{"id":305845,"date":"2020-03-15T11:00:34","date_gmt":"2020-03-15T15:00:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-hidden-strength-of-a-woman\/"},"modified":"2020-03-15T11:00:34","modified_gmt":"2020-03-15T15:00:34","slug":"the-hidden-strength-of-a-woman","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-hidden-strength-of-a-woman\/","title":{"rendered":"The Hidden Strength of a Woman"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Mary Kassian | Series: The Right Kind of Strong | Award-winning author Mary Kassian, who had five brothers, grew up believing she could do anything boys could do-and the feminist movement confirmed that. But Kassian loved Jesus, and as she grew older she tells how she started to recognize that what she viewed as strength wasn&#8217;t really strength at all. Kassian shares how submission to Christ affirms a woman&#8217;s identity and gives her strength from within.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/.<br \/>\n \tThe Weekend to Remember\u00ae https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/weekend-to-remember\/<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Mary Kassian | Series: The Right Kind of Strong | Award-winning author Mary<a class=\"d-block py-2 read-more color-cyan small\" href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-hidden-strength-of-a-woman\/\" title=\"Read more: The Hidden Strength of a Woman\" >Read More &raquo;<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-16.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:29:12","filesize":"26.74M","filesize_raw":"28034355","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2838,2831,2093],"tags":[],"podcast_series":[8344],"cwp_profile":[3160],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305845","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-mothers","category-wives","category-women","podcast_series-the-right-kind-of-strong","cwp_profile-mary-kassian","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305845\/the-hidden-strength-of-a-woman","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305845\/the-hidden-strength-of-a-woman","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"VA9cNSeuAX\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-hidden-strength-of-a-woman\/\">The Hidden Strength of a Woman<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-hidden-strength-of-a-woman\/embed\/#?secret=VA9cNSeuAX\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Hidden Strength of a Woman&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"VA9cNSeuAX\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-16.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-16.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There\u2019s a lot of conversation in our culture today about raising strong young women. Mary Kassian says we need to make sure it\u2019s the right kind of strong we are focused on.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>We have this, you know, this girl power\u2014the t-shirts: the \u201cI am strong\u201d; \u201cI\u2019m invincible\u201d; \u201cI am woman.\u201d I think the culture is pushing girls\/pushing women to be strong, but it\u2019s not always strong in the right kind of way. Strength doesn\u2019t always come in the same kind of a package\u2014strength looks different ways in different people\u2014<em>and<\/em> that spiritual strength is a far different kind of strength than the strength that the world promotes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday March 16<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. So what exactly is the right kind of strong? How can we raise our daughters to be strong women?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today with Mary Kassian. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.\n\nAnn, I want to know if you\u2014you never raised girls; you raised boys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you were raising girls today\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014would you get a #Girl Power t-shirt for them to wear? [Laughter] I mean, the whole girl power thing\u2014it\u2019s a big deal. Is it a good thing, or is it something parents should be worried about?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s not a loaded question at all\u2014[Laughter]\u2014lets just start right there.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Way to go Bob\u2014set her up. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I do like the girl power thing, but it depends on how you <em>define<\/em> that girl power.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; well, we [have] somebody to help us define it; and that was, by the way, a very skillful answer to my very-loaded question. [Laughter]\n\nMary Kassian is joining us, again, on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> We were just talking about the fact that Mary was here at the very beginning of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. She had written a book called <em>The Feminist Gospel. <\/em>The first time we had her was to talk about that book. She\u2019s been here several times since then; she\u2019s a part of the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>video series. She\u2019s an old friend. Welcome back.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Thanks; so good to be here.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He did not mean <em>old<\/em> friend. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014No; he meant\u2014[Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He meant\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> He meant\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He meant a \u201clongtime friend.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> He meant \u201c<em>longtime<\/em> friend.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cseasoned.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cseasoned.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mary has written a new book about girl power; it\u2019s about the right kind of strong. It\u2019s to Ann\u2019s point: we need to teach our daughters what real strength looks like; don\u2019t we?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> We do, because there is such an emphasis on women being strong in this culture. I mean, its upheld as one of the great virtues of womanhood\u2014is that a strong woman is the kind of woman you want to be.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And speaking of strong woman, you are one.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I would say so.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\nLet\u2019s go back; and tell us the trajectory: if you had not met Jesus,\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, I thought you\u2019re going to ask her how much she benches. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; I\u2014[Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We are talking\u2014her book starts out about arm wrestling.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It does; I was a good arm wrestler.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014if you had not met Jesus, where would you be today?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Oh wow! If I had not met Jesus, I would probably be a ranting, raving feminist; honestly.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were headed in that direction.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I think so. I am the only girl of an immigrant family from post-war Germany. I have five brothers. Growing up, I was determined to prove that I was as strong and capable as my brothers were. And I did prove myself, you know, in many different ways.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> For example\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I could keep up with them. I could, you know, balance and walk across the trestle; I could climb trees; I could throw a football; I could hit a baseball.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Mary and I would have been good friends.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We would have been tomboys who shook the world together.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I was an absolute tomboy. You know, there was not\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Lets find out!\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Let\u2019s find out.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh Dave\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> He just brought a football; and it says, \u201cWilson.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014has brought a football to the table.