{"id":305750,"date":"2020-02-12T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2020-02-12T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/relationships-matter\/"},"modified":"2020-02-12T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2020-02-12T11:00:05","slug":"relationships-matter","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relationships-matter\/","title":{"rendered":"Relationships Matter"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor &#8220;JP&#8221; Pokluda reminds us that &#8220;bad company corrupts good morals,&#8221; and talks about the wisdom of walking in the counsel of the righteous. What if your children are walking with the wrong crowd? Pokluda shares sound advice.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-02-12.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:15","filesize":"24.95M","filesize_raw":"26161338","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2850,2814,2855],"tags":[4155],"podcast_series":[8338],"cwp_profile":[9594],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305750","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-character-development","category-releasing-your-child","category-teens","tag-adulting","podcast_series-welcome-to-adulting","cwp_profile-jp-pokluda","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305750\/relationships-matter","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305750\/relationships-matter","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"os87Q2QCid\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relationships-matter\/\">Relationships Matter<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/relationships-matter\/embed\/#?secret=os87Q2QCid\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Relationships Matter&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"os87Q2QCid\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Pastor \"JP\" Pokluda reminds us that \"bad company corrupts good morals,\" and talks about the wisdom of walking in the counsel of the righteous. What if your children are walking with the wrong crowd? Pokluda shares sound advice.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-02-12.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Why are fewer people getting married and more people getting married later in life than ever before? Pastor JP Pokluda says it\u2019s because the culture has made dating and getting to know one another much more difficult.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>I think we really complicate that. I think we make it so much more difficult; everybody\u2019s looking, swiping right and swiping left. What\u2019s happening is we\u2019re getting married later, and we\u2019re getting married less, and we\u2019re less happy in marriages than we\u2019ve ever been. What\u2019s crazy\u2014this is the enemy; he\u2019s so crafty\u2014he\u2019s made us think we\u2019re getting better at it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, February 12<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. JP Pokluda says it is not as complicated as we\u2019ve made things out to be, this idea of meeting, and marrying, and building a life together. There are some simple, basic principles that we need to keep in mind; and we\u2019re going to talk about what those are today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019ve been talking this week about moving from childhood to adulthood\u2014moving through the phases of: \u201cWhen I was a child I spoke like a child, thought like a child, but when I became a mature person\/a man, I gave up childish things,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what the Bible says in \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1 Corinthians 13. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want to talk today about how that can\u2019t happen unless it\u2019s happening in community. You don\u2019t really get to do adulthood on your own; do you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I think one of the most underestimated and misunderstood concepts in the Christian walk is the value of community; I really do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think about the four of us sitting at the table. I\u2019m guessing\u2014I know that Dave and I have\u2014we have all grown the <em>most<\/em> through community. Wouldn\u2019t you say that\u2019s true?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think that is true; and the \u201cfour of us\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014I should introduce the fourth, because our listeners know the three of us; we\u2019re here every day. But Jonathan Pokluda\u2019s joining us today; JP, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Guys, thanks for having me on.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>JP has written a book called <em>Welcome to Adulting<\/em>. He\u2019s a pastor at Harris Creek Church in Waco, Texas. He and his wife Monica have been married for\u2014what is it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Fifteen years.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Fifteen years, three kids. This subject is on <em>your<\/em> heart because you\u2019ve just spent the last decade-plus working with this age group\u2014people in their late teens, in their 20s, even into their early 30s\u2014singles, who are trying to figure out life and are finding that aspects of life are challenging.