{"id":305955,"date":"2020-04-27T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-04-27T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/building-a-healthy-self-image-in-your-daughter\/"},"modified":"2020-04-27T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-04-27T11:00:04","slug":"building-a-healthy-self-image-in-your-daughter","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-healthy-self-image-in-your-daughter\/","title":{"rendered":"Building a Healthy Self-Image in Your Daughter"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How can a mom encourage a healthy self-image in her daughters? Maria Furlough tries to encourage her daughter to love the beautiful way God designed her, and tells other moms how they can do the same with their daughters.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-27.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:10","filesize":"23.04M","filesize_raw":"24155809","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2836],"tags":[4087],"podcast_series":[8354],"cwp_profile":[9618],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305955","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-girls","tag-mothers","podcast_series-confident-moms-confident-daughters","cwp_profile-maria-furlough","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305955\/building-a-healthy-self-image-in-your-daughter","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305955\/building-a-healthy-self-image-in-your-daughter","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"2TfHEXzHSf\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-healthy-self-image-in-your-daughter\/\">Building a Healthy Self-Image in Your Daughter<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/building-a-healthy-self-image-in-your-daughter\/embed\/#?secret=2TfHEXzHSf\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Building a Healthy Self-Image in Your Daughter&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"2TfHEXzHSf\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-27.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-27.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As a teenager, Maria Furlough was plagued by insecurities\/issues with body image. As a mom raising a daughter, she wanted to make sure things were different for her own daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I had one of the most beautiful memories of my daughter. She was eight, and we went\/did an overnight together. We talked about the changes in puberty; and I said, \u201cYour body is going to change. You\u2019re going to get curvy. You might get a little jiggly\/\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cmushy in places where you\u2019re not right now.\u201d And talking about it honestly and frankly and go, \u201cThat\u2019s okay\u201d; and to get her brain thinking about that preparedness that, when it happens, it\u2019s not something wrong with you. If our children\u2019s bodies start growing, it\u2019s okay! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Are there some strategies for parents, who want to raise strong, confident, secure daughters? We\u2019ll talk about that today with Maria Furlough. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You guys raised boys. You have three boys; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know that confidence was one of the things you wanted instilled in your boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was up there on the list\u2014very high. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Very <em>confident<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s what we wanted! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking today about confidence with <em>daughters<\/em>, which you haven\u2019t had experience with; but you understand, Ann, talking to moms about how this is a real issue that moms are facing today as they raise their girls; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, I\u2019m so excited about this book. I\u2019m excited about our friend, Maria, who is here that\u2019s going to be talking about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, for me, as a mom with sons, this is something that\u2019s important; but there is a weightiness when you have a daughter. A lot of my friends experienced\u2014just because of the confidence we have, we want our daughters to have it\u2014but truthfully, some of us, as moms, struggle with it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I will add, when our boys were just toddlers, we started praying for their wives. I remember when my oldest was born\u2014he is 33 now\u2014I started a day of fast on Fridays: didn\u2019t eat until dinner and prayed all day. One of the things we prayed for was confident, young women\u2014not an arrogance\u2014but a confidence in who God was in their life and who they were in their identity. I have to sit here now, 33 years later, and say, \u201cThey married three confident women.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They are beautiful, confident women. It\u2019s a <em>very<\/em> important character quality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, our friend Maria, who you mentioned, is with us. Maria Furlough joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Thank you. I\u2019m so happy to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maria is from Huntersville, North Carolina, where she and her husband Dave live. She is the mother of five: one daughter and four boys. [Laughter] That\u2019s got to be an interesting dynamic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, it is. We are a ball full of energy at our home; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Your daughter is the oldest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> She is the oldest. She is my sweet, 12-year-old, beautiful gift\u2014my first and only daughter; yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maria is an author; she is a Bible study teacher. She has written a book called <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters: Helping Your Daughter Live Free from Insecurity and Love How She Looks<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, the heart of this book, when you\u2019re talking about confidence, you\u2019re saying one of the confidence robbers for women today is the issue of beauty and appearance; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; for a lot of women, it starts there; we can\u2019t get passed it. It\u2019s kind of like the first test of freedom. If God can give us confidence over the way that we <em>look<\/em>, then freedom and confidence over <em>all<\/em> of the places, including our faith, is just an open door from there. It\u2019s really important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was insecurity about appearance something that plagued <em>you<\/em> as you were growing up? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> That\u2019s where it started, and that\u2019s what I noticed as I grew up into my 20s. Insecurity started for me as a young teenager about 11\/12 with the way that I looked. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I realized, as I grew into an adult woman, that insecurity then morphed into different places: into my mothering, into my relationships, into my marriage, into my faith. Really, for me, acknowledging that and realizing that, in a lot of young women, that\u2019s where it starts. That\u2019s why I believe it is so important for us\u2014as moms, and mentors, and youth workers, and aunts, and grandmas\u2014to really help young women tackle this in their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there a trigger when you were 11 or 12? Somebody say something to you or something that set you off to start to go, \u201cOh wait; do I look okay\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I think it was puberty, Bob. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That will do it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is where it really begins for all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a trigger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> If you really want to know. [Laughter] I\u2019ll never forget\u2014there was a young friend of mine; she was over. I was about ten; she was eleven or twelve. She said to me, \u201cJust wait; everything on you is going to start growing.\u201d I remember her saying that to me and feeling this sense of dread, like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cOh no!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIs that a bad thing? Clearly, I\u2019m not supposed to <em>like<\/em> that.