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I want to see you throw a football.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Okay; here I go.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Throw it over here and let\u2019s see.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>There we go.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That spiraled.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m impressed; I\u2019m impressed. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I held it the right way. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I just spiked it.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I held it the right way; I even got a little spiral on it\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014almost three feet.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had a job\u2014tell us about the job you had that helped put you through college.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Well, after I finished high school\/when I finished, I was quite young. I was 16 years [old] when I finished high school.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you are strong <em>and<\/em> smart.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Ah, well, there you go. [Laughter] A good combination; don\u2019t you think? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It is.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> So after high school, I started looking for a job. I applied for a job as a night janitor at one of the local department stores. They had never\u2014this was kind of back in the time when girls didn\u2019t get jobs like that.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, Mary, it\u2019s not all of us that are going <em>after<\/em> that job right out of high school. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Mary<\/strong>: I know; I know.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you have a chip on your shoulder?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know if I had a chip on my shoulder; I mean, that was in the \u201860s, when the rise of the feminist movement through the \u201870s. That was, you know, after Helen Reddy\u2019s: \u201cI am strong. I am invincible. I am woman.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We could hear you roar.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u201cI am woman; hear me <em>roar.\u201d<\/em>\n\nI think that most of the women in my generation\u2014or most of the women that were my friends anyway\u2014we all had that kind of an attitude, you know: \u201cWe are going to take the world by the tail here.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I think that it\u2019s showing that: \u201cWe\u2019re capable.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWe are strong; we can do this.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u201cWe can do this.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u201cWe can do this; there\u2019s nothing I can\u2019t do.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, Bob, do you feel that? Do you feel what just happened in the room? [Laughter] I can just feel that: \u201cWe can do this! We are strong!\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014Like\/like, \u201cWe\u2019re done here.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s like we aren\u2019t even in here! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It\u2019s like Ann and I are just connecting here.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re bonding right here.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> We\u2019re bonding here.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So did your\u2014\u201cWe can do this; we are strong. I am woman; hear me roar,\u201d\u2014did that <em>clash<\/em> with your understanding of the gospel?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Not initially, because I came to know the Lord at a very young age. My parents raised me in the church. I came to know Jesus at a young age\u2014gave my life to Christ. I didn\u2019t really see a disparity there; initially, anyway.\n\nBut then, as I got older, I began to recognize that some of the things that I viewed as strengths really were not strengths at all; they were weaknesses really. I was strong enough to demand my rights; I was strong enough to be: \u201cI am strong and invincible\u201d; I was strong enough to run over people;\u00a0 but I wasn\u2019t strong enough to have the heart of Christ, in terms of just bending, and being kind, and even submissive for that matter.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you met a woman, along the way,\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that kind of changed your perspective of what a strong woman looks like.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Tell us about her.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Her name is Pearl Purdy. If she reached five foot, I would be surprised; she was just this little wee woman. She was old; she was in the church that I grew up in, so I had known her.\n\nShe started to take an interest in me when I was in my later teens and started to invite me over for tea; and then, we\u2019d go play shuffle board. We would just hang out. Hanging out with Pearl was\/was an experience, because she was so different that I was. She was\u2014she was older, and she hadn\u2019t been educated; she did not have a college degree. I was going for my degree in rehab medicine at the time.\n\nShe did not have all those girl power things that my generation had been infused with. And yet, as I got to know her, I saw that the strength that she had\u2014the strength of character, the strength of spirit\u2014was something very enviable and something that I really wanted.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what did you learn from Pearl?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Well, from Pearl, I learned that\u2014that strength does not always come in the same kind of a package\u2014that strength looks different ways in different people\u2014and that spiritual strength is a far different kind of strength than the strength that the world promotes.\n\nWe have this, you know, girl power\u2014the t-shirts: the \u201cI am strong\u201d; \u201cI\u2019m invincible\u201d; \u201cI am woman.\u201d I think the culture is pushing girls\/pushing women to be strong, but it\u2019s not always strong in the right kind of way.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I had a very similar experience. I went to a nursing home; I was 19 years old. Dave and I had just gotten married, so I was young\u2014young in my faith too. She was in her 90s. All the things that I thought were valuable, at that time, were: having a strong voice; having a strong faith\u2014that was important to me; family was really important to me; as a woman, I felt the pressure of outward beauty.\n\nI walk into this nursing home, and this woman is in her bed. She can\u2019t get out of bed, so she wasn\u2019t mobile at all. As I started talking to her, she said: \u201cI have lost most of my kids,\u201d \u201cMy husband\u2019s been gone for years,\u201d \u201cMy family is gone.\u201d I remember asking her, \u201cWhat\u2019s your purpose right now of life?\u201d And she had this radiant joy about her that I was amazed at\u2014I\u2019m thinking: \u201cYou can\u2019t walk,\u201d \u201cYour beauty is gone,\u201d \u201cYour family is gone,\u201d \u201cYou really can\u2019t do anything.\u201d\n\nShe took my hand, and she squeezed it. She said: \u201cOh honey, my Jesus has me here every day for a reason; so when my eyes open up and I wake up, I think: \u2018I\u2019m here again? Lord, You must have something for me.\u2019\u201d She said, \u201cYou walked in today; I thought, \u2018This is who I am here for today.\u2019\u201d I was <em>astounded<\/em>!\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s bringing tears to your eyes\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014even now\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because my identity was all about in what I looked like, what I did, what I was saying. And this woman\u2014her <em>total<\/em> identity and purpose in life was to serve and love Jesus. I had never seen anything like it before. Just that one encounter had a great impact\u2014just as Pearl\u2014you had many encounters, and it really had an impact on you.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Absolutely. I think, when we see it\u2014as women, when we see that\u2014when we see true strength; when we see the kind of strength that knowing the Lord infuses into a women\u2019s spirit, it is a strength that is of a far different quality.