{"id":305804,"date":"2020-03-04T08:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-03-04T13:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/does-marriage-get-easier\/"},"modified":"2020-03-04T08:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-03-04T13:00:04","slug":"does-marriage-get-easier","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/does-marriage-get-easier\/","title":{"rendered":"Does Marriage Get Easier?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Bob Lepine, Dave and Ann Wilson, Gary Chapman, Juli Slattery, Ron Deal | Series: A Panel Answers Your Questions | Does marriage get easier as time goes by? Join Bob Lepine, Ron Deal, Gary Chapman, Juli Slattery, Charlie and Kirstie Dates, and Dave and Ann Wilson for a panel discussion about marriage recorded aboard the 2020 Love Like You Mean It\u00ae marriage cruise.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tBonus Audio Q&amp;A about sex and intimacy. [MP3 32.3 MB]<br \/>\n \tBook now for the Love Like You Mean It\u00ae marriage cruise.<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Join Bob Lepine, Ron Deal, Gary Chapman, Juli Slattery, Charlie and Kirstie Dates, and Dave and Ann Wilson for a panel discussion about marriage recorded aboard the 2020 Love Like You Mean It\u00ae marriage cruise.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-04.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:17","filesize":"24.99M","filesize_raw":"26200283","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2908,2901,2862,2831],"tags":[5251],"podcast_series":[8343],"cwp_profile":[3142,3647,3353,3388,3300],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305804","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-forgiveness","category-husbands","category-understanding-differences","category-wives","tag-cruise","podcast_series-a-panel-answers-your-questions","cwp_profile-bob-lepine","cwp_profile-dave-and-ann-wilson","cwp_profile-gary-chapman","cwp_profile-juli-slattery","cwp_profile-ron-deal","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305804\/does-marriage-get-easier","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305804\/does-marriage-get-easier","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"rwOsEbkFxt\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/does-marriage-get-easier\/\">Does Marriage Get Easier?<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/does-marriage-get-easier\/embed\/#?secret=rwOsEbkFxt\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Does Marriage Get Easier?&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"rwOsEbkFxt\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Join Bob Lepine, Ron Deal, Gary Chapman, Juli Slattery, Charlie and Kirstie Dates, and Dave and Ann Wilson for a panel discussion about marriage recorded aboard the 2020 Love Like You Mean It\u00ae marriage cruise.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>One of the first questions was: \u201cAt what year does marriage become easier?\u201d [Laughter] Let\u2019s find out. Dave and Ann, you\u2019ve been married how long?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019ll be 40 years in May.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; 40 years for you. [Applause]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Charlie and Kirstie?\n\n<strong>Kirstie:<\/strong> It\u2019ll be 14 years in July. [Applause]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Alright; so still on the front-end of this adventure.\n\nJuli, how long have you and your husband been married?\n\n<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Twenty-five years.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Twenty-five years. [Applause]\n\nAnd I think you're [Gary] probably the record holder up here. How long for you and your wife?\n\n<strong>Gary:<\/strong> Fifty-eight years; it gets a lot easier after forty. [Applause]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Ron.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Thirty-four. I\u2019ve got <em>nothing<\/em> compared to fifty-eight. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And Mary Ann and I just celebrated 40 years together last year, so we\u2019ve got some experience.\n\nSo when does it get easier? I\u2019ll ask the reigning champion: \u201cWhat year does it get easier?\u201d\n\n<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think it\u2019s a year in particular; obviously, it depends on the individuals. Karolyn and I had a lot of struggles in the early years of our marriage; I mean, really deep struggles.\n\nI will tell you where it turned around for us though. It really made a\u00a0 huge turn is when I finally said to God: \u201cI don\u2019t know what else to do. I\u2019ve done everything I know to do. It\u2019s not getting any better.\u201d As soon as I said that, there came to my mind an image of Jesus, on his knees, washing the feet of His disciples. I heard God say to me, \u201cThat\u2019s the problem in your marriage; <em>you<\/em> do not have the attitude of Christ,\u201d\u2014hit me like a ton of bricks.\n\nMy attitude in the early days was something like: \u201cI know how to have a good marriage. If you\u2019ll listen to me, we\u2019ll have one!\u201d She wouldn\u2019t listen to me; I blamed her! From that day, I got a different marriage\/a different message. I asked God to change my heart and give me the attitude of Christ. I started asking her questions like: \u201cWhat can I do to help you?\u201d \u201cHow can I make your life easier?