{"id":305398,"date":"2019-10-04T06:00:05","date_gmt":"2019-10-04T10:00:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/%series%\/the-source-of-self-control\/"},"modified":"2019-10-04T06:00:05","modified_gmt":"2019-10-04T10:00:05","slug":"the-source-of-self-control","status":"publish","type":"podcast","link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-source-of-self-control\/","title":{"rendered":"The Source of Self-Control"},"content":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, then how do we allow the Spirit to cultivate that fruit in our lives? Rob Bugh discusses how this quality is especially critical in blended families.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":91,"featured_media":294104,"menu_order":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","template":"","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","inline_featured_image":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","episode_type":"","audio_file":"https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-04.mp3","cover_image":"","cover_image_id":"","duration":"00:25:21","filesize":"23.21M","filesize_raw":"24342021","date_recorded":"","explicit":"","block":""},"categories":[10444,2894],"tags":[2585,6756,4327,4349],"podcast_series":[8306],"cwp_profile":[9565],"series":[2101],"class_list":["post-305398","podcast","type-podcast","status-publish","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-advice","category-stepfamily-living","tag-blended-family","tag-living-out-the-gospel","tag-second-marriage","tag-self-control","podcast_series-self-control-and-blended-families","cwp_profile-rob-bugh","series-familylife-today"],"acf":[],"episode_featured_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2024\/09\/FLT-Podcast-Cover-2-508x508-3.jpg?w=508","episode_player_image":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/1001\/2023\/02\/image-scaled.jpg","download_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-download\/305398\/the-source-of-self-control","player_link":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast-player\/305398\/the-source-of-self-control","audio_player":null,"episode_data":{"playerMode":"light","subscribeUrls":{"apple_podcasts":{"key":"apple_podcasts","url":"https:\/\/podcasts.apple.com\/us\/podcast\/familylife-today\/id212174303?mt=2&app=podcast","label":"Apple Podcasts","class":"apple_podcasts","icon":"apple-podcasts.png"},"google_podcasts":{"key":"google_podcasts","url":"","label":"Google Podcasts","class":"google_podcasts","icon":"google-podcasts.png"},"spotify":{"key":"spotify","url":"https:\/\/open.spotify.com\/show\/0j5UaKdQOHQCuo1bt0ebEm","label":"Spotify","class":"spotify","icon":"spotify.png"},"youtube":{"key":"youtube","url":"","label":"YouTube","class":"youtube","icon":"youtube.png"}},"rssFeedUrl":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/feed\/podcast\/familylife-today","embedCode":"<blockquote class=\"wp-embedded-content\" data-secret=\"KyFVf7nOf4\"><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-source-of-self-control\/\">The Source of Self-Control<\/a><\/blockquote><iframe sandbox=\"allow-scripts\" security=\"restricted\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/podcast\/familylife-today\/the-source-of-self-control\/embed\/#?secret=KyFVf7nOf4\" width=\"500\" height=\"350\" title=\"&#8220;The Source of Self-Control&#8221; &#8212; FamilyLife\u00ae - A Cru Ministry\" data-secret=\"KyFVf7nOf4\" frameborder=\"0\" marginwidth=\"0\" marginheight=\"0\" scrolling=\"no\" class=\"wp-embedded-content\"><\/iframe><script>\n\/*! This file is auto-generated *\/\n!function(d,l){\"use strict\";l.querySelector&&d.addEventListener&&\"undefined\"!=typeof URL&&(d.wp=d.wp||{},d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage||(d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage=function(e){var t=e.data;if((t||t.secret||t.message||t.value)&&!\/[^a-zA-Z0-9]\/.test(t.secret)){for(var s,r,n,a=l.querySelectorAll('iframe[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),o=l.querySelectorAll('blockquote[data-secret=\"'+t.secret+'\"]'),c=new RegExp(\"^https?:$\",\"i\"),i=0;i<o.length;i++)o[i].style.display=\"none\";for(i=0;i<a.length;i++)s=a[i],e.source===s.contentWindow&&(s.removeAttribute(\"style\"),\"height\"===t.message?(1e3<(r=parseInt(t.value,10))?r=1e3:~~r<200&&(r=200),s.height=r):\"link\"===t.message&&(r=new URL(s.getAttribute(\"src\")),n=new URL(t.value),c.test(n.protocol))&&n.host===r.host&&l.activeElement===s&&(d.top.location.href=t.value))}},d.addEventListener(\"message\",d.wp.receiveEmbedMessage,!1),l.addEventListener(\"DOMContentLoaded\",function(){for(var e,t,s=l.querySelectorAll(\"iframe.wp-embedded-content\"),r=0;r<s.length;r++)(t=(e=s[r]).getAttribute(\"data-secret\"))||(t=Math.random().toString(36).substring(2,12),e.src+=\"#?secret=\"+t,e.setAttribute(\"data-secret\",t)),e.contentWindow.postMessage({message:\"ready\",secret:t},\"*\")},!1)))}(window,document);\n\/\/# sourceURL=https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-includes\/js\/wp-embed.min.js\n<\/script>\n"},"spectra_custom_meta":{"_wp_page_template":["default"],"transcript_url":["https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-04.pdf"],"audio_file":["https:\/\/web.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-04.mp3"],"transcript_content":["<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is self-control an issue for you? If it is, Pastor Rob Bugh says you\u2019re not alone; and it\u2019s not surprising.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>You and I do not\u2014we simply <a id=\"_Hlk19783414\">do not <\/a>have the power to conjure up self-control on our own. Because of that, I am not going to give you five steps to greater self-control; I\u2019m going to give you what the Bible gives you; and that is, Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. How does knowing Jesus and having an understanding of the gospel help you cultivate self-control? What\u2019s the relationship? We\u2019re going to hear more about that today from Rob Bugh. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re listening this week to a message\u2014we\u2019ve heard Part One of the message already\u2014Pastor Rob Bugh, who is a Pastor at Wheaton Bible Church in Wheaton, Illinois, talking at an event that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> hosted, back in the spring of 2019. This is the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> conference, and he was talking about priorities in a blended family and the need for there to be self-control. In fact, he used a passage that, Dave, I have to think this is one of those passages that you come back to regularly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>How did you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is actually one of my favorite verses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is it really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I thought of it because it really takes a metaphor out of athletics\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and applies it to our spiritual life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s the first passage that, when I came to Christ in college, the young man that discipled me\u2014took me to 1 Corinthians 9.