\u201d That stuck in my head; and as it started happening, there weren\u2019t conversations about: \u201cThis is a beautiful thing. Your body is supposed to change, and it\u2019s a <em>wonderful<\/em> creation that God has made.\u201d That is something that I\u2019m able to preemptively talk about with <em>our<\/em> girls\u2014is to say, \u201cThe bodies that you\u2019re\u2014the change that your bodies are going to go into\u2014it\u2019s okay.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that is where it started for me; and then, for me, at the time, it was magazines: you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Teen<em> Bop Magazine<\/em>. Now, it\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014social media. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014everything; right? But really starting to compare myself to what I saw in those pictures and realizing that I didn\u2019t feel like I looked like them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re sitting here with two women. Do you think women <em>ever<\/em> avoid this? I mean, is it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you grow out of it?\u2014is that what you\u2019re asking? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I\u2019m just thinking, as a young woman growing up\/a young girl growing up\u2014obviously, I don\u2019t know; we didn\u2019t have daughters\u2014but I, honestly, would look at it and go, \u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s avoidable\u201d; but maybe, it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just thinking you experienced it; I know Ann experienced it. Can girls grow up without that magazine image\/body image <em>plaguing<\/em> them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great question, and I want to tell you <em>that<\/em> is what I believed for <em>years<\/em>. That is why I did nothing to fight it; I thought: \u201cThis is just how it is. We all kind of feel like this\u201d; and I gave it free reign. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what happened for me: I was in my early 20s, and God gave me a beautiful friend. I spent some time with her and her mother; and I saw, for the first time in my life, two confident women that did not currently struggle with their body and <em>had never<\/em>. I watched them, and I was like just <em>studying<\/em> them; I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat is this?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did it look like? What did they do or not do that appealed to you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; so there were a couple things. I was standing at an In-and-Out Burger in California with my friend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> In-and-Out Burger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> In-and-Out Burger, baby! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Of all places to talk about body image. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; there you go! It\u2019s got to start somewhere, and we were looking at the menu. I was like, \u201cI just kind of hate that calories are everywhere now.\u201d She was like, \u201cWhy does that matter? What do you mean?\u201d I was like, \u201cI\u2019m sorry; what do you mean, \u2018What do I mean?\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhat planet do you live on?!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She really said that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s called calorie counting.\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cI don\u2019t know what that is.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d So that was <em>her<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I was spending that week with her mom. There was one time I was at family dinner with her and her mom, and her older brother was sitting next to me. His mom\u2019s arm was propped up on the chair next to her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I read this in your book. I just\u2014I couldn\u2019t believe you wrote this; this is amazing. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Are you ready for this? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m ready. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> This is where we are going. He was just bored\u2014like they were just having grown-up conversation; I don\u2019t know\u2014he wasn\u2019t interested; and just one flick at a time, he was just <em>flicking<\/em> his mom\u2019s arm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014the fat on her arm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> The jiggly part. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; underneath. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> The part that we hide in pictures: \u201cGot to get the right angle,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t let anybody see.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> People have plastic surgery to fix this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> One flick at a time, with a table full of 20 people, she didn\u2019t care\/didn\u2019t notice. She didn\u2019t stop him. Again, I was like, \u201cWhat is this?!\u201d [Laughter] This is coming from a girl\u2014like I would slip in and out of pools my <em>whole life<\/em>\u2014like that was something that didn\u2019t stop until I really started praying for God to build confidence in me. This whole arm-jiggling freedom was just\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014something that you craved\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014well, <em>craved<\/em> and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like, \u201cHow do you have the freedom to not care?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014that is exactly: \u201cHow do you?\u201d That showed me that it is possible; and if it\u2019s possible for those two women, then I couldn\u2019t understand why it couldn\u2019t be possible for me. I remembered that the power that rose Christ from the dead\u2014that same power is living in me\u2014\u201cSo if God can raise Christ from the dead, then why can\u2019t He free me from my insecurity?\u201d There you go; that\u2019s how it started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Where did your insecurity start? Did you have talks with your mom about any of this? What did that look like with your mom? Was she secure? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> No; my mom and I both came from generational insecurity. I think that a lot of us can relate to that. You know, I\u2019ve had conversations with women about this topic. One mom talked about her mom used to like pinch her back fat, while she was growing up, and say, \u201cYou know, honey, you\u2019ve got to get rid of this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a generational sin here that my mom and I would just really both cry over because we didn\u2019t know what to do. She didn\u2019t know how to help me, because she was living with a lot of the same hurts that I was. There was one instance, when I was a teenager\u2014and you know, I now know\u2014like our bodies go up and down; right? The moon can be a certain hue, and pants that fit today will not fit tomorrow. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And it\u2019s not fair; is it?\u2014because women\u2014we have babies;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014we go in and out of all these stages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Exactly; there are lots of evil hormones at play; it\u2019s just a reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you\u2019re growing up in that, and you\u2019re not just kind of taking that head on, I would take that as a failure. My jeans would be tight, and we would think I was a failure. I heard stories of, in my mom\u2019s family, of women just punching their size because they hated them so much; so these were kind of the stories that I heard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day, I just put those jeans on\u2014and those superhuman hulk hormones that were running through me\u2014I ripped them down the seam, crying\/sobbing\u2014ripping them down the seam\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because they were too tight? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014because they were too tight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you just exploded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, exploded in sorrow and sadness. My mom came in; and she just sat with me and cried, and told me I was beautiful. I knew that she believed that that was true; and deep down, I knew that was true too; but we say that all the time: \u201cYou\u2019re so beautiful. You\u2019re beautiful just the way that we are.