{"id":305797,"date":"2020-03-02T08:01:05","date_gmt":"2020-03-02T13:01:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/joy-in-god-joy-in-marriage\/"},"modified":"2020-03-02T08:01:05","modified_gmt":"2020-03-02T13:01:05","slug":"joy-in-god-joy-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/joy-in-god-joy-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Joy in God, Joy in Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Guest: Dave and Ann Wilson | What you believe about God impacts a lot in your life. Dave and Ann Wilson talk about how to have a happy, healthy attitude with a lot of laughter. They teach listeners the four habits for joy in marriage.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tBook now for the Love Like You Mean It\u00ae marriage cruise. https:\/\/www.lovelikeyoumeanitcruise.com\/<br \/>\n \tFind resources from this podcast at https:\/\/shop.familylife.com\/.<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHave the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>What you believe about God impacts a lot in your life. Dave and Ann Wilson talk about how to have a happy, healthy attitude with a lot of laughter. They teach listeners the four habits for joy in marriage.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/mp3.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-02.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:35:28","filesize":"32.47M","filesize_raw":"34049495","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2822,2810],"tags":[5251],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3647],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305797","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-in-your-faith","category-growing-spiritually","tag-cruise","cwp_profile-dave-and-ann-wilson","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305797\/joy-in-god-joy-in-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305797\/joy-in-god-joy-in-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"MAAJQjWcoU\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/joy-in-god-joy-in-marriage\/\">Joy in God, Joy in Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/joy-in-god-joy-in-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=MAAJQjWcoU\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Joy in God, Joy in Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"MAAJQjWcoU\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"What you believe about God impacts a lot in your life. Dave and Ann Wilson talk about how to have a happy, healthy attitude with a lot of laughter. They teach listeners the four habits for joy in marriage.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylife.com\/fl2020-03-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The Bible tells us we are to \u201crejoice in the Lord always.\u201d Ann Wilson says there are times in our lives when we have to fight for that joy.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> My mom was in memory care. Just a few months ago, I walked up on the third floor of this memory care: everybody\u2019s in wheelchairs; all their heads are down. It\u2019s sad; it\u2019s just sad. I walk in there, and I go around to every single one. I know them by name now\u2014I\u2019ve been there enough. I kiss them; I hug them. It was so interesting: \u201cWhat are we doing today?\u201d All their heads start to lift up\u2014you know, because joy\u2014that\u2019s what joy does! [Applause]\n\nIsn\u2019t that what Jesus does?\u2014He\u2019s a lifter of our heads. In the midst of pain, He\u2019s lifting us!\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\n<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Monday, March 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Fighting for joy, especially in our marriage, is a big deal. We\u2019re going to hear more about that today from Dave and Ann Wilson. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us on the Monday edition. We haven\u2019t talked about this over the last couple of weeks, but we just got off the tenth anniversary <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage cruise. It was <em>amazing<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It was <em>fabulous<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m still there; I don\u2019t know about you guys. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I <em>want<\/em> to be there.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You guys might be back in reality; I\u2019m still sailing in the Caribbean.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, when you live in Detroit, you have to sail in the Caribbean as often as you can. [Laughter] We had a great week with 5,500 people who joined us on the cruise this year. It was a <em>great<\/em> getaway, but it was also full of rich content about marriage and about family. I think the thing that I love so much about being on the cruise is\u2014everyone you meet, it\u2019s like you\u2019re meeting an old friend.