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve recognized that, when they can do life in community, a lot of the issues start to take care of themselves.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019ve seen the lives of tens of thousands of young adults. So much of ministry, as I\u2019ve said, is pattern recognition: just seeing when they do things that work well, when they do things that don\u2019t work well, writing down those patterns. This book was born out of that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the patterns that is undisputed, absolutely necessary, is that you can\u2019t go at it alone. I did track; there are a lot of sports out there to choose from; I ran track. People will argue, \u201cIs track a team sport or an individual sport?\u201d Listen, there is no arguing around Christianity; it is a <em>team<\/em> sport. You weren\u2019t meant to follow Jesus by yourself. If we\u2019re going to grow, like Psalm 1 talks about, a person of God is like a \u201ctree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season.\u201d The soil that you plant in is community; it\u2019s being around other people that know you and love God and love you and know God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Who your friends are is going to shape you as much as <em>anything<\/em> else in life; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s been well-said that you are the average of your five closest friends. If you want to see the trajectory of your life, look at who you\u2019re hanging out with. The Scripture says well that \u201cBad company corrupts good character\u201d; and man, it\u2019s true. It\u2019s so much easier to pull someone standing on the table down than it is for the person, who\u2019s standing on the table, to pull other people up. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo hang out with people. Again, the Scripture says, \u201cWalk with the wise and become wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.\u201d So what does it look like to walk with people in the counsel of the righteous and to be around God\u2019s people\u2014to be planted? If you\u2019re a parent, and you\u2019re watching your child struggle right now, you\u2019re really wrestling with the choices that they\u2019re making. Here\u2019s what happened: they started running with the wrong crowd, and you know it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Every parent is saying: \u201cAmen; preach it! I want my kids to do this. But how?! How do I get them to hang out with these right people?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>You know, I do think that there has to be desire. Jesus says, \u201cDo you want to get well?\u201d when He walks up on the paralytic. I think that there has to be an aspect of a desire for that growth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen somebody comes to me and they say, \u201cOkay, I <em>really<\/em> want to go all in with Jesus; I <em>really<\/em> want to take my faith seriously; I <em>really<\/em> want to turn my life around; what do I need to do?\u201d Assuming they\u2019re a Christian, I\u2019ll say: \u201cChange your playmates and your playground. Change where you go to have fun and who you\u2019re having fun with, and you\u2019ll change your life.\u201d I mean, that is the reality.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, this is my story. I\u2019m very much with you, Ann, what you said at the beginning. If I was going to point to one thing outside of Jesus that has changed my life, more than anything else, it\u2019s this idea of community. When we say, \u201ccommunity,\u201d we\u2019re talking about your church family\u2014if it\u2019s a small church, or a home group, cell group, small group, community group, life group\u2014whatever you guys call them\u2014but you have to have believers who know you and whom you know that you\u2019re going through with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, I did something I\u2019ve never done in a sermon. Bob, you ever done this, or JP\u2014have you ever put on a yoke?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>I have not, but I\u2019ve seen it; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes, I did; for the first time. Actually, my son was preaching\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Like an egg yolk? No, I\u2019m kidding.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>No; you know what I\u2019m talking about! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>I know what you mean\u2014like an oxen yoke.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>But you know, you read that about being \u201cequally yoked\u201d and \u201cMy yoke is light.\u201d My son was preaching that weekend; and he goes, \u201cDad, you have to find me a yoke.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cWhat? What kind of yoke?!\u201d I go online; we find one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen he says\u2014he\u2019s up there, preaching; he goes, \u201cCome on up here!