{"id":305786,"date":"2020-02-26T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-02-26T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/now-that-the-kids-are-gone\/"},"modified":"2020-02-26T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-02-26T11:00:04","slug":"now-that-the-kids-are-gone","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/now-that-the-kids-are-gone\/","title":{"rendered":"Now That the Kids Are Gone"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Author Jill Savage talks about the freedom, and the challenges, of the empty nest. Savage remembers being surprised at how hard it really was to adjust to a quiet house. Hear some sound advice from a mom who&#8217;s been there.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-02-26.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:33:17","filesize":"30.47M","filesize_raw":"31951751","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2913,2814],"tags":[4103],"podcast_series":[8342],"cwp_profile":[3125],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305786","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-empty-nest-and-midlife","category-releasing-your-child","tag-empty-nest","podcast_series-empty-nest-full-life","cwp_profile-jill-savage","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305786\/now-that-the-kids-are-gone","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305786\/now-that-the-kids-are-gone","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"eHvn67MlkF\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/now-that-the-kids-are-gone\/\">Now That the Kids Are Gone<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/now-that-the-kids-are-gone\/embed\/#?secret=eHvn67MlkF\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Now That the Kids Are Gone&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"eHvn67MlkF\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-02-26.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-02-26.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is a day coming for all parents when there will no longer be kids at home. Jill Savage says, as those days approach, you should anticipate a certain amount of loss in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>I was keenly aware of all of the last times. I can even remember one time, when Austin was a senior\u2014I don\u2019t remember, he was struggling with something\u2014and I went into his bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed. We processed whatever it was. I walked out of the room and thought, \u201cIs that the last time I\u2019m going to sit on the edge of his bed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can we be better prepared, as moms and dads, for the transition that comes when our kids are no longer under our roof? We\u2019re going to talk with Jill Savage about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. A little survey to start today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Survey!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Survey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Here we go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWhich was harder, emotionally, for you?\u201d\u2014you have three boys, who are all married\u2014\u201cWas the day they went to college harder than the day they got married? Which of those two days was the harder emotional day for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know what it was for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know what it was for me, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I bet it\u2019s different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Mine was the day they got married\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014because, as a mother with sons, I felt like there was a true goodbye taking place; because their wife needed to be number one in their lives, which is exactly what they need to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How it\u2019s supposed to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, but that means I\u2019m <em>not<\/em>. [Laughter] What was it for you guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>College.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dropping them off at college?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m not sure exactly why. I remember our first son\u2014oh boy, remember that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I just bawled my eyes out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Then the same thing\u2014my second son went to Moody, downtown Chicago. We drove out, and I remember looking in the rearview mirror and seeing the skyscrapers in Chicago. It hit me, \u201cI\u2019m putting my son in the middle of a major city!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen my last one was the <em>last one<\/em>, so you just felt like\u2014for me it felt like, \u201cWe\u2019re done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We weren\u2019t, but it felt like it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What about for you, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There\u2019s a transition that happens when you drop them off at college; it\u2019s a pretty significant transition. I remember\u2014as we drove away from dropping off our oldest, Amy, at college\u2014and we were both in tears for about 45 minutes; finally, I said to Mary Ann, \u201cWhat are you thinking?\u201d She said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking she\u2019s where she\u2019s supposed to be. God\u2019s going to take care of her.\u201d Mary Ann said, \u201cWhat are you thinking?\u201d I said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking we have seen more of her in the last 18 years than we will ever see of her for the rest of her life.\u201d Mary Ann said, \u201cDon\u2019t think that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, that\u2019s true,\u201d because, all of a sudden, I wasn\u2019t aware of what was going on in her life every day; and our relationship changed. The marriage ceremony was much easier for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and me! Why is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because they\u2019d already left, in my way of thinking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It could be because we [Dave and Ann] have all sons, and they would <em>never<\/em> come home again in the same way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I did have some friends who told me that, about six or seven weeks after their last child had gone to college, they got a call one night from Domino\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Domino\u2019s said: \u201cWe just wanted to check in. Is everything okay? We haven\u2019t heard from you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No orders! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So they were just checking up because things had changed. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking about the empty nest experience. It\u2019s kind of a stage to reality for us as parents. Jill Savage is joining us to talk about this. Jill, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Thank you! It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We were just talking about the fact Jill has been here before, back in the aughts\u2014back in 2002 you were here the first time\u2014and then back, 2011. She\u2019s an author and a speaker; lives in, as we like to say, \u201cjust outside of Normal,\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes, yes; Normal, Illinois.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014just on the edge of Normal, Illinois. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s just written a book on the empty nest experience; it\u2019s called <em>Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God\u2019s Best for Your Next<\/em>. This is the stage of life you are in. When did you become a full-fledged empty-nester?