{"id":305660,"date":"2020-01-02T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2020-01-02T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/christ-focused-parenting\/"},"modified":"2020-01-02T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2020-01-02T11:00:04","slug":"christ-focused-parenting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/christ-focused-parenting\/","title":{"rendered":"Christ-Focused Parenting"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Pastor Rob Green and his wife, Stephanie encourage moms and dads to prepare themselves spiritually for the changes that will take place with the arrival of their newborn.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-01-02.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:27:06","filesize":"24.81M","filesize_raw":"26020266","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10361,2881],"tags":[6811],"podcast_series":[8327],"cwp_profile":[9557,9546],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305660","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-busyness-and-stress","category-young-children","tag-first-time-parents","podcast_series-tying-their-shoes","cwp_profile-rob-green","cwp_profile-stephanie-green","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305660\/christ-focused-parenting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305660\/christ-focused-parenting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"YvSoof2iV1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/christ-focused-parenting\/\">Christ-Focused Parenting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/christ-focused-parenting\/embed\/#?secret=YvSoof2iV1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Christ-Focused Parenting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"YvSoof2iV1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-01-02.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-01-02.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Being a first-time mom\/a new mom can be surprising; it takes some adjustments. Stephanie Green says it can be <em>exhausting<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie: <\/strong>Especially those first six weeks when you\u2019re home, there is a vicious little cycle going on. You are feeding the baby, which can take up to 40 minutes; then, you\u2019re dealing with blowouts [Laughter] after the feeding; then, you have to have them awake for a little bit of time; then they fall asleep for maybe a few minutes. Then it\u2019s time to start the whole cycle over again. For those first six weeks especially, your husband can get neglected in those weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can always find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What does it look like for a new mom and dad to, together, walk closely with Jesus during the first weeks and months of being parents? We\u2019re going to talk about that today with Rob and Stephanie Green. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I have to tell you two stories; okay? Story number one\u2014this is the fall of 1980. I was at work, working at a radio station in Oklahoma. I was working there in the middle of the day; it\u2019s ten o\u2019clock in the morning. I look out the window; and I see my wife, pull in the parking lot, in her nursing uniform. She\u2019s supposed to be a work; she\u2019s pulled up at the radio station. She walks in in her nursing uniform.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt first, I\u2019m thinking that something\u2019s wrong, but she\u2019s <em>smiling<\/em> as she\u2019s coming into the radio station. I go, \u201cWhat is she doing here in the middle of the day, and she\u2019s smiling?\u201d Do you know why she was coming? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She was going to tell you that you\u2019re expecting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We were expecting our first baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s fun!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She comes to work; she comes in. I remember the <em>beam<\/em> on her face! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She just couldn\u2019t wait! She had to come to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t even know she was going to the doctor! I knew <em>nothing<\/em>; this was all fresh news to me: \u201cWe\u2019re having a baby.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, let me jump ahead 13 years. We\u2019re both wondering if maybe she\u2019s pregnant with number five. I\u2019m going, \u201cDo you think you\u2019re pregnant?\u201d I think she\u2019s maybe a week or two past her date: \u201cDo you think maybe you\u2019re pregnant?\u201d She thought, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d We were at Sam\u2019s Wholesale Club<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I said, \u201cBuy one of these pregnancy kits, and we\u2019ll use it when we get home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe got it; we thought, \u201cWhy wait \u2018til we get home?\u201d She went in the bathroom at Sam\u2019s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Come on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014at Sam\u2019s?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014at Sam\u2019s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Come on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She walks out of the bathroom at Sam\u2019s, looking at me, nodding her head. I remember telling my mom, who was like, \u201cYou\u2019re having <em>another<\/em> baby?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a couple joining us today, who have come together to help every mom and dad, who are in that stage from the two lines being blue on the kit to when you bring the baby home, and you start to adjust to new life. Like marriage, family changes when you bring home your first baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRob and Stephanie Green join us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Guys, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rob and Stephanie live in Lafayette, Indiana. Rob\u2019s on the staff at Faith Church there. Stephanie\u2019s a stay-at-home mom. She\u2019s a mentor to other moms. Together, they\u2019ve written this book called <em>Tying Their Shoes: a Christ-Centered Approach to Preparing for Parenting.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you remember, Stephanie, when you found out you were pregnant for the first time? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Absolutely, yes. It had taken us quite awhile to get pregnant, so I\u2019ll never forget when I first found out. It was wonderful, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So once you got the news, Rob, do you remember your wife telling you that you were going to be a daddy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I don\u2019t remember the exact moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can I point this out? She has very clear memories; he\u2019s like, \u201cYes, I kind of remember that happening.\u201d That\u2019s pretty typical; right? That a woman\u2014this is a fulfillment of a dream for her more than it is for the husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let me ask: Rob, do you remember the <em>birth<\/em>? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I do remember the birth. Oh, do I remember the birth! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, yes. That\u2019s a whole different experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve written a book to try to help couples get ready for the adjustment. What is the thing that you think most couples don\u2019t stop and take into account when they\u2019re expecting a baby?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>I think the most important thing is to prepare yourself spiritually. There are <em>tons<\/em> of resources out there to help you prepare, physically, for that experience. Many times\u2014one of the first things we did was go out and buy the book, <em>What to Expect When You\u2019re Expecting.