{"id":305496,"date":"2019-11-06T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-11-06T11:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/becoming-a-kingdom-man\/"},"modified":"2019-11-06T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-11-06T11:00:04","slug":"becoming-a-kingdom-man","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/becoming-a-kingdom-man\/","title":{"rendered":"Becoming a Kingdom Man"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Jerrad Lopes | Series: Dad Tired | Pastor Jerrad Lopes&#8217; father left when he was 3 years old, instilling in Jerrad a deep desire to be the father to his children that he never had. Marriage and fatherhood proved challenging, however, and he tells what finally woke him up from his self-absorption.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tHear more from Jarred at DadTired.com.\u00a0 https:\/\/www.dadtired.com\/<br \/>\n \tDad Tired Facebook Group.\u00a0 https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/groups\/dadtired\/<br \/>\n \tCheck out all that&#8217;s available on the FamilyLife Podcast Network.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/familylife-podcast-network\/<br \/>\n \tHas the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jerrad Lopes&#8217; father left when he was 3 years old, which instilled in Jerrad a desire to be the father he never had. Marriage and fatherhood proved challenging, however, and he tells what finally woke him up from his self-absorption.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-06.mp3","podmotor_file_id":"","podmotor_episode_id":"","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:26:48","filesize":"24.54M","filesize_raw":"25729557","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2837],"tags":[4946],"podcast_series":[8314],"cwp_profile":[9579],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305496","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fathers","tag-fatherhood","podcast_series-dad-tired","cwp_profile-jerrad-lopes","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305496\/becoming-a-kingdom-man","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305496\/becoming-a-kingdom-man","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"HZlKFAD2vM\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/becoming-a-kingdom-man\/\">Becoming a Kingdom Man<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/becoming-a-kingdom-man\/embed\/#?secret=HZlKFAD2vM\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Becoming a Kingdom Man&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"HZlKFAD2vM\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-06.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-06.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, November 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. If being a husband and a dad is harder work than you thought it was going to be, what we\u2019re going to talk about today is just for you. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. So I\u2019d like to see a show of hands from our listeners\u2014the dads who are listening\/the husbands who are listening\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know where you\u2019re going with this!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019d like a show of hands if you want to be a good husband and a good father. Now, all\u2014same show of hands for those of you who feel like you are equipped to do the job. [Laughter] So\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Good question.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I wonder how many hands went up the first time and how many stayed down the second time; right? Don't you think most guys have the desire but don't have the blueprints?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I actually remember going to the FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014 engaged\/two weeks before my wedding\u2014going through the dad talk on Sunday morning\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014as a potential going-to-be husband\/hopefully, going-to-be dad\u2014and walking out absolutely overwhelmed; I did. I remember number one, first time I\u2019d ever heard a vision of what God wanted a godly husband and dad to be.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Never heard that before; but then secondly,<em> \u201c<\/em>I'll <em>never<\/em> be able to do that; no chance.\u201d Then later realizing that's exactly where God wanted me\u2014overwhelmed to the point where I can't do that without Him.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We've got a guy joining us today, who is regularly mentoring husbands and dads through a weekly podcast and, now, through a book. The book is called <em>Dad Tired and Loving It<\/em>. The podcast is called <em>Dad Tired<\/em>. Jerrad Lopes joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Jerrad welcome.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> So grateful to be here.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we're glad to have you here. I want to read through\u2014here's the equipping you're going to get\u2014these are the chapter titles from Jerrad's book; okay?\u2014\u201cColor Blind,\u201d \u201cSatan's Cesspool,\u201d \u201cFootball Jerseys,\u201d \u201cThe Syrup Aisle,\u201d \u201cHide-and-Seek,\u201d \u201cSquirrel Food,\u201d \u201cLost In the Woods,\u201d \u201cA Case of the Ronalds,\u201d and, \u201cHeaded to Aspen.\u201d So you can see we've got a vision for your\u2014\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> It's obvious; yes. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let's just close in prayer; I think I know everything I need to do. [Laughter]\n\nHere's what I love about those chapter titles\u2014is, as I read the book, I love the way, Jerrad, I love the way you write. They\u2019re story-based. That's how we tried to write our book\u2014story and then truth. That's you; there's so many great stories and great truth.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had a favorite story, as you are reading the book; didn't you? The dentist office\u2014was that your favorite story?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, there were so many; but you know, when I met Jerrad, I was like, \u201cSo I\u2019m looking at the guy, who walks in a dentist\u2019s office\u2014\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> I never imagined that this was actually going to be aired anywhere; you know? [Laughter] It's much easier to put it on paper than it is to talk about it.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I don't want a visual, but tell us the story.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait, Jerrad; how old were you, first?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> I mean, I think I was married\u2014yes; so I was, at least, in my mid-20s.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you're in your mid-20s; you go to the dentist. What happened?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Well, the back story is\u2014I had just recently, before that\/before I had gone to the dentist, I had my appendix out.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> You know, when you go into the surgery, you get stripped down; you put the gown on; and you go into surgery. So a couple of weeks\u2014or it was either a couple of weeks or a couple months later\u2014I am at the dentist\u2019s to have some teeth pulled.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014your wisdom teeth.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> \u2014wisdom teeth; yes. The dental assistant hands me a gown and a cover up, and then leaves the room. I just was\u2014you know, I was like, \u201cI've been here before; I know what to do.\u201d [Laughter] I stripped down, man; and put the gown on. [Laughter] She comes back in the room, just <em>mortified<\/em>\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I guess so. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> \u2014just ready to call whoever she needs to call to get the lawsuit started. I immediately realized I had made a bad decision. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can you imagine how <em>she<\/em> tells that story?\u2014\u201cI had this dude; he takes his pants off to get his teeth pulled!\u201d\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> She says, \u201cSir, you can keep your pants on; this is <em>just<\/em> for your teeth today.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I'm sure there's a spiritual lesson we're going to get from that.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But before we get to the spiritual lesson, just take us back in your own journey. At what point did you realize you had the desire to be a godly husband and father but didn't have the training to know how to do it?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> My dad left when I was three. I grew up with my mom\u2014who's a single mom; raised us\u2014and I had three older sisters; that was my upbringing. They were actually much older than me, so my closest sister in age is five years. I always felt like a single or like an only child in many ways.\n\nI remember being in the driveway, playing basketball; and I would <em>imagine<\/em> my dad in the driveway, coaching me, as a kid. I had these fantasies of a dad actually being present and mentoring me. I remember, as quickly as I can make the connection: \u201cI want to be the dad that I never had.\u201d I always wanted to be a dad\/always wanted to be a husband. I had looked forward to that for many, many years.\n\n[I] became a dad\/became a husband in my early 20s; realized: \u201cI\u2019m not as good at this as I thought I would be.\u201d I think what I realized, pretty quickly in marriage, is: \u201cI can fake a lot of things but you can't fake it in marriage.\u201d You can\u2019t fake it as a dad\u2014like you\u2019re under the microscope; you can only hide for so long before your <em>stuff<\/em> is revealed.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Where were the cracks showing up in your marriage and in your parenting?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> So there was actually this time\u2014we were married probably four or five years\u2014where I had been part of planting some churches. One of the churches that we helped plant, things went really bad. Pretty quickly and unexpectedly, I found myself without work; I wasn't working at the church anymore. It was the first time I hadn't worked at a church since I was 18.\n\nI went into a depression, just like a tailspin; I didn't know my identity. Like I said\u2014from 18 years old, I had been a pastor at a church; so now, all of a sudden, I'm not. I just distanced myself\u2014started to distance myself from my wife\u2014became very, very selfish; was really a poor excuse of a dad\u2014I wasn\u2019t engaging with my kids.\n\nThat was the first time my wife and I\u2014the first four or five years of marriage, we were like still in that honeymoon phase; things were great. We had good jobs, house, and kids. Things were great; but it was the first time we'd experience some real trials, in which they always say\u2014you know, I just read this morning that: \u201cYou find out who you really are\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cin the trials.\u201d\n\nIn the trials, I found out: \u201cMan, I'm actually not that great of a guy. I'm not the kind of man that I thought I would be.\u201d I think one of the beautiful and hard things of marriage is the way that God allows you to\/your wife to expose that in you. As a single guy, I could run from that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What was coming through? I mean, what was the stuff that was coming to the surface that you're going, \u201cThis is not who I'm supposed to be<em>\u201d<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes; so for me, I became really, really selfish. My thought was, originally: \u201cOkay; I'm out of a job. I was hurt by the church, I\u2019m just going to\u201d\u2014I had made a commitment: \u201cI'm <em>never<\/em> going to be in ministry again. Don't want to do this anymore<em>.\u201d<\/em>\n\nI thought, \u201cI'll start some businesses,\u201d\u2014I was just trying to overcompensate. \u201cI think I\u2019m qualified; I think I've got talent. I'll just go\/let me just go prove to the world and to myself\u2014I can be successful and do it.\u201d I started a business; I thought: \u201cI'll just\u2014I\u2019m going to go create a bucket list of things to do and just start checking those things off.\u201d Meanwhile, my wife\u2019s suffering\u2014we\u2019re not emotionally engaged; we're not spiritually engaged; physically\u2014I mean, we're just distant from each other as I'm off running my own little dreams here.\n\nThere was one particular moment\/day, where we were standing in our bedroom. We were in the middle of an argument\u2014which, in that season of life, was a pretty regular thing. I had said something hurtful to my wife. We\u2019re standing there, and she starts to get tears in her eyes. She's just staring at me and she says: \u201cJerrad, I just want you to know that I've been setting my alarm to go off at 2:00 a.m. every morning. I go into the living room, and I get on my face, and I just pray that God would capture your heart again\/that you\u2019d fall in love with Him again.\u201d\n\nThe Holy Spirit really used that as a wake-up call for me\u2014like, \u201cMan what am I doing here?\u201d That's actually how <em>Dad Tired<\/em> started.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> If she says that, and it changes your life\u2014what?\u2014how did you respond? Because some guys\u2014I could see me, in a weak moment, being mad and angry and saying, \u201cWho are you to tell me that?\u201d\u2014yet, the other side is: \u201cI can feel what you're feeling. The Holy Spirit just spoke through my wife.\u201d What happened?\n\n<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>I think that the Holy Spirit had already been softening my heart; just in His sovereign timing, had had that moment planned for the recapturing of my heart.\n\nWives often ask me, \u201cWhat do I need to do to encourage my husband?\u201d Pray often for their heart and don't relent in your prayers for your husband. Ultimately, what my wife knew, which was so profound, was: \u201cHe doesn't need behavior change; he needs heart change<em>.\u201d<\/em> She could have nagged me, and nagged me, and nagged me to change my behavior. I would\u2019ve either gotten mad, or I would have relented and changed my behavior; but that\u2019s surface level.\n\nWhat she was doing was saying: \u201cI want this to go way deeper. I want his heart to actually be changed.\u201d She knew: \u201cI can't change Jerrad\u2019s heart. There's only One who can.\u201d So she went to the One who can actually change my heart\n\nThat was a moment, where I was like, \u201cOkay; I don't want to be this kind of husband.\u201d I, like any good Millennial, just started to process on social media. [Laughter] In hindsight, you\u2019re like, \u201cWhy are you putting all your stuff on social media?\u201d But I just actually\/I wrote this little blog that basically said, \u201cI feel like I am a terrible husband and dad, but I don't want to be.\u201d I put it on my Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> page for just my friends, and that blog ended up being shared over a <em>million<\/em> times.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> What happened was\u2014there was all kinds of guys, from around the world, saying: \u201cBro, I feel the same way. I feel like I'm failing as a husband and a dad.\u201d\n\nTo answer that question that you started the segment on\u2014\u201cI feel like I want to be a good husband and dad, but I'm not. I\u2019m nowhere near what I thought I would be or where I want to be.\u201d They just started saying, \u201cWe should band together,\u201d and that's really how <em>Dad Tired<\/em> started.