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Two years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>At the wedding; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>At the wedding, yes, of our youngest son. You know what\u2019s funny, though, it didn\u2019t hit me hard at the wedding. I really did okay. My husband and I\u2014he was the youngest of five; so at this point, we\u2019re going, \u201cFreedom!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe go into January, and February, and March, and April, and May, and June, and everything\u2019s great; we\u2019re rocking this. I get to August; and in August, all of a sudden, I realize that I, for the first time in over 20 years, have <em>nobody<\/em> to get ready for school. <em>That\u2019s<\/em> when it really hit me hard. I found myself literally standing in the school\u2014you know, the aisle, where you buy all your school supplies\u2014and I\u2019m crying. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Jill, I relate to that, because I still <em>feel<\/em> it in the fall\u2014like, \u201cOh, remember when the kids were going to school\u2026\u201d Yes! So it didn\u2019t hit you till then, though?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>No; I mean, I had one small time where it hit me shortly after the wedding, where I realized I went to grab my son\u2019s favorite cereal in the cereal aisle. Then it kind of hit me there and went, \u201cOh! I don\u2019t need to buy this anymore!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cNobody eats Captain Crunch at our house!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Right. And he\u2019s not living far away, so it\u2019s not like he\u2019s going to stay the night at our house and need cereal. I was a little teary in the cereal aisle; but yes, it <em>really<\/em> hit me hard in that back-to-school season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>When you say, \u201chard,\u201d was it really sad; or was it sort of, \u201cOh, it\u2019s too bad\u201d; or was it <em>really<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Oh, it was <em>really<\/em> hard, because I <em>loved<\/em> that part. I <em>loved<\/em> getting my kids ready for school; I loved sending them off to school. I loved the organizational side of things\u2014I loved making sure that they were equipped to do what they could do\u2014I <em>loved<\/em> that piece, and I truly grieved it\u2014the loss of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates, who wrote a book on the empty nest\u2014I remember them saying the day that their kids moved out\u2014the day that they were facing the first August with no school supplies to buy\u2014they felt like they\u2019d been fired from the job that they had been doing for years. They weren\u2019t sure what they were supposed to be doing with their life now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It feels like an identity crisis\u2014because we\u2019ve known our role, we\u2019ve known the future the next few years\u2014and all of a sudden, we\u2019re faced with: \u201cWait! Who am I now?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I remember telling Dave, \u201cThis is the saddest thing, because I have just gotten really good at being a mom. [Laughter] I am in my <em>prime<\/em> right now, and now they\u2019re all gone!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Right. Yes, that is <em>so true<\/em>! I think that that <em>is<\/em> the hardest part. So often, we think that then we\u2019re done being a mom; we\u2019re really <em>not<\/em>, but our role does change. That\u2019s really why I wrote <em>Empty Nest, Full Life<\/em>, so that moms would have the tools to be able to make that transition but, also, so that they would have a vision for what this next season really looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Both moms and dads go into the empty nest; but I think we go into it differently, in part because dads still have what they\u2019ve been doing day in\/day out. Moms may be working outside the home, too; but there is something about the mother\/child connection, and the nurturing aspect of that, that when you\u2019re unplugged from that, a big part of what you were created to do and be feels like it\u2019s gone away\u2014it\u2019s to your point about the identity crisis that Jill said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, Jill, we\u2019re reading your book, Ann and I. Ann says to me: \u201cWhat did you feel like when our oldest, CJ, didn\u2019t need us? He came home and\u201d\u2014literally, driving over here today, she said\u2014\u201cI felt like I\u2019m not needed anymore.\u201d I felt like: \u201cI did my job!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cHe doesn\u2019t need me?\u2014great! That means he\u2019s a man and he\u2019s doing his thing.\u201d It\u2019s a totally different perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Have you seen that with men and women?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes; so you\u2019re going, you know, \u201cI did my job!\u201d and you\u2019re really excited about that. I think a mom may even think that; but she goes [sounding mournful]: \u201cI did my job. [Laughter] I mean, I worked myself out of a job, and that was what I was supposed to do; but I don\u2019t like it!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m asking both of you this, as moms. Did you start thinking, when your kids were sophomores in high school\u2014your last one\u2014were you starting to think: \u201cI\u2019d better get ready for the empty nest; I better, emotionally, prepare. There are things I need to do,\u201d or did it blindside you, because it just happened, and you hadn\u2019t been thinking about it ahead of time?\u2014Jill?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Boy, that\u2019s a good question. I mean, I definitely <em>knew<\/em> that it was coming with that last one. I would say I really wasn\u2019t thinking about it. Here\u2019s what I was thinking about\u2014I was thinking about: \u201cThis is the last time\u2026blank,\u201d \u201cThis is the last time\u2026blank.\u201d\u00a0 Whatever it was, I was keenly aware of all of the last times. I can even remember one time when Austin was a senior\u2014and I don\u2019t remember, he was struggling with something\u2014and I went into his bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed. We processed whatever it was. I walked out of the room and thought, \u201cIs that the last time I\u2019m going to sit on the edge of his bed?\u201d I was doing a lot of that. I think I was thinking about that more than I was thinking about, \u201cI have to get ready for the empty nest.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is there anything a mom, who has high school kids\u2014the last child in high school or they\u2019ve just announced the date for the wedding; and she\u2019s starting to think, \u201cThe empty nest is on its way,\u201d\u2014is there anything, if you were coaching her today, you would say to: \u201cGet ready for the emotions that are going to hit you,\u201d and \u201cWhat the next chapter\u2019s going to be like so that you can transition in smoothly\u201d? What coaching would you give to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Well, you know, really it comes down to how I wrote <em>Empty Nest, Full Life<\/em>. My coaching that I would give her is: \u201cFind clarity on what it is you need to hold onto and what it is you need to let go of,\u201d because that was the hardest part. For me, I was kind of holding onto some of the wrong things, and I was not realizing what I needed to grab hold of; so that would be a place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would also encourage her to find her stability in God\u2019s truth. We try to find our stability in this world and our circumstances, but they change all the time; and we have to have something that is that firm foundation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It seems to me like one of the things a mom needs to be doing, as she gets ready for these years, is to be thinking about: \u201cThere is going to be time available that used to go toward kids\u2014toward my relationship with them\/toward my activities with them\u2014that\u2019s going to be empty time.