{"id":305540,"date":"2019-11-21T06:00:06","date_gmt":"2019-11-21T11:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/a-shared-vision\/"},"modified":"2019-11-21T06:00:06","modified_gmt":"2019-11-21T11:00:06","slug":"a-shared-vision","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-shared-vision\/","title":{"rendered":"A Shared Vision"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Joel and Nina Schmidgall encourage couples to pray with and for each other, and to watch God do something amazing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-21.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:17","filesize":"22.24M","filesize_raw":"23316326","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810],"tags":[6801],"podcast_series":[8318],"cwp_profile":[9583],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305540","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","tag-praying-circles-around-your-marriage","podcast_series-praying-circles-around-your-marriage","cwp_profile-joel-and-nina-schmidgall","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305540\/a-shared-vision","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305540\/a-shared-vision","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZXGTcgIZTQ\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-shared-vision\/\">A Shared Vision<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/a-shared-vision\/embed\/#?secret=ZXGTcgIZTQ\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;A Shared Vision&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZXGTcgIZTQ\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Joel and Nina Schmidgall encourage couples to pray with and for each other, and to watch God do something amazing.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-21.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, November 21<sup>st<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll talk today with Joel and Nina Schmidgall about how praying together, as a couple, can help us get on the same page and be in alignment with God\u2019s purposes for our marriage. Stay with us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I\u2019m just curious about both of you. Is one of you more prone to move to prayer quickly than the other? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Oh, yes. [Laughter] Oh, yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t miss a beat on that one. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No; my wife is a prayer warrior. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s actually <em>awesome<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s because I\u2019m needy. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think a lot of people will default toward action\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014right?\u2014in the middle of whatever you need. So, you strap it on, you go, and you act. Then, when that\u2019s not working, then you pray. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I\u2019ve had enough bad action. I am\u2014because I am a doer\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019m like: \u201cLet\u2019s get this done.\u201d I think I\u2019ve done that so much in my flesh, and it hasn\u2019t turned out well\u2014that I\u2019ve learned the habit of going to God first. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, honestly, she has brought\u2014really in the last five years\/seven years?\u2014a whole new prayer energy to our marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It\u2019s really been beautiful. Sort of when we were sitting down to write the book and that kind of thing, she sort of said, \u201cWe need to be praying together every single day.\u201d I\u2019m like\u2014\u201cNo; we don\u2019t\u201d\u2014 you know?\u2014\u201cWe do a little bit here and there.\u201d It was like: \u201cNo; let\u2019s be intentional about this.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt changed our marriage. I\u2019m not saying our marriage went from a 5 to a 10; I\u2019m just saying, \u201cOur perspective on ourselves changed everything.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s gotten better because I would get resentful that Dave wouldn\u2019t lead. Then I\u2019d have this attitude like: \u201cWell, I thought you were the spiritual leader.\u201d I thought: \u201cYou\u2019re not going to do it; I\u2019m not going to do it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen, I\u2019d lay there, stewing at night\u2014bitter and resentful. I felt like God said, \u201cIf I put it on your heart, and I\u2019m prompting you by the Holy Spirit, why don\u2019t you just initiate?\u201d Then I started to do that, without that resentment, like: \u201cOh, yes; God put it on my heart. I\u2019m going to do it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I will add this\u2014I don\u2019t want to take too much time\u2014but a life-changing moment, 11 pm\/11:30 at night\u2014Sunday night\u2014preached all morning, four or five services; exhausted; we\u2019re going to sleep. She says, as I\u2019m closing my eyes\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> This wasn\u2019t good. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> It changed my life, eventually\u2014not in the moment. She said, \u201cBoy, I wish the guy, who stood on our stage and led our church and prayed with passion, was the same guy that I was married to,\u201d\u2014something like that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> At first, I was like, \u201cWait; did she just rip me?\u201d [Laughter] I turn; I\u2019m like, \u201cWhat are saying?\u201d She was saying: \u201cI watched you this morning. You\u2019re full of passion. You are praying with fervor that, rarely, I see in my home.\u201d I got mad. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> Wow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The next day, I went into my little prayer closet\u2014not literally a closet\u2014just my office. I said, \u201cGod, were You speaking?\u201d He goes, \u201cYes.\u201d I would say the people of our church would say, \u201cDave Wilson is a man of prayer.\u201d My wife would say, \u201cDave Wilson is not a man of prayer.