{"id":305536,"date":"2019-11-20T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-11-20T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/praying-boldly-for-your-marriage\/"},"modified":"2019-11-20T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-11-20T11:00:04","slug":"praying-boldly-for-your-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/praying-boldly-for-your-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Praying Boldly for Your Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Joel and Nina Schmidgall talk about the importance of praying without ceasing, especially for your marriage. God honors bold prayer, and bold prayer honors God.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-20.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:03","filesize":"22.94M","filesize_raw":"24057818","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2810],"tags":[6801],"podcast_series":[8318],"cwp_profile":[9583],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305536","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growing-spiritually","tag-praying-circles-around-your-marriage","podcast_series-praying-circles-around-your-marriage","cwp_profile-joel-and-nina-schmidgall","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305536\/praying-boldly-for-your-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305536\/praying-boldly-for-your-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"ZCtwr6wQFs\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/praying-boldly-for-your-marriage\/\">Praying Boldly for Your Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/praying-boldly-for-your-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=ZCtwr6wQFs\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Praying Boldly for Your Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"ZCtwr6wQFs\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg",508,508,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"kfairris@familylife.com","author_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/author\/kfairrisfamilylife-com\/"},"uagb_comment_info":0,"uagb_excerpt":"Joel and Nina Schmidgall talk about the importance of praying without ceasing, especially for your marriage. God honors bold prayer, and bold prayer honors God.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-20.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>In God\u2019s economy, there is a connection between our marriage relationship and prayer that we ought not minimize or neglect. Here\u2019s Nina Schmidgall.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>What is His intention even for marriage overall? It\u2019s about Him doing His completing work inside of <em>us<\/em>. An intentional and a bold prayer life is not just about overcoming the things that you want to overcome in your marriage. It\u2019s not just about it looking different\u2014though we hope that those things will come to be\u2014it\u2019s about inviting the Lord to do His completing work in our own lives. That is a persistent battle.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, November 20<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. God is at work in a lot of different ways in our lives and in our marriages when we take time to pray. We\u2019re going to talk more about that today. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. I just realized I did this\u2014I asked you, Ann, if you wanted to pray before we started today\u2019s program; and here you are, in front of these people who wrote this book on praying for your marriage. Were you intimidated?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Very insecure. I kind of jumbled my words, too, because we have the experts with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>No, no!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We do have a couple joining us today who are all about praying for your marriage\u2014Joel and Nina Schmidgall joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today.<\/em> Welcome guys.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>Good to be here. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Thanks for having us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>These guys are form Washington, DC. They are involved with National Community Church. Joel is the Executive Pastor of the church and Nina is the Director of Family Ministry. They\u2019ve written a book on praying circles around your marriage. Really, this was built on a theme that your pastor, Mark Batterson, who wrote a book called <em>Praying Circles<\/em> years ago. You kind of picked that up and said, \u201cLets apply this to the marriage space\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>It\u2019s the legend of\u2014it\u2019s out of the Talmud\u2014a guy named, Honi the Circle Maker. The story quickly is: He\u2019s in the middle of a drought. Israel\u2014their crops are dying, things are going wrong; and he has this resolve in prayer. He takes a staff and draws a circle around himself and he says, \u201cI will not stop praying, God, until You move on behalf of our nation.\u201d He was saying, \u201cI will persist in Your presence.\u201d It was the prayer that saved a generation; God moved and the rains came. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe just feel like our marriages are under attack. We need to learn what it means to seek God in persistence\u2014to draw some circles around our marriage and say, \u201cWe\u2019re not going to move until we see Your presence in our relationship\/in our marriages, Lord.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking metaphorical circles. You don\u2019t actually have circles in your home; right? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>No; we don\u2019t!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I was going to get up and start walking around this table when Ann was praying. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet me ask you this, because I read <em>The<\/em> <em>Circle Maker. <\/em>It was a powerful, powerful book in my life\/in our marriage, really. I\u2019m so glad you wrote a book, taking that concept to your marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s the thing\u2014and we were joking about this pre-broadcast\u2014for 33 years, I prayed for the Detroit Lions as their Chaplain, and rain didn\u2019t come; you know? [Laughter] Like Honi, I\u2019m still in that circle, still asking for a victory. My prayer was that we would actually get to and win the Super Bowl. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat do you say to people\u2014because there are some people out there, who think, \u201cOkay; if I just draw a circle and pray, I\u2019m going to get what I want like Honi did,\u201d\u2014what do you say to that?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>It\u2019s interesting you say that. This weekend at our church we were talking about healing. When you\u2019re talking about being bold in your prayers about healing, what happens when you don\u2019t get the healing? It\u2019s the same kind of a question; right? I think what we understand is, when you draw a circle around something\u2014and there\u2019s nothing magical about a circle; it\u2019s like you said, \u201cmetaphorical\u201d\u2014it\u2019s saying, \u201cGod, I will not move until You have Your way.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe Scriptures say that we can pray to God for <em>anything<\/em>. It doesn\u2019t say <em>everything\u2014<\/em>that God will give us <em>everything<\/em>\u2014but it does say He can do <em>anything<\/em>, so we don\u2019t need to filter our requests to God. What we are doing is\u2014we\u2019re saying: \u201cOkay; we\u2019re going to ask for anything, but then we\u2019re going to trust God. If He does heal, we\u2019re going to trust Him; if He doesn\u2019t heal, we\u2019re going to trust Him as well.\u201d We\u2019re, ultimately, submitting to His Lordship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen you live the long game with the Spirit, you understand that, when your prayer does not get answered, oftentimes, God will answer the prayer that you should have been asking; or He\u2019ll work something in you, and He\u2019ll do something in other ways\/He\u2019ll come at you in different ways: He\u2019ll develop character; He\u2019ll develop roots in your life; He\u2019ll develop persistence; He\u2019ll develop these different things that you can learn to appreciate over time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is a game of trust: \u201d\u2026but if you seek Me you will find Me,\u201d\u2014Deuteronomy 4 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[verse 29]; right? Hebrews 11:6: \u201c\u2026to seek Him earnestly.\u201d We really believe, when you seek God, He will bring about His ways, even if it\u2019s not our way.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I\u2019m thinking about all of the husbands or wives, who are in difficult marriages\u2014maybe married to an unbeliever\u2014been praying, for years, for resolution of conflict or for a spouse to be saved. You can grow weary in that persistence. You can get to a point, where you go: \u201cIs this really\u2014is anybody listening?\u00a0 Does this even matter?\u201d Do you know what I am saying?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Honi, with the story of drawing the circle about himself, really is about resolve. It\u2019s about recognizing the Lord is the hero in the story. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe weariness and the persistent prayers\u2014I mean, that\u2019s probably one of the things we\u2019ve been the most challenged in\u2014in the writing process even. Probably one of our biggest prayer hopes for couples that would read is: \u201cWhat are those things that feel overcome-able\/feel persistent?\u201d and \u201cWhat would it look like to invite the Lord to be the hero in the story of those?\u201d A lot of it has to do a with laying down even our preconceived idea of what the answer to the prayer looks like. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThose that are persisting on behalf of another person, we would say, \u201cPlease be encouraged to be inviting the Lord into those places.\u201d We have an amazing gift that we can offer to one another in terms of being persistence in prayers and to inviting others, in intentionality in prayer, alongside of us. We talk in the book about the support circle and the importance of surrounding your marriage\/surrounding yourself with other voices\/with other encouragements. In that situation, in particular, is a great opportunity where others can hold your hands up for you\u2014that you can invite others to lean on and to borrow their hope\/to borrow their persistence in prayer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>Can I just say, too?\u2014we were talking, offline, about running on the National Mall. You hit that wall. You know, if you are a runner, if you press through the wall, there\u2019s that runner\u2019s high\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014euphoria.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>\u2014that second wind that will come. When you hit it, it feels majestic; but you know by experience that that will come, even in the worst of pain. Now, you have a lot of people who run; and they never actually hit the second wind; right?