{"id":305575,"date":"2019-12-03T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-12-03T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-family-break-up\/"},"modified":"2019-12-03T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-12-03T11:00:04","slug":"a-family-break-up","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-family-break-up\/","title":{"rendered":"A Family Break Up"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Julie Plagens explains what life was like after she cut ties with her family. She realized that by severing family ties, she just traded one set of problems for another.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-12-03.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:28","filesize":"26.07M","filesize_raw":"27334825","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2848,2873],"tags":[6803],"podcast_series":[8320],"cwp_profile":[9584],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305575","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-cultural-issues","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-estranged","podcast_series-estranged","cwp_profile-julie-plagens","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305575\/a-family-break-up","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305575\/a-family-break-up","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"7Dz9Wpagpg\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-family-break-up\/\">A Family Break Up<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-family-break-up\/embed\/#?secret=7Dz9Wpagpg\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Family Break Up&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"7Dz9Wpagpg\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-12-03.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-12-03.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>By the time she was a wife and a mom, Julie Plagens realized her relationship with her own parents was unhealthy. She made the difficult decision to cut off that relationship\u2014to become estranged from her parents. That decision brought all kinds of new challenges. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie: <\/strong>The depression started in October; because I knew I was about to hit all the holidays, from October all the way through to January. It was terrible. You really have to consider your steps and pray before you decide to break off a relationship. You have to pray and see if that\u2019s God\u2019s best for you. I can tell you\u2014His original design was <em>not<\/em> for families to be broken.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Sometimes adult children have to put up boundaries to protect themselves from extended family relationships. But that doesn\u2019t mean things won\u2019t still be very difficult. We\u2019ll hear more about that today from Julie Plagens. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. With the holidays upon us, I\u2019m thinking about the families that are facing the kinds of challenges that we\u2019re looking at this week, where there are fractured family relationships, and we\u2019re not sure what to do with those. We\u2019re going to continue hearing a story about God\u2019s work in one family today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut before we do that, with the start of December, we\u2019re coming to our listeners and saying, \u201cThis is a month where we need <em>your<\/em> help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I know December, for the Wilson family, is the beginning of Christmas. My wife actually starts in September. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I wish that was true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, she starts singing and getting ready for Christmas gifts. There\u2019s a part of me that has a tension in my heart about spending money on Christmas. The other part of me is like: \u201cIt\u2019s such a joyous time. I want to give, give, give.\u201d At the same time, you\u2019ve got our church and yearend giving; and FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and yearend giving. I want, at the end of the year, to look back and say, \u201cI handled my money, and we gave in such a way that we blessed <em>others<\/em>, not just our family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We made a determination, years ago, that whatever we were going to spend on gifts for family members and friends\u2014we were going to try to match that in what we gave for charity, for church, and for donations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great idea! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whatever we were going to give for ourselves, we were going to give that to the Lord as well. We pull back and we say: \u201cWhat ministries have had an impact on our lives this year? Who has God used? What ministries have been significant?\u201d That\u2019s where we start to give. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re hoping listeners, here at the beginning of December, will take that kind of discipline; and we hope that FamilyLife has been one of those ministries for you this year. We hope that listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on this station has been an encouragement to you. We hope you\u2019ve been challenged, and convicted, and helped by what you hear. If that\u2019s the case, we want to ask you to make a yearend donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. When you do, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million, thanks to the generosity of some friends, who have offered to match every gift we receive during the month of December. And we\u2019ll send you, as a thank-you gift\u2014if your donation is $50 or more\u2014we\u2019ll send you a new devotional for couples called <em>The Story of Us<\/em>. Again, that\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you donate $50 or more, here at yearend. Give online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a yearend donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember a conversation I had, years ago, with an author and counselor friend of ours, named Dan Allender. Dan made a statement that kind of took me by surprise. I thought, \u201cIs that for real?\u201d The more I thought about it, the more I thought, \u201cI think it is.\u201d He said he believes 90 percent of the issues couples are dealing with in marriage can be traced back to a failure to leave father and mother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Really?\u201490 percent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what he said. I thought the same thing: \u201cNinety percent?\u201d What he was saying is: we\u2019re unaware of\u2014you already called it, this week, \u201cthe extension cord to the past.