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. I think the relationships that you make\u2014it feels like, \u201cI know these people!\u201d because we\u2019re all in it together.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I underestimated what a <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> cruise would be. I knew it would be fun because you\u2019re cruising, so it\u2019s like a vacation. But the marriage content\/the family content that\u2019s available\u2014really every day, any time\u2014and even when you go back to your room, you can watch on the TV what you might have missed. It is enriching for your family and for your marriage.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I feel like it\u2019s probably some of the <em>best<\/em> content you\u2019ll receive in the country. I really think that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We stepped off the boat, and we\u2019re already nearly 60 percent full for next year. I said to the guys\u2014I said, \u201cWhat about <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners? How can we make sure there are some rooms for them?\u201d They said: \u201cOkay; here\u2019s what we\u2019re going to do. Between now and March 16, any <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listener, who wants to sign up\u201d\u2014we expect this could sell out by the end of March\u2014\u201cbut you sign up, here, in the first two weeks of March, you\u2019ll save $300 per couple off your stateroom,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the best rate we make available. \u201cYou can lock down your room, and you can get in before the cruise sells out.\u201d\n\nAll the details about the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise are available online at FamilyLifeToday.com. You can register online; we\u2019re ready to have you join us. It\u2019s Valentine\u2019s week next year. Again, go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information about the cruise.\n\nYou two did a devotion one morning on the cruise that I just thought was <em>really<\/em> good. You talked about the importance of joy in a marriage\/the importance of joy in our lives. We\u2019re going to give listeners this week a taste\u2014I was going to say, \u201cYou can\u2019t really get a taste because the cafeteria is closed,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014but we\u2019re going to give you samples of some of the content that we heard on board the cruise. This devotion, I thought, was one of the highlights of the week.\n\n[Recorded Message]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There\u2019s two beliefs, I believe, will dictate every decision you make every single day. Here\u2019s the first one: \u201cWhat you believe about God,\u201d\u2014I call that theology\u2014what your belief\/understanding of the attributes of who God is. \u201cWhat you believe about God\/theology,\u201d and \u201cWhat you believe about yourself,\u201d\u2014I call that identity.\n\nSo, here\u2019s the question. We don\u2019t have time to talk about theology <em>and<\/em> identity. I will talk about identity some other time. We\u2019re just going to take a couple of minutes to talk about: \u201cWhat do you believe about who God\u2019s character is?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; if you had to say, \u201cThis is what I believe about God, and these are His attributes\u2026\u201d what are some of the top things that come to your mind, when you think of God\u2019s attributes?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Just yell it out real quick.\n\n<strong>Audience<\/strong>: [Responding with attributes of God]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Loving. Just. Faithful.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Mercy.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Awesome. Merciful.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Forgiven.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Forgiving. Grace!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Grace. Those are good.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Okay; that was great. Here\u2019s one we didn\u2019t hear: joyful! Happy! Laughter! Let me tell you\u2014those are part of the character of God. Everything you said is also part of that. Could we do a message on any one of those?\u2014of course: righteousness, justice, holiness.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But think about that: \u201cWhere does happiness\/where does joy come from?\u201d\u2014from the heart of the Father. Yet we don\u2019t always attribute those to the top.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can you, in your mind\u2019s eye, picture a God who laughs?