{"id":305445,"date":"2019-10-19T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-10-19T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/stress-in-marriage\/"},"modified":"2019-10-19T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2019-10-19T10:00:05","slug":"stress-in-marriage","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/stress-in-marriage\/","title":{"rendered":"Stress in Marriage"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Crawford and Karen Loritts, Emerson Eggerichs, Laura Taggart, and Paul David Tripp coach couples on how to walk through stress in marriage in a way that strengthens your relationship.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":0,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"http:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2019-10-19.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:28:00","filesize":"25.64M","filesize_raw":"26883311","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10361,2860,2902],"tags":[6768],"podcast_series":[],"cwp_profile":[3076,3367,8802,3097],"series":[10388],"class_list":["post-305445","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","hentry","category-busyness-and-stress","category-hardship-and-suffering","category-resolving-conflict","tag-stress-in-marriage","cwp_profile-crawford-loritts","cwp_profile-emerson-eggerichs","cwp_profile-karen-loritts","cwp_profile-paul-david-tripp","series-familylife-this-week"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":false,"episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/10\/FLTW-Podcast-Cover-2-1400x1400-1-300x300-1.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305445\/stress-in-marriage","player_link":"https:\/\/dts.podtrac.com\/redirect.mp3\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305445\/stress-in-marriage","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-this-week","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"STvFwATzHe\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/stress-in-marriage\/\">Stress in Marriage<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-this-week\/stress-in-marriage\/embed\/#?secret=STvFwATzHe\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;Stress in Marriage&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"STvFwATzHe\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/flw\/flw2019-10-19.pdf"],"audio_file":["http:\/\/d2c17sq0nj1f7e.cloudfront.net\/flw2019-10-19.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Men, you tend to have a \u201cjump in\u201d attitude; a \u201cget \u2018er done\u201d mentality. But have you noticed your woman may need\u2014well, she may need\u2014you to put the brakes on a little bit? For Karen Loritts, she needed to explain this to her husband, Crawford. Here\u2019s Karen:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> He wanted to pray with me; he wanted to touch me; he wanted to give me flowers. I didn\u2019t want any flowers; I didn\u2019t want him touching me; I didn\u2019t want him praying for me. I know that sounds unspiritual, but that was the deal!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> That was a very confusing time, let\u2019s just say. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes, yes. You know, I just wanted to work it out myself. My husband wanted to fix it, and there were some things that he couldn\u2019t fix.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> God created men and women differently, and how we react to stress is also different. So today, we\u2019re going to take a look at how to communicate through stressful times in our marriages, on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Do you remember <em>Leave it to Beaver<\/em>? That awesome TV show from the \u201850s? You know, when I was a kid, I remember watching re-runs of <em>Leave it to Beaver<\/em>. You know, the Beav, and Wally, and everybody. Well, Ward, the dad, always gets home from work on time, and he\u2019s in this great mood. Then June, the mom, always cleans the house in heels, and has the meal that is never late to the table. The Beav and Wally\u2014well, they\u2019re always learning something good in just 30 minutes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAhhh, those were the good ol\u2019 days, when life was care-free; stress-free. Of course, we know that that\u2019s the fantasy that never really existed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, stressors in life come at us every day. It could be the simple traffic jam or the bank account that was overdrawn because the commission check wasn\u2019t deposited on time; or your sleep is being disturbed. It could go on and on\u2014big ones and small ones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to talk about that today; but first, there\u2019s a couple that are good friends with us here at FamilyLife. They\u2019ve been married for many years; in fact, almost five decades. They\u2019ve had their share of stressors just like everyone else on the planet. They are Crawford and Karen Loritts. One thing you\u2019ll notice, as we hear them talking about life with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, is that they\u2019re remembering the younger years from a place of (now) maturity. Here\u2019s Crawford, talking about the early stressors in marriage:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> I think there\u2019ve been times of great challenge that we had to walk through, where we were bewildered. There was a two-year time\u2014a season of our lives\u2014where we were in Dallas. We had just come off of losing a baby\u2014our daughter who died at, I think, and hour and a half (wasn\u2019t it, honey?) after birth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> Something like that, yes. Then we moved to Dallas, and we were helping to plant a church. Just a number of dynamics were going on there. That was probably, in the 47 years we\u2019ve been married, I think we both would say that was the hardest two years. It wasn\u2019t so much that we personally had conflict with each other, so much as it was just <em>hard. <\/em>Karen was not as gung-ho about what was going on. Probably in my youth and idiocy, I was leaning more toward, you know, compartmentalization; the vision. You know, \u201clet\u2019s just make this thing happen!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that there were moments during that two-year stretch where I should have just stepped way back and just hung in there and identified where she was coming from and moved forward. You know, you can look back with 20\/20 vision and see that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would not call that a dark period in our marriage so much as challenging, maybe, in\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tnavigating the stress of it; because we never\u2014there was never a thought of us leaving one another or giving up on the relationship, or even a lessening of our loving commitment to one another. We were just at different places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What could he have done during that season that would have served you better? Was there anything?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Well, with me, he wanted to pray with me; he wanted to touch me; he wanted to give me flowers. I didn\u2019t want any flowers; I didn\u2019t want him touching me; I didn\u2019t want him praying for me. I know that sounds unspiritual, but that was the deal!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> That was a very confusing time, let\u2019s just say. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I just wanted to work it out myself. My husband wanted to fix it, and there were some things that he couldn\u2019t fix. I had to walk through that. He was very patient. He prayed for me; lots of prayers for me. That was a dark time for me, personally, as I had to walk through this menopausal stuff; this empty nest. That was kind of hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you feel like he was your ally?