\u2014because they never pushed through that first painful experience. We have all kinds of stories. I think what we\u2019re saying is: \u201cThere is a persistence that our culture might be losing.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen Pastor Mark has prayed for <em>40<\/em> years for his asthma, and God has not healed, what do you say? Do you say, \u201cOkay, just deal with it,\u201d? Or do you say, \u201cKeep persisting; keep trusting\u201d? God <em>healed<\/em> his asthma; we\u2019re walking in this miracle right now. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe have friends who\u2014they\u2019ve been working with a foster care in DC <em>for years<\/em>, trying to adopt this child that has been in the system for years. We just had a consecration service on last Sunday night; Monday comes, and they get the call; they\u2019re adopting!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat we\u2019re saying is: \u201cResolve; don\u2019t give up!\u201d Yes, sometimes things will not go according to your plan, and God can move in different ways; but we\u2019re also saying, \u201cLet\u2019s resolve; let\u2019s persist.\u201d In the Scripture, they grabbed the horns of the altar; right?\u2014and didn\u2019t let go until God showed up. It\u2019s Jacob wrestling with the man of God at night and not letting go until he got that blessing. Yes, it\u2019s not going to go our direction all the time; but things will happen in the realm of the Spirit if you continue pursuing God, no matter what.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Talk about this\u2014because when I read this, I thought, \u201cThere\u2019s a lot of things going on when you pray.\u201d I\u2019d probably be the guy that isn\u2019t as persistent as I should be. I\u2019m looking at my wife; she\u2019s nodding her head. When I read <em>The Circle Maker<\/em>, that\u2019s sort of how I saw it. We used to call it a prayer journal; I just started calling it a circle: \u201cI\u2019m putting this in the circle,\u201d\u2014just like putting it in my prayer journal\u2014\u201cbut I\u2019m going to continue to be persistent.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou said, in the beginning of the book, because often what happens is\u2014<em>we<\/em> change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right? I\u2019m going to read what you said, because I want you to comment on this because I <em>loved<\/em> how you said it. At the beginning, you said: \u201cIt\u2019s time for a prayer revival in marriage. Through prayer, God can give you new eyes for your spouse.\u201d Here it is\u2014it\u2019s like, maybe your spouse isn\u2019t changing; but what?\u2014you have \u201cnew eyes for your spouse: rekindle romance; He can realign your vision; overcome pain and resentment; and re-energize your friendship.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s interesting\u2014that is all about: \u201cI\u2019m praying; I\u2019m praying. I may not be getting exactly what I want in that specific prayer; but something\u2019s happening in me and in my marriage that has nothing has to do with my spouse; it has to do with me.\u201d Talk about that. How does prayer change <em>us<\/em>?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>One thing we say, often, is: \u201cGod honors bold prayers, because bold prayers honor God.\u201d That\u2019s about believing for big things; but that is also about understanding that God wants to do a bold work inside of <em>us<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat is His intention even for marriage overall? It\u2019s about His refining work\/His transforming work\u2014Him doing His completing work inside of <em>us<\/em>. An intentional and a bold prayer life is not just about overcoming the things you want to overcome in your marriage; it\u2019s not just about it looking different\u2014though we hope those things will come to be\u2014it\u2019s about inviting the Lord to do his completing work in our own lives. That is a persistent battle; right? Our sin takes awareness of real motive and real things that work in ourselves. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the biggest dreams for us, in this book, is about a unified vision\u2014that couples would have a rebirth of shared vision and purpose together. That takes a laying down of some things that we believe in are\/we\u2019re called to in our own lives. I think that so much of the transforming work of prayer is the work the Lord does, first and foremost, in us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>Your [Dave and Ann] story\u2014 you were in that moment in the car\/ten-year anniversary\u2014and all the stuff was coming out. It was when you hit your knees\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>\u2014that changed your marriage. I think we have a similar story, not that single moment as much; but when I hit my knees, humility hits my heart. There\u2019s just something that happened: \u201cI want to live a life of leadership on my knees,\u201d\u2014that\u2019s a prayer, often, that I pray.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI tell you what\u2014I grew up in a charismatic environment; and when you pray everything: you pray loud; you pray a lot; and you all pray at the same time. I think, over time, I\u2019ve learned prayer is listening. It should be changing; it\u2019s hearing the voice of God speak into us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019ve just learned, in marriage\u2014I think part of our story is\u2014we went through a rough patch\/a rough season, where things were pretty shaky for us. I felt very insecure, Nina, when you\u2019re kind of expressing a lot of your concerns and identity challenges. That was a season, where I went into 40 days of prayer for Nina. God didn\u2019t change Nina\u2019s heart; He changed <em>my<\/em> heart after 40 days of prayer. [Laughter] That\u2019s what happens; oftentimes, it\u2019s not about the end of what you\u2019re praying for; it\u2019s about God redistributing your own thoughts and heart.