\u2014a God who smiles? I love what John Ortberg says in a book, <em>The Life You\u2019ve Always Wanted<\/em>, to talk about celebration. He says, \u201cI believe, if you study the Scriptures, you will conclude this: \u2018God is the happiest being in the universe.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I love some of the things that Scripture says, too.\n\nJesus said, \u201cI have said these things to you so that My <em>joy<\/em> may be in you, and your joy should be complete.\u201d\n\nPsalm 34:8 says: \u201cTaste and see that the Lord is\u201d\u2014what?\u2014\u201cgood. Blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.\u201d\n\nPsalm 16:11: \u201cYou make known to me the path of life. You will fill me with <em>joy<\/em> in Your presence, with eternal pleasure at Your right hand.\u201d\n\nThen Hebrews 1:9: \u201cYou love justice and hate evil. Therefore, O God, Your God has anointed You, pouring out the oil of <em>joy<\/em> on You more than anyone else.\u201d\n\nThen Nehemiah\u2014I love this verse! But you never really think about it! Nehemiah 8:10: \u201cThe joy of the Lord is our\u201d\u2014what?\u2014\u201cstrength.\u201d Think about that! \u201cThe joy of the Lord is our strength.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s interesting\u2014if you think about what that means, right there\u2014the people of Israel were in immense tragedy and trial when Nehemiah says this. When you\u2019re in the middle of a valley\u2014some of you are right there, right now\u2014you need to know the strength you need actually comes from the joy center of God.\n\nI love what John Piper says about \u201cThe joy of the Lord is our strength.\u201d Listen to this; he says, \u201cGod does not give us any joy outside of the joy He has in Himself already; which means, God\u2019s happiness is our strength.\u201d He says, \u201cIt is a remarkable point delivered to Nehemiah and a people, who are ravaged by war, weakened by insecurities, and constantly reminded of their own fragility. This is where we find our strength for life, for pain, for trials, for marriage, for child-raising, for missions, for everything; the strength we need for life\u201d\u2014listen to this\u2014\u201cis found in the essential joy of God.\u201d\n\nHere\u2019s the thing\u2014we want to take just a few minutes to talk about: Joy can shift a marriage. I\u2019m telling you\u2014<em>joy<\/em> is contagious!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I would say this: \u201cJoy can shift a household.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I feel like, in our culture, there\u2019s a storm outside of our homes. When our kids walk in the door, or when Dave walks in the door, we have the power to create an atmosphere of joy, of love\u2014of the fruit of the Holy Spirit.\n\nFor us, this has been big; because you don\u2019t always feel happy. I love James 1, because what does it say?\u2014\u201cConsider it all <em>joy<\/em>, my brothers and sisters, when you encounter various trials.\u201d We\u2019ve been passionate about this. Because we don\u2019t always feel it; but: \u201cHow can we create an atmosphere of joy in our home?\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The question is: \u201cWhere do you find joy?\u201d Paul said in Philippians\u2014anybody know? \u201cRejoice\u2014in\u2014the Lord always. Again, I say rejoice!\u201d He\u2019s being very specific here. It isn\u2019t like you\u2019re going to find joy in a drink, or joy in your spouse; right? We think, \u201cI get married; I\u2019m going to finally be happy.\u201d It doesn\u2019t always work that way; right?\u2014trying to find it here [in marriage], trying to find it in a job, an amount of money.\n\nHe says: \u201cNo, no, no. You want joy; you find it in the Lord <em>always<\/em>. Again, I say it\u2014I\u2019m emphasizing this\u2014this is where you find it.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s really interesting\u2014I don\u2019t know when it was\u2014Bob brought\/we brought in these two guys to do radio [broadcast]. Their book was called <em>The Four Habits of Joy for Your Marriage.<\/em> They were brain science guys.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Here\u2019s one of the things they said: \u201cOne of the key discoveries of brain science is that Freud was wrong. He taught that the fear of death and the desire for sex were the most powerful motivators in the world. However, the discovery of the brain magnet has shown that attachment\u2014specifically, joyful attachment\u2014is the most powerful motivator in life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> He said, in what they discovered about the brain, is: \u201cWhere do you go to try and get joy?\u201d\u2014people. We go to people to find joy. And guess what? We marry\u2014you\u2019re sitting beside the person right now that you married, thinking they\u2019d bring you happiness. How\u2019s that working? Hopefully, you\u2019re like, \u201cYes.