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It's interesting because \u201cband together\u201d is what's happened. It's one thing to be a blogger and have people who read your blog. You've created an underground tribe\/a community of guys, where it's almost like you could pull out, and it would keep going; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Absolutely; yes. I often tell people: \u201cI feel like the mascot: \u2018Hey, let me fail in front of everybody and, then, talk to you guys about it.\u2019\u201d I've got kids, who are eight, six, and seven months. To try to present to anybody that I have some sage wisdom, as a dad, would be absolutely ridiculous. I was literally yelling at my kid two days ago\u2014and like not in tears, \u201cWhat am I doing as a dad?\u201d\n\nI still don't know what I'm doing; but really\u2014I think for whatever reason\u2014God just said, \u201cOkay, Jerrad; I'm going to give you a platform to process what it looks like to try to love Me and to lead your family well.\u201d Now, there's a bunch of guys in this community together. But you're right, there is a community of men now. It's <em>incredible<\/em> how God is using social media and online platforms to connect men together. We're talking to dads, who are 24 to 35 years old. I don't have data, but I would guess that's probably the number one most disengaged group of people\/demographic in the church; and yet, these guys are just <em>hungry<\/em> for community. God\u2019s using a little thing like Facebook to get guys together to push each other.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Guys are connecting by reading your blog, but you also have this group that guys can join. There's like an entrance exam you've got to take to get in; right? How does that work?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> So we have a Facebook group. It\u2019s a closed group, where guys come in. There are some\u2014guys can be a little bit anonymous in that. They have a Facebook profile picture if they so choose; but other than that, they're a little bit anonymous, which I think helps guys be more honest than they would be. All their friends and family aren't reading it, so it's closed in that way.\n\nWhat had happened at the beginning is\u2014Facebook actually started to recommend all these guys to come in the group, so guys just started flocking in there. What I learned was\u2014they didn't have the same desires as the guys who are part of the <em>Dad Tired<\/em> community. They were just looking for dad jokes and, \u201cLet's make fun of our wife and kids,\u201d which wasn't the thing we were trying to do. So, yes; I created a\u2014Facebook allowed me to filter who comes in. I just ask a little bit of an entrance exam to make sure that we're getting the right guys.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, you just got a new member today.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What kind of questions are on that exam?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I joined.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You joined?!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I joined this morning.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I didn't know\u2014I knew about the book, and I knew about the blog; I didn't know there was a group to join. I was like, \u201cOh, oh, I can't just jump in!\u201d\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes; I almost declined you, man.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I had to answer a few questions.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Like what?\u2014what questions?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I had to say, \u201cBob Lepine was my best friend, and he\u2019s a great dad.\u201d [Laughter] I mean, basically, it was really getting at\u2014and it wasn't extensive\u2014but it was getting at: \u201cWhy do you want to be a part of this? Just tell us why,\u201d and \u201cHave you read what we're about?\u201d and \u201cLet's go.\u201d I'm excited to see where it goes.\n\nHere's what's really interesting\u2014that I didn't know this part of the story; that I don't want to make <em>the issue<\/em>\u2014but think about how this started from a wife praying.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There's so many wives, I think, that think, \u201cOkay; I'll pray; but I <em>also<\/em> have to confront, and talk, and nag, and nag.\u201d She didn't; she just prayed and had to trust God. She didn't know one man\/her husband was going to be changed; but now, thousands.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That's beautiful!\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> That\u2019s such a beautiful perspective, too; and really, I should trade places with her. The fact that lives are changing\/God is drawing the heart of men has really started because of a woman, who said, \u201cI need to trust Jesus with my husband.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She was using her influence, and she was using her desperation and going to the Father first. I think that's not easy for us to do. As women, we\u2019d like to go to our husband first and tell him to change. I love her walk with God and her need for Him\u2014look what He did.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and the other side is\u2014you responded.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know there's women that have maybe prayed and their husband\u2019s just hard\/hard; and you repented.\n\n<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The rest is a legacy that you don't even know yet; but your own children are going to be changed because of you deciding to say, \u201cI've got to hear this from\u2014not my wife\u2014my Savior.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So I want to know: \u201cWhat was the biggest course correction?\u2014the biggest pivot that occurred, from the time that your wife said, \u2018I've been praying that God would grab ahold of your heart,\u2019 to where you are today\u2014and still in process, still stumbling, still getting upset with your kids at the wrong time; right?\u2014so it's not like you\u2019ve arrived; but you're different today then when you had that conversation with your wife, years ago.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Right; she would say so, definitely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That's good.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes; for <em>me<\/em>, the biggest thing was\u2014in that season of life, I was really, really isolated on purpose. I didn't want to be around Christians. Sin loves darkness, so I wanted to stay under the cover of that darkness and not be around anything that had to do with light. I would\u2018ve never said those words out loud, but that was definitely the reflection of my life; right? One of the very first things that we did was\u2014I actually said to my wife, \u201cWe need to be around Christians,\u201d\u2014like, \u201cWe need to be around community again.\u201d\n\nYou know, God\u2014the way that He designed things\u2014I was leading my family. Men often are leading their family, whether they know it or not; it's just a matter of what they're leading them to. Even in my sin and rebellion, I was leading my family toward isolation. I wasn\u2019t the first one to say, \u201cLet\u2019s get up and be around Christian community.\u201d I was one saying: \u201cLet's stay home. I don't want to be anywhere near it.\u201d As a result, oftentimes, my kids weren't going to church; they're not around Christian community.\n\nSo the first thing I said was like,\u00a0 \u201cWe need people around us.\u201d I always think about it as like bumpers when you go bowling\u2014you know, the guardrails. Pretty quickly, if you watch me bowl, I can't even get three feet down before I\u2019m in the gutter; right? [Laughter]\u00a0 I always say like: \u201cFor me, as a man, I get three feet by myself; and you'll find me in the gutter.\u201d We don't drift towards God; we drift away from Him.\n\nSo for me, the railing for that gutter is Christian community\u2014other men and women, of all different ages, to be around me to say: \u201cHey, Bro; you're about to go in the gutter. Let me point you back towards Jesus.