{"id":305859,"date":"2020-03-20T07:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-03-20T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/beauty-and-the-culture\/"},"modified":"2020-03-20T07:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-03-20T11:00:04","slug":"beauty-and-the-culture","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/beauty-and-the-culture\/","title":{"rendered":"Beauty and the Culture"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>How does your daughter view herself? Vicki Courtney talks about the harm constant comparison causes, and she encourages moms to teach their daughters their true worth can only be found in Jesus.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-20.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:38","filesize":"29.88M","filesize_raw":"31332027","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2836,2093],"tags":[6847],"podcast_series":[8345],"cwp_profile":[8996],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305859","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-raising-girls","category-women","tag-raising-a-daughter","podcast_series-five-conversations-you-must-have-with-your-daughter","cwp_profile-vicki-courtney","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305859\/beauty-and-the-culture","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305859\/beauty-and-the-culture","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"P18YTDr72k\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/beauty-and-the-culture\/\">Beauty and the Culture<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/beauty-and-the-culture\/embed\/#?secret=P18YTDr72k\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Beauty and the Culture&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"P18YTDr72k\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-20.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-20.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Does it seem to you like your daughter is, maybe, inordinately preoccupied with her appearance?\u2014she is spending too much time focused on how she looks. Vicki Courtney says that is something that, as parents, we need to be paying attention to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Again, it goes back to identity because, for so many of our girls, if the answer\/if what they run to is: \u201cI want attention from the opposite sex,\u201d or \u201cI want to be known for what I look like,\u201d \u201cMy worth to be based on what I look like.\u201d I\u2019m here to tell you that: \u201cAt some point, it all revolts against you; so if our worth has been defined in that way, that\u2019s a hard day to come to terms with.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Helping our sons and daughters understand the real source of their identity\u2014that\u2019s one of the key conversations we need to be having with our children throughout their preteen and teen years. We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Vicki Courtney. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, this week, Dave, you and I are on moratorium. We have been\u2014we have been sent to the corner and told to keep our mouths shut. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard to do; you know? It really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got Vicki Courtney joining us this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Vicki, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Thank you for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Vicki is an author and a speaker and has written a number of books. The books we\u2019re talking about this week are updated and revised versions of books about conversations we need to be having with our sons and daughters. Really, Vicki, it\u2019s the same five conversations; but we have them very differently if we are talking with our boys than with our girls; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The conversations are about how the culture defines you, about the need to guard your heart, about having respect for sex and making sure that you approach that with a biblical framework, childhood is only for a season, and you are who you\u2019ve been becoming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSince we\u2019re talking about having those conversations with daughters this week, we set some ground rules and said that Dave and I would just back off and let you, Ann, have the conversation with Vicki. That was very hard for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been watching some NFL replays over here. [Laughter] Bob, I don\u2019t know what you\u2019ve been doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Been Words with Friends over on my side of things. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Well, while we\u2019re talking, we\u2019re doing some online shopping; so\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I bet you are. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So we\u2019ll hand it back over: \u201cWhere do you want to steer things today?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thanks; I\u2019d like to talk about beauty\u2014beauty in the culture\u2014because we, as women, feel this intense pressure to be beautiful, physically. Is that different now than it was even a century ago? Were women consumed with how we looked back then? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely; in fact, it\u2019s interesting you asked about just even a century ago. One of the things I talk about in the book\u2014I source an author, Joan Brumberg. She wrote a book called <em>The Body Project<\/em>. It\u2019s been out for a while; but it was fascinating because she researched girls\u2019 diaries and journals from the late-1800\u2019s to the early-1900\u2019s to track the shifts in attitudes regarding appearance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat she found is that pretty much, before World War I, girls rarely mentioned their bodies in terms of strategies for self-improvement or personal identity. They talked a lot about the need to have virtue in their lives\u2014they talked about kindness and how to cultivate that\u2014just character qualities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the other things she mentioned in the book, that was also fascinating, is that we\u2019re talking about a time before the bathroom mirror was a staple in every home. Not really everyone had even a bathroom necessarily, much less a mirror over a sink, where they could actually see their image. You think about how that would change how we view ourselves if we weren\u2019t seeing reflections of ourselves each and every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition to that, scales were not, necessarily, something you had in your home. If they weighed themselves, it was at a medical appointment or the state fair, where you put the coin in the machine and tried to guess your weight; you know, that was about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Even clothing sizes, there was no such thing as standardized clothing sizes because most mothers were sewing their children\u2019s clothing and to fit their particular shape. A young woman or a girl didn\u2019t feel like she\u2014she wasn\u2019t constantly comparing herself to someone else, because she didn\u2019t know what size she was; she was custom-fit for each outfit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> All of these things changed the way women view themselves and compare themselves to each other\u2014just with the onset of, well, of course, mirrors and scales. A lot of us are like, \u201cI\u2019m happy to give up my scale\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; but even social media,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and movies, and advertising, and marketing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Oh, and you think about even their smartphones and the whole trend of taking selfies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> They are constantly\u2014back in our day, if you wanted to take pictures, you did not waste your cartridge of 12, 24, or 36 pictures, holding your pocket camera in front of your face with your friends. You just didn\u2019t risk that; there are other pictures you wanted to take. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo girls, today\u2014they have filters to correct things that they view to be flaws. Then they are seeing other people\u2019s filtered pictures\u2014thinking\/ they look, then, in the mirror\u2014and they say, \u201cWell, wow; I don\u2019t look like that filtered image of my best friend.\u201d You know, there are <em>so many<\/em> pressures that <em>we<\/em> didn\u2019t even face in our day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What has changed? Why do we have that constant comparison now and the external being so important for a woman of the way you look? Is that men\u2019s fault? Should we point to the men? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> I think we do blame them. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Hang on! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Don\u2019t blame us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is where we are coming back in. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> They were being <em>so good<\/em>; they were being <em>so good<\/em>. [Laughter] We were just making sure you guys were still awake over there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You couldn\u2019t stand it; could you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I just had to drop it out there just to see if you guys were awake. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> You know, I think, to some degree, that women will dress in a certain way if they know that they might get attention from\u2014male attention. I think that\u2019s always been around at some level. Again, this is why it\u2019s so critical that we talk about: \u201cTrue worth is who you are in Jesus Christ;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cit is not what you look like. It is not what other people think; particularly, what the guys think.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust in my ministry over the years to middle school and high school girls, I know this is a real and present problem with any generation. I\/we can\u2019t blame it all on the guys\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014because I think there is a lot of pressure that girls put on each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly; probably more so from each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019ve heard women say, \u201cI dress for my peers\u201d; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> We\u2014you know, we complimented each other\u2019s outfits when we\u2014did you notice? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; first thing; we did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I did notice that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes; so it\u2019s just something\u2014I don\u2019t know\/I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s something deep within us, or if it\u2019s been cultivated over the years as more of an environmental factor\u2014just subject of the times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting. I didn\u2019t grow up in the church. Around our family\u2014not my family specifically, but a lot of relatives\u2014porn was in use, and it wasn\u2019t hidden. As a young girl, growing up, I thought, \u201cOh, the way to attract a guy is to wear less.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I got into college\u2014a brand-new Christian\u2014and I was being discipled by this girl from Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. She sat me down; I could tell she was super nervous having this conversation with me. She said, \u201cAnn, I\u2019d like to talk to you about your clothes.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, okay.\u201d She said, \u201cYou know, what you\u2019re wearing is causing guys to look at you.\u201d I said, \u201cIsn\u2019t that the point?!\u201d [Laughter] She said, \u201cWell, I\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had no background\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and no conversation about modesty. I just thought, \u201cWe\u2019re all in competition with each other. I\u2019m trying to get the most looks,\u201d\u2014which is embarrassing that that is what I grew up with; but I thought, \u201cThe less you wear, the more attention you get; and that\u2019s the point; isn\u2019t it?\u201d\u2014having no idea that I was getting my worth through attention from other men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo have that conversation\u2014I think that conversation was so hard for her; but as she\u2019s talking to me, she\u2019s realizing: \u201cShe has\u2014this girl is clueless. She has no idea what the Bible says about modesty. She has no idea who she is in Christ now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a big thing\u2014of realizing, \u201cI am enough in my relationship with God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes, I think that is powerful. I will say, \u201cI do believe this generation\/this younger generation is doing a better job at this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I do too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> I feel like they are more comfortable in their own skin. A lot of that is, I believe, that they have witnessed the fall-out in the previous generations that you mentioned\u2014especially coming out of the \u201890s and early 2000s, where Britney Spears hit the scene. It just became the suburban norm to bare midriff and everything that came with that. So, now, those days, if they wear those things, it\u2019s not\u2014I don\u2019t know that it is necessarily to attract male attention\u2014but it\u2019s more of: \u201cHey; this is who I am, and\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think where that can go is where girls can be more provocative is online in their social media. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a danger to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave, what were you going to say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was going to ask\u2014I\u2019ve got two moms here. If you\u2019re sitting with your daughter, and she\u2019s struggling with her identity; let\u2019s say she\u2019s 13-, 14-, 15-years- old. You\u2019ve already talked about the culture, and a lot of that they are getting through their phone. Maybe, you walk in her bedroom at night\u2014I\u2019m creating this scenario\u2014and she is in tears, because she feels unworthy. She doesn\u2019t measure up to what she is seeing; she was made fun of at school\u2014whatever reason. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s the conversation look like, as a mom?\u2014and this could be for dads as well. What are you going to say to her to help her understand true identity, and how do you think that\u2019s going to get through? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> I think, again, you go back to sharing a personal experience with her\u2014not just a personal experience from when you were her age\u2014but even now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> When we are honest with our daughters and saying that: \u201cWe still feel certain pressures that are out there,\u201d or \u201cWe find ourselves grumbling at our reflections in the mirror as we\u2019re noticing grey hairs or these wrinkles that appear around our eyes,\u201d\u2014or whatever it is\u2014\u201cWe become critical of what we see. That it is a real struggle for us as well.