{"id":305501,"date":"2019-11-07T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-11-07T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/getting-your-dad-game-on\/"},"modified":"2019-11-07T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-11-07T11:00:04","slug":"getting-your-dad-game-on","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-your-dad-game-on\/","title":{"rendered":"Getting Your Dad Game On"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jerrad Lopes shares practical advice to dads for leading their families spiritually. Lopes reminds dads that they can&#8217;t just tell their sons what to do, but they need to show them what to do.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-07.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:24:57","filesize":"22.85M","filesize_raw":"23957081","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837,2806],"tags":[4946],"podcast_series":[8314],"cwp_profile":[9579],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305501","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","category-spiritual-development","tag-fatherhood","podcast_series-dad-tired","cwp_profile-jerrad-lopes","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305501\/getting-your-dad-game-on","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305501\/getting-your-dad-game-on","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"JyRmP7Vq4T\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-your-dad-game-on\/\">Getting Your Dad Game On<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/getting-your-dad-game-on\/embed\/#?secret=JyRmP7Vq4T\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Getting Your Dad Game On&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"JyRmP7Vq4T\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-07.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-07.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What does it look like for a dad to be a spiritual leader in his home? Jerrad Lopes says it looks like more than leading a 15-minute devotional every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>For sure, do the 15-minute devotional time; but they also need a daddy, who\u2019s going to, in every situation, be trying to figure out, \u201cWhat is the lesson that I can point my kids back to Christ in this moment?\u201d That\u2019s what Jesus did. It wasn\u2019t just, \u201cLet\u2019s sit down and study the Scriptures for 15 minutes\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cLet\u2019s walk and talk; and as we\u2019re walking and talking, let Me show you about the kingdom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, November 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. To be the kind of dad, who can engage with his kids on spiritual matters throughout the day\/throughout their lives, means you have to be a dad, who is feeding on God\u2019s Word yourself. We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Jerrad Lopes. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, I\u2019m just curious: \u201cWhen did you feel like Dave kicked in as a dad? How many years into being a dad did he go, \u2018Oh! I have a job to do here; I should get engaged\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Probably after our\u2014I mean, he was engaged; he would help me. But when he <em>really<\/em> kicked in was probably after our third [child]\u2014like: \u201cI cannot do this. I have to have your help.\u201d Yes; I feel like Dave just kept getting better and better, but he didn\u2019t have a dad or a role model. I think I was judging him; and I had expectations of what he should do or be like,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014without realizing he had <em>no idea<\/em> how to go about doing this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s been awhile, Bob; but I do remember going to guys in our church that were, in my opinion, great dads. I sort of evaluated that by looking at their teenage kids and thinking, \u201cMan, if my son or daughter look like that at 15, 16, 18 years old\u2026\u201d I would buy them lunch\u2014this was back before digital days\u2014I\u2019d have a little piece of paper and I\u2019d say, \u201cOkay; talk to me about being a dad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started to see common denominators, and one of them was they prayed. I remember thinking: \u201cMan, these are men of prayer for their kids. This isn\u2019t something they say; they actually do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You made the decision, at that point, that you were going to set aside a day a week?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, that was when my first son was born\u2014he\u2019s 33 now\u2014I decided, \u201cOne day a week, I\u2019m going to fast and pray.\u201d Not that I didn\u2019t pray the other days; but: \u201cI\u2019m not going to eat on Fridays until sundown; and all day long, I\u2019m going to pray for those boys\u2014and their wives, someday; and my grandkids, that I now have names for. As you can imagine\u2014standing there, as their dad and the pastor of their wedding ceremony, looking at a girl I had been praying for before she was born, was pretty powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; when you say, \u201c\u2026set aside Friday\u2014don\u2019t eat anything until sundown\u201d\u2014so no breakfast, no lunch, no snacks in between, and spend the day praying\u2014were you taking the whole day and praying, or were you just praying\u2014like, when you\u2019d feel hungry for a snack, you\u2019d say, \u201cThat\u2019s a prompt to prayer\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; my hunger pangs were prayer pangs, and I would pray all day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And you were working that day, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I worked; I worked out; it was a normal day, but it was sort of a sacred moment for me. If I couldn\u2019t do it on a Friday, for whatever reason, I\u2019d do it on a Wednesday. It was a weekly\u2014I still do. It\u2019s a powerful ritual in my life that I feel changed the way I did being a dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we have another dad, who\u2019s here, who is talking to a tribe of dads regularly through his weekly podcast, which is called <em>Dad Tired<\/em>, and his Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> community of dads, who want to do it right, and now a new book called <em>Dad Tired and Loving It<\/em>. Jerrad Lopes\u2019 joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Jerrad, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Thank you so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You hear Dave talk about this; and don\u2019t you go, \u201cI should just quit even <em>trying<\/em> to be a dad, because\u2026\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; I was taking notes. [Laughter] We are in the digital age, so I\u2019m looking at my phone: \u201cHow do I add these notes down? This is really good stuff.\u201d I\u2019m a young dad, so trying to figure it out; so I\u2019m on the other end.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You started your <em>Dad Tired<\/em> blog how many years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>It\u2019s about four years now; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s been the biggest piece of advice or the biggest feedback\u2014what is it that you\u2019ve learned that\u2019s kind of your biggest takeaway?\u2014because you\u2019ve written a lot and shared a lot with guys, but you\u2019ve been a learner along the way as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; one thing that has surprised me, as I\u2019ve traveled the country and spent a lot of time with a lot of dads my age, is\u2014I think the pendulum swung really hard, and most guys my age are really engaged dads. If you go to any park across America right now, and you just spend some time there, you\u2019re actually going to see a ton of dads playing with their kids. It\u2019s really remarkable, and I think that\u2019s just all of us kind of saying, \u201cThis is what we wish we would have had as kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut most dads, and most Christian dads, still say: \u201cYes, I\u2019m engaged. I feel like I\u2019m doing pretty decent\u2014I like playing with my kids and being there for my kids, but I don\u2019t totally know what it means to be a spiritual leader.\u201d Actually, most guys would say: \u201cI have no clue what it means to be a spiritual leader. I know how to do really well at work; I have some good hobbies; but leading my family towards Jesus?