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes, but I wanted him to remain in the shadows, because I needed a\u2014he just couldn\u2019t fix it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> What was he going to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> Yes, which was, given my personality, a very difficult thing to do. What I learned was that it\u2019s more important, during these times when our spouse is going through something, for us to <em>understand<\/em> them than it is for us to demand that they change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> You\u2019ve just got to give that time. So, you know, I\u2019m not saying\u2014I had fits and starts and this kind of thing, because I still wanted to fix it. It\u2019s frustrating when you see your spouse hurting in some kind of way. You want to take care of that. \u201cLet\u2019s just get on to the next thing, man!\u201d But it was important for me to show patience, which is not necessarily buried deeply in my DNA.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I appreciated you giving me that time, but, on my side, too, I should have stopped having a lot of pride about it, too, and humbled myself and just share and allow you to minister to me in whatever way that you thought I needed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[End Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What a beautiful reflection from Karen Loritts. That comes from almost fifty years of being married and continuing to work through those stressors. So, if you\u2019re in a new marriage right now, and you\u2019re thinking you\u2019re never going to make it, just look to Crawford and Karen. Yes, you can!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you catch the stressors in there? Did you hear that, in the span of less than a year, they lost their baby shortly after birth, he had a new ministry, and they had a new city? Think through the heaviness of that. In fact, they hit three of the top ten stressors all at once. But did you hear all of that? God ushered them through the pain. He got them through, because they leaned into Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, maybe your stress is different; maybe your stress could be terminal illness; work stress that is coming home; or maybe it\u2019s the loss of a job, a special needs child, or a natural disaster. Stress comes at us from the outside. Stress happening outside the home\u2014well, it usually makes its way inside. Many times, that\u2019s what starts those cracks that can cause conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura Taggert knows first-hand how to deal with that kind of conflict. First, because she\u2019s a therapist and really understands interpersonal communication; but also because she\u2019s had to practice what she teaches. I want you to hear how Laura learned how to communicate with her husband, Gary. Here\u2019s Laura:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Gary and I got in this tiff one day, and as we broke it down afterward, I was needing something from him (to bring a chair in), and he was frustrated because he\u2019d been helping me and he didn\u2019t think I was being appreciative by asking him for one more thing. His trigger went off, which is, \u201cMy voice isn\u2019t heard.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe grew up in a family where his voice\u2014he had a lot of siblings\u2014wasn\u2019t heard. My little voice\u2014I grew up in a family where there was one right way to do things. My dad was in the Navy, and there was one right way. I wanted it my way, and he wasn\u2019t feeling his voice was heard. When we finally got over it\u2014we didn\u2019t talk the rest of the night, but when were finally able to come to it the next day\u2014we saw that my young wound was, \u201cI need to get it right,\u201d and his young wound was, \u201cI need to have a voice.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI could have compassion for his; he could have compassion for mine. It helped to diffuse the problem. So, sometimes, we\u2019re ashamed to go to what the wound is. We don\u2019t like to think we have a wound; we like to think whatever our anger is in the moment is justified. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> But when we can slow down and begin to look at that wound, we can have compassion for ourselves. It wasn\u2019t our fault; we grew up in this situation, and this is the adaptation we made. So I can begin to have compassion for myself. When I can begin to do that, I can begin to have compassion for the other. It totally shifts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What you\u2019re describing, when we identify those triggers or those patterns or those things that are true about us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re not dismissing or excusing sin and saying, \u201cWell, that\u2019s just who I am.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We can deal with them differently if we\u2019re dealing with them from a position of understanding that God loves us and God has accepted us than if we\u2019re living in fear, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Exactly, and when we can say, \u201cThis is my identity. My identity is in Christ. I\u2019m a loved child. I\u2019ve got these ways of being that came onboard a long time ago, and I can begin to look at them now. I have the freedom now, because I\u2019m so solid in my lovability, [to] look at these parts of me that take me out. I can begin to notice it and get curious about it.\u201d Because you\u2019re in Christ, you can begin to have, maybe, an open-hearted look at the way that you\u2019ve harmed people or hurt people and own it, and not justify it anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be able to do conflict well, you have to have some self-awareness. It\u2019s not just about a skill set; it\u2019s about really having a deep level of self-awareness, so that you can begin to be honest with yourself about the way it is that you\u2019re feeling. You know, a lot of us are kind of cut off from our feelings. We don\u2019t really pay much attention to what we feel; we just act out. If you can pay attention to what you feel, and learn to articulate what you feel in a non-accusing, non-blaming way, now you\u2019re opening the door to some vulnerability in your relationships, some transparency, that will create that deep level of intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love, again, Proverbs 25 that says, \u201cThe purposes of a person\u2019s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws it out.\u201d So taking time to draw it out: \u201cWhat <em>is it<\/em> that goes on inside of me? What are my feelings? What is my reactivity? What\u2019s that all about?\u201d If we can do that self-exploration, our capacity to do conflict well is greatly increased.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[End Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Laura Taggert with some great advice on how to handle conflict and stress in our lives. She says step back; take time to explore and search yourself. You know the stress that you\u2019re dealing with, or maybe it\u2019s him who\u2019s dealing with it and it\u2019s affecting you? Well, it becomes <em>our <\/em>stress, and we need to learn how to communicate through that stress well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPerhaps, as Laura suggested, read King David\u2019s words from Psalm 139: \u201cSearch me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts, and see if there\u2019s any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.