\u201d As we are reminding them, we\u2019re letting them know we\u2019re also reminding ourselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> One of the things I did with my daughter, when she was little, and she used to make fun of me\u2014and now, I\u2019m pretty sure she\u2019s doing it with my granddaughter; but I don\u2019t know\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but I used to, from the time she was tiny\u2014as early as one or two years old\u2014I would stand her up on the bathroom counter. Right there, looking at herself in the mirror, I would tell her: \u201cYou are fearfully and wonderfully made. Do you know that, Paige? You are fearfully and wonderfully made. His works are wonderful. I know it full well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would go on to unpack it as she got older\u2014that the problem is a lot of girls don\u2019t know that full well, like the Scripture tells us\u2014to go a step further and share: \u201cI was that girl. I was that girl, who struggled to know that, even after I became a Christian at 21.\u201d Sharing your own story of the struggle in the past, and even in the present, it helps her to understand, \u201cOkay; this is something that may be a lifelong struggle, but I know truth.\u201d We know that the only way to defeat the lies is to replace it with God\u2019s truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think sometimes we put pressure on ourselves: \u201cOh, I learned that a long time ago. I <em>should<\/em> know this; why do I keep messing up?\u201d I don\u2019t know about you guys; but for me, it\u2019s a constant relearning, relearning, reminding myself of these truths. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it goes back to identity; because for so many of our girls, if the answer\/what they run to is: \u201cI want attention from the opposite sex,\u201d or \u201cI want to be known for what I look like,\u201d \u201cMy worth to be based on what I look like,\u201d\u2014because Ann and I are here to tell you this: \u201cAt some point, it all revolts against you.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It all goes downhill at some point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> It all goes south, literally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It does; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Literally; so if our worth has been defined in that way, that\u2019s a hard day to come to terms with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSame thing is true with\u2014I see\/you know, we\u2019ll get into this when talk more about sons\u2014but it\u2019s true for daughters too. When we make our identity our accomplishments, our achievements, our gifts, our talents\u2014these can be wonderful things\u2014but we struggle with that too; don\u2019t we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt some level, we are buying into the same lie. If I have a book that\u2019s not doing as well, I feel like a failure. Then I have to stop and I have to take that thought captive and have to remind myself that God does not measure my worth by the world\u2019s standards. Maybe, I wrote that book for ten people or twelve people, if that\u2019s how many bought it\u2014hopefully, it would sell a few more than that\u2014but even as adults, we struggle with buying into the culture\u2019s lies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s easy too, as parents, to praise our kids for what they\u2019ve done,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014what they are doing, what they look like, how they are doing in school. We just naturally do that. I think we really need to focus on who they are and what God has put into them. I know that, when our boys were little\u2014and I am doing this now with our grandkids\u2014I\u2019m finding that our kids today need something bigger to live for;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s not just about themselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think God\u2014to remind them that: \u201cI see the things that God put in you; and I can\u2019t wait to see how He uses those things to impact the world\u2014how you\u2019ll use those things to love people.\u201d I started that with my three-year-old granddaughter, just saying: \u201cLook at you. Look how you care about others, and you\u2019re empathetic. You\u2019re so compassionate when people are hurting. Olive, how is God going to use that to impact other people?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s giving them a bigger vision other than: \u201cHow did I do on my test today?\u201d or \u201cHow did my hair turn out today?\u201d or \u201cHow many \u2018likes\u2019 did I get?\u201d\u2014because people are dying around the world without Jesus; and they need something bigger to live for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about Conversation #3: \u201cHave a Little Sex Respect.\u201d I know that you speak all over the country on this. What do we need to know, as parents? What\u2019s important? I think that we feel so scared and bombarded with this generation; how can we help our daughters? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Sure; well, first, let me share the good news. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> This generation is having less sex than any generation before them\u2014so, maybe not; I\u2019m sorry\u2014I say from like the \u201860\u2019s up until now. That\u2019s the good news. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe bad news is that one of the reasons they think for that is because they are on their devices, which they are replacing it with things like pornography and other sorts of things. We say pornography is something you would go access\u2014and it\u2019s under that category\u2014I hope you wouldn\u2019t. We talk about that in the book, but it\u2019s really out there everywhere now. It\u2019s a Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> show; it\u2019s what\u2019s on primetime TV; it\u2019s whatever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And more than ever, girls are engaging in this as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You have a statistic in your book\u2014that it\u2019s 33 percent? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> I believe that\u2019s correct, and it is increasing. Every year that goes by, they are seeing a greater increase, among females now, that are seeking it out. One thing that is absolutely heartbreaking to me, in regard to that, is they don\u2019t really view it as something that is wrong, necessarily. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019re faced with this challenge, whether we\u2019re having a conversation with our sons or with our daughters\u2014and certainly don\u2019t eliminate this conversation if you have a daughter\u2014because of what you just shared, Ann. I mean, this is\u2014we are seeing an increase, yearly now, in girls seeking this out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe\u2014one of the statistics that just blew me away was\u2014it was a Barna study. It asked teenagers to rank actions. Out of certain categories, this current generation of teenagers to young adults ranked pornography at number nine. All generations prior, it was way up in the top\u2014like in the top four. Number four was not recycling\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014to put it in perspective. Not recycling was number four. Overuse of energy consumption was number six and viewing pornography was number nine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, we need to know that because it\u2019s not just about having the porn-talk, like: \u201cHey, you may stumble upon these websites. You may not be looking for it; it may come find you.\u201d You\u2019ve also got to have the conversation that: \u201cBy the way, it is wrong; and this is why it is wrong...