{"id":305719,"date":"2020-01-30T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-01-30T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/letting-go-of-what-was\/"},"modified":"2020-01-30T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-01-30T11:00:04","slug":"letting-go-of-what-was","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/letting-go-of-what-was\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting Go of What Was"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pat and Tammy McLeod remember the day their son, Zach, was injured in a high school scrimmage. Zach underwent emergency brain surgery, but continued to have setbacks. The McLeods tell of God&#8217;s nearness as Zach&#8217;s life and theirs.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-01-30.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:59","filesize":"23.8M","filesize_raw":"24951395","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2860,2090],"tags":[6819],"podcast_series":[8335],"cwp_profile":[9591],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305719","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-special-needs-child","tag-brain-injury","podcast_series-hit-hard","cwp_profile-pat-and-tammy-mcleod","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305719\/letting-go-of-what-was","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305719\/letting-go-of-what-was","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"OMlQBuO0Bs\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/letting-go-of-what-was\/\">Letting Go of What Was<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/letting-go-of-what-was\/embed\/#?secret=OMlQBuO0Bs\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Letting Go of What Was&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"OMlQBuO0Bs\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-01-30.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-01-30.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It was an autumn evening in Boston. Pat and Tammy McLeod were involved in a ministry event; and their son, Zach, was in a preseason high school football game. It wasn\u2019t until the ministry event was over that Pat checked his phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Our son\/our second son had been trying to reach us. As soon as I got on the phone, he practically screamed: \u201cDad! Why aren\u2019t you answering your phone? Zach\u2019s been hurt!\u201d There had been parents calling; there had been coaches calling. \u201cNow the hospital is calling. They said that he collapsed and is being airlifted to a hospital and will have to undergo emergency brain surgery.\u201d That\u2019s when I realized this was serious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ll hear today about Zach McLeod\u2019s football injury that ultimately changed his life and his family\u2019s life. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re going to hear a hard story today; it\u2019s tied to football. You played football when you were in high school and college. You\u2019ve been around football for a lot of years. You\u2019ve raised sons, who played football. Did you ever have any second thoughts, while they were playing or after they were playing, about whether that was safe for them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I did; I don\u2019t know what Ann would say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We both did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I do remember my youngest son playing college football. The good thing is he is on a scholarship. As a dad and mom, you\u2019re like: \u201cThis is awesome! It\u2019s free!\u201d; so that was exciting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis freshman year, he started. I remember he caught a ball, and two guys came. I\u2019m a quarterback, so I\u2019m watching the thing\u2014I threw a lot of those balls. You could just see it\u2014like in slow-mo. The ball\u2019s going to get there when these two guys come, and they hit him from both sides. Helmet literally popped straight up in the air. He caught it; got knocked out. Got up; walked off the field; missed a play; went back in. I\u2019m sitting up there, like, \u201cJust stay off.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went home that night\u2014I\u2019ll never forget this\u2014went online and started studying brain injuries. This was before it even became a thing in the NFL and the movie and that kind of thing. I started to read the research. I\u2019m like, \u201cIf he has another concussion, I think, as a dad, I have to step in and say, \u2018You\u2019re done.\u2019\u201d Of course, he would\u2019ve resisted that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou start to see what the effects are: short-term and long-term. That was one of the first times; every game was like, \u201cIs this worth it?\u201d Then, when he got to the NFL, and he kept getting hurt with his hamstring and had to quit, I was sort of glad\u2014like, \u201cThe fear is now gone.\u201d There are other ways that things could happen; but you think, especially as a receiver, you run across there\u2014at any moment, life can change. That\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we\u2019ve got a couple joining us today, Pat and Tammy McLeod, who know about how things can change, firsthand. Pat and Tammy, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat and Tammy:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These are fellow Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> staff. For those who aren\u2019t aware, FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is part of Cru\/ Campus Crusade for Christ<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Pat and Tammy live in the Boston, Massachusetts, area and have been doing ministry on the campus at [Eastern accent] Harvard; did I say that right? [Laughter] Harvard University for 20 years; is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Great ministry that you guys do there. We are thrilled to be linked together with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve written a book together that is called <em>Hit Hard: One Family\u2019s Journey of Letting Go of What Was and Learning to Live Well with What Is<\/em>. The <em>What Was<\/em> and the <em>What Is<\/em> all relates to one play in a football game with your son; right? Did your son grow up loving football? Was that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were an athlete, so you were throwing the ball to him in the backyard when he was a kid; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Yes; he comes from a legacy of a football family, for sure\u2014his grandpa, his dad, his uncle\/my brother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did that make you nervous, Tammy?\u2014that he loved football and wanted to play?