\u201d There are days it\u2019s happy; there are days it isn\u2019t happy. You know our story\u2014there\u2019s a lot of unhappiness there.\n\nBut here\u2019s the thing\u2014there are habits you can develop that can bring joy into your marriage. We\u2019re going to give you the four joy habits they talked about in the book. We\u2019re just going to do them the \u201cWilson way\u201d; we\u2019re going to spin them. All they did was take the word, \u201cPLAN.\u201d You need a plan; habits are a plan. You take these four words as an acrostic, and you have them; okay?\n\nSo, here\u2019s four joy habits. You know what the \u201cP\u201d is?\u2014Play!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; play together.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Play! You need to bring play into your marriage. It\u2019s interesting\u2014I am married to a woman who loves to play. Even in tough times, she brought a sense of joy. One time, I was standing in the kitchen. My oldest son was 16; he just got his first used car that he bought with his own money. It was a shift\/a stick shift; it was sitting in the driveway. I\u2019m standing in the kitchen; and there\u2019s a window here, a window here, and our driveway sort of slants down.\n\nI see the car rolling, from one window. I look out and see nobody\u2019s in the car. I start running because, if it goes off the basketball court, it\u2019s going to go into the woods. It\u2019s a pretty good slant, so it\u2019s picking up speed. I start running; and as I get out there, it goes down the hill. Splat!\u2014front bumper\u2014bam!\u2014right into a tree. I saw a dent in the bumper.\n\nI had one thought; anybody with me? I\u2019m a tightwad; what did I think?\n\n<strong>Audience: <\/strong>[Response]\n\n<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cThat\u2019s costing money.\u201d I got mad; it\u2019s like, \u201cI can\u2019t believe that!\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He was <em>so mad<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cWhat happened?!\u201d I\u2019m standing there: \u201cWho did this?!\u201d She comes out\u2014she looks at the whole thing and goes, \u201c[Dave faking Ann\u2019s laugh]\u201d She is hysterically laughing.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>He was not laughing; and he didn\u2019t think it was funny that I was laughing, either.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, no; it made it even worse.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He goes: \u201cThis is <em>serious<\/em>! This is <em>money<\/em>! This is <em>irresponsibility<\/em>!\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The more she laughed, I saw the boys just go like this\u2014they moved away from me, over to her\u2014[Laughter]\u2014and they started laughing! Why?\u2014because laughter\u2019s a magnet! It\u2019s contagious!\n\nYou don\u2019t want to go to a church, where they don\u2019t laugh. You don\u2019t want to go to a cruise, where they don\u2019t laugh. You don\u2019t want\u2014I mean, just like\u2014isn\u2019t there <em>joy<\/em> in Christ?! Yes!\u2014but why don\u2019t we every show it? [Laughter and applause]\n\nIn this moment, there shouldn\u2019t have been that much joy. [Laughter] At some point, that laughter over there\u2014those four people\u2014it sifted over here. I was fighting it: \u201cI\u2019m not going to smile at this!\u201d Eventually, I just had to laugh because you know what? It\u2019s a bumper; it can get fixed. It\u2019s only going to cost about $12,000; but other than that\u2014[Laughter] I mean, it wasn\u2019t even $500; but still, there was joy <em>waiting<\/em> for me.\n\nHere\u2019s what I\u2019d say about play. Some of you are like: \u201cI can\u2019t do it. I can\u2019t find joy.\u201d It\u2019s in the Lord; you\u2019ve just got to go there.\n\nHere\u2019s the \u201cL\u201d: \u201cListen for emotion.\u201d In other words, in your marriage\u2014especially with your kids\u2014as your wife or your spouse is speaking and telling you something, don\u2019t listen to just the words. There\u2019s a story behind the story: \u201cWhat is she saying?\u201d \u201cWhat is he saying?\u201d \u201cWhat is the <em>emotion<\/em> behind there?\u201d Often, we don\u2019t listen close enough to lean in and find joy; there\u2019s something being said.\n\nI\u2019ll share something real quick that we put on our <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> small group. If you get that and watch it, you\u2019ll hear this story\u2014it\u2019s this simple: Preached all day Sunday, three services, exhausted; was on the Lions\u2019 sideline that day. Come home that night, lay down in bed. I\u2019m exhausted; it\u2019s 11:30. I\u2019m just closing my eyes; and here\u2019s what Ann says to me, \u201cI just wish the man who led Kensington Church lived in this house as well,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what she said.