\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, for the most part, we have limited this conversation with our daughters to be a women\u2019s conversation. It\u2019s important for dads to be having some of these conversations with daughters as well; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, this is not just a mom\/daughter thing. Mom may carry most of the weight in this area, because she probably has more face-to-face time with her daughter and with her sons; but how critical is it for a dad to step in and say: \u201cI want to talk to you about a couple of things,\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s relating to body image, or relating to technology, or relating to just your identity: \u201cHow you see yourself?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014or dating and the kind of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014guy you eventually settle down with. It is critical\/of critical importance. I really feel like my daughter\u2014in regard to even saving herself for her husband\u2014she was picky, because my husband was intentional. He talked about, at her rehearsal dinner\u2014reminded her about, from the time she was four years old, once a year, he took her camping. He did this with our sons too\u2014each one of them, individually\u2014brought them on their birthday. He would take her out fairly regularly on dates and talked to her about the importance\u2014I mean, just by modeling to her his godliness and his care for her: \u201cWhy would she settle for anything less than that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s heartbreaking to me that not every girl gets to have that kind of father\/daughter relationship; but at the rehearsal dinner, there wasn\u2019t a dry eye in the house. She got married in 2011; and he, at the age of four, gave her a locket. It had a picture of him, and it had a picture of her with a four-year-old face. Then, at the rehearsal dinner, he handed her that necklace\u2014I swiped it from her jewelry chest, with that locket on it\u2014and a new locket with her picture and her husband\u2019s\/her soon-to-be husband\u2019s picture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, none of us could keep from just sobbing; because he hugged her tight and said, \u201cI have prayed for this day, where you would marry someone who loves you as much as Christ loves the church. That was my highest prayer, and I\u2019m seeing that prayer answered, Paige.\u201d It was just\u2014the investment is profound; I don\u2019t think we would even be able to measure it. It is incredibly powerful for a daughter to have that type of relationship with her dad and her dad to be able to talk about these things and why they are important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would just add, as we are sitting around here, all of us know how quick the window goes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You blink\u2014because we all have, now, grandkids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and I would say to a young mom\/a young dad: \u201cDon\u2019t miss this opportunity\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cto have these conversations.\u201d You\u2019re going to blink, and you\u2019re going to be sitting where we are, going: \u201cOh no! They are not here.\u201d Now, you\u2019re still going to have these conversations as adults; but this window is closing fast. Cease the day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a good opportunity in your book, Vicki, to help moms and dads think about how important these conversations are and what kinds of conversations to have. This is a training manual that you\u2019ve created for us, as parents. We\u2019ve got copies of Vicki\u2019s book, <em>5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter<\/em>. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out how you can get a copy of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just mention\u2014Vicki is going to join us, again, next week to talk about 5<em> Conversations You Must Have with Your Sons<\/em>. We\u2019ll look forward to continuing the conversation, again, next week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we are committed to here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is trying to help moms and dads know how to connect, heart to heart, with sons and daughters around these challenging issues. David Robbins, who is the president of FamilyLife, is here with us; and this is the kind of coaching I needed when I was raising my kids. You\u2019re right in the middle of it. This is helpful; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; first of all, I really appreciate Vicki saying that she still feels the pull to measure herself by a cultural standard of beauty. I mean, one, just the vulnerability and honesty is really refreshing and encouraging; because we all feel the pull in some way; but two, it just sets in the reality\u2014that if a mature disciple of Jesus, who has raised her own kids and done enough research to write a bunch of books on the topic, feels the pull\u2014then, of course, our kids are going to feel it also. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe simply can\u2019t insulate them from the pull and power of the culture, and we have to proactively engage to help our kids see the difference between the false standard of our culture and the truth of what God says about the beauty in who they are and what they are worth. It literally can be life-saving for them. We don\u2019t have to be the experts or have every answer, but we do need to show up. Our kids <em>long<\/em> for connections and conversations with their parents, even if they are faking being too cool for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here, at FamilyLife, we have worked hard to try to provide parents with tools they can use to facilitate some of these conversations. We\u2019ve got Vicki\u2019s book; but we also have the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> resource that we developed, years ago, that tens of thousands of parents have used to begin a lot of important conversations with their children during the preteen years; so you get them ready for adolescence\/for the teen years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this week, we\u2019ve been making Vicki\u2019s book and the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> resource kit\u2014making those available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners who can support this ministry with a donation. The reason we\u2019re able to have these kinds of conversations is because listeners in the past have said, \u201cThis is important,\u201d and have made donations to keep us on the air on this station and on our network of stations all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, you\u2019ll be paying it forward so that future conversations like this can happen and more people can listen. We\u2019ll say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Vicki\u2019s book. If you have sons, she\u2019s got a book, <em>5 Conversations to Have with Your Son<\/em>\u2014you can ask about that\u2014or if you have daughters, <em>5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter<\/em>\u2014and we\u2019ll send you the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> resource so you can plan a couple of days to get away with your son or daughter during preadolescence and start to engage on some of these important subjects. Again, you can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for joining us. I know this is going to be a different weekend for many of us who are used to going to church on Sunday and this weekend probably watching church online. Be sure to reach out and stay connected with the people you love. Stay connected with friends and family members and keep loving and serving one another over the course of this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to have a conversation on Monday about how we can raise sons who respect girls; that\u2019s a pretty important conversation to have in our day. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a CruMinistry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:32:38"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["29.88M"],"filesize_raw":["31332027"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305859.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305859.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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does your daughter view herself? Vicki Courtney talks about the harm constant comparison causes, and she encourages moms to teach their daughters their true worth can only be found in Jesus.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Does it seem to you like your daughter is, maybe, inordinately preoccupied with her appearance?\u2014she is spending too much time focused on how she looks. Vicki Courtney says that is something that, as parents, we need to be paying attention to. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Again, it goes back to identity because, for so many of our girls, if the answer\/if what they run to is: \u201cI want attention from the opposite sex,\u201d or \u201cI want to be known for what I look like,\u201d \u201cMy worth to be based on what I look like.\u201d I\u2019m here to tell you that: \u201cAt some point, it all revolts against you; so if our worth has been defined in that way, that\u2019s a hard day to come to terms with.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, March 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Helping our sons and daughters understand the real source of their identity\u2014that\u2019s one of the key conversations we need to be having with our children throughout their preteen and teen years. We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Vicki Courtney. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, this week, Dave, you and I are on moratorium. We have been\u2014we have been sent to the corner and told to keep our mouths shut. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s hard to do; you know? It really is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got Vicki Courtney joining us this week on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Vicki, welcome back. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Thank you for having me. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Vicki is an author and a speaker and has written a number of books. The books we\u2019re talking about this week are updated and revised versions of books about conversations we need to be having with our sons and daughters. Really, Vicki, it\u2019s the same five conversations; but we have them very differently if we are talking with our boys than with our girls; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The conversations are about how the culture defines you, about the need to guard your heart, about having respect for sex and making sure that you approach that with a biblical framework, childhood is only for a season, and you are who you\u2019ve been becoming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSince we\u2019re talking about having those conversations with daughters this week, we set some ground rules and said that Dave and I would just back off and let you, Ann, have the conversation with Vicki. That was very hard for us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve been watching some NFL replays over here. [Laughter] Bob, I don\u2019t know what you\u2019ve been doing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Been Words with Friends over on my side of things. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Well, while we\u2019re talking, we\u2019re doing some online shopping; so\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I bet you are. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So we\u2019ll hand it back over: \u201cWhere do you want to steer things today?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thanks; I\u2019d like to talk about beauty\u2014beauty in the culture\u2014because we, as women, feel this intense pressure to be beautiful, physically. Is that different now than it was even a century ago? Were women consumed with how we looked back then? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Oh, absolutely; in fact, it\u2019s interesting you asked about just even a century ago. One of the things I talk about in the book\u2014I source an author, Joan Brumberg. She wrote a book called <em>The Body Project<\/em>. It\u2019s been out for a while; but it was fascinating because she researched girls\u2019 diaries and journals from the late-1800\u2019s to the early-1900\u2019s to track the shifts in attitudes regarding appearance. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat she found is that pretty much, before World War I, girls rarely mentioned their bodies in terms of strategies for self-improvement or personal identity. They talked a lot about the need to have virtue in their lives\u2014they talked about kindness and how to cultivate that\u2014just character qualities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the other things she mentioned in the book, that was also fascinating, is that we\u2019re talking about a time before the bathroom mirror was a staple in every home. Not really everyone had even a bathroom necessarily, much less a mirror over a sink, where they could actually see their image. You think about how that would change how we view ourselves if we weren\u2019t seeing reflections of ourselves each and every day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition to that, scales were not, necessarily, something you had in your home. If they weighed themselves, it was at a medical appointment or the state fair, where you put the coin in the machine and tried to guess your weight; you know, that was about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Even clothing sizes, there was no such thing as standardized clothing sizes because most mothers were sewing their children\u2019s clothing and to fit their particular shape. A young woman or a girl didn\u2019t feel like she\u2014she wasn\u2019t constantly comparing herself to someone else, because she didn\u2019t know what size she was; she was custom-fit for each outfit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> All of these things changed the way women view themselves and compare themselves to each other\u2014just with the onset of, well, of course, mirrors and scales. A lot of us are like, \u201cI\u2019m happy to give up my scale\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; but even social media,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and movies, and advertising, and marketing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Oh, and you think about even their smartphones and the whole trend of taking selfies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> They are constantly\u2014back in our day, if you wanted to take pictures, you did not waste your cartridge of 12, 24, or 36 pictures, holding your pocket camera in front of your face with your friends. You just didn\u2019t risk that; there are other pictures you wanted to take. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo girls, today\u2014they have filters to correct things that they view to be flaws. Then they are seeing other people\u2019s filtered pictures\u2014thinking\/ they look, then, in the mirror\u2014and they say, \u201cWell, wow; I don\u2019t look like that filtered image of my best friend.\u201d You know, there are <em>so many<\/em> pressures that <em>we<\/em> didn\u2019t even face in our day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What has changed? Why do we have that constant comparison now and the external being so important for a woman of the way you look? Is that men\u2019s fault? Should we point to the men? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> I think we do blame them. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Hang on! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Don\u2019t blame us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is where we are coming back in. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> They were being <em>so good<\/em>; they were being <em>so good<\/em>. [Laughter] We were just making sure you guys were still awake over there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You couldn\u2019t stand it; could you? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I just had to drop it out there just to see if you guys were awake. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> You know, I think, to some degree, that women will dress in a certain way if they know that they might get attention from\u2014male attention. I think that\u2019s always been around at some level. Again, this is why it\u2019s so critical that we talk about: \u201cTrue worth is who you are in Jesus Christ;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cit is not what you look like. It is not what other people think; particularly, what the guys think.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust in my ministry over the years to middle school and high school girls, I know this is a real and present problem with any generation. I\/we can\u2019t blame it all on the guys\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014because I think there is a lot of pressure that girls put on each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly; probably more so from each other. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Oh, I\u2019ve heard women say, \u201cI dress for my peers\u201d; you know? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right; exactly. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> We\u2014you know, we complimented each other\u2019s outfits when we\u2014did you notice? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; first thing; we did. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I did notice that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes; so it\u2019s just something\u2014I don\u2019t know\/I don\u2019t know if it\u2019s something deep within us, or if it\u2019s been cultivated over the years as more of an environmental factor\u2014just subject of the times. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, it\u2019s interesting. I didn\u2019t grow up in the church. Around our family\u2014not my family specifically, but a lot of relatives\u2014porn was in use, and it wasn\u2019t hidden. As a young girl, growing up, I thought, \u201cOh, the way to attract a guy is to wear less.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I got into college\u2014a brand-new Christian\u2014and I was being discipled by this girl from Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. She sat me down; I could tell she was super nervous having this conversation with me. She said, \u201cAnn, I\u2019d like to talk to you about your clothes.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, okay.\u201d She said, \u201cYou know, what you\u2019re wearing is causing guys to look at you.\u201d I said, \u201cIsn\u2019t that the point?!\u201d [Laughter] She said, \u201cWell, I\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had no background\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and no conversation about modesty. I just thought, \u201cWe\u2019re all in competition with each other. I\u2019m trying to get the most looks,\u201d\u2014which is embarrassing that that is what I grew up with; but I thought, \u201cThe less you wear, the more attention you get; and that\u2019s the point; isn\u2019t it?\u201d\u2014having no idea that I was getting my worth through attention from other men. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo have that conversation\u2014I think that conversation was so hard for her; but as she\u2019s talking to me, she\u2019s realizing: \u201cShe has\u2014this girl is clueless. She has no idea what the Bible says about modesty. She has no idea who she is in Christ now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think that\u2019s a big thing\u2014of realizing, \u201cI am enough in my relationship with God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes, I think that is powerful. I will say, \u201cI do believe this generation\/this younger generation is doing a better job at this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I do too. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> I feel like they are more comfortable in their own skin. A lot of that is, I believe, that they have witnessed the fall-out in the previous generations that you mentioned\u2014especially coming out of the \u201890s and early 2000s, where Britney Spears hit the scene. It just became the suburban norm to bare midriff and everything that came with that. So, now, those days, if they wear those things, it\u2019s not\u2014I don\u2019t know that it is necessarily to attract male attention\u2014but it\u2019s more of: \u201cHey; this is who I am, and\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think where that can go is where girls can be more provocative is online in their social media. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a danger to that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDave, what were you going to say? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I was going to ask\u2014I\u2019ve got two moms here. If you\u2019re sitting with your daughter, and she\u2019s struggling with her identity; let\u2019s say she\u2019s 13-, 14-, 15-years- old. You\u2019ve already talked about the culture, and a lot of that they are getting through their phone. Maybe, you walk in her bedroom at night\u2014I\u2019m creating this scenario\u2014and she is in tears, because she feels unworthy. She doesn\u2019t measure up to what she is seeing; she was made fun of at school\u2014whatever reason. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s the conversation look like, as a mom?\u2014and this could be for dads as well. What are you going to say to her to help her understand true identity, and how do you think that\u2019s going to get through? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> I think, again, you go back to sharing a personal experience with her\u2014not just a personal experience from when you were her age\u2014but even now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> When we are honest with our daughters and saying that: \u201cWe still feel certain pressures that are out there,\u201d or \u201cWe find ourselves grumbling at our reflections in the mirror as we\u2019re noticing grey hairs or these wrinkles that appear around our eyes,\u201d\u2014or whatever it is\u2014\u201cWe become critical of what we see. That it is a real struggle for us as well.\u201d As we are reminding them, we\u2019re letting them know we\u2019re also reminding ourselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> One of the things I did with my daughter, when she was little, and she used to make fun of me\u2014and now, I\u2019m pretty sure she\u2019s doing it with my granddaughter; but I don\u2019t know\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but I used to, from the time she was tiny\u2014as early as one or two years old\u2014I would stand her up on the bathroom counter. Right there, looking at herself in the mirror, I would tell her: \u201cYou are fearfully and wonderfully made. Do you know that, Paige? You are fearfully and wonderfully made. His works are wonderful. I know it full well.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe would go on to unpack it as she got older\u2014that the problem is a lot of girls don\u2019t know that full well, like the Scripture tells us\u2014to go a step further and share: \u201cI was that girl. I was that girl, who struggled to know that, even after I became a Christian at 21.