\u201d One cool thing\u2014I'm a really visual\u2014I believe really heavily in having visual reminders in our home to kind of point us back towards Jesus. One of the things we did was\u2014my wife actually bought me a Polaroid camera. I said, \u201cI want to have 100 people in our house, over the next year, eating dinner at our table.\u201d\n\nShe was like, \u201cI don't know if we can hit it.\u201d I'm like, \u201cWell, let\u2019s just\u2014let\u2019s try.\u201d She got me that Polaroid camera; so every time somebody would come over, after dinner, we\u2019d gather in the living room and we\u2019d take a Polaroid picture with them. Then we would take that picture and put it up on our wall. We did that for a lot of reasons; but one of the reasons was just to see like: \u201cOkay; these are the people that we need around us\u2014that are going to keep us from being in the gutter.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to point out\u2014I read these chapters in your book about \u201cSatan Cesspool,\u201d \u201cIn the Syrup Aisle,\u201d and \u201cLost In the Woods\u201d\u2014but I look at the sections of your book: \u201cHere's a book about how to be the kind of dad that you want to be.\u201d The main sections are: \u201cThe Kingdom of God Around You,\u201d \u201cThe Kingdom of God in You,\u201d and, \u201cThe Kingdom of God Through You.\u201d When you stop and think about it, if you want to be the dad God's calling you to be, the key is: \u201cAre you a kingdom man?\u201d\u2014right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> To organize your book in this direction and say: \u201cLet's talk about the kingdom of God around you, and the kingdom of God in you, and then the kingdom of God through you\u2014that's going all the way back to the taproot to say, \u2018The fruit of being the kind of husband and dad we want to be is going to come when the taproot is right.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> I think a lot of guys are bored. I think our churches are actually filled with men, who are really bored.\n\nI tell this story of the time I was in Egypt, and we had to have police escorts with us at all times. We had a big film company\/our crew with us, so we just had to have police with us at all times. Towards the end of the trip, I wanted to go out and get a souvenir for my wife; so I'm laying in the hotel bed\u2014it's probably midnight\u2014but the city, I could hear, was still bustling around me. I didn't have enough luggage space to get all the candy and treats that I bought for my wife home; so I\u2019m like, \u201cI need a backpack, or a suitcase, or something.\u201d\n\nI woke\u2014I jumped up. I went down; and I kind of snuck out the lobby, through the police escorts, who are waiting down at the lobby. All of a sudden, I found myself in the middle of Egypt, by myself, without the police escorts; and I was freaked out. I was scared to death. You know, it's like: \u201cThis is what I wanted and, now, I'm terrified.\u201d\n\nI ended up finding a bag. I found some young people, who spoke English, and helped me with that. But I got back to the hotel room and I was laying on the bed. It was probably one in the morning by this point, and my heart was just racing. I thought to myself\/I had this thought\u2014like, \u201cWas I\u2014did I really want a backpack?\u2014or did I want an adrenaline rush?\u201d I think I wanted the adrenaline rush even more than I wanted the backpack.\n\nI don't think guys ever stop wanting that; so I think we have a lot of guys, who are bored in our churches. They're just\u2014I always say, \u201cBored men are dangerous men.\u201d What's happening is\u2014we're looking for adventure; but when we're bored, we often look for it in a lot of dumb places. This is why you see guys entangled with pornography, and having affairs, or even things that aren't necessarily \"sinful,\u201d but they're just into really like\u2014for lack of better words\u2014lame stuff\u2014like: \u201cWhy are you spending so many hours on fantasy football, or on playing your video games, or whatever?\u201d\n\nI love sports and all that stuff, but you're spending a lot of time on the stuff that doesn't really matter at the end of the day. I think it\u2019s just because men are bored. What I\u2019m trying to do is invite guys to say: \u201cHey there\u2019s a <em>way<\/em> bigger story happening around you. This is the kingdom of God around you; and He\u2018s, in His grace, invited you into this <em>huge<\/em> story. Let\u2019s dive into that kind of adventure.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I do think, before we\u2019re done\u2014and I\u2019m going to tell people how they can get a copy of your book, and how they can find your blog, and how they can find out about the Facebook group; you can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. But before we\u2019re done, you do have to explain what the spiritual principle was around the miscue in the dentist\u2019s office; okay? [Laughter]\n\nGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, if you want to find out about Jerrad's book and about his Facebook page. We've got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. The title of the book is <em>Dad Tired and Loving It<\/em> by Jerrad Lopes. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, if you want information about the blog or the Facebook group, it's on our website, as well, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\nNow, what was it that you learned from your disoriented moment in the dentist\u2019s office, when you thought that that protective smock was actually a hospital gown? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes; I tell a few stories in that chapter. Essentially, the point I\u2019m trying to make in that chapter is\u2014oftentimes, for dads, they\u2019re paralyzed by thinking, \u201cI can\u2019t really step into spiritual leadership, because I\u2019m just going to do it wrong.\u201d The point I\u2019m trying to make in that chapter, specifically, is: \u201cYou will; you will mess up\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cfor sure.\u201d I give a couple of examples through stories, where it was the right thing but the wrong timing or the wrong place.\n\nThere have been so many times, with my kids, where I\u2019m trying to give these great theological explanations of something; and it\u2019s just terrible timing\u2014it\u2019s like straight through their head: like in one ear and out the other. They just\u2014it never landed. That\u2019s why the subtitle of the book is: <em>Stumbling Your Way to Spiritual Leadership<\/em>. That\u2019s essentially the point I was trying to make.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Again, you can read about that and other miscues from our guest, Jerrad Lopes. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Many of them.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for information about Jerrad\u2019s book, which is called <em>Dad Tired and Loving It: Stumbling Your Way to Spiritual Leadership<\/em>. There\u2019s also a link to Jerrad\u2019s blog on our website. Again, FamilyLifeToday.com is where you can get information about Jerrad's resources; or call us at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nI don\u2019t know if you know this, Jerrad; I wrote a book, a number of years ago, called <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>, that\u2019s about being a spiritual leader in your marriage. We want to make that book available for our listeners\/for any of our listeners, who can help with a donation to support the ministry of FamilyLife. FamilyLife exists because folks, like you, who listen regularly, have decided this is important, not just for you and your family, but it\u2019s important for your community. You want to help reach other people with practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families.