\u201d He has me come up, and we put this thing on. I mean, it\u2019s a big, heavy, wooden, 1800s deal. I experienced what we\u2019ve been saying: it\u2019s like, when you\u2019re yoked to somebody\u2014wherever they go, you\u2019re going; wherever you go\u2014there\u2019s no fighting it. It\u2019s like, \u201cI\u2019m going to go where they are.\u201d Yet, we try to say, \u201cI\u2019m going to walk with God,\u201d and we hang out\u2014wrong playmates\/wrong playgrounds.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You\u2019re <em>going<\/em> with the people you\u2019re putting around your life. It\u2019s <em>so critical<\/em>. I mean, it\u2019s one of the most\u2014like you said, JP\u2014second to your walk with Jesus, it <em>is<\/em> probably the most important decision you\u2019ll ever made: \u201cWho am I going to do life with? Where are they going? How am I going to go that way?\u201d or \u201cWho\u2019s going with me?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Where is the average young person\u2014let\u2019s say a 24-year-old; they\u2019re working in a job\u2014where are they meeting the people that they\u2019re doing life with? If it\u2019s not a church, where are they meeting them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>A lot in college\u2014you\u2019re in your fraternity\/your sorority\u2014you get connected; or you graduate, and then it is through work\u2014your happy hour\/you\u2019re hanging out; or you go to the same bar\/the same club, and you see them, and you kind of have your band of girls\/your band of brothers. Before I was Christian, it was like: \u201cI have my boys,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019re watching each other\u2019s back,\u201d and \u201cWe\u2019ll get in fights together, and pick up girls together, and get drunk together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut then, when I became a Christian, I got plugged into this church. They sent me to this small group meeting. I went; I remember I was with Monica at the time. I pulled up in the Jaguar S type and walked in. I had my pinstripe suit on\u2014just had a long day at work\u2014and I\u2019m going to meet my future friends; right? I sit down and I\u2019m like, \u201cNo!\u201d These guys were <em>nothing<\/em> like me; I had nothing in common with them!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>They were dweebs; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>They were dweebs; thank you for saying it. Well, I\u2019ll tell you\u2014they were all software engineers from Texas A&amp;M; okay. [Laughter] I got in the car afterwards; I told Monica: \u201cYes, that was interesting. We\u2019ll never be back; I\u2019m not going back to that.\u201d The next Thursday rolled around; and I was like, \u201cOh, yes; I guess\u2014why don\u2019t we go back to that thing?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had my friends\u2014my running buddies, people I enjoyed being around, the folks I had chosen\u2014you know; and then I had this forced community group that the church had put us with. But those guys\u2014they knew the Word, and they had lived in it, and they were righteous, and they wanted to do the right thing\u2014I told one of them recently. By the way, now, we\u2019ve been together 15 years; they\u2019ve become my <em>closest<\/em> friends.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You mentioned earlier you went to that group\u2014and correct me if I\u2019m wrong\u2014but you\u2019re like: \u201cLuke 18? You guys know what\u2019s in that chapter? You guys know the Bible?\u201d Yet everything you\u2019ve done in this conversation is quote Bible [verse] after Bible [verse]; I\u2019m like, \u201cThe righteousness rubbed off.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>\u2014the soil, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You are who you are, in many ways, because you were yoked; and they led you that way and, now, you\u2019re leading others. It\u2019s beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Completely right\u2014those guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Do you think we\u2019re in a generation now, of the Millennials, where there\u2019s more loneliness than ever before? Why is that when we\u2019re so connected?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Without a doubt, because you were <em>meant<\/em> to have deep relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I look about my life before Jesus, I had guys that I would get in fights with, or we would go on an adventure with\u2014go to Vegas with and make memories\u2014but there was <em>never<\/em> sustenance. We didn\u2019t have conversations that would matter 100 years from now in eternity. We weren\u2019t making the <em>most<\/em> of every opportunity; we weren\u2019t being wise as the Scripture calls us to be wise. In church contexts, we were <em>meant<\/em> to go deep with people.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we have now is: we have 1,000 followers on Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>; we have 2,000 Instagram<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> \u201cfriends\u201d or Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> \u201cfriends\u201d; we have social media that\u2019s giving us the fa\u00e7ade of relationships. We think we have relationships when we really have <em>no relationships<\/em>. What\u2019s preventing us from actually having relationships is thinking that we <em>do<\/em> have them! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we do is\u2014we stay in the shallow end with <em>everybody<\/em>; and we never go deep, as we were intended to, to say: \u201cHey, men, this is my biggest struggle. This is where the enemy will take me out,\u201d \u201cMen, this is what I did last night\u2026\u201d \u201cHey guys, I was tempted to do this last night\u2026\u201d \u201cHey, this is how I\u2019m struggling in this season\u2026\u201d\u2014actually confessing sin and actually praying for each other. It\u2019s not happening, because we have all these surface level [relationships].\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>The person, who says: \u201cI know what you\u2019re talking about, and I want what you\u2019re talking about. I tried it, got burned,\u201d \u201c\u2026got backstabbed,\u201d \u201c\u2026got betrayed; I\u2019m not going back there again! You get vulnerable with people\u2014you tell them your real stuff, you try to form a bond with folks\u2014they\u2019re just going to stab you in the back.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Yes; you can\u2019t live in that fear. Galatians 1:10 says: \u201cAm I now trying to win the approval of God or of men? Am I trying to please men? For if I am trying to please men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happens, when someone even has the ability to betray us like that is\u2014we\u2019ve given them a position of power\u2014we\u2019ve treated them like a god; we\u2019ve lived for their approval. I would just tell you, \u201cThat\u2019s going to happen again\u201d; okay?\u2014that\u2019s what you need to know. Go eyes, wide open; say, \u201cPeople will let you down, but God will never let you down.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat happens in the Christian faith is we\u2019re given a process to resolve conflict. When someone hurts you, you go to them and you say, \u201cYou hurt me.\u201d You are in a vulnerable state in saying that, but that is the process that God calls us to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo great\u2014if you\u2019re a king, and you don\u2019t trust God, and you don\u2019t believe His Word is true\u2014then you do whatever you want to do and keep playing it safe. But if you believe there\u2019s a God, and you believe His Word is true, I will tell you\u2014He <em>clearly<\/em> calls you to this idea of community. Hebrews 10:25 says, \u201cDo not forsake the gathering together, as some are in the habit of doing, but continue to meet. Excel still more as we see the day approaching.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou have all of these \u201cone anothers\u201d around there in the Scriptures. You know, we care for one another\/that we bear one another\u2019s burdens. Again, if you don\u2019t trust God, you get to do whatever you want to do. If you do trust God, you need to live with Him as King and do what His Scripture calls you to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019ve also found in my own life\u2014I mean, I have these guys in my life\u2014it\u2019s been \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t30 years now that we\u2019ve done life together\u2014but here\u2019s what I didn\u2019t know\u2014it wasn\u2019t the first group of guys I tried. You know, so many people in our church try a small group; it doesn\u2019t work\u2014they don\u2019t like the people. It didn\u2019t work and they\u2019re like, \u201cOkay, tried that!\u201d Like you said, Bob: \u201cI\u2019m done. I got burned; I\u2019m out.\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cNo, keep trying! You just don\u2019t know.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember, when we moved to Detroit to be the Detroit Lions chaplain, I <em>knew<\/em> this: \u201cI have to find my tribe. I have to find <em>men<\/em> that I\u2019m going to do life with.\u201d I\u2019m in my early 30s. I go to this group\u2014seven\/eight guys\u2014a couple weeks we\u2019re meeting. I\u2019m trying to find out, \u201cIs this is going to be my guys?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll <em>never<\/em> forget this\u2014I walk in and I said: \u201cHey, I have to share something I struggled with this week. I don\u2019t know if any of you guys did, but the <em>Sports Illustrated<\/em> swimsuit issue came out,\u201d and \u201cI don\u2019t look at it, but I looked at it this week,\u201d\u2014it was just like that. Finally, this one guy goes, \u201cThat\u2019s <em>despicable<\/em>. Can\u2019t believe you would even\u2026\u201d\u2014like, \u201cYes, I know; that\u2019s what I\u2019m saying\u2014I\u2019m sorry. Anybody else?\u201d They all looked at me like, \u201cNo.\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cOkay, not my group!\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Again, not that I\u2019m trying to find dirty sinners that are as bad as I am, but I just thought, \u201cNo one here is going to be real and be honest.