\u2014totally clueless.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you have a clue when you started on the journey?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Not at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because your dad left when you were three, so no modeling. I remember having a conversation with an author and speaker, Voddie Baucham, who\u2014Voddie\u2019s story: his dad was out of the picture; actually, his mom shipped him off to an uncle for a summer, who kind of helped him grow up and man up a little bit; but he said, \u201cI didn\u2019t have anything to fall back on.\u201d He said, \u201cHere\u2019s what I had\u2014I had the Bible.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what? He said that\u2019s more powerful than having had a dad. If guys will just get into the Word, the Scriptures will train you on what you\u2019re supposed to do. You read it and you say, \u201cI should be doing that\u201d; you do it, and it makes a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s exactly right. So, even this last week, my son and I\u2014there were some behavioral stuff that I was trying to work out with him. I was getting a little bit frustrated with him, because I had high expectations on his behavior and just felt like he wasn\u2019t being disciplined. I just felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me, \u201cWell, are you the man you want your son to be?\u201d I\u2019m not; I haven\u2019t been disciplined. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I thought, \u201cI don\u2019t need to just <em>tell<\/em> him what to do; I need to <em>show<\/em> him what to do,\u201d which makes sense in the Scriptures. Jesus was always a show-and-tell kind of guy, not just tell\u2014not just tell and tell\u2014but show and tell. I\u2019m like, \u201cAlright; I need to tell my kids, but I also need to <em>show<\/em> them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I just told my son: \u201cLet\u2019s read the Bible together every morning. Let\u2019s wake up before the rest of the family, and let\u2019s study the Word of God. I want you to be disciplined, but I also want to be disciplined. Let\u2019s do this together.\u201d We just started going through \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJames 1, which\u2014you know, you go through any book of the Bible\u2014but especially James, it\u2019s like <em>real<\/em> practical stuff!\u2014you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>So we just read it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always tell guys: \u201cYou don\u2019t need to know how to say things in Greek and Hebrew and be the best theologian; literally, just read the Bible. Just read it, and then try to practice doing what it says.\u201d We just read James 1:19, which says to be \u201cquick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.\u201d We memorized that together; and I said, \u201cIf we can memorize it all week, we\u2019ll celebrate by having some ice cream at the end of the week.\u201d My son memorized that, and then we just tried to practice all week: \u201cOkay; I want to be quick to listen here; I want to be slow to become angry; I want to be slow to speak.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s no deep theological stuff happening, as far as, you need to go real deep; you just literally read the Bible and practice doing what it says to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Jerrad, as a young dad, what is your goal? I know you say, early in the book, that so many of us want to raise moral children. You\u2019re like: \u201cThat\u2019s not good enough. There\u2019s a bar higher.\u201d What is the bullseye you\u2019re shooting for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>For me, a conversation that we often have in our home is\u2014I tell my kids, \u201cThis is what I want your kids to be like, and what I want their kids to be like\u2026\u201d My children\u2014especially my son, who\u2019s eight\/my daughter, who\u2019s six\u2014they will often already be thinking about their future kids\u2014by God\u2019s grace, if He gives them kids one day\u2014what they'll be like. In fact, we just had this conversation a couple days ago, telling my son: \u201cWhat will it be like when you tell your kids about Jesus one day?\u201d and \u201cWhat will it be like when your kids tell their kids about Jesus one day?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy end goal is to be sitting on a really comfortable chair in the living room and to see a bunch of kids and grandkids loving each other, and talking and playing, and that they would <em>love<\/em> the Lord. That\u2019s my goal. And that, when I die, there\u2019s just a huge legacy of people, who are following Jesus\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s amazing that you didn\u2019t come from that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So this is a whole new legacy that you\u2019re the one to get to start it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; I had always heard about\u2014like, \u201cYou can be the one that breaks the rhythms of sin in your life and legacy of sin, and kind of these patterns that have been passed down.\u201d That\u2019s a heavy weight, man; but it is the only thing I\u2019m striving for. By God\u2019s grace, if I\u2019m an old man and I\u2019m lying on my death bed, the only thing that I\u2019ll be excited about is to hear my kids say, \u201cMan, my dad stumbled his way through it; he didn\u2019t always get it right; but man, did that guy love Jesus,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m so thankful he told me about Him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I always think of 3 John, the little book of 3 John, verse 4. John there is talking about his spiritual children\u2014but certainly, it applies to our physical children\u2014John says, \u201cI have no greater joy than this\u201d\u2014stop and think: \u201cno greater joy\u201d; \u201cNothing makes me happier\/brings me deeper joy than this\u201d\u2014\u201cto know that my children are walking in the truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you\u2014as a dad, with grown kids and now grandkids, if one of my kids calls and says: \u201cI got a raise. I mean, it\u2019s a huge raise and a promotion, and we\u2019re going to be able to pay off our college debt,\u201d \u201cWe got a new car,\u201d or \u201cWe\u2019re going to have a baby!\u201d\u2014all of those, you go, \u201cI\u2019m rejoicing with you.\u201d But if they\u2019re calling, and they\u2019re not walking in the truth\u2014the new car, and the baby, and all of that\u2014there\u2019s still a burden. But if they call and say, \u201cI got fired today, and the car broke down,\u201d but they\u2019re walking in the truth; I have no greater joy than that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think, as moms and dads, we have to recognize just exactly what you\u2019re saying. Whether you\u2019re sitting in the chair or not, when you look around and you see: \u201cYou know what? My kids love Jesus, and they\u2019re walking it, and they\u2019re trying to live it out,\u201d there\u2019s nothing that brings contentment and peace to your soul like that. If that\u2019s the end product: \u201cNow, how do you get from here to there?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what you\u2019re stumbling your way toward as you work through this; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>If you think: \u201cMy main goal here is just to go to work so I can pay our bills,\u201d\u2014I mean, of course, guys are going to get bored with that; that\u2019s not a big story\u2014but when you describe what you just said\u2014like, \u201cNo, my main goal is that my kids know and love Jesus,\u201d that\u2019s worth getting up, and that\u2019s worth putting in the hard work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>One of the things you say in the book is: \u201cThe greatest gift you can give your children is Jesus,\u201d and \u201cThe best way to point them toward Jesus is by loving your wife like Jesus loves the church.\u201d I love that you said that; because you don\u2019t necessarily think of that, as a dad: \u201cWhat can I do for my kids? Oh, it\u2019s loving my wife.