\n\nI think that\u2019s why the Bible talks about: \u201cBe strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.\u201d\u00a0 Being strong in the Lord is a different kind of strength; because I am not relying on my <em>own<\/em> strength, and I am not relying on <em>me<\/em>. The world teaches us, as woman: \u201cRely on yourselves,\u201d \u201cRely\u2014you are strong\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cBe strong; proclaim your rights\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cpush for your rights.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cpush for your rights.\u201d Yes; \u201cPush over people\u201d even.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; even in meetings, I remember being like: \u201cI have to say something,\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>I know.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cI have to say something; I need to <em>lead<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Exactly, exactly! \u201cBe a leader. For heaven\u2019s sake, don\u2019t ever let a man tell you what to do,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the message that we get, as women, in this culture.\n\nYet, the message of strength in Scripture is so very different; because Scripture teaches that any woman, who relies on her own strength, is a weak woman; and any woman, weak or strong, who relies on the strength of the Lord is strong and is a strong woman.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So let\u2019s talk about that. I want\/I want to know what you ladies have to say about the right kind of strength for a woman. Obviously, that\u2019s the title of your book; but here\u2019s my question: \u201cHow is it different than strength for a man?\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I think that we are different as male and female; and so strength, perhaps, <em>looks<\/em> different. I think that the path to strength is the same\u2014the path to strength is through submitting our lives to Christ and following His ways\u2014but I think that, as we do that, God makes us more of who we really are.\n\nI can testify to this\u2014and I\u2019m sure Ann can as well\u2014that as we begin to embrace God\u2019s strength for us, we begin to see who we are; and we begin to flourish as who we are. That tomboy girl, who was growing up, all of a sudden, learned more and more about who she was as a woman; and then, was able to step into marriage\u2014and then learn who to be as a wife, and who to be as a mother; and how to be strong as a mother, how to be strong as a wife, how to be strong as a woman.\n\nThe path to getting there is submission to Christ and taking on the strength of the Lord; but I think what He does in our spirits is He just brings out more of who we are. So if I am a woman, He\u2019s going to start bringing more of that out.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We tend to think of strength in culturally-defined terms.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible points us to a different kind of strength: it\u2019s the strength to know when to keep your mouth shut;\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s the strength when to know when to pull back and not engage;\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s a strength under control\u2014the Bible calls it <em>meekness<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What we think meekness\u2014is to be demure, and over in the corner, and you never show any strength. No; Jesus was meek, which meant He had the power to call legions of angels, and He said, \u201cBut that\u2019s not what\u2019s appropriate in this moment.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; and so learning how to walk in the strength in the Lord is learning how to respond appropriately, given whatever situation that you are in. Being a strong woman means, sometimes, \u201cYes, keeping your mouth shut and not responding in kind.\u201d It\u2019s responding, giving good instead of evil, in response to evil.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> To Dave\u2019s question though: \u201cIs it different for us? Should we be strong in a different way, as men, than as women should be?\u201d\u2014do you think?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I think so. I think that Scripture clearly teaches that strength in a man shows up in terms of just a protective oversight and\u2014in terms of just guiding his family\u2014being the head of the home, and the rock for the kids, and the hero for his wife and for his kids. I think that\u2019s a different texture to it.\n\nCertainly, strength in a woman is just as important; its <em>vitally<\/em> important, in fact. But Scripture teaches that strength in a woman is a strength that is\/knows how to respond in the right way, that is open to joining in with the direction of the whole family, and in pulling in the same direction as her husband. Strength in a woman is a nurturing strength. Strength in a woman is a compassionate, and it\u2019s a mothering strength. Even if you don\u2019t have children, it\u2019s a strength that is nurturing and caring for people.\n\nNow, obviously, men and women\u2014there\u2019s a lot of overlap, and we are all called to do all those things\u2014\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>\u2014and yet, I think the texture of it is different, given if you are a male or a female.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These are not exclusive categories.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Men\u2014men can nurture, and women can lead;\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014right?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But there are characteristic categories\u2014if they are not exclusive categories\u2014and to try to deny the characteristic nature of them is to try to blur the lines. There is a reason why I have more testosterone in my body than you have in your body.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is a reason why you have estrogen in your body than I have in mine. That\u2019s by God\u2019s design, and it\u2019s there with an intent and a purpose; right?\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I also think women can be sometimes more competitive than men. I know that I used to be in meetings, thinking, \u201cI know I need to push forward. I need to push forward.\u201d There was a part of me that was so competitive, even with women, that I wouldn\u2019t lift another woman up; because of my insecurity, really, and my competiveness.\n\nI think a strong woman learns how to lift others up. As we understand who we are in Christ, we start seeing the beauty in each other; and we start complementing and drawing out greatness in each other\u2014not only women\u2014but kids and our husbands of not having to one-up; but \u201cLet me <em>lift<\/em> you up.\u201d There\u2019s a strength in that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So when you see the rush, over the last ten years, every Disney movie I can think of has been about strong girls.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and Marvel.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Marvel has expanded\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean,\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014this cinematic universe\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to make sure that the women can take the guys out just as easily. Is that a net good thing for parents, raising daughters today; or is it that problematic?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It teaches our young girls that they are on the same playing surface as the guys and that they can compete with the men in every possible way; so that they\u2019re as physically strong. It\u2019s not true; [Laughter] they are not as physically strong.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, because average guys can out-run women, and we are seeing that. Guys, who identify now as women, come into women\u2019s sports and beat them. We go, \u201cThis isn\u2019t fair!\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It\u2019s the end of women\u2019s sports, really\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014is what we are seeing. Is because\/because the guys will do better at it, because God created their bodies differently.