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> No; I didn\u2019t know it was dangerous. I knew\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You saw these guys collide and then hitting each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> She loved that; admit it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> I knew they could break arms and legs, but I didn\u2019t know they could break brains; so I wasn\u2019t worried. I knew legs could be set and healed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. When he was young and he was playing, he never had any problem? He was doing well; he was excelling. Take us to the game where everything changed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> We weren\u2019t there. We were at the first meeting of the year for our campus ministry. A girl came up behind me\u2014a Harvard student\u2014she had a very concerned look on her face. She said, \u201cYour son\u2019s trying to reach you.\u201d Our son\u2014our third child\/second son\u2014was at home, alone\u2014had been trying to reach us; he told us that. We had our phones tucked away in our backpacks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs soon as I got on the phone, he practically screamed: \u201cDad! Why aren\u2019t you answering your phone? Zach\u2019s been hurt!\u201d There had been parents calling; there had been coaches calling. \u201cNow the hospital is calling. They said that he collapsed and is being airlifted to a hospital and will have to undergo emergency brain surgery.\u201d That\u2019s when I realized this was serious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was a high school game?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> High school football game, yes. It was actually a scrimmage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was a scrimmage, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What year was he, Tammy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Junior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you get this information from your husband, or was your phone buzzing as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Yes; mine was buzzing, but they were both tucked away in our backpacks. Pat motioned me to come. He was on the phone talking to Nate as we were walking out the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In those moments, my default is to believe the best. I\u2019m an optimist: \u201cOkay, he has to have surgery; everything\u2019s going to be okay. I think they can fix these things.\u201d What was your default in that moment? Were you\u2014both of you\u2014were you worried? Or were you thinking, \u201cThis was going to be okay\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> I was in probably a shock. Let me say this\u2014when you\u2019re the parent of an athlete, you\u2019re used to getting calls like this, telling you your son was hurt. Nate himself had broken his arm five times, so I wasn\u2019t immediately worried. When he said \u201cemergency brain surgery,\u201d I got very concerned; but he, also\u2014my son is somewhat dramatic. I thought this might be a little over the top, so I was taking this with a grain of salt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we met with the doctor, and he said, \u201cYes, your son has suffered a brain injury; that this is going to require opening up his skull cap and removing a blood clot. This could result in death or a full recovery,\u201d that\u2019s when, I think, the numbness and the shock set in of: \u201cWhat\u2019s happening? What does this mean?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did happen? How did this injury occur?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Pat and I have two different opinions on this. Zach was hit hard a week earlier. I think what happened was he was hit once, and this was probably second-impact syndrome. We didn\u2019t know what that was; we had never heard of it before. A person at Spalding Rehab told us about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe, on the night of the scrimmage, had just intercepted a pass and scored a touchdown. Kids were jumping all over him in the end zone. Then, on the next play, when he was playing defense and tackling, he tackled, with four other people, the ball carrier. We kept rewinding the play; we watched it many, many times. It looked like a 3 on a scale of 0-10, a 10 being a hard hit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt looked like nothing, basically. His head didn\u2019t hit the ground; his head didn\u2019t hit another player. His head didn\u2019t hit anything. I don\u2019t know what happened for sure, but I think he had second-impact syndrome. The first concussion that he probably had didn\u2019t heal, and then he got hit again; that\u2019s the danger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s an extreme danger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> That\u2019s usually when the massive swelling happens, which is what happened to Zach, and why he had to have his skullcap removed because the swelling was too great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You said you guys don\u2019t agree on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know that we don\u2019t agree on that; I think it\u2019s possible. What I would say is that Zach\u2019s injury, in some ways, is a fluke. I think they happen in a lot of things, not just football. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe bigger concern I have about football these days is not these kinds of events, to be honest with you\u2014it\u2019s the sub-concussive events, and the accumulation of those over years of playing the game, that seem to be the cause of CTE, which is a debilitating reality in the lives of a lot of these former NFL players.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Go back to that moment in the hospital, where a doctor says to you, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to take off his skullcap and deal with a clot or he could die; or it could be full recovery.\u201d You\u2019re a mom; are you just paralyzed with fear at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> The doctor did add one phrase\u2014he said, \u201c\u2026death, or full recovery, or anything in between.\u201d I never thought he would die, so I wasn\u2019t afraid that I would never see him again. But the strange phrase, \u201cor anything in between,\u201d made me really pause.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Zach\u2019s completely unconscious; he\u2019s unaware of any of what\u2019s going on. It was emergency surgery that they performed immediately? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was it a long surgery?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Four-and-a-half hours; right?\u2014four or five hours.