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I have a friend, who on a notebook, he just wrote the sticker that said: \u201cYou will become the total of the five people you spend the most time with.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Aren\u2019t you glad you\u2019re spending more time with us, Bob? [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Actually, the application I had in mind here\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Okay!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014was about spending time with the Lord. The more time we spend in God\u2019s presence with Him\u2014saturating our hearts and minds with His Word and being in fellowship with Him\u2014He reshapes who we are. That\u2019s how we are conformed into the image of Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf we think prayer is me going into God\u2019s office and saying, \u201cHere\u2019s everything I need; when can I have it?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s the wrong perspective. Now, we can bring all of that to God; but we\u2019re coming to the God of the universe and saying: \u201cI need You to remake me.\u201d Prayer is how we do it: \u201cHere\u2019s what\u2019s on my heart today, Lord. Now, remake me so that I know what to do in the midst of this\u201d; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>When we were in our <em>Vertical Marriage<\/em> series, this woman came up to me at church; and she had this glow about her. She said: \u201cI\u2019m married to a man that has no faith. I couldn\u2019t stand him\/wanted to divorce him. I\u2019ve been married 25 years; I couldn\u2019t stand him. But I started praying; and my prayer was: \u2018God change him,\u2019 \u2018God, make him a Christian,\u2019 \u2018God, do this,\u2019 \u2018Make him a good father,\u2019\u2014that wasn\u2019t happening. But I kept praying; I kept persisting,\u201d\u2014as we talked about\u2014and she said: \u201cYou know what\u2019s happened? God has given me new eyes for him. He still isn\u2019t a believer, but I love him. God has changed me: my walk with God has flourished; I\u2019m leading these Bible studies.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tShe was content in who God was. You could tell that, now, she trusted God. She said, \u201cI know that my husband will come to faith; but what\u2019s happened is\u2014I\u2019ve changed\u2014and that\u2019s a miracle.\u201d She said, \u201cBecause I thought the miracle would be he would come to faith; but actually, my eyes had been opened to what I needed to do.\u201d That\u2019s that persistence; that\u2019s God, as we meet with Him, we become like Him. Those are some good things.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You just mentioned\u2014talk about a 40-day prayer thing you did. I\u2019m thinking some people are like: \u201cWhat does that look like? How would I do something like that? What would it look like to persist for 40 days?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>You know, the goal in Leviticus\u2014it talks about fasting is similar to afflicting one\u2019s soul. \u201cHow do you take something out of your life and afflict?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s kind of the prayer fuel. People always come up to us and say: \u201cI think I\u2019m doing fasting wrong, because it\u2019s really hard! [Laughter] I feel groggy; I feel\u2026\u201d\u2014\u201cNo! You\u2019re doing it right; that\u2019s a reminder then to pray and to seek God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s Ephesians 5, where we\u2019re taught to submit one to another out of reverence to Christ; but prior to that, it talks about getting in the realm of the Spirit and singing songs and spiritual psalms one to another. I think that\u2019s actually the fuel to be able to submit one to another, out of reverence to Christ\u2014I\u2019ve got to be in the Spirit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat 40 days\u2014this is kind of interesting\u2014I was trying to pray in the Spirit over my wife at night; and then in the day, I would ask, \u201cGod, give me the interpretation to what praying in the Spirit looks like for her.\u201d In other words: \u201cGive me words of encouragement; give me songs to sing; give me a vision.\u201d I was praying for a vision of my wife\u2014to be able to see in her what she didn\u2019t see for herself. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOver time, that\u2019s what happens. There\u2019s something about 40 days\u2014it\u2019s long enough that\u2014I think it\u2019s 21 days that you develop a habit, so you get into habit mode; then you get into the place of innovation and creativity, I feel like, in the Spirit. God will pull things out and then begin to insert vision into your life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>A lot of people, when they pray for their spouse\u2014sort of what Ann\u2019s friend was saying\u2014\u201cWe pray, \u2018God, change him,\u2019\u201d\u2014it\u2019s the same thing when you get up to speak at a marriage conference\u2014I\u2019m sure Bob says the same thing\u2014it\u2019s like: \u201cYou\u2019re going to have the tendency to listen to everything we say for your spouse. You\u2019re going to want to even elbow him and go, \u2018God\u2019s talking to you right now.