{"id":305901,"date":"2020-04-03T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-04-03T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/avoid-unintended-disinheritance\/"},"modified":"2024-10-08T00:16:57","modified_gmt":"2024-10-08T04:16:57","slug":"avoid-unintended-disinheritance","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/avoid-unintended-disinheritance\/","title":{"rendered":"Avoid Unintended Disinheritance"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Conversations about money and inheritances can be uncomfortable. But wouldn&#8217;t it be better to talk about it with family members while you can? Ron Deal gives suggestions about how to make wise money decisions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-03.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:14","filesize":"37.41M","filesize_raw":"39226422","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2859,10445],"tags":[4525],"podcast_series":[8348],"cwp_profile":[3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305901","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating-and-preparing-for-marriage","category-stepmarriage-advice","tag-finances","podcast_series-smart-stepfamily-guide-to-financial-planning","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305901\/avoid-unintended-disinheritance","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305901\/avoid-unintended-disinheritance","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"1ZSpEFmcPE\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/avoid-unintended-disinheritance\/\">Avoid Unintended Disinheritance<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/avoid-unintended-disinheritance\/embed\/#?secret=1ZSpEFmcPE\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Avoid Unintended Disinheritance&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"1ZSpEFmcPE\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-03.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-03.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is money ever the issue that pulls couples apart in marriage? Ron Deal says he thinks money is a symptom more than a cause of conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Every time you hear, \u201cMoney is the number one cause of divorce,\u201d\u2014it is not true. What is true is what is <em>underneath<\/em> money\u2014that\u2019s what creates conflict. How you handle money tells somebody whether you\u2019re selfish or not. In blended families then, you have the added things of: \u201cDo I really belong in this family?\u201d \u201cIs your ultimate loyalty to your children, or are you providing for me?\u201d \u201cIt seems to me more money is spent on your children than on my children.\u201d <em>That\u2019s<\/em> the stuff we fight about and argue about, and that\u2019s what ruins relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s important that couples in a blended family\/in a stepfamily have conversations about finances. It\u2019s important to know how to talk about them and what to talk about. Ron Deal joins us to help with that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I want to amend something I have said in the past.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, boy; this is going to be fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I can\u2019t wait! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When I said this\u2014and there\u2019s part of me that I still believe what I was saying\u2014but it was limited. I have said to people in the past, \u201cI think it\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em> for a couple to come up with a pre-nuptial agreement\u201d; right? You\u2019re getting married\u2014there shouldn\u2019t be any pre-nuptial, where you\u2019re planning for the divorce; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I agree, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s a safety net; and you say, \u201cYou don\u2019t need a safety net.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I have a feeling you\u2019re going somewhere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, Ron Deal is here with us today. Ron, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s always good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Is he the contrarian?\u2014he thinks pre-nups are good? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to find out. Ron gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and to the great work that\u2019s going on there. He\u2019s an author; he\u2019s a speaker. He\u2019s been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe should say, here at the beginning, any time we have you on, there are folks, who are going: \u201cWell, blended families; so it sounds like FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is endorsing divorce?\u201d Do you want to speak to that for just a second?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No, we\u2019re not endorsing divorce at all. We\u2019re not endorsing any sin choice somebody may have made that led them into a blended family. What we <em>are<\/em> talking about is the redemptive work of God <em>in<\/em> people\u2019s lives to influence where they are\/who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe woman at the well had a very sordid marital life. We don\u2019t know all the details behind that, but it wasn\u2019t pretty. A little cup of living water, and all of a sudden, she is preaching and teaching and bringing people to Jesus. We think that Jesus can have that redemptive work in <em>everyone\u2019s<\/em> life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what FamilyLife Blended is all about\u2014trying to meet people where they are and saying, \u201cHow can where you are be in sync with where God wants you to be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, on pre-nuptial agreements, did you ever say like I said, \u201cNobody should ever sign a pre-nuptial agreement\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think I probably did; early in my career, I did. Before we talk about whether we should or shouldn\u2019t, let me follow up on the quick reactions that you guys had. Why did you think that, at some point, in the past?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I thought it because a couple, going into marriage, signing a prenuptial agreement is hedging their bets\u2014they\u2019re saying: \u201cI\u2019ve got an 80 percent confidence that this will work out, but I\u2019d better just protect things because things can go south,\u201d and \u201cI want to make sure I\u2019m ready if they do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014so\u00a0 lack of commitment or something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m not really stepping on the water, trusting God to make it solid. I\u2019ve got one foot in the boat. If it doesn\u2019t go the way I think, I\u2019m good.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s almost like saying, \u201cI\u2019ll leave [my parents] and cleave to you, but I <em>won\u2019t<\/em> leave my money.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go; that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Absolutely; I do think that pre-nuptial agreements, in general, are planning to fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what if we could pull out the <em>best<\/em> part of what the pre-nup is intended to do, and turn it into something that helps you succeed? Just real quickly\u2014a quick story we tell in this book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>: in 2016, a designer in the Netherlands actually designed\u2014are you ready for this?