{"id":305621,"date":"2019-12-18T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-12-18T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/intro-to-adulting\/"},"modified":"2019-12-18T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-12-18T11:00:04","slug":"intro-to-adulting","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/intro-to-adulting\/","title":{"rendered":"Intro to Adulting"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Steve Argue tells parents how they can help their kids transition in life. Parents can help their kids navigate their way forward by asking key questions and staying involved.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-12-18.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:32:40","filesize":"29.91M","filesize_raw":"31365077","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2856,2814,2855],"tags":[6808],"podcast_series":[8324],"cwp_profile":[9586],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305621","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-adult-children","category-releasing-your-child","category-teens","tag-parenting-young-adults","podcast_series-growing-with","cwp_profile-steve-argue","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305621\/intro-to-adulting","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305621\/intro-to-adulting","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"WoIrPbt0b1\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/intro-to-adulting\/\">Intro to Adulting<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/intro-to-adulting\/embed\/#?secret=WoIrPbt0b1\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Intro to Adulting&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"WoIrPbt0b1\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-12-18.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-12-18.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve heard the statistics about the rise of the Nones\u2014the people who are young and leaving the church. Steve Argue believes that there are things churches could do that would cause young people to be more interested in what\u2019s going on there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think that young people necessarily want to just volunteer for some prefab program in the church. A lot of them are entrepreneurs; they say: \u201cI see a pain in the world; I want to express my faith through the gifts that I have. How can I use that?\u201d I think, as churches, we can rally our resources and say: \u201cIs there any way we can help these entrepreneurs actually develop their ideas? I know they\u2019re all not going to work, but can we take a risk with them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, December 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019re going to talk today about what churches and parents can do to help their sons and daughters stay better connected to faith and to the local church. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Two weeks from today, it\u2019s a new year. Do you think about that?\u2014we are two weeks away from 2020.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Where did 2019 go? Did it just fly by? I mean, next Wednesday is Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; and the next two weeks for us, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, are pretty important. It\u2019s the same at your church; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s exactly the same. I don\u2019t know if people understand that; but the last couple of weeks, almost a third of our budget will come in, in terms of donations as people are doing the same thing we\u2019re [Dave and Ann] doing: we\u2019re thinking: \u201cYearend: what ministries do I believe in and trust?\u201d and \u201cWhat do I want to see grow and thrive in 2020?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur church has that and FamilyLife has the same thing. If you give here, you can assure that you can continue to hear this radio program\/podcast; content will be developed. It\u2019s a critical time to make a hard decision and a beautiful decision and impact people\u2019s lives. We\u2019re asking you\/challenging you\u2014to say, \u201cJoin us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I think, too, this time of year can be really stressful. I know, as a mom and a wife, I\u2019m engulfed in all the details of Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Sometimes, it\u2019s hard to slow down and remember what the Christmas season is really all about. It\u2019s about Jesus, but also the things that really matter. Family and FamilyLife is something, I think, that really matters to us; because we\u2019re impacting generations for the gospel and for family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and we\u2019re hoping this month to be able to take full advantage of a matching gift that has been made available to us. Every donation we receive during the month of December is being matched, dollar for dollar. We\u2019ve not yet met the match, so we\u2019re asking <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners: \u201cWould you make a yearend contribution?\u201d Do it today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com: donate online; call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation and help us continue to impact lives, and marriages, and families all around the world in the year ahead. We look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for your support in the past and for what you\u2019re able to do today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery so often, I will go to Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and type in the hashtag\/#adulting and just see what pops up. I\u2019ve got it right here: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou know you\u2019re getting at the peak adulting when you\u2019re shopping around and researching every single energy provider and pricing. You have dinner with friends to consult on this matter as if your life depended upon it. [Laughter] Still looking for recommendations though,\u201d the person says. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr \u201cTrying to decide between three different lamp shades has been causing me a great amount of anxiety. I guess this is what it means to be an adult.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re talking about how we, as parents, can help our kids transition into the adulting years. We\u2019ve got Steve Argue joining us this week to help us with this. Steve, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Thanks so much. Good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Steve is a part of the Fuller Youth Institute at Fuller Theological Seminary. He\u2019s an associate professor. Together, with his colleague, Kara Powell, they\u2019ve written a book called <em>Growing With<\/em>. I\u2019m just wondering about that term. Do young people embrace the term, adulting, or do they find that condescending when it\u2019s used?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> No, we actually use the term adulting\u2014that\u2019s of the three verbs: with-ing, faith-ing, and adulting\u2014that\u2019s the one we didn\u2019t make up. That\u2019s been around, actually, for quite a while; and it actually was adopted, likely from Millennials\u2014those in their 20s\u2014because I think this is something that they\u2019re trying to figure out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, think about this for a 20-something\u2014this idea of becoming an adult is very, very vague in our world. It used to be\u201418; you\u2019re sort of a legal adult\u2014kind of: \u201cGo live your life.