{"id":305869,"date":"2020-03-24T07:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-03-24T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/where-men-miss-the-mark\/"},"modified":"2020-03-24T07:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-03-24T11:00:05","slug":"where-men-miss-the-mark","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-men-miss-the-mark\/","title":{"rendered":"Where Men Miss the Mark"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Dave Willis talks honestly about where he feels men are missing the mark. He reminds men that selfishness is the opposite of respect, and advises men to train their sons to serve others as Christ did.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-24.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:43","filesize":"23.54M","filesize_raw":"24683138","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837,2826,2844,2835],"tags":[2989],"podcast_series":[8346],"cwp_profile":[9605],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305869","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","category-men","category-pornography","category-raising-boys","tag-pornography","podcast_series-raising-boys-to-respect-girls","cwp_profile-dave-willis","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305869\/where-men-miss-the-mark","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305869\/where-men-miss-the-mark","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"DqWsW8w3m4\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-men-miss-the-mark\/\">Where Men Miss the Mark<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/where-men-miss-the-mark\/embed\/#?secret=DqWsW8w3m4\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Where Men Miss the Mark&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"DqWsW8w3m4\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-24.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-24.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of us face the pressure\/the temptation to act one way with one group of people and a different way with another group. For adolescent boys, that pressure can be pretty intense, especially as it relates to how you view young women. Here is Dave Willis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> They need to know that all parts of our life have to be an open book before God. If we\u2019re going to live with honor and integrity, and if we\u2019re going to be men of God\u2014and in this specific case, if we\u2019re going to be respecters of women\u2014it has to be in all parts of life. It can\u2019t be just: \u201cIn this part, online, I\u2019m not respecting women,\u201d or \u201cIn this one group of friends, I\u2019m not respecting women\u201d; it\u2019s got to be all over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, March 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s important that our sons know that there is not a certain time when we\u2019re supposed to be godly and another time when it\u2019s okay not to be godly. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Dave Willis. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. It\u2019s interesting, in the conversation we\u2019re having this week about how we raise sons to respect girls, one of the things that emerges is: guys have got to be confident and competent in their understanding of what it means to be a man in order to know how to respect, appropriately and well, young women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is something I know you\u2019ve been passionate about\u2014is helping raise sons to understand masculinity and manhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, if there is <em>anything<\/em> in this culture\u2014and you know, of course, I\u2019m going to jump hard on this\u2014but there are so many things you\u2019ve got to teach your sons and daughters; but man, it\u2019s a passion of my heart. I didn\u2019t know what a man was, growing up. The image I had was alcohol in my home\/adultery in my home. Never a conversation with my dad, one time, about what it meant to be a man\u2014<em>except<\/em> I can remember, when I was in college\u2014and my dad told me to go to the bar and pick up women; that\u2019s what I had. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, now, I\u2019m a father. You know, I\u2019ve got three little boys; I\u2019m like: \u201cI have to find out what a godly man is. I\u2019ve got to live it. Then, I\u2019ve got to pass that onto my sons,\u201d\u2014who are now grown men, with families, and the whole thing; but it is a passion of my heart. The culture is worse now than it was then; and people have no idea: \u201cWhat is a real man?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were equally passionate and committed to raising boys to embrace masculinity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right; one of the things that Dave did that I loved is that he found men\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You love something I did?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Honey, there are so many things I love that you did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright; let\u2019s hear it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He went and found men, that were older than Dave\u2014that he watched them, as fathers\u2014and thought, \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m looking for,\u201d\u2014you did that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that the thing that we did, too, as parents, is we always tried to have this open conversation. I remember saying to our sons: \u201cThis is what a girl is looking for\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is what your wife will look for\u2026\u201d; so that we are training and teaching them all along the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when our son was 18, he was like, \u201cI\u2019m going to ask this girl out.\u201d He went on this date and opened the door for her\u2014because, even as little boys, we would go out, and I would say\u2014\u201cThis is\u2014you know, you need to respect this woman. You need to have a conversation. This is what it looks like\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe comes home from this date\u2014and this, by the way, is the woman he is now married to\u2014I said: \u201cHow did it go? This was probably an amazing night.\u201d He goes, \u201cI think she thinks I\u2019m really weird.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d He said: \u201cBecause I opened the door; I had these conversations\/I\u2019m trying to ask her things; I\u2019m trying to be real gentlemanly.\u201d I think he was really discouraged because she thought, \u201cI\u2019ve never met a guy like this\u201d; but she married him, [Laughter] so it must have been pretty good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Something worked out there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; but I think in our culture, guys are saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know how to do this.\u201d They are looking for dads and men\u2014and moms, too\u2014to help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dave Willis is joining us this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Dave, welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Thank you for having me. I am\u2014it\u2019s really an honor to be here. I\u2019ve been impacted\/my family has been impacted by the ministry you guys are doing. Thank you for letting me be part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019re thrilled to have you here. Dave is an author\/a speaker. He and Ashley live in Texas. They are raising four boys there. They are involved in the ministry of MarriageToday<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave has just written a book called <em>Raising Boys Who Respect Girls<\/em>. This is a critical subject in our culture today, and you would agree with what we\u2019ve been talking about here. In fact, I\u2019m thinking of Chapter 4 in your book: \u201cFor a boy to have the right framework for respecting girls, that boy needs to understand what it means for him to be a godly young man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Absolutely; like Dave and Ann were talking about, it really does come down to finding those right mentors. We, as parents, have to be\u2014or should be\u2014the primary mentor, even if you didn\u2019t have that growing up\/even if you didn\u2019t have a mentor to look to in your family. We\u2019ve got to find it outside the family and say, \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m aiming for.