\u201d Sharing your own story of the struggle in the past, and even in the present, it helps her to understand, \u201cOkay; this is something that may be a lifelong struggle, but I know truth.\u201d We know that the only way to defeat the lies is to replace it with God\u2019s truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think sometimes we put pressure on ourselves: \u201cOh, I learned that a long time ago. I <em>should<\/em> know this; why do I keep messing up?\u201d I don\u2019t know about you guys; but for me, it\u2019s a constant relearning, relearning, reminding myself of these truths. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, it goes back to identity; because for so many of our girls, if the answer\/what they run to is: \u201cI want attention from the opposite sex,\u201d or \u201cI want to be known for what I look like,\u201d \u201cMy worth to be based on what I look like,\u201d\u2014because Ann and I are here to tell you this: \u201cAt some point, it all revolts against you.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It all goes downhill at some point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> It all goes south, literally. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It does; yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Literally; so if our worth has been defined in that way, that\u2019s a hard day to come to terms with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSame thing is true with\u2014I see\/you know, we\u2019ll get into this when talk more about sons\u2014but it\u2019s true for daughters too. When we make our identity our accomplishments, our achievements, our gifts, our talents\u2014these can be wonderful things\u2014but we struggle with that too; don\u2019t we? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt some level, we are buying into the same lie. If I have a book that\u2019s not doing as well, I feel like a failure. Then I have to stop and I have to take that thought captive and have to remind myself that God does not measure my worth by the world\u2019s standards. Maybe, I wrote that book for ten people or twelve people, if that\u2019s how many bought it\u2014hopefully, it would sell a few more than that\u2014but even as adults, we struggle with buying into the culture\u2019s lies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s easy too, as parents, to praise our kids for what they\u2019ve done,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014what they are doing, what they look like, how they are doing in school. We just naturally do that. I think we really need to focus on who they are and what God has put into them. I know that, when our boys were little\u2014and I am doing this now with our grandkids\u2014I\u2019m finding that our kids today need something bigger to live for;\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s not just about themselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think God\u2014to remind them that: \u201cI see the things that God put in you; and I can\u2019t wait to see how He uses those things to impact the world\u2014how you\u2019ll use those things to love people.\u201d I started that with my three-year-old granddaughter, just saying: \u201cLook at you. Look how you care about others, and you\u2019re empathetic. You\u2019re so compassionate when people are hurting. Olive, how is God going to use that to impact other people?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s giving them a bigger vision other than: \u201cHow did I do on my test today?\u201d or \u201cHow did my hair turn out today?\u201d or \u201cHow many \u2018likes\u2019 did I get?\u201d\u2014because people are dying around the world without Jesus; and they need something bigger to live for. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Ann:<\/strong> Let\u2019s talk about Conversation #3: \u201cHave a Little Sex Respect.\u201d I know that you speak all over the country on this. What do we need to know, as parents? What\u2019s important? I think that we feel so scared and bombarded with this generation; how can we help our daughters? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Sure; well, first, let me share the good news. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> This generation is having less sex than any generation before them\u2014so, maybe not; I\u2019m sorry\u2014I say from like the \u201860\u2019s up until now. That\u2019s the good news. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe bad news is that one of the reasons they think for that is because they are on their devices, which they are replacing it with things like pornography and other sorts of things. We say pornography is something you would go access\u2014and it\u2019s under that category\u2014I hope you wouldn\u2019t. We talk about that in the book, but it\u2019s really out there everywhere now. It\u2019s a Netflix<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> show; it\u2019s what\u2019s on primetime TV; it\u2019s whatever. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And more than ever, girls are engaging in this as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You have a statistic in your book\u2014that it\u2019s 33 percent? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> I believe that\u2019s correct, and it is increasing. Every year that goes by, they are seeing a greater increase, among females now, that are seeking it out. One thing that is absolutely heartbreaking to me, in regard to that, is they don\u2019t really view it as something that is wrong, necessarily. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019re faced with this challenge, whether we\u2019re having a conversation with our sons or with our daughters\u2014and certainly don\u2019t eliminate this conversation if you have a daughter\u2014because of what you just shared, Ann. I mean, this is\u2014we are seeing an increase, yearly now, in girls seeking this out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe\u2014one of the statistics that just blew me away was\u2014it was a Barna study. It asked teenagers to rank actions. Out of certain categories, this current generation of teenagers to young adults ranked pornography at number nine. All generations prior, it was way up in the top\u2014like in the top four. Number four was not recycling\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014to put it in perspective. Not recycling was number four. Overuse of energy consumption was number six and viewing pornography was number nine. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs parents, we need to know that because it\u2019s not just about having the porn-talk, like: \u201cHey, you may stumble upon these websites. You may not be looking for it; it may come find you.\u201d You\u2019ve also got to have the conversation that: \u201cBy the way, it is wrong; and this is why it is wrong...\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, for the most part, we have limited this conversation with our daughters to be a women\u2019s conversation. It\u2019s important for dads to be having some of these conversations with daughters as well; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Absolutely. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, this is not just a mom\/daughter thing. Mom may carry most of the weight in this area, because she probably has more face-to-face time with her daughter and with her sons; but how critical is it for a dad to step in and say: \u201cI want to talk to you about a couple of things,\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s relating to body image, or relating to technology, or relating to just your identity: \u201cHow you see yourself?