\u201d On top of that, we find that, probably in past generations, there were also some markers that would define adulthood: marriage, a full-time paid job, perhaps living in a place or residence or something like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe research on young emerging adults is suggesting that\u2019s not really the markers for them anymore. They\u2019re looking for something completely different. For them, it\u2019s really things like making decisions on their own and owning those decisions. It\u2019s also being financially independent, which is really, really interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about this for a second\u2014in the past, perhaps in our generation, if you had a peer that said \u201cHey, I\u2019m moving back home to live in my parent\u2019s basement,\u201d we would equate that with an adulting fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLoser.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u201cLoser\u201d; right. Really, you\u2019re in the basement; right? But what we\u2019re finding is that almost up to half of those in their 20s are actually moving back home to live with their parents. Now, if we use a lens of past generations, we would call them\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014losers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014losers. But if an adulting goal for an emerging adult is to actually become financially independent, what\u2019s actually happening is we have young people moving back home so that they can save money so that they can become independent. The move back home, for this generation, isn\u2019t an adulting fail; it\u2019s actually a step toward adulting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, obviously, it\u2019s at this point, where in a radio broadcast, we can only go so far in the sense I think it\u2019s going to be different for every child; right? I mean, even our own children are so different under our households. I think, for some, we probably have to say, \u201cI don\u2019t know if that\u2019s such a good idea for you to come home\u201d; and for others, like, \u201cOkay; why don\u2019t you do it for a little bit?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s in those moments that, as a parent, we have to recognize the fact that, when they come home, they\u2019re not coming home as teenagers anymore. They\u2019re coming home as explorers or focusers; so therefore, we have to name the relationship that we have with them and talk about what it means for them to be home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What 25-year-old is going: \u201cYou know, I hope, when I\u2019m 25, I can move back in with Mom and Dad\u201d; right?\u2014nobody wants to do that. If they\u2019re doing it, it\u2019s either because they want to perpetuate their adolescence; or they want to move into adulthood. You have to diagnose which is at play here and then respond appropriately.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes, I think that\u2019s well-said. I think, when we do that, we can sort of unpack this; we have a better chance of really helping them navigate their way, forward, with adulting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo this adulting, as we talk about it in the book, really has two aspects to it as well. Adulting is, obviously, these major goals that a young person has; but we talk about this idea of relational adulting and vocational adulting. When we think about this idea of relational adulting, we\u2019re really trying, as parents, to help our kids understand and navigate: \u201cWell, what are the other relationships in their lives that they\u2019re beginning to cultivate? What does it mean to have a life partner or to be part of a community outside the one that they grew up in?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, also, this idea of vocational adulting is this idea of: \u201cWhat am I giving my life to? What am I investing in?\u201d The benefit of it is this\u2014is that people have more options than ever to do amazing things. But it is also requiring a lot more discernment and thinking associated with what that calling is. As a matter of fact, in our school at Fuller, we not only are teaching these courses, but have worked into the curriculum this idea of vocational discernment and formation: \u201cWhat is God calling me to? What does it mean for me to be a whole person as I step into these areas of passion?\u201d and \u201cWhat does that begin to look like?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing I\u2019ll say about that is this\u2014is that there is some research that would suggest that people in their 20s kind of get the wrong message. They think that, somehow their 20s, is an extended adolescence: \u201cThat I really just have more time to grow up.\u201d When that begins to happen, I think that young people sometimes don\u2019t make intentional choices about how they\u2019re using their lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as long as you\u2019re investing in yourself along the way\u2014in education, in relationships, and things that really are the things that you want to give your life to\u2014you want to think about: \u201cWell what do you want to become at 30 and beyond?\u201d and \u201cHow do I begin to make those choices now?\u201d I think\u2014as parents, and as mentors, and as pastors\u2014those are the conversations that young people really want to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve talked a lot about relational realities during these years. We\u2019ve talked about practical realities and navigating the issues of life. I keep coming back, though, to what\u2019s most important to me, as a parent, and that is the faith realities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I\u2019ve got a son or a daughter, who in college or in their early adult years, has made church not a priority anymore\u2014they\u2019re just not going to church\u2014or spiritual disciplines are not a part of what they\u2019re doing; or they say things like, \u201cYes, right now, that\u2019s not important to me,\u201d\u2014as a parent, that\u2019s very concerning for me. It\u2019s kind of like: \u201cYou may be doing well in your career; you may be doing well in relationships; you may be doing well in all these other things\u2014if that\u2019s [spiritual life\u2019s] not doing well\u2014I\u2019m concerned about the trajectory of your life.\u201d Can we do anything, as parents, when our 20-something kids are off in the wilderness, spiritually?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Absolutely. A couple of things that I think we have to keep in mind\u2014and this comes back to some empathy that I think we\u2019ve talked about before\u2014is that, for a young person in their 20s, while faith is a piece of maybe what they\u2019ve grown up with or is important to them is some ways, these other forces of trying to adult\u2014trying to find community or relationships\u2014actually, are the felt need. They kind of come first, whether we like it or not; I think that\u2019s part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think that means that faith is second, or third, or doesn\u2019t matter; but I think that the felt need sometimes leads in a direction where young people are thinking about those more than anything else. Eventually, what begins to happen is that the faith and faith-ing component begins to become more important again; because, all of a sudden, they start to go, \u201cBy what grid am I making any decisions?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u201cWhat is right and wrong for me or for others? What does that begin to look like?