\u2014he designed a house called a pre-nuptial house. It\u2019s two units designed like tetris shapes that fit together. It\u2019s a houseboat, so it floats on water. When the couple breaks up, which inevitably is going to happen, they can each take their half of the house and float away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, my word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s a real thing. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s a real thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Now what if we could take, in a blended family scenario, two adults\u2014who already\u00a0 have some assets, money, and something in a financial past\u2014and they\u2019re the two separated tetris shapes, and we put them together? We create togetherness for their financial future; <em>that\u2019s<\/em> what we want to do in this book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead of a prenuptial agreement, we harvested the idea and turned it on its head\u2014Shook out all the negativity of it,\u201d as my friend, Greg Pettys, says in the book\u2014and created a Togetherness Agreement idea. It\u2019s this: \u201cWe plan together how we\u2019re going to merge both our money and our family relationships for the benefit of everyone involved with permanence.\u201d It\u2019s about planning to succeed, not about planning to fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I <em>love<\/em> what you\u2019ve done in the book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>, which you wrote with a financial planner, Greg Pettys; and an estate attorney, David Edwards. You got together\u2014the three of you\u2014your background, focusing on relationships\/on what the Bible has to say about how relationships are supposed to work out; Greg brings all of the financial expertise; David brings the estate law together. You said: \u201cHow can we help couples, who are either forming a blended family or are in a blended family, address an issue that has potential to damage their relationship\/their extended family relationships? How can they address it; so that it can go smoothly for them, and their kids, and their grandkids?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; I mean, we\u2019re trying to disarm the hand grenade that\u2019s sitting in their living room that nobody\u2019s really talking about or doing anything with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you\u2014I\u2019m really proud of this project\u2014not because of what I contributed; I think I helped to pull a lot of pieces together\u2014but Greg and David are <em>true<\/em> experts. There is <em>no book<\/em> like this, period\u2014secular or Christian-based. There are probably three other books about blended family finances on the market. <em>None<\/em> of them deal with the relational dynamics of the family and how that influences how money is used and how money is thought of. And <em>none<\/em> of them lace in any value\/Christian ideals into the ideas of the book at all. This truly is a first, to my knowledge; and I think it\u2019s <em>very practical<\/em>. I just think it\u2019s really going to help people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m talking to moms and dads today, who are, as their kids are growing up and getting married in a first marriage\u2014they\u2019re saying, \u201cBefore my daughter marries him, I want some kind of a financial background check run on him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the reality: your son, who graduated from college and maybe had a scholarship, so there\u2019s no student loan debt. He\u2019s fallen in love with somebody who\u2019s got $40,000 of student loans. They\u2019re going to get married; and all of a sudden, her $40,000 of indebtedness is now <em>your<\/em> indebtedness. I bring that up because those are real life issues that first-time families have to face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s go to a blended family scenario, where the wife, whose husband died\u2014she was left a sizeable estate. She\u2019s met and fallen in love with a guy, who lost his business last year and had to declare bankruptcy. The kids are looking at this and going: \u201cNo, no; you\u2019re not marrying him! I don\u2019t care <em>how much<\/em> in love you are, because does all of this become <em>yours<\/em>?\u201d We would say: \u201cIf a husband and wife are falling in love and getting married, yes. What was each of ours, individually, is now ours together.\u201d Is that the right way to look at it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let me jump in here because we had a scenario with a friend that is the exact situation she was in. When we have couples who are getting married we would always advise them that it is a joint bank account. But I had no idea, Dave you felt this too, because they were good friends. She was in her 40s. I felt such an emotional protection over her and for her kids that that was the question. He had poor financial dealings. He had some bankruptcy and she had a sizeable inheritance. She came to us and said, \u201cwhat do you think?\u201d What do you tell people? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There needs to be a book out there. [laughter] This was two years ago. Now I know what I would have handed her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; let\u2019s take the layers. As we\u2019ve already said, there\u2019s above-the-surface money stuff and legal aspects of this: \u201cHow do we manage that?\u201d The below-the-surface relational dynamics is what you\u2019re really asking about. There are adult kids, who don\u2019t <em>trust<\/em> this new man and: \u201cWhat is he all about?\u201d and \u201cHe seems to not manage his money well. Can we <em>trust<\/em> him to manage Mom\u2019s money, which is really <em>our<\/em> money? Where do we fit into this?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s below the surface.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen there\u2019s relational trust between the couple: \u201cI love you; I trust you, sort of. I feel some loyalty to my first husband.\u201d You can imagine that being a part of the scenario\u2014to care for what he cared about\/to make sure it moves to our children in ways that honor them and honor him. You can get so stuck in the middle of all that stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you sit down and you begin to pull apart and ask: \u201cWhat is this about?\u201d \u201cWhat is this about?\u201d If that couple comes into that discussion with one solution: \u201cWe must have one pot of money at the end of the day,\u201d I think they <em>limit<\/em> their ability to be creative about how they love and care for one another. The number of bank accounts is <em>not<\/em> the issue. The issue is: \u201cHow do we love, and honor, and care for one another?\u201d And in this scenario, we\u2019re not just caring for one another, we\u2019re caring for kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt could be that they find a creative way to create a Togetherness Agreement that agrees that: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou and I, as husband and wife, are sharing <em>this<\/em> that we both bring.\u201d That might even be: \u201cWe\u2019re, together, deciding: \u2018I\u2019m going to help you with your debt. That\u2019s a part of me marrying you\u2014is I marry your debt,\u2019\u201d\u2014alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut \u201cWe\u2019re also going to provide for our children with <em>this<\/em>,\u201d\u2014maybe there\u2019s a family business. \u201cMaybe we\u2019re going to leave life insurance for kids, that nobody gets to touch, and the kids are going to get what\u2019s fair to them. But here\u2019s another piece of our asset\u201d\u2014the house or some other\u2014401K for example\u2014\u201cthat you and I share after my death.