\u201d I just don\u2019t think words are enough when it comes to this hurt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember being young, and somebody telling me that; and I\u2019d say, \u201cBoy, you think I\u2019m beautiful; but in the world\u2019s standards, I\u2019m not.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So how do we find that <em>beauty<\/em>? I think that is the question of: \u201cWhere do we find that beauty?\u201d Is it about our physical appearance, or is it more than that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Before you get there, though, I want to go back to puberty. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> No, please! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We don\u2019t want to! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Don\u2019t ever go back! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> None of us want to go back there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want us, as parents, to keep in mind that\u2014as our kids transition into puberty\u2014there is a lot of insecurity; there are a lot of questions. To just put them on autopilot and think, \u201cWell, they\u2019ll figure this out,\u201d\u2014no; they need mentors, and coaches, and people who are having conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe whole reason we put together the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> resource\u2014that we created for parents to do with their kids\u2014was to open the door to these kinds of conversations so your kids can feel like: \u201cI can go to Mom and Dad and say, \u2018What\u2019s going on with my body?\u2019 or \u2018How should I think about this?\u2019\u201d You can have those conversations before the issues emerge and before the hormones hit; because your kids need <em>you<\/em> to be a guide, to be an advocate, to remind them of what\u2019s true\u2014to say what your mom said to you: \u201cHoney, you are beautiful.\u201d Even when they don\u2019t believe it, they still need to hear it from their parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think for moms and dads: don\u2019t check out when your kids are in these years. Recognize the insecurity that\u2019s there\/recognize the confusion that is there, and be proactive in addressing these things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; ideally, taking a preemptive strike, like you said. I had one of the most beautiful memories of my daughter. She was eight, and we went and did an overnight together. We talked about the changes in puberty; and I said: \u201cYour body is going to change. You\u2019re going to get curvy. You might get a little jiggly\/\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201clike mushy in places that you\u2019re not right now,\u201d\u2014and talking about it honestly and frankly and go, \u201cThat\u2019s okay\u201d; and to get her brain thinking about that preparedness that, when it happens, it\u2019s not something wrong with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know I think, as moms, it\u2019s really hard not to want to physically parent our children up through puberty; right? They are given to us, and we need to\u2014what?\u2014we need to keep their bodies healthy; right? But that shifts at some point; and as moms, it\u2019s okay to shift from the physical taking-care-of to the emotional, and the character, and the spiritual taking-care-of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked about the puberty thing\/the hormone thing\u2014like: \u201cIf our children\u2019s bodies start growing, it\u2019s <em>okay<\/em>!\u201d; right? That might just be how God has created their body shape to be; and to spend the first decade of their life, honing in on the: \u201cYou should eat carrots instead of cookies,\u201d [Laughter] and \u201cYou should go out and play instead of being on a video game\u201d; then, once those puberty years hit, shift the conversations with them to be toward their spiritual and emotional health. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So our language switches;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it changes with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just had a mom talk to me about her 12-year-old daughter. She said, \u201cMy daughter is really gaining weight, and I don\u2019t know what to say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cShould I say anything?\u201d What would you say to those moms, where you see your kids, like, \u201cWhoa, they are really gaining weight\u201d? They are thinking, \u201cDo I say <em>nothing<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right. I sat down, and I asked a pediatrician that question; because I\u2019ve had it asked to me so many years. I wanted to know what the Academy of Pediatrics would say; that\u2019s who we\u2019ve entrusted our children\u2019s bodies to. They said, \u201cFirst and foremost, trust your doctor.\u201d If we\u2019re taking our kids over the years; and it\u2019s their 11-year-old checkup, and their 12-year-old\u201413\/14\u2014and their doctor is not saying anything about it, then we probably don\u2019t need to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The other thing that she said is: \u201cGreater than their physical health is making sure that you, as a parent, understand if they have the possible triggers for eating disorders.\u201d There are certain indicators\u2014they are not <em>definite<\/em> indicators; it doesn\u2019t mean, if you have this, that you definitely will develop an eating disorder\u2014but if your daughter is a perfectionist, if she is a high achiever, if you have eating disorders in your family, then these are things that you have to acknowledge before you ever enter into a conversation about her physical health. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And what if the doctor says, \u201cOh, I am seeing that you need to lose some weight,\u201d could that trigger your daughter? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Okay; yes. [Laughter] You know, see, that is where I go into these doctor\u2019s visits now\u2014like I have desk conversations with the nurses\u2014like, \u201cIf this topic is going to be brought up, you bring it to me first.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you\u2019re very proactive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Oh, yes; I\u2019m momma bear about this particular topic; because I have lived, you know, the ramifications of it. I have seen cases, where young women go to their 13-year-old appointment, and their doctor tells them that they need to lose weight. Then, a year later, they are in for an eating disorder. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, how did you get\u2014like Bob says\u2014go back to puberty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Oh no! We don\u2019t want to go back there again. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let\u2019s not stay there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014because, obviously, you say in your book that the mom is the confidence standard in the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Then you also\u2014before that, you said, when you first held your daughter, you almost broke down\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014fell on your knees and prayed because you had struggled with this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, take us through that journey. You <em>became<\/em> the title of your book\u2014a confident mom\u2014but you <em>weren\u2019t<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So how did you get there? And how does somebody else get there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; I definitely didn\u2019t start there. Before I held my daughter, I was in fulltime youth ministry; so I got to momma middle school girls through this. When I held her, I\u2014not only saw my <em>own<\/em> adolescence flashing through my mind, but I saw the stories of so many young women that had come through my ministry\u2014I was crying over her, because I <em>did not<\/em> want that for her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this story that I shared about my confident friend and her mom happened before I had my daughter. I prayed that day, \u201cGod, make me confident so that I can teach her how to be confident.