching in clubs and training in fitness clubs for probably 12 years after I was a gymnast. We had to have our body fat tested once a month; and if our body fat was above a certain level, we were put on restriction, and we weren\u2019t allowed to teach. Talk about pressure!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs kind of a motivated person and competitive, I dropped my body fat down to \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tfour percent. I felt <em>great<\/em> about myself because I was winning, not even realizing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was really hungry all the time. [Laughter] We never ate!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014not even realizing that this area of my life had become an idol. I had put it in front of Jesus. I knew when my next workout was; but so often, I wouldn\u2019t put Jesus in front of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember this one time this one woman said to me, \u201cWhat if you stop your workout for the day <em>until<\/em> you\u2019ve spent time with the Lord?\u201d I was thinking, \u201cOh, yes, that\u2019ll be easy.\u201d It was <em>so hard<\/em> for me; because it had almost become an addiction, because my mood was determined by my looks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think this is really big for women\u2014of finding the freedom and the joy that comes from our identity coming from who God says we are\u2014but it takes training, as you said, to have a whole new mindset. That\u2019s not easy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for you, with your daughter, here you are\u2014you want her to understand this, and she\u2019s going against the grain with society and culture\u2014what did you talk to her about? What did that look like?\u2014those conversations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>First, it began with there were some things that I had to cut out of my own life to be able to have these honest conversations with her. One of them, like you said, Ann, was the permission to cut out numbers\u2014jean sizes\/numbers on the scale\u2014so that when I\u2019m talking to her about what beauty really is in God\u2019s eyes, I believed it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI read through Proverbs 31, which we love so much; right? Us women, we love that Proverbs 31.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>It\u2019s like <em>our<\/em> chapter in the Bible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>It is <em>ours<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>No man can take it from us; it is for <em>us<\/em>. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love reading through those proverbs. This is what I talk to my daughter about, because I really feel like the Proverbs give us some tangible ways to identify this; because we say it all the time: \u201cYou\u2019re beautiful, inside and out.\u201d Okay, what does that mean? [Laughter] What does that actually look like here? What are we talking about? What does it look like to be beautiful on the inside? What do people mean when they say, \u201cThat\u2019s not what God sees in you\u201d? Okay, well, what does God see?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you read through Proverbs 31\u2014I wrote this kind of confident manifesto, based on Proverbs 31\u2014so this is what beauty looks like in God\u2019s eyes: \u201cTrue beauty is confidence,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is putting others above ourselves,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is working hard,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is providing for others,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is learning a craft or a business,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is using our bodies as they were meant to be used, for strong work.\u201d I could go on\/keep reading\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Can we put that list on our website?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think listeners are hearing that, and they\u2019re going, \u201cI need to meditate on that; I need to reprogram my own thinking around this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cI need to talk to my daughter about this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Exactly, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes. It\u2019s a really great conversation piece with your girl, because then you\u2019re grabbing onto something tangible. \u201cOkay, Mom, you\u2019re telling me that I\u2019m beautiful just the way that I am; and I don\u2019t need to be constantly on this improving-the-way-that-I-look plan. Okay, so then what do I do?\u2014because I have all this energy\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod created us\u2014I mean, He created you to achieve. That piece of you that was fighting for that physical fitness\u2014He created that in you\u2014but there\u2019s a way to use that <em>for Him<\/em> instead of this constant pursuit of bettering our bodies. This gave me something to do with that energy that God had put in me. Being able to identify beauty in myself\u2014as when I do something for another person\u2014that makes me beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProverbs 31 ends, \u201cCharm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.\u201d This gave me something long-lasting to tag my beauty to\u2014something that no person could take away from me, no scale could take away from me, no jean size could take away from me\u2014this was beauty that God put in me. You know what?\u2014I can work with this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>So these are the kind of conversations that I love to have with my daughter about what beauty is. I am very specific: there\u2019s certain language that I have tried, since my kids were young, to cut out of my home\u2014and ever tying beauty to physical appearance is a really big slash-out in our home\u2014that\u2019s never an association.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Do you say to your daughter, or you <em>never<\/em> say to your daughter, \u201cYou look beautiful\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely I say that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What do I mean by it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>What do I mean when I say, \u201cYou look beautiful\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, what does she hear?