\u201d Our first stop should always be God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, we need to take a break, but, when we come back, we\u2019re going to hear from Emerson Eggerichs and the four things you need to know and to keep in mind as you communicate with a loved one (or maybe it\u2019s a co-worker or friend). Stay tuned! We\u2019ll be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. Today we\u2019re talking about stress, and how that stress\u2014well, it can weigh on a marriage. You know, one of the communication tools that I\u2019ve heard is, \u201cBe honest.\u201d Honesty is the best policy, right? I like to be honest and transparent, but sometimes my honesty can sort of be almost like a bull in a china shop! You know what I\u2019m talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Keith: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> See? See, even our sound engineer and Executive Producer, Keith Lynch, knows exactly what I\u2019m talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe know that there are right ways to communicate, and there are wrong ways to communicate. That\u2019s why, next, we\u2019re going to hear from Emerson Eggerichs. He\u2019s the guy who coined the phrase that men need respect, but women need love. He\u2019s all about communication. He sat in the studio with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine a while back, and he talked about four aspects of communication that are critical, honesty being one of them. There are four. Here\u2019s Emerson talking about those four:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Back when I was like 20 years of age, I began to try to figure out, \u201cIf I\u2019m going to say something, what would be a quick checklist for me to go through?\u201d For me <em>personally<\/em>; I didn\u2019t think about ever writing a book on this, it was just that I wanted to keep myself out of trouble, you know? So, before you speak, Socrates, who was accredited with this, said you need to ask yourself: \u201cIs it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?\u201d But then I added a fourth: \u201cIs it clear?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we all quote, \u201cSpeak the truth in love.\u201d There are two of them right there; the first two: truth and kindness. So, \u201cspeak the truth in love.\u201d Everybody\u2014they don\u2019t know the reference on that, but they know we\u2019re to speak the truth in love. We kind of know it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other side\u2014someone read the book and said, \u201cI thought you were telling us not to speak, but I got through the book and I realized, you\u2019re telling us to speak.\u201d He said, \u201cI thought you were telling us to shut up, and you were actually telling us to speak up.\u201d Yes! We need the courage, then\u2014and this is where most of us are\u2014we lack the courage when we should say what\u2019s true, say it in a kind way; say what\u2019s necessary, say it clearly; and, if all those align, we need to communicate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of the four areas\u2014Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it clear? those four questions\u2014is there one that is more routinely violated than another? I know we\u2019re different personalities (different people), and we may have our own blind spot in any of those areas; but, in general in our communication, do we tend to be less true, less kind, less necessary, or less clear in how we communicate, do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s an excellent question. No one has really asked that of me. As I\u2019ve pointed out, they\u2019re distinct and they\u2019re all vital. I think the key is truthfulness. I mean, to what extent are people lying and being untruthful? That sets off a domino effect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> I mean, what difference does it make if I\u2019m kind and I\u2019m lying to you? You know, I\u2019m telling you a lie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think you made a significant point here. The baseline in all of this is, we\u2019ve got to be truthful. We\u2019ve got to be honest with one another. Now the question is, in our honesty, are we kind? Are we clear? Is it necessary? But you have to start with that, because you can get the other three down exactly right\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and if the honesty\u2019s not there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014we\u2019ve got a real problem!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Well, then I go even deeper. Most of us don\u2019t get up in the morning thinking of ways we\u2019re going to lie. You know? So I unpack 20 reasons why we, as believers, might hedge a little bit on the truth. It\u2019s not always a wicked reason. For instance, there are peacemakers out there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Peacemakers <em>do not <\/em>like conflict. So they don\u2019t intend to lie. They just don\u2019t want the conflict. So their hearts are in the right place! You want to click your heels and salute them. \u201cI am so appreciative of your peacemaking tendencies! I just applaud that. But at risk here is that you\u2019re compromising the truth in this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I unpack 20 reasons why we might hedge on that truthfulness. In fact, there are 81 different reasons why we would compromise in those four areas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What did you say?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> 81!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> 81. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, there are 20 under each. In other words, I unpack, \u201cWhy would I not be kind? Why would I not be necessary in what I\u2019m saying? Why would I not say what\u2019s clear?\u201d And as I thought about it, I just kept adding from my own life, you know? Well, here might be a peacemaker idea, you know? He\u2019s not a bad person!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> But this would be a thing that could set it all off. Then, in the short-term, you\u2019ve got peace, but, long-term, they\u2019re going to come back and say, \u201cWait a minute! You weren\u2019t truthful with me!\u201d There\u2019s a price to pay, then, when we compromise these. But most of us compromise them because, short-term, it works. I mean, why would a person be a bully? Why would they be unkind? Because it <em>works<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> So there is a pragmatic perspective that we bring. I was talking to my son, and he said, \u201cDad, everybody lies. Everybody\u2019s lying today. People lie when they don\u2019t even need to lie.\u201d So there is a challenge for all of us in, \u201cWhy do we do that?\u201d Because somehow we fear the truth. We fear, \u201cIf I\u2019m just truthful, it\u2019s going to lead to, you know, some kind of consequence to me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhy don\u2019t I say it kindly? Because I think if I say it kindly, they\u2019re going to take advantage of me. If I\u2019m nice to the clerk behind the counter, they\u2019re not going to listen to me, because Joe over here is screaming at them and he\u2019s getting his product replaced.