\u201d If we don\u2019t know where the bullseye is, we are never going to hit it; so we\u2019ve got to find guys who are doing it right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You have listed, in the book, areas where you think modern men are missing the mark. Just touch on a few of those for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> I think some of the ways that we are missing the mark is simply just selfishness. I think that selfishness, in a lot of ways, is the opposite of respect. That kind of sets the stage for this whole list I give, in the book, of Chapter 4; but young men\u2014and young women, too, for that matter\u2014are sort of being raised with this mindset that says, \u201cYou just get all that you can get out of life.\u201d At that point, other people in our life become either competition or a conquest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor young men, they are kind of being raised to look at other men as competition\u2014not as friends but as competition\u2014and look at women as conquests, not as souls to be cherished\/people to be respected. We\u2019ve got to train our young men to say: \u201cNo; we\u2019ve got to roll up our sleeves and serve the way Christ did. Recognize that every person\u2014man and woman\u2014around us is someone created in the image of God with limitless and eternal worth. We need to look at the fellow men around us as brothers in Christ, who can sharpen us; and we can do the same for them. We need to look at the women around us with this complete purity and respect, where we\u2019re trying to respect, and protect, and champion them in every aspect of their life as well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt means taking the focus off of ourselves long enough to do it. If we\u2019ll just train our young boys\u2014and train ourselves\u2014to not think life is all about our pleasure and us getting ahead; but start looking at other people and loving them and serving them. That\u2019s really the foundation for any respectful relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> One of the first areas you mention, where men miss it, is a real struggle for every man. I know it\u2019s been a struggle for me; I\u2019m guessing for Bob. Every man listening is thinking, \u201cThe struggle between career, and even hobbies, and my family is a tension.\u201d You say, \u201cNumber one,\u201d\u2014one of the areas that men miss it\u2014\u201cwe prioritize our career and our hobbies ahead of our family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI missed that! I almost lost my marriage because I was trying to start this church; and it was a real priority in my life, not realizing, \u201cI\u2019m sort of leaving my wife and my kids in the dust.\u201d I would have <em>never<\/em> told you my career is more important than my family; but if you looked at my calendar, you would have said, \u201cDude, I don\u2019t know if you are seeing this.\u201d Then I finally heard it from my wife. I think a lot of men struggle with this. You\u2019re saying, \u201cIt\u2019s like an area where we miss it\u201d; so talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> And I struggle with it, too; so I\u2019m not writing this in a way that\u2019s trying to condemn or preach at other guys\u2014saying, \u201cHey, be more like me.\u201d I\u2019m saying, like, \u201cI struggle with this\u2014living in this tension every day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think part of it is coming back to our God-given wiring as men\u2014but then getting off course with that wiring\u2014because God did put inside of us this desire to build things, and this desire to achieve, and this desire to do some of those healthy things that can require hard work. But we, as men, in our insecurity, we base our manhood on the trophies of this life. We base our manhood on <em>measurable<\/em> results like: \u201cIf I make so many dollars, that means I\u2019m a real man,\u201d or \u201cIf I get so many trophies or promotions at work, that means I\u2019m a real man,\u201d or \u201cIf I can get this many people to show up to my church or my organization\u201d\u2014or whatever it is\u2014\u201cthen I\u2019ve really\/I\u2019ve made it as a man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Even our hobbies tend to be measurable things. If you look at the hobbies guys go to, it\u2019s usually stuff like golf, where there is a real tangible score; or fantasy football, where there is a tangible score, and they are playing against other folks; or video games, where there is a real point system\u2014you know who is winning and you know who is losing\u2014and you know what it takes to win. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, at home, we don\u2019t have metrics that are that clear. There is not a scoreboard up at the house that says how we are doing as a husband or a dad. There is not a trophy given to us, at the end of the day, that says: \u201cMan, you really did it today. You won as a husband!\u201d or \u201c\u2026as a dad!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s insecurity inside of us that can drive us to those places that don\u2019t matter nearly as much as the eternal, limitless value of investing in our home and in our family and being what no one else can be. No one else can be a husband to your wife\/a father to your kids the way that you can. We pour our best energies out into the world, looking for feedback\u2014and looking for points, and dollars, and trophies, and trinkets\u2014that make us feel like: \u201cYes; now, I\u2019ve finally made it as a man. Now, I\u2019m worthy of my family\u2019s love,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m worthy of love,\u201d or however our minds are wrapping around it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just saying: \u201cLet\u2019s get back to realizing that our value isn\u2019t based in all those temporary trinkets the world throws at us. It\u2019s that we are limitlessly loved by God\u2014that Jesus loved us some much He gave His life on a cross for us; and He calls us to just embrace His love, and live in the overflow of that, and show that love to the people in our life\u2014that relationships are really what matter most.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>For guys, we think: \u201cOh, relationships\u2014that\u2019s touchy, feely. I want something that I can attach trophies and points to\u201d; and God says: \u201cIf you want trophies that are going to matter for life, then let your treasure be where your heart is; and let your heart be at home with your wife\/your kids. Make that your first and primary mission, and you\u2019ll win\u2014in light of eternity, you\u2019ll win.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, how do I know if I\u2019m missing it? You know, if I\u2019m a guy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and I\u2019m pushing hard, trying to do my thing, and I just\u2014how do I know if I am missing something at home that\u2019s really valuable? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> I think, first and foremost, your wife is going to be\u2014she\u2019s going to be the gauge-bearer there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> She\u2019s keeping score. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> She knows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to say. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Every <em>wife<\/em> already knows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Every wife knows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The question is: \u201cHow do we, as women, get our husbands\u2014how do we encourage him without criticizing him?\u201d I criticized Dave for years: \u201cI wish I was as important as your job\u201d; you know? I was sarcastic. How can we lovingly encourage our men\u2014and I\u2019m asking you guys this\u2014in a way that would draw them to home rather than pushing them away? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> As a wife, you\u2019ve got to have the freedom to express to your husband exactly what you need\u2014and you can\u2019t be afraid to say: \u201cI wish you were here more. I just love spending time with you,\u201d\u2014and to communicate without feeling like you\u2019re walking on eggshells. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you feel like things have really gotten out of balance, a husband and wife have to have that kind of communication; but when you let your primary mode\/your primary mission be to encourage and not criticize\u2014and this goes, not only from women to men, but from men to women\u2014it will change <em>everything<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens is\u2014couples will start getting into this mindset, where they become experts in picking out what the other is doing wrong. The husband will be like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be home\u201d; because he\u2019s focused on all the things that his wife is doing to make him feel like he\u2019s not winning; and the wife is always frustrated with her husband, because she\u2019s focused on all the things she feels like her husband is doing that aren\u2019t right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne little exercise that we do at our XO Marriage Conferences\u2014that I actually stole from somebody else; but we do it, and it seems to connect\u2014is we say: \u201cAlright; we are going to give everybody five seconds to look around this room and look for every red item you can find in five seconds. We\u2019ll see how many you can find\/how perceptive you are.\u201d We\u2019ll say: \u201cGo! Look for red exit signs, red purses, red shoes, red, red, red. Stop; close your eyes. Now, we\u2019re going to score the test. Out loud, I want you to tell me everything you just saw that is the color blue.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople laugh, and they don\u2019t say anything. Then we\u2019ll say, \u201cOpen your eyes.\u201d You look around, and there is blue everywhere. That was there the whole time, but they didn\u2019t see it. We said: \u201cWell, we didn\u2019t make the blue magically appear. You didn\u2019t see it; why didn\u2019t you see?\u2014same reason we don\u2019t see most things; we are looking for something else.\u201d Jesus said, \u201cSeek and you will find.\u201d The actual verb tense He used was: \u201cWhatever you continuously seek is what you will find\u201d; so the opposite has to be true: \u201cWhatever you\u2019re not looking for, you\u2019re not likely to see.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs it relates to marriage, if you make it your mission to notice everything your spouse is doing wrong, it\u2019s all you\u2019ll see\u2014but if you say, \u201cHoly Spirit, change my perspective and help me to find something to praise, help me to find something to show gratitude for, help me to be their biggest encourager\/their biggest cheerleader instead of their biggest critic,\u201d\u2014it might not instantly change your marriage; but it could instantly change your own perspective and your own attitude, whether you are the husband or the wife in the situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis isn\u2019t a gender-specific issue. You alone\u2014just by changing the way that you approach your spouse, and by the tone of your voice in the way you relate to them, and the tenderness, and the kindness, and the encouragement\u2014it can actually be something drawing them in instead of pushing them away. Very often, we\u2019re trying to pull somebody in, we do it in a way that repels them more than it pulls them in. That kindness and that encouragement goes a long way to set the right tone at home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add for the guy\u2014the dad\/the husband\u2014who is trying to see if he\u2019s missed it\u2014is: \u201cListen.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cListen to what your wife is saying,\u201d\u2014whether she says it affirmative or life or death\u2014\u201cListen,\u201d and \u201cListen to what your kids are saying.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe recently did a marriage conference in Brazil for 2,000 pastors. Crazy thing\u2014one of the other pastors from San Diego made this comment; he was trying to teach on this to the pastors. He was trying to say, \u201cIt isn\u2019t about fulfilling your potential; it\u2019s about fulfilling your calling.\u201d He used this example; I\u2019ll never forget. He said, \u201cWhen one of my sons was seven years old, I\u2019m writing a book; and he says to me, \u2018I hate it when you write books, because you\u2019re never my dad during that time.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He said, \u201cI stopped right then, and I never wrote a book until that son was 22.\u201d He said, \u201cMy potential is I could have written a lot more books.\u201d He has written many books. He goes: \u201cBut for the next 15 years, I said, \u2018I need to be a dad; I need to be a husband. The books can wait.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cWhen he hit college, I started writing some more books.\u201d He\u2019s written like 15 books; but he just <em>heard<\/em> his son, and he realized, \u201cI\u2019m missing something, because I\u2019m trying to pursue something else.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to reach your potential. Your calling is to be a husband\/to be a dad in this window.\u201d I\u2019ve never forgotten that; it\u2019s like, \u201cWow!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was really listening and not missing something God had called him to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The hard part is there is no scoreboard there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, back to the point you were making earlier, guys like to keep score. Guys like to know: \u201cAm I winning? Am I succeeding? Am I accomplishing something?\u201d At work, score is kept for you. In video games\/in golf, all of it is kept; but at home, when that dad says, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m not going to write a book,\u201d there is nobody saying, \u201cYou\u2019ve got some points today.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you wind up, as a man, thinking, \u201cAm I really <em>winning<\/em> here?\u201d I think a lot of guys are insecure about \u201cAm I winning at home?\u201d Guys will gravitate to those areas, where they know they can win; they\u2019ll go do that. If they are wondering, \u201cAm I winning at home?\u201d then they are going to go find somewhere, where it is a little more concrete. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo your point, Ann, I think that\u2019s where a wife can say, \u201cI can be shrewd here; because I can say, \u2018Here\u2019s where you\u2019re winning\u2026\u2019\u201d It\u2019s what you did when Dave prayed with the boys and you said, \u201cYou are winning when you pray with those boys.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that is a great point, Bob, that we, as women, need to be intentional in letting our husbands know when they are winning. I think, a lot of times, as women, we\u2019re thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know; is he winning?\u201d But just that encouragement of pointing out\u2014kind of refocusing on our colors: \u201cI\u2019m going to, now, notice the things he does right instead of the things he does wrong,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m going to compliment him and notice those things, so he feels like he\u2019s winning.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think women need that as well\u2014we need encouragement\u2014but that is something very tangible we can do as women\u2014of even, at the end of the day, in bed, saying, \u201cHey, I noticed that you did this...That was amazing; thank you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Every guy I know <em>runs<\/em> to encouragement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m winning?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, that guy is going to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m winning here? I\u2019ve got a good score? Yes; I\u2019m going to go back and do that again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m going to run home,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014rather than just to the workplace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, bring this, now, all back to\u2014because here, we\u2019re talking about how men need to prioritize home, and they need to be bringing energy there. How does all of this fit into helping our sons respect women as we raise them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> I think it comes back to the model that we share and the value system that we are teaching for them. What scoreboard are we teaching them, early on, that really matters in life for a win? If we are teaching them, early on, by what we\u2019re praising them in\u2014that it\u2019s only about these outward: if it\u2019s only about the grades they get, if it\u2019s only about how many points they scored at the basketball game or whatever\u2014not that there is anything wrong with cheering that stuff on, but it has to be put in its place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, when they look at us and they see a value system that says: \u201cI\u2019m reframing my scoreboard. Instead of dollars and trophies, I want to measure moments at home. I want to measure my success by: \u201cHow many moments of laughter was I a part of at home?\u201d \u201cHow many moments was I holding hands with my wife?\u201d \u201cHow many times did I see my wife\u2019s smile and know that I had something to do with that?