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou <em>can<\/em> find creative ways of doing that. Sometimes that <em>means<\/em> you end up with two pots of money; or three pots of money; or two pots of functional day-to-day money, but then we have 401K account, and we have this over here account\u2014we really have ten pots of money. The point is: that is being used to care for and honor marriage and children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying it\u2019s a little bit different\u2014because tell me if I\u2019m right\u2014if you\u2019re talking to a first husband\/first wife; one marriage\u2014you typically would say: \u201cJoint account. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014one pot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cThat\u2019s loving each other; that\u2019s being <em>one<\/em>; that\u2019s trusting God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s different now [with blended family]; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; you know what? I think even the first marriage has layers. Fifty years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014well, I\u2019m just going to\u2014Nan and I\u2014I was 19; she was 20; we had <em>nada<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You had no pot!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We had <em>nothing<\/em>; no pot! [Laughter] We were dirt poor, barely surviving college. There was nothing to worry about or share, whatever. We just jumped in and went for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCouples today are getting married at 26\/28; they\u2019ve already acquired a little bit; they\u2019ve already got a house. Nan and I are going to a wedding very soon, where\u2014when you went to their online registry, it was not anything about kitchen utensils or a toaster\u2014it was about paying for their vacation; it was about paying for a resource they were looking for to aid in their job. They\u2019ve already got a house; they\u2019ve already got a toaster\u2014they\u2019ve already got all this kind of stuff\u2014because he\u2019s 28, and he\u2019s established; she\u2019s 26, and she\u2019s established. Now, they\u2019re just going to be merging all that stuff. The world has changed!\u2014right? That couple may need to have a Togetherness Agreement conversation around how they\u2019re going to merge their things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBlended family couples: absolutely, it\u2019s got to be part of the conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What\u2019s that look like, if you sit down and say, \u201cHoney, let\u2019s develop a Togetherness Agreement.\u201d How do you start? What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> One of the first things you are going to do\u2014in the book, there\u2019s an appendix called \u201cThe Own and Owe\u201d list: everything you own, and everything you owe. If you were to sit down and start making a list of all that stuff\u2014and then slide it over the table to the other person; they\u2019re sliding over to you. Do you know what you\u2019re doing?\u2014you\u2019re getting transparent. You\u2019re, actually, showing the other person: \u201cI\u2019ve got $40,000 in college debt,\u201d \u201cI bought a car I shouldn\u2019t have bought,\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve got credit card debt.\u201d You have to own it: \u201cHere it is. If you marry me, you\u2019re marrying <em>this<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow we have <em>full<\/em> transparency. That is a good exercise for <em>anybody<\/em>; I don\u2019t care who you are. Now we get honest about one another, and what marriage means, and \u201cHow we move forward with this.\u201d There\u2019s <em>no<\/em> surprises. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs soon as someone is keeping a secret and then they surprise it on you and you\u2019re stuck with credit card debt you didn\u2019t see coming. Well, that\u2019s just a betrayal of trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe process starts there; then you begin to kind of figure out: \u201cAlright; this is what we have to work with. Where do we want to go?\u201d The book walks you through a process of figuring out those initial steps. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome couples, as we said before, will figure out: \u201cWe need a little help with this. We\u2019re not sure what those creative financial solutions are. We don\u2019t know what a QTIP is. We need to sit down with an attorney or a financial planner, who <em>does<\/em> understand those pieces.\u201d Together, you find your way through. It can be a much longer process for some people, just based upon their history and what they have. Other people, it might be a conversation they have one afternoon and \u201cHey, we feel like we can move on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron, I\u2019ve heard you tell couples in a blended marriage: \u201cThe priority in the marriage needs to be\u201d\u2014you call it the \u201cfront seat\u201d relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; ultimate allegiance is to your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is that true, financially?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, but that doesn\u2019t mean you stop providing for children; it is a both\/and. It is: \u201cYes, you\u2019re in the front seat with me; and we have kids in the back. Some are mine; some are yours\u201d\u2014different combinations\u2014\u201cHow do we provide for them and think about <em>their<\/em> futures? What would we want to give them? If I were to die today\u2014my kids are not yet in college\u2014how do I make sure my kids get to go to college?\u201d Those are <em>really<\/em> important conversations. They\u2019re a part of our responsibility, as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If we got married in our sixties\u2014both of us widows; we\u2019ve got adult kids\u2014my new wife has some financial need; that takes precedence over inheritance for my kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; <em>but<\/em> let me just say this\u2014some people kind of get nervous with the \u201cYes\u201d\u2014like, \u201cOh, does that mean I have to shift <em>everything<\/em> over?\u201d\u2014no, no, no; it\u2019s not all or nothing; it is about <em>both<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe <em>creative<\/em> answer <em>might<\/em> be something like: \u201cEverything that I have in place\u2014and my will\u2014is basically staying the same. But I am going to go out and buy,\u201d\u2014as Greg and David have taught me, the great financial equalizer is\u2014\u201clife insurance.\u201d \u201cEverything I have is already set, and my children are going to continue to get that; but I\u2019m going to go out and buy some more life insurance that <em>just<\/em> goes to my spouse,\u201d\u2014because that way, they are provided for; kids are provided for. There are lots of creative ways of managing that. It <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> mean you have to start dividing, or splitting, or taking away from somebody. Thinking it through together is the way to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the awkward pieces of that might be a parent then going to their, now adult children, for example, and saying: \u201cThis has changed. Before, I left all three of you kids\/each got a third. Now you\u2019re each getting this percentage\u2026.Here\u2019s why...But here\u2019s what I want you to see: I\u2019m still providing for <em>you<\/em>, and I\u2019m leaving something to the grandkids through life insurance. I\u2019m also providing this, over here for my new spouse, so everyone is cared for,\u201d\u2014<em>that\u2019s<\/em> the ultimate message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you <em>lead<\/em> with that\u2014one of the things we teach people is: \u201c<em>Lead with love<\/em>,\u201d\u2014\u201cThe reason we\u2019re making these changes is so that I can provide for you. I love you; you\u2019re my child\u2014that\u2019s never going to change\u2014<em>and<\/em>\u201d\u2014not \u201c<em>but<\/em>\u201d\u2014\u201c<em>and<\/em> I\u2019m providing for my new spouse.