{"id":305465,"date":"2019-10-25T06:00:04","date_gmt":"2019-10-25T10:00:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/revealing-beauty-from-ashes\/"},"modified":"2019-10-25T06:00:04","modified_gmt":"2019-10-25T10:00:04","slug":"revealing-beauty-from-ashes","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/revealing-beauty-from-ashes\/","title":{"rendered":"Revealing Beauty from Ashes"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>guest: Sheri Keffer | Series: Intimate Deception | Coming out of a marriage filled with sexual betrayal left Sheri Keffer emotionally exhausted and filled with shame. Keffer, now a relationship therapist, tells how God kept her together when her marriage fell apart. Hear what her life is like now since starting over.<\/p>\n<p>Show Notes and Resources<\/p>\n<p> \tThe Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS) for Partner Specialists that address the traumatic stress found in partners affected by sex addiction.\u00a0 https:\/\/www.apsats.org\/<br \/>\n \tThere are many Sexaholics Anonymous and Sex Addicts Anonymous groups available online.\u00a0 FamilyLife does not endorse or recommend specific providers or organizations.<br \/>\n \tSheri mentions the book &#8220;Strike the Original Match&#8221; by Dr. Charles Swindoll.<br \/>\n \tThe Holiday Survival Guide has plenty of wisdom, insight, and guidance on how to manage holiday stressors.\u00a0 https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/holiday-survival-guide\/<br \/>\n \tHas the FamilyLife Today\u00ae podcast and resources helped you?\u00a0 Consider becoming a Legacy Partner, a monthly supporter of FamilyLife.\u00a0https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/legacy<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Coming out of a marriage filled with sexual betrayal left Sheri Keffer emotionally exhausted and filled with shame. Keffer, now a relationship therapist tells how God kept her together when her marriage fell apart.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-25.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:14","filesize":"25.84M","filesize_raw":"27098812","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[2840,2903,2844],"tags":[2989],"podcast_series":[8311],"cwp_profile":[9572],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305465","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-addiction","category-infidelity","category-pornography","tag-pornography","podcast_series-intimate-deception","cwp_profile-sheri-keffer","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305465\/revealing-beauty-from-ashes","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305465\/revealing-beauty-from-ashes","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"gmYdvJMLev\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/revealing-beauty-from-ashes\/\">Revealing Beauty from Ashes<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/revealing-beauty-from-ashes\/embed\/#?secret=gmYdvJMLev\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Revealing Beauty from Ashes&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"gmYdvJMLev\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-25.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-25.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear from Sheri Keffer today about her journey through unfaithfulness and deception. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Anybody who has listened to this program for any length of time, undoubtedly, understands that we are big here at FamilyLife on the sacred nature of the marriage covenant \/ that the marriage covenant is something that we should take very seriously, and we should protect and preserve at virtually all costs.\n\nI say virtually all costs because there are times when that covenant gets violated in significant and severe ways; and there are times when husbands or wives make a decision that they wish that they didn\u2019t have to make; but in many cases, they are facing no real alternative.\n\nI say all of that because what we\u2019re talking about this week\u2014sometimes\u2014leads to that point where a husband or a wife has to make a difficult decision and say \u201cI don\u2019t think we can preserve this marriage,\u201d or \u201cThe covenant has been violated already at such a level that I don\u2019t think it can be restored.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And one of the reasons we take the covenant so important is because God does. I know when I do a wedding as a pastor, I always stop at that vow moment just to remind, not only the couple, but everyone sitting there\u2014\u201cThis is serious.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s sacred.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We are making a lifetime vow \/ covenant promise with God vertically, with one another horizontally. Everyone sitting there is going to be a part of this vow which one part of that vow is sexual purity unto you only: \u201cWill I be faithful to God and to my spouse?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Forsaking all others.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got somebody who is joining us who believes as we do on this; but whose life experience brought her to the point where divorce became the option she had to face. Sheri Keffer is with us again today. Sheri, thank you for being here.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Sure; appreciate it.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I know this is a tough way to even get into the conversation today; but I just wanted our listeners to understand that we can uphold the sacred nature of the marriage covenant; and at the same time, deal with the reality of a fallen world.\n\nThere are times when I think the community of faith can come around somebody and say, \u201cThis may be the thing that we\u2019ve got to pursue with you and for you.\u201d I know you never dreamed \/ imagined \/ hoped \/ wanted\u2014in fact, you fought for years for your marriage to be preserved; but you were married to somebody who\u2014if there is a definition of a sexual addict, that\u2019s what your husband was.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He had been serially unfaithful. You had gone through therapy and workshops and treatment programs, and he could not get free from his bondage to sexual sin. It forced you to a point where you had to sit down and go\u2014\u201cDo I persevere and deal with this as my life, or do I do what I never wanted to do and file for divorce?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, Bob, I want to go a little bit because, Sheri, earlier you had told us that you had to tell somebody. So, how was that response from the body of believers? Where they helpful?\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> You know what? I think finding out about sexual betrayal is somewhat like leprosy. I felt the body of Christ pull away from us rather than shore us up. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s that way everywhere; but I think that there is a lot of fear.\n\nSo, I wish more people would press in at that time because they\u2014as couples, we need the support more than ever at that time. In fact, I wish there was a hospital, of sorts, that would have a gurney there for the betrayed partner and would have honest accountability \/ love think tank for the person that\u2019s acting out. Really start working on some deep, deep repair\u2014much like an ER room.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t experience that.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> No.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you just described what the church <em>should<\/em> be.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Should<\/em> be.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I know. I know.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you said that, it was like\u2014\u201cWhat a beautiful picture.\u201d That should be the community of faith.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I know; but you know what? A Gallup poll said recently more than 50 percent of pastors are struggling with this; right? So, it\u2019s not just Conner. So, if the pastor is struggling with it, do you think he\u2019s going to be preaching on it? Do you think he\u2019s going to be building a hospital? No; they\u2019re\u2014it\u2019s\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They are all living in a house of shame\u2014\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and guilt.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You mentioned your first husband Conner, and we should just say that\u2019s a pseudonym that you use in the book\u2014\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for him out of a desire to protect his anonymity; and to tell your story\u2014\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014without necessarily violating his story.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> My heart still aches. Bob, even as you bring up the conversation, I could just feel my heart just dropped. It\u2019s like there is still this loss over not having my marriage succeed. I think I will always live with that ache.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I hope in my bringing it up and addressing it with our audience\u2014I don\u2019t bring that up to bring shame to you.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I think, Bob, it\u2019s really more about\u2014it\u2019s about the covenant. It\u2019s about the vow. It\u2019s about what we hoped we would be. It\u2019s about all those years together, and it\u2019s about\u2014when you\u2019re fighting someone through this and you\u2019re giving it everything you had, it\u2019s like bonding in a foxhole. You get closer. There was a part of us that did get closer while we were fighting through it; but I just didn\u2019t know that he was acting out still; you know? I was deceived about that.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You still had hope.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I still had hope; right. But you are so right about the covenant. Back in the day, in biblical times, it was quite more messy than the ceremonies that you have; right? They had a covenant ceremony where they would take a calf; and they would cut it in two, and then people would walk between those two halves of that calf in order to declare their covenant. In essence, it\u2019s like\u2014\u201cMay God do to me what is happening to these calves if I don\u2019t hold true.\u201d\n\nMarriage ceremonies today have the man\u2019s family on the one side and the woman\u2019s family on the other because it\u2019s a ceremonial way of expressing that; but our covenant was broken, and there was no way around it. I found a book that I have had for years. It was Chuck Swindoll who wrote a book called <em>Strike the Original Match<\/em>. In there, he talks about this issue of divorce. What do you do with that?\n\nI remember reading that and dog-earring some of the pages of that because he went in and talked about\u2014\u201cSo, what is immorality? If a man divorces his wife\u2014except for immorality\u2014and marries another woman, he commits adultery.\u201d So, that word immorality meant a lot to me; and I had no idea that that word is <em>porneia<\/em> in the Greek. Chuck is really clear to say that it\u2019s not a one-time\u2014like it\u2019s not like I looked at porn, and now all of the sudden, I\u2019m\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The offended spouse has a get out of jail free card.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> It is <em>porneia<\/em> which means of lifestyle of sexual sin. I\u2019m unrepentant. I\u2019m immoral. I\u2019m not turning around. Now, again, if your husband or wife has an affair, then, of course, you have biblical grounds. I don\u2019t want to minimize that; but what that word in essence is saying\u2014somebody is not turning. They are not doing what you did, Dave. They are not willing to take a look at it, get into accountability. Unfortunately, that was my story.\n\nSo, I waited\u2014when I found out about a prostitute, I was heartbroken. I remember he called me. This time, he did tell me. He called me at work and said, \u201cI just want you to know that I have been with a prostitute.\u201d He was crying; and I remember at that point saying, \u201cConner, I don\u2019t know what more to do with you. I am so mad because you are taking everything away from me\u2014including your family.\u201d\n\nFrom that point on, I took a year, and I took a year and I met with pastors. I read everything I could. I prayed, and I really sought God. Yes; I had biblical grounds; but I needed to know\u2014\u201cIs this a yes? Are you telling me, God, to take this next step to break a covenant that meant everything to me?\u201d So, it was a year later that I made that decision because there was no change.\n\nAnd I\u2019ve got to tell you guys this story. So, as we were separating our households, and I was moving out, I was a divorcing, pastor\u2019s wife. I didn\u2019t have two nickels to rub together at that point. So, I was packing up somethings to go, and I had a bunch of friends helping me. It was raining that day. We were walking around our home, and I noticed when some of the things went out, there were dust bunnies and dirt and mud on the floor that was there from my dogs\u2019 footprints in the midst of the rain.\n\nSo, I went back to the house because I thought, \u201cI don\u2019t want Conner to come home, and it look like this.\u201d I don\u2019t know why I did that, but I did. I went back, and I thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to just vacuum and then leave\u201d; right? My last time there\u2014and just hug my dog and go.