{"id":305530,"date":"2019-11-16T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-11-16T11:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/walking-through-traumatic-stress-with-faith-2\/"},"modified":"2019-11-16T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2019-11-16T11:00:05","slug":"walking-through-traumatic-stress-with-faith-2","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/walking-through-traumatic-stress-with-faith-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Walking Through Traumatic Stress With Faith"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Only soldiers experience PTSD, right? Not necessarily. Licensed counselor Ron Deal talks about the physical and emotional effects of traumatic stress, and Tracy Lane shares her experience regarding her daughter&#8217;s heart surgeries.<br \/>\nShow Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tFollow Tracy Lane on her blog at https:\/\/heartforannie.wordpress.com\/.<br \/>\n \tCounseling Ministries at the Christian Counseling and Educational Foundation: Walking Together in Grace and Truth<br \/>\n \t10 Ways to Help Parents With Grieving Hearts<br \/>\n \tGrief: Finding Hope in the Darkness<br \/>\n \tStaying Strong in the Midst of Suffering<br \/>\n \tWhen Life Doesn&#8217;t Seem Fair<br \/>\n \tHow God Uses Suffering for His Glory<br \/>\n \t&#8216;I&#8217;m Sorry &#8230; It&#8217;s Her Heart&#8217;<br \/>\n \t10 Ways to Help Parents of Children With Special Needs<br \/>\n \tAnxiety: How Can I Cope?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Licensed counselor Ron Deal talks about the physical and emotional effects of traumatic stress, and Tracy Lane shares her experience regarding her daughter&#8217;s heart surgeries.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2019-11-16.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:51","filesize":"24.59M","filesize_raw":"25783035","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2853,2860,2879,2873],"tags":[6455,4457,4373,2605,4899,6454,6453],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3300,3259],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-305530","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-frazzled-family","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-loss-of-a-child","category-mental-and-emotional-issues","tag-child-sickness","tag-loss-of-a-child","tag-ptsd","tag-sickness","tag-tragedy","tag-traumatic-event","tag-traumatic-stress","cwp_profile-ron-deal","cwp_profile-tracy-lane","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305530\/walking-through-traumatic-stress-with-faith-2","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305530\/walking-through-traumatic-stress-with-faith-2","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"cG1dAK6QQP\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/walking-through-traumatic-stress-with-faith-2\/\">Walking Through Traumatic Stress With Faith<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/walking-through-traumatic-stress-with-faith-2\/embed\/#?secret=cG1dAK6QQP\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Walking Through Traumatic Stress With Faith&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"cG1dAK6QQP\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/flw\/flw2019-11-16.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2019-11-16.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We all have stress in our life. Sometimes stress can be good; but sometimes, stress can be destructive. Here\u2019s my friend, Tracy Lane.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Even when it seemed like a normal day at home\u2014when we\u2019re not in the hospital; we\u2019re not going to a doctor\u2019s appointment\u2014the ongoing stress that\u2019s in our lives\u2014that is a burden that I carry.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> There are some surprising places that stress hides\u2014like in the mind of a mom, whose three-year-old daughter was born with half a heart. We\u2019re going to talk about PTSD\u2014that\u2019s Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder\u2014in families on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You know, when we hear the four words, \u201cPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder,\u201d or PTSD, sometimes we think of a soldier, who has gone to war and has come face to face with battle. We think of firefighters, or we think of a plane crash. We think of those events that are bigger than life, and they trigger memories; and nightmares occur. Sometimes it\u2019s the sounds or smells that can take us back in time; maybe we avoid certain people or places.\n\nToday, we\u2019re going to talk about, maybe, some of those smaller tragedies. I want to be very careful how we handle this conversation; because I don\u2019t want to think less than of those big events, and those smaller events\u2014they are just as painful. There\u2019s still a lot of suffering that goes alongside, but it\u2019s an unseen suffering.\n\nI can\u2019t handle this conversation by myself. I\u2019ve invited two of my friends and co-workers, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> to join me. First of all is Ron Deal. Ron, you are the head\/the Director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. You also have\u2014what is it?\u201425 years of counseling?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s why I called on you today to come in and help us shed some light on that.\n\nI\u2019ve also invited my friend and co-worker, Tracy Lane. She\u2019s a writer, here at FamilyLife; and she\u2019s a wife and a mom; and a mom of a special little girl, Annie. We\u2019ll hear a little bit of Annie\u2019s story a little bit later on. Tracy, thanks for being here.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Thank you for having me on today.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ron, can you help us understand: \u201cWhat is PTSD?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, when it comes to traumatic events, we like to talk about the \u201clittle t\u201d events and the \u201cbig T\u201d events.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You did a good job in your opening comments. \u201cLittle t\u201d events are when you have a fender bender; it\u2019s when your pet dies; it\u2019s when you\u2019ve lost a job. That\u2019s traumatic, in a sense.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How traumatic depends upon <em>you<\/em>\u2014how you absorb that; the resources you have available to you: \u201cDo you have any extra money in the bank after you lose that job?\u201d or \u201cDo you have <em>nothing<\/em> in the bank?\u201d There are a number of things that impact just how significant any traumatic event is.\n\n\u201cBig T\u201d traumatic events are things that, even from the outside, you say, \u201cOh, yes! That\u2019s awful!\u201d\u2014you know, a natural disaster. It\u2019s one thing to have your house burn down; it\u2019s another thing to be <em>in<\/em> the house when it\u2019s burning down; right?\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The impact of events <em>varies<\/em> from case to case. But at its heart, a stressful event is something that shakes you; it kind of stirs you. If you were standing on a large bridge\u2014like, you know, a bridge that cars are on or something\u2014and all of a sudden there was a huge wind or a flood, and the bridge began to move, that\u2019s stress in our life. If the bridge collapses with you <em>on it<\/em>, that\u2019s <em>trauma<\/em>; right?