\u201d You talk in that chapter\u2014it\u2019s called \u201cSatan\u2019s Cesspool,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014which was a great chapter\u2014talk about that. Why is that important for our kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s the greatest picture of the gospel that they\u2019ll ever see. To be able to say, \u201cI know you fully and I love you fully,\u201d where else will they get that? Where else will they actually see that; right? They\u2019ll be in tons of relationships, but my goal is\u2014and I think the way that God designed marriage is\u2014that they\u2019ll look at Mommy and Daddy and say, \u201cWell, they\u2019re both really sinful and messy, but they love each other fully,\u201d which is a glimpse of the God that loves them\u2014knows you fully, and loves you fully.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I\u2019m always trying to figure that out myself and push guys to: \u201cThat\u2019s the greatest gift you can give your kids. More than any devotional you read to them, taking them to Sunday school, and all that, the greatest glimpse of the gospel is them to see two people, who know each other fully and love each other fully, is the glimpse of the gospel that they\u2019ll have\u2014real life. Which is why, when we\u2019re together and things are hard, if I were to bail\u2014if I were to say, \u2018Oh, this is really hard; I\u2019m going to leave,\u2019\u2014it\u2019s an inaccurate view of the gospel for them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, God\u2019s grace is good; there are no boundaries of God\u2019s grace\u2014praise God\u2014but that\u2019s what we\u2019re trying to do. I think that\u2019s what God designed marriage for\u2014is to give our kids a glimpse of the good news.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Were you good at that when you got married? Were you like, \u201cI am good at being a husband!\u201d? How did that go for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>No; I\u2019ve never said that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But you did share a story of going down a river, and you compared your marriage or being married to that experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; I had some friends say, \u201cHey, Jerrad; do you want to float down the river together?\u201d I love being on the water; so I\u2019m like, \u201cAbsolutely, this sounds like a blast.\u201d I show up; I\u2019m in board shorts and flip-flops\u2014in California, you know, we\u2019re going to get on inner tubes; we\u2019re going to float down the river, and we\u2019ll have a blast. We\u2019re a bunch of young guys, and we\u2019re floating down the river. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my buddies says: \u201cHey, do you want to go in my inflatable kayak, and I\u2019ll jump in your inner tube? We\u2019ll swap before we head home.\u201d I said, \u201cThat sounds great; I\u2019d love to jump in the kayak.\u201d So I get in the kayak. What I didn\u2019t know was they were about ready to head home, so they had actually exited the river. I\u2019m on my inflatable kayak; and I\u2019m just kind of up a ways by myself, floating down the river. I\u2019m laying there, and I\u2019m looking up at the trees and the water. I can hear the birds, and I\u2019m so relaxed. This is exactly why I came\u2014I came to have a relaxing float down the river today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of a sudden, behind me, I hear these guys say, \u201cHey man, have you ever done this river before?\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cDone this river? What does that even mean?\u201d I turn around and I look; and there are two guys in wetsuits. They have life jackets and helmets on, in their white-water kayaks. I\u2019m like: \u201cThis is overkill,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014like, \u201cMan, calm down.\u201d They pull up to my little inflatable kayak and say, \u201cYes, man; just wanted to tell you to be careful, because Satan\u2019s Cesspool\u2019s right up ahead.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cOkay; Satan\u2019s Cesspool.\u201d I kid you not, as those words came out of their mouths, I felt like the current of the river just immediately picked up. [Laughter] They took off ahead, and I could see them just drop off the horizon. As I\u2019m getting closer, I see that there are actual photographers\/professional photographers taking pictures of these kayakers going down this waterfall.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014including the idiot in the inflatable! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>I\u2019m like: \u201cThis is it, man. This is my death.\u201d I hit Satan\u2019s Cesspool\/hit the waterfall, and immediately my kayak folds in half. There was just no chance; I get flipped out. The pressure of the waterfall is just pushing me down. It was the one and only time in my life I was praying for my life: \u201cGod, please don\u2019t let me die. Please don\u2019t let me die. Please don\u2019t let me die.\u201d Kind of a Jonah story\u2014I just spit up on shore somehow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I showed up that day to have a relaxing float down the river; and I ended up almost losing my life. I always say it feels a little bit like marriage. I officiate a lot of weddings now, and I see a lot of people show up\u2014I always say: \u201cIt looks like you showed up in board shorts and flip-flops,\u201d and \u201dI just want to smack you across the head and say, like: \u2018Dude, you\u2019re about to hit Satan\u2019s Cesspool. Wipe that smile off your face; you\u2019re about to get hit hard,\u2019\u201d; because most people are signing up for marriage, because they think it\u2019s going to be just really fun and awesome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and make them happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes: \u201cI get to marry my best friend; we can travel the world together.\u201d You talk to any married person, longer than six weeks, and you\u2019re like, \u201cThis is a lot harder than what I thought it was going to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>My wife and I\u2014anytime we\u2019re doing marriage counseling with couples\u2014I will always say, \u201cYou need to know this is going to be harder than you imagine.\u201d She will always say, \u201cAnd it\u2019s fun, and it\u2019s worth it.\u201d She wants to come along behind and just say, \u201cDon\u2019t try to scare them out of this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not trying to scare anybody out of anything. Here\u2019s what we need to make sure\u2014we need to make sure that, when we\u2019re in it and it gets hard, we can remember somebody saying, \u201cOh, they said this was going to happen,\u201d\u2014not so that they\u2019re thinking, \u201cSomething must be wrong with me,\u201d or \u201c\u2026with her,\u201d or \u201c\u2026this marriage,\u201d\u2014but: \u201cOh, yes; somebody said there are rapids ahead,\u201d and \u201cDon\u2019t be surprised when you hit them,\u201d and \u201cYou can come out the other side, surviving it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Right; the beauty is, when those rapids hit and the white water hits, some would say\u2014because the white waters hit in our own marriage\u2014some would say to my wife\u2014like: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you leave? You can find a better husband. You can find a husband, who\u2019s more engaged and will treat you better than that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cYou can float down the river with someone else.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cThere\u2019s a better kayak,\u201d \u201cThere\u2019s a better river,\u201d\u2014however you want to take that analogy\u2014but what my wife would say is, \u201cI\u2019m not going to leave him, because Christ has not left me in my mess.\u201d <em>That<\/em> is the picture of the gospel we want our kids to see. Even when Mommy and Daddy are messy and sinful, they don\u2019t leave each other. They know each other fully and love each other fully. Again, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> the good news that I\u2019m trying to point my kids to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How do you guys put your marriage first before your kids?\u2014when the kids are so demanding; you\u2019re exhausted\u2014that\u2019s going on\u2014how do you make marriage a priority?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>A lot like the fasting day, you have to put things on your calendar. I had a mentor tell me, \u201cIf it doesn\u2019t make your calendar, or it\u2019s not reflective in your bank account, you actually don\u2019t value it as much as you say you do. Your time and your money always prove out what you actually value.