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>That \u201cGod has created you beautifully, just the way that you are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should elaborate to say that\u2014yes, we talked about this before; there is\/I mean, look at Esther\u2014she did the year-long beauty routines, right? We can\u2019t deny the fact that God has made women beautiful. But that physical appearance is only a tiny asterisk of beauty: it\u2019s not the full definition of what it is; it\u2019s something on the list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This all sounds right and good, and I\u2019m agreeing. I\u2019m just wondering, when you go to the store next time to buy a pair of jeans, and you don\u2019t fit into the one you were in before, do you go, \u201cThat\u2019s okay\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is that how you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about clothes shopping\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and bathing suit shopping. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Didn\u2019t you also say you don\u2019t use numbers? So how do you go get your jeans?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Okay; I don\u2019t let the numbers <em>define<\/em> me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Do you have a scale at your house?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>No, we do not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Ditch the scales; we can talk about that in a minute. We\u2019ll talk about the shopping first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Okay. This is one of those things\u2014the Bible talks about taking your thoughts captive\u2014we can use this in lots of different ways. There is a process that we, as moms, have to become self-aware and intentional. I had to learn about <em>myself<\/em> that it was a trigger for me when I put on tight jeans; the number on the jeans is a trigger for me. Now, that is something that I have chosen not to let rule me: by prayer and acknowledging it with the Lord; confessing to Him when I do it, and then asking Him to help me. This isn\u2019t like a confidence light switch\u2014and then it\u2019s on for life and you <em>never<\/em> have to do anything about it\u2014it is a constant\/it is a constant fight with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realized a couple of things. One is it\u2019s okay for me to stay away from certain stores. I will not fit into jeans at all stores; they are not created <em>for me<\/em>. [Laughter] You know what? I think I need to be okay with and just stop going to those stores. I would keep going into those stores and be like, \u201cMaybe this is the day. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Or, have you ever done this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>\u201cI have done enough that they will fit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014I would save a pair of pants, when I was at my lowest weight, to almost torture myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, those torture jeans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Those are called torture jeans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; I didn\u2019t know the name, but now I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, now we have a name. Do you want to know what I do with torture jeans now, Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I hope you don\u2019t keep them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>We have to get rid of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t keep them anymore, either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Torture jeans need to go. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is something important, too, for me to acknowledge for my daughter\u2014to have fun helping her find her store\u2014right?\u2014and that being okay; and not like a pass-fail, like, \u201cOh, I\u2019ll never go there,\u201d\u2014but, \u201cHey, let\u2019s find out how God has created you and what clothes that are available that will make you comfortable and fit well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one\u2014not going into those stores\u2014and really just trying to accept the fact, number one, that I probably won\u2019t be in the same jean size till I die. I mean, I\u2019m guessing probably the answer\u2019s going to be, \u201cNo\u201d; so \u201cWhen is going to be the day in my head that I accept that?\u2014that I wake up and I\u2019m okay with that.\u201d And then, also, depending on the year or season of life, they might look different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDetaching myself from the number on the jeans was an intentional pursuit that I prayed for; and I think that that is something that, when we ask God for, He\u2019s going to honor that. But you have to <em>want<\/em> that for your life, and you have to <em>want<\/em> that for the girls in your life, and you have to ask Him to help you; because I do believe that it\u2019s so deep-seated in us that it is something that we can remove only with His help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And yet, there\u2019s the other side. Of course, here I am\u2014a guy over here, talking; so maybe I know nothing\u2014but there\u2019s the other side of the number of the\u2014let\u2019s take the size of the jeans: that as it goes up each year, there\u2019s a motivation like that\u2019s unhealthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It isn\u2019t an identity thing; it\u2019s just like, \u201cWow, if I just keep doing this every year, I\u2019m probably not eating in a healthy way.\u201d I should use that as a good motivation, not a negative; is there a balance there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely. There has to be the balance. It\u2019s a heart check; it\u2019s, \u201cWhy am I pursuing this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love going to my gym classes. They are one of the most sanity-building 30 minutes of my week, right? So that needs to be okay. Remember, the verse says, \u201cFor physical training is of some value.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201csome value\u201d; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>We don\u2019t eliminate it from our life; but it\u2019s put in the right perspective, underneath God. When we are talking about this, though, I feel like it\u2019s important to acknowledge: \u201cThese are our adult choices.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen our girls are 11 to 18 years old, their emotional part of their brain develops before the logical part. As much as want to tell them, \u201cListen, Mommy is doing this because I\u2019m old and you\u2019re not; and this is just something that I\u2026\u201d\u2014as much as we tell them that\u2014we just have to be aware and cautious that that might not be how their brains translate it; so we, as moms, have to be protective over the fact that our aging body issues not become our daughter\u2019s issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI watched it happen in youth group: moms on this workout plan, which it\u2019s fine for them to be on; but their daughters were translating it that that\u2019s what they needed to do too. We just have to be <em>aware<\/em> that that is a possibility.