{"id":305772,"date":"2020-02-21T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-02-21T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/understanding-whose-you-are\/"},"modified":"2020-02-21T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-02-21T11:00:05","slug":"understanding-whose-you-are","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-whose-you-are\/","title":{"rendered":"Understanding Whose You Are"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Authors Brian Mills and Ben Trueblood encourage parents to engage their teens in spiritual conversations before going to college. They talk about the two beliefs that determine your life every day<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-02-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:52","filesize":"26.44M","filesize_raw":"27720909","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2814,2855],"tags":[4705],"podcast_series":[8340],"cwp_profile":[9595,9596],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305772","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-releasing-your-child","category-teens","tag-college","podcast_series-a-different-college-experience","cwp_profile-ben-trueblood","cwp_profile-brian-mills","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305772\/understanding-whose-you-are","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305772\/understanding-whose-you-are","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"3twPaj88wC\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-whose-you-are\/\">Understanding Whose You Are<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/understanding-whose-you-are\/embed\/#?secret=3twPaj88wC\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Understanding Whose You Are&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"3twPaj88wC\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Authors Brian Mills and Ben Trueblood encourage parents to engage their teens in spiritual conversations before going to college. They talk about the two beliefs that determine your life every day","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-02-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Which are we more focused on, as parents, raising our children? Is it how they behave or what they believe? Ben Trueblood says that, as parents, we should be working to shape our children\u2019s <em>thinking<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> We spend a lot of time trying to form the outward flesh or behavior. What happens, when we spend time with teenagers in theology, and doctrine, and teaching them how to love God with all of their mind as well, is their view of God expands. The bigger our view of God is in our lives, the more we obey, the more we worship, the more we desire <em>Him<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, February 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. Obviously, how our kids behave is important; it matters. We need to make sure, as parents, we\u2019re also talking regularly with them about what they believe and why they believe it. We\u2019re going to talk more today about that with Ben Trueblood and Brian Mills. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m sitting here thinking\u2014you guys have three sons. We had five children, and all of our kids went to college. I\u2019m trying to think: \u201cHow many of them would I say their college experience was a net positive, not a net negative, where the good outweighed the bad?\u201d I think, for ours, three or four out of five would have been a net positive. What about your boys?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know what I think, but it doesn\u2019t matter; it\u2019s what <em>she<\/em> thinks. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Wise, wise.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think three out of three.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I was going to say\u2014not that there weren\u2019t struggles; but yes, overall. I\u2019ve got to tell you\u2014I was really worried about it. I was the parent\u2014I\u2019m sure a lot can relate\u2014but I\u2019d lay in bed at night, when they were 12\/13\/14, thinking about two things: \u201cOne, what\u2019s their experience going to be like with their faith on the college campus?\u201d and \u201cTwo, how are we going to pay for it?\u201d [Laughter] Those are heavy burdens that we carry.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> But I also don\u2019t think, just because they failed or faltered at times, I don\u2019t see that as a fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I see that God used some of those times to really build into them and create this deep rich walk with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of course, we look back on that\u2014and what we\u2019re evaluating; the grade we\u2019re giving is: \u201cHow did they come out the other side?\u2014with their faith intact?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014not: \u201cWhat kind of grades did they get?\u201d or \u201cWhat was their major in?\u201d because for us, as parents, what really matters is: \u201cHow are they doing, walking with Jesus, after the end of those four years?