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say to every guy listening, right now: \u201cThat was a moment I said: \u2018You know what? She\u2019s right. I need to change, and I can change. I am going to change. I am going to lead her.\u201d Again, I\u2019m not the greatest at this; but it was like, \u201cThis is a decision I need to make.\u201d <br><br>How hard is it to bring prayer into your marriage? It can be done; let\u2019s do it; let\u2019s start right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Explain to our listeners why we are talking about this subject today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We are talking about this because we are sitting here with a book in our hands called <em>Praying Circles Around Your Marriage<\/em> with Joel and Nina Schmidgall. This is a great book about prayer and your marriage. They\u2019re the experts; I\u2019m just a rookie at this thing; but we are going to talk about what that looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Joel and Nina are both on staff at National Community Church in Washington, DC, where Mark Batterson is the pastor. He wrote a book called <em>The Circle Maker <\/em>years ago. You\u2019ve taken that idea and said, \u201cLet\u2019s apply this to marriage relationships.\u201d Before you applied it to other marriage relationships, you had to figure out how you were going to apply it to your marriage relationship; right? Has this been foundational to your relationship since you were dating? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> \u2014since we were dating? Wow; we\u2019ve got to go back a little bit for that one. [Laughter] I grew up in a foundation of prayer, and my parents really modeled prayer for me. A pivotal moment, growing up, for me was when I was back in Chicago. We had these storm windows. I think you guys probably have them in your homes; we don\u2019t in DC; so, at night time, I could sneak out the basement storm window and sneak back in. It was like 3:30 am; I\u2019m sneaking back in. I hear my dad praying in the other room. He would get up every day at 3:30 am\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Wow! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> \u2014pray for an hour, read the paper, go to the office, pray for another hour at the church. He was a man of prayer. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI hear him calling out my name to the Almighty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> Here I am, sneaking back in the house. It was one of those moments\u2014where it\u2019s not just that prayer is something that he talks to us about\u2014he lives it, and he acted on it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always grew up knowing that prayer changes, and it changed me; my life was changed. I think we did\u2014we always had an element of that being a foundation for us, early on; but we did, over time, grow in what that looks like in both our lives. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Joel\u2019s dad passed when he was in Bible school. By the time we met one another, I never got to meet his dad; but very clearly, you realize that there really is this legacy of prayer. The impression I always got was that people really coveted the intimacy he had with the Lord. It wasn\u2019t just about petitioning the Lord for things; it was about a very trusted relationship there. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI am actually not from a family of faith. I met the Lord in youth ministry when I was invited by a friend. My journey really was always very much my own. You know, I share in the book about a lot of insecurities that I felt, probably even about marriage; and in the writing of the book, I knew in my spirit, that I had dreamt of a healthy and whole marriage really before I even understood what that was, from a very young age. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI went back to my journals, just out of curiosity: \u201cWould I ever find anything in there?\u201d I found a little book that I had written. It was a class project, I think, in the third grade. In there, it had a list called \u201cSomeday\u201d: \u201cSomeday, I will go to Japan,\u201d \u201cSomeday, I will do this,\u201d \u201cSomeday, I will be married; and a happy marriage it will be.\u201d I mean, I just had tears, reading these words of an eight-year-old kid, who didn\u2019t even know who Jesus was; and that He really is the hero and the model in even what a marriage relationship is about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe dated for quite a long time because we had to reconcile those two backgrounds. I had faith for a long time at that point already; but to have to navigate the insecurities: \u201cOn what is a healthy marriage founded?\u201d and \u201cWhat does that, you know, look like?\u201d My prayer relationship with the Lord has always been pretty strong; but as we started to step into marriage, all of those insecurities about: \u201cDid I even know what a healthy marriage was?\u201d and \u201cCould I even have it?\u201d Anytime we had a conflict or anytime he expressed, maybe, doubt during our relationship\u2014all of those insecurities would flare again. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tEven now, when we will step into conflict, some of those feelings of \u201cI don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing,\u201d \u201cI haven\u2019t had this modelled for me,\u201d \u201cI am set up to probably fail here,\u201d really, I think, developed a desire or a need to just beg the Lord for His leading\/beg the Lord for Him to show me and lead me the way\u2014beg the Lord for it to be out of His leading, not of my own and to not, maybe, kind of repeat patterns or history. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tA lot of people ask us about the writing process. I don\u2019t know what your [Dave and Ann] experience was; but we\u2019ll say, \u201cOh, a book on marriage; what was that like?!\u201d I say: \u201cTo spend a year\/spend an amount of time reflecting on what makes our marriage work\u2014reflecting on: \u2018What are the times that we stumbled?\u2019 and \u2018What did we learn through those things?\u2019\u2014reflecting on: \u2018What do we believe God intends for marriage?\u2019 and to try to put words to that was, I think, a very beautiful process\/a very beautiful process. I think we are still experiencing the fruit of that now.