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Love is not a zero-sum game, but money is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I\u2019m going to my kids and saying: \u201cI\u2019ve got a new wife coming into the picture; that means your inheritance is going to be diminished. You\u2019re going from a third to now what\u2019s going to wind up being 17.5 percent.\u201d They\u2019re looking at that, in hard dollars; and that\u2019s going to sting for them. It\u2019s going to require that my kids have some level of spiritual maturity and that they understand what it means to trust God. Is there a way I can help <em>shepherd<\/em> that, spiritually?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Hey, there is cost to making choices in relationships. You can\u2019t choose to get married and expect that there not be any cost. Not only is there a cost in your money, there\u2019s a cost in your time; there\u2019s a cost in your energy. You used to have 100 percent of your grandparenting energy for your biological grandkids. Now you marry somebody, and you have stepgrandkids. There is cost all the way around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some realities here that you do have to face. That\u2019s part of what we help blended families understand is: when Dad\/Grandpa has made these choices, that\u2019s <em>forcing<\/em> cost on children that they didn\u2019t ask for. That creates some tension; that is part of the reality of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying, obviously, once you design this togetherness, this agreement, now there\u2019s a conversation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014that has to come.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014where you unveil that to the kids; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that\u2019s going to be emotional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because mom and dad have made a decision, and they\u2019re good with it; but, now, when I roll that out to my kids\u201d\u2014by the way, I\u2019m sitting here, listening to this, going, \u201cI was that kid,\u201d\u2014there was <em>never<\/em> a conversation. It was like, \u201cOh, all Dad\u2019s money now goes to my stepmom and my <em>stepbrother<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> And what statement did that make to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, \u201c[I\u2019m of] <em>no value<\/em>\u201d; it was emotional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> See, that\u2019s the below-the-surface comment\u2014that\u2019s the impact; you <em>felt<\/em> unvalued. Maybe that really wasn\u2019t what anybody would\u2019ve intended, but that is what came through. If there had been a conversation to say: \u201cI\u2019m acknowledging there\u2019s going to be some changes, and we regret that. These are what the changes are, but please know you are valuable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That conversation is so important. I think it would be difficult; but I think, even for the kids processing\u2014to hear their father or mother talk about that\u2014that\u2019s an act of love, because dialogue can continue to happen. And even their emotions can come out, but it can continue to be resolved in time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The alternative is to <em>not<\/em> have that conversation. Think about it: when you\u2019re aging and starting to lose your memory\u2014and now, people are saying, \u201cWell, Dad, what did you plan for us?\u201d\u2014everything gets <em>worse<\/em>. When you have those awkward, but important conversations\u2014again, <em>hear<\/em> the purpose\u2014you are helping your family merge. It might be a moment, where it brings something to the surface, that is difficult and needs some forgiveness and work through. Yet, on the other side of that, you\u2019re not only dealing with the money stuff; but more important\u2014much, much more importantly\u2014you\u2019re helping to solidify expectations and relationships within your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>all<\/em> messy and complicated. <em>You<\/em> and your coauthors have made it less complicated. You\u2019ve found a solution\u2014ways for folks to navigate through complicated waters\u2014and that takes care of some of the mess. This may not be the silver bullet that makes everything easy; but this book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>, will make things <em>better<\/em> than they would otherwise be. We can\u2019t guarantee it\u2019s going to be sunshine and unicorns; right? But we can guarantee that, if you press into this and you do what\u2019s here, it\u2019s going to go better for you, long term, in your relationships and in how your money gets handled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m so grateful for the time it took to put all of this together and for your coauthors and the expertise they bring into this. To have a financial planner and an estate attorney coming alongside somebody, who understands the relational dynamics as well as you do\u2014that\u2019s a gift to the body of Christ. Thank you for this. Thanks for the time on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got copies of Ron\u2019s book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>. He wrote it with Greg Pettys and David Edwards. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to order your copy; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the book is called <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>: <em>Take Control of Your Blended Family Finances<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order your copy, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind Ron has an event coming up in a few weeks. This was originally scheduled to be live in Houston. It\u2019s now going to be a livestream event that is going to be held around the world so you have an opportunity to join with what we are hoping will be tens of thousands of people tuned in to spend time together talking about how to strengthen our relationships in blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s more information about the Blended &amp; Blessed livestream. Go to our website familylifetoday.com to find out how you can tune in on your own, as a couple, with a small group. That\u2019s probably as big as it needs to get right now. You can go to familylifetoday.com for information about the upcoming Blended &amp; Blessed livestream event that will happen on Saturday, April 25. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that I hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. Whether it is online as many of us are doing these days or you are in a situation where you can get together with other believers this weekend. Hope you are able to spend time worshipping the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoin us on Monday when we\u2019ll meet a couple who found themselves successful in business and started thinking about how their business success could be used in a way that advances God\u2019s kingdom. You\u2019ll meet Gary and Marla Ringer on Monday. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. We got some extra help today from our friend, Mark Ramey. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:14"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["37.41M"],"filesize_raw":["39226422"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305901.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305901.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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about money and inheritances can be uncomfortable. But wouldn't it be better to talk about it with family members while you can? Ron Deal gives suggestions about how to make wise money decisions.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-04-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is money ever the issue that pulls couples apart in marriage? Ron Deal says he thinks money is a symptom more than a cause of conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Every time you hear, \u201cMoney is the number one cause of divorce,\u201d\u2014it is not true. What is true is what is <em>underneath<\/em> money\u2014that\u2019s what creates conflict. How you handle money tells somebody whether you\u2019re selfish or not. In blended families then, you have the added things of: \u201cDo I really belong in this family?\u201d \u201cIs your ultimate loyalty to your children, or are you providing for me?\u201d \u201cIt seems to me more money is spent on your children than on my children.\u201d <em>That\u2019s<\/em> the stuff we fight about and argue about, and that\u2019s what ruins relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, April 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s important that couples in a blended family\/in a stepfamily have conversations about finances. It\u2019s important to know how to talk about them and what to talk about. Ron Deal joins us to help with that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I want to amend something I have said in the past.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, boy; this is going to be fun.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I can\u2019t wait! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When I said this\u2014and there\u2019s part of me that I still believe what I was saying\u2014but it was limited. I have said to people in the past, \u201cI think it\u2019s <em>wrong<\/em> for a couple to come up with a pre-nuptial agreement\u201d; right? You\u2019re getting married\u2014there shouldn\u2019t be any pre-nuptial, where you\u2019re planning for the divorce; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I agree, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s a safety net; and you say, \u201cYou don\u2019t need a safety net.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I have a feeling you\u2019re going somewhere. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, Ron Deal is here with us today. Ron, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you. It\u2019s always good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Is he the contrarian?\u2014he thinks pre-nups are good? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re going to find out. Ron gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and to the great work that\u2019s going on there. He\u2019s an author; he\u2019s a speaker. He\u2019s been on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> a number of times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe should say, here at the beginning, any time we have you on, there are folks, who are going: \u201cWell, blended families; so it sounds like FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is endorsing divorce?\u201d Do you want to speak to that for just a second?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> No, we\u2019re not endorsing divorce at all. We\u2019re not endorsing any sin choice somebody may have made that led them into a blended family. What we <em>are<\/em> talking about is the redemptive work of God <em>in<\/em> people\u2019s lives to influence where they are\/who they are. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe woman at the well had a very sordid marital life. We don\u2019t know all the details behind that, but it wasn\u2019t pretty. A little cup of living water, and all of a sudden, she is preaching and teaching and bringing people to Jesus. We think that Jesus can have that redemptive work in <em>everyone\u2019s<\/em> life. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what FamilyLife Blended is all about\u2014trying to meet people where they are and saying, \u201cHow can where you are be in sync with where God wants you to be?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo, on pre-nuptial agreements, did you ever say like I said, \u201cNobody should ever sign a pre-nuptial agreement\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> I think I probably did; early in my career, I did. Before we talk about whether we should or shouldn\u2019t, let me follow up on the quick reactions that you guys had. Why did you think that, at some point, in the past?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I thought it because a couple, going into marriage, signing a prenuptial agreement is hedging their bets\u2014they\u2019re saying: \u201cI\u2019ve got an 80 percent confidence that this will work out, but I\u2019d better just protect things because things can go south,\u201d and \u201cI want to make sure I\u2019m ready if they do.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014so\u00a0 lack of commitment or something.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m not really stepping on the water, trusting God to make it solid. I\u2019ve got one foot in the boat. If it doesn\u2019t go the way I think, I\u2019m good.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It\u2019s almost like saying, \u201cI\u2019ll leave [my parents] and cleave to you, but I <em>won\u2019t<\/em> leave my money.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There you go; that\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Absolutely; I do think that pre-nuptial agreements, in general, are planning to fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut what if we could pull out the <em>best<\/em> part of what the pre-nup is intended to do, and turn it into something that helps you succeed? Just real quickly\u2014a quick story we tell in this book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>: in 2016, a designer in the Netherlands actually designed\u2014are you ready for this?\u2014he designed a house called a pre-nuptial house. It\u2019s two units designed like tetris shapes that fit together. It\u2019s a houseboat, so it floats on water. When the couple breaks up, which inevitably is going to happen, they can each take their half of the house and float away. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Oh, my word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>It\u2019s a real thing. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s a real thing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Now what if we could take, in a blended family scenario, two adults\u2014who already\u00a0 have some assets, money, and something in a financial past\u2014and they\u2019re the two separated tetris shapes, and we put them together? We create togetherness for their financial future; <em>that\u2019s<\/em> what we want to do in this book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tInstead of a prenuptial agreement, we harvested the idea and turned it on its head\u2014Shook out all the negativity of it,\u201d as my friend, Greg Pettys, says in the book\u2014and created a Togetherness Agreement idea. It\u2019s this: \u201cWe plan together how we\u2019re going to merge both our money and our family relationships for the benefit of everyone involved with permanence.