\u201d \u201cHow can I be a better husband?\u201d She was willing to give me answers. [Laughter]\n\nLooking back on it, she was really teaching me her love language. I didn\u2019t know anything about love languages, but she was teaching me how to love her. When I began to do that and take that attitude, within three months, she started asking me those three questions; huge turning place.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you guys think that the trajectory of marriage is: It\u2019s hard; it\u2019s hard; it\u2019s hard; it gets easier; it gets easier; then it gets hard. Do we go up and down, or do we just gravitate upward?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There\u2019s no way to predict that. It just all depends on what\u2019s happening in life. Sometimes; struggles in marriage are internal, meaning it\u2019s between the two of us. Sometimes; it's external circumstances or life situations\u2014that bring an unexpected amount of stress, or difficulty, or challenge to our lives\u2014so there\u2019s no way to predict those sorts of seasons. I do think that we\u2019re always working on our marriage, because God\u2019s always using it to work on us.\n\nAt some level, just when you think it gets easier, it does get easier in some way; but that opens up an opportunity for the Lord to show you another piece of you that you were not aware of that could use some refinement. Becoming more and more like Jesus is a life-long discipleship journey, and marriage is an act of discipleship. I don\u2019t know that we ever arrive until the day He comes back.\n\nAs long as we have that attitude\u2014by the way, I find that relieving\u2014in some ways, you go [timidly], \u201cGreat, I\u2019ve got to work at this thing?\u201d\u2014but in other ways, it\u2019s like, \u201cYes; that\u2019s what I should expect from my God, who loves me so much to help me become more like His Son.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And work doesn\u2019t mean just joyless existence.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Exactly! It\u2019s just the refining fire of learning, and loving, and lessons learned, and repentance.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would add\u2014I think it\u2019s what you\u2019re saying\u2014I think it\u2019s real easy to walk into marriage, thinking, \u201cIt will be easy.\u201d We actually went to the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> as an engaged couple, two weeks before our wedding. You know, now we've been speaking at that conference for 30 years; but we sat there, all weekend, literally not taking notes. We just thought: \u201cOh it can\u2019t be that hard! We love each other. We love Jesus. We\u2019re going into ministry. All these people, taking notes; they don't have a clue! <em>We<\/em> know how to do this.\u201d\n\nThen we got married; and it was like, \u201cWhere\u2019s that manual?\u201d It was the <em>hardest<\/em> thing we\u2019ve ever done in our lives; but our expectation was that it shouldn\u2019t be that hard because, if you have Jesus, everything\u2019s easy; and that\u2019s not true at all. Jesus makes it possible, but it doesn't make it easy. It\u2019s really, really, really, really, really hard work.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I like what you said, Ron, because I think what happens is, as we go through life\u2014like when Dave and I were first married, we waited six years to have kids\u2014we thought: \u201cWe have this down now; we are good at this.\u201d Then we had kids; and I\u2019m like, \u201cI don\u2019t even like you\u201d; you know?\u2014because you're tired; you\u2019re stressed.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She didn\u2019t like me <em>way<\/em> before we had kids. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I think\u2014in each season, whether we\u2019re high or we\u2019re low\u2014I think the important thing is that we keep our eyes on Jesus; because He\u2019s our steady; He\u2019s our anchor. He\u2019s the one that keeps us anchored and steady.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; one of the questions somebody asked\u2014I thought this was a great question\u2014is: \u201cIn your marriage, how do you determine whether you should be accepting of your spouse's failings, failures, flaws; or you should be calling them to holiness? At what point do you overlook and at what point are you part of the sanctification process in their lives?\u201d\n\nCharlie, I\u2019ll start with you on that one. How would you counsel a couple in that situation?\n\n<strong>Charlie:<\/strong> Thank you for that. Can I say something real fast to the piece we just were on?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Charlie:<\/strong> A common thread that I discern that has helped me is\u2014the Bible says that pride goes before a fall and a haughty spirit before destruction. Marriage requires incredible humility; I think that's a good launching pad here. I am not the Holy Spirit for Kirstie. Although, it\u2019s amazing how often her voice has sounded like the voice of God. [Laughter] I am not that, so I\u2019m not trying to make Kirstie into my image. If I\u2019m honest, I have failed at that. I don\u2019t want to come across to any of you today like I\u2019ve got that nailed down.\n\nI want to make room for Kirstie to fail; I want to create a safe space for her not to get it right without fear of rejection. In doing so, hopefully, as Paul writes, I am loving her like Christ loved the church. Then that also, at times, calls for me to say to her, \u201cWell, you know Dear, we might not want to think of it that way.