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Didn\u2019t we all buy that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> All of us bought that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> One of the reasons is\u2014you experience things, physically, that you\u2019ve never experienced before; and you want to know the things that are a big deal and the things that aren\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of the challenge is\u2014we don\u2019t prepare, spiritually, for the fact that your life is about to <em>significantly<\/em> change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you sat down with me and said, \u201cYou need to prepare, spiritually, for having a baby,\u201d I\u2019d look at you and go, \u201cWhat are you even talking about?\u2014prepare, spiritually, for having a baby?\u201d What are the core components of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> One of the things we wanted to try to address is the issue of identity. You\u2019re going to have somewhat of a different identity in the sense that you\u2019re now a mom, or you\u2019re now a dad. People are going to talk to you, and they\u2019re going to want to see your baby. They\u2019re going to want to hear about what things your baby is doing, but that doesn\u2019t change the core identity of who you are in Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Is that what you mean when you talk about many parents have an identity crisis after the baby\u2019s born? What does that mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It means they\u2019re struggling to adopt their same identity of who they are in Christ; and they have now been <em>consumed<\/em> by all of the new, and <em>wonderful<\/em>, changes that a baby brings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember wrestling with any identity issues; or did you, Stephanie, feel like, \u201cI\u2019m secure in who I am in Christ, and that\u2019s at the core of what I\u2019m doing\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think I struggled with identity issues. I mean, it was a new identity\u2014I\u2019m now a mom. Those first few weeks of being a mom is a big deal, because it\u2019s so time-consuming; but I don\u2019t remember struggling with my identity in Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Even before you become a mom, when a woman finds out that she\u2019s expecting a baby, that takes <em>all<\/em> of her thinking. I remember, with Mary Ann\u2014when she was pregnant for the first time\u2014not just <em>What to Expect When You\u2019re Expecting<\/em>, which you read, and highlight, and underline\u2014but now, everything starts to change, in terms of nutrition: \u201cI\u2019m taking care of my body,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m trying to do this.\u201d There\u2019s not a whole lot of time that goes by when you\u2019re not thinking, \u201cI\u2019m in a very different spot than I was before I knew I was pregnant.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> For dads, it\u2019s not quite the same.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to ask you guys\u2014what\u2019s the identity crisis for <em>men<\/em>? Do you guys go through a transition?\u2014because I know we do, as women; because our life is turned upside down. Do men experience that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think the fact that we\u2019re not biologically bearing the child\/carrying that baby inside of us, I think it\u2019s a very different experience for husbands and dads. I don\u2019t know. What was your experience with it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The first thought that came to me was\u2014I remember a loss of identity in terms of being Ann\u2019s husband. Here\u2019s what I felt\u2014I felt like, \u201cNow a child is more important in this home than I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oops.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was this even before the baby was born?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I sensed it as months sixth, seventh, eighth; you know. Then after we had children\u2014it was a struggle for me\u2014because I was like, \u201cYou give them <em>everything<\/em>, and I get the leftovers.\u201d We had this discussion. In fact, her dad, at one time, said it to her. Do you remember this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thanks for bringing this back up. [Laughter] Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You don\u2019t have to talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No; I\u2019m happy to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember it like it was yesterday. I was like high-fiving the guy. We had never talked about it, but her dad sort of pointed out\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We were eating dinner. My dad, as we were eating\u2014our kids were babies and little\u2014he said, \u201cBoy! It must be nice to be one of your kids.\u201d I said, \u201cYes; I think that\u2019s nice of you.\u201d He goes: \u201cPoor Dave!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cYou treat your kids way better than you treat Dave.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I look over; I\u2019m not kidding\u2014like: \u201cWow! [Laughter] Somebody else sees what I feel.\u201d \u201cThanks, Dad!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the identity thing is so important; it\u2019s Chapter One in your book, so obviously, you think it\u2019s important, too. What we see parents do\u2014and I\u2019m not saying I haven\u2019t done this\u2014is that they find their identity now in their children, especially as they get seven\/eight\u2014they get into sports, or they\u2019re good at something else\u2014you find your identity in <em>them<\/em>. You don\u2019t even realize you\u2019ve sort of <em>lost<\/em> yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> God\u2019s just awakened a mother\u2019s heart in you; and this is a whole new dimension of love, and caring, and nurturing. That can pretty soon overwhelm all of your heart\u2014that\u2019s where your focus is. You go on to talk, in the book, about the priority of the marriage relationship and why this needs to be so important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStephanie, talk about the challenge of feeling so drawn to the dependent needs of a child, and your husband can make a sandwich for himself; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>Hopefully!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Hopefully. [Laughter] It\u2019s challenging because\u2014especially, I think through those first six weeks when you\u2019re home. There is a vicious little cycle going on. You are feeding the baby, which can take up to 40 minutes; then, you\u2019re dealing with blowouts [Laughter] after the feeding; then, you have to have them awake for a little bit of time; then they fall asleep for maybe a few minutes. Then it\u2019s time to start the whole cycle over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor those first six weeks especially, and sometimes it\u2019s even longer than that, you feel like your whole life is caring for the needs of the baby. That\u2019s fine; you kind of have to; but, yes, your husband can get neglected in those weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember feeling your heart drawn away from Rob and drawn toward your love for this helpless, dependent baby?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t remember that, but that could be in part because our lives were so crazy at that point. He was a full-time student; he worked full-time\/traveled. We had this child; so I was trying to take care of the child, so that he didn\u2019t have to do all that stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I can remember feeling overwhelmed by the demands of a baby and children; so when Dave\u2014I could feel Dave pressing in, like, \u201cWhat about me?\u201d I\u2019m feeling like: \u201cAre you kidding? I have nothing left!