\u201d It\u2019s about planning to succeed, not about planning to fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I <em>love<\/em> what you\u2019ve done in the book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>, which you wrote with a financial planner, Greg Pettys; and an estate attorney, David Edwards. You got together\u2014the three of you\u2014your background, focusing on relationships\/on what the Bible has to say about how relationships are supposed to work out; Greg brings all of the financial expertise; David brings the estate law together. You said: \u201cHow can we help couples, who are either forming a blended family or are in a blended family, address an issue that has potential to damage their relationship\/their extended family relationships? How can they address it; so that it can go smoothly for them, and their kids, and their grandkids?\u201d\u2014right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Right; I mean, we\u2019re trying to disarm the hand grenade that\u2019s sitting in their living room that nobody\u2019s really talking about or doing anything with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI have to tell you\u2014I\u2019m really proud of this project\u2014not because of what I contributed; I think I helped to pull a lot of pieces together\u2014but Greg and David are <em>true<\/em> experts. There is <em>no book<\/em> like this, period\u2014secular or Christian-based. There are probably three other books about blended family finances on the market. <em>None<\/em> of them deal with the relational dynamics of the family and how that influences how money is used and how money is thought of. And <em>none<\/em> of them lace in any value\/Christian ideals into the ideas of the book at all. This truly is a first, to my knowledge; and I think it\u2019s <em>very practical<\/em>. I just think it\u2019s really going to help people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m talking to moms and dads today, who are, as their kids are growing up and getting married in a first marriage\u2014they\u2019re saying, \u201cBefore my daughter marries him, I want some kind of a financial background check run on him.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s the reality: your son, who graduated from college and maybe had a scholarship, so there\u2019s no student loan debt. He\u2019s fallen in love with somebody who\u2019s got $40,000 of student loans. They\u2019re going to get married; and all of a sudden, her $40,000 of indebtedness is now <em>your<\/em> indebtedness. I bring that up because those are real life issues that first-time families have to face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s go to a blended family scenario, where the wife, whose husband died\u2014she was left a sizeable estate. She\u2019s met and fallen in love with a guy, who lost his business last year and had to declare bankruptcy. The kids are looking at this and going: \u201cNo, no; you\u2019re not marrying him! I don\u2019t care <em>how much<\/em> in love you are, because does all of this become <em>yours<\/em>?\u201d We would say: \u201cIf a husband and wife are falling in love and getting married, yes. What was each of ours, individually, is now ours together.\u201d Is that the right way to look at it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let me jump in here because we had a scenario with a friend that is the exact situation she was in. When we have couples who are getting married we would always advise them that it is a joint bank account. But I had no idea, Dave you felt this too, because they were good friends. She was in her 40s. I felt such an emotional protection over her and for her kids that that was the question. He had poor financial dealings. He had some bankruptcy and she had a sizeable inheritance. She came to us and said, \u201cwhat do you think?\u201d What do you tell people? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There needs to be a book out there. [laughter] This was two years ago. Now I know what I would have handed her.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Okay; let\u2019s take the layers. As we\u2019ve already said, there\u2019s above-the-surface money stuff and legal aspects of this: \u201cHow do we manage that?\u201d The below-the-surface relational dynamics is what you\u2019re really asking about. There are adult kids, who don\u2019t <em>trust<\/em> this new man and: \u201cWhat is he all about?\u201d and \u201cHe seems to not manage his money well. Can we <em>trust<\/em> him to manage Mom\u2019s money, which is really <em>our<\/em> money? Where do we fit into this?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s below the surface.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen there\u2019s relational trust between the couple: \u201cI love you; I trust you, sort of. I feel some loyalty to my first husband.\u201d You can imagine that being a part of the scenario\u2014to care for what he cared about\/to make sure it moves to our children in ways that honor them and honor him. You can get so stuck in the middle of all that stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think you sit down and you begin to pull apart and ask: \u201cWhat is this about?\u201d \u201cWhat is this about?\u201d If that couple comes into that discussion with one solution: \u201cWe must have one pot of money at the end of the day,\u201d I think they <em>limit<\/em> their ability to be creative about how they love and care for one another. The number of bank accounts is <em>not<\/em> the issue. The issue is: \u201cHow do we love, and honor, and care for one another?\u201d And in this scenario, we\u2019re not just caring for one another, we\u2019re caring for kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt could be that they find a creative way to create a Togetherness Agreement that agrees that: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou and I, as husband and wife, are sharing <em>this<\/em> that we both bring.\u201d That might even be: \u201cWe\u2019re, together, deciding: \u2018I\u2019m going to help you with your debt. That\u2019s a part of me marrying you\u2014is I marry your debt,\u2019\u201d\u2014alright? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut \u201cWe\u2019re also going to provide for our children with <em>this<\/em>,\u201d\u2014maybe there\u2019s a family business. \u201cMaybe we\u2019re going to leave life insurance for kids, that nobody gets to touch, and the kids are going to get what\u2019s fair to them. But here\u2019s another piece of our asset\u201d\u2014the house or some other\u2014401K for example\u2014\u201cthat you and I share after my death.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou <em>can<\/em> find creative ways of doing that. Sometimes that <em>means<\/em> you end up with two pots of money; or three pots of money; or two pots of functional day-to-day money, but then we have 401K account, and we have this over here account\u2014we really have ten pots of money. The point is: that is being used to care for and honor marriage and children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying it\u2019s a little bit different\u2014because tell me if I\u2019m right\u2014if you\u2019re talking to a first husband\/first wife; one marriage\u2014you typically would say: \u201cJoint account. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014one pot. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cThat\u2019s loving each other; that\u2019s being <em>one<\/em>; that\u2019s trusting God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut it\u2019s different now [with blended family]; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; you know what? I think even the first marriage has layers. Fifty years ago\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>\u2014well, I\u2019m just going to\u2014Nan and I\u2014I was 19; she was 20; we had <em>nada<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You had no pot!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> We had <em>nothing<\/em>; no pot! [Laughter] We were dirt poor, barely surviving college. There was nothing to worry about or share, whatever. We just jumped in and went for it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCouples today are getting married at 26\/28; they\u2019ve already acquired a little bit; they\u2019ve already got a house. Nan and I are going to a wedding very soon, where\u2014when you went to their online registry, it was not anything about kitchen utensils or a toaster\u2014it was about paying for their vacation; it was about paying for a resource they were looking for to aid in their job. They\u2019ve already got a house; they\u2019ve already got a toaster\u2014they\u2019ve already got all this kind of stuff\u2014because he\u2019s 28, and he\u2019s established; she\u2019s 26, and she\u2019s established. Now, they\u2019re just going to be merging all that stuff. The world has changed!\u2014right? That couple may need to have a Togetherness Agreement conversation around how they\u2019re going to merge their things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBlended family couples: absolutely, it\u2019s got to be part of the conversation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What\u2019s that look like, if you sit down and say, \u201cHoney, let\u2019s develop a Togetherness Agreement.\u201d How do you start? What do you do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> One of the first things you are going to do\u2014in the book, there\u2019s an appendix called \u201cThe Own and Owe\u201d list: everything you own, and everything you owe. If you were to sit down and start making a list of all that stuff\u2014and then slide it over the table to the other person; they\u2019re sliding over to you. Do you know what you\u2019re doing?\u2014you\u2019re getting transparent. You\u2019re, actually, showing the other person: \u201cI\u2019ve got $40,000 in college debt,\u201d \u201cI bought a car I shouldn\u2019t have bought,\u201d \u201cI\u2019ve got credit card debt.\u201d You have to own it: \u201cHere it is. If you marry me, you\u2019re marrying <em>this<\/em>.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow we have <em>full<\/em> transparency. That is a good exercise for <em>anybody<\/em>; I don\u2019t care who you are. Now we get honest about one another, and what marriage means, and \u201cHow we move forward with this.\u201d There\u2019s <em>no<\/em> surprises. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs soon as someone is keeping a secret and then they surprise it on you and you\u2019re stuck with credit card debt you didn\u2019t see coming. Well, that\u2019s just a betrayal of trust. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe process starts there; then you begin to kind of figure out: \u201cAlright; this is what we have to work with. Where do we want to go?\u201d The book walks you through a process of figuring out those initial steps. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome couples, as we said before, will figure out: \u201cWe need a little help with this. We\u2019re not sure what those creative financial solutions are. We don\u2019t know what a QTIP is. We need to sit down with an attorney or a financial planner, who <em>does<\/em> understand those pieces.\u201d Together, you find your way through. It can be a much longer process for some people, just based upon their history and what they have. Other people, it might be a conversation they have one afternoon and \u201cHey, we feel like we can move on.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron, I\u2019ve heard you tell couples in a blended marriage: \u201cThe priority in the marriage needs to be\u201d\u2014you call it the \u201cfront seat\u201d relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; ultimate allegiance is to your spouse. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Is that true, financially?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, but that doesn\u2019t mean you stop providing for children; it is a both\/and. It is: \u201cYes, you\u2019re in the front seat with me; and we have kids in the back. Some are mine; some are yours\u201d\u2014different combinations\u2014\u201cHow do we provide for them and think about <em>their<\/em> futures? What would we want to give them? If I were to die today\u2014my kids are not yet in college\u2014how do I make sure my kids get to go to college?\u201d Those are <em>really<\/em> important conversations. They\u2019re a part of our responsibility, as parents. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If we got married in our sixties\u2014both of us widows; we\u2019ve got adult kids\u2014my new wife has some financial need; that takes precedence over inheritance for my kids. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; <em>but<\/em> let me just say this\u2014some people kind of get nervous with the \u201cYes\u201d\u2014like, \u201cOh, does that mean I have to shift <em>everything<\/em> over?\u201d\u2014no, no, no; it\u2019s not all or nothing; it is about <em>both<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe <em>creative<\/em> answer <em>might<\/em> be something like: \u201cEverything that I have in place\u2014and my will\u2014is basically staying the same. But I am going to go out and buy,\u201d\u2014as Greg and David have taught me, the great financial equalizer is\u2014\u201clife insurance.\u201d \u201cEverything I have is already set, and my children are going to continue to get that; but I\u2019m going to go out and buy some more life insurance that <em>just<\/em> goes to my spouse,\u201d\u2014because that way, they are provided for; kids are provided for. There are lots of creative ways of managing that. It <em>doesn\u2019t<\/em> mean you have to start dividing, or splitting, or taking away from somebody. Thinking it through together is the way to do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the awkward pieces of that might be a parent then going to their, now adult children, for example, and saying: \u201cThis has changed. Before, I left all three of you kids\/each got a third. Now you\u2019re each getting this percentage\u2026.Here\u2019s why...But here\u2019s what I want you to see: I\u2019m still providing for <em>you<\/em>, and I\u2019m leaving something to the grandkids through life insurance. I\u2019m also providing this, over here for my new spouse, so everyone is cared for,\u201d\u2014<em>that\u2019s<\/em> the ultimate message. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you <em>lead<\/em> with that\u2014one of the things we teach people is: \u201c<em>Lead with love<\/em>,\u201d\u2014\u201cThe reason we\u2019re making these changes is so that I can provide for you. I love you; you\u2019re my child\u2014that\u2019s never going to change\u2014<em>and<\/em>\u201d\u2014not \u201c<em>but<\/em>\u201d\u2014\u201c<em>and<\/em> I\u2019m providing for my new spouse.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Love is not a zero-sum game, but money is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I\u2019m going to my kids and saying: \u201cI\u2019ve got a new wife coming into the picture; that means your inheritance is going to be diminished. You\u2019re going from a third to now what\u2019s going to wind up being 17.5 percent.