\n\nSo, as I was in our kitchen\u2014we had a wooden floor\u2014again, muddy footprints. I took a bucket out of our garage and a cloth and some soap, and I got down on the floor because that\u2019s how I mopped my floor\u2014was on my hands and knees. I got down on the floor, and I started cleaning up that dirt on the floor. While I was doing that, I was thinking in my mind, \u201cConner would never know I\u2019m doing this. Why am I doing this? He\u2019s been with so many people. He\u2019s looked at porn, and he\u2019s been with prostitutes\u201d; and I was there in my anger.\n\nThen, all of the sudden, I can\u2019t tell you how God\u2019s goodness fell upon my heart at that juncture. When I was just in my anger and rage, I could hear the Lord say, \u201cBeloved, you are washing his feet.\u201d I began to weep because God took me back to that time that I washed his feet when I made a covenant to him in marriage, and here I was washing the floor. It\u2019s like God knew in my heart of hearts that that\u2019s who I was, and that was the only way that I could kind of fulfill that and move forward.\n\nIt was a powerful moment of God\u2019s goodness, and I just say that was the first day I began to walk toward forgiving or letting go. It\u2019s taken me years to complete that journey, but that was the first time I remember saying, \u201cI can let this go and begin to move ahead with my life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Gosh, that just makes me cry; but also reminds of God\u2019s love for you. It was almost like He was saying, \u201cI\u2019ve seen, and well, done my daughter. You\u2019re my beloved.\u201d So, it was almost therapy for you in a way and permission; yes.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Permission. And isn\u2019t God good in those moments when no one else is around\u2014you know\u2014meets our hearts and helps us move to the next place?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And He so uses visuals. The water\u2014\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the washing the feet\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Cleansing; yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the washing the floor. Visually and powerful, and it touched your soul. Yet, let me ask you this because it\u2019s so beautiful; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cBefore you had that moment with God\u201d\u2014because I\u2019m looking in your book when there\u2019s the chapter you wrote, <em>Where is God<\/em>? It\u2019s almost like you had to have this moment before that\u2014and I don\u2019t know if that was years or months ahead of time where you\u2019re\u2014talk about that\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Angry.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014struggle \/ that darkness where you don\u2019t even know if He\u2019s there.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Yes. I did have a dark journey with God because when you, again, look at trauma and for, there\u2019s something I call the dirty dozen which are 12 layers of trauma with all of this. One of them is the spiritual or faith trauma.\n\nSo, I went through a very dark time where I had been crying out to God, seriously\u2014\u201cWould You change this? Would You stop him for Your name\u2019s sake? For the church\u2019s name sake? For the families that know us?\u201d I couldn\u2019t have pleaded or yelled any louder in my heart, and I remember coming to a point where I felt like God wasn\u2019t hearing me \/ as if He had turned His back on me.\n\nI remember crying out to God and telling Him, \u201cI don\u2019t know need You. I don\u2019t really need You anymore.\u201d It came out of my mouth. It was audible; you know? No one was around; but I was that hurt and that upset. As soon as I heard it, it\u2019s kind of like it ricocheted on the ceiling and came back like a boomerang. I thought, \u201cWhat did I just say?!\u201d It was in that moment that I realized that I had gotten it backward.\n\nMy heart had grown so cold, and I was so hurt because of the unrelenting acting out that I turned my heart from God. Isn\u2019t that what the enemy wants; right?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> To get us to a point where we don\u2019t believe God\u2019s heart is good, and He\u2019s not there for us. I got it backwards. Instead of kicking the dog\u2014you know when you\u2019re mad, they talk about kicking the dog\u2014D-O-G. I was kicking G-O-D. I was kicking God because I was so hurt and mad.\n\nThat moment helped me begin to turn around and realize how far I\u2019d grown away from the truth of who God is and that He is my ally. He is my Jehovah Ezer. He\u2019s my El Roi. He\u2019s my Jehovah El Emeth which mean the God of truth. He is all of that. I know that I know that I know that I know who He is now, and I know that He is here to walk it out with every single one of you that are listening.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sheri, when you took a year and prayed and thought about what to do and came back at the end of that year said, \u201cI can\u2019t continue this relationship,\u201d did Conner\u2014did he try to beg \/ to manipulate, or did he recognize the level of betrayal was such that the marriage could not survive?\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> We were in a parking lot outside of the attorney\u2019s office, and Conner said, \u201cAre you sure you want to do this?\u201d I said, \u201cYou know what, Conner? You have rendered me helpless in this. This is not what I\u2019ve wanted; but you have continued to act out, and I am unwilling to live with a revolving door anymore.\u201d He looked at me, and he said\u2014he just had nothing to say because he knew that was right. He knew it was true. What a heartbreaking moment\u2014because, you know, it\u2019s not what he wanted. It\u2019s what I wanted; but I couldn\u2019t continue to live with this revolving door of porn, prostitutes, affairs. It wasn\u2019t safe.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your work today and your book is for people who have been through what you\u2019ve been through and who experience the betrayal and recognize\u2014as you said\u2014they are dealing with post-traumatic stress. They have been wounded profoundly. I\u2019m thinking some wives have been wounded on a level one trauma\u2014kind of area. They just found out that their husband was looking at porn on the internet. That\u2019s not insignificant; but it\u2019s a far cry from where you\u2019ve been which we\u2019d say is a level five or level six.\n\nIs your book and your work for people who have experienced the deep, profound traumas; or if a wife learns that her husband struggles with porn and has been looking at it occasionally for the last three or four years in their marriage, do they experience the kind of betrayal that they need to go through a process like you\u2019ve outlined in the book; do you think?