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> There aren\u2019t very many marriage books that talk about the Toyota<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> way. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes; you know, we talked earlier about the role of prayer in marriage. One of the things we say is that prayer is the best evaluator. It is through prayer that we understand our own brokenness that we are bringing to a situation. It is prayer that God can reveal to us fresh understanding. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe were speaking, actually, in Bowling Green, Ohio, at a marriage conference there and shared about the Toyota way. Toyota\u2014you know a lot of their success is dependent upon this principle, which is about incremental changes over time. Individuals new to the automotive floor are encouraged\u2014there is a circle that they have to stand inside\u2014and their first task is just to take a look around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur prayer or hope is that this book becomes a tool for continual improvement and that couples would start by just getting inside. Of course, by circle, we mean\u2014that\u2019s metaphorical\u2014but maybe, it does help if you pick a rug in your home, and you take a look around. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe circles that we have in the book are areas we thought\u2014either in our own marriage or with couples that we counsel or work alongside\u2014that these are seven circles that, if couples would invite that evaluated look\/that if you would lean in intentionally in these seven areas, that there really would be an improvement or that the Lord would begin to reveal to you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> One of the highest divorce rates are with empty-nesters. The kids leave, and then you face up to all the challenges and issues that you have. What you realize is there was no evaluated experience along the way; there was no touch point. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s another element of praying into your marriage\u2014it\u2019s touch points that you have to make sure you\u2019re going in the right direction, and listening to one another, and growing together. That\u2019s kind of the concept. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> So, there is no big circle in the middle of your home that you stand in?\u2014no. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> No. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> But you do evaluate, and you take it to the Lord\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014which is what we\u2019re talking about. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think so many couples\u2014I know we\u2019ve done this\u2014we talk, talk, talk; rarely pray, pray, pray about the things we\u2019re talking about. So, this is a whole other dynamic to encourage couples to say: \u201cLet\u2019s talk. We need to talk; but what about praying about this and listening as well?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s talk about the first one\u2014the first circle is the vision circle. Getting a vision for your marriage\u2014a purpose\/a mission. What does that look like? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> Yes; well, vision\u2014you know, the idea of playing offense in your marriage is vision. I think most of us get to marriage, and we feel like, \u201cOkay; I made it to the finish line,\u201d instead of \u201c\u2026the starting line.\u201d We think: \u201cWe\u2019ve done all the hard work; and now, we just let things happen. We have love, and that will take over\u201d; but there is a chemistry of love. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tScience shows us that, in the first 18months\/24 months of a relationship, that you\u2014the adrenaline is pumping. All these chemicals are\u2014three different chemicals are working together to create this element of love within you. So, within that first 18 to 24 months, everything is just kind of taking up in a tidal wave; but then, after that, your brain shifts. It kind of readjusts into a more settled state, and that\u2019s when a lot of breakups happen. That\u2019s when a lot of\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> We would call that the Reality Phase. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> Yes; yes. That\u2019s the truth. At that point, you realize, \u201cOkay; what\u2019s driving us forward?\u201d We talk about the idea of vision being the driver. When you take the word, \u201cdivision,\u201d it literally\u2014you know, it\u2019s the prefix \u201cdi-\u201c and the word, \u201cvision.\u201d Di- meaning two, so you have two visions. It\u2019s division that leads us apart. So, we ask that the Lord might give us\/might grant us a vision together. We talk a little bit about that process: \u201cWhat does that look like? How do you find a vision in your marriage?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe go into Mark, Chapter 8; and we talk about that: but we go from value to vision to purpose. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s a lot of\u2014that\u2019s just sharing kind of our own story of coming into an understanding of God\u2019s purpose to use us together. Probably a lot of the burden of this vision circle is from some of the work we do, especially with couples in DC. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would say what many marriages are facing is\u2014as people are coming into marriage with two unique callings\u2014particularly as women are having their passion in certain areas or feeling drawn in the Lord. We see many young couples that we work with will step into marriage with two callings\/two visions and feel very inspired by that from one another. Then over time, maybe, feel that that can start to pull them apart. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, they could have two different visions; right?\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014that they are going two different ways. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> \u2014two different directions. What happens\u2014and actually, this is part of our story\u2014and Joel shared before just about a season that was very difficult for us. I came to DC to work for the United States Congress. I had a career, kind of doing that. As the church grew, and as our family began to grow, I eventually had to make a decision and stepped away from that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNot too long ago\/a number of years ago, as our kids were getting a little bit older and had started school, I started to wrestle with, probably, some feelings of resentment\u2014some feelings of: \u201cDid I give too much up?\u201d\u00a0 \u201cDid I put too much down?\u201d In the most peaceful moments I, of course, feel the greatest peace about nothing that I would sacrifice\u2014for our children or for our marriage or for our ministry\u2014[that] the Lord [would] not honor; but in the hard moments is: \u201cDid I give up too much of myself?\u201d and \u201cAm I using my giftings to the full?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll just be honest\u2014actually, those things don\u2019t\u2014while we\u2019ve worked through a lot those\u2014those don\u2019t ever fully go away. We have to re-have those conversations again and again; but in honest conversations that we would have about those. I think honesty really was important in those for me to be able to share those things with him in a way. But we began, in that prayer season, to ask the Lord for a shared vision\/to ask Him for our joint purposes together; and He has been so faithful in that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think our hope in this is that couples would deal honestly with some of those feelings and begin to ask the Lord: \u201cWould He reveal to them a joint vision?\u201d That does require a laying down. It\u2019s not that there isn\u2019t\u2014that there is no sacrifice involved in any of that. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Talk about this: \u201cHow do you hear that?\u201d You know, if I am a person that\u2014maybe, I pray, and I have my list; but I don\u2019t often listen; and I am asking God for a shared vision; you know? I\u2019m thinking that a listener is like: \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2019ve ever heard [from God]. How would I know?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen I look at your book, you are very clear\u2014you felt like God gave you a vision for your marriage, which is service, adventure, generosity, courage, and honor\u2014which is awesome; right?\u2014to give more than you receive. How did you hear that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> Yes; it wasn\u2019t a, euphoric moment. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> No voice? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> There was a lot of months and years of prayer. I will say this: \u201cBefore that, you have to realize what your vision is <em>not<\/em>.\u201d So, anytime, when we read in the Scriptures, biblical covenant happens; something always has to die. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> Right? Literally, an animal\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> \u2014is sacrificed and dies. Anytime, two\u2014as the Scripture says, two are becoming one\u2014something has to die. I think we would lose that. There is something in my individual vision that has to die when I come together as one with this woman. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFirst, I need to let go of those previous things. Second, to find a vision together, we do go through this process: from values to vision to purpose. Values: \u201cWhat is important to you?\u201d Vision is a shared way of seeing; purpose is a shared way of doing. We won\u2019t get into all the questions; but a lot of those are just questions: mining who you are, who God has made you to be, where you find joy, where you find togetherness, where you see God blessing your relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen we get on mission together\u2014and we do projects together and we started\u2014we just talked through these things. Over time, those five things came out of this process of question-asking and praying. When we talk about values, a vision, a purpose\u2014that whole thing is overlaid with prayer in every step of the process. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I\u2019m so glad that you kind of put some practical handles on that rather than folks thinking: \u201cOkay; I need to pray. I didn\u2019t hear anything from the Lord. I guess this doesn\u2019t work for me.\u201d But if you pull back and say: \u201cHere is the issue: we need to have shared vision; we should have shared values in our marriage; so, Lord, what should those be?\u201d Now, you\u2019re in His Word, and you\u2019re listening as you read His Word. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Even maybe going away; you talk about getting some time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br><strong>Bob:<\/strong> But a thought will come to you: \u201cMaybe, generosity should be one of those things.\u201d You just think: \u201cLet me chew on that for a while. Let me meditate on that for a while. Let me continue to read God\u2019s Word. Pray, \u2018Lord, is this what You are saying to us? Would You confirm that and have it be on my spouse\u2019s heart as well?\u2019\u201d Just kind of slowly, methodically working through this until you get to a point, where you\u2019d say, \u201cThis keeps coming back\u201d\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cin the Word\/in my thoughts. This is what God is laying on my heart, and it\u2019s on both of our hearts. Now, we can come together.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think, all of a sudden, we\u2019ve demystified what hearing from the Lord\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014can look like in somebody\u2019s life. You go, \u201cOkay; that\u2019s happened to me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I always say, \u201cGod speaks to us in the P-E-W-S.\u201d This is\u2014this is the way my brain works\u2014people at our church, probably, can say this\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They can. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014I have said it enough times. There are other ways; but generally, it will be through people\u2014\u201cP\u201d: a person\u2014it could be a total stranger; it could be your spouse; could be your son or daughter. [\u201cE\u201d]: Events or circumstances line up in a certain ways; and you\u2019re like, \u201cOh, I think God is doing something here.