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for us, it\u2019s literally putting scheduled days on the calendar, where it\u2019s just Mommy and Daddy, who are now husband and wife. We schedule things, and we\u2019re pretty strict about it and protecting those things. We even actually schedule date nights with our kids every month on the calendar as well. But it has to hit the calendar, because you don\u2019t just unintentionally find yourself being a better husband or having this great marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, I\u2019m looking at a line in your book\u2014and now we\u2019re going from your marriage back to being a dad; right?\u2014by the way, I just got a new title for our next marriage book, honey [Ann]. We can call it: <em>Welcome to Satan\u2019s Cesspool!<\/em> You know? [Laughter] <em>Happily Ever After!<\/em> Anyway, that\u2019s another whole thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to be a <em>New York Times<\/em> number one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think I would pick that up, as a wife; maybe the men would. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes! But it\u2019s so true; it is exactly the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing is\u2014you know, there\u2019s this similar thing\u2014becoming a parent: \u201cIt\u2019s not going to be that hard.\u201d You know, \u201cRaising kids, can\u2019t be\u2026\u201d; you know, you look at others and think, \u201cThey\u2019re not doing it that well; mine will be so much easier.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s a line in your book I love\u2014it says, \u201cRaising kids, who are passionately in love with Jesus, seems to involve two things.\u201d I wonder, if you could do a show of hands, you know, what would people say?\u2014\u201cWhat are those two things?\u201d You say: \u201cA dad, who is himself passionately in love with Jesus, and one who is willing to teach his kids about Him in every situation.\u201d Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>God can do whatever He\u2019s going to do; so there are many people, who are following Jesus right now, passionately, who didn\u2019t have moms and dads, who were passionately following Him\u2014that\u2019s just the grace of God and the goodness of God. But our kids are much more set up to fall in love with Jesus when we love Jesus. It\u2019s hard to\u2014and kids sniff it out. I mean, you guys know this\u2014that it\u2019s hard to talk to my kids about something that I\u2019m not actually passionate about. \u201cSo you want your kids to fall in love with Jesus? Ask yourself, \u2018Are you, yourself, in love with the Lord?\u2019 That\u2019s the first thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing there is\u2014using every opportunity. I think, oftentimes, we, as men\u2014there\u2019s a book that talks about men\u2019s brains are waffles, and women\u2019s brains are spaghetti\u2014men have compartments; right? We can kind of: \u201cThere\u2019s this compartment,\u201d and \u201cThis compartment,\u201d and \u201cThis compartment.\u201d For a man, they think: \u201cOkay; I want my kids to love the Lord. What will Jesus time look like? What are those 15 to 30 minutes a day that I need to take out so that my kids will fall in love with Jesus?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I am trying to do in the book is say: \u201cYour kids need <em>way<\/em> <em>more<\/em> than a 15-minute devotional time. For sure, do the 15-minute devotional time; but they also need a daddy who\u2019s going to, in every situation, be trying to figure out, \u201cWhat is the lesson that I can point my kids back to Christ in this moment?\u2019\u201d That\u2019s what Jesus did. It wasn\u2019t just, \u201cLet\u2019s sit down and study the Scriptures for 15 minutes\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cLet\u2019s walk and talk; and as we\u2019re walking and talking, let Me show you about the kingdom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and I think it\u2019s interesting for me, as a dad, to think, \u201cThere\u2019s <em>no way<\/em> I can do that unless it\u2019s an overflow.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I can\u2019t read a book and, \u201cOh, I\u2019m going to make this part of 10 a.m. and then again at 1.\u201d It\u2019s got to be: \u201cI\u2019m plugged in, and it\u2019s flowing out of me into my kids.\u201d So every mom\u2014and interesting thing: it\u2019s Mom and Dad\/or Mom or Dad, if you\u2019re single parents\u2014but it\u2019s like: \u201cThe thing I\u2019d take away from this discussion is, \u2018What about me?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s so easy to focus on my kids: \u201cThey\u2019re not being the kids\u2026\u201d \u201cThey\u2019re not obeying the way\u2026\u201d What about me, looking in the mirror, and saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to start with <em>me<\/em> and my walk with Jesus,\u201d almost like that\u2019s all I\u2019m going to do; and it will overflow. It\u2019s going to be contagious, because it\u2019s going to be the fruit of my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and we\u2019ve talked about this already this week; but don\u2019t try to tackle that thing on your own, either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Don\u2019t say: \u201cOkay, what about me? I\u2019m on my own to try to make this work.\u201d Have community; have other guys in your life. Be a part of a local faith community, and be interacting. Get other men engaged with you. Maybe get involved in the closed Facebook group that Jerrad has going on, where you have a virtual community, online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I would say, \u201cDon\u2019t try to substitute local community for virtual community\u201d; right? You\u2019d agree with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s always my fear\u2014is that guys would think that they\u2019re getting enough through an online community, which is not true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; the reality is\u2014your virtual community is helpful, but it\u2019s not the same as face to face; it\u2019s not the same as a guy you can call and say, \u201cCan we have breakfast?\u2014because I need to talk about something.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I always say it this way: \u201cYou need both digital and analog.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cAnalog is real people.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; you can find out more about the virtual community that Jerrad has going on when you go to our website, \u00aeToday.com; and find out more about his book; but again, don\u2019t let that keep you from life-on-life connection with guys at your local church\u2014guys in your community\u2014guys who are going to point you in the right direction; you\u2019re going to keep pointing one another in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to get a copy of Jerrad Lopes\u2019 book, <em>Dad Tired and Loving It: Stumbling Your Way to Spiritual Leadership.<\/em> Again, you can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329. Again, on our website, there\u2019s information about Jerrad Lopes\u2019 blog and about the community of guys, who are gathering online. Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and get in touch with us if you\u2019d like a copy of the book or if there are other resources we can help you with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of resources, I wrote a book called <em>The Christian Husband<\/em> that\u2019s about spiritual leadership in your marriage. We want to make that book available to listeners, who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with a donation today. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when you invest in this ministry, you\u2019re helping provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families\u2014hundreds of thousands of people, who are tuned in every day\u2014people listening all around the world to this program, accessing articles on the internet, going to events that we\u2019re hosting, or using the resources we\u2019ve developed. You make that possible\u2014you help disciple these young couples\u2014when you invest in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019ll send you a copy of the book, <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>, as our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d when you donate today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone. We appreciate your partnership with us. Thanks for listening, and thanks for helping to extend the reach of this ministry to more and more husbands and wives and moms and dads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us again tomorrow. Jerrad Lopes will be here again to continue talking about what spiritual leadership in your home looks like. By the way, one of the things it looks like\u2014we\u2019ll talk about this tomorrow\u2014is messing up in front of your kids. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:24:57"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["22.85M"],"filesize_raw":["23957081"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305501.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305501.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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Lopes shares practical advice to dads for leading their families spiritually. Lopes reminds dads that they can't just tell their sons what to do, but they need to show them what to do.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-07.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What does it look like for a dad to be a spiritual leader in his home? Jerrad Lopes says it looks like more than leading a 15-minute devotional every day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>For sure, do the 15-minute devotional time; but they also need a daddy, who\u2019s going to, in every situation, be trying to figure out, \u201cWhat is the lesson that I can point my kids back to Christ in this moment?\u201d That\u2019s what Jesus did. It wasn\u2019t just, \u201cLet\u2019s sit down and study the Scriptures for 15 minutes\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cLet\u2019s walk and talk; and as we\u2019re walking and talking, let Me show you about the kingdom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Thursday, November 7<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. To be the kind of dad, who can engage with his kids on spiritual matters throughout the day\/throughout their lives, means you have to be a dad, who is feeding on God\u2019s Word yourself. We\u2019re going to talk more about that today with Jerrad Lopes. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. So, I\u2019m just curious: \u201cWhen did you feel like Dave kicked in as a dad? How many years into being a dad did he go, \u2018Oh! I have a job to do here; I should get engaged\u2019?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Probably after our\u2014I mean, he was engaged; he would help me. But when he <em>really<\/em> kicked in was probably after our third [child]\u2014like: \u201cI cannot do this. I have to have your help.\u201d Yes; I feel like Dave just kept getting better and better, but he didn\u2019t have a dad or a role model. I think I was judging him; and I had expectations of what he should do or be like,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Oh yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014without realizing he had <em>no idea<\/em> how to go about doing this.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; it\u2019s been awhile, Bob; but I do remember going to guys in our church that were, in my opinion, great dads. I sort of evaluated that by looking at their teenage kids and thinking, \u201cMan, if my son or daughter look like that at 15, 16, 18 years old\u2026\u201d I would buy them lunch\u2014this was back before digital days\u2014I\u2019d have a little piece of paper and I\u2019d say, \u201cOkay; talk to me about being a dad.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI started to see common denominators, and one of them was they prayed. I remember thinking: \u201cMan, these are men of prayer for their kids. This isn\u2019t something they say; they actually do.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You made the decision, at that point, that you were going to set aside a day a week?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I mean, that was when my first son was born\u2014he\u2019s 33 now\u2014I decided, \u201cOne day a week, I\u2019m going to fast and pray.\u201d Not that I didn\u2019t pray the other days; but: \u201cI\u2019m not going to eat on Fridays until sundown; and all day long, I\u2019m going to pray for those boys\u2014and their wives, someday; and my grandkids, that I now have names for. As you can imagine\u2014standing there, as their dad and the pastor of their wedding ceremony, looking at a girl I had been praying for before she was born, was pretty powerful.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; when you say, \u201c\u2026set aside Friday\u2014don\u2019t eat anything until sundown\u201d\u2014so no breakfast, no lunch, no snacks in between, and spend the day praying\u2014were you taking the whole day and praying, or were you just praying\u2014like, when you\u2019d feel hungry for a snack, you\u2019d say, \u201cThat\u2019s a prompt to prayer\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; my hunger pangs were prayer pangs, and I would pray all day.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>And you were working that day, too.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I worked; I worked out; it was a normal day, but it was sort of a sacred moment for me. If I couldn\u2019t do it on a Friday, for whatever reason, I\u2019d do it on a Wednesday. It was a weekly\u2014I still do. It\u2019s a powerful ritual in my life that I feel changed the way I did being a dad.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, we have another dad, who\u2019s here, who is talking to a tribe of dads regularly through his weekly podcast, which is called <em>Dad Tired<\/em>, and his Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> community of dads, who want to do it right, and now a new book called <em>Dad Tired and Loving It<\/em>. Jerrad Lopes\u2019 joining us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Jerrad, welcome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Thank you so much.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You hear Dave talk about this; and don\u2019t you go, \u201cI should just quit even <em>trying<\/em> to be a dad, because\u2026\u201d?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; I was taking notes. [Laughter] We are in the digital age, so I\u2019m looking at my phone: \u201cHow do I add these notes down? This is really good stuff.\u201d I\u2019m a young dad, so trying to figure it out; so I\u2019m on the other end.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>You started your <em>Dad Tired<\/em> blog how many years ago?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>It\u2019s about four years now; yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>What\u2019s been the biggest piece of advice or the biggest feedback\u2014what is it that you\u2019ve learned that\u2019s kind of your biggest takeaway?\u2014because you\u2019ve written a lot and shared a lot with guys, but you\u2019ve been a learner along the way as well.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; one thing that has surprised me, as I\u2019ve traveled the country and spent a lot of time with a lot of dads my age, is\u2014I think the pendulum swung really hard, and most guys my age are really engaged dads. If you go to any park across America right now, and you just spend some time there, you\u2019re actually going to see a ton of dads playing with their kids. It\u2019s really remarkable, and I think that\u2019s just all of us kind of saying, \u201cThis is what we wish we would have had as kids.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut most dads, and most Christian dads, still say: \u201cYes, I\u2019m engaged. I feel like I\u2019m doing pretty decent\u2014I like playing with my kids and being there for my kids, but I don\u2019t totally know what it means to be a spiritual leader.\u201d Actually, most guys would say: \u201cI have no clue what it means to be a spiritual leader. I know how to do really well at work; I have some good hobbies; but leading my family towards Jesus?\u2014totally clueless.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Did you have a clue when you started on the journey?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Not at all.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Because your dad left when you were three, so no modeling. I remember having a conversation with an author and speaker, Voddie Baucham, who\u2014Voddie\u2019s story: his dad was out of the picture; actually, his mom shipped him off to an uncle for a summer, who kind of helped him grow up and man up a little bit; but he said, \u201cI didn\u2019t have anything to fall back on.\u201d He said, \u201cHere\u2019s what I had\u2014I had the Bible.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know what? He said that\u2019s more powerful than having had a dad. If guys will just get into the Word, the Scriptures will train you on what you\u2019re supposed to do. You read it and you say, \u201cI should be doing that\u201d; you do it, and it makes a difference.