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a couple of guys joining us this week, who are passionate about this same thing. Ben Trueblood and Brian Mills joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Guys, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These guys have written a book called <em>A Different College Experience<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And that\u2019s exactly what we wanted\u2014a different college experience for our kids. It\u2019s great to have a resource like this that can help them do it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Brian is a pastor in Yukon, Oklahoma\u2014Trinity Baptist Church in Yukon. Ben works for Lifeway, which is the Southern Baptist Convention\u2014the headquarters in Nashville. You\u2019re working with student ministries\u2014high school and college pastors both\u2014are you equipping both sides?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Middle school and high school.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s your area?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay; both of you have worked with students on the college campus, which is what led to this book. As you think about your own kids, who are <em>far<\/em> from college\u2014but you\u2019ve seen what happens on the college campus\u2014are you nervous about sending your kids to college?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good question.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> How old are your kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I have four: they\u2019re 13, 11, 6 and 5.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So let me just\u2014a little reality check\u201413?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s not that far away.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> No, it\u2019s not. We got to 13 a lot faster than 13 feels. [Laughter] So we\u2019re there, for sure. I would say: yes, there\u2019s nervousness about <em>that<\/em> moment; because having served as a youth pastor for so long before going to Life\u2014like I\u2019ve just seen a lot of transition\u2014and I\u2019ve seen some do it well, and I\u2019ve seen others not. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe reality is\u2014there\u2019s some \u201cYes,\u201d to the \u201cAre you nervous?\u201d question. I think my hope and I think one of the things we want the book to really do is, not just help somebody <em>avoid<\/em> the pitfalls, but actually, the different college experience is using that moment as a catalytic moment to propel you forward in your relationship and walk with Jesus. It\u2019s not just a \u201cHow do I keep my kid from falling into all the stuff?\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cHow do you use this amazing moment in your life to actually propel you forward?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> It also gives the opportunity for a family\u2014and I\u2019d be curious to hear from y\u2019all what y\u2019all credit the three for three\u2014because this opens opportunity for you just to have that spiritual conversation\/the conversation to say: \u201cWhat are your expectations for college?\u201d and having that even at a young age. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ve got a 14-year-old, and I\u2019ve got a 13-year-old. We already began those conversations of\u2014just casually, but just development, conversations. This book really frees up that opportunity to do that. I don\u2019t get crazy nervous\u2014probably a little bit nervous\u2014but I\u2019ll be a lot more nervous, here, in about three years. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you find yourself thinking: \u201cWell, we\u2019ll avoid all of this. We\u2019ll send them to Christian college, and then there won\u2019t be an issue.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> No, because I went to a Christian school and\u2014 [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, what was that like?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Like you can\u2019t escape by going to a\u2014you\u2019re going to find what you\u2019re looking for. I think that is true of students at every age. If you want to get into something, you\u2019re going to get it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So moms and dads\u2014who are thinking Christian college is the protection\u2014not necessarily. There are kids, who want to live for the world, who are going to Christian colleges.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian: <\/strong>I went to a Christian university for college. There was just as much sin within it\u2014maybe a little more <em>hidden<\/em>; the protection so you don\u2019t get kicked out of the school\u2014but it\u2019s still the sin; when, in the public university, it\u2019s a lot more public\/not as hidden.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; you said something about wanting to make sure your sons and daughters can go through hard times, even make mistakes, and know how to deal with it. We had a guest on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, years ago, who said something I\u2019ve never forgotten. He said, \u201cMost Christian parents are raising their kids to be sin avoiders and sin concealers.\u201d We teach our kids: \u201cStay away from that; and if I find that you did it, you\u2019re going to be in real trouble. So avoid it; and if you fall, you get punished.\u201d So just lie about it to me, so you don\u2019t get punished. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said what we should be teaching our kids how to do is\u2014how to be sin confessors and sin repenters.