\n\nPTSD is when you wake up two weeks later\u2014two months later; six months later\u2014and you still feel like you\u2019re falling and the bridge is falling, and you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re going to land on.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s tough!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Now, Tracy, you\u2019re nodding your head. This is something that you, obviously, know or you, at least, agree with Ron on. I know, from just walking past your cube every so often, that you and your family have gone through some traumatic events over the last three years with your daughter, Annie. Can you explain a little bit about that with us?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes, we\u2019ve experienced that in our family. When we were pregnant with our second child, we were so excited to go and have the gender-reveal ultrasound.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> And that\u2019s really what I was expecting from the ultrasound\u2014was to find out if we were having another girl; it\u2019s what I was hoping for.\n\nWe did find out we were having another girl that day; but our doctor also told us that there\u2019s something wrong with her heart. There was something <em>so wrong<\/em> with her heart, that the next day, at 8:00 am, we needed to go to a specialist and have it checked out. That\u2019s where we say there\u2019s a \u201cbefore\u201d and \u201cafter\u201d in our lives.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Before that day, we were just a regular, typical family, stressed over what time my husband was going to be home, what I was fixing for dinner, what my year-and-a-half old was going to wear to church on Sunday. That day changed everything for us.\n\nThe following day at the specialist\u2019s, he did confirm that something was wrong with Annie\u2019s heart; and he encouraged us to terminate the pregnancy. We were just under 20 weeks. He told us that he didn\u2019t know her diagnosis, but that she likely wouldn\u2019t live to be born; and whatever she had would certainly be incompatible with life after her birth, if she lived to be born.\n\nWe chose <em>not<\/em> to terminate the pregnancy that day; but we needed to find out more about what her diagnosis was, so we agreed to some tests. He called me six days later to tell me: \u201cIt does look like she <em>may <\/em>be able to live until she\u2019s born. There are no chromosomal abnormalities, but there\u2019s definitely something wrong with her heart.\u201d\n\nWe went on to get a heart echo at our local children\u2019s hospital. That day, they confirmed she has only half of a heart. The left side of her heart never formed; she only has half of her heart. Again, that day, they encouraged us to terminate Annie\u2019s life.\n\nI think both of those days stand out, too; because when you hear something is wrong with your child\u2019s heart, you think, \u201cWell, there\u2019s something they can do about it,\u201d\u2014you know?\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> They\u2019re doctors!\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Right! \u201cWe\u2019re in the modern medicine age. They know what to do!\u201d But when two different specialists, who should know what to do, suggest aborting your child, you realize how significant the defect is.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. Now, Annie has had two open-heart surgeries so far?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; Annie has undergone two open-heart surgeries: one when she was five days old and one when she was three months old. Actually, next week, she\u2019ll be undergoing her third open-heart surgery; and she\u2019s three years old right now.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow! How hard was that?\u2014to give your newborn off to the doctors and know that they\u2019re going to crack open her chest and work on that heart that\u2019s not working?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> The interesting part that helped prepare me for that was, during my pregnancy, I considered not loving her\u2014I tried to <em>not <\/em>in the beginning. I didn\u2019t want anyone to have showers for us, because I didn\u2019t know if she would live. We weren\u2019t going to put the crib together.\n\nAnd then it was like, \u201cHow could you do that?!\u201d I mean, she was growing! Every time we would go and have an ultrasound, I would see her moving; and we were praying for her. It was like, \u201cNo, that choice [to not love her] wasn\u2019t going to work.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> So I kind of went the other way and decided, if she was worth loving, she was worth loving all the way. Those first moments were hard, but it was like I had committed that I could do what I needed to do.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> The most I could love her was let someone else have her, who could take better care of her than I could, at that time.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow, Tracy! I\u2019ve sort of lived through this story with you; but even hearing you retell it, my healthy heart is just heavy for your family right now.\n\nRon, I heard a dozen PTSD-inducing memories in that story.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s not just one event for them. It is one event after another, after another, after another; they\u2019re all tied together.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\nWe\u2019re going to hear more about Tracy\u2019s story and more about PTSD and how we can love others in our community, who are walking through that. We need to take a break, but we\u2019ll come back in two minutes. Stay tuned.\n\n[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\n<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I\u2019m joined in the studio today by Ron Deal and also Tracy Lane. We are talking about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.\n\nJust before the break, Tracy was telling us about her three-year-old, who will be going in for heart surgery in just a week. I\u2019ve got to say that this little toddler is just so full of life! She\u2019s a chunky little girl; she is a happy little girl. She\u2019s got beautiful, beautiful blonde curls.\n\nWhen I look at the Lane family, I do <em>not<\/em> see tragedy; I do <em>not<\/em> see suffering; I do <em>not<\/em> see any part\u2014it\u2019s hidden. Help me understand what it is you deal with every day.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; it was actually in February of this year. It was a tough day, and we were seeking some other opinions on Annie\u2019s care. We had been receiving some emails back from the doctors who we had reached out to.\n\nIt was time for me\u2014I was going to take the kids out to dinner at Panera. We were buckling up in the car, and it was like I heard myself and saw myself just <em>yelling<\/em> at my children about getting their car seats buckled. When I turned around to look at Annie and Audrey, their eyes are just <em>huge<\/em>!\u2014like, \u201cWhat have I done?!