\n\nI think, when we deny that\u2014when we give women this image and give our young girls this image that we are just the same\u2014we are setting them up for failure. We\u2019re setting them up for failure in life; and we\u2019re setting them up for failure in relationships, especially. Because they will go into a relationship, thinking: \u201cI am just like one of the guys. I\u2019m going to interact with this guy like one of the guys, and I\u2019m going to take charge of the relationship,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m going to tell him what to do, and I\u2019m going to wrestle with him when he doesn\u2019t agree with me\u201d; and it just does not work well.\n\nWhat I am seeing is\u2014women, who have been raised in that culture, and who even go into marriage with that, and then, years down the road, it\u2019s not working.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It\u2019s just <em>not<\/em> working there. The relationship hits up against the wall; and they\u2019re struggling with what God\u2019s directives are, in terms of marriage. They don\u2019t know how to relate in what the Bible identifies as a womanly way.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And that\u2019s exactly what I did in our marriage. I almost destroyed it; because I watched my mom, thinking: \u201cShe\u2019s so submissive; she\u2019s a doormat! My dad tells her everything; she\u2019s [timid voice] \u201cOkay; I\u2019ll do it.\u201d\u00a0 The way she served, I thought: \u201cOh my goodness! He\u2019s just taking advantage of <em>everything<\/em>.\u201d I thought to myself, \u201cI will <em>never<\/em> be like that.\u201d\n\nAnd so I come into our\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and she wasn\u2019t! [Laughter] I\u2019ll just tell you!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I came into our marriage with a <em>voice<\/em>\u2014with a: \u201cI\u2019m going to be strong. You will not walk all over me. I\u2019m going to tell <em>you<\/em> what to do.\u201d\n\nLet me tell you\u2014that had <em>devastating<\/em> effects on Dave. Because he is a strong leader, too, we would butt heads. I would critique him; I would continually nag him\u2014thinking, you know, \u201cI\u2019m doing it well; why aren\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 It really has a terrible effect on men when we treat them as our sons and that we <em>know<\/em> better.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was devastating to you; wasn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes\u2014and you know, we obviously got through it\u2014we are on year 40 now\u2014but I wanted a strong woman. That was one of the things that attracted me to Ann\u2014she was a <em>strong<\/em> leader woman; and yet, then in our marriage, it crushed me; you know? I think it comes back to the right kind of strong.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014the right kind of strong.\n\nHere, I have a question\u2014this raises a question in my mind for you, Ann. Because this is an important question I think that a lot of the women, who are listening, will be asking themselves\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cDo I need to become <em>weak<\/em> in order to have a good marriage?\u201d Here\u2019s my question for you: \u201cDo you feel that you have given up strength?\u201d or \u201cDo you feel that you have gained strength; in terms of just doing life, and womanhood, and marriage the way that God says?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s the title of your book: <em>It\u2019s a Different Kind of Strong<\/em>; because I realized that it took more strength to go to God first\u2014to say: \u201cGod, should I say this?\u201d \u201cGod, should I say <em>anything<\/em>?\u201d \u201cGod, what is my heart?\u201d and \u201cWhat\u2019s behind my actions of trying to be so strong?\u201d\n\nAs I would go before the Father, He would celebrate my strength; but He would direct it into a different way\u2014a different response; a different kind of love. I realized my strength was coming out of insecurity instead of my strength coming out of who I was in Him.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You would say you have more power and influence in life and in your marriage today than when you were trying to tell Dave what to do.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely! Because words of love and life have a greater effect on the people around us than words of critique and criticism.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I would just add this\u2014this is what, Mary, your book is all about; and we will talk more about it\u2014I think my wife is stronger than she ever was when we first got married. And it\u2019s all because of what you said earlier, Mary: \u201cHer strength comes from the Lord.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>There\u2019s a submission to Jesus\/a surrender to Jesus that is not weakness; it\u2019s the opposite. It\u2019s almost like when Jesus said, \u201cIf you lose your life from My sake, you\u2019ll find it.\u201d\u00a0 You think, when you empty yourself, you\u2019re going to lose everything; and yet, you\u2019re filled up with <em>power<\/em> and strength.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The fear is you\u2019ll lose yourself.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It\u2019s such a paradox.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>It is such a paradox that, in laying it down, we gain it.\n\nI think that no where do you see that more than in terms of women\u2019s strength. I have women, all the time, telling me that: \u201cI was so afraid; and yet, when I surrendered to Jesus\u2014and when I began to do life His way and when I began to do <em>womanhood<\/em> His way\u2014I truly became who I am; and I became stronger than ever before.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Second Corinthians 12\u2014Paul with his thorn in the flesh\u2014asked God to remove it; God says, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014and He says: \u201cIn your weakness I will be made strong.\u201d Paul says, \u201cI rejoice in that weakness, because the power of Christ strengthens me in that.\u201d I think that is applicable for all of us; certainly applicable for what you are talking about in this book, <em>The Right Kind of Strong, <\/em>which is a book that we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center<em>. <\/em>\n\nYou can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of Mary\u2019s book. Again, it\u2019s called <em>The Right Kind of Strong <\/em>by Mary Kassian. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order; or you can order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we would hope that moms, in particular, would be having conversations with their daughters about growing up to be strong women. Over the years, we have tried to develop tools and resources to help facilitate that. One of the most popular resources that we have ever put together is something called <em>Passport2Purity.<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s a weekend getaway for a mom and a daughter\u2014or for a father and a son\u2014where you would get away together before adolescence arrives in the years nine, ten, eleven, or twelve\u2014and talk about the changes that are coming: talk about dating, and sexuality, and those kinds of issues with your daughter. The whole idea of the weekend is for the two of you to begin a conversation that is going to <em>continue<\/em> throughout the teen years.\n\nWe have talked to <em>thousands<\/em> of parents, who have taken their kids on one of these <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>weekends. We feel so strongly about how important something like this is that, right now, we want to make available the <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>kit, which gives you everything you need for the weekend: the audio you listen to, the workbooks you go through together, instructions on how to execute it as a parent. We want to make that kit available, along with a copy of a book by Vicky Courtney, called <em>5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter<\/em> or <em>5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son<\/em>. You can decide which of those books you would like to go with your <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>weekend.\n\nWe are making that available when you make a donation to help support this ministry. Because we think this is so critical, we are asking, if you would make a donation to help continue the outreach\/expand the outreach of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d love to make these resources available to you\u2014both the book by Vicky Courtney and the <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>kit.