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s just always stuck with me. That\u2019s ultimately what we want for our kids when they go through college. We\u2019d love for them to avoid sin, but they\u2019re human beings. They\u2019re not going to avoid sin; right? That\u2019s the flesh\u2014is still with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> A popular sermon I preached to our college students was the understanding of repentance\u2014and how it\u2019s such a positive word\u2014that: \u201cTo change your mind\u201d; right? The <em>metanoia<\/em> of it\/the change your mind so that you don\u2019t fall in it; and how repentance is one of the most healthy things we can do, daily, in our sanctification process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s a good word.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> And that just propels us to become more like Christ if we learn daily repentance.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So what\u2019s that look like? I want to hear you preach that sermon. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Well, I teach it in the understanding of your sanctification process. If it\u2019s a chart\u2014that you\u2019re going up; right? You\u2019re starting in the beginning at the bottom of the chart; and you\u2019re getting to the top of the chart, which is heaven, and that\u2019s when you die. Everywhere in between, from your salvation moment to your heaven moment, is your sanctification moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut along that, what happens is\u2014sin creeps in and takes us off path. Well, sin takes us off track with God; it doesn\u2019t separate us, because we\u2019re saved. I believe once saved always saved. But in the midst of that, it separates us and takes us off path with God. Well, how do we get back on path with God? We know the value of repentance; when we repent, we experience the grace of God, and He allows us to get back on track with Him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Let me give you an illustration of what you\u2019re talking about. We were on a family road trip. We were going to Indianapolis from Little Rock\u2014about a day\u2019s drive. It was late at night. I had to stop and pull off somewhere in Indiana to use the bathroom. Well, when I got back on the highway, I was looking; and I\u2019m going: \u201cI got on the wrong road. We\u2019re going to Paducah; we\u2019re not going to Indianapolis.\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI realize: \u201cI\u2019m on the wrong road; I\u2019m not going to get where I want to go on this road.\u201d I thought to myself: \u201cI could pull over on the side of the road, and just beat my head on the steering wheel, and go, \u2018What a terrible driver I am. I made such\u2026\u2019 and just weep about it, which would do <em>nothing<\/em> to get me any closer to Indianapolis. <em>Or<\/em> I can take that exit, turn around, head back in the right direction\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cwhich will get me going where I want to go.\u201d That\u2019s what repentance is; it\u2019s <em>not<\/em> feeling bad about the mistake you made.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There may be some; God brings grief and sorrow for our sin. But ultimately, it\u2019s not the sorrow we\u2019re looking for, it\u2019s: \u201cDid you turn the car around?\u201d and \u201cAre you headed in the right direction?\u201d That\u2019s what repentance is; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s good.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes, that\u2019s good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow! That\u2019s a <em>great<\/em> illustration, Bob. I bet you\u2019ve preached that one before.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I preached that once or twice. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, as parents, too, it\u2019s easy to look at the actions instead of looking at the heart. We\u2019re so fearful of what they <em>will do<\/em> instead of thinking, \u201cWho are you becoming?\u201d I think the teen years were our favorite years in parenting because of the conversations that took place. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember asking them\u2014we would sit just at the dinner table and say\u2014we\u2019re talking about kids, and what\u2019s going on at school, and partying\u2014and even asking that question: \u201cWhy do you think people party? What do you think is going on in college when people are just <em>totally<\/em> wasted? What do you think is going on, deeper in their heart, that makes them want to do that?\u201d Like those questions are so good to bring up\u2014even 13\/14\u2014\"What do you think?\u201d To even ask them: \u201cWhat do you guys think about that? What do you think you\u2019ll do in college?\u201d Just getting them thinking; not saying: \u201cYou will <em>not<\/em> drink!\u201d or \u201cYou will <em>not<\/em> party!\u201d because it\u2019s more a matter of the heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHave you guys seen that with kids all the time? How do you get to the heart?