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s exactly right. So, even this last week, my son and I\u2014there were some behavioral stuff that I was trying to work out with him. I was getting a little bit frustrated with him, because I had high expectations on his behavior and just felt like he wasn\u2019t being disciplined. I just felt like the Holy Spirit was telling me, \u201cWell, are you the man you want your son to be?\u201d I\u2019m not; I haven\u2019t been disciplined. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I thought, \u201cI don\u2019t need to just <em>tell<\/em> him what to do; I need to <em>show<\/em> him what to do,\u201d which makes sense in the Scriptures. Jesus was always a show-and-tell kind of guy, not just tell\u2014not just tell and tell\u2014but show and tell. I\u2019m like, \u201cAlright; I need to tell my kids, but I also need to <em>show<\/em> them.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I just told my son: \u201cLet\u2019s read the Bible together every morning. Let\u2019s wake up before the rest of the family, and let\u2019s study the Word of God. I want you to be disciplined, but I also want to be disciplined. Let\u2019s do this together.\u201d We just started going through \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tJames 1, which\u2014you know, you go through any book of the Bible\u2014but especially James, it\u2019s like <em>real<\/em> practical stuff!\u2014you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>So we just read it. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI always tell guys: \u201cYou don\u2019t need to know how to say things in Greek and Hebrew and be the best theologian; literally, just read the Bible. Just read it, and then try to practice doing what it says.\u201d We just read James 1:19, which says to be \u201cquick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.\u201d We memorized that together; and I said, \u201cIf we can memorize it all week, we\u2019ll celebrate by having some ice cream at the end of the week.\u201d My son memorized that, and then we just tried to practice all week: \u201cOkay; I want to be quick to listen here; I want to be slow to become angry; I want to be slow to speak.\u201d\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere\u2019s no deep theological stuff happening, as far as, you need to go real deep; you just literally read the Bible and practice doing what it says to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Jerrad, as a young dad, what is your goal? I know you say, early in the book, that so many of us want to raise moral children. You\u2019re like: \u201cThat\u2019s not good enough. There\u2019s a bar higher.\u201d What is the bullseye you\u2019re shooting for?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>For me, a conversation that we often have in our home is\u2014I tell my kids, \u201cThis is what I want your kids to be like, and what I want their kids to be like\u2026\u201d My children\u2014especially my son, who\u2019s eight\/my daughter, who\u2019s six\u2014they will often already be thinking about their future kids\u2014by God\u2019s grace, if He gives them kids one day\u2014what they'll be like. In fact, we just had this conversation a couple days ago, telling my son: \u201cWhat will it be like when you tell your kids about Jesus one day?\u201d and \u201cWhat will it be like when your kids tell their kids about Jesus one day?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tMy end goal is to be sitting on a really comfortable chair in the living room and to see a bunch of kids and grandkids loving each other, and talking and playing, and that they would <em>love<\/em> the Lord. That\u2019s my goal. And that, when I die, there\u2019s just a huge legacy of people, who are following Jesus\u2014that\u2019s what I\u2019m trying to do.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s amazing that you didn\u2019t come from that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>So this is a whole new legacy that you\u2019re the one to get to start it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; I had always heard about\u2014like, \u201cYou can be the one that breaks the rhythms of sin in your life and legacy of sin, and kind of these patterns that have been passed down.\u201d That\u2019s a heavy weight, man; but it is the only thing I\u2019m striving for. By God\u2019s grace, if I\u2019m an old man and I\u2019m lying on my death bed, the only thing that I\u2019ll be excited about is to hear my kids say, \u201cMan, my dad stumbled his way through it; he didn\u2019t always get it right; but man, did that guy love Jesus,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019m so thankful he told me about Him.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I always think of 3 John, the little book of 3 John, verse 4. John there is talking about his spiritual children\u2014but certainly, it applies to our physical children\u2014John says, \u201cI have no greater joy than this\u201d\u2014stop and think: \u201cno greater joy\u201d; \u201cNothing makes me happier\/brings me deeper joy than this\u201d\u2014\u201cto know that my children are walking in the truth.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019ll tell you\u2014as a dad, with grown kids and now grandkids, if one of my kids calls and says: \u201cI got a raise. I mean, it\u2019s a huge raise and a promotion, and we\u2019re going to be able to pay off our college debt,\u201d \u201cWe got a new car,\u201d or \u201cWe\u2019re going to have a baby!\u201d\u2014all of those, you go, \u201cI\u2019m rejoicing with you.\u201d But if they\u2019re calling, and they\u2019re not walking in the truth\u2014the new car, and the baby, and all of that\u2014there\u2019s still a burden. But if they call and say, \u201cI got fired today, and the car broke down,\u201d but they\u2019re walking in the truth; I have no greater joy than that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI just think, as moms and dads, we have to recognize just exactly what you\u2019re saying. Whether you\u2019re sitting in the chair or not, when you look around and you see: \u201cYou know what? My kids love Jesus, and they\u2019re walking it, and they\u2019re trying to live it out,\u201d there\u2019s nothing that brings contentment and peace to your soul like that. If that\u2019s the end product: \u201cNow, how do you get from here to there?\u201d\u2014that\u2019s what you\u2019re stumbling your way toward as you work through this; right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>If you think: \u201cMy main goal here is just to go to work so I can pay our bills,\u201d\u2014I mean, of course, guys are going to get bored with that; that\u2019s not a big story\u2014but when you describe what you just said\u2014like, \u201cNo, my main goal is that my kids know and love Jesus,\u201d that\u2019s worth getting up, and that\u2019s worth putting in the hard work.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>One of the things you say in the book is: \u201cThe greatest gift you can give your children is Jesus,\u201d and \u201cThe best way to point them toward Jesus is by loving your wife like Jesus loves the church.\u201d I love that you said that; because you don\u2019t necessarily think of that, as a dad: \u201cWhat can I do for my kids? Oh, it\u2019s loving my wife.\u201d You talk in that chapter\u2014it\u2019s called \u201cSatan\u2019s Cesspool,\u201d\u2014[Laughter]\u2014which was a great chapter\u2014talk about that. Why is that important for our kids?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Well, it\u2019s the greatest picture of the gospel that they\u2019ll ever see. To be able to say, \u201cI know you fully and I love you fully,\u201d where else will they get that? Where else will they actually see that; right? They\u2019ll be in tons of relationships, but my goal is\u2014and I think the way that God designed marriage is\u2014that they\u2019ll look at Mommy and Daddy and say, \u201cWell, they\u2019re both really sinful and messy, but they love each other fully,\u201d which is a glimpse of the God that loves them\u2014knows you fully, and loves you fully.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat\u2019s why I\u2019m always trying to figure that out myself and push guys to: \u201cThat\u2019s the greatest gift you can give your kids. More than any devotional you read to them, taking them to Sunday school, and all that, the greatest glimpse of the gospel is them to see two people, who know each other fully and love each other fully, is the glimpse of the gospel that they\u2019ll have\u2014real life. Which is why, when we\u2019re together and things are hard, if I were to bail\u2014if I were to say, \u2018Oh, this is really hard; I\u2019m going to leave,\u2019\u2014it\u2019s an inaccurate view of the gospel for them.