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You talked about how you got rid of numbers and scales.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What about language? What are things that we <em>shouldn\u2019t<\/em> say in front of our kids that might go down the wrong path?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Fat is a cuss word in my house. It\u2019s become a little bit of a joke now that the boys are older. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>They like to cuss?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mar\u00eda: <\/strong>No, no, no. [Laughter] They like to tease Mommy about the word, \u201cfat\u201d: \u201cCan I call a blade of grass fat?\u201d \u201cNo, find a different word. [Laughter] A different word is possible for that scenario.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when they were young, I just wanted to be specific that that\u2014I mean, there\u2019s just <em>no<\/em> positive connotation about that word: \u201cThere are descriptive words that will mean the same thing, but not that one; so that\u2019s gone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am very aware\u2014and this is one that came with practice and the training about how I talk about myself in front of my girl\u2014but I have safe places to talk about that with my husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Give an example of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, what\u2019s that look like? I want my wife to hear this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Okay; I\u2019m having a bad day, or I don\u2019t feel beautiful in that dress\u2014and it\u2019s go behind a closed door and say [in a sorrowful tone]: \u201cHoney, this is how I feel\u2026\u201d and \u201cDo you know when I\u2019m beautiful?\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t know what you think,\u201d and \u201cHow am I so lovely to you?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWaa, waa, waa, waa!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen my husband, whom God has given to me, \u201cYes, Maria\u2026\u201d I hear all those things, and then I open up the door; and I\u2019m ready again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re confident!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, no; wait. You jumped over a very important part. [Laughter] What\u2019s your husband say?\u00a0 What <em>should<\/em> a husband say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Oh, yes; \u201cWhat should a husband say?\u201d\u2014just nod and smile\u2014really, no, I\u2019m just kidding. He always tells me, all the time\u2014he was a big part of my prayer\u2014that he is just always so encouraging and right with me on all of this. He tells me that I am going to be beautiful to him till the day that we die. I believe him, and I accept that; and I thank him for saying that, and I want him to keep saying that; so \u201cYes, keep saying that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>We do need to hear it. But then, when I\u2019m in front of the children\u2014or even if I don\u2019t know if they\u2019re around\u2014right?\u2014this is a very intentional behind-closed-doors conversation that I still need to vent out; because even if they\u2019re not around, they are paying attention. Those kids are <em>smart<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just really intentional to, when I speak about myself\u2014and it\u2019s hard and awkward at first\u2014because you\u2019re right; there is a leaning toward confidence can be arrogance; and that is not my heart. Because I know that that\u2019s not my heart, I\u2019m bold with saying, \u201cI do believe that the body that God has given me is beautiful, and I love the way that I look, and I love clothes shopping now,\u201d and <em>not<\/em> saying things like, \u201cI <em>hate<\/em> clothes shopping; I can never find anything,\u201d or \u201cI can\u2019t eat that; it goes straight to my hips.\u201d All of these things that really were on the tip of my tongue for many years\u2014training myself not to say them anymore\u2014because our tongue has power.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if somebody\u2019s listening, and nine months ago they gave birth, they have a nine-month-old, and they are twenty pounds heavier than they were when they got pregnant, should they just relax?\u2014or should they say, \u201cI need to do something about this,\u201d or what\u2019s the right way to approach that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes; I think that that is something that I first\u2014and I recommend first for them\u2014having conversations with God about it and wrestling with Him\u2014to say: \u201cLord, these \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t20 pounds are making me feel unhealthy; they are making me feel slow and tired. I really feel like I <em>want<\/em> to be able to do something about it, but I want to be able to do something about it <em>with<\/em> You\u2014and in a way that is healthy for me\/in a way that\u2019s not going to take my attention off of You\u2014but that is going to keep my attention on You, because I need Your help to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBring Him along in this journey. I just feel like, too often, we leave Him out of this; and it\u2019s either a physical thing or a spiritual thing. Also, realize that a lot of these conversations that I\u2019m talking about are leaning towards people, who have an insecurity wiring to them; so that\u2019s a battle, to be intentional about fighting with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s where\u2014I was thinking this back when we were starting this conversation\u2014the issue is: \u201cDo you see your value and your worth, as a human being, in your appearance?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Even in those moments when you\u2019re 20 pounds past where you\u2019d like to be, where you were before you got pregnant, do you look and say: \u201cI am less worthy as a person; I have less value in God\u2019s eyes than I did back when I was 20 pounds slimmer\u201d? If you think that, you need to tell yourself the truth: \u201cThat\u2019s not how God sees you.\u201d The culture may say, \u201cNo, there\u2019s value and worth here\u201d; but God says, \u201cNo, your value and worth is in that list of things you were reading from Proverbs 31, where true beauty comes.\u201d Realign your thinking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may say, \u201cI still want to take off 20 pounds.