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou [Stephanie] felt like that, too. I think that\u2019s typical for women\u2014of even figuring out: \u201cWho am I? Am I <em>just<\/em> a mom now? How do I walk with Jesus in the midst of this demanding life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rob, were you feeling neglected at all from Stephanie? Do you remember, when you had your baby?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I think there were definitely times that I felt like there the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014like you have been dethroned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019d get what\u2019s left over after everything else. That\u2019s one of the reasons why this identity issue is so important, because it can be sneaky. It just consumes you without you realizing it. What happens is\u2014you start responding out of your new identity as opposed to who you are in Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou start reminding yourself of the truths: that I have security in Christ, that I\u2019m loved by Christ, and I\u2019m strengthened by Christ; as a result of that, then I can respond differently to these situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember this. The doctor told us, after our first child was born, that we should wait to come together in marriage for six weeks. We went back for a six-week checkup, and the doctor said, \u201cHow has intimacy been?\u201d We said, \u201cIt hasn\u2019t been six weeks yet.\u201d The doctor said, \u201cOh, you did that?\u201d [Laughter] I was like: \u201cWait a sec! Wait just a second! You told me I had to! That\u2019s why I did that!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a part of the adjustment that takes place\u2014the separation that can happen between a husband and a wife. Marital relations are on hold for a little while. Even when you re-engage, as a couple, a wife is in a very different place with her body at that point. That can be a hard adjustment for couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Yes, I totally agree with that. It\u2019s one of the reasons we thought it was important to address that subject; because there are a lot of things that change, sexually, prior to a baby and after a baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if I don\u2019t have who I am in Christ solidified\/if I don\u2019t believe that Christ is giving me everything I need in order to love, and give, and serve others\u2014my wife included\u2014then those moments are going to be frustrating. Or think about\u2014let\u2019s say you\u2019re past the six-week period. Here you are\u2014you\u2019re ready to have intimacy; and literally, right at the time you\u2019re ready to have intimacy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie: <\/strong>\u2014your baby cries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>\u2014your baby starts screaming. [Laughter] All of a sudden, that\u2019s the end of that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>You\u2019re just like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> \u2014because Mama has to go get him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> \u201cAre you serious?!\u201d [Laughter] You go have a conversation with your child\u2014like, \u201cDude, I love the fire out of you, but you are jamming me up bad right now.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> At six weeks, he\u2019s looking up and smiling; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You have two chapters out of twelve in this book on <em>parenting<\/em>; right?\u2014<em>Tying Your Shoes<\/em>\u2014about your marriage. One of them is \u201cSexual Intimacy,\u201d but the other one\u2019s \u201cPrioritizing Your Marriage.\u201d\u00a0 How does a couple put their marriage first when they\u2019ve got little babies, or little kids, or teenagers at home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> One of the things I would encourage all parents to do is take advantage of the little moments. You have to be creative, because you\u2019re not going to get a window every day that\u2019s the same. One thing that Rob and I worked at doing was, even as our kids got older, was: \u201cHey, it\u2019s Sunday night. You all are going to your rooms early, so just go.\u201d Or we would make sure that the babies got in\u2014got their feeding done, got their diaper changed, and they were in bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, one of us would run out to the local Dairy Queen, or wherever, and get some milkshakes, and head back home; sit on the couch and just enjoy talking to each other while having our ice cream. We love ice cream at our house, so that was a go-to; or just sit and watch a movie. Just spend time with one another, communicating with one another, catching up with one another throughout the week\u2014just enjoying a little date at home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the problems that some people have is expectations. They expect that they have to go out somewhere once a week\/every week. You don\u2019t have to do that; you can be creative and do things at home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were there ever times when that date night would come around, and you\u2019d go: \u201cWhat I\u2019d like is sleep\u2014not milkshake\/not movie. I\u2019m tired; the best thing for me would be let me go to bed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you fight that?\u2014or did you say, \u201cThat\u2019s really what I need tonight, and we\u2019ll have a date night later.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> That\u2019s where communication has to be key. No, I didn\u2019t fight it. What would happen is\u2014we\u2019d turn on a movie\u2014and it still happens some\u2014ten minutes in\u2014I\u2019m out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019re asleep; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> So, it doesn\u2019t really matter; the thing that\u2019s important is just to communicate that: \u201cHey, babe, I appreciate the fact that you want to make this a priority\u2014spending time with me\u2014but right now, I\u2019m so tired that it\u2019s not going to matter. I\u2019m going to fall asleep once the movie starts,\u201d or \u201cI might even fall asleep while we\u2019re talking.\u201d That\u2019s where you have to communicate with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, as ladies, sometimes, think that our husbands can read our minds; but they can\u2019t! We have to communicate that to them and work that out, whatever it looks like. Usually, it\u2019s Rob saying: \u201cHoney, go to bed. You need some sleep.\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s really making a <em>choice<\/em> to put your marriage first. I know, for me, it was hard for me to even sit down at the end of the day; because I\u2019ve got a million things to do. You\u2019re saying, \u201cOur marriage matters, and I\u2019m going to let those things go,\u201d\u2014the demands of the house, or whatever needs to be done\u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to <em>choose<\/em> to make this a priority.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRob, did that mean a lot to you\u2014that Stephanie would take that time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Absolutely. I think it has to go both ways. In other words, one of the ways we encourage each other is we know what each other would find helpful in that moment. One moment, it might be go grab milkshakes, have a nice date on the couch. Then, a different night might be, \u201cGo to bed; because it\u2019s been a rough week.\u201d There can be variation and adjustment. Learning to talk, and to read one another through those lenses, is a desire to serve.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I also found\u2014and tell me if this is true in your home\u2014that sometimes, I needed to get her <em>out<\/em> of the house; because the home was an extension of her. Sitting on the couch, she couldn\u2019t disconnect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d go to a restaurant, and I\u2019d get the sitter. I\u2019d kind of make it happen. Again, this isn\u2019t every time that\u2019s the only way we would date. Sometimes\u2014I\u2019ll be honest\u2014when we\u2019d be sitting there at that restaurant\u2014she\u2019s not there for 45 minutes\u2014she\u2019s sitting right across from me; we\u2019re talking; and her brain Is still with those children, because they\u2019re an extension of her. About 35 minutes in, I\u2019d say, \u201cOh, you\u2019re here!