\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great point. So, for us, it\u2019s experience like a tsunami. It changes so many areas of your life\u2014what you thought was safe in your home, now, you worry about your kids \/ finances now. If you\u2019re a stay-at-home mom, now, you are all of the sudden freaking out because you don\u2019t know if you could ever have financial independence from this. Your community\u2014you can\u2019t talk about it anymore. The spiritual trauma, like I mentioned; the relationship; broken trust\u2014so, I find that many people have multiple layers happen on the front side even in some of their first discoveries.\n\nThere wasn\u2019t a book out there that addressed how to heal step-by-step in light of what I discovered with the post-traumatic stress symptoms. So, I go into it\u2014body, brain, mind, soul, spirit\u2014and drill it down so deeply because my experiences that I think betrayal happens in a lot of relationships; but I think people heal broken. It\u2019s like breaking an arm and then having it heal without it being set well. My book is how to set your arm so you heal well and how to become an advocate so that you can stop what\u2019s happening in your home.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you suggest a couple read through it together?\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I do. You know why? I had a husband and wife in my office a week ago. The guy came in, and he had kind of weepy eyes. He said, \u201cMy wife gave me your book.\u201d He said, \u201cI didn\u2019t really know that I had hurt her that bad. I didn\u2019t really think what I had done had been this impactful.\u201d He felt it. Now, do you know how many women want their husbands to have that feel factor?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s easy, for Dave and I as we struggled through this\u2014one, I can resonate with the trust thing. I remember saying to Dave, \u201cIt\u2019s one thing that you\u2019ve done it, but it\u2019s a bigger issue that you\u2019ve lied about it.\u201d That betrayal hurts even more; but I think what happens for us as women is we don\u2019t know what to do, and we don\u2019t know what to do with it. So, I think your book gives us a place to go because I think, sometimes, when women get upset, a man will say, \u201cWell, I can\u2019t even tell you.\u201d So, then we carry guilt around, and we don\u2019t know what to do with our anger.\n\nYou take us on a healing journey that hasn\u2019t been out there. I\u2019m so glad you wrote this book because so many women are saying, \u201cHelp me. We need resources.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What I\u2019ve found is what you just said, \u201cThe healing journey is both sides.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As I read it, I felt the same thing, like\u2014\u201cWow!\u201d You really get a sense of the depth of your\u2014of the pain you\u2019ve caused. It makes you say, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got to take steps.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your relationship may be damaged by this intimate deception, and we\u2019ve talked about wives whose husbands have transgressed. It goes the other way. There are men who have been deceived and whose wives have been the ones who have been unfaithful. There\u2019s a path you can get on that can lead to healing. It just requires that both of you want to go there.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I have seen couples go through insane situations; and if they are willing to both care for themselves and do the work, they can even grow into a stronger unit. I mean that\u2019s a testimony to you guys. I mean look at what happened because you didn\u2019t give up, and you were saying, \u201cThis isn\u2019t okay.\u201d You got help, and now from the pulpit, you are inviting others and people are coming. Isn\u2019t that what it\u2019s supposed to look like?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Those are the best stories because where Satan is trying to defeat us to steal, kill, and destroy, God is saying, \u201cI have. I can work with you. I can use this horror and destruction in your life for good to help other people,\u201d and there is something great about that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He can bring beauty from ashes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He can.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> God can do that, and that\u2019s your testimony here in this book, Sheri. Thank you for being with us. Thanks for writing the book. Let me, again, let our listeners know we\u2019ve got copies of Sheri\u2019s book, <em>Intimate Deception<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order the book from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and our number to call is 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s been a hard subject to tackle this week; but it\u2019s the real life that a lot of marriages and families are facing and the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, is here with us. It\u2019s in the midst of these difficult circumstances that people need to be reminded of who God is and what the truth is.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes. I just listen, and I go\u2014\u201cMan, the Christian life cannot be lived without courage.\u201d I just see that on display in this conversation with Sheri; but God often does not call us to easy things; you know? Like, that\u2019s part of life; and a life of growth will be a life of ruthless trust when facing areas in our marriages and our families with real honesty and courage.\n\nAs Dan Allender puts it, the work of restoration cannot begin until the problem is fully faced.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s so true.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Most people want to grow, but the price of growth is often daunting. Sometimes, it can be painful just to look pain straight in the eye. If we want to trust God to create a different future, we must have the courage to look at the past. For those of you who have experienced some type of betrayal like Sheri, it takes incredible courage\u2014the kind only God by His Holy Spirit can provide to walk Sheri\u2019s path \/ to be honest and pursue the steps that she outlines in her book; but Jesus is worthy of your trust, and He\u2019ll be with you along the way.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He has said, \u201cI\u2019ll never leave you nor forsake you\u201d; and we can cling to that in the midst of the valleys that we find ourselves walking through. Thank you for that, David.