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Other people talk about your baggage\/whatever; it\u2019s what we carry in. It\u2019s the lifetime of shaping and molding. Even if we are financially independent, even if we\u2019re living on our own, we may not be aware of the emotional dependence that still exists in our relationship with our parents and how that can affect every other aspect of our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re talking this week with Julie Plagens, who joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Julie, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Thank you. Good to be here, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your story captures a little bit of what I\u2019m talking about right here; because you grew up in a home, where your dad and then your mom were both converted when you were five or six years old. You came to faith not long after that. There was still emotional volatility in the family; there was a lot of family drama going on that shaped what was going on in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we jump ahead to when you\u2019re married with two kids; and at age 40, you have just had a colonoscopy. The nurse has told you that you have Crohn\u2019s disease, and you\u2019re going to have to live with a colostomy bag for the rest of your life. You go\u2014this is connected to that extension cord Ann was talking about\u2014\u201cThis is connected to all kinds of emotions and feelings that go back to the drama of my family\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. I want to make sure that we understand, right here, that there was no sexual abuse. Because of the estrangement of two out of the three daughters being gone, my poor father is\u2014I know people have thought things. I want to clear that up right now\u2014that that did <em>not<\/em> happen in my family. Ours was a lot of tempers\/a lot of anger type things\u2014more just relational problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you were diagnosed with Crohn\u2019s disease, and you said, \u201cThis is affected by all that\u2019s been stuffed down in my heart with my parents,\u201d you and your husband made a decision: it was time for a break with your parents. At the same time, you\u2019re dealing with a major health crisis. It would seem like you\u2019ve just added stress to your life rather than taking stress away by cutting things off with your parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; I didn\u2019t realize it at the time. For me, it was the right choice. And here I am, a Christian; what a horrible secret.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Even explaining that to friends, or you know, like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Nobody knew? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> My closest friends knew, because I was in a prayer group. It\u2019s very hard to explain, though, especially at the holidays, when people say, \u201cWhat are you doing for the holidays?!\u201d You\u2019re like, \u201cI don\u2019t see one-half of my family.\u201d And trying to explain it to my children; because we\u2019d said, \u201cNo contact,\u201d\u2014that meant no gifts; no contact with my children. We pulled out completely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And how old were they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> When it happened, my daughter was in fifth grade; my son was in ninth grade. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you went to the kids and said, \u201cWe\u2019re cutting it off with Grandma and Grandpa,\u201d what did they say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I think they had lived with me being so sick, and they saw that I was getting better; because after the first year of my estrangement with my parents, I was starting to eat pretty much what I wanted. I had been on a restricted diet for <em>years<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I thought you had Crohn\u2019s disease, and you were going to have to live with a colostomy bag.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Right; I refused to do it. Leaving the family really helped. I\u2019m not saying it was my parents that caused it; it was the way I dealt with stress with my family. I\u2019m not blaming my parents at all. This was on <em>me<\/em> and my way that I dealt with things. I needed to get away and learn how to deal with things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t even think God loved me. I needed to get away and find Jesus for <em>me<\/em> and find God outside of my family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You wrote that you started eating; and you were getting better, physically. Then you said you were sitting with a counselor, and you dealt with lies. What were the lies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Oh, yes: \u201cYour family doesn\u2019t love you,\u201d \u201cYour grandparents don\u2019t love you,\u201d\u2014I had <em>a lot<\/em> of abandonment issues. \u201cYou\u2019re worthless,\u201d \u201cYou can\u2019t even take care of your children,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re a terrible wife,\u201d\u2014I can tell you, about every despicable lie that the devil could spew out to me, I believed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the external shell, I\u2019ve got this great family\u2014my beautiful children, the whole deal\u2014you know, whole family. Here I am, kind of living the facade\u2014that we were kind of living and growing up as a child\u2014and I\u2019m doing it, again, as an <em>adult<\/em>. I\u2019m not dealing with the stuff until my second year after being estranged. It took 16 months in counseling for me to say, \u201cOkay; I need to unravel the lies,\u201d\u2014the biggest lie: \u201cYour mother doesn\u2019t even love you,\u201d\u2014fairly hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, when people have an ongoing dialogue in their head of self-hatred\/of those lies\u2014that you\u2019re not good enough, you\u2019re not pretty enough, you\u2019re not adept enough, you\u2019re not smart enough\u2014I think, if we have that kind of onslaught, that we need to think, \u201cWhat is really going on?\u201d and just to trace it back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll <em>never<\/em> forget\u2014after some abusive situations\/sexual abuse\u2014I was probably six years old, thinking, \u201cSomething must be wrong with <em>me<\/em>.\u201d It wasn\u2019t <em>what<\/em> had happened to me; it wasn\u2019t <em>who<\/em> had done things to me, it was <em>me<\/em>. I\u2019m guessing that you felt some of those same things by what you\u2019re saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I did. Dave, you asked me how I combatted the lies. I started putting Scriptures down on notecards, and I started saying them out loud every day. If you start this, just know\u2014you\u2019re not going to believe it. It\u2019s going to take a <em>really<\/em> long time. So, don\u2019t call me, and go, \u201cThis isn\u2019t working.\u201d It takes a couple months to even start going, \u201cOh; okay, I might start believing this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Or even becoming aware of the lies that have been filtering through your mind, as a child, that have come up with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> It did. You\u2019ve got 40 years of trenching in your brain. Those neuropathways have been trenched. You have to retrench <em>new<\/em> pathways. You can\u2019t go back and undo the stuff that\u2019s there; you have to retrench <em>new<\/em> thinking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re literally saying, out loud, Scripture\u2014daily.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; daily. What I did\u2014I was breaking strongholds. This is where I really went with this: 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, \u201cThe weapons we fight are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what I was doing; I had to really put a stop sign in my head every time the garbage started coming through. I <em>really<\/em> worked on taking captive my thought life and aligning it with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your colon was getting better?