\u201d It wouldn\u2019t be a long date\u2014there was no movie; there was not enough time for that; there was not enough <em>money<\/em> for that\u2014paying a sitter and going out. It was like an hour-and-a-half; we\u2019d go back, and it was like a breath of fresh air. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are all kinds of ways to date; right? But it was the key, like you say in your book: \u201cPrioritize it; make this important.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Yes; you know, we have to remember that, as husband and wife, that\u2019s the permanent relationship in this family unit. The children?\u2014they\u2019re great; we love them, but they\u2019re temporary. They\u2019re going to, one day, grow up and be out of the house. What are we going to do then? If we\u2019re not nurturing that marriage, throughout our children being there, then we\u2019re going to have some trouble once they all grow up and head out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think the important thing we\u2019re talking about here is\u2014if you\u2019re in the stage, where the child has not arrived yet: you\u2019re pregnant; you\u2019re expecting; you\u2019re excited\u2014you need to be aware\u2014go into this with your eyes wide open\u2014\u201cLife\u2019s about to change for both of you. Your relationship is about to experience some adjustments,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s just going to be a reality; the demands are going to be different than they were before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe aware of the fact that it\u2019s going to be <em>decades<\/em> before you go back to it\u2019s just the two of you, and you can make up your own schedule. If you want to go out on a Tuesday night to see a movie, you don\u2019t have to ask anybody; and you don\u2019t have to get a sitter. It\u2019s going to be a long time before those days come back. Be aware of that; embrace that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what\u2019s not going to change\u2014and it\u2019s at the core of your book\u2014your relationship with Christ is not going to change. Now the question is: \u201cHow does <em>that<\/em> drive the new priorities that are in front of us in our family? How does Christ empower me to do what He would have me do in this situation as we welcome a baby into our home and into our family, and as we make those adjustments?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The question I get more often than anything else from young moms is: \u201cI want to\u00a0 keep Jesus as the center of my life. I have no idea how to do that anymore with these babies in my house.\u201d What\u2019s your encouragement to moms?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> That\u2019s a really good question. I remember being in those shoes. I remember several times, during naptime\u2014I would try to take advantage of naptime; but sometimes, as a new mom, you need to nap during naptime. That\u2019s okay. I remember trying to do my study of the Word during naptime; and oftentimes, I would wake up, a half-hour later, after praying through my list of people\u2014probably didn\u2019t make it very far\u2014or reading my passage, I would fall asleep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTaking advantage of the moments you do have\u2014it doesn\u2019t have to be, \u201cOkay; I have to read ten chapters of my Bible today to be spiritual.\u201d Take a couple of verses; meditate on God\u2019s Word. Use feedings in the middle of the night to pray for your friends or to pray for your family. Use that time to listen to an audio Bible or a podcast. Being creative and taking those little moments, throughout your day, meditating and just thinking on the Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>If I could add one thing to \u201cHow do you build your marriage with Christ at the center?\u201d\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cBe gracious in hard moments.\u201d Neither you nor your spouse really know what you\u2019re doing. You have a baby for the first time; yes, you have some ideas\u2014I mean, you have the basics: \u201cI have to change them; I have to feed them; I have to clothe them,\u201d \u2014I got the basics. But how that looks, on a day-to-day basis, can be challenging. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are moments when you don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> what\u2019s going on until you learn your baby\u2019s cries\u2014if there\u2019s a cry: \u201cBoy, this is a painful cry,\u201d or if this is a cry, \u201cI\u2019m just up. I\u2019m just talking to myself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m just letting you know I\u2019m here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m just letting you know I\u2019m here.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cI\u2019m having a good ol\u2019 time, chatting with myself. I\u2019m all good.\u201d Learning to be gracious with one another in the unknown.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of the passage that teaches us all that love overlooks a multitude of sins. That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying: \u201cLet\u2019s give each other a <em>ton<\/em> of grace in these times of adjustment. Let\u2019s assume the best. Let\u2019s believe the best about one another. We\u2019re both dealing with modifications in life\/stuff we weren\u2019t prepared for. This is a new chapter. We\u2019re figuring it out. Let\u2019s make sure we stay on the same page\u2014that we\u2019re still committed to one another. We\u2019re still giving each other a ton of grace,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a great word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of how helpful it would be for a couple, in the pregnancy season, to get a copy of your book, <em>Tying Their Shoes<\/em>, and to read through it together to get ready for what is coming. We\u2019ve got copies of Rob and Stephanie Green\u2019s book, <em>Tying Their Shoes: a Christ-Centered Approach to Preparing for Parenting.<\/em> You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy. Again, the title of the book is <em>Tying Their Shoes: a Christ-Centered Approach to Preparing for Parenting.<\/em> Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention our <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series that\u2019s available. This is a <em>great<\/em> video series for couples to go through when you\u2019re expecting a baby\/ after you\u2019ve just had a baby. If you\u2019ve got teenagers, it\u2019s a great series to go through, as moms and dads, of teens. And go though it with other couples; you\u2019ll find that that is <em>so<\/em> helpful. Again, find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, with the start of a brand-new year, we\u2019ve got something pretty exciting to share with you guys. We want to see more and more people, and more and more families, engaging with God\u2019s Word in the new year. With that in mind, our friends at Logos Bible Software have agreed: \u201cWe\u2019re going to be giving, to anyone who requests it, the Logos Bible Software platform with a library of more than $2,000 worth of Logos resources and books available. We\u2019re doing that for free.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do is go to our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, and click the link that you find there, and request it. You\u2019ll get the download key, and you can add that on to your computer\u2014not just your computer\u2014you can add it onto your mobile devices as well, because Logos works that way. I use Logos <em>all the time<\/em>; I love it! It\u2019s our gift to you; go to FamilyLifeToday.com; click the link you find there for Logos Bible Software and get the Logos system and a library of books for free to start out the new year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about, among other things, how you get rest as new parents\u2014not just physical rest\u2014but: \u201cHow do you get rest for your soul\/spiritual rest in the early days of parenting?