\u201d Okay, that\u2019s fine, but let\u2019s not wrap your identity in your body image. Let\u2019s understand that your value, as a human being, is outside of that. This is where I think your book is a <em>great<\/em> help for moms and, then ultimately, for their daughters. I\u2019m hoping our listeners will get a copy of the book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>, by our guest today, Maria Furlough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we want to make this book available to you, as a thank-you gift, when you make a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We think this is a book that\u2019s going to be very helpful for a lot of moms and, ultimately, for the next generation. You can make a donation to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to acknowledge\u2014I know, for many of us, this spring has been a time of some anxiety and some tension; and things have had to tighten up for many of us, financially. If that\u2019s where you are, and things are challenging at the moment, we get that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to talk to those of you, who are in a position, where you <em>can<\/em> continue to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We depend on donations from listeners, like you, to be able to have these kinds of conversations for our website, for our events and our resources. You make all of that possible; and we want to ask you if, right now, you can be as generous as possible and help support the ongoing work of this ministry. Donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Again, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Maria Furlough\u2019s book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>, as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support.\u201d Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about how dangerous and even destructive it can be to be regularly complimenting someone for their physical appearance. Maria Furlough joins us again tomorrow. We hope you can be here with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:11"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.07M"],"filesize_raw":["24186848"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305959.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305959.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Maria Furlough used to obsess about her weight and outward appearance. Furlough reminds listeners that \"charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,\" and that the numbers on the scale don't have to define us.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-28.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible talks about the need for each one of us to take care of our bodies and also to take care of our spirits. Is one of those two a higher priority? Maria Furlough says, \u201cAbsolutely.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>This is clear: physical training is of some value\u2014it\u2019s not saying that it\u2019s not important; it is important\u2014but our godliness, and our pursuance of righteousness, and God-centered confidence is of way more value. I think this verse gives us permission to have some scales here: \u201cAm I spending more time in my pursuit of physical fitness\u2014of physical health\/of dieting choices\u2014than I am over my godliness pursuit and my pursuit of Christ?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, April 28<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How would you say you\u2019re doing? Is your life in balance when it comes to growing in godliness and taking care of your physical body? We\u2019re going to talk about the importance of <em>both<\/em> of those things today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I know I\u2019ve shared this before, but it\u2019s just because it stuck with me so much when I read it. I read this probably 25 years ago; I think it was in <em>USA Today<\/em>. They\u2019d done an inventory\u2014a survey\/a poll\u2014with women, who were supermodels, and asked them, \u201cRate your own body on a scale of 1-10\u201d These women, who are paid hundreds of thousands\/millions of dollars to appear on the covers of magazines, were giving themselves 7s and 8s and were pointing out all their flaws <em>immediately<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI thought, \u201cHow can this be?!\u2014that this is how they see themselves.\u201d I remember talking to Mary Ann about this; and she said: \u201cI think every woman sees her flaws immediately. I don\u2019t think there\u2019s a woman, who looks at herself in the mirror and goes, \u2018I\u2019m looking really good\u2019; or if she does, it\u2019s the exception, not the rule.\u201d Am I right about that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I have found it to be true of my own life. Even working with the Detroit Lions for 35 years\/with their wives: these are some of the most stunning, beautiful, gifted, strong women that I\u2019ve been around\u2014and yet, when we have this topic come up, the amount of insecurity and self-loathing\u2014I would even add\u2014is remarkable of how they <em>hate<\/em>\u2014they would say that word and use it\u2014\u201cI <em>hate<\/em> the way I look.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember, when Ann and I were first married, I would tell her how beautiful she is; and she always said, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not; no, I\u2019m not.\u201d I honestly thought, \u201cWhatever; she <em>knows<\/em>.\u201d Then I started realizing, \u201cShe really <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> know.\u201d I think it\u2019s universal for many women.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Women, whom the culture would say, \u201cYou\u2019re beautiful,\u201d those women would say, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not,\u201d just like you were saying to your husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think so. Our culture defines what beauty is, and the culture\u2019s shifting all the time; whereas, once it was small lips, and now it\u2019s bigger lips; so it\u2019s shifting all the time. Women are having to live up to these expectations: and it\u2019s monotonous; it\u2019s old; it\u2019s tiresome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The reason we\u2019re talking about this is because, as moms\u2014who are still wrestling with their own appearance issues\/body-image issues, and then raising daughters\u2014you just need to recognize that what you\u2019re wrestling with, your daughters are picking up on that. They\u2019re taking their cues from how they see <em>you<\/em> living out either confidence or insecurity in this area.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMaria Furlough is joining us this week to talk about it. Maria, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Maria is an author; she\u2019s a speaker; she\u2019s a Bible study leader. She and her husband Dave live in Huntersville, North Carolina. She\u2019s a mom to five kids, and she is a\u2014are you a confident mom?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>I am a confident mom.