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The doctors came out after surgery and told you what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> This guy was not famous for his bedside manner. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it doesn\u2019t sound like it: \u201cDeath or anything in between.\u201d I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Yes, he basically said: \u201cWe did what we had to do. We took out the blood clot. We cauterized the vessels. Now we have to wait.\u201d And he said, \u201cDo you have any questions?\u201d We were like, \u201cI\u2019m sure we do, but I don\u2019t know what they are.\u201d Then he just bowed and left. A nurse came in, and he filled in the blanks\u2014and there were many of them\u2014saying that, for the next five days, they would have to monitor him. The brain could continue to swell for up to five days after an injury like this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cIf we can no longer control that brain swelling, we will have to go back in and remove the skullcap and put it away\u2014the bone flap\u2014in his abdomen for a period of several weeks so the brain can swell and then contract again. Once that\u2019s done, then they reattach it.\u201d Then he said\u2014and this was a haunting comment\u2014he said, \u201cYou should hope that that would never happen, because I\u2019ve never seen one who\u2019s undergone that process to have a full recovery.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As I read in your book, the brain didn\u2019t swell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Well, they were managing it to the point where they thought they had it under control; they sent us home to sleep. That sleep was interrupted by a phone call\u2014that we were so dead asleep that we couldn\u2019t even hear it\u2014it wasn\u2019t until I overheard the automatic answering machine, in those days, that starts blaring out stuff. It was the nurse, saying: \u201cWe can no longer control the brain swelling. We\u2019re going to need to go back in and do the second operation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI finally got to the phone right as she was winding up her message; and in a few moments, we were on our way back to the hospital.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was what, then, 24 hours?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> This was three days later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Three days later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Tammy, what did you feel, going back to the hospital?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> I remembered what the nurse said; so I thought, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to have \u2018anything in between.\u2019\u201d I didn\u2019t know what that meant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Were you gripped with fear?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Yes; because of my relationship with Zach\u2014it was really close\u2014we prayed together every night for Zach\u2019s school. We sang worship songs together; he taught me most of the worship songs I know. We talked about what we\u2019re learning in Scripture together. I wondered, \u201cWill I be able to do anything I used to do with him, ever again?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You guys had an experience with Zach the summer prior to this, I believe, where you went to South Africa. Tell us about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> We were, that summer, working with children who had disabilities in Africa in an AIDS orphanage and a home for children with disabilities. The disabilities were severe. They were physically staggering to observe. But once you got over that initial shock and began to connect with them, you realize that these are people. They reflect God\u2019s image, and you just have to give it some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach of us did; and within a day or two, we began to form these relationships that, by the end, were really amazing connections, including Zach. [Tearful] He had formed a real bond with a couple of kids. We were sharing a moment\u2014this was now back home, two weeks after the summer mission\u2014we were talking about these kids, reflecting on those moments, laughing at those fond memories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tZach paused and said, [Tearful] \u201cDad, I wonder if God would have me become like one of them.\u201d I took the comment serious and looked at him and said, \u201cYou know, Zach, if something ever happened and you did, we would love you the same way we love those kids; right?\u201d He said, \u201cYes; yes, Dad, I know that.\u201d It was, literally, about two weeks from that day that we got the call.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of those thoughts were going through my mind, from beginning, for sure. I didn\u2019t even tell Tammy about that conversation until a few weeks after, partly because I didn\u2019t want to go there. I didn\u2019t want to think that that was even a possibility, that Zach would become permanently disabled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tammy, it sounds like Zach has always been remarkably close to the Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Yes; he was, in his high school, known as someone who really loved God. People really loved him, because he treated people really well. You could see the love of God coming through to his schoolmates. When this tragedy happened, his school didn\u2019t understand it. They couldn\u2019t believe that something like this happened to the best kid in their school, in their opinion\u2014that\u2019s how they viewed him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would run by the school, and by the Charles River, just praying that the kids wouldn\u2019t turn away from God. Instead of getting angry with Him, that they would be drawn nearer to God through the whole process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re praying for these kids in that regard, but what about you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> What about me? I put on Zach\u2019s iPod and listened to all his songs as I ran by the river. Pat would be sitting <em>in<\/em> the hospital room. I couldn\u2019t find comfort there; so I left to get into sunlight, beauty, nature, the river\u2014and running, crying, and praying for Zach. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you asking God: \u201cWhy?\u201d and \u201cWhat?\u201d and \u201cAre You even there?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Actually, no. It sounds weird; but when I have seen other people suffer, I ask the \u201cWhy?