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; probably thinking the same thing: \u201cYou\u2019re a college athlete; you probably don\u2019t know the Bible actually uses an athletic metaphor about life.\u201d I\u2019ve never forgotten it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here it is\u2014it\u2019s from I Corinthians, Chapter 9\u2014it says, \u201cDo you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it,\u201d\u2014in other words, \u201cDon\u2019t just jog along, compete here,\u201d\u2014\"Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath; but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this message that we are going to hear\u2014Part Two\u2014today from Rob Bugh, he took that passage, and the whole issue of self-control, and talked about how essential it is for us in any relationship\u2014but in this case, in a blended family\u2014to exercise self-control and keep our passions from over-ruling what matters most to us in a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to dive right in and listen. This is Part Two of Rob Bugh\u2019s message from the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event, back last spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>According to 1 Corinthians 9, self-control is overcoming your sinful passions. Self-control, according to these verses, is building some fences around your sinful heart. What does Paul tell us here, then, is the source of self-control?\u2014it\u2019s clarifying\u2014it\u2019s you getting a handle; it\u2019s you thinking even, deeply, about: \u201cWhat it is you desire,\u201d \u201cWhat it is you want,\u201d \u201cWhat it is that makes you tick,\u201d because you are\u2014now, hear me in this\u2014\u201cYou are what you love. And what you love determines how you live your life.\u201d We can thank Augustine for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat brings me to my third and final area. I want to ask this question: \u201cWhat is the source of the source of this fruit of the Spirit? What is it that we need to prize that the Spirit will use to produce greater and greater self-control in our life?\u201d The answer is found in the first verse we read\u20141 Corinthians 9 and verse 23: \u201cI do all this for the sake of the gospel that I may share in its blessings.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe gospel is Christ crucified in our place for our sins; so that the moment we believe, we find forgiveness for our sins, past, present and future. The moment we believe we are given the righteousness of Jesus Christ; so God sees us as perfect, and holy, and righteous in Jesus Christ. Then the moment we believe, we are adopted into God\u2019s complex family as adopted sons and daughters of the King of kings, and the Lord of lords\u2014and that\u2019s irrevocable; it\u2019s irreversible; it\u2019s eternal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Paul is saying in verse 23<a id=\"_Hlk19784165\">\u2014<\/a> this is the thing I want you to get above everything else I am saying: \u201cThe source of the source of self-control is the gospel. It\u2019s rising Jesus above everything else. It\u2019s seeing Jesus as, not merely useful, but beautiful. It\u2019s seeing Jesus in His infinite glory, compassion, mercy and grace; as your bleeding and dying Savior, who hung on the cross in agony; endured agony to rescue you from yourself\u2014from your sin\/from your brokenness.\u201d When <em>that<\/em> reality informs your mind and begins to melt your heart, the Holy Spirit will produce these fruit of the Spirit\u2014all nine of them\u2014including self-control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFriends, you and I do not\/we just simply do not have the power to conjure up self-control on our own. Because of that, I am not going to give you five steps to greater self-control. I\u2019m going to give you what the Bible gives you; and that is, Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul illustrates this in 2 Corinthians 3:18, where Paul says, \u201cAnd we all, who with unveiled faces, contemplate the Lord\u2019s glory, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory.\u201d Now, Paul is talking about Jesus. The Lord\u2019s glory is a reference to Jesus, and Paul is saying we contemplate the glory that Jesus reveals about Himself in creation. Do you look around this spring and ask yourself the question: \u201cWhat am I seeing about Jesus here? What are the metaphors of creation telling us\/telling me about Jesus in this moment?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe see the glory of Jesus in His Word. That\u2019s why we memorize passages; we love certain sections of God\u2019s Word because of what they tell us about Jesus. It\u2019s looking for Jesus in your family, in your friends, your life situations, in the sermons you listen to, and the Bible studies you are involved in\u2014you\u2019re looking for Jesus: \u201cWe all who, with unveiled faces, contemplate the Lord\u2019s glory, we are all being transformed into His image with ever increasing glory.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want you to get out of 2 Corinthians 3:18 is Paul is telling us the key to transformation is contemplation. It\u2019s not five steps; it\u2019s not what <em>you<\/em> must do\u2014it\u2019s <em>you<\/em> looking away from yourself, and falling in love with the One who became a man for you\u2014who suffered, [was] rejected, died for you, who was raised from the dead, who now rules as the King of kings and the Lord of lords.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul says the same thing six verses later\u2014in Chapter 4, in verse 6, he says it a little differently when he says, \u201cAnd He who said, \u2018Let light shine in the darkness,\u2019 made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus.\u201d The face of Jesus is a metaphor for the person and work of Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s why Paul prays, in Ephesians, Chapter 3, \u201c\u2026that Christ would dwell in our hearts by faith\u201d\u2014 not money, not sex, not power, not family\u2014 \u201cbut Jesus would dwell in our hearts by faith, and we would be able to grasp, and wrestle with, and contemplate, and think about how wide, and long, and high, and deep is His love\u2014a love that surpasses knowledge\u2014so that we can be filled through the gospel\/through our relationship with Jesus to the measure of all the fullness of God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask you, brothers and sisters: \u201cIs Jesus your Rachel? Is He <em>really<\/em> your Rachel? Is He what you <em>prize<\/em> more than anything else in life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me apply this to dating and marriage. In 1 Peter, Chapter 3, and verse 9, Peter says: \u201cDo not repay evil with evil, insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing; because to this you were called in order to inherit a blessing.\u201d I happen to think this is one of the most practical verses on dating\/marriage relationships in the New Testament.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, let\u2019s set it up this way\u2014say your boyfriend or your spouse disappoints you, hurts you, offends you, sins against you, lets you down\u2014in some way, rejects you. What Peter is telling us in this one verse is: \u201cIn the moment between that action and your reaction, there is a gap. What we <em>normally<\/em> do is fill that gap by striking <em>back<\/em>, so we repay evil for evil and insult for insult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you are <em>alive<\/em> in the Spirit of the Living God, and you believe the spiritual life is not what you do but resting, and believing, and clinging to what Jesus has already done for you, then you will not look within, you will look away. You will fix your gaze on Jesus\/fix your eyes on Jesus,\u201d\u2014Hebrews tells us. You know what will happen? You will repay evil with blessing, because you know that is exactly what Jesus Christ did for you; because the moment you come to Christ\u2014Ephesians, Chapter 1\u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn John, Chapter 16, and verse 14, we have a verse that we often overlook relative to the role of the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer, where Jesus Himself tells us that the role of the Holy Spirit is to magnify Jesus in our hearts: \u201cI am sending you the Spirit, who will glorify Me.\u201d The role of the Holy Spirit in your life and in my life is to magnify Jesus in your heart. When Jesus is magnified in your heart, your marriage, your responses, your reactions, your relationship will be a thing of beauty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIs Jesus your Rachel? Do you contemplate Him? Think about Him? Wrestle with the wonder?\u00a0 Do you read? Do you organize your life around Him?\u201d Obviously, you have other things to do, but is Jesus the center of your screen?\u2014preeminent in your life? Is He beautiful, not merely useful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me conclude with this: \u201cHave you ever thought about why Jesus\u2014I mean, really thought about\u2014why Jesus left absolute infinite perfection, glory, perfect contentment in heaven among the Triune God? Have you ever thought about, \u2018Why did He become a man?\u2014why did He become a baby?\u2014and suffer?\u2014and allow Himself, The King of kings and Lord of lords, to be rejected, to be crucified, and to die that horrible death\/that horrible agony on the cross, in our place, for our sins?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, yes, you\u2019ve thought about it; but Hebrews, Chapter 12, and verse 2, gives us an insight; because there\u2019s just a little phrase there\/a clause, if you will, that tells us\u2014speaking about Jesus\u2014that: \u201cFor the joy set before Him, He endured the cross,\u201d\u2014right? You know this verse: \u201cFor the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.\u201d <em>You<\/em>, as a believer in Jesus Christ, are Jesus Christ\u2019s Rachel; <em>you<\/em> are His <em>prize<\/em>. No one\/no one loves you like Jesus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wish for you, in the tension and the moments of life that are difficult, self-control; but the source of that prize is you cultivating this love relationship with Jesus, because you know, at the core of your being, you are completely, infinitely, permanently, totally <em>loved<\/em>\u2014not unconditionally, because the condition was the death of Christ\u2014but permanently. You are Jesus\u2019 Rachel. I wish for you to know this! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the Holy Spirit opens your eyes\u2014and this has been the change in my life throughout the course of our almost 12 years of marriage\u2014when the Spirit opens your eyes to see this, you won\u2019t repay evil with evil; you\u2019ll repay evil or insult with blessing; because you are living a gospel-centered, Jesus-centered, self-controlled life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s pray: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, we thank You for what You have done for us in Your Son. We marvel to think of how much You love us, to think of what Jesus did for us in light of who He is. We worship You; we exalt You; we praise You for our Savior. In Jesus\u2019 name, Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Rob, thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore you get away, a quick follow-up question: \u201cWhat did it look like as your Rachel began to change from approval of your son\u2014or those things\u2014to \u2018Wow; I\u2019ve got to be Jesus-centered; I\u2019ve got to put on self-control\u2019? What did it look like for you then, as a dad, dealing with that issue between your son and your wife?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>Underneath the surface of all my horrible reactions and responses, and Rhonda bore the brunt of those, was this gradual change\u2014that began with the death of my first wife, Carol\u2014 to understand that: \u201cIf God is sovereign, He\u2019s completely and totally sovereign; and He has a difficult assignment for me,\u201d and \u201cThe assignment is the death of my kids\u2019 mother\/the death of Carol, the best thing in my life at that time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began this deep dive and read everything and was interacting with a lot of people. I began to see that, really, what was driving me at the core of my life was this notion that: \u201cI\u2019ve got to figure it out myself,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019ve got to do this, and I\u2019ve got to do that.