\n\nEvery time you donate, you help extend the reach of this ministry. You\u2019re actually pouring into the lives of young husbands and dads, young wives and moms; families are being reshaped as a result of your investment in this ministry. Again, if you can help with a donation today, we\u2019ll send you a copy of my book, <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support.\u201d Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. We appreciate your partnership with us in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and look forward to hearing from you.\n\nWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when we're going to hear more from Jerrad Lopes about what spiritual leadership in the home should look like.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\n<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\"><u>www.FamilyLife.com<\/u><\/a>\n\n1"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:26:48"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["24.54M"],"filesize_raw":["25729557"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305496.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305496.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: 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Lopes' father left when he was 3 years old, which instilled in Jerrad a desire to be the father he never had. Marriage and fatherhood proved challenging, however, and he tells what finally woke him up from his self-absorption.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-11-06.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Wednesday, November 6<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. If being a husband and a dad is harder work than you thought it was going to be, what we\u2019re going to talk about today is just for you. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to FamilyLife Today. Thanks for joining us. So I\u2019d like to see a show of hands from our listeners\u2014the dads who are listening\/the husbands who are listening\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know where you\u2019re going with this!\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I\u2019d like a show of hands if you want to be a good husband and a good father. Now, all\u2014same show of hands for those of you who feel like you are equipped to do the job. [Laughter] So\u2014\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Good question.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014I wonder how many hands went up the first time and how many stayed down the second time; right? Don't you think most guys have the desire but don't have the blueprints?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I actually remember going to the FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup><em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup>\u2014 engaged\/two weeks before my wedding\u2014going through the dad talk on Sunday morning\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014as a potential going-to-be husband\/hopefully, going-to-be dad\u2014and walking out absolutely overwhelmed; I did. I remember number one, first time I\u2019d ever heard a vision of what God wanted a godly husband and dad to be.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Never heard that before; but then secondly,<em> \u201c<\/em>I'll <em>never<\/em> be able to do that; no chance.\u201d Then later realizing that's exactly where God wanted me\u2014overwhelmed to the point where I can't do that without Him.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We've got a guy joining us today, who is regularly mentoring husbands and dads through a weekly podcast and, now, through a book. The book is called <em>Dad Tired and Loving It<\/em>. The podcast is called <em>Dad Tired<\/em>. Jerrad Lopes joins us on <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Jerrad welcome.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> So grateful to be here.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, we're glad to have you here. I want to read through\u2014here's the equipping you're going to get\u2014these are the chapter titles from Jerrad's book; okay?\u2014\u201cColor Blind,\u201d \u201cSatan's Cesspool,\u201d \u201cFootball Jerseys,\u201d \u201cThe Syrup Aisle,\u201d \u201cHide-and-Seek,\u201d \u201cSquirrel Food,\u201d \u201cLost In the Woods,\u201d \u201cA Case of the Ronalds,\u201d and, \u201cHeaded to Aspen.\u201d So you can see we've got a vision for your\u2014\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> It's obvious; yes. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Let's just close in prayer; I think I know everything I need to do. [Laughter]\n\nHere's what I love about those chapter titles\u2014is, as I read the book, I love the way, Jerrad, I love the way you write. They\u2019re story-based. That's how we tried to write our book\u2014story and then truth. That's you; there's so many great stories and great truth.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You had a favorite story, as you are reading the book; didn't you? The dentist office\u2014was that your favorite story?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I mean, there were so many; but you know, when I met Jerrad, I was like, \u201cSo I\u2019m looking at the guy, who walks in a dentist\u2019s office\u2014\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> I never imagined that this was actually going to be aired anywhere; you know? [Laughter] It's much easier to put it on paper than it is to talk about it.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and I don't want a visual, but tell us the story.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wait, Jerrad; how old were you, first?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> I mean, I think I was married\u2014yes; so I was, at least, in my mid-20s.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So you're in your mid-20s; you go to the dentist. What happened?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Well, the back story is\u2014I had just recently, before that\/before I had gone to the dentist, I had my appendix out.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Okay.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> You know, when you go into the surgery, you get stripped down; you put the gown on; and you go into surgery. So a couple of weeks\u2014or it was either a couple of weeks or a couple months later\u2014I am at the dentist\u2019s to have some teeth pulled.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014your wisdom teeth.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> \u2014wisdom teeth; yes. The dental assistant hands me a gown and a cover up, and then leaves the room. I just was\u2014you know, I was like, \u201cI've been here before; I know what to do.\u201d [Laughter] I stripped down, man; and put the gown on. [Laughter] She comes back in the room, just <em>mortified<\/em>\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I guess so. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> \u2014just ready to call whoever she needs to call to get the lawsuit started. I immediately realized I had made a bad decision. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Can you imagine how <em>she<\/em> tells that story?\u2014\u201cI had this dude; he takes his pants off to get his teeth pulled!\u201d\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> She says, \u201cSir, you can keep your pants on; this is <em>just<\/em> for your teeth today.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I'm sure there's a spiritual lesson we're going to get from that.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> But before we get to the spiritual lesson, just take us back in your own journey. At what point did you realize you had the desire to be a godly husband and father but didn't have the training to know how to do it?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> My dad left when I was three. I grew up with my mom\u2014who's a single mom; raised us\u2014and I had three older sisters; that was my upbringing. They were actually much older than me, so my closest sister in age is five years. I always felt like a single or like an only child in many ways.