\u201d question. But when it was <em>me<\/em> suffering, the thing that stood out to me most was God\u2019s nearness in suffering. That\u2019s all that I was thinking about. I don\u2019t think I would\u2019ve survived, actually, without a relationship with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust reading the Psalms every day, letting them wash over me with God\u2019s truth and hope, was sustaining. I felt God speaking to me through the words of Scripture. Praying\u2014I could just fall on my face, on my bedroom floor, and cry out to God. I didn\u2019t even have to say any words; I could just cry before Him. The biggest thing that stood out to me was God\u2019s nearness in suffering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you two handle it differently? Was it different for you, Pat?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> That part was not different. In fact, people have often landed on this question of: \u201cHave you doubted your faith?\u201d and \u201cHow could you not?\u201d People were so surprised at both of our answers to that question being the same of: \u201cActually, no.\u201d I realized: \u201cI need to figure out how to answer this better, because they don\u2019t believe me when I say that.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I just tell people: \u201cListen, I have definitely had doubts about the existence of God in life, and doubts about my faith and certain beliefs that I hold; but not during this time. In fact, in some very surprising and unexpected ways, I felt like I experienced the greatest moments of connection to God and of conviction that there really is a God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not the \u201cunmoved Mover\u201d of Aristotle\u2014this god, who really doesn\u2019t care. It\u2019s a crucified God; it\u2019s a God who has revealed Himself in Christ, as a God who has come into this world and suffered in order to save us from an eternity of suffering. Meeting God in that way was, for me, like bringing me deeper into my understanding, and comprehension, and experience of what the gospel is. It was different [than Tammy\u2019s] in that my focus was less on the Psalms and more on the Gospels\u2014the last quarter of each Gospel, which focuses on a suffering God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had to start thinking about the fact that life as you knew it was about to change in a very dramatic way. We\u2019re going to take time this week to go into what that story\u2019s been like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of us have hopes and dreams and expectations for our kids, for our own lives, for what life should be. Here was a moment where you weren\u2019t sure what the future was going to be, but it sure wasn\u2019t going to be what you thought it was going to be when you went to that first meeting on a Friday night with kids at Harvard for Cru. Now, all of a sudden, life was going to change in a very dramatic way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what I hear you guys saying, though, is that, in the moment where you are brought face to face with these things, God brings unexpected grace in that moment\/the grace you need for that moment that might not have been there for you prior to that moment. Now, that you need it, here\u2019s God saying, \u201cOkay; I know what you need.\u201d He pours it out; it\u2019s available to you in that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Psalm 34:18 came to mind as you were speaking; because it says, \u201cThe Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.\u201d That\u2019s exactly what you were feeling, that crushed part of your spirit; yet, you felt his closeness. I think observers of pain and suffering can get angry with God. More often than not, I hear those that are <em>in it<\/em>, feel the closeness of God\/feel His peace that passes all understanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys reflect on this in the book, <em>Hit Hard<\/em>, which is subtitled<em>: One Family\u2019s Journey of Letting Go of What Was and Learning to Live Well with What Is<\/em>. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Our listeners can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy. You may know somebody who has experienced this in their family or something similar; get them a copy of this book; let them read Pat and Tammy\u2019s story. I think they\u2019ll find hope and encouragement; but they\u2019ll also go: \u201cYes, we\u2019ve been there. We\u2019ve experienced what you guys have experienced.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book, <em>Hit Hard<\/em>; or call us at 1-800-358-6329 to order your copy. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the book, <em>Hit Hard<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen couples go through this kind of an experience in their family, it can often lead to isolation in a marriage\/put a strain on a marriage relationship. Here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, our goal is to help strengthen marriages so that, when these times come along, you are spiritually ready for them; and as you go through them, you are able to find the help and the strength that you need in the midst of these kinds of trials. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve looked, over the years, at: \u201cWhat are the factors that lead some marriages to persevere and to endure, even in the face of hard times?\u201d and \u201cWhat are the things that cause other marriages to erode when things like this hit?\u201d On our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, we have an assessment that a couple can take together. It\u2019s called the \u201cLove that Lasts\u201d marriage health assessment. You answer a few questions, and it can help you see how ready your marriage is for some of the challenges that you may face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re encouraging listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and take this assessment. In the areas, where your marriage could use some help, we can provide articles and resources\u2014encouragement. That\u2019s our mission, here at FamilyLife\u2014is to help effectively develop godly marriages and families. This assessment is one way we can help you analyze how your marriage is doing, then we can provide you with resources to help strengthen those areas that may be weak.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you\u2019ll find the \u201cLove that Lasts\u201d marriage health assessment on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s free to take. I just want to encourage you to spend a few minutes and ask the question, \u201cHow are we doing?\u201d and see how the assessment helps you answer that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also hope you can be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Pat and Tammy McLeod, talking about the \u201cnew normal\u201d for their family after Zach\u2019s injury and how all of them have had to adjust to that and adjust to it differently\u2014and about coping with what you guys describe as \u201cambiguous loss.