\u201d and make <em>that<\/em> the scoreboard that I\u2019m going for, and model that for my kids, because they are going to want to be like you. They are going to want a value system that reflects your value system. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd to be intentional\u2014not only as you act that out by your presence at home and the attitude you have while you are at home\u2014but also in how you are teaching them to put things in the right place, like: \u201cYes; work hard. We have high expectations. God made you smart, so we expect you to do your best to make good grades,\u201d\/\u201cGod made you gifted in this area, so we want you to work hard and develop that God-given gift; but that is not who you are. That\u2019s not your identity. If some injury happened, and you could never do that thing again or play that sport again, then that doesn\u2019t change a bit about your soul and your eternal worth in God and you\u2019re eternal worth in this family.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to constantly remind them of who they are, the value that they have, and what God\u2019s value system really is, which is not the superficial value system of the world. The more we can keep coming back to that, the more we\u2019re giving them a foundation and a confidence to be able to go out into the world\u2014in the workplace\/in school\u2014but also, eventually, as a husband and a dad at home, and do it the right way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me just read\u2014you list things you want to teach your son in the book. I just want to read through this list; because I think, if you raise young men, who are doing these things, respect for women will naturally flow out of this kind of character. You say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to raise sons, who have the courage to fight for what is right. I want to raise sons, who seek responsibility instead of running from it. I want to raise sons, who work hard at whatever they do; and when they have a family, they work hard to provide for them. I want to raise sons, who show patience and restraint, who are not ruled by their temper or their temptation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to raise sons who, when they engage with a woman, they respect her by keeping both of them away from sexual sin; and then, when they are married, they respect their wives by being faithful, and respectful, and loving in all circumstances. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to raise sons, who keep their word and honor their commitments; and I want to raise sons, who trust God and let His Word reshape the roadmap of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou look at that list of seven things\u2014that\u2019s pretty powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> It definitely sounds more profound when <em>you<\/em> read it than when I read it; because I was listening, and I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> said anything that profound!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s right there in your book. To the point: if you\u2019ve got sons, who are courageous and fight for what\u2019s right, and who seek responsibility, and who work hard and show respect, and control their passions, and who trust God\u2019s Word, they\u2019re going to respect women, naturally, because of the character that is developed that is a godly character. Respect for women is going to flow out of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think, you know, as we all know, our sons\/our daughters are going to follow our walk more than our talk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, when they see these values lived out in mom and dad\u2014when I lived these out, as a dad, \u201cIs it going to be caught?\u201d I can say whatever I want; I live it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do remember\u201430 years ago, we started our church; and my marriage was in trouble. Steve Andrews\u2019s marriage was in trouble; we\u2019re the two guys starting this church. We both said to each other: \u201cWe need to be home. We need to be putting our little kids to bed at night with our wives. How are we going to do this?\u201d\u2014because there are meetings and all this stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget this; we stood up in front of our church together\u2014year one\u2014and said: \u201cListen, here is what we\u2019re telling you. If you want to meet with us, we\u2019ll meet you at four in the morning, five in the morning, six in the morning. The evenings\u2014we\u2019re not taking appointments. We need to be home, putting our little kids to bed with our wives. That\u2019s what they\u2019ve [wives] said: \u2018If I could pick, I need you home at night more than the morning\u2019; so we\u2019ll meet you in the morning. We\u2019re just saying this\u2014we\u2019ve made a commitment; we\u2019re going to be home, at least, four nights a week.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was one more than half; right?\u2014that was our deal. And we actually thought: \u201cThis would be cool. We\u2019re going to tell the church; they are going to applaud.\u201d We told the church\u2014I\u2019ll never forget it\u2014they were like, \u201cWait a minute!\u201d It\u2019s a small church at this time. They were like: \u201cYou\u2019re our pastors. What do you mean?! We work; we need to meet with you at night. You can\u2019t be home.\u201d We\u2019re like, \u201cOh my goodness!\u201d We thought they would applaud it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Here is what I can say, 30 years later: \u201cBest decision I ever made,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014lying in bed with my little boys: five, six, seven, eight years old\u2014praying with them, reading Bible stories with them; now, looking at grandkids\u2014one of the best decisions we ever made. That was, then, caught more than what I taught to my kids. I\u2019m just telling you\u2014make the hard calls; it\u2019s going to be worth it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking there are a lot of moms and dads, who are going, \u201cWe need a copy of that list.\u201d Okay; it\u2019s in Chapter 4 of Dave Willis\u2019s book, <em>Raising Boys Who Respect Girls<\/em>. You can order a copy of the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Go to our website and order online; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, the book is called <em>Raising Boys Who Respect Girls: Upending Locker Room Mentality, Blind Spots, and Unintended Sexism<\/em> by Dave Willis. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need to say a quick word of thanks to the folks, who have made today\u2019s conversation possible for all of us\u2014that\u2019s those of you, who are regular listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who have donated or, especially, those of you who are Legacy Partners and who are donating each month\u2014thank you for enabling these kinds of conversations. Thank you for helping us, together, help others in your community and all around the world. When you donate to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, you are facilitating the spread of practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families. You\u2019re making this possible for others. On behalf of those who are benefitting from these kinds of conversations, thank you for your support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to send you a resource that has been used by hundreds of thousands of moms and dads with their sons and daughters right before the kids begin the adolescent years. It\u2019s our <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> resource. It\u2019s designed to help you have a two-day getaway with a son or a daughter, where you can have important conversations. We help guide those conversations: talking about peer pressure, dating, about the birds and the bees, about what\u2019s ahead for them in the adolescent years. Actually, we tee it up so that you can have the conversation. We make it a little easier for parents and kids to connect around these subjects. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll send you the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> kit, along with a copy of Vicki Courtney\u2019s book, <em>Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Son<\/em>; or if you have girls, you can ask for <em>Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter<\/em>. You can receive either of those books, along with your <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> kit, when you donate, this week, online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. Thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Let us know after you\u2019ve been away with your son or daughter\u2014let us know how it went and what kind of conversations you had. We\u2019d love to get the feedback. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be with us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk with Dave Willis about one of the reasons why young men are objectifying young women in our culture today; and that\u2019s the issue of pornography. What do we do about that as we raise our sons? We\u2019ll have that conversation tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:43"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.54M"],"filesize_raw":["24683138"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305869.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305869.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Willis talks honestly about where he feels men are missing the mark. He reminds men that selfishness is the opposite of respect, and advises men to train their sons to serve others as Christ did.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-24.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> All of us face the pressure\/the temptation to act one way with one group of people and a different way with another group. For adolescent boys, that pressure can be pretty intense, especially as it relates to how you view young women. Here is Dave Willis. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> They need to know that all parts of our life have to be an open book before God. If we\u2019re going to live with honor and integrity, and if we\u2019re going to be men of God\u2014and in this specific case, if we\u2019re going to be respecters of women\u2014it has to be in all parts of life. It can\u2019t be just: \u201cIn this part, online, I\u2019m not respecting women,\u201d or \u201cIn this one group of friends, I\u2019m not respecting women\u201d; it\u2019s got to be all over. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, March 24<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s important that our sons know that there is not a certain time when we\u2019re supposed to be godly and another time when it\u2019s okay not to be godly. We\u2019ll talk more about that today with Dave Willis. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. It\u2019s interesting, in the conversation we\u2019re having this week about how we raise sons to respect girls, one of the things that emerges is: guys have got to be confident and competent in their understanding of what it means to be a man in order to know how to respect, appropriately and well, young women. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is something I know you\u2019ve been passionate about\u2014is helping raise sons to understand masculinity and manhood. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, if there is <em>anything<\/em> in this culture\u2014and you know, of course, I\u2019m going to jump hard on this\u2014but there are so many things you\u2019ve got to teach your sons and daughters; but man, it\u2019s a passion of my heart. I didn\u2019t know what a man was, growing up. The image I had was alcohol in my home\/adultery in my home. Never a conversation with my dad, one time, about what it meant to be a man\u2014<em>except<\/em> I can remember, when I was in college\u2014and my dad told me to go to the bar and pick up women; that\u2019s what I had. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>So, now, I\u2019m a father. You know, I\u2019ve got three little boys; I\u2019m like: \u201cI have to find out what a godly man is. I\u2019ve got to live it. Then, I\u2019ve got to pass that onto my sons,\u201d\u2014who are now grown men, with families, and the whole thing; but it is a passion of my heart. The culture is worse now than it was then; and people have no idea: \u201cWhat is a real man?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were equally passionate and committed to raising boys to embrace masculinity. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right; one of the things that Dave did that I loved is that he found men\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You love something I did?! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Honey, there are so many things I love that you did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Alright; let\u2019s hear it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He went and found men, that were older than Dave\u2014that he watched them, as fathers\u2014and thought, \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m looking for,\u201d\u2014you did that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that the thing that we did, too, as parents, is we always tried to have this open conversation. I remember saying to our sons: \u201cThis is what a girl is looking for\u2026\u201d \u201cThis is what your wife will look for\u2026\u201d; so that we are training and teaching them all along the way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when our son was 18, he was like, \u201cI\u2019m going to ask this girl out.\u201d He went on this date and opened the door for her\u2014because, even as little boys, we would go out, and I would say\u2014\u201cThis is\u2014you know, you need to respect this woman. You need to have a conversation. This is what it looks like\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe comes home from this date\u2014and this, by the way, is the woman he is now married to\u2014I said: \u201cHow did it go? This was probably an amazing night.\u201d He goes, \u201cI think she thinks I\u2019m really weird.\u201d I said, \u201cWhy?\u201d He said: \u201cBecause I opened the door; I had these conversations\/I\u2019m trying to ask her things; I\u2019m trying to be real gentlemanly.\u201d I think he was really discouraged because she thought, \u201cI\u2019ve never met a guy like this\u201d; but she married him, [Laughter] so it must have been pretty good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Something worked out there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; but I think in our culture, guys are saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know how to do this.\u201d They are looking for dads and men\u2014and moms, too\u2014to help. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Dave Willis is joining us this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Dave, welcome. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Thank you for having me. I am\u2014it\u2019s really an honor to be here. I\u2019ve been impacted\/my family has been impacted by the ministry you guys are doing. Thank you for letting me be part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019re thrilled to have you here. Dave is an author\/a speaker. He and Ashley live in Texas. They are raising four boys there. They are involved in the ministry of MarriageToday<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave has just written a book called <em>Raising Boys Who Respect Girls<\/em>. This is a critical subject in our culture today, and you would agree with what we\u2019ve been talking about here. In fact, I\u2019m thinking of Chapter 4 in your book: \u201cFor a boy to have the right framework for respecting girls, that boy needs to understand what it means for him to be a godly young man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Absolutely; like Dave and Ann were talking about, it really does come down to finding those right mentors. We, as parents, have to be\u2014or should be\u2014the primary mentor, even if you didn\u2019t have that growing up\/even if you didn\u2019t have a mentor to look to in your family. We\u2019ve got to find it outside the family and say, \u201cThat\u2019s what I\u2019m aiming for.\u201d If we don\u2019t know where the bullseye is, we are never going to hit it; so we\u2019ve got to find guys who are doing it right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You have listed, in the book, areas where you think modern men are missing the mark. Just touch on a few of those for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> I think some of the ways that we are missing the mark is simply just selfishness. I think that selfishness, in a lot of ways, is the opposite of respect. That kind of sets the stage for this whole list I give, in the book, of Chapter 4; but young men\u2014and young women, too, for that matter\u2014are sort of being raised with this mindset that says, \u201cYou just get all that you can get out of life.\u201d At that point, other people in our life become either competition or a conquest. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor young men, they are kind of being raised to look at other men as competition\u2014not as friends but as competition\u2014and look at women as conquests, not as souls to be cherished\/people to be respected. We\u2019ve got to train our young men to say: \u201cNo; we\u2019ve got to roll up our sleeves and serve the way Christ did. Recognize that every person\u2014man and woman\u2014around us is someone created in the image of God with limitless and eternal worth. We need to look at the fellow men around us as brothers in Christ, who can sharpen us; and we can do the same for them. We need to look at the women around us with this complete purity and respect, where we\u2019re trying to respect, and protect, and champion them in every aspect of their life as well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt means taking the focus off of ourselves long enough to do it. If we\u2019ll just train our young boys\u2014and train ourselves\u2014to not think life is all about our pleasure and us getting ahead; but start looking at other people and loving them and serving them. That\u2019s really the foundation for any respectful relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> One of the first areas you mention, where men miss it, is a real struggle for every man. I know it\u2019s been a struggle for me; I\u2019m guessing for Bob. Every man listening is thinking, \u201cThe struggle between career, and even hobbies, and my family is a tension.\u201d You say, \u201cNumber one,\u201d\u2014one of the areas that men miss it\u2014\u201cwe prioritize our career and our hobbies ahead of our family.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI missed that! I almost lost my marriage because I was trying to start this church; and it was a real priority in my life, not realizing, \u201cI\u2019m sort of leaving my wife and my kids in the dust.\u201d I would have <em>never<\/em> told you my career is more important than my family; but if you looked at my calendar, you would have said, \u201cDude, I don\u2019t know if you are seeing this.\u201d Then I finally heard it from my wife. I think a lot of men struggle with this. You\u2019re saying, \u201cIt\u2019s like an area where we miss it\u201d; so talk about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> And I struggle with it, too; so I\u2019m not writing this in a way that\u2019s trying to condemn or preach at other guys\u2014saying, \u201cHey, be more like me.\u201d I\u2019m saying, like, \u201cI struggle with this\u2014living in this tension every day.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think part of it is coming back to our God-given wiring as men\u2014but then getting off course with that wiring\u2014because God did put inside of us this desire to build things, and this desire to achieve, and this desire to do some of those healthy things that can require hard work. But we, as men, in our insecurity, we base our manhood on the trophies of this life. We base our manhood on <em>measurable<\/em> results like: \u201cIf I make so many dollars, that means I\u2019m a real man,\u201d or \u201cIf I get so many trophies or promotions at work, that means I\u2019m a real man,\u201d or \u201cIf I can get this many people to show up to my church or my organization\u201d\u2014or whatever it is\u2014\u201cthen I\u2019ve really\/I\u2019ve made it as a man.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Even our hobbies tend to be measurable things. If you look at the hobbies guys go to, it\u2019s usually stuff like golf, where there is a real tangible score; or fantasy football, where there is a tangible score, and they are playing against other folks; or video games, where there is a real point system\u2014you know who is winning and you know who is losing\u2014and you know what it takes to win. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, at home, we don\u2019t have metrics that are that clear. There is not a scoreboard up at the house that says how we are doing as a husband or a dad. There is not a trophy given to us, at the end of the day, that says: \u201cMan, you really did it today. You won as a husband!\u201d or \u201c\u2026as a dad!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s insecurity inside of us that can drive us to those places that don\u2019t matter nearly as much as the eternal, limitless value of investing in our home and in our family and being what no one else can be. No one else can be a husband to your wife\/a father to your kids the way that you can. We pour our best energies out into the world, looking for feedback\u2014and looking for points, and dollars, and trophies, and trinkets\u2014that make us feel like: \u201cYes; now, I\u2019ve finally made it as a man. Now, I\u2019m worthy of my family\u2019s love,\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m worthy of love,\u201d or however our minds are wrapping around it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just saying: \u201cLet\u2019s get back to realizing that our value isn\u2019t based in all those temporary trinkets the world throws at us. It\u2019s that we are limitlessly loved by God\u2014that Jesus loved us some much He gave His life on a cross for us; and He calls us to just embrace His love, and live in the overflow of that, and show that love to the people in our life\u2014that relationships are really what matter most.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>For guys, we think: \u201cOh, relationships\u2014that\u2019s touchy, feely. I want something that I can attach trophies and points to\u201d; and God says: \u201cIf you want trophies that are going to matter for life, then let your treasure be where your heart is; and let your heart be at home with your wife\/your kids. Make that your first and primary mission, and you\u2019ll win\u2014in light of eternity, you\u2019ll win.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Now, how do I know if I\u2019m missing it? You know, if I\u2019m a guy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and I\u2019m pushing hard, trying to do my thing, and I just\u2014how do I know if I am missing something at home that\u2019s really valuable? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> I think, first and foremost, your wife is going to be\u2014she\u2019s going to be the gauge-bearer there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> She\u2019s keeping score. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> She knows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s what I was going to say. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Every <em>wife<\/em> already knows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Every wife knows. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The question is: \u201cHow do we, as women, get our husbands\u2014how do we encourage him without criticizing him?\u201d I criticized Dave for years: \u201cI wish I was as important as your job\u201d; you know? I was sarcastic. How can we lovingly encourage our men\u2014and I\u2019m asking you guys this\u2014in a way that would draw them to home rather than pushing them away? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> As a wife, you\u2019ve got to have the freedom to express to your husband exactly what you need\u2014and you can\u2019t be afraid to say: \u201cI wish you were here more. I just love spending time with you,\u201d\u2014and to communicate without feeling like you\u2019re walking on eggshells. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you feel like things have really gotten out of balance, a husband and wife have to have that kind of communication; but when you let your primary mode\/your primary mission be to encourage and not criticize\u2014and this goes, not only from women to men, but from men to women\u2014it will change <em>everything<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens is\u2014couples will start getting into this mindset, where they become experts in picking out what the other is doing wrong. The husband will be like, \u201cI don\u2019t want to be home\u201d; because he\u2019s focused on all the things that his wife is doing to make him feel like he\u2019s not winning; and the wife is always frustrated with her husband, because she\u2019s focused on all the things she feels like her husband is doing that aren\u2019t right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne little exercise that we do at our XO Marriage Conferences\u2014that I actually stole from somebody else; but we do it, and it seems to connect\u2014is we say: \u201cAlright; we are going to give everybody five seconds to look around this room and look for every red item you can find in five seconds. We\u2019ll see how many you can find\/how perceptive you are.\u201d We\u2019ll say: \u201cGo! Look for red exit signs, red purses, red shoes, red, red, red. Stop; close your eyes. Now, we\u2019re going to score the test. Out loud, I want you to tell me everything you just saw that is the color blue.