\n\nBefore we wrap up here today, I want to ask you to pray for couples who are going to be joining us this weekend in Dayton, Ohio, and Raleigh, North Carolina, as we have two of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways happening this weekend.\n\nThank you to those of you who make the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and all that we do here at FamilyLife possible when you support this ministry. We appreciate your partnership with us and are grateful\u2014especially for those of you who are monthly Legacy Partners. Thanks for your ongoing investment in the work that God is doing through FamilyLife and for helping us expand the reach of this ministry to more and more people all around the world. We are grateful for you.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday. Josh and Christi Straub are going to be here to talk about how we can help our kids know exactly what their feeling and know how to put a name to that. How do we help our kids understand their emotions? We\u2019ll talk about that Monday. Hope you can tune in.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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out of a marriage filled with sexual betrayal left Sheri Keffer emotionally exhausted and filled with shame. Keffer, now a relationship therapist tells how God kept her together when her marriage fell apart.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-25.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 25<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson, and I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We\u2019ll hear from Sheri Keffer today about her journey through unfaithfulness and deception. Stay with us.\n\nAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. Anybody who has listened to this program for any length of time, undoubtedly, understands that we are big here at FamilyLife on the sacred nature of the marriage covenant \/ that the marriage covenant is something that we should take very seriously, and we should protect and preserve at virtually all costs.\n\nI say virtually all costs because there are times when that covenant gets violated in significant and severe ways; and there are times when husbands or wives make a decision that they wish that they didn\u2019t have to make; but in many cases, they are facing no real alternative.\n\nI say all of that because what we\u2019re talking about this week\u2014sometimes\u2014leads to that point where a husband or a wife has to make a difficult decision and say \u201cI don\u2019t think we can preserve this marriage,\u201d or \u201cThe covenant has been violated already at such a level that I don\u2019t think it can be restored.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And one of the reasons we take the covenant so important is because God does. I know when I do a wedding as a pastor, I always stop at that vow moment just to remind, not only the couple, but everyone sitting there\u2014\u201cThis is serious.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> It\u2019s sacred.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> We are making a lifetime vow \/ covenant promise with God vertically, with one another horizontally. Everyone sitting there is going to be a part of this vow which one part of that vow is sexual purity unto you only: \u201cWill I be faithful to God and to my spouse?\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Forsaking all others.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019ve got somebody who is joining us who believes as we do on this; but whose life experience brought her to the point where divorce became the option she had to face. Sheri Keffer is with us again today. Sheri, thank you for being here.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Sure; appreciate it.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> And I know this is a tough way to even get into the conversation today; but I just wanted our listeners to understand that we can uphold the sacred nature of the marriage covenant; and at the same time, deal with the reality of a fallen world.\n\nThere are times when I think the community of faith can come around somebody and say, \u201cThis may be the thing that we\u2019ve got to pursue with you and for you.\u201d I know you never dreamed \/ imagined \/ hoped \/ wanted\u2014in fact, you fought for years for your marriage to be preserved; but you were married to somebody who\u2014if there is a definition of a sexual addict, that\u2019s what your husband was.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He had been serially unfaithful. You had gone through therapy and workshops and treatment programs, and he could not get free from his bondage to sexual sin. It forced you to a point where you had to sit down and go\u2014\u201cDo I persevere and deal with this as my life, or do I do what I never wanted to do and file for divorce?\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Well, Bob, I want to go a little bit because, Sheri, earlier you had told us that you had to tell somebody. So, how was that response from the body of believers? Where they helpful?\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> You know what? I think finding out about sexual betrayal is somewhat like leprosy. I felt the body of Christ pull away from us rather than shore us up. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s that way everywhere; but I think that there is a lot of fear.\n\nSo, I wish more people would press in at that time because they\u2014as couples, we need the support more than ever at that time. In fact, I wish there was a hospital, of sorts, that would have a gurney there for the betrayed partner and would have honest accountability \/ love think tank for the person that\u2019s acting out. Really start working on some deep, deep repair\u2014much like an ER room.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You didn\u2019t experience that.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> No.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And you just described what the church <em>should<\/em> be.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> <em>Should<\/em> be.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I know. I know.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> When you said that, it was like\u2014\u201cWhat a beautiful picture.\u201d That should be the community of faith.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I know; but you know what? A Gallup poll said recently more than 50 percent of pastors are struggling with this; right? So, it\u2019s not just Conner. So, if the pastor is struggling with it, do you think he\u2019s going to be preaching on it? Do you think he\u2019s going to be building a hospital? No; they\u2019re\u2014it\u2019s\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> They are all living in a house of shame\u2014\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> \u2014and guilt.