\u201d I hope our listeners can tune in for all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:59"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.8M"],"filesize_raw":["24951395"],"_edit_lock":["1730225905:47000"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305719.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305719.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f 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and Tammy McLeod remember the day their son, Zach, was injured in a high school scrimmage. Zach underwent emergency brain surgery, but continued to have setbacks. The McLeods tell of God's nearness as Zach's life and theirs.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-01-30.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>It was an autumn evening in Boston. Pat and Tammy McLeod were involved in a ministry event; and their son, Zach, was in a preseason high school football game. It wasn\u2019t until the ministry event was over that Pat checked his phone.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Our son\/our second son had been trying to reach us. As soon as I got on the phone, he practically screamed: \u201cDad! Why aren\u2019t you answering your phone? Zach\u2019s been hurt!\u201d There had been parents calling; there had been coaches calling. \u201cNow the hospital is calling. They said that he collapsed and is being airlifted to a hospital and will have to undergo emergency brain surgery.\u201d That\u2019s when I realized this was serious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 30<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019ll hear today about Zach McLeod\u2019s football injury that ultimately changed his life and his family\u2019s life. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re going to hear a hard story today; it\u2019s tied to football. You played football when you were in high school and college. You\u2019ve been around football for a lot of years. You\u2019ve raised sons, who played football. Did you ever have any second thoughts, while they were playing or after they were playing, about whether that was safe for them?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I did; I don\u2019t know what Ann would say. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We both did.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I do remember my youngest son playing college football. The good thing is he is on a scholarship. As a dad and mom, you\u2019re like: \u201cThis is awesome! It\u2019s free!\u201d; so that was exciting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHis freshman year, he started. I remember he caught a ball, and two guys came. I\u2019m a quarterback, so I\u2019m watching the thing\u2014I threw a lot of those balls. You could just see it\u2014like in slow-mo. The ball\u2019s going to get there when these two guys come, and they hit him from both sides. Helmet literally popped straight up in the air. He caught it; got knocked out. Got up; walked off the field; missed a play; went back in. I\u2019m sitting up there, like, \u201cJust stay off.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went home that night\u2014I\u2019ll never forget this\u2014went online and started studying brain injuries. This was before it even became a thing in the NFL and the movie and that kind of thing. I started to read the research. I\u2019m like, \u201cIf he has another concussion, I think, as a dad, I have to step in and say, \u2018You\u2019re done.\u2019\u201d Of course, he would\u2019ve resisted that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou start to see what the effects are: short-term and long-term. That was one of the first times; every game was like, \u201cIs this worth it?\u201d Then, when he got to the NFL, and he kept getting hurt with his hamstring and had to quit, I was sort of glad\u2014like, \u201cThe fear is now gone.\u201d There are other ways that things could happen; but you think, especially as a receiver, you run across there\u2014at any moment, life can change. That\u2019s what we\u2019re going to talk about today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes; we\u2019ve got a couple joining us today, Pat and Tammy McLeod, who know about how things can change, firsthand. Pat and Tammy, welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat and Tammy:<\/strong> Thank you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> These are fellow Cru<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> staff. For those who aren\u2019t aware, FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> is part of Cru\/ Campus Crusade for Christ<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. Pat and Tammy live in the Boston, Massachusetts, area and have been doing ministry on the campus at [Eastern accent] Harvard; did I say that right? [Laughter] Harvard University for 20 years; is that right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> That\u2019s right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Great ministry that you guys do there. We are thrilled to be linked together with you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThey\u2019ve written a book together that is called <em>Hit Hard: One Family\u2019s Journey of Letting Go of What Was and Learning to Live Well with What Is<\/em>. The <em>What Was<\/em> and the <em>What Is<\/em> all relates to one play in a football game with your son; right? Did your son grow up loving football? Was that\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You were an athlete, so you were throwing the ball to him in the backyard when he was a kid; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Yes; he comes from a legacy of a football family, for sure\u2014his grandpa, his dad, his uncle\/my brother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did that make you nervous, Tammy?\u2014that he loved football and wanted to play?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> No; I didn\u2019t know it was dangerous. I knew\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You saw these guys collide and then hitting each other.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> She loved that; admit it! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> I knew they could break arms and legs, but I didn\u2019t know they could break brains; so I wasn\u2019t worried. I knew legs could be set and healed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow. When he was young and he was playing, he never had any problem? He was doing well; he was excelling. Take us to the game where everything changed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> We weren\u2019t there. We were at the first meeting of the year for our campus ministry. A girl came up behind me\u2014a Harvard student\u2014she had a very concerned look on her face. She said, \u201cYour son\u2019s trying to reach you.