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>You were just trying to find people that know they\u2019re sinners; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I\u2019m not kidding. It wasn\u2019t the next group; it was like three or four groups later, and then I\u2019m like, \u201cOh, I think Rob, John, Craig, Dave\u2014they\u2019re my guys.\u201d Here we are, just like you; it\u2019s like the <em>greatest<\/em> gift God has given us was this community. But it didn\u2019t happen on the first try; you don\u2019t give up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>That\u2019s exactly right. So many people just heard you say that and thought: \u201cBut I would <em>never<\/em> say that! I\u2019m not going to say that! You want me to say that out loud?\u201d I would say: \u201cYes; man, absolutely; the Scripture <em>calls<\/em> us\u2014if you believe the Scripture, James 5:16 says, \u2018Confess your sins to each other.\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tUnfortunately\u2014or fortunately\u2014using my mess and making it my message, I talk a lot about pornography; because it\u2019s something I\u2019ve been <em>enslaved<\/em> to. The way\u2014people say: \u201cWell, how did you get well? How did the Lord heal you?\u201d It was through <em>relentless<\/em> confession and prayer of people, who love me, and cared about me, and would be there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019d go back to them\u2014and they wouldn\u2019t do what those guys did\u2014but they would say: \u201cMan, I understand. I\u2019ve made that poor choice, too. Hey, how did you get there? What was going on in your day before you made that choice? Why didn\u2019t you call us before you acted out in that way? Before you looked at that\/before you went to that website, can you back your confession up?\u2014can you confess at the thought level next time? Next time you <em>want<\/em> to confess, could you reach out to us so that we could pray for you <em>then<\/em>?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey would do the heart surgery with me; and through that, I found healing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s what I was going to say: \u201cFriendship isn\u2019t always easy.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>No, it\u2019s never easy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I know, for me\u2014these same guys that Dave was friends with\u2014their wives became my closest friends. I had a conversation\u2014I was in my 20s, and Michelle moved close to me; we started hanging out. She said, \u201cHey, I\u2019m really disappointed in our friendship.\u201d I remember saying, \u201cWhat are your expectations of our relationship?\u201d\u2014which is a great question to ask.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe said, \u201cI was thinking you would call me every day.\u201d We both had little kids\/little toddlers running around. I said, \u201cYou want me to call you <em>every day<\/em>?!<em>\u201d<\/em> She said, \u201cYes.\u201d I said, \u201cWhat would we talk about?\u201d She said: \u201cI just want you to say, \u2018How are you doing over there? Are you <em>surviving<\/em> today?\u2019\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started thinking about it, and it was like this negotiation with one another. I said, \u201cOkay, I think I could do it like every other day.\u201d But just having that conversation: \u201cWhat are you looking for? What do you <em>want<\/em> out of this?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose people\/that group of friends\u2014we\u2019ve walked through affairs, kids that have been in psych wards, anorexia\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We\u2019ve cried.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014cried over one another, loved each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>We\u2019ve laughed our heads off.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And we couldn\u2019t do life without each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Yes; what you just described is the DTR, the \u201cdefine the relationship.\u201d When somebody\u2019s really struggling with this idea of community\u2014like people aren\u2019t showing up\u2014I\u2019ll hear that a lot: \u201cYou know, there\u2019s this couple that doesn\u2019t show up.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would just ask them for their commitment\u2014just say: \u201cHey, what are the expectations? Are we all on the same page?\u201d Because, most likely, there are just different people with different expectation levels\/different commitment levels. Get everyone on the same page\u2014say, \u201cOkay, we\u2019ll miss this for something that we would miss work for. It\u2019s that important to us; we\u2019re willing to get a sitter.\u201d You know, really just dial that in.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve talked about the importance of community in relationships and groups. I want to ask you about your leadership over thousands of young people getting together in Dallas every week. There had to be, at least, some of them, who were coming: \u201cYes, I\u2019m here for relationships. I\u2019m here for a particular kind of relationship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You mean, \u201cI\u2019m looking for a wife or husband\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Exactly. \u201cThis is the Dallas market, right here, and I have come here to do some shopping.