\n\nGo to FamilyLIfeToday.com to make an online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY; and be sure to request your <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>kit,along with either of the two books by Vicky Courtney about conversations with daughters or conversations with sons; and then plan a time this spring or this summer when you and your preteen can get away for a weekend to talk about what really matters and help get them ready for their adolescent years. Again, donate, online, at FamilyLIfeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we are going to continue the conversation about what it means to be a strong woman. Mary Kassian\u2019s going to talk about how easy it is for strength to erode from our lives; we will talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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});\";s:18:\"current_block_list\";a:17:{i:0;s:14:\"uagb\/container\";i:1;s:12:\"core\/heading\";i:2;s:9:\"core\/html\";i:3;s:10:\"core\/group\";i:6;s:21:\"uagb\/advanced-heading\";i:7;s:14:\"uagb\/separator\";i:8;s:14:\"uagb\/icon-list\";i:9;s:20:\"uagb\/icon-list-child\";i:10;s:11:\"core\/search\";i:13;s:18:\"core\/legacy-widget\";i:16;s:10:\"uagb\/image\";i:17;s:17:\"core\/social-links\";i:18;s:16:\"core\/social-link\";i:19;s:14:\"core\/paragraph\";i:20;s:30:\"meta-box\/fl-conditional-blocks\";i:21;s:12:\"uagb\/buttons\";i:22;s:18:\"uagb\/buttons-child\";}s:8:\"uag_flag\";b:1;s:11:\"uag_version\";i:1776513801;s:6:\"gfonts\";a:1:{s:7:\"Default\";a:2:{s:10:\"fontfamily\";s:7:\"Default\";s:12:\"fontvariants\";a:0:{}}}s:10:\"gfonts_url\";s:71:\"\/\/fonts.googleapis.com\/css?family=Default&subset=latin&display=fallback\";s:12:\"gfonts_files\";a:0:{}s:14:\"uag_faq_layout\";b:0;}"]},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Guest: Mary Kassian | Series: The Right Kind of Strong | Award-winning author MaryRead More &raquo;","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There\u2019s a lot of conversation in our culture today about raising strong young women. Mary Kassian says we need to make sure it\u2019s the right kind of strong we are focused on.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>We have this, you know, this girl power\u2014the t-shirts: the \u201cI am strong\u201d; \u201cI\u2019m invincible\u201d; \u201cI am woman.\u201d I think the culture is pushing girls\/pushing women to be strong, but it\u2019s not always strong in the right kind of way. Strength doesn\u2019t always come in the same kind of a package\u2014strength looks different ways in different people\u2014<em>and<\/em> that spiritual strength is a far different kind of strength than the strength that the world promotes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday March 16<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. So what exactly is the right kind of strong? How can we raise our daughters to be strong women?\u00a0 We\u2019re going to talk about that today with Mary Kassian. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us.\n\nAnn, I want to know if you\u2014you never raised girls; you raised boys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you were raising girls today\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014would you get a #Girl Power t-shirt for them to wear? [Laughter] I mean, the whole girl power thing\u2014it\u2019s a big deal. Is it a good thing, or is it something parents should be worried about?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s not a loaded question at all\u2014[Laughter]\u2014lets just start right there.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Way to go Bob\u2014set her up. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I do like the girl power thing, but it depends on how you <em>define<\/em> that girl power.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; well, we [have] somebody to help us define it; and that was, by the way, a very skillful answer to my very-loaded question. [Laughter]\n\nMary Kassian is joining us, again, on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> We were just talking about the fact that Mary was here at the very beginning of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. She had written a book called <em>The Feminist Gospel. <\/em>The first time we had her was to talk about that book. She\u2019s been here several times since then; she\u2019s a part of the <em>Art of Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>video series. She\u2019s an old friend. Welcome back.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Thanks; so good to be here.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He did not mean <em>old<\/em> friend. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014No; he meant\u2014[Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He meant\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> He meant\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He meant a \u201clongtime friend.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> He meant \u201c<em>longtime<\/em> friend.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cseasoned.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cseasoned.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Mary has written a new book about girl power; it\u2019s about the right kind of strong. It\u2019s to Ann\u2019s point: we need to teach our daughters what real strength looks like; don\u2019t we?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> We do, because there is such an emphasis on women being strong in this culture. I mean, its upheld as one of the great virtues of womanhood\u2014is that a strong woman is the kind of woman you want to be.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>And speaking of strong woman, you are one.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I would say so.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter]\n\nLet\u2019s go back; and tell us the trajectory: if you had not met Jesus,\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, I thought you\u2019re going to ask her how much she benches. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> No; I\u2014[Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We are talking\u2014her book starts out about arm wrestling.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It does; I was a good arm wrestler.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014if you had not met Jesus, where would you be today?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Oh wow! If I had not met Jesus, I would probably be a ranting, raving feminist; honestly.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You were headed in that direction.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I think so. I am the only girl of an immigrant family from post-war Germany. I have five brothers. Growing up, I was determined to prove that I was as strong and capable as my brothers were. And I did prove myself, you know, in many different ways.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> For example\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I could keep up with them. I could, you know, balance and walk across the trestle; I could climb trees; I could throw a football; I could hit a baseball.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Mary and I would have been good friends.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We would have been tomboys who shook the world together.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I was an absolute tomboy. You know, there was not\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Lets find out!\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Let\u2019s find out.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh Dave\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> He just brought a football; and it says, \u201cWilson.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014has brought a football to the table.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I want to see you throw a football.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Okay; here I go.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Throw it over here and let\u2019s see.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>There we go.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That spiraled.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m impressed; I\u2019m impressed. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I held it the right way. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I just spiked it.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I held it the right way; I even got a little spiral on it\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014almost three feet.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had a job\u2014tell us about the job you had that helped put you through college.