\u201d Our son\u2014our third child\/second son\u2014was at home, alone\u2014had been trying to reach us; he told us that. We had our phones tucked away in our backpacks.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs soon as I got on the phone, he practically screamed: \u201cDad! Why aren\u2019t you answering your phone? Zach\u2019s been hurt!\u201d There had been parents calling; there had been coaches calling. \u201cNow the hospital is calling. They said that he collapsed and is being airlifted to a hospital and will have to undergo emergency brain surgery.\u201d That\u2019s when I realized this was serious.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was a high school game?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> High school football game, yes. It was actually a scrimmage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It was a scrimmage, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What year was he, Tammy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Junior.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you get this information from your husband, or was your phone buzzing as well?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Yes; mine was buzzing, but they were both tucked away in our backpacks. Pat motioned me to come. He was on the phone talking to Nate as we were walking out the door.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> In those moments, my default is to believe the best. I\u2019m an optimist: \u201cOkay, he has to have surgery; everything\u2019s going to be okay. I think they can fix these things.\u201d What was your default in that moment? Were you\u2014both of you\u2014were you worried? Or were you thinking, \u201cThis was going to be okay\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> I was in probably a shock. Let me say this\u2014when you\u2019re the parent of an athlete, you\u2019re used to getting calls like this, telling you your son was hurt. Nate himself had broken his arm five times, so I wasn\u2019t immediately worried. When he said \u201cemergency brain surgery,\u201d I got very concerned; but he, also\u2014my son is somewhat dramatic. I thought this might be a little over the top, so I was taking this with a grain of salt.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we met with the doctor, and he said, \u201cYes, your son has suffered a brain injury; that this is going to require opening up his skull cap and removing a blood clot. This could result in death or a full recovery,\u201d that\u2019s when, I think, the numbness and the shock set in of: \u201cWhat\u2019s happening? What does this mean?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What did happen? How did this injury occur?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Pat and I have two different opinions on this. Zach was hit hard a week earlier. I think what happened was he was hit once, and this was probably second-impact syndrome. We didn\u2019t know what that was; we had never heard of it before. A person at Spalding Rehab told us about it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe, on the night of the scrimmage, had just intercepted a pass and scored a touchdown. Kids were jumping all over him in the end zone. Then, on the next play, when he was playing defense and tackling, he tackled, with four other people, the ball carrier. We kept rewinding the play; we watched it many, many times. It looked like a 3 on a scale of 0-10, a 10 being a hard hit. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt looked like nothing, basically. His head didn\u2019t hit the ground; his head didn\u2019t hit another player. His head didn\u2019t hit anything. I don\u2019t know what happened for sure, but I think he had second-impact syndrome. The first concussion that he probably had didn\u2019t heal, and then he got hit again; that\u2019s the danger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; that\u2019s an extreme danger.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> That\u2019s usually when the massive swelling happens, which is what happened to Zach, and why he had to have his skullcap removed because the swelling was too great.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You said you guys don\u2019t agree on that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know that we don\u2019t agree on that; I think it\u2019s possible. What I would say is that Zach\u2019s injury, in some ways, is a fluke. I think they happen in a lot of things, not just football. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe bigger concern I have about football these days is not these kinds of events, to be honest with you\u2014it\u2019s the sub-concussive events, and the accumulation of those over years of playing the game, that seem to be the cause of CTE, which is a debilitating reality in the lives of a lot of these former NFL players.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Go back to that moment in the hospital, where a doctor says to you, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to take off his skullcap and deal with a clot or he could die; or it could be full recovery.\u201d You\u2019re a mom; are you just paralyzed with fear at that point?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> The doctor did add one phrase\u2014he said, \u201c\u2026death, or full recovery, or anything in between.\u201d I never thought he would die, so I wasn\u2019t afraid that I would never see him again. But the strange phrase, \u201cor anything in between,\u201d made me really pause.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Zach\u2019s completely unconscious; he\u2019s unaware of any of what\u2019s going on. It was emergency surgery that they performed immediately? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was it a long surgery?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Four-and-a-half hours; right?\u2014four or five hours.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The doctors came out after surgery and told you what?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> This guy was not famous for his bedside manner. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, it doesn\u2019t sound like it: \u201cDeath or anything in between.\u201d I mean\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Yes, he basically said: \u201cWe did what we had to do. We took out the blood clot. We cauterized the vessels. Now we have to wait.\u201d And he said, \u201cDo you have any questions?\u201d We were like, \u201cI\u2019m sure we do, but I don\u2019t know what they are.