\u201d So we begin to convince ourselves that compromising these four things are to our benefit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[End Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ooh! And we need to know that they\u2019re not to our benefit when we compromise those four things, as Emerson Eggerichs helps us understand the right way and the wrong way to communicate and what needs to be involved. It needs to be <em>true<\/em>; it needs to be <em>kind<\/em>; and it needs to be <em>necessary. <\/em>And then, what Emerson added was, there needs to be clarity to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo as you\u2019re communicating, through stressors from work or through stressors from life, to your wife or your husband, be mindful of how you talk through things. Be kind. Be clear. Be necessary. And also be truthful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know that\u2019s a tall order! It\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, we need a little bit of application, maybe, in understanding how this really will play out.\u201d For that, I\u2019m going to turn to Paul Tripp. Now, many of you know Paul Tripp. He\u2019s a pastor and an event speaker; he\u2019s an author of more than 30 books and video series; he\u2019s kind of a big deal in the Christian community, right? I mean, he\u2019s lived this fine legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor Paul Tripp, those stressors came out as an anger problem, and it was something that he and Luella danced around for many years, until one night. Here\u2019s <strong>Paul:<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul<\/strong>: I went home that night, and all I could think about was I wanted to talk with Luella. I came in the house rather seriously and asked if we could sit down and talk. I said to her, \u201cI know for many years, you\u2019ve tried to talk to me about my anger, and I\u2019ve been unwilling to listen. I\u2019ve been unwilling to hear. I can honestly say tonight, I want to hear what you have to say to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLuella teared up a little bit, and then she told me she loved me, which I thought was an act of amazing grace after what I had put her through. Then she talked for two hours. In those two hours, God began the process of a radical undoing and rebuilding of the heart of this man. The operative word there is \u201cprocess.\u201d I wasn\u2019t zapped by lightning, but I had open eyes, open ears, and, by God\u2019s grace, an open heart. I saw that anger everywhere I looked for the next few months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was very painful! There were times where I felt like I couldn\u2019t breathe. But I want you to hear this: that pain was the pain of grace. God was making that anger like vomit in my mouth, so I would never go back there again. Praise Him for His grace!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow I have come to understand, as I tell my story, that I\u2019m not the only angry person in the room. There are angry men and women in this room. Reflect on how much conflict there is in our marriage. Reflect on how many days you\u2019re able to go through without some kind of conflict interrupting the unity and the understanding love that is God\u2019s purpose for you. Reflect on how little things become big things because it doesn\u2019t take much for us to become irritated and angry, and go places we should not go. Reflect on the fact that no one in this room has ever had a marriage that hasn\u2019t disappointed them in some way!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to tell you something that you may have never thought of. My anger was about kingdoms. You say, \u201cWhat in the world are you talking about?! What sense does that make?\u201d Well, hear what I\u2019m about to say: Marriage is war! What I\u2019m talking about is all that tension, all that nastiness, all those awkward, uncomfortable moments are really the fruit of a deeper war.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s only when you understand and gain ground in that deeper war that you\u2019ll ever gain ground in all of those things that hurt and disappoint us all. That deeper war is not fought between you and your husband or you and your wife. That deeper war\u2014hear what I\u2019m about to say\u2014is fought on the turf of your heart. It\u2019s fought for control of your soul. Listen carefully: marriage, this side of eternity, is always a war between the kingdom of self and the kingdom of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt breaks my heart that so much of what is written about marriage is just a bunch of \u201chow-to\u2019s\u201d; just a bunch of rules. It never gets down at heart level! My problem is <em>not <\/em>that I don\u2019t know the rules! My problem is I don\u2019t care about the rules, because there\u2019s something else I want more! You know that\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a man in this room, and you\u2019ve had those moments where you\u2019re up in your wife\u2019s face, so close that she can feel your breath, and you\u2019re saying nasty things to her, you\u2019re not doing that because you\u2019re ignorant of the fact that that\u2019s wrong. You\u2019re doing that because, at that moment, you don\u2019t give a rip what is wrong. There\u2019s something that you want, and you\u2019re going to get it! That\u2019s kingdom stuff!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need something deeper than that! I need rescue that\u2019s deeper than that! I need wisdom that\u2019s deeper than that. I\u2019ve got to say this: if rules were all we needed, Jesus would never have had to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> All it takes is a few minutes with Paul Tripp, and I feel like the dagger\u2019s just been pushed into my heart, you know? Remembering that it\u2019s <em>not about me, <\/em>as much as I would like to think life is, it\u2019s not about me. It\u2019s about Christ, and what He has done to set me free. I\u2019m reminded about something that Crawford said about marriage\u2014that marriage is not about happiness; it\u2019s not about living that stress-free life that we\u2019ve been talking about today. Marriage is about mission! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you would like to hear more from Crawford and Karen, go to our website. We have a link to their full interview about marriage and stress and how to build a marriage that lasts and goes the distance. That\u2019s on our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. That\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s during the stressful times that we really need to fight for peace; for God\u2019s peace. Remember, first stop and take that time with God. Don\u2019t let the stressors of life steal more joy from you or your marriage or the people around you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext week, we\u2019re going to talk about lies that we tend to believe about ourselves. There will be some time of introspection; maybe some time of some, you know, self-awareness. Robert and Nancy Wolgemuth will help us see ourselves and our sins differently. I hope you can join us for that. It\u2019s going to be a great show!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Keith:<\/strong> Michelle?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, Keith?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Keith:<\/strong> Turn your headphones down a little. You\u2019re kind of stressing me out! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What do you mean I\u2019m stressing you out?! You\u2019re stressing me out!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Keith:<\/strong> I\u2019ve wanted to tell you this for a long time, and it\u2019s just really bothering me. I mean, I feel really tense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Did you go back to Emerson\u2019s four ways to communicate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:28:00"],"show_notes":[""],"filesize":["25.64M"],"filesize_raw":["26883311"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305445.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305445.