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Well, after I finished high school\/when I finished, I was quite young. I was 16 years [old] when I finished high school.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> So you are strong <em>and<\/em> smart.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Ah, well, there you go. [Laughter] A good combination; don\u2019t you think? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It is.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> So after high school, I started looking for a job. I applied for a job as a night janitor at one of the local department stores. They had never\u2014this was kind of back in the time when girls didn\u2019t get jobs like that.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, Mary, it\u2019s not all of us that are going <em>after<\/em> that job right out of high school. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Mary<\/strong>: I know; I know.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you have a chip on your shoulder?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know if I had a chip on my shoulder; I mean, that was in the \u201860s, when the rise of the feminist movement through the \u201870s. That was, you know, after Helen Reddy\u2019s: \u201cI am strong. I am invincible. I am woman.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We could hear you roar.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u201cI am woman; hear me <em>roar.\u201d<\/em>\n\nI think that most of the women in my generation\u2014or most of the women that were my friends anyway\u2014we all had that kind of an attitude, you know: \u201cWe are going to take the world by the tail here.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And I think that it\u2019s showing that: \u201cWe\u2019re capable.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u201cWe are strong; we can do this.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u201cWe can do this.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u201cWe can do this; there\u2019s nothing I can\u2019t do.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, Bob, do you feel that? Do you feel what just happened in the room? [Laughter] I can just feel that: \u201cWe can do this! We are strong!\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014Like\/like, \u201cWe\u2019re done here.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s like we aren\u2019t even in here! [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It\u2019s like Ann and I are just connecting here.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We\u2019re bonding right here.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> We\u2019re bonding here.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So did your\u2014\u201cWe can do this; we are strong. I am woman; hear me roar,\u201d\u2014did that <em>clash<\/em> with your understanding of the gospel?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Not initially, because I came to know the Lord at a very young age. My parents raised me in the church. I came to know Jesus at a young age\u2014gave my life to Christ. I didn\u2019t really see a disparity there; initially, anyway.\n\nBut then, as I got older, I began to recognize that some of the things that I viewed as strengths really were not strengths at all; they were weaknesses really. I was strong enough to demand my rights; I was strong enough to be: \u201cI am strong and invincible\u201d; I was strong enough to run over people;\u00a0 but I wasn\u2019t strong enough to have the heart of Christ, in terms of just bending, and being kind, and even submissive for that matter.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And you met a woman, along the way,\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that kind of changed your perspective of what a strong woman looks like.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Tell us about her.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Her name is Pearl Purdy. If she reached five foot, I would be surprised; she was just this little wee woman. She was old; she was in the church that I grew up in, so I had known her.\n\nShe started to take an interest in me when I was in my later teens and started to invite me over for tea; and then, we\u2019d go play shuffle board. We would just hang out. Hanging out with Pearl was\/was an experience, because she was so different that I was. She was\u2014she was older, and she hadn\u2019t been educated; she did not have a college degree. I was going for my degree in rehab medicine at the time.\n\nShe did not have all those girl power things that my generation had been infused with. And yet, as I got to know her, I saw that the strength that she had\u2014the strength of character, the strength of spirit\u2014was something very enviable and something that I really wanted.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So what did you learn from Pearl?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Well, from Pearl, I learned that\u2014that strength does not always come in the same kind of a package\u2014that strength looks different ways in different people\u2014and that spiritual strength is a far different kind of strength than the strength that the world promotes.\n\nWe have this, you know, girl power\u2014the t-shirts: the \u201cI am strong\u201d; \u201cI\u2019m invincible\u201d; \u201cI am woman.\u201d I think the culture is pushing girls\/pushing women to be strong, but it\u2019s not always strong in the right kind of way.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I had a very similar experience. I went to a nursing home; I was 19 years old. Dave and I had just gotten married, so I was young\u2014young in my faith too. She was in her 90s. All the things that I thought were valuable, at that time, were: having a strong voice; having a strong faith\u2014that was important to me; family was really important to me; as a woman, I felt the pressure of outward beauty.\n\nI walk into this nursing home, and this woman is in her bed. She can\u2019t get out of bed, so she wasn\u2019t mobile at all. As I started talking to her, she said: \u201cI have lost most of my kids,\u201d \u201cMy husband\u2019s been gone for years,\u201d \u201cMy family is gone.\u201d I remember asking her, \u201cWhat\u2019s your purpose right now of life?\u201d And she had this radiant joy about her that I was amazed at\u2014I\u2019m thinking: \u201cYou can\u2019t walk,\u201d \u201cYour beauty is gone,\u201d \u201cYour family is gone,\u201d \u201cYou really can\u2019t do anything.\u201d\n\nShe took my hand, and she squeezed it. She said: \u201cOh honey, my Jesus has me here every day for a reason; so when my eyes open up and I wake up, I think: \u2018I\u2019m here again? Lord, You must have something for me.\u2019\u201d She said, \u201cYou walked in today; I thought, \u2018This is who I am here for today.\u2019\u201d I was <em>astounded<\/em>!\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s bringing tears to your eyes\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014even now\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Because my identity was all about in what I looked like, what I did, what I was saying. And this woman\u2014her <em>total<\/em> identity and purpose in life was to serve and love Jesus. I had never seen anything like it before. Just that one encounter had a great impact\u2014just as Pearl\u2014you had many encounters, and it really had an impact on you.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Absolutely. I think, when we see it\u2014as women, when we see that\u2014when we see true strength; when we see the kind of strength that knowing the Lord infuses into a women\u2019s spirit, it is a strength that is of a far different quality.\n\nI think that\u2019s why the Bible talks about: \u201cBe strong in the Lord and in His mighty power.\u201d\u00a0 Being strong in the Lord is a different kind of strength; because I am not relying on my <em>own<\/em> strength, and I am not relying on <em>me<\/em>. The world teaches us, as woman: \u201cRely on yourselves,\u201d \u201cRely\u2014you are strong\u201d\u2014you know\u2014\u201cBe strong; proclaim your rights\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cpush for your rights.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cpush for your rights.\u201d Yes; \u201cPush over people\u201d even.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; even in meetings, I remember being like: \u201cI have to say something,\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>I know.