\n\nI was just about asleep. I\u2019m like\u2014I didn\u2019t really register\u2014like: \u201cWhat?!\u201d She says, \u201cWell, you know, I wish the way you led spiritually in our congregation\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes; Dave is an <em>amazing<\/em> leader. At our church, I just sit there, and I <em>admire<\/em> him as he\u2019s on the stage. He\u2019s passionate; he\u2019s godly\u2014he\u2019s leading us. I know that, when he comes home, he\u2019s tired. You guys feel like this when you come home from work; you\u2019re tired. I just said\u2014I was thinking it was good\u2014like I said, \u201cYou\u2019re an <em>amazing<\/em> leader\u201d; right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She didn\u2019t say that that night.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No, I did! I did say it!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She just said, \u201cI wish the man\u2026\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He just didn\u2019t hear it! You just didn\u2019t hear it.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I did not hear that.\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>The other part just killed him.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> All I heard was: I don\u2019t lead at home; I don\u2019t pray at home like I do on the stage\u2014blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I got really mad.\n\nThe next day, I went into my little home office\u2014just a bedroom that I use\u2014and I got on my knees. I said, \u201cGod, were You speaking last night through Ann?\u201d It was a loud, \u201cYup!\u201d I thought, \u201cWhat was she really saying?\u201d I had not listened for emotion; I had only gotten defensive about what she said.\n\nThen I started processing what she said. I\u2019m like: \u201cOh, my goodness! Here\u2019s what she\u2019s saying: \u2018I don\u2019t feel loved,\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t feel seen,\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t feel led,\u2019 \u2018I don\u2019t feel like you\u2019re my spiritual\u2026\u2019\u201d It was all the things that the congregation may feel about me, publicly; she was not feeling about me, privately.\n\nHere\u2019s what I know\u2014it\u2019s more important that I lead her and my family than I lead a congregation of thousands of people. [Applause] It is! That\u2019s important. If I lose this, and I don\u2019t do this well\u2014I remember saying to God, right there: \u201cI missed it! I missed what she was really saying. I need to go back and have another discussion and <em>hear<\/em> her heart\/hear her emotion.\u201d\n\nBottom line\u2014I\u2019ll say this to the men; it\u2019s true for men and women\u2014\u201cMen, step up!\u201d It was that simple! I was like: \u201cGee whiz! If I\u2019m going to lead a church, then lead at home!\u201d [Something is bumped over]\u2014sorry about that. It\u2019s like: \u201cGet angry about this to say: \u2018I can lead her. I\u2019m not coming home and being lazy.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think, as women, we\u2019re looking for someone to like [speaking in a masculine voice], \u201cLet\u2019s pull out the Word today.\u201d We\u2019re just saying, \u201cInitiate prayer.\u201d When you go to bed, grab your wife\u2019s hand or get on your knees. The most attractive thing you could do, as men, is to pray\u2014to lead spiritually. [Applause] It could be as simple as this\u2014it could be just: \u201cGod, help us. Help me to be the man You want me to be.\u201d If you prayed that prayer, your wife would be like <em>crying.<\/em>\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It is amazing how that spiritual leadership is important. So, we\u2019ve got \u201cPlay.\u201d What\u2019s the \u201cL\u201d?\u2014\u201cListen for emotion.\u201d\n\n\u201cA\u201d is: \u201cAppreciate daily.\u201d Proverbs 18:21 [talks] about the words you speak. It says: \u201cThe power of life and death is in our words,\u201d\u2014in what we say\/in our tongue. Appreciate daily. Many marriages don\u2019t do this. Speak life! Speak words to her\/speak words to him that bring life, not <em>death<\/em>.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> A consistent prayer for me has been: \u201cGod, show me the greatness in my husband;\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, amen!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cthen help me to speak that out loud to him.\u201d That\u2019s been a prayer for me with our kids, too: \u201cGod, show me the greatness in our kids, and help me to speak that out loud to them.\u201d\n\nThe enemy of our marriage, Satan, only gets me to see the negative; and he <em>always<\/em> gets us to speak that. What if we used self-control?