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> It was! I\u2019m telling you\u2014after the first year, I could eat; I was eating brownies. I hadn\u2019t been eating sugar. I got off of sugar for almost eight years. I was eating brownies after the first year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, anybody, who\u2019s\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know where you\u2019re going with this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anybody, who\u2019s listening, who\u2019s wondering: \u201cCrohn\u2019s disease; you\u2019re going to have a colostomy bag for the rest of your life,\u201d\u2014they need to know that\u2019s not what happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> No; it didn\u2019t. I did not have a colostomy. I\u2019m not going to tell you, right here, that this is everybody\u2019s cure for colon disease. This is just what happened with me. I\u2019m just telling you\u2014this was a miracle. There was a lot of miraculous intervention that happened in this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to give hope to those that are dealing with some sort of chronic illness. I can\u2019t tell you what is causing it, but it is good to take inventory of what is going on in your head; because it really is connected to your body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think we sometimes lose sight of that. I remember going to the doctor one time with something. He said, \u201cIs there stress in your life?\u201d I going: \u201cWhat does that matter? This is plumbing we\u2019re dealing with\u201d; right? [Laughter] He was right; there was stress in my life. When the stress diminished, so did the health issues. There is a connection between body and soul. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe ought to take inventory in those times, when we\u2019re experiencing physical issues, and go: \u201cAre there other factors? Is there bitterness? Is there anger? Am I hanging on to something I shouldn\u2019t be hanging on to? Are there relationships that are toxic that are affecting my physical health?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you cut off your relationship with your family and said, \u201cWe\u2019re not going to do this,\u201d that was hard; but you started to heal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I did. It\u2019s the most un-Christian-looking thing to do. It\u2019s very embarrassing and a lot of shame. This is why there are no books about this. When I was estranged, I looked for every book on the market I could find that talked about family estrangement, from a Christian point of view. There is <em>no<\/em> book out there\u2014I\u2019m telling you, even now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s difficult to talk about; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> It is; who wants to talk about their family mess?\u2014and then get reconciled and, then, write about it? [Laughter] Yes, that\u2019s going to work out well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s important for us to dig in here. Are you saying to people: \u201cIf you\u2019re in a bad family situation, and it\u2019s affecting your health, the best thing to do is cut off your relationship with your extended family\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> No; I would say that\u2019s a last resort. In my book, I talk about the effects of estrangement. I traded one set of problems in for another. You are going to have another mess. You don\u2019t get to \u201cPass Go and collect $200.\u201d There are some real liabilities. My children lost their grandparents; I lost my mother. I couldn\u2019t call when my kids were going through things. I had my own family issues; I couldn\u2019t call my mother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was <em>nobody<\/em> I could call. I can\u2019t tell you how many times I wanted to call my mom. It was empty; the holidays were terrible. I had one side of my family, but I didn\u2019t have the other. The depression started in October because I knew I was about to hit all the holidays, from October all the way through to January. It was terrible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou really have to consider your steps and pray before you decide to break off a relationship, because it is <em>not<\/em> God\u2019s best. For me, it was. You have to pray and see if that\u2019s God\u2019s best for you. I can tell you\u2014His original design was <em>not<\/em> for families to be broken. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did your parents try to pursue you in the midst of the estrangement?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Initially, when we did break off, we had a counselor get involved. Yes, there was some: \u201cLet\u2019s try family counseling,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s do this\u2026see if we can work things out.\u201d All of us came out angrier than when we started; I wish that weren\u2019t so. I guess our family was stubborn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It sounds like you guys had stuffed a lot of things for a lot of years, so the counselor brought some things to the surface that had never been dealt with. It can be volatile when it first comes out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> It was; it just was volatile. You\u2019ve got 40 years of baggage. How can you untangle all that in a couple of sessions?\u2014you just can\u2019t. We all needed to separate and for the Holy Spirit to work on us. That\u2019s what had to happen; the Holy Spirit really worked on all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to ask\u2014here you are: you\u2019re healing physically; you\u2019re healing spiritually; you\u2019re healing in a lot of different areas\u2014\u201cWere you praying for reconciliation at that point? Were you praying for your parents?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I was so angry at them; it took a long time before. But about in the third year, my dad had a heart attack. My sister\/the middle sister, which was the only one who had not left\u2014she called and said: \u201cDad may not live. You need to go see him.\u201d So, my husband and I prayed about it. I had been praying for relationship, but I had <em>not<\/em> gotten to the point where I could pray for my parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t ready to forgive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie: <\/strong>No; I wasn\u2019t; I was trying. I went and visited my dad. That really was the halfway point for me; because there was a total of seven years of estrangement. When I went to visit my dad, something broke. I knew that I could see my dad without all the fear. He was wired up, and he was drugged up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t the little girl anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I wasn\u2019t the little girl anymore. I was starting to, mentally, be an adult with him. He was really nice. I thought, after that, they would call and say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d I kept expecting an apology\u2014<em>nothing<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Nothing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Nothing; it just went back to silence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Julie, what did you learn about <em>you<\/em> during this period of estrangement? We\u2019ve talked about your anger and your bitterness toward your parents, and about how you felt you\u2019d been wronged. I have to believe God, in this period of seven years, was not only healing your physical body, but He was bringing some stuff to the surface\/skimming it. The refiner\u2019s fire is causing the impurities to rise. You\u2019ve got to deal with some of your own junk; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; I realized how unforgiving I was. It was playing itself in other areas\u2014in my marriage; with my children, even. I had to deal with my stuff. That\u2019s the first thing you need to pray for\u2014is the truth. The lies are what can entangle so much of your family estrangement or family brokenness. Even if you\u2019re not estranged\u2014you just have problems\u2014lies play a <em>huge<\/em> part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to deal with me. I had to try to stop pointing the finger at anyone else, and saying, \u201cIf they did this, and that...