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014\u201cI have to say something; I need to <em>lead<\/em>.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Exactly, exactly! \u201cBe a leader. For heaven\u2019s sake, don\u2019t ever let a man tell you what to do,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the message that we get, as women, in this culture.\n\nYet, the message of strength in Scripture is so very different; because Scripture teaches that any woman, who relies on her own strength, is a weak woman; and any woman, weak or strong, who relies on the strength of the Lord is strong and is a strong woman.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So let\u2019s talk about that. I want\/I want to know what you ladies have to say about the right kind of strength for a woman. Obviously, that\u2019s the title of your book; but here\u2019s my question: \u201cHow is it different than strength for a man?\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I think that we are different as male and female; and so strength, perhaps, <em>looks<\/em> different. I think that the path to strength is the same\u2014the path to strength is through submitting our lives to Christ and following His ways\u2014but I think that, as we do that, God makes us more of who we really are.\n\nI can testify to this\u2014and I\u2019m sure Ann can as well\u2014that as we begin to embrace God\u2019s strength for us, we begin to see who we are; and we begin to flourish as who we are. That tomboy girl, who was growing up, all of a sudden, learned more and more about who she was as a woman; and then, was able to step into marriage\u2014and then learn who to be as a wife, and who to be as a mother; and how to be strong as a mother, how to be strong as a wife, how to be strong as a woman.\n\nThe path to getting there is submission to Christ and taking on the strength of the Lord; but I think what He does in our spirits is He just brings out more of who we are. So if I am a woman, He\u2019s going to start bringing more of that out.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We tend to think of strength in culturally-defined terms.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible points us to a different kind of strength: it\u2019s the strength to know when to keep your mouth shut;\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s the strength when to know when to pull back and not engage;\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014it\u2019s a strength under control\u2014the Bible calls it <em>meekness<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What we think meekness\u2014is to be demure, and over in the corner, and you never show any strength. No; Jesus was meek, which meant He had the power to call legions of angels, and He said, \u201cBut that\u2019s not what\u2019s appropriate in this moment.\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; and so learning how to walk in the strength in the Lord is learning how to respond appropriately, given whatever situation that you are in. Being a strong woman means, sometimes, \u201cYes, keeping your mouth shut and not responding in kind.\u201d It\u2019s responding, giving good instead of evil, in response to evil.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> To Dave\u2019s question though: \u201cIs it different for us? Should we be strong in a different way, as men, than as women should be?\u201d\u2014do you think?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> I think so. I think that Scripture clearly teaches that strength in a man shows up in terms of just a protective oversight and\u2014in terms of just guiding his family\u2014being the head of the home, and the rock for the kids, and the hero for his wife and for his kids. I think that\u2019s a different texture to it.\n\nCertainly, strength in a woman is just as important; its <em>vitally<\/em> important, in fact. But Scripture teaches that strength in a woman is a strength that is\/knows how to respond in the right way, that is open to joining in with the direction of the whole family, and in pulling in the same direction as her husband. Strength in a woman is a nurturing strength. Strength in a woman is a compassionate, and it\u2019s a mothering strength. Even if you don\u2019t have children, it\u2019s a strength that is nurturing and caring for people.\n\nNow, obviously, men and women\u2014there\u2019s a lot of overlap, and we are all called to do all those things\u2014\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>\u2014and yet, I think the texture of it is different, given if you are a male or a female.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These are not exclusive categories.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Right.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Men\u2014men can nurture, and women can lead;\u2014\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014right?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But there are characteristic categories\u2014if they are not exclusive categories\u2014and to try to deny the characteristic nature of them is to try to blur the lines. There is a reason why I have more testosterone in my body than you have in your body.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There is a reason why you have estrogen in your body than I have in mine. That\u2019s by God\u2019s design, and it\u2019s there with an intent and a purpose; right?\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I also think women can be sometimes more competitive than men. I know that I used to be in meetings, thinking, \u201cI know I need to push forward. I need to push forward.\u201d There was a part of me that was so competitive, even with women, that I wouldn\u2019t lift another woman up; because of my insecurity, really, and my competiveness.\n\nI think a strong woman learns how to lift others up. As we understand who we are in Christ, we start seeing the beauty in each other; and we start complementing and drawing out greatness in each other\u2014not only women\u2014but kids and our husbands of not having to one-up; but \u201cLet me <em>lift<\/em> you up.\u201d There\u2019s a strength in that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So when you see the rush, over the last ten years, every Disney movie I can think of has been about strong girls.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and Marvel.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Marvel has expanded\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean,\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014this cinematic universe\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014to make sure that the women can take the guys out just as easily. Is that a net good thing for parents, raising daughters today; or is it that problematic?\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It teaches our young girls that they are on the same playing surface as the guys and that they can compete with the men in every possible way; so that they\u2019re as physically strong. It\u2019s not true; [Laughter] they are not as physically strong.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, because average guys can out-run women, and we are seeing that. Guys, who identify now as women, come into women\u2019s sports and beat them. We go, \u201cThis isn\u2019t fair!\u201d\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It\u2019s the end of women\u2019s sports, really\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014is what we are seeing. Is because\/because the guys will do better at it, because God created their bodies differently.\n\nI think, when we deny that\u2014when we give women this image and give our young girls this image that we are just the same\u2014we are setting them up for failure. We\u2019re setting them up for failure in life; and we\u2019re setting them up for failure in relationships, especially. Because they will go into a relationship, thinking: \u201cI am just like one of the guys. I\u2019m going to interact with this guy like one of the guys, and I\u2019m going to take charge of the relationship,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m going to tell him what to do, and I\u2019m going to wrestle with him when he doesn\u2019t agree with me\u201d; and it just does not work well.\n\nWhat I am seeing is\u2014women, who have been raised in that culture, and who even go into marriage with that, and then, years down the road, it\u2019s not working.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It\u2019s just <em>not<\/em> working there. The relationship hits up against the wall; and they\u2019re struggling with what God\u2019s directives are, in terms of marriage. They don\u2019t know how to relate in what the Bible identifies as a womanly way.