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But you weren\u2019t 12 years ago when you had your daughter.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>No, I was not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How\u2019d you get from 12 years ago to today? What\u2019s the journey been like for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Lots of prayer and lots of acknowledging something that you said, Ann, that: \u201cReally, the culture is selling us a bag of lies when it comes to our bodies and when it comes to beauty.\u201d We have to be able to acknowledge what the lies are to be able to move past the insecurity\u2014and past the not feeling beautiful and past the not being able to receive a compliment\u2014to be able to address those things and really tackle them head-on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I do believe that God identified to me in my own life is that I had made physical appearance a righteous pursuit. I feel like that is very, very prevalent today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Explain what you mean by \u201ca righteous pursuit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Like what is more of a righteous accomplishment\/a [praiseworthy] change than when somebody becomes more healthy or when somebody loses weight?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cSo to be pleasing to God\/to be honoring to God, I need to be focused on my body image,\u201d\u2014is that what you\u2019re saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>I think, when the world says it: \u201cIt is the ultimate goal of a human being if you keep your body healthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u201cIf you eat the right foods and you work out enough in the right ways, then that is one of the greatest achievements that you can have as a person.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>It sounds a little bit differently when we talk about it in the church: \u201cIt\u2019s taking care of the body that God has given us.\u201d And we do need to do that; there is no doubt about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the Bible is clear when it talks about this. It says in 1 Timothy 4:7-10: \u201cHave nothing to do with godless myths and old wives\u2019 tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come. This is a trustworthy saying that deserves full acceptance. That is why we labor and strive, because we have put our hope in the living God, who is the Savior or all people, and especially of those who believe.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is clear: physical training is of some value\u2014it\u2019s not saying that it\u2019s not important; it is important\u2014but our godliness, and our pursuance of righteousness, and God-centered confidence is of way more value. I think this verse gives us permission to have some scales here: \u201cAm I spending more time in my pursuit of physical fitness\u2014of physical health\/of dieting choices\u2014than I am over my godliness pursuit and my pursuit of Christ?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor me, in my insecurity in my body image, I could list for you all the rules that I was supposed to be following: \u201cYou have to work out this number of times per week; it needs to be for this amount of time. It needs to be a balance of physical fitness training and aerobic activity\u201d; and then all the food rules. I had my life wrapped around these rules so tightly that I did not even realize how much it was taking my focus off of what God wanted me to be spending my time on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s a really real thing for me; and I notice it in women\u2019s ministry, and youth ministry, and in all conversations: that physical health has become lifted up <em>high<\/em>. I don\u2019t even think we realize it when we\u2019ve scooted God off the throne of our lives and put that up on the throne.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>When that becomes the focus\u2014and my mood is determined [by] how I look or how my pants fit\u2014I think so many women struggle with that. It saps their <em>joy<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember\u2014I grew up as a gymnast; so it\u2019s constant evaluation of your performance, but also your body type. After that, I was teaching in clubs and training in fitness clubs for probably 12 years after I was a gymnast. We had to have our body fat tested once a month; and if our body fat was above a certain level, we were put on restriction, and we weren\u2019t allowed to teach. Talk about pressure!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs kind of a motivated person and competitive, I dropped my body fat down to \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tfour percent. I felt <em>great<\/em> about myself because I was winning, not even realizing\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was really hungry all the time. [Laughter] We never ate!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014not even realizing that this area of my life had become an idol. I had put it in front of Jesus. I knew when my next workout was; but so often, I wouldn\u2019t put Jesus in front of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember this one time this one woman said to me, \u201cWhat if you stop your workout for the day <em>until<\/em> you\u2019ve spent time with the Lord?\u201d I was thinking, \u201cOh, yes, that\u2019ll be easy.\u201d It was <em>so hard<\/em> for me; because it had almost become an addiction, because my mood was determined by my looks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think this is really big for women\u2014of finding the freedom and the joy that comes from our identity coming from who God says we are\u2014but it takes training, as you said, to have a whole new mindset. That\u2019s not easy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for you, with your daughter, here you are\u2014you want her to understand this, and she\u2019s going against the grain with society and culture\u2014what did you talk to her about? What did that look like?\u2014those conversations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>First, it began with there were some things that I had to cut out of my own life to be able to have these honest conversations with her. One of them, like you said, Ann, was the permission to cut out numbers\u2014jean sizes\/numbers on the scale\u2014so that when I\u2019m talking to her about what beauty really is in God\u2019s eyes, I believed it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI read through Proverbs 31, which we love so much; right? Us women, we love that Proverbs 31.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>We do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>It\u2019s like <em>our<\/em> chapter in the Bible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It is.