\u201d That was a very every day breath prayer for me when she was a baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you know, brave prayers come with risks. That was just a lens that I asked God to put on my life\u2014that every day, when she was young, that I would learn how to be confident in her infant years so that, by the time I got there\u2014and I don\u2019t say that to discourage a mom, who is just entering into this topic with a teenager\u2014you know, my mom and I claimed our healing when I was in my 20s; it\u2019s never too late. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what I also want to say is: \u201cNow is the time\u2014if your daughter is just born, if you\u2019re wanting to have kids, if you have a toddler\u2014to start claiming this freedom.\u201d Galatians says\u2014Chapter 5, verse 1: \u201cIt is for freedom that Christ has set us free.\u201d I wanted to claim that freedom over insecurity in my life <em>so that<\/em> me and my daughter can be released for His kingdom and to fully be His daughters and not be limited by this bondage of insecurity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod was good to answer that prayer. It wasn\u2019t easy, and it\u2019s still not. In a lot of places, I find myself standing very much apart from what is culturally accepted or even talked about today; but it is a battle that I am always willing to fight. God was good to open up my eyes, after those couple of years, to figure out tangible ways\u2014tangible and biblical ways\u2014right?\u2014there is a spiritual fight between me and God to realize, \u201cHonestly, insecurity is putting way too much emphasis on myself.\u201d There was way too much me-focus going on in my insecurity; but then, also, the practical ways of: \u201cWhat are some ways that you\u2019ve allowed the world to seep into your body image?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did you get the emphasis off yourself; because obviously, anyone of us can walk by a mirror\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and we\u2019re just consumed the second we take a look. This isn\u2019t just women, obviously; right? It\u2019s men <em>and<\/em> women; it\u2019s boys <em>and<\/em> girls. I mean, I\u2019ve coached middle school basketball for decades; and 20 years ago, you could have guys take off their shirts and be skins and play the shirts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can\u2019t do that anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you say that; they look at you like, \u201cNo, there is no way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, boys are way more self-conscious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There is much more self-consciousness, even now, with a boy. It is that self-consumption that you talked about. How do you get <em>over<\/em> that?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014because it can dominate our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, can I read you a verse to answer this question? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Please do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Okay; and you touched on it before, Ann; this is Romans, Chapter 7, verse 18: \u201cFor I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what it is good is with me, but there\u2019s no ability to do it.\u201d Then, later on, in verse 24, it says: \u201cWhat a wretched man I am,\u201d\u2014and\u00a0 this is Paul talking through his desire to do good and want to be good but really just acknowledging there is only Christ in us makes us good. Christ is the only achievable perfection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I needed to hear, after all of those years, is I was not wrong that I was not perfect. We have: \u201cYou\u2019re beautiful just the way you are\u201d; \u201cYes, okay; but can we talk about the fact that there are people that are more beautiful than I am?\u201d That\u2019s okay; but we just always: \u201cNo, you\u2019re beautiful,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re beautiful.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; actually, I\u2019m not perfectly beautiful; and finally, reading in His Word and hitting me in the head to say: \u201cYou know what, Maria? Your insecurity is not based on untruth; but you are <em>not supposed<\/em> to be secure in <em>you<\/em>. You are supposed to be secure in <em>Me<\/em>.\u201d There was a <em>relief<\/em> to realizing that I was not wrong all of the time when I looked in the mirror and saw things that need fixing; or I was not wrong all of the time to be so concerned that I was going to do something to mess up, because I <em>was<\/em> going to mess up; and because my body was not perfect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, to begin to put on the posture of: \u201cYou know what? Actually, I\u2019m just going to be okay with the fact that I\u2019m not perfect. I\u2019m going to accept that, because that is the very reason why Christ came to die for me.\u201d There is just a shift in thinking\u2014off of myself and what I think of myself\u2014onto Christ and what He came to do in me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if a mom is thinking, \u201cI want to raise my daughter to be more confident than I was when I was going through this,\u201d you\u2019re saying, \u201cStep one is make sure you develop your own body confidence\/your own image confidence, because you can\u2019t take her beyond what you\u2019re modeling for her and how you are living.\u201d She is going to sniff that out\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014even if you\u2019re trying to keep it hidden; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, she is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s really a part of your thesis, here in your book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>. You start with helping moms to be confident; and then, from there, we can raise confident daughters. I want to encourage you to get a copy of Maria\u2019s book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this is a book we\u2019d love to send you as a thank-you gift in appreciation for your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Your ongoing support is what makes this daily radio program possible; and this spring, we know many of you have gone through some real challenges, financially. I know many of our churches are experiencing financial challenges; particular industries are. We recognize that some of you, as listeners, are just not in a position to be able to make a financial gift so that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> can continue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>For those of you who are able to support the ministry, this is a particularly strategic time for ministries like ours. We\u2019re hoping that you will be as generous as you can be as you call to make a donation or as you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, we\u2019ll send you Maria\u2019s book as our thank-you gift when you get in touch with us. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can make your gift online and request a copy of Maria\u2019s book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>; or call to donate by phone: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and the number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne final thought before we wrap up here today. I know this has been a season for many of us when we have been prone to be anxious\/to worry. This is something Jesus addressed in the Sermon on the Mount: Matthew, Chapter 6. He asked why we worry about what we\u2019re going to drink, or what we\u2019re going to eat, or what we\u2019re going to wear; and Jesus said the issue with worry is we\u2019re not exercising faith; we\u2019re not trusting in the providence of God in His care for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>He also said that the way we address worry in our lives is to be focused on kingdom priorities. He says, \u201cSeek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.\u201d So, as you find yourself prone to worry in this season, first of all, go to God; confess that you are worrying; put your faith and trust in Him and in His care. Then, get busy about kingdom things and trust God to provide for your needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think all of us are having to deal with this issue of worry in our lives right now, and the words of Jesus in Matthew 6\u2014you may want to get out your Bible and read again the last 11 verses in Matthew 6, and let God speak to your heart through His Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about working out and being physically fit, because we know that\u2019s important; but how can we tell if it\u2019s become <em>too<\/em> important for us or for our daughters? Maria Furlough is going to join us again tomorrow. I hope you can join us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:10"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.04M"],"filesize_raw":["24155809"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305955.