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I think about young people in churches\u2014and I think about this as a researcher, but I also think about this as a former pastor as well\u2014if we were to apply <em>Growing With<\/em> to that relationship, there\u2019s a couple of things that I would say. First of all, I think we have to take seriously the type of relationship we hope young people have with the church and the church has with young people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAn example that I use is this idea of the DTR\/the defining the relationship. I don\u2019t know if like, when you were growing up, if you ever dated and you kind of got serious with somebody, and you kind of got to that moment, where you had to decide: \u201cOkay, who are we together? Is this going to go forward or are we going to just call the ball and we\u2019re sort of done?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I find, in a lot of ministries, is that the DTR is quite clearly defined in children\u2019s ministry: \u201cI\u2019m a child. I go to this class. There\u2019s an adult that loves me. I do the lesson, and I go home.\u201d In the teenage years\u2014middle school\/high school\u2014it\u2019s also much more developed than it ever has been before: \u201cI go to youth group. There\u2019s an adult that\u2019s my mentor or small group leader that cares for me. There\u2019s this room they call the youth room. I kind of have a place; and that\u2019s really, really great.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut for the 18-plus\/for the emerging adult\u2014for the explorer or the focuser\u2014I think what we\u2019re finding is that the structures in our churches don\u2019t leave a lot of room for them unless I\u2019m married or unless I have children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Does their faith look different and are they longing for different things? Besides the gospel, what\u2019s that look like today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes; I think they\u2019re longing for community. I think what they\u2019re also\u2014a lot of them are longing for\u2014is a couple of things. One is I don\u2019t think that young people necessarily want to just volunteer for some prefab program in the church. A lot of them are entrepreneurs\u2014they say: \u201cI see a pain in the world; I want to express my faith through the gifts that I have. How can I use that?\u201d I think, as churches, we can rally our resources and say: \u201cIs there any way we can help these entrepreneurs actually develop their ideas? I know they\u2019re all not going to work, but can we take a risk with them?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a 20-something, I\u2019m in business: \u201cWhat does it mean for me to be a Christian businessman in a world, where I\u2019m having to make moral choices every day? You know what I need? I don\u2019t need a singles ministry; I need a business mentor.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I think about these things, I wonder if there\u2019s an institution in the world, that\u2019s intergenerational, that actually has been committed to young people, and has all this wealth of life experience and resources that could invest in young people? I wonder if there\u2019s anything like that out there? [Laughter] It\u2019s the church! The church is like, \u201cOh, young people are leaving\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m kind of like: \u201cIf we could actually attend to the spaces, where they are looking to develop and grow, and express their faith beyond the prefab programs that we have for our churches, I think young people would be lining up outside our churches; because they\u2019re looking for someone to believe in them and invest in them.\u201d That\u2019s my hope for the church. It\u2019s not a critique or a lament; it\u2019s more of a hope\u2014like: \u201cWe\u2019ve got great news. We\u2019ve got great people, and I think that we are all longing to figure out ways to invest in these young people.\u201d I think if we do that, not only will young people be blessed, but I think our church will be blessed as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think there\u2019s another side to this\u2014and I do want to address this as well\u2014is that, in some research done with college students, we do find this\u2014that some questions that are raised that young people have and they bring back to their churches, aren\u2019t necessarily received very well. The church doesn\u2019t have the capacity to really ask some of the deep-seeded questions that they have. It\u2019s in that moment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Like what? Give me an example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> The existence of God, how we integrate science and faith, how we think about sexuality, war, immigration\u2014all the top issues that are swirling around; right?\u2014these are the topics that this generation doesn\u2019t have luxury to ignore. These are their generation questions. Like we had ours in our generations, that were similar but different, and so these are coming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happens is that, when young people bring those questions and their friends with those questions to church and there isn\u2019t the space to talk about it, I think sometimes, they actually have to say, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to leave you.\u201d The leaving isn\u2019t out of protest, and the leaving isn\u2019t out of disrespect, or even not out of dis-appreciation or un-appreciation; they\u2019re actually saying: \u201cLook, I have a choice. I can sit here and not talk about these things and die on the inside, or I\u2019m going to have to go somewhere where I can begin to work those things out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a church, and I think as families, we have to be courageous to say, \u201cHow do we begin to entertain these questions?\u201d I think, from a parent perspective, one of the things that we\u2019ve been talking with parents about a lot is this\u2014is that: \u201cI think it\u2019s okay for parents to not have all the answers. I can say: \u2018I don\u2019t know, <em>but<\/em> tell me more about why that\u2019s such an important topic for you. I don\u2019t know, <em>but<\/em> let\u2019s figure it out together.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe job of us, as leaders and parents, isn\u2019t to just answer all their questions as though they\u2019re sitting back there, \u201cOkay, how about this one?\u201d; it\u2019s actually to say: \u201cYou\u2019ve got a great question. Now, that you\u2019ve raised the question, you have a responsibility to figure out an answer. Let\u2019s talk about that further\u201d; right? We\u2019re calling them to a higher level of faith-ing that actually challenges them to answer the very questions that they\u2019re raising\u2014which are not easy\/which can be very scary for all of us\u2014but that\u2019s what it means to be a church community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love part of your book, where you talk about warming. Warm is the new \u201ccool.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Explain that a little bit; because it seems like, if the church is a place of warmth and the family is a place of warmth for them, you can have a dialogue and continue an adult-to-adult relationship that\u2019s really beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> This idea of warmth is really interesting. It comes out of some of the research that we did but, also, others\u2014that this idea of institutional warmth but, also, family warmth, has this incredible way of helping young people actually be open to and receiving the faith that is being passed on from the previous generation. When the relationship is cold\u2014if it\u2019s harsh\/if it\u2019s distant\u2014the chances are that the faith won\u2019t be passed along as well, because there is incongruence. But when there\u2019s warmth, acceptance, love, expression, generosity, there seems to be something that actually helps that be better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think that it also equates\u2014for some of the young people that I talk with\u2014they want to know if it\u2019s safe. I don\u2019t mean safe like I\u2019m afraid that I\u2019m going to be crushed or anything like that. I think they want to know: \u201cIf I bring my real self here, will you bring your real self here?