\u201d You should be thinking about: \u201cWhat\u2019s going to fill that?\u201d and \u201cWhat relationships are going to fill it?\u201d\u2014not just what activities but\u2014\u201cWho is it that I want to be connecting myself to and spending more time with that I just haven\u2019t had the time to do that when I was focused on my kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>I agree, but I think a lot of us almost go into that with more of a fear. It\u2019s almost like, \u201cWell, who <em>am<\/em> I going to spend time with?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and \u201cWho would want to spend time with me?\u201d\u2014yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes; in fact, I start the book out\u2014you know, first chapter, we talk about the lies that we believe; because those lies affect our relationship with our kids, they affect the way we think about ourselves; they color our perspective. I think, a lot of times, those lies do keep us in fear rather than being able to launch into this wonderful, new\u2014what I call\u2014\u201cencore\u201d season of life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What\u2019s one of the lies that keeps us bound in fear? There are a lot of them; what\u2019s one of the predominant ones that you think of?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>\u201cI don\u2019t have anything to offer,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not <em>blank<\/em> enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not good enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not anything enough.\u201d All of those keep us bound up from being able to really live out our calling. Man, the enemy just whispers that into our ears over, and over, and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI don\u2019t have anything to offer,\u201d is kind of a riff on: \u201cMy work here is done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI have completed the task that I had,\u201d and \u201cNow, I just have this gap of however many years left\u2014maybe two or three decades left\u2014and I have nothing to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of going into this next chapter is to figure out: \u201cNo; God has a plan for me in this chapter. How do I live that out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes, exactly! You know, the Scripture that I share leading into that second half of the book, which is the hold-on part\u2014\u201cWhat do I need to grab hold of?\u201d\u2014is from \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsaiah 43:19. I particularly love how it reads in The Message version: \u201cBe alert. Be present. I\u2019m about to do something brand new. It\u2019s bursting out! Don\u2019t you see it?\u201d Oh, I just love that! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is the excitement that I want women in the empty nest season of life\u2014and those that are approaching it\u2014I want them to experience that kind of an excitement, because there [are] all kinds of possibility in front of you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I love the way you\u2019ve laid out your book; because the first half of the book is about the things you have to learn to let go of, but then the second half of the book is: \u201cWhat do you need to hold onto?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s about the second half of the play and about what God has for you in there. There\u2019s some exciting stuff for people in their empty nest years. It\u2019s not just: \u201cGet the motor home,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m out spending my grandchildren\u2019s inheritance\u201d; right?\u2014you\u2019ve seen those bumper stickers? [Laughter] But God has a plan for you in the years when your kids are gone. Our churches and the kingdom needs people, who have experience and capacity, to get in the game and to get to work; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and I would <em>love<\/em> to hear, Jill, your perspective; because you wrote about it. One of the things to let go of, that I\u2019ve struggled with more than I thought I would be, is let go of guilt. I can even see myself, sometimes, driving down; and I look at a ballfield that I coached with my sons, and some of it\u2019s, \u201cOh, those days are gone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>But the other side is: \u201cOh, I didn\u2019t seize some years\/some seasons, and now here I am and it\u2019s gone.\u201d Talk about that\u2014letting go of the guilt. I think it\u2019s a real deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>I think every parent has to realize that we will look in the rearview mirror of our life and we will be able to identify places that we would do it differently today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Our kids may identify them for us. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s happened, too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes, exactly. We need to know what to do when that happens, because we may need to absolutely\u2014we need to own it and say: \u201cYou\u2019re right. Thank you for sharing your heart with me on that. I certainly couldn\u2019t see it then, but I can see it now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think that\u2014in those moments, where we want to look in that rearview mirror and we kind of want to beat ourselves up, or we allow that to feed us the lie that we don\u2019t have anything to offer because maybe we can only see how we messed up instead of how we did well\u2014we really have to look at that and we have to say: \u201cYou know what? I did the best with the knowledge that I had at that time. Would I do it differently today? Yes, because I\u2019m 20 years older; I have the benefit of wisdom from the years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, at that point, we have to realize, \u201cI did the best I [could] at that point in my life with the knowledge and experience I had, and now I\u2019m going to exchange guilt with grace.\u201d I think that is really key. God\u2019s grace is a beautiful gift to us, but we also have to learn how to give that to ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I would add\u2014I think you can also have the perspective, \u201cIt\u2019s not done.\u201d I mean, they\u2019re not in the house; it\u2019s different. I had a conversation, I think last summer, with two of my sons. We went out to play golf. I\u2019m thinking: \u201cThis is going to be great! We\u2019re going to play golf, and this is going to be fun!\u201d We end up having lunch after. They had talked to each other, and they wanted to talk to me about some failings in my relationship with them. They shared them over lunch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, here this beautiful golf day becomes\u2014you know, all of a sudden, we\u2019re laughing\u2014and then, all of a sudden, they start. I\u2019m like: \u201cOh, boy. It\u2019s one of those, \u2018Oh, we\u2019re in it.\u2019\u201d I think they\u2019ve talked about this, and this has really hurt them. It\u2019s adult-to-adult men now. I just remember\u2014and there was some of the guilt\u2014because you hear it and you\u2019re like, \u201cOh, I missed that,\u201d \u201cI missed this.\u201d Yet, at the same moment, I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019m really sorry, and I will do better.