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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and Karen Loritts, Emerson Eggerichs, Laura Taggart, and Paul David Tripp coach couples on how to walk through stress in marriage in a way that strengthens your relationship.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/flw\/flw2019-10-19.pdf","transcript_content":"<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Men, you tend to have a \u201cjump in\u201d attitude; a \u201cget \u2018er done\u201d mentality. But have you noticed your woman may need\u2014well, she may need\u2014you to put the brakes on a little bit? For Karen Loritts, she needed to explain this to her husband, Crawford. Here\u2019s Karen:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> He wanted to pray with me; he wanted to touch me; he wanted to give me flowers. I didn\u2019t want any flowers; I didn\u2019t want him touching me; I didn\u2019t want him praying for me. I know that sounds unspiritual, but that was the deal!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> That was a very confusing time, let\u2019s just say. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes, yes. You know, I just wanted to work it out myself. My husband wanted to fix it, and there were some things that he couldn\u2019t fix.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> God created men and women differently, and how we react to stress is also different. So today, we\u2019re going to take a look at how to communicate through stressful times in our marriages, on this edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWelcome to <em>FamilyLife This Week. <\/em>I\u2019m Michelle Hill. Do you remember <em>Leave it to Beaver<\/em>? That awesome TV show from the \u201850s? You know, when I was a kid, I remember watching re-runs of <em>Leave it to Beaver<\/em>. You know, the Beav, and Wally, and everybody. Well, Ward, the dad, always gets home from work on time, and he\u2019s in this great mood. Then June, the mom, always cleans the house in heels, and has the meal that is never late to the table. The Beav and Wally\u2014well, they\u2019re always learning something good in just 30 minutes! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAhhh, those were the good ol\u2019 days, when life was care-free; stress-free. Of course, we know that that\u2019s the fantasy that never really existed. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, stressors in life come at us every day. It could be the simple traffic jam or the bank account that was overdrawn because the commission check wasn\u2019t deposited on time; or your sleep is being disturbed. It could go on and on\u2014big ones and small ones. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to talk about that today; but first, there\u2019s a couple that are good friends with us here at FamilyLife. They\u2019ve been married for many years; in fact, almost five decades. They\u2019ve had their share of stressors just like everyone else on the planet. They are Crawford and Karen Loritts. One thing you\u2019ll notice, as we hear them talking about life with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine, is that they\u2019re remembering the younger years from a place of (now) maturity. Here\u2019s Crawford, talking about the early stressors in marriage:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> I think there\u2019ve been times of great challenge that we had to walk through, where we were bewildered. There was a two-year time\u2014a season of our lives\u2014where we were in Dallas. We had just come off of losing a baby\u2014our daughter who died at, I think, and hour and a half (wasn\u2019t it, honey?) after birth.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Something like that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> Something like that, yes. Then we moved to Dallas, and we were helping to plant a church. Just a number of dynamics were going on there. That was probably, in the 47 years we\u2019ve been married, I think we both would say that was the hardest two years. It wasn\u2019t so much that we personally had conflict with each other, so much as it was just <em>hard. <\/em>Karen was not as gung-ho about what was going on. Probably in my youth and idiocy, I was leaning more toward, you know, compartmentalization; the vision. You know, \u201clet\u2019s just make this thing happen!\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI think that there were moments during that two-year stretch where I should have just stepped way back and just hung in there and identified where she was coming from and moved forward. You know, you can look back with 20\/20 vision and see that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI would not call that a dark period in our marriage so much as challenging, maybe, in\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tnavigating the stress of it; because we never\u2014there was never a thought of us leaving one another or giving up on the relationship, or even a lessening of our loving commitment to one another. We were just at different places.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What could he have done during that season that would have served you better? Was there anything?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Well, with me, he wanted to pray with me; he wanted to touch me; he wanted to give me flowers. I didn\u2019t want any flowers; I didn\u2019t want him touching me; I didn\u2019t want him praying for me. I know that sounds unspiritual, but that was the deal!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> That was a very confusing time, let\u2019s just say. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes, yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, I just wanted to work it out myself. My husband wanted to fix it, and there were some things that he couldn\u2019t fix. I had to walk through that. He was very patient. He prayed for me; lots of prayers for me. That was a dark time for me, personally, as I had to walk through this menopausal stuff; this empty nest. That was kind of hard.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Did you feel like he was your ally?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Yes, but I wanted him to remain in the shadows, because I needed a\u2014he just couldn\u2019t fix it!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> What was he going to do?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> Yes, which was, given my personality, a very difficult thing to do. What I learned was that it\u2019s more important, during these times when our spouse is going through something, for us to <em>understand<\/em> them than it is for us to demand that they change. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Crawford:<\/strong> You\u2019ve just got to give that time. So, you know, I\u2019m not saying\u2014I had fits and starts and this kind of thing, because I still wanted to fix it. It\u2019s frustrating when you see your spouse hurting in some kind of way. You want to take care of that. \u201cLet\u2019s just get on to the next thing, man!\u201d But it was important for me to show patience, which is not necessarily buried deeply in my DNA.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Karen:<\/strong> I appreciated you giving me that time, but, on my side, too, I should have stopped having a lot of pride about it, too, and humbled myself and just share and allow you to minister to me in whatever way that you thought I needed.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[End Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What a beautiful reflection from Karen Loritts. That comes from almost fifty years of being married and continuing to work through those stressors. So, if you\u2019re in a new marriage right now, and you\u2019re thinking you\u2019re never going to make it, just look to Crawford and Karen. Yes, you can!