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople laugh, and they don\u2019t say anything. Then we\u2019ll say, \u201cOpen your eyes.\u201d You look around, and there is blue everywhere. That was there the whole time, but they didn\u2019t see it. We said: \u201cWell, we didn\u2019t make the blue magically appear. You didn\u2019t see it; why didn\u2019t you see?\u2014same reason we don\u2019t see most things; we are looking for something else.\u201d Jesus said, \u201cSeek and you will find.\u201d The actual verb tense He used was: \u201cWhatever you continuously seek is what you will find\u201d; so the opposite has to be true: \u201cWhatever you\u2019re not looking for, you\u2019re not likely to see.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs it relates to marriage, if you make it your mission to notice everything your spouse is doing wrong, it\u2019s all you\u2019ll see\u2014but if you say, \u201cHoly Spirit, change my perspective and help me to find something to praise, help me to find something to show gratitude for, help me to be their biggest encourager\/their biggest cheerleader instead of their biggest critic,\u201d\u2014it might not instantly change your marriage; but it could instantly change your own perspective and your own attitude, whether you are the husband or the wife in the situation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis isn\u2019t a gender-specific issue. You alone\u2014just by changing the way that you approach your spouse, and by the tone of your voice in the way you relate to them, and the tenderness, and the kindness, and the encouragement\u2014it can actually be something drawing them in instead of pushing them away. Very often, we\u2019re trying to pull somebody in, we do it in a way that repels them more than it pulls them in. That kindness and that encouragement goes a long way to set the right tone at home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add for the guy\u2014the dad\/the husband\u2014who is trying to see if he\u2019s missed it\u2014is: \u201cListen.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cListen to what your wife is saying,\u201d\u2014whether she says it affirmative or life or death\u2014\u201cListen,\u201d and \u201cListen to what your kids are saying.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe recently did a marriage conference in Brazil for 2,000 pastors. Crazy thing\u2014one of the other pastors from San Diego made this comment; he was trying to teach on this to the pastors. He was trying to say, \u201cIt isn\u2019t about fulfilling your potential; it\u2019s about fulfilling your calling.\u201d He used this example; I\u2019ll never forget. He said, \u201cWhen one of my sons was seven years old, I\u2019m writing a book; and he says to me, \u2018I hate it when you write books, because you\u2019re never my dad during that time.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He said, \u201cI stopped right then, and I never wrote a book until that son was 22.\u201d He said, \u201cMy potential is I could have written a lot more books.\u201d He has written many books. He goes: \u201cBut for the next 15 years, I said, \u2018I need to be a dad; I need to be a husband. The books can wait.\u2019\u201d He said, \u201cWhen he hit college, I started writing some more books.\u201d He\u2019s written like 15 books; but he just <em>heard<\/em> his son, and he realized, \u201cI\u2019m missing something, because I\u2019m trying to pursue something else.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe goes: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to reach your potential. Your calling is to be a husband\/to be a dad in this window.\u201d I\u2019ve never forgotten that; it\u2019s like, \u201cWow!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was really listening and not missing something God had called him to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The hard part is there is no scoreboard there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, back to the point you were making earlier, guys like to keep score. Guys like to know: \u201cAm I winning? Am I succeeding? Am I accomplishing something?\u201d At work, score is kept for you. In video games\/in golf, all of it is kept; but at home, when that dad says, \u201cOkay; I\u2019m not going to write a book,\u201d there is nobody saying, \u201cYou\u2019ve got some points today.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, you wind up, as a man, thinking, \u201cAm I really <em>winning<\/em> here?\u201d I think a lot of guys are insecure about \u201cAm I winning at home?\u201d Guys will gravitate to those areas, where they know they can win; they\u2019ll go do that. If they are wondering, \u201cAm I winning at home?\u201d then they are going to go find somewhere, where it is a little more concrete. <br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo your point, Ann, I think that\u2019s where a wife can say, \u201cI can be shrewd here; because I can say, \u2018Here\u2019s where you\u2019re winning\u2026\u2019\u201d It\u2019s what you did when Dave prayed with the boys and you said, \u201cYou are winning when you pray with those boys.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that is a great point, Bob, that we, as women, need to be intentional in letting our husbands know when they are winning. I think, a lot of times, as women, we\u2019re thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know; is he winning?\u201d But just that encouragement of pointing out\u2014kind of refocusing on our colors: \u201cI\u2019m going to, now, notice the things he does right instead of the things he does wrong,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m going to compliment him and notice those things, so he feels like he\u2019s winning.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think women need that as well\u2014we need encouragement\u2014but that is something very tangible we can do as women\u2014of even, at the end of the day, in bed, saying, \u201cHey, I noticed that you did this...That was amazing; thank you.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Every guy I know <em>runs<\/em> to encouragement. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m winning?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, that guy is going to\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m winning here? I\u2019ve got a good score? Yes; I\u2019m going to go back and do that again.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m going to run home,\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014rather than just to the workplace. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, bring this, now, all back to\u2014because here, we\u2019re talking about how men need to prioritize home, and they need to be bringing energy there. How does all of this fit into helping our sons respect women as we raise them? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> I think it comes back to the model that we share and the value system that we are teaching for them. What scoreboard are we teaching them, early on, that really matters in life for a win? If we are teaching them, early on, by what we\u2019re praising them in\u2014that it\u2019s only about these outward: if it\u2019s only about the grades they get, if it\u2019s only about how many points they scored at the basketball game or whatever\u2014not that there is anything wrong with cheering that stuff on, but it has to be put in its place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, when they look at us and they see a value system that says: \u201cI\u2019m reframing my scoreboard. Instead of dollars and trophies, I want to measure moments at home. I want to measure my success by: \u201cHow many moments of laughter was I a part of at home?\u201d \u201cHow many moments was I holding hands with my wife?\u201d \u201cHow many times did I see my wife\u2019s smile and know that I had something to do with that?\u201d and make <em>that<\/em> the scoreboard that I\u2019m going for, and model that for my kids, because they are going to want to be like you. They are going to want a value system that reflects your value system. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd to be intentional\u2014not only as you act that out by your presence at home and the attitude you have while you are at home\u2014but also in how you are teaching them to put things in the right place, like: \u201cYes; work hard. We have high expectations. God made you smart, so we expect you to do your best to make good grades,\u201d\/\u201cGod made you gifted in this area, so we want you to work hard and develop that God-given gift; but that is not who you are. That\u2019s not your identity. If some injury happened, and you could never do that thing again or play that sport again, then that doesn\u2019t change a bit about your soul and your eternal worth in God and you\u2019re eternal worth in this family.