\n\nI remember being in the driveway, playing basketball; and I would <em>imagine<\/em> my dad in the driveway, coaching me, as a kid. I had these fantasies of a dad actually being present and mentoring me. I remember, as quickly as I can make the connection: \u201cI want to be the dad that I never had.\u201d I always wanted to be a dad\/always wanted to be a husband. I had looked forward to that for many, many years.\n\n[I] became a dad\/became a husband in my early 20s; realized: \u201cI\u2019m not as good at this as I thought I would be.\u201d I think what I realized, pretty quickly in marriage, is: \u201cI can fake a lot of things but you can't fake it in marriage.\u201d You can\u2019t fake it as a dad\u2014like you\u2019re under the microscope; you can only hide for so long before your <em>stuff<\/em> is revealed.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Where were the cracks showing up in your marriage and in your parenting?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> So there was actually this time\u2014we were married probably four or five years\u2014where I had been part of planting some churches. One of the churches that we helped plant, things went really bad. Pretty quickly and unexpectedly, I found myself without work; I wasn't working at the church anymore. It was the first time I hadn't worked at a church since I was 18.\n\nI went into a depression, just like a tailspin; I didn't know my identity. Like I said\u2014from 18 years old, I had been a pastor at a church; so now, all of a sudden, I'm not. I just distanced myself\u2014started to distance myself from my wife\u2014became very, very selfish; was really a poor excuse of a dad\u2014I wasn\u2019t engaging with my kids.\n\nThat was the first time my wife and I\u2014the first four or five years of marriage, we were like still in that honeymoon phase; things were great. We had good jobs, house, and kids. Things were great; but it was the first time we'd experience some real trials, in which they always say\u2014you know, I just read this morning that: \u201cYou find out who you really are\u201d\u2014right?\u2014\u201cin the trials.\u201d\n\nIn the trials, I found out: \u201cMan, I'm actually not that great of a guy. I'm not the kind of man that I thought I would be.\u201d I think one of the beautiful and hard things of marriage is the way that God allows you to\/your wife to expose that in you. As a single guy, I could run from that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What was coming through? I mean, what was the stuff that was coming to the surface that you're going, \u201cThis is not who I'm supposed to be<em>\u201d<\/em>?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes; so for me, I became really, really selfish. My thought was, originally: \u201cOkay; I'm out of a job. I was hurt by the church, I\u2019m just going to\u201d\u2014I had made a commitment: \u201cI'm <em>never<\/em> going to be in ministry again. Don't want to do this anymore<em>.\u201d<\/em>\n\nI thought, \u201cI'll start some businesses,\u201d\u2014I was just trying to overcompensate. \u201cI think I\u2019m qualified; I think I've got talent. I'll just go\/let me just go prove to the world and to myself\u2014I can be successful and do it.\u201d I started a business; I thought: \u201cI'll just\u2014I\u2019m going to go create a bucket list of things to do and just start checking those things off.\u201d Meanwhile, my wife\u2019s suffering\u2014we\u2019re not emotionally engaged; we're not spiritually engaged; physically\u2014I mean, we're just distant from each other as I'm off running my own little dreams here.\n\nThere was one particular moment\/day, where we were standing in our bedroom. We were in the middle of an argument\u2014which, in that season of life, was a pretty regular thing. I had said something hurtful to my wife. We\u2019re standing there, and she starts to get tears in her eyes. She's just staring at me and she says: \u201cJerrad, I just want you to know that I've been setting my alarm to go off at 2:00 a.m. every morning. I go into the living room, and I get on my face, and I just pray that God would capture your heart again\/that you\u2019d fall in love with Him again.\u201d\n\nThe Holy Spirit really used that as a wake-up call for me\u2014like, \u201cMan what am I doing here?\u201d That's actually how <em>Dad Tired<\/em> started.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> If she says that, and it changes your life\u2014what?\u2014how did you respond? Because some guys\u2014I could see me, in a weak moment, being mad and angry and saying, \u201cWho are you to tell me that?\u201d\u2014yet, the other side is: \u201cI can feel what you're feeling. The Holy Spirit just spoke through my wife.\u201d What happened?\n\n<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>I think that the Holy Spirit had already been softening my heart; just in His sovereign timing, had had that moment planned for the recapturing of my heart.\n\nWives often ask me, \u201cWhat do I need to do to encourage my husband?\u201d Pray often for their heart and don't relent in your prayers for your husband. Ultimately, what my wife knew, which was so profound, was: \u201cHe doesn't need behavior change; he needs heart change<em>.\u201d<\/em> She could have nagged me, and nagged me, and nagged me to change my behavior. I would\u2019ve either gotten mad, or I would have relented and changed my behavior; but that\u2019s surface level.\n\nWhat she was doing was saying: \u201cI want this to go way deeper. I want his heart to actually be changed.\u201d She knew: \u201cI can't change Jerrad\u2019s heart. There's only One who can.\u201d So she went to the One who can actually change my heart\n\nThat was a moment, where I was like, \u201cOkay; I don't want to be this kind of husband.\u201d I, like any good Millennial, just started to process on social media. [Laughter] In hindsight, you\u2019re like, \u201cWhy are you putting all your stuff on social media?\u201d But I just actually\/I wrote this little blog that basically said, \u201cI feel like I am a terrible husband and dad, but I don't want to be.\u201d I put it on my Facebook<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> page for just my friends, and that blog ended up being shared over a <em>million<\/em> times.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Wow.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> What happened was\u2014there was all kinds of guys, from around the world, saying: \u201cBro, I feel the same way. I feel like I'm failing as a husband and a dad.\u201d\n\nTo answer that question that you started the segment on\u2014\u201cI feel like I want to be a good husband and dad, but I'm not. I\u2019m nowhere near what I thought I would be or where I want to be.\u201d They just started saying, \u201cWe should band together,\u201d and that's really how <em>Dad Tired<\/em> started.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> It's interesting because \u201cband together\u201d is what's happened. It's one thing to be a blogger and have people who read your blog. You've created an underground tribe\/a community of guys, where it's almost like you could pull out, and it would keep going; wouldn\u2019t it?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Absolutely; yes. I often tell people: \u201cI feel like the mascot: \u2018Hey, let me fail in front of everybody and, then, talk to you guys about it.\u2019\u201d I've got kids, who are eight, six, and seven months. To try to present to anybody that I have some sage wisdom, as a dad, would be absolutely ridiculous. I was literally yelling at my kid two days ago\u2014and like not in tears, \u201cWhat am I doing as a dad?\u201d\n\nI still don't know what I'm doing; but really\u2014I think for whatever reason\u2014God just said, \u201cOkay, Jerrad; I'm going to give you a platform to process what it looks like to try to love Me and to lead your family well.