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tDid you catch the stressors in there? Did you hear that, in the span of less than a year, they lost their baby shortly after birth, he had a new ministry, and they had a new city? Think through the heaviness of that. In fact, they hit three of the top ten stressors all at once. But did you hear all of that? God ushered them through the pain. He got them through, because they leaned into Him. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, maybe your stress is different; maybe your stress could be terminal illness; work stress that is coming home; or maybe it\u2019s the loss of a job, a special needs child, or a natural disaster. Stress comes at us from the outside. Stress happening outside the home\u2014well, it usually makes its way inside. Many times, that\u2019s what starts those cracks that can cause conflict.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLaura Taggert knows first-hand how to deal with that kind of conflict. First, because she\u2019s a therapist and really understands interpersonal communication; but also because she\u2019s had to practice what she teaches. I want you to hear how Laura learned how to communicate with her husband, Gary. Here\u2019s Laura:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Gary and I got in this tiff one day, and as we broke it down afterward, I was needing something from him (to bring a chair in), and he was frustrated because he\u2019d been helping me and he didn\u2019t think I was being appreciative by asking him for one more thing. His trigger went off, which is, \u201cMy voice isn\u2019t heard.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHe grew up in a family where his voice\u2014he had a lot of siblings\u2014wasn\u2019t heard. My little voice\u2014I grew up in a family where there was one right way to do things. My dad was in the Navy, and there was one right way. I wanted it my way, and he wasn\u2019t feeling his voice was heard. When we finally got over it\u2014we didn\u2019t talk the rest of the night, but when were finally able to come to it the next day\u2014we saw that my young wound was, \u201cI need to get it right,\u201d and his young wound was, \u201cI need to have a voice.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI could have compassion for his; he could have compassion for mine. It helped to diffuse the problem. So, sometimes, we\u2019re ashamed to go to what the wound is. We don\u2019t like to think we have a wound; we like to think whatever our anger is in the moment is justified. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> But when we can slow down and begin to look at that wound, we can have compassion for ourselves. It wasn\u2019t our fault; we grew up in this situation, and this is the adaptation we made. So I can begin to have compassion for myself. When I can begin to do that, I can begin to have compassion for the other. It totally shifts.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> What you\u2019re describing, when we identify those triggers or those patterns or those things that are true about us\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We\u2019re not dismissing or excusing sin and saying, \u201cWell, that\u2019s just who I am.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> No.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> We can deal with them differently if we\u2019re dealing with them from a position of understanding that God loves us and God has accepted us than if we\u2019re living in fear, right?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Laura:<\/strong> Exactly, and when we can say, \u201cThis is my identity. My identity is in Christ. I\u2019m a loved child. I\u2019ve got these ways of being that came onboard a long time ago, and I can begin to look at them now. I have the freedom now, because I\u2019m so solid in my lovability, [to] look at these parts of me that take me out. I can begin to notice it and get curious about it.\u201d Because you\u2019re in Christ, you can begin to have, maybe, an open-hearted look at the way that you\u2019ve harmed people or hurt people and own it, and not justify it anymore. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tTo be able to do conflict well, you have to have some self-awareness. It\u2019s not just about a skill set; it\u2019s about really having a deep level of self-awareness, so that you can begin to be honest with yourself about the way it is that you\u2019re feeling. You know, a lot of us are kind of cut off from our feelings. We don\u2019t really pay much attention to what we feel; we just act out. If you can pay attention to what you feel, and learn to articulate what you feel in a non-accusing, non-blaming way, now you\u2019re opening the door to some vulnerability in your relationships, some transparency, that will create that deep level of intimacy.\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI love, again, Proverbs 25 that says, \u201cThe purposes of a person\u2019s heart are deep waters, but one who has insight draws it out.\u201d So taking time to draw it out: \u201cWhat <em>is it<\/em> that goes on inside of me? What are my feelings? What is my reactivity? What\u2019s that all about?\u201d If we can do that self-exploration, our capacity to do conflict well is greatly increased.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[End Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Laura Taggert with some great advice on how to handle conflict and stress in our lives. She says step back; take time to explore and search yourself. You know the stress that you\u2019re dealing with, or maybe it\u2019s him who\u2019s dealing with it and it\u2019s affecting you? Well, it becomes <em>our <\/em>stress, and we need to learn how to communicate through that stress well. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPerhaps, as Laura suggested, read King David\u2019s words from Psalm 139: \u201cSearch me, O God, and know my heart. Try me and know my thoughts, and see if there\u2019s any grievous way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.\u201d Our first stop should always be God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, we need to take a break, but, when we come back, we\u2019re going to hear from Emerson Eggerichs and the four things you need to know and to keep in mind as you communicate with a loved one (or maybe it\u2019s a co-worker or friend). Stay tuned! We\u2019ll be back.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Radio Station Spot Break]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle: <\/strong>Welcome back to <em>FamilyLife This Week<\/em>. I'm Michelle Hill. Today we\u2019re talking about stress, and how that stress\u2014well, it can weigh on a marriage. You know, one of the communication tools that I\u2019ve heard is, \u201cBe honest.\u201d Honesty is the best policy, right? I like to be honest and transparent, but sometimes my honesty can sort of be almost like a bull in a china shop! You know what I\u2019m talking about?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Keith: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> See? See, even our sound engineer and Executive Producer, Keith Lynch, knows exactly what I\u2019m talking about.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe know that there are right ways to communicate, and there are wrong ways to communicate. That\u2019s why, next, we\u2019re going to hear from Emerson Eggerichs. He\u2019s the guy who coined the phrase that men need respect, but women need love. He\u2019s all about communication. He sat in the studio with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine a while back, and he talked about four aspects of communication that are critical, honesty being one of them. There are four. Here\u2019s Emerson talking about those four:\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Back when I was like 20 years of age, I began to try to figure out, \u201cIf I\u2019m going to say something, what would be a quick checklist for me to go through?