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>It is <em>ours<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>No man can take it from us; it is for <em>us<\/em>. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love reading through those proverbs. This is what I talk to my daughter about, because I really feel like the Proverbs give us some tangible ways to identify this; because we say it all the time: \u201cYou\u2019re beautiful, inside and out.\u201d Okay, what does that mean? [Laughter] What does that actually look like here? What are we talking about? What does it look like to be beautiful on the inside? What do people mean when they say, \u201cThat\u2019s not what God sees in you\u201d? Okay, well, what does God see?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you read through Proverbs 31\u2014I wrote this kind of confident manifesto, based on Proverbs 31\u2014so this is what beauty looks like in God\u2019s eyes: \u201cTrue beauty is confidence,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is putting others above ourselves,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is working hard,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is providing for others,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is learning a craft or a business,\u201d \u201cTrue beauty is using our bodies as they were meant to be used, for strong work.\u201d I could go on\/keep reading\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Can we put that list on our website?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think listeners are hearing that, and they\u2019re going, \u201cI need to meditate on that; I need to reprogram my own thinking around this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cI need to talk to my daughter about this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Exactly, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes. It\u2019s a really great conversation piece with your girl, because then you\u2019re grabbing onto something tangible. \u201cOkay, Mom, you\u2019re telling me that I\u2019m beautiful just the way that I am; and I don\u2019t need to be constantly on this improving-the-way-that-I-look plan. Okay, so then what do I do?\u2014because I have all this energy\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod created us\u2014I mean, He created you to achieve. That piece of you that was fighting for that physical fitness\u2014He created that in you\u2014but there\u2019s a way to use that <em>for Him<\/em> instead of this constant pursuit of bettering our bodies. This gave me something to do with that energy that God had put in me. Being able to identify beauty in myself\u2014as when I do something for another person\u2014that makes me beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tProverbs 31 ends, \u201cCharm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.\u201d This gave me something long-lasting to tag my beauty to\u2014something that no person could take away from me, no scale could take away from me, no jean size could take away from me\u2014this was beauty that God put in me. You know what?\u2014I can work with this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>So these are the kind of conversations that I love to have with my daughter about what beauty is. I am very specific: there\u2019s certain language that I have tried, since my kids were young, to cut out of my home\u2014and ever tying beauty to physical appearance is a really big slash-out in our home\u2014that\u2019s never an association.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Do you say to your daughter, or you <em>never<\/em> say to your daughter, \u201cYou look beautiful\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Oh, absolutely I say that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What do I mean by it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>What do I mean when I say, \u201cYou look beautiful\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, what does she hear?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>That \u201cGod has created you beautifully, just the way that you are.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI should elaborate to say that\u2014yes, we talked about this before; there is\/I mean, look at Esther\u2014she did the year-long beauty routines, right? We can\u2019t deny the fact that God has made women beautiful. But that physical appearance is only a tiny asterisk of beauty: it\u2019s not the full definition of what it is; it\u2019s something on the list.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This all sounds right and good, and I\u2019m agreeing. I\u2019m just wondering, when you go to the store next time to buy a pair of jeans, and you don\u2019t fit into the one you were in before, do you go, \u201cThat\u2019s okay\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is that how you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Well, let\u2019s talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about clothes shopping\u2014[Laughter]\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and bathing suit shopping. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Let\u2019s talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Didn\u2019t you also say you don\u2019t use numbers? So how do you go get your jeans?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Okay; I don\u2019t let the numbers <em>define<\/em> me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh, okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Do you have a scale at your house?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>No, we do not.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s a good point.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Ditch the scales; we can talk about that in a minute. We\u2019ll talk about the shopping first.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes, right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Okay. This is one of those things\u2014the Bible talks about taking your thoughts captive\u2014we can use this in lots of different ways. There is a process that we, as moms, have to become self-aware and intentional. I had to learn about <em>myself<\/em> that it was a trigger for me when I put on tight jeans; the number on the jeans is a trigger for me. Now, that is something that I have chosen not to let rule me: by prayer and acknowledging it with the Lord; confessing to Him when I do it, and then asking Him to help me. This isn\u2019t like a confidence light switch\u2014and then it\u2019s on for life and you <em>never<\/em> have to do anything about it\u2014it is a constant\/it is a constant fight with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realized a couple of things. One is it\u2019s okay for me to stay away from certain stores. I will not fit into jeans at all stores; they are not created <em>for me<\/em>. [Laughter] You know what? I think I need to be okay with and just stop going to those stores. I would keep going into those stores and be like, \u201cMaybe this is the day. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Or, have you ever done this\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>\u201cI have done enough that they will fit.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014I would save a pair of pants, when I was at my lowest weight, to almost torture myself.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, those torture jeans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Those are called torture jeans.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes; I didn\u2019t know the name, but now I do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, now we have a name. Do you want to know what I do with torture jeans now, Ann?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I hope you don\u2019t keep them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>We have to get rid of them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t keep them anymore, either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Torture jeans need to go. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is something important, too, for me to acknowledge for my daughter\u2014to have fun helping her find her store\u2014right?\u2014and that being okay; and not like a pass-fail, like, \u201cOh, I\u2019ll never go there,\u201d\u2014but, \u201cHey, let\u2019s find out how God has created you and what clothes that are available that will make you comfortable and fit well.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one\u2014not going into those stores\u2014and really just trying to accept the fact, number one, that I probably won\u2019t be in the same jean size till I die. I mean, I\u2019m guessing probably the answer\u2019s going to be, \u201cNo\u201d; so \u201cWhen is going to be the day in my head that I accept that?\u2014that I wake up and I\u2019m okay with that.\u201d And then, also, depending on the year or season of life, they might look different. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDetaching myself from the number on the jeans was an intentional pursuit that I prayed for; and I think that that is something that, when we ask God for, He\u2019s going to honor that. But you have to <em>want<\/em> that for your life, and you have to <em>want<\/em> that for the girls in your life, and you have to ask Him to help you; because I do believe that it\u2019s so deep-seated in us that it is something that we can remove only with His help.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>And yet, there\u2019s the other side. Of course, here I am\u2014a guy over here, talking; so maybe I know nothing\u2014but there\u2019s the other side of the number of the\u2014let\u2019s take the size of the jeans: that as it goes up each year, there\u2019s a motivation like that\u2019s unhealthy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It isn\u2019t an identity thing; it\u2019s just like, \u201cWow, if I just keep doing this every year, I\u2019m probably not eating in a healthy way.\u201d I should use that as a good motivation, not a negative; is there a balance there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes, absolutely. There has to be the balance. It\u2019s a heart check; it\u2019s, \u201cWhy am I pursuing this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love going to my gym classes. They are one of the most sanity-building 30 minutes of my week, right? So that needs to be okay. Remember, the verse says, \u201cFor physical training is of some value.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014\u201csome value\u201d; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>We don\u2019t eliminate it from our life; but it\u2019s put in the right perspective, underneath God. When we are talking about this, though, I feel like it\u2019s important to acknowledge: \u201cThese are our adult choices.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen our girls are 11 to 18 years old, their emotional part of their brain develops before the logical part. As much as want to tell them, \u201cListen, Mommy is doing this because I\u2019m old and you\u2019re not; and this is just something that I\u2026\u201d\u2014as much as we tell them that\u2014we just have to be aware and cautious that that might not be how their brains translate it; so we, as moms, have to be protective over the fact that our aging body issues not become our daughter\u2019s issues. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI watched it happen in youth group: moms on this workout plan, which it\u2019s fine for them to be on; but their daughters were translating it that that\u2019s what they needed to do too. We just have to be <em>aware<\/em> that that is a possibility.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You talked about how you got rid of numbers and scales.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What about language? What are things that we <em>shouldn\u2019t<\/em> say in front of our kids that might go down the wrong path?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Fat is a cuss word in my house. It\u2019s become a little bit of a joke now that the boys are older. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>They like to cuss?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Mar\u00eda: <\/strong>No, no, no. [Laughter] They like to tease Mommy about the word, \u201cfat\u201d: \u201cCan I call a blade of grass fat?\u201d \u201cNo, find a different word. [Laughter] A different word is possible for that scenario.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut when they were young, I just wanted to be specific that that\u2014I mean, there\u2019s just <em>no<\/em> positive connotation about that word: \u201cThere are descriptive words that will mean the same thing, but not that one; so that\u2019s gone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am very aware\u2014and this is one that came with practice and the training about how I talk about myself in front of my girl\u2014but I have safe places to talk about that with my husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Give an example of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, what\u2019s that look like? I want my wife to hear this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Okay; I\u2019m having a bad day, or I don\u2019t feel beautiful in that dress\u2014and it\u2019s go behind a closed door and say [in a sorrowful tone]: \u201cHoney, this is how I feel\u2026\u201d and \u201cDo you know when I\u2019m beautiful?\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t know what you think,\u201d and \u201cHow am I so lovely to you?