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305955.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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can a mom encourage a healthy self-image in her daughters? Maria Furlough tries to encourage her daughter to love the beautiful way God designed her, and tells other moms how they can do the same with their daughters.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-27.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> As a teenager, Maria Furlough was plagued by insecurities\/issues with body image. As a mom raising a daughter, she wanted to make sure things were different for her own daughter. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I had one of the most beautiful memories of my daughter. She was eight, and we went\/did an overnight together. We talked about the changes in puberty; and I said, \u201cYour body is going to change. You\u2019re going to get curvy. You might get a little jiggly\/\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cmushy in places where you\u2019re not right now.\u201d And talking about it honestly and frankly and go, \u201cThat\u2019s okay\u201d; and to get her brain thinking about that preparedness that, when it happens, it\u2019s not something wrong with you. If our children\u2019s bodies start growing, it\u2019s okay! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, April 27<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Are there some strategies for parents, who want to raise strong, confident, secure daughters? We\u2019ll talk about that today with Maria Furlough. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. You guys raised boys. You have three boys; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, we do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I know that confidence was one of the things you wanted instilled in your boys. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was up there on the list\u2014very high. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Very <em>confident<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s what we wanted! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re talking today about confidence with <em>daughters<\/em>, which you haven\u2019t had experience with; but you understand, Ann, talking to moms about how this is a real issue that moms are facing today as they raise their girls; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, I\u2019m so excited about this book. I\u2019m excited about our friend, Maria, who is here that\u2019s going to be talking about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, for me, as a mom with sons, this is something that\u2019s important; but there is a weightiness when you have a daughter. A lot of my friends experienced\u2014just because of the confidence we have, we want our daughters to have it\u2014but truthfully, some of us, as moms, struggle with it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I will add, when our boys were just toddlers, we started praying for their wives. I remember when my oldest was born\u2014he is 33 now\u2014I started a day of fast on Fridays: didn\u2019t eat until dinner and prayed all day. One of the things we prayed for was confident, young women\u2014not an arrogance\u2014but a confidence in who God was in their life and who they were in their identity. I have to sit here now, 33 years later, and say, \u201cThey married three confident women.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s great. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> They are beautiful, confident women. It\u2019s a <em>very<\/em> important character quality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, our friend Maria, who you mentioned, is with us. Maria Furlough joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>; welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Thank you. I\u2019m so happy to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maria is from Huntersville, North Carolina, where she and her husband Dave live. She is the mother of five: one daughter and four boys. [Laughter] That\u2019s got to be an interesting dynamic. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, it is. We are a ball full of energy at our home; absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Your daughter is the oldest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> She is the oldest. She is my sweet, 12-year-old, beautiful gift\u2014my first and only daughter; yes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Maria is an author; she is a Bible study teacher. She has written a book called <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters: Helping Your Daughter Live Free from Insecurity and Love How She Looks<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tReally, the heart of this book, when you\u2019re talking about confidence, you\u2019re saying one of the confidence robbers for women today is the issue of beauty and appearance; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; for a lot of women, it starts there; we can\u2019t get passed it. It\u2019s kind of like the first test of freedom. If God can give us confidence over the way that we <em>look<\/em>, then freedom and confidence over <em>all<\/em> of the places, including our faith, is just an open door from there. It\u2019s really important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was insecurity about appearance something that plagued <em>you<\/em> as you were growing up? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> That\u2019s where it started, and that\u2019s what I noticed as I grew up into my 20s. Insecurity started for me as a young teenager about 11\/12 with the way that I looked. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I realized, as I grew into an adult woman, that insecurity then morphed into different places: into my mothering, into my relationships, into my marriage, into my faith. Really, for me, acknowledging that and realizing that, in a lot of young women, that\u2019s where it starts. That\u2019s why I believe it is so important for us\u2014as moms, and mentors, and youth workers, and aunts, and grandmas\u2014to really help young women tackle this in their life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was there a trigger when you were 11 or 12? Somebody say something to you or something that set you off to start to go, \u201cOh wait; do I look okay\u201d? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> I think it was puberty, Bob. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That will do it! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This is where it really begins for all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a trigger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> If you really want to know. [Laughter] I\u2019ll never forget\u2014there was a young friend of mine; she was over. I was about ten; she was eleven or twelve. She said to me, \u201cJust wait; everything on you is going to start growing.\u201d I remember her saying that to me and feeling this sense of dread, like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cOh no!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cIs that a bad thing? Clearly, I\u2019m not supposed to <em>like<\/em> that.\u201d That stuck in my head; and as it started happening, there weren\u2019t conversations about: \u201cThis is a beautiful thing. Your body is supposed to change, and it\u2019s a <em>wonderful<\/em> creation that God has made.\u201d That is something that I\u2019m able to preemptively talk about with <em>our<\/em> girls\u2014is to say, \u201cThe bodies that you\u2019re\u2014the change that your bodies are going to go into\u2014it\u2019s okay.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know that is where it started for me; and then, for me, at the time, it was magazines: you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Teen<em> Bop Magazine<\/em>. Now, it\u2019s\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014social media. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014everything; right? But really starting to compare myself to what I saw in those pictures and realizing that I didn\u2019t feel like I looked like them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We\u2019re sitting here with two women. Do you think women <em>ever<\/em> avoid this? I mean, is it\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you grow out of it?\u2014is that what you\u2019re asking? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I\u2019m just thinking, as a young woman growing up\/a young girl growing up\u2014obviously, I don\u2019t know; we didn\u2019t have daughters\u2014but I, honestly, would look at it and go, \u201cI don\u2019t think it\u2019s avoidable\u201d; but maybe, it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just thinking you experienced it; I know Ann experienced it. Can girls grow up without that magazine image\/body image <em>plaguing<\/em> them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> It\u2019s a great question, and I want to tell you <em>that<\/em> is what I believed for <em>years<\/em>. That is why I did nothing to fight it; I thought: \u201cThis is just how it is. We all kind of feel like this\u201d; and I gave it free reign. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what happened for me: I was in my early 20s, and God gave me a beautiful friend. I spent some time with her and her mother; and I saw, for the first time in my life, two confident women that did not currently struggle with their body and <em>had never<\/em>. I watched them, and I was like just <em>studying<\/em> them; I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat is this?!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did it look like? What did they do or not do that appealed to you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; so there were a couple things. I was standing at an In-and-Out Burger in California with my friend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> In-and-Out Burger. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> In-and-Out Burger, baby! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Of all places to talk about body image. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; there you go! It\u2019s got to start somewhere, and we were looking at the menu. I was like, \u201cI just kind of hate that calories are everywhere now.\u201d She was like, \u201cWhy does that matter? What do you mean?\u201d I was like, \u201cI\u2019m sorry; what do you mean, \u2018What do I mean?\u2019\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWhat planet do you live on?!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She really said that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u201cIt\u2019s called calorie counting.\u201d She\u2019s like, \u201cI don\u2019t know what that is.\u201d I was like, \u201cWhat?!\u201d So that was <em>her<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen I was spending that week with her mom. There was one time I was at family dinner with her and her mom, and her older brother was sitting next to me. His mom\u2019s arm was propped up on the chair next to her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I read this in your book. I just\u2014I couldn\u2019t believe you wrote this; this is amazing. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Are you ready for this? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m ready. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> This is where we are going. He was just bored\u2014like they were just having grown-up conversation; I don\u2019t know\u2014he wasn\u2019t interested; and just one flick at a time, he was just <em>flicking<\/em> his mom\u2019s arm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014the fat on her arm. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> The jiggly part. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; underneath. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> The part that we hide in pictures: \u201cGot to get the right angle,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t let anybody see.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> People have plastic surgery to fix this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> One flick at a time, with a table full of 20 people, she didn\u2019t care\/didn\u2019t notice. She didn\u2019t stop him. Again, I was like, \u201cWhat is this?!\u201d [Laughter] This is coming from a girl\u2014like I would slip in and out of pools my <em>whole life<\/em>\u2014like that was something that didn\u2019t stop until I really started praying for God to build confidence in me. This whole arm-jiggling freedom was just\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014something that you craved\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014well, <em>craved<\/em> and\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014like, \u201cHow do you have the freedom to not care?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014that is exactly: \u201cHow do you?\u201d That showed me that it is possible; and if it\u2019s possible for those two women, then I couldn\u2019t understand why it couldn\u2019t be possible for me. I remembered that the power that rose Christ from the dead\u2014that same power is living in me\u2014\u201cSo if God can raise Christ from the dead, then why can\u2019t He free me from my insecurity?\u201d There you go; that\u2019s how it started. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Where did your insecurity start? Did you have talks with your mom about any of this? What did that look like with your mom? Was she secure? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> No; my mom and I both came from generational insecurity. I think that a lot of us can relate to that. You know, I\u2019ve had conversations with women about this topic. One mom talked about her mom used to like pinch her back fat, while she was growing up, and say, \u201cYou know, honey, you\u2019ve got to get rid of this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is a generational sin here that my mom and I would just really both cry over because we didn\u2019t know what to do. She didn\u2019t know how to help me, because she was living with a lot of the same hurts that I was. There was one instance, when I was a teenager\u2014and you know, I now know\u2014like our bodies go up and down; right? The moon can be a certain hue, and pants that fit today will not fit tomorrow. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And it\u2019s not fair; is it?\u2014because women\u2014we have babies;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014we go in and out of all these stages. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Exactly; there are lots of evil hormones at play; it\u2019s just a reality. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you\u2019re growing up in that, and you\u2019re not just kind of taking that head on, I would take that as a failure. My jeans would be tight, and we would think I was a failure. I heard stories of, in my mom\u2019s family, of women just punching their size because they hated them so much; so these were kind of the stories that I heard. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne day, I just put those jeans on\u2014and those superhuman hulk hormones that were running through me\u2014I ripped them down the seam, crying\/sobbing\u2014ripping them down the seam\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014because they were too tight? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> \u2014because they were too tight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And you just exploded. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, exploded in sorrow and sadness. My mom came in; and she just sat with me and cried, and told me I was beautiful. I knew that she believed that that was true; and deep down, I knew that was true too; but we say that all the time: \u201cYou\u2019re so beautiful. You\u2019re beautiful just the way that we are.\u201d I just don\u2019t think words are enough when it comes to this hurt. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I remember being young, and somebody telling me that; and I\u2019d say, \u201cBoy, you think I\u2019m beautiful; but in the world\u2019s standards, I\u2019m not.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So how do we find that <em>beauty<\/em>? I think that is the question of: \u201cWhere do we find that beauty?\u201d Is it about our physical appearance, or is it more than that? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Before you get there, though, I want to go back to puberty. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> No, please! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We don\u2019t want to! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Don\u2019t ever go back! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> None of us want to go back there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want us, as parents, to keep in mind that\u2014as our kids transition into puberty\u2014there is a lot of insecurity; there are a lot of questions. To just put them on autopilot and think, \u201cWell, they\u2019ll figure this out,\u201d\u2014no; they need mentors, and coaches, and people who are having conversations. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe whole reason we put together the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> resource\u2014that we created for parents to do with their kids\u2014was to open the door to these kinds of conversations so your kids can feel like: \u201cI can go to Mom and Dad and say, \u2018What\u2019s going on with my body?\u2019 or \u2018How should I think about this?\u2019\u201d You can have those conversations before the issues emerge and before the hormones hit; because your kids need <em>you<\/em> to be a guide, to be an advocate, to remind them of what\u2019s true\u2014to say what your mom said to you: \u201cHoney, you are beautiful.\u201d Even when they don\u2019t believe it, they still need to hear it from their parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think for moms and dads: don\u2019t check out when your kids are in these years. Recognize the insecurity that\u2019s there\/recognize the confusion that is there, and be proactive in addressing these things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; ideally, taking a preemptive strike, like you said. I had one of the most beautiful memories of my daughter. She was eight, and we went and did an overnight together. We talked about the changes in puberty; and I said: \u201cYour body is going to change. You\u2019re going to get curvy. You might get a little jiggly\/\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201clike mushy in places that you\u2019re not right now,\u201d\u2014and talking about it honestly and frankly and go, \u201cThat\u2019s okay\u201d; and to get her brain thinking about that preparedness that, when it happens, it\u2019s not something wrong with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know I think, as moms, it\u2019s really hard not to want to physically parent our children up through puberty; right? They are given to us, and we need to\u2014what?\u2014we need to keep their bodies healthy; right? But that shifts at some point; and as moms, it\u2019s okay to shift from the physical taking-care-of to the emotional, and the character, and the spiritual taking-care-of. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe talked about the puberty thing\/the hormone thing\u2014like: \u201cIf our children\u2019s bodies start growing, it\u2019s <em>okay<\/em>!\u201d; right? That might just be how God has created their body shape to be; and to spend the first decade of their life, honing in on the: \u201cYou should eat carrots instead of cookies,\u201d [Laughter] and \u201cYou should go out and play instead of being on a video game\u201d; then, once those puberty years hit, shift the conversations with them to be toward their spiritual and emotional health. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So our language switches;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it changes with them. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just had a mom talk to me about her 12-year-old daughter. She said, \u201cMy daughter is really gaining weight, and I don\u2019t know what to say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cShould I say anything?\u201d What would you say to those moms, where you see your kids, like, \u201cWhoa, they are really gaining weight\u201d? They are thinking, \u201cDo I say <em>nothing<\/em>?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right. I sat down, and I asked a pediatrician that question; because I\u2019ve had it asked to me so many years. I wanted to know what the Academy of Pediatrics would say; that\u2019s who we\u2019ve entrusted our children\u2019s bodies to. They said, \u201cFirst and foremost, trust your doctor.\u201d If we\u2019re taking our kids over the years; and it\u2019s their 11-year-old checkup, and their 12-year-old\u201413\/14\u2014and their doctor is not saying anything about it, then we probably don\u2019t need to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>The other thing that she said is: \u201cGreater than their physical health is making sure that you, as a parent, understand if they have the possible triggers for eating disorders.\u201d There are certain indicators\u2014they are not <em>definite<\/em> indicators; it doesn\u2019t mean, if you have this, that you definitely will develop an eating disorder\u2014but if your daughter is a perfectionist, if she is a high achiever, if you have eating disorders in your family, then these are things that you have to acknowledge before you ever enter into a conversation about her physical health. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And what if the doctor says, \u201cOh, I am seeing that you need to lose some weight,\u201d could that trigger your daughter? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Okay; yes. [Laughter] You know, see, that is where I go into these doctor\u2019s visits now\u2014like I have desk conversations with the nurses\u2014like, \u201cIf this topic is going to be brought up, you bring it to me first.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you\u2019re very proactive. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Oh, yes; I\u2019m momma bear about this particular topic; because I have lived, you know, the ramifications of it. I have seen cases, where young women go to their 13-year-old appointment, and their doctor tells them that they need to lose weight. Then, a year later, they are in for an eating disorder. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Well, how did you get\u2014like Bob says\u2014go back to puberty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Oh no! We don\u2019t want to go back there again. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let\u2019s not stay there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Okay. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014because, obviously, you say in your book that the mom is the confidence standard in the home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Then you also\u2014before that, you said, when you first held your daughter, you almost broke down\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014fell on your knees and prayed because you had struggled with this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, take us through that journey. You <em>became<\/em> the title of your book\u2014a confident mom\u2014but you <em>weren\u2019t<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So how did you get there? And how does somebody else get there?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes; I definitely didn\u2019t start there. Before I held my daughter, I was in fulltime youth ministry; so I got to momma middle school girls through this. When I held her, I\u2014not only saw my <em>own<\/em> adolescence flashing through my mind, but I saw the stories of so many young women that had come through my ministry\u2014I was crying over her, because I <em>did not<\/em> want that for her. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, this story that I shared about my confident friend and her mom happened before I had my daughter. I prayed that day, \u201cGod, make me confident so that I can teach her how to be confident.\u201d That was a very every day breath prayer for me when she was a baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs you know, brave prayers come with risks. That was just a lens that I asked God to put on my life\u2014that every day, when she was young, that I would learn how to be confident in her infant years so that, by the time I got there\u2014and I don\u2019t say that to discourage a mom, who is just entering into this topic with a teenager\u2014you know, my mom and I claimed our healing when I was in my 20s; it\u2019s never too late. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what I also want to say is: \u201cNow is the time\u2014if your daughter is just born, if you\u2019re wanting to have kids, if you have a toddler\u2014to start claiming this freedom.\u201d Galatians says\u2014Chapter 5, verse 1: \u201cIt is for freedom that Christ has set us free.