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have to constantly remind them of who they are, the value that they have, and what God\u2019s value system really is, which is not the superficial value system of the world. The more we can keep coming back to that, the more we\u2019re giving them a foundation and a confidence to be able to go out into the world\u2014in the workplace\/in school\u2014but also, eventually, as a husband and a dad at home, and do it the right way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me just read\u2014you list things you want to teach your son in the book. I just want to read through this list; because I think, if you raise young men, who are doing these things, respect for women will naturally flow out of this kind of character. You say: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to raise sons, who have the courage to fight for what is right. I want to raise sons, who seek responsibility instead of running from it. I want to raise sons, who work hard at whatever they do; and when they have a family, they work hard to provide for them. I want to raise sons, who show patience and restraint, who are not ruled by their temper or their temptation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to raise sons who, when they engage with a woman, they respect her by keeping both of them away from sexual sin; and then, when they are married, they respect their wives by being faithful, and respectful, and loving in all circumstances. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to raise sons, who keep their word and honor their commitments; and I want to raise sons, who trust God and let His Word reshape the roadmap of their lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou look at that list of seven things\u2014that\u2019s pretty powerful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> It definitely sounds more profound when <em>you<\/em> read it than when I read it; because I was listening, and I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> said anything that profound!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s right there in your book. To the point: if you\u2019ve got sons, who are courageous and fight for what\u2019s right, and who seek responsibility, and who work hard and show respect, and control their passions, and who trust God\u2019s Word, they\u2019re going to respect women, naturally, because of the character that is developed that is a godly character. Respect for women is going to flow out of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I think, you know, as we all know, our sons\/our daughters are going to follow our walk more than our talk. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, when they see these values lived out in mom and dad\u2014when I lived these out, as a dad, \u201cIs it going to be caught?\u201d I can say whatever I want; I live it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do remember\u201430 years ago, we started our church; and my marriage was in trouble. Steve Andrews\u2019s marriage was in trouble; we\u2019re the two guys starting this church. We both said to each other: \u201cWe need to be home. We need to be putting our little kids to bed at night with our wives. How are we going to do this?\u201d\u2014because there are meetings and all this stuff. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll never forget this; we stood up in front of our church together\u2014year one\u2014and said: \u201cListen, here is what we\u2019re telling you. If you want to meet with us, we\u2019ll meet you at four in the morning, five in the morning, six in the morning. The evenings\u2014we\u2019re not taking appointments. We need to be home, putting our little kids to bed with our wives. That\u2019s what they\u2019ve [wives] said: \u2018If I could pick, I need you home at night more than the morning\u2019; so we\u2019ll meet you in the morning. We\u2019re just saying this\u2014we\u2019ve made a commitment; we\u2019re going to be home, at least, four nights a week.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat was one more than half; right?\u2014that was our deal. And we actually thought: \u201cThis would be cool. We\u2019re going to tell the church; they are going to applaud.\u201d We told the church\u2014I\u2019ll never forget it\u2014they were like, \u201cWait a minute!\u201d It\u2019s a small church at this time. They were like: \u201cYou\u2019re our pastors. What do you mean?! We work; we need to meet with you at night. You can\u2019t be home.\u201d We\u2019re like, \u201cOh my goodness!\u201d We thought they would applaud it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Here is what I can say, 30 years later: \u201cBest decision I ever made,\u201d\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave W.:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014lying in bed with my little boys: five, six, seven, eight years old\u2014praying with them, reading Bible stories with them; now, looking at grandkids\u2014one of the best decisions we ever made. That was, then, caught more than what I taught to my kids. I\u2019m just telling you\u2014make the hard calls; it\u2019s going to be worth it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking there are a lot of moms and dads, who are going, \u201cWe need a copy of that list.\u201d Okay; it\u2019s in Chapter 4 of Dave Willis\u2019s book, <em>Raising Boys Who Respect Girls<\/em>. You can order a copy of the book from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com. Go to our website and order online; or call to order: 1-800-FL-TODAY is the number. Again, the book is called <em>Raising Boys Who Respect Girls: Upending Locker Room Mentality, Blind Spots, and Unintended Sexism<\/em> by Dave Willis. Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order: 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need to say a quick word of thanks to the folks, who have made today\u2019s conversation possible for all of us\u2014that\u2019s those of you, who are regular listeners to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, who have donated or, especially, those of you who are Legacy Partners and who are donating each month\u2014thank you for enabling these kinds of conversations. Thank you for helping us, together, help others in your community and all around the world. When you donate to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, you are facilitating the spread of practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families. You\u2019re making this possible for others. On behalf of those who are benefitting from these kinds of conversations, thank you for your support. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, we\u2019d like to send you a resource that has been used by hundreds of thousands of moms and dads with their sons and daughters right before the kids begin the adolescent years. It\u2019s our <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> resource. It\u2019s designed to help you have a two-day getaway with a son or a daughter, where you can have important conversations. We help guide those conversations: talking about peer pressure, dating, about the birds and the bees, about what\u2019s ahead for them in the adolescent years. Actually, we tee it up so that you can have the conversation. We make it a little easier for parents and kids to connect around these subjects. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll send you the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> kit, along with a copy of Vicki Courtney\u2019s book, <em>Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Son<\/em>; or if you have girls, you can ask for <em>Five Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter<\/em>. You can receive either of those books, along with your <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> kit, when you donate, this week, online at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. Thanks, in advance, for whatever you\u2019re able to do. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>Let us know after you\u2019ve been away with your son or daughter\u2014let us know how it went and what kind of conversations you had. We\u2019d love to get the feedback. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can be with us, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk with Dave Willis about one of the reasons why young men are objectifying young women in our culture today; and that\u2019s the issue of pornography. What do we do about that as we raise our sons? We\u2019ll have that conversation tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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