\u201d Now, there's a bunch of guys in this community together. But you're right, there is a community of men now. It's <em>incredible<\/em> how God is using social media and online platforms to connect men together. We're talking to dads, who are 24 to 35 years old. I don't have data, but I would guess that's probably the number one most disengaged group of people\/demographic in the church; and yet, these guys are just <em>hungry<\/em> for community. God\u2019s using a little thing like Facebook to get guys together to push each other.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Guys are connecting by reading your blog, but you also have this group that guys can join. There's like an entrance exam you've got to take to get in; right? How does that work?\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> So we have a Facebook group. It\u2019s a closed group, where guys come in. There are some\u2014guys can be a little bit anonymous in that. They have a Facebook profile picture if they so choose; but other than that, they're a little bit anonymous, which I think helps guys be more honest than they would be. All their friends and family aren't reading it, so it's closed in that way.\n\nWhat had happened at the beginning is\u2014Facebook actually started to recommend all these guys to come in the group, so guys just started flocking in there. What I learned was\u2014they didn't have the same desires as the guys who are part of the <em>Dad Tired<\/em> community. They were just looking for dad jokes and, \u201cLet's make fun of our wife and kids,\u201d which wasn't the thing we were trying to do. So, yes; I created a\u2014Facebook allowed me to filter who comes in. I just ask a little bit of an entrance exam to make sure that we're getting the right guys.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, you just got a new member today.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes!\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> What kind of questions are on that exam?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I joined.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You joined?!\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes, I joined this morning.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I didn't know\u2014I knew about the book, and I knew about the blog; I didn't know there was a group to join. I was like, \u201cOh, oh, I can't just jump in!\u201d\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes; I almost declined you, man.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I had to answer a few questions.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Like what?\u2014what questions?\n\n<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I had to say, \u201cBob Lepine was my best friend, and he\u2019s a great dad.\u201d [Laughter] I mean, basically, it was really getting at\u2014and it wasn't extensive\u2014but it was getting at: \u201cWhy do you want to be a part of this? Just tell us why,\u201d and \u201cHave you read what we're about?\u201d and \u201cLet's go.\u201d I'm excited to see where it goes.\n\nHere's what's really interesting\u2014that I didn't know this part of the story; that I don't want to make <em>the issue<\/em>\u2014but think about how this started from a wife praying.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> There's so many wives, I think, that think, \u201cOkay; I'll pray; but I <em>also<\/em> have to confront, and talk, and nag, and nag.\u201d She didn't; she just prayed and had to trust God. She didn't know one man\/her husband was going to be changed; but now, thousands.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> That's beautiful!\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> That\u2019s such a beautiful perspective, too; and really, I should trade places with her. The fact that lives are changing\/God is drawing the heart of men has really started because of a woman, who said, \u201cI need to trust Jesus with my husband.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> She was using her influence, and she was using her desperation and going to the Father first. I think that's not easy for us to do. As women, we\u2019d like to go to our husband first and tell him to change. I love her walk with God and her need for Him\u2014look what He did.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes; and the other side is\u2014you responded.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> I know there's women that have maybe prayed and their husband\u2019s just hard\/hard; and you repented.\n\n<strong>Jerrad: <\/strong>Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> The rest is a legacy that you don't even know yet; but your own children are going to be changed because of you deciding to say, \u201cI've got to hear this from\u2014not my wife\u2014my Savior.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> So I want to know: \u201cWhat was the biggest course correction?\u2014the biggest pivot that occurred, from the time that your wife said, \u2018I've been praying that God would grab ahold of your heart,\u2019 to where you are today\u2014and still in process, still stumbling, still getting upset with your kids at the wrong time; right?\u2014so it's not like you\u2019ve arrived; but you're different today then when you had that conversation with your wife, years ago.\u201d\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Right; she would say so, definitely.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That's good.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes; for <em>me<\/em>, the biggest thing was\u2014in that season of life, I was really, really isolated on purpose. I didn't want to be around Christians. Sin loves darkness, so I wanted to stay under the cover of that darkness and not be around anything that had to do with light. I would\u2018ve never said those words out loud, but that was definitely the reflection of my life; right? One of the very first things that we did was\u2014I actually said to my wife, \u201cWe need to be around Christians,\u201d\u2014like, \u201cWe need to be around community again.\u201d\n\nYou know, God\u2014the way that He designed things\u2014I was leading my family. Men often are leading their family, whether they know it or not; it's just a matter of what they're leading them to. Even in my sin and rebellion, I was leading my family toward isolation. I wasn\u2019t the first one to say, \u201cLet\u2019s get up and be around Christian community.\u201d I was one saying: \u201cLet's stay home. I don't want to be anywhere near it.\u201d As a result, oftentimes, my kids weren't going to church; they're not around Christian community.\n\nSo the first thing I said was like,\u00a0 \u201cWe need people around us.\u201d I always think about it as like bumpers when you go bowling\u2014you know, the guardrails. Pretty quickly, if you watch me bowl, I can't even get three feet down before I\u2019m in the gutter; right? [Laughter]\u00a0 I always say like: \u201cFor me, as a man, I get three feet by myself; and you'll find me in the gutter.\u201d We don't drift towards God; we drift away from Him.\n\nSo for me, the railing for that gutter is Christian community\u2014other men and women, of all different ages, to be around me to say: \u201cHey, Bro; you're about to go in the gutter. Let me point you back towards Jesus.\u201d One cool thing\u2014I'm a really visual\u2014I believe really heavily in having visual reminders in our home to kind of point us back towards Jesus. One of the things we did was\u2014my wife actually bought me a Polaroid camera. I said, \u201cI want to have 100 people in our house, over the next year, eating dinner at our table.\u201d\n\nShe was like, \u201cI don't know if we can hit it.\u201d I'm like, \u201cWell, let\u2019s just\u2014let\u2019s try.\u201d She got me that Polaroid camera; so every time somebody would come over, after dinner, we\u2019d gather in the living room and we\u2019d take a Polaroid picture with them. Then we would take that picture and put it up on our wall. We did that for a lot of reasons; but one of the reasons was just to see like: \u201cOkay; these are the people that we need around us\u2014that are going to keep us from being in the gutter.