\u201d and \u201cCan we be okay with that?\u201d Again, young people, especially in the world we live in now, have been marketed to since they were born. They don\u2019t need another marketing pitch. They are trying to find what\u2019s real. Man, again: \u201cCome on, church; that\u2019s what we do! That\u2019s our business! Let\u2019s be real!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I think: \u201cMan, if we can do that, I think we can really invite the sense of warmth; and I think we can have some really great conversations.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s a way to think\u2014what a great mission statement, in a sense, for a church and for a family: \u201cWhat\u2019s your mission to be for your kids?\u2014to be warm.\u201d What do you mean? They want to come home to a warm home when they\u2019re 25\/30. Whether they are on a mountain top or a valley, they feel safe; and \u201cThere\u2019s a place I can come and be heard and loved. It\u2019s safe, and I can continue to grow on my journey.\u201d That\u2019s a mission worth shooting for, as a parent\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and a church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I come back to this passage from 2 Timothy, in Chapter 2, because I think this applies, whether you\u2019re a parent or involved in church ministry: \u201cThe Lord\u2019s servant\u201d\u2014parents, that\u2019s what you are\u2014\"the Lord\u2019s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach,\u201d\u2014and then\u2014\u201cpatiently enduring evil,\u201d\u2014I mean, that\u2019s hard to hear; right?\u2014\u201ccorrecting opponents with gentleness.\u201d Again, that correction is only at the place, where you know somebody\u2019s wrong; and the fact that they have a different opinion than you, doesn\u2019t necessarily mean they\u2019re wrong; it may mean you just have a different\u2014but if they\u2019re wrong, you correct them with gentleness. \u201cGod may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, so that they can come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the point: \u201cBe gentle; be kind; be gracious,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s all of the characteristics you were talking about. That\u2019s the warmth that, even if we disagree, somebody can walk away and say: \u201cThat\u2019s a kind person. The Fruit of the Spirit was present in that conversation. Love, joy, peace, and patience was a part of that rather than it be discontentedness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSteven, this is helpful for all of us as we navigate our kids through this season, whether it\u2019s the teen years or the 20s. Thanks for your work on this, and thanks for the dialogue this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes; Bob, thanks so much. It\u2019s been great to talk with you and Dave and Ann. I just want to say, if I could, just to the parents: \u201cParents, may you know that you are loved by God; that you have made mistakes, but the mistakes don\u2019t last forever. That no one loves their kid the way that you do, and every day is a new day. May you step into that parenting with courage and hope, knowing that you can be a positive influence in your kid\u2019s life. I wish you God\u2019s grace and peace.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was a benediction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That was a good benediction. Steven, thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Steven\u2019s book, <em>Growing With<\/em>, written with his colleague, Kara Powell. It\u2019s in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to order a copy; or you can call us to order: our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The book is called <em>Growing With<\/em> by Steven Argue and Kara Powell. You can order by phone by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, who\u2019s here with us. I had to think, David, as we were talking about kids moving into the teenage years and staying connected with those kids during those years, I thought that\u2019s right where you are. You\u2019ve got a son, who\u2019s a teenager now, officially?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; yes. Bob, I look at the way time is flying; and I\u2019m sure, like many listeners, I cannot believe how quickly the time is passing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, the days are long; but the years are short, as we\u2019ve said many times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> No joke\u2014wisdom that has been said many times\u2014and it\u2019s never more true in my own home than right now. The idea that growing up doesn\u2019t have to mean growing apart is so important to keep in mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a FamilyLife listener, who wrote us recently and said: \u201cI\u2019m so thankful for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. It carried me through the years with our children when they were growing up. Many times, I felt alone when my decisions often ran counter-culturally or even against what our kids\u2019 friends\u2019 parents were allowing. And then I would listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and it would reaffirm Christ-centered values; and I would be so encouraged to keep persevering and following the Lord.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you know, Bob, today, we are two weeks away from the start of the new year. This month we\u2019ve been sharing comments from listeners to remind folks of the impact this program is having to so many people. Your investment\/your financial support of this ministry is what will enable us to continue bringing help and hope to people throughout the coming year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we receive about 60 percent of our funding that goes throughout the entire year. When we get thank-you notes like the one we just read, it\u2019s really our donors and our Legacy Partners who deserve the thanks. You are the ones standing with us\u2014and standing with us, this month, to make it all happen. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> would not be on the air, here in this community, if it weren\u2019t for people, like you, who invest in the work. I just want to say, \u201cThank you for standing with us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and as you said, the next two weeks are critical for us, here at FamilyLife. We\u2019re hoping listeners will take action today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation online, or call 1-800-358-6329 to donate. When you do, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. We\u2019re grateful for the folks who have made those funds available to us. We hope to take full advantage of that matching gift; but to do so, we need to hear from you today. Donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are able to donate $50 or more, be sure to request your copy of the new devotional that we\u2019ve put together, here at FamilyLife, called <em>The Story of Us<\/em>. That\u2019s our gift to you as a thanks for your yearend donation. Again, more information is available when you donate online or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about the difficult journey that many parents are on\u2014the journey of loving a prodigal\u2014a son or daughter who has left the faith. Judy Douglass knows what that\u2019s like, and she\u2019ll be with us to talk about it tomorrow. I hope you can join us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:32:40"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["29.91M"],"filesize_raw":["31365077"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305621.