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOf course, God\u2019s grace is good; there are no boundaries of God\u2019s grace\u2014praise God\u2014but that\u2019s what we\u2019re trying to do. I think that\u2019s what God designed marriage for\u2014is to give our kids a glimpse of the good news.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Were you good at that when you got married? Were you like, \u201cI am good at being a husband!\u201d? How did that go for you?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>No; I\u2019ve never said that. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>But you did share a story of going down a river, and you compared your marriage or being married to that experience.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; I had some friends say, \u201cHey, Jerrad; do you want to float down the river together?\u201d I love being on the water; so I\u2019m like, \u201cAbsolutely, this sounds like a blast.\u201d I show up; I\u2019m in board shorts and flip-flops\u2014in California, you know, we\u2019re going to get on inner tubes; we\u2019re going to float down the river, and we\u2019ll have a blast. We\u2019re a bunch of young guys, and we\u2019re floating down the river. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOne of my buddies says: \u201cHey, do you want to go in my inflatable kayak, and I\u2019ll jump in your inner tube? We\u2019ll swap before we head home.\u201d I said, \u201cThat sounds great; I\u2019d love to jump in the kayak.\u201d So I get in the kayak. What I didn\u2019t know was they were about ready to head home, so they had actually exited the river. I\u2019m on my inflatable kayak; and I\u2019m just kind of up a ways by myself, floating down the river. I\u2019m laying there, and I\u2019m looking up at the trees and the water. I can hear the birds, and I\u2019m so relaxed. This is exactly why I came\u2014I came to have a relaxing float down the river today.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAll of a sudden, behind me, I hear these guys say, \u201cHey man, have you ever done this river before?\u201d I\u2019m like: \u201cDone this river? What does that even mean?\u201d I turn around and I look; and there are two guys in wetsuits. They have life jackets and helmets on, in their white-water kayaks. I\u2019m like: \u201cThis is overkill,\u201d\u2014you know?\u2014like, \u201cMan, calm down.\u201d They pull up to my little inflatable kayak and say, \u201cYes, man; just wanted to tell you to be careful, because Satan\u2019s Cesspool\u2019s right up ahead.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m like, \u201cOkay; Satan\u2019s Cesspool.\u201d I kid you not, as those words came out of their mouths, I felt like the current of the river just immediately picked up. [Laughter] They took off ahead, and I could see them just drop off the horizon. As I\u2019m getting closer, I see that there are actual photographers\/professional photographers taking pictures of these kayakers going down this waterfall.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014including the idiot in the inflatable! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>I\u2019m like: \u201cThis is it, man. This is my death.\u201d I hit Satan\u2019s Cesspool\/hit the waterfall, and immediately my kayak folds in half. There was just no chance; I get flipped out. The pressure of the waterfall is just pushing me down. It was the one and only time in my life I was praying for my life: \u201cGod, please don\u2019t let me die. Please don\u2019t let me die. Please don\u2019t let me die.\u201d Kind of a Jonah story\u2014I just spit up on shore somehow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I showed up that day to have a relaxing float down the river; and I ended up almost losing my life. I always say it feels a little bit like marriage. I officiate a lot of weddings now, and I see a lot of people show up\u2014I always say: \u201cIt looks like you showed up in board shorts and flip-flops,\u201d and \u201dI just want to smack you across the head and say, like: \u2018Dude, you\u2019re about to hit Satan\u2019s Cesspool. Wipe that smile off your face; you\u2019re about to get hit hard,\u2019\u201d; because most people are signing up for marriage, because they think it\u2019s going to be just really fun and awesome.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u2014and make them happy.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes: \u201cI get to marry my best friend; we can travel the world together.\u201d You talk to any married person, longer than six weeks, and you\u2019re like, \u201cThis is a lot harder than what I thought it was going to be.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>My wife and I\u2014anytime we\u2019re doing marriage counseling with couples\u2014I will always say, \u201cYou need to know this is going to be harder than you imagine.\u201d She will always say, \u201cAnd it\u2019s fun, and it\u2019s worth it.\u201d She wants to come along behind and just say, \u201cDon\u2019t try to scare them out of this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI\u2019m not trying to scare anybody out of anything. Here\u2019s what we need to make sure\u2014we need to make sure that, when we\u2019re in it and it gets hard, we can remember somebody saying, \u201cOh, they said this was going to happen,\u201d\u2014not so that they\u2019re thinking, \u201cSomething must be wrong with me,\u201d or \u201c\u2026with her,\u201d or \u201c\u2026this marriage,\u201d\u2014but: \u201cOh, yes; somebody said there are rapids ahead,\u201d and \u201cDon\u2019t be surprised when you hit them,\u201d and \u201cYou can come out the other side, surviving it.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Right; the beauty is, when those rapids hit and the white water hits, some would say\u2014because the white waters hit in our own marriage\u2014some would say to my wife\u2014like: \u201cWhy don\u2019t you leave? You can find a better husband. You can find a husband, who\u2019s more engaged and will treat you better than that.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>\u201cYou can float down the river with someone else.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes; \u201cThere\u2019s a better kayak,\u201d \u201cThere\u2019s a better river,\u201d\u2014however you want to take that analogy\u2014but what my wife would say is, \u201cI\u2019m not going to leave him, because Christ has not left me in my mess.\u201d <em>That<\/em> is the picture of the gospel we want our kids to see. Even when Mommy and Daddy are messy and sinful, they don\u2019t leave each other. They know each other fully and love each other fully. Again, <em>that\u2019s<\/em> the good news that I\u2019m trying to point my kids to.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>How do you guys put your marriage first before your kids?\u2014when the kids are so demanding; you\u2019re exhausted\u2014that\u2019s going on\u2014how do you make marriage a priority?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>A lot like the fasting day, you have to put things on your calendar. I had a mentor tell me, \u201cIf it doesn\u2019t make your calendar, or it\u2019s not reflective in your bank account, you actually don\u2019t value it as much as you say you do. Your time and your money always prove out what you actually value.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo for us, it\u2019s literally putting scheduled days on the calendar, where it\u2019s just Mommy and Daddy, who are now husband and wife. We schedule things, and we\u2019re pretty strict about it and protecting those things. We even actually schedule date nights with our kids every month on the calendar as well. But it has to hit the calendar, because you don\u2019t just unintentionally find yourself being a better husband or having this great marriage.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>You know, I\u2019m looking at a line in your book\u2014and now we\u2019re going from your marriage back to being a dad; right?\u2014by the way, I just got a new title for our next marriage book, honey [Ann]. We can call it: <em>Welcome to Satan\u2019s Cesspool!<\/em> You know? [Laughter] <em>Happily Ever After!<\/em> Anyway, that\u2019s another whole thing.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think that\u2019s going to be a <em>New York Times<\/em> number one.