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> You mentioned your first husband Conner, and we should just say that\u2019s a pseudonym that you use in the book\u2014\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014for him out of a desire to protect his anonymity; and to tell your story\u2014\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014without necessarily violating his story.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> My heart still aches. Bob, even as you bring up the conversation, I could just feel my heart just dropped. It\u2019s like there is still this loss over not having my marriage succeed. I think I will always live with that ache.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I hope in my bringing it up and addressing it with our audience\u2014I don\u2019t bring that up to bring shame to you.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I think, Bob, it\u2019s really more about\u2014it\u2019s about the covenant. It\u2019s about the vow. It\u2019s about what we hoped we would be. It\u2019s about all those years together, and it\u2019s about\u2014when you\u2019re fighting someone through this and you\u2019re giving it everything you had, it\u2019s like bonding in a foxhole. You get closer. There was a part of us that did get closer while we were fighting through it; but I just didn\u2019t know that he was acting out still; you know? I was deceived about that.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> You still had hope.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I still had hope; right. But you are so right about the covenant. Back in the day, in biblical times, it was quite more messy than the ceremonies that you have; right? They had a covenant ceremony where they would take a calf; and they would cut it in two, and then people would walk between those two halves of that calf in order to declare their covenant. In essence, it\u2019s like\u2014\u201cMay God do to me what is happening to these calves if I don\u2019t hold true.\u201d\n\nMarriage ceremonies today have the man\u2019s family on the one side and the woman\u2019s family on the other because it\u2019s a ceremonial way of expressing that; but our covenant was broken, and there was no way around it. I found a book that I have had for years. It was Chuck Swindoll who wrote a book called <em>Strike the Original Match<\/em>. In there, he talks about this issue of divorce. What do you do with that?\n\nI remember reading that and dog-earring some of the pages of that because he went in and talked about\u2014\u201cSo, what is immorality? If a man divorces his wife\u2014except for immorality\u2014and marries another woman, he commits adultery.\u201d So, that word immorality meant a lot to me; and I had no idea that that word is <em>porneia<\/em> in the Greek. Chuck is really clear to say that it\u2019s not a one-time\u2014like it\u2019s not like I looked at porn, and now all of the sudden, I\u2019m\u2014\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> The offended spouse has a get out of jail free card.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Exactly.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> It is <em>porneia<\/em> which means of lifestyle of sexual sin. I\u2019m unrepentant. I\u2019m immoral. I\u2019m not turning around. Now, again, if your husband or wife has an affair, then, of course, you have biblical grounds. I don\u2019t want to minimize that; but what that word in essence is saying\u2014somebody is not turning. They are not doing what you did, Dave. They are not willing to take a look at it, get into accountability. Unfortunately, that was my story.\n\nSo, I waited\u2014when I found out about a prostitute, I was heartbroken. I remember he called me. This time, he did tell me. He called me at work and said, \u201cI just want you to know that I have been with a prostitute.\u201d He was crying; and I remember at that point saying, \u201cConner, I don\u2019t know what more to do with you. I am so mad because you are taking everything away from me\u2014including your family.\u201d\n\nFrom that point on, I took a year, and I took a year and I met with pastors. I read everything I could. I prayed, and I really sought God. Yes; I had biblical grounds; but I needed to know\u2014\u201cIs this a yes? Are you telling me, God, to take this next step to break a covenant that meant everything to me?\u201d So, it was a year later that I made that decision because there was no change.\n\nAnd I\u2019ve got to tell you guys this story. So, as we were separating our households, and I was moving out, I was a divorcing, pastor\u2019s wife. I didn\u2019t have two nickels to rub together at that point. So, I was packing up somethings to go, and I had a bunch of friends helping me. It was raining that day. We were walking around our home, and I noticed when some of the things went out, there were dust bunnies and dirt and mud on the floor that was there from my dogs\u2019 footprints in the midst of the rain.\n\nSo, I went back to the house because I thought, \u201cI don\u2019t want Conner to come home, and it look like this.\u201d I don\u2019t know why I did that, but I did. I went back, and I thought, \u201cI\u2019m going to just vacuum and then leave\u201d; right? My last time there\u2014and just hug my dog and go.\n\nSo, as I was in our kitchen\u2014we had a wooden floor\u2014again, muddy footprints. I took a bucket out of our garage and a cloth and some soap, and I got down on the floor because that\u2019s how I mopped my floor\u2014was on my hands and knees. I got down on the floor, and I started cleaning up that dirt on the floor. While I was doing that, I was thinking in my mind, \u201cConner would never know I\u2019m doing this. Why am I doing this? He\u2019s been with so many people. He\u2019s looked at porn, and he\u2019s been with prostitutes\u201d; and I was there in my anger.\n\nThen, all of the sudden, I can\u2019t tell you how God\u2019s goodness fell upon my heart at that juncture. When I was just in my anger and rage, I could hear the Lord say, \u201cBeloved, you are washing his feet.\u201d I began to weep because God took me back to that time that I washed his feet when I made a covenant to him in marriage, and here I was washing the floor. It\u2019s like God knew in my heart of hearts that that\u2019s who I was, and that was the only way that I could kind of fulfill that and move forward.\n\nIt was a powerful moment of God\u2019s goodness, and I just say that was the first day I began to walk toward forgiving or letting go. It\u2019s taken me years to complete that journey, but that was the first time I remember saying, \u201cI can let this go and begin to move ahead with my life.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Gosh, that just makes me cry; but also reminds of God\u2019s love for you. It was almost like He was saying, \u201cI\u2019ve seen, and well, done my daughter. You\u2019re my beloved.