\u201d They were buckling the car seats\u2014not, clearly, as fast as I thought it should happen\u2014but nothing had really gone wrong.\n\nIt was like hearing myself and seeing myself\u2014I thought: \u201cIt\u2019s not about the car seats,\u201d and \u201cI know what it\u2019s about.\u201d It was the first time where I really stopped and was able to recognize the ongoing stress that is in our lives, even when it seemed like a normal day at home\u2014when we\u2019re not in the hospital; we\u2019re not going to the doctor\u2019s appointment\u2014that is a burden that I carry.\n\nJust being able to recognize it that day started where I was able to make changes, too\u2014where I was able to begin the healing from it that I\u2019m still working through right now.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, that\u2019s the moment, where you recognize: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m irritable. I\u2019m easily set off. All the stuff that\u2019s going on deep in my heart is just below the surface. It doesn\u2019t take much to tap into that, and then it just explodes.\u201d\n\nIn recognizing that, you began to understand: \u201cYes, this is hard! This is stressful. I need to pay attention to this part of me that\u2019s under duress.\u201d That\u2019s so important!\u2014right? People who won\u2019t allow themselves that sort of pain\u2014\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014Michelle, that just locks them up even more. It cuts them off from outsiders and resource: people in the church community, who can help; pastoral support. I\u2019ve got to recognize it in me, and then I can ask for help.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tracy, what have you been doing? I mean, now that you noticed that, what have you been doing for that?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> A lot less yelling. [Laughter] Thankfully! My husband and kids are very glad about that.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you sought help in that?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Or is it more of the fact that you just said, \u201cI\u2019ve got to stop\u201d?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> No; that day, I said, \u201cI have to get help.\u201d It\u2019s exactly what you said, Ron; so I sought help. I went and saw a counselor, who I had seen just different times over the years. It was funny because he said: \u201cI\u2019m surprised it took you three years to come sit in this chair. [Laughter] I expected to see you a lot sooner!\u201d\n\nThat very first session, he said, \u201cIt is so hard\u2014what you\u2019re going through.\u201d I just sat there and cried. He said, \u201c<em>You<\/em> can admit that it\u2019s hard,\u201d\u2014exactly what you\u2019re saying. I started going every couple of weeks\u2014just having honest conversations and having someone else give me encouragement. I mean, my friends do that; my husband does that; but it\u2019s different having an official person say, \u201cYou can admit this is hard.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, if I could jump in there, because\u2014for the people, who are listening right now\u2014what I would want to say is: \u201cYou can do what Tracy\u2019s counselor did. First, he recognized how hard it was. He validated that it\u2019s <em>difficult<\/em> in an ongoing crisis; and at the same time, he shared hope.\u201d\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know what? It doesn\u2019t take a therapist; I is one of those. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> But it doesn\u2019t take one of us to do that!\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Friends can do this; people at church can\u2014you know, just reach out! It\u2019s loving your neighbor; that\u2019s what it is.\n\nBut I think there\u2019s great importance in the balance. Sometimes, at church, we err on one side or the other. You know, we just dive into all the pain, and we commiserate with someone; but then we don\u2019t share hope. Or in faith communities, oftentimes, we turn toward hope: \u201cYes, but God is good; right, Tracy? So it\u2019s not that bad.\u201d No! We don\u2019t want to do that either; right?\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There need to be <em>both<\/em> sides of this, because <em>both<\/em> are true.\n\nIf you\u2019re listening today, and this is somebody you know, it\u2019s really that simple. If you can, just kind of meet them where they are in their pain; and at the same time, just pray with them and turn toward God; and know that, somehow, God provides strength. That\u2019s really a lot.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, that is a lot.\n\nYou\u2019re nodding your head and agreeing with that, Tracy. What are you thinking?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Well, I think the most important part is\u2014if you see someone going through that, you know how to help them. Before someone admits they\u2019re going through that, they\u2019re not very help-able.\n\nI think, if you\u2019re someone going through that, I would want <em>you<\/em> to hear: \u201cIt\u2019s hard, and it\u2019s okay to say that it\u2019s hard. The moment you <em>can<\/em> is when it can start getting easier.\u201d That\u2019s what I experienced.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, Michelle, Psalm 34:18 says, \u201cThe Lord is close to the broken-hearted.\u201d Sometimes it\u2019s the broken-hearted who need to recognize that the Lord is close, see?\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So every time she walks into a room, and she says that, she\u2019s reminded, \u201cGod is here, and He cares.\u201d\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sometimes we just disconnect <em>ourselves<\/em> from the truth that God <em>does<\/em> deeply care about our hurt and our pain. You know, John 11\u2014Jesus weeping with Mary and Martha over Lazarus\u2014that\u2019s so profound; you know? He knew what was coming next: He knew He was going to raise him back to life; and yet, this is a moment of sadness and sorrow.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So God is <em>with <\/em>us in these hard things\/in these traumatic events in our lives. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that He\u2019s there.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; right. Sometimes He uses friends to help us out, just like you said.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t always take a therapist; sometimes it\u2019s a friend.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And so, I\u2019m wondering, Tracy, what are like two or three things that friends or family have said that have helped you through this?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Well, I think of my sister; she\u2019s been so great! Anytime I need to talk to someone, she\u2019s available. Even this morning, I called her on the way to work. I said, \u201cI\u2019m stressed about this next week, and this thing feels like it\u2019s going to be complicated. And this\u2026\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re right! That sounds like it\u2019s going to be <em>really hard<\/em>,\u201d\u2014she said\u2014\u201cNow, can I pray with you?