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305621.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Argue tells parents how they can help their kids transition in life. Parents can help their kids navigate their way forward by asking key questions and staying involved.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-12-18.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019ve heard the statistics about the rise of the Nones\u2014the people who are young and leaving the church. Steve Argue believes that there are things churches could do that would cause young people to be more interested in what\u2019s going on there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I don\u2019t think that young people necessarily want to just volunteer for some prefab program in the church. A lot of them are entrepreneurs; they say: \u201cI see a pain in the world; I want to express my faith through the gifts that I have. How can I use that?\u201d I think, as churches, we can rally our resources and say: \u201cIs there any way we can help these entrepreneurs actually develop their ideas? I know they\u2019re all not going to work, but can we take a risk with them?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, December 18<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. You\u2019ll find us online at FamilyLifeToday.com. We\u2019re going to talk today about what churches and parents can do to help their sons and daughters stay better connected to faith and to the local church. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Two weeks from today, it\u2019s a new year. Do you think about that?\u2014we are two weeks away from 2020.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Where did 2019 go? Did it just fly by? I mean, next Wednesday is Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; and the next two weeks for us, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, are pretty important. It\u2019s the same at your church; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s exactly the same. I don\u2019t know if people understand that; but the last couple of weeks, almost a third of our budget will come in, in terms of donations as people are doing the same thing we\u2019re [Dave and Ann] doing: we\u2019re thinking: \u201cYearend: what ministries do I believe in and trust?\u201d and \u201cWhat do I want to see grow and thrive in 2020?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur church has that and FamilyLife has the same thing. If you give here, you can assure that you can continue to hear this radio program\/podcast; content will be developed. It\u2019s a critical time to make a hard decision and a beautiful decision and impact people\u2019s lives. We\u2019re asking you\/challenging you\u2014to say, \u201cJoin us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, I think, too, this time of year can be really stressful. I know, as a mom and a wife, I\u2019m engulfed in all the details of Christmas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Sometimes, it\u2019s hard to slow down and remember what the Christmas season is really all about. It\u2019s about Jesus, but also the things that really matter. Family and FamilyLife is something, I think, that really matters to us; because we\u2019re impacting generations for the gospel and for family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and we\u2019re hoping this month to be able to take full advantage of a matching gift that has been made available to us. Every donation we receive during the month of December is being matched, dollar for dollar. We\u2019ve not yet met the match, so we\u2019re asking <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners: \u201cWould you make a yearend contribution?\u201d Do it today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com: donate online; call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation and help us continue to impact lives, and marriages, and families all around the world in the year ahead. We look forward to hearing from you. Thanks for your support in the past and for what you\u2019re able to do today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEvery so often, I will go to Twitter<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and type in the hashtag\/#adulting and just see what pops up. I\u2019ve got it right here: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cYou know you\u2019re getting at the peak adulting when you\u2019re shopping around and researching every single energy provider and pricing. You have dinner with friends to consult on this matter as if your life depended upon it. [Laughter] Still looking for recommendations though,\u201d the person says. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOr \u201cTrying to decide between three different lamp shades has been causing me a great amount of anxiety. I guess this is what it means to be an adult.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re talking about how we, as parents, can help our kids transition into the adulting years. We\u2019ve got Steve Argue joining us this week to help us with this. Steve, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Thanks so much. Good to be with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Steve is a part of the Fuller Youth Institute at Fuller Theological Seminary. He\u2019s an associate professor. Together, with his colleague, Kara Powell, they\u2019ve written a book called <em>Growing With<\/em>. I\u2019m just wondering about that term. Do young people embrace the term, adulting, or do they find that condescending when it\u2019s used?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> No, we actually use the term adulting\u2014that\u2019s of the three verbs: with-ing, faith-ing, and adulting\u2014that\u2019s the one we didn\u2019t make up. That\u2019s been around, actually, for quite a while; and it actually was adopted, likely from Millennials\u2014those in their 20s\u2014because I think this is something that they\u2019re trying to figure out. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, think about this for a 20-something\u2014this idea of becoming an adult is very, very vague in our world. It used to be\u201418; you\u2019re sort of a legal adult\u2014kind of: \u201cGo live your life.\u201d On top of that, we find that, probably in past generations, there were also some markers that would define adulthood: marriage, a full-time paid job, perhaps living in a place or residence or something like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe research on young emerging adults is suggesting that\u2019s not really the markers for them anymore. They\u2019re looking for something completely different. For them, it\u2019s really things like making decisions on their own and owning those decisions. It\u2019s also being financially independent, which is really, really interesting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThink about this for a second\u2014in the past, perhaps in our generation, if you had a peer that said \u201cHey, I\u2019m moving back home to live in my parent\u2019s basement,\u201d we would equate that with an adulting fail.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cLoser.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u201cLoser\u201d; right. Really, you\u2019re in the basement; right? But what we\u2019re finding is that almost up to half of those in their 20s are actually moving back home to live with their parents. Now, if we use a lens of past generations, we would call them\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014losers.