\u201d\u2014no; it had to come down to what\u2019s going on in my heart. Unforgiveness was something I really worked on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople-pleasing was another one; I was a performer to the core. I didn\u2019t like it when anybody didn\u2019t like me. I had to work on pleasing God first and deal with that issue. People-pleasing is very tricky, because you\u2019re trying to be a good Christian; and then you\u2019re also trying to do what God\u2019s telling you, and to stand up, and to be the woman of God that God called you to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did these things spill into your marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; Andy and I were butting heads, and it spilled into my children. That\u2019s what happened in year six. We had a really difficult child issue with one of our kids. That brought me to my knees. Here we go\u2014next generation\u2014I\u2019ve got a child that\u2019s not really excited about the faith of God. Here I am, really trying to live it out, with an estrangement. My child\u2019s thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know about this whole Christianity thing.\u201d The roles got reversed: \u201cHere, I\u2019m the parent; and there\u2019s the kid.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Were you, at any point\/at that point, even yourself, wondering about your faith?\u2014wondering about God?\u2014\u201cWhere is He?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s He doing?\u201d \u201cWhy isn\u2019t He reconciling this thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> You\u2019re just going there; aren\u2019t you? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know; I just want to know. I know what I would feel like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; I decided God didn\u2019t live. For about a week, I decided that He didn\u2019t exist. I really decided: \u201cYou\u2019re not there, God. You work for everybody else, but You don\u2019t even exist.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m imagining, when you went and saw your dad, and there was a glimmer of hope, from what I heard you say, and then <em>nothing<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s worse than no hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You get this \u201cOh!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s where it\u2019s easy to go, \u201cOkay, God; You just dangled something out in front of me, and You\u2019re not real.\u201d Is that what you\u2019re feeling?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Where it happened: \u201cHope deferred makes the heart sick.\u201d I thought for sure that was it; we were going to have this great reconciliation\u2014everybody was going to be happy and sing \u201cKum Ba Yah.\u201d No such luck\u2014more silence and, then, pain\/more pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Listening to your story\u2014and listening to the impact that severed relationships\u2014it\u2019s not how it\u2019s supposed to be; right? We\u2019re not supposed to be estranged from one another. We\u2019re supposed to love one another, especially in a family situation. We\u2019re supposed to be loyal to one another, and devoted to one another, and kind to one another. We know what all the \u201cone another\u2019s\u201d are; when that doesn\u2019t happen, I think most of us don\u2019t recognize how profound that is\u2014what a scar that leaves on our soul\u2014and how we need to address that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; family breakdowns are the deepest wounds of our soul; I really think so. A friendship breaking down is hard\u2014but man oh man, when it\u2019s a soul union with your mom, your dad, your siblings; and it breaks down\u2014I was thinking, as I was listening today, I was thinking, \u201cI wonder how many people, that we sit beside at church, are going through some of the same stuff?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou [Julie] go to church. I bet people looked at you and thought you were the perfect little family; because you had it all together. We all think the same thing: \u201cAll these people sitting around us\u2014nobody\u2019s in as much pain as I am.\u201d I think we\u2019d be surprised. There\u2019s a lot of pain sitting around us. Yet, there\u2019s a God sitting there, as well, that wants to meet us in the pain; but sometimes it\u2019s hard to find Him there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, too, because we go to church, so many times we put on masks; because we think this is what people want to see. Isn\u2019t it beautiful when we can take down the mask and still be seen, and loved, and accepted as we are? I think maybe we\u2019re afraid to do that, because we haven\u2019t been accepted in the past. Maybe we don\u2019t give each other enough credit; maybe we could be accepted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You mentioned, Julie, that holidays were a particularly difficult part of the year. I\u2019m thinking, as we head into the holidays, it may be helpful for listeners, who look and say: \u201cOur family situation is not good\u2014the extended family. We won\u2019t be seeing extended family members, again, this year,\u201d\u2014maybe get a copy of Julie\u2019s book and read about the journey that God took <em>her<\/em> on in bringing healing and fresh hope to her family situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is called <em>Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the title of the book is <em>Estranged<\/em> by Julie Plagens. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d; or order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, for most of us, this time of year is very busy, with all of the priorities around Christmas. Here at FamilyLife, we are starting to look forward\/look ahead to 2020 and asking God to provide so that we can move forward in 2020 with increased opportunities for ministry through this daily radio program and podcasts; through our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; through our events, like our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway; and the resources that we create, here at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of that is made possible by listeners, like you, who donate to support the work of\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. The next four weeks are critical for us, here at FamilyLife. What happens over the next four weeks will determine what 2020 looks like. We\u2019re asking <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to be as generous as you can possibly be, here at yearend. If God has used the ministry of FamilyLife in your life\/if you appreciate this daily program and think it\u2019s important for you and for your community, would you make a donation today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. When you do, your donation is going to be doubled. We have a matching-gift opportunity that\u2019s available. Every donation we receive in the month of December will be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. That\u2019s a steep mountain to climb, and we\u2019re going to need your help to make that happen; so be as generous as you can possibly be when you make a yearend contribution to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re able to help with, at least, a $50 donation, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of the new FamilyLife couples devotional called <em>The Story of Us<\/em>\u201452 devotions that you can go through, as a couple, in the new year. It\u2019s our gift to you when you donate to support the ministry, here at yearend. Again, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when Julie Plagens will share about what eventually brought the healing that she had been praying for in her relationship with her parents and how God worked in the midst of all of that. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:28"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["26.07M"],"filesize_raw":["27334825"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305575.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305575.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Plagens explains what life was like after she cut ties with her family. She realized that by severing family ties, she just traded one set of problems for another.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-12-03.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>By the time she was a wife and a mom, Julie Plagens realized her relationship with her own parents was unhealthy. She made the difficult decision to cut off that relationship\u2014to become estranged from her parents. That decision brought all kinds of new challenges. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie: <\/strong>The depression started in October; because I knew I was about to hit all the holidays, from October all the way through to January. It was terrible. You really have to consider your steps and pray before you decide to break off a relationship. You have to pray and see if that\u2019s God\u2019s best for you. I can tell you\u2014His original design was <em>not<\/em> for families to be broken.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Tuesday, December 3<sup>rd<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. Sometimes adult children have to put up boundaries to protect themselves from extended family relationships. But that doesn\u2019t mean things won\u2019t still be very difficult. We\u2019ll hear more about that today from Julie Plagens. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. With the holidays upon us, I\u2019m thinking about the families that are facing the kinds of challenges that we\u2019re looking at this week, where there are fractured family relationships, and we\u2019re not sure what to do with those. We\u2019re going to continue hearing a story about God\u2019s work in one family today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut before we do that, with the start of December, we\u2019re coming to our listeners and saying, \u201cThis is a month where we need <em>your<\/em> help.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; I know December, for the Wilson family, is the beginning of Christmas. My wife actually starts in September. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I wish that was true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, she starts singing and getting ready for Christmas gifts. There\u2019s a part of me that has a tension in my heart about spending money on Christmas. The other part of me is like: \u201cIt\u2019s such a joyous time. I want to give, give, give.\u201d At the same time, you\u2019ve got our church and yearend giving; and FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> and yearend giving. I want, at the end of the year, to look back and say, \u201cI handled my money, and we gave in such a way that we blessed <em>others<\/em>, not just our family.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We made a determination, years ago, that whatever we were going to spend on gifts for family members and friends\u2014we were going to try to match that in what we gave for charity, for church, and for donations.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great idea! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Whatever we were going to give for ourselves, we were going to give that to the Lord as well. We pull back and we say: \u201cWhat ministries have had an impact on our lives this year? Who has God used? What ministries have been significant?\u201d That\u2019s where we start to give. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re hoping listeners, here at the beginning of December, will take that kind of discipline; and we hope that FamilyLife has been one of those ministries for you this year. We hope that listening to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> on this station has been an encouragement to you. We hope you\u2019ve been challenged, and convicted, and helped by what you hear. If that\u2019s the case, we want to ask you to make a yearend donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate over the phone. When you do, your donation is going to be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million, thanks to the generosity of some friends, who have offered to match every gift we receive during the month of December. And we\u2019ll send you, as a thank-you gift\u2014if your donation is $50 or more\u2014we\u2019ll send you a new devotional for couples called <em>The Story of Us<\/em>. Again, that\u2019s our thank-you gift to you when you donate $50 or more, here at yearend. Give online at FamilyLifeToday.com, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a yearend donation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI remember a conversation I had, years ago, with an author and counselor friend of ours, named Dan Allender. Dan made a statement that kind of took me by surprise. I thought, \u201cIs that for real?\u201d The more I thought about it, the more I thought, \u201cI think it is.\u201d He said he believes 90 percent of the issues couples are dealing with in marriage can be traced back to a failure to leave father and mother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Really?\u201490 percent?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s what he said. I thought the same thing: \u201cNinety percent?\u201d What he was saying is: we\u2019re unaware of\u2014you already called it, this week, \u201cthe extension cord to the past.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Other people talk about your baggage\/whatever; it\u2019s what we carry in. It\u2019s the lifetime of shaping and molding. Even if we are financially independent, even if we\u2019re living on our own, we may not be aware of the emotional dependence that still exists in our relationship with our parents and how that can affect every other aspect of our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re talking this week with Julie Plagens, who joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today. <\/em>Julie, welcome back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Thank you. Good to be here, Bob.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your story captures a little bit of what I\u2019m talking about right here; because you grew up in a home, where your dad and then your mom were both converted when you were five or six years old. You came to faith not long after that. There was still emotional volatility in the family; there was a lot of family drama going on that shaped what was going on in your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, we jump ahead to when you\u2019re married with two kids; and at age 40, you have just had a colonoscopy. The nurse has told you that you have Crohn\u2019s disease, and you\u2019re going to have to live with a colostomy bag for the rest of your life. You go\u2014this is connected to that extension cord Ann was talking about\u2014\u201cThis is connected to all kinds of emotions and feelings that go back to the drama of my family\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> That\u2019s true. I want to make sure that we understand, right here, that there was no sexual abuse. Because of the estrangement of two out of the three daughters being gone, my poor father is\u2014I know people have thought things. I want to clear that up right now\u2014that that did <em>not<\/em> happen in my family. Ours was a lot of tempers\/a lot of anger type things\u2014more just relational problems. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you were diagnosed with Crohn\u2019s disease, and you said, \u201cThis is affected by all that\u2019s been stuffed down in my heart with my parents,\u201d you and your husband made a decision: it was time for a break with your parents. At the same time, you\u2019re dealing with a major health crisis. It would seem like you\u2019ve just added stress to your life rather than taking stress away by cutting things off with your parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; I didn\u2019t realize it at the time. For me, it was the right choice. And here I am, a Christian; what a horrible secret.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Even explaining that to friends, or you know, like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Nobody knew? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> My closest friends knew, because I was in a prayer group. It\u2019s very hard to explain, though, especially at the holidays, when people say, \u201cWhat are you doing for the holidays?!\u201d You\u2019re like, \u201cI don\u2019t see one-half of my family.\u201d And trying to explain it to my children; because we\u2019d said, \u201cNo contact,\u201d\u2014that meant no gifts; no contact with my children. We pulled out completely.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> And how old were they?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> When it happened, my daughter was in fifth grade; my son was in ninth grade. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> When you went to the kids and said, \u201cWe\u2019re cutting it off with Grandma and Grandpa,\u201d what did they say?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I think they had lived with me being so sick, and they saw that I was getting better; because after the first year of my estrangement with my parents, I was starting to eat pretty much what I wanted. I had been on a restricted diet for <em>years<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I thought you had Crohn\u2019s disease, and you were going to have to live with a colostomy bag.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Right; I refused to do it. Leaving the family really helped. I\u2019m not saying it was my parents that caused it; it was the way I dealt with stress with my family. I\u2019m not blaming my parents at all. This was on <em>me<\/em> and my way that I dealt with things. I needed to get away and learn how to deal with things. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI didn\u2019t even think God loved me. I needed to get away and find Jesus for <em>me<\/em> and find God outside of my family.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You wrote that you started eating; and you were getting better, physically. Then you said you were sitting with a counselor, and you dealt with lies. What were the lies?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Oh, yes: \u201cYour family doesn\u2019t love you,\u201d \u201cYour grandparents don\u2019t love you,\u201d\u2014I had <em>a lot<\/em> of abandonment issues. \u201cYou\u2019re worthless,\u201d \u201cYou can\u2019t even take care of your children,\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re a terrible wife,\u201d\u2014I can tell you, about every despicable lie that the devil could spew out to me, I believed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the external shell, I\u2019ve got this great family\u2014my beautiful children, the whole deal\u2014you know, whole family. Here I am, kind of living the facade\u2014that we were kind of living and growing up as a child\u2014and I\u2019m doing it, again, as an <em>adult<\/em>. I\u2019m not dealing with the stuff until my second year after being estranged. It took 16 months in counseling for me to say, \u201cOkay; I need to unravel the lies,\u201d\u2014the biggest lie: \u201cYour mother doesn\u2019t even love you,\u201d\u2014fairly hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, when people have an ongoing dialogue in their head of self-hatred\/of those lies\u2014that you\u2019re not good enough, you\u2019re not pretty enough, you\u2019re not adept enough, you\u2019re not smart enough\u2014I think, if we have that kind of onslaught, that we need to think, \u201cWhat is really going on?\u201d and just to trace it back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll <em>never<\/em> forget\u2014after some abusive situations\/sexual abuse\u2014I was probably six years old, thinking, \u201cSomething must be wrong with <em>me<\/em>.\u201d It wasn\u2019t <em>what<\/em> had happened to me; it wasn\u2019t <em>who<\/em> had done things to me, it was <em>me<\/em>. I\u2019m guessing that you felt some of those same things by what you\u2019re saying.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I did. Dave, you asked me how I combatted the lies. I started putting Scriptures down on notecards, and I started saying them out loud every day. If you start this, just know\u2014you\u2019re not going to believe it. It\u2019s going to take a <em>really<\/em> long time. So, don\u2019t call me, and go, \u201cThis isn\u2019t working.\u201d It takes a couple months to even start going, \u201cOh; okay, I might start believing this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Or even becoming aware of the lies that have been filtering through your mind, as a child, that have come up with you.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> It did. You\u2019ve got 40 years of trenching in your brain. Those neuropathways have been trenched. You have to retrench <em>new<\/em> pathways. You can\u2019t go back and undo the stuff that\u2019s there; you have to retrench <em>new<\/em> thinking.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> You\u2019re literally saying, out loud, Scripture\u2014daily.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; daily. What I did\u2014I was breaking strongholds. This is where I really went with this: 2 Corinthians 10:4-5, \u201cThe weapons we fight are not weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s what I was doing; I had to really put a stop sign in my head every time the garbage started coming through. I <em>really<\/em> worked on taking captive my thought life and aligning it with God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your colon was getting better?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> It was! I\u2019m telling you\u2014after the first year, I could eat; I was eating brownies. I hadn\u2019t been eating sugar. I got off of sugar for almost eight years. I was eating brownies after the first year.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So, anybody, who\u2019s\u2014[Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I know where you\u2019re going with this. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Anybody, who\u2019s listening, who\u2019s wondering: \u201cCrohn\u2019s disease; you\u2019re going to have a colostomy bag for the rest of your life,\u201d\u2014they need to know that\u2019s not what happened. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> No; it didn\u2019t. I did not have a colostomy. I\u2019m not going to tell you, right here, that this is everybody\u2019s cure for colon disease. This is just what happened with me. I\u2019m just telling you\u2014this was a miracle. There was a lot of miraculous intervention that happened in this. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to give hope to those that are dealing with some sort of chronic illness. I can\u2019t tell you what is causing it, but it is good to take inventory of what is going on in your head; because it really is connected to your body.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think we sometimes lose sight of that. I remember going to the doctor one time with something. He said, \u201cIs there stress in your life?