\u201d Rob and Stephanie will be back with us, again, tomorrow. We hope you can be back with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:27:06"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.81M"],"filesize_raw":["26020266"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305660.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305660.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Rob Green and his wife, Stephanie encourage moms and dads to prepare themselves spiritually for the changes that will take place with the arrival of their newborn.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2020-01-02.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Being a first-time mom\/a new mom can be surprising; it takes some adjustments. Stephanie Green says it can be <em>exhausting<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie: <\/strong>Especially those first six weeks when you\u2019re home, there is a vicious little cycle going on. You are feeding the baby, which can take up to 40 minutes; then, you\u2019re dealing with blowouts [Laughter] after the feeding; then, you have to have them awake for a little bit of time; then they fall asleep for maybe a few minutes. Then it\u2019s time to start the whole cycle over again. For those first six weeks especially, your husband can get neglected in those weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, January 2<sup>nd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You can always find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. What does it look like for a new mom and dad to, together, walk closely with Jesus during the first weeks and months of being parents? We\u2019re going to talk about that today with Rob and Stephanie Green. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I have to tell you two stories; okay? Story number one\u2014this is the fall of 1980. I was at work, working at a radio station in Oklahoma. I was working there in the middle of the day; it\u2019s ten o\u2019clock in the morning. I look out the window; and I see my wife, pull in the parking lot, in her nursing uniform. She\u2019s supposed to be a work; she\u2019s pulled up at the radio station. She walks in in her nursing uniform.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt first, I\u2019m thinking that something\u2019s wrong, but she\u2019s <em>smiling<\/em> as she\u2019s coming into the radio station. I go, \u201cWhat is she doing here in the middle of the day, and she\u2019s smiling?\u201d Do you know why she was coming? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She was going to tell you that you\u2019re expecting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We were expecting our first baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>That\u2019s fun!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She comes to work; she comes in. I remember the <em>beam<\/em> on her face! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She just couldn\u2019t wait! She had to come to you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I didn\u2019t even know she was going to the doctor! I knew <em>nothing<\/em>; this was all fresh news to me: \u201cWe\u2019re having a baby.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Wow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Now, let me jump ahead 13 years. We\u2019re both wondering if maybe she\u2019s pregnant with number five. I\u2019m going, \u201cDo you think you\u2019re pregnant?\u201d I think she\u2019s maybe a week or two past her date: \u201cDo you think maybe you\u2019re pregnant?\u201d She thought, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d We were at Sam\u2019s Wholesale Club<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. I said, \u201cBuy one of these pregnancy kits, and we\u2019ll use it when we get home.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe got it; we thought, \u201cWhy wait \u2018til we get home?\u201d She went in the bathroom at Sam\u2019s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Come on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014at Sam\u2019s?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014at Sam\u2019s.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Come on!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>She walks out of the bathroom at Sam\u2019s, looking at me, nodding her head. I remember telling my mom, who was like, \u201cYou\u2019re having <em>another<\/em> baby?\u201d [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got a couple joining us today, who have come together to help every mom and dad, who are in that stage from the two lines being blue on the kit to when you bring the baby home, and you start to adjust to new life. Like marriage, family changes when you bring home your first baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRob and Stephanie Green join us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Guys, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It\u2019s good to be here.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rob and Stephanie live in Lafayette, Indiana. Rob\u2019s on the staff at Faith Church there. Stephanie\u2019s a stay-at-home mom. She\u2019s a mentor to other moms. Together, they\u2019ve written this book called <em>Tying Their Shoes: a Christ-Centered Approach to Preparing for Parenting.<\/em> \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDo you remember, Stephanie, when you found out you were pregnant for the first time? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Absolutely, yes. It had taken us quite awhile to get pregnant, so I\u2019ll never forget when I first found out. It was wonderful, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So once you got the news, Rob, do you remember your wife telling you that you were going to be a daddy?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I don\u2019t remember the exact moment.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Can I point this out? She has very clear memories; he\u2019s like, \u201cYes, I kind of remember that happening.\u201d That\u2019s pretty typical; right? That a woman\u2014this is a fulfillment of a dream for her more than it is for the husband.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let me ask: Rob, do you remember the <em>birth<\/em>? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I do remember the birth. Oh, do I remember the birth! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes, yes. That\u2019s a whole different experience. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou\u2019ve written a book to try to help couples get ready for the adjustment. What is the thing that you think most couples don\u2019t stop and take into account when they\u2019re expecting a baby?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>I think the most important thing is to prepare yourself spiritually. There are <em>tons<\/em> of resources out there to help you prepare, physically, for that experience. Many times\u2014one of the first things we did was go out and buy the book, <em>What to Expect When You\u2019re Expecting.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Didn\u2019t we all buy that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> All of us bought that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Sure; right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> One of the reasons is\u2014you experience things, physically, that you\u2019ve never experienced before; and you want to know the things that are a big deal and the things that aren\u2019t. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPart of the challenge is\u2014we don\u2019t prepare, spiritually, for the fact that your life is about to <em>significantly<\/em> change.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> If you sat down with me and said, \u201cYou need to prepare, spiritually, for having a baby,\u201d I\u2019d look at you and go, \u201cWhat are you even talking about?