\u201d So both of those\u2014just the listening and not saying: \u201cOh, you must not be trusting God enough,\u201d or \u201cYou must be too focused on other people,\u201d or \u201cYou want this to be convenient,\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> \u2014none of that!\n\nListening, and then praying, and leading me back to truth.\n\nThere\u2019s another friend, who I remember texting during a time we were in the hospital for a long time. We were continuing to get bad news day after day. Annie was eight weeks old; we were really scared that we were going to lose her. We had gotten a test back again, and it was <em>bad news<\/em> again! Everyone had been praying, and <em>everyone<\/em> was trusting God for a miracle; we were all believing enough!\u2014you know, all the formulas that you put together.\n\nThe test came back poorly. I texted this friend and said, \u201cThis was the news, and I don\u2019t get it. We\u2019ve all been praying. I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not working.\u201d I actually had copied and pasted that to several other friends, who were asking for updates. This one friend responded and said, \u201cI don\u2019t get it either, but I\u2019m going to keep praying.\u201d I mean, that was huge!\n\nEveryone else who I had texted that to\u2014it was three or four people; not a whole lot\u2014the others texted back Bible verses: \u201cBe joyful; patient in affliction.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201c<em>YOU <\/em>try to be patient right here, right now! I haven\u2019t slept in my own bed in a month!\u201d\u2014you know?\n\nI mean, it\u2019s okay for friends to admit it\u2019s hard, listen, and still lead to the truth.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ron, I\u2019m also thinking about me, as a friend to Tracy, and all that she is going through. How can I enter that hard place with her? I mean, it\u2019s awkward.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s awkward as I look and I\u2019m like: \u201cThis is so hard! This is beyond anything <em>I<\/em> have ever experienced; I wouldn\u2019t know what to say\u201d; how do I help my friend?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, I always think it\u2019s okay to ask. You know, you can say things like, \u201cHey, I want to bring up Annie.\u201d You know, I like to do it this way: \u201cThere\u2019s part of me that wants to bring up and ask you about Annie, and how that\u2019s going. There\u2019s another part of me that thinks, \u2018I don\u2019t want to\u2014\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t want to make you cry today.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201c\u2019I don\u2019t want to make you cry today,\u2019 and I don\u2019t know if the timing is good for you or not. I\u2019m just not sure.\u201d\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> See, what you\u2019ve done is you\u2019ve talked around it, but you\u2019ve empowered Tracy to tell you what she needs. Sometimes, people going through trauma <em>do <\/em>want to talk, right now\/right here. And sometimes, they do need a break. You can\u2019t always know. It\u2019s okay not to know; ask! Let them tell you what they need.\n\nShe might come back and say: \u201cYou know, sometimes, I definitely want to talk; but right now, I just need a break. Ask me tomorrow.\u201d \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll ask you tomorrow.\u201d And then you change the subject and go on to something else. Or she just spills out, and it comes out. You listen and you go: \u201cI\u2019m just so sorry. I\u2019m here; I\u2019m with you. I can\u2019t imagine what that\u2019s like.\u201d\n\nYou just kind of enter the pain, you know? That doesn\u2019t feel like much, but it\u2019s really a lot; because then she knows she\u2019s not alone.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s the value of that.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Now, Tracy, as you\u2019re preparing for next week, what are the feelings going on inside you right now?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; we have a lot of uncertainty ahead of us. We\u2019ve had a lot of bad news in the past year-and-a-half about Annie. I think that both Matt and I are afraid. I think that we would be dishonest to say there\u2019s not fear. There\u2019s a lot of anxiety and even, in the past couple of days at our house, we\u2019ve seen each other go back into our stress operating modes. That\u2019s difficult; you know?\n\nI think that we have concerns about our marriage as we head into this next week, because that\u2019s when it\u2019s hard\u2014\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> \u2014is when everything else is hard. We have family that will be joining us for the trip, and that adds complexity. Then, we actually have concerns over whether or not Annie will live through this surgery. We have seen this trauma affect our older daughter; she\u2019ll be there with us. We have concerns about how all of that will play out. I think, right now, it would be fair to say we feel overwhelmed with what\u2019s ahead.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> But, even just this morning, as I was talking with a friend, I was reminded that I can choose to focus on the fear of what we\u2019ve been through; or I can choose to hope in a God, who\u2019s already there ahead of us. When He shows us things like\u2014you know, the little rainbows or just the kindness of the timing of a trip that our family just got to take\u2014those are reminders of: \u201cHe\u2019s a safe God; we can lean into Him.\u201d We don\u2019t know how it ends, but we know there is hope and not just trauma up ahead for us.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\nWell, one thing I have seen, as I have witnessed your story\u2014and if I can say this\u2014because it has been a story of suffering, but it has been a story of beauty; because just as you have shared with me, several times, of how God has intervened in <em>so many<\/em> different ways, I\u2019ve watched how you have relied <em>so hard<\/em> on Him.\n\nAs we\u2019re wrapping things up, Ron, would you be able to pray for Tracy and Matt and Annie?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely! And, you know, I\u2019m going to close with your very words, because clearly you\u2019re anxious\u2014and you should be\u2014about what\u2019s coming.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> At the same time, you\u2019re casting your anxieties on God; that\u2019s where our stability, in the midst of shaky ground, comes from. So let\u2019s do that.\n\nGod, You are the God of comfort. You comfort us as only You know how. You also recognize that there are things that overwhelm us in life that we don\u2019t have answers for\u2014that we\u2019re confused by\/that we don\u2019t like\u2014that are painful for us. We so need to rely on You to see us through those things\u2014to be with us, to comfort, to guide.\n\nI pray that for Tracy and Matt\u2014as they take their daughter for this surgery, that You would be with them\/that You would be a constant reminder\u2014a rainbow in the sky\u2014that tells them that You\u2019re there, and that You care deeply.\n\nWe pray for Annie\u2014we pray for her well-being and that the surgery would go well and that You would be with the doctors and everyone who attends to her\u2014that the surgery would go as well as it could.