\u201d For me <em>personally<\/em>; I didn\u2019t think about ever writing a book on this, it was just that I wanted to keep myself out of trouble, you know? So, before you speak, Socrates, who was accredited with this, said you need to ask yourself: \u201cIs it True? Is it Kind? Is it Necessary?\u201d But then I added a fourth: \u201cIs it clear?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, we all quote, \u201cSpeak the truth in love.\u201d There are two of them right there; the first two: truth and kindness. So, \u201cspeak the truth in love.\u201d Everybody\u2014they don\u2019t know the reference on that, but they know we\u2019re to speak the truth in love. We kind of know it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe other side\u2014someone read the book and said, \u201cI thought you were telling us not to speak, but I got through the book and I realized, you\u2019re telling us to speak.\u201d He said, \u201cI thought you were telling us to shut up, and you were actually telling us to speak up.\u201d Yes! We need the courage, then\u2014and this is where most of us are\u2014we lack the courage when we should say what\u2019s true, say it in a kind way; say what\u2019s necessary, say it clearly; and, if all those align, we need to communicate it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Of the four areas\u2014Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it clear? those four questions\u2014is there one that is more routinely violated than another? I know we\u2019re different personalities (different people), and we may have our own blind spot in any of those areas; but, in general in our communication, do we tend to be less true, less kind, less necessary, or less clear in how we communicate, do you think?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Well, that\u2019s an excellent question. No one has really asked that of me. As I\u2019ve pointed out, they\u2019re distinct and they\u2019re all vital. I think the key is truthfulness. I mean, to what extent are people lying and being untruthful? That sets off a domino effect.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> I mean, what difference does it make if I\u2019m kind and I\u2019m lying to you? You know, I\u2019m telling you a lie.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> I think you made a significant point here. The baseline in all of this is, we\u2019ve got to be truthful. We\u2019ve got to be honest with one another. Now the question is, in our honesty, are we kind? Are we clear? Is it necessary? But you have to start with that, because you can get the other three down exactly right\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014and if the honesty\u2019s not there\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> That\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> \u2014we\u2019ve got a real problem!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Well, then I go even deeper. Most of us don\u2019t get up in the morning thinking of ways we\u2019re going to lie. You know? So I unpack 20 reasons why we, as believers, might hedge a little bit on the truth. It\u2019s not always a wicked reason. For instance, there are peacemakers out there.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> Peacemakers <em>do not <\/em>like conflict. So they don\u2019t intend to lie. They just don\u2019t want the conflict. So their hearts are in the right place! You want to click your heels and salute them. \u201cI am so appreciative of your peacemaking tendencies! I just applaud that. But at risk here is that you\u2019re compromising the truth in this.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo I unpack 20 reasons why we might hedge on that truthfulness. In fact, there are 81 different reasons why we would compromise in those four areas.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dennis:<\/strong> What did you say?!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> 81!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> 81. [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, there are 20 under each. In other words, I unpack, \u201cWhy would I not be kind? Why would I not be necessary in what I\u2019m saying? Why would I not say what\u2019s clear?\u201d And as I thought about it, I just kept adding from my own life, you know? Well, here might be a peacemaker idea, you know? He\u2019s not a bad person!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> But this would be a thing that could set it all off. Then, in the short-term, you\u2019ve got peace, but, long-term, they\u2019re going to come back and say, \u201cWait a minute! You weren\u2019t truthful with me!\u201d There\u2019s a price to pay, then, when we compromise these. But most of us compromise them because, short-term, it works. I mean, why would a person be a bully? Why would they be unkind? Because it <em>works<\/em>!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob:<\/strong> Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Emerson:<\/strong> So there is a pragmatic perspective that we bring. I was talking to my son, and he said, \u201cDad, everybody lies. Everybody\u2019s lying today. People lie when they don\u2019t even need to lie.\u201d So there is a challenge for all of us in, \u201cWhy do we do that?\u201d Because somehow we fear the truth. We fear, \u201cIf I\u2019m just truthful, it\u2019s going to lead to, you know, some kind of consequence to me.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cWhy don\u2019t I say it kindly? Because I think if I say it kindly, they\u2019re going to take advantage of me. If I\u2019m nice to the clerk behind the counter, they\u2019re not going to listen to me, because Joe over here is screaming at them and he\u2019s getting his product replaced.\u201d So we begin to convince ourselves that compromising these four things are to our benefit.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[End Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Ooh! And we need to know that they\u2019re not to our benefit when we compromise those four things, as Emerson Eggerichs helps us understand the right way and the wrong way to communicate and what needs to be involved. It needs to be <em>true<\/em>; it needs to be <em>kind<\/em>; and it needs to be <em>necessary. <\/em>And then, what Emerson added was, there needs to be clarity to it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSo as you\u2019re communicating, through stressors from work or through stressors from life, to your wife or your husband, be mindful of how you talk through things. Be kind. Be clear. Be necessary. And also be truthful. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, I know that\u2019s a tall order! It\u2019s like, \u201cOkay, we need a little bit of application, maybe, in understanding how this really will play out.\u201d For that, I\u2019m going to turn to Paul Tripp. Now, many of you know Paul Tripp. He\u2019s a pastor and an event speaker; he\u2019s an author of more than 30 books and video series; he\u2019s kind of a big deal in the Christian community, right? I mean, he\u2019s lived this fine legacy. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFor Paul Tripp, those stressors came out as an anger problem, and it was something that he and Luella danced around for many years, until one night. Here\u2019s <strong>Paul:<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Audio Recording]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Paul<\/strong>: I went home that night, and all I could think about was I wanted to talk with Luella. I came in the house rather seriously and asked if we could sit down and talk. I said to her, \u201cI know for many years, you\u2019ve tried to talk to me about my anger, and I\u2019ve been unwilling to listen. I\u2019ve been unwilling to hear. I can honestly say tonight, I want to hear what you have to say to me.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLuella teared up a little bit, and then she told me she loved me, which I thought was an act of amazing grace after what I had put her through. Then she talked for two hours. In those two hours, God began the process of a radical undoing and rebuilding of the heart of this man. The operative word there is \u201cprocess.\u201d I wasn\u2019t zapped by lightning, but I had open eyes, open ears, and, by God\u2019s grace, an open heart. I saw that anger everywhere I looked for the next few months.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt was very painful! There were times where I felt like I couldn\u2019t breathe. But I want you to hear this: that pain was the pain of grace. God was making that anger like vomit in my mouth, so I would never go back there again. Praise Him for His grace!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow I have come to understand, as I tell my story, that I\u2019m not the only angry person in the room. There are angry men and women in this room. Reflect on how much conflict there is in our marriage. Reflect on how many days you\u2019re able to go through without some kind of conflict interrupting the unity and the understanding love that is God\u2019s purpose for you. Reflect on how little things become big things because it doesn\u2019t take much for us to become irritated and angry, and go places we should not go. Reflect on the fact that no one in this room has ever had a marriage that hasn\u2019t disappointed them in some way!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to tell you something that you may have never thought of. My anger was about kingdoms. You say, \u201cWhat in the world are you talking about?! What sense does that make?\u201d Well, hear what I\u2019m about to say: Marriage is war! What I\u2019m talking about is all that tension, all that nastiness, all those awkward, uncomfortable moments are really the fruit of a deeper war.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s only when you understand and gain ground in that deeper war that you\u2019ll ever gain ground in all of those things that hurt and disappoint us all. That deeper war is not fought between you and your husband or you and your wife. That deeper war\u2014hear what I\u2019m about to say\u2014is fought on the turf of your heart. It\u2019s fought for control of your soul. Listen carefully: marriage, this side of eternity, is always a war between the kingdom of self and the kingdom of God.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt breaks my heart that so much of what is written about marriage is just a bunch of \u201chow-to\u2019s\u201d; just a bunch of rules. It never gets down at heart level! My problem is <em>not <\/em>that I don\u2019t know the rules! My problem is I don\u2019t care about the rules, because there\u2019s something else I want more! You know that\u2019s true. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019re a man in this room, and you\u2019ve had those moments where you\u2019re up in your wife\u2019s face, so close that she can feel your breath, and you\u2019re saying nasty things to her, you\u2019re not doing that because you\u2019re ignorant of the fact that that\u2019s wrong. You\u2019re doing that because, at that moment, you don\u2019t give a rip what is wrong. There\u2019s something that you want, and you\u2019re going to get it! That\u2019s kingdom stuff!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI need something deeper than that! I need rescue that\u2019s deeper than that! I need wisdom that\u2019s deeper than that. I\u2019ve got to say this: if rules were all we needed, Jesus would never have had to come. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> All it takes is a few minutes with Paul Tripp, and I feel like the dagger\u2019s just been pushed into my heart, you know? Remembering that it\u2019s <em>not about me, <\/em>as much as I would like to think life is, it\u2019s not about me. It\u2019s about Christ, and what He has done to set me free. I\u2019m reminded about something that Crawford said about marriage\u2014that marriage is not about happiness; it\u2019s not about living that stress-free life that we\u2019ve been talking about today. Marriage is about mission! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you would like to hear more from Crawford and Karen, go to our website. We have a link to their full interview about marriage and stress and how to build a marriage that lasts and goes the distance. That\u2019s on our website, FamilyLifeThisWeek.com. That\u2019s FamilyLifeThisWeek.com.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou know, it\u2019s during the stressful times that we really need to fight for peace; for God\u2019s peace. Remember, first stop and take that time with God. Don\u2019t let the stressors of life steal more joy from you or your marriage or the people around you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNext week, we\u2019re going to talk about lies that we tend to believe about ourselves. There will be some time of introspection; maybe some time of some, you know, self-awareness. Robert and Nancy Wolgemuth will help us see ourselves and our sins differently. I hope you can join us for that. It\u2019s going to be a great show!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tHey, thanks for listening! I want to thank the President of FamilyLife, David Robbins, along with our station partners around the country. A big \u201cThank you!\u201d to our engineer today, Keith Lynch. Thanks to our producers, Marques Holt and Bruce Goff. Justin Adams is our mastering engineer, and Megan Martin is our production coordinator.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tOur program is a production of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>, and our mission is to effectively develop godly families who change the world one home at a time.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI'm Michelle Hill, inviting you to join us again next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife This Week.<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>\u00a0<\/em>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Keith:<\/strong> Michelle?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Yes, Keith?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Keith:<\/strong> Turn your headphones down a little. You\u2019re kind of stressing me out! [Laughter]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> What do you mean I\u2019m stressing you out?! You\u2019re stressing me out!\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Keith:<\/strong> I\u2019ve wanted to tell you this for a long time, and it\u2019s just really bothering me. I mean, I feel really tense. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Michelle:<\/strong> Did you go back to Emerson\u2019s four ways to communicate? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305445","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305445"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305445"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305445"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305445"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305445"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305445"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305445"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}