\u201d\u2014like: \u201cWaa, waa, waa, waa!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen my husband, whom God has given to me, \u201cYes, Maria\u2026\u201d I hear all those things, and then I open up the door; and I\u2019m ready again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You\u2019re confident!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No, no; wait. You jumped over a very important part. [Laughter] What\u2019s your husband say?\u00a0 What <em>should<\/em> a husband say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Oh, yes; \u201cWhat should a husband say?\u201d\u2014just nod and smile\u2014really, no, I\u2019m just kidding. He always tells me, all the time\u2014he was a big part of my prayer\u2014that he is just always so encouraging and right with me on all of this. He tells me that I am going to be beautiful to him till the day that we die. I believe him, and I accept that; and I thank him for saying that, and I want him to keep saying that; so \u201cYes, keep saying that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>We do need to hear it. But then, when I\u2019m in front of the children\u2014or even if I don\u2019t know if they\u2019re around\u2014right?\u2014this is a very intentional behind-closed-doors conversation that I still need to vent out; because even if they\u2019re not around, they are paying attention. Those kids are <em>smart<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just really intentional to, when I speak about myself\u2014and it\u2019s hard and awkward at first\u2014because you\u2019re right; there is a leaning toward confidence can be arrogance; and that is not my heart. Because I know that that\u2019s not my heart, I\u2019m bold with saying, \u201cI do believe that the body that God has given me is beautiful, and I love the way that I look, and I love clothes shopping now,\u201d and <em>not<\/em> saying things like, \u201cI <em>hate<\/em> clothes shopping; I can never find anything,\u201d or \u201cI can\u2019t eat that; it goes straight to my hips.\u201d All of these things that really were on the tip of my tongue for many years\u2014training myself not to say them anymore\u2014because our tongue has power.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So, if somebody\u2019s listening, and nine months ago they gave birth, they have a nine-month-old, and they are twenty pounds heavier than they were when they got pregnant, should they just relax?\u2014or should they say, \u201cI need to do something about this,\u201d or what\u2019s the right way to approach that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Yes; I think that that is something that I first\u2014and I recommend first for them\u2014having conversations with God about it and wrestling with Him\u2014to say: \u201cLord, these \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t20 pounds are making me feel unhealthy; they are making me feel slow and tired. I really feel like I <em>want<\/em> to be able to do something about it, but I want to be able to do something about it <em>with<\/em> You\u2014and in a way that is healthy for me\/in a way that\u2019s not going to take my attention off of You\u2014but that is going to keep my attention on You, because I need Your help to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBring Him along in this journey. I just feel like, too often, we leave Him out of this; and it\u2019s either a physical thing or a spiritual thing. Also, realize that a lot of these conversations that I\u2019m talking about are leaning towards people, who have an insecurity wiring to them; so that\u2019s a battle, to be intentional about fighting with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s where\u2014I was thinking this back when we were starting this conversation\u2014the issue is: \u201cDo you see your value and your worth, as a human being, in your appearance?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Even in those moments when you\u2019re 20 pounds past where you\u2019d like to be, where you were before you got pregnant, do you look and say: \u201cI am less worthy as a person; I have less value in God\u2019s eyes than I did back when I was 20 pounds slimmer\u201d? If you think that, you need to tell yourself the truth: \u201cThat\u2019s not how God sees you.\u201d The culture may say, \u201cNo, there\u2019s value and worth here\u201d; but God says, \u201cNo, your value and worth is in that list of things you were reading from Proverbs 31, where true beauty comes.\u201d Realign your thinking. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou may say, \u201cI still want to take off 20 pounds.\u201d Okay, that\u2019s fine, but let\u2019s not wrap your identity in your body image. Let\u2019s understand that your value, as a human being, is outside of that. This is where I think your book is a <em>great<\/em> help for moms and, then ultimately, for their daughters. I\u2019m hoping our listeners will get a copy of the book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>, by our guest today, Maria Furlough. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, we want to make this book available to you, as a thank-you gift, when you make a donation to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We think this is a book that\u2019s going to be very helpful for a lot of moms and, ultimately, for the next generation. You can make a donation to support the work of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call to donate: 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just want to acknowledge\u2014I know, for many of us, this spring has been a time of some anxiety and some tension; and things have had to tighten up for many of us, financially. If that\u2019s where you are, and things are challenging at the moment, we get that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to talk to those of you, who are in a position, where you <em>can<\/em> continue to support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. We depend on donations from listeners, like you, to be able to have these kinds of conversations for our website, for our events and our resources. You make all of that possible; and we want to ask you if, right now, you can be as generous as possible and help support the ongoing work of this ministry. Donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. Again, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of Maria Furlough\u2019s book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>, as our way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support.\u201d Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about how dangerous and even destructive it can be to be regularly complimenting someone for their physical appearance. Maria Furlough joins us again tomorrow. We hope you can be here with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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