\n\nGod, that is our prayer for her; but if it doesn\u2019t go well, I pray that You would deepen the faith of Tracy and Matt and their family, and that You would be with them in whatever happens\u2014that they would constantly look to You and fall on You to be their source. In the name of Jesus we pray; amen.\n\n[Laura Story singing <em>Whisper<\/em>]\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I sure hope that, as you\u2019ve been listening to Tracy\u2019s story today, and Ron leading us through understanding PTSD and suffering, that you\u2019ve been encouraged. We have more resources on our website. Go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. Also, there, we will keep you updated on Annie. Again, you can go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. Also there, we will have a link to Tracy\u2019s blog, where she updates us on what is happening with Annie.\n\nI want to thank the president of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. Thanks to our team who produced the show today. <em>FamilyLife This Week <\/em>is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\nI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\n<sup>\u00a9<\/sup>Song: <em>Whisper<\/em>\n\nArtist:\u00a0 Laura Story\n\nAlbum: <em>Open Hands<\/em> <sup>\u00a9<\/sup>March 3, 2017\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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counselor Ron Deal talks about the physical and emotional effects of traumatic stress, and Tracy Lane shares her experience regarding her daughter's heart surgeries.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/flw\/flw2019-11-16.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> We all have stress in our life. Sometimes stress can be good; but sometimes, stress can be destructive. Here\u2019s my friend, Tracy Lane.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Even when it seemed like a normal day at home\u2014when we\u2019re not in the hospital; we\u2019re not going to a doctor\u2019s appointment\u2014the ongoing stress that\u2019s in our lives\u2014that is a burden that I carry.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> There are some surprising places that stress hides\u2014like in the mind of a mom, whose three-year-old daughter was born with half a heart. We\u2019re going to talk about PTSD\u2014that\u2019s Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder\u2014in families on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\n<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\nWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill. You know, when we hear the four words, \u201cPost-Traumatic Stress Disorder,\u201d or PTSD, sometimes we think of a soldier, who has gone to war and has come face to face with battle. We think of firefighters, or we think of a plane crash. We think of those events that are bigger than life, and they trigger memories; and nightmares occur. Sometimes it\u2019s the sounds or smells that can take us back in time; maybe we avoid certain people or places.\n\nToday, we\u2019re going to talk about, maybe, some of those smaller tragedies. I want to be very careful how we handle this conversation; because I don\u2019t want to think less than of those big events, and those smaller events\u2014they are just as painful. There\u2019s still a lot of suffering that goes alongside, but it\u2019s an unseen suffering.\n\nI can\u2019t handle this conversation by myself. I\u2019ve invited two of my friends and co-workers, here, at FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> to join me. First of all is Ron Deal. Ron, you are the head\/the Director of FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>. You also have\u2014what is it?\u201425 years of counseling?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> That\u2019s why I called on you today to come in and help us shed some light on that.\n\nI\u2019ve also invited my friend and co-worker, Tracy Lane. She\u2019s a writer, here at FamilyLife; and she\u2019s a wife and a mom; and a mom of a special little girl, Annie. We\u2019ll hear a little bit of Annie\u2019s story a little bit later on. Tracy, thanks for being here.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Thank you for having me on today.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ron, can you help us understand: \u201cWhat is PTSD?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, when it comes to traumatic events, we like to talk about the \u201clittle t\u201d events and the \u201cbig T\u201d events.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You did a good job in your opening comments. \u201cLittle t\u201d events are when you have a fender bender; it\u2019s when your pet dies; it\u2019s when you\u2019ve lost a job. That\u2019s traumatic, in a sense.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> How traumatic depends upon <em>you<\/em>\u2014how you absorb that; the resources you have available to you: \u201cDo you have any extra money in the bank after you lose that job?\u201d or \u201cDo you have <em>nothing<\/em> in the bank?\u201d There are a number of things that impact just how significant any traumatic event is.\n\n\u201cBig T\u201d traumatic events are things that, even from the outside, you say, \u201cOh, yes! That\u2019s awful!\u201d\u2014you know, a natural disaster. It\u2019s one thing to have your house burn down; it\u2019s another thing to be <em>in<\/em> the house when it\u2019s burning down; right?\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> The impact of events <em>varies<\/em> from case to case. But at its heart, a stressful event is something that shakes you; it kind of stirs you. If you were standing on a large bridge\u2014like, you know, a bridge that cars are on or something\u2014and all of a sudden there was a huge wind or a flood, and the bridge began to move, that\u2019s stress in our life. If the bridge collapses with you <em>on it<\/em>, that\u2019s <em>trauma<\/em>; right?\n\nPTSD is when you wake up two weeks later\u2014two months later; six months later\u2014and you still feel like you\u2019re falling and the bridge is falling, and you don\u2019t know what you\u2019re going to land on.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Oh, that\u2019s tough!\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Now, Tracy, you\u2019re nodding your head. This is something that you, obviously, know or you, at least, agree with Ron on. I know, from just walking past your cube every so often, that you and your family have gone through some traumatic events over the last three years with your daughter, Annie. Can you explain a little bit about that with us?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes, we\u2019ve experienced that in our family. When we were pregnant with our second child, we were so excited to go and have the gender-reveal ultrasound.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> And that\u2019s really what I was expecting from the ultrasound\u2014was to find out if we were having another girl; it\u2019s what I was hoping for.\n\nWe did find out we were having another girl that day; but our doctor also told us that there\u2019s something wrong with her heart. There was something <em>so wrong<\/em> with her heart, that the next day, at 8:00 am, we needed to go to a specialist and have it checked out. That\u2019s where we say there\u2019s a \u201cbefore\u201d and \u201cafter\u201d in our lives.