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And that\u2019s exactly what I did in our marriage. I almost destroyed it; because I watched my mom, thinking: \u201cShe\u2019s so submissive; she\u2019s a doormat! My dad tells her everything; she\u2019s [timid voice] \u201cOkay; I\u2019ll do it.\u201d\u00a0 The way she served, I thought: \u201cOh my goodness! He\u2019s just taking advantage of <em>everything<\/em>.\u201d I thought to myself, \u201cI will <em>never<\/em> be like that.\u201d\n\nAnd so I come into our\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and she wasn\u2019t! [Laughter] I\u2019ll just tell you!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I came into our marriage with a <em>voice<\/em>\u2014with a: \u201cI\u2019m going to be strong. You will not walk all over me. I\u2019m going to tell <em>you<\/em> what to do.\u201d\n\nLet me tell you\u2014that had <em>devastating<\/em> effects on Dave. Because he is a strong leader, too, we would butt heads. I would critique him; I would continually nag him\u2014thinking, you know, \u201cI\u2019m doing it well; why aren\u2019t you?\u201d\u00a0 It really has a terrible effect on men when we treat them as our sons and that we <em>know<\/em> better.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was devastating to you; wasn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes\u2014and you know, we obviously got through it\u2014we are on year 40 now\u2014but I wanted a strong woman. That was one of the things that attracted me to Ann\u2014she was a <em>strong<\/em> leader woman; and yet, then in our marriage, it crushed me; you know? I think it comes back to the right kind of strong.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> \u2014the right kind of strong.\n\nHere, I have a question\u2014this raises a question in my mind for you, Ann. Because this is an important question I think that a lot of the women, who are listening, will be asking themselves\u2014it\u2019s like, \u201cDo I need to become <em>weak<\/em> in order to have a good marriage?\u201d Here\u2019s my question for you: \u201cDo you feel that you have given up strength?\u201d or \u201cDo you feel that you have gained strength; in terms of just doing life, and womanhood, and marriage the way that God says?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s the title of your book: <em>It\u2019s a Different Kind of Strong<\/em>; because I realized that it took more strength to go to God first\u2014to say: \u201cGod, should I say this?\u201d \u201cGod, should I say <em>anything<\/em>?\u201d \u201cGod, what is my heart?\u201d and \u201cWhat\u2019s behind my actions of trying to be so strong?\u201d\n\nAs I would go before the Father, He would celebrate my strength; but He would direct it into a different way\u2014a different response; a different kind of love. I realized my strength was coming out of insecurity instead of my strength coming out of who I was in Him.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You would say you have more power and influence in life and in your marriage today than when you were trying to tell Dave what to do.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Absolutely! Because words of love and life have a greater effect on the people around us than words of critique and criticism.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And I would just add this\u2014this is what, Mary, your book is all about; and we will talk more about it\u2014I think my wife is stronger than she ever was when we first got married. And it\u2019s all because of what you said earlier, Mary: \u201cHer strength comes from the Lord.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>There\u2019s a submission to Jesus\/a surrender to Jesus that is not weakness; it\u2019s the opposite. It\u2019s almost like when Jesus said, \u201cIf you lose your life from My sake, you\u2019ll find it.\u201d\u00a0 You think, when you empty yourself, you\u2019re going to lose everything; and yet, you\u2019re filled up with <em>power<\/em> and strength.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The fear is you\u2019ll lose yourself.\n\n<strong>Mary:<\/strong> It\u2019s such a paradox.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Mary: <\/strong>It is such a paradox that, in laying it down, we gain it.\n\nI think that no where do you see that more than in terms of women\u2019s strength. I have women, all the time, telling me that: \u201cI was so afraid; and yet, when I surrendered to Jesus\u2014and when I began to do life His way and when I began to do <em>womanhood<\/em> His way\u2014I truly became who I am; and I became stronger than ever before.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Second Corinthians 12\u2014Paul with his thorn in the flesh\u2014asked God to remove it; God says, \u201cNo,\u201d\u2014and He says: \u201cIn your weakness I will be made strong.\u201d Paul says, \u201cI rejoice in that weakness, because the power of Christ strengthens me in that.\u201d I think that is applicable for all of us; certainly applicable for what you are talking about in this book, <em>The Right Kind of Strong, <\/em>which is a book that we have in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center<em>. <\/em>\n\nYou can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of Mary\u2019s book. Again, it\u2019s called <em>The Right Kind of Strong <\/em>by Mary Kassian. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order; or you can order by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nYou know, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we would hope that moms, in particular, would be having conversations with their daughters about growing up to be strong women. Over the years, we have tried to develop tools and resources to help facilitate that. One of the most popular resources that we have ever put together is something called <em>Passport2Purity.<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>\u00a0 <\/em>It\u2019s a weekend getaway for a mom and a daughter\u2014or for a father and a son\u2014where you would get away together before adolescence arrives in the years nine, ten, eleven, or twelve\u2014and talk about the changes that are coming: talk about dating, and sexuality, and those kinds of issues with your daughter. The whole idea of the weekend is for the two of you to begin a conversation that is going to <em>continue<\/em> throughout the teen years.\n\nWe have talked to <em>thousands<\/em> of parents, who have taken their kids on one of these <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>weekends. We feel so strongly about how important something like this is that, right now, we want to make available the <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>kit, which gives you everything you need for the weekend: the audio you listen to, the workbooks you go through together, instructions on how to execute it as a parent. We want to make that kit available, along with a copy of a book by Vicky Courtney, called <em>5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter<\/em> or <em>5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Son<\/em>. You can decide which of those books you would like to go with your <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>weekend.\n\nWe are making that available when you make a donation to help support this ministry. Because we think this is so critical, we are asking, if you would make a donation to help continue the outreach\/expand the outreach of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, we\u2019d love to make these resources available to you\u2014both the book by Vicky Courtney and the <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>kit.\n\nGo to FamilyLIfeToday.com to make an online donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY; and be sure to request your <em>Passport2Purity <\/em>kit,along with either of the two books by Vicky Courtney about conversations with daughters or conversations with sons; and then plan a time this spring or this summer when you and your preteen can get away for a weekend to talk about what really matters and help get them ready for their adolescent years. Again, donate, online, at FamilyLIfeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation.\n\nNow, tomorrow, we are going to continue the conversation about what it means to be a strong woman. Mary Kassian\u2019s going to talk about how easy it is for strength to erode from our lives; we will talk more about that tomorrow. I hope you can be with us.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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