\u201d So, it was almost therapy for you in a way and permission; yes.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Permission. And isn\u2019t God good in those moments when no one else is around\u2014you know\u2014meets our hearts and helps us move to the next place?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> And He so uses visuals. The water\u2014\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the washing the feet\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Cleansing; yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014the washing the floor. Visually and powerful, and it touched your soul. Yet, let me ask you this because it\u2019s so beautiful; and I\u2019m thinking, \u201cBefore you had that moment with God\u201d\u2014because I\u2019m looking in your book when there\u2019s the chapter you wrote, <em>Where is God<\/em>? It\u2019s almost like you had to have this moment before that\u2014and I don\u2019t know if that was years or months ahead of time where you\u2019re\u2014talk about that\u2014\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Angry.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> \u2014struggle \/ that darkness where you don\u2019t even know if He\u2019s there.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> Yes. I did have a dark journey with God because when you, again, look at trauma and for, there\u2019s something I call the dirty dozen which are 12 layers of trauma with all of this. One of them is the spiritual or faith trauma.\n\nSo, I went through a very dark time where I had been crying out to God, seriously\u2014\u201cWould You change this? Would You stop him for Your name\u2019s sake? For the church\u2019s name sake? For the families that know us?\u201d I couldn\u2019t have pleaded or yelled any louder in my heart, and I remember coming to a point where I felt like God wasn\u2019t hearing me \/ as if He had turned His back on me.\n\nI remember crying out to God and telling Him, \u201cI don\u2019t know need You. I don\u2019t really need You anymore.\u201d It came out of my mouth. It was audible; you know? No one was around; but I was that hurt and that upset. As soon as I heard it, it\u2019s kind of like it ricocheted on the ceiling and came back like a boomerang. I thought, \u201cWhat did I just say?!\u201d It was in that moment that I realized that I had gotten it backward.\n\nMy heart had grown so cold, and I was so hurt because of the unrelenting acting out that I turned my heart from God. Isn\u2019t that what the enemy wants; right?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> To get us to a point where we don\u2019t believe God\u2019s heart is good, and He\u2019s not there for us. I got it backwards. Instead of kicking the dog\u2014you know when you\u2019re mad, they talk about kicking the dog\u2014D-O-G. I was kicking G-O-D. I was kicking God because I was so hurt and mad.\n\nThat moment helped me begin to turn around and realize how far I\u2019d grown away from the truth of who God is and that He is my ally. He is my Jehovah Ezer. He\u2019s my El Roi. He\u2019s my Jehovah El Emeth which mean the God of truth. He is all of that. I know that I know that I know that I know who He is now, and I know that He is here to walk it out with every single one of you that are listening.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Sheri, when you took a year and prayed and thought about what to do and came back at the end of that year said, \u201cI can\u2019t continue this relationship,\u201d did Conner\u2014did he try to beg \/ to manipulate, or did he recognize the level of betrayal was such that the marriage could not survive?\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> We were in a parking lot outside of the attorney\u2019s office, and Conner said, \u201cAre you sure you want to do this?\u201d I said, \u201cYou know what, Conner? You have rendered me helpless in this. This is not what I\u2019ve wanted; but you have continued to act out, and I am unwilling to live with a revolving door anymore.\u201d He looked at me, and he said\u2014he just had nothing to say because he knew that was right. He knew it was true. What a heartbreaking moment\u2014because, you know, it\u2019s not what he wanted. It\u2019s what I wanted; but I couldn\u2019t continue to live with this revolving door of porn, prostitutes, affairs. It wasn\u2019t safe.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your work today and your book is for people who have been through what you\u2019ve been through and who experience the betrayal and recognize\u2014as you said\u2014they are dealing with post-traumatic stress. They have been wounded profoundly. I\u2019m thinking some wives have been wounded on a level one trauma\u2014kind of area. They just found out that their husband was looking at porn on the internet. That\u2019s not insignificant; but it\u2019s a far cry from where you\u2019ve been which we\u2019d say is a level five or level six.\n\nIs your book and your work for people who have experienced the deep, profound traumas; or if a wife learns that her husband struggles with porn and has been looking at it occasionally for the last three or four years in their marriage, do they experience the kind of betrayal that they need to go through a process like you\u2019ve outlined in the book; do you think?\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> That\u2019s a great point. So, for us, it\u2019s experience like a tsunami. It changes so many areas of your life\u2014what you thought was safe in your home, now, you worry about your kids \/ finances now. If you\u2019re a stay-at-home mom, now, you are all of the sudden freaking out because you don\u2019t know if you could ever have financial independence from this. Your community\u2014you can\u2019t talk about it anymore. The spiritual trauma, like I mentioned; the relationship; broken trust\u2014so, I find that many people have multiple layers happen on the front side even in some of their first discoveries.\n\nThere wasn\u2019t a book out there that addressed how to heal step-by-step in light of what I discovered with the post-traumatic stress symptoms. So, I go into it\u2014body, brain, mind, soul, spirit\u2014and drill it down so deeply because my experiences that I think betrayal happens in a lot of relationships; but I think people heal broken. It\u2019s like breaking an arm and then having it heal without it being set well. My book is how to set your arm so you heal well and how to become an advocate so that you can stop what\u2019s happening in your home.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Do you suggest a couple read through it together?\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I do. You know why? I had a husband and wife in my office a week ago. The guy came in, and he had kind of weepy eyes. He said, \u201cMy wife gave me your book.