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Before that day, we were just a regular, typical family, stressed over what time my husband was going to be home, what I was fixing for dinner, what my year-and-a-half old was going to wear to church on Sunday. That day changed everything for us.\n\nThe following day at the specialist\u2019s, he did confirm that something was wrong with Annie\u2019s heart; and he encouraged us to terminate the pregnancy. We were just under 20 weeks. He told us that he didn\u2019t know her diagnosis, but that she likely wouldn\u2019t live to be born; and whatever she had would certainly be incompatible with life after her birth, if she lived to be born.\n\nWe chose <em>not<\/em> to terminate the pregnancy that day; but we needed to find out more about what her diagnosis was, so we agreed to some tests. He called me six days later to tell me: \u201cIt does look like she <em>may <\/em>be able to live until she\u2019s born. There are no chromosomal abnormalities, but there\u2019s definitely something wrong with her heart.\u201d\n\nWe went on to get a heart echo at our local children\u2019s hospital. That day, they confirmed she has only half of a heart. The left side of her heart never formed; she only has half of her heart. Again, that day, they encouraged us to terminate Annie\u2019s life.\n\nI think both of those days stand out, too; because when you hear something is wrong with your child\u2019s heart, you think, \u201cWell, there\u2019s something they can do about it,\u201d\u2014you know?\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> They\u2019re doctors!\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Right! \u201cWe\u2019re in the modern medicine age. They know what to do!\u201d But when two different specialists, who should know what to do, suggest aborting your child, you realize how significant the defect is.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes. Now, Annie has had two open-heart surgeries so far?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; Annie has undergone two open-heart surgeries: one when she was five days old and one when she was three months old. Actually, next week, she\u2019ll be undergoing her third open-heart surgery; and she\u2019s three years old right now.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow! How hard was that?\u2014to give your newborn off to the doctors and know that they\u2019re going to crack open her chest and work on that heart that\u2019s not working?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> The interesting part that helped prepare me for that was, during my pregnancy, I considered not loving her\u2014I tried to <em>not <\/em>in the beginning. I didn\u2019t want anyone to have showers for us, because I didn\u2019t know if she would live. We weren\u2019t going to put the crib together.\n\nAnd then it was like, \u201cHow could you do that?!\u201d I mean, she was growing! Every time we would go and have an ultrasound, I would see her moving; and we were praying for her. It was like, \u201cNo, that choice [to not love her] wasn\u2019t going to work.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> So I kind of went the other way and decided, if she was worth loving, she was worth loving all the way. Those first moments were hard, but it was like I had committed that I could do what I needed to do.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> The most I could love her was let someone else have her, who could take better care of her than I could, at that time.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Wow, Tracy! I\u2019ve sort of lived through this story with you; but even hearing you retell it, my healthy heart is just heavy for your family right now.\n\nRon, I heard a dozen PTSD-inducing memories in that story.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, it\u2019s not just one event for them. It is one event after another, after another, after another; they\u2019re all tied together.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\nWe\u2019re going to hear more about Tracy\u2019s story and more about PTSD and how we can love others in our community, who are walking through that. We need to take a break, but we\u2019ll come back in two minutes. Stay tuned.\n\n[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\n<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. I\u2019m joined in the studio today by Ron Deal and also Tracy Lane. We are talking about Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.\n\nJust before the break, Tracy was telling us about her three-year-old, who will be going in for heart surgery in just a week. I\u2019ve got to say that this little toddler is just so full of life! She\u2019s a chunky little girl; she is a happy little girl. She\u2019s got beautiful, beautiful blonde curls.\n\nWhen I look at the Lane family, I do <em>not<\/em> see tragedy; I do <em>not<\/em> see suffering; I do <em>not<\/em> see any part\u2014it\u2019s hidden. Help me understand what it is you deal with every day.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; it was actually in February of this year. It was a tough day, and we were seeking some other opinions on Annie\u2019s care. We had been receiving some emails back from the doctors who we had reached out to.\n\nIt was time for me\u2014I was going to take the kids out to dinner at Panera. We were buckling up in the car, and it was like I heard myself and saw myself just <em>yelling<\/em> at my children about getting their car seats buckled. When I turned around to look at Annie and Audrey, their eyes are just <em>huge<\/em>!\u2014like, \u201cWhat have I done?!\u201d They were buckling the car seats\u2014not, clearly, as fast as I thought it should happen\u2014but nothing had really gone wrong.\n\nIt was like hearing myself and seeing myself\u2014I thought: \u201cIt\u2019s not about the car seats,\u201d and \u201cI know what it\u2019s about.\u201d It was the first time where I really stopped and was able to recognize the ongoing stress that is in our lives, even when it seemed like a normal day at home\u2014when we\u2019re not in the hospital; we\u2019re not going to the doctor\u2019s appointment\u2014that is a burden that I carry.\n\nJust being able to recognize it that day started where I was able to make changes, too\u2014where I was able to begin the healing from it that I\u2019m still working through right now.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, that\u2019s the moment, where you recognize: \u201cOkay, I\u2019m irritable. I\u2019m easily set off. All the stuff that\u2019s going on deep in my heart is just below the surface. It doesn\u2019t take much to tap into that, and then it just explodes.\u201d\n\nIn recognizing that, you began to understand: \u201cYes, this is hard! This is stressful. I need to pay attention to this part of me that\u2019s under duress.\u201d That\u2019s so important!\u2014right? People who won\u2019t allow themselves that sort of pain\u2014\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u2014Michelle, that just locks them up even more. It cuts them off from outsiders and resource: people in the church community, who can help; pastoral support. I\u2019ve got to recognize it in me, and then I can ask for help.