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u2014losers. But if an adulting goal for an emerging adult is to actually become financially independent, what\u2019s actually happening is we have young people moving back home so that they can save money so that they can become independent. The move back home, for this generation, isn\u2019t an adulting fail; it\u2019s actually a step toward adulting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, obviously, it\u2019s at this point, where in a radio broadcast, we can only go so far in the sense I think it\u2019s going to be different for every child; right? I mean, even our own children are so different under our households. I think, for some, we probably have to say, \u201cI don\u2019t know if that\u2019s such a good idea for you to come home\u201d; and for others, like, \u201cOkay; why don\u2019t you do it for a little bit?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think it\u2019s in those moments that, as a parent, we have to recognize the fact that, when they come home, they\u2019re not coming home as teenagers anymore. They\u2019re coming home as explorers or focusers; so therefore, we have to name the relationship that we have with them and talk about what it means for them to be home.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What 25-year-old is going: \u201cYou know, I hope, when I\u2019m 25, I can move back in with Mom and Dad\u201d; right?\u2014nobody wants to do that. If they\u2019re doing it, it\u2019s either because they want to perpetuate their adolescence; or they want to move into adulthood. You have to diagnose which is at play here and then respond appropriately.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes, I think that\u2019s well-said. I think, when we do that, we can sort of unpack this; we have a better chance of really helping them navigate their way, forward, with adulting. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo this adulting, as we talk about it in the book, really has two aspects to it as well. Adulting is, obviously, these major goals that a young person has; but we talk about this idea of relational adulting and vocational adulting. When we think about this idea of relational adulting, we\u2019re really trying, as parents, to help our kids understand and navigate: \u201cWell, what are the other relationships in their lives that they\u2019re beginning to cultivate? What does it mean to have a life partner or to be part of a community outside the one that they grew up in?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd then, also, this idea of vocational adulting is this idea of: \u201cWhat am I giving my life to? What am I investing in?\u201d The benefit of it is this\u2014is that people have more options than ever to do amazing things. But it is also requiring a lot more discernment and thinking associated with what that calling is. As a matter of fact, in our school at Fuller, we not only are teaching these courses, but have worked into the curriculum this idea of vocational discernment and formation: \u201cWhat is God calling me to? What does it mean for me to be a whole person as I step into these areas of passion?\u201d and \u201cWhat does that begin to look like?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other thing I\u2019ll say about that is this\u2014is that there is some research that would suggest that people in their 20s kind of get the wrong message. They think that, somehow their 20s, is an extended adolescence: \u201cThat I really just have more time to grow up.\u201d When that begins to happen, I think that young people sometimes don\u2019t make intentional choices about how they\u2019re using their lives.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut as long as you\u2019re investing in yourself along the way\u2014in education, in relationships, and things that really are the things that you want to give your life to\u2014you want to think about: \u201cWell what do you want to become at 30 and beyond?\u201d and \u201cHow do I begin to make those choices now?\u201d I think\u2014as parents, and as mentors, and as pastors\u2014those are the conversations that young people really want to have. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve talked a lot about relational realities during these years. We\u2019ve talked about practical realities and navigating the issues of life. I keep coming back, though, to what\u2019s most important to me, as a parent, and that is the faith realities. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf I\u2019ve got a son or a daughter, who in college or in their early adult years, has made church not a priority anymore\u2014they\u2019re just not going to church\u2014or spiritual disciplines are not a part of what they\u2019re doing; or they say things like, \u201cYes, right now, that\u2019s not important to me,\u201d\u2014as a parent, that\u2019s very concerning for me. It\u2019s kind of like: \u201cYou may be doing well in your career; you may be doing well in relationships; you may be doing well in all these other things\u2014if that\u2019s [spiritual life\u2019s] not doing well\u2014I\u2019m concerned about the trajectory of your life.\u201d Can we do anything, as parents, when our 20-something kids are off in the wilderness, spiritually?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Absolutely. A couple of things that I think we have to keep in mind\u2014and this comes back to some empathy that I think we\u2019ve talked about before\u2014is that, for a young person in their 20s, while faith is a piece of maybe what they\u2019ve grown up with or is important to them is some ways, these other forces of trying to adult\u2014trying to find community or relationships\u2014actually, are the felt need. They kind of come first, whether we like it or not; I think that\u2019s part of it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI don\u2019t think that means that faith is second, or third, or doesn\u2019t matter; but I think that the felt need sometimes leads in a direction where young people are thinking about those more than anything else. Eventually, what begins to happen is that the faith and faith-ing component begins to become more important again; because, all of a sudden, they start to go, \u201cBy what grid am I making any decisions?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> \u201cWhat is right and wrong for me or for others? What does that begin to look like?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I think about young people in churches\u2014and I think about this as a researcher, but I also think about this as a former pastor as well\u2014if we were to apply <em>Growing With<\/em> to that relationship, there\u2019s a couple of things that I would say. First of all, I think we have to take seriously the type of relationship we hope young people have with the church and the church has with young people. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAn example that I use is this idea of the DTR\/the defining the relationship. I don\u2019t know if like, when you were growing up, if you ever dated and you kind of got serious with somebody, and you kind of got to that moment, where you had to decide: \u201cOkay, who are we together? Is this going to go forward or are we going to just call the ball and we\u2019re sort of done?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I find, in a lot of ministries, is that the DTR is quite clearly defined in children\u2019s ministry: \u201cI\u2019m a child. I go to this class. There\u2019s an adult that loves me. I do the lesson, and I go home.