\u201d The Word of God\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cW\u201d; and then, \u201cS\u201d is the Spirit of God\u2014a nudge\/a thought, like Bob was just saying. I get this thought in my mind, and we just dismiss it; it\u2019s like: \u201cWait. Stop and go, \u2018That might have been the Spirit of God.\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cTest that.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u201cI\u2019m going to test it.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u201cChew on it\u201d; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You\u2019re always weighing them with one another. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There you go\u2014the P-E-W-S. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> I like that you said that there are some great handles; because every time I even hear us talk through the values, vision, purpose, I\u2019m always like, \u201cUhhhh; I don\u2019t want to sound too prescriptive\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina:<\/strong> \u2014\u201cbecause that might be a total different revelation process.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOn the other hand, I think our desire was to, at least, share our process in the hopes of giving something for couples to\u2014a starting point or something to try; but the truth is it does become kind of revealed over time in exactly the ways that you talked about. Then, you know, you probably go back to them. We could probably\u2014during this next year, we might even spend some time just re-wrestling with that and saying, \u201cLord, do You have a new word for us and a new time?\u201d Those things will continue to evolve over time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I don\u2019t know how many couples have ever taken the time to say, \u201cDo we have a shared vision for our marriage?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Right. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Just asking that question is a great starting point and, then working through the chapter in the book, where you give us how you\u2019d recommend we wrestle this. I think that\u2019s one of the helpful things\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014in this book. Of course, we\u2019ve got copies of your book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. Listeners can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order the book, <em>Praying Circles Around Your Marriage<\/em>, by Joel and Nina Schmidgall. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. If you\u2019d prefer to call us, the number is 1-800-358-6329. So, call to order at 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The book, again, is called <em>Praying Circles Around Your Marriage<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBy the way, if you\u2019ve not been to our website recently, let me encourage you to stop by and visit FamilyLifeToday.com. We have archives of thousands of past programs you can listen to on demand. You can download for free. We\u2019ve got the weekly \u201cHelp &amp; Hope\u201d newsletter we send out each week with articles to help you with the issues you\u2019re facing in your marriage and family. Again, that\u2019s free. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe want our website to be a conduit. We want it to be a place where you can come regularly to find the answers to the questions you have about how you can build a strong, thriving marriage and family. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to learn more; and anytime you have a question about a marriage- or a family-related issue, stop by our website. Use the search engine and find articles, past programs, or resources we have available to help you with the issues you are facing in your marriage and family. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, here at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, our goal is to help you with practical biblical help and hope for your marriage, for your family, for all of your relationships. Each day, when we sit down to do this program, what we\u2019re praying for is that God will use our conversation to bring about real change in the lives of people who are listening. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re grateful for those of you who have experienced that and those of you who have made it possible for others\u2014those of you support this program. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener-supported. The cost of producing and syndicating this daily program is covered by listeners. They\u2019ve made it possible for you to listen today, and we\u2019re asking those of you, who are regular listeners, to help make this program possible, going forward, by making a donation today. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a regular, monthly Legacy Partner, thank you for your ongoing support. We appreciate you. If it\u2019s been a while since you\u2019ve made a donation, today would be a good day for you to call or to go online and support the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. You can donate at FamilyLifeToday.com, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to make a donation. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<br>As a way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d for your support, we\u2019d love to send you The Twelve Names of Christmas, a dozen kid-friendly ornaments\u2014each one of them depicting a different name or title for Jesus. You can use these ornaments throughout the Christmas season to help reinforce for you and for your kids what the Christmas season is all about. The Twelve Names of Christmas is our thank-you gift to you for your support. Be sure to ask for it when you donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com or when you call to donate at 1-800-FL-TODAY. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBe sure to join us back tomorrow. Joel and Nina Schmidgall will be here again as we continue to talk about prayer in marriage. Hope you can tune in. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. 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