\u2019\u201d We\u2019re always like: \u201cDon\u2019t do that, because God wants to change <em>you<\/em>. You\u2019ve got to leave your spouse to God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTalk about that: \u201cHow do you pray when you\u2019re praying for your spouse?\u201d Throughout your book, you have all these prayer prompts\u2014one of the best things, in my opinion, in the book. Man, if I did that\u2014took this prayer prompt right now\u2014it\u2019s so easy to read a book and never do what they ask you to do; but if you stop right there and say, \u201cI\u2019m going to do this prayer prompt,\u201d\u2014one of them is: \u201cGod, help me have Your eyes for my spouse.\u201d So what does it look like to pray for your spouse?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>I think, at the end\/at one point, when we kind of finished writing; at some point went through and thought: \u201cIf couples actually would stop and intentionally lean into these prayer prompts.\u201d I think there\u2019s maybe 26 prayer prompts throughout that we hope are really markers. We really hope that couples would return to them, again and again, with fresh eyes\/new eyes. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the things that we always say: \u201cIt\u2019s always a little humbling, when we\u2019re talking about prayer over our marriage, because I think people think we have this really advanced prescription for what that looks like. The reality is\u2014our prayer over one another is probably stronger there. Some couples just really have a gift of entering into the Lord\u2019s presence together, petitioning Him together. That\u2019s an area where we\u2019ve really had to maybe grow and develop a little bit more.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut the prayer over each other\u2014I mean, the prompts really are a reflection of some of those things that have come out of our own experience about: \u201cWhat does it look like to petition the Lord for new eyes?\u201d Those prayer prompts are things for our own prayer life; they are things we\u2019ve counseled with couples that we have walked with. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThen you mentioned the intentionality of the 40 days of prayer. I think one of the things that we have always been really intentional about, as well, is time of intentionality, where we are leaning in and pushing into one another\u2019s hearts. It\u2019s about trying to understand: \u201cWhat\u2019s at work? What is burdening your partner\u2019s heart?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt is sometimes hard to ask for that time. In fact, I\u2019m thinking of yesterday; if I can be so bold, on the plane; right?\u2014here, last night. I had been wrestling with some frustrations about Joel\u2019s preaching this last weekend. That means carrying an extra burden at home with the kids. It\u2019s sometimes hard to put it out there and say, \u201cHey, I\u2019m feeling frustrated in this area,\u201d or \u201cI felt\u2026\u201d The regular touchpoints are a way that you are <em>inviting<\/em> those pieces. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of the questions we always encourage to ask is: \u201cHow can I be a better spouse to you?\u201d\u2014is a simple way to say it; or\u2014\u201cIs there anything I did this last week that might have caused some divisions between us?\u201d You can speak to this better; you\u2019re always great at\u2014I think, particularly, as a guy. Some of the pride issues\u2014it\u2019s like, when you ask or invite someone to speak those things to you\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>If I\u2019m walking out the door and Nina says, \u201cHey, why are the dishes dirty? You left a big mess.\u201d I say, \u201cWhoa; I noticed the <em>laundry<\/em> is sitting out as well.\u201d [Laughter] You know? It\u2019s like\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: \u201c<\/strong>You can go for that!\u201d\u2014yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Joel: <\/strong>\u2014reactive. It\u2019s automatic!\u00a0 I will react as opposed to\u2014we go on our Sunday night walk; I know it\u2019s a time of intentionality. I say, \u201cHey, how can I be a better husband?\u201d She says, \u201cWell, you know, when you leave the dishes in\u2026\u201d I\u2019m in a better place, one, to receive that; and two, I\u2019m asking the question. This deals with my own sin issues; because if I ask the question, then I\u2019m being a proactive leader; and I can receive information better. That\u2019s an issue, right there\u2014so I need to get on the [counselor\u2019s] couch for that one. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut I understand my own pride. It\u2019s good for us all to understand how we need to receive information; and that, for us, is playing offense instead of playing defense. Every Sunday night, we are going to play offense; we\u2019re going to be intentional.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>We\u2019re talking some about how we navigate the conflict. But going back to the intentionality of prayer\u2014these things also set you up that, when you\u2019re leaning into the Lord for one another\/together [for] one another, that you\u2019re doing it with the greatest picture and the greatest awareness.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know what to pray for\u2014 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Yes!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014because you\u2019re in communication, and that takes humility. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m just picturing you guys walking; thinking you\u2019re probably walking really fast because you\u2019re competitive, and you don\u2019t want to be beat. [Laughter] \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Nina: <\/strong>Actually, we have friends in town\u2014a missions\u2019 team from Southern California. I\u00a0 kept teasing them; because I said, \u201cYou\u2019re walking with the Southern California Shuffle; and in DC, we walk with the DC Hustle.\u201d [Laughter] We\u2019ve got a clip in our step in our city!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>The intimacy that you are talking about is beautiful. Because you are intentional, you\u2019re asking each other questions. Just to take a walk and ask each other intentional questions builds your marriage; it builds intimacy. To pray for one another\u2014to say: \u201cHow can I serve you? Have I done anything\u2026\u201d\u2014that\u2019s really humble; it\u2019s beautiful. That, alone, will do amazing things for your marriage and draw you closer.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I\u2019m hoping thousands pick up this book. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe know this in our marriage\u2014when we pray together, daily, it transforms us; it really does. I\u2019ve got to be honest\u2014a lot of times our prayer is Ann praying; it\u2019s not always both of us. It could be me; it could be her; but it\u2019s together, and it\u2019s a daily thing. We learned that, year one in our marriage, from a guy named Dennis Rainey. [Laughter] He talked about it on this show, saying that that\u2019s something they did. What a great rhythm to change a marriage\u2014just say: \u201cWhat would it look like if you did this tonight?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you were with a group of couples and you said, \u201cNow, how many of you, as you\u2019re thinking about your marriage, you would say, \u2018You know, we need help in this area,\u2019 \u2018\u2026this area,\u2019 \u2018\u2026this area. But really, praying together\/praying for one another; we got that! We\u2019re covered\u2019?\u201d I don\u2019t think many couples are saying that; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Nope!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I think most couples would say: \u201cThis is an area where we can grow, where we can do better.\u201d To have a book like this to help walk you through it\u2014I just think it would be a great tool for couples. The book we\u2019re talking about is called<em> Praying Circles Around Your Marriage<\/em> by Joel and Nina Schmidgall. You can go to FamilyLifeToday.com to request a copy, or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, our website is FamilyLifeToday.com; our toll-free number is 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d The book we\u2019re talking about this week is called <em>Praying Circles Around Your Marriage<\/em>. You can order it from us, online, or by calling.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith Thanksgiving coming up next week, and then the Christmas season right behind that, I know a lot of us are starting to think about how we can utilize this time of year to be purposeful and intentional in discipling our kids and in keeping our focus on Christ during the Christmas season. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHere, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, we developed a tool, years ago, that\u2019s designed for kids. It\u2019s 12 ornaments that can be hung on a Christmas tree, each ornament reflecting a different name for who Jesus is. He\u2019s the Lion of Judah; He\u2019s the Lamb of God; He\u2019s the Bright Morning Star, the Light of the world. We have a dozen different ornaments, each one depicting one of these names of Jesus; so that as you and your children hang these on the tree, you can talk about who Jesus is and what He means to us. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019d like to make The Twelve Names of Christmas available to you and your family as a way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d this week if you are able to help support the ministry of FamilyLife with a donation. You probably know that <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is listener- supported. This program is on the air today because listeners, like you, in the past have made it possible for you to listen to today\u2019s conversation. We\u2019re asking you to help pay it forward so listeners in the future can tune in for practical biblical help and hope for their marriage and their family. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you can give a donation today, be sure to ask for The Twelve Names of Christmas when you get in touch with us. You can donate, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. We appreciate your partnership; thanks for helping make <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> possible.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe hope you\u2019ll be back, again, tomorrow when we\u2019re going to talk more about praying for your marriage and about how you can ask God to give you His vision for the two of you as a couple. Joel and Nina Schmidgall will be with us, again, tomorrow. I hope you can be here as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305536","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305536"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305536"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305536"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305536"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305536"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305536"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305536"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}