\u201d Was that going on when you\u2014this ministry that you had, called The Porch, that had thousands of singles coming\u2014were there some people coming, shopping every week?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong><em>Everyone<\/em> was shopping. [Laughter] People say, \u201cWell, how did you get so many young adults in a room?\u201d I\u2019m like, \u201cWell, it\u2019s kind of the way co-ed situations work; I mean, they attract each other.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo yes, the relationships were formed. I can\u2019t tell you how many weddings I\u2019ve done. I mean, really countless. I truly don\u2019t know the number of weddings that I\u2019ve done of people who met at The Porch in just different events that we did. That\u2019s an important part of the first Great Commission.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>But it\u2019s also one of the most confusing, complicated, hard-to-navigate issues of life today in a swipe-right culture, people trying to figure out, \u201cHow do I even have\u2014we don\u2019t even know how to form a healthy guy-girl relationship in our 20s today.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>All you have to do is turn on TV; you have <em>The Bachelor<\/em>\/<em>Bachelorette<\/em>. [Laughter] There\u2019s the model!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; right! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>It\u2019s the biggest felt need amongst that generation. I would tell you: \u201cThe biggest felt need is: \u2018Hey, how do I find someone of the opposite sex and convince them to spend the rest of their life with me?\u2019\u201d It\u2019s terrifying for guys to ask girls out; girls feel like guys aren\u2019t asking them out. The reason they feel that way is because they\u2019re <em>not<\/em>. You have all of these things at play; so yes, that\u2019s a <em>huge<\/em> part of this book, <em>Welcome to Adulting<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s Chapter Eight. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tActually, another writing project I\u2019m working on right now is\u2014I want to be helpful to this generation. I would say to guys: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFind the godliest girl that you know, and ask her out to coffee. Spend some time with her. Invest in that relationship; find out if it\u2019s something that God wants more from. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGirls, if a God-fearing man asks you out to coffee, say, \u201cYes.\u201d Spend some time with him. Then afterwards, Romans 12:9 says, \u201cLove must be sincere.\u201d Be honest; if that\u2019s it\/if that\u2019s the end of the date, say that\u2014say: \u201cHey, I don\u2019t see this going anywhere. I\u2019d love to just be friends,\u201d or whatever is the most true thing that you can say. You don\u2019t have to be ruthless and hurtful, but you can be honest. If you\u2019re honest and someone\u2019s hurt, I would just tell you that\u2019s better than you not being honest and them being hurt; so be honest.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>You talk in the book about the common mistakes people make in dating. What are those?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>I think one is guys not taking that initiative\u2014that\u2019s one. Two, I think basing everything on attraction. Proverbs 31:30 says, \u201cCharm is deceitful and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.\u201d What it\u2019s telling us in the Scripture is that beauty\u2019s a depreciating asset. I think we put too much emphasis on that. First Samuel 16 says that the Lord looks at the heart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGuys say: \u201cWell, what if she\u2019s a God-fearing woman but I\u2019m not attracted to her? What do I need to do?\u201d I\u2019d say: \u201cWell, you need to mature spiritually, because you\u2019re not yet attracted to what God\u2019s attracted to. So you need to grow in that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey say, \u201cShould I marry somebody that I\u2019m not attracted to?\u201d I say: \u201cNo; you need to be able to cherish your spouse. You need to be able to love them forever and commit to them. So if you can\u2019t commit to cherishing them, then no, of course, don\u2019t marry them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s the two things that I think of when someone is considering marriage\u2014is qualifications: \u201cAre they qualified? Do they love God with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength? Are they in a right relationship with Jesus? Does God have their heart? Are they ready for marriage? Are they qualified?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, two, commitment: \u201cCan I <em>commit<\/em> to cherishing them forever?\u201d\u2014\u201cto making her feel like a princess?\u201d\u2014\u201cto respecting him?