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I don\u2019t think I would pick that up, as a wife; maybe the men would. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes! But it\u2019s so true; it is exactly the truth. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe same thing is\u2014you know, there\u2019s this similar thing\u2014becoming a parent: \u201cIt\u2019s not going to be that hard.\u201d You know, \u201cRaising kids, can\u2019t be\u2026\u201d; you know, you look at others and think, \u201cThey\u2019re not doing it that well; mine will be so much easier.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut here\u2019s a line in your book I love\u2014it says, \u201cRaising kids, who are passionately in love with Jesus, seems to involve two things.\u201d I wonder, if you could do a show of hands, you know, what would people say?\u2014\u201cWhat are those two things?\u201d You say: \u201cA dad, who is himself passionately in love with Jesus, and one who is willing to teach his kids about Him in every situation.\u201d Talk about that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>God can do whatever He\u2019s going to do; so there are many people, who are following Jesus right now, passionately, who didn\u2019t have moms and dads, who were passionately following Him\u2014that\u2019s just the grace of God and the goodness of God. But our kids are much more set up to fall in love with Jesus when we love Jesus. It\u2019s hard to\u2014and kids sniff it out. I mean, you guys know this\u2014that it\u2019s hard to talk to my kids about something that I\u2019m not actually passionate about. \u201cSo you want your kids to fall in love with Jesus? Ask yourself, \u2018Are you, yourself, in love with the Lord?\u2019 That\u2019s the first thing.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe second thing there is\u2014using every opportunity. I think, oftentimes, we, as men\u2014there\u2019s a book that talks about men\u2019s brains are waffles, and women\u2019s brains are spaghetti\u2014men have compartments; right? We can kind of: \u201cThere\u2019s this compartment,\u201d and \u201cThis compartment,\u201d and \u201cThis compartment.\u201d For a man, they think: \u201cOkay; I want my kids to love the Lord. What will Jesus time look like? What are those 15 to 30 minutes a day that I need to take out so that my kids will fall in love with Jesus?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I am trying to do in the book is say: \u201cYour kids need <em>way<\/em> <em>more<\/em> than a 15-minute devotional time. For sure, do the 15-minute devotional time; but they also need a daddy who\u2019s going to, in every situation, be trying to figure out, \u201cWhat is the lesson that I can point my kids back to Christ in this moment?\u2019\u201d That\u2019s what Jesus did. It wasn\u2019t just, \u201cLet\u2019s sit down and study the Scriptures for 15 minutes\u201d; it\u2019s: \u201cLet\u2019s walk and talk; and as we\u2019re walking and talking, let Me show you about the kingdom.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; and I think it\u2019s interesting for me, as a dad, to think, \u201cThere\u2019s <em>no way<\/em> I can do that unless it\u2019s an overflow.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>I can\u2019t read a book and, \u201cOh, I\u2019m going to make this part of 10 a.m. and then again at 1.\u201d It\u2019s got to be: \u201cI\u2019m plugged in, and it\u2019s flowing out of me into my kids.\u201d So every mom\u2014and interesting thing: it\u2019s Mom and Dad\/or Mom or Dad, if you\u2019re single parents\u2014but it\u2019s like: \u201cThe thing I\u2019d take away from this discussion is, \u2018What about me?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s so easy to focus on my kids: \u201cThey\u2019re not being the kids\u2026\u201d \u201cThey\u2019re not obeying the way\u2026\u201d What about me, looking in the mirror, and saying, \u201cI\u2019m going to start with <em>me<\/em> and my walk with Jesus,\u201d almost like that\u2019s all I\u2019m going to do; and it will overflow. It\u2019s going to be contagious, because it\u2019s going to be the fruit of my life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Well, and we\u2019ve talked about this already this week; but don\u2019t try to tackle that thing on your own, either.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Don\u2019t say: \u201cOkay, what about me? I\u2019m on my own to try to make this work.\u201d Have community; have other guys in your life. Be a part of a local faith community, and be interacting. Get other men engaged with you. Maybe get involved in the closed Facebook group that Jerrad has going on, where you have a virtual community, online. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I would say, \u201cDon\u2019t try to substitute local community for virtual community\u201d; right? You\u2019d agree with that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes, that\u2019s always my fear\u2014is that guys would think that they\u2019re getting enough through an online community, which is not true.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; the reality is\u2014your virtual community is helpful, but it\u2019s not the same as face to face; it\u2019s not the same as a guy you can call and say, \u201cCan we have breakfast?\u2014because I need to talk about something.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; I always say it this way: \u201cYou need both digital and analog.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u201cAnalog is real people.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Yes; you can find out more about the virtual community that Jerrad has going on when you go to our website, \u00aeToday.com; and find out more about his book; but again, don\u2019t let that keep you from life-on-life connection with guys at your local church\u2014guys in your community\u2014guys who are going to point you in the right direction; you\u2019re going to keep pointing one another in the right direction.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, to get a copy of Jerrad Lopes\u2019 book, <em>Dad Tired and Loving It: Stumbling Your Way to Spiritual Leadership.<\/em> Again, you can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call to order at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-358-6329. Again, on our website, there\u2019s information about Jerrad Lopes\u2019 blog and about the community of guys, who are gathering online. Our website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and get in touch with us if you\u2019d like a copy of the book or if there are other resources we can help you with.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of resources, I wrote a book called <em>The Christian Husband<\/em> that\u2019s about spiritual leadership in your marriage. We want to make that book available to listeners, who can help support the ministry of FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> with a donation today. <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> exists to effectively develop godly marriages and families. We believe godly marriages and families can change the world, one home at a time. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo when you invest in this ministry, you\u2019re helping provide practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families\u2014hundreds of thousands of people, who are tuned in every day\u2014people listening all around the world to this program, accessing articles on the internet, going to events that we\u2019re hosting, or using the resources we\u2019ve developed. You make that possible\u2014you help disciple these young couples\u2014when you invest in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, we\u2019ll send you a copy of the book, <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>, as our way of saying, \u201cThank you,\u201d when you donate today. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to donate, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY and donate over the phone. We appreciate your partnership with us. Thanks for listening, and thanks for helping to extend the reach of this ministry to more and more husbands and wives and moms and dads.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd we hope you can join us again tomorrow. Jerrad Lopes will be here again to continue talking about what spiritual leadership in your home looks like. By the way, one of the things it looks like\u2014we\u2019ll talk about this tomorrow\u2014is messing up in front of your kids. We\u2019ll talk more about that tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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