\u201d In the teenage years\u2014middle school\/high school\u2014it\u2019s also much more developed than it ever has been before: \u201cI go to youth group. There\u2019s an adult that\u2019s my mentor or small group leader that cares for me. There\u2019s this room they call the youth room. I kind of have a place; and that\u2019s really, really great.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut for the 18-plus\/for the emerging adult\u2014for the explorer or the focuser\u2014I think what we\u2019re finding is that the structures in our churches don\u2019t leave a lot of room for them unless I\u2019m married or unless I have children.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Does their faith look different and are they longing for different things? Besides the gospel, what\u2019s that look like today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes; I think they\u2019re longing for community. I think what they\u2019re also\u2014a lot of them are longing for\u2014is a couple of things. One is I don\u2019t think that young people necessarily want to just volunteer for some prefab program in the church. A lot of them are entrepreneurs\u2014they say: \u201cI see a pain in the world; I want to express my faith through the gifts that I have. How can I use that?\u201d I think, as churches, we can rally our resources and say: \u201cIs there any way we can help these entrepreneurs actually develop their ideas? I know they\u2019re all not going to work, but can we take a risk with them?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a 20-something, I\u2019m in business: \u201cWhat does it mean for me to be a Christian businessman in a world, where I\u2019m having to make moral choices every day? You know what I need? I don\u2019t need a singles ministry; I need a business mentor.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs I think about these things, I wonder if there\u2019s an institution in the world, that\u2019s intergenerational, that actually has been committed to young people, and has all this wealth of life experience and resources that could invest in young people? I wonder if there\u2019s anything like that out there? [Laughter] It\u2019s the church! The church is like, \u201cOh, young people are leaving\u2026\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m kind of like: \u201cIf we could actually attend to the spaces, where they are looking to develop and grow, and express their faith beyond the prefab programs that we have for our churches, I think young people would be lining up outside our churches; because they\u2019re looking for someone to believe in them and invest in them.\u201d That\u2019s my hope for the church. It\u2019s not a critique or a lament; it\u2019s more of a hope\u2014like: \u201cWe\u2019ve got great news. We\u2019ve got great people, and I think that we are all longing to figure out ways to invest in these young people.\u201d I think if we do that, not only will young people be blessed, but I think our church will be blessed as well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think there\u2019s another side to this\u2014and I do want to address this as well\u2014is that, in some research done with college students, we do find this\u2014that some questions that are raised that young people have and they bring back to their churches, aren\u2019t necessarily received very well. The church doesn\u2019t have the capacity to really ask some of the deep-seeded questions that they have. It\u2019s in that moment\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Like what? Give me an example.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> The existence of God, how we integrate science and faith, how we think about sexuality, war, immigration\u2014all the top issues that are swirling around; right?\u2014these are the topics that this generation doesn\u2019t have luxury to ignore. These are their generation questions. Like we had ours in our generations, that were similar but different, and so these are coming. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think what happens is that, when young people bring those questions and their friends with those questions to church and there isn\u2019t the space to talk about it, I think sometimes, they actually have to say, \u201cWe\u2019ve got to leave you.\u201d The leaving isn\u2019t out of protest, and the leaving isn\u2019t out of disrespect, or even not out of dis-appreciation or un-appreciation; they\u2019re actually saying: \u201cLook, I have a choice. I can sit here and not talk about these things and die on the inside, or I\u2019m going to have to go somewhere where I can begin to work those things out.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAs a church, and I think as families, we have to be courageous to say, \u201cHow do we begin to entertain these questions?\u201d I think, from a parent perspective, one of the things that we\u2019ve been talking with parents about a lot is this\u2014is that: \u201cI think it\u2019s okay for parents to not have all the answers. I can say: \u2018I don\u2019t know, <em>but<\/em> tell me more about why that\u2019s such an important topic for you. I don\u2019t know, <em>but<\/em> let\u2019s figure it out together.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe job of us, as leaders and parents, isn\u2019t to just answer all their questions as though they\u2019re sitting back there, \u201cOkay, how about this one?\u201d; it\u2019s actually to say: \u201cYou\u2019ve got a great question. Now, that you\u2019ve raised the question, you have a responsibility to figure out an answer. Let\u2019s talk about that further\u201d; right? We\u2019re calling them to a higher level of faith-ing that actually challenges them to answer the very questions that they\u2019re raising\u2014which are not easy\/which can be very scary for all of us\u2014but that\u2019s what it means to be a church community.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I love part of your book, where you talk about warming. Warm is the new \u201ccool.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Explain that a little bit; because it seems like, if the church is a place of warmth and the family is a place of warmth for them, you can have a dialogue and continue an adult-to-adult relationship that\u2019s really beautiful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> This idea of warmth is really interesting. It comes out of some of the research that we did but, also, others\u2014that this idea of institutional warmth but, also, family warmth, has this incredible way of helping young people actually be open to and receiving the faith that is being passed on from the previous generation. When the relationship is cold\u2014if it\u2019s harsh\/if it\u2019s distant\u2014the chances are that the faith won\u2019t be passed along as well, because there is incongruence. But when there\u2019s warmth, acceptance, love, expression, generosity, there seems to be something that actually helps that be better. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI do think that it also equates\u2014for some of the young people that I talk with\u2014they want to know if it\u2019s safe. I don\u2019t mean safe like I\u2019m afraid that I\u2019m going to be crushed or anything like that. I think they want to know: \u201cIf I bring my real self here, will you bring your real self here?\u201d and \u201cCan we be okay with that?\u201d Again, young people, especially in the world we live in now, have been marketed to since they were born. They don\u2019t need another marketing pitch. They are trying to find what\u2019s real. Man, again: \u201cCome on, church; that\u2019s what we do! That\u2019s our business! Let\u2019s be real!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> I think: \u201cMan, if we can do that, I think we can really invite the sense of warmth; and I think we can have some really great conversations.