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf they\u2019re qualified and the commitment is there, then you can get married. I think we really complicate that. I think we make it so much more difficult. Everybody\u2019s looking for the <em>one<\/em> out there, trying to find the needle in the haystack, and swiping right and swiping left. What\u2019s happening is we\u2019re getting married later, and we\u2019re getting married less, and we\u2019re less happy in marriages than we\u2019ve ever been. You have all of these problems.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat\u2019s crazy\u2014and this is the enemy; he\u2019s so crafty\u2014he\u2019s made us think we\u2019re getting better at it, when everything out there says we\u2019re getting worse at it! We\u2019re like, \u201cYes, but this is the way you do it now.\u201d I would still go back to what it says in the Song of Solomon\u2014it says, \u201cTheir friends and family praise their love more than wine.\u201d I think there\u2019s this idea of going from community to relationships: that our community agree with the love that we have for one another; that those around us affirm that we first love Jesus and that we would be good together.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the church does that well, it can be this <em>really<\/em> beautiful thing. I\u2019ve seen that happen at The Porch.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You know, think about what we\u2019ve talked about this week. If a young person is solid in their faith, if a young person has a path that they\u2019re on\u2014to take care of a job, and personal finances, and they\u2019re in a healthy community, and they have a road map for how to pursue a marriage relationship\u2014we\u2019d say that person\u2019s on a pretty good trajectory; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019d say the important things in life are being dealt with; they are adulting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJP, you have drawn that map for us in this book and by being here this week. Thank you for your contribution to this, and thanks for being here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>JP: <\/strong>Thank you so much for having me. This feels like family; I <em>love<\/em> it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Great job.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We have copies of JP\u2019s book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Go online to order <em>Welcome to Adulting: Navigating Faith, Friendship, Finances, and the Future<\/em>. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Once again, the website, FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to order the book, <em>Welcome to Adulting<\/em>. Call 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, one of the big themes we\u2019ve continued to hear about this week, as we\u2019ve talked about adulting, is the importance of community. The president of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, David Robbins, is here with us. You\u2019re a big believer in the power of relationships and community; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Well, I think God\u2019s Plan \u201cA\u201d for our formation is in the context of the body of Christ and deep relationships. Over the last decade, I\u2019ve spent a lot of time helping young people\u2014in particular, men in their 20s\u2014grow in deeper connection to really push each other toward Jesus.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love the encouragement today around having a DTR, defining the relationship with your friends in order to make it more intentional. One particular thing I have discovered that takes things to a deeper level within a community is taking time to affirm specific character traits or gifts in each other that make a person uniquely them, declaring and calling out the ways God has uniquely wired people to reflect His image.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I heard a pastor, one time, talk about starting meetings by having everyone at the table talk about evidences of grace they had seen in the lives of other people. He said it really did change the whole tenor of the conversation from that point on, when you start off by saying, \u201cHere\u2019s how I\u2019ve seen God at work in your life\u2026\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David: <\/strong>Yes; it sounds so overly simple, but life wears us down. Often we do get very discouraged; we become lonely; we forget how God\u2019s at work in our lives. We don\u2019t see ourselves the way other people see us and the glimpses of Jesus in us. In a world where comparison rules the day, how can we humble ourselves and help close friends and community we are in <em>see<\/em> themselves for how God sees them and call it out?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes. That\u2019s good, David. Thank you for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to encourage our listeners to tune in tomorrow. I hope you\u2019re able to be with us. Dave and Ann Wilson have some thoughts for us as we head into Valentine\u2019s Day. They have some thinking about how we can express love to one another without ever touching each other; and that\u2019s possible, as we\u2019ll hear from them tomorrow. I hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back tomorrow for the Thursday edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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