\u201d He said, \u201cI didn\u2019t really know that I had hurt her that bad. I didn\u2019t really think what I had done had been this impactful.\u201d He felt it. Now, do you know how many women want their husbands to have that feel factor?\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> Right.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> I think it\u2019s easy, for Dave and I as we struggled through this\u2014one, I can resonate with the trust thing. I remember saying to Dave, \u201cIt\u2019s one thing that you\u2019ve done it, but it\u2019s a bigger issue that you\u2019ve lied about it.\u201d That betrayal hurts even more; but I think what happens for us as women is we don\u2019t know what to do, and we don\u2019t know what to do with it. So, I think your book gives us a place to go because I think, sometimes, when women get upset, a man will say, \u201cWell, I can\u2019t even tell you.\u201d So, then we carry guilt around, and we don\u2019t know what to do with our anger.\n\nYou take us on a healing journey that hasn\u2019t been out there. I\u2019m so glad you wrote this book because so many women are saying, \u201cHelp me. We need resources.\u201d\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> What I\u2019ve found is what you just said, \u201cThe healing journey is both sides.\u201d\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Yes.\n\n<strong>Dave:<\/strong> As I read it, I felt the same thing, like\u2014\u201cWow!\u201d You really get a sense of the depth of your\u2014of the pain you\u2019ve caused. It makes you say, \u201cOkay; I\u2019ve got to take steps.\u201d\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Your relationship may be damaged by this intimate deception, and we\u2019ve talked about wives whose husbands have transgressed. It goes the other way. There are men who have been deceived and whose wives have been the ones who have been unfaithful. There\u2019s a path you can get on that can lead to healing. It just requires that both of you want to go there.\n\n<strong>Sheri:<\/strong> I have seen couples go through insane situations; and if they are willing to both care for themselves and do the work, they can even grow into a stronger unit. I mean that\u2019s a testimony to you guys. I mean look at what happened because you didn\u2019t give up, and you were saying, \u201cThis isn\u2019t okay.\u201d You got help, and now from the pulpit, you are inviting others and people are coming. Isn\u2019t that what it\u2019s supposed to look like?\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> Those are the best stories because where Satan is trying to defeat us to steal, kill, and destroy, God is saying, \u201cI have. I can work with you. I can use this horror and destruction in your life for good to help other people,\u201d and there is something great about that.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He can bring beauty from ashes.\n\n<strong>Ann:<\/strong> He can.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> God can do that, and that\u2019s your testimony here in this book, Sheri. Thank you for being with us. Thanks for writing the book. Let me, again, let our listeners know we\u2019ve got copies of Sheri\u2019s book, <em>Intimate Deception<\/em>, in our <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> Resource Center. You can order the book from us online at FamilyLifeToday.com or call 1-800-FL-TODAY. Again, the website is FamilyLifeToday.com, and our number to call is 1-800-358-6329. That\u2019s 1-800- \u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d\n\nIt\u2019s been a hard subject to tackle this week; but it\u2019s the real life that a lot of marriages and families are facing and the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, is here with us. It\u2019s in the midst of these difficult circumstances that people need to be reminded of who God is and what the truth is.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Yes. I just listen, and I go\u2014\u201cMan, the Christian life cannot be lived without courage.\u201d I just see that on display in this conversation with Sheri; but God often does not call us to easy things; you know? Like, that\u2019s part of life; and a life of growth will be a life of ruthless trust when facing areas in our marriages and our families with real honesty and courage.\n\nAs Dan Allender puts it, the work of restoration cannot begin until the problem is fully faced.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> That\u2019s so true.\n\n<strong>David:<\/strong> Most people want to grow, but the price of growth is often daunting. Sometimes, it can be painful just to look pain straight in the eye. If we want to trust God to create a different future, we must have the courage to look at the past. For those of you who have experienced some type of betrayal like Sheri, it takes incredible courage\u2014the kind only God by His Holy Spirit can provide to walk Sheri\u2019s path \/ to be honest and pursue the steps that she outlines in her book; but Jesus is worthy of your trust, and He\u2019ll be with you along the way.\n\n<strong>Bob:<\/strong> He has said, \u201cI\u2019ll never leave you nor forsake you\u201d; and we can cling to that in the midst of the valleys that we find ourselves walking through. Thank you for that, David.\n\nBefore we wrap up here today, I want to ask you to pray for couples who are going to be joining us this weekend in Dayton, Ohio, and Raleigh, North Carolina, as we have two of our <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup><\/em> marriage getaways happening this weekend.\n\nThank you to those of you who make the <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> and all that we do here at FamilyLife possible when you support this ministry. We appreciate your partnership with us and are grateful\u2014especially for those of you who are monthly Legacy Partners. Thanks for your ongoing investment in the work that God is doing through FamilyLife and for helping us expand the reach of this ministry to more and more people all around the world. We are grateful for you.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe hope you have a great weekend. Hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend, and I hope you can join us back on Monday. Josh and Christi Straub are going to be here to talk about how we can help our kids know exactly what their feeling and know how to put a name to that. How do we help our kids understand their emotions? We\u2019ll talk about that Monday. Hope you can tune in.\n\nI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>.\n\n<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\n<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\nWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\n\nCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. 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