\u201d\n\nWe work at affirming one another <em>before<\/em> we point out flaws, so we laud and we celebrate. Kirstie does this really good; she does not shoot arrows, so to speak, right when I finish preaching. She has impeccable timing in terms of when to say something hard. The way that I like to say it is\u2014she throws velvet bricks. [Laughter] They are heavy, but they are constructive; but she wraps them in language and a tone that is disarming, one that I can appreciate.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Kirstie, speak to this subject; can you?\n\n<strong>Kirstie:<\/strong> Yes, I\u2019ll say that it\u2019s important, not only what we say, but how we say it; because you\u2019re going to receive my approach before you even hear what I have to say. That goes vice versa. I think that is something we can be mindful of when we\u2019re trying to communicate with each other.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Maybe we should discern between a minor irritation and a really bad habit and the moral implications of some bad habits.\n\nThere\u2019s a Jamaican proverb I love; it says, \u201cBefore marriage, keep both eyes open; and after marriage, keep one eye shut.\u201d There are some things we can wash the other\u2019s feet by letting it go, by accommodating that, by being okay with that personality quirk or whatever that thing is that\u2019s a minor irritation.\n\nBut there are some things that jeopardize the integrity of the relationship, of the marriage, of the family. Those should <em>not<\/em> be accommodated. We don't accommodate to sin and, especially, habitual sin. There\u2019s a distinguishing mark there I think.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The Bible, in Proverbs, says: \u201cIt\u2019s a man\u2019s glory to overlook a transgression.\u201d For the majority of transgressions, we\u2019re going to be overlooking; it\u2019s the right thing to do\u2014humble, gracious, overlooking. For those <em>destructive<\/em> things to a marriage that you\u2019re talking about, then it\u2019s: \u201cSpeak the truth in love.\u201d Don\u2019t overlook; but we gently, lovingly confront a spouse in this situation.\n\nAnn, I know you would say\u2014before you gently, lovingly confront your spouse\u2014pray and ask God to give you direction here.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say I was an expert at critiquing Dave. My heart and intent\u2014I feel like they were pure\u2014I was thinking, \u201cI\u2019m going to help you to be better.\u201d No one changes by continually having their flaws pointed out, unless it\u2019s done as a velvet brick.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>However, I had to learn to take control of my tongue and my thoughts; I think it starts here first. I\u2019m a verbal processor; so man, if I think it, I\u2019m going to say it. It took real self-control to say <em>nothing<\/em> at first; and to go to God <em>first<\/em>, and pray and ask God, \u201cShould I say anything?\u201d Many times it was, \u201c<em>No<\/em>,\u201d because \u201cThat\u2019s God\u2019s job.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Amen.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yet, sometimes, if I would say: \u201cGod, what should I say?\u201d or \u201cShould I say it?\u201d then I would say: \u201c<em>When<\/em> should I say it?\u201d and \u201cHow should I say it?\u201d I think, if we could practice those things, it could really dramatically affect our marriages and how we view each other.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I would just add, as her husband, she began speaking life, and it was dramatic; because she was critiquing and saying, \u201cYou\u2019re not a good spiritual leader,\u201d\u2014whatever. Then she started saying, \u201cYou\u2019re an amazing man of God.\u201d At first, I was like, \u201cNo, I\u2019m not; you\u2019ve <em>never<\/em> said that ever before.\u201d I thought she was lying\u2014and she might have been\u2014but all I know\u2014[Laughter]\u2014all I know is she started saying, \u201cThis is who you are.\u201d I felt like, \u201cNo, I\u2019m down here.\u201d\n\nHere\u2019s what happened! I\u2019m guessing most men are wired this way, and I bet women are too. When you speak life\u2014and again, it isn\u2019t a lie\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cI see this; God sees this. This is who you are.\u201d This is what happened to me\u2014I became the man I wasn\u2019t that she said I was; I rose to that. When she critiqued, critiqued, critiqued, I actually got worse; it did <em>not<\/em> change me.\n\nI would just add this\u2014the other thing that will change your spouse is: \u201cBe like Christ.\u201d Just be a model; show what grace, and forgiveness, and love really looks like; and it\u2019s <em>hard<\/em> to not want to copy that. You just come home to that; and you\u2019re like, \u201cHow can you be like that?\u201d It motivates you to go vertical together, and it changes everything.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019ve said to folks: \u201cMost of us are not going to keep competing at something where we\u2019re failing all the time. If we\u2019re losing\u2014if go out and try to play golf, and you\u2019re just not good at golf, you\u2019re not going to say: \u2018I\u2019m going to do that again on Saturday. That sounds like fun\u2014to go lose\u2019\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We keep trying.