\u201d Then he just bowed and left. A nurse came in, and he filled in the blanks\u2014and there were many of them\u2014saying that, for the next five days, they would have to monitor him. The brain could continue to swell for up to five days after an injury like this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe said: \u201cIf we can no longer control that brain swelling, we will have to go back in and remove the skullcap and put it away\u2014the bone flap\u2014in his abdomen for a period of several weeks so the brain can swell and then contract again. Once that\u2019s done, then they reattach it.\u201d Then he said\u2014and this was a haunting comment\u2014he said, \u201cYou should hope that that would never happen, because I\u2019ve never seen one who\u2019s undergone that process to have a full recovery.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As I read in your book, the brain didn\u2019t swell.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Well, they were managing it to the point where they thought they had it under control; they sent us home to sleep. That sleep was interrupted by a phone call\u2014that we were so dead asleep that we couldn\u2019t even hear it\u2014it wasn\u2019t until I overheard the automatic answering machine, in those days, that starts blaring out stuff. It was the nurse, saying: \u201cWe can no longer control the brain swelling. We\u2019re going to need to go back in and do the second operation.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI finally got to the phone right as she was winding up her message; and in a few moments, we were on our way back to the hospital.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> This was what, then, 24 hours?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> This was three days later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Three days later.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Tammy, what did you feel, going back to the hospital?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> I remembered what the nurse said; so I thought, \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to have \u2018anything in between.\u2019\u201d I didn\u2019t know what that meant.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Were you gripped with fear?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Yes; because of my relationship with Zach\u2014it was really close\u2014we prayed together every night for Zach\u2019s school. We sang worship songs together; he taught me most of the worship songs I know. We talked about what we\u2019re learning in Scripture together. I wondered, \u201cWill I be able to do anything I used to do with him, ever again?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You guys had an experience with Zach the summer prior to this, I believe, where you went to South Africa. Tell us about that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> We were, that summer, working with children who had disabilities in Africa in an AIDS orphanage and a home for children with disabilities. The disabilities were severe. They were physically staggering to observe. But once you got over that initial shock and began to connect with them, you realize that these are people. They reflect God\u2019s image, and you just have to give it some time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEach of us did; and within a day or two, we began to form these relationships that, by the end, were really amazing connections, including Zach. [Tearful] He had formed a real bond with a couple of kids. We were sharing a moment\u2014this was now back home, two weeks after the summer mission\u2014we were talking about these kids, reflecting on those moments, laughing at those fond memories. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tZach paused and said, [Tearful] \u201cDad, I wonder if God would have me become like one of them.\u201d I took the comment serious and looked at him and said, \u201cYou know, Zach, if something ever happened and you did, we would love you the same way we love those kids; right?\u201d He said, \u201cYes; yes, Dad, I know that.\u201d It was, literally, about two weeks from that day that we got the call.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSome of those thoughts were going through my mind, from beginning, for sure. I didn\u2019t even tell Tammy about that conversation until a few weeks after, partly because I didn\u2019t want to go there. I didn\u2019t want to think that that was even a possibility, that Zach would become permanently disabled.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Tammy, it sounds like Zach has always been remarkably close to the Lord.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Yes; he was, in his high school, known as someone who really loved God. People really loved him, because he treated people really well. You could see the love of God coming through to his schoolmates. When this tragedy happened, his school didn\u2019t understand it. They couldn\u2019t believe that something like this happened to the best kid in their school, in their opinion\u2014that\u2019s how they viewed him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would run by the school, and by the Charles River, just praying that the kids wouldn\u2019t turn away from God. Instead of getting angry with Him, that they would be drawn nearer to God through the whole process.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You\u2019re praying for these kids in that regard, but what about you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> What about me? I put on Zach\u2019s iPod and listened to all his songs as I ran by the river. Pat would be sitting <em>in<\/em> the hospital room. I couldn\u2019t find comfort there; so I left to get into sunlight, beauty, nature, the river\u2014and running, crying, and praying for Zach. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were you asking God: \u201cWhy?\u201d and \u201cWhat?\u201d and \u201cAre You even there?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Tammy:<\/strong> Actually, no. It sounds weird; but when I have seen other people suffer, I ask the \u201cWhy?\u201d question. But when it was <em>me<\/em> suffering, the thing that stood out to me most was God\u2019s nearness in suffering. That\u2019s all that I was thinking about. I don\u2019t think I would\u2019ve survived, actually, without a relationship with God. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJust reading the Psalms every day, letting them wash over me with God\u2019s truth and hope, was sustaining. I felt God speaking to me through the words of Scripture. Praying\u2014I could just fall on my face, on my bedroom floor, and cry out to God. I didn\u2019t even have to say any words; I could just cry before Him. The biggest thing that stood out to me was God\u2019s nearness in suffering.