\u201d I wanted to claim that freedom over insecurity in my life <em>so that<\/em> me and my daughter can be released for His kingdom and to fully be His daughters and not be limited by this bondage of insecurity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGod was good to answer that prayer. It wasn\u2019t easy, and it\u2019s still not. In a lot of places, I find myself standing very much apart from what is culturally accepted or even talked about today; but it is a battle that I am always willing to fight. God was good to open up my eyes, after those couple of years, to figure out tangible ways\u2014tangible and biblical ways\u2014right?\u2014there is a spiritual fight between me and God to realize, \u201cHonestly, insecurity is putting way too much emphasis on myself.\u201d There was way too much me-focus going on in my insecurity; but then, also, the practical ways of: \u201cWhat are some ways that you\u2019ve allowed the world to seep into your body image?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> How did you get the emphasis off yourself; because obviously, anyone of us can walk by a mirror\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and we\u2019re just consumed the second we take a look. This isn\u2019t just women, obviously; right? It\u2019s men <em>and<\/em> women; it\u2019s boys <em>and<\/em> girls. I mean, I\u2019ve coached middle school basketball for decades; and 20 years ago, you could have guys take off their shirts and be skins and play the shirts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can\u2019t do that anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, you say that; they look at you like, \u201cNo, there is no way.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes, boys are way more self-conscious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There is much more self-consciousness, even now, with a boy. It is that self-consumption that you talked about. How do you get <em>over<\/em> that?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014because it can dominate our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, can I read you a verse to answer this question? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Please do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Okay; and you touched on it before, Ann; this is Romans, Chapter 7, verse 18: \u201cFor I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what it is good is with me, but there\u2019s no ability to do it.\u201d Then, later on, in verse 24, it says: \u201cWhat a wretched man I am,\u201d\u2014and\u00a0 this is Paul talking through his desire to do good and want to be good but really just acknowledging there is only Christ in us makes us good. Christ is the only achievable perfection. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I needed to hear, after all of those years, is I was not wrong that I was not perfect. We have: \u201cYou\u2019re beautiful just the way you are\u201d; \u201cYes, okay; but can we talk about the fact that there are people that are more beautiful than I am?\u201d That\u2019s okay; but we just always: \u201cNo, you\u2019re beautiful,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re beautiful.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOkay; actually, I\u2019m not perfectly beautiful; and finally, reading in His Word and hitting me in the head to say: \u201cYou know what, Maria? Your insecurity is not based on untruth; but you are <em>not supposed<\/em> to be secure in <em>you<\/em>. You are supposed to be secure in <em>Me<\/em>.\u201d There was a <em>relief<\/em> to realizing that I was not wrong all of the time when I looked in the mirror and saw things that need fixing; or I was not wrong all of the time to be so concerned that I was going to do something to mess up, because I <em>was<\/em> going to mess up; and because my body was not perfect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, to begin to put on the posture of: \u201cYou know what? Actually, I\u2019m just going to be okay with the fact that I\u2019m not perfect. I\u2019m going to accept that, because that is the very reason why Christ came to die for me.\u201d There is just a shift in thinking\u2014off of myself and what I think of myself\u2014onto Christ and what He came to do in me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, if a mom is thinking, \u201cI want to raise my daughter to be more confident than I was when I was going through this,\u201d you\u2019re saying, \u201cStep one is make sure you develop your own body confidence\/your own image confidence, because you can\u2019t take her beyond what you\u2019re modeling for her and how you are living.\u201d She is going to sniff that out\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014even if you\u2019re trying to keep it hidden; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Maria:<\/strong> Yes, she is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s really a part of your thesis, here in your book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>. You start with helping moms to be confident; and then, from there, we can raise confident daughters. I want to encourage you to get a copy of Maria\u2019s book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this is a book we\u2019d love to send you as a thank-you gift in appreciation for your support of the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Your ongoing support is what makes this daily radio program possible; and this spring, we know many of you have gone through some real challenges, financially. I know many of our churches are experiencing financial challenges; particular industries are. We recognize that some of you, as listeners, are just not in a position to be able to make a financial gift so that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> can continue. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>For those of you who are able to support the ministry, this is a particularly strategic time for ministries like ours. We\u2019re hoping that you will be as generous as you can be as you call to make a donation or as you go online to donate at FamilyLifeToday.com. Again, we\u2019ll send you Maria\u2019s book as our thank-you gift when you get in touch with us. The website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can make your gift online and request a copy of Maria\u2019s book, <em>Confident Moms, Confident Daughters<\/em>; or call to donate by phone: 1-800-FL-TODAY is our number. Again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com, and the number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne final thought before we wrap up here today. I know this has been a season for many of us when we have been prone to be anxious\/to worry. This is something Jesus addressed in the Sermon on the Mount: Matthew, Chapter 6. He asked why we worry about what we\u2019re going to drink, or what we\u2019re going to eat, or what we\u2019re going to wear; and Jesus said the issue with worry is we\u2019re not exercising faith; we\u2019re not trusting in the providence of God in His care for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>He also said that the way we address worry in our lives is to be focused on kingdom priorities. He says, \u201cSeek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you.\u201d So, as you find yourself prone to worry in this season, first of all, go to God; confess that you are worrying; put your faith and trust in Him and in His care. Then, get busy about kingdom things and trust God to provide for your needs. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think all of us are having to deal with this issue of worry in our lives right now, and the words of Jesus in Matthew 6\u2014you may want to get out your Bible and read again the last 11 verses in Matthew 6, and let God speak to your heart through His Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we want to talk about working out and being physically fit, because we know that\u2019s important; but how can we tell if it\u2019s become <em>too<\/em> important for us or for our daughters? Maria Furlough is going to join us again tomorrow. I hope you can join us as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305955","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305955"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305955"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305955"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305955"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305955"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305955"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305955"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}