[Laughter]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But if our spouse is telling us: \u201cYou\u2019re losing,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re losing,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re losing,\u201d what we do is\u2014we say: \u201cWell, I\u2019ll just quit playing. I\u2019m not going to try <em>that<\/em> anymore.\u201d But if our spouse says, \u201cYou know, I saw you do this the other day; that was really good,\u201d we go: \u201cReally? You think there\u2019s hope for us here?\u201d \u201cI think you\u2018re right on target.\u201d\n\nOne of the key themes for FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and for our <em>Weekends to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is the pursuit of oneness or intimacy. There\u2019s a natural drift in a relationship toward isolation: \u201cHow do we pursue oneness?\u201d A couple of the questions that came in here were about transparency and about isolation\/being detached. One wife said, \u201cWhat can a wife do when she tries to talk to her husband and tells him what she\u2019s feeling or about her fears and his response is nothing.\u201d She feels isolated and detached, and he won\u2019t connect.\n\nSomebody else said: \u201cMy husband doesn\u2019t understand what or how to be transparent. How do I explain transparency in a relationship to him?\u201d You hear the longing, which is to be one, and they\u2019re just\u2014there\u2019s some emotional barrier for that. Juli what would you say?\n\n<strong>Juli:<\/strong> Yes; well, first of all, I think we\u2019ve got to acknowledge that men are not women. That\u2019s a pretty obvious statement; but sometimes, particularly the way our culture presents marriage\u2014as: \u201cIt\u2019s going to meet all your needs,\u201d \u201cThis is your soulmate,\u201d \u201cThis is your best friend\/your girlfriend,\u201d\u2014he\u2019s <em>not<\/em> your girlfriend.\n\nThere's certain aspects of women just wanting to process their feelings and emotions that we\u2019re asking our husband to do something that maybe he\u2019s really not capable of doing. We\u2019re putting him in this situation\u2014we\u2019re asking him to do something that he\u2019s going to fail at. Now, he can grow in that area over time; but he feels like: \u201cWow; I don\u2019t know what to do when you cry. I can\u2019t fix you.\u201d\n\nI think understanding that you're going to need to have supportive female friends to process some life with and not expect all that to come from your husband, while at the same time, not just writing off intimacy; that it is a journey of growing toward intimacy. For a lot of marriages, women like to process life together; and men like to do life together. Part of his way of connecting may be\u2014not \u201cLet\u2019s stare at each other over a cup of coffee,\u201d\u2014but \u201cLet\u2019s go climb a mountain together, \u201c \u201cLet\u2019s tackle a job together,<em>\u201d<\/em>\u2014you may find that, as you\u2019re side by side, doing something together, that he begins to share in a different way and learn to listen in a different way.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> One of the areas that people addressed in their questions has to do with the pace of life: \u201cBalance in our lives seems elusive. How do I be a good mom and a good wife when I\u2019m exhausted all the time?\u201d\n\nSomebody else said: \u201cOur biggest enemy is time\u2014time for God things, time for his things\/her things, our things, kid things, family things, work things, fun things, and church things. It doesn\u2019t seem like we\u2019re moving forward in our relationship. How do we fight this enemy of time?\u201d Anybody found any secrets to figuring this out?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You know, I think that\u2019s one of the answers. You have to stop; there has to be a Sabbath\/a rest\u2014a stop in your life that becomes a priority.\n\nI know we run really fast. She said the other day\u2014Ann was in a meeting\u2014she described our life like: \u201cDave\u2019s sprinting; and I\u2019m holding onto his belt, and my feet are off the air\/in the air, and we\u2019re just going.\u201d Here I am, talking about rest and stop; but I think you have to decide priority: \u201cIs Jesus really number one?\u201d and \u201cIs He asking me to take time for Him, and for her, and for us; so that we can be better in that thing?\u201d It\u2019s the priority of saying, \u201cWe have to say, \u2018No,\u2019 to something.\u201d\n\n<strong>Charlie:<\/strong> I have a little bit of experience with this. I ran into a wall about two years ago. Didn't see it coming; just knew it when I hit it. It occurred to me that I had not been honoring the Sabbath. The Sabbath is not just a day to take off; it is the enjoyment of God\u2019s creation.\n\nI don\u2019t have it down; but one of the things that I would recommend is\u2014everybody only has 24 hours in a day and 7 days a week. You\u2019ve got to choose what to be bad at and what to be good at. I\u2019m deciding that everything on my plate or my table is not for me to do. It\u2019s okay for me <em>not<\/em> to be good at something that there\u2019s an opportunity to be good at, so that I can be <em>great<\/em> at something else.