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Tracy, what have you been doing? I mean, now that you noticed that, what have you been doing for that?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> A lot less yelling. [Laughter] Thankfully! My husband and kids are very glad about that.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Have you sought help in that?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Or is it more of the fact that you just said, \u201cI\u2019ve got to stop\u201d?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> No; that day, I said, \u201cI have to get help.\u201d It\u2019s exactly what you said, Ron; so I sought help. I went and saw a counselor, who I had seen just different times over the years. It was funny because he said: \u201cI\u2019m surprised it took you three years to come sit in this chair. [Laughter] I expected to see you a lot sooner!\u201d\n\nThat very first session, he said, \u201cIt is so hard\u2014what you\u2019re going through.\u201d I just sat there and cried. He said, \u201c<em>You<\/em> can admit that it\u2019s hard,\u201d\u2014exactly what you\u2019re saying. I started going every couple of weeks\u2014just having honest conversations and having someone else give me encouragement. I mean, my friends do that; my husband does that; but it\u2019s different having an official person say, \u201cYou can admit this is hard.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, if I could jump in there, because\u2014for the people, who are listening right now\u2014what I would want to say is: \u201cYou can do what Tracy\u2019s counselor did. First, he recognized how hard it was. He validated that it\u2019s <em>difficult<\/em> in an ongoing crisis; and at the same time, he shared hope.\u201d\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know what? It doesn\u2019t take a therapist; I is one of those. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> But it doesn\u2019t take one of us to do that!\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Friends can do this; people at church can\u2014you know, just reach out! It\u2019s loving your neighbor; that\u2019s what it is.\n\nBut I think there\u2019s great importance in the balance. Sometimes, at church, we err on one side or the other. You know, we just dive into all the pain, and we commiserate with someone; but then we don\u2019t share hope. Or in faith communities, oftentimes, we turn toward hope: \u201cYes, but God is good; right, Tracy? So it\u2019s not that bad.\u201d No! We don\u2019t want to do that either; right?\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> There need to be <em>both<\/em> sides of this, because <em>both<\/em> are true.\n\nIf you\u2019re listening today, and this is somebody you know, it\u2019s really that simple. If you can, just kind of meet them where they are in their pain; and at the same time, just pray with them and turn toward God; and know that, somehow, God provides strength. That\u2019s really a lot.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, that is a lot.\n\nYou\u2019re nodding your head and agreeing with that, Tracy. What are you thinking?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Well, I think the most important part is\u2014if you see someone going through that, you know how to help them. Before someone admits they\u2019re going through that, they\u2019re not very help-able.\n\nI think, if you\u2019re someone going through that, I would want <em>you<\/em> to hear: \u201cIt\u2019s hard, and it\u2019s okay to say that it\u2019s hard. The moment you <em>can<\/em> is when it can start getting easier.\u201d That\u2019s what I experienced.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, Michelle, Psalm 34:18 says, \u201cThe Lord is close to the broken-hearted.\u201d Sometimes it\u2019s the broken-hearted who need to recognize that the Lord is close, see?\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So every time she walks into a room, and she says that, she\u2019s reminded, \u201cGod is here, and He cares.\u201d\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Sometimes we just disconnect <em>ourselves<\/em> from the truth that God <em>does<\/em> deeply care about our hurt and our pain. You know, John 11\u2014Jesus weeping with Mary and Martha over Lazarus\u2014that\u2019s so profound; you know? He knew what was coming next: He knew He was going to raise him back to life; and yet, this is a moment of sadness and sorrow.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> So God is <em>with <\/em>us in these hard things\/in these traumatic events in our lives. Sometimes we just need to remind ourselves that He\u2019s there.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right; right. Sometimes He uses friends to help us out, just like you said.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t always take a therapist; sometimes it\u2019s a friend.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> And so, I\u2019m wondering, Tracy, what are like two or three things that friends or family have said that have helped you through this?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Well, I think of my sister; she\u2019s been so great! Anytime I need to talk to someone, she\u2019s available. Even this morning, I called her on the way to work. I said, \u201cI\u2019m stressed about this next week, and this thing feels like it\u2019s going to be complicated. And this\u2026\u201d \u201cYou\u2019re right! That sounds like it\u2019s going to be <em>really hard<\/em>,\u201d\u2014she said\u2014\u201cNow, can I pray with you?\u201d So both of those\u2014just the listening and not saying: \u201cOh, you must not be trusting God enough,\u201d or \u201cYou must be too focused on other people,\u201d or \u201cYou want this to be convenient,\u201d\u2014\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> \u2014none of that!\n\nListening, and then praying, and leading me back to truth.\n\nThere\u2019s another friend, who I remember texting during a time we were in the hospital for a long time. We were continuing to get bad news day after day. Annie was eight weeks old; we were really scared that we were going to lose her. We had gotten a test back again, and it was <em>bad news<\/em> again! Everyone had been praying, and <em>everyone<\/em> was trusting God for a miracle; we were all believing enough!\u2014you know, all the formulas that you put together.\n\nThe test came back poorly. I texted this friend and said, \u201cThis was the news, and I don\u2019t get it. We\u2019ve all been praying. I don\u2019t know why it\u2019s not working.\u201d I actually had copied and pasted that to several other friends, who were asking for updates. This one friend responded and said, \u201cI don\u2019t get it either, but I\u2019m going to keep praying.\u201d I mean, that was huge!\n\nEveryone else who I had texted that to\u2014it was three or four people; not a whole lot\u2014the others texted back Bible verses: \u201cBe joyful; patient in affliction.\u201d [Laughter] I\u2019m like, \u201c<em>YOU <\/em>try to be patient right here, right now! I haven\u2019t slept in my own bed in a month!\u201d\u2014you know?\n\nI mean, it\u2019s okay for friends to admit it\u2019s hard, listen, and still lead to the truth.