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You said that to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I felt like: \u201cWe can still have a relationship, and I can still meet some of these needs you had. I didn\u2019t meet them the way you wished I would have then; but here I am, still your dad. Different world\u2014you\u2019re married and a husband and father yourself,\u201d but they still have that need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s really: \u201cI want to be seen. I want to be known.\u201d I can love them and know them in that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve felt, since that day, it\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m going to do this better.\u201d Again, I\u2019m not going to be the parent\u2014I\u2019m not going to rush back in their life\u2014but I\u2019m going to have a relationship, that I sort of missed, now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes. You know what? In that moment, you are at a \u201cY\u201d in the road; because you could have blown it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>You could have absolutely blown it and responded defensively, and then you would have had a bigger problem on top of whatever they were bringing to the table. Boy, those are moments, where we really have to have a humble heart, and to be able to look beyond, maybe, the words that were on the table and even the way the words are spoken to the heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the places, where\u2014you know, if I look back and say, \u201cI have some guilt\u2026\u201d\u2014I dealt with what I call \u201cperfection infection\u201d parenting. The perfection infection is when we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, and we unfairly compare ourselves to others. When it invades our kids, it\u2019s when we have unrealistic expectations of our kids; and we unfairly compare them to others\u2014it puts pressure on them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote about that in my books: <em>No More Perfect Moms<\/em> and <em>No More Perfect Kids<\/em>. That came out of my own journey. I realized my three older kids were young adults in their 20s and my two youngest were teenagers when I started kicking the perfection infection out of my parenting. It became less about being worried about what people <em>thought<\/em> and much more about me tuning into my child\u2019s heart. <em>That<\/em> was a transformation in our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I tell parents, all the time, is: \u201cIt is never too late. It\u2019s never too late to make it right,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s never too late to make a change in the way that you are interacting with your child.\u201d There are some of us\u2014who are 40, and 50, and 60 years old\u2014wishing our parent would see us in a different way. If that were to happen and they were to begin to change the way they related to us, even as adults, it would be transforming to our relationship with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think we have to remember, as parents, that even our failings and our mistakes are tools in the hands of God to shape our kids. God is able to bring beauty from ashes and to take the imperfections and the mistakes and use them to shape the character of our kids so that\u2014that\u2019s where the grace you\u2019re talking about comes in. It\u2019s where we can say: \u201cYes; did I mess up? Would I do it again differently?\u2014of course.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll all feel that way in the empty nest years; but we can also know God is such a good and <em>great<\/em> God\u2014He can take our mistakes and failures and use them for our kids\u2019 good. He can take how we messed up and use it for more good than if we\u2019d done it right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>He can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m just sitting here thinking, \u201cIs the best time to read this book two years before you enter the empty nest?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>I think it definitely is appropriate at that point, because it casts vision and it prepares your heart for what you need to begin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say, also, a lot of moms are in what I call the messy middle; because they may have one or two in college and they still have some at home. They need, particularly, that first half of the book; because that\u2019s really about leveraging your relationship with your now young-adult child\u2014how you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Letting go is\u2014you do it one at a time. If you have four or five kids, you\u2019re letting go, one by one by one. You have to learn how to do that; that\u2019s what the first half of this book is. The book, again, is called <em>Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God\u2019s Best for Your Next<\/em> by Jill Savage. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy of the book, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; you can order the book <em>Empty Nest, Full Life<\/em> by Jill Savage when you go online, or call 1-800-358-6329 to order\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to talk for just a minute to those of you who are our longtime regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, those of you who tune in regularly via podcast or on this local radio station. You would say this program is a part of your life; it\u2019s part of how you do life. We want to talk to you about joining the team of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Legacy Partners\u2014people who, each month, support this ministry to make it possible\u2014not only for you, but for your community: for people who are tuning in online all over the world, people who are accessing us via the FamilyLife app, those who tell Alexa to play <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014you make that possible when you become a monthly FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Legacy Partner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are hoping, this week, to see a number of you make the jump and become new Legacy Partners. In fact, we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry, who have come to us and said they will agree to match every Legacy Partner donation that we receive from new Legacy Partners over the next 12 months. They\u2019re going to match every donation you make, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $30,000; so when you become a Legacy Partner this week\u2014whatever amount you give each month\u2014that amount is going to be doubled throughout the rest of the year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition, we\u2019re going to send you a couple of thank-you gifts. We\u2019re going to send you a copy of Phil Vischer\u2019s new <em>Laugh and Learn<\/em> Bible <em>for Kids<\/em>; we talked about it earlier this week. It\u2019s the gospel in 52 five-minute Bible stories that you can share with elementary-aged kids. That\u2019s one of the gifts we want to pass on to you as a new Legacy Partner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>And<\/em> we\u2019ll send you a certificate so that you and your spouse, or another couple you know, can attend one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. We\u2019re hosting these getaways in cities all across the country this year. You can attend as our guests when you become a Legacy Partner this week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign on as a new Legacy Partner; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI want to join the Legacy Partner team.\u201d Again, we\u2019ll send you these thank-you gifts; but I just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d right here, for making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for your community and for people, all around the world, who are benefitting from practical biblical help and hope for their marriages and their families. Thanks for helping to make that happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you can join us back tomorrow. Jill Savage will be here again. We\u2019re going to talk about something that happened during the transition into the empty nest years that was traumatic for her marriage. She\u2019ll explain tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:33:17"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["30.47M"],"filesize_raw":["31951751"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305786.