\u2014and said\u2014because God is always cheering for us; He\u2019s always saying: \u201cLook at him! Look at the greatness in him!\u201d Satan always says, \u201cLook at the <em>weaknesses<\/em>,\u201d\u2014and we want to point that out. So speak life.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> This woman speaks life more than anyone I\u2019ve ever known.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s because I spoke death for years and years.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> She speaks life every day. She says stuff to me I don\u2019t even think is true: \u201cYou\u2019re an <em>amazing<\/em> man.\u201d \u201cNo, I\u2019m not.\u201d She says it, and you start to believe it. That brings joy.\n\nOkay; last one\u2014we can do this in one minute. \u201cPlay,\u201d \u201cListen for emotion,\u201d \u201cAppreciate daily,\u201d \u201cNurture rest; nurture rest.\u201d We run <em>so fast<\/em>; our life is out of control. You\u2019ve got to stop and take a Sabbath. The Sabbath is one of the Ten Commandments from God; because He knew we needed it, and we wouldn\u2019t do it.\n\nIf you\u2019re never stopping to refresh\u2014never looking each other in the eye and say, \u201cHow are you doing?\u201d\u2014whether it\u2019s on a cruise ship or in the backyard on the deck, where you get an iced tea and you sit there. You turn off the TV; <em>please<\/em> turn off the TV, and have some rest! It\u2019s that critical.\n\nWe said in our book this: \u201cYou need to pray daily; you need to play weekly; and you need to retreat annually.\u201d Think about this: \u201cWhat if you took some time every day to pray together?\u2014weekly, go out on a date and sometimes just play; make it fun! Retreat annually\u2014it\u2019s: once a year, get away.\u201d Guess what you\u2019re doing right now?\u2014you\u2019re doing that! Go to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> once a year; go to a <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> conference once a year. Why?\u2014that recharges you.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know that some of you are thinking: \u201cWe can\u2019t be joyful. You don\u2019t know what we\u2019re going through right now.\u201d For Dave and [me], in the last five weeks, our dog died; my mom passed away; my dad is dying with congestive heart failure; and my brother was diagnosed with a very aggressive cancer. That\u2019s all happened in five weeks.\n\nI know\u2014like the pain, even for me is\u2014when I sit, the pain is so great. I sat with God, because that\u2019s our hiding place\/that\u2019s where we go. He is the strength of our souls. I sat with Him; and I told Dave this, too: \u201cI feel like I\u2019m in a field. I\u2019m this little reed, bent over because the wind is so hard on my back right now. I\u2019m so fragile; I feel like I\u2019m breaking.\u201d I sat with God and I told God\u2014because confession is speaking truth\u2014\u201cGod, this is where I am. This is what I\u2019m feeling. This is what I\u2019m going through.\u201d I said: \u201cGod, do You see me? Do You see me? I don\u2019t feel joy.\u201d\n\nIt was so interesting\u2014in my head, as I was asking, \u201cSpeak to me\u201d\u2014He speaks so powerfully in His Word; but in this instance, I had a picture in my head of an oak tree. I had this picture of these roots going deep, deep into the ground. I felt like God said, \u201cYou may feel like you\u2019re a fragile reed getting ready to break, but you\u2019re a mighty oak; and your roots are so deep\u2014that the wind is blowing so hard\u2014but I\u2019m holding you up.\u201d\n\nThe thing that came to my mind was Isaiah 61, where He calls us righteous oaks. I sit there and I think Satan is telling us, \u201cIt\u2019s too late; you have nothing.\u201d But God is always speaking life to us. He\u2019s showing us the truth of: \u201c<em>This<\/em> is who you are. <em>This<\/em> is who your spouse is, and <em>this<\/em> is your future.\u201d He has us in the palm of His hand, and we can rest there.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I can tell you\u2014just watching her through this season of our life\u2014and by the way, this is a season, not our story. If you\u2019re going through something really hard right now: \u201cIt\u2019s a season; it\u2019s not your story. There\u2019s a God walking with you in that season; and that God gives joy, even in pain!\u201d I\u2019ve watched her have this joy that draws me in, even though you heard the truth underneath it; it\u2019s really, really hard.\n\nI\u2019m going to pray, and I\u2019m going to encourage you: \u201cGo do the PLAN, and rejoice in the Lord always!\u201d\n\nFather God, thank You for who You are. Thank You for joy that emanates from Your being to us. And Lord, I know You\u2019re saying to us, \u201cYou\u2019ll never experience complete joy apart from Me.