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014or dating and the kind of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> \u2014guy you eventually settle down with. It is critical\/of critical importance. I really feel like my daughter\u2014in regard to even saving herself for her husband\u2014she was picky, because my husband was intentional. He talked about, at her rehearsal dinner\u2014reminded her about, from the time she was four years old, once a year, he took her camping. He did this with our sons too\u2014each one of them, individually\u2014brought them on their birthday. He would take her out fairly regularly on dates and talked to her about the importance\u2014I mean, just by modeling to her his godliness and his care for her: \u201cWhy would she settle for anything less than that?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s heartbreaking to me that not every girl gets to have that kind of father\/daughter relationship; but at the rehearsal dinner, there wasn\u2019t a dry eye in the house. She got married in 2011; and he, at the age of four, gave her a locket. It had a picture of him, and it had a picture of her with a four-year-old face. Then, at the rehearsal dinner, he handed her that necklace\u2014I swiped it from her jewelry chest, with that locket on it\u2014and a new locket with her picture and her husband\u2019s\/her soon-to-be husband\u2019s picture. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, none of us could keep from just sobbing; because he hugged her tight and said, \u201cI have prayed for this day, where you would marry someone who loves you as much as Christ loves the church. That was my highest prayer, and I\u2019m seeing that prayer answered, Paige.\u201d It was just\u2014the investment is profound; I don\u2019t think we would even be able to measure it. It is incredibly powerful for a daughter to have that type of relationship with her dad and her dad to be able to talk about these things and why they are important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would just add, as we are sitting around here, all of us know how quick the window goes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You blink\u2014because we all have, now, grandkids\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and I would say to a young mom\/a young dad: \u201cDon\u2019t miss this opportunity\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Vicki:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cto have these conversations.\u201d You\u2019re going to blink, and you\u2019re going to be sitting where we are, going: \u201cOh no! They are not here.\u201d Now, you\u2019re still going to have these conversations as adults; but this window is closing fast. Cease the day. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There\u2019s a good opportunity in your book, Vicki, to help moms and dads think about how important these conversations are and what kinds of conversations to have. This is a training manual that you\u2019ve created for us, as parents. We\u2019ve got copies of Vicki\u2019s book, <em>5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter<\/em>. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to find out how you can get a copy of the book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me just mention\u2014Vicki is going to join us, again, next week to talk about 5<em> Conversations You Must Have with Your Sons<\/em>. We\u2019ll look forward to continuing the conversation, again, next week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things we are committed to here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, is trying to help moms and dads know how to connect, heart to heart, with sons and daughters around these challenging issues. David Robbins, who is the president of FamilyLife, is here with us; and this is the kind of coaching I needed when I was raising my kids. You\u2019re right in the middle of it. This is helpful; isn\u2019t it? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes; first of all, I really appreciate Vicki saying that she still feels the pull to measure herself by a cultural standard of beauty. I mean, one, just the vulnerability and honesty is really refreshing and encouraging; because we all feel the pull in some way; but two, it just sets in the reality\u2014that if a mature disciple of Jesus, who has raised her own kids and done enough research to write a bunch of books on the topic, feels the pull\u2014then, of course, our kids are going to feel it also. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe simply can\u2019t insulate them from the pull and power of the culture, and we have to proactively engage to help our kids see the difference between the false standard of our culture and the truth of what God says about the beauty in who they are and what they are worth. It literally can be life-saving for them. We don\u2019t have to be the experts or have every answer, but we do need to show up. Our kids <em>long<\/em> for connections and conversations with their parents, even if they are faking being too cool for it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> Here, at FamilyLife, we have worked hard to try to provide parents with tools they can use to facilitate some of these conversations. We\u2019ve got Vicki\u2019s book; but we also have the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> resource that we developed, years ago, that tens of thousands of parents have used to begin a lot of important conversations with their children during the preteen years; so you get them ready for adolescence\/for the teen years. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, this week, we\u2019ve been making Vicki\u2019s book and the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> resource kit\u2014making those available to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners who can support this ministry with a donation. The reason we\u2019re able to have these kinds of conversations is because listeners in the past have said, \u201cThis is important,\u201d and have made donations to keep us on the air on this station and on our network of stations all across the country. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can help with a donation today, you\u2019ll be paying it forward so that future conversations like this can happen and more people can listen. We\u2019ll say, \u201cThank you,\u201d by sending you a copy of Vicki\u2019s book. If you have sons, she\u2019s got a book, <em>5 Conversations to Have with Your Son<\/em>\u2014you can ask about that\u2014or if you have daughters, <em>5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter<\/em>\u2014and we\u2019ll send you the <em>Passport2Purity<\/em> resource so you can plan a couple of days to get away with your son or daughter during preadolescence and start to engage on some of these important subjects. Again, you can donate online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to donate at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things up for this week. Thanks for joining us. I know this is going to be a different weekend for many of us who are used to going to church on Sunday and this weekend probably watching church online. Be sure to reach out and stay connected with the people you love. Stay connected with friends and family members and keep loving and serving one another over the course of this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to join us back on Monday. We\u2019re going to have a conversation on Monday about how we can raise sons who respect girls; that\u2019s a pretty important conversation to have in our day. I hope you can tune in for that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a CruMinistry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305859","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305859"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305859"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305859"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305859"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305859"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305859"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305859"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}