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305786.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Jill Savage talks about the freedom, and the challenges, of the empty nest. Savage remembers being surprised at how hard it really was to adjust to a quiet house. Hear some sound advice from a mom who's been there.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-02-26.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There is a day coming for all parents when there will no longer be kids at home. Jill Savage says, as those days approach, you should anticipate a certain amount of loss in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>I was keenly aware of all of the last times. I can even remember one time, when Austin was a senior\u2014I don\u2019t remember, he was struggling with something\u2014and I went into his bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed. We processed whatever it was. I walked out of the room and thought, \u201cIs that the last time I\u2019m going to sit on the edge of his bed?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 26<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. How can we be better prepared, as moms and dads, for the transition that comes when our kids are no longer under our roof? We\u2019re going to talk with Jill Savage about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. A little survey to start today\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Survey!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Survey.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Here we go!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cWhich was harder, emotionally, for you?\u201d\u2014you have three boys, who are all married\u2014\u201cWas the day they went to college harder than the day they got married? Which of those two days was the harder emotional day for you?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I know what it was for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know what it was for me, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Okay.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I bet it\u2019s different.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Mine was the day they got married\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014because, as a mother with sons, I felt like there was a true goodbye taking place; because their wife needed to be number one in their lives, which is exactly what they need to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>How it\u2019s supposed to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes, but that means I\u2019m <em>not<\/em>. [Laughter] What was it for you guys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>College.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Dropping them off at college?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m not sure exactly why. I remember our first son\u2014oh boy, remember that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I just bawled my eyes out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Then the same thing\u2014my second son went to Moody, downtown Chicago. We drove out, and I remember looking in the rearview mirror and seeing the skyscrapers in Chicago. It hit me, \u201cI\u2019m putting my son in the middle of a major city!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen my last one was the <em>last one<\/em>, so you just felt like\u2014for me it felt like, \u201cWe\u2019re done.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We weren\u2019t, but it felt like it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>What about for you, Bob?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>There\u2019s a transition that happens when you drop them off at college; it\u2019s a pretty significant transition. I remember\u2014as we drove away from dropping off our oldest, Amy, at college\u2014and we were both in tears for about 45 minutes; finally, I said to Mary Ann, \u201cWhat are you thinking?\u201d She said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking she\u2019s where she\u2019s supposed to be. God\u2019s going to take care of her.\u201d Mary Ann said, \u201cWhat are you thinking?\u201d I said, \u201cI\u2019m thinking we have seen more of her in the last 18 years than we will ever see of her for the rest of her life.\u201d Mary Ann said, \u201cDon\u2019t think that!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI said, \u201cWell, that\u2019s true,\u201d because, all of a sudden, I wasn\u2019t aware of what was going on in her life every day; and our relationship changed. The marriage ceremony was much easier for me.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014and me! Why is that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because they\u2019d already left, in my way of thinking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It could be because we [Dave and Ann] have all sons, and they would <em>never<\/em> come home again in the same way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I did have some friends who told me that, about six or seven weeks after their last child had gone to college, they got a call one night from Domino\u2019s<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Domino\u2019s said: \u201cWe just wanted to check in. Is everything okay? We haven\u2019t heard from you.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No orders! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>So they were just checking up because things had changed. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking about the empty nest experience. It\u2019s kind of a stage to reality for us as parents. Jill Savage is joining us to talk about this. Jill, welcome back to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Thank you! It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We were just talking about the fact Jill has been here before, back in the aughts\u2014back in 2002 you were here the first time\u2014and then back, 2011. She\u2019s an author and a speaker; lives in, as we like to say, \u201cjust outside of Normal,\u201d right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes, yes; Normal, Illinois.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014just on the edge of Normal, Illinois. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe\u2019s just written a book on the empty nest experience; it\u2019s called <em>Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God\u2019s Best for Your Next<\/em>. This is the stage of life you are in. When did you become a full-fledged empty-nester?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Two years ago.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>At the wedding; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>At the wedding, yes, of our youngest son. You know what\u2019s funny, though, it didn\u2019t hit me hard at the wedding. I really did okay. My husband and I\u2014he was the youngest of five; so at this point, we\u2019re going, \u201cFreedom!\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe go into January, and February, and March, and April, and May, and June, and everything\u2019s great; we\u2019re rocking this. I get to August; and in August, all of a sudden, I realize that I, for the first time in over 20 years, have <em>nobody<\/em> to get ready for school. <em>That\u2019s<\/em> when it really hit me hard. I found myself literally standing in the school\u2014you know, the aisle, where you buy all your school supplies\u2014and I\u2019m crying. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Jill, I relate to that, because I still <em>feel<\/em> it in the fall\u2014like, \u201cOh, remember when the kids were going to school\u2026\u201d Yes! So it didn\u2019t hit you till then, though?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>No; I mean, I had one small time where it hit me shortly after the wedding, where I realized I went to grab my son\u2019s favorite cereal in the cereal aisle. Then it kind of hit me there and went, \u201cOh! I don\u2019t need to buy this anymore!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cNobody eats Captain Crunch at our house!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Right. And he\u2019s not living far away, so it\u2019s not like he\u2019s going to stay the night at our house and need cereal. I was a little teary in the cereal aisle; but yes, it <em>really<\/em> hit me hard in that back-to-school season.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>When you say, \u201chard,\u201d was it really sad; or was it sort of, \u201cOh, it\u2019s too bad\u201d; or was it <em>really<\/em>\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Oh, it was <em>really<\/em> hard, because I <em>loved<\/em> that part. I <em>loved<\/em> getting my kids ready for school; I loved sending them off to school. I loved the organizational side of things\u2014I loved making sure that they were equipped to do what they could do\u2014I <em>loved<\/em> that piece, and I truly grieved it\u2014the loss of it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates, who wrote a book on the empty nest\u2014I remember them saying the day that their kids moved out\u2014the day that they were facing the first August with no school supplies to buy\u2014they felt like they\u2019d been fired from the job that they had been doing for years. They weren\u2019t sure what they were supposed to be doing with their life now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>It feels like an identity crisis\u2014because we\u2019ve known our role, we\u2019ve known the future the next few years\u2014and all of a sudden, we\u2019re faced with: \u201cWait! Who am I now?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I remember telling Dave, \u201cThis is the saddest thing, because I have just gotten really good at being a mom. [Laughter] I am in my <em>prime<\/em> right now, and now they\u2019re all gone!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Right. Yes, that is <em>so true<\/em>! I think that that <em>is<\/em> the hardest part. So often, we think that then we\u2019re done being a mom; we\u2019re really <em>not<\/em>, but our role does change. That\u2019s really why I wrote <em>Empty Nest, Full Life<\/em>, so that moms would have the tools to be able to make that transition but, also, so that they would have a vision for what this next season really looks like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Both moms and dads go into the empty nest; but I think we go into it differently, in part because dads still have what they\u2019ve been doing day in\/day out. Moms may be working outside the home, too; but there is something about the mother\/child connection, and the nurturing aspect of that, that when you\u2019re unplugged from that, a big part of what you were created to do and be feels like it\u2019s gone away\u2014it\u2019s to your point about the identity crisis that Jill said.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Well, Jill, we\u2019re reading your book, Ann and I. Ann says to me: \u201cWhat did you feel like when our oldest, CJ, didn\u2019t need us? He came home and\u201d\u2014literally, driving over here today, she said\u2014\u201cI felt like I\u2019m not needed anymore.\u201d I felt like: \u201cI did my job!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cHe doesn\u2019t need me?\u2014great! That means he\u2019s a man and he\u2019s doing his thing.\u201d It\u2019s a totally different perspective.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Have you seen that with men and women?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes; so you\u2019re going, you know, \u201cI did my job!\u201d and you\u2019re really excited about that. I think a mom may even think that; but she goes [sounding mournful]: \u201cI did my job. [Laughter] I mean, I worked myself out of a job, and that was what I was supposed to do; but I don\u2019t like it!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m asking both of you this, as moms. Did you start thinking, when your kids were sophomores in high school\u2014your last one\u2014were you starting to think: \u201cI\u2019d better get ready for the empty nest; I better, emotionally, prepare. There are things I need to do,\u201d or did it blindside you, because it just happened, and you hadn\u2019t been thinking about it ahead of time?\u2014Jill?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Boy, that\u2019s a good question. I mean, I definitely <em>knew<\/em> that it was coming with that last one. I would say I really wasn\u2019t thinking about it. Here\u2019s what I was thinking about\u2014I was thinking about: \u201cThis is the last time\u2026blank,\u201d \u201cThis is the last time\u2026blank.\u201d\u00a0 Whatever it was, I was keenly aware of all of the last times. I can even remember one time when Austin was a senior\u2014and I don\u2019t remember, he was struggling with something\u2014and I went into his bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed. We processed whatever it was. I walked out of the room and thought, \u201cIs that the last time I\u2019m going to sit on the edge of his bed?\u201d I was doing a lot of that. I think I was thinking about that more than I was thinking about, \u201cI have to get ready for the empty nest.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is there anything a mom, who has high school kids\u2014the last child in high school or they\u2019ve just announced the date for the wedding; and she\u2019s starting to think, \u201cThe empty nest is on its way,\u201d\u2014is there anything, if you were coaching her today, you would say to: \u201cGet ready for the emotions that are going to hit you,\u201d and \u201cWhat the next chapter\u2019s going to be like so that you can transition in smoothly\u201d? What coaching would you give to her?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Well, you know, really it comes down to how I wrote <em>Empty Nest, Full Life<\/em>. My coaching that I would give her is: \u201cFind clarity on what it is you need to hold onto and what it is you need to let go of,\u201d because that was the hardest part. For me, I was kind of holding onto some of the wrong things, and I was not realizing what I needed to grab hold of; so that would be a place.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would also encourage her to find her stability in God\u2019s truth. We try to find our stability in this world and our circumstances, but they change all the time; and we have to have something that is that firm foundation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It seems to me like one of the things a mom needs to be doing, as she gets ready for these years, is to be thinking about: \u201cThere is going to be time available that used to go toward kids\u2014toward my relationship with them\/toward my activities with them\u2014that\u2019s going to be empty time.\u201d You should be thinking about: \u201cWhat\u2019s going to fill that?\u201d and \u201cWhat relationships are going to fill it?\u201d\u2014not just what activities but\u2014\u201cWho is it that I want to be connecting myself to and spending more time with that I just haven\u2019t had the time to do that when I was focused on my kids?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>I agree, but I think a lot of us almost go into that with more of a fear. It\u2019s almost like, \u201cWell, who <em>am<\/em> I going to spend time with?