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> I think <em>going<\/em> for the heart is the right approach; because when you, in a Christian family\u2014when the parents, through Scripture and through what God has done in their own life\u2014capture the heart of a teenager; Jesus transforms us from the heart <em>out<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe can take two approaches\u2014we can say: \u201cDon\u2019t do this,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t do this,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t do this,\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t do this.\u201d Then, when we\u2019re not there to say, \u201cDon\u2019t do this,\u201d anymore, it\u2019s left up to them. <em>Or<\/em> we can make sure that their heart is connected to the Vine and that influences behavior; right?\u2014more than us just saying, \u201cNo. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>How<\/em> do we do that? I think the number one thing is that <em>we<\/em> have to be connected to the Vine, as parents and as leaders; and then, walking with them. I love the way you talked about it; it\u2019s simple conversations. We\u2019re not talking about you starting an hour-and-a-half long program in your home every night to combat this. [Laughter] It\u2019s simple conversations, along the way, where you show your connectedness to Christ and you model for them. I think that has <em>tremendous<\/em> impact on this college moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019ve said something so much at my church\u2014I think, when they hear me start this language, they start to go, \u201cOh, here he goes again,\u201d\u2014and you have it in your book. That\u2019s why I want to talk about this; because I\u2019ve often said, \u201cThe two beliefs that determine every decision you make, every day, are: \u2018What you believe about God,\u2019\/\u2019What you believe about yourself\u2019; in other words, theology\/identity\u201d; right? I see it right in your book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s like okay, a college kid, trying to make decisions, has to have a proper theology; He has to know who God is. And he also\u2014<em>huge<\/em>\u2014has to understand who he is, or he\u2019s just going or she\u2019s going to cave in to the culture unless there\u2019s a firm sense of identity. I\u2019d love to hear you guys talk about that, because that\u2019s a whole section of your book about a right proper understanding of the gospel and who God is and then also identity. Take that anywhere you want, but how important is that for a kid to have a different college experience?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s <em>huge<\/em>. I\u2019ll say this\u2014and then, Brian, whatever\u2014jump in anytime. It kind of\u00a0 connects to our heart conversation just a moment ago. Many times what we see happen when somebody\u2019s life sort of falls apart in college is that they had no spiritual bone structure. We spend a lot of time trying to form the outward flesh or behavior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens, when we spend time with teenagers in theology, and doctrine, and teaching them how to love God with all of their mind as well, is their view of God expands. The bigger our view of God is in our lives, the more we obey, the more we worship, the more we desire <em>Him<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s a view-of-God issue, and we have to expose them to things that <em>expand<\/em> their view of God. That begins to build the bone structure, and tendons, and the muscles of our faith that, then, the outward flesh hangs upon\u2014what we actually see\u2014instead of starting with the flesh. I think theology and doctrine is a <em>huge<\/em> part of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWayne Grudem, in his systematic theology book, talks about it like a puzzle. When we were first taught to do a puzzle, everyone\u2019s taught the same way\u2014you find the corners, you do the edges, and all the other pieces fit into place. Well, when we teach a student\u2014when we teach anyone for that matter\u2014who God is, we begin to help build the frame of their life with God versus everything else in our lives. And when we have the frame of our life as God, all of the other pieces have a place to fit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo if you\u2019re the quarterback on the football team, or you\u2019re a mathlete, or you\u2019re in the band, or whatever you are, all of a sudden, your gifts, talents, abilities, relationships fit to the frame of God rather than a false frame that we often are tempted to build.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So one of the things that a lot of parents are concerned about in sending a child off to college is: \u201cAre they going to find a spouse, or are they going to get herpes?\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Well, there you go.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I mean, \u201cAre they going to find a spouse?\u201d or \u201cAre they going to make a train wreck of their lives, emotionally and sexually?\u201d Anything parents can do? What\u2019s your coaching for them to help their kids get ready to navigate aggressive girls, if they\u2019re boys; or boys, who are not gentlemen, approaching those girls? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> We address it a lot in our book. We do a whole chapter on relationships or a whole section on relationships. We provide boundaries within it. We provide the topic of: <br>\u201cIs there just <em>one<\/em> out there for me?\u201d or \u201cHow do I identify <em>the one<\/em>?