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I want to point out\u2014I read these chapters in your book about \u201cSatan Cesspool,\u201d \u201cIn the Syrup Aisle,\u201d and \u201cLost In the Woods\u201d\u2014but I look at the sections of your book: \u201cHere's a book about how to be the kind of dad that you want to be.\u201d The main sections are: \u201cThe Kingdom of God Around You,\u201d \u201cThe Kingdom of God in You,\u201d and, \u201cThe Kingdom of God Through You.\u201d When you stop and think about it, if you want to be the dad God's calling you to be, the key is: \u201cAre you a kingdom man?\u201d\u2014right?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> To organize your book in this direction and say: \u201cLet's talk about the kingdom of God around you, and the kingdom of God in you, and then the kingdom of God through you\u2014that's going all the way back to the taproot to say, \u2018The fruit of being the kind of husband and dad we want to be is going to come when the taproot is right.\u2019\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> I think a lot of guys are bored. I think our churches are actually filled with men, who are really bored.\n\nI tell this story of the time I was in Egypt, and we had to have police escorts with us at all times. We had a big film company\/our crew with us, so we just had to have police with us at all times. Towards the end of the trip, I wanted to go out and get a souvenir for my wife; so I'm laying in the hotel bed\u2014it's probably midnight\u2014but the city, I could hear, was still bustling around me. I didn't have enough luggage space to get all the candy and treats that I bought for my wife home; so I\u2019m like, \u201cI need a backpack, or a suitcase, or something.\u201d\n\nI woke\u2014I jumped up. I went down; and I kind of snuck out the lobby, through the police escorts, who are waiting down at the lobby. All of a sudden, I found myself in the middle of Egypt, by myself, without the police escorts; and I was freaked out. I was scared to death. You know, it's like: \u201cThis is what I wanted and, now, I'm terrified.\u201d\n\nI ended up finding a bag. I found some young people, who spoke English, and helped me with that. But I got back to the hotel room and I was laying on the bed. It was probably one in the morning by this point, and my heart was just racing. I thought to myself\/I had this thought\u2014like, \u201cWas I\u2014did I really want a backpack?\u2014or did I want an adrenaline rush?\u201d I think I wanted the adrenaline rush even more than I wanted the backpack.\n\nI don't think guys ever stop wanting that; so I think we have a lot of guys, who are bored in our churches. They're just\u2014I always say, \u201cBored men are dangerous men.\u201d What's happening is\u2014we're looking for adventure; but when we're bored, we often look for it in a lot of dumb places. This is why you see guys entangled with pornography, and having affairs, or even things that aren't necessarily \"sinful,\u201d but they're just into really like\u2014for lack of better words\u2014lame stuff\u2014like: \u201cWhy are you spending so many hours on fantasy football, or on playing your video games, or whatever?\u201d\n\nI love sports and all that stuff, but you're spending a lot of time on the stuff that doesn't really matter at the end of the day. I think it\u2019s just because men are bored. What I\u2019m trying to do is invite guys to say: \u201cHey there\u2019s a <em>way<\/em> bigger story happening around you. This is the kingdom of God around you; and He\u2018s, in His grace, invited you into this <em>huge<\/em> story. Let\u2019s dive into that kind of adventure.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Well, I do think, before we\u2019re done\u2014and I\u2019m going to tell people how they can get a copy of your book, and how they can find your blog, and how they can find out about the Facebook group; you can go to our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. But before we\u2019re done, you do have to explain what the spiritual principle was around the miscue in the dentist\u2019s office; okay? [Laughter]\n\nGo to our website, FamilyLifeToday.com, if you want to find out about Jerrad's book and about his Facebook page. We've got copies of the book in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order it from us, online, at FamilyLifeToday.com; or you can call 1-800-FL-TODAY. The title of the book is <em>Dad Tired and Loving It<\/em> by Jerrad Lopes. Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to order, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, if you want information about the blog or the Facebook group, it's on our website, as well, at FamilyLifeToday.com.\n\nNow, what was it that you learned from your disoriented moment in the dentist\u2019s office, when you thought that that protective smock was actually a hospital gown? [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Yes; I tell a few stories in that chapter. Essentially, the point I\u2019m trying to make in that chapter is\u2014oftentimes, for dads, they\u2019re paralyzed by thinking, \u201cI can\u2019t really step into spiritual leadership, because I\u2019m just going to do it wrong.\u201d The point I\u2019m trying to make in that chapter, specifically, is: \u201cYou will; you will mess up\u201d\u2014like\u2014\u201cfor sure.\u201d I give a couple of examples through stories, where it was the right thing but the wrong timing or the wrong place.\n\nThere have been so many times, with my kids, where I\u2019m trying to give these great theological explanations of something; and it\u2019s just terrible timing\u2014it\u2019s like straight through their head: like in one ear and out the other. They just\u2014it never landed. That\u2019s why the subtitle of the book is: <em>Stumbling Your Way to Spiritual Leadership<\/em>. That\u2019s essentially the point I was trying to make.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Again, you can read about that and other miscues from our guest, Jerrad Lopes. [Laughter]\n\n<strong>Jerrad:<\/strong> Many of them.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Go to FamilyLifeToday.com for information about Jerrad\u2019s book, which is called <em>Dad Tired and Loving It: Stumbling Your Way to Spiritual Leadership<\/em>. There\u2019s also a link to Jerrad\u2019s blog on our website. Again, FamilyLifeToday.com is where you can get information about Jerrad's resources; or call us at 1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nI don\u2019t know if you know this, Jerrad; I wrote a book, a number of years ago, called <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>, that\u2019s about being a spiritual leader in your marriage. We want to make that book available for our listeners\/for any of our listeners, who can help with a donation to support the ministry of FamilyLife. FamilyLife exists because folks, like you, who listen regularly, have decided this is important, not just for you and your family, but it\u2019s important for your community. You want to help reach other people with practical biblical help and hope for marriages and families.\n\nEvery time you donate, you help extend the reach of this ministry. You\u2019re actually pouring into the lives of young husbands and dads, young wives and moms; families are being reshaped as a result of your investment in this ministry. Again, if you can help with a donation today, we\u2019ll send you a copy of my book, <em>The Christian Husband<\/em>, as a way of saying, \u201cThank you for your support.\u201d Go to FamilyLifeToday.com to make a donation, or call 1-800-FL-TODAY to donate. We appreciate your partnership with us in the ministry of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> and look forward to hearing from you.\n\nWe hope you can be back with us, again, tomorrow when we're going to hear more from Jerrad Lopes about what spiritual leadership in the home should look like.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\"><u>donating today<\/u><\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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