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Did you two handle it differently? Was it different for you, Pat?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Pat:<\/strong> That part was not different. In fact, people have often landed on this question of: \u201cHave you doubted your faith?\u201d and \u201cHow could you not?\u201d People were so surprised at both of our answers to that question being the same of: \u201cActually, no.\u201d I realized: \u201cI need to figure out how to answer this better, because they don\u2019t believe me when I say that.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I just tell people: \u201cListen, I have definitely had doubts about the existence of God in life, and doubts about my faith and certain beliefs that I hold; but not during this time. In fact, in some very surprising and unexpected ways, I felt like I experienced the greatest moments of connection to God and of conviction that there really is a God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s not the \u201cunmoved Mover\u201d of Aristotle\u2014this god, who really doesn\u2019t care. It\u2019s a crucified God; it\u2019s a God who has revealed Himself in Christ, as a God who has come into this world and suffered in order to save us from an eternity of suffering. Meeting God in that way was, for me, like bringing me deeper into my understanding, and comprehension, and experience of what the gospel is. It was different [than Tammy\u2019s] in that my focus was less on the Psalms and more on the Gospels\u2014the last quarter of each Gospel, which focuses on a suffering God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had to start thinking about the fact that life as you knew it was about to change in a very dramatic way. We\u2019re going to take time this week to go into what that story\u2019s been like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of us have hopes and dreams and expectations for our kids, for our own lives, for what life should be. Here was a moment where you weren\u2019t sure what the future was going to be, but it sure wasn\u2019t going to be what you thought it was going to be when you went to that first meeting on a Friday night with kids at Harvard for Cru. Now, all of a sudden, life was going to change in a very dramatic way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what I hear you guys saying, though, is that, in the moment where you are brought face to face with these things, God brings unexpected grace in that moment\/the grace you need for that moment that might not have been there for you prior to that moment. Now, that you need it, here\u2019s God saying, \u201cOkay; I know what you need.\u201d He pours it out; it\u2019s available to you in that moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Psalm 34:18 came to mind as you were speaking; because it says, \u201cThe Lord is close to the broken-hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.\u201d That\u2019s exactly what you were feeling, that crushed part of your spirit; yet, you felt his closeness. I think observers of pain and suffering can get angry with God. More often than not, I hear those that are <em>in it<\/em>, feel the closeness of God\/feel His peace that passes all understanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You guys reflect on this in the book, <em>Hit Hard<\/em>, which is subtitled<em>: One Family\u2019s Journey of Letting Go of What Was and Learning to Live Well with What Is<\/em>. We have copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Our listeners can go online at FamilyLifeToday.com to get a copy. You may know somebody who has experienced this in their family or something similar; get them a copy of this book; let them read Pat and Tammy\u2019s story. I think they\u2019ll find hope and encouragement; but they\u2019ll also go: \u201cYes, we\u2019ve been there. We\u2019ve experienced what you guys have experienced.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo online at FamilyLifeToday.com to order a copy of the book, <em>Hit Hard<\/em>; or call us at 1-800-358-6329 to order your copy. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. Our toll-free number is 1-800-FL-TODAY\u20141-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d Ask about the book, <em>Hit Hard<\/em>, when you get in touch with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen couples go through this kind of an experience in their family, it can often lead to isolation in a marriage\/put a strain on a marriage relationship. Here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, our goal is to help strengthen marriages so that, when these times come along, you are spiritually ready for them; and as you go through them, you are able to find the help and the strength that you need in the midst of these kinds of trials. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve looked, over the years, at: \u201cWhat are the factors that lead some marriages to persevere and to endure, even in the face of hard times?\u201d and \u201cWhat are the things that cause other marriages to erode when things like this hit?\u201d On our website at FamilyLifeToday.com, we have an assessment that a couple can take together. It\u2019s called the \u201cLove that Lasts\u201d marriage health assessment. You answer a few questions, and it can help you see how ready your marriage is for some of the challenges that you may face. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re encouraging listeners to go to FamilyLifeToday.com and take this assessment. In the areas, where your marriage could use some help, we can provide articles and resources\u2014encouragement. That\u2019s our mission, here at FamilyLife\u2014is to help effectively develop godly marriages and families. This assessment is one way we can help you analyze how your marriage is doing, then we can provide you with resources to help strengthen those areas that may be weak.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, you\u2019ll find the \u201cLove that Lasts\u201d marriage health assessment on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. It\u2019s free to take. I just want to encourage you to spend a few minutes and ask the question, \u201cHow are we doing?\u201d and see how the assessment helps you answer that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI also hope you can be back with us again tomorrow when we\u2019re going to continue our conversation with Pat and Tammy McLeod, talking about the \u201cnew normal\u201d for their family after Zach\u2019s injury and how all of them have had to adjust to that and adjust to it differently\u2014and about coping with what you guys describe as \u201cambiguous loss.\u201d I hope our listeners can tune in for all of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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