\u201d We call it moralism; it\u2019s a Christian moralism, where I\u2019m huffing and puffing. I began to see, \u201cNo, that entire focus is wrong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began to read, and I began to memorize. You\u2019ve heard some of the verses that I\u2019d memorized that are central to me. I began to see that the New Testament teaches: \u201cNo, Rob; don\u2019t dig in; look away.\u201d As I began to do that, I saw my responses change. I had the ability to not repay evil for evil; or even if it was just something superficial\u2014and man, I would want to respond; because I am always right\u2014you know, I would just let it go. I would try to, by the power of the Spirit, repay it with a blessing. It was the gospel\u2014it\u2019s the beauty of Jesus, and living in light of that, that changed me, brother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you; thanks for being here with us. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, we\u2019ve been listening to Pastor Rob Bugh; and there, at the end, Ron Deal, who gave leadership to the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event and who gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which is a part of what we do, here at FamilyLife, to try to help blended and stepfamilies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I should mention\u2014coming up this fall, we\u2019ve got an event taking place. This is not for blended couples specifically; this is for those who <em>work<\/em> with blended couples in church settings or in ministry settings to try to help strengthen those relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt your church, do you have anything intentional or purposeful for blended families\/blended couples?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; we sure do. In fact, I don\u2019t know what year it was; but I spoke at that Summit. You were there, Bob,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was there; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014a few years back, sitting in a room with all these warriors, who were contending for the blended family was a <em>privilege<\/em>. We have them in our church, and we use all of Ron\u2019s material\u2014phenomenal helps for a very complicated situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When we were at that event together, you shared about an apology that you gave during a Sunday morning message; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; that was the first time Ron and I talked. He found that on the internet and called me up, and said, \u201cI can\u2019t believe I\u2019m hearing a pastor apologize to his congregation for making or feeling like\u201d\u2014I felt like blended families had maybe felt less-than in our church. I just said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry if we\u2019ve ever made you feel that way; that is not the case at all.\u201d Really, after that year, we started a ministry that really reached out to families that are blended.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think that was important, because there can be a sense of shame and even a stigma that goes along with couples that are blended or have gone through a divorce. Ron has such great material that can bring them in; but I think some people are afraid or ashamed to even come, so I think to bring this out into the open and Dave\u2019s apology really meant a lot at our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I would hope that every church would think, \u201cWe don\u2019t want blended families in our church to feel less-than.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you think that\u2019s what you\u2019ve been communicating, let me encourage you\u2014whether you\u2019re a pastor, a lay leader, on a church staff\u2014either attend or send someone from your church to attend the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. This is taking place October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup> in Chesapeake, Virginia. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information about the Summit on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Ron Deal will be giving leadership to this event. Darryl and Gwen Smith will be speaking; Michelle Cushatt is going to be there; Pastor Ben Young from 2<sup>nd<\/sup> Baptist, in Houston; many more speakers and leaders as we address the theme, \u201cStepfamilies in Crisis,\u201d\u2014talking about the major issues that cause couples and families to go into crisis mode and what the church can do to help families in the midst of those kinds of crises. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, find out more about the 2019 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or if you have any questions, give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of events, we\u2019ve got a great event happening this weekend in Naples, Florida. It\u2019s a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway that\u2019s taking place today, and tomorrow, and Sunday. Hundreds of couples are going to be joining us for this weekend getaway. We hope you\u2019ll pray for them as they take some time to build into their marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, we\u2019d like to send you a gift card so that you and your spouse can go. We\u2019re making that gift card available this week, along with a copy of the book, (<em>A<\/em>)<em>Typical Woman,<\/em> that we talked about earlier this week with Abigail Dodds. The book and gift card are our gift to you when you become a FamilyLife Legacy Partner\u2014this is somebody who, each month, makes a contribution to support the ministry of FamilyLife. The Legacy Partner team is the critical team that provides the funding for production and distribution of this program, the operation of our website\u2014all that we do, here, at FamilyLife\u2014you help make it possible as a monthly Legacy Partner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, when you become a Legacy Partner today, we\u2019ll send you a copy of Abigail Dodds book, (<em>A<\/em>)<em>Typical Woman,<\/em> and a gift card so that you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway. Find out more, or sign up online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to sign up. Our number is <a id=\"_Hlk19721790\">1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d <\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things for this week. I hope you have a great weekend; hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend\u2014we think that\u2019s important. And we hope you\u2019ll join us on Monday when Shaunti Feldhan\u2019s going to be here with Brian Goins to talk about why husbands are sometimes a little prickly, a little touchy, a little on edge, and \u201cWhat should a wife do when that happens?