\u201d\n\nLord, may we go to You\u2014not our spouse, not even a cruise\u2014that\u2019s not going to\u2026You, Jesus, are the only true source of true, deep joy\u2014joy that\u2019s deeper than happy, a joy that\u2019s not dependent on circumstances, a joy that permeates <em>through<\/em> the valley and the mountains because it\u2019s from the heart of You, Jesus.\n\nGod, I pray that we would know You that well, and we could experience Your joy in this place. We love You; we thank You in Jesus\u2019 name. Amen.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Amen.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Thank you! [Applause]\n\n[Studio]\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve been listening to the morning devotion from the <em>Love Like You Mean It<\/em> marriage cruise with Dave and Ann Wilson. This was just a couple of weeks ago on board the cruise. I was struck, as I listened to you guys, with the idea: \u201cWe think joy is something that should just happen or should just be there. There are times you have to <em>fight<\/em> to get to joy\u201d; don\u2019t you?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, too, as we talk about the Scripture that says, \u201cThe joy of the Lord is our strength,\u201d we have to <em>fight<\/em> for that. I find myself running to God to get that, because it doesn\u2019t come through circumstances.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And as we shared in that message, I\u2019ve watched Ann do that in this season, with her mom dying\u2014and it sounds trivial: your dog dying\u2014but just the struggles we\u2019ve walked through\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that everyone walks through.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I personally have watched <em>you<\/em> fight for it; find it in the Lord. There are lots of times you think, \u201cI can\u2019t have any joy unless life is somewhat stable.\u201d In some ways, that\u2019s true; but you can have a real joy. It\u2019s not a \u201chappy.\u201d We\u2019re not jumping around, like this sort of fake; but there\u2019s a deep contentment and joy because you know the Lord\u2019s in control, and He gives strength in that moment.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We live in a fallen world. The circumstances of a fallen world will not always produce happiness; but Jesus said, \u201cBe of good cheer. I have overcome the world.\u201d What is good cheer?\u2014it\u2019s joy.\n\nThat was such a <em>great<\/em> attitude adjustment, I think for all of us, which, again, is a part of what we\u2019re doing on board the cruise. We are pointing people, regularly, to the Lord and to one another in the midst of a great season of rest on board the cruise. I say, \u201crest\u201d; there\u2019s a lot of activity. People are tired, but it\u2019s so different than what your normal environment is.\n\nI\u2019m saying this because we\u2019re 60 percent sold out for next year\u2019s cruise. I\u2019d love for some of our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>listeners to be able to join us next year. If you\u2019d like to take advantage of a special offer we\u2019re making between now and March 16, you can sign up to be on next year\u2019s cruise; and you\u2019ll save $300 per couple off the cost of your stateroom.\n\nThe information\u2019s available online. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com for more information, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. We expect this cruise may sell out in the next 30 days; so let me encourage you: \u201cIf you\u2019re interested, at all, in joining us Valentine\u2019s week of 2021 for the cruise, go to FamilyLifeToday.com to find out more; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get registered.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Here\u2019s my line: \"If you snooze, you lose on the cruise.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s good!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> My line is: \u201cOn the cruise is a good place to snooze.\u201d [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good, too.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Either way, jump on it!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tomorrow, we\u2019re going to hear Dr. Gary Chapman, who was one of our speakers on board the <em>Love Like You Mean It <\/em>marriage cruise. He talked about how we can do a better job of seeking forgiveness from one another\u2014apologizing to one another, which, honestly, is something not all of us have mastered at this point in our lives. You can tune in to hear Dr. Chapman tomorrow. I hope you can join us for that.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch; we got some help from James Youngblood today. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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