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and \u201cWho would want to spend time with me?\u201d\u2014yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes; in fact, I start the book out\u2014you know, first chapter, we talk about the lies that we believe; because those lies affect our relationship with our kids, they affect the way we think about ourselves; they color our perspective. I think, a lot of times, those lies do keep us in fear rather than being able to launch into this wonderful, new\u2014what I call\u2014\u201cencore\u201d season of life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>What\u2019s one of the lies that keeps us bound in fear? There are a lot of them; what\u2019s one of the predominant ones that you think of?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>\u201cI don\u2019t have anything to offer,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not <em>blank<\/em> enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not good enough,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m not anything enough.\u201d All of those keep us bound up from being able to really live out our calling. Man, the enemy just whispers that into our ears over, and over, and over again.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI don\u2019t have anything to offer,\u201d is kind of a riff on: \u201cMy work here is done.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u201cI have completed the task that I had,\u201d and \u201cNow, I just have this gap of however many years left\u2014maybe two or three decades left\u2014and I have nothing to do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of going into this next chapter is to figure out: \u201cNo; God has a plan for me in this chapter. How do I live that out?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes, exactly! You know, the Scripture that I share leading into that second half of the book, which is the hold-on part\u2014\u201cWhat do I need to grab hold of?\u201d\u2014is from \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIsaiah 43:19. I particularly love how it reads in The Message version: \u201cBe alert. Be present. I\u2019m about to do something brand new. It\u2019s bursting out! Don\u2019t you see it?\u201d Oh, I just love that! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat is the excitement that I want women in the empty nest season of life\u2014and those that are approaching it\u2014I want them to experience that kind of an excitement, because there [are] all kinds of possibility in front of you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I love the way you\u2019ve laid out your book; because the first half of the book is about the things you have to learn to let go of, but then the second half of the book is: \u201cWhat do you need to hold onto?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It\u2019s about the second half of the play and about what God has for you in there. There\u2019s some exciting stuff for people in their empty nest years. It\u2019s not just: \u201cGet the motor home,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m out spending my grandchildren\u2019s inheritance\u201d; right?\u2014you\u2019ve seen those bumper stickers? [Laughter] But God has a plan for you in the years when your kids are gone. Our churches and the kingdom needs people, who have experience and capacity, to get in the game and to get to work; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and I would <em>love<\/em> to hear, Jill, your perspective; because you wrote about it. One of the things to let go of, that I\u2019ve struggled with more than I thought I would be, is let go of guilt. I can even see myself, sometimes, driving down; and I look at a ballfield that I coached with my sons, and some of it\u2019s, \u201cOh, those days are gone.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>But the other side is: \u201cOh, I didn\u2019t seize some years\/some seasons, and now here I am and it\u2019s gone.\u201d Talk about that\u2014letting go of the guilt. I think it\u2019s a real deal.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>I think every parent has to realize that we will look in the rearview mirror of our life and we will be able to identify places that we would do it differently today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Our kids may identify them for us. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>That\u2019s happened, too!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes, exactly. We need to know what to do when that happens, because we may need to absolutely\u2014we need to own it and say: \u201cYou\u2019re right. Thank you for sharing your heart with me on that. I certainly couldn\u2019t see it then, but I can see it now.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I think that\u2014in those moments, where we want to look in that rearview mirror and we kind of want to beat ourselves up, or we allow that to feed us the lie that we don\u2019t have anything to offer because maybe we can only see how we messed up instead of how we did well\u2014we really have to look at that and we have to say: \u201cYou know what? I did the best with the knowledge that I had at that time. Would I do it differently today? Yes, because I\u2019m 20 years older; I have the benefit of wisdom from the years.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, at that point, we have to realize, \u201cI did the best I [could] at that point in my life with the knowledge and experience I had, and now I\u2019m going to exchange guilt with grace.\u201d I think that is really key. God\u2019s grace is a beautiful gift to us, but we also have to learn how to give that to ourselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I would add\u2014I think you can also have the perspective, \u201cIt\u2019s not done.\u201d I mean, they\u2019re not in the house; it\u2019s different. I had a conversation, I think last summer, with two of my sons. We went out to play golf. I\u2019m thinking: \u201cThis is going to be great! We\u2019re going to play golf, and this is going to be fun!\u201d We end up having lunch after. They had talked to each other, and they wanted to talk to me about some failings in my relationship with them. They shared them over lunch. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, here this beautiful golf day becomes\u2014you know, all of a sudden, we\u2019re laughing\u2014and then, all of a sudden, they start. I\u2019m like: \u201cOh, boy. It\u2019s one of those, \u2018Oh, we\u2019re in it.\u2019\u201d I think they\u2019ve talked about this, and this has really hurt them. It\u2019s adult-to-adult men now. I just remember\u2014and there was some of the guilt\u2014because you hear it and you\u2019re like, \u201cOh, I missed that,\u201d \u201cI missed this.\u201d Yet, at the same moment, I\u2019m like, \u201cI\u2019m really sorry, and I will do better.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You said that to them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I felt like: \u201cWe can still have a relationship, and I can still meet some of these needs you had. I didn\u2019t meet them the way you wished I would have then; but here I am, still your dad. Different world\u2014you\u2019re married and a husband and father yourself,\u201d but they still have that need.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s really: \u201cI want to be seen. I want to be known.\u201d I can love them and know them in that way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve felt, since that day, it\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m going to do this better.