\u2014prepare, spiritually, for having a baby?\u201d What are the core components of that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> One of the things we wanted to try to address is the issue of identity. You\u2019re going to have somewhat of a different identity in the sense that you\u2019re now a mom, or you\u2019re now a dad. People are going to talk to you, and they\u2019re going to want to see your baby. They\u2019re going to want to hear about what things your baby is doing, but that doesn\u2019t change the core identity of who you are in Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Is that what you mean when you talk about many parents have an identity crisis after the baby\u2019s born? What does that mean?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> It means they\u2019re struggling to adopt their same identity of who they are in Christ; and they have now been <em>consumed<\/em> by all of the new, and <em>wonderful<\/em>, changes that a baby brings. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember wrestling with any identity issues; or did you, Stephanie, feel like, \u201cI\u2019m secure in who I am in Christ, and that\u2019s at the core of what I\u2019m doing\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think I struggled with identity issues. I mean, it was a new identity\u2014I\u2019m now a mom. Those first few weeks of being a mom is a big deal, because it\u2019s so time-consuming; but I don\u2019t remember struggling with my identity in Christ.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Even before you become a mom, when a woman finds out that she\u2019s expecting a baby, that takes <em>all<\/em> of her thinking. I remember, with Mary Ann\u2014when she was pregnant for the first time\u2014not just <em>What to Expect When You\u2019re Expecting<\/em>, which you read, and highlight, and underline\u2014but now, everything starts to change, in terms of nutrition: \u201cI\u2019m taking care of my body,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m trying to do this.\u201d There\u2019s not a whole lot of time that goes by when you\u2019re not thinking, \u201cI\u2019m in a very different spot than I was before I knew I was pregnant.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> For dads, it\u2019s not quite the same.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to ask you guys\u2014what\u2019s the identity crisis for <em>men<\/em>? Do you guys go through a transition?\u2014because I know we do, as women; because our life is turned upside down. Do men experience that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think the fact that we\u2019re not biologically bearing the child\/carrying that baby inside of us, I think it\u2019s a very different experience for husbands and dads. I don\u2019t know. What was your experience with it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The first thought that came to me was\u2014I remember a loss of identity in terms of being Ann\u2019s husband. Here\u2019s what I felt\u2014I felt like, \u201cNow a child is more important in this home than I am.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Oops.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Was this even before the baby was born?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I sensed it as months sixth, seventh, eighth; you know. Then after we had children\u2014it was a struggle for me\u2014because I was like, \u201cYou give them <em>everything<\/em>, and I get the leftovers.\u201d We had this discussion. In fact, her dad, at one time, said it to her. Do you remember this?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Thanks for bringing this back up. [Laughter] Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You don\u2019t have to talk about it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> No; I\u2019m happy to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I remember it like it was yesterday. I was like high-fiving the guy. We had never talked about it, but her dad sort of pointed out\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We were eating dinner. My dad, as we were eating\u2014our kids were babies and little\u2014he said, \u201cBoy! It must be nice to be one of your kids.\u201d I said, \u201cYes; I think that\u2019s nice of you.\u201d He goes: \u201cPoor Dave!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Wow!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cYou treat your kids way better than you treat Dave.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I look over; I\u2019m not kidding\u2014like: \u201cWow! [Laughter] Somebody else sees what I feel.\u201d \u201cThanks, Dad!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think the identity thing is so important; it\u2019s Chapter One in your book, so obviously, you think it\u2019s important, too. What we see parents do\u2014and I\u2019m not saying I haven\u2019t done this\u2014is that they find their identity now in their children, especially as they get seven\/eight\u2014they get into sports, or they\u2019re good at something else\u2014you find your identity in <em>them<\/em>. You don\u2019t even realize you\u2019ve sort of <em>lost<\/em> yourself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> God\u2019s just awakened a mother\u2019s heart in you; and this is a whole new dimension of love, and caring, and nurturing. That can pretty soon overwhelm all of your heart\u2014that\u2019s where your focus is. You go on to talk, in the book, about the priority of the marriage relationship and why this needs to be so important. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tStephanie, talk about the challenge of feeling so drawn to the dependent needs of a child, and your husband can make a sandwich for himself; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>Hopefully!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Hopefully. [Laughter] It\u2019s challenging because\u2014especially, I think through those first six weeks when you\u2019re home. There is a vicious little cycle going on. You are feeding the baby, which can take up to 40 minutes; then, you\u2019re dealing with blowouts [Laughter] after the feeding; then, you have to have them awake for a little bit of time; then they fall asleep for maybe a few minutes. Then it\u2019s time to start the whole cycle over again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor those first six weeks especially, and sometimes it\u2019s even longer than that, you feel like your whole life is caring for the needs of the baby. That\u2019s fine; you kind of have to; but, yes, your husband can get neglected in those weeks. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Do you remember feeling your heart drawn away from Rob and drawn toward your love for this helpless, dependent baby?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> I don\u2019t remember that, but that could be in part because our lives were so crazy at that point. He was a full-time student; he worked full-time\/traveled. We had this child; so I was trying to take care of the child, so that he didn\u2019t have to do all that stuff.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I can remember feeling overwhelmed by the demands of a baby and children; so when Dave\u2014I could feel Dave pressing in, like, \u201cWhat about me?\u201d I\u2019m feeling like: \u201cAre you kidding? I have nothing left!\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou [Stephanie] felt like that, too. I think that\u2019s typical for women\u2014of even figuring out: \u201cWho am I? Am I <em>just<\/em> a mom now? How do I walk with Jesus in the midst of this demanding life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Rob, were you feeling neglected at all from Stephanie? Do you remember, when you had your baby?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> I think there were definitely times that I felt like there the\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014like you have been dethroned. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Yes; I\u2019d get what\u2019s left over after everything else. That\u2019s one of the reasons why this identity issue is so important, because it can be sneaky. It just consumes you without you realizing it. What happens is\u2014you start responding out of your new identity as opposed to who you are in Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou start reminding yourself of the truths: that I have security in Christ, that I\u2019m loved by Christ, and I\u2019m strengthened by Christ; as a result of that, then I can respond differently to these situations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I remember this. The doctor told us, after our first child was born, that we should wait to come together in marriage for six weeks. We went back for a six-week checkup, and the doctor said, \u201cHow has intimacy been?\u201d We said, \u201cIt hasn\u2019t been six weeks yet.\u201d The doctor said, \u201cOh, you did that?\u201d [Laughter] I was like: \u201cWait a sec! Wait just a second! You told me I had to! That\u2019s why I did that!\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis is a part of the adjustment that takes place\u2014the separation that can happen between a husband and a wife. Marital relations are on hold for a little while. Even when you re-engage, as a couple, a wife is in a very different place with her body at that point. That can be a hard adjustment for couples.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Yes, I totally agree with that. It\u2019s one of the reasons we thought it was important to address that subject; because there are a lot of things that change, sexually, prior to a baby and after a baby. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, if I don\u2019t have who I am in Christ solidified\/if I don\u2019t believe that Christ is giving me everything I need in order to love, and give, and serve others\u2014my wife included\u2014then those moments are going to be frustrating. Or think about\u2014let\u2019s say you\u2019re past the six-week period. Here you are\u2014you\u2019re ready to have intimacy; and literally, right at the time you\u2019re ready to have intimacy\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie: <\/strong>\u2014your baby cries.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>\u2014your baby starts screaming. [Laughter] All of a sudden, that\u2019s the end of that!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>You\u2019re just like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> \u2014because Mama has to go get him.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> \u201cAre you serious?!\u201d [Laughter] You go have a conversation with your child\u2014like, \u201cDude, I love the fire out of you, but you are jamming me up bad right now.\u201d [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> At six weeks, he\u2019s looking up and smiling; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You have two chapters out of twelve in this book on <em>parenting<\/em>; right?\u2014<em>Tying Your Shoes<\/em>\u2014about your marriage. One of them is \u201cSexual Intimacy,\u201d but the other one\u2019s \u201cPrioritizing Your Marriage.\u201d\u00a0 How does a couple put their marriage first when they\u2019ve got little babies, or little kids, or teenagers at home?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> One of the things I would encourage all parents to do is take advantage of the little moments. You have to be creative, because you\u2019re not going to get a window every day that\u2019s the same. One thing that Rob and I worked at doing was, even as our kids got older, was: \u201cHey, it\u2019s Sunday night. You all are going to your rooms early, so just go.\u201d Or we would make sure that the babies got in\u2014got their feeding done, got their diaper changed, and they were in bed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, one of us would run out to the local Dairy Queen, or wherever, and get some milkshakes, and head back home; sit on the couch and just enjoy talking to each other while having our ice cream. We love ice cream at our house, so that was a go-to; or just sit and watch a movie. Just spend time with one another, communicating with one another, catching up with one another throughout the week\u2014just enjoying a little date at home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the problems that some people have is expectations. They expect that they have to go out somewhere once a week\/every week. You don\u2019t have to do that; you can be creative and do things at home. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Were there ever times when that date night would come around, and you\u2019d go: \u201cWhat I\u2019d like is sleep\u2014not milkshake\/not movie. I\u2019m tired; the best thing for me would be let me go to bed.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you fight that?\u2014or did you say, \u201cThat\u2019s really what I need tonight, and we\u2019ll have a date night later.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> That\u2019s where communication has to be key. No, I didn\u2019t fight it. What would happen is\u2014we\u2019d turn on a movie\u2014and it still happens some\u2014ten minutes in\u2014I\u2019m out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014you\u2019re asleep; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> So, it doesn\u2019t really matter; the thing that\u2019s important is just to communicate that: \u201cHey, babe, I appreciate the fact that you want to make this a priority\u2014spending time with me\u2014but right now, I\u2019m so tired that it\u2019s not going to matter. I\u2019m going to fall asleep once the movie starts,\u201d or \u201cI might even fall asleep while we\u2019re talking.\u201d That\u2019s where you have to communicate with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe, as ladies, sometimes, think that our husbands can read our minds; but they can\u2019t! We have to communicate that to them and work that out, whatever it looks like. Usually, it\u2019s Rob saying: \u201cHoney, go to bed. You need some sleep.\u201d<br>\u00a0\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s really making a <em>choice<\/em> to put your marriage first. I know, for me, it was hard for me to even sit down at the end of the day; because I\u2019ve got a million things to do. You\u2019re saying, \u201cOur marriage matters, and I\u2019m going to let those things go,\u201d\u2014the demands of the house, or whatever needs to be done\u2014\u201cI\u2019m going to <em>choose<\/em> to make this a priority.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tRob, did that mean a lot to you\u2014that Stephanie would take that time?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> Absolutely. I think it has to go both ways. In other words, one of the ways we encourage each other is we know what each other would find helpful in that moment. One moment, it might be go grab milkshakes, have a nice date on the couch. Then, a different night might be, \u201cGo to bed; because it\u2019s been a rough week.\u201d There can be variation and adjustment. Learning to talk, and to read one another through those lenses, is a desire to serve.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I also found\u2014and tell me if this is true in your home\u2014that sometimes, I needed to get her <em>out<\/em> of the house; because the home was an extension of her. Sitting on the couch, she couldn\u2019t disconnect. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d go to a restaurant, and I\u2019d get the sitter. I\u2019d kind of make it happen. Again, this isn\u2019t every time that\u2019s the only way we would date. Sometimes\u2014I\u2019ll be honest\u2014when we\u2019d be sitting there at that restaurant\u2014she\u2019s not there for 45 minutes\u2014she\u2019s sitting right across from me; we\u2019re talking; and her brain Is still with those children, because they\u2019re an extension of her. About 35 minutes in, I\u2019d say, \u201cOh, you\u2019re here!\u201d It wouldn\u2019t be a long date\u2014there was no movie; there was not enough time for that; there was not enough <em>money<\/em> for that\u2014paying a sitter and going out. It was like an hour-and-a-half; we\u2019d go back, and it was like a breath of fresh air. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are all kinds of ways to date; right? But it was the key, like you say in your book: \u201cPrioritize it; make this important.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> Yes; you know, we have to remember that, as husband and wife, that\u2019s the permanent relationship in this family unit. The children?\u2014they\u2019re great; we love them, but they\u2019re temporary. They\u2019re going to, one day, grow up and be out of the house. What are we going to do then? If we\u2019re not nurturing that marriage, throughout our children being there, then we\u2019re going to have some trouble once they all grow up and head out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think the important thing we\u2019re talking about here is\u2014if you\u2019re in the stage, where the child has not arrived yet: you\u2019re pregnant; you\u2019re expecting; you\u2019re excited\u2014you need to be aware\u2014go into this with your eyes wide open\u2014\u201cLife\u2019s about to change for both of you. Your relationship is about to experience some adjustments,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s just going to be a reality; the demands are going to be different than they were before. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe aware of the fact that it\u2019s going to be <em>decades<\/em> before you go back to it\u2019s just the two of you, and you can make up your own schedule. If you want to go out on a Tuesday night to see a movie, you don\u2019t have to ask anybody; and you don\u2019t have to get a sitter. It\u2019s going to be a long time before those days come back. Be aware of that; embrace that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere\u2019s what\u2019s not going to change\u2014and it\u2019s at the core of your book\u2014your relationship with Christ is not going to change. Now the question is: \u201cHow does <em>that<\/em> drive the new priorities that are in front of us in our family? How does Christ empower me to do what He would have me do in this situation as we welcome a baby into our home and into our family, and as we make those adjustments?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> The question I get more often than anything else from young moms is: \u201cI want to\u00a0 keep Jesus as the center of my life. I have no idea how to do that anymore with these babies in my house.\u201d What\u2019s your encouragement to moms?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Stephanie:<\/strong> That\u2019s a really good question. I remember being in those shoes. I remember several times, during naptime\u2014I would try to take advantage of naptime; but sometimes, as a new mom, you need to nap during naptime. That\u2019s okay. I remember trying to do my study of the Word during naptime; and oftentimes, I would wake up, a half-hour later, after praying through my list of people\u2014probably didn\u2019t make it very far\u2014or reading my passage, I would fall asleep.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTaking advantage of the moments you do have\u2014it doesn\u2019t have to be, \u201cOkay; I have to read ten chapters of my Bible today to be spiritual.\u201d Take a couple of verses; meditate on God\u2019s Word. Use feedings in the middle of the night to pray for your friends or to pray for your family. Use that time to listen to an audio Bible or a podcast. Being creative and taking those little moments, throughout your day, meditating and just thinking on the Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>If I could add one thing to \u201cHow do you build your marriage with Christ at the center?\u201d\u2014it\u2019s: \u201cBe gracious in hard moments.\u201d Neither you nor your spouse really know what you\u2019re doing. You have a baby for the first time; yes, you have some ideas\u2014I mean, you have the basics: \u201cI have to change them; I have to feed them; I have to clothe them,\u201d \u2014I got the basics. But how that looks, on a day-to-day basis, can be challenging. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere are moments when you don\u2019t <em>know<\/em> what\u2019s going on until you learn your baby\u2019s cries\u2014if there\u2019s a cry: \u201cBoy, this is a painful cry,\u201d or if this is a cry, \u201cI\u2019m just up. I\u2019m just talking to myself.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m just letting you know I\u2019m here.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m just letting you know I\u2019m here.\u201d [Laughter] \u201cI\u2019m having a good ol\u2019 time, chatting with myself. I\u2019m all good.\u201d Learning to be gracious with one another in the unknown.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m thinking of the passage that teaches us all that love overlooks a multitude of sins. That\u2019s what you\u2019re saying: \u201cLet\u2019s give each other a <em>ton<\/em> of grace in these times of adjustment. Let\u2019s assume the best. Let\u2019s believe the best about one another. We\u2019re both dealing with modifications in life\/stuff we weren\u2019t prepared for. This is a new chapter. We\u2019re figuring it out. Let\u2019s make sure we stay on the same page\u2014that we\u2019re still committed to one another. We\u2019re still giving each other a ton of grace,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a great word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m thinking of how helpful it would be for a couple, in the pregnancy season, to get a copy of your book, <em>Tying Their Shoes<\/em>, and to read through it together to get ready for what is coming. We\u2019ve got copies of Rob and Stephanie Green\u2019s book, <em>Tying Their Shoes: a Christ-Centered Approach to Preparing for Parenting.<\/em> You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy. Again, the title of the book is <em>Tying Their Shoes: a Christ-Centered Approach to Preparing for Parenting.<\/em> Order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to get a copy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me also mention our <em>Art of Parenting<\/em><sup>\u2122<\/sup> video series that\u2019s available. This is a <em>great<\/em> video series for couples to go through when you\u2019re expecting a baby\/ after you\u2019ve just had a baby. If you\u2019ve got teenagers, it\u2019s a great series to go through, as moms and dads, of teens. And go though it with other couples; you\u2019ll find that that is <em>so<\/em> helpful. Again, find out more when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or call us at 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, with the start of a brand-new year, we\u2019ve got something pretty exciting to share with you guys. We want to see more and more people, and more and more families, engaging with God\u2019s Word in the new year. With that in mind, our friends at Logos Bible Software have agreed: \u201cWe\u2019re going to be giving, to anyone who requests it, the Logos Bible Software platform with a library of more than $2,000 worth of Logos resources and books available. We\u2019re doing that for free.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll you have to do is go to our website, at FamilyLifeToday.com, and click the link that you find there, and request it. You\u2019ll get the download key, and you can add that on to your computer\u2014not just your computer\u2014you can add it onto your mobile devices as well, because Logos works that way. I use Logos <em>all the time<\/em>; I love it! It\u2019s our gift to you; go to FamilyLifeToday.com; click the link you find there for Logos Bible Software and get the Logos system and a library of books for free to start out the new year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about, among other things, how you get rest as new parents\u2014not just physical rest\u2014but: \u201cHow do you get rest for your soul\/spiritual rest in the early days of parenting?\u201d Rob and Stephanie will be back with us, again, tomorrow. We hope you can be back with us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2020 FamilyLife. 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