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ron, I\u2019m also thinking about me, as a friend to Tracy, and all that she is going through. How can I enter that hard place with her? I mean, it\u2019s awkward.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes; yes.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> It\u2019s awkward as I look and I\u2019m like: \u201cThis is so hard! This is beyond anything <em>I<\/em> have ever experienced; I wouldn\u2019t know what to say\u201d; how do I help my friend?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> You know, I always think it\u2019s okay to ask. You know, you can say things like, \u201cHey, I want to bring up Annie.\u201d You know, I like to do it this way: \u201cThere\u2019s part of me that wants to bring up and ask you about Annie, and how that\u2019s going. There\u2019s another part of me that thinks, \u2018I don\u2019t want to\u2014\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> \u201cI don\u2019t want to make you cry today.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> \u201c\u2019I don\u2019t want to make you cry today,\u2019 and I don\u2019t know if the timing is good for you or not. I\u2019m just not sure.\u201d\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> See, what you\u2019ve done is you\u2019ve talked around it, but you\u2019ve empowered Tracy to tell you what she needs. Sometimes, people going through trauma <em>do <\/em>want to talk, right now\/right here. And sometimes, they do need a break. You can\u2019t always know. It\u2019s okay not to know; ask! Let them tell you what they need.\n\nShe might come back and say: \u201cYou know, sometimes, I definitely want to talk; but right now, I just need a break. Ask me tomorrow.\u201d \u201cOkay, I\u2019ll ask you tomorrow.\u201d And then you change the subject and go on to something else. Or she just spills out, and it comes out. You listen and you go: \u201cI\u2019m just so sorry. I\u2019m here; I\u2019m with you. I can\u2019t imagine what that\u2019s like.\u201d\n\nYou just kind of enter the pain, you know? That doesn\u2019t feel like much, but it\u2019s really a lot; because then she knows she\u2019s not alone.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> That\u2019s the value of that.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Now, Tracy, as you\u2019re preparing for next week, what are the feelings going on inside you right now?\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes; we have a lot of uncertainty ahead of us. We\u2019ve had a lot of bad news in the past year-and-a-half about Annie. I think that both Matt and I are afraid. I think that we would be dishonest to say there\u2019s not fear. There\u2019s a lot of anxiety and even, in the past couple of days at our house, we\u2019ve seen each other go back into our stress operating modes. That\u2019s difficult; you know?\n\nI think that we have concerns about our marriage as we head into this next week, because that\u2019s when it\u2019s hard\u2014\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> \u2014is when everything else is hard. We have family that will be joining us for the trip, and that adds complexity. Then, we actually have concerns over whether or not Annie will live through this surgery. We have seen this trauma affect our older daughter; she\u2019ll be there with us. We have concerns about how all of that will play out. I think, right now, it would be fair to say we feel overwhelmed with what\u2019s ahead.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> But, even just this morning, as I was talking with a friend, I was reminded that I can choose to focus on the fear of what we\u2019ve been through; or I can choose to hope in a God, who\u2019s already there ahead of us. When He shows us things like\u2014you know, the little rainbows or just the kindness of the timing of a trip that our family just got to take\u2014those are reminders of: \u201cHe\u2019s a safe God; we can lean into Him.\u201d We don\u2019t know how it ends, but we know there is hope and not just trauma up ahead for us.\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Right.\n\nWell, one thing I have seen, as I have witnessed your story\u2014and if I can say this\u2014because it has been a story of suffering, but it has been a story of beauty; because just as you have shared with me, several times, of how God has intervened in <em>so many<\/em> different ways, I\u2019ve watched how you have relied <em>so hard<\/em> on Him.\n\nAs we\u2019re wrapping things up, Ron, would you be able to pray for Tracy and Matt and Annie?\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> Yes, absolutely! And, you know, I\u2019m going to close with your very words, because clearly you\u2019re anxious\u2014and you should be\u2014about what\u2019s coming.\n\n<strong>Tracy:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ron:<\/strong> At the same time, you\u2019re casting your anxieties on God; that\u2019s where our stability, in the midst of shaky ground, comes from. So let\u2019s do that.\n\nGod, You are the God of comfort. You comfort us as only You know how. You also recognize that there are things that overwhelm us in life that we don\u2019t have answers for\u2014that we\u2019re confused by\/that we don\u2019t like\u2014that are painful for us. We so need to rely on You to see us through those things\u2014to be with us, to comfort, to guide.\n\nI pray that for Tracy and Matt\u2014as they take their daughter for this surgery, that You would be with them\/that You would be a constant reminder\u2014a rainbow in the sky\u2014that tells them that You\u2019re there, and that You care deeply.\n\nWe pray for Annie\u2014we pray for her well-being and that the surgery would go well and that You would be with the doctors and everyone who attends to her\u2014that the surgery would go as well as it could.\n\nGod, that is our prayer for her; but if it doesn\u2019t go well, I pray that You would deepen the faith of Tracy and Matt and their family, and that You would be with them in whatever happens\u2014that they would constantly look to You and fall on You to be their source. In the name of Jesus we pray; amen.\n\n[Laura Story singing <em>Whisper<\/em>]\n\n<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> I sure hope that, as you\u2019ve been listening to Tracy\u2019s story today, and Ron leading us through understanding PTSD and suffering, that you\u2019ve been encouraged. We have more resources on our website. Go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. Also, there, we will keep you updated on Annie. Again, you can go to FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. Also there, we will have a link to Tracy\u2019s blog, where she updates us on what is happening with Annie.\n\nI want to thank the president of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. Thanks to our team who produced the show today. <em>FamilyLife This Week <\/em>is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\nI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\n<sup>\u00a9<\/sup>Song: <em>Whisper<\/em>\n\nArtist:\u00a0 Laura Story\n\nAlbum: <em>Open Hands<\/em> <sup>\u00a9<\/sup>March 3, 2017\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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