\u201d I going: \u201cWhat does that matter? This is plumbing we\u2019re dealing with\u201d; right? [Laughter] He was right; there was stress in my life. When the stress diminished, so did the health issues. There is a connection between body and soul. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe ought to take inventory in those times, when we\u2019re experiencing physical issues, and go: \u201cAre there other factors? Is there bitterness? Is there anger? Am I hanging on to something I shouldn\u2019t be hanging on to? Are there relationships that are toxic that are affecting my physical health?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you cut off your relationship with your family and said, \u201cWe\u2019re not going to do this,\u201d that was hard; but you started to heal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I did. It\u2019s the most un-Christian-looking thing to do. It\u2019s very embarrassing and a lot of shame. This is why there are no books about this. When I was estranged, I looked for every book on the market I could find that talked about family estrangement, from a Christian point of view. There is <em>no<\/em> book out there\u2014I\u2019m telling you, even now.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s difficult to talk about; isn\u2019t it?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> It is; who wants to talk about their family mess?\u2014and then get reconciled and, then, write about it? [Laughter] Yes, that\u2019s going to work out well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It\u2019s important for us to dig in here. Are you saying to people: \u201cIf you\u2019re in a bad family situation, and it\u2019s affecting your health, the best thing to do is cut off your relationship with your extended family\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> No; I would say that\u2019s a last resort. In my book, I talk about the effects of estrangement. I traded one set of problems in for another. You are going to have another mess. You don\u2019t get to \u201cPass Go and collect $200.\u201d There are some real liabilities. My children lost their grandparents; I lost my mother. I couldn\u2019t call when my kids were going through things. I had my own family issues; I couldn\u2019t call my mother. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere was <em>nobody<\/em> I could call. I can\u2019t tell you how many times I wanted to call my mom. It was empty; the holidays were terrible. I had one side of my family, but I didn\u2019t have the other. The depression started in October because I knew I was about to hit all the holidays, from October all the way through to January. It was terrible. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou really have to consider your steps and pray before you decide to break off a relationship, because it is <em>not<\/em> God\u2019s best. For me, it was. You have to pray and see if that\u2019s God\u2019s best for you. I can tell you\u2014His original design was <em>not<\/em> for families to be broken. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did your parents try to pursue you in the midst of the estrangement?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Initially, when we did break off, we had a counselor get involved. Yes, there was some: \u201cLet\u2019s try family counseling,\u201d \u201cLet\u2019s do this\u2026see if we can work things out.\u201d All of us came out angrier than when we started; I wish that weren\u2019t so. I guess our family was stubborn.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It sounds like you guys had stuffed a lot of things for a lot of years, so the counselor brought some things to the surface that had never been dealt with. It can be volatile when it first comes out.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> It was; it just was volatile. You\u2019ve got 40 years of baggage. How can you untangle all that in a couple of sessions?\u2014you just can\u2019t. We all needed to separate and for the Holy Spirit to work on us. That\u2019s what had to happen; the Holy Spirit really worked on all of us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I was going to ask\u2014here you are: you\u2019re healing physically; you\u2019re healing spiritually; you\u2019re healing in a lot of different areas\u2014\u201cWere you praying for reconciliation at that point? Were you praying for your parents?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I was so angry at them; it took a long time before. But about in the third year, my dad had a heart attack. My sister\/the middle sister, which was the only one who had not left\u2014she called and said: \u201cDad may not live. You need to go see him.\u201d So, my husband and I prayed about it. I had been praying for relationship, but I had <em>not<\/em> gotten to the point where I could pray for my parents.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t ready to forgive.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie: <\/strong>No; I wasn\u2019t; I was trying. I went and visited my dad. That really was the halfway point for me; because there was a total of seven years of estrangement. When I went to visit my dad, something broke. I knew that I could see my dad without all the fear. He was wired up, and he was drugged up.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You weren\u2019t the little girl anymore.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> I wasn\u2019t the little girl anymore. I was starting to, mentally, be an adult with him. He was really nice. I thought, after that, they would call and say, \u201cI\u2019m sorry.\u201d I kept expecting an apology\u2014<em>nothing<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Nothing. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Nothing; it just went back to silence. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Julie, what did you learn about <em>you<\/em> during this period of estrangement? We\u2019ve talked about your anger and your bitterness toward your parents, and about how you felt you\u2019d been wronged. I have to believe God, in this period of seven years, was not only healing your physical body, but He was bringing some stuff to the surface\/skimming it. The refiner\u2019s fire is causing the impurities to rise. You\u2019ve got to deal with some of your own junk; don\u2019t you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; I realized how unforgiving I was. It was playing itself in other areas\u2014in my marriage; with my children, even. I had to deal with my stuff. That\u2019s the first thing you need to pray for\u2014is the truth. The lies are what can entangle so much of your family estrangement or family brokenness. Even if you\u2019re not estranged\u2014you just have problems\u2014lies play a <em>huge<\/em> part.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI had to deal with me. I had to try to stop pointing the finger at anyone else, and saying, \u201cIf they did this, and that...\u201d\u2014no; it had to come down to what\u2019s going on in my heart. Unforgiveness was something I really worked on. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPeople-pleasing was another one; I was a performer to the core. I didn\u2019t like it when anybody didn\u2019t like me. I had to work on pleasing God first and deal with that issue. People-pleasing is very tricky, because you\u2019re trying to be a good Christian; and then you\u2019re also trying to do what God\u2019s telling you, and to stand up, and to be the woman of God that God called you to be.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Did these things spill into your marriage? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; Andy and I were butting heads, and it spilled into my children. That\u2019s what happened in year six. We had a really difficult child issue with one of our kids. That brought me to my knees. Here we go\u2014next generation\u2014I\u2019ve got a child that\u2019s not really excited about the faith of God. Here I am, really trying to live it out, with an estrangement. My child\u2019s thinking, \u201cI don\u2019t know about this whole Christianity thing.\u201d The roles got reversed: \u201cHere, I\u2019m the parent; and there\u2019s the kid.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Were you, at any point\/at that point, even yourself, wondering about your faith?\u2014wondering about God?\u2014\u201cWhere is He?\u201d \u201cWhat\u2019s He doing?\u201d \u201cWhy isn\u2019t He reconciling this thing?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> You\u2019re just going there; aren\u2019t you? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know; I just want to know. I know what I would feel like.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Yes; I decided God didn\u2019t live. For about a week, I decided that He didn\u2019t exist. I really decided: \u201cYou\u2019re not there, God. You work for everybody else, but You don\u2019t even exist.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I\u2019m imagining, when you went and saw your dad, and there was a glimmer of hope, from what I heard you say, and then <em>nothing<\/em>\u2014that\u2019s worse than no hope. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You get this \u201cOh!\u201d\u2014that\u2019s where it\u2019s easy to go, \u201cOkay, God; You just dangled something out in front of me, and You\u2019re not real.\u201d Is that what you\u2019re feeling?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Julie:<\/strong> Where it happened: \u201cHope deferred makes the heart sick.\u201d I thought for sure that was it; we were going to have this great reconciliation\u2014everybody was going to be happy and sing \u201cKum Ba Yah.\u201d No such luck\u2014more silence and, then, pain\/more pain.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Listening to your story\u2014and listening to the impact that severed relationships\u2014it\u2019s not how it\u2019s supposed to be; right? We\u2019re not supposed to be estranged from one another. We\u2019re supposed to love one another, especially in a family situation. We\u2019re supposed to be loyal to one another, and devoted to one another, and kind to one another. We know what all the \u201cone another\u2019s\u201d are; when that doesn\u2019t happen, I think most of us don\u2019t recognize how profound that is\u2014what a scar that leaves on our soul\u2014and how we need to address that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; family breakdowns are the deepest wounds of our soul; I really think so. A friendship breaking down is hard\u2014but man oh man, when it\u2019s a soul union with your mom, your dad, your siblings; and it breaks down\u2014I was thinking, as I was listening today, I was thinking, \u201cI wonder how many people, that we sit beside at church, are going through some of the same stuff?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou [Julie] go to church. I bet people looked at you and thought you were the perfect little family; because you had it all together. We all think the same thing: \u201cAll these people sitting around us\u2014nobody\u2019s in as much pain as I am.\u201d I think we\u2019d be surprised. There\u2019s a lot of pain sitting around us. Yet, there\u2019s a God sitting there, as well, that wants to meet us in the pain; but sometimes it\u2019s hard to find Him there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think, too, because we go to church, so many times we put on masks; because we think this is what people want to see. Isn\u2019t it beautiful when we can take down the mask and still be seen, and loved, and accepted as we are? I think maybe we\u2019re afraid to do that, because we haven\u2019t been accepted in the past. Maybe we don\u2019t give each other enough credit; maybe we could be accepted.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You mentioned, Julie, that holidays were a particularly difficult part of the year. I\u2019m thinking, as we head into the holidays, it may be helpful for listeners, who look and say: \u201cOur family situation is not good\u2014the extended family. We won\u2019t be seeing extended family members, again, this year,\u201d\u2014maybe get a copy of Julie\u2019s book and read about the journey that God took <em>her<\/em> on in bringing healing and fresh hope to her family situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe book is called <em>Estranged: Finding Hope When Your Family Falls Apart<\/em>. We have it in our <em>FamilyLife Today <\/em>Resource Center. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order. Again, the title of the book is <em>Estranged<\/em> by Julie Plagens. Call 1-800-FL-TODAY to order\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY\u201d; or order, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI know, for most of us, this time of year is very busy, with all of the priorities around Christmas. Here at FamilyLife, we are starting to look forward\/look ahead to 2020 and asking God to provide so that we can move forward in 2020 with increased opportunities for ministry through this daily radio program and podcasts; through our website, FamilyLifeToday.com; through our events, like our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway; and the resources that we create, here at FamilyLife.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of that is made possible by listeners, like you, who donate to support the work of\u00a0 <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. The next four weeks are critical for us, here at FamilyLife. What happens over the next four weeks will determine what 2020 looks like. We\u2019re asking <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> listeners to be as generous as you can possibly be, here at yearend. If God has used the ministry of FamilyLife in your life\/if you appreciate this daily program and think it\u2019s important for you and for your community, would you make a donation today?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. When you do, your donation is going to be doubled. We have a matching-gift opportunity that\u2019s available. Every donation we receive in the month of December will be matched, dollar for dollar, up to a total of $2.5 million. That\u2019s a steep mountain to climb, and we\u2019re going to need your help to make that happen; so be as generous as you can possibly be when you make a yearend contribution to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re able to help with, at least, a $50 donation, we\u2019d love to send you a copy of the new FamilyLife couples devotional called <em>The Story of Us<\/em>\u201452 devotions that you can go through, as a couple, in the new year. It\u2019s our gift to you when you donate to support the ministry, here at yearend. Again, you can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when Julie Plagens will share about what eventually brought the healing that she had been praying for in her relationship with her parents and how God worked in the midst of all of that. Hope you can tune in for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305575","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305575"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305575"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305575"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305575"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305575"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305575"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305575"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}