\n\nWe try to model this for our kids; so they got karate\u2014or Charlie has karate on Monday and Wednesdays\u2014Claire has ballet or dance; she\u2019s trying to figure out what she\u2019s going to do with her life at seven. [Laughter] Thursday is piano lesson; Friday is Family Movie Night; and who knows where I am in the country between any of that.\n\nWhat we\u2019re saying is: \u201cIt\u2019s okay to skip karate!\u201d I say that to Miss Pretty: \u201cIf they're tired\/if we just want to go home, we pay <em>them<\/em> to teach him karate. We don\u2019t have to do everything that\u2019s on our schedule.\u201d There comes a time when you go, \u201cYou know what\u2019s important\u2014staying at home, kicking our feet up tonight; that\u2019s what we're going to do.\u201d Forget who doesn't like if we don\u2019t show up somewhere else. [Applause]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Kirstie is he getting better?\n\n<strong>Kirstie:<\/strong> He is getting better.\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\n<strong>Kirstie: <\/strong>But I\u2019ll speak from a wife and mom perspective. A mature mentor of mine told me the idea of balance is kind of this elusive concept. It\u2019s really hard to balance; right?\u2014because things aren\u2019t equal; they don\u2019t have equal weight. But she told me to think about juggling: \u201cWhatever\u2019s in your hand, that\u2019s what you put your attention to.\u201d That's what I\u2019ve tried to do.\n\nIf I\u2019ve got the kids: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m going to focus on this; because I can\u2019t focus on this project.\u201d I just keep it moving and, then, that way, you can find some equilibrium if not balance. You don\u2019t feel like you have to keep <em>all<\/em> the balls in the air at the same time.\n\n<strong>Gary:<\/strong> I think all of us struggle with balance. One of the things that\u2019s helped me is to remind myself periodically: \u201cI have time to do everything that is God\u2019s will for my life.\u201d If I really believe that, then I start looking for the things that I need to let go in order to do the things that I really feel like God wants me to do.\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we\u2019ve been listening to a portion of the interaction that took place on board the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise as the three of us sat down with Dr. Gary Chapman, Ron Deal, Dr. Juli Slattery, Charlie and Kirstie Dates. We were answering questions from people, who were cruising with us, here, a couple of weeks ago.\n\nI should mention\u2014we got a lot of questions about romance, and intimacy, and sex in marriage. If our listeners are interested, we thought, \u201cRather than have those on our radio program,\u201d\u2014because some of those questions got\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014pretty raw.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014pretty real; yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014pretty raw\u2014\u201cyou can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com. There\u2019s an audio file\/a podcast there that you can download that is those questions about romance and intimacy.\u201d Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to download that Q&amp;A session if you\u2019d like to.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Do you think we\u2019ll do a panel next year?\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You know, the feedback we got from folks was: \u201cThis was so helpful,\u201d that I would imagine that, when we gather for the 2021 <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise, we\u2019ll put a panel together.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I hope so.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We should say, if you want to join us, we would love to have you. We expect the cruise is going to sell out sometime in the next 30-60 days. We\u2019re at 60 percent sold out right now. If you sign up for the cruise between now and March 16, as a <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listener, you will save $300 per couple off your stateroom. We would <em>love<\/em> to have you join us; go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the ports, about the cost for the staterooms\u2014all of the information is available there. Or call 1-800-FL-TODAY if you\u2019re ready to reserve your spot on the cruise\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family\u201d, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear more from the panel, including questions and answers about expectations in marriage; about forgiveness; \u201cWhat do you do if your spouse never apologizes?\u201d; and \u201cHow do you handle infidelity?\u2014how do you recover from that?\u2014how do you trust again?\u201d That all comes up tomorrow with our panel. I hope you can be back with us for that.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch; we got some help from James Youngblood and from Justin Adams. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\"><u>www.FamilyLife.com<\/u><\/a>\n\n1","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305804","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305804"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305804"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305804"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305804"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305804"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305804"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305804"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}