\u201d Hope you can tune in for that conversation on Monday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>"],"_seopress_titles_title":[""],"_seopress_titles_desc":[""],"_seopress_robots_index":[""],"duration":["00:25:21"],"show_notes":[""],"_thumbnail_id":["294104"],"filesize":["23.21M"],"filesize_raw":["24342021"],"_uag_css_file_name":["uag-css-305398.css"],"_uag_js_file_name":["uag-js-305398.js"],"_uag_page_assets":["a:9:{s:3:\"css\";s:82560:\".wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-top svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-top .uagb-container__shape-fill{fill: rgba(51,51,51,1);}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape-bottom svg{width: calc( 100% + 1.3px );}.wp-block-uagb-container.uagb-block-e11dbe9f .uagb-container__shape.uagb-container__shape-bottom 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self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, then how do we allow the Spirit to cultivate that fruit in our lives? Rob Bugh discusses how this quality is especially critical in blended families.","meta_box":{"show_notes":"","transcript_url":"https:\/\/transcript.familylifetoday.com\/fl2019-10-04.pdf","transcript_content":"<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is self-control an issue for you? If it is, Pastor Rob Bugh says you\u2019re not alone; and it\u2019s not surprising.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>You and I do not\u2014we simply <a id=\"_Hlk19783414\">do not <\/a>have the power to conjure up self-control on our own. Because of that, I am not going to give you five steps to greater self-control; I\u2019m going to give you what the Bible gives you; and that is, Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>This is <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> for Friday, October 4<sup>th<\/sup>. Our hosts are Dave and Ann Wilson; I'm Bob Lepine. How does knowing Jesus and having an understanding of the gospel help you cultivate self-control? What\u2019s the relationship? We\u2019re going to hear more about that today from Rob Bugh. Stay with us.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAnd welcome to <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. Thanks for joining us. We\u2019re listening this week to a message\u2014we\u2019ve heard Part One of the message already\u2014Pastor Rob Bugh, who is a Pastor at Wheaton Bible Church in Wheaton, Illinois, talking at an event that FamilyLife<sup>\u00ae<\/sup> hosted, back in the spring of 2019. This is the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> conference, and he was talking about priorities in a blended family and the need for there to be self-control. In fact, he used a passage that, Dave, I have to think this is one of those passages that you come back to regularly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>How did you know?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>This is actually one of my favorite verses.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Is it really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Yes.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I thought of it because it really takes a metaphor out of athletics\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>\u2014and applies it to our spiritual life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>It\u2019s the first passage that, when I came to Christ in college, the young man that discipled me\u2014took me to 1 Corinthians 9.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Really? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; probably thinking the same thing: \u201cYou\u2019re a college athlete; you probably don\u2019t know the Bible actually uses an athletic metaphor about life.\u201d I\u2019ve never forgotten it.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Here it is\u2014it\u2019s from I Corinthians, Chapter 9\u2014it says, \u201cDo you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it,\u201d\u2014in other words, \u201cDon\u2019t just jog along, compete here,\u201d\u2014\"Every athlete exercises self-control in all things. They do it to receive a perishable wreath; but we an imperishable. So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air. But I discipline my body and keep it under control, lest after preaching to others, I myself should be disqualified.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn this message that we are going to hear\u2014Part Two\u2014today from Rob Bugh, he took that passage, and the whole issue of self-control, and talked about how essential it is for us in any relationship\u2014but in this case, in a blended family\u2014to exercise self-control and keep our passions from over-ruling what matters most to us in a relationship. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe\u2019re going to dive right in and listen. This is Part Two of Rob Bugh\u2019s message from the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event, back last spring.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Recorded Message]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>According to 1 Corinthians 9, self-control is overcoming your sinful passions. Self-control, according to these verses, is building some fences around your sinful heart. What does Paul tell us here, then, is the source of self-control?\u2014it\u2019s clarifying\u2014it\u2019s you getting a handle; it\u2019s you thinking even, deeply, about: \u201cWhat it is you desire,\u201d \u201cWhat it is you want,\u201d \u201cWhat it is that makes you tick,\u201d because you are\u2014now, hear me in this\u2014\u201cYou are what you love. And what you love determines how you live your life.\u201d We can thank Augustine for that.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThat brings me to my third and final area. I want to ask this question: \u201cWhat is the source of the source of this fruit of the Spirit? What is it that we need to prize that the Spirit will use to produce greater and greater self-control in our life?\u201d The answer is found in the first verse we read\u20141 Corinthians 9 and verse 23: \u201cI do all this for the sake of the gospel that I may share in its blessings.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThe gospel is Christ crucified in our place for our sins; so that the moment we believe, we find forgiveness for our sins, past, present and future. The moment we believe we are given the righteousness of Jesus Christ; so God sees us as perfect, and holy, and righteous in Jesus Christ. Then the moment we believe, we are adopted into God\u2019s complex family as adopted sons and daughters of the King of kings, and the Lord of lords\u2014and that\u2019s irrevocable; it\u2019s irreversible; it\u2019s eternal. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat Paul is saying in verse 23<a id=\"_Hlk19784165\">\u2014<\/a> this is the thing I want you to get above everything else I am saying: \u201cThe source of the source of self-control is the gospel. It\u2019s rising Jesus above everything else. It\u2019s seeing Jesus as, not merely useful, but beautiful. It\u2019s seeing Jesus in His infinite glory, compassion, mercy and grace; as your bleeding and dying Savior, who hung on the cross in agony; endured agony to rescue you from yourself\u2014from your sin\/from your brokenness.\u201d When <em>that<\/em> reality informs your mind and begins to melt your heart, the Holy Spirit will produce these fruit of the Spirit\u2014all nine of them\u2014including self-control. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFriends, you and I do not\/we just simply do not have the power to conjure up self-control on our own. Because of that, I am not going to give you five steps to greater self-control. I\u2019m going to give you what the Bible gives you; and that is, Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul illustrates this in 2 Corinthians 3:18, where Paul says, \u201cAnd we all, who with unveiled faces, contemplate the Lord\u2019s glory, are being transformed into His image with ever-increasing glory.\u201d Now, Paul is talking about Jesus. The Lord\u2019s glory is a reference to Jesus, and Paul is saying we contemplate the glory that Jesus reveals about Himself in creation. Do you look around this spring and ask yourself the question: \u201cWhat am I seeing about Jesus here? What are the metaphors of creation telling us\/telling me about Jesus in this moment?\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe see the glory of Jesus in His Word. That\u2019s why we memorize passages; we love certain sections of God\u2019s Word because of what they tell us about Jesus. It\u2019s looking for Jesus in your family, in your friends, your life situations, in the sermons you listen to, and the Bible studies you are involved in\u2014you\u2019re looking for Jesus: \u201cWe all who, with unveiled faces, contemplate the Lord\u2019s glory, we are all being transformed into His image with ever increasing glory.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhat I want you to get out of 2 Corinthians 3:18 is Paul is telling us the key to transformation is contemplation. It\u2019s not five steps; it\u2019s not what <em>you<\/em> must do\u2014it\u2019s <em>you<\/em> looking away from yourself, and falling in love with the One who became a man for you\u2014who suffered, [was] rejected, died for you, who was raised from the dead, who now rules as the King of kings and the Lord of lords.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tPaul says the same thing six verses later\u2014in Chapter 4, in verse 6, he says it a little differently when he says, \u201cAnd He who said, \u2018Let light shine in the darkness,\u2019 made His light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus.\u201d The face of Jesus is a metaphor for the person and work of Jesus Christ. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIt\u2019s why Paul prays, in Ephesians, Chapter 3, \u201c\u2026that Christ would dwell in our hearts by faith\u201d\u2014 not money, not sex, not power, not family\u2014 \u201cbut Jesus would dwell in our hearts by faith, and we would be able to grasp, and wrestle with, and contemplate, and think about how wide, and long, and high, and deep is His love\u2014a love that surpasses knowledge\u2014so that we can be filled through the gospel\/through our relationship with Jesus to the measure of all the fullness of God.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to ask you, brothers and sisters: \u201cIs Jesus your Rachel? Is He <em>really<\/em> your Rachel? Is He what you <em>prize<\/em> more than anything else in life?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me apply this to dating and marriage. In 1 Peter, Chapter 3, and verse 9, Peter says: \u201cDo not repay evil with evil, insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing; because to this you were called in order to inherit a blessing.\u201d I happen to think this is one of the most practical verses on dating\/marriage relationships in the New Testament.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tYou see, let\u2019s set it up this way\u2014say your boyfriend or your spouse disappoints you, hurts you, offends you, sins against you, lets you down\u2014in some way, rejects you. What Peter is telling us in this one verse is: \u201cIn the moment between that action and your reaction, there is a gap. What we <em>normally<\/em> do is fill that gap by striking <em>back<\/em>, so we repay evil for evil and insult for insult. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBut if you are <em>alive<\/em> in the Spirit of the Living God, and you believe the spiritual life is not what you do but resting, and believing, and clinging to what Jesus has already done for you, then you will not look within, you will look away. You will fix your gaze on Jesus\/fix your eyes on Jesus,\u201d\u2014Hebrews tells us. You know what will happen? You will repay evil with blessing, because you know that is exactly what Jesus Christ did for you; because the moment you come to Christ\u2014Ephesians, Chapter 1\u2014\u201cYou\u2019ve been blessed with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn John, Chapter 16, and verse 14, we have a verse that we often overlook relative to the role of the Holy Spirit in the life of the believer, where Jesus Himself tells us that the role of the Holy Spirit is to magnify Jesus in our hearts: \u201cI am sending you the Spirit, who will glorify Me.\u201d The role of the Holy Spirit in your life and in my life is to magnify Jesus in your heart. When Jesus is magnified in your heart, your marriage, your responses, your reactions, your relationship will be a thing of beauty. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\u201cIs Jesus your Rachel? Do you contemplate Him? Think about Him? Wrestle with the wonder?\u00a0 Do you read? Do you organize your life around Him?\u201d Obviously, you have other things to do, but is Jesus the center of your screen?\u2014preeminent in your life? Is He beautiful, not merely useful? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tNow, let me conclude with this: \u201cHave you ever thought about why Jesus\u2014I mean, really thought about\u2014why Jesus left absolute infinite perfection, glory, perfect contentment in heaven among the Triune God? Have you ever thought about, \u2018Why did He become a man?