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, it\u2019s a way to think\u2014what a great mission statement, in a sense, for a church and for a family: \u201cWhat\u2019s your mission to be for your kids?\u2014to be warm.\u201d What do you mean? They want to come home to a warm home when they\u2019re 25\/30. Whether they are on a mountain top or a valley, they feel safe; and \u201cThere\u2019s a place I can come and be heard and loved. It\u2019s safe, and I can continue to grow on my journey.\u201d That\u2019s a mission worth shooting for, as a parent\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Absolutely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014and a church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I come back to this passage from 2 Timothy, in Chapter 2, because I think this applies, whether you\u2019re a parent or involved in church ministry: \u201cThe Lord\u2019s servant\u201d\u2014parents, that\u2019s what you are\u2014\"the Lord\u2019s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach,\u201d\u2014and then\u2014\u201cpatiently enduring evil,\u201d\u2014I mean, that\u2019s hard to hear; right?\u2014\u201ccorrecting opponents with gentleness.\u201d Again, that correction is only at the place, where you know somebody\u2019s wrong; and the fact that they have a different opinion than you, doesn\u2019t necessarily mean they\u2019re wrong; it may mean you just have a different\u2014but if they\u2019re wrong, you correct them with gentleness. \u201cGod may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, so that they can come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the point: \u201cBe gentle; be kind; be gracious,\u201d\u2014it\u2019s all of the characteristics you were talking about. That\u2019s the warmth that, even if we disagree, somebody can walk away and say: \u201cThat\u2019s a kind person. The Fruit of the Spirit was present in that conversation. Love, joy, peace, and patience was a part of that rather than it be discontentedness.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSteven, this is helpful for all of us as we navigate our kids through this season, whether it\u2019s the teen years or the 20s. Thanks for your work on this, and thanks for the dialogue this week.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Steve:<\/strong> Yes; Bob, thanks so much. It\u2019s been great to talk with you and Dave and Ann. I just want to say, if I could, just to the parents: \u201cParents, may you know that you are loved by God; that you have made mistakes, but the mistakes don\u2019t last forever. That no one loves their kid the way that you do, and every day is a new day. May you step into that parenting with courage and hope, knowing that you can be a positive influence in your kid\u2019s life. I wish you God\u2019s grace and peace.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That was a benediction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That was a good benediction. Steven, thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve got copies of Steven\u2019s book, <em>Growing With<\/em>, written with his colleague, Kara Powell. It\u2019s in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can go to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to order a copy; or you can call us to order: our number is 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com. The book is called <em>Growing With<\/em> by Steven Argue and Kara Powell. You can order by phone by calling 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have David Robbins, the president of FamilyLife, who\u2019s here with us. I had to think, David, as we were talking about kids moving into the teenage years and staying connected with those kids during those years, I thought that\u2019s right where you are. You\u2019ve got a son, who\u2019s a teenager now, officially?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> That\u2019s right; yes. Bob, I look at the way time is flying; and I\u2019m sure, like many listeners, I cannot believe how quickly the time is passing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, the days are long; but the years are short, as we\u2019ve said many times.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>David:<\/strong> No joke\u2014wisdom that has been said many times\u2014and it\u2019s never more true in my own home than right now. The idea that growing up doesn\u2019t have to mean growing apart is so important to keep in mind. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe had a FamilyLife listener, who wrote us recently and said: \u201cI\u2019m so thankful for <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. It carried me through the years with our children when they were growing up. Many times, I felt alone when my decisions often ran counter-culturally or even against what our kids\u2019 friends\u2019 parents were allowing. And then I would listen to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and it would reaffirm Christ-centered values; and I would be so encouraged to keep persevering and following the Lord.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd you know, Bob, today, we are two weeks away from the start of the new year. This month we\u2019ve been sharing comments from listeners to remind folks of the impact this program is having to so many people. Your investment\/your financial support of this ministry is what will enable us to continue bringing help and hope to people throughout the coming year. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThis month, we receive about 60 percent of our funding that goes throughout the entire year. When we get thank-you notes like the one we just read, it\u2019s really our donors and our Legacy Partners who deserve the thanks. You are the ones standing with us\u2014and standing with us, this month, to make it all happen. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> would not be on the air, here in this community, if it weren\u2019t for people, like you, who invest in the work. I just want to say, \u201cThank you for standing with us.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, and as you said, the next two weeks are critical for us, here at FamilyLife. We\u2019re hoping listeners will take action today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation online, or call 1-800-358-6329 to donate. When you do, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. We\u2019re grateful for the folks who have made those funds available to us. We hope to take full advantage of that matching gift; but to do so, we need to hear from you today. Donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you are able to donate $50 or more, be sure to request your copy of the new devotional that we\u2019ve put together, here at FamilyLife, called <em>The Story of Us<\/em>. That\u2019s our gift to you as a thanks for your yearend donation. Again, more information is available when you donate online or call 1-800-FL-TODAY.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, tomorrow, we\u2019re going to talk about the difficult journey that many parents are on\u2014the journey of loving a prodigal\u2014a son or daughter who has left the faith. Judy Douglass knows what that\u2019s like, and she\u2019ll be with us to talk about it tomorrow. I hope you can join us as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305621","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305621"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305621"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305621"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305621"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305621"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305621"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305621"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}