\u201d that everybody always talks about. We address those issues within this book because of how big of a deal it is. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI was watching a lot of our college students were ending up\u2014not a lot of them\u2014but it was often. At least, once a month, I\u2019m meeting with a college student, who\u2019s ended up pregnant, or they had a moment, or a late-night moment, or this or that. There\u2019s boundaries and barriers you\u2019ve got to create in your life if you\u2019re going to have healthy relationships. I think a lot of that starts back around the dinner table, before they go to college, and walking them through what it\u2019s like to date healthy and not just to have a boyfriend or have a girlfriend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, how do you battle temptation? Pornography is a major problem; and statistically, we know by middle school, kids have at least looked at a pornographic image. That\u2019s more terrifying to me, raising a boy, than sending my boy to college. We\u2019ve got to begin to equip and empower students to battle against those temptations. I think, as a result of the pornographic addiction today, is driving these relationships to be so poor and so bad and they are making such poor decisions. There is a different way, and we really address a lot of that within that book.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes, and even the value\u2014how to look at sex, and the value of it, and the place it holds in a relationship\u2014is brought so far down by the pornography problem in our world. It\u2019s casual now. It\u2019s just, you know, you used to go have dinner, or go to a movie, or go on a date; and now, you hook up; and that\u2019s part of the process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> There can be coaching that, again, moms and dads do about: \u201cWhat does it look like to have a proper relationship with the opposite sex?\u201d I don\u2019t know that my dad ever had a conversation with me about how to treat a woman or \u201cWhat\u2019s the purpose of a date?\u201d\u2014or the things we help parents with in the <em>Passport to Purity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> series or the <em>Passport to Identity<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> series that we\u2019ve designed for parents to take kids through. You have to be having regular conversations about these things. Your kids may roll their eyes and say, \u201cOh, you\u2019ve told me this before.\u201d Keep talking and keep having the conversations; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; as parents, you\u2019ve got to do that. You pray and encourage your sons and daughters, as they get to college, to have that peer group that\u2019s talking about that stuff; because the worst thing you can do with a pornography problem, or any kind of problem, is keep it in the dark and not talk about it. The second\u2014we talked earlier about confession and repentance\u2014the second you confess or you speak out loud, honestly, what\u2019s in the dark, the dark loses its control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt doesn\u2019t mean that you win, but you begin\u2014the power of the dark is lessened. Yet, that\u2019s the thing that\u2019s so scary for a young man or woman in college. If they\u2019re struggling with something in the dark, the tendency is to just hide; right? And yet, when you bring it, then things start to happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m guessing you\u2019ve seen that\u2014you\u2019ve seen\u2014I mean, we\u2019re talking about the struggles; but you\u2019ve seen <em>victory<\/em> in sanctification\u2014right?\u2014happen in young men and women. It\u2019s just awesome to see the victory happen in their lives. I\u2019m hoping you\u2019re going to say, \u201cYes.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> I\u2019ll tell you a story\/a short story of a quick victory. A young man came into college, very addicted to pornography\/very addicted to sex; he had been with several young ladies. I ended up sitting down with him in the law building at the University of Arkansas. He just poured out all of his sin. In this quiet room, he\u2019s just pouring out everything he\u2019s ever done. He\u2019d given his life to Christ\u2014highly convicted of it\u2014and he said, \u201cPastor, what do I do?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tObviously, we walked through ways to help. There\u2019s lots of avenues out here in today\u2019s society that can help us with that. Then I really challenged him to use God\u2019s Word. I said: \u201cJust memorize Scripture,\u201d and \u201cEverywhere you might look at porn, post Scripture. Everywhere you might go through acts you should not be doing, post Scripture.\u201d His roommate came to me, two weeks later, and was like, \u201cWhat did you do to my roommate?\u201d I said, \u201cWhat are you talking about?\u201d He said: \u201cThere is Scripture everywhere. [Laughter] Like everywhere we go\u2014in his car, in our\u2014everywhere we go, there\u2019s Bible verses.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> That\u2019s awesome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> He said, \u201cI\u2019m just winning the battle through the Word,\u201d\u2014that was his statement: \u201cI\u2019m just winning the battle through the Word.