\u201d They\u2019re looking at that, in hard dollars; and that\u2019s going to sting for them. It\u2019s going to require that my kids have some level of spiritual maturity and that they understand what it means to trust God. Is there a way I can help <em>shepherd<\/em> that, spiritually?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Hey, there is cost to making choices in relationships. You can\u2019t choose to get married and expect that there not be any cost. Not only is there a cost in your money, there\u2019s a cost in your time; there\u2019s a cost in your energy. You used to have 100 percent of your grandparenting energy for your biological grandkids. Now you marry somebody, and you have stepgrandkids. There is cost all the way around.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are some realities here that you do have to face. That\u2019s part of what we help blended families understand is: when Dad\/Grandpa has made these choices, that\u2019s <em>forcing<\/em> cost on children that they didn\u2019t ask for. That creates some tension; that is part of the reality of this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re saying, obviously, once you design this togetherness, this agreement, now there\u2019s a conversation\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014that has to come.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014where you unveil that to the kids; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that\u2019s going to be emotional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> It is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Because mom and dad have made a decision, and they\u2019re good with it; but, now, when I roll that out to my kids\u201d\u2014by the way, I\u2019m sitting here, listening to this, going, \u201cI was that kid,\u201d\u2014there was <em>never<\/em> a conversation. It was like, \u201cOh, all Dad\u2019s money now goes to my stepmom and my <em>stepbrother<\/em>.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> And what statement did that make to you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, \u201c[I\u2019m of] <em>no value<\/em>\u201d; it was emotional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> See, that\u2019s the below-the-surface comment\u2014that\u2019s the impact; you <em>felt<\/em> unvalued. Maybe that really wasn\u2019t what anybody would\u2019ve intended, but that is what came through. If there had been a conversation to say: \u201cI\u2019m acknowledging there\u2019s going to be some changes, and we regret that. These are what the changes are, but please know you are valuable.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That conversation is so important. I think it would be difficult; but I think, even for the kids processing\u2014to hear their father or mother talk about that\u2014that\u2019s an act of love, because dialogue can continue to happen. And even their emotions can come out, but it can continue to be resolved in time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The alternative is to <em>not<\/em> have that conversation. Think about it: when you\u2019re aging and starting to lose your memory\u2014and now, people are saying, \u201cWell, Dad, what did you plan for us?\u201d\u2014everything gets <em>worse<\/em>. When you have those awkward, but important conversations\u2014again, <em>hear<\/em> the purpose\u2014you are helping your family merge. It might be a moment, where it brings something to the surface, that is difficult and needs some forgiveness and work through. Yet, on the other side of that, you\u2019re not only dealing with the money stuff; but more important\u2014much, much more importantly\u2014you\u2019re helping to solidify expectations and relationships within your home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>all<\/em> messy and complicated. <em>You<\/em> and your coauthors have made it less complicated. You\u2019ve found a solution\u2014ways for folks to navigate through complicated waters\u2014and that takes care of some of the mess. This may not be the silver bullet that makes everything easy; but this book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>, will make things <em>better<\/em> than they would otherwise be. We can\u2019t guarantee it\u2019s going to be sunshine and unicorns; right? But we can guarantee that, if you press into this and you do what\u2019s here, it\u2019s going to go better for you, long term, in your relationships and in how your money gets handled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m so grateful for the time it took to put all of this together and for your coauthors and the expertise they bring into this. To have a financial planner and an estate attorney coming alongside somebody, who understands the relational dynamics as well as you do\u2014that\u2019s a gift to the body of Christ. Thank you for this. Thanks for the time on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thank you!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got copies of Ron\u2019s book, <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>. He wrote it with Greg Pettys and David Edwards. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to order your copy; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the book is called <em>The Smart Stepfamily Guide to Financial Planning<\/em>: <em>Take Control of Your Blended Family Finances<\/em>. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order your copy, or call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tKeep in mind Ron has an event coming up in a few weeks. This was originally scheduled to be live in Houston. It\u2019s now going to be a livestream event that is going to be held around the world so you have an opportunity to join with what we are hoping will be tens of thousands of people tuned in to spend time together talking about how to strengthen our relationships in blended families. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s more information about the Blended &amp; Blessed livestream. Go to our website familylifetoday.com to find out how you can tune in on your own, as a couple, with a small group. That\u2019s probably as big as it needs to get right now. You can go to familylifetoday.com for information about the upcoming Blended &amp; Blessed livestream event that will happen on Saturday, April 25. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd with that I hope you and your family are able to worship together this weekend. Whether it is online as many of us are doing these days or you are in a situation where you can get together with other believers this weekend. Hope you are able to spend time worshipping the Lord. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJoin us on Monday when we\u2019ll meet a couple who found themselves successful in business and started thinking about how their business success could be used in a way that advances God\u2019s kingdom. You\u2019ll meet Gary and Marla Ringer on Monday. I hope you can join us for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. We got some extra help today from our friend, Mark Ramey. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305901","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305901"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305901"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305901"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305901"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305901"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305901"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305901"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}