\u201d Again, I\u2019m not going to be the parent\u2014I\u2019m not going to rush back in their life\u2014but I\u2019m going to have a relationship, that I sort of missed, now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>Yes. You know what? In that moment, you are at a \u201cY\u201d in the road; because you could have blown it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>You could have absolutely blown it and responded defensively, and then you would have had a bigger problem on top of whatever they were bringing to the table. Boy, those are moments, where we really have to have a humble heart, and to be able to look beyond, maybe, the words that were on the table and even the way the words are spoken to the heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s one of the places, where\u2014you know, if I look back and say, \u201cI have some guilt\u2026\u201d\u2014I dealt with what I call \u201cperfection infection\u201d parenting. The perfection infection is when we have unrealistic expectations of ourselves, and we unfairly compare ourselves to others. When it invades our kids, it\u2019s when we have unrealistic expectations of our kids; and we unfairly compare them to others\u2014it puts pressure on them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wrote about that in my books: <em>No More Perfect Moms<\/em> and <em>No More Perfect Kids<\/em>. That came out of my own journey. I realized my three older kids were young adults in their 20s and my two youngest were teenagers when I started kicking the perfection infection out of my parenting. It became less about being worried about what people <em>thought<\/em> and much more about me tuning into my child\u2019s heart. <em>That<\/em> was a transformation in our relationship.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that I tell parents, all the time, is: \u201cIt is never too late. It\u2019s never too late to make it right,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s never too late to make a change in the way that you are interacting with your child.\u201d There are some of us\u2014who are 40, and 50, and 60 years old\u2014wishing our parent would see us in a different way. If that were to happen and they were to begin to change the way they related to us, even as adults, it would be transforming to our relationship with them.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think we have to remember, as parents, that even our failings and our mistakes are tools in the hands of God to shape our kids. God is able to bring beauty from ashes and to take the imperfections and the mistakes and use them to shape the character of our kids so that\u2014that\u2019s where the grace you\u2019re talking about comes in. It\u2019s where we can say: \u201cYes; did I mess up? Would I do it again differently?\u2014of course.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ll all feel that way in the empty nest years; but we can also know God is such a good and <em>great<\/em> God\u2014He can take our mistakes and failures and use them for our kids\u2019 good. He can take how we messed up and use it for more good than if we\u2019d done it right!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>So true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>He can.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m just sitting here thinking, \u201cIs the best time to read this book two years before you enter the empty nest?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jill: <\/strong>I think it definitely is appropriate at that point, because it casts vision and it prepares your heart for what you need to begin. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say, also, a lot of moms are in what I call the messy middle; because they may have one or two in college and they still have some at home. They need, particularly, that first half of the book; because that\u2019s really about leveraging your relationship with your now young-adult child\u2014how you do that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Letting go is\u2014you do it one at a time. If you have four or five kids, you\u2019re letting go, one by one by one. You have to learn how to do that; that\u2019s what the first half of this book is. The book, again, is called <em>Empty Nest, Full Life: Discovering God\u2019s Best for Your Next<\/em> by Jill Savage. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to request your copy of the book, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com; you can order the book <em>Empty Nest, Full Life<\/em> by Jill Savage when you go online, or call 1-800-358-6329 to order\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we want to talk for just a minute to those of you who are our longtime regular <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners, those of you who tune in regularly via podcast or on this local radio station. You would say this program is a part of your life; it\u2019s part of how you do life. We want to talk to you about joining the team of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Legacy Partners\u2014people who, each month, support this ministry to make it possible\u2014not only for you, but for your community: for people who are tuning in online all over the world, people who are accessing us via the FamilyLife app, those who tell Alexa to play <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>\u2014you make that possible when you become a monthly FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> Legacy Partner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are hoping, this week, to see a number of you make the jump and become new Legacy Partners. In fact, we\u2019ve had some friends of the ministry, who have come to us and said they will agree to match every Legacy Partner donation that we receive from new Legacy Partners over the next 12 months. They\u2019re going to match every donation you make, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $30,000; so when you become a Legacy Partner this week\u2014whatever amount you give each month\u2014that amount is going to be doubled throughout the rest of the year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn addition, we\u2019re going to send you a couple of thank-you gifts. We\u2019re going to send you a copy of Phil Vischer\u2019s new <em>Laugh and Learn<\/em> Bible <em>for Kids<\/em>; we talked about it earlier this week. It\u2019s the gospel in 52 five-minute Bible stories that you can share with elementary-aged kids. That\u2019s one of the gifts we want to pass on to you as a new Legacy Partner.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>And<\/em> we\u2019ll send you a certificate so that you and your spouse, or another couple you know, can attend one of our upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaways. We\u2019re hosting these getaways in cities all across the country this year. You can attend as our guests when you become a Legacy Partner this week. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com and sign on as a new Legacy Partner; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY and say, \u201cI want to join the Legacy Partner team.\u201d Again, we\u2019ll send you these thank-you gifts; but I just want to say, \u201cThank you,\u201d right here, for making <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible for your community and for people, all around the world, who are benefitting from practical biblical help and hope for their marriages and their families. Thanks for helping to make that happen.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hope you can join us back tomorrow. Jill Savage will be here again. We\u2019re going to talk about something that happened during the transition into the empty nest years that was traumatic for her marriage. She\u2019ll explain tomorrow. I hope you can be here for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305786","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305786"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305786"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305786"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305786"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305786"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305786"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}