\u201d There\u2019s just power in the Word of God. I get that there\u2019s other ways to help, but there\u2019s power in the Word when we put the Word in our life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Which goes to Romans 12: \u201cDon\u2019t be conformed to this world but transformed by the renewing of our mind.\u201d He was renewing his mind.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I heard Dennis Rainey say many times, here on <em>FamilyLife Today\u2014<\/em>he would say: \u201cYour kids are going to go to college either as missionaries or as a mission field,\u201d and \u201cYou need to sit down with them and say, \u2018Are you going to be a missionary, or are you going to be a mission field?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d like to think our high school kids are headed off with a missionary mindset. They may stumble along the way\u2014but if they can keep their focus: \u201cI\u2019m here to point other people to Christ,\u201d and \u201cIf I\u2019m going to point other people to Christ, I\u2019ve got to keep pointing myself toward Christ\u201d; right? But if they wind up stumbling perpetually, then they become a mission field; and somebody else has got to point them to Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYour book gives moms and dads a framework\/a place to start to have these conversations. I guess you could\u2014well, you could do two things with the book. Sometimes, I would give my kids\/my high school kids a book; and I would say, \u201cI will pay you $25 to read this book and to write a book report on it.\u201d The other thing is to sit down and say: \u201cI\u2019m going to read a chapter; you read a chapter. We\u2019ll get together Saturday and talk about that chapter,\u201d and then we\u2019ll do the same thing the next week and go through it <em>with<\/em> them. The book becomes the springboard through which those conversations between parents and kids happen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys, we\u2019re grateful for the book. We\u2019re grateful for your work and for the time here, helping coach us as parents. Thanks for being here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Brian:<\/strong> Glad to be here. Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ben:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And we\u2019ve got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. The book is called <em>A Different College Experience: Following Christ in College<\/em> by Ben Trueblood and Brian Mills. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order your copy of the book from us online, or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. You can go online to order <em>A Different College Experience: Following Christ in College<\/em> by Ben Trueblood and Brian Mills; or call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got the president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, with us. I\u2019ve been thinking, as we\u2019ve been having this conversation: \u201cThis is not all that far off for you. You\u2019re going to be launching your first one to college before you know it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> I mean, high school is on the brink\u2014this coming year. [Laughter] All of a sudden, you know, I have these apps that show me how many more days I have left with my kids in my house. It\u2019s startling; it really is; it gets overwhelming. Then, hearing a conversation like this, you realize everything that they\u2019ll be navigating. It just takes me back to the simplicity of John 15 as I think about them still being in my home now\u2014that Jesus is the vine, and we are the branches. That unless we abide in Him, we can\u2019t bear fruit; that apart from Him, we can do <em>nothing<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe greatest gift we can give our kids is a living and active faith: \u201cAre they seeing us walking with Jesus often? Are they seeing us, as parents and grandparents, responding in faith and repentance when we do stumble? Are we truly abiding and finding life every day in Jesus as the source?\u2014not in activities, and in work, and the false places that we find our identity\u2014are we really rooting in Him?\u201d Yes, it gets overwhelming; but yet, there\u2019s some simplicity to the nature of: \u201cAm I really just having an active and living faith?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, a good word\/a good reminder for us, as parents, that, if we focus on what is the main thing, that\u2019s what\u2019s going to endure\u2014that\u2019s what our kids are going to remember\/that\u2019s what\u2019s going to impact them more than anything else. That\u2019s good, David. Thank you for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, speaking of that, next week, Phil Vischer is going to join us. He\u2019s going to be talking to us about how we can start, when our kids are little, to be making sure they understand the big picture of the Bible. He\u2019s developed a new tool for that. We\u2019ll talk with him about that starting Monday. So I hope our listeners can be back with us for that. I hope you have a <em>great<\/em> weekend. I hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, and our entire broadcast production team for today\u2019s program. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. You have a great weekend and we\u2019ll see you back Monday for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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