\u2014why did He become a baby?\u2014and suffer?\u2014and allow Himself, The King of kings and Lord of lords, to be rejected, to be crucified, and to die that horrible death\/that horrible agony on the cross, in our place, for our sins?\u2019\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWell, yes, you\u2019ve thought about it; but Hebrews, Chapter 12, and verse 2, gives us an insight; because there\u2019s just a little phrase there\/a clause, if you will, that tells us\u2014speaking about Jesus\u2014that: \u201cFor the joy set before Him, He endured the cross,\u201d\u2014right? You know this verse: \u201cFor the joy set before Him, He endured the cross.\u201d <em>You<\/em>, as a believer in Jesus Christ, are Jesus Christ\u2019s Rachel; <em>you<\/em> are His <em>prize<\/em>. No one\/no one loves you like Jesus. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI wish for you, in the tension and the moments of life that are difficult, self-control; but the source of that prize is you cultivating this love relationship with Jesus, because you know, at the core of your being, you are completely, infinitely, permanently, totally <em>loved<\/em>\u2014not unconditionally, because the condition was the death of Christ\u2014but permanently. You are Jesus\u2019 Rachel. I wish for you to know this! \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWhen the Holy Spirit opens your eyes\u2014and this has been the change in my life throughout the course of our almost 12 years of marriage\u2014when the Spirit opens your eyes to see this, you won\u2019t repay evil with evil; you\u2019ll repay evil or insult with blessing; because you are living a gospel-centered, Jesus-centered, self-controlled life.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tLet\u2019s pray: \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tFather, we thank You for what You have done for us in Your Son. We marvel to think of how much You love us, to think of what Jesus did for us in light of who He is. We worship You; we exalt You; we praise You for our Savior. In Jesus\u2019 name, Amen. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Rob, thank you. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tBefore you get away, a quick follow-up question: \u201cWhat did it look like as your Rachel began to change from approval of your son\u2014or those things\u2014to \u2018Wow; I\u2019ve got to be Jesus-centered; I\u2019ve got to put on self-control\u2019? What did it look like for you then, as a dad, dealing with that issue between your son and your wife?\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Rob: <\/strong>Underneath the surface of all my horrible reactions and responses, and Rhonda bore the brunt of those, was this gradual change\u2014that began with the death of my first wife, Carol\u2014 to understand that: \u201cIf God is sovereign, He\u2019s completely and totally sovereign; and He has a difficult assignment for me,\u201d and \u201cThe assignment is the death of my kids\u2019 mother\/the death of Carol, the best thing in my life at that time.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began this deep dive and read everything and was interacting with a lot of people. I began to see that, really, what was driving me at the core of my life was this notion that: \u201cI\u2019ve got to figure it out myself,\u201d and \u201cI\u2019ve got to do this, and I\u2019ve got to do that.\u201d We call it moralism; it\u2019s a Christian moralism, where I\u2019m huffing and puffing. I began to see, \u201cNo, that entire focus is wrong.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI began to read, and I began to memorize. You\u2019ve heard some of the verses that I\u2019d memorized that are central to me. I began to see that the New Testament teaches: \u201cNo, Rob; don\u2019t dig in; look away.\u201d As I began to do that, I saw my responses change. I had the ability to not repay evil for evil; or even if it was just something superficial\u2014and man, I would want to respond; because I am always right\u2014you know, I would just let it go. I would try to, by the power of the Spirit, repay it with a blessing. It was the gospel\u2014it\u2019s the beauty of Jesus, and living in light of that, that changed me, brother.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ron: <\/strong>Thank you; thanks for being here with us. [Applause]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t[Studio]\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>Again, we\u2019ve been listening to Pastor Rob Bugh; and there, at the end, Ron Deal, who gave leadership to the <em>Blended &amp; Blessed<\/em> event and who gives leadership to FamilyLife Blended<sup>\u00ae<\/sup>, which is a part of what we do, here at FamilyLife, to try to help blended and stepfamilies. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIn fact, I should mention\u2014coming up this fall, we\u2019ve got an event taking place. This is not for blended couples specifically; this is for those who <em>work<\/em> with blended couples in church settings or in ministry settings to try to help strengthen those relationships.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAt your church, do you have anything intentional or purposeful for blended families\/blended couples?\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; we sure do. In fact, I don\u2019t know what year it was; but I spoke at that Summit. You were there, Bob,\u2014\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I was there; that\u2019s right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>\u2014a few years back, sitting in a room with all these warriors, who were contending for the blended family was a <em>privilege<\/em>. We have them in our church, and we use all of Ron\u2019s material\u2014phenomenal helps for a very complicated situation.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>When we were at that event together, you shared about an apology that you gave during a Sunday morning message; right? \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Yes; that was the first time Ron and I talked. He found that on the internet and called me up, and said, \u201cI can\u2019t believe I\u2019m hearing a pastor apologize to his congregation for making or feeling like\u201d\u2014I felt like blended families had maybe felt less-than in our church. I just said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry if we\u2019ve ever made you feel that way; that is not the case at all.\u201d Really, after that year, we started a ministry that really reached out to families that are blended.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>I think that was important, because there can be a sense of shame and even a stigma that goes along with couples that are blended or have gone through a divorce. Ron has such great material that can bring them in; but I think some people are afraid or ashamed to even come, so I think to bring this out into the open and Dave\u2019s apology really meant a lot at our church.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>I would hope that every church would think, \u201cWe don\u2019t want blended families in our church to feel less-than.\u201d\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Dave: <\/strong>Right.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Ann: <\/strong>Exactly.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>Bob: <\/strong>If you think that\u2019s what you\u2019ve been communicating, let me encourage you\u2014whether you\u2019re a pastor, a lay leader, on a church staff\u2014either attend or send someone from your church to attend the Summit on Stepfamily Ministry. This is taking place October 24<sup>th<\/sup> and 25<sup>th<\/sup> in Chesapeake, Virginia. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tThere is information about the Summit on our website at FamilyLifeToday.com. Ron Deal will be giving leadership to this event. Darryl and Gwen Smith will be speaking; Michelle Cushatt is going to be there; Pastor Ben Young from 2<sup>nd<\/sup> Baptist, in Houston; many more speakers and leaders as we address the theme, \u201cStepfamilies in Crisis,\u201d\u2014talking about the major issues that cause couples and families to go into crisis mode and what the church can do to help families in the midst of those kinds of crises. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, find out more about the 2019 Summit on Stepfamily Ministry when you go to FamilyLifeToday.com; or if you have any questions, give us a call at 1-800-FL-TODAY\u2014that\u2019s1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in Family, \u201cL\u201d as in Life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tSpeaking of events, we\u2019ve got a great event happening this weekend in Naples, Florida. It\u2019s a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em><sup>\u00ae<\/sup> marriage getaway that\u2019s taking place today, and tomorrow, and Sunday. Hundreds of couples are going to be joining us for this weekend getaway. We hope you\u2019ll pray for them as they take some time to build into their marriage. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tIf you\u2019ve never been to a <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> marriage getaway, we\u2019d like to send you a gift card so that you and your spouse can go. We\u2019re making that gift card available this week, along with a copy of the book, (<em>A<\/em>)<em>Typical Woman,<\/em> that we talked about earlier this week with Abigail Dodds. The book and gift card are our gift to you when you become a FamilyLife Legacy Partner\u2014this is somebody who, each month, makes a contribution to support the ministry of FamilyLife. The Legacy Partner team is the critical team that provides the funding for production and distribution of this program, the operation of our website\u2014all that we do, here, at FamilyLife\u2014you help make it possible as a monthly Legacy Partner. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tAgain, when you become a Legacy Partner today, we\u2019ll send you a copy of Abigail Dodds book, (<em>A<\/em>)<em>Typical Woman,<\/em> and a gift card so that you and your spouse can attend an upcoming <em>Weekend to Remember<\/em> getaway. Find out more, or sign up online at FamilyLifeToday.com; or call to sign up. Our number is <a id=\"_Hlk19721790\">1-800-358-6329\u2014that\u2019s 1-800-\u201cF\u201d as in family, \u201cL\u201d as in life, and then the word, \u201cTODAY.\u201d <\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWith that, we\u2019ve got to wrap things for this week. I hope you have a great weekend; hope you and your family are able to worship together in your local church this weekend\u2014we think that\u2019s important. And we hope you\u2019ll join us on Monday when Shaunti Feldhan\u2019s going to be here with Brian Goins to talk about why husbands are sometimes a little prickly, a little touchy, a little on edge, and \u201cWhat should a wife do when that happens?\u201d Hope you can tune in for that conversation on Monday.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tI want to thank our engineer today, Keith Lynch, along with our entire broadcast production team. On behalf of our hosts, Dave and Ann Wilson, I\u2019m Bob Lepine. We will see you back next time for another edition of <em>FamilyLife Today<\/em>. \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<em>FamilyLife Today<\/em> is a production of FamilyLife of Little Rock, Arkansas; a Cru<sup>\u00ae <\/sup>Ministry. Help for today. Hope for tomorrow.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<strong>\u00a0<\/strong>\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tWe are so happy to provide these transcripts to you. However, there is a cost to produce them for our website. If you\u2019ve benefited from the broadcast transcripts, would you consider <a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/donate\">donating today<\/a> to help defray the costs?\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\tCopyright <sup>\u00a9<\/sup> 2019 FamilyLife. All rights reserved.\n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t<a href=\"http:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/\">www.FamilyLife.com<\/a>\u00a0 \n\t\t\t<\/p>\n\t\t\t\n\t\t\t\t<p>\n\t\t\t\t\t1\n\t\t\t\t<\/p>","theme_header_position":"","post_header_is_sticky":"","is_header_overlay":""},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast\/